I Dated for 10 Years: Here's What I Learned
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- Опубликовано: 11 янв 2020
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What is love? Baby, don't hurt me.
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What's one lesson dating has taught you?.
Never trust anyone more than ourself
COMPATIBILITY
Codependency can make you lose your individuality and your self-confidence. More importantly, after many years of living completely for somebody else and little for yourself, you risk creating feelings of resentment and regret.
You can’t make someone stay no matter how hard you try! Its like holding sand in your hand.
To never put anyone first before myself and that's how most people lose themselves.
"Saying that someone else is your everything, it's pretty much saying that you and your life is nothing." Im speechless.
Huichless
right, u will be surprised how many people say that
It's the lie of romantic "love". It's an illusion that most people still seem to believe in, at least to an extent. We have to be our own sources of happiness and then share that with others. Not seek everything in the other. It's quite childish actually.
When you finally meet someone who is perfect for you. You are completely compatible. You grow with that person. Then that person becomes the centre of your world. Its natural. Even if you were happy before, we all need that special companion. It's what we all look for. But yes, that person shouldn't be your 'everything'. You shouldn't lose who you are.
@@ohcrikey9560 So you're saying, everyone needs that special companion and isn't complete without them? That is the lie called romantic love. No one needs another to be 'complete'. We are complete as we are, we are fully whole beings, but we often don't know that, in great part due to the indoctrinated belief in romantic love. Of course, it's nice if a couple is very compatible, but that is just an extra. Waiting to complete yourself until you find that unicorn is madness. What about all the people that haven't found their "completely" (another illusion) compatible partner yet? Should they just be miserable and not-whole until then? What about all the people that will never find that "special one" for them? And face it, most relationships do not consist of 2 completely compatible partners, but of two people who have settled with less than that and now live in a state of tolerating eachother. You sound like a bit of a hopeless romantic to me. ;)
Note to self: Don't fall in love, walk into it.
lowzm2 ohhh yeaa
I disagree, it is important to fall.
luca montermini why
what does it mean?
@@user-tk8bk9ww9q it is important to fall, the action of falling and not seeing what is there,the boost of trust in soemthign which you dont know.
As someone in their 30’s, some advice I’d give to younger people in dating. Over time you’ll notice key themes of time, self-care, self-honesty, communication and independence. What I’ve learned so far in life:
1. Be your true self, because that will weed out a lot of people that may not be a great fit for you. If you say you don’t truly know yourself yet, “Date yourself” (as strange as it sounds). During this time it’s best to not date anyone else, so it doesn’t interfere with getting to know yourself first. Figure out your own interests, how you like to be treated, self-care is key! Take yourself on dates. Exercise. Learn to Meditate. Treat yourself to get coffee or go to the spa, get creative, read, listen to music, watch movies by yourself etc. The result: You glow-up outwardly and change your inner vibration to the type of people you’d like to attract-ones that could potentially treat you very well and not be time-wasters. Not saying that they are negative people-just not a good fit for your life.
2. Don’t change/ lie about your interests so they like you better. I think it starts when you try to fit in in school/college/friend groups/dating this can be a difficult one to overcome. Especially if those interests are a BIG part of their life (like saying you like things when you actually don’t, or don’t care about ex. sports just to find a common ground) Wonder why it didn’t work out? it could have been that over time they caught on and feel like the whole friendship/relationship was a lie and you waisted their time, but also that’s not being true to you and it waisted your time as well. Most People will respect your kind honesty as they get older. Besides if it don’t work out there’s so many more people in the world to meet so what do you have to lose?
3. Communication is the key! If you don’t know much about a subject, just say so. It could potentially open up the convo. If you are truly interested in a person, say you’d like to learn more about what they are talking about. Really Listen to what someone is saying and let them finish their thought. If your feelings are hurt during an argument, say so in a polite, calm way. If you can’t, that is a red flag!
4. You could be majorly rejected at times throughout life at will. Be it friends, lovers, family or strangers. It will feel painful at first but that’s part of the life journey, It builds character and healthy boundaries, it may also signal you need to work on your character, manners, kindness or get help with other mental aspects/ (like anger etc.) mental health. It’s okay to grieve the loss of a relationship. But move on. Time is precious.
5. Don’t waste your precious time on people who lie, cheat and use you. You will be much older before you know it and wonder where your youth went. You may feel like you have the time to waste now, but life comes at you fast.
6. Not relying on others for your personal happiness. It will save you years of stress and pain. It’s integral have a strong sense of who you are. If you are committed or married, or have kids always have a back up plan- that doesn’t mean have someone else “waiting in the wings”. Have your own savings. Become self-reliant if you are able. Working along side your mate and not completely relying on them for emotional, financial, physical etc. once committed or married in my opinion is the key, to relationship happiness.
Really great advice. 👍🏼
I love this
Thank you for taking the time to write this. Great advice and I totally agree!
This is a good advice. Thank you so much.
Thank you,this is what I was looking for
I haven't dated for 10 years: Here's What I Learned:
Nothig, absolutly nothing.
😂🤣🤣lol
10/10 wisdom. Thanks you.
Step 1: Be attractive
Step 2: Don't be unattractive
Lol haven't dated my whole life
😂😂😂
Narcisism is killing relationships today. Entitlement and egos. Relationship is a mutual respect and sacrifice.
Sacrifice sounds bad. For me it's more about compromises (sometimes), but rather partnership and freedom than constant thoughts what should I and what i want.
The mainstream media and the use and abusive dynamic gets sadly promoted... The I cheat or he or she cheats and lying stealing profit taking kinda life styles...
And yes misogyny and narcissistic behaviors destroy true love or true genuine and authenticity...
Looking for a real lady who is against this kinda behaviors...
Me as a death metal head... It's tough cuz even if I have proven to be against the inhumane and wrong behaviors it still doesn't give other people or the lady who I am interested in even a chance...
But the ones who end up in the bad boy or sl..tish girls attitude... Well they will end up in total wreckages cuz they depend on others as a status or to gain supply in shallow and empty ways...
Me I am strong and independent on my own philosophy and handle things with deeds and truth.
You are right this society gets more and more heavier on the painfull ways of promoting the toxicity...
While the ones who are not participating are being the ones ending up in sadness if no one cares about the ones worthy of having a beautiful relationship.
Hours of speech in few lines. yeah, it looks to me love has left this world at the turn of new millennium.
@Mortal Silence yea sometimes it's a one sided coin kinda partnership... Or even the can't be bothered with attitude.... But even that works as a mutual dynamic... In a lot of communities that are career and only social status(marriage or religion) based focused.
These relationships exist indeed.
That doesn't make them narcissistic...
Unless one of the partners shows the toxic narc behaviors ...
Outside of this fact. A relationship is still a relationship in both Dynamics in what I previously mentioned. In this message
..
Yeah pretty much haha. People are assholes men and women haha
I saw this quote online somewhere and it really stuck with me: “ your partner should not be your universe but a star in your galaxy”
Something like that
A good quote, and it would be better if we too, accept not being our partner's universe but a star in his galaxy.
And u know how many stars are...
The Sun is also a star so why not, it's pretty interesting
It's all bs once you love yourself you don't need a woman except sex or children that's all the modern woman is good for.
in this case your partner will be miserable. you'll waste infitine time on other stars leting him behind. no man would accept this shit
Everybody in the comments suddenly become relationship experts
Just people saying what works best for them haha but still funny
Let’s agree that you aren’t an expert unless you’ve been with the same person for 5 years, at least.
@@nathanu.6931 yeah I've been with mine for 5 years, we are married now. Just letting you know I had them expert tips before I was married, I was always that single friend that gave great relationship advice haha but get you tho cause I have become more encouraging in my advice when it comes to love.
Mulan Armani saffron That’s great to hear, however most single people are not as wise as you were. It’s also evident that a lot of guys growing up don’t get dating advice from older men because of a lack of a father in the house, or lack of a mentor.
@@nathanu.6931 I agree. Also a lot of women who grew up having an absent father end up having daddy issues, and finding men that remind them of that figure that they lacked. If the guy ends up toxic, the women could still stick with them as they don't want to lose another authourative male figure in their life. Basically accepting the love they think they deserve or should be greatful for. Men also need their male role model in life to look up to and without that they could feel lost and feel angry at the world. The family units in society have been ridiculously breaking down,with increase in absent fathers, divorces, fathers not being allowed to see their own children, etc.
This is what it is for me:
Finding the "right" person, is all about finding somebody who happens to be walking their own independent path very close to yours.
The journey then simply becomes a greater experience for both.
❤️
Beautiful
Amazing !
Extra Marital Affairs, Why People fall in Love
ruclips.net/video/B0fOPGGwQQY/видео.html
Yes. You are focused on your thing as they are on their own. You both do not have a problem having someone else enter into your life and meld together. You don't mind sharing what you have going on. However in the meantime you are not begging and all over the place trying to find someone to be with nor are you hopping around involved with people like that. You are too busy doing your life.
I feel mostly the same way. I have been with my wife for 11 years almost. If it were only about love, it would not be enough to keep us together. But rather, enjoying each others company, doing fun things together and most importantly, be OK spending time alone and doing our own thing. People need space to breathe, and be themselves. You cannot live only for the purpose of fulfilling someone else's needs...
@@adapv9584 I think love should come naturally and easy. But the flip side of that is still being comfortable being your OWN person, and not have everything you do revolve around the other person. You can love someone a lot like Lana said in the video, but that doesn't mean you will always agree and get along. And it is certainly not all it takes to stay together long term.
Well said sir. Breathing space is definitely! an essential ingredient in a relationship.
@@sabermaster80 Agreed👍
@leicanoct Maybe you just haven't met anyone worth being with that long. It's actually been pretty great. Everyone has their up's and downs, but I have not regrets.
@@forestbathing4443 Thank you :)
“Despite what the movies tell you, love is not enough”
Damn I felt that
A relationship must be always analyzed with reason and emotion. Emotion, in all aspects of life, is not enough.
“Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don’t know why” Lana del Rey
Respect should always be above love. Remember that...
Well unless ignore health which you need to have in order to be alive and feel love, love do is everything.I could have nothing, not even a pocket to put a penny but if I have the love of my family I have everything.
It’s peace and love and happiness
I was a toxic person:
I rushed into relationships, broke up weeks later, was never satisfied and never got to know men entirely BEFORE getting sexual with them. So yeah...very toxic to MYSELF. I never had self respect but I finally got it. I finally know my worth now and will NEVER use another person to feel validated. I date myself and love myself first before loving another human being,
Proud of you👏
@@SnowWhite-ul6qb Thank you ♡
@@nalaa9618 🌻
Extra Marital Affairs, Why People fall in Love
ruclips.net/video/B0fOPGGwQQY/видео.html
Thank you for this.
Just broke up with a toxic ex. I learned that emotional intelligence is very important. Find someone who respects you and doesn't put you down and attack you every time they're mad. Someone who can recognize, control, and act upon their emotions accordingly. Someone who doesn't let emotions control what they say. Once they say something that crosses a line, they can't take it back cause it's already caused a dent in the relationship. Know your worth and know when you deserve better. I hope you all find someone who loves and respects you. The right time to break up is when you think you're settling. Never settle if you're choosing a life partner.
I love your comment and grateful you put it out there. When you said “emotion intelligence” I was like Yes Super important :) I watch psych2go vids on whatever I find interesting. And it wasn’t till I started “subconsciously” watching the ones about relationships dealing with emotional & verbal abuse & other not healthy tactics of control. Did I realize, “Hey that’s kinda like my ... Oh 🤔😔 this is what my friends were trying to tell me. I couldn’t see that with hearts in my eyes 😍 and I like to see the good in people to the point where I’ll gloss over their issues or ill behavior. I’d rationalize it giving them a “ get out of jail free card.” And I had thought I knew myself well enough to see red flags. But I realized I had a bad habit of lying to myself & I didn’t have enough backbone to stand up for myself. Also I’m not just putting everything on the other person. Amidst of these things I learned how to bite back and did something’s that were toxic. Instead of facing the root issue. So I wasn’t just someone who didn’t have dirt on their hands. And it took a lot for me to have a “sobering moment” & we finally ended things. So emotional intelligence and maturity is important to have for both parties.
So true. Emotional intelligence is what I'm trying to learn, currently. I also write what I learn on my Instagram page @purposology.
Wow wise words you are amazing thanks for sharing
So true!!
love this!! emotional intelligence is key
What is truly heart-breaking is when two people who are very compatible break up because one of them didn't love the other enough
That hit hard
@lol ok I need someone to answer this pls
in my case 2 ppl that love each other like crazy but arent very compatible
in other words, if they find the battle worth it.
@lol ok i can't answer for this person but I've been in a similar situation. Compatibility can be anything such as hobbies, values, religion, political beliefs, family, where you wanna live, compatible careers even? or getting each other's social cues and you feel like you're communicating with them telepathically. However, for my case, Ego, third party sources, and personal growth (on both sides) got in the way of a strong, intense connection even though it had so much compatibility 🤷🏻♀️
Never beg for someone to stay in your life. Let them leave and be your own person. You should never have to convince anyone to love you
so true
True I had to learn that the hard way and it's better to be single and accept yourself for who you are than to be with someone that is controlling and jealous.
Amen to that. I definitely agree
true also don't stay with someone when the love isnt truly there and its an one-sided love or the other one starts to get disrespectful.💯
Extra Marital Affairs, Why People fall in Love
ruclips.net/video/B0fOPGGwQQY/видео.html
By dating my ex I realized that I had suffered childhood trauma and after the breakup and going to therapy it unraveled my whole world. I discovered my mom was a narcissist, that my father is toxically codependent. And I’m still on the journey of healing. It’s been really hard
One lesson that dating has taught me is that I was naive. I didn't even have a chance to pick up on those red flags. I eventually learned with the pain of first hand experience when it was too late
Same, we all are naive at first 🤗🤗
"To find someone you love, you have to be someone you love."
So true i agree
Thank you.
A quote narcissists live by.
Love this
@@boss4330 how is this narcissists from your perspective?
“love does not automatically translate into compatibility”. So true. It’s a hard lesson I’m finally coming to understand and accept. You can love someone so deeply and still know that there is something missing.
But what do you love about them then?
I wish the level of compatibility was simple to define
In my opinion, love and compatibility are independent from each other. You can love someone and not be compatible. Love is about having a profound connection and compatibility is about being accepting of eachothers beliefs and values. One can certainly exist without the other. It just happens.
@@melimel3706 you can't really love someone if you're not "compatible" with them, even with your definition of compatible, it's inconsistent.
Real love is not a feeling people are brainwashed with in Disney and Hollywood movies. Real love is God and his principles of morality. If you don't know God's principles then you don't know real love, and if you don't know real love. You can't really love yourself, and if you can't love yourself then you can't love someone else, and they can't love you. It's that simple.
You're so right. I wish healthy relationships was something taught in school. So many high school heartbreaks result in suicidal thoughts, low self esteem, etc. There's more to worry about than getting pregnant, stds, whatever. There's abuse, and dependence, and those things are very dangerous as well.
Schools shouldn't have to learn it, parents, grandparents should learn it, but sadly so many children are raised in broken family, so mostly single mothers want that government save then from their wrong decision.
@@juriscervenaks8953 But if the schools had taught their parents, they would know? It's a widespread problem, so it has to start somewhere.
@@boots1622fan yes it has to start somewhere. But more important question why parents stopped teaching their children these important knowledge? They were thought in past. I think they stopped teaching between both world wars. But government (aristocrats) started world war 1, so they responsibility would be to hire teachers that teach it in school, but they don't care about citizens. modern school system was designed by Rockefeller's and other elite families, they designed it to learn only manual factory work, and most government schools are still teaching with same attitude. Government bureaucracy takes long time to change, if they want to change in first place. It is much faster to change by sending your children to private schools, and let government schools go out of business. Here are good private school. ruclips.net/video/p5zIWw4gu8c/видео.html
@@juriscervenaks8953 ...Not everyone can afford private schools. You really think they would be better about teaching social skills?
Extra Marital Affairs, Why People fall in Love
ruclips.net/video/B0fOPGGwQQY/видео.html
Ive been with my fiance since I was 19, so about 10 years now. For me, we made it this far because we both know to always acknowledge how much we mean to each other. We have different goals and interests, which allows us to be independent, but together in supporting each other. We hangout with our own friends and have a healthy mix of hanging out together with friends. I can honestly say that if we broke up, id be fine eventually and start dating again. But i like my fiance, im very much attracted to him and hes fun to be with. So i guess thats another big tip. You know theyre the one when you choose them over and over again. Like your favorite star in the sky :)
Feels nice the last phrase is cute
Thats not love, I see it more
Like an friendship between
You and your lover. You are not
Truely free.
@@qhuizatlantis8484 Exactly
@@ordemeprogresso727 welp, we're married now
💕😊
Healthy relationships are two complete people coming together sharing their completeness.
GTZ I’m not complete so it’s probably better if O don’t date lol
@@maxd.1730 no one is truely complete. Completeness is like perfection± almost impossible to achieve. on a weekly basis we change and add on to one self.
Being with someone else could help you discover parts of yourself, what you like and what you don´t like. Having a relationship also incourages some to improve themselves. A significant other often wishes the best for you and helps you improve themself and the other way around.
GTZ ♥️
@@tank7474 u make alot of sense there hmmm, i guess i have to consider what u said yop
Well, I don't think anyone is ever absolutely complete, but I understand what you're saying. I would rather say, both people have matured beyond trying to find what they are lacking in someone else and this allows them to see each other clearly. Then they don't need co-dependence and can reach for real, unconditional love.
"When we made that person our whole life instead of just a part of life"
Huge mistake of someone who falls in love
This is my first time being into a relationship and this is my mindset which is kinda sad. I'm learning tho.
@@jcm2789 we've all been there, one way or another. You'll be fine just be yourself and don't alter yourself for someone else unless you want to. Godspeed
As a woman, if he is the RIGHT GUY, there is NOTHING wrong with becoming one. Independent women = no thank you. You are great and all, but not as a life partner
@@WomenofHighValue Too much of something ruins the beauty of it, and every person needs some time for self evaluation and peace of mind. Doesn't mean they love the other person any less, love is good, obsession is not.
Sayantan Chatterjee So, are you saying infatuation is a bad thing?
Infatuation is fantastic! And I’m creating a movement that helps people to keep that going forever, and make it scalable. It takes a trustworthy and honest man to make it work. But it’s gonna happen.
I can't believe how much this makes me feel understood. My boyfriend and I decided to end things last week, after two years together. We loved eachother endlessly, I still love him now, but we weren't happy. We didn't have anything in common, so we barely spent any time together (even though I lived with him for two months at the end). It's been so hard, the relationship was great sometimes, but difficult. I did make him my everything, I didn't fully experience things unless I told him about them, his family became my family, and it has made the break up so much worse. I was scared to be alone and I was scared what life would be like single, without him, without that family. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I'm hopeful that I can achieve happiness on my own in the future x
@Xochitl Xochitl me too :/ we got this, ur not alone
How are you now a month after? I hope you are doing well. :)
I just wanna know just because you had nothing in common you broke up? What made it end because what confuses me is that how can two people love me each other but not wanna be with each other. I dont get it
I feel your pain. My soon to be ex and I have a strong physical and sexual connection, but almost no intellectual, spiritual, or emotional connection. I thought those could be developed over time and was unfortunately really wrong. She is a good person and has treated me well. It’s really challenging to end it, and go through the impending pain, but I know that’s what must be done. She deserves to be loved the way she wants to be and I deserve to have a deep connection with a fellow Sapiosexual (just found that out about myself) lol.
me too! fighting ❤️
Dating has really taught me to be more independent and to hold more true to my boundaries and integrity. I’ve developed a better relationship with myself and learned to have more self worth! I still get lonely sometimes and it can feel unbearable to think I might never find someone in this life, but then I get over myself and go about my business again 😂
I’m with you girl!!! Wow hahahaha same
Just stay single then
What dating has taught me is people are so concerned with, "how do I get the girl/guy?" That they stop being concerned with, "does this guy/girl even deserve me?"
Or "Do I like this girl /guy?"
Also "do I deserve this guy/girl?"
@@lauraelizabethbrown If you even have to ask that question, the answer is no.
Without sounding high and mighty, I've definitely been into people who I've had to stoop down a level or two for. It's not that they weren't great - they were. But their respect for me from the beginning wasn't up to par and I allowed it. I'm not doing that this year.
@@sarakjeldsen769 Good for you. I used to think that the only girls I could be with were the girls who showed interest in me first. This kinda lead to me being targeted by sociopaths and just generally controlling women. It wasn't until I became the person who I wanted to be, who I respected and admired; that I began attracting better women. Now I have options and am being very selective as to who I will begin my next relationship with.
I've been dating for about 8 years, here's what I've learned is the key to success:
1. Honesty from the very start
2. Partnership, not only taking care of one another, but also caring for others together
3. Comunication, active listening, if your partner lets you know of a negative action of yours they didnt like, show them you listened and cared by working together for improvement
4. Having things in common is important, but not on superficial level (movies, music), but future goals and values.
If a partner doesn't really put an effort in these 4 things, I see it as an ok from them to move on.
YOU'R RIGHT!!!!!
RIGHT! so RIGHT! This one is very important for me: 3. Comunication, active listening, if your partner lets you know of a negative action of yours they didnt like, show them you listened and cared by working together for improvement.
That single rule is far more important to me, because it shows to me that my partner will be honest and take my feeling into account. Last year my ex lied to me, a day after my bday too, she didn't tell me that she was going to go and spend time with her friends at a comic book expo. Instead of letting me know, and maybe invite me to it as an after bday event. She did nothing, I pretty much found out a month after that she had done that action. I brought it up to her attention, because it did hurt, only for her to totally ignored the point I wanted her to understand and she tried to flipped it on me and blamed me for other past issues. Along with insulting my successes in my career and my weight loss, I dropped 85 pounds, she pretty much belittled me and my accomplishments. I ended the 10 year relationship with her...it hurt and I still miss her, but I had to realize that I can't be with someone who doesn't care about working together and communicating to make our relationship stronger. My ex, sadly, has severe insecurities and doesn't know what love is.
4 is so true. I recently had a relationship with someone that ended up terribly. We had a lot of common on a superficial level but our core values were radically different. I ignored it and ignored all the red flags. Big mistake. Core values are what is important. On the other hand there was this other girl from years ago with whom I had nothing in common but our core values were similar. I felt good with her and when we could spend hours together. I never understood why because we shared no similar interests but now I get it. I let her out of my life and today I regret it.
@@lotharschramm5000 WOW!!!
What's taking care of others together exactly?
To make someone your everything is like saying that that person is responsible for your happiness, and that is just unfair, too much.
Dating has taught me about valuing people. I wasn’t always the best at dating, I was really awful to some of my partners. It’s not an excuse but I didn’t know myself. When you have no idea who you are or what you want you become incredibly pointless and this reflected on my relationships. I’m now on a journey of being faithful to myself, falling in love with myself, and never fearing being alone.
At least you admitted u were the problem
Just falling in love with yourself will not help in loving your partner and stuff if you're just selfish cause you just love yourself it will hurt both person
In my opinion two of the most common reasons why relationships fail are;
-not respecting one another
-giving your partner too much attention
These are my thoughts:
- wanting to change your partner
- not acting like a team and not supporting each other
- misunderstanding in communication
Absolutely
Sophie Zett 100% agree
Sophie Zett These are my thoughts: 1)Too dependant or reliant 2)Made their entire world or life based on their partner
3)Miss communication 4) Priorities gets in the way. 5) Not worked on their own goals, what their purpose is, their own inner peace and their own health. 6)Changing your partner and no acceptance 7) Different level of consciousness, different compatibility and different of opinions could either help you grow together and learn from each other or completely split you people apart. 8) Not figured out who you are
Don't give anyone too much importance, love yourself more than anyone (apart from your family), he/she isn't family, your mom, dad, bro, sis are your actual family, they'll never leave you in your bad times(mostly), love and respect yourself first.
First: Not a native speaker
I think this "you have to be whole to be love someone" attitude is dangerous. Everyone can have moments of self-doubt and even self-hatred. Those are moments of weakness and do not mean, that you don't love yourself. People could misinterpret this message and think they are not enough or that they have to grow before they can date or even love someone. Also, some people are just a mess, but sweet and very lovable people. Some are just inexperienced but capable of great love and understanding (love of that could also be you or me, without knowing it).
I also think, you see dating as two extremes. Either the relationship could be harmful or perfect. The truth is, the best relationship is both at times. I also dated for 10 years and had several long- and short-term relationships that were great and crap and I also have my fair share of issues, just like my partners had because we were human beings. Last month I ended the best relationship I ever had. She was traumatized, sometimes annoying and we honestly just tried it out. The relationship even had flaws, but even after the butterflies ended, I could not imagine to leave her.
The reasons for our separations were life-based. In the end, I had to move because of my work and she didn't want to move with me, because she loved her city and had her family here. We just could not figure out how to fix it and I had no choice. We haven't been that long together, therefore, it seemed logical.
What I'm trying to say. You don't love yourself any less when you give someone a chance.
Forget the idea, that you or your partner will be perfect or that anyone of you will never have doubts in you or the other. Also forget the idea, that your partner will be at the same emotional or psychological level in his or her life journey as you. Help them or let them help you.
You will never be perfect, you will never meet the perfect partner and your relationship will never be perfect. Humans are not perfect, most humans are not even sane sometimes. Humans are not what they show in Hollywood and most philosophers were sad loners, which means we should take their advises and ideas always with a grain of salt. Sometimes it feels like that our throw-away society, flees into the minds of old philosophers to excuse the fact, that we sometimes throw away perfectly fine people as well.
You guys will love each other and sometimes even hate each other. It will hurt, it will be messy and it will still be the best god damn thing you have ever experienced.
Lower your expectations. This does not mean you should settle down for everyone, but stop chasing dream partners that do not exist. Yes, it is good that you can live alone, but if you don't want to it's alright as well. I have some issues and I have some doubts and I know I can fix a lot of them and others will stick with me forever. I still think I'm enough. I'm good enough. I could live my life alone and could still be happy, but I wish to find a woman that I can marry and have several children with because I want to be a husband and a father. I do not look for the perfect woman. I know she will have issues and some doubt at some point, god knows every woman I met until now had a lot of them, but this does not mean, that she won't be great and that I won't love her.
In the end, nobody is perfect, most of us are a little bit insane, but if you find someone you love and the other person loves you as well and you both stay stubborn than you can work through all problems.
Older generations had that mentality, youngers miss it a bit. I think a little bit of both is the healthy approach.
PS: I found your channel some days ago and like it.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad I managed to help some people :) Please all of you hang in there :)
D.M.S. You have given the best advice I have ever heard about relationships!!!!! Thank you! I really needed this perspective!
Your perspective really warms up my heart. Thank you. The meaning of love at least should be like this.😊
i love ur perspective!
Very well said! Thanks for sharing your experiences and insights :)
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -Sam Keen
Or at least trying to see them perfectly, we are also on the opposite side of this quote seen from the point of view of our partner with us being the imperfect one after all.
After watching this video and reading some comments I’m glad that, even though I’m 18 yo, I’ve never dated anyone. I’m still figuring myself out, fighting my insecurities, forming my values and standards as mentioned in the video. I don’t even consider myself mature enough for a serious relationship, which is what I want. The real struggle is the pressure to be in a relationship, or fall in love though. All my friends and acquaintances are somehow involved in love or dating but the thing is... I am not. I feel problematic sometimes because of that. I feel insecure. This video reassured me though and I feel honestly so glad that I found this channel💞
Yes bro same some time i too feel iam not enough matured to get in to a relationship.
Alice, trust your own instincts on this. Being single is a way to grow self-reliance and develop yourself. Its not shameful or a failure to be single just because your friends are in relationships. You have your whole life ahead of you to find a partner. Take your time and when someone does enter your life you will be better prepared to share your life with them without them taking it over because you jumped at the first guy that showed you interest. You sound really grounded. Enjoy being single and all the things you can do without anyone else trying to control or influence your choices.
I’m 22 and I have never been in a relationship aswell. I dated some guys and I’m glad I did because I leaned so much about myself including that I’m not ready for something serious. The pressure is getting bigger and it sucks but I think I should take baby steps otherwise I will never be ready I guess
19 here. Just went through a small rejection and I hope to focus on myself more again.
Same, I'm still learning about myself and I don't think I'm mature enough for a relationship yet
Damn, I envy those people who could learn about relationships by being in them. I, on the other hand, have to watch RUclips videos for that :D
Trust me is less painful
Truewe
@@gioovannabp Right on, but one needs to experience it to understand it.
Lucifer Morningstar I only say that because I was recently hurt, but it does give you an enormous amount of experience!
I used to watch videos as well. Worked on myself and learned to love myself truly. I then accidentally found someone really special. But it's definitely not all the glamour that it seems to be from the outside. Being in a committed relationship is hardwork. But then again you get to understand and learn all these new things about the world around you and yourself from the experience itself. I wouldn't trade it for anything. As well as love itself. No matter how difficult it may be at times.
You have to be your own light, otherwise you’ll drain the light out of others.
I'm on solar
Yeah.
i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years last night and really needed to hear this so that i can really remember why i'm taking this path, thank you.
I hope everything goes smoothly and you can take some positive lessons out of that experience. Best to you 🙂
mel ❤️🙏
Hang in there and be strong, you are doing the right thing for yourself 💕
Hi, I hope all goes well for you! I’m curious though, what made you realize that you had to break-up? My boyfriend and I still love each other dearly, but I feel like this won’t last, and I’m meant for someone else. But I don’t want our relationship to end yet for some reason.
In due time, it will all make sense 🖤
I took a really long time before I started dating. Last year I finally made some steps and met someone special. It took almost a year of just being friends for me to finally feel comfortable to start a relationship. But honestly I've never had more anxiety about something in my life. And I have had years of anxiety and depression. I am so worried of everything that could go wrong that I find it hard to just enjoy the relationship. Especially in this day and age when ppl no longer seem to care about making it work.
I think many ppl mistake attraction for love. But attraction lessens the more you get used to someone. Attraction is more about novelty and that rush of hormones. Unfortunately the media often portrays this as what love feels like and when ppl don't feel that rush anymore, they think there is nothing left to the relationship anymore. Love on the other hand only deepens and strengthens the more you know the other person. Real love doesn't come right away, it takes time to form.
I’ve been dating since 2008, so 12 years, and I’ve learned that people stay in relationships that aren’t working out because they find it hard to be alone. That is the truth plain and simple. Loneliness is harder for people to deal with than being in an abusive relationship as is evident by people in abusive relationships. They perhaps witnessed their parents fighting physically growing up and now as an adult they think that beating your partner is normal, so that also keeps them in a terrible relationship.
@Arwyn Why would you want to know? She is a complete stranger on the internet as are you and as am I.
What I’ve learned in 2yrs of dating is when I’m not satisfied with my life I’m guaranteed not to be satisfied with dating.
After years of not loving myself and trying to love others I realized that I am enough. The best part of self-love is that you stop trying to impress or control others, because you can't change others, you can only change yourself.
Alma Inspired ♥️♥️♥️
Do you have any advice towards building self love ? ❤️
@@julievialle2330 Self Love is our natural state, but unfortunately we are conditioned ( programmed) by society into believing that we are not enough, that we have to buy things to be happy or to feel beautiful. Or maybe as a child you don't receive love from your parents, and as an adult you believe that you are not worthy of love. Once you have this awareness, I suggest you look into reprogramming your subconscious mind ( Read Dr.Joe Dispenza and Bruce Lipton). After you can use the law of attraction to manifest that version of yourself that is secure, confident, and loves herself. You heal the relationship with your body by using affirmations and inner child work. Before going to bed you give yourself a hug and say I Love You, you can also put your hand on your heart and do this. There are so many other ways or tools that can help you, and if you want to know more about this you can check my channel. The Absolute Truth is that you are whole, perfect and complete and there is nothing wrong with you, you just need to remember this. ❤
Thank you so so much and I hope you're proud of all the work you have done ! ❤️ I will check your channel ! ❤️
@Rampart dude a narc is someone who is loving completely wrong and we all can change
NEVER BE WITH SOMEONE WHO BRINGS OUT THE WORST OF YOU. Contrary on what love songs tell us "you bring out the best of me", I was once with someone who it turned out to took out the worst, worst sides of me, I did things that I am ashamed of, I say stuff I shouldn't acted in ways it is not correct due to my morals and principles, like I was the awful version of myself. To be honest, I'm much more than that, I know I am, is just that sometimes, even if people are not "bad", they are not good for you, trust me and your intuition as well.
true. later you have to live with the guilt.
Couldn't agree more!
I feel you!!! My former married showed all the worst sides of my personality. I’m actually happy that this toxic relationship showed me all my imperfections.
Usually, codependent relationships show negative emotions and sides of the people. Only when you see something bad you can change it for better. We can be good people but we can also be bad. You shouldn’t deny any part of yourself.
Just always remember not to stay with people that make you feel bad. Or if you both desire to change yourself and the relationship for the best, take a try.
Extra Marital Affairs, Why People fall in Love
ruclips.net/video/B0fOPGGwQQY/видео.html
I'vd been with the same dude for 9 years. Our relationship works because he is a good person and has alot of empathy for others. We treat each other well. We have alot in of fun together and have alot in common. We want the same things in life like a house, no kids ( I had one already that grew up), road trips and entrepreneurship.
My past relationships didn't work because they were wrong from the beginning. I was with people I didn't even like or who didn't spend time with me or treat me well. I wasted time thinking things would get better but you cant change people into who you want them to be.
After you experience real heartbreak you won’t look at love the same way. If you have been deeply betrayed, have your heart rip to pieces.. It will either kill you or give just the most valuable lesson you could ever get.
true that , my ex cheated on me after 5 years I was thinking about killing myself but now I'm chasing higher purpose
@Cherry Muse Thanks mate the recovery is hard but with time i think i will get better. I am so confuse about my sexuality now and what is a relationship is suppose to mean everything so wrong so fake i dont know
Fortier Stephane I’m so sorry that happened to you I hope you never have to deal with that again
So true... I have the guy of my dreams now, but my relationship anxiety gets between us.
Killed me once, I almost recovered. Almost killed me twice, nah, I'm good all alone, thanks I'm out.
And the only one to blame is only I, myself and me. Noone else.
Dating lesson for me in 2019: don't try to heal someone when you're also struggling to love yourself. don't try and save people. that's compassion, not something that will necessary keep a relationship going. even if you see similarities in interests and mentality, it doesn't translate to compatibility. trying to fix someone? forget about it. fix your god damn self, love yourself, and bloody listen to your gut feeling, really.
that’s something I struggled a lot to understand too. I got myself giving everything I had in order to help the order to live.... when I should be the one healing myself. It’s something very hard to realize and to live with. But with time you just understand that you come first. Always.
If you need someone to fix yourself, you put them on the center on your life. Each time someone will broke up with you, you will be desesperate, demolish, going deep in the hole, and looking for someone quickly to fix you even if the persons is bad for you. Mean fear to be alone.
No one can fix you. Only way to fix you is going throught the hard way healing alone with yourself.
If your wife cheat on you, for BBD(Best Better Deal). Take care of your health, what you eat. Get to the gym, in a couple of month, your sex appeal value, your trust will just keep going up and one day. You will look around you, and realise how many woman eyes looking at you even man wishing to look like you. Woman will come more easily, to talk to you. It's take time, and effort, but it's worth it, just to be the kind of persons you will become, by getting trust for yourself.
Thank you for your words! I am starting and trying to love myself since Im passing by a bad broke up and it is making me feel depressed
That statement seems logical but the truth is everyone needs healing albeit at different levels. If with the right partner, you can grow together in your struggles and can still end up with self love. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive
Never date potentials. Dont try to fix what you didnt break bcos youll end up getting hurt.
Things really got dark and I had goosebumps when you started talking about how people begin to lose themselves in a relationship. You got me feeling all emotional lol, but you are speaking the truth. In my last relationship I think I sort of let this other person become my life as well as some of my friendships. Some of the things that made me who I am got lost and I'm only starting to get them back now. Clicking on your video was eerie because I feel like God is almost speaking through you to me. Thanks for the video
My ex (almost 10 years relationship) left me on 18th July for this guy at her office.
I loved her more than myself, this is where i’d lost my self respect. She started disrespecting me since February and mistreated. She left me as according to her i am “nothing” , don’t have a stable future.
Moment I needed her support the most, she left me alone with depression.
Look up the "better Bachelor" RUclips channel. This guy has good stuff for men.
@@bobflormam7136 Wow cool. Thx man
when she comes back, slam her with your self confidence.
I hope you alright.....One-Sided Love never works out believe me, let her she wasn't the one an coldhearted Person. Time heals but it still gonna be an Wound left.....I hope you can get out of that depression and find an good Woman maybe someday.
Extra Marital Affairs, Why People fall in Love
ruclips.net/video/B0fOPGGwQQY/видео.html
One lesson dating has taught me is to always follow your gut feeling. When you feel something is up, there probably is something up. I decided to ignore my gut feeling for so long, only to find out I’ve been right all the time. I’ll never ignore my feelings again.
That is so good! Your gut will tell you the things that your mind will try to rationalize.
Same thing happens for me all the time. When I'm going into a hallway or a room, I often have a feeling that someone's behind me in another spot. However, I always ignore it and get killed as a result. Trust your guts people!
mike brink no. I’m saying that you shouldn’t ignore your gut feeling. And when you feel like something up, don’t just ignore that and move on. Try to find out if your feeling is right.
mike brink especially if you have other problems your gut feeling might be completely wrong. like if you’re going through hard times you may feel like you’re not loved by your partner. or if you’re self concious you may constantly feel like your partner is cheating on you. i think it’s not good advice to always take action with your gut feeling
This is hard for someone with really bad anxiety. You can’t tell apart your gut from anxiety.
Don't go just for outer beauty, that's the worst decision you can ever make
Proverbs 31:30 "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised."
rangarirai kunedzimwe 🙏🏽
@@rangariraikunedzimwe2780 Ahoy my Zimbo ahoy🙌
@@MrFarai489
ahoy fatso ahoy!! it's an honour to be saluted by you..
So true bro
Be the person that you're looking for!
Compatibility is way much more important than attraction!
I believe it's like this: love is not a feeling or an emotion, but an action. When you say you love someone, you are saying that you care for them, support them, and try to understand them. People so often believe all there needs for any relationship to work out is just feelings of attraction or liking. True love is a love of giving. If someone loves you, they're gonna actually mean it when they say sorry, and they're gonna try to make it work and try to improve themselves. That's just what I've concluded from all the life endevors.
I feel like I'm losing myself in this relationship. I need to take a step back and find myself back. Do what I love to do alone. I will journaling, pour all my feelings out in my writing. I miss myself.
That's pretty fucked up. I feel sorry for you. And I agree with the measures you're taking. A relationship must inspire your best and not the opposite. I'll be cheering for you!
August Kohl agree with measures to pull away instead of trying to fix it? That seems shady from the other perspective. Either cut it off or try to fix it.
Stay away from Zina
Bruh...Muslims not even pose to be datin so your just makin things even more complicated w/ this you need to find yourself bs
Have a frank talk with the other person in relation. They might have issues too. Never assume you are only one who is having problem. You might be surprised with what they say. My mom used to take mini vacations. Worked like charm. Drastic measures end up in loneliness.
"There's much more to a relationship than love". Preach it, girl.
haha she is Not preacher dude.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Now this is LOVE!
Well she's totally right. My father made my mother his whole world and that ended his. I understand why he did that because naturally I seem to go through the same path in a relationship where I make the other person a higher priority than me. It's something emotionally that makes you want the other person so much in your life and makes you concentrate on them which ironically makes me less confident in myself, when I start focusing on myself it makes me much more confident in a relationship. Even though I know the problem I can't seem to fix it yet as I'm a really emotional person and gravitate towards my partner strongly. Hopefully I can fix this before I destroy my current thing going on with this girl, wish me luck guys
what you described about excusing toxic behaviour for various reasons is also called codependency which is very easy to fall into and very hard to identify. I found out after too long of enabling and have been working on my inner child once again. Thanks for the video!
3 Simple rules for having good long relation from someone who has been in relation for long time-
1> You are responsible for your own emotion and that includes happiness.
2> Long term relation like marriage needs more than love. It needs commitment and common goal.
3> Grass is always greener on other side. When you are tempted, talk about it frankly to you significant other or to someone who is in good relation. Never trust this information with someone who is in unhappy relation or trying to get near you.
At the end, there are two people in relation. Not one. So if one is unhappy let them free. Cry, eat ice-cream, get nice haircut or whatever you need to do and get over it. Don't blame other party or yourselves. We all have different needs and pace. See point 1. Be assertive about your happiness and grab it.
if you think dating is hard when you are young - wait until you are middle-aged
Praying for you
Dang My soul mate better hurt up and find me. Try meet ups app, i what older people find mates on there in different groups. Best wishes dear
Well I'm totally screwed then at 44 years old because I've never even had a single date in my entire life.Even in my teens and twenties women would always reject me and told me I was far too ugly to date them.I gave up on trying to date women when I was 25 because I knew my situation was just hopeless.All the rejections just destroyed my self esteem that I knew then I was unlovable.Women say they want confident men but how can I be confident when nobody has ever wanted me.
Paul Barnes that’s the problem! Deriving confidence from others. Honestly, I would never want to date someone like you because you seem to seek approval from others, that’s unattractive.
@@Bibirallie I agree with you totally,seeking external validation is something I need to stop doing.I don't blame you for not wanting to date someone like me as I'm aware of my flaws and I need to change as an individual.I personally wouldn't date anyone until I overcome my demons. My low self esteem is the root of all my problems and seeking approval from others is closely related I think.
You worded this absolutely beautifully. Everything you said was so accurate and resonating. I appreciate this video so much as I am currently going through something in which this type of advice massively pertains to. Please keep doing what you do
That commitment is an everyday choice, especially when you´re going through a rough period in the relationship.
This is where the word partner becomes so important, cause a relationship really is a partnership, which often has to do with problem solving (whether the relationship in itself is doing good or not).
Learning to take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions here becomes vital, and learning to express them in a healthy way without blaming your partner. Through this you may create a healthy communication where both you and your partner can feel validated, seen and heard.
This also helps when setting and accepting your own and your partners boundaries, when and how to compromise on both terms and finally to let go, if a compromise can´t be met and big boundaries are violated (deal breakers occur).
Patience is also a constant practice, while you and your partner are working through things in the relationship or individually.
Finally, thank you so much for making this video and sharing your wisdom :)
Wow, I would just like to say, I've been reading through the comments, lots of great advice here, you don't typically see a comment section of any video that is good. Thanks for your commentary and wisdom to all the contributers on this video of this particular page. Here's my two cents: don't go into a marriage looking to change your partner, if they are a silk cloth they are made of silk, a lion is a lion and a giraffe is a giraffe. If you have a giraffe and you looking to change them into a lion, you will be looking for misery and an inevitably bad ending
OMG- i loved this
Thank you
Social media is throwing a wrench in the dating scene these days. Think about it...there will always be someone who is more attractive than you, smarter than you and overall better than you.
In essence, one is easily replaceable. Especially these days - when you're literally a DM away from meeting your next potential partner.
Rick and Morty
Exactly.
That's why we need to change our model of what relationships should be to fit with the modern environment. It looks like most people are Neanderthals when it comes to relationships.
This might be true for really immature people, but trust me, I've dated guys who's friends called me "an upgrade" and the guy still went back to his ex or dated someone who at first glance wasn't anyone particularly special. It isn't really about the superficial when it comes to love. It's about that special thing- chemistry, compatability, etc. If anything, a lot of the attractive and ambitious people I've seen get stuck in the "getting used" loop. D: It's not a rule, but you do it happening.
Very well put Marco!
Lana whenever I'm struggling, your videos give me clarity. Thank you so much.
My learning: if you don't love yourself you can't live someone else. Self-love has been a turning point for me.
In the men’s dating community, there’s the old saying that goes “A Woman Should Be A Compliment To Your Life, Not The Center Of Your Life”. I imagine it goes both ways.
@@Black-Circle what bullshit is this
It's 100% the other way around. Men need women more than women need men. Do a survey if you must.
Super Saiyan 3 that’s bs
Super Saiyan 3 your reality sucks bye
And a gender war appears... Love my specie. 🙃
“[being in love is] a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit.”
-C.S Lewis
I just discovered your channel and I am so impressed by the way you express yourself! So mature and intelligent. 👏🏼
Never be too dependent on someone , have me time to make yourself happy by YOU , don’t give your happiness to other person that is yours and only you should have power on your happiness. ( lessons after dating for 10 months and then breaking up )
I am almost 22 and have never been on a date and never had a relationship.
Good for u . Start dating at 28
gänsefüßchen thai why 28?
Same I'm 20. But, I have commitment issues. Still working on myself.
I started dating at 18, found my first bf and we've now been Together for 10 months.. but trussst me, I've rejected SO Many guys before this One. They didn't seem trustworthy
I'm 21 and I recently finished a 5 year relationship, and It broke my soul, and now I want to grow and heal, so don't worry it will come eventually
Been married for 10 years... Every one should take this girl's advice. Its all true.
The first phase of being in love is the easy part. Everything else will start to reveal itelf. By that i mean the truth.
Wow. I needed this
Yup.
@@trunchqin4292 you won't know until you try.
Please make more of these videos. Sometimes it feels you're saying exactly what I learnt and the other times I'm learning from your experiences. Thank you for making this video. Needed this today more than ever. 💙
Watching your videos daily is becoming my habit. Really your YT videos gives so much of self confidence and self satisfaction. Thank you!
We're all looking for love, sometimes we make it complicated... we're looking for that someone who can make us feel at home, someone that brings out the best of us
Erika K 😃😃😃
The only person who can bring out the best is one's self, we just need to find a person who makes the transition holistic and worth sharing while we can do the same for them all along :)
@@livinginthemoment8254 hi !!! ♡♡♡
ruclips.net/video/U967YgRQLZc/видео.html
Oh wow! I recognize you from your channel! :D
When people say to their partner, ''you complete me' or 'you're my better half'. Opposites attract. Although we look for someone who we have stuff in common with generally, i think we are attracted to people who have traits that we respect and admire but actually lack in ourselves and wish we had. So when we partner up, and that person 'gives' you the strength you feel you lack, you feel more whole when you are with that person. If you're partner has the same flaws and weakness's as you, you resent them for it. When they act negatively in a certain situation, and it mirrors what you would do and you know it's not good, you can't stand it. Instead of being sympathetic, you judge. Although, really, you are only recognising and judging yourself. So you look for a partner that doesn't mirror your faults. You look for the opposite.
I think love is when your partner mirrors all the 7 mirrors.
- Who you was
- Who you are
- Who you wish to be
- Who your dad /mom is
- Who you wish you weren't
- Who you're proud to have become
I would never steal.
I would just save up and buy new.
Yet my bf liked stealing..
How's that recognizing and judging that what's in me?
What is there to be sympathetic about?
@@ST-yc7uj i don't believe you understand my statement. It went over your head i think.
@@ST-yc7uj i'm not talking about actions. I'm talking about insecurities.
Well said!
I am 21-years-old and I am just starting to date. I feel afraid and have minimal awareness of what is love and the things that follow in a relationship, but this video and others pertaining to self-betterment have helped. I thank you for your insightful content and I wish you well! Much love.
you just popped up on my home page and now you're officially my favorite youtube channel
I love smart people. I love you, Lana.
her voice is so soothing omg
I learned that you need to deal with your childhood trauma before hopping into a relationship.
That true
Why
Reading the comments about love here....and now im even more confused
You have to be experienced love through your own journey.
Who read more comments than concentrating on what she says?😂😂😂😂💞💌
lmao me
"love doesn't always translate to compatibility" spoke volumes to me. One of the biggest lessons I learnt was to stop letting go of who I am to try to meet the other person's expectations. I was trying so hard to force compatibility thinking it was coming from a place of love, when in reality it was just unhealthy and tiring.
in primary school i was once huuuuuugely infatuated with a girl who was a total douche! there was no hope in hell that she'd be good for me, none! i thank God for some of the wisdom gained over the years..
Spot on. I could've written this word for word. Wise beyond her years xx
This is such a well put together topic. Thank you for sharing your experience and the skills that these have taught you.
If Joe Goldberg from “You” had a RUclips channel, you’d be his next infatuation.
Self Sundai totally
Self Sundai hahahahaha this was amazing
Joe: Hello You 👀
LMAOOOO 💀
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA nice!
"A rapid fire can quickly get out of control and end in ashes" Wow, so true
Story of my life 😂
I can honestly say that my most serious relationship was absolutely filled with love for one another. But the incompatibility of lifestyle, friends, and family resulted in our separation and that was, and still is the most difficult thing to accept.
The biggest and most important thing that I learnt: Make yourself your priority. Once you do that the rest of your relationships will fall into the categories of ‘okay’ and ‘not okay.’ If they are healthy for you, their connection with you shouldn’t falter.
Imagine the world without romantic movies, fairytales, poetry and pop songs, I think people will be more intelligent and use their time and talent for bigger purposes, rather than chasing a romantic fantasy their whole life. And having the sole pursuit of feeding off from another person’s mind, body and emotions
Most guys are just chasing ass so I don't know what your talking about.
Sadly, very spot on but underrated comment.
I get what you mean but for me it's the other way around. My heart was too cold and I couldn't fall in love, I was lack of empathy, I barely cried or laughed. I started reading novels when I'm 21. Honestly, it showed me a lot of emotions that I had forgotten. I think i became more human from then on.
Dont really agree with you, yes, the constant nagging from society to have a significant other is annoying and can make u chase partners instead of focusing on urself, but without poetry, books and simply love we would be just robotic human beings. Accomplishing your dreams and loving someone can go hand in hand
i'd rather die
I do not agree with the whole "if you say someone is everything to you, it means you are nothing". When I say that my partner is everything to me, I mean that I would protect him with my own body if I had too, DESPITE my worth. But obviously anyone can interpret it differently :)
People in the comments are a blessing, sending love to everyone ❤️
I’ve spent my teen years taking advice from more experienced people and trying to make as little mistakes as I can and I regret it.
I regret not making stupid things and learning from my own experiences. Instead, I followed older people’s advice and spent years being so careful.
I wont do the same again. If I fall in love and forget the rest of the world or give up many things for my love, I will.
If it’s a mistake I’ll still do it.
I’ll make all of the most idiotic things I can do in my dating life. Please please please dont live your life with someone else’s experiences.
Then you wont have a life of your own.
Lol I was definitely like this. Too afraid to make a mistake, too afraid to open up. For years I pushed away anyone who showed any interest in me. Then I got sick of the loneliness I felt, and I said to myself, screw it. I'm taking things at my own hands. I'm going to follow my emotions. Not my mind.
So I made my mistake 😂 People said that that person would hurt me. And he did, in the end.
I learned one or two lesson, I think. And one of them was, go back to listening advice of people around you, lol. Because whether I like it or not, they know me and they were right.
I'm not saying you shouldn't make mistakes or live your life trying to be perfect. You're right that you should make your own decisions and your own mistakes, because nothing teaches you more. But when you make your own mistakes, you have to own up to them. You have noone to blame but yourself. I didn't like that feeling very much.
undyne the undying Well, you’re probably right but again,
You were hurt and now it’s your own experience, and I think noone’s advice is worthier than your own experiences.
If you had listened to people and left that person earlier, you would always wonder if you two could work it out. Instead you have very valuable lessons.
I'm too smart to get hurt and then take the lesson. Sorry.
But that's because I get attached easily. So I am extra careful.
Yes it’s better to go out and experience and know that lesson from experience.
i find dating to be a serious waste of time in ones youth, ive seen too many of my peers get way too distracted by it so i choose to stay away atleast until ive established myself
DimsThe Immortal u very smart!
Good point but at the same time we may end up loosing opportunities when we’re lost in getting established
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I have to share my experience. I've never had a relationship till a year ago, when I met this guy that changed my life in ways that I couldn't imagine. I was scared of people, of speaking, of sharing my thoughts and feelings with others, but he opened me a door to the world. He's not my entire world, obviously, but what I'm saying here is that, yes, maybe it's a waste of time from the economic, educational point of view, but from a personal point of view, the right person can make you grow. So don't just shut down all the possibilities that you encounter... there are good aspects in everything
@@sofiagoulding3809 yes if you can get that lucky to find someone who is just as ambitious as you straight from the jump i for one am not willing to go through that trial and error period at 20, ive seen how a relationship can make someone become unambitious and a general worse version of themselves like with my brother so i just dont want to turn out like him
thanks God that i found you during quarantine , you're making our thoughts so easy to understand them
You cannot love others until you love yourself first. That's what I have learned and it has led me to something I have never imagined possible.
I have been married over 10 years and love is definitely not enough you're very right. It's a partnership and it's about your dedication to helping each other grow as individuals, side-by-side....no matter how grey the skies are.
Jenn Morgan thank you for saying that.
Jenn Morgan going through a breakup and realizing as much as the many mistakes ive made and chances i was given and ive given him, I have to acknowledge that it also takes a level of emotional stamina to never give up no matter what, that has to be part of the relationship for it to work
@@parisak6170 Yes that's true. Honestly, if we weren't married, we probably would've "broke up" a million times already LoL I'm so glad we didn't though...it's been worth all the tough times to get where we are now.
@@WhisperzVerse have you ever thought of upgrading to another guy, even while married?
@@user-hi2nd Nope.
In relationships don’t ever chasing someone who’s doesn’t chasing you in the end you gonna lose your self in that battle.
Full your own cup by your self
Is exactly where I am right now..i've chased him for 5 years and now I feel I completely lost myself. I don't know how to get back to myself..
Hi How do you fill up your own cup? باسم خليل
marishkaspirit seeking God
@@shea88barbie depends... What makes you excited about life? There's a wealth of knowledge out there... You can fill your cup by learning skills and about things that interest you; whether spirituality, relationships, quantum physics, chemistry, biology, "how do they_______", etc.
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Thank you for posting this video.
You have pretty much summarized most my views of interpersonal relationships.
One of your best videos! This is something people need to hear! and reminded of sometimes!
Find someone you can be your true self around, where that's enough for them.
I recently got out of a long-term relationship (almost 3 years) and we started dating when we were both 17. The decision to break up was his idea, but in this short amount of time I have had to quickly learn and adjust to the fact that he is not my priority anymore. It can be so difficult to stop worrying about a person (and I still do care about him) but the moment you learn to let go of the fact that you can no longer influence their actions is so freeing. If you are going through a tough break up I swear it does get better, take it from someone who felt that there was no hope for them.
While I still love and care for him and, the hard truth is what Lana has said “Love does not automatically translate into compatibility”. While we loved each other deeply, he needed to be on his own, and in truth I did too.
If you're someone who is wanting to break up with someone because you need to be alone, make sure you are open and honest with them early and don't leave them in the dark. and if you are someone who has been broken up with for that reason, take it as a blessing and a sign that that person was not the right person for you.
I have learn so many things through your journal. i did't realize that my relation was setting apart, my lady has been so supportive and i couldn't understand her feeling i thought i love her so deep and nothing can set apart but lately i am wrong,and i have learn something very grateful of which it seem to be toxic relationship. THANK YOU!
Wow!! That is really deep for someone so young. I am deeply impressed. Your thoughts remind me of a Steven R. Covey diagram on personal development. He stated that we go from a stage of dependence to independence to interdependence. I can see your perspective because far to many people fail to embrace and master their existence in the independence stage of life. Sadly we rush from the dependent stage of life into the interdependence stage as lose ourselves and our identity out of the fear of being alone. in my mind, we must all come to realize that we are born and die alone. Why can't we be graceful and grateful during those times of transition when we are blessed to have companionship. Keep up the journaling Lana.