My Spouse Is Hiding Something From Me
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- You shouldn’t have… but you did. You went looking through your spouse’s stuff and stumbled upon something that shocked you.
Or maybe you want to snoop... you think your spouse is hiding something!
your.marriageh...
When you think your spouse is hiding something, it makes you paranoid. When my husband did this- I had suspected he was hiding something for YEARS. Each time I asked him about it, he denied it. But as much as I wanted to believe him… deep down I didn’t.
There are many reasons why your spouse could be hiding something. And, just because they’re hiding something doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, or that your relationship is over, or that your relationship can’t be fixed. However, there are some things you should consider if you think (or if you know) your spouse is hiding something.
First, why do you think your spouse is hiding something? Has there been a change in your spouse’s behavior that leads you to believe they are indeed hiding something?
(For an in-depth look at how to identify if your spouse is hiding something check out this video: • Infidelity - Signs Yo... )
For example, we worked with one couple where the husband was absolutely convinced that his wife was having an affair (but he couldn’t pinpoint why.) There was little to no change in her behavior- she wasn’t gone from home, she wasn’t trying to hide her phone, etc. However, when her husband asked to check her phone constantly and called her constantly to check her whereabouts, she pushed back.
His paranoia ended up creating a big problem. His wife started to feel controlled. She pushed back, not because of what she was doing, but because her husband created the problem. Here’s what this example teaches: Don’t assume your spouse is hiding something and start treating them as if they were hiding something. If they are not hiding something… it will make everything worse. You need to know if your suspicions are based in reality.
If you’re thinking, “The only way to actually find out what’s going on is by snooping!” Here’s what you need to know: do not snoop. Do not snoop!
You may also be thinking, “How am I doing anything wrong if my spouse is the one who’s hiding something?” First, it’s absolutely wrong for your spouse to hide things or lie to you. However, if you find something by snooping, what are you going to do with that newfound information?? Confront your spouse? Ignore it?
If you confront your spouse, what do you expect them to say? It won’t be good. Your spouse will get mad and defensive, feeling like you’ve betrayed them by violating their privacy.
The hard truth is your spouse will be mad at you even if it doesn’t seem fair or logical. The fact that you snooped will cause your spouse to focus on what you did (not what they’re doing wrong). Most likely, this will not provide opportunities to work on your relationship, as your spouse will be focusing on their hurt and anger.
So, what can you do if you suspect your spouse is hiding something? If you can, talk to your spouse at a time where they feel safe. Often, a spouse hides something because they don’t feel like they have a safe place to share. The safer you can make the environment, the more likely they are to open up and tell you the truth.
If you tried this, your spouse didn’t open up, and things got worse, here’s what we recommend. At the end of your conversation tell your spouse, “If you ever want to talk, I am here for you.” This leaves an opening for your spouse to come to you in the future.
I need to say this as well- your spouse may never tell you the truth. You cannot make your spouse tell you something. You cannot make them be honest, even if you find something out and know they are hiding something.
But if your spouse does talk to you, how can you make sure you’re prepared to handle it? Check out our three resources below:
First, work on you. Work on becoming the best you that you can be. marriagehelper...
Second, stop “push” behaviors: marriagehelper...
Third, get a Marriage Helper Coach. Our coaches can guide you through the specific nuances of your situation- and what you need to do to be able to handle it. They want to help you think these things through. Call us at 866-903-0990 for more information.
There is hope, and we are here to help!
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She is wrong. Knowing is half the battle. At least you know what your dealing with and can protect yourself from unwanted sharing of germs...boundaries are not unreasonable.
A spouse shouldn’t have secrets they need to hide. I never had to worry about it because I had no secrets. She knew all my passwords and everything was open to her at all times. That’s how it’s supposed to be. If I woke up and found my wife snooping...I’d just roll over and go back to sleep. Or I’d tell her to have fun and let me know if she finds anything interesting. Hiding secrets in life is way to stressful
JohnnyRebKy exactly. I do not agree with her on this. To feel safe one also must be able to know that at any point they can check whatever they want to. Both spouses should have full access to anything and everything at any time. It shouldn’t even be an issue in the first place. Why lock something up unless you have something to hide? This does not create safety. I didn’t get any classic signs; only a feeling. If I had not listened to my gut or intuition and checked his phone, I would still be sitting here contemplating whether or not I’m just crazy and over reacting to the subtle queues. In fact, prior to the discovery, I never checked anything. He took advantage of that and it added to his vulnerability. Now, I can check anything I want ,with his permission, and vice versa.
That's awesome Dude. Life would be perfect if everyone was this way.
Yesssss. 🌺
Exactly. Her advice is not helpful. Yoir comment is more helpful than thus entire video.
Because, that would be a whole other video. A trust issues video.
If you feel they're hiding something, 98% of the time they are. If you feel the need to snoop, 98% of the time your gut is on point
100%
Yes this is true. Most of the time I'm right
Yes! I found stuff!
@@madisonandthefarm I'm sorry. It's tough to know it but heartbreaking to see it 😞
Facts.
The secretive spouse is going to deflect and be defensive no matter what.
Leaving a cheater is not a vengeful act. It is self respect. People should not be told to suck up disrespect from their spouse who "loves" them!!
Exactly. Some of these videos are way off base
Ok.........but HOW is their anger justified if you actually FOUNF something in their phone that they lied about? Ridiculous. I've tried "talking" and it goes nowhere. NO ONE is going to tell you the truth when they're doing wrong. I feel that if your gut tells you something is going on yet they refuse to tell you, when you "snoop" and fund something, their right to get upset should be null and void.
You have to stop them from turning it on you. If they can pull that maneuver they will. I've had that happen, and I just keep pounding the truth of the matter.
I'm experiencing this, been shouted at and there is always manipulative self righteousness. I'm feeling so broken 😞
@@littlemissy8356 they will do this no matter how you approach it.
"im always hear to talk to you".....continues affair. excellent! one thing i have learned is always trust your gut. if you feel something isnt right, it isnt.
I disagree with this information. Just because he's going to be mad, doesn't 't make the situation any more legit for him. The person that snooped has the upper hand for catching him. Having evidence is the best way to see the truth. Come on he's not going to ever tell you on his own. But at least you have the truth. I think every one of us knows what we would do in that instance.
Completely agree, saw something by mistake and was so verbally abused that even though there were lies, I has to apologize to keep the peace. Also can't go anywhere cause he has me excluded from his Will and I am only viable to share with him while we are married. I'm so confused, 24 yrs later and such a big fright again.
I feel like this advice is ignoring some very important things to consider. If your spouse IS having an affair and your plan is to create a safe space and wait for them to build up the courage to tell you the truth . . . Every day that passes is a day your put yourself at risk to an STD that could be introduced to your relationship through their extramarital partner(s).
Hey friend! We actually have created quite a few videos that hit on this subject. The video is talking about "Should i have sex with a spouse who cheated?" and we talk about how you need to be careful when considering it because of the possibility of getting an STD.
You can find that video here:
ruclips.net/video/f3FQ9gOy2rQ/видео.html
Exactly!!!!!
The more of these I watch, the more I don’t want him back.
Thank you for the clarity x
We are so sorry to hear your pain Hayley. We understand how hard it is for someone to go through a situation like this. If you would be willing to watch this video, it might help give you some more clarity on your situation. Find that video here: ruclips.net/video/06Zj76c_rio/видео.html
I can relate
Oh wow!!
You can't stop your wife from lieing but you can leave broken pg heart and all. Living with a lair will destroy you.I usually Learn much from this lady . when someone can look in your eyes and lie to you. To live with that is to much to ask
Steve Mines exactly
We are sorry to hear the pain you have been feeling from your wife lying to you. Dr. Joe Beam actually created a video on this exact topic that I feel would help you understand why your wife lies to you. Find that video here: ruclips.net/video/-6EjTYUlaDs/видео.html
If your spouse is secretive with their phone then walk away.
BINGO!!
If they're secretive in front of u be careful too
Sometimes not telling your spouse can cause so very very much more pain ::(
So sad but true! Becoming a safe place is the best way to allow your spouse to feel open enough to share things that may be on their heart. We are so sorry to hear you are in so much pain. If you would like to call and speak with one of our Client Representatives toll-free, out number to call is 1 (866) 903 - 0990! Blessings,
"The expression fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me has its origins in the 1600s. The idea is found in a book written by Anthony Weldon in 1651, The Court and Character of King James: “The Italians having a Proverb, 'He that deceives me once, its his fault; but if twice, its my fault." If this idiom has been around since the 1600's it's going to be a hard sell to stop people from snooping. While yes it's unhealthy and can cause a huge amount of stress and a blow to the ego. I can't see why it's a terrible thing to uncover the truth about bad behavior when your life depends on it. STD'S, secret babies, obsessive men and women who seek to hurt you because the cheating spouse is busy in limerance and can't see the red flags. Cheating is not a new behavior for humans, nor is hiding infidelity. Unfortunately, some humans haven't learned that hiding is the worst thing a person can do in a marriage but it seems the counter behavior is always snooping. The trust died when the spouse secretly and decitfully cheated. Blind trust after that is a hard sell in my opinion.
I would want to find out the truth but maybe that’s I’m divorced lol. I don’t see how I could live like that and wait hoping they may tell me the truth one day
Before you even confront, get an STD test. Take care of you, Bae.
The truth is never wrong. It may hurt, but without the truth, the betrayed cannot determine what the correct next move should be for them. The unfaithful should never get "a pass" or not be made to face what they have done.
My spouse has always had the " transparency" rule unless I asked to see her phone when I feel she's hiding something. Says she doesn't want me to have her friends contact information lol.
If you are going based off of a "feeling" that she's hiding something, then you may want to avoid doing that! It can sometimes have the reverse affect and your spouse may react with anger in the idea that you are violating their privacy! But transparency is always a good rule to have!
@@MarriageHelper and that's exactly how it played out, she was angry and didn't react well. Fast forward from when I left that comment and after countless videos from Marraige helper, things seem to be slowly turning around for the better. Thank you for the education
knowing for sure means you can just go. if you are just imagining things, that might be a regretful thing to leave
If you are looking for a reason to leave your spouse, then you could do this. However, our mission is to save marriages and strengthen families. If you are wanting to make your marriage better than it ever has been, we encourage you to reach out to us. We have so many helpful resources that can help you navigate this difficult situation. Feel free to give us a call toll-free at 1 (866) 903 - 0990.
I would want to know if I am about to catch a disease.
this advice is honestly very clumsy
Kimberly clapping for emphasis is spectacular
WE 👏🏼 LOVE 👏🏼 THIS 👏🏼 COMMENT!
Should i or should i not confront him? I'm a bit confused. Because there is a part of me saying i should tell him the things i know rather than keeping quiet and expecting him to tell the truth which i bet he wouldnt.
That's where I'm at. I just saw something. And if I say something it's a big fight and denial but if I don't it breaks my heart, makes me depressed and I'm gonna be freakin sad for days . It's an issue that keeps happening. He even brought up at therapy ...how dare he!!! And he's still doing shit behind my back. I dunno if I can hold on to this until we meet with the therapist .I got proof . And will get more proof and put him on blast if we even make it that long.
@@soniarodriguez6577 yeah. You should keep all the proof and blast it all out when the time comes.
I can't believe how childish some of the comments are. If you find something WORSE while snooping then you win? Snoopers are thieves, paranoid and insecure, digging their own Graves, making themselves miserable, and their partner. The next step is timing the ride home from work, insisting on a text when leaving the office. If he's a minute late he is in trouble. He won't be allowed to go anywhere without her. Not allowed friends. Jealous of his family and anyone from his past. No one is pure as snow. Accept, forgive, forget or your life will be miserable. If an affair is suspected, everyone will know soon enough. My last relianship of 12 years ended because she thought I was cheating. I was not. She snooped and found nothing . That only proved I knew she was on to me and covered my tracks. She told mutual friends I was cheating.. they didn't believe her.. I just could not stay . The snooping and jealousy started year 10. Not when I was young, and cheating would have been more logical, but when I was about to retire. I thought perhaps early alzheimers. Anyway, I had to save myself. Don't snoop. Trust eachother or get out.
Whoa!!! If your spouse is having an affair then it’s your fault! Done with this.
I just found out that my wife is making x3 paycheck that I am paying for everything, even my grand canyon savings. I'm even paying for her little sister to go to college.
My chest hurts I don't know what to do
Hey American Coyote, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 (866) 903 0990 and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!
@@MarriageHelper I'll be reaching out soon, things are complicated right now
Can't agree.
My spouse and I are separated via border closings. I am in Brooklyn and he is in Budapest. I am to join him in April. But, I am reluctant. He keeps both his house address and his social media secret from me.
What?!?! Don't go!!!! Please don't go. You need to talk to friends and family on this matter. I feel you're going ti make a regretful mistake..
I would actively find out what he is hiding. Something is not right. Ask him for that info. If he doesn't give it, get rid of him.
Sexless marriage for over ten years and after she moved into another bedroom I bought a life like sex doll and now she’s accusing me of cheating on her
Your pod cast are a great help and listening to your monday talk show with Joe is great. Joe will talk to people and ask questions to really try and help Joe will find out and help your situation in the two to three minutes he talks to you than some coaches do in three setions. I am sure there are some good coaches to.I tried and mine in my opinion was lacking in experience. I recommend listing to talk show on Monday and talk to Joe and Kimberly they are good and look at a the pod cast that relate to your situation. These folks can help!!!
If I snoop and catch my spouse cheating, should I apologize for snooping?
On the meantime you are waiting for them to comr back use a preservative for protection against STD's
What do I do if my fiancé continues to drive by his ex wife’s house even after we’ve talked about it.
Leave! That is totally disrespectful to your alls relationship
He is apparently still tied to his ex. You are there because he doesn't want to be alone. RUN RUN RUN
He never ever says truth so ....?????
Exactly. This advice is not effective.
Exactly! Because if you love him so much... then you have to suck it up and deal with it. 🤷♀️😒
I found out my wife has four children instead of three and found out she has no high school diploma while she told me she was an RN. Also, I found out she had surgeries on her body. I am leaving her but wanted to know how to approach her to tell her I am leaving.
If this person is your wife. Why did you marry before finding out everything about her that you could? Married too soon.
Questionable advice.
Sorry don't agree. If my husband is hiding that he loves somebody else I can divorce and start my life again instead of living in doubt or in limbo for the rest of my life. So no I don't agree with you on this one.
What you're saying is wise, although it seems weird at first. As the kids say, whats you're describing is someone that is "ride or die". Most women, (and most men) are not ride or die. It's pretty easy to order up a new human on the internet whenever you're done with the human that hurt you... you can just repeat the cycle until you're 74 y/o and and alone and broke...
Very helpful,thank you.
Great advice
I did check my husband phone and yes he was texting a Instagram person I asked him and he said it’s just texting and that over time has grown to love this Instagram person I got upset and told him call her he said he’s never talked on the phone with her and the pictures are never the same so I called the number and a man answered idk when I block the number they get a hold of him with another number when I had started reading the texts between them and every other text were about if he was gonna do that for her that he was her King I just want to know if he’s being catfished he’s a different person when she text because of the time between texting he told me that if he stayed with me he would continue this emotional affair with (her) anybody out there heard of love over someone you never met only texting it’s been over a year
Please use punctuation next time. This is a headache to try and read. Nkt to be rude, but no one can read this and you deserve to tell your story effectively.
@@she_sings_delightful_things Amen! I was thinking the same thing lol.
Drop this guy. Who the hell stays with someone that is going to continue with that?
Thanks!
Great advice thank you
She's just drumming up business for her own company!!.... :(
It's a great company, they give great advice on how to save your marriage if you've fallen into troubles
We are sorry you feel that way Chris. We are a 501c3 nonprofit who has been working with marriages for over 20 years. Although we do have to keep the lights on in the office, we try to provide as many free resources as possible because we truly care about helping you save your marriage. We would love to talk with you. If you feel inclined, speaking with our client representatives is completely free. They are able to talk with you and hear your situation and guide you to the best resources that we have available. Our office number to call is 1 (866) 903 - 0990.
Blessings,
I disagree with you Cris. It has been intelligent and informative free videos for us to watch.
Great 👍 job .
Hit the nail on the head. Just wish I would have heard it a year ago.
What's Going On?
So many people miss the point. The reason they are hiding something or the reason they may be cheating probably has something to do with you, and pushing them will only push them away further. Push behaviors just tend to make things worse. That’s the point.
👏👏👏 💯
Just FYI what is your excuse when a person was already cheating on you right form the first day of your relationship? Is it our fault then too? Did we somehow deserve to wind up with a cheater? We just deserve to be lied to, cheated on because we asked for it? You’re literally removing accountability from the cheater and placing it solely on the victim of the abuse, disgusting.
A few weeks too late lol
Terrible advice
Mine was
Position 7:05. Guilt trip! 😆
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I don't agree if proven right I say confront the devil while there is time, talking to your spouse? They always lie
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