Is There An Old Friend You Grew Apart From? Take The Risk, Reach Out
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- Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025
- Is there is someone, a friend from your past, that you think about from time to time. It is worth taking the chance and reaching out.
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I am fighting a winter cold🥶so please let me apologize for my voice. I was fighting my cough the whole time! Hope you are staying warm❤
Curios where you are
did you get snow ❄️
Where I live in Northern Ontario Canada it went down to -40 with the wind chill. 😮 that kind of cold gave me permission to bundle up and stay inside🎉
@@babygrizwold I’m in Southern Ontario we’ve been cold but wow ❄️
@helenstewart4050 you don't happen to live in that snowbelt Lake Effect area. Do you? My daughter-in-law had gone to University down in London Ontario I remember him calling me saying that they didn't have any snow and here we were up north freezing our butts off 😆
@@babygrizwold ohhh too funny I do live in London oh my goodness we do have snow this year but so true many green Christmas’s lol
I had a good friend in my early 20’s that I did a lot of things with like going to parties, dinner and traveling, the beach etc... All of a sudden she disappeared. Not just from my life but seemingly everywhere. Over time, I got over it and moved on. Twenty years later she calls me out of the blue and wants to explain. We met up for dinner and she told me she left because she had been in crisis as a family member had violated her trust and that the experience had manifested into some unwanted behaviors that required her to seek treatment. Amazing that I had worried it was something I had done but in reality she endured such suffering she was forced to be with other family members that were able to protect her. She doesn’t live in my area but I still see her from time to time when she returns to the area and I’m glad we reconnected.
It's hard when it's one-sided. Imagine you reach out to the person and the person responds with being bewildered as to why you would bother to reach out. They remember you as someone who he or she knew years ago, but that's it. The person clearly has no interest in being friends with you now. That can be an awkward situation to be in.
Yes exactly why I mentioned accepting that it could go either way. It’s where the fear factor comes in and why most often we don’t risk it. Thanks!
Yes I agree. I have known a woman for over 50 years and we had been close friends and even travelled overseas together. When she reached out to me on Facebook I was very cautious because we had nothing in common anymore. She wanted to renew the friendship like it was all those years ago; partying, sleepovers, gossiping and a biggie for me her personal dramas! I just wasn't interested in being her friend. People move on.
I found the drifting apart happened for a reason or was unspoken and it is best to leave it at that.
Agree. We know when a friendship has run its course. Both friends have to want to rekindle.
You are such a class act! ( High praise imo!) I think you deeply consider your topics and give great advice! Friendship is so important a subject!
Wow, thank you! Much appreciated
I think when there’s too much water under the bridge, you are both different people and wouldn’t necessarily have the same connection again. For friends that I’ve given up on (for several reasons), I never want to reconnect with them because when I’m done, I’m done. No going back. I just walk away.
Totally understand. I think it’s a rare lost friendship that stays in your mind for years. Most ended for good reason. Thanks for your perspective
I totally understand for sure your perspective on it because that's the way that I feel. If I'm done I'm done. When I was younger I gave more chances and I would try more but now nope lol
Or not, an important thing to remember is the "why" you distanced yourself. If I ever choose not to reconnect there is a definite reason. Often it isn't time it's because they hurt us and who wants that again? I would rather take a chance and make a new friend.
Absolutely need to consider the why! Thanks
Hi Laura, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. What a blessing. And what a timely message for me. My story didn’t turn out like yours but hearing this from you confirmed for me that reaching out to my friend was the right thing to do. I met my friend in 1969. We were in the third grade then and we became best friends. I so related to your story about letters and talking on the phone as there was no social media back then. When older, we didn’t live in the same city after we graduated college but we wrote letters and talked on the phone for hours!! We would split the cost of the phone bill haha. She was my maid of honor and we stayed in constant touch for 43 years. We shared everything. In 2012, our phone conversations were becoming strange. We talked about spiritual things a lot but she was saying things that were concerning to me. I started digging online and discovered she was involved in a cult. After doing a lot of research, I started questioning her about this church she was going to and I told her I had serious concerns. She immediately dumped me. She told me to never contact her or her family again. I was devastated and went through a grieving process. I respected her wishes and did not contact her. Five years later, she shows up in my private messages and acted like nothing had happened between us. Like we were still friends. It was very strange. I was very cordial and friendly with her and this went on several days in a row. It was shocking to me. I never initiated any of those messages. Then they stopped. It always bothered me that she felt like she could just pop back into my life as if nothing had happened after cutting me off so abruptly. Two years later I was cleaning out messages and came across hers. I decided to ask her why she had contacted me as if nothing had happened between us after dumping me. Let’s just say it didn’t go so well. Another 2 years went by with no contact and on my 60th birthday she appeared once again in my email wishing me happy birthday. I responded and we had a few back and forth small talk emails. At that time she suggested me, her, and another mutual friend of ours (one of my college roommates I hadn’t had contact with in 40 years;and she had met my roommate when they both ended up working at the same design firm-small world). I told her that I was actually going to be seeing this roommate at another friends 60th birthday party in October but I could probably come to Dallas for lunch after the first of the year. I never heard from her again. I actually did reconnect with my old roommate in 2023 and it was like we had never parted. This friend tried to setup a lunch date for the 3 of us but my old x best friend declined and stopped communicating with her. Over the past 15 months I’ve sent her 5 texts…happy birthday, happy anniversary, random other things like “do you remember…”. No reply. The last text I sent was August. I’ve been reevaluating my friendships this year and so I decided to reach out once more to point blank ask her if she wants to try and mend our friendship ti where we can at least speak or if not, tell me that and I will not contact her anymore. I texted her and asked how she has been. I couldn’t believe it but she replied 24 hours later and said she was well, thanks. Basically a blow off. So I sent her a heart felt sincere text asking if she’d like to try and mend our friendship or if she wants me to not contact her anymore. I explained that I didn’t understand her silence and felt that our longterm friendship and bond of 43 years deserved some sort of communication. I never heard from her. Once again, she ignored. So I told her her no response was my answer and I would remove her from my contacts and would not contact her going forward. I prepared myself for this outcome and I’m fine with it. I never wanted nor expected to be best friends with her again. I just didn’t want to leave this earth on bad terms. Although over the years I’ve realized she was never a good friend to me, life is too short to hold on to the negative. I have no regrets reaching out to her.
At least you can say you gave it your all and tried. I am sorry it didn't end with you being close, and I wish you a deep friendship that will be everything you hope for.❤
I would never have made all those attempts to rekindle a friendship with someone who made it abundantly clear that she didn’t value you, as you did her. I had a friendship of 35 years which over the years changed. My ex friend became jealous, bitter at any success I had, copied everything I did, and started telling lies. After making way too many allowances for her (mainly due to the longevity of our friendship) I finally called her out which went down like a lead balloon - as I knew it would! I walked away and never looked back. My only regret? I should have done it sooner. Move on, you deserve better in your life. All the best to you 😊🇬🇧
Wow thanks for sharing! Atleast you got closure. You had to do what was best for you, no regret.
I had a similar friendship over 44 years. My friend told me all her many dramas daily . She had moved to a different country and i was invited to visit her. I was shocked to realise that she wasnt mentally stable and within days i unintentionally put my foot into it so badly that it things were very weird. I had to wait until my air ticket was due. Ive also tried the same things to reconcile... and i went through a grieving process too. Id also just like to be on good terms , at peace with each other, but i would have never predicated that friendship would end...
@@laurahillauthor Closure. Exactly what I was looking for. And I got and feel so much better! As you say, no regret. And no hard, bitter feelings on my end. : ) Thank you, Laura.
While cleaning up a room, I unpacked boxes full of stuff from my childhood, teens, and early 20’s. It was an emotional roller coaster 🎢 ride! I found a picture of a friend from high school that made me burst out laughing 🤣 If I intend to visit her city, I’ll email the picture to her as an ice breaker first. I think it would be lovely to have a cup of coffee with her one day.
Someone who makes you laugh out loud is definitely worth looking up!!
She was a funny, vivacious and attractive gal. I was only bullied once in high school. She told her mom and they both complained about it to the school which put and put an immediate stop to it! She was fun, but also so caring and kind. A friend that discreetly helps you when you’re being picked on is an angel 👼
I've been thinking about my past relationships that became friendships for a reason or a season. I can examine why things ended and I believe one friendship could have possibly been for a lifetime. Not nurturing the friendship may have been a regret of mine. The friendships I have are full and fulfilling. I don’t take their friendships for granted.
I'm glad you got to have more experiences with your college friends. Take care.
Thanks!!
I think you have to keep in mind that people you were friends with as a teen or even twenties can be very different today. Life hasn't really happened for and to most people by that age. So you really dont know what kind of person they really truly are. We are so often shaped for good or bad by our life circumstances and how we respond n grow by them. That's kind of why meeting new people who are who they are now can be better rather than romanticizing the past. Although if you had a real good friend for number of years and you were in yóur 30s n above that could be safer.
Keep in mind sometimes people just want to catch up to see what you look like n what you do and where you live etc. basically out of curiosity as we all naturally have n then it will easily fizzle out n sadly people wont acknowledge this n you may be left wondering if it was something you did or didn't do..
For me it was a big mistake, the friend I got back in touch with turned out to be very treacherous and stabbed me in the back . Reaching out to her is something I deeply regret.. I didn't expect that it would turn out like it did.
Oh no! I guess we assume the old friend will be that same person. Wow something to really think about. There can always be ulterior motives. Thank you so much for sharing. A reminder to me to go slow, always.
There is a huge lesson to be learned here. I had done the same with a "friend" only to be left hurt and bewildered by her behaviour. Much more discerning these days.
Words I needed! Thanks for being brave enough to say out loud ❤
So glad! Appreciate the comment
I tried reaching out on Facebook with a few friends from the past (high school), a couple of them never responded back to me.
Some may be like my friends who didn’t even know where to check messages, others may not feel good about their lives and don’t want to reconnect because of that. Hopefully you hear back from a few
and one may lead to another🤞🏻
@ I never really thought about people not using messenger until you mentioned it. Really enjoy these videos, Laura. Thank you!
Lol i definitely don't want to be getting invited n having to spend a fortune on their kids weddings,showers etc. perfectly happy to do that and did some of these obligations when i was younger and would have continued to do but not right out of the gate when reconnecting.
lol true, true too many gift obligations😂
This story was so engaging. Especially around 11:55.
Thanks so much!!
Hi. I don’t think you’ve talked about this. I’m wondering what your thoughts are and if anyone else has experienced this. I have a best friend of 40 years. We’re 59. We’ve been through marriages, children, divorces, deaths of parents together, etc. Small things and big things. Neither one of us has ever betrayed the other!
I got remarried ten years ago. Last year she met a man. He’s the first man she’s dated since her divorce 20 years ago. He’s much older than her. He moved in her house in less than a year. The four of us have gotten together 2 times. She makes excuses not to do things with me. Her boyfriend asks me if the four of us can get together and she ends up shooting it down. If I’m right, she’s hiding him from me. I know her so well, that she doesn’t like that I’d be able to see through anything that she’s “settling” for with him. So I’m out! Just like that. I’m being punished even though I’ve been a loyal friend. I can’t believe this is how 40 years could end but it’s a real possibility. 😢
Oh how sad. Maybe she has a touch of insecurity. Of course you want your friend to be happy but sounds like she wants him all to herself at the expense of your friendship. I bet it’s temporary. Once she feels confident and secure in her new relationship she will come back around. I have to feel sad for her. She may have gone for so long without a romantic relationship that she can’t juggle her girlfriends and her new man. I hope it works out. Leave the door cracked❤️
Recently reconnected with a friend I hadn't seen in over 10 years (we went to college together in Virginia too). In our 30s, we drifted apart due to various life circumstances. But we'd been close, and I missed her terribly! I was SO SCARED to reach out, but I sent her a card for Hanukkah, and she immediately called me to get together for dinner to catch up. I'm so glad we're back in each other's lives!
Hope you're feeling better. I'm getting over my first flu in years. It's rough!!!
Oh my gosh!!! Love this so much. So glad you reconnected. Thanks for sharing. And yes I think I beat the cold. Lots of Vitamin C❤️
@@laurahillauthor It's wild how you can drift away from someone who means so much, right?
I'm going through something quite similar to the topic of this video. I've just recently, within the past two weeks, found and got back in touch with a very good friend who I went to nursing school with. I hadn't seen or heard from this person for 32 years. We just drifted apart as life took us to different parts of the country. We've reconnected and we plan to meet and get all caught up next week!! Really looking forward to it. I found this video of particular interest! ON A SIDE NOTE . . . I've been subscribed to your channel for a little while now, and I think you to be a wise and rational person. May I ask you a question? I'm a Canadian living in Canada and recently President Trump has been making comments about him wanting to make Canada the 51st State. I think a lot of Canadians wouldn't mind becoming Americans, but they definitely don't want to be forced into doing that. Freedom means it should be a choice. But I've been thinking about this issue a lot lately, and I'd like to ask your thoughts and opinion. Here's my question. If President Trump was to make Canada the 51st State and Canadians were now American citizens, would Americans see us as truly American, or would we forever be seen and thought about as intruders or not quite part of the American family? I really and truly would like to hear your thoughts because I know you would present very honest and well thought out feedback. Hoping you will reply. And if any of your subscribers want to chime in their thoughts, I would welcome that as well.
Well ironically I just arrived in your beautiful country today! I’m sitting in the Vancouver BCFerry line to board the ferry to Nanaimo ❤️❤️headed to Tofino tomorrow. My favorite place on earth. As for President Trump. He is an eternal deal maker and I honestly believe he tries to shake things up because there is something else he wants, in this case better trade deals for both imports and exports. He’s quite the master of the dramatic. Canada has a rich history, a different form of government and different priorities I can’t even imagine that they would want to be part of another country, any country. And yes if it did happen no one would be happy. Look at Brexit. I don’t think countries in general play nice in the sandbox We all have our traditions and ‘team spirit’
Love the question! Guess we will watch and see what he is really up too
@@laurahillauthor Thank you so much for your reply. And, welcome to Canada! I hope your stay is wonderful and full of great memories you can carry forward. Yes, I think President Trump does, indeed, want something else, as is the case when it comes to Greenland as well. Both of these countries are extremely rich in "rare earth minerals" which are very essential for technological advancement (something President Trump is focused on with AI and such). Canada also holds the following interests for President Trump: OIL SANDS . . . CRUDE OIL . . . NATURAL GAS . . . LIMESTONE . . . SALT . . . SHALE . . . COAL . . . URANIUM ORE . . . POTASH . . . AGRICULTURE . . . FISHING . . . RARE EARTH MINERALS . . . NICKEL . . . COPPER . . . IRON ORE . . . DIAMONDS . . . LITHIUM . . . PALLADIUM . . . ZINC . . . LEAD . . . GRAPHITE . . .COBALT . . . ALUMINUM . . . TIMBER . . . TITANIUM . . .FRESH WATER . . . ENERGY (HYDRO ELECTRICITY) . . . PLATINUM . . . SULPHUR . . . I think he wants the resources of Canada because if there is such a huge trade deficit that he's concerned about, then I don't understand why he didn't address that fact in this manner during his previous term in Office only four years ago. I'm positive it's the resources he's after, in which case he won't give up. I suppose citizens of another country come in far distant to all of the above. And, yes, we all remember Brexit. Knowing President Trump's determination and drive to get the things he wants, I can envision Canadians becoming a people without a country of their own. I'd like to hear you speak more on this issue in a video, if that's something you think would interest more of your subscribers. Again, thanks for your reply and I hope you truly enjoy your time in Canada. We have a beautiful country and wonderful people. Cheers!
@@laurahillauthor I love what you say about him being "the master of the dramatic". I live in Australia and am glad that I can view it from afar or not. It will be interesting to see if his "executive orders" come to fruition.
@@laurahillauthor Wonderful, Laura Hill! I am really enjoying your videos, and praise your courage for honestly answering a political question that may not sit well with all of your followers. And since you are in a position to possibly enlighten readers, your initiative is so commendable! I admire you so! 😊
Oh, gosh, so many Americans have lived all over the world! Of course you'd be a "real" American!
Hey Laura...can you talk on balancing our social lives and our depleting energy levels
Absolutely. Great topic. Thanks!!
This was a very appropriate conversation. I do have a friend that I was very close with in high school. I have tried to connect with her but never found information that enabled me to do that. Any suggestions?
I’d start with a google search. And if you are on facebook you can search for her. If you aren’t on FB might be worth it to make a page. You don’t have to post anything. But it allows you to look around If there are any other families or friends who you remember from HS or the town you lived in you might also search for them maybe they could help you. Also most high schools have alumnae groups. The school should be able to connect you to whomever manages the reunion newsletters. Good luck!
People confuse me so much. I had a reconnectiom wotj a best friend from.the 4th grade and we were pen pals through High School. She ome day quite replying and 25 years later found me on facebook messenger. My husband and I went to her home and introduced our kids and totally hit it off and picked up where we left off. It was amazing. She now will text randomly, but it's always after I say something to her and she is short now. I get the feeling she doesn't want to be friends as much as i do. I really missed her.
I wonder if some people (like your old pal) get caught up in the adrenaline of the ‘new thing’ reconnecting can hold a lot of anticipation, maybe once they’ve filled the square they lose their excitement. Disappointing but definitely has happened to so many. Mixed signals for sure💔
Have you ever come out and told your friend that you really do miss her and just ask her if she has room in her life for you? You could even ask her that you do get the feeling that she doesn't want to be friends with you as much as you want to with her. Maybe you can start a conversation with her that way.?
That is exactly what I am wondering. Maybe it was an adrenaline rush meeting up. She is super adventurous and very free spirited. She has so many hobbies and interests and has 5 children. I guess I was expecting we would get together a few times a year and have dinner or go camping. She told me she missed me so much and is so happy she reconnected. @laurahillauthor
@@babygrizwoldyeah I made it super clear I want to see her again and how much I missed her. I invited her to dinner and she said she doesnt have a family vehicle and she can't leave her rabbits and chickens but 1 week later she text me about this huge camping trip she went on with her husband and kids and friends. I was hoping we could get together every few months. We only live 45 min away from eachother. I dont want to force someone to be my friend to I'm being nice and am open to a friendship bjt now and waiting for her to reach out. ❤
@allheartandsong yeah for sure I would wait for her to reach out now. Especially since she went on a trip and prior to that she was saying she couldn't leave and she didn't have a vehicle. I had something similar with a woman recently that I thought was a very good friend of mine. I guess you could say she ghosted me a few times because a few times when I texted her, she never responded, and when she did, it was a one word response. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and we talked a bit, and I thought, okay, maybe it was just a fluke or she had something going on. But no, a few days later, it started again, so I let her be and guess what? I haven't heard from her in almost 2 months. I made it known to her as well that she wouldn't hear from me multiple times a day because I was going through a lot of things and I told her what I was going through. Well even hoping for some emotional support or an ear to help me through what I'm going through, she never reached out to me. I was even driving by her home one day which is about an hour away and I told her I could stop in because I had an appointment and we haven't seen each other in a few months and she said oh I can't today I have someone else coming over. Like she said this at the last minute. So yeah I would just wait for her to contact you and if she never does it's her loss. ❤️
Laura🎉 I have a question for you if you happen to see this. What are your thoughts on the ability to have a RUclips channel without showing your face? I know we all are talking about friendships and such but I would really like to start one but I really don't want to show my face because I will be talking about friendships and family relationships and I really don't want anyone to see it at the very beginning lol were you ever concerned about starting a channel and showing your face with your name etc and maybe having a friend or something see something you might not want them to see?
I would start with watching several no face channels. See what you enjoy, who is doing a good job. I’ve seen some videos where they talk while they are walking and the video is showing the landscape vs the narrator. I don’t live anywhere with nice scenery but even if you could walk in a nice park or maybe drive to a few different spots to mix it up. You could even film and then just do a voice over. I’ve found that anything goes! Content is key. Please do it. I will tell you it has been very rewarding. I honestly just wanted to hit 1,000 subscribers that was my dream. But I think there’s a huge need for channels that talk intelligently about women’s issues. All the best and please keep me posted
@laurahillauthor yes that's what I'll do. At the very beginning what I was going to do was do those videos where you are driving from A to B and just talking. Then I was going to do it as I was walking as well so I'll have to come up with some ideas 🤔
@laurahillauthor oops and thanks Laura for the advice on starting a channel. Wasn't sure how you felt about the whole situation because I see a lot of women showing their faces and just sitting there speaking at the kitchen table and I wish I could do that but I feel like I'd be putting myself out there too much and I wouldn't want a family member or someone else to see me and hear about what I've gone through etc. I'll think about what I can do. Much appreciated!
I follow a RUclips channel by Clarice Ama called "Exposing the Narcissist" where she does not show her face but you can hear her voice. The title may not be of interest to you but you can see how she presents it.
@suef52 okay thanks I'll look her up and check it out. About a narcissist huh? I have a few of those in my life LMFAO
Lol if you are going to do this be very sure the person is definitely going to get the message or it can be re awkward. Better to know.
Would you advise giving a friend a second chance who drastically lied? I am a cancer survivor. I had a " friend" who lied about stage 4 cancer and also about a husband who " physically " harmed her. I confronted her and ended the friendship. I have often thought about her. After the friendship ended, i found out through people in a mutual circle that nearly everything was a lie.
I myself am a cancer survivor, and when i found out she made up having stage 4 cancer, it made me physically sick, as cancer is such a scary word.
I have ALWAYS been for 2nd chances, sometimes 3rd chances, but i am hesitant with a chronic liar. When I confronted her, she didn't take responsibility or apologize, but rather made excuses. Would love your thoughts.
I'd drop that idea like a hot potato. She is never to be trusted. I broke off a friendship with a woman who was a liar. She lied that her husband had a heart attack. He didn't. She lied to get money (electricity going to be cut, etc.). She lied to her family and her friends. I ended the friendship with no regrets.
Gosh lying is a tough mountain to climb. I guess you would really need to balance what she meant to you before she made such a horrible decision to lie. What if you reach out and she continues to be a liar. I’d really be cautious and she would have to come clean with me about why she lied. I’d go very slow if you do decide to reach out. I’m wondering if she was going through something awful, a mental health crisis? If she can’t explain than Id just thank her for answering your call/email. And leave it at that 💔
Also wanted to say huge congratulations on being a survivor 🏆
@laurahillauthor Thank you 😊
Run n keep going. Are you kidding me?
There’s a few I really do want to connect with so much I guess I just have like you said push that button 🩵Please people do reach out I have learned this lesson as I didn’t about ten years ago and the reunion was at her funeral RIP Lisa 🙏🏻Thankyou Laura 🫶🏻
Oh that’s tough. I just had this nagging feeling that I would regret not trying. I’m sorry it was too late for your friend❤️