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I love that you talk about this topic. It is a hard thing and not enough of us are able to talk about hard things.

Just went through this. My mother just passed. I was there for several friends who went through it and now I am going through this alone. Amazing!

Traveling has always seemed self centered to me because the only person you are benefitting is yourself. I can see the attraction though.

I couldn't relate to divorce being negative. I was so happy after I got divorced. I published two books of poetry, wrote a one woman play, choreographed dances and took and published photography. Husbands take a lot of work and I would rather that energy go into creative projects.

We’ve all been mean girls. Raise your hand if you have been a Regina George? 👋🏼. We’ve all been victimized by Regina George as well.

I had the opposite happen. A long time friend had surgery for a brain aneurysm, I kept in contact more than weekly (1200 miles away) sent encouraging cards and letters and more. Encourged her, praised her, offered help etc. Did that for 4-5 years. She started lying to me and about me and then cut me out of her life. After a year she texted me saying she missed me. No apology. She wanted me to take her out to eat. I chose to stay no contact. Still hurts, but I'm better off.

I was the girl who was left out it in grade school several decades ago, and it was painful to be excluded. It was the only time in my life that it bothered me. I’m ok not being in a group. I have a diverse group of friends who wouldn’t know each other, other than their connection with me. I like knowing and being friends with different people. I’m very cognizant when I see anyone being excluded. I take it upon myself to always be inclusive. I’ve tried to live my life according to the golden rule.

I lost my daughter to suicide and a lot of friends showed up for the funeral, then disappeared. Some said “ let us know if u need anything “ and disappeared, some said they felt they were intruding, and others said they didn’t know what to say. Was I supposed to reach out to them? I wanted to spare them from my grief and my tears. At the end the connection was lost.

This is why men just watch football!

When my dad had a bad car accident back in 1976, ( I was 15 then) my mom later said some people we thought would be supportive weren't and vice versa! Thankfully we did have a lot of support, especially from our church but it was a little surprising about some "friends" disappearing after that. He went through a lot of rehab at a place one state over and eventually made an almost complete recovery. He is gone now but he was a great dad and person, my hero!

Laura, this is by far one of the best messages you've shared, and you have articulated perfectly the experiences, feelings of disappointment etc that go along with suffering loss (and the surprising responses of friends). I've had similar experiences and observations and oh BOY, do you realize who your TRUE friends are! I've also been pleasantly surprised by random people who have "come out of the woodwork" when I needed support the most . At the same time, even our closest family members will fail us...which hurts even more. The conclusion I've come to is this: People are egocentric, and some folks are simply so buried in their own lives-- they do not have the bandwidth to "give" at a time when it's needed by someone else. When I was a younger woman and was deeply hurt (divorce back in 1988), this lesson hurt deeply but no more- I've come to accept what is, and to make SURE that I am a giver (of love, attention, listening ear etc) when it's needed. Some of this stems from how much people truly value friendship ,and I've learned that lesson too. As an older gal now (soon to be 64, semi retired)- I'm focusing on spreading love where needed, and not spending energy where it's not reciprocated. Anyway, wishing you a lovely day from Indiana- and keep up the great conversations! :)

I have recognize Tofino beach in first 2 seconds of your video , my favourite beach. Love from Vancouver ,BC 🇨🇦 Hope your friend get better soon.🌸

Even on vacation you think of your fans! Hope you get the " perfect storm!" Find your videos very insightful.

I blame social media like the book of faces. People use the term so loosely and no one knows what a true friend even is.

I live in Courtenay so your in my neck of the woods! I agree with every thing you said.....for some women once you become a pain in the .... they leave. Fair weather friends for sure. So glad you are in my area.

When I had to have my leg amputated just below my hip, many people who I had been friends with for years just disappeared from my life. Even a few family members disappeared, including my mother, sister, and one brother. This blew my mind because I thought these people cared about me, but it seemed like the exact opposite was true. Through this, I learned that it's best to be as self-sufficient as possible and, as well, to know how to navigate through the medical system and social systems to weave a web of support that will more likely be there for you (because they are paid to do a job). Since then, I've developed new friendships, but I would never assume they would be there for me during a difficult time.

Several times when I lost a family member (the latest was my Mom 8 years ago,) people who I thought were my friends they just dropped me completely. There was no promise to help or anything, they just dropped me. You're already deeply in grief it is such a kick to the soul when that happens.

I know someone that is a talker but not a listener, you can be telling her something and all of a sudden she will ask someone else a question, while your still talking! 😡

Very timely and helpful, thank you. It's so helpful to hear someone else say these things, because when things like this are happening to you there's a tendency to take it personally. These experiences that you describe are universal. Brilliant posts. Thank you.

When we are young, we go out with friends, have happy times together...but as soon as something happens, where are they? They disappear, they dont even send a text to ask how you are, absolutely nothing... in middle age, i was going through some health issues, i get nothing from them, so i do feel that i have been used by certain people in the past, just to be there for them... i dont reach out to them anymore... i have a genuine friend who we have been friends for over 35 years, she has major health issues, so i am there for her, checking up on her few times a week and I'm happy to do that... i dont rely on others, because they always disappoint....even some members of the family too... i do different activities now and have met new people doing that, there are no expectations...so i will continue with that...i can't stand drama, lots of women are like that though so i distance myself from those types of people...❤ great video...yes it is horrid being let down time and time again...

I went through a divorce after 21 years of marriage and two daughters, 11 and 15. I had moved across the country and raised my children on the west coast. We lived there 17 years, raised our children, involved in church and a small community. I told nobody and hibernated. He told everyone and told untrue things about me. (He had become mentally unstable.) Everyone believed him but nobody ever even checked on the girls and me. I was shocked and disappointed. No one ever asked about us. I had ONE friend who stood by us and supported us. Devastating!!! After a year, when everything was finalized, the girls and I moved 1500 miles back home. He died eight years after we divorced. I was angry, resentful and heartbroken 💔. Worst experience ever!!!

Beautiful animals ❤❤❤

Hi Laura. You’re so right. When my young husband passed away unexpectedly in 2021, we were all devastated. My neighbors, friends and family (that’s debatable) were very kind and lovely. Fortunately for me I have a lovely friend that lives across the street tell me that after the funeral, there’s debilitating quiet days ahead. She was right. We don’t ask for help. I don’t expect anything. I’ve learned to handle everything by myself. Guess what, I’m okay. Now I’m independent, have sheer freedom and I’m happy. I’m in a relationship with another man who’s polar opposite of my husband. It’s different, challenging and stimulating at the same time. I’m good. Thanks for being very thoughtful and intentional in your videos. Hello from a freezing SLC, Utah.❣️

I went through all of that with a very close friend, she ghosted me and I never found out what I did wrong, I felt very sad for months, but one day I realised that I didn’t do anything wrong, and I specially realised that I don’t need anyone, the only friend I need is me! Because I learned to love me and enjoy my own company, I’m now 67 years old, and I’m happier than ever, I don’t need someone else’s problems or me sharing my life with people that don’t deserve me.

What a fantastic getaway I love that you are so adventurous 🇨🇦🫶🏻I never hesitate to I’ve helped many family members through cancer till their passing ,my mom with Parkinson’s and my dad till he passed just so they didn’t have to go to a home ! I’ve offered with a neighbour as we also worked together and I never got the chance to help she was with family and passed so quickly we only chat on the phone we still got a couple of giggles in and I dropped this mini plant in the cutest dog pot with a note on her porch ❤️but when I was having four surgeries in less than two years and would almost collapse getting my daughter to dance not family friends no one person helped it wasn’t pleasant but life goes on ! Truly I couldn’t do that caregiving as a job to heartbreaking but I loved being there for those who I truly loved with all my heart ❤️

Welcome to Canada. You’re in my favourite part of the world. You have to visit Victoria and some other beautiful places on the Island. I have had a friend who was supposed to come with me to Calgary for surgery and when we were supposed to leave she cancelled. I never got an apology or explanation. I’ve basically cut that friendship out of my life.

I totally agree with you that when people don’t know what to do when they’re confronted with a friends loss or illness that they do nothing and that is so sad and I’ve had that happen to me when my husband died suddenly almost 4 years ago. Everybody scattered and it’s heartbreaking still to this day for me. And you are correct there are people that I thought would definitely be there for me and they weren’t and then there’s others like you said that I never thought would be there that were the best support and still are to this day for me! And yes, we should have empathy for people, not knowing what to do but at the same time it still hurts and it’s a feeling of abandonment and isolation that really cuts deep. The sad thing is you have the initial loss of your spouse and then if that’s not bad enough then you have a secondary bunch of losses of friendships gone away because now you’re not a couple anymore.

I found out I had cancer a little over 2 years ago. One out of state friend was kind enough to call me once a week to check on me. No local "friend" did a single thing. In the meantime, I get hounded to donate to non-emergency stuff like their kid's trip or to buy their products/services. I now don't consider anyone in my city a friend whatsoever. I've survived without them.

I tried reaching out on Facebook with a few friends from the past (high school), a couple of them never responded back to me.

I found your channel today and first of all I just wanted to say, thank you. I had an emotionally absent mother growing up and even though I’m older now, I feel like I have so many lessons to learn. I love what you have to say about adult friendships and expectations. I can tell I will learn a lot from you. So thank you again for helping me on this journey.

Divorce,.... alone and not included because you're not part of a couple. A cruel reality.

I think it’s also who you are as a person. Some people are so individualistic, will flat out ghost you when you get sick etc. Their mentality is that they won’t be around anyone who “disrupts their peace, or anyone who can’t lift Them up.” No one needs to save everyone, but to not show up for those have been there for you is very telling. You learn who your friends are with a very real sense of finality.

Welcome to Canada's hidden gem❤

Thank you Laura for covering this topic again. I have spoken out a few times on my own experience recently with a friend who has not been there (ankle surgery in September 2024 and now brain tumor radiation February 2025) and my disappointment and hurt. It also shows the kind of society we live in where everyone texts, no one sends cards etc. etc. Those little things are the most meaningful. Two weeks ago, my other friend came on a Saturday (she is a Pharmacist at a local hospital) with Panera, stayed for 4 hours just talking after working some 45 plus hours that week, waking to take care of a cat who was now diabetic (and then died last week) and a husband that got a heart stent put in. But, she was there for me. I will never be able to duplicate the friendship/sisterhood I have had with her since 9th grade - so I guess I need to sum up the other friend is really more of an "acquaintance" ! Some people are there for the long run!

A woman who goes through a divorce or is widowed often becomes the pariah as other women become worried she will "steal her husband". It is extremely painful to think that someone you considered a friend would literally drop out of your life because of this. I have experienced it personally and many of my friends as well. It is shocking!

I just lost a really great friend after years of not having any friends. She pretty much ghosted me a couple of months ago when I was going through a very difficult time. I'm coming out of that difficult time right now and never heard from her at all. I was there for her so many times and once again the Friendship didn't work out. She was always one-sided as I was always contacting her she never would contact me she never really would text me back. I can understand certain situations but she was fine in her world so with that I just Shrugged my shoulders pretty much and moved on. I'm not going to sit here and be upset about the Friendship ending. If it was a different situation for sure and she was going through some major stuff then I would totally understand her not being there for me. It's a very nice location where you are I have a nephew that lives in a British Columbia😊

An acquaintance friend sent me a real doozy of a Christmas card last year. It was a giant memorial picture of her late husband who past away 2 years ago. At first I felt angry to receive it during the holidays. I never received holiday cards from her before and it felt like she was trying to sabotage my Christmas. Then, I realized she must me hurting. I sent a card with a bouquet of flowers on it instead of a Christmas card and told her how heartbroken 💔 I was to hear the news and I was unaware he was sick. I did send a sympathy card after he passed away, but I think she needed more support. People were there for her when things were raw, but drifted away.

Laura, this video I felt like you were talking directly to me, I have been ill for almost six years and I am slowly getting better but most of my friends have deserted me. I dont understand, no cards or letters, as Mel Robbins says let them, which seems easy to do but it still hurts...

Hi Laura. Enjoy your time in Canada. Looks beautiful and serene ♥When I was going through a difficult time, what I needed more than anything was to have my feelings and my experiences validated. I didn't need anyone to try to fix it, distract me, change it, or offer platitudes. I needed validation. When I was 25, I ended my 8 year relationship with my high school sweetheart who was anything but a sweetheart. All I heard from people was that I was young and had my whole life ahead of me and would find someone else...and that at least I hadn't been married to him or had children. All this served to minimize my feelings and experiences, and invalidate me. The message to me was that I had no right to mourn or be upset because it was not a divorce and children were not involved. Their emotional support was reserved for those circumstances and not mine. It was devastating to me. I had spent 32% of my life with him and my life was turned upside down. The only person who validated me was my mother. I leaned on her a lot. She ended up getting sick with cancer around this time, so that was another blow I had to deal with. But in any event, what I am saying is that when a friend is going through a difficult time, sometimes the best thing you can do is listen and validate them. Don't compare (it's not a suffering contest). Some may have material needs or need a shoulder to cry on , so after you validate them, try to learn what other ways you may help them.

I went through 10 months of grueling chemo, surgeries, pain. I was thankful for any kindness that came my way from anyone. Some people that were acquaintances even brought my family meals. A few friends who didn't like to cook came over and sat with me for an hour. One lady played the piano for me one afternoon. I was thankful when women took me to treatments and picked me up afterward. Many days I was weak and sick. I didn't want to see anyone but I was thankful to receive cards. I had kids at home still so some friends picked them up from school and activities. My prognosis was bad, so when my birthday rolled around they threw me a surprise party I'll never forget. To say that I was blessed is an understatement. I really didn't expect anything from anyone, I was too busy just trying to survive each day, sometimes each hour. When anyone asked if they could do anything for me I'd always ask for prayer. That was 16 years ago, God is good!

My Aunt Janie, who is most like my wife, would know your life story after a few minutes talking with you and would come visit and make a fuss if there was a death or a divorce or anything. She knew what to do and my family will be eternally grateful to her for being like that. Beautiful place, Renaissance woman and stories to tell. Thank You my dear.

What I've learned the hard way is that people can't truly understand what it's like to go through tough times unless they've experienced it themselves.

I had a similar issue, when my daughter became extremely ill. There was over a year before diagnosis, appt after appt, scans, multiple ER visits, specialists. I was so stressed out, but needing to support and advocate for my daughter. She is still ill now 3 years in, but waiting to see a knowledgeable doctor soon. She has a vascular compression called Nutcracker, and likely will need surgery, and may still have other undiagnosed compressions yet. Last year my 35+ year friend told me during these 3 years, I have been a bad friend. We live in different cities, usually only get together 1x per year in the summer, but because I was dealing with my daughter, 2 people terminally ill in the family, pet terminally ill, my husband's dad died, we missed 2 visits. Since I know she is very strong headed and opinionated, and she'll only continue to blame or guilt me, for having family obligations to deal with, I feel the best thing is just to remove myself from the situation, and additional stress.

There are givers and there are takers. Then there is another layer: consistency. There are consistent or inconsistent people: mood-wise, loyalty-wise, energy-wise etc. Then there is another layer: circumstancial. What are the current circumstances your friend is going through? The only thing you have in control in life is your own response. Thanks for sharing. Your openness makes me feel I am going through the same struggles as you are and softens my pains.

You need to learn to be happy with yourself and own company. The more trash people you know the easier it is !!!!!!😊

Thanks for sharing your story. I hate that happened to you. Sounds like she used you and the other lady to fill the co-chair position and drew you both in long enough to pull off the event and afterwards, she totally unplugged and threw the both of you away. Sad.

You are the Best! Laura.

I have close friends but no best friend. To be honest I am wondering if the word best is used too loosely ( observation ). With me people reach out to me when they need someone to talk to. They say I miss you to talk to him to confide in. Never once have I betrayed that trust however, these people don’t need me anymore so you know where I’m getting at. It makes me sad, but perhaps there’s a higher reason.

It annoys me to no end when people message me and say - call me. As if I’m a dog who must respond on command. I stopped complying because if they really want to talk to me, they can pick up the phone and call me! And guess what? They never do call. They just want to exert some sort of control over me. Too bad. Now I have a rule about my interactions with others. I initiate. But I will not revisit until the other person takes their turn. It has to be a two way street. These same people often make it as difficult as possible to stay in touch. No social media, no calling at certain times (always the times didn’t work well with MY schedule), etc, etc. I’m done. Show me you actually want my friendship, and I’m there. Otherwise, syanara. The other thing that annoys me is the “ go between” friend who is constantly trying to guilt me into reaching out to the people above. As if it is MY fault that we are not in touch. It tells me that discussions are happening behind my back that I must be neglecting the person. Another form of exerting control by proxy.

Fake people do this to feel better about themselves.