An people don't think this happens to MEN!! THAT a woman could do this to a man!! BS!! that's what's even worse !! No one believes you!! PTSD is real in a relationship with a narcissist! An could get physical. I had to call the police on my wife 5x because I would not fight back. I could not hit a woman especially 1 I loved
@@marvinirvin84youre totally right, we love these women and they want to destroy us. My ex slapped and kicked me too, id never dream of hitting her back. Her emotional abuse was far worse, withdrawing affection and intimacy was the cruelest part for me. It is real and its heartbreaking. I believe you.
I found this just an hour after discussing Christmas arrangements with my sister. I'm not going. I will stay home and honor myself by watching your videos.
@@dianac5764 yes mine always invites everyone around to be the perfect host. But everyone has to behave and walk on eggshells, while she swans around showing off her house, which is lovely, but she will only accept jealousy not genuine admiration for it. Either way she'll accuse me of being jealous, because no matter what i say it won't be right,then she will secretly text her daughter abuse on the sly, the daughter who has been condemned to her bedroom, because in her eyes she was acting up, when really she was just getting more attention. Then when I decide the following year I'm not going, she starts a smear campaign amongst my sisters about me, saying I've an attitude problem. None of my siblings like going but won't stand up to her. All her kids are in therapy because of her, she's sick.
"When you've been in the presence of a narcissist, they just have a way of whittling away at who you are and what your resolve is and how you are going to manage life..." I have a really hard time putting my experience into words. Here are the words! I usually just say that they attack who you are and teach you to doubt and hate yourself. But people don't understand that. Your words show that it's a gradual and demeaning process that happens subtly over time.
So true . I naively used to think the best in people as a very young person up until aged 22 when I bravely said to myself that there are horrible people in this world and that’s the way it is . They sense people who are well mannered etc and play mind games constantly with their prey . You have to go with your gut when people start to make you question yourself all the time and doubt yourself. Always hold onto the fact that they are the problem and that are putting their pain onto other people and they are weak and spineless . Complete Snakes 🐍
That is especially true if the belittling starts before you are adult enough to even know what is happening, then it is a part of your brains basic programming. Very sorry this happened Sirena.
Many of us absolutely do understand. And, know that it is also true that because we do get what they are up to and know what many of their actual intentions are, that we are in the best possible position to do the opposite of what they want, including not doubt and hate ourselves, or anything else self-distructive or negative. Me, personally, I am just too stubborn and too committed to my ancestors' resilience, courage, strengths, radical adaptations to the conditions that they dealt with during their times, not to mention their many losses and sacrifices, to be broken by any narcissist or narcisstic system! My ancestors have suffered more than I will ever experience! And, I am still here because of them!
They need to be held accountable. Seriously. It is about time they be sued at least in Civil court for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. They mess with our minds, hearts, souls. They ruin our lives and just go on with theirs.
Intentional????? Have never heard an expert on NPD people saying that. They have next to none self awareness. More damaged then your giving them credit for.
I agree. In my state the law allows for 90 day no contest divorces. Doesn’t matter if married one day one month 3 years or 30 years. When the narcissistic discards you and files for divorce it catches you flat footed. He or she has spent months if not years, maneuvering to make his or her post divorce life optimal at your expense. The court system doesn’t understand narcissists tactics. It’s nota just system
@@annmbutterfly Well, there is disturbing the peace. Simple assault. Harassment. Sexual assault. Document everything. Dates. Recordings. I did. And I filed a police report two weeks ago. The day they found my neighbors body after her husband killed her. I said… enough. And I called. We are officially divorced for a few months but still have to cohabitate until our house sells. It has been hell. Narc abuse itself may not be a crime but so many aspects of it are. Thankfully I recorded him for years. And we have marriage counselors notes addressing everything he did. Good luck!!
@@mrb4761 That can easily be co-opted by insidious narcs and then turned upon their victims. Narcs operate using the Hegelian Dialectic, where they cause the problem, wait for your reaction, then provide the pre-planned "solution".
I don't have motivation to live anymore. No interest in my goals, no desires, can barely complete daily tasks. Don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Avoidant of everything bc of memory triggers. No interest in getting to know anyone, no longer like people. My life is ruined. I can see the stress aging me. I'm broken. All this was done to me intentionally. There's no comfort. I'm disgusted at what was done, it makes me physically sick. I can't think.
I had to check to see who wrote this, because it's exactly how I am now, too! I feel like a zombi. Let's keep looking for a way to get out of this hole. We must be decent people or we wouldn't have been a target in the first place. ❤
I’m in the same boat. It’s a neighbour doing this to me The zest for life can come back You can trust Jesus He is Perfect Love, Perfect Father and True Life a narc will pour all their evil in you Jesus will pour all His goodness Love, Abundant Life, laughter even and before you know it you’re trusting again, have a brand new life that you love and live life again. I could never got through this without Him and truly heal and laugh again and want to live again I have isolated but I’m isolating with Jesus and I don’t think I’d be starting to live again without Him And I finally enjoy people again it’s a joy to be around others You can get there too Jesus is the one who will understand like no one else and give you insight and truly and completely heal your heart
Isolation, mistrust, avoidance, cynicism, humiliation, trauma, triggers, despair and desolation. The legacy of narc abuse. So difficult. Thank u Dr C for being part of my support team from 17,000 miles away 🙏🏾
Exactly how I feel after 5 decades of living with my family. To make matters worse a few years ago my psychopathic narcissistic father appears once again on the scene just so he can reaffirm that we're nothing to him. I finally told them all about his abuse but I do believe my mother knew about it all along.
My daughter have been doing this exactly, since she was 16 years old, I have been recording everything I proof, she poisoning everyone's people dot talk to she told them I'm crazy, please help me!!
Edith… my heart goes out to you😢. After 60+ years of living with my narcissist husband and his family of narc’s, I’ve chosen to NO LONGER HAVE A VICTIM MENTALITY 😉. I realize they treat you as their “victim”, their personal “whipping post”…. But stop seeing yourself through their eyes !! You are NOT a victim in this life!! You are a strong intelligent woman who CAN FIND YOUR WAY BACK IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!! (Not yelling, just heavy emphasis 😊) Nobody said it was easy, that’s for sure; but it is possible ☺️ My help comes from the LORD JESUS!! A personal intimate relationship with with JESUS…. NOT CHURCH OR RELIGION, but a close intimate relationship everyday with the “Lover of your soul”!! HE alone is the answer and He heals my brokenness, heals my aching heart and soul!! YOU CAN DO THIS AND BE THE MIGHTY WOMAN GOD ALWAYS INTENDED YOU TO BE ! Hold onto HOPE and look to JESUS for the wisdom you need each day❣️🤍❣️ Blessings to you ❣️
I have my self experience narcissist abuse physical and mental divorce last year didn't take time to heal got into another narcissist relationship I was mad at myself for allowing my self to not recognize this person was led by a evil spirit to destroy me Jesus Christ is showing me how to love myself and I am not a victim I chose to move on it ok to be by myself I have been in abuse all my life I don't feel sorry for my self because for some reason I didn't love my self get to know your self be getting into any relationship sign Cynthia Smith
Yes! Trust is broken. I no longer want a close relationship with anyone. I have friends, but not close friends. I don’t want to know anyone too well, for fear of more hurt. What has taught me this? A narcissistic mother, 36 years of a narcissistic husband, and now ten years with a narcissistic sister, and seeing those same qualities show up in my adult children. These are the people I should have been able to trust the most. But, I can’t. This tears me apart.
@P My youngest is 32. I have 5 children. Their ways are pretty set by now. They all have a profound lack of empathy. I recently had to split with two of them. It’s so hard….
I understand exactly what you're saying and the part that gets ripped apart, especially seeing how it affects your children. I hope that day you will find that you're just as important as your family. May you find peace within and understand that they lost too. God's peace!🤎🤍🤎
@@Sally-ih6ls I lost my grandchildren too. Yes, it is evil especially when you didn't deserve the treatment. Evil seems to hit us in our most vulnerable places. It uses who and what it can to inflict damage. It will never be ok, but it does not have to destroy us. I believe that God is still on the throne...and that justice is apart of his character, just as love, mercy and grace are. There is always a reckoning for us all! Hold on to Love...no matter what!❤
I was diagnosed with CPTSD after decades of living with a covert malignant narcissist. Everything you are saying describes me completely. It's horrifying to think one person can cause so much damage.
Add me to the list. Diagnosed PTSD...too late. My ex destroyed my career, and conspired with my attorney to take everything from me in a divorce (including my kids). And worse. I go to court this month to to again to get my kids back after 12 years of efforts. The kids are suffering. One in counseling for suicidal thoughts... Imagine kids trying to live with that narcissist!
@@kellypolfleit3942 37 years in a horrible marriage narc mother all alone now with narc husban I have chronic lyme an long hauler covid and heisnt even paying anything on the mortgage and I gave him half of the house that I inherited and he is now a freeloader when I tell him I want out he acts like I am crazy He acts so sweet but I have seen his rage when he pushed me to the floor . You wke up one day and realize they never gave you anything not even respect. so many red flags you want to kick yourself black and blue. yes we all end up with cptsd in isolation now looking for a lawyer but am paralyzed with fear. thank-god for dr carter all the best with gods help
It’s your body mind and spirits way of saying: “I didn’t deserve this.” Just hearing those words have been very cleansing and healing to me. I really needed to hear that, thank you Dr. C🙏
The biggest issue for victims is that narcissists attack who you are. They attack your very essence. Essentially, the abuse consists of trying to make anyone but themselves feel like they are a bad person. This hurts, especially for people whose entire reason for existing is to be a good person. That's all most of us want, is to be a good person. This is the pain, and why so many people are hurt so badly by narcissists, and why the pain continues with PTSD. Thank you, Dr. Carter!!
How right you are. Other people I am close to will argue about dumb things with me like "I don't like fish for dinner", but do not attack me personally and try to make me feel rotten, incompetent, and irredeemable the way the narcissist in my family did (note the past tense). That is the difference between a narcissist's criticism and other people's criticisms.
Even finding therapists that understand the abuse of an intimate Narcissist relationship is difficult, and since they separate you from friends there aren't friends left to talk with. It is hard not to isolate after dealing with these individuals.
What gets me is that when they're super sweet to your face while they're stabbing you deep in the back and twisting the knife while doing it especially when their role is to protect you
I got cancer 2 years ago and its the best thing thats ever happened to me, why ? because i suddenly realised that my family cant show any empathy , they never ask ONE question , ever..(they know everything you see) and all they can do is ridicule and critisise, usually behind my back. i came out of hospital and mum honestly wanted to know when i was gonna cut my lawn , coz, 'what will the neigbours think''? mum knows that she has punished me for what happened to her as a girl so now she has all the time in the world to sit and think about it . classic evil narc who blames everyone else and gets angry at the drop of a hat .... now i have no cancer and no contact with my family , win win in my eyes
I went through that too. A mother who actually enjoyed the fact that I was going through cancer. Like the evil witch in Snow White, she had to be "the fairest of them all". So I mutilated myself by getting breast cancer just so it would stop. Well, it doesn't. Don't let your body try to be helpful and solve problems for you by illness. Understand what's going on and laugh in the face of it.
Sorry you have a family like that. Thankfully there are normal, caring people out there - like Dr. Carter, with all of his wonderfully helpful free videos for those of us suffering from PTSD from narcissist exposure!!
For all those who believe in divine justice, know that every abuser/criminal/flying monkey will face justice for every instance of trauma they cause you. Keep your inner peace, try your very best to recover and forget the abuse.
I hope you're in a better place now. That's what narcissists do. They want to isolate you, make you lose hope. Problem is.... narcissists attract other narcissists. :( So when you've been with them for a long while (ex. parents), all you see is narcissism. No contact really is survival. Once you step away, and get further and further away from that situation, you realize there is a whole world of good people.... who basically learned to stay away from the narcs...... and then you realize, you've learned too! I hope you're in that better place, where people know how to love each other. No contact was the only way.
@@mvbigmagic4048 lol. I just got back from an MD appt, annual PE. And found that after having a “sociopath extraction”, my BP was down into the normal range for the first time in many months!
@@SurvivingNarcissism It is great to have your reply, it makes me feel seen and heard. Your channel as well as Dr. Ramani’s, The Little Shaman’s, and Sam Vaknin’s all have distinct approaches which have helped me enormously to understand the damage that can be caused by narcissistic parents, and how to value myself. THANK YOU! Will keep watching and taking notes.
My sister was diagnosed with PTSD due to the intense vast and incredibly cruel treatment of our narcissistic mother. We lived in fear growing up due to my mother’s unpredictable, violent belittling behaviors.
My sister & brother always tell me how badly they feel for me bc I really got her worst abuse, but I always felt the need to protect them so for years I felt like I asked for it. Took me a while to realize it was never my fault. Now, my Mom has tried to move in with me bc she’s older. She wants me to take care of her. Yet, her verbal & emotional abuse continues, she even steals from me. After repeatedly insulting, belittling & lying about me while my husband & children are present, I had to tell her to leave. We had a verbal confrontation, which she loves (so sick!) & I told her she needed to go. Before she left, I told her I was sorry for raising my voice. I asked her if she wanted to apologize for anything? She told me she had nothing to be sorry for, she doesn’t do anything wrong. That’s narcissism at its best folks.
@@Chris-dw7gq I’m so sorry Chris! I’m praying that God will give your guidance wisdom and assurance in all situations as you navigate through. If you’ve been raised by a narcissist, you’ve been conditioned to second-guess every decision you make especially when it comes to your relationship with a narcissist. You’ve been indoctrinated to believe you deserve less, they deserve more, and you are to tolerate all of their lies, insults, and the verbal and emotional abuse the grows if you don’t stand up to it. May God bless you and heal you.
Both of my parents were adult children. My mother's family expected me to take care of her. My father's family expected me to take care of him and nobody - I mean NOBODY - gave a thought to who was taking care of me.
My older sister is a true malignant narcissist and, sadly my son is a narcissist. I'm so afraid to share anything about what ive experienced, because I'm the common denominator, and their behaviors are so crazy and extreme towards me that when I hear myself sharing, I sound like I'm making it all up! The behaviors are so bizarre, they're so cruel, that others outside of our family (and even those INSIDE) are skeptical. On top if that they are so incredibly skilled at lying and manipulation that it's easier for others to believe that I'M the narcissist. The hopelessness/helplessness can be so deep at times, I do experience paralysis and depression and deep, deep distrust that does keep me isolated. I have found wonderful therapists along the way, and have one currently. The happiest day of my life occurred recently when my therapist assured me that I am definitely NOT a narcissist myself, something which gas preyed upon my mind for years. She said narcissists aren't at all self-reflective. What a blessing and a light that is showing me the way to recovery. The truly sad part of all this? I'm 63. So much time lost to evil people.
Guilt, avoidant, very numb, detached, free floating anxiety, insomnia, gut issues and going from being very outgoing to being pessimistic. I've experienced all of these. Dating narc after narc not realizing....UNTIL... I recognized.... I grew up with a narc patent. It all makes sense now.
Yes my mother, brother and sister were all narcs, my other brother and me were their supply. Then I married a man to get away from it all. I was 20 and did not understand the implications. I had married a narc. As soon as I had worked it all out I was off!
Now I understand why I lack so much power, energy and joy. One year ago I made the cut, but I have to fight this cruel woman every day and every night in my soul and mind. Everytime I win the fight, but every day it comes again to my and forces me to cut her spider legs in pieces. Wondering why I have so much trouble to go forward towards my goals - but your words showed me: it is alright, it is normal, and it can get better.
The best method for dealing with PTSD that I learned is Answer the Question: What will I do different next time? That is what your brain is trying to figure out when you relive it. Even if you'll never be in that exact time or place again, pretend it will happen again and Answer your brain's queation. Remind yourself of that answer when it hits you again.
Thanks Dr C. We have to remind ourselves there is no time frame in getting well, while going through the recovery process. For most of us have dealt w narcissistic abuse growing up, and then married into identical relationships. Sometimes I struggle w this until my counselor reminds me of the decades upon decades I fought for my right to exist. Be kind to yourself, dear survivor. I love you and believe in you.
I AM STRUGGLING I LOOK FORWARD TO THIS VIDEO. DR C. I WAS GROOMED HOVERED DEVALUED DISCARDED IM SEVERELY TRAUMA BONDED MY LIFE HAS BEEN DESTROYED THROUGH MONTHS AND OF THE SILENT TREATMENT. ITS BEEN 8 YEARS AND IM STILL STRUGGLING I HAVE PTSD ANXIETY THE LIST CONTINUES. NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS BRUTAL
I cry as I listen to what what you’re saying Dr. Les! It’s a blow to the spirit, they put a crack in your spirit that feels impossible to overcome. A narcissist is like an emotional stun gun. So debilitating. Leaves you sick.
I cried too listening to this too Espy 2022 and I agree with your comment..Sometimes I get this feel an amazing sense of peace..I hope this is a sign of healing..May peace come to your soul...🌻
Thank you. Narcissists love negativity on any level. One thing I have learned is that you can have boundaries but a narcissist will not listen or respect those boundaries.🤔❤🇺🇸
I cried watching this knowing that the way I now feel is normal after what I've been through with a lifetime of narcissists. I've already worked through some of the issues on my own. I'll pat myself on the back for the work I've put into healing myself. Not all the way there yet but working on it daily. #teamhealthy
I was married to a narcissist. When I filed for divorce, and he left the house, I felt like I’d been let out of prison. He did more gaslighting, deflecting and reframing to last me a lifetime. It definitely makes me be extremely cautious in my relationships now. I weigh out relationships more before getting too caught up in them.
If you only knew my husband’s (and my) story dealing with his narcissistic step-mother and recently deceased father’s past 4 months, you would be totally in shock! We are seeking help. It’s more than horrendous. She has destroyed this family.
This is a good place to be. My story goes in different directions that I feel like a pinball.... Dr C and his wonderful people that are in Team Healthy can give you the best steps to dealing with Narcissist. The end products do not always end the way we need them to, because Narcissist are deeply afflicted. However, healing from their straits and ugliness is here for you. Blessings for all who gather here 💪
My husband is a 10/10 narcissist. I’m offended that people throw this term around so freely. My life is INSANE right now. I thank God I found this channel.
Nothing and I mean nothing shocks me about narcs / psychopaths!!! Evil to the core!! No contact is the ONLY way with the bad ones!!! Best wishes and prayers for your healing!!
I called my X’s mother the USS Destroyer (her name), as I watched her Destroy lives, countless relationships. I would believe just about anything. She had Zero Accountability in her son’s eyes. So after 27 years I removed myself so she had her family threaten my life. So, you might find some stories that may relate! But my ❤ goes out to you.
My faith in the Lord helped me heal and restore me in such an amazing way, I dont lack anything. The process made me get closer to God. Thank you Jesus for never leaving me. ❤️🙏
They blame everything on you…zero accountability. 😢 One of my biggest issues is not uncovering all the deceit and lies I was told. It’s beyond frustrating being manipulated. I wish they have support groups for people who have been through this trauma. I wouldn’t even know how to explain the confusion in my brain to another person. All the lies, gaslighting, rewriting of history screws with your perception.
There's no pleasing a narcissist. It's a sickness;and a need to constantly find fault in their victim. The more you say good things about them, the more they struggle to make you doubt yourself. They stress you out emotionally. Ask them what's upsetting them about you, nine times out of ten they won't know!
And I would just like to include that one thing I have learned from all this is that you cant win and overcome those who have financial and networking resources far above what you have. That doesnt mean they are morally in the right either. Thank you for all your videos.
The worst part is I told some people and with the odd behavior they now think I am narcissist playing the victim. Absolute nightmare. Deep isolation is the only place I can feel normal.
I hear you. I stopped fighting it some years ago, yielded to the isolation. The older I get, the more vulnerable I feel and the stronger the instinct to hide. My need for validation by ohers is going unmet, and leaves me uncertain sometimes. And it will become even more extreme with age. I am afraid.
I recently started to have PTSD responses after a relationship turned situationship with a guy with narcissistic tendencies. I was in denial & didn't want to believe what was happening, because I wanted to be hopeful & have faith & compassion. At the same time I learnt from your videos that the reason I was experiencing PTSD was because of intermittent reinforcement followed by reactive abuse. He would follow patterns of behaving like my best friend & loving person one minute causing me to open up with trust, only for him to change & become the angry vengeful raging tyrant for no reason subjecting me to shame & abuse for no reason shortly after. I'd experienced 2 concussion injuries in close proximity before we started seeing each other, 1 from an unprovoked attack by gangsters outside a club after my friends left, the 2nd a bicycle accident alone in the countryside. Expecting & needing empathy hoping to heal in a safe space with someone who loved me, instead I experienced trauma responses as he blamed me accusing me of playing the victim while fabricating stories where he gaslit me for hours telling me I was different TV characters & he was the victim. I believe he must have bipolar/ schizoaffective disorder alongside NPD as well as being prediabetic & his moods affected by sugar dependency when he's low. I realised learning how to understand & process & heal my PTSD trauma responses when I was talking with my family members, they were replicating similar behaviour, so I realised I was experiencing a trauma bond with my ex, that was mirroring the trauma wounds I've experienced growing up with a judgemental narcissistic enmeshed family. I'm learning to set boundaries, stand up for myself, call others out for abusive behaviour in a calm way, not to take the bait when feeling triggered, stepping back, & own & process my own inner dynamic journey. Thanks Dr. Carter for all the info in your videos. I'm also dealing with another guy with NPD symptoms on a land project I'm dealing with as well. I've been asked to make a formal complaint so hope for the best standing up to his bullying too. Thank you.
Reminds me of my cat, it catches a lizard or mouse, bird and before killing it, play with it, everytime the prey moves, cat puts foot on it, over and over, watching every move.
My cats were more loving than the narcissist. Good analogy, but my cats, last two got as kittens together, were better companions than he ever was to me. Ended it after way too long , when I did not know anything about what I was dealing with. Now that I know, never again.
I was triggered into strong memories if someone said something like my abuser. The visuals were a lot like a flashback. I could even smell him. Lack of washing. This latest depressive episode was because I was getting old and I couldn't rid myself of the damage. The depression was terrible. Over the years, I had dragged out a lot of trauma and tried to make sense of it. I just couldn't understand how to heal. I found some exercises and a local mental health counselor started me on different kinds of therapy. I do feel better with the help I received. I'm in a place where I can deal with this stuff. It's safe here. Maybe I'll have that weakness for the rest of my life. Where some things make me crazy and depressed. I won't give up again, though.
Yes, people underestimate the depth we are wounded by the narc. You're doing the right thing, and you will get stronger with knowledge. Remember - the narc is Not Your Fault!
You have to continue to be strong n not going back to your weakness. Don't go back n forth with your life n what you want to do. If you're free from a narcissistic person. start living your life. Stop remembering something that is going to bring you down again, otherwise if you don't, you might ad well keep on.living with this negative person n no one will be the blame nut yourself.
This was a tough one to watch. The hardest part was/is looking back on all of the dysfunctional behavior and trying not to beat myself up for getting into/staying in a relationship with that person, even though I intectually understand the reasons I did. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the grace to forgive myself.
What a lovely man! Someone from Syria once told me, there was a saying in their language, "You're like honey to the wound." That descibes this fine gentleman! Laurie
Dr Carter is absolutely 💯 % correct. These sick 😫 people have ruined my life and every other he has touched. Beaten up. Beaten down, nearly killed. I didn't and couldn't even open my mail for 4 months. It kills your soul and your spirit. They only care about number one. Thank you Dr Carter
I meet all ptsd caragories but one. I have withdrawn from people. I avoid places. I remember the pushing. I remember a bottle of mouthwash being thrown at me / my car. He tried to get people to look down on me. Lots and lots of verbal abuse. He died 4 months ago and I am trying to heal.
This is exactly how I feel after 50 years of trying to be a family member in my family. I thought I was literally triggering the PTSD myself I mean I quit drinking I quit smoking cigarettes and it's still there. I think that I'm going to be in recovery for a long time from narcissistic abuse.
Oh you will never be 'enough' for them. Why bother, you only have to be 'enough for you. At least you can tell the difference they can't. You are clearly a grown up, narcissists are stuck in the toddler stage. They are all persona and no self. You have a self which they will never have, so growth for them is not an option.
I still relive past events. My mother is a narcissist. She was a stay at home mom who volunteered and then, worked at my school, so I could not get away from her. Thank you for this video. The most annoying thing about growing up with a narcissist are the flashbacks. I tell myself that was years ago. It is past time to end these flashbacks. However, they return again and again despite my annoyance.
Their disorders cause brain damage that is why you have flashbacks you are probably an athlete or hike everyday but if you dont you can eliminate them that way.. I wish you more peace & happiness & love in 2023!
I have PTSD. Joining the US army when I was 18 and having narcissistic leaders caused it. I enlisted as an E-1 so I guess that meant anyone with rank E-4 and above was allowed to treat me as trash. Right before I got honorably discharged an E-4 who was temporarily assigned as my boss tried to make me crawl through the polluted water next to the motor pool where all the vehicles are kept. I knew that wasn't a legal form of punishment and told him I wouldn't do it. Then my platoon leader(E-6) says he's going to call the military police on me for not obeying the illegal order. I walked away and thankfully got out within that month. There were lots of incidents of abuse that happened to me similar to that in the US army. I was diagnosed with PTSD and have made a lot of recovery after learning about narcissistic abuse. Also, I was in Kosovo in year 2000 and saw some horrible things there. You can see my videos on my RUclips channel.
I have had all of the CPTSD symptomps you have described here dr Carter. Having gone through narcisistic abuse all of my life I have only recently started speaking about it and it has been a painful yet incredibly liberating journey. And the help and assistance and support I have received from Angels like you dr Carter have helped me survive. I am for ever grateful. God bless you.
So many angel Dr's on here I hope you are in a safe peaceful creative place now.. Yes he is one of the best like Jay Reid, Dr Ramani, Scott Bassett.. All of these doctors are trying to improve society & they do that by helping us.. You will get stronger & stronger & survive & you will also help society work on problems that arise from hate crimes & untreated mental illnesses that make people abusive criminal perpetrators. Bless you Iza!! Happy 2023!!
Hello; I’m an American citizen living in Germany for a very long time now. Married 22years to a narcissist. I finally discovered what I‘d been caught up in by listening to clips such as yours, and I’m so glad someone finally understands. I want to get out but I think I’m truly trapped; even after seeking so-called professional counseling only turned out a very disappointing experience. It’s almost as if I‘m a prisoner. My entire life is controlled. Financial, medical, insurance keeps me bound to this man even though I so desperately want out. Do you have any advice for me? Please and thank you for any input.
So many symptoms! I went in to my Dr. With chest pain, heart palpitations, headaches, body aches, and I was on the brink of suicide. A few years later, fibromyalgia was added to the mix. I am still dealing with all of it. Of course, they are all invisible problems and most people don’t know my past. Life is just hard. My religion and my faith are the only reason I am still breathing.
The damage has been so profound that I am in a complete free fall. I’m trapped here for the time being, I can’t see a way out, I’m terrified of him, I’m watching my whole life crash down around me and I feel powerless to stop the progression. I cannot afford anything, much less pay for therapy or training.... malignant.
I am stunned again today. I have been listening to this channel for over a year. I listen to the messages over and over. I have read Dr. Carter's books and taken a course. Yet I sit amazed again that what happened to me over the course of my 72 years is well known by such a genius as Dr. Carter. There is hope even for someone my age. I could NOT see it at first. I learned on some level about what happened gradually over the last several months. But what use was it at my age? I can have peace knowing there was someone within me who was not the totally inadequate nervous wreck, non functioning, human being living every day ashamed of herself. Who knows? Maybe I will start on a book about how the enabling of the narcissist was on all sides in the culture in which I lived. I can finally say, "I survived over 5 decades of narcissistic abuse. "
Wishing you peace and strength and joy 🌿🦜🐓🐕Keep listening to Dr C and you will be fine! ☀Take care not to isolate too much, just like he says. There are so many lovely people in the world too x
i am right there with you. don’t be fooled by this culture of throw the elderly away i minister to 16 y/o and it amazes me how much they and I have in common. The age difference disappears.
Kathi: I will be 72 in a few weeks. I really have been receiving DEEP healing the past 5 years and am truly enjoying my single life now - eyes wide open & alert - playing games at the senior citizens center. My radar detects a few Ns but i dont respond, or I give them a look that says "I see you and I KNOW who you are" and they have no real or lasting effect on my life. No contact with my brother & sister, parents deceased, gray Rock and a healthy cautious distance from my oldest son (42) who seems to be a N - I don't see him often & recently spent enough time with him to observe the signs, put the puzzle pieces together & receive a toxic crazy tongue lashing after exposing & confronting him about his inappropriate behavior towards me. Now I will BEWARE and on guard during the upcoming holiday season. If it gets too bad, I will merely walk away and go back home (he lives 55 miles away) with my self respect and self worth intact.
Dr C, I am so thankful for you & your heart for helping so many of us that are struggling with the "lingering elements" of an unhealthy relationship. For the clarification of something unexpected & undeserving that knocks us off our equilibrium. The value of your input is beyond measure. While we are left in our struggle to carry on with the residual hurt, I am reminded of a quote from Winston Churchill-"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened." Hence the Narcissistic's trail of damage.
CPTSD and severe social anxiety from being talked about badly before I met people or “friends” and thought something was wrong with me. Severe isolation tendencies. I hate that I have to take so much time to reset myself out of fear of being bullied and being ostracized.
What is bad is when you're not allowed to say what happened. What a Abusive Violent husband can do and the lies they tell the only things that matter to their victim, their children.
🇨🇦Now that i'm done balling my eyes out.... i have a narssasistic neighbor that lives below me in a rental apartment. You just described all my emotion and trauma in this video and now at least I know I'm not going crazy. I have had many bad thoughts in the past 5 years (from this neighbors abuse) such as; "Maybe I'd be better off dead, than go through her shit every day." I can't move cause it cost to much. Right now at this moment, I'm trembling just writing about this. Every day, i'm to scared to clean my home because the vacuum is loud, doing dishes is loud, walking across my floor is to loud, running the shower is to loud, doing dishes is to loud 😢😢😢😢😢 watching tv is to loud, using my stepper (very quiet exercise no motor machine) is to loud. So mostly I sit in my quiet apartment wondering what is she going to bitch about now or what false accusations against me that she's going to come up with this week. I really hope you are in fact a doctor cause i will now be going to my dr or psych. to see if i can get a drs letter stating the trauma she's been causing me so i can take her to court. Thank you
I feel like the key is to try to look past the charm. One year ago today I moved in with a fella. shortly after his middle-age live in son started ostracizing me and shunning me I couldn’t break through for the whole year I was there. What seem like love with the gentle,funny man Changed once his son and I began to butt heads. Now I am certain this is a trauma bond. And I can’t believe it because I studied this.
I get from my controlling family that I was only trying to help. Getting into my finances, medical issues and asking personal questions is not normal. I shut them down and now they're the victims. Too bad you have no boundaries and its not my fault. Its exhausting but I will stand my ground because its better than having anxiety.
In narcissistic abuse within domestic abuse & violence, specifically the extreme to severe cases, it's more c-PTSD, with acute to chronic anxieties and depression resulting from more than just one type of trauma or event. In intimate relationships, often we see betrayal trauma as well. The length and severity of the abuses play such a role in first the radical acceptance of who the abusers actually are. And then once you can 'mentally' break free, it's a journey through not a destination to. In these types of relationships, you can not go to just any therapist. Please seek out specialists in trauma who are also narcissism competent. I strongly recommend saving all the 15-minute to 45-minute videos that help tell your story and help your voice explain the things you've experienced. Make them part of your beginning therapy sessions. Your therapist will either get it or they won't. Quite frankly, getting the right therapy is what's important because getting the wrong therapy can set you farther back. You have the right to choose your good fit. That is what you're in there for. Always remember that the outside looking in is not the same as the inside looking out. You need to make sure someone has the educational level to help you in the areas you may actually need help in. Peace & love. 🙏
I needed this information 60 years ago; however, your insight regarding narcissism has brought some clarity, sanity and peace of mind into my life!!! Thank You!!!
I have copied by writing two books.There are ways of coping that you can tailor to fit your needs ..I found writing Cathartic it was as if a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders...and the hope that my survival story would help others is healing....❤
I work in a Christian school. My Principal for five years was a male narcissist. He supported and enabled two obviously narcissistic staff no matter what. I used the free services of psychological counsellors available to me and their advice to me was to either resign or take legal action. I hung in there, and all three have left the workplace. A new Principal has arrived now, and another narc has also arrived. Thank God for this Principal. She sees the reality and is genuinely travelling on her spiritual path. I feel supported even though few words have been said.
It took a good year of ruminating over the controlling situations. Trying desperately to understand and fix the events that I was experiencing. I emotionally broke. My husband saw your RUclips channel and a family counselor in my Bible Study group reached out to me. 3 1/2 years later in my feel healthy and surviving. This is a Life saving channel, for me.
@@SurvivingNarcissism hello, this is the second or third time I have had a reply from an account pretending to be you. I left a comment on this thread 20 hours ago if you wish to look and report them as spam. Appreciate your wisdom xx
I'm seeing myself here. This is how I've been this past 2 years. Every bit of it. The alcohol and self medicating. The isolation. Cutting myself off. Mistrust. I feel so alone and misunderstood because of the narcissist I'm up against. I'm now up at court and feel like no-one understands what the man has done to me.
Your comment about feeling like nobody else can understand what you've been through really hits. My siblings and I have said that to each other, how we feel like we can't explain what our parents are like to other people because nobody else understands what we went through. This video helped me see that there probably are a lot of people who would understand.
Same. Being mostly introverted, i have had to put myself in some environments i would much rather be in with a friend or a family member. Practice makes perfectly imperfect and certainly easier over time 💜
My thought process on trust has become this (and perhaps it might help you with your processing as well…) He (nor they or anyone else) did not “break” my trust. My trust is MINE- mine to give and mine to take away. Trust is earned. Therefore, a person can not “break” my trust. They either prove they are trustworthy or they prove they can not be trusted. Much like the word “narcissist” needs to be redeemed for the sake of it being an actual type of behavioral pattern that rests on a spectrum (according to DrC) and not a “bad name” to call someone we are angry with… the phrase “breaking trust,” needs to be redeemed as well. A person is either trustworthy or they are not. My trust can not be broken. It is mine to do with as i please. I will trust someone until they prove they can not be trusted. Our “ability” to trust matures with us. Once i finally realized this truth, my growth and healing took a giant leap. A narcissist is unable to trust because they are completely immature. You are a mature individual, Aaron. Trust your ability to trust is mature along with you. She was untrustworthy. Your ability to trust did what it was suppose to do. It proved she is not trustworthy. (Edited to simply add a few more things that came to mind after having first responded to your comment.)
@@AlwaysStampinVideos I was going for trust in people in general. I had walls with everyone. Now I have fences. With gates. I’d think even with (estranged narcissistic) wife, I’d still hope for growth and change (I’ve certainly had plenty) before that gate would ever open. But I’d certainly examine thru a gate first. My new friends enjoy new me because I went vulnerable in switching from walls to that fence.
Dr. C: I've been divorced since 2017, having been married 14 years to a narcissist. I can't afford therapy and I've been unable to find any type of group-type therapy setting, let alone find others who've been through this and suffering from this post-traumatic stress. As much as I've come to find out through you and other channels how damaging the relationship was on my soul, I just can't shake away the trauma. I enjoy going to work and performing my job, but the minute I clock out I go into my shell. I don't have any friends; and it's not because I haven't tried, but there must be something that keeps people away (or me) from retaining close relationships. Thank you for the past several years of being there for me online.
Sending hugs from a stranger who understands. My opinion is that even if you don’t pursue any more relationships/friendships, do activities that nurture you……..join an art class, or simply paint pictures. Take a writing class, write poetry or songs. Take some sort of yoga or exercise class on a regular basis……all of these allow you to be around people without having to form an actual relationship. When the time is right, you’ll know you are healed and you will feel happiness and trust again. ❤
@@mommabear5059 You are too sweet for reaching out to me, and for that I am grateful. I am a huge yogi, however, I can't afford to join a studio, where I find it extremely healing to practice amongst others and lack the motivation in doing it alone. I have all the props, mats, blocks, everything. I'm getting closer to slapping my mat on the floor and doing virtual. It's been nagging at me for months now, but you just pushed me over that hill to get going! Thank you so much! Peace and love. xoxo
@@LauraVee63 I agree with all @mommabear said. And one more thing: you have reached out here, at least. That, to me, means you've already started to come out of your shell. Just keep it up! You seem to be a very warm person too. With affection, from someone who also is struggling with some degree of isolation.
Having just been told last Thursday that what I'm dealing with is C-PTSD, this video came just in time. Thank you Dr.C, I don't believe it right now, but I'm going to keep telling myself that I didn't deserve to be treated like that, and I hope one day that I will believe it.
I'm an empath and a creative. My mom, dad, older brother and sister (by 14 years) were/are narcs. Everyone thinks I am too sensitive and that it's ridiculous I don't let their abuse roll off my back. They also don't understand how a creative thinks so make fun of me. My exhusband and my friends were all narcs too. I suppose I attracted them as an empath and after all of the family abuse wasn't very confident in myself. 2 years ago I went no contact with family and friends. My ex remarried. I couldn't trust another man due to his cheating and abuse of me. I am good alone now. For all of those years I hung on because I didn't want to be alone. However, now I have peace, no drama, no ugliness and meanness. I even enjoy holidays alone. I'm tired now and just want to have a peaceful existence. The ugly stories I could tell. It makes me sad that so many people can be so abusive to others and hope to keep them under their thumb. The need of power, control is such an evil thing when used by narcs.
It can happen from a parent you love from a baby, a frightened parent who is afraid of being left alone. A parent who doesn't recognise or respect the uniqeness of her child, and pours all her troubles and insecurities into her, gaslighting and mocking her because it's easier than looking within. The parent shows no interest in wanting to change or grow.
Every video I watch with you, Dr. Carter, just blows my mind! I’m in the process of trying to understand what has happened to me in a 26-yr marriage with a narcissist. I’m amazed at how much this video resonated with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again!
I used food for comfort, I think. I got obese. I'm losing it now. Lost a lot but have more to go and am struggling. There are still shadows left over from the dark days with the narcissist that will be lost as I let light into my soul. Thanks for shining the light.
I was literally in tears while listening to this video. It’s like you knew how I was feeling today. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so very much Dr. C.
Me too.... I felt like I was sitting with someone really wise and kind and he was saying, "I see you, I see your pain, but you're going to be ok" 🧡 to Dr Carter. These videos are helping me so so much
Me too had tears relieving the words Dr Carter was saying. I'm now free after 43 years of marriage but the trauma of a narssasist has left me not trusting anybody.
Some people in Authority overstep others boundaries with harsh force and invasive tactics by catfishing, Gangstalking, Bullying your choices and hiring hit men to unalive you
This was done to you. It was not your own choosing or making. …wow! I honestly felt a sense of peace come over me when I heard you say those words! Thank you ❤
I have night terrors and feel like I have no control over my emotions anymore...I trust no one...I just want to go off and live by myself. I'm scared all the time because I can't trust myself. I was never like this. I had peace & joy within myself...not anymore!💔😢
It takes time to heal from narcissist abuse because they don’t only break your heart, but spirit also. 💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
10 pages into your book, When Pleasing You Is Killing Me, and I’ve already been smacked in the face with much needed validation, fundamental truths, and a re-learning of the healthy way of being. It’s just so…just…thank you! Thank you for your work, Dr. Carter.
Toxic people aren't too hard to find! Don't blame yourself. It was them! Don't give up! Xo ❤️ p.s. 149k people tells me this is quite common to experience!
To think the people that caused all this damage and pain are going around telling everyone how we abused them.
@y y for me, I dont care what she says, I know the truth, I just want to get her out of my thoughts and get my heart to listen to my brain.
@y y I wish you well.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns agree
An people don't think this happens to MEN!!
THAT a woman could do this to a man!!
BS!! that's what's even worse !! No one believes you!!
PTSD is real in a relationship with a narcissist!
An could get physical. I had to call the police on my wife 5x because I would not fight back. I could not hit a woman especially 1 I loved
@@marvinirvin84youre totally right, we love these women and they want to destroy us. My ex slapped and kicked me too, id never dream of hitting her back. Her emotional abuse was far worse, withdrawing affection and intimacy was the cruelest part for me. It is real and its heartbreaking. I believe you.
I found this just an hour after discussing Christmas arrangements with my sister. I'm not going. I will stay home and honor myself by watching your videos.
@@dianac5764 yes mine always invites everyone around to be the perfect host. But everyone has to behave and walk on eggshells, while she swans around showing off her house, which is lovely, but she will only accept jealousy not genuine admiration for it. Either way she'll accuse me of being jealous, because no matter what i say it won't be right,then she will secretly text her daughter abuse on the sly, the daughter who has been condemned to her bedroom, because in her eyes she was acting up, when really she was just getting more attention. Then when I decide the following year I'm not going, she starts a smear campaign amongst my sisters about me, saying I've an attitude problem. None of my siblings like going but won't stand up to her. All her kids are in therapy because of her, she's sick.
They bring out the worst in you
"When you've been in the presence of a narcissist, they just have a way of whittling away at who you are and what your resolve is and how you are going to manage life..." I have a really hard time putting my experience into words. Here are the words! I usually just say that they attack who you are and teach you to doubt and hate yourself. But people don't understand that. Your words show that it's a gradual and demeaning process that happens subtly over time.
I understand it, lived it, hate it! I have been rebuilding myself for over 3 years.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
“”””YOU ARE SPEAKING THE TRUTH””””
So true . I naively used to think the best in people as a very young person up until aged
22 when I bravely said to myself that there are horrible people in this world and that’s the way it is . They sense people who are well mannered etc and play mind games constantly with their prey . You have to go with your gut when people start to make you question yourself all the time and doubt yourself. Always hold onto the fact that they are the problem and that are putting their pain onto other people and they are weak and spineless . Complete Snakes 🐍
That is especially true if the belittling starts before you are adult enough to even know what is happening, then it is a part of your brains basic programming. Very sorry this happened Sirena.
Many of us absolutely do understand. And, know that it is also true that because we do get what they are up to and know what many of their actual intentions are, that we are in the best possible position to do the opposite of what they want, including not doubt and hate ourselves, or anything else self-distructive or negative. Me, personally, I am just too stubborn and too committed to my ancestors' resilience, courage, strengths, radical adaptations to the conditions that they dealt with during their times, not to mention their many losses and sacrifices, to be broken by any narcissist or narcisstic system! My ancestors have suffered more than I will ever experience! And, I am still here because of them!
They need to be held accountable. Seriously. It is about time they be sued at least in Civil court for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. They mess with our minds, hearts, souls. They ruin our lives and just go on with theirs.
I Australia coercion is now seen as abuse and can be punishable by law…..finally.
Intentional????? Have never heard an expert on NPD people saying that. They have next to none self awareness.
More damaged then your giving them credit for.
I agree. In my state the law allows for 90 day no contest divorces. Doesn’t matter if married one day one month 3 years or 30 years. When the narcissistic discards you and files for divorce it catches you flat footed. He or she has spent months if not years, maneuvering to make his or her post divorce life optimal at your expense. The court system doesn’t understand narcissists tactics. It’s nota just system
I heard they are making narcisstic abuse a crime in the Phillipines too. I wish we could get laws on the books in the US
@@annmbutterfly Well, there is disturbing the peace. Simple assault. Harassment. Sexual assault. Document everything. Dates. Recordings. I did. And I filed a police report two weeks ago. The day they found my neighbors body after her husband killed her. I said… enough. And I called. We are officially divorced for a few months but still have to cohabitate until our house sells. It has been hell.
Narc abuse itself may not be a crime but so many aspects of it are. Thankfully I recorded him for years. And we have marriage counselors notes addressing everything he did. Good luck!!
They should be criminilised for the health problems they caused.
They’re starting to draft coercive control statutes in the UK to penalize that behavior -- I sure do wish they'd get around to it in the United States
@@mrb4761 That can easily be co-opted by insidious narcs and then turned upon their victims. Narcs operate using the Hegelian Dialectic, where they cause the problem, wait for your reaction, then provide the pre-planned "solution".
@@mrb4761
And,? you trust your government!???
You don't become soverign, you are soverign IF you know who you are!
Think about it!
Bring back mental hospitals.
@@mrb4761 why would they when the country is built on it ,maintained by it
Wow, I find myself often thinking this isn't what I signed up for. I just wanted love, peace, and respect.
I went into isolation for a decade.
Listen to this man.
DONT DO IT!!
Broke the trauma bond.
Narc mum.
Now, rising.
Victim, no more.🙏
🙏❤️🔥💫✨
Same here
Ditto.
Im in that place.recognize these storys And want try to break free from it.
I did too,
Almost 8 years for me.
I don't have motivation to live anymore. No interest in my goals, no desires, can barely complete daily tasks. Don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Avoidant of everything bc of memory triggers. No interest in getting to know anyone, no longer like people. My life is ruined. I can see the stress aging me. I'm broken. All this was done to me intentionally. There's no comfort. I'm disgusted at what was done, it makes me physically sick. I can't think.
I had to check to see who wrote this, because it's exactly how I am now, too! I feel like a zombi. Let's keep looking for a way to get out of this hole. We must be decent people or we wouldn't have been a target in the first place. ❤
sooooooooooo fuckin infuriating, like I got hit by a fuckin bus, you just cant seem to move forward
I’m in the same boat. It’s a neighbour doing this to me
The zest for life can come back
You can trust Jesus
He is Perfect Love, Perfect Father and True Life
a narc will pour all their evil in you
Jesus will pour all His goodness Love, Abundant Life, laughter even and before you know it you’re trusting again, have a brand new life that you love and live life again.
I could never got through this without Him and truly heal and laugh again and want to live again
I have isolated but I’m isolating with Jesus and I don’t think I’d be starting to live again without Him
And I finally enjoy people again it’s a joy to be around others
You can get there too
Jesus is the one who will understand like no one else and give you insight and truly and completely heal your heart
Best wishes. Narcs are such losers. I choose to live the rest of my life without them. They don't deserve who God made me to be.
Me also. Time for us to heal.❤
This is my life with CPTSD, marriage to a narcissist and four years of therapy....in 14 minutes
Isolation, mistrust, avoidance, cynicism, humiliation, trauma, triggers, despair and desolation. The legacy of narc abuse. So difficult. Thank u Dr C for being part of my support team from 17,000 miles away 🙏🏾
Exactly how I feel after 5 decades of living with my family. To make matters worse a few years ago my psychopathic narcissistic father appears once again on the scene just so he can reaffirm that we're nothing to him. I finally told them all about his abuse but I do believe my mother knew about it all along.
My daughter have been doing this exactly, since she was 16 years old, I have been recording everything I proof, she poisoning everyone's people dot talk to she told them I'm crazy, please help me!!
Edith… my heart goes out to you😢. After 60+ years of living with my narcissist husband and his family of narc’s, I’ve chosen to NO LONGER HAVE A VICTIM MENTALITY 😉. I realize they treat you as their “victim”, their personal “whipping post”…. But stop seeing yourself through their eyes !!
You are NOT a victim in this life!! You are a strong intelligent woman who CAN FIND YOUR WAY BACK IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!! (Not yelling, just heavy emphasis 😊)
Nobody said it was easy, that’s for sure; but it is possible ☺️ My help comes from the LORD JESUS!! A personal intimate relationship with with JESUS…. NOT CHURCH OR RELIGION, but a close intimate relationship everyday with the “Lover of your soul”!! HE alone is the answer and He heals my brokenness, heals my aching heart and soul!!
YOU CAN DO THIS AND BE THE MIGHTY WOMAN GOD ALWAYS INTENDED YOU TO BE ! Hold onto HOPE and look to JESUS for the wisdom you need each day❣️🤍❣️
Blessings to you ❣️
I have my self experience narcissist abuse physical and mental divorce last year didn't take time to heal got into another narcissist relationship I was mad at myself for allowing my self to not recognize this person was led by a evil spirit to destroy me Jesus Christ is showing me how to love myself and I am not a victim I chose to move on it ok to be by myself I have been in abuse all my life I don't feel sorry for my self because for some reason I didn't love my self get to know your self be getting into any relationship sign Cynthia Smith
@@chipchippie please help me
Yes! Trust is broken. I no longer want a close relationship with anyone. I have friends, but not close friends. I don’t want to know anyone too well, for fear of more hurt. What has taught me this? A narcissistic mother, 36 years of a narcissistic husband, and now ten years with a narcissistic sister, and seeing those same qualities show up in my adult children. These are the people I should have been able to trust the most. But, I can’t. This tears me apart.
Same for me. 20 years tolerating narcissist husband and seeing same sign in my growing daughter
@P My youngest is 32. I have 5 children. Their ways are pretty set by now. They all have a profound lack of empathy. I recently had to split with two of them. It’s so hard….
I understand exactly what you're saying and the part that gets ripped apart, especially seeing how it affects your children. I hope that day you will find that you're just as important as your family. May you find peace within and understand that they lost too. God's peace!🤎🤍🤎
@@Sally-ih6ls I lost my grandchildren too. Yes, it is evil especially when you didn't deserve the treatment. Evil seems to hit us in our most vulnerable places. It uses who and what it can to inflict damage. It will never be ok, but it does not have to destroy us. I believe that God is still on the throne...and that justice is apart of his character, just as love, mercy and grace are. There is always a reckoning for us all! Hold on to Love...no matter what!❤
I can relate. Shocks you to your core! Alienated from my 4 kids by sociopathic narcissist xhusband.
Demonic!
You are the light. And they want that light.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD after decades of living with a covert malignant narcissist. Everything you are saying describes me completely. It's horrifying to think one person can cause so much damage.
Same thing happened to me. When is this insanity going to end
You’re not alone! It’s crazy it took me 20 years to realize and put all the pieces together.
They do, and they will, they have no conscience.
Add me to the list. Diagnosed PTSD...too late. My ex destroyed my career, and conspired with my attorney to take everything from me in a divorce (including my kids). And worse.
I go to court this month to to again to get my kids back after 12 years of efforts. The kids are suffering. One in counseling for suicidal thoughts... Imagine kids trying to live with that narcissist!
@@kellypolfleit3942 37 years in a horrible marriage narc mother all alone now with narc husban I have chronic lyme an long hauler covid and heisnt even paying anything on the mortgage and I gave him half of the house that I inherited and he is now a freeloader when I tell him I want out he acts like I am crazy He acts so sweet but I have seen his rage when he pushed me to the floor . You wke up one day and realize they never gave you anything not even respect. so many red flags you want to kick yourself black and blue. yes we all end up with cptsd in isolation now looking for a lawyer but am paralyzed with fear. thank-god for dr carter all the best with gods help
It’s your body mind and spirits way of saying: “I didn’t deserve this.” Just hearing those words have been very cleansing and healing to me. I really needed to hear that, thank you Dr. C🙏
Glad it resonated!
Agreed. Thanks for re-quoting, too. 🙂
@@ramonaortego9420 Dope Smiley Face.
The biggest issue for victims is that narcissists attack who you are. They attack your very essence. Essentially, the abuse consists of trying to make anyone but themselves feel like they are a bad person. This hurts, especially for people whose entire reason for existing is to be a good person. That's all most of us want, is to be a good person. This is the pain, and why so many people are hurt so badly by narcissists, and why the pain continues with PTSD. Thank you, Dr. Carter!!
How right you are. Other people I am close to will argue about dumb things with me like "I don't like fish for dinner", but do not attack me personally and try to make me feel rotten, incompetent, and irredeemable the way the narcissist in my family did (note the past tense). That is the difference between a narcissist's criticism and other people's criticisms.
Even finding therapists that understand the abuse of an intimate Narcissist relationship is difficult, and since they separate you from friends there aren't friends left to talk with. It is hard not to isolate after dealing with these individuals.
That has been my problem. I've been isolated from so many friends. It's hard to find someone to talk to or even go out for a cup of coffee.
And isolating them from family is horrible too, makes me sick!
Yes I totally understand
Yes Joy...therapists are sometimes narcissists.
As are some pastors.
@@AnnieGrace777 oh shocking.
What gets me is that when they're super sweet to your face while they're stabbing you deep in the back and twisting the knife while doing it especially when their role is to protect you
I got cancer 2 years ago and its the best thing thats ever happened to me, why ? because i suddenly realised that my family cant show any empathy , they never ask ONE question , ever..(they know everything you see) and all they can do is ridicule and critisise, usually behind my back. i came out of hospital and mum honestly wanted to know when i was gonna cut my lawn , coz, 'what will the neigbours think''?
mum knows that she has punished me for what happened to her as a girl so now she has all the time in the world to sit and think about it . classic evil narc who blames everyone else and gets angry at the drop of a hat ....
now i have no cancer and no contact with my family , win win in my eyes
I went through that too. A mother who actually enjoyed the fact that I was going through cancer. Like the evil witch in Snow White, she had to be "the fairest of them all". So I mutilated myself by getting breast cancer just so it would stop. Well, it doesn't. Don't let your body try to be helpful and solve problems for you by illness. Understand what's going on and laugh in the face of it.
❤❤️🔥❤
@@aanneaa7242 lol, exactly!
Sorry you have a family like that. Thankfully there are normal, caring people out there - like Dr. Carter, with all of his wonderfully helpful free videos for those of us suffering from PTSD from narcissist exposure!!
For all those who believe in divine justice, know that every abuser/criminal/flying monkey will face justice for every instance of trauma they cause you. Keep your inner peace, try your very best to recover and forget the abuse.
Thank you Ly . Truly needed to hear this 🙏 🙌
💪🏻
Thank you 🙏
YES! I believe this is true!
I'm watching it happen right now and it doesn't feel as good as I always thought it would
A side effect of Narcissistic Abuse
Until you decide Enough is Enough
Always REDUCE your exposure to negative people 💪🏻
At 70, I will never trust again. I’m totally sick of people.
come on! there are good people out there. i saw some amazing things during lock down -- i was working in a hospital. the self sacrifice was amazing.
@@SophieBird07 same at 49
I hope you're in a better place now. That's what narcissists do. They want to isolate you, make you lose hope. Problem is.... narcissists attract other narcissists. :( So when you've been with them for a long while (ex. parents), all you see is narcissism. No contact really is survival. Once you step away, and get further and further away from that situation, you realize there is a whole world of good people.... who basically learned to stay away from the narcs...... and then you realize, you've learned too! I hope you're in that better place, where people know how to love each other. No contact was the only way.
@@mvbigmagic4048 lol. I just got back from an MD appt, annual PE. And found that after having a “sociopath extraction”, my BP was down into the normal range for the first time in many months!
I never had a present grandpa, father, nor an uncle, so listening to this wise man really helps!
Such kind words. Thank you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism It is great to have your reply, it makes me feel seen and heard. Your channel as well as Dr. Ramani’s, The Little Shaman’s, and Sam Vaknin’s all have distinct approaches which have helped me enormously to understand the damage that can be caused by narcissistic parents, and how to value myself.
THANK YOU! Will keep watching and taking notes.
My sister was diagnosed with PTSD due to the intense vast and incredibly cruel treatment of our narcissistic mother. We lived in fear growing up due to my mother’s unpredictable, violent belittling behaviors.
sorry Emma
My sister & brother always tell me how badly they feel for me bc I really got her worst abuse, but I always felt the need to protect them so for years I felt like I asked for it. Took me a while to realize it was never my fault. Now, my Mom has tried to move in with me bc she’s older. She wants me to take care of her. Yet, her verbal & emotional abuse continues, she even steals from me. After repeatedly insulting, belittling & lying about me while my husband & children are present, I had to tell her to leave. We had a verbal confrontation, which she loves (so sick!) & I told her she needed to go. Before she left, I told her I was sorry for raising my voice. I asked her if she wanted to apologize for anything? She told me she had nothing to be sorry for, she doesn’t do anything wrong. That’s narcissism at its best folks.
@@leiflinder8854 thank Leif. I appreciate your kindness.
@@Chris-dw7gq I’m so sorry Chris! I’m praying that God will give your guidance wisdom and assurance in all situations as you navigate through. If you’ve been raised by a narcissist, you’ve been conditioned to second-guess every decision you make especially when it comes to your relationship with a narcissist. You’ve been indoctrinated to believe you deserve less, they deserve more, and you are to tolerate all of their lies, insults, and the verbal and emotional abuse the grows if you don’t stand up to it. May God bless you and heal you.
@@Chris-dw7gq Thank you so much I appreciate your thoughtfulness
Definitely feeling this one. Love to all currently fighting the good fight. We are survivor's. 🇬🇧
🇬🇧Thank you💚to you also🇧🇻
Thank you. Keep healty and strong! ♥from the netherlands
Both of my parents were adult children. My mother's family expected me to take care of her. My father's family expected me to take care of him and nobody - I mean NOBODY - gave a thought to who was taking care of me.
My older sister is a true malignant narcissist and, sadly my son is a narcissist. I'm so afraid to share anything about what ive experienced, because I'm the common denominator, and their behaviors are so crazy and extreme towards me that when I hear myself sharing, I sound like I'm making it all up! The behaviors are so bizarre, they're so cruel, that others outside of our family (and even those INSIDE) are skeptical. On top if that they are so incredibly skilled at lying and manipulation that it's easier for others to believe that I'M the narcissist. The hopelessness/helplessness can be so deep at times, I do experience paralysis and depression and deep, deep distrust that does keep me isolated. I have found wonderful therapists along the way, and have one currently. The happiest day of my life occurred recently when my therapist assured me that I am definitely NOT a narcissist myself, something which gas preyed upon my mind for years. She said narcissists aren't at all self-reflective. What a blessing and a light that is showing me the way to recovery. The truly sad part of all this? I'm 63. So much time lost to evil people.
You're here, and your conscious awareness is brilliant, and that is something to be happy about.
You mirror my experience, greatest empathy and strength to you🧡
Guilt, avoidant, very numb, detached, free floating anxiety, insomnia, gut issues and going from being very outgoing to being pessimistic. I've experienced all of these. Dating narc after narc not realizing....UNTIL... I recognized.... I grew up with a narc patent. It all makes sense now.
Keep learning!!
Same Here. Hope All Is Well
Yes my mother, brother and sister were all narcs, my other brother and me were their supply. Then I married a man to get away from it all. I was 20 and did not understand the implications. I had married a narc. As soon as I had worked it all out I was off!
Now I understand why I lack so much power, energy and joy. One year ago I made the cut, but I have to fight this cruel woman every day and every night in my soul and mind. Everytime I win the fight, but every day it comes again to my and forces me to cut her spider legs in pieces. Wondering why I have so much trouble to go forward towards my goals - but your words showed me: it is alright, it is normal, and it can get better.
The best method for dealing with PTSD that I learned is Answer the Question: What will I do different next time? That is what your brain is trying to figure out when you relive it. Even if you'll never be in that exact time or place again, pretend it will happen again and Answer your brain's queation. Remind yourself of that answer when it hits you again.
Great tip 👍
Thanks Dr C.
We have to remind ourselves there is no time frame in getting well, while going through the recovery process.
For most of us have dealt w narcissistic abuse growing up, and then married into identical relationships.
Sometimes I struggle w this until my counselor reminds me of the decades upon decades I fought for my right to exist.
Be kind to yourself, dear survivor.
I love you and believe in you.
Such good thoughts!
@@SurvivingNarcissism
Thank you Dr Carter.
💜
I AM STRUGGLING I LOOK FORWARD TO THIS VIDEO.
DR C. I WAS GROOMED HOVERED DEVALUED DISCARDED
IM SEVERELY TRAUMA BONDED MY LIFE HAS BEEN DESTROYED THROUGH MONTHS AND OF THE SILENT TREATMENT. ITS BEEN 8 YEARS AND IM STILL STRUGGLING I HAVE PTSD ANXIETY THE LIST CONTINUES.
NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS BRUTAL
Thank you for your words.
You are stronger than you know. Application is a key to freedom. Glad to be with you in this healing journey 💜
@@AlwaysStampinVideos
THANK U SO VERY MUCH 🙏FOR CARING
I cry as I listen to what what you’re saying Dr. Les! It’s a blow to the spirit, they put a crack in your spirit that feels impossible to overcome. A narcissist is like an emotional stun gun. So debilitating. Leaves you sick.
"leaves you sick" sometimes for years after they're gone.
It can be very difficult but worth the fight to get healing. It is one therapy session, one choice, one positive activity at a time.
it's a kind of death...
I cried too listening to this too Espy 2022 and I agree with your comment..Sometimes I get this feel an amazing sense of peace..I hope this is a sign of healing..May peace come to your soul...🌻
Absolutely!
I run from the phone ringing and have thrown it screaming at it to shut up...terror into anger in a split second
Thank you. Narcissists love negativity on any level. One thing I have learned is that you can have boundaries but a narcissist will not listen or respect those boundaries.🤔❤🇺🇸
Very true.
So true. They don't like being out of control and need to control everything. Nasty nasty just nasty. 🙏
@@tracynewton3083 Yes… some of them you catch them doing the nasty. Then they want to project their own dirty deeds onto you! Lol 🤔❤🇺🇸🤮
I just wonder why the narcissists never respect boundaries. They always want to disorient your life and make you emotionally unstable and miserable
You hit the nail on the head. I learned my PTSD at 65 years old. Now I need to unlearn it. 🙄 Sheesh.
I cried watching this knowing that the way I now feel is normal after what I've been through with a lifetime of narcissists. I've already worked through some of the issues on my own. I'll pat myself on the back for the work I've put into healing myself. Not all the way there yet but working on it daily. #teamhealthy
Yay Team Healthy!
Well done, you are so strong 🤗 #teamhealthy
@@Raven.13 Thank you
oxoxoxox
@@tiffanygrimsely14 Thanks. Right back at ya.
The insane desire to reform the abuser no matter the personal cost.
I was married to a narcissist. When I filed for divorce, and he left the house, I felt like I’d been let out of prison. He did more gaslighting, deflecting and reframing to last me a lifetime. It definitely makes me be extremely cautious in my relationships now. I weigh out relationships more before getting too caught up in them.
If you only knew my husband’s (and my) story dealing with his narcissistic step-mother and recently deceased father’s past 4 months, you would be totally in shock! We are seeking help. It’s more than horrendous. She has destroyed this family.
I can imagine . Same here .hard to believe.ludicrous .
This is a good place to be. My story goes in different directions that I feel like a pinball....
Dr C and his wonderful people that are in Team Healthy can give you the best steps to dealing with Narcissist. The end products do not always end the way we need them to, because Narcissist are deeply afflicted. However, healing from their straits and ugliness is here for you.
Blessings for all who gather here 💪
My husband is a 10/10 narcissist. I’m offended that people throw this term around so freely. My life is INSANE right now. I thank God I found this channel.
Nothing and I mean nothing shocks me about narcs / psychopaths!!! Evil to the core!! No contact is the ONLY way with the bad ones!!! Best wishes and prayers for your healing!!
I called my X’s mother the USS Destroyer (her name), as I watched her Destroy lives, countless relationships. I would believe just about anything. She had Zero Accountability in her son’s eyes. So after 27 years I removed myself so she had her family threaten my life. So, you might find some stories that may relate! But my ❤ goes out to you.
My heart has never been so broken.
My faith in the Lord helped me heal and restore me in such an amazing way, I dont lack anything. The process made me get closer to God. Thank you Jesus for never leaving me. ❤️🙏
delusional
They blame everything on you…zero accountability. 😢 One of my biggest issues is not uncovering all the deceit and lies I was told. It’s beyond frustrating being manipulated. I wish they have support groups for people who have been through this trauma. I wouldn’t even know how to explain the confusion in my brain to another person. All the lies, gaslighting, rewriting of history screws with your perception.
There's no pleasing a narcissist. It's a sickness;and a need to constantly find fault in their victim. The more you say good things about them, the more they struggle to make you doubt yourself. They stress you out emotionally. Ask them what's upsetting them about you, nine times out of ten they won't know!
Dissociation is a big post traumatic stress reaction
And I would just like to include that one thing I have learned from all this is that you cant win and overcome those who have financial and networking resources far above what you have. That doesnt mean they are morally in the right either. Thank you for all your videos.
The worst part is I told some people and with the odd behavior they now think I am narcissist playing the victim. Absolute nightmare. Deep isolation is the only place I can feel normal.
I hear you. I stopped fighting it some years ago, yielded to the isolation. The older I get, the more vulnerable I feel and the stronger the instinct to hide. My need for validation by ohers is going unmet, and leaves me uncertain sometimes. And it will become even more extreme with age. I am afraid.
You are a victim, a victim of severe psychological manipulation.
You can know who is the narcissist just by changing roles.
If you did what the other person does to you, how would make you feel?
I recently started to have PTSD responses after a relationship turned situationship with a guy with narcissistic tendencies. I was in denial & didn't want to believe what was happening, because I wanted to be hopeful & have faith & compassion. At the same time I learnt from your videos that the reason I was experiencing PTSD was because of intermittent reinforcement followed by reactive abuse. He would follow patterns of behaving like my best friend & loving person one minute causing me to open up with trust, only for him to change & become the angry vengeful raging tyrant for no reason subjecting me to shame & abuse for no reason shortly after. I'd experienced 2 concussion injuries in close proximity before we started seeing each other, 1 from an unprovoked attack by gangsters outside a club after my friends left, the 2nd a bicycle accident alone in the countryside. Expecting & needing empathy hoping to heal in a safe space with someone who loved me, instead I experienced trauma responses as he blamed me accusing me of playing the victim while fabricating stories where he gaslit me for hours telling me I was different TV characters & he was the victim. I believe he must have bipolar/ schizoaffective disorder alongside NPD as well as being prediabetic & his moods affected by sugar dependency when he's low.
I realised learning how to understand & process & heal my PTSD trauma responses when I was talking with my family members, they were replicating similar behaviour, so I realised I was experiencing a trauma bond with my ex, that was mirroring the trauma wounds I've experienced growing up with a judgemental narcissistic enmeshed family. I'm learning to set boundaries, stand up for myself, call others out for abusive behaviour in a calm way, not to take the bait when feeling triggered, stepping back, & own & process my own inner dynamic journey. Thanks Dr. Carter for all the info in your videos. I'm also dealing with another guy with NPD symptoms on a land project I'm dealing with as well. I've been asked to make a formal complaint so hope for the best standing up to his bullying too. Thank you.
The good news is that you're learning...prioritize self care! Thanks for posting this.
I feel like I want to keep to myself and love my dog who loves me back unconditionally.
Reminds me of my cat, it catches a lizard or mouse, bird and before killing it, play with it, everytime the prey moves, cat puts foot on it, over and over, watching every move.
Good analogy.
My cats were more loving than the narcissist. Good analogy, but my cats, last two got as kittens together, were better companions than he ever was to me. Ended it after way too long , when I did not know anything about what I was dealing with. Now that I know, never again.
I was triggered into strong memories if someone said something like my abuser. The visuals were a lot like a flashback. I could even smell him. Lack of washing.
This latest depressive episode was because I was getting old and I couldn't rid myself of the damage.
The depression was terrible.
Over the years, I had dragged out a lot of trauma and tried to make sense of it. I just couldn't understand how to heal.
I found some exercises and a local mental health counselor started me on different kinds of therapy.
I do feel better with the help I received. I'm in a place where I can deal with this stuff. It's safe here.
Maybe I'll have that weakness for the rest of my life. Where some things make me crazy and depressed. I won't give up again, though.
Yes, I hear you about the triggers. You are so brave to get help for your trauma. Sending you peace and positive energy.
Yes, people underestimate the depth we are wounded by the narc. You're doing the right thing, and you will get stronger with knowledge. Remember - the narc is Not Your Fault!
You have to continue to be strong n not going back to your weakness. Don't go back n forth with your life n what you want to do. If you're free from a narcissistic person. start living your life. Stop remembering something that is going to bring you down again, otherwise if you don't, you might ad well keep on.living with this negative person n no one will be the blame nut yourself.
This was a tough one to watch. The hardest part was/is looking back on all of the dysfunctional behavior and trying not to beat myself up for getting into/staying in a relationship with that person, even though I intectually understand the reasons I did. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the grace to forgive myself.
What a lovely man! Someone from Syria once told me, there was a saying in their language, "You're like honey to the wound." That descibes this fine gentleman! Laurie
You're kind. For what it's worth, I just read The Beekeeper Of Aleppo.
Dr Carter is absolutely 💯 % correct. These sick 😫 people have ruined my life and every other he has touched. Beaten up. Beaten down, nearly killed. I didn't and couldn't even open my mail for 4 months. It kills your soul and your spirit. They only care about number one.
Thank you Dr Carter
I meet all ptsd caragories but one. I have withdrawn from people. I avoid places. I remember the pushing. I remember a bottle of mouthwash being thrown at me / my car. He tried to get people to look down on me. Lots and lots of verbal abuse. He died 4 months ago and I am trying to heal.
You certainly probably will not miss that kind of behavior
This is exactly how I feel after 50 years of trying to be a family member in my family. I thought I was literally triggering the PTSD myself I mean I quit drinking I quit smoking cigarettes and it's still there. I think that I'm going to be in recovery for a long time from narcissistic abuse.
I’d love to learn more about your journey.
Oh you will never be 'enough' for them. Why bother, you only have to be 'enough for you. At least you can tell the difference they can't. You are clearly a grown up, narcissists are stuck in the toddler stage. They are all persona and no self. You have a self which they will never have, so growth for them is not an option.
The good news is, once you get started, you recover quickly!
I still relive past events. My mother is a narcissist. She was a stay at home mom who volunteered and then, worked at my school, so I could not get away from her. Thank you for this video. The most annoying thing about growing up with a narcissist are the flashbacks. I tell myself that was years ago. It is past time to end these flashbacks. However, they return again and again despite my annoyance.
Ask The Lord to heal Your memory So you can remember without pain
Their disorders cause brain damage that is why you have flashbacks you are probably an athlete or hike everyday but if you dont you can eliminate them that way.. I wish you more peace & happiness & love in 2023!
@@quantumfineartsandfossils2152 The disorder causes brain damage?
Get with a counselor who understands CPTSD and polyvagal theory.
@@butterflygirl2285 Sadly no. Imagine if the brain damage would erase the flashbacks.
I have PTSD. Joining the US army when I was 18 and having narcissistic leaders caused it. I enlisted as an E-1 so I guess that meant anyone with rank E-4 and above was allowed to treat me as trash. Right before I got honorably discharged an E-4 who was temporarily assigned as my boss tried to make me crawl through the polluted water next to the motor pool where all the vehicles are kept. I knew that wasn't a legal form of punishment and told him I wouldn't do it. Then my platoon leader(E-6) says he's going to call the military police on me for not obeying the illegal order. I walked away and thankfully got out within that month. There were lots of incidents of abuse that happened to me similar to that in the US army. I was diagnosed with PTSD and have made a lot of recovery after learning about narcissistic abuse. Also, I was in Kosovo in year 2000 and saw some horrible things there. You can see my videos on my RUclips channel.
It is so frustrating! I just want to heal and be able to be free. Feel empowered. I get triggered so much.
I have had all of the CPTSD symptomps you have described here dr Carter. Having gone through narcisistic abuse all of my life I have only recently started speaking about it and it has been a painful yet incredibly liberating journey. And the help and assistance and support I have received from Angels like you dr Carter have helped me survive. I am for ever grateful. God bless you.
So many angel Dr's on here I hope you are in a safe peaceful creative place now.. Yes he is one of the best like Jay Reid, Dr Ramani, Scott Bassett.. All of these doctors are trying to improve society & they do that by helping us.. You will get stronger & stronger & survive & you will also help society work on problems that arise from hate crimes & untreated mental illnesses that make people abusive criminal perpetrators. Bless you Iza!! Happy 2023!!
Hello; I’m an American citizen living in Germany for a very long time now. Married 22years to a narcissist. I finally discovered what I‘d been caught up in by listening to clips such as yours, and I’m so glad someone finally understands. I want to get out but I think I’m truly trapped; even after seeking so-called professional counseling only turned out a very disappointing experience. It’s almost as if I‘m a prisoner. My entire life is controlled. Financial, medical, insurance keeps me bound to this man even though I so desperately want out. Do you have any advice for me? Please and thank you for any input.
@@lindafreeland Pray 🙏🏻 God will help you!❤
So many symptoms! I went in to my Dr. With chest pain, heart palpitations, headaches, body aches, and I was on the brink of suicide. A few years later, fibromyalgia was added to the mix. I am still dealing with all of it. Of course, they are all invisible problems and most people don’t know my past. Life is just hard. My religion and my faith are the only reason I am still breathing.
@@lindafreeland you can be free. Believe it. Trust your own heart. I pray for God to give you strength, wisdom and resources.
The damage has been so profound that I am in a complete free fall. I’m trapped here for the time being, I can’t see a way out, I’m terrified of him, I’m watching my whole life crash down around me and I feel powerless to stop the progression. I cannot afford anything, much less pay for therapy or training.... malignant.
Hope you find a way out.
I am stunned again today. I have been listening to this channel for over a year. I listen to the messages over and over. I have read Dr. Carter's books and taken a course. Yet I sit amazed again that what happened to me over the course of my 72 years is well known by such a genius as Dr. Carter. There is hope even for someone my age. I could NOT see it at first. I learned on some level about what happened gradually over the last several months. But what use was it at my age? I can have peace knowing there was someone within me who was not the totally inadequate nervous wreck, non functioning, human being living every day ashamed of herself. Who knows? Maybe I will start on a book about how the enabling of the narcissist was on all sides in the culture in which I lived. I can finally say, "I survived over 5 decades of narcissistic abuse. "
Sending you love and healing 🙏
God will repay you seven fold 🙏
All my sympathy x
Wishing you peace and strength and joy 🌿🦜🐓🐕Keep listening to Dr C and you will be fine! ☀Take care not to isolate too much, just like he says. There are so many lovely people in the world too x
i am right there with you. don’t be fooled by this culture of throw the elderly away i minister to 16 y/o and it amazes me how much they and I have in common. The age difference disappears.
Kathi: I will be 72 in a few weeks. I really have been receiving DEEP healing the past 5 years and am truly enjoying my single life now - eyes wide open & alert - playing games at the senior citizens center. My radar detects a few Ns but i dont respond, or I give them a look that says "I see you and I KNOW who you are" and they have no real or lasting effect on my life. No contact with my brother & sister, parents deceased, gray Rock and a healthy cautious distance from my oldest son (42) who seems to be a N - I don't see him often & recently spent enough time with him to observe the signs, put the puzzle pieces together & receive a toxic crazy tongue lashing after exposing & confronting him about his inappropriate behavior towards me. Now I will BEWARE and on guard during the upcoming holiday season. If it gets too bad, I will merely walk away and go back home (he lives 55 miles away) with my self respect and self worth intact.
Dr C, I am so thankful for you & your heart for helping so many of us that are struggling with the "lingering elements" of an unhealthy relationship. For the clarification of something unexpected & undeserving that knocks us off our equilibrium. The value of your input is beyond measure. While we are left in our struggle to carry on with the residual hurt, I am reminded of a quote from Winston Churchill-"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened." Hence the Narcissistic's trail of damage.
Great quote.
CPTSD and severe social anxiety from being talked about badly before I met people or “friends” and thought something was wrong with me. Severe isolation tendencies. I hate that I have to take so much time to reset myself out of fear of being bullied and being ostracized.
What is bad is when you're not allowed to say what happened.
What a Abusive Violent husband can do and the lies they tell the only things that matter to their victim, their children.
100% avoidant! I don’t see how I could ever trust someone with my heart.
🇨🇦Now that i'm done balling my eyes out.... i have a narssasistic neighbor that lives below me in a rental apartment. You just described all my emotion and trauma in this video and now at least I know I'm not going crazy. I have had many bad thoughts in the past 5 years (from this neighbors abuse) such as; "Maybe I'd be better off dead, than go through her shit every day." I can't move cause it cost to much. Right now at this moment, I'm trembling just writing about this. Every day, i'm to scared to clean my home because the vacuum is loud, doing dishes is loud, walking across my floor is to loud, running the shower is to loud, doing dishes is to loud 😢😢😢😢😢 watching tv is to loud, using my stepper (very quiet exercise no motor machine) is to loud. So mostly I sit in my quiet apartment wondering what is she going to bitch about now or what false accusations against me that she's going to come up with this week.
I really hope you are in fact a doctor cause i will now be going to my dr or psych. to see if i can get a drs letter stating the trauma she's been causing me so i can take her to court. Thank you
I feel like the key is to try to look past the charm. One year ago today I moved in with a fella. shortly after his middle-age live in son started ostracizing me and shunning me I couldn’t break through for the whole year I was there. What seem like love with the gentle,funny man Changed once his son and I began to butt heads. Now I am certain this is a trauma bond. And I can’t believe it because I studied this.
I get from my controlling family that I was only trying to help. Getting into my finances, medical issues and asking personal questions is not normal. I shut them down and now they're the victims. Too bad you have no boundaries and its not my fault. Its exhausting but I will stand my ground because its better than having anxiety.
In narcissistic abuse within domestic abuse & violence, specifically the extreme to severe cases, it's more c-PTSD, with acute to chronic anxieties and depression resulting from more than just one type of trauma or event. In intimate relationships, often we see betrayal trauma as well. The length and severity of the abuses play such a role in first the radical acceptance of who the abusers actually are. And then once you can 'mentally' break free, it's a journey through not a destination to.
In these types of relationships, you can not go to just any therapist. Please seek out specialists in trauma who are also narcissism competent. I strongly recommend saving all the 15-minute to 45-minute videos that help tell your story and help your voice explain the things you've experienced. Make them part of your beginning therapy sessions. Your therapist will either get it or they won't. Quite frankly, getting the right therapy is what's important because getting the wrong therapy can set you farther back. You have the right to choose your good fit. That is what you're in there for. Always remember that the outside looking in is not the same as the inside looking out. You need to make sure someone has the educational level to help you in the areas you may actually need help in. Peace & love. 🙏
I needed this information 60 years ago; however, your insight regarding narcissism has brought some clarity, sanity and peace of mind into my life!!! Thank You!!!
@@Chris-dw7gq Absolutely!!!
I have copied by writing two books.There are ways of coping that you can tailor to fit your needs ..I found writing Cathartic it was as if a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders...and the hope that my survival story would help others is healing....❤
I have a family member has found these videos to be a gold mine. Feel so bad for what she’s endured but thanks for exposing the exit door.
I work in a Christian school. My Principal for five years was a male narcissist. He supported and enabled two obviously narcissistic staff no matter what. I used the free services of psychological counsellors available to me and their advice to me was to either resign or take legal action.
I hung in there, and all three have left the workplace. A new Principal has arrived now, and another narc has also arrived. Thank God for this Principal. She sees the reality and is genuinely travelling on her spiritual path. I feel supported even though few words have been said.
It took a good year of ruminating over the controlling situations. Trying desperately to understand and fix the events that I was experiencing. I emotionally broke. My husband saw your RUclips channel and a family counselor in my Bible Study group reached out to me. 3 1/2 years later in my feel healthy and surviving. This is a Life saving channel, for me.
Keep leaning forward, Robin.
@@SurvivingNarcissism hello, this is the second or third time I have had a reply from an account pretending to be you. I left a comment on this thread 20 hours ago if you wish to look and report them as spam. Appreciate your wisdom xx
4.3 years for me, not mentally healthy yet but surviving.
Bless Dr Carter
@@SurvivingNarcissism there is another hero with the Last name Carter here who works for ISP he is a detective.
Ones self-esteem goes downhill and sometimes freezes.
I'm seeing myself here. This is how I've been this past 2 years. Every bit of it. The alcohol and self medicating. The isolation. Cutting myself off. Mistrust. I feel so alone and misunderstood because of the narcissist I'm up against. I'm now up at court and feel like no-one understands what the man has done to me.
Thank you for this video. Not just because of the topic, I could listen to you talk all day. Such a clear and calm voice.
Your comment about feeling like nobody else can understand what you've been through really hits. My siblings and I have said that to each other, how we feel like we can't explain what our parents are like to other people because nobody else understands what we went through. This video helped me see that there probably are a lot of people who would understand.
Deep isolation I’m trying to convince myself to go out to eat and treat myself kindly!
Same. Being mostly introverted, i have had to put myself in some environments i would much rather be in with a friend or a family member. Practice makes perfectly imperfect and certainly easier over time 💜
A lifetime in isolation, and I committen no crime.
I’d think the biggest stress is trusting again. Baby steps still count as forward, though.
My thought process on trust has become this (and perhaps it might help you with your processing as well…)
He (nor they or anyone else) did not “break” my trust. My trust is MINE- mine to give and mine to take away. Trust is earned. Therefore, a person can not “break” my trust. They either prove they are trustworthy or they prove they can not be trusted. Much like the word “narcissist” needs to be redeemed for the sake of it being an actual type of behavioral pattern that rests on a spectrum (according to DrC) and not a “bad name” to call someone we are angry with… the phrase “breaking trust,” needs to be redeemed as well. A person is either trustworthy or they are not. My trust can not be broken. It is mine to do with as i please. I will trust someone until they prove they can not be trusted. Our “ability” to trust matures with us. Once i finally realized this truth, my growth and healing took a giant leap. A narcissist is unable to trust because they are completely immature. You are a mature individual, Aaron. Trust your ability to trust is mature along with you. She was untrustworthy. Your ability to trust did what it was suppose to do. It proved she is not trustworthy.
(Edited to simply add a few more things that came to mind after having first responded to your comment.)
@@AlwaysStampinVideos I was going for trust in people in general. I had walls with everyone. Now I have fences. With gates.
I’d think even with (estranged narcissistic) wife, I’d still hope for growth and change (I’ve certainly had plenty) before that gate would ever open. But I’d certainly examine thru a gate first.
My new friends enjoy new me because I went vulnerable in switching from walls to that fence.
Such wise thoughts, Kelly. Hold onto that for that book!!!
@@aaronkwolfe trust issues seem to be the least of your worries 💜
@@SurvivingNarcissism oh gosh thanks so much, DrC 💜!!!
Dr. C: I've been divorced since 2017, having been married 14 years to a narcissist. I can't afford therapy and I've been unable to find any type of group-type therapy setting, let alone find others who've been through this and suffering from this post-traumatic stress. As much as I've come to find out through you and other channels how damaging the relationship was on my soul, I just can't shake away the trauma. I enjoy going to work and performing my job, but the minute I clock out I go into my shell. I don't have any friends; and it's not because I haven't tried, but there must be something that keeps people away (or me) from retaining close relationships. Thank you for the past several years of being there for me online.
Sending hugs from a stranger who understands. My opinion is that even if you don’t pursue any more relationships/friendships, do activities that nurture you……..join an art class, or simply paint pictures. Take a writing class, write poetry or songs. Take some sort of yoga or exercise class on a regular basis……all of these allow you to be around people without having to form an actual relationship. When the time is right, you’ll know you are healed and you will feel happiness and trust again. ❤
@@mommabear5059 You are too sweet for reaching out to me, and for that I am grateful. I am a huge yogi, however, I can't afford to join a studio, where I find it extremely healing to practice amongst others and lack the motivation in doing it alone. I have all the props, mats, blocks, everything. I'm getting closer to slapping my mat on the floor and doing virtual. It's been nagging at me for months now, but you just pushed me over that hill to get going! Thank you so much! Peace and love. xoxo
@@LauraVee63 I agree with all @mommabear said. And one more thing: you have reached out here, at least. That, to me, means you've already started to come out of your shell. Just keep it up! You seem to be a very warm person too. With affection, from someone who also is struggling with some degree of isolation.
Having just been told last Thursday that what I'm dealing with is C-PTSD, this video came just in time. Thank you Dr.C, I don't believe it right now, but I'm going to keep telling myself that I didn't deserve to be treated like that, and I hope one day that I will believe it.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Anna Runkle, has videos specifically about C-PTSD - and she's been through it herself. Has some good answers.
@@bethtaylor9773 thank you! I'll make sure to check her out!
Yes you keep telling yourself that it's all in the mindset cause you know what you didnt deserve it x
Dr. Kim Sage is very knowledgeable about C-PTSD. Watching her channel has been instrumental in my own healing.
I'm an empath and a creative. My mom, dad, older brother and sister (by 14 years) were/are narcs. Everyone thinks I am too sensitive and that it's ridiculous I don't let their abuse roll off my back. They also don't understand how a creative thinks so make fun of me. My exhusband and my friends were all narcs too. I suppose I attracted them as an empath and after all of the family abuse wasn't very confident in myself. 2 years ago I went no contact with family and friends. My ex remarried. I couldn't trust another man due to his cheating and abuse of me. I am good alone now. For all of those years I hung on because I didn't want to be alone. However, now I have peace, no drama, no ugliness and meanness. I even enjoy holidays alone. I'm tired now and just want to have a peaceful existence. The ugly stories I could tell. It makes me sad that so many people can be so abusive to others and hope to keep them under their thumb. The need of power, control is such an evil thing when used by narcs.
It can happen from a parent you love from a baby, a frightened parent who is afraid of being left alone. A parent who doesn't recognise or respect the uniqeness of her child, and pours all her troubles and insecurities into her, gaslighting and mocking her because it's easier than looking within. The parent shows no interest in wanting to change or grow.
Every video I watch with you, Dr. Carter, just blows my mind! I’m in the process of trying to understand what has happened to me in a 26-yr marriage with a narcissist. I’m amazed at how much this video resonated with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again!
You are quite welcome. Best wishes, and I'm pleased to share the path with you.
I used food for comfort, I think. I got obese. I'm losing it now. Lost a lot but have more to go and am struggling. There are still shadows left over from the dark days with the narcissist that will be lost as I let light into my soul. Thanks for shining the light.
Good luck as you progress!
I was literally in tears while listening to this video. It’s like you knew how I was feeling today. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so very much Dr. C.
Me too.
Me too.... I felt like I was sitting with someone really wise and kind and he was saying, "I see you, I see your pain, but you're going to be ok"
🧡 to Dr Carter. These videos are helping me so so much
Same here brother. I have noore lust to attend anything on work, groups. Just a few ones. So I don't get hurt. And it works. Sadly.
Me too had tears relieving the words Dr Carter was saying. I'm now free after 43 years of marriage but the trauma of a narssasist has left me not trusting anybody.
Me too.
And fatigue!! Dizziness and over the top Anxiety!
You're not a therapist you're a life saver
Thank you. Keep learning, Giselle.
Some people in Authority overstep others boundaries with harsh force and invasive tactics by catfishing, Gangstalking, Bullying your choices and hiring hit men to unalive you
This was done to you. It was not your own choosing or making. …wow! I honestly felt a sense of peace come over me when I heard you say those words! Thank you ❤
I have night terrors and feel like I have no control over my emotions anymore...I trust no one...I just want to go off and live by myself. I'm scared all the time because I can't trust myself. I was never like this. I had peace & joy within myself...not anymore!💔😢
Yes, I am always stressed, being busy and buy things to feel happy for one moment, busy busy busy, knitting, crochet, sewing, to forget
It takes time to heal from narcissist abuse because they don’t only break your heart, but spirit also. 💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. This podcast has helped me because I recognize myself in all of the symptoms. Now I know why im experiencing what i am.
I don't know if you're a believer brother, but that is sure some wisdom from above. Keep truth telling. Bless you.
10 pages into your book, When Pleasing You Is Killing Me, and I’ve already been smacked in the face with much needed validation, fundamental truths, and a re-learning of the healthy way of being. It’s just so…just…thank you! Thank you for your work, Dr. Carter.
So pleased, Michael. Thanks for being an encourager!
Toxic people aren't too hard to find! Don't blame yourself. It was them! Don't give up! Xo ❤️ p.s. 149k people tells me this is quite common to experience!