An people don't think this happens to MEN!! THAT a woman could do this to a man!! BS!! that's what's even worse !! No one believes you!! PTSD is real in a relationship with a narcissist! An could get physical. I had to call the police on my wife 5x because I would not fight back. I could not hit a woman especially 1 I loved
@@marvinirvin84youre totally right, we love these women and they want to destroy us. My ex slapped and kicked me too, id never dream of hitting her back. Her emotional abuse was far worse, withdrawing affection and intimacy was the cruelest part for me. It is real and its heartbreaking. I believe you.
"When you've been in the presence of a narcissist, they just have a way of whittling away at who you are and what your resolve is and how you are going to manage life..." I have a really hard time putting my experience into words. Here are the words! I usually just say that they attack who you are and teach you to doubt and hate yourself. But people don't understand that. Your words show that it's a gradual and demeaning process that happens subtly over time.
So true . I naively used to think the best in people as a very young person up until aged 22 when I bravely said to myself that there are horrible people in this world and that’s the way it is . They sense people who are well mannered etc and play mind games constantly with their prey . You have to go with your gut when people start to make you question yourself all the time and doubt yourself. Always hold onto the fact that they are the problem and that are putting their pain onto other people and they are weak and spineless . Complete Snakes 🐍
That is especially true if the belittling starts before you are adult enough to even know what is happening, then it is a part of your brains basic programming. Very sorry this happened Sirena.
Many of us absolutely do understand. And, know that it is also true that because we do get what they are up to and know what many of their actual intentions are, that we are in the best possible position to do the opposite of what they want, including not doubt and hate ourselves, or anything else self-distructive or negative. Me, personally, I am just too stubborn and too committed to my ancestors' resilience, courage, strengths, radical adaptations to the conditions that they dealt with during their times, not to mention their many losses and sacrifices, to be broken by any narcissist or narcisstic system! My ancestors have suffered more than I will ever experience! And, I am still here because of them!
I found this just an hour after discussing Christmas arrangements with my sister. I'm not going. I will stay home and honor myself by watching your videos.
@@dianac5764 yes mine always invites everyone around to be the perfect host. But everyone has to behave and walk on eggshells, while she swans around showing off her house, which is lovely, but she will only accept jealousy not genuine admiration for it. Either way she'll accuse me of being jealous, because no matter what i say it won't be right,then she will secretly text her daughter abuse on the sly, the daughter who has been condemned to her bedroom, because in her eyes she was acting up, when really she was just getting more attention. Then when I decide the following year I'm not going, she starts a smear campaign amongst my sisters about me, saying I've an attitude problem. None of my siblings like going but won't stand up to her. All her kids are in therapy because of her, she's sick.
I don't have motivation to live anymore. No interest in my goals, no desires, can barely complete daily tasks. Don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Avoidant of everything bc of memory triggers. No interest in getting to know anyone, no longer like people. My life is ruined. I can see the stress aging me. I'm broken. All this was done to me intentionally. There's no comfort. I'm disgusted at what was done, it makes me physically sick. I can't think.
I had to check to see who wrote this, because it's exactly how I am now, too! I feel like a zombi. Let's keep looking for a way to get out of this hole. We must be decent people or we wouldn't have been a target in the first place. ❤
I’m in the same boat. It’s a neighbour doing this to me The zest for life can come back You can trust Jesus He is Perfect Love, Perfect Father and True Life a narc will pour all their evil in you Jesus will pour all His goodness Love, Abundant Life, laughter even and before you know it you’re trusting again, have a brand new life that you love and live life again. I could never got through this without Him and truly heal and laugh again and want to live again I have isolated but I’m isolating with Jesus and I don’t think I’d be starting to live again without Him And I finally enjoy people again it’s a joy to be around others You can get there too Jesus is the one who will understand like no one else and give you insight and truly and completely heal your heart
Even finding therapists that understand the abuse of an intimate Narcissist relationship is difficult, and since they separate you from friends there aren't friends left to talk with. It is hard not to isolate after dealing with these individuals.
They need to be held accountable. Seriously. It is about time they be sued at least in Civil court for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. They mess with our minds, hearts, souls. They ruin our lives and just go on with theirs.
Intentional????? Have never heard an expert on NPD people saying that. They have next to none self awareness. More damaged then your giving them credit for.
I agree. In my state the law allows for 90 day no contest divorces. Doesn’t matter if married one day one month 3 years or 30 years. When the narcissistic discards you and files for divorce it catches you flat footed. He or she has spent months if not years, maneuvering to make his or her post divorce life optimal at your expense. The court system doesn’t understand narcissists tactics. It’s nota just system
@@annmbutterfly Well, there is disturbing the peace. Simple assault. Harassment. Sexual assault. Document everything. Dates. Recordings. I did. And I filed a police report two weeks ago. The day they found my neighbors body after her husband killed her. I said… enough. And I called. We are officially divorced for a few months but still have to cohabitate until our house sells. It has been hell. Narc abuse itself may not be a crime but so many aspects of it are. Thankfully I recorded him for years. And we have marriage counselors notes addressing everything he did. Good luck!!
Yes! Trust is broken. I no longer want a close relationship with anyone. I have friends, but not close friends. I don’t want to know anyone too well, for fear of more hurt. What has taught me this? A narcissistic mother, 36 years of a narcissistic husband, and now ten years with a narcissistic sister, and seeing those same qualities show up in my adult children. These are the people I should have been able to trust the most. But, I can’t. This tears me apart.
@P My youngest is 32. I have 5 children. Their ways are pretty set by now. They all have a profound lack of empathy. I recently had to split with two of them. It’s so hard….
I understand exactly what you're saying and the part that gets ripped apart, especially seeing how it affects your children. I hope that day you will find that you're just as important as your family. May you find peace within and understand that they lost too. God's peace!🤎🤍🤎
@@Sally-ih6ls I lost my grandchildren too. Yes, it is evil especially when you didn't deserve the treatment. Evil seems to hit us in our most vulnerable places. It uses who and what it can to inflict damage. It will never be ok, but it does not have to destroy us. I believe that God is still on the throne...and that justice is apart of his character, just as love, mercy and grace are. There is always a reckoning for us all! Hold on to Love...no matter what!❤
Isolation, mistrust, avoidance, cynicism, humiliation, trauma, triggers, despair and desolation. The legacy of narc abuse. So difficult. Thank u Dr C for being part of my support team from 17,000 miles away 🙏🏾
Exactly how I feel after 5 decades of living with my family. To make matters worse a few years ago my psychopathic narcissistic father appears once again on the scene just so he can reaffirm that we're nothing to him. I finally told them all about his abuse but I do believe my mother knew about it all along.
My daughter have been doing this exactly, since she was 16 years old, I have been recording everything I proof, she poisoning everyone's people dot talk to she told them I'm crazy, please help me!!
Edith… my heart goes out to you😢. After 60+ years of living with my narcissist husband and his family of narc’s, I’ve chosen to NO LONGER HAVE A VICTIM MENTALITY 😉. I realize they treat you as their “victim”, their personal “whipping post”…. But stop seeing yourself through their eyes !! You are NOT a victim in this life!! You are a strong intelligent woman who CAN FIND YOUR WAY BACK IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!! (Not yelling, just heavy emphasis 😊) Nobody said it was easy, that’s for sure; but it is possible ☺️ My help comes from the LORD JESUS!! A personal intimate relationship with with JESUS…. NOT CHURCH OR RELIGION, but a close intimate relationship everyday with the “Lover of your soul”!! HE alone is the answer and He heals my brokenness, heals my aching heart and soul!! YOU CAN DO THIS AND BE THE MIGHTY WOMAN GOD ALWAYS INTENDED YOU TO BE ! Hold onto HOPE and look to JESUS for the wisdom you need each day❣️🤍❣️ Blessings to you ❣️
I have my self experience narcissist abuse physical and mental divorce last year didn't take time to heal got into another narcissist relationship I was mad at myself for allowing my self to not recognize this person was led by a evil spirit to destroy me Jesus Christ is showing me how to love myself and I am not a victim I chose to move on it ok to be by myself I have been in abuse all my life I don't feel sorry for my self because for some reason I didn't love my self get to know your self be getting into any relationship sign Cynthia Smith
I was diagnosed with CPTSD after decades of living with a covert malignant narcissist. Everything you are saying describes me completely. It's horrifying to think one person can cause so much damage.
Add me to the list. Diagnosed PTSD...too late. My ex destroyed my career, and conspired with my attorney to take everything from me in a divorce (including my kids). And worse. I go to court this month to to again to get my kids back after 12 years of efforts. The kids are suffering. One in counseling for suicidal thoughts... Imagine kids trying to live with that narcissist!
@@kellypolfleit3942 37 years in a horrible marriage narc mother all alone now with narc husban I have chronic lyme an long hauler covid and heisnt even paying anything on the mortgage and I gave him half of the house that I inherited and he is now a freeloader when I tell him I want out he acts like I am crazy He acts so sweet but I have seen his rage when he pushed me to the floor . You wke up one day and realize they never gave you anything not even respect. so many red flags you want to kick yourself black and blue. yes we all end up with cptsd in isolation now looking for a lawyer but am paralyzed with fear. thank-god for dr carter all the best with gods help
It’s your body mind and spirits way of saying: “I didn’t deserve this.” Just hearing those words have been very cleansing and healing to me. I really needed to hear that, thank you Dr. C🙏
I got cancer 2 years ago and its the best thing thats ever happened to me, why ? because i suddenly realised that my family cant show any empathy , they never ask ONE question , ever..(they know everything you see) and all they can do is ridicule and critisise, usually behind my back. i came out of hospital and mum honestly wanted to know when i was gonna cut my lawn , coz, 'what will the neigbours think''? mum knows that she has punished me for what happened to her as a girl so now she has all the time in the world to sit and think about it . classic evil narc who blames everyone else and gets angry at the drop of a hat .... now i have no cancer and no contact with my family , win win in my eyes
I went through that too. A mother who actually enjoyed the fact that I was going through cancer. Like the evil witch in Snow White, she had to be "the fairest of them all". So I mutilated myself by getting breast cancer just so it would stop. Well, it doesn't. Don't let your body try to be helpful and solve problems for you by illness. Understand what's going on and laugh in the face of it.
Sorry you have a family like that. Thankfully there are normal, caring people out there - like Dr. Carter, with all of his wonderfully helpful free videos for those of us suffering from PTSD from narcissist exposure!!
My sister was diagnosed with PTSD due to the intense vast and incredibly cruel treatment of our narcissistic mother. We lived in fear growing up due to my mother’s unpredictable, violent belittling behaviors.
My sister & brother always tell me how badly they feel for me bc I really got her worst abuse, but I always felt the need to protect them so for years I felt like I asked for it. Took me a while to realize it was never my fault. Now, my Mom has tried to move in with me bc she’s older. She wants me to take care of her. Yet, her verbal & emotional abuse continues, she even steals from me. After repeatedly insulting, belittling & lying about me while my husband & children are present, I had to tell her to leave. We had a verbal confrontation, which she loves (so sick!) & I told her she needed to go. Before she left, I told her I was sorry for raising my voice. I asked her if she wanted to apologize for anything? She told me she had nothing to be sorry for, she doesn’t do anything wrong. That’s narcissism at its best folks.
@@Chris-dw7gq I’m so sorry Chris! I’m praying that God will give your guidance wisdom and assurance in all situations as you navigate through. If you’ve been raised by a narcissist, you’ve been conditioned to second-guess every decision you make especially when it comes to your relationship with a narcissist. You’ve been indoctrinated to believe you deserve less, they deserve more, and you are to tolerate all of their lies, insults, and the verbal and emotional abuse the grows if you don’t stand up to it. May God bless you and heal you.
@@mrb4761 That can easily be co-opted by insidious narcs and then turned upon their victims. Narcs operate using the Hegelian Dialectic, where they cause the problem, wait for your reaction, then provide the pre-planned "solution".
What gets me is that when they're super sweet to your face while they're stabbing you deep in the back and twisting the knife while doing it especially when their role is to protect you
My older sister is a true malignant narcissist and, sadly my son is a narcissist. I'm so afraid to share anything about what ive experienced, because I'm the common denominator, and their behaviors are so crazy and extreme towards me that when I hear myself sharing, I sound like I'm making it all up! The behaviors are so bizarre, they're so cruel, that others outside of our family (and even those INSIDE) are skeptical. On top if that they are so incredibly skilled at lying and manipulation that it's easier for others to believe that I'M the narcissist. The hopelessness/helplessness can be so deep at times, I do experience paralysis and depression and deep, deep distrust that does keep me isolated. I have found wonderful therapists along the way, and have one currently. The happiest day of my life occurred recently when my therapist assured me that I am definitely NOT a narcissist myself, something which gas preyed upon my mind for years. She said narcissists aren't at all self-reflective. What a blessing and a light that is showing me the way to recovery. The truly sad part of all this? I'm 63. So much time lost to evil people.
I relate. I've avoided relationships to heal,only to be attacked by a family of malignant narcissists next door. They threatened me and my ponies so bad one day. Must have gave the cop a bill because nothing on the report,no video. I have built a six foot fence,got cameras,and because I got a non lethal weapon they lied that I scared them and I got a charge. I have a protection order from the court that is not being upheld. His kids ( already fubar) are allowed to harass me as much as they want.And how dare I push back.?
I cry as I listen to what what you’re saying Dr. Les! It’s a blow to the spirit, they put a crack in your spirit that feels impossible to overcome. A narcissist is like an emotional stun gun. So debilitating. Leaves you sick.
I cried too listening to this too Espy 2022 and I agree with your comment..Sometimes I get this feel an amazing sense of peace..I hope this is a sign of healing..May peace come to your soul...🌻
Guilt, avoidant, very numb, detached, free floating anxiety, insomnia, gut issues and going from being very outgoing to being pessimistic. I've experienced all of these. Dating narc after narc not realizing....UNTIL... I recognized.... I grew up with a narc patent. It all makes sense now.
Yes my mother, brother and sister were all narcs, my other brother and me were their supply. Then I married a man to get away from it all. I was 20 and did not understand the implications. I had married a narc. As soon as I had worked it all out I was off!
I cried watching this knowing that the way I now feel is normal after what I've been through with a lifetime of narcissists. I've already worked through some of the issues on my own. I'll pat myself on the back for the work I've put into healing myself. Not all the way there yet but working on it daily. #teamhealthy
The biggest issue for victims is that narcissists attack who you are. They attack your very essence. Essentially, the abuse consists of trying to make anyone but themselves feel like they are a bad person. This hurts, especially for people whose entire reason for existing is to be a good person. That's all most of us want, is to be a good person. This is the pain, and why so many people are hurt so badly by narcissists, and why the pain continues with PTSD. Thank you, Dr. Carter!!
How right you are. Other people I am close to will argue about dumb things with me like "I don't like fish for dinner", but do not attack me personally and try to make me feel rotten, incompetent, and irredeemable the way the narcissist in my family did (note the past tense). That is the difference between a narcissist's criticism and other people's criticisms.
For all those who believe in divine justice, know that every abuser/criminal/flying monkey will face justice for every instance of trauma they cause you. Keep your inner peace, try your very best to recover and forget the abuse.
The best method for dealing with PTSD that I learned is Answer the Question: What will I do different next time? That is what your brain is trying to figure out when you relive it. Even if you'll never be in that exact time or place again, pretend it will happen again and Answer your brain's queation. Remind yourself of that answer when it hits you again.
I AM STRUGGLING I LOOK FORWARD TO THIS VIDEO. DR C. I WAS GROOMED HOVERED DEVALUED DISCARDED IM SEVERELY TRAUMA BONDED MY LIFE HAS BEEN DESTROYED THROUGH MONTHS AND OF THE SILENT TREATMENT. ITS BEEN 8 YEARS AND IM STILL STRUGGLING I HAVE PTSD ANXIETY THE LIST CONTINUES. NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS BRUTAL
Both of my parents were adult children. My mother's family expected me to take care of her. My father's family expected me to take care of him and nobody - I mean NOBODY - gave a thought to who was taking care of me.
i'm so sorry you went through that dehumanizing experience, i hope you're at a place where you're fully aware of your self worth and prioritizing yourself
I have had all of the CPTSD symptomps you have described here dr Carter. Having gone through narcisistic abuse all of my life I have only recently started speaking about it and it has been a painful yet incredibly liberating journey. And the help and assistance and support I have received from Angels like you dr Carter have helped me survive. I am for ever grateful. God bless you.
So many angel Dr's on here I hope you are in a safe peaceful creative place now.. Yes he is one of the best like Jay Reid, Dr Ramani, Scott Bassett.. All of these doctors are trying to improve society & they do that by helping us.. You will get stronger & stronger & survive & you will also help society work on problems that arise from hate crimes & untreated mental illnesses that make people abusive criminal perpetrators. Bless you Iza!! Happy 2023!!
Hello; I’m an American citizen living in Germany for a very long time now. Married 22years to a narcissist. I finally discovered what I‘d been caught up in by listening to clips such as yours, and I’m so glad someone finally understands. I want to get out but I think I’m truly trapped; even after seeking so-called professional counseling only turned out a very disappointing experience. It’s almost as if I‘m a prisoner. My entire life is controlled. Financial, medical, insurance keeps me bound to this man even though I so desperately want out. Do you have any advice for me? Please and thank you for any input.
So many symptoms! I went in to my Dr. With chest pain, heart palpitations, headaches, body aches, and I was on the brink of suicide. A few years later, fibromyalgia was added to the mix. I am still dealing with all of it. Of course, they are all invisible problems and most people don’t know my past. Life is just hard. My religion and my faith are the only reason I am still breathing.
I was triggered into strong memories if someone said something like my abuser. The visuals were a lot like a flashback. I could even smell him. Lack of washing. This latest depressive episode was because I was getting old and I couldn't rid myself of the damage. The depression was terrible. Over the years, I had dragged out a lot of trauma and tried to make sense of it. I just couldn't understand how to heal. I found some exercises and a local mental health counselor started me on different kinds of therapy. I do feel better with the help I received. I'm in a place where I can deal with this stuff. It's safe here. Maybe I'll have that weakness for the rest of my life. Where some things make me crazy and depressed. I won't give up again, though.
Yes, people underestimate the depth we are wounded by the narc. You're doing the right thing, and you will get stronger with knowledge. Remember - the narc is Not Your Fault!
You have to continue to be strong n not going back to your weakness. Don't go back n forth with your life n what you want to do. If you're free from a narcissistic person. start living your life. Stop remembering something that is going to bring you down again, otherwise if you don't, you might ad well keep on.living with this negative person n no one will be the blame nut yourself.
I still relive past events. My mother is a narcissist. She was a stay at home mom who volunteered and then, worked at my school, so I could not get away from her. Thank you for this video. The most annoying thing about growing up with a narcissist are the flashbacks. I tell myself that was years ago. It is past time to end these flashbacks. However, they return again and again despite my annoyance.
Their disorders cause brain damage that is why you have flashbacks you are probably an athlete or hike everyday but if you dont you can eliminate them that way.. I wish you more peace & happiness & love in 2023!
I meet all ptsd caragories but one. I have withdrawn from people. I avoid places. I remember the pushing. I remember a bottle of mouthwash being thrown at me / my car. He tried to get people to look down on me. Lots and lots of verbal abuse. He died 4 months ago and I am trying to heal.
Thanks Dr C. We have to remind ourselves there is no time frame in getting well, while going through the recovery process. For most of us have dealt w narcissistic abuse growing up, and then married into identical relationships. Sometimes I struggle w this until my counselor reminds me of the decades upon decades I fought for my right to exist. Be kind to yourself, dear survivor. I love you and believe in you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism It is great to have your reply, it makes me feel seen and heard. Your channel as well as Dr. Ramani’s, The Little Shaman’s, and Sam Vaknin’s all have distinct approaches which have helped me enormously to understand the damage that can be caused by narcissistic parents, and how to value myself. THANK YOU! Will keep watching and taking notes.
Thank you. Narcissists love negativity on any level. One thing I have learned is that you can have boundaries but a narcissist will not listen or respect those boundaries.🤔❤🇺🇸
I am stunned again today. I have been listening to this channel for over a year. I listen to the messages over and over. I have read Dr. Carter's books and taken a course. Yet I sit amazed again that what happened to me over the course of my 72 years is well known by such a genius as Dr. Carter. There is hope even for someone my age. I could NOT see it at first. I learned on some level about what happened gradually over the last several months. But what use was it at my age? I can have peace knowing there was someone within me who was not the totally inadequate nervous wreck, non functioning, human being living every day ashamed of herself. Who knows? Maybe I will start on a book about how the enabling of the narcissist was on all sides in the culture in which I lived. I can finally say, "I survived over 5 decades of narcissistic abuse. "
Wishing you peace and strength and joy 🌿🦜🐓🐕Keep listening to Dr C and you will be fine! ☀Take care not to isolate too much, just like he says. There are so many lovely people in the world too x
i am right there with you. don’t be fooled by this culture of throw the elderly away i minister to 16 y/o and it amazes me how much they and I have in common. The age difference disappears.
Kathi: I will be 72 in a few weeks. I really have been receiving DEEP healing the past 5 years and am truly enjoying my single life now - eyes wide open & alert - playing games at the senior citizens center. My radar detects a few Ns but i dont respond, or I give them a look that says "I see you and I KNOW who you are" and they have no real or lasting effect on my life. No contact with my brother & sister, parents deceased, gray Rock and a healthy cautious distance from my oldest son (42) who seems to be a N - I don't see him often & recently spent enough time with him to observe the signs, put the puzzle pieces together & receive a toxic crazy tongue lashing after exposing & confronting him about his inappropriate behavior towards me. Now I will BEWARE and on guard during the upcoming holiday season. If it gets too bad, I will merely walk away and go back home (he lives 55 miles away) with my self respect and self worth intact.
This is exactly how I feel after 50 years of trying to be a family member in my family. I thought I was literally triggering the PTSD myself I mean I quit drinking I quit smoking cigarettes and it's still there. I think that I'm going to be in recovery for a long time from narcissistic abuse.
Oh you will never be 'enough' for them. Why bother, you only have to be 'enough for you. At least you can tell the difference they can't. You are clearly a grown up, narcissists are stuck in the toddler stage. They are all persona and no self. You have a self which they will never have, so growth for them is not an option.
This was a tough one to watch. The hardest part was/is looking back on all of the dysfunctional behavior and trying not to beat myself up for getting into/staying in a relationship with that person, even though I intectually understand the reasons I did. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the grace to forgive myself.
when they do that, say to yourself or out loud "you are trying to psychologically attack me with lies. i will not allow it." we must defend our boundaries, if even only from within.
It took a good year of ruminating over the controlling situations. Trying desperately to understand and fix the events that I was experiencing. I emotionally broke. My husband saw your RUclips channel and a family counselor in my Bible Study group reached out to me. 3 1/2 years later in my feel healthy and surviving. This is a Life saving channel, for me.
@@SurvivingNarcissism hello, this is the second or third time I have had a reply from an account pretending to be you. I left a comment on this thread 20 hours ago if you wish to look and report them as spam. Appreciate your wisdom xx
I hope you're in a better place now. That's what narcissists do. They want to isolate you, make you lose hope. Problem is.... narcissists attract other narcissists. :( So when you've been with them for a long while (ex. parents), all you see is narcissism. No contact really is survival. Once you step away, and get further and further away from that situation, you realize there is a whole world of good people.... who basically learned to stay away from the narcs...... and then you realize, you've learned too! I hope you're in that better place, where people know how to love each other. No contact was the only way.
@@mvbigmagic4048 lol. I just got back from an MD appt, annual PE. And found that after having a “sociopath extraction”, my BP was down into the normal range for the first time in many months!
Now I understand why I lack so much power, energy and joy. One year ago I made the cut, but I have to fight this cruel woman every day and every night in my soul and mind. Everytime I win the fight, but every day it comes again to my and forces me to cut her spider legs in pieces. Wondering why I have so much trouble to go forward towards my goals - but your words showed me: it is alright, it is normal, and it can get better.
There's no pleasing a narcissist. It's a sickness;and a need to constantly find fault in their victim. The more you say good things about them, the more they struggle to make you doubt yourself. They stress you out emotionally. Ask them what's upsetting them about you, nine times out of ten they won't know!
I needed this information 60 years ago; however, your insight regarding narcissism has brought some clarity, sanity and peace of mind into my life!!! Thank You!!!
The worst part is I told some people and with the odd behavior they now think I am narcissist playing the victim. Absolute nightmare. Deep isolation is the only place I can feel normal.
I hear you. I stopped fighting it some years ago, yielded to the isolation. The older I get, the more vulnerable I feel and the stronger the instinct to hide. My need for validation by ohers is going unmet, and leaves me uncertain sometimes. And it will become even more extreme with age. I am afraid.
I was literally in tears while listening to this video. It’s like you knew how I was feeling today. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so very much Dr. C.
Me too.... I felt like I was sitting with someone really wise and kind and he was saying, "I see you, I see your pain, but you're going to be ok" 🧡 to Dr Carter. These videos are helping me so so much
Me too had tears relieving the words Dr Carter was saying. I'm now free after 43 years of marriage but the trauma of a narssasist has left me not trusting anybody.
Having just been told last Thursday that what I'm dealing with is C-PTSD, this video came just in time. Thank you Dr.C, I don't believe it right now, but I'm going to keep telling myself that I didn't deserve to be treated like that, and I hope one day that I will believe it.
This was done to you. It was not your own choosing or making. …wow! I honestly felt a sense of peace come over me when I heard you say those words! Thank you ❤
Every video I watch with you, Dr. Carter, just blows my mind! I’m in the process of trying to understand what has happened to me in a 26-yr marriage with a narcissist. I’m amazed at how much this video resonated with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again!
Dr. C: I've been divorced since 2017, having been married 14 years to a narcissist. I can't afford therapy and I've been unable to find any type of group-type therapy setting, let alone find others who've been through this and suffering from this post-traumatic stress. As much as I've come to find out through you and other channels how damaging the relationship was on my soul, I just can't shake away the trauma. I enjoy going to work and performing my job, but the minute I clock out I go into my shell. I don't have any friends; and it's not because I haven't tried, but there must be something that keeps people away (or me) from retaining close relationships. Thank you for the past several years of being there for me online.
Sending hugs from a stranger who understands. My opinion is that even if you don’t pursue any more relationships/friendships, do activities that nurture you……..join an art class, or simply paint pictures. Take a writing class, write poetry or songs. Take some sort of yoga or exercise class on a regular basis……all of these allow you to be around people without having to form an actual relationship. When the time is right, you’ll know you are healed and you will feel happiness and trust again. ❤
@@mommabear5059 You are too sweet for reaching out to me, and for that I am grateful. I am a huge yogi, however, I can't afford to join a studio, where I find it extremely healing to practice amongst others and lack the motivation in doing it alone. I have all the props, mats, blocks, everything. I'm getting closer to slapping my mat on the floor and doing virtual. It's been nagging at me for months now, but you just pushed me over that hill to get going! Thank you so much! Peace and love. xoxo
@@LauraVee63 I agree with all @mommabear said. And one more thing: you have reached out here, at least. That, to me, means you've already started to come out of your shell. Just keep it up! You seem to be a very warm person too. With affection, from someone who also is struggling with some degree of isolation.
They blame everything on you…zero accountability. 😢 One of my biggest issues is not uncovering all the deceit and lies I was told. It’s beyond frustrating being manipulated. I wish they have support groups for people who have been through this trauma. I wouldn’t even know how to explain the confusion in my brain to another person. All the lies, gaslighting, rewriting of history screws with your perception.
I'm seeing myself here. This is how I've been this past 2 years. Every bit of it. The alcohol and self medicating. The isolation. Cutting myself off. Mistrust. I feel so alone and misunderstood because of the narcissist I'm up against. I'm now up at court and feel like no-one understands what the man has done to me.
10 pages into your book, When Pleasing You Is Killing Me, and I’ve already been smacked in the face with much needed validation, fundamental truths, and a re-learning of the healthy way of being. It’s just so…just…thank you! Thank you for your work, Dr. Carter.
If you only knew my husband’s (and my) story dealing with his narcissistic step-mother and recently deceased father’s past 4 months, you would be totally in shock! We are seeking help. It’s more than horrendous. She has destroyed this family.
This is a good place to be. My story goes in different directions that I feel like a pinball.... Dr C and his wonderful people that are in Team Healthy can give you the best steps to dealing with Narcissist. The end products do not always end the way we need them to, because Narcissist are deeply afflicted. However, healing from their straits and ugliness is here for you. Blessings for all who gather here 💪
My husband is a 10/10 narcissist. I’m offended that people throw this term around so freely. My life is INSANE right now. I thank God I found this channel.
Nothing and I mean nothing shocks me about narcs / psychopaths!!! Evil to the core!! No contact is the ONLY way with the bad ones!!! Best wishes and prayers for your healing!!
I called my X’s mother the USS Destroyer (her name), as I watched her Destroy lives, countless relationships. I would believe just about anything. She had Zero Accountability in her son’s eyes. So after 27 years I removed myself so she had her family threaten my life. So, you might find some stories that may relate! But my ❤ goes out to you.
The damage has been so profound that I am in a complete free fall. I’m trapped here for the time being, I can’t see a way out, I’m terrified of him, I’m watching my whole life crash down around me and I feel powerless to stop the progression. I cannot afford anything, much less pay for therapy or training.... malignant.
Same. Being mostly introverted, i have had to put myself in some environments i would much rather be in with a friend or a family member. Practice makes perfectly imperfect and certainly easier over time 💜
I'm in a relationship with a woman who was with a narcissistic person. It really damaged her emotionally. Some days she will be fine with me and other days she can be a bit cold and distant. She's told me before that he made her feel so worthless and that she was the problem. It has really affected her self-esteem and sometimes when I say nice things to her she doesn’t believe me. In a lot of ways, I hate him for whats he has done to her, I honestly do. It makes me upset thinking about it sometimes, how can someone be so cruel to someone like her.
You can do this! It took me a year to find my exit plan (with teenager with me) the finances are difficult but the peace from not having to deal with all the negativity, the put downs, the unnatural moods, the blame shifting, the entirety of emotional abuse, the walking on eggshells, the lack of appreciation, the constant interference with simple life pleasures, the not being appreciated nor respected, the one moment yes and then instant no.. the imposition of their way only…. Yes.. the peace of not having the monster anywhere near you nor your child is PRICELESS.
Wow! I just learned about PTSD from being around narcissists a few months ago. This explains the ongoing dreams, disturbed memories, avoidant reactions, and a wide array of mood swings. I’ve had a multiple autoimmune diseases, and now Long Haul Covid due to the traumatic stress of being “married” to a narc for almost 35 years. But, Jesus is my Jehovah Raphe-who heals me-emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Thank you Dr. C and Gus for explaining PTSD from narcissistic abuse. Something that has answered my question do I have PTSD-and yes!
Hang in there! Force yourself to be optimistic. This is what they wanted to destroy in you, your optimism. Change you mindset and everything else will follow. Healthy eating, get outside, exercise, restful sleep. You can do it.
I'm an empath and a creative. My mom, dad, older brother and sister (by 14 years) were/are narcs. Everyone thinks I am too sensitive and that it's ridiculous I don't let their abuse roll off my back. They also don't understand how a creative thinks so make fun of me. My exhusband and my friends were all narcs too. I suppose I attracted them as an empath and after all of the family abuse wasn't very confident in myself. 2 years ago I went no contact with family and friends. My ex remarried. I couldn't trust another man due to his cheating and abuse of me. I am good alone now. For all of those years I hung on because I didn't want to be alone. However, now I have peace, no drama, no ugliness and meanness. I even enjoy holidays alone. I'm tired now and just want to have a peaceful existence. The ugly stories I could tell. It makes me sad that so many people can be so abusive to others and hope to keep them under their thumb. The need of power, control is such an evil thing when used by narcs.
This was very very helpful, because sometimes you feel so incredible alone with your feelings. I have been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress and also panic disorder. I find it very hard to regulate my emotions. How can I find peace and balance in my everyday life? That is something I am always working on. It can be very exhausting.
What is bad is when you're not allowed to say what happened. What a Abusive Violent husband can do and the lies they tell the only things that matter to their victim, their children.
I'm late diagnosed autistic and lived in a narcissistic family system. I'm glad this content is on the internet. To experience undiagnosed CPTSD is truly the stuff of nightmares. It robs me of time but I am hopeful for myself. I cannot totally get away from my family system but I am developing strong boundaries and have outside support. I've lots of experience being hospitalized for the ill effects on my mental health over 30 years. I know there are lots of people in similar positions to myself and it saddens me what we've all had to endure, no one deserves bad treatment. Again, I am thankful for content like this.
Dr Carter is absolutely 💯 % correct. These sick 😫 people have ruined my life and every other he has touched. Beaten up. Beaten down, nearly killed. I didn't and couldn't even open my mail for 4 months. It kills your soul and your spirit. They only care about number one. Thank you Dr Carter
My faith in the Lord helped me heal and restore me in such an amazing way, I dont lack anything. The process made me get closer to God. Thank you Jesus for never leaving me. ❤️🙏
You can! Believe in yourself, it may seem so dark and impossible but that’s just that thick layer that you must come out from…. Renové it… you will slowly but surely find yourself, your values, your beauty! It is there, that’s why the narcissist sticks to you, to drain you… it is there, just hiding under all that ugliness that comes from the narc. You can do this!
Yes...I DO HAVE PTSD...all you said is my story....I can hardly even comment. Yesterday would have been my 52nd wedding Anniversary to my husband who had PTSD and was a narcissist. He passed away 5 months ago. I have been a mess and I have pretty much isolated myself.
And I would just like to include that one thing I have learned from all this is that you cant win and overcome those who have financial and networking resources far above what you have. That doesnt mean they are morally in the right either. Thank you for all your videos.
I’ve listened to this video before. But today is the anniversary of my mother’s death, and a reminder of how horrendous my narcissist was to me for a long time, and unfortunately, how my husband didn’t stand up for me when I needed it the most. This video was exceptionally helpful today. I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy at all. Everything you said was so helpful. I really needed to hear it.
I have night terrors and feel like I have no control over my emotions anymore...I trust no one...I just want to go off and live by myself. I'm scared all the time because I can't trust myself. I was never like this. I had peace & joy within myself...not anymore!💔😢
For years. Years after the estrangement I would wake up at 2,3,4 am ruminating. I refer to it as, waking up to abusive people every morning. Then I would have significant trouble getting back to sleep. And this was every single morning. Waking up to why? Waking up to how? Waking up to shame, guilt, internal conflict. Always to conflict. I wake up exhausted and triggered, for lack of a better descriptor. I've left the shame and guilt with my abusers. Now mornings are a little better, manageable at least. I didn't even like how I felt every morning, edgy, anxious, irritable. I've tried some dietary changes but allowing the responsibility to rest on those who are actually responsible for this entire situation has been paramount to me reclaiming my life.
My thought process on trust has become this (and perhaps it might help you with your processing as well…) He (nor they or anyone else) did not “break” my trust. My trust is MINE- mine to give and mine to take away. Trust is earned. Therefore, a person can not “break” my trust. They either prove they are trustworthy or they prove they can not be trusted. Much like the word “narcissist” needs to be redeemed for the sake of it being an actual type of behavioral pattern that rests on a spectrum (according to DrC) and not a “bad name” to call someone we are angry with… the phrase “breaking trust,” needs to be redeemed as well. A person is either trustworthy or they are not. My trust can not be broken. It is mine to do with as i please. I will trust someone until they prove they can not be trusted. Our “ability” to trust matures with us. Once i finally realized this truth, my growth and healing took a giant leap. A narcissist is unable to trust because they are completely immature. You are a mature individual, Aaron. Trust your ability to trust is mature along with you. She was untrustworthy. Your ability to trust did what it was suppose to do. It proved she is not trustworthy. (Edited to simply add a few more things that came to mind after having first responded to your comment.)
@@AlwaysStampinVideos I was going for trust in people in general. I had walls with everyone. Now I have fences. With gates. I’d think even with (estranged narcissistic) wife, I’d still hope for growth and change (I’ve certainly had plenty) before that gate would ever open. But I’d certainly examine thru a gate first. My new friends enjoy new me because I went vulnerable in switching from walls to that fence.
It takes time to heal from narcissist abuse because they don’t only break your heart, but spirit also. 💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
It can happen from a parent you love from a baby, a frightened parent who is afraid of being left alone. A parent who doesn't recognise or respect the uniqeness of her child, and pours all her troubles and insecurities into her, gaslighting and mocking her because it's easier than looking within. The parent shows no interest in wanting to change or grow.
I'm everything Dr. Les has described... My boyfriend hung up on me Christmas morning, and for the first time in 1.5 years of this abusive relationship I stood by his side for, I haven't heard from for several days. I've gone through everything described. I'm going through all these emotions described to a T. I need help. I am struggling. If it weren't for these videos, I'm not sure I'd be able to pull through this. This is all I have.
My son realized this is what I was left with he has been the one loyal human in my life who loves and understands me, but he has suffered from the aftermath of a covert narc father and I have pointed him to yours and others for him to have help and understanding. We moved hundreds of miles away over 3 years ago and when I tried to join a communities narcs are right there+ flying monkeys, cannot be near these people it is very tribal.
I also have a child, who understands the negative fallout, how it has affected us and other family members, the fallout from the actions of an unruly (seemingly covert narc) parent. The child to whom I refer is an adult, who is, it seems, the unruly one's scapegoat. Child sees through the manipulations of the parent and the parent does not like being exposed. Otherwise, other family members either don't get it and are unwittingly acting as flying monkeys or they DO get it and are willingly acting as flying monkeys. Either way, adult child and I are aware and keep boundaries in place, which is greatly helpful. Best of luck to you. We can get through this!
@@LJ-qs3wq Many thanks LJ , to get through we had to move right away and cut all contact with the narc but also everyone involved with them, people do not know your reality what you have lived with so them thinking you should smooth things over and keep up a relationship with the narc, not a good healthy thing to do.
@@gloriacoleman7012 Thank you for your reply. Where you wrote on people thinking "...should smooth things over and keep up a relationship with the narc, not a good healthy thing to do" -- I agree 100%. I hope for the best for you and your family in your narc-free environment. Best wishes!
Wow. Just wow. I feel so validated~ listened to~understood~cared for~~~~and encouraged!~~~~by this video today. And I didn't have to say a word ❣️ Not enough ways in the world to express my gratitude to Dr. C & Gus. I am now going to enjoy a cup of tea in my favorite mug (the one with the picture of Dr. C & Gus) and let this message filter through my entire body. Ive already listened/watched 3 times. Such a blessing ❣️🙏❣️
Yes, I 100% agree. Dr C's gentle words are filled with wisdom and a special peaceful energy that really gives me hope I can get through this as me, not just a shadow of me.
I watched it the 1st time uncontrollably sobbing then the 2and time nodding my head as it all was relative to my life . God this man is good at what he does . Actually I feel these videos are so underrated as to they can actually be life saving
There are no support groups narcissism is a can of worms no one wanted to open up to the public,health people have been keeping the top on it ,that is why we need people like you Dr. Carter, health care in other countries is not so well equipped and does not have the expertise.
I work in a Christian school. My Principal for five years was a male narcissist. He supported and enabled two obviously narcissistic staff no matter what. I used the free services of psychological counsellors available to me and their advice to me was to either resign or take legal action. I hung in there, and all three have left the workplace. A new Principal has arrived now, and another narc has also arrived. Thank God for this Principal. She sees the reality and is genuinely travelling on her spiritual path. I feel supported even though few words have been said.
HalleluYAH Thank you Father YAH for this help. Thank you brother for all your work. I've never been able to afford any paid therapy but you and other free online specialists have helped much.
Having C-PTSD is really hard to live with but I'm working on it to the best of my ability! Rumination and the past deceased malignant narcs /sociopaths still live in my head "Rent-free", but "Gray rocking" them and going "No contact" has helped a lot! I have Pete Walker's seminal book on PTSD as he's also gone through that himself and is a therapist in the San Francisco area! He states in his book that there are some people who never truly recover and they're the ones who live by themselves, and surround themselves with books and their beloved fur-babies who are always there for you, and give you unconditional love! As an INFJ/HSP , creative empath and recovering co-dependent, I can relate to that! Thanks for your continued wisdom, love and support Dr. C, much appreciated~ 💗💜
I was crying 😭 watching this. It fits me 💯. That is exactly how I'm living today. In solitude. A hermit. I keep ruminating every day. Because I've been abused. Physically, verbally, mentally, financially, sexually, and narcissistically. So I am now suffering from C-PTSD, OCD, and childhood trauma due to emotional neglect. I grew up with narcissists. 35 years. They messed me up really bad. I've been through it all. Gaslighting, manipulation, berating, and much more. And now I'm here living in a house with roommates. And I don't even go out. Well, not that much. I have physical and mental issues. Living with narcissists is hell. First my dad, (14 years, 1975-1990) then my auntie and cousins, (12 years, 1990-2002) and when my dad died in 2002, I moved in with my older sister in Georgia. (8 years, 2002-2010). And now I'm back in Cali. I have bad back and leg pain. Neuropathy. And a little more. So living with narcissists, it's horrendous to one's health. Physically and mentally. I know I need help. But it's too expensive. I have been meditating, praying, and relaxing more. Listening to peaceful music. That is how I'm coping with my problems. For now.
Dr. Carter you are a Godsend! Your gentle and earnest approach makes it possible for me to share your videos with my children (ages 22, 19 and 16) as we try to process what we have just survived. Thank you for your heart. You are a lifeline! ❣️
My mother is the main narcissist in my life ! I’m 51 years old so I’ve put up with her for way too long ! But what keeps me there is the fact that I’m an only child and I suppose I feel obligated to be there a! My mum is 85 yrs old and hasn’t got a friend in the world ! She needs help with things due to her age ! She caused me to have severe panic attacks ,anxiety amd depression,and I overcame most of this ! It I still have this feeling of absolute dread when I need to see her! She’s a horrible human being I’m so sad to say ! I couldn’t go into the millions of times she’s made me cry ! And all the emotional abuse I’ve suffered! I can’t seem to break away though as I know she has no one else !
That's how I feel. So codependent. I think it's trauma bonding. She raised you to feel obligated to her, and to feel guilty about everything. I think when my mother dies, I will go insane, or maybe it will be the weight of the world off my soul.
I've been living like this since I married my husband who I just fell in love with 33 yrs ago. Within 2 yrs of marriage everything changed over night! The Control, the disrespect...everything came out of who he was. He's a heartless, uncaring, and actually if I was talking to someone he would come over and STAND in front of me so he could talk to the ladies I was talking to....After cheating on me and seeing how much it distroyed me, how he tore my heart out...HE only cares how much he can hurt me with his WORDS. The last fives years my love and everything I felt for him is GONE. I keep to myself, stay out of the same room he's in.....no eye contact, no conversations, no eating dinner together. So I play Pickleball, go hiking, fishing, camping, gym class, dog/cat sit...and Airbrush painting.
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To think the people that caused all this damage and pain are going around telling everyone how we abused them.
@y y for me, I dont care what she says, I know the truth, I just want to get her out of my thoughts and get my heart to listen to my brain.
@y y I wish you well.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns agree
An people don't think this happens to MEN!!
THAT a woman could do this to a man!!
BS!! that's what's even worse !! No one believes you!!
PTSD is real in a relationship with a narcissist!
An could get physical. I had to call the police on my wife 5x because I would not fight back. I could not hit a woman especially 1 I loved
@@marvinirvin84youre totally right, we love these women and they want to destroy us. My ex slapped and kicked me too, id never dream of hitting her back. Her emotional abuse was far worse, withdrawing affection and intimacy was the cruelest part for me. It is real and its heartbreaking. I believe you.
"When you've been in the presence of a narcissist, they just have a way of whittling away at who you are and what your resolve is and how you are going to manage life..." I have a really hard time putting my experience into words. Here are the words! I usually just say that they attack who you are and teach you to doubt and hate yourself. But people don't understand that. Your words show that it's a gradual and demeaning process that happens subtly over time.
I understand it, lived it, hate it! I have been rebuilding myself for over 3 years.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
“”””YOU ARE SPEAKING THE TRUTH””””
So true . I naively used to think the best in people as a very young person up until aged
22 when I bravely said to myself that there are horrible people in this world and that’s the way it is . They sense people who are well mannered etc and play mind games constantly with their prey . You have to go with your gut when people start to make you question yourself all the time and doubt yourself. Always hold onto the fact that they are the problem and that are putting their pain onto other people and they are weak and spineless . Complete Snakes 🐍
That is especially true if the belittling starts before you are adult enough to even know what is happening, then it is a part of your brains basic programming. Very sorry this happened Sirena.
Many of us absolutely do understand. And, know that it is also true that because we do get what they are up to and know what many of their actual intentions are, that we are in the best possible position to do the opposite of what they want, including not doubt and hate ourselves, or anything else self-distructive or negative. Me, personally, I am just too stubborn and too committed to my ancestors' resilience, courage, strengths, radical adaptations to the conditions that they dealt with during their times, not to mention their many losses and sacrifices, to be broken by any narcissist or narcisstic system! My ancestors have suffered more than I will ever experience! And, I am still here because of them!
I found this just an hour after discussing Christmas arrangements with my sister. I'm not going. I will stay home and honor myself by watching your videos.
@@dianac5764 yes mine always invites everyone around to be the perfect host. But everyone has to behave and walk on eggshells, while she swans around showing off her house, which is lovely, but she will only accept jealousy not genuine admiration for it. Either way she'll accuse me of being jealous, because no matter what i say it won't be right,then she will secretly text her daughter abuse on the sly, the daughter who has been condemned to her bedroom, because in her eyes she was acting up, when really she was just getting more attention. Then when I decide the following year I'm not going, she starts a smear campaign amongst my sisters about me, saying I've an attitude problem. None of my siblings like going but won't stand up to her. All her kids are in therapy because of her, she's sick.
I don't have motivation to live anymore. No interest in my goals, no desires, can barely complete daily tasks. Don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Avoidant of everything bc of memory triggers. No interest in getting to know anyone, no longer like people. My life is ruined. I can see the stress aging me. I'm broken. All this was done to me intentionally. There's no comfort. I'm disgusted at what was done, it makes me physically sick. I can't think.
I had to check to see who wrote this, because it's exactly how I am now, too! I feel like a zombi. Let's keep looking for a way to get out of this hole. We must be decent people or we wouldn't have been a target in the first place. ❤
sooooooooooo fuckin infuriating, like I got hit by a fuckin bus, you just cant seem to move forward
I’m in the same boat. It’s a neighbour doing this to me
The zest for life can come back
You can trust Jesus
He is Perfect Love, Perfect Father and True Life
a narc will pour all their evil in you
Jesus will pour all His goodness Love, Abundant Life, laughter even and before you know it you’re trusting again, have a brand new life that you love and live life again.
I could never got through this without Him and truly heal and laugh again and want to live again
I have isolated but I’m isolating with Jesus and I don’t think I’d be starting to live again without Him
And I finally enjoy people again it’s a joy to be around others
You can get there too
Jesus is the one who will understand like no one else and give you insight and truly and completely heal your heart
Best wishes. Narcs are such losers. I choose to live the rest of my life without them. They don't deserve who God made me to be.
Me also. Time for us to heal.❤
Even finding therapists that understand the abuse of an intimate Narcissist relationship is difficult, and since they separate you from friends there aren't friends left to talk with. It is hard not to isolate after dealing with these individuals.
That has been my problem. I've been isolated from so many friends. It's hard to find someone to talk to or even go out for a cup of coffee.
And isolating them from family is horrible too, makes me sick!
Yes I totally understand
Yes Joy...therapists are sometimes narcissists.
As are some pastors.
@@AnnieGrace777 oh shocking.
They need to be held accountable. Seriously. It is about time they be sued at least in Civil court for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. They mess with our minds, hearts, souls. They ruin our lives and just go on with theirs.
I Australia coercion is now seen as abuse and can be punishable by law…..finally.
Intentional????? Have never heard an expert on NPD people saying that. They have next to none self awareness.
More damaged then your giving them credit for.
I agree. In my state the law allows for 90 day no contest divorces. Doesn’t matter if married one day one month 3 years or 30 years. When the narcissistic discards you and files for divorce it catches you flat footed. He or she has spent months if not years, maneuvering to make his or her post divorce life optimal at your expense. The court system doesn’t understand narcissists tactics. It’s nota just system
I heard they are making narcisstic abuse a crime in the Phillipines too. I wish we could get laws on the books in the US
@@annmbutterfly Well, there is disturbing the peace. Simple assault. Harassment. Sexual assault. Document everything. Dates. Recordings. I did. And I filed a police report two weeks ago. The day they found my neighbors body after her husband killed her. I said… enough. And I called. We are officially divorced for a few months but still have to cohabitate until our house sells. It has been hell.
Narc abuse itself may not be a crime but so many aspects of it are. Thankfully I recorded him for years. And we have marriage counselors notes addressing everything he did. Good luck!!
Yes! Trust is broken. I no longer want a close relationship with anyone. I have friends, but not close friends. I don’t want to know anyone too well, for fear of more hurt. What has taught me this? A narcissistic mother, 36 years of a narcissistic husband, and now ten years with a narcissistic sister, and seeing those same qualities show up in my adult children. These are the people I should have been able to trust the most. But, I can’t. This tears me apart.
Same for me. 20 years tolerating narcissist husband and seeing same sign in my growing daughter
@P My youngest is 32. I have 5 children. Their ways are pretty set by now. They all have a profound lack of empathy. I recently had to split with two of them. It’s so hard….
I understand exactly what you're saying and the part that gets ripped apart, especially seeing how it affects your children. I hope that day you will find that you're just as important as your family. May you find peace within and understand that they lost too. God's peace!🤎🤍🤎
@@Sally-ih6ls I lost my grandchildren too. Yes, it is evil especially when you didn't deserve the treatment. Evil seems to hit us in our most vulnerable places. It uses who and what it can to inflict damage. It will never be ok, but it does not have to destroy us. I believe that God is still on the throne...and that justice is apart of his character, just as love, mercy and grace are. There is always a reckoning for us all! Hold on to Love...no matter what!❤
I can relate. Shocks you to your core! Alienated from my 4 kids by sociopathic narcissist xhusband.
Demonic!
Isolation, mistrust, avoidance, cynicism, humiliation, trauma, triggers, despair and desolation. The legacy of narc abuse. So difficult. Thank u Dr C for being part of my support team from 17,000 miles away 🙏🏾
Exactly how I feel after 5 decades of living with my family. To make matters worse a few years ago my psychopathic narcissistic father appears once again on the scene just so he can reaffirm that we're nothing to him. I finally told them all about his abuse but I do believe my mother knew about it all along.
My daughter have been doing this exactly, since she was 16 years old, I have been recording everything I proof, she poisoning everyone's people dot talk to she told them I'm crazy, please help me!!
Edith… my heart goes out to you😢. After 60+ years of living with my narcissist husband and his family of narc’s, I’ve chosen to NO LONGER HAVE A VICTIM MENTALITY 😉. I realize they treat you as their “victim”, their personal “whipping post”…. But stop seeing yourself through their eyes !!
You are NOT a victim in this life!! You are a strong intelligent woman who CAN FIND YOUR WAY BACK IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!! (Not yelling, just heavy emphasis 😊)
Nobody said it was easy, that’s for sure; but it is possible ☺️ My help comes from the LORD JESUS!! A personal intimate relationship with with JESUS…. NOT CHURCH OR RELIGION, but a close intimate relationship everyday with the “Lover of your soul”!! HE alone is the answer and He heals my brokenness, heals my aching heart and soul!!
YOU CAN DO THIS AND BE THE MIGHTY WOMAN GOD ALWAYS INTENDED YOU TO BE ! Hold onto HOPE and look to JESUS for the wisdom you need each day❣️🤍❣️
Blessings to you ❣️
I have my self experience narcissist abuse physical and mental divorce last year didn't take time to heal got into another narcissist relationship I was mad at myself for allowing my self to not recognize this person was led by a evil spirit to destroy me Jesus Christ is showing me how to love myself and I am not a victim I chose to move on it ok to be by myself I have been in abuse all my life I don't feel sorry for my self because for some reason I didn't love my self get to know your self be getting into any relationship sign Cynthia Smith
@@chipchippie please help me
Wow, I find myself often thinking this isn't what I signed up for. I just wanted love, peace, and respect.
I went into isolation for a decade.
Listen to this man.
DONT DO IT!!
Broke the trauma bond.
Narc mum.
Now, rising.
Victim, no more.🙏
🙏❤️🔥💫✨
Same here
Ditto.
Im in that place.recognize these storys And want try to break free from it.
I did too,
Almost 8 years for me.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD after decades of living with a covert malignant narcissist. Everything you are saying describes me completely. It's horrifying to think one person can cause so much damage.
Same thing happened to me. When is this insanity going to end
You’re not alone! It’s crazy it took me 20 years to realize and put all the pieces together.
They do, and they will, they have no conscience.
Add me to the list. Diagnosed PTSD...too late. My ex destroyed my career, and conspired with my attorney to take everything from me in a divorce (including my kids). And worse.
I go to court this month to to again to get my kids back after 12 years of efforts. The kids are suffering. One in counseling for suicidal thoughts... Imagine kids trying to live with that narcissist!
@@kellypolfleit3942 37 years in a horrible marriage narc mother all alone now with narc husban I have chronic lyme an long hauler covid and heisnt even paying anything on the mortgage and I gave him half of the house that I inherited and he is now a freeloader when I tell him I want out he acts like I am crazy He acts so sweet but I have seen his rage when he pushed me to the floor . You wke up one day and realize they never gave you anything not even respect. so many red flags you want to kick yourself black and blue. yes we all end up with cptsd in isolation now looking for a lawyer but am paralyzed with fear. thank-god for dr carter all the best with gods help
It’s your body mind and spirits way of saying: “I didn’t deserve this.” Just hearing those words have been very cleansing and healing to me. I really needed to hear that, thank you Dr. C🙏
Glad it resonated!
Agreed. Thanks for re-quoting, too. 🙂
@@ramonaortego9420 Dope Smiley Face.
I got cancer 2 years ago and its the best thing thats ever happened to me, why ? because i suddenly realised that my family cant show any empathy , they never ask ONE question , ever..(they know everything you see) and all they can do is ridicule and critisise, usually behind my back. i came out of hospital and mum honestly wanted to know when i was gonna cut my lawn , coz, 'what will the neigbours think''?
mum knows that she has punished me for what happened to her as a girl so now she has all the time in the world to sit and think about it . classic evil narc who blames everyone else and gets angry at the drop of a hat ....
now i have no cancer and no contact with my family , win win in my eyes
I went through that too. A mother who actually enjoyed the fact that I was going through cancer. Like the evil witch in Snow White, she had to be "the fairest of them all". So I mutilated myself by getting breast cancer just so it would stop. Well, it doesn't. Don't let your body try to be helpful and solve problems for you by illness. Understand what's going on and laugh in the face of it.
❤❤️🔥❤
@@aanneaa7242 lol, exactly!
Sorry you have a family like that. Thankfully there are normal, caring people out there - like Dr. Carter, with all of his wonderfully helpful free videos for those of us suffering from PTSD from narcissist exposure!!
You are the light. And they want that light.
My sister was diagnosed with PTSD due to the intense vast and incredibly cruel treatment of our narcissistic mother. We lived in fear growing up due to my mother’s unpredictable, violent belittling behaviors.
sorry Emma
My sister & brother always tell me how badly they feel for me bc I really got her worst abuse, but I always felt the need to protect them so for years I felt like I asked for it. Took me a while to realize it was never my fault. Now, my Mom has tried to move in with me bc she’s older. She wants me to take care of her. Yet, her verbal & emotional abuse continues, she even steals from me. After repeatedly insulting, belittling & lying about me while my husband & children are present, I had to tell her to leave. We had a verbal confrontation, which she loves (so sick!) & I told her she needed to go. Before she left, I told her I was sorry for raising my voice. I asked her if she wanted to apologize for anything? She told me she had nothing to be sorry for, she doesn’t do anything wrong. That’s narcissism at its best folks.
@@leiflinder8854 thank Leif. I appreciate your kindness.
@@Chris-dw7gq I’m so sorry Chris! I’m praying that God will give your guidance wisdom and assurance in all situations as you navigate through. If you’ve been raised by a narcissist, you’ve been conditioned to second-guess every decision you make especially when it comes to your relationship with a narcissist. You’ve been indoctrinated to believe you deserve less, they deserve more, and you are to tolerate all of their lies, insults, and the verbal and emotional abuse the grows if you don’t stand up to it. May God bless you and heal you.
@@Chris-dw7gq Thank you so much I appreciate your thoughtfulness
Definitely feeling this one. Love to all currently fighting the good fight. We are survivor's. 🇬🇧
🇬🇧Thank you💚to you also🇧🇻
Thank you. Keep healty and strong! ♥from the netherlands
This is my life with CPTSD, marriage to a narcissist and four years of therapy....in 14 minutes
They should be criminilised for the health problems they caused.
They’re starting to draft coercive control statutes in the UK to penalize that behavior -- I sure do wish they'd get around to it in the United States
@@mrb4761 That can easily be co-opted by insidious narcs and then turned upon their victims. Narcs operate using the Hegelian Dialectic, where they cause the problem, wait for your reaction, then provide the pre-planned "solution".
@@mrb4761
And,? you trust your government!???
You don't become soverign, you are soverign IF you know who you are!
Think about it!
Bring back mental hospitals.
@@mrb4761 why would they when the country is built on it ,maintained by it
What gets me is that when they're super sweet to your face while they're stabbing you deep in the back and twisting the knife while doing it especially when their role is to protect you
My older sister is a true malignant narcissist and, sadly my son is a narcissist. I'm so afraid to share anything about what ive experienced, because I'm the common denominator, and their behaviors are so crazy and extreme towards me that when I hear myself sharing, I sound like I'm making it all up! The behaviors are so bizarre, they're so cruel, that others outside of our family (and even those INSIDE) are skeptical. On top if that they are so incredibly skilled at lying and manipulation that it's easier for others to believe that I'M the narcissist. The hopelessness/helplessness can be so deep at times, I do experience paralysis and depression and deep, deep distrust that does keep me isolated. I have found wonderful therapists along the way, and have one currently. The happiest day of my life occurred recently when my therapist assured me that I am definitely NOT a narcissist myself, something which gas preyed upon my mind for years. She said narcissists aren't at all self-reflective. What a blessing and a light that is showing me the way to recovery. The truly sad part of all this? I'm 63. So much time lost to evil people.
You're here, and your conscious awareness is brilliant, and that is something to be happy about.
You mirror my experience, greatest empathy and strength to you🧡
I relate. I've avoided relationships to heal,only to be attacked by a family of malignant narcissists next door. They threatened me and my ponies so bad one day. Must have gave the cop a bill because nothing on the report,no video. I have built a six foot fence,got cameras,and because I got a non lethal weapon they lied that I scared them and I got a charge. I have a protection order from the court that is not being upheld. His kids ( already fubar) are allowed to harass me as much as they want.And how dare I push back.?
You hit the nail on the head. I learned my PTSD at 65 years old. Now I need to unlearn it. 🙄 Sheesh.
I cry as I listen to what what you’re saying Dr. Les! It’s a blow to the spirit, they put a crack in your spirit that feels impossible to overcome. A narcissist is like an emotional stun gun. So debilitating. Leaves you sick.
"leaves you sick" sometimes for years after they're gone.
It can be very difficult but worth the fight to get healing. It is one therapy session, one choice, one positive activity at a time.
it's a kind of death...
I cried too listening to this too Espy 2022 and I agree with your comment..Sometimes I get this feel an amazing sense of peace..I hope this is a sign of healing..May peace come to your soul...🌻
Absolutely!
Guilt, avoidant, very numb, detached, free floating anxiety, insomnia, gut issues and going from being very outgoing to being pessimistic. I've experienced all of these. Dating narc after narc not realizing....UNTIL... I recognized.... I grew up with a narc patent. It all makes sense now.
Keep learning!!
Same Here. Hope All Is Well
Yes my mother, brother and sister were all narcs, my other brother and me were their supply. Then I married a man to get away from it all. I was 20 and did not understand the implications. I had married a narc. As soon as I had worked it all out I was off!
I cried watching this knowing that the way I now feel is normal after what I've been through with a lifetime of narcissists. I've already worked through some of the issues on my own. I'll pat myself on the back for the work I've put into healing myself. Not all the way there yet but working on it daily. #teamhealthy
Yay Team Healthy!
Well done, you are so strong 🤗 #teamhealthy
@@Raven.13 Thank you
oxoxoxox
@@tiffanygrimsely14 Thanks. Right back at ya.
The biggest issue for victims is that narcissists attack who you are. They attack your very essence. Essentially, the abuse consists of trying to make anyone but themselves feel like they are a bad person. This hurts, especially for people whose entire reason for existing is to be a good person. That's all most of us want, is to be a good person. This is the pain, and why so many people are hurt so badly by narcissists, and why the pain continues with PTSD. Thank you, Dr. Carter!!
How right you are. Other people I am close to will argue about dumb things with me like "I don't like fish for dinner", but do not attack me personally and try to make me feel rotten, incompetent, and irredeemable the way the narcissist in my family did (note the past tense). That is the difference between a narcissist's criticism and other people's criticisms.
For all those who believe in divine justice, know that every abuser/criminal/flying monkey will face justice for every instance of trauma they cause you. Keep your inner peace, try your very best to recover and forget the abuse.
Thank you Ly . Truly needed to hear this 🙏 🙌
💪🏻
Thank you 🙏
YES! I believe this is true!
I'm watching it happen right now and it doesn't feel as good as I always thought it would
The best method for dealing with PTSD that I learned is Answer the Question: What will I do different next time? That is what your brain is trying to figure out when you relive it. Even if you'll never be in that exact time or place again, pretend it will happen again and Answer your brain's queation. Remind yourself of that answer when it hits you again.
Great tip 👍
I AM STRUGGLING I LOOK FORWARD TO THIS VIDEO.
DR C. I WAS GROOMED HOVERED DEVALUED DISCARDED
IM SEVERELY TRAUMA BONDED MY LIFE HAS BEEN DESTROYED THROUGH MONTHS AND OF THE SILENT TREATMENT. ITS BEEN 8 YEARS AND IM STILL STRUGGLING I HAVE PTSD ANXIETY THE LIST CONTINUES.
NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS BRUTAL
Thank you for your words.
You are stronger than you know. Application is a key to freedom. Glad to be with you in this healing journey 💜
@@AlwaysStampinVideos
THANK U SO VERY MUCH 🙏FOR CARING
Both of my parents were adult children. My mother's family expected me to take care of her. My father's family expected me to take care of him and nobody - I mean NOBODY - gave a thought to who was taking care of me.
i'm so sorry you went through that dehumanizing experience, i hope you're at a place where you're fully aware of your self worth and prioritizing yourself
I have had all of the CPTSD symptomps you have described here dr Carter. Having gone through narcisistic abuse all of my life I have only recently started speaking about it and it has been a painful yet incredibly liberating journey. And the help and assistance and support I have received from Angels like you dr Carter have helped me survive. I am for ever grateful. God bless you.
So many angel Dr's on here I hope you are in a safe peaceful creative place now.. Yes he is one of the best like Jay Reid, Dr Ramani, Scott Bassett.. All of these doctors are trying to improve society & they do that by helping us.. You will get stronger & stronger & survive & you will also help society work on problems that arise from hate crimes & untreated mental illnesses that make people abusive criminal perpetrators. Bless you Iza!! Happy 2023!!
Hello; I’m an American citizen living in Germany for a very long time now. Married 22years to a narcissist. I finally discovered what I‘d been caught up in by listening to clips such as yours, and I’m so glad someone finally understands. I want to get out but I think I’m truly trapped; even after seeking so-called professional counseling only turned out a very disappointing experience. It’s almost as if I‘m a prisoner. My entire life is controlled. Financial, medical, insurance keeps me bound to this man even though I so desperately want out. Do you have any advice for me? Please and thank you for any input.
@@lindafreeland Pray 🙏🏻 God will help you!❤
So many symptoms! I went in to my Dr. With chest pain, heart palpitations, headaches, body aches, and I was on the brink of suicide. A few years later, fibromyalgia was added to the mix. I am still dealing with all of it. Of course, they are all invisible problems and most people don’t know my past. Life is just hard. My religion and my faith are the only reason I am still breathing.
@@lindafreeland you can be free. Believe it. Trust your own heart. I pray for God to give you strength, wisdom and resources.
I was triggered into strong memories if someone said something like my abuser. The visuals were a lot like a flashback. I could even smell him. Lack of washing.
This latest depressive episode was because I was getting old and I couldn't rid myself of the damage.
The depression was terrible.
Over the years, I had dragged out a lot of trauma and tried to make sense of it. I just couldn't understand how to heal.
I found some exercises and a local mental health counselor started me on different kinds of therapy.
I do feel better with the help I received. I'm in a place where I can deal with this stuff. It's safe here.
Maybe I'll have that weakness for the rest of my life. Where some things make me crazy and depressed. I won't give up again, though.
Yes, I hear you about the triggers. You are so brave to get help for your trauma. Sending you peace and positive energy.
Yes, people underestimate the depth we are wounded by the narc. You're doing the right thing, and you will get stronger with knowledge. Remember - the narc is Not Your Fault!
You have to continue to be strong n not going back to your weakness. Don't go back n forth with your life n what you want to do. If you're free from a narcissistic person. start living your life. Stop remembering something that is going to bring you down again, otherwise if you don't, you might ad well keep on.living with this negative person n no one will be the blame nut yourself.
I still relive past events. My mother is a narcissist. She was a stay at home mom who volunteered and then, worked at my school, so I could not get away from her. Thank you for this video. The most annoying thing about growing up with a narcissist are the flashbacks. I tell myself that was years ago. It is past time to end these flashbacks. However, they return again and again despite my annoyance.
Ask The Lord to heal Your memory So you can remember without pain
Their disorders cause brain damage that is why you have flashbacks you are probably an athlete or hike everyday but if you dont you can eliminate them that way.. I wish you more peace & happiness & love in 2023!
@@quantumfineartsandfossils2152 The disorder causes brain damage?
Get with a counselor who understands CPTSD and polyvagal theory.
@@butterflygirl2285 Sadly no. Imagine if the brain damage would erase the flashbacks.
I meet all ptsd caragories but one. I have withdrawn from people. I avoid places. I remember the pushing. I remember a bottle of mouthwash being thrown at me / my car. He tried to get people to look down on me. Lots and lots of verbal abuse. He died 4 months ago and I am trying to heal.
You certainly probably will not miss that kind of behavior
Thanks Dr C.
We have to remind ourselves there is no time frame in getting well, while going through the recovery process.
For most of us have dealt w narcissistic abuse growing up, and then married into identical relationships.
Sometimes I struggle w this until my counselor reminds me of the decades upon decades I fought for my right to exist.
Be kind to yourself, dear survivor.
I love you and believe in you.
Such good thoughts!
@@SurvivingNarcissism
Thank you Dr Carter.
💜
I never had a present grandpa, father, nor an uncle, so listening to this wise man really helps!
Such kind words. Thank you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism It is great to have your reply, it makes me feel seen and heard. Your channel as well as Dr. Ramani’s, The Little Shaman’s, and Sam Vaknin’s all have distinct approaches which have helped me enormously to understand the damage that can be caused by narcissistic parents, and how to value myself.
THANK YOU! Will keep watching and taking notes.
Thank you. Narcissists love negativity on any level. One thing I have learned is that you can have boundaries but a narcissist will not listen or respect those boundaries.🤔❤🇺🇸
Very true.
So true. They don't like being out of control and need to control everything. Nasty nasty just nasty. 🙏
@@tracynewton3083 Yes… some of them you catch them doing the nasty. Then they want to project their own dirty deeds onto you! Lol 🤔❤🇺🇸🤮
I just wonder why the narcissists never respect boundaries. They always want to disorient your life and make you emotionally unstable and miserable
I am stunned again today. I have been listening to this channel for over a year. I listen to the messages over and over. I have read Dr. Carter's books and taken a course. Yet I sit amazed again that what happened to me over the course of my 72 years is well known by such a genius as Dr. Carter. There is hope even for someone my age. I could NOT see it at first. I learned on some level about what happened gradually over the last several months. But what use was it at my age? I can have peace knowing there was someone within me who was not the totally inadequate nervous wreck, non functioning, human being living every day ashamed of herself. Who knows? Maybe I will start on a book about how the enabling of the narcissist was on all sides in the culture in which I lived. I can finally say, "I survived over 5 decades of narcissistic abuse. "
Sending you love and healing 🙏
God will repay you seven fold 🙏
All my sympathy x
Wishing you peace and strength and joy 🌿🦜🐓🐕Keep listening to Dr C and you will be fine! ☀Take care not to isolate too much, just like he says. There are so many lovely people in the world too x
i am right there with you. don’t be fooled by this culture of throw the elderly away i minister to 16 y/o and it amazes me how much they and I have in common. The age difference disappears.
Kathi: I will be 72 in a few weeks. I really have been receiving DEEP healing the past 5 years and am truly enjoying my single life now - eyes wide open & alert - playing games at the senior citizens center. My radar detects a few Ns but i dont respond, or I give them a look that says "I see you and I KNOW who you are" and they have no real or lasting effect on my life. No contact with my brother & sister, parents deceased, gray Rock and a healthy cautious distance from my oldest son (42) who seems to be a N - I don't see him often & recently spent enough time with him to observe the signs, put the puzzle pieces together & receive a toxic crazy tongue lashing after exposing & confronting him about his inappropriate behavior towards me. Now I will BEWARE and on guard during the upcoming holiday season. If it gets too bad, I will merely walk away and go back home (he lives 55 miles away) with my self respect and self worth intact.
This is exactly how I feel after 50 years of trying to be a family member in my family. I thought I was literally triggering the PTSD myself I mean I quit drinking I quit smoking cigarettes and it's still there. I think that I'm going to be in recovery for a long time from narcissistic abuse.
I’d love to learn more about your journey.
Oh you will never be 'enough' for them. Why bother, you only have to be 'enough for you. At least you can tell the difference they can't. You are clearly a grown up, narcissists are stuck in the toddler stage. They are all persona and no self. You have a self which they will never have, so growth for them is not an option.
The good news is, once you get started, you recover quickly!
This was a tough one to watch. The hardest part was/is looking back on all of the dysfunctional behavior and trying not to beat myself up for getting into/staying in a relationship with that person, even though I intectually understand the reasons I did. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the grace to forgive myself.
Their Gaslighting and lying is the most crazy making feeling that leaves you feeling fight and flight
when they do that, say to yourself or out loud "you are trying to psychologically attack me with lies. i will not allow it." we must defend our boundaries, if even only from within.
The insane desire to reform the abuser no matter the personal cost.
It took a good year of ruminating over the controlling situations. Trying desperately to understand and fix the events that I was experiencing. I emotionally broke. My husband saw your RUclips channel and a family counselor in my Bible Study group reached out to me. 3 1/2 years later in my feel healthy and surviving. This is a Life saving channel, for me.
Keep leaning forward, Robin.
@@SurvivingNarcissism hello, this is the second or third time I have had a reply from an account pretending to be you. I left a comment on this thread 20 hours ago if you wish to look and report them as spam. Appreciate your wisdom xx
4.3 years for me, not mentally healthy yet but surviving.
Bless Dr Carter
@@SurvivingNarcissism there is another hero with the Last name Carter here who works for ISP he is a detective.
At 70, I will never trust again. I’m totally sick of people.
come on! there are good people out there. i saw some amazing things during lock down -- i was working in a hospital. the self sacrifice was amazing.
@@SophieBird07 same at 49
I hope you're in a better place now. That's what narcissists do. They want to isolate you, make you lose hope. Problem is.... narcissists attract other narcissists. :( So when you've been with them for a long while (ex. parents), all you see is narcissism. No contact really is survival. Once you step away, and get further and further away from that situation, you realize there is a whole world of good people.... who basically learned to stay away from the narcs...... and then you realize, you've learned too! I hope you're in that better place, where people know how to love each other. No contact was the only way.
@@mvbigmagic4048 lol. I just got back from an MD appt, annual PE. And found that after having a “sociopath extraction”, my BP was down into the normal range for the first time in many months!
Now I understand why I lack so much power, energy and joy. One year ago I made the cut, but I have to fight this cruel woman every day and every night in my soul and mind. Everytime I win the fight, but every day it comes again to my and forces me to cut her spider legs in pieces. Wondering why I have so much trouble to go forward towards my goals - but your words showed me: it is alright, it is normal, and it can get better.
There's no pleasing a narcissist. It's a sickness;and a need to constantly find fault in their victim. The more you say good things about them, the more they struggle to make you doubt yourself. They stress you out emotionally. Ask them what's upsetting them about you, nine times out of ten they won't know!
A side effect of Narcissistic Abuse
Until you decide Enough is Enough
Always REDUCE your exposure to negative people 💪🏻
I needed this information 60 years ago; however, your insight regarding narcissism has brought some clarity, sanity and peace of mind into my life!!! Thank You!!!
@@Chris-dw7gq Absolutely!!!
The worst part is I told some people and with the odd behavior they now think I am narcissist playing the victim. Absolute nightmare. Deep isolation is the only place I can feel normal.
I hear you. I stopped fighting it some years ago, yielded to the isolation. The older I get, the more vulnerable I feel and the stronger the instinct to hide. My need for validation by ohers is going unmet, and leaves me uncertain sometimes. And it will become even more extreme with age. I am afraid.
You are a victim, a victim of severe psychological manipulation.
You can know who is the narcissist just by changing roles.
If you did what the other person does to you, how would make you feel?
I was literally in tears while listening to this video. It’s like you knew how I was feeling today. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so very much Dr. C.
Me too.
Me too.... I felt like I was sitting with someone really wise and kind and he was saying, "I see you, I see your pain, but you're going to be ok"
🧡 to Dr Carter. These videos are helping me so so much
Same here brother. I have noore lust to attend anything on work, groups. Just a few ones. So I don't get hurt. And it works. Sadly.
Me too had tears relieving the words Dr Carter was saying. I'm now free after 43 years of marriage but the trauma of a narssasist has left me not trusting anybody.
Me too.
They bring out the worst in you
Thank you so much for this video I'm so so grateful, may God or whatever you believe in bless you all of your life.
Definitely. Reactive Anger. I became someone I didn't even Know I could be.
Having just been told last Thursday that what I'm dealing with is C-PTSD, this video came just in time. Thank you Dr.C, I don't believe it right now, but I'm going to keep telling myself that I didn't deserve to be treated like that, and I hope one day that I will believe it.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Anna Runkle, has videos specifically about C-PTSD - and she's been through it herself. Has some good answers.
@@bethtaylor9773 thank you! I'll make sure to check her out!
Yes you keep telling yourself that it's all in the mindset cause you know what you didnt deserve it x
Dr. Kim Sage is very knowledgeable about C-PTSD. Watching her channel has been instrumental in my own healing.
This was done to you. It was not your own choosing or making. …wow! I honestly felt a sense of peace come over me when I heard you say those words! Thank you ❤
My heart has never been so broken.
Every video I watch with you, Dr. Carter, just blows my mind! I’m in the process of trying to understand what has happened to me in a 26-yr marriage with a narcissist. I’m amazed at how much this video resonated with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again!
You are quite welcome. Best wishes, and I'm pleased to share the path with you.
I run from the phone ringing and have thrown it screaming at it to shut up...terror into anger in a split second
Dr. C: I've been divorced since 2017, having been married 14 years to a narcissist. I can't afford therapy and I've been unable to find any type of group-type therapy setting, let alone find others who've been through this and suffering from this post-traumatic stress. As much as I've come to find out through you and other channels how damaging the relationship was on my soul, I just can't shake away the trauma. I enjoy going to work and performing my job, but the minute I clock out I go into my shell. I don't have any friends; and it's not because I haven't tried, but there must be something that keeps people away (or me) from retaining close relationships. Thank you for the past several years of being there for me online.
Sending hugs from a stranger who understands. My opinion is that even if you don’t pursue any more relationships/friendships, do activities that nurture you……..join an art class, or simply paint pictures. Take a writing class, write poetry or songs. Take some sort of yoga or exercise class on a regular basis……all of these allow you to be around people without having to form an actual relationship. When the time is right, you’ll know you are healed and you will feel happiness and trust again. ❤
@@mommabear5059 You are too sweet for reaching out to me, and for that I am grateful. I am a huge yogi, however, I can't afford to join a studio, where I find it extremely healing to practice amongst others and lack the motivation in doing it alone. I have all the props, mats, blocks, everything. I'm getting closer to slapping my mat on the floor and doing virtual. It's been nagging at me for months now, but you just pushed me over that hill to get going! Thank you so much! Peace and love. xoxo
@@LauraVee63 I agree with all @mommabear said. And one more thing: you have reached out here, at least. That, to me, means you've already started to come out of your shell. Just keep it up! You seem to be a very warm person too. With affection, from someone who also is struggling with some degree of isolation.
They blame everything on you…zero accountability. 😢 One of my biggest issues is not uncovering all the deceit and lies I was told. It’s beyond frustrating being manipulated. I wish they have support groups for people who have been through this trauma. I wouldn’t even know how to explain the confusion in my brain to another person. All the lies, gaslighting, rewriting of history screws with your perception.
Wow! I lived thru it with a narcissist mother.
I'm convinced it's a demon!😮
I'm seeing myself here. This is how I've been this past 2 years. Every bit of it. The alcohol and self medicating. The isolation. Cutting myself off. Mistrust. I feel so alone and misunderstood because of the narcissist I'm up against. I'm now up at court and feel like no-one understands what the man has done to me.
10 pages into your book, When Pleasing You Is Killing Me, and I’ve already been smacked in the face with much needed validation, fundamental truths, and a re-learning of the healthy way of being. It’s just so…just…thank you! Thank you for your work, Dr. Carter.
So pleased, Michael. Thanks for being an encourager!
If you only knew my husband’s (and my) story dealing with his narcissistic step-mother and recently deceased father’s past 4 months, you would be totally in shock! We are seeking help. It’s more than horrendous. She has destroyed this family.
I can imagine . Same here .hard to believe.ludicrous .
This is a good place to be. My story goes in different directions that I feel like a pinball....
Dr C and his wonderful people that are in Team Healthy can give you the best steps to dealing with Narcissist. The end products do not always end the way we need them to, because Narcissist are deeply afflicted. However, healing from their straits and ugliness is here for you.
Blessings for all who gather here 💪
My husband is a 10/10 narcissist. I’m offended that people throw this term around so freely. My life is INSANE right now. I thank God I found this channel.
Nothing and I mean nothing shocks me about narcs / psychopaths!!! Evil to the core!! No contact is the ONLY way with the bad ones!!! Best wishes and prayers for your healing!!
I called my X’s mother the USS Destroyer (her name), as I watched her Destroy lives, countless relationships. I would believe just about anything. She had Zero Accountability in her son’s eyes. So after 27 years I removed myself so she had her family threaten my life. So, you might find some stories that may relate! But my ❤ goes out to you.
The damage has been so profound that I am in a complete free fall. I’m trapped here for the time being, I can’t see a way out, I’m terrified of him, I’m watching my whole life crash down around me and I feel powerless to stop the progression. I cannot afford anything, much less pay for therapy or training.... malignant.
Hope you find a way out.
Deep isolation I’m trying to convince myself to go out to eat and treat myself kindly!
Same. Being mostly introverted, i have had to put myself in some environments i would much rather be in with a friend or a family member. Practice makes perfectly imperfect and certainly easier over time 💜
I feel like I want to keep to myself and love my dog who loves me back unconditionally.
I'm in a relationship with a woman who was with a narcissistic person. It really damaged her emotionally. Some days she will be fine with me and other days she can be a bit cold and distant. She's told me before that he made her feel so worthless and that she was the problem. It has really affected her self-esteem and sometimes when I say nice things to her she doesn’t believe me. In a lot of ways, I hate him for whats he has done to her, I honestly do. It makes me upset thinking about it sometimes, how can someone be so cruel to someone like her.
I'm ready to get my freedom back. I have tears as I listen to this video, it's all so true and so raw. Thank you for validating these emotions
Yes!
You can do this! It took me a year to find my exit plan (with teenager with me) the finances are difficult but the peace from not having to deal with all the negativity, the put downs, the unnatural moods, the blame shifting, the entirety of emotional abuse, the walking on eggshells, the lack of appreciation, the constant interference with simple life pleasures, the not being appreciated nor respected, the one moment yes and then instant no.. the imposition of their way only…. Yes.. the peace of not having the monster anywhere near you nor your child is PRICELESS.
100% avoidant! I don’t see how I could ever trust someone with my heart.
Wow! I just learned about PTSD from being around narcissists a few months ago. This explains the ongoing dreams, disturbed memories, avoidant reactions, and a wide array of mood swings.
I’ve had a multiple autoimmune diseases, and now Long Haul Covid due to the traumatic stress of being “married” to a narc for almost 35 years.
But, Jesus is my Jehovah Raphe-who heals me-emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Thank you Dr. C and Gus for explaining PTSD from narcissistic abuse. Something that has answered my question do I have PTSD-and yes!
Hang in there! Force yourself to be optimistic. This is what they wanted to destroy in you, your optimism. Change you mindset and everything else will follow. Healthy eating, get outside, exercise, restful sleep. You can do it.
@@prant8998 thank you! You’re spot on!
I'm an empath and a creative. My mom, dad, older brother and sister (by 14 years) were/are narcs. Everyone thinks I am too sensitive and that it's ridiculous I don't let their abuse roll off my back. They also don't understand how a creative thinks so make fun of me. My exhusband and my friends were all narcs too. I suppose I attracted them as an empath and after all of the family abuse wasn't very confident in myself. 2 years ago I went no contact with family and friends. My ex remarried. I couldn't trust another man due to his cheating and abuse of me. I am good alone now. For all of those years I hung on because I didn't want to be alone. However, now I have peace, no drama, no ugliness and meanness. I even enjoy holidays alone. I'm tired now and just want to have a peaceful existence. The ugly stories I could tell. It makes me sad that so many people can be so abusive to others and hope to keep them under their thumb. The need of power, control is such an evil thing when used by narcs.
This was very very helpful, because sometimes you feel so incredible alone with your feelings. I have been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress and also panic disorder. I find it very hard to regulate my emotions. How can I find peace and balance in my everyday life? That is something I am always working on. It can be very exhausting.
May I suggest meditation? It helped me a lot when the pandemic started - I did it for a year. Very calming and centring.
yoga works better than medication. read the book "the body keeps the score" hugs.
You're not alone.
@@tnt01 I have been thinking about that, thank you 🙏
@@marshalmcdonald7476 🙏❤️
What is bad is when you're not allowed to say what happened.
What a Abusive Violent husband can do and the lies they tell the only things that matter to their victim, their children.
I'm late diagnosed autistic and lived in a narcissistic family system. I'm glad this content is on the internet. To experience undiagnosed CPTSD is truly the stuff of nightmares. It robs me of time but I am hopeful for myself. I cannot totally get away from my family system but I am developing strong boundaries and have outside support. I've lots of experience being hospitalized for the ill effects on my mental health over 30 years. I know there are lots of people in similar positions to myself and it saddens me what we've all had to endure, no one deserves bad treatment. Again, I am thankful for content like this.
I relive it everyday from the time my eyes open till they close again. There is no escape from that reality.
Dr Carter is absolutely 💯 % correct. These sick 😫 people have ruined my life and every other he has touched. Beaten up. Beaten down, nearly killed. I didn't and couldn't even open my mail for 4 months. It kills your soul and your spirit. They only care about number one.
Thank you Dr Carter
My faith in the Lord helped me heal and restore me in such an amazing way, I dont lack anything. The process made me get closer to God. Thank you Jesus for never leaving me. ❤️🙏
delusional
I love the phrase, “wrong set of circumstances”👍🏼
That’s EXACTLY what it is. God please help me escape this black hole!
You can! Believe in yourself, it may seem so dark and impossible but that’s just that thick layer that you must come out from…. Renové it… you will slowly but surely find yourself, your values, your beauty! It is there, that’s why the narcissist sticks to you, to drain you… it is there, just hiding under all that ugliness that comes from the narc. You can do this!
Yes...I DO HAVE PTSD...all you said is my story....I can hardly even comment. Yesterday would have been my 52nd wedding Anniversary to my husband who had PTSD and was a narcissist. He passed away 5 months ago. I have been a mess and I have pretty much isolated myself.
Janice Johnson,You look gorgeous ❤,Hope you are not with a narcissist….
Dissociation is a big post traumatic stress reaction
And I would just like to include that one thing I have learned from all this is that you cant win and overcome those who have financial and networking resources far above what you have. That doesnt mean they are morally in the right either. Thank you for all your videos.
EMDR therapy was tremendously helpful in getting through the darkest period of my CPTSD. Extremely effective.
Yes, I am always stressed, being busy and buy things to feel happy for one moment, busy busy busy, knitting, crochet, sewing, to forget
I’ve listened to this video before. But today is the anniversary of my mother’s death, and a reminder of how horrendous my narcissist was to me for a long time, and unfortunately, how my husband didn’t stand up for me when I needed it the most. This video was exceptionally helpful today. I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy at all. Everything you said was so helpful. I really needed to hear it.
So glad it resonated. Dr. C
I have night terrors and feel like I have no control over my emotions anymore...I trust no one...I just want to go off and live by myself. I'm scared all the time because I can't trust myself. I was never like this. I had peace & joy within myself...not anymore!💔😢
For years. Years after the estrangement I would wake up at 2,3,4 am ruminating. I refer to it as, waking up to abusive people every morning. Then I would have significant trouble getting back to sleep. And this was every single morning.
Waking up to why?
Waking up to how? Waking up to shame, guilt, internal conflict. Always to conflict.
I wake up exhausted and triggered, for lack of a better descriptor.
I've left the shame and guilt with my abusers. Now mornings are a little better, manageable at least. I didn't even like how I felt every morning, edgy, anxious, irritable.
I've tried some dietary changes but allowing the responsibility to rest on those who are actually responsible for this entire situation has been paramount to me reclaiming my life.
I’d think the biggest stress is trusting again. Baby steps still count as forward, though.
My thought process on trust has become this (and perhaps it might help you with your processing as well…)
He (nor they or anyone else) did not “break” my trust. My trust is MINE- mine to give and mine to take away. Trust is earned. Therefore, a person can not “break” my trust. They either prove they are trustworthy or they prove they can not be trusted. Much like the word “narcissist” needs to be redeemed for the sake of it being an actual type of behavioral pattern that rests on a spectrum (according to DrC) and not a “bad name” to call someone we are angry with… the phrase “breaking trust,” needs to be redeemed as well. A person is either trustworthy or they are not. My trust can not be broken. It is mine to do with as i please. I will trust someone until they prove they can not be trusted. Our “ability” to trust matures with us. Once i finally realized this truth, my growth and healing took a giant leap. A narcissist is unable to trust because they are completely immature. You are a mature individual, Aaron. Trust your ability to trust is mature along with you. She was untrustworthy. Your ability to trust did what it was suppose to do. It proved she is not trustworthy.
(Edited to simply add a few more things that came to mind after having first responded to your comment.)
@@AlwaysStampinVideos I was going for trust in people in general. I had walls with everyone. Now I have fences. With gates.
I’d think even with (estranged narcissistic) wife, I’d still hope for growth and change (I’ve certainly had plenty) before that gate would ever open. But I’d certainly examine thru a gate first.
My new friends enjoy new me because I went vulnerable in switching from walls to that fence.
Such wise thoughts, Kelly. Hold onto that for that book!!!
@@aaronkwolfe trust issues seem to be the least of your worries 💜
@@SurvivingNarcissism oh gosh thanks so much, DrC 💜!!!
It takes time to heal from narcissist abuse because they don’t only break your heart, but spirit also. 💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
It can happen from a parent you love from a baby, a frightened parent who is afraid of being left alone. A parent who doesn't recognise or respect the uniqeness of her child, and pours all her troubles and insecurities into her, gaslighting and mocking her because it's easier than looking within. The parent shows no interest in wanting to change or grow.
I'm everything Dr. Les has described...
My boyfriend hung up on me Christmas morning, and for the first time in 1.5 years of this abusive relationship I stood by his side for, I haven't heard from for several days. I've gone through everything described. I'm going through all these emotions described to a T. I need help. I am struggling. If it weren't for these videos, I'm not sure I'd be able to pull through this. This is all I have.
Get away from this guy and do not look back. He doesn't understand love and is incapable of it. Love yourself and run!
I now understand what I have been feeling the last six months.
My son realized this is what I was left with he has been the one loyal human in my life who loves and understands me, but he has suffered from the aftermath of a covert narc father
and I have pointed him to yours and others for him to have help and understanding.
We moved hundreds of miles away over 3 years ago and when I tried to join a communities
narcs are right there+ flying monkeys, cannot be near these people it is very tribal.
I also have a child, who understands the negative fallout, how it has affected us and other family members, the fallout from the actions of an unruly (seemingly covert narc) parent. The child to whom I refer is an adult, who is, it seems, the unruly one's scapegoat. Child sees through the manipulations of the parent and the parent does not like being exposed.
Otherwise, other family members either don't get it and are unwittingly acting as flying monkeys or they DO get it and are willingly acting as flying monkeys.
Either way, adult child and I are aware and keep boundaries in place, which is greatly helpful.
Best of luck to you. We can get through this!
@@LJ-qs3wq Many thanks LJ , to get through we had to move right away and cut all contact with the narc but also everyone involved with them, people
do not know your reality what you have lived with so them thinking you
should smooth things over and keep up a relationship with the narc, not
a good healthy thing to do.
@@gloriacoleman7012 Thank you for your reply. Where you wrote on people thinking "...should smooth things over and keep up a relationship with the narc, not a good healthy thing to do" -- I agree 100%.
I hope for the best for you and your family in your narc-free environment. Best wishes!
Wow. Just wow. I feel so validated~ listened to~understood~cared for~~~~and encouraged!~~~~by this video today. And I didn't have to say a word ❣️ Not enough ways in the world to express my gratitude to Dr. C & Gus. I am now going to enjoy a cup of tea in my favorite mug (the one with the picture of Dr. C & Gus) and let this message filter through my entire body. Ive already listened/watched 3 times. Such a blessing
❣️🙏❣️
So pleased, Terri!
Yes, thank you so much Dr. C. It’s so much easier finding such calm & kind encouragement.
Yes, I 100% agree. Dr C's gentle words are filled with wisdom and a special peaceful energy that really gives me hope I can get through this as me, not just a shadow of me.
I watched it the 1st time uncontrollably sobbing then the 2and time nodding my head as it all was relative to my life . God this man is good at what he does . Actually I feel these videos are so underrated as to they can actually be life saving
@@kellycole4763 I was nodding my head with you ❣️
There are no support groups narcissism is a can of worms no one wanted to open up to the public,health people have been keeping the top on it ,that is why we need people like you
Dr. Carter, health care in other countries is not so well equipped and does not have the
expertise.
I work in a Christian school. My Principal for five years was a male narcissist. He supported and enabled two obviously narcissistic staff no matter what. I used the free services of psychological counsellors available to me and their advice to me was to either resign or take legal action.
I hung in there, and all three have left the workplace. A new Principal has arrived now, and another narc has also arrived. Thank God for this Principal. She sees the reality and is genuinely travelling on her spiritual path. I feel supported even though few words have been said.
A lifetime in isolation, and I committen no crime.
HalleluYAH Thank you Father YAH for this help. Thank you brother for all your work. I've never been able to afford any paid therapy but you and other free online specialists have helped much.
Dr. Carter is wonderful, is he not? I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to learn from the videos.
Having C-PTSD is really hard to live with but I'm working on it to the best of my ability! Rumination and the past deceased malignant narcs /sociopaths still live in my head "Rent-free", but "Gray rocking" them and going "No contact" has helped a lot! I have Pete Walker's seminal book on PTSD as he's also gone through that himself and is a therapist in the San Francisco area! He states in his book that there are some people who never truly recover and they're the ones who live by themselves, and surround themselves with books and their beloved fur-babies who are always there for you, and give you unconditional love! As an INFJ/HSP , creative empath and recovering co-dependent, I can relate to that! Thanks for your continued wisdom, love and support Dr. C, much appreciated~ 💗💜
I was crying 😭 watching this. It fits me 💯. That is exactly how I'm living today. In solitude. A hermit. I keep ruminating every day. Because I've been abused. Physically, verbally, mentally, financially, sexually, and narcissistically. So I am now suffering from C-PTSD, OCD, and childhood trauma due to emotional neglect. I grew up with narcissists. 35 years. They messed me up really bad. I've been through it all. Gaslighting, manipulation, berating, and much more. And now I'm here living in a house with roommates. And I don't even go out. Well, not that much. I have physical and mental issues. Living with narcissists is hell. First my dad, (14 years, 1975-1990) then my auntie and cousins, (12 years, 1990-2002) and when my dad died in 2002, I moved in with my older sister in Georgia. (8 years, 2002-2010). And now I'm back in Cali. I have bad back and leg pain. Neuropathy. And a little more. So living with narcissists, it's horrendous to one's health. Physically and mentally. I know I need help. But it's too expensive. I have been meditating, praying, and relaxing more. Listening to peaceful music. That is how I'm coping with my problems. For now.
Dr. Carter you are a Godsend! Your gentle and earnest approach makes it possible for me to share your videos with my children (ages 22, 19 and 16) as we try to process what we have just survived. Thank you for your heart. You are a lifeline! ❣️
Thank you.
My mother is the main narcissist in my life ! I’m 51 years old so I’ve put up with her for way too long ! But what keeps me there is the fact that I’m an only child and I suppose I feel obligated to be there a! My mum is 85 yrs old and hasn’t got a friend in the world ! She needs help with things due to her age ! She caused me to have severe panic attacks ,anxiety amd depression,and I overcame most of this ! It I still have this feeling of absolute dread when I need to see her! She’s a horrible human being I’m so sad to say ! I couldn’t go into the millions of times she’s made me cry ! And all the emotional abuse I’ve suffered! I can’t seem to break away though as I know she has no one else !
That's how I feel. So codependent. I think it's trauma bonding. She raised you to feel obligated to her, and to feel guilty about everything. I think when my mother dies, I will go insane, or maybe it will be the weight of the world off my soul.
I'm happy to help anyone who respects my dignity as a human.
Everyone else, welcome to your personal DOOM.
I've been living like this since I married my husband who I just fell in love with 33 yrs ago. Within 2 yrs of marriage everything changed over night! The Control, the disrespect...everything came out of who he was. He's a heartless, uncaring, and actually if I was talking to someone he would come over and STAND in front of me so he could talk to the ladies I was talking to....After cheating on me and seeing how much it distroyed me, how he tore my heart out...HE only cares how much he can hurt me with his WORDS. The last fives years my love and everything I felt for him is GONE. I keep to myself, stay out of the same room he's in.....no eye contact, no conversations, no eating dinner together. So I play Pickleball, go hiking, fishing, camping, gym class, dog/cat sit...and Airbrush painting.