Friendship and sending holiday cards is a good one. I love this tradition, but over the last few years I’ve decided to be petty and only send them to people who love exchanging them…Some people love receiving them, but don’t enjoy sending and some people send them as an afterthought that arrive after Xmas or around the New Year 😩 It feels kind of crappy…
This is such a deeply important topic to me. I'm in my late 50's now. I have lived in 7 different states in the past 25 years, which has been really disruptive to my relationships over the years. Friendship is still important to me, but I have not been able to find trustworthy women who value friendship like I do where I have been living these past 10 years. I'm afraid my relationships with other women are not where I'd like them to be, either because of moving around so much or lack of trustworthiness. It's very sad! Thank you for taking on the topic of women's friendships. It's at least good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with it.
Moving adds an extra roadblock. I’ve found that many women are enjoying friendly acquaintances and getting a lot of pleasure out of easy relationships, people you only see at certain shared events or interests. Taking classes, volunteering, new hobbies or a sport can kick start those kind of interactions it is a lot more work as we get older if we still want an active social life, I know it’s important to me. Good luck and keep at it!
Trust and loyalty are almost a thing of the past, sadly. They are qualities that have always meant a lot to me. Personally, I have given up on finding true friends, I've been burned badly in that department and I just don't have the mental, emotional or physical energy reserves to deal with the drama anymore. At 59, it's too much
I am open to meaningful friendships, but I would still hesitate to share something that I wouldn't want anyone to know. I've had two instances in my life where someone used or could have used something against me. I won't allow a 3rd opportunity.
l know what loyalty is all about and that's me. l have never met anyone who is as loyal as l am. And those that are reading this may believe in themselves. l'm 68, retired....been there done that. lt's so peaceful being solo me today
It's somehow comforting to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing this. I've been stabbed in the back so many times I'm STILL pulling out the knives. And family has been the worst. When I lost my leg just below my hip (complications from a surgery), I became what they referred to as defective and a freak of nature and have had nothing to do with me since. I prefer to be by myself now because there's less hurt and less pain.
@@laurahillauthor Yes, family can be the worst because you can never truly and completely cut them out of your life. There's always certain events you have to show up for such as funerals, etc. I just make my appearance short as possible.
@@DianaFox-y9u Thank you for your kind words. My brain tells me there are still kind people out there, but my heart is ripped apart and just wants to be alone. It is quite traumatic to have your closest family members completely cut you out of the family especially when you've become so vulnerable.
@DRUMMER-j-u2x it's not about who is your blood but, who will hold your hand when you hit the ground unfortunately most the time it's not your family. I hope you have somebody to hold your hand and you are getting the help you need 🙏🏻 peace from north bay🌉
Loyalty is definitely a dying quality in friendships. I've been thrown under the bus many times especially recently. If I had my time again regarding work colleagues, I wouldn't socialize with them out of work hours (exceptions for a work related function). Many times I have had petty jealousy and poor behavior directed at me. Thanks for another great video!
I am 36 and I feel the same way... nobody knows what loyalty means anymore and I feel like most people see others as disposable. I also believe that young people nowadays have a completely unrealistic expectation that they're going to meet somebody and instantly click and feel a deep connection to them and love everything about them, instead of understanding that real friendships take time and you have to learn to love the other person with their flaws and be there for them, so that they want to be there for you when you need them. Real love and friendship is when you feel like if you were to loose that someone, you'd miss everything about them that irritates you as much as the things you like , because it's what makes them who they are... Real friends feel like an old house you've live in for a very long time, they're not perfect, yet THEY ARE.
Wise words,thank you for sharing,humans are imperfect, to recognize it requires self reflection skills and inner monologue,most people incapable of that ,just animals acting upon impulses.
There has never been anyone in my life that knows everything about me. Some part of me just would not allow it. Maybe because my sister was never a very nice person so I learned at a very early age that if my own sister could not be trusted I certainly would not trust anyone else.
No royalty. I found that out after a friend of over 50 years exploded over issues that I had no idea were even bothering her. Things said were so mean that the relationship is not able to be restored. 😢
I keep coming back to your channel bc you're not afraid to tackle taboo topics. I think the problem is with entitlement. Morality and "doing the right thing" have taken a back seat to "whatever makes me feel good" and that typically means someone else is targeted with their underlying anger or resentment.
Oh I can't remember the last time I trusted someone entirely.. maybe my father but when I lost him at a young age, that was really it. A therapist once told me that my inability to trust others is really not trusting myself to identify the "right" people for me. I have online friends and situational friends, like you mentioned.. but ride or die ..nope. My walls are very thick and high and I know this.
My own parents are not loyal, so I definitely don't expect it from others, sadly. I am loyal to my husband and children. I lowered my expectations of friends.
Loyalty and trust are still the most important qualities in relationships. In fact, I’ve dropped all relationships that don’t have these qualities. Like you said, loyalty is not about “coving up” but rather friends “defend you”, “challenge you and “keep a concern or secret between the two of you”. Relationships without trust means there is no loyalty-and if there’s no loyalty it’s iNOT a relationship but rather, an unhealthy connection.
We have to be the ones to teach it first! But I agree. Sadly the family dynamics are all over the place and public education and social media do not help. I've noticed patterns between the homeschooled children and others; the homeschooled children tend to be more socially adaptable and friendly etc. The opposite of what most think. Even children that do academically well in public school and most see as doing well socially are not. Our standards have been gradually lowered into the negative column. They clearly have more issues with bullying or letting bullies bully them etc, they are often medicated at a young age and don't know how to socialize unless they are put into a specific group with others. I have been the same way and I attended private then public school growing up. I have a few friends that were homeschooled and they can talk to anyone in any situation I swear, even the one that claims to be an extreme introvert. My severely autistic child is more outgoing and friendly than most of the children we encounter. Other kids today tend to be very used to just giving up/ not expecting much because they aren't taught boundaries and how to truly value themselves (which I believe we can only do fully in Jesus). They are too used to being bounced around and told who to socialize with etc. Unless they are the bullies sadly. The remainder seems rare. But it takes work and consistency on behalf of the parents/guardians. Free range is popularized and it's just laziness. It's not truly setting up any child for long term success let alone loyalty to the right people.
Had a long friendship - friend stopped our friendship because I had a medical issue and could not go to a function she was having. So sometimes you need to take care of oneself before you can can take care of others.
This is common. Sorry it happened. I was friend with a woman who was getting married on a small boat. I had a cast on my leg and told her I didn't feel comfortable on a boat because of falling. She then dropped our friendship.
Hey Laura! Great content and "thinker" on this video!! :) I love to talk to people and help them with things going on with their lives and problems, but share some of my past issues and outcomes/how I dealt with them back then with them. That seems to always get me into trouble, and find those very people I took time out of MY life to help THEM ends up being arsenal and bullets they turn around and share with others about ME. I don't understand it. My experience is no one wants to get personal anymore- and creating tight bonds and safe places with other women is a thing of the past. There's no loyalty. I only share my life experiences (good or bad) with my husband and my journal. My Mom is in her late 70's, and has an amazing group of 6 women who are tight as thieves for 50 years and going strong. I have always been envious of those relationships, not finding my group ever. Keeping friendships I have with my friends these days is light and airy- almost superficial- to protect myself and live drama-free. I choose to not go deep anymore or help others. Much easier this way, but unfulfilling.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I envy your Mom too❤️friendship has really changed ‘they don’t make it like they used to’. It’s hard for those of us who still want close friends. Real friendship takes time and effort. No one wants to put the time in anymore when social media is too easy but unfulfilling
Hey there! Fellow Texan here. I find that loyalty is vanishing more and more these days. That said, I have friends that I’ve had since elementary school (I’m in my mid-50s). Those types of friends are very hard to come by and I cherish them greatly. I’ve also been betrayed by a close friend that I had for over 20 years. This younger generation, though, I don’t feel know the true meaning of loyalty. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed your video. 😊
I have lived on my own most of my adult life working as an RN in 4 different states. I've always had animals that have been my best friends. I enjoy living alone with cats and don't need much contact with friends. Most of my friends have been in 12 step groups where most people are trying to better themselves. With my problems I find a therapist one of the best persons to talk with. There is loneliness I feel sometimes of course. I am glad I am 73 in this chaotic world today. I would not want to be young today. I don't have a best friend except animals. There is a lot people can do with creativity.
Loyalty is bound to trust. I believe the majority of women, because of socialization, have a skewed perception of loyalty. We are conditioned to compete with other women for a man's attention. We compete with each other with materialistic items, e.g., the latest overpriced designer handbag. We need to emphasize character-building and collaboration. This is a great topic.
Great Laura. I would like it if you cover handling successes in our life. Ive had a series of them. Four books published,, wrote a one woman play, published hundreds of freelance articles,etc. But its hard to share with others as it could be boasting. But it is how i spend my time so then i cant talk about anything. Thnx for all you do.
Wonderful idea! Thanks so much. I want this to be a channel for women who are not afraid to share their successes and losses. I promise I’ll do this topic thanks Elizabeth
Hi Elisabeth, Ambitious or successful women will love is that you published 4 books, however if a woman has a deep seated inferiority complex or feels trapped in her own life, she’ll resent it or interpret it as bragging.
I've been divorced since 1996 and most women my age are married maybe still hopeful to find a man. I'm not interested in a male relationship, but I would like a true friendship. I have been hurt many times by women. The mean girls have certainly done their damage and yes, I'm jaded and share myself very little with family or others. I'm not willing to give up. I've started going to new places and doing new things. Maybe one day a loyal friendship will form. My problem will be recognizing it as for real.
It’s definitely a double edged knife. We get hurt and so we don’t trust even when it is someone we can trust. Keeping getting out and trying new things that interest you. That’s where you will find those friendly acquaintances that will fill you up
Love the following poem: Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away. Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, A Life For A Life I wonder if loyalty is something like trust. The best way to be able to trust someone else is to be trustworthy. Sometimes I feel like we are so limited in the things we can do to make our world a better place, but maybe it just boils down to modeling what we want to see. We don’t really have any control of the rest of it I guess.
I’ve been betrayed by my own Mother, my 24 year old daughter and my husband of 20+ years. I can honestly say loyalty is 100% dead atleast in my life. I only trust in God and His Son Jesus Christ.
I had a 30 yr friendship that I cut ties with recently because they were not loyal to me. Just because someone is in your circle they may not be in your corner. We used to work together (same large organization) and now that we are retired I noticed that we don’t have as much in common or same values. She became a widow and we started to drift. The last thing that happened is that she didn’t show up as my person for my surgery leaving me having to find someone else on a moments notice. Thankfully another friend stepped up to drive 8 hours and be my person to look after me and drive me home post op. There was no loyalty on her part and that was enough for me to let the friendship go.
Love what you said. Just because they are in your circle doesn’t mean they are in your corner. May make a good video topic! Sorry that happened to you. 💔nothing worse than being let down by a friend you thought you could count on
Thank you for another excellent topic. I am at that point where I don't want the drama. Drama and lying have become addictive behaviors and I don't know if it results from social media, TV, over-medicating, upbringing, etc. I saw the cruel-cattiness of my siblings; then I noticed it in my friends. I knew how I was brought up and the stability and guidance my parents provided, but when listening to my sisters' talk about our parents, they were projecting blame on my parents because their lives (my sisters' lives) didn't go the way they wanted. Placing blame and creating arguments to avoid helping my elderly parents when they needed it was constant. Very disloyal behavior, I thought. I noticed it is easier to blame someone else than to look at one's own short-comings and I backed away from everyone to reevaluate who I am. Once I stopped interacting with the drama-addicted people, everyone fell away and now I live very quietly, but now I wonder if the isolation is healthy. For me, right now, it is.
I'm totally with you Laura. Spot on. Can't really trust most i meet. New people at my complex and don't want to get to know them. Been burned too much. Like u I just want peace. Interesting topic. And love reading all the comments, which give much insight. Seems ALL feel the same way.
I’m loyal to myself first soo don’t make the mistakes I have in trusting someone else even family, I really hesitate now over the years with trusting that I have the loyalty I deserve ❤️Thanks Laura ❤️
It's all a learning experience and I think life is a Matrix. I remember being told by my psych professor in school, "People come and go in your life." I ask, "What kind of a friend was I?" "What did I learn?" People develop new interests which will include new friends, and I have also adopted the attitude, everyone is free to come and go.
Loyalty still exists, but it’s rare! It takes years to develop and notice. Usually, a loyal friend is not nosy, but when something happens they are there or will send you a quick line if they haven’t heard from you in a long time. I noticed how well one of my loyal friends took care or her dying mother and dying 18 year old dog. Many years ago I had trouble finding a doctor in a foreign country and she discreetly researched it for me. I also felt overwhelmed with something else and she helped me out. She’s the only person I will make all the plans for, because I know she’s got my back! Normally I like reciprocity when it comes to making plans. I wouldn’t consider her my bestie, who I tell all my secrets to, but we do know each other so well and we’re loyal!
Yes, watch how people show up in your life and in others lives over the years. I’m also careful not to take advantage of her loyalty. On the contrary, my parents are causing fights with their siblings and saying and doing outrageous things. They don’t want to apologize, and think they should be automatically forgiven out of loyalty because they’re family. Not sure I agree with that!
Love this channel - always thought it was me and I’m learning it’s not! Always been the giver and never the receiver of loyalty and trust Thank you for your videos Laura I’m beginning to understand at the age of 61 that all my life I’ve been made to feel that I’m the cold person when in fact it’s because of what people have done to me over the past that I have now shut down Every single time I get what I would call a close friend they end up losing my trust and I have to walk away I have learnt I’m not very good at looking out for a reliable person I can call loyal and trustworthy Thank you for your insightful discussions I look forward to listening to you
I still have some close loyal friends from my 20s. I also have those that are insecure and jealous that have treated me badly and ghosted me including several sister in laws and cousins. Many women that have had issues with me are divorced, have issues with many relationships, not successful, they are insecure and they seem to complain and self sabotage themselves. Being jealous of another's beauty, success be that financial, in relationships, or others talents can bring out the green eyed monster. My take on it is, if you leave or do something out line you don't get back in, the trust is gone and my loyalty to you is gone, your loss not mine. I still have friends that I have known for many years that would give me the shirt off their back those women are ok with themselves. It's not about you it is about them so keep your standards high, and attract high value women and men in your life and keep that circle tight.
Long distance friends seem to be the best! A couple years back I reconnected with a cousin and we now stay in touch, visiting in person every other year but calling and texting. I am close with my husband and have one like-a-sister friend nearby, while the other two favorite friends are hours away. I like the people at my church and could actually count on them in a tough time, but connecting on an activity level is tough. They’re all about their grandchildren, which is wonderful, but I’m a non-parent business owner who is very physically active/outdoorsy. I would be there for them too as we share that value via our faith, but close “let’s plan something “ kind of friendship doesn’t seem likely. But I have my dog…
It is disappointing. You have to be careful who you trust and that’s why I have in the last few years made my social circle very tiny. It’s just a way to protect myself from any more emotional drama pain and betrayal.
What a stimulating topic! For me, loyalty with older friendships is extremely important. I have several college friends that whether we talk once a year. or once a month, I am very loyal to them. I'm on the west coast and they are back East. Every time we talk is just like sharing old times & priceless memories for over 50 years ago. I always am respectful, polite and considerate to them and loyalty is very important. Not at all what it used to be, but Boy how the world has changed! Very interesting topic! ❣
Interesting topic. In my experience, betrayal of loyalty generally happens when something extrinsic is at stake. Money, romantic relationships, winning love of a parent, getting a job or placement in a desirable program etc. if there isn't anything to compete over, there will be loyalty. conversely if there is something that is to be gained, thats when loyalty can come into question. Just something to think about and honestly, I've experienced each one of those that I named off in my life. Like you, I'm in my very early 60's and like you I am retired (mostly). I've seen it all. if you look back at our mothers and grandmothers, they didn't have friendships the way we have friendships today or how our children have friendships. they were closest to their sisters, cousins, aunties etc. Today, I see younger people social climbing, trying to make friends with famous people or people with money or some kind of currency to help elevate their own worth. sorry, I'm rambling but investing topic.
Yep, I'm not trusting at all that's my problem or issue, I guess. I've had no friends for years. For a lot of part of my life, I was a stay-at-home mom. So obviously I don't have a lot of avenues to meet people. But like I said the trust is the issue and loyalty. My family is Too Faced and backstabbing. You will go there and have a conversation, and as soon as you turn your back and walk out the door, they are talking about you and not in a nice way. When you call someone on the phone, they always put you on speakerphone so that everyone in the room can hear you. This would be at my mom's house. It's funny because I barely speak to my siblings and pretty much they don't know me actually because I don't speak to them all the time and visit with them so it's pretty amusing to me how they talk smack behind my back when they don't even know me😂
Family can be the worst💔 I believe in trying new things, taking classes learning a new hobby or skill that’s where I’m meeting people and we are already starting out with a shared interest. Happy to have friendly acquaintances vs close friends
Hi Laura, I think I lost my friend of over 20 years. We have been through a lot, her illness, death of her husband. I’m also a God mother to her child. Let’s say we were pretty close. After a few years after her husband passed away she started a new relationship. I thought I was supportive and tried to have a good relationship with her new partner. On my birthday party he started behaving oddly as he did not want to be at the party even having a go at myself and my other guests. I tried to ignore it. At some point myself, my friend and her boyfriend were sitting together at the table and I asked him if he could move onto the other side so he could be more comfortable and his response was was rather harsh. He said he was fine and it wouldn’t be nothing wrong about it but the way he reacted the tone of his voice were very unpleasant to me as a hostess and as a birthday girl. I felt embarrassed and frankly humiliated and started awkwardly explaining myself. My friend said nothing, not a word seeing me looking and feeling embarrassed. Not a word to say something to defend me even just a little bit. She knew me over those years that I am a people’s pleaser and I want my guests feel to be looked after and happy. She knew me he didn’t. I felt awful, disappointed, ashamed as I think she should have stand by me in that moment giving me support. We spoke about it next day and I told her how I felt and the way how her boyfriend treated my friends, too. Eventually I was told it was me who crossed boundaries by being overly imposing and he was just putting his boundaries in place. She said he was sorry h admitted that his behaviour wasn’t nice and he realises he can’t be my guest anymore but he doesn’t mind my friend visiting me with her daughter.( in meantime he moved to my friend’s house). He never apologised for his behaviour but o me if he did I would still invite them together. Now I don’t feel like visiting my friend at her house anymore when he is there. More importantly I want to keep my relationship with my Goddaughter and I know that it’ll be much more difficult now. After all those years I would expect my friend to stand by me, simply to be loyal and show me that I was her friend long time before she met her new boyfriend. I don’t know maybe I expect to much? I know though that I would behave differently if she was in a similar situation. Laura could you please talk about similar topic like when your best friend meets her new boyfriend or partner and how you navigate the whole situation. 😊💕Thanks Marta
Oh gosh I’m so sorry. I have heard from so many women who lost a friendship or had a friendship suffer because of a new man. Unfortunately the friendship gets sacrificed to keep the new guy happy. Great topic idea. Thanks!! And if your relationship with your god daughter is important. You will have to swallow your discomfort. Hopefully you can take her out and not have to be in the house with him! Good luck. Such an uncomfortable situation. Good news is that she is married to him, not you!😅
Recently i lost a friendship for my great great surprise for a stupid issue. I was very very sad. Wehad been friends for the last 5 years and spent vacations together and christmas and birthdays.....you name it. Even my husband was chocked. So now i keepmy two childwood friends and that's it. Just a smile and a coffe talking too much but saying nothing.
I think years ago people were kept in check by public shame which is likely why people in small towns or villages acted better than people in the more anonymous cities. Now with social media and people thinking that there is always something better around the corner in terms of mates n friends they are much less likely to do the kind of work necessary to keep n strengthen the friendship/relationship. Over time when a person doesnt develop the conflict resolution skills they need they continue the pattern of always jettisoning the current friendship or relationship in search of something "better". People who have watched their parents lose connection dont have good role models either n its really not a skill parents teach to their children either.
I m surrounded by acquaintances, so loyalty isn’t a big part of that. It’s more or less superficial but very friendly. I am certain that I have one loyal friend of almost 40 years though. That is an important relationship.
I’m happy with friendly acquaintances. It works because you share what you have in common but it never gets too deep. And it’s so nice to have one or two truly loyal friends, friendships you’re invested in. Thanks so much for the comment
The saying, "If you have one true friend, you have more than your share," is credited to Thomas Fuller, a 17th-century English clergyman and historian. It underscores the profound significance of genuine friendship. Regrettably, in modern times, the authentic essence of friendship, encompassing loyalty and support, has been distorted to equate to the number of likes on someone's social media platform.
I’m disappointed, too. There have been a few people I thought were loyal friends but found out years later that it was a one sided friendship. I forgive but over time realized I should let go. Very heartbreaking. Ive often wondered if our children didn’t learn love, loyalty, kindness, etc. when mothers and fathers went to work full time. We worked full time and do have a daughter, and she always went out of her way for friends but some of them did not reciprocate. What I’m trying to say is my daughter knows how to be a good friend, so maybe we taught her even though we were exhausted when we met at the end of the day. Is it the changing culture, it’s ok to be disloyal. It’s ok to walk away from someone instead of talking things out. Are we learning bad behavior from others on social media? Hard to know unless we question those being disloyal. Sorry, I can ramble on for a long time😊
I love what you said and such a good point about how we raise our daughters. They will face the same kind of friendship issues/ challenges. Self confidence, kindness and empathy are so important but not something everyone possesses.
I think loyalty is a thing of the past or close to it. I’ve been stabbed in the back by a 15+ friendship that I changed my whole life to be loyal and keep our friendship lose, oh, was it a doozy to move forward from and stings a bit even after 18 years. I was not given a reason for the betrayal try as I might which hurt deeply so I have trust issues with all friendships I make that are just so nice ALL THE TIme….I’m rethinking all of this and if I have 3 loyal friends at my age-77, I’m feeling blessed, and I e had many many friendships in my life. I do feel I have loyalty with my 3 adult daughters and that keeps me emotionally afloat as I get older.
Maybe I’m remembering the past with my rose colored glasses on but I feel like life used to be simpler and we had more empathy for others. Being disloyal requires a huge lack of empathy. But you may be right, definitely food for thought thanks!
Trust & Loyalty for many is a bygone days Memory '''&''' at worst, [but most Sadly] a ''foreign concept' to ''most'' people - which, if one pondered for too long, would probably ''shake one'' [including myself] to their very core'' ... : ( Think [bubble like seen in a newspaper cartoon out the side of my head] {'80's ? TV Commercial} ''Calgon, Take Me Away '' ... Lady in Bathtub w/ Bubble Bath Relaxing to get away from it all /Escapism ; ) tbh, I don't blame her : ) [calm, sweet, cute, soft, lol] : ) The 'world' [imho] has a 'cheapness'' to it now a days ... {as in} throw away society & easy come/easy go etc that reeks of a semi-quasi or full blown ''Narcissistic Essence'' veiled thinly in uber-Smiley people whose lack of ''Authentic self'' & total lack of awareness nor interest of E.Q. / Emotional Intelligence inhibits them from the ability to make ''meaningful'' ''connections' aka friendships etc ... what a pure - [planet-wide] travesty : ( My husband is truly my Best Friend. And we are ''Best Friends''. He's always had my back, he encourages me, lifts me up, makes me laugh & loves me UN-conditionally ! : ) & as do I, for him - - - BUT not b/c I ''have to' as in pay-back nor out of guilt nor people pleasing, but b/c I sincerely ~ Admire, Respect & Love him for the Man ''&'' Person - HE is ! : ) Thus, he has ALL the Qualities/Characteristics of a '''BEST''' Friend [that I desire] ... As I've previously shared, being an introvert who enjoys alone time & time with my husband, anything 'else' ''feels'' [to me] like such an effort : ( but more than that, I truly yearn for 'no more' than I already have : ) ... I am ''Blessed'' & ''most happy'' with where I'm at in life ; and being a spectator is not only pleasurable to me, but also keeps Mind & Heart, at Peace. That said, some may say / argue that is a form of / or is healthy-boundaries 101 to which I would ''not'' disagree, but, that's ''not'' at all the predominate reason[s] for my choices : ) ... As per your request for viewer input RE: new topics for your Videos ~ I'll enjoy anything YOU speak to / of ... N.B. this is not ''fawning'' behaviour ~ I ''truly'' do like listening b/c YOU are~ sincere, honest, down to earth, analytical, reflective, deep, humble, curious, open, thought provoking, searching/pondering ''life'' for meaning & asking questions, intelligent, asking the ''why'' etc ~ Thank-you & I do hope your evening is going well Laura ! Most Sincerely, Cindy : )
you’ve made all these videos on disappointing friendships and you have lots of 20 year ride or die friendships and you don’t believe in loyalty? Just trying to understand. All I have are casual crappy relationships . And yes they probably talk about me behind my back. And my family is not loyal. I am very lonely. I give up on connecting with anybody. It is a lost cause
Thanks so much for your comment. Yes I have 3 close girl friends who I now see the great value in, but for many years I rarely ever saw them. I invested in the wrong kind of people. I’m 67 and have made a couple of unfortunate mistakes along the way. One in particular hurt me profoundly it caused a lot of distrust. What I finally discovered was I gave too much time to the wrong people so I started to reconsider acquaintances I had met along the way. Women who always seemed to come through. Those are the 3 women I consider my close friends now. But being close doesn’t mean seeing a lot of eachother. I still enjoy friendly acquaintances. I do a lot of public speaking to women’s groups and have written 2 books on the relationships between women. It’s definitely a mixed bag,women can be very cruel to eachother, so much of what I share are the experiences women are talking about and our shared experiences. Many women are lonely but no one talks about it. I will tell you it takes a lot of uncomfortable work, forcing yourself to sign up for classes, join in, attend programs. Going by yourself is nerve wracking but doing the things you enjoy will put you in places where you may meet others who enjoy the same thing. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. This gives me a good idea for a new video. I hope this helps. Thanks!!
Thanks for dropping a comment! And I’d love to hear your ideas for topics. What’s on your mind? See you soon, Laura
Friendship and sending holiday cards is a good one. I love this tradition, but over the last few years I’ve decided to be petty and only send them to people who love exchanging them…Some people love receiving them, but don’t enjoy sending and some people send them as an afterthought that arrive after Xmas or around the New Year 😩 It feels kind of crappy…
Yes, it’s dead and buried.
I go to work, don’t talk, but I’m cordial, and just work. People want when they need, but do not “want” to help you.
Many folks can be very disappointing 💔
This is such a deeply important topic to me. I'm in my late 50's now. I have lived in 7 different states in the past 25 years, which has been really disruptive to my relationships over the years. Friendship is still important to me, but I have not been able to find trustworthy women who value friendship like I do where I have been living these past 10 years. I'm afraid my relationships with other women are not where I'd like them to be, either because of moving around so much or lack of trustworthiness. It's very sad! Thank you for taking on the topic of women's friendships. It's at least good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with it.
Moving adds an extra roadblock. I’ve found that many women are enjoying friendly acquaintances and getting a lot of pleasure out of easy relationships, people you only see at certain shared events or interests. Taking classes, volunteering, new hobbies or a sport can kick start those kind of interactions it is a lot more work as we get older if we still want an active social life, I know it’s important to me. Good luck and keep at it!
Trust and loyalty are almost a thing of the past, sadly. They are qualities that have always meant a lot to me. Personally, I have given up on finding true friends, I've been burned badly in that department and I just don't have the mental, emotional or physical energy reserves to deal with the drama anymore. At 59, it's too much
So many women agree with you💯and have had the same experience Thanks for sharing
Nancy, I fully concur ~ thanks for your input ! : )
I completely agree with you ! Sick of dealing with female drama and back stabbing !
This really resonates with me. My experiences are very much the same. Relationships have all become totally transactional.
Sad but true for too many women. Thanks for sharing this
I am open to meaningful friendships, but I would still hesitate to share something that I wouldn't want anyone to know. I've had two instances in my life where someone used or could have used something against me. I won't allow a 3rd opportunity.
I’m in the same place.
I completely agree with what you're saying. I've had the same experience.
I blame social media like the book of faces. People use the term so loosely and no one knows what a true friend even is.
Agree💯
l know what loyalty is all about and that's me. l have never met anyone who is as loyal as l am. And those that are reading this may believe in themselves. l'm 68, retired....been there done that. lt's so peaceful being solo me today
Love your outlook! Thanks for sharing
Hello Laura. Loyalty is dead with a few honorable exceptions😢
🤣🤣love that!
It's somehow comforting to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing this. I've been stabbed in the back so many times I'm STILL pulling out the knives. And family has been the worst. When I lost my leg just below my hip (complications from a surgery), I became what they referred to as defective and a freak of nature and have had nothing to do with me since. I prefer to be by myself now because there's less hurt and less pain.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Family can be the absolute worst. 💔hang in there
@@laurahillauthor Yes, family can be the worst because you can never truly and completely cut them out of your life. There's always certain events you have to show up for such as funerals, etc. I just make my appearance short as possible.
I'm sorry sweet heart I hope you have some good people around you ❤
@@DianaFox-y9u Thank you for your kind words. My brain tells me there are still kind people out there, but my heart is ripped apart and just wants to be alone. It is quite traumatic to have your closest family members completely cut you out of the family especially when you've become so vulnerable.
@DRUMMER-j-u2x it's not about who is your blood but, who will hold your hand when you hit the ground unfortunately most the time it's not your family. I hope you have somebody to hold your hand and you are getting the help you need 🙏🏻 peace from north bay🌉
Loyalty is definitely a dying quality in friendships. I've been thrown under the bus many times especially recently. If I had my time again regarding work colleagues, I wouldn't socialize with them out of work hours (exceptions for a work related function). Many times I have had petty jealousy and poor behavior directed at me. Thanks for another great video!
Jealousy and Envy two things many women let get the best of them. Thanks for taking the time to share
Oh yes, if you’re into self development and you’re doing well, you might unintentionally trigger “a friends” deep seated inferiority complex…
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned DRAMA. UGH. It has ruined society.
Agree💯
I am 36 and I feel the same way... nobody knows what loyalty means anymore and I feel like most people see others as disposable. I also believe that young people nowadays have a completely unrealistic expectation that they're going to meet somebody and instantly click and feel a deep connection to them and love everything about them, instead of understanding that real friendships take time and you have to learn to love the other person with their flaws and be there for them, so that they want to be there for you when you need them. Real love and friendship is when you feel like if you were to loose that someone, you'd miss everything about them that irritates you as much as the things you like , because it's what makes them who they are... Real friends feel like an old house you've live in for a very long time, they're not perfect, yet THEY ARE.
Love this! You are right it has nothing to do with perfection.
Hey Debbie. Im 36 as well. Lets be friends 😊
Wise words,thank you for sharing,humans are imperfect, to recognize it requires self reflection skills and inner monologue,most people incapable of that ,just animals acting upon impulses.
There has never been anyone in my life that knows everything about me. Some part of me just would not allow it. Maybe because my sister was never a very nice person so I learned at a very early age that if my own sister could not be trusted I certainly would not trust anyone else.
Thanks so much for sharing. Family is often the most hurtful 💔
No royalty. I found that out after a friend of over 50 years exploded over issues that I had no idea were even bothering her. Things said were so mean that the relationship is not able to be restored. 😢
I’m so sorry what a horrible thing to go through💔
Same here. I'm done. There is no going back.
Nope, no loyalty from anyone anymore😢…
So sad seriously💔
I keep coming back to your channel bc you're not afraid to tackle taboo topics. I think the problem is with entitlement. Morality and "doing the right thing" have taken a back seat to "whatever makes me feel good" and that typically means someone else is targeted with their underlying anger or resentment.
I agree with you💯thanks so much for the comment!
Oh I can't remember the last time I trusted someone entirely.. maybe my father but when I lost him at a young age, that was really it. A therapist once told me that my inability to trust others is really not trusting myself to identify the "right" people for me. I have online friends and situational friends, like you mentioned.. but ride or die ..nope. My walls are very thick and high and I know this.
So many women feel exactly like you do. Thanks for sharing
My own parents are not loyal, so I definitely don't expect it from others, sadly. I am loyal to my husband and children. I lowered my expectations of friends.
Family can be the biggest and most hurtful dissapointment💔
Loyalty and trust are still the most important qualities in relationships. In fact, I’ve dropped all relationships that don’t have these qualities. Like you said, loyalty is not about “coving up” but rather friends “defend you”, “challenge you and “keep a concern or secret between the two of you”.
Relationships without trust means there is no loyalty-and if there’s no loyalty it’s iNOT a relationship but rather, an unhealthy connection.
Agree💯
I really do feel like trust and loyalty isn’t taught to our children as much as it was in “the old days”. 😊
You are so right! We are too wrapped up in material things and not in personal principles. Thanks!
We have to be the ones to teach it first! But I agree. Sadly the family dynamics are all over the place and public education and social media do not help. I've noticed patterns between the homeschooled children and others; the homeschooled children tend to be more socially adaptable and friendly etc. The opposite of what most think.
Even children that do academically well in public school and most see as doing well socially are not. Our standards have been gradually lowered into the negative column. They clearly have more issues with bullying or letting bullies bully them etc, they are often medicated at a young age and don't know how to socialize unless they are put into a specific group with others. I have been the same way and I attended private then public school growing up. I have a few friends that were homeschooled and they can talk to anyone in any situation I swear, even the one that claims to be an extreme introvert. My severely autistic child is more outgoing and friendly than most of the children we encounter.
Other kids today tend to be very used to just giving up/ not expecting much because they aren't taught boundaries and how to truly value themselves (which I believe we can only do fully in Jesus). They are too used to being bounced around and told who to socialize with etc. Unless they are the bullies sadly. The remainder seems rare. But it takes work and consistency on behalf of the parents/guardians. Free range is popularized and it's just laziness. It's not truly setting up any child for long term success let alone loyalty to the right people.
@@laurahillauthor Bingo! A very important thing for us to evaluate as parents/caretakers....heck just as people! 🙈
Had a long friendship - friend stopped our friendship because I had a medical issue and could not go to a function she was having. So sometimes you need to take care of oneself before you can can take care of others.
Agree💯 if you aren’t in a healthy place you won’t attract healthy people
This is common. Sorry it happened. I was friend with a woman who was getting married on a small boat. I had a cast on my leg and told her I didn't feel comfortable on a boat because of falling. She then dropped our friendship.
Yikes!
reminds me of a favorite quote: "Stop swimming oceans for people who wouldn't jump a puddle for you."
Hey Laura! Great content and "thinker" on this video!! :)
I love to talk to people and help them with things going on with their lives and problems, but share some of my past issues and outcomes/how I dealt with them back then with them. That seems to always get me into trouble, and find those very people I took time out of MY life to help THEM ends up being arsenal and bullets they turn around and share with others about ME. I don't understand it. My experience is no one wants to get personal anymore- and creating tight bonds and safe places with other women is a thing of the past. There's no loyalty. I only share my life experiences (good or bad) with my husband and my journal. My Mom is in her late 70's, and has an amazing group of 6 women who are tight as thieves for 50 years and going strong. I have always been envious of those relationships, not finding my group ever. Keeping friendships I have with my friends these days is light and airy- almost superficial- to protect myself and live drama-free. I choose to not go deep anymore or help others. Much easier this way, but unfulfilling.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I envy your Mom too❤️friendship has really changed ‘they don’t make it like they used to’. It’s hard for those of us who still want close friends. Real friendship takes time and effort. No one wants to put the time in anymore when social media is too easy but unfulfilling
Hey there! Fellow Texan here. I find that loyalty is vanishing more and more these days. That said, I have friends that I’ve had since elementary school (I’m in my mid-50s). Those types of friends are very hard to come by and I cherish them greatly.
I’ve also been betrayed by a close friend that I had for over 20 years.
This younger generation, though, I don’t feel know the true meaning of loyalty.
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed your video. 😊
Happy to have a fellow Texan. Yes starting to think it’s a lost art.
I have lived on my own most of my adult life working as an RN in 4 different states. I've always had animals that have been my best friends. I enjoy living alone with cats and don't need much contact with friends. Most of my friends have been in 12 step groups where most people are trying to better themselves. With my problems I find a therapist one of the best persons to talk with. There is loneliness I feel sometimes of course. I am glad I am 73 in this chaotic world today. I would not want to be young today. I don't have a best friend except animals. There is a lot people can do with creativity.
I agree there is a lot we can do with creativity. And agree on animals. Now that Im home a lot I’m really enjoying the company of my furry friends
Sometimes, loyalty seems elusive.
Agree💯
Loyalty is bound to trust. I believe the majority of women, because of socialization, have a skewed perception of loyalty. We are conditioned to compete with other women for a man's attention. We compete with each other with materialistic items, e.g., the latest overpriced designer handbag. We need to emphasize character-building and collaboration. This is a great topic.
Agree💯you hit the nail on the head. It starts on the playground and never ends. Thanks
Well stated, tfs : ) Much Appreciated !!
@@laurahillauthor yes : )
Thank you for the intellectual stimulation and your kindly philosophy. I enjoy your channel.
Thanks so much!
Yes, isn't Laura a Beautiful Fragrance of ''much needed'' Fresh Air !
Great Laura. I would like it if you cover handling successes in our life. Ive had a series of them. Four books published,, wrote a one woman play, published hundreds of freelance articles,etc. But its hard to share with others as it could be boasting. But it is how i spend my time so then i cant talk about anything. Thnx for all you do.
Wonderful idea! Thanks so much. I want this to be a channel for women who are not afraid to share their successes and losses. I promise I’ll do this topic thanks Elizabeth
Hi Elisabeth,
Ambitious or successful women will love is that you published 4 books, however if a woman has a deep seated inferiority complex or feels trapped in her own life, she’ll resent it or interpret it as bragging.
I've been divorced since 1996 and most women my age are married maybe still hopeful to find a man. I'm not interested in a male relationship, but I would like a true friendship. I have been hurt many times by women. The mean girls have certainly done their damage and yes, I'm jaded and share myself very little with family or others. I'm not willing to give up. I've started going to new places and doing new things. Maybe one day a loyal friendship will form. My problem will be recognizing it as for real.
It’s definitely a double edged knife. We get hurt and so we don’t trust even when it is someone we can trust. Keeping getting out and trying new things that interest you. That’s where you will find those friendly acquaintances that will fill you up
Love the following poem:
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, A Life For A Life
I wonder if loyalty is something like trust. The best way to be able to trust someone else is to be trustworthy. Sometimes I feel like we are so limited in the things we can do to make our world a better place, but maybe it just boils down to modeling what we want to see. We don’t really have any control of the rest of it I guess.
Agree and I think the two go hand in hand!
I’ve been betrayed by my own Mother, my 24 year old daughter and my husband of 20+ years. I can honestly say loyalty is 100% dead atleast in my life. I only trust in God and His Son Jesus Christ.
I’m so sorry. Disloyalty from family is the worst💔
I trust Jesus too. ❤
Loyalty is second to being committed to one. Maybe dedication is also loyalty. Second to none don’t exist anymore. It’s gone. Love the message ❤
Sad but good to acknowledge. Thanks for sharing.
I had a 30 yr friendship that I cut ties with recently because they were not loyal to me. Just because someone is in your circle they may not be in your corner. We used to work together (same large organization) and now that we are retired I noticed that we don’t have as much in common or same values. She became a widow and we started to drift. The last thing that happened is that she didn’t show up as my person for my surgery leaving me having to find someone else on a moments notice. Thankfully another friend stepped up to drive 8 hours and be my person to look after me and drive me home post op. There was no loyalty on her part and that was enough for me to let the friendship go.
Love what you said. Just because they are in your circle doesn’t mean they are in your corner. May make a good video topic! Sorry that happened to you. 💔nothing worse than being let down by a friend you thought you could count on
Thank you for another excellent topic. I am at that point where I don't want the drama. Drama and lying have become addictive behaviors and I don't know if it results from social media, TV, over-medicating, upbringing, etc. I saw the cruel-cattiness of my siblings; then I noticed it in my friends. I knew how I was brought up and the stability and guidance my parents provided, but when listening to my sisters' talk about our parents, they were projecting blame on my parents because their lives (my sisters' lives) didn't go the way they wanted. Placing blame and creating arguments to avoid helping my elderly parents when they needed it was constant. Very disloyal behavior, I thought. I noticed it is easier to blame someone else than to look at one's own short-comings and I backed away from everyone to reevaluate who I am. Once I stopped interacting with the drama-addicted people, everyone fell away and now I live very quietly, but now I wonder if the isolation is healthy. For me, right now, it is.
Agree with all of this. And yes, I love the people that start arguments so they don’t have to help with anything. Thanks Christine!
I completely relate to your comment.
I'm totally with you Laura. Spot on. Can't really trust most i meet. New people at my complex and don't want to get to know them. Been burned too much. Like u I just want peace. Interesting topic. And love reading all the comments, which give much insight. Seems ALL feel the same way.
Aren’t the comments great! I’m learning so much too. Thanks for the comment
I’m loyal to myself first soo don’t make the mistakes I have in trusting someone else even family, I really hesitate now over the years with trusting that I have the loyalty I deserve ❤️Thanks Laura ❤️
Thanks Helen! I’m exactly where you are. It’s a shame but I watch out for myself first and foremost
Really enjoy your topics!
Thanks so much!
It's all a learning experience and I think life is a Matrix. I remember being told by my psych professor in school, "People come and go in your life." I ask, "What kind of a friend was I?" "What did I learn?" People develop new interests which will include new friends, and I have also adopted the attitude, everyone is free to come and go.
Agree💯 it’s a process of learning to accept that it’s part of life, yes often with disappointment when it happens but always a valuable lesson learned
Loyalty still exists, but it’s rare! It takes years to develop and notice. Usually, a loyal friend is not nosy, but when something happens they are there or will send you a quick line if they haven’t heard from you in a long time. I noticed how well one of my loyal friends took care or her dying mother and dying 18 year old dog. Many years ago I had trouble finding a doctor in a foreign country and she discreetly researched it for me. I also felt overwhelmed with something else and she helped me out. She’s the only person I will make all the plans for, because I know she’s got my back! Normally I like reciprocity when it comes to making plans. I wouldn’t consider her my bestie, who I tell all my secrets to, but we do know each other so well and we’re loyal!
Love this! So true how loyalty is shown in the little ways friends help you and how they care for others. I’m going to remember that. Thanks
Yes, watch how people show up in your life and in others lives over the years. I’m also careful not to take advantage of her loyalty.
On the contrary, my parents are causing fights with their siblings and saying and doing outrageous things. They don’t want to apologize, and think they should be automatically forgiven out of loyalty because they’re family. Not sure I agree with that!
No not really especially men.. I get more married men asking me out than single men.. it’s sad
Yikes!!
Love this channel - always thought it was me and I’m learning it’s not!
Always been the giver and never the receiver of loyalty and trust
Thank you for your videos Laura I’m beginning to understand at the age of 61 that all my life I’ve been made to feel that I’m the cold person when in fact it’s because of what people have done to me over the past that I have now shut down
Every single time I get what I would call a close friend they end up losing my trust and I have to walk away
I have learnt I’m not very good at looking out for a reliable person I can call loyal and trustworthy
Thank you for your insightful discussions I look forward to listening to you
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and appreciate your comment!!
I still have some close loyal friends from my 20s. I also have those that are insecure and jealous that have treated me badly and ghosted me including several sister in laws and cousins. Many women that have had issues with me are divorced, have issues with many relationships, not successful, they are insecure and they seem to complain and self sabotage themselves. Being jealous of another's beauty, success be that financial, in relationships, or others talents can bring out the green eyed monster. My take on it is, if you leave or do something out line you don't get back in, the trust is gone and my loyalty to you is gone, your loss not mine. I still have friends that I have known for many years that would give me the shirt off their back those women are ok with themselves. It's not about you it is about them so keep your standards high, and attract high value women and men in your life and keep that circle tight.
Exactly 💯💯
Long distance friends seem to be the best! A couple years back I reconnected with a cousin and we now stay in touch, visiting in person every other year but calling and texting. I am close with my husband and have one like-a-sister friend nearby, while the other two favorite friends are hours away. I like the people at my church and could actually count on them in a tough time, but connecting on an activity level is tough. They’re all about their grandchildren, which is wonderful, but I’m a non-parent business owner who is very physically active/outdoorsy. I would be there for them too as we share that value via our faith, but close “let’s plan something “ kind of friendship doesn’t seem likely. But I have my dog…
I love the long distance friendships! Agree with so much of what you’re saying. Thanks
It is disappointing. You have to be careful who you trust and that’s why I have in the last few years made my social circle very tiny. It’s just a way to protect myself from any more emotional drama pain and betrayal.
So smart. We each know what is best for us and it’s comforting to know that you have done your best to set yourself up for success
What a stimulating topic! For me, loyalty with older friendships is extremely important. I have several college friends that whether we talk once a year. or once a month, I am very loyal to them. I'm on the west coast and they are back East. Every time we talk is just like sharing old times & priceless memories for over 50 years ago. I always am respectful, polite and considerate to them and loyalty is very important. Not at all what it used to be, but Boy how the world has changed! Very interesting topic! ❣
Thanks and so true, loyalty is not what it used to be. Guess we each need to define for ourselves❤️
Interesting topic. In my experience, betrayal of loyalty generally happens when something extrinsic is at stake. Money, romantic relationships, winning love of a parent, getting a job or placement in a desirable program etc. if there isn't anything to compete over, there will be loyalty. conversely if there is something that is to be gained, thats when loyalty can come into question. Just something to think about and honestly, I've experienced each one of those that I named off in my life. Like you, I'm in my very early 60's and like you I am retired (mostly). I've seen it all. if you look back at our mothers and grandmothers, they didn't have friendships the way we have friendships today or how our children have friendships. they were closest to their sisters, cousins, aunties etc. Today, I see younger people social climbing, trying to make friends with famous people or people with money or some kind of currency to help elevate their own worth. sorry, I'm rambling but investing topic.
Great insight. Thanks so much for sharing. Agree there’s a history of change. I hadn’t really considered that. Thanks!
Yes, people knock themselves out to be in with famous people or people who can help them get to meet the famous person!
Yep, I'm not trusting at all that's my problem or issue, I guess. I've had no friends for years. For a lot of part of my life, I was a stay-at-home mom. So obviously I don't have a lot of avenues to meet people. But like I said the trust is the issue and loyalty. My family is Too Faced and backstabbing. You will go there and have a conversation, and as soon as you turn your back and walk out the door, they are talking about you and not in a nice way. When you call someone on the phone, they always put you on speakerphone so that everyone in the room can hear you. This would be at my mom's house. It's funny because I barely speak to my siblings and pretty much they don't know me actually because I don't speak to them all the time and visit with them so it's pretty amusing to me how they talk smack behind my back when they don't even know me😂
Family can be the worst💔 I believe in trying new things, taking classes learning a new hobby or skill that’s where I’m meeting people and we are already starting out with a shared interest. Happy to have friendly acquaintances vs close friends
Hi Laura,
I think I lost my friend of over 20 years. We have been through a lot, her illness, death of her husband. I’m also a God mother to her child. Let’s say we were pretty close. After a few years after her husband passed away she started a new relationship. I thought I was supportive and tried to have a good relationship with her new partner. On my birthday party he started behaving oddly as he did not want to be at the party even having a go at myself and my other guests. I tried to ignore it. At some point myself, my friend and her boyfriend were sitting together at the table and I asked him if he could move onto the other side so he could be more comfortable and his response was was rather harsh. He said he was fine and it wouldn’t be nothing wrong about it but the way he reacted the tone of his voice were very unpleasant to me as a hostess and as a birthday girl. I felt embarrassed and frankly humiliated and started awkwardly explaining myself. My friend said nothing, not a word seeing me looking and feeling embarrassed. Not a word to say something to defend me even just a little bit. She knew me over those years that I am a people’s pleaser and I want my guests feel to be looked after and happy. She knew me he didn’t. I felt awful, disappointed, ashamed as I think she should have stand by me in that moment giving me support.
We spoke about it next day and I told her how I felt and the way how her boyfriend treated my friends, too.
Eventually I was told it was me who crossed boundaries by being overly imposing and he was just putting his boundaries in place.
She said he was sorry h admitted that his behaviour wasn’t nice and he realises he can’t be my guest anymore but he doesn’t mind my friend visiting me with her daughter.( in meantime he moved to my friend’s house). He never apologised for his behaviour but o me if he did I would still invite them together. Now I don’t feel like visiting my friend at her house anymore when he is there. More importantly I want to keep my relationship with my Goddaughter and I know that it’ll be much more difficult now.
After all those years I would expect my friend to stand by me, simply to be loyal and show me that I was her friend long time before she met her new boyfriend. I don’t know maybe I expect to much? I know though that I would behave differently if she was in a similar situation.
Laura could you please talk about similar topic like when your best friend meets her new boyfriend or partner and how you navigate the whole situation.
😊💕Thanks Marta
Oh gosh I’m so sorry. I have heard from so many women who lost a friendship or had a friendship suffer because of a new man. Unfortunately the friendship gets sacrificed to keep the new guy happy. Great topic idea. Thanks!! And if your relationship with your god daughter is important. You will have to swallow your discomfort. Hopefully you can take her out and not have to be in the house with him! Good luck. Such an uncomfortable situation. Good news is that she is married to him, not you!😅
Recently i lost a friendship for my great great surprise for a stupid issue. I was very very sad. Wehad been friends for the last 5 years and spent vacations together and christmas and birthdays.....you name it. Even my husband was chocked. So now i keepmy two childwood friends and that's it. Just a smile and a coffe talking too much but saying nothing.
Oh I’m so sorry. I feel like I lost a long time friend several years ago because of the same reason. A stupid thing
Talking too much but saying nothing. I have *friends* like that.
I think years ago people were kept in check by public shame which is likely why people in small towns or villages acted better than people in the more anonymous cities. Now with social media and people thinking that there is always something better around the corner in terms of mates n friends they are much less likely to do the kind of work necessary to keep n strengthen the friendship/relationship. Over time when a person doesnt develop the conflict resolution skills they need they continue the pattern of always jettisoning the current friendship or relationship in search of something "better". People who have watched their parents lose connection dont have good role models either n its really not a skill parents teach to their children either.
Wise words! Agree💯we’ve become so impersonal that we’ve lost sight
of the true value of the people in our lives.
I m surrounded by acquaintances, so loyalty isn’t a big part of that. It’s more or less superficial but very friendly. I am certain that I have one loyal friend of almost 40 years though. That is an important relationship.
I’m happy with friendly acquaintances. It works because you share what you have in common but it never gets too deep. And it’s so nice to have one or two truly loyal friends, friendships you’re invested in. Thanks so much for the comment
The saying, "If you have one true friend, you have more than your share," is credited to Thomas Fuller, a 17th-century English clergyman and historian. It underscores the profound significance of genuine friendship. Regrettably, in modern times, the authentic essence of friendship, encompassing loyalty and support, has been distorted to equate to the number of likes on someone's social media platform.
You are so right!!! Thanks for sharing the quote. Friendship certainly isn’t what it used to be
I’m disappointed, too. There have been a few people I thought were loyal friends but found out years later that it was a one sided friendship. I forgive but over time realized I should let go. Very heartbreaking.
Ive often wondered if our children didn’t learn love, loyalty, kindness, etc. when mothers and fathers went to work full time. We worked full time and do have a daughter, and she always went out of her way for friends but some of them did not reciprocate. What I’m trying to say is my daughter knows how to be a good friend, so maybe we taught her even though we were exhausted when we met at the end of the day.
Is it the changing culture, it’s ok to be disloyal. It’s ok to walk away from someone instead of talking things out. Are we learning bad behavior from others on social media?
Hard to know unless we question those being disloyal.
Sorry, I can ramble on for a long time😊
I love what you said and such a good point about how we raise our daughters. They will face the same kind of friendship issues/ challenges. Self confidence, kindness and empathy are so important but not something everyone possesses.
I think loyalty is a thing of the past or close to it. I’ve been stabbed in the back by a 15+ friendship that I changed my whole life to be loyal and keep our friendship lose, oh, was it a doozy to move forward from and stings a bit even after 18 years. I was not given a reason for the betrayal try as I might which hurt deeply so I have trust issues with all friendships I make that are just so nice ALL THE TIme….I’m rethinking all of this and if I have 3 loyal friends at my age-77, I’m feeling blessed, and I e had many many friendships in my life. I do feel I have loyalty with my 3 adult daughters and that keeps me emotionally afloat as I get older.
It is so hard to navigate friendships when they are not genuine! I am grateful for loyal children, too, 3 also❤️
nope people are not loyal.were they ever
Maybe I’m remembering the past with my rose colored glasses on but I feel like life used to be simpler and we had more empathy for others. Being disloyal requires a huge lack of empathy. But you may be right, definitely food for thought thanks!
Trust & Loyalty for many is a bygone days Memory '''&''' at worst, [but most Sadly] a ''foreign concept' to ''most'' people - which, if one pondered for too long, would probably ''shake one'' [including myself] to their very core'' ... : (
Think [bubble like seen in a newspaper cartoon out the side of my head] {'80's ? TV Commercial} ''Calgon, Take Me Away '' ... Lady in Bathtub w/ Bubble Bath Relaxing to get away from it all /Escapism ; ) tbh, I don't blame her : ) [calm, sweet, cute, soft, lol] : )
The 'world' [imho] has a 'cheapness'' to it now a days ... {as in} throw away society & easy come/easy go etc that reeks of a semi-quasi or full blown ''Narcissistic Essence'' veiled thinly in uber-Smiley people whose lack of ''Authentic self'' & total lack of awareness nor interest of E.Q. / Emotional Intelligence inhibits them from the ability to make ''meaningful'' ''connections' aka friendships etc ... what a pure - [planet-wide] travesty : (
My husband is truly my Best Friend. And we are ''Best Friends''. He's always had my back, he encourages me, lifts me up, makes me laugh & loves me UN-conditionally ! : ) & as do I, for him - - - BUT not b/c I ''have to' as in pay-back nor out of guilt nor people pleasing, but b/c I sincerely ~ Admire, Respect & Love him for the Man ''&'' Person - HE is ! : ) Thus, he has ALL the Qualities/Characteristics of a '''BEST''' Friend [that I desire] ...
As I've previously shared, being an introvert who enjoys alone time & time with my husband, anything 'else' ''feels'' [to me] like such an effort : ( but more than that, I truly yearn for 'no more' than I already have : ) ... I am ''Blessed'' & ''most happy'' with where I'm at in life ; and being a spectator is not only pleasurable to me, but also keeps Mind & Heart, at Peace.
That said, some may say / argue that is a form of / or is healthy-boundaries 101 to which I would ''not'' disagree, but, that's ''not'' at all the predominate reason[s] for my choices : ) ...
As per your request for viewer input RE: new topics for your Videos ~ I'll enjoy anything YOU speak to / of ...
N.B. this is not ''fawning'' behaviour ~
I ''truly'' do like listening b/c YOU are~ sincere, honest, down to earth, analytical, reflective, deep, humble, curious, open, thought provoking, searching/pondering ''life'' for meaning & asking questions, intelligent, asking the ''why'' etc ~
Thank-you & I do hope your evening is going well Laura !
Most Sincerely, Cindy : )
Thank you so much for sharing this!! I appreciate your input so much
Call me old fashioned. I'm still loyal but I'm more like a man in that way then a woman.
I agree men are a lot more loyal!
you’ve made all these videos on disappointing friendships and you have lots of 20 year ride or die friendships and you don’t believe in loyalty? Just trying to understand. All I have are casual crappy relationships . And yes they probably talk about me behind my back. And my family is not loyal. I am very lonely. I give up on connecting with anybody. It is a lost cause
Thanks so much for your comment. Yes I have 3 close girl friends who I now see the great value in, but for many years I rarely ever saw them. I invested in the wrong kind of people. I’m 67 and have made a couple of unfortunate mistakes along the way. One in particular hurt me profoundly it caused a lot of distrust. What I finally discovered was I gave too much time to the wrong people so I started to reconsider acquaintances I had met along the way. Women who always seemed to come through. Those are the 3 women I consider my close friends now. But being close doesn’t mean seeing a lot of eachother. I still enjoy friendly acquaintances. I do a lot of public speaking to women’s groups and have written 2 books on the relationships between women. It’s definitely a mixed bag,women can be very cruel to eachother, so much of what I share are the experiences women are talking about and our shared experiences. Many women are lonely but no one talks about it. I will tell you it takes a lot of uncomfortable work, forcing yourself to sign up for classes, join in, attend programs. Going by yourself is nerve wracking but doing the things you enjoy will put you in places where you may meet others who enjoy the same thing. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. This gives me a good idea for a new video. I hope this helps. Thanks!!
don't give up. try volunteering. i met some wonderful people volunteering.