In business it’s a strange a balance. There are people who are loyal and will pull you up as they move up the ladder. This has not happened to me but I have seen it happen to others.
I had a friend for 20 years, and when she got divorced, she got into country western dancing. She liked dressing up, making "get ups" for attention, and when I came to visit all she wanted me to do was go to country western bars and watch her show off and dance. I was a married woman, and sitting in country western bars did nothing for me. I don't even care for the music. We used to watch movies, talk about books, go to our favorite restaurants, but then I was slowly being pushed aside for her new interests. You are right, you take from the relationship the good times and what you learned. I allowed her to move on...
Friendship breakup is a unique form of grief. You can be fine for months and think you’ve accepted everything that unfortunately happened, then you can regress back to the hurt and anger stage!
I have given a friend many chances but have been hurt and cut off anytime I needed her, I used to drive her to hospital appointments and shopping all the time, ( she doesn’t drive) I fell ill a year ago and have had to give up driving which is hard for me because it is like loosing my independence. However, since I haven’t been able to drive her she has a new friend that can and I have been totally cut off. You are right when you say it’s a gut punch. I’m talking about a friendship of 30 years. 😢
That's hurtful. Have you ever told her that? Have you ever called her and said exactly what you said here? I would have called her and said, "You know, I just want to talk to you about something." We have been friends for over 30 years now and we did a lot together when you needed me. I was there for you. I drove you places went shopping etc and when it came to pass that I am unable to drive any longer, you found someone else to drive you which makes sense of course, but now, because you have someone else in your world to chat with etc, you've left me out. This has been very hurtful for me, and I'd like to know why? Did the Friendship not mean anything to you? You could always just ask her that to see what her response is to it. At least at that point you have your say and she knows how you feel and you can move on possibly knowing that she might do the same thing to this new person she's driving around with at some point.
That’s what I call “a baby friend”. It’s a type of friend that likes people to take care of them. Once, I’ve been nice and taken care of them a few times and I’ve noticed other people take care of them too, I stop and take care of other people.
That is so terrible. I'm really sorry she did that. It's never the people we expect either which makes it even harder. I pay much closer attention to the smaller things now so I might have a better chance of noticing before it becomes a big thing.
@@babygrizwold thank you, I hate confrontation but I know it needs to be said because our sons are great friends too, they grew up together because of our friendship. I will think about it. Xx
Awe Laura..I get it girl..I really appreciate your self reflection and acknowledgement of your feelings without numbing or distracting yourself. Your videos are helping me work thru my own friendship issue with a childhhod friend who we had so much history together. After she retired she went into business which I never felt aligned. I was always honest with her..I supported the best I could and sent her her first clients..recently she accused me of " not believing in her". Sucker punch for sure. Short memory. We are all here to learn soul lessons and the painful ones are usually what we need to evolve. Im reflecting at 62 like you are. I do volunteer activities that align with my values, local food bank and my hospice work as I recently qualified in thanatology. The work is remarkable and beautiful and serves to remind me that I have much to give and to keep serving.😊 Shine on.❤
You are so kind. Thanks so Much for your thoughtful comment! And yes, like you I’m filling my life up with new things, things that really mean something and challenge me. New experiences
What shocks us, is as you mention, 'a betrayal of trust' that stings so much, and surprises us too. I also mentioned below I have lost 2 friendships over politics, one of 40 yrs standing, unbelievable to me. In 40 yrs never a cross word, then this person changes radically. So, I was so hurt by that, it was 4 yrs ago now, and it still gets to me. You are also so right, I 'vent' with my husband, and quite frankly the poor man can't solve anything as you say. So, thank you so much for your channel and the opportunity for us to voice our opinions here between us.
I was recently completely blindsided by two women...for whom I had done a tremendous amount of work for over 3.5 years. These two literally pulled a coup on me, and I lost a huge work contract which I dearly loved. I was completely blown off the map by their maneuverings..., And realized that I had been completely used and disrespected for more than three years... I saw some warning signs about a year ago.But I tried to rise above them... I do believe that you get out of life.What you put into it, and these women will unfortunately reap no good from any of this.. What they did to me professionally was despicable.But I am moving on and finding joy in my life. I don't think there are any clear answers... It's just amazing how ruthless and discompassionate some people can be.
I guess what doesn’t kill us makes us wiser! I just did a video two weeks ago. It’s a crazy story about a small business betrayal that a woman shared with me. Hope you will watch it. Little extreme but lots of lessons learned
@@laurahillauthor I did watch that video (last week)- I have another friend who was completely betrayed while forming a Hospice partnership in our community (the other woman took her ideas and then severed the relationship and ended up startig her own business with same name/ideas!). It's really unbelievable about the lack of fidelity in friendship/relationship, which I hold dearly and i honor those commitments. A person's word should be GOLD. my recent experience was incredibly shocking (I am a medical professional and had donated HOURS AND HOURS of my time, etc)-- so be it. Life allows us to "see" what needs to be seen but even at my age, it's always a real surprise! God bless and thank you, Laura!
I am so glad your channel popped up today, in the wake of the prez. election. Thankyou for a little bit of an inside glance at the politics of politics.
You are such a gem. I can't begin to tell you how much listening to your videos has helped me. Yes, I was also gut-punched by a very good "friend" and it helps to know that I am not alone. Your reassurances help me so much. Thank You so very much.
Hi Laura, no matter how old you are, you will continue to learn things until you die. I use to think I had enough character-building experiences when I turned 45. I am still learning how to navigate how I respond to people who have hurt me. Mostly, people are insecure and immature. A lot of people have not healed and will still respond as they did when they were hurt. I love your channel. Take care of yourself.
I think it’s a big surprise to many especially women although I’ve talked to so many men experiencing the same thing. I think women look at relationships a bit differently. They hold greater value to us so when they don’t transition it stings because we didn’t consider it. Or we take it a bit more personally? Thanks for sharing your thoughts
I’m 67 and I have finally learned that people look at friendship differently. I always believed that a friendship should be 50/50 and it is never that way. There is always one person that puts more effort into it. Years ago I became friends with someone who said they had waited all their life for a friend like me. Over the next few years I realized I made all the effort. I still love her, I no longer have a relationship with her mainly because her husband would make rude gestures and say inappropriate things and she did nothing about it. My friends are my brother and my sister. I know I can count on them and they put as much into our relationship as I do.
Friendship has definitely changed and not for the better. You are so fortunate to have family you enjoy so much. My sister lives in another country and really wish she was closer
Just this week I was leaving a meeting with a few other women and one of them started criticizing a coworker’s work ethic. The others joined in and I walked away. This coworker they gossiped about is leaving our department during a time where we already have a lot of turnover because she wants more flexibility to be home with her kids. About 30 minutes later one of them came up to me to tell me the person they were gossiping about is just a terrible team member who complained about all of us. I thought this person was a good work friend. She went on to say she went to dinner with her the night before and she was bad mouthing me, but she didn’t have time to go Into what she said about me. I was kind of surprised about that because I have a neutral relationship with this other team member and we don’t really interact much at work, but when we do interact it’s pleasant and cordial. My take on all of this is my “friend” knew I saw that they were gossiping and to make my her feel better about it she had to justify it. Eventually my coworker friend shared what this person supposedly said and it didn’t bother me at all. It really wasn’t a personal attack/ comment. Some people just like to chase trouble and I will be very careful what I say around any of them moving forward. How I work through this is I pray and talk to God a lot. I will be careful with my coworkers because I now see if I don’t jump on the bandwagon then they view me in a very weird way as a threat.
Yes and just imagine what they say about you behind your back if they were talking about her. Coworkers are indeed not friends at all. I always keep my co-workers at an arm's length.
Thank you for sharing. Love you insight. It’s so important to think through everyone’s motivations. So many people just need drama and unfortunately that generally means finding a target
I have had friendships come and go throughout my life, especially in adulthood. My husband and I are homebodies, so I really don’t worry about having more friends. But the gut punch we have had is our oldest son. When he turned 18, he went on line, found a girl to date, moved in with her after 3 weeks, and of course she got pregnant. We supported them through it all, through the years, helped them by letting them move in with us for two years with my sweet little granddaughter, whom I was very close with. We babysat for them so they could have time to themselves on dates, vacations, etc. After they got married, later moved out had their second child, helped them move, etc. we are a Christian family, who has always taught our values to our children, but still loved and supported him, even though he kinda went off the path. Well, enter the current political scene, where a lot of Christians support 45, whom we do not. My son, who all of a sudden is a Christian, has pretty much wrote us off because we do not vote for that particular charlatan. It has been since Christmas Eve 2020 that he got mad at me for not supporting who he thinks I should support. I haven’t seen either of my beautiful granddaughters since then. And now they’ve moved even farther from us. The fist is still in my gut, as these are my only grandchildren.
@@laurahillauthor I don’t discuss politics with family/friends or anyone who doesn’t share my political views. Wimpy yes, but it saves relationships. I know that little me is not going to change anyone’s mind. I have found that political name calling raises my blood pressure so I am probably just protecting my health😄
@@practicallyfree1509 It’s too bad people can’t have rational conversations about their views! I always like to know why someone thinks the way they do. I’m just very curious, but have had to curb my interest.
I lost 2 40 yr friendships over politics, for the same reason you did. Incredible, they became cult followers, and couldn't even, as I suggested 'agree to disagree' It hurt and shocked me so much at the time. Of course we are talking your son, and grandchild here which naturally goes deeper. I am so sorry, but you are certainly not alone..
@@bridget6890 This is why, as mentioned by my post a month ago, that I don’t discuss politics with many people. I refuse to allow politics to ruin a 60 year friendship of mine and ruin a 60 year relationship with my church-who many of those employed by the church have opposing political views from mine. I hope you can mend these relationships. If I were going through a bad time, it would be the above mentioned that would be by my side helping me through the hard times and not the political figures.
It took me more than half of my life to learn that it takes 2 to 5 years to get to know someone. By then they cannot help but to show their true colors. Now I’ve had a friend of over 10 years deeply disappoint me so I don’t know what the answer is anymore. Like you say, how many life lessons do I need to learn?
I think as people age and it depends on who they spend a lot of time with, such as a spouse, their personality changes. I know for myself personally, my first husband, when I married at 19, was a very quiet man. He was soft-spoken and very calm. When the marriage ended 10 years later, I met someone else, and he was more talkative and louder and well funnier . I saw myself morphing to how my second husband was. I used to be quiet and shy, and then now I've become more open, and if something bothers me, I will say something as before I wouldn't say anything at all.. I know a lot of my family don't like the way I've become. They preferred me when I was quiet and wouldn't open my mouth up even when something bothered me. You're right. It takes a long time to get to know somebody. I know my ex-best friend from years ago, even today, seems like such a nice great person. She speaks softly when spoken to. She does a few things in the community, but in the end, she hides the other side of her very well. It's only until you really get to know her that it, meaning her crappy friendship skills start to come out. 😂
Same here! This particular person I’ve known for 9 years. Not a close friend just someone I held in fairly high regard. I’ll get over it, think I already have, but it sure makes you wonder. Thanks!
Hi Laura, since I retired from performing in Vegas , I find it hard to get old friends ( dancers) to call me back, I have had people find me, but mostly looking to connect , talk about the good ol days, I guess no one really wants to, so how I deal with it is to take long walks,talk to myself out loud, get it out, my husband's heard enough , I thank you for your insights, love reading comments!
Hi Laura - I just love your videos. Your topics are things I can relate to and I really appreciate how you try to look at things from different angles. Whether it's how you try to turn things are around by looking at things differently or just look at the situation and try to see for what it is (good, bad or ugly 🙂). Thank you!
I had a new friend tell me to take an Uber home from cataract surgery (which isn’t allowed). She lives very close, is single, works part time and had the surgery a year prior. I thought I could count on her. Our friendship faded and just a few days ago she wrote and said we should have lunch. She probably is clueless how hurtful she was.
Thanks for your reply. I haven’t responded yet. I have no family or close friends left. So not sure if I might give her another chance b/c I could use the social time but I’ll never forget the hurt.
I did a video last week on how we sometimes decide to give people a second chance . It’s really up to you. Not everyone does the right thing when it comes to friendship but maybe they do a whole lot more right than wrong. The nice thing is if you give her a second chance you will do so with your eyes wide open. Good luck!!!
Hang in there lady! I feel like I've been in this place so many times. I'm 48. I lost so many friends when my children were diagnosed with diabetes and autism. My friends just disappeared. It happened again dealing with my husband's infidelity. I lost so many relationships. Some of it was me but a lot of it was a true lack of empathy from other women. Its astonishing. I feel like i get ghosted by other women routinely. I rush into friendships a lot. Not sure why. Someone who ghosted me s couple months ago just resurfaced yesterday.Lol I haven't responded to her yet but i will guard my heart.❤
A friend who I knew since high school ghosted me and got in touch with me years later after she graduated college. She needed some help with something so I helped her. Once again she ghosted me. So I had this attitude of well then eff you 😂 so once again a few years later she got in contact with me over FB. She asked me if we could reconnect. I was very proud of myself in that moment and I said no. I told her when you went away to college I called you, you never had the time for me. When I wanted you to be maid of honor in my wedding you said no. When you needed help and advice I gave it to you not hearing from you again until now. I then told her that even though we were friends in high school, it's very apparent that our friendship stayed there. I told her that I do not have the energy to put into a one-sided friendship. I wished her well and good luck with her future I hope she has a great life and that was that. 20 years later approximately I heard back from her through my sister. I no longer have FB and she had contacted my sister asking for my number. This was after my father passed away and he was well known in the community. My sister got a hold of me and asked me if she could give her my phone number and I said no. I told my sister to tell her thank you very much for thinking of me but that I'm all good. I'm very proud of myself for doing all of that. I'm glad I didn't give in because I know it all would have been one-sided and I would have been used. Yes if you decide to pursue your friendship then just be careful. The first sign of it being one-sided Etc then cut it off before it even starts. I wish you luck I hope maybe your friend has come around and it's going to be a long lasting friendship. You never know! ❤
I'm 53, and I still get gut punched to this day, but now I have this huge cartoonist fist that comes out and punches them right back. I'm not sure if you remember the TV show called Ally Mcbeal? But she always had moments like that, and it cracked me right up. Somebody would do her wrong or say something to her, and then this reaction would come from her, and it was just her mentally thinking about punching them in the face or something 😂 that's how I get through it sometimes with comedic thoughts.
My step daughter seemed untrustworthy to me from the moment i met her as a teenager. I went against my better judgement and convinced myself that my initial guy feeling about her was wrong and unjust. I saw the bad behavior over and over and over and refused to accept it. Yep, I was right. She was to be the worst person i have ever had in my life. She hurt me like no one else ever has. She betrayed me and back stabbed me so bad i thought i might die from the heart ache. I think she hated me from the beginning and finally betrayed me after years of using me. It has been the hardest lesson of my life but after 4 years i have startee to recover. My main solace isvthat at least she is not my actual daughter because that would have been even worst. I have the comfort of not having raised her and not being responsible for how she turned out.
It hurts the worst when it’s family including ‘step’ family I’m so sorry you experienced that kind of betrayal. Some people are cruel beyond comprehension
I'm disliked having never met my one step child. My husband has two kids one of them I met and had no problem with. They were grown, almost into their twenties. My husband ended up moving to be with me he had already moved away and his ex was already with someone new as well. Both of his kids refused to come see him/us and I guess it's all because of me and I guess they were angry at the fact that he moved away. We to this day still can't figure it out. He has tried many times to talk to his son about what's going on and his son never answers him. He has spoken to his ex-wife about the whole thing and she has no clue as well. His son is now grown with grandkids who we have never met. Every year we send Christmas gifts and last year we sent some to his son as well of course, and we never got one thank you at all for the gifts. One of the gifts given was of Collectibles that I had here and instead of either keeping them or selling them I packed all of them up and ship them off and gave them to him because I know he liked what I was collecting. Not one thank you at all which was so hurtful. He won't even talk to me at all and from day one they were completely welcome in our home. My husband thinks it's just because he moved away but at one point I told my husband you know they are in their thirties and they are old enough to grow up and make their own life choices. When someone is in their 30s and still holding on to hate etc which shouldn't even exist and if they had an issue they should be talking to their father about it, you just have to let it go. I hate being disliked and having not even met the person. Boggles my mind but there's nothing I can do about it. Family are the ones that can hurt you the most. Sorry for the long comment but at least you do you have the comfort of knowing that you did not raise her. That would be worse. Take care! ❤
I think we need to like ourselves more than we like anyone else. I am the only one that will care, or matter, in the end. That's just something I have learned from being mistreated and disrespected over the years. I will never understand why people say and do mean things. And become very upset if you respond in kind. I've had people stage-whisper insults to me and when I ask loudly what they said, that I MUST have misunderstood, they can't get away fast enough. It hurts, but being alone is better than being unsure about someone. Too bad all the bad ones can't just stick to their own and leave kind people alone!
Not to sound funny here, but I think that way about myself all the time 🎉. I swore off friends a long time ago, like 30 years ago roughly, and my family has pushed me aside, meaning I'm the black sheep without really being a black sheep. So I have this attitude of that I'm a good person that cares about other people and if somebody doesn't want to be around me then they must be the opposite of that. In the end, it helps me weed out the more toxic people.
We should "Journal" what we learned from these friendships, and also express gratitude. There are days that I think life and friendships are nothing but a "matrix" everything is in flux...
Laura, I can understand why you were the mayor of your city. You radiate so much goodness and I can tell you became the mayor because you genuinely want to help people. Unfortunately, some people want to be associated with you for notoriety and power! What twats! You’re a lovely person outside of work! It sucks! I think the secret to life is being a social butterfly 🦋 You don’t get too caught up on what one friend is doing or not doing!
Hi Laura, I spent a decade of my life feeling very disappointed with a lot of people. I had to learn how to departmentalize very quickly. People I made friends with at work were situational friendships. (level 2 friends) and statistically, people don’t keep in touch with these people. I’ve also tolerated people at work, because we’re in a situation together. Still, have to get the gut punch to work out where they belong as a friend!
I think most of what your talking about today are life lessons that we've had from a young age and those lessons have made us who we are today. There are alot of positive lessons and many painful ones but because of the lessons I either have or don't have certain people in my life today. I have lots of acquaintances but only one very close friend that I can talk to about anything. They are very rare. You can't change the direction of the wind but you can adjust your sails.😊
Thank you. Nice talk. Meditation cannot help me or listening to my favorite spiritual teachers I resonate with. Knowing it all was maybe just meant to be and to try hard to see if there is a lesson to learn abut myself. That doesn’t always work but I do try. Then learn to let it all go if it needs to be let go. 🌷🌞🌷
Yes Laura, such a great topic! Same thing happened to me twice, but now I’m much more guarded and not as trusting, and naive as I used to be. Still learning life’s lessons.Best wishes to you, think positive thoughts, enjoy one small joy every day. Helps me cope through the rough times!
Totally reflect on many things in the change of seasons working in the yard ! Nice to hear this message as the times with elections coming up in Canada here and USA it can factor in relationships suddenly without warning ! But I had a gut punch not realizing how much a so called friend as they are not now ,with racism first with comments about neighbours and there wasn’t going to be anymore discussions or they were going to get the gut punch lol my grandchildren are Asian and Jamaican descent and they’re beautiful and are defended by they’re very proud grandmother ❤️❤️Thanks Laura 👋🏻🇨🇦❤️
I've always disliked the "never a real friend in the first place" line, too. I'm sorry, if it wasn't a real friendship, what ever *could* be real??? Of course, acknowledging the depth and reality of the friendship just makes the loss hurt more, but I'd rather experience that than write off every friend who ever hurt me as a fake friend. (Also, I love your shirt! Is your family French?)
Thank you for this comment I agree💯 you need to watch my video from two weeks ago. It’s an incredible story about a woman who lost her small business to a woman who had been her friend for about 3 years. It’s titled Betrayal. And yes, my sister has lived in Paris for about 40 years. She worked on Euro Disney right out of college, met her husband who is a French citizen and the rest is history.
People can change over time, so who your friend was 10, 20 or 30 years ago might not be who they are now. My BF was my friend for a long time, but we became different people with different views/values. Sad but true. 💙
@@laurahillauthor I'm grateful to have people from all walks of life opens doors and helps you see things in a new light, I've had friends that caused damage and great pain makes you not want friends anymore 😞 but, if you close yourself off the bad friends win
I am conservative from a liberal area. Many people ended friendships with me when I came out of the closet. I don't understand not accepting someone because they have a different opinion
My daughter still has friends since she knew as a small child. She has countless friends, and, all are VERY loyal. I'm the opposite..quite introverted. I prefer one or two close friends to a large group. Still...I've had close friends walk right out of my life, with no closure, no harsh words. More than once. It's VERY hurtful. So now, I have just one or two, at a distance, so it's mostly by phone. But, I've kind of outgrown the need, though I do miss girlfriends to go out to dinner or drinks with. I'm widowed, so there's that. Even in my church, everyone just keeps to themselves. Oh, well...at 74, my only buddy is my six year-old grandson. Until he's too big to hang with Grandma. 🫤 TY, Laura.. good topic. Rosemarie 🩷
@@roseyc.5846 I am the same I have a small friendship group too, I think that is why it is so devastating when someone lets you down, I am a little older than you and I agree it does get lonely (I am a widow too). I found also when my husband died some friendships ended because of the couple thing. We will get there, keep our chins up and soldier on xxxxx 😂🙏
Life has left me very guarded on who I let into my life. Thanks for sharing.
Agree💯and I hate admitting that but I don’t think we are alone in feeling this way. Thanks!
High expectations from my friends are never what I expected to be.
In business it’s a strange a balance. There are people who are loyal and will pull you up as they move up the ladder. This has not happened to me but I have seen it happen to others.
So true. Agree💯
I had a friend for 20 years, and when she got divorced, she got into country western dancing. She liked dressing up, making "get ups" for attention, and when I came to visit all she wanted me to do was go to country western bars and watch her show off and dance. I was a married woman, and sitting in country western bars did nothing for me. I don't even care for the music. We used to watch movies, talk about books, go to our favorite restaurants, but then I was slowly being pushed aside for her new interests. You are right, you take from the relationship the good times and what you learned. I allowed her to move on...
Divorce changes so many things and it isn’t always good for friendships. 💔
Friendship breakup is a unique form of grief. You can be fine for months and think you’ve accepted everything that unfortunately happened, then you can regress back to the hurt and anger stage!
So true it’s such a different kind of sadness
And you may start to remember little things they did that were a sign of toxicity that you didn’t pick up on in the past…..
Always!
I have given a friend many chances but have been hurt and cut off anytime I needed her, I used to drive her to hospital appointments and shopping all the time, ( she doesn’t drive) I fell ill a year ago and have had to give up driving which is hard for me because it is like loosing my independence. However, since I haven’t been able to drive her she has a new friend that can and I have been totally cut off. You are right when you say it’s a gut punch. I’m talking about a friendship of 30 years. 😢
I’m so sorry. I know that really hurts💔sometimes people can be so cruel.
That's hurtful. Have you ever told her that? Have you ever called her and said exactly what you said here? I would have called her and said, "You know, I just want to talk to you about something." We have been friends for over 30 years now and we did a lot together when you needed me. I was there for you. I drove you places went shopping etc and when it came to pass that I am unable to drive any longer, you found someone else to drive you which makes sense of course, but now, because you have someone else in your world to chat with etc, you've left me out. This has been very hurtful for me, and I'd like to know why? Did the Friendship not mean anything to you?
You could always just ask her that to see what her response is to it. At least at that point you have your say and she knows how you feel and you can move on possibly knowing that she might do the same thing to this new person she's driving around with at some point.
That’s what I call “a baby friend”. It’s a type of friend that likes people to take care of them. Once, I’ve been nice and taken care of them a few times and I’ve noticed other people take care of them too, I stop and take care of other people.
That is so terrible. I'm really sorry she did that. It's never the people we expect either which makes it even harder. I pay much closer attention to the smaller things now so I might have a better chance of noticing before it becomes a big thing.
@@babygrizwold thank you, I hate confrontation but I know it needs to be said because our sons are great friends too, they grew up together because of our friendship. I will think about it. Xx
Awe Laura..I get it girl..I really appreciate your self reflection and acknowledgement of your feelings without numbing or distracting yourself. Your videos are helping me work thru my own friendship issue with a childhhod friend who we had so much history together.
After she retired she went into business which I never felt aligned. I was always honest with her..I supported the best I could and sent her her first clients..recently she accused me of " not believing in her".
Sucker punch for sure.
Short memory.
We are all here to learn soul lessons and the painful ones are usually what we need to evolve. Im reflecting at 62 like you are.
I do volunteer activities that align with my values, local food bank and my hospice work as I recently qualified in thanatology. The work is remarkable and beautiful and serves to remind me that I have much to give and to keep serving.😊
Shine on.❤
You are so kind. Thanks so
Much for your thoughtful comment! And yes, like you I’m filling my life up with new things, things that really mean something and challenge me. New experiences
What shocks us, is as you mention, 'a betrayal of trust' that stings so much, and surprises us too.
I also mentioned below I have lost 2 friendships over politics, one of 40 yrs standing, unbelievable to me. In 40 yrs never a cross word, then this person changes radically. So, I was so hurt by that, it was 4 yrs ago now, and it still gets to me. You are also so right, I 'vent' with my husband, and quite frankly the poor man can't solve anything as you say. So, thank you so much for your channel and the opportunity for us to voice our opinions here between us.
Thanks for these comments. Appreciate your insight too!
Thanks for having your channel. So many relatable topics. You make me amile!
I'm so glad you are enjoying it! A work in progress but getting better
I was recently completely blindsided by two women...for whom I had done a tremendous amount of work for over 3.5 years. These two literally pulled a coup on me, and I lost a huge work contract which I dearly loved. I was completely blown off the map by their maneuverings..., And realized that I had been completely used and disrespected for more than three years... I saw some warning signs about a year ago.But I tried to rise above them... I do believe that you get out of life.What you put into it, and these women will unfortunately reap no good from any of this.. What they did to me professionally was despicable.But I am moving on and finding joy in my life. I don't think there are any clear answers... It's just amazing how ruthless and discompassionate some people can be.
I guess what doesn’t kill us makes us wiser! I just did a video two weeks ago. It’s a crazy story about a small business betrayal that a woman shared with me. Hope you will watch it. Little extreme but lots of lessons learned
@@laurahillauthor I did watch that video (last week)- I have another friend who was completely betrayed while forming a Hospice partnership in our community (the other woman took her ideas and then severed the relationship and ended up startig her own business with same name/ideas!). It's really unbelievable about the lack of fidelity in friendship/relationship, which I hold dearly and i honor those commitments. A person's word should be GOLD. my recent experience was incredibly shocking (I am a medical professional and had donated HOURS AND HOURS of my time, etc)-- so be it. Life allows us to "see" what needs to be seen but even at my age, it's always a real surprise! God bless and thank you, Laura!
I am so glad your channel popped up today, in the wake of the prez. election.
Thankyou for a little bit of an inside glance at the politics of politics.
Thanks! So glad you found the channel. Welcome
You are such a gem. I can't begin to tell you how much listening to your videos has helped me. Yes, I was also gut-punched by a very good "friend" and it helps to know that I am not alone. Your reassurances help me so much. Thank You so very much.
I’m so glad you are enjoying the videos!!! I appreciate it so much
Same here. A lot of times I feel like something is wrong with me. It is good to know others are having some of the same experiences.
Hi Laura, no matter how old you are, you will continue to learn things until you die. I use to think I had enough character-building experiences when I turned 45. I am still learning how to navigate how I respond to people who have hurt me. Mostly, people are insecure and immature. A lot of people have not healed and will still respond as they did when they were hurt.
I love your channel. Take care of yourself.
Thanks so much! Yes it would be convenient if there was a magic age but I agree the learning never ends
Very interesting. Ive been blind-sided. Thinking coworkers were friends. Then when i had to leave the job. The friendships were gone too. 😮😊
I think it’s a big surprise to many especially women although I’ve talked to so many men experiencing the same thing. I think women look at relationships a bit differently. They hold greater value to us so when they don’t transition it stings because we didn’t consider it. Or we take it a bit more personally? Thanks for sharing your thoughts
I’m 67 and I have finally learned that people look at friendship differently. I always believed that a friendship should be 50/50 and it is never that way. There is always one person that puts more effort into it. Years ago I became friends with someone who said they had waited all their life for a friend like me. Over the next few years I realized I made all the effort. I still love her, I no longer have a relationship with her mainly because her husband would make rude gestures and say inappropriate things and she did nothing about it. My friends are my brother and my sister. I know I can count on them and they put as much into our relationship as I do.
Friendship has definitely changed and not for the better. You are so fortunate to have family you enjoy so much. My sister lives in another country and really wish she was closer
Just this week I was leaving a meeting with a few other women and one of them started criticizing a coworker’s work ethic. The others joined in and I walked away. This coworker they gossiped about is leaving our department during a time where we already have a lot of turnover because she wants more flexibility to be home with her kids.
About 30 minutes later one of them came up to me to tell me the person they were gossiping about is just a terrible team member who complained about all of us. I thought this person was a good work friend. She went on to say she went to dinner with her the night before and she was bad mouthing me, but she didn’t have time to go Into what she said about me.
I was kind of surprised about that because I have a neutral relationship with this other team member and we don’t really interact much at work, but when we do interact it’s pleasant and cordial.
My take on all of this is my “friend” knew I saw that they were gossiping and to make my her feel better about it she had to justify it. Eventually my coworker friend shared what this person supposedly said and it didn’t bother me at all. It really wasn’t a personal attack/ comment. Some people just like to chase trouble and I will be very careful what I say around any of them moving forward.
How I work through this is I pray and talk to God a lot. I will be careful with my coworkers because I now see if I don’t jump on the bandwagon then they view me in a very weird way as a threat.
Yes and just imagine what they say about you behind your back if they were talking about her. Coworkers are indeed not friends at all. I always keep my co-workers at an arm's length.
Thank you for sharing. Love you insight. It’s so important to think through everyone’s motivations. So many people just need drama and unfortunately that generally means finding a target
I have had friendships come and go throughout my life, especially in adulthood. My husband and I are homebodies, so I really don’t worry about having more friends. But the gut punch we have had is our oldest son. When he turned 18, he went on line, found a girl to date, moved in with her after 3 weeks, and of course she got pregnant. We supported them through it all, through the years, helped them by letting them move in with us for two years with my sweet little granddaughter, whom I was very close with. We babysat for them so they could have time to themselves on dates, vacations, etc. After they got married, later moved out had their second child, helped them move, etc. we are a Christian family, who has always taught our values to our children, but still loved and supported him, even though he kinda went off the path. Well, enter the current political scene, where a lot of Christians support 45, whom we do not. My son, who all of a sudden is a Christian, has pretty much wrote us off because we do not vote for that particular charlatan. It has been since Christmas Eve 2020 that he got mad at me for not supporting who he thinks I should support. I haven’t seen either of my beautiful granddaughters since then. And now they’ve moved even farther from us. The fist is still in my gut, as these are my only grandchildren.
Oh I’m so sorry. Politics has caused so much hurt and ugliness. I hope he realizes…..
@@laurahillauthor I don’t discuss politics with family/friends or anyone who doesn’t share my political views. Wimpy yes, but it saves relationships. I know that little me is not going to change anyone’s mind. I have found that political name calling raises my blood pressure so I am probably just protecting my health😄
@@practicallyfree1509 It’s too bad people can’t have rational conversations about their views! I always like to know why someone thinks the way they do. I’m just very curious, but have had to curb my interest.
I lost 2 40 yr friendships over politics, for the same reason you did. Incredible, they became cult followers, and couldn't even, as I suggested 'agree to disagree' It hurt and shocked me so much at the time. Of course we are talking your son, and grandchild here which naturally goes deeper. I am so sorry, but you are certainly not alone..
@@bridget6890 This is why, as mentioned by my post a month ago, that I don’t discuss politics with many people. I refuse to allow politics to ruin a 60 year friendship of mine and ruin a 60 year relationship with my church-who many of those employed by the church have opposing political views from mine. I hope you can mend these relationships. If I were going through a bad time, it would be the above mentioned that would be by my side helping me through the hard times and not the political figures.
Good advice and nice backyard!
Thanks!
It took me more than half of my life to learn that it takes 2 to 5 years to get to know someone. By then they cannot help but to show their true colors. Now I’ve had a friend of over 10 years deeply disappoint me so I don’t know what the answer is anymore. Like you say, how many life lessons do I need to learn?
I think as people age and it depends on who they spend a lot of time with, such as a spouse, their personality changes. I know for myself personally, my first husband, when I married at 19, was a very quiet man. He was soft-spoken and very calm. When the marriage ended 10 years later, I met someone else, and he was more talkative and louder and well funnier . I saw myself morphing to how my second husband was. I used to be quiet and shy, and then now I've become more open, and if something bothers me, I will say something as before I wouldn't say anything at all.. I know a lot of my family don't like the way I've become. They preferred me when I was quiet and wouldn't open my mouth up even when something bothered me. You're right. It takes a long time to get to know somebody. I know my ex-best friend from years ago, even today, seems like such a nice great person. She speaks softly when spoken to. She does a few things in the community, but in the end, she hides the other side of her very well. It's only until you really get to know her that it, meaning her crappy friendship skills start to come out. 😂
Same here! This particular person I’ve known for 9 years. Not a close friend just someone I held in fairly high regard. I’ll get over it, think I already have, but it sure makes you wonder. Thanks!
Hi Laura, since I retired from performing in Vegas , I find it hard to get old friends ( dancers) to call me back, I have had people find me, but mostly looking to connect , talk about the good ol days, I guess no one really wants to, so how I deal with it is to take long walks,talk to myself out loud, get it out, my husband's heard enough , I thank you for your insights, love reading comments!
Thanks so much!! You are experiencing the same thing. Love getting outside and talking out loud!!!
Hi Laura - I just love your videos. Your topics are things I can relate to and I really appreciate how you try to look at things from different angles. Whether it's how you try to turn things are around by looking at things differently or just look at the situation and try to see for what it is (good, bad or ugly 🙂). Thank you!
So appreciate your comment! I too am learning so much from all the great comments. Thanks
I had a new friend tell me to take an Uber home from cataract surgery (which isn’t allowed). She lives very close, is single, works part time and had the surgery a year prior. I thought I could count on her. Our friendship faded and just a few days ago she wrote and said we should have lunch. She probably is clueless how hurtful she was.
That would be a permanent no from me.
Count yourself fortunate you didn't waste more time on this friendship. She is probably. just a user and needs company.
Thanks for your reply. I haven’t responded yet. I have no family or close friends left. So not sure if I might give her another chance b/c I could use the social time but I’ll never forget the hurt.
You must tell her, some people are just thick...I hope you got home safely
I did a video last week on how we sometimes decide to give people a second chance . It’s really up to you. Not everyone does the right thing when it comes to friendship but maybe they do a whole lot more right than wrong. The nice thing is if you give her a second chance you will do so with your eyes wide open. Good luck!!!
Hang in there lady! I feel like I've been in this place so many times. I'm 48. I lost so many friends when my children were diagnosed with diabetes and autism. My friends just disappeared. It happened again dealing with my husband's infidelity. I lost so many relationships. Some of it was me but a lot of it was a true lack of empathy from other women. Its astonishing. I feel like i get ghosted by other women routinely. I rush into friendships a lot. Not sure why. Someone who ghosted me s couple months ago just resurfaced yesterday.Lol I haven't responded to her yet but i will guard my heart.❤
A friend who I knew since high school ghosted me and got in touch with me years later after she graduated college. She needed some help with something so I helped her. Once again she ghosted me. So I had this attitude of well then eff you 😂 so once again a few years later she got in contact with me over FB. She asked me if we could reconnect. I was very proud of myself in that moment and I said no. I told her when you went away to college I called you, you never had the time for me. When I wanted you to be maid of honor in my wedding you said no. When you needed help and advice I gave it to you not hearing from you again until now. I then told her that even though we were friends in high school, it's very apparent that our friendship stayed there. I told her that I do not have the energy to put into a one-sided friendship. I wished her well and good luck with her future I hope she has a great life and that was that. 20 years later approximately I heard back from her through my sister. I no longer have FB and she had contacted my sister asking for my number. This was after my father passed away and he was well known in the community. My sister got a hold of me and asked me if she could give her my phone number and I said no. I told my sister to tell her thank you very much for thinking of me but that I'm all good. I'm very proud of myself for doing all of that. I'm glad I didn't give in because I know it all would have been one-sided and I would have been used. Yes if you decide to pursue your friendship then just be careful. The first sign of it being one-sided Etc then cut it off before it even starts. I wish you luck I hope maybe your friend has come around and it's going to be a long lasting friendship. You never know! ❤
It’s happened to all of us. I believe most women crave friendship. Not all Ofcourse but many of us. Hang in there too!!!!
Laura, I always look forward to your videos. You never disappoint. It is like therapy but better.
Thanks so much!! We are in this together
I am almost 40 years old and am experiencing similar thoughts and feelings.❤
It’s good to know we are all working through our own ‘things’. It’s definitely a process. A bit of up and a bit of down❤️
I'm 53, and I still get gut punched to this day, but now I have this huge cartoonist fist that comes out and punches them right back. I'm not sure if you remember the TV show called Ally Mcbeal? But she always had moments like that, and it cracked me right up. Somebody would do her wrong or say something to her, and then this reaction would come from her, and it was just her mentally thinking about punching them in the face or something 😂 that's how I get through it sometimes with comedic thoughts.
My step daughter seemed untrustworthy to me from the moment i met her as a teenager. I went against my better judgement and convinced myself that my initial guy feeling about her was wrong and unjust. I saw the bad behavior over and over and over and refused to accept it. Yep, I was right. She was to be the worst person i have ever had in my life. She hurt me like no one else ever has. She betrayed me and back stabbed me so bad i thought i might die from the heart ache. I think she hated me from the beginning and finally betrayed me after years of using me. It has been the hardest lesson of my life but after 4 years i have startee to recover. My main solace isvthat at least she is not my actual daughter because that would have been even worst. I have the comfort of not having raised her and not being responsible for how she turned out.
It hurts the worst when it’s family including ‘step’ family I’m so sorry you experienced that kind of betrayal. Some people are cruel beyond comprehension
My step daughters is the same. Her mother is toxic and so is she.
@@marietgagliardi Exactly
I'm disliked having never met my one step child. My husband has two kids one of them I met and had no problem with. They were grown, almost into their twenties. My husband ended up moving to be with me he had already moved away and his ex was already with someone new as well. Both of his kids refused to come see him/us and I guess it's all because of me and I guess they were angry at the fact that he moved away. We to this day still can't figure it out. He has tried many times to talk to his son about what's going on and his son never answers him. He has spoken to his ex-wife about the whole thing and she has no clue as well. His son is now grown with grandkids who we have never met. Every year we send Christmas gifts and last year we sent some to his son as well of course, and we never got one thank you at all for the gifts. One of the gifts given was of Collectibles that I had here and instead of either keeping them or selling them I packed all of them up and ship them off and gave them to him because I know he liked what I was collecting. Not one thank you at all which was so hurtful. He won't even talk to me at all and from day one they were completely welcome in our home. My husband thinks it's just because he moved away but at one point I told my husband you know they are in their thirties and they are old enough to grow up and make their own life choices. When someone is in their 30s and still holding on to hate etc which shouldn't even exist and if they had an issue they should be talking to their father about it, you just have to let it go. I hate being disliked and having not even met the person. Boggles my mind but there's nothing I can do about it. Family are the ones that can hurt you the most. Sorry for the long comment but at least you do you have the comfort of knowing that you did not raise her. That would be worse. Take care! ❤
@@babygrizwold thank you for sharing
I think we need to like ourselves more than we like anyone else. I am the only one that will care, or matter, in the end. That's just something I have learned from being mistreated and disrespected over the years. I will never understand why people say and do mean things. And become very upset if you respond in kind. I've had people stage-whisper insults to me and when I ask loudly what they said, that I MUST have misunderstood, they can't get away fast enough. It hurts, but being alone is better than being unsure about someone. Too bad all the bad ones can't just stick to their own and leave kind people alone!
Sometimes this is all too true
Not to sound funny here, but I think that way about myself all the time 🎉. I swore off friends a long time ago, like 30 years ago roughly, and my family has pushed me aside, meaning I'm the black sheep without really being a black sheep. So I have this attitude of that I'm a good person that cares about other people and if somebody doesn't want to be around me then they must be the opposite of that. In the end, it helps me weed out the more toxic people.
Very refreshing channel.
Thanks so much!
Really adore your videos ❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much!
I believe friendships can have expiration dates. When that expiration date reveals itself, it is time to exit.
Absolutely, unfortunately both parties aren’t always on the same page. Thanks for commenting
Laura did you say your 67? If so you look incredible i thought your my age which is 57
I know right I hope I look that good at 67
Thanks so much! Good genes. My mom is 89 and looks wonderful. Dad is 93. Hoping I’m as healthy as they are at their age
Prayer is my reliable coping mechanism. Love your insights. They hit home.
Thanks so much! I always add in quite a bit of prayer
We should "Journal" what we learned from these friendships, and also express gratitude. There are days that I think life and friendships are nothing but a "matrix" everything is in flux...
Good thought!
Laura, I can understand why you were the mayor of your city. You radiate so much goodness and I can tell you became the mayor because you genuinely want to help people. Unfortunately, some people want to be associated with you for notoriety and power! What twats! You’re a lovely person outside of work! It sucks! I think the secret to life is being a social butterfly 🦋 You don’t get too caught up on what one friend is doing or not doing!
Thanks so much. Yes I agree. I have put it all in perspective which is why it’s easy to share and talk about it. I’m just a realist ❤️
Hi Laura, I spent a decade of my life feeling very disappointed with a lot of people. I had to learn how to departmentalize very quickly. People I made friends with at work were situational friendships. (level 2 friends) and statistically, people don’t keep in touch with these people. I’ve also tolerated people at work, because we’re in a situation together. Still, have to get the gut punch to work out where they belong as a friend!
I think most of what your talking about today are life lessons that we've had from a young age and those lessons have made us who we are today. There are alot of positive lessons and many painful ones but because of the lessons I either have or don't have certain people in my life today. I have lots of acquaintances but only one very close friend that I can talk to about anything. They are very rare.
You can't change the direction of the wind but you can adjust your sails.😊
Agree💯so many lessons learned along the journey
Thank you. Nice talk.
Meditation cannot help me or listening to my favorite spiritual teachers I resonate with. Knowing it all was maybe just meant to be and to try hard to see if there is a lesson to learn abut myself. That doesn’t always work but I do try. Then learn to let it all go if it needs to be let go.
🌷🌞🌷
Thanks for sharing this!
Yes Laura, such a great topic! Same thing happened to me twice, but now I’m much more guarded and not as trusting, and naive as I used to be. Still learning life’s lessons.Best wishes to you, think positive thoughts, enjoy one small joy every day. Helps me cope through the rough times!
Thanks! Yes feeling much more positive already
Hello Laura 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
I am sorry you had this hurtful experience.
It’s life but thanks! Dusting myself off and moving on❤️
Totally reflect on many things in the change of seasons working in the yard ! Nice to hear this message as the times with elections coming up in Canada here and USA it can factor in relationships suddenly without warning ! But I had a gut punch not realizing how much a so called friend as they are not now ,with racism first with comments about neighbours and there wasn’t going to be anymore discussions or they were going to get the gut punch lol my grandchildren are Asian and Jamaican descent and they’re beautiful and are defended by they’re very proud grandmother ❤️❤️Thanks Laura 👋🏻🇨🇦❤️
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts heading to Canada in February. We love Tofino BC. My favorite place on earth!
@@laurahillauthor so excited for you fingers crossed maybe one day for me 💜🤗
I've always disliked the "never a real friend in the first place" line, too. I'm sorry, if it wasn't a real friendship, what ever *could* be real??? Of course, acknowledging the depth and reality of the friendship just makes the loss hurt more, but I'd rather experience that than write off every friend who ever hurt me as a fake friend. (Also, I love your shirt! Is your family French?)
Thank you for this comment I agree💯 you need to watch my video from two weeks ago. It’s an incredible story about a woman who lost her small business to a woman who had been her friend for about 3 years. It’s titled Betrayal. And yes, my sister has lived in Paris for about 40 years. She worked on Euro Disney right out of college, met her husband who is a French citizen and the rest is history.
@@laurahillauthor Ahh I love it! My dad's family is French, so I'm always on the lookout for others! Checking out that video now...
People can change over time, so who your friend was 10, 20 or 30 years ago might not be who they are now. My BF was my friend for a long time, but we became different people with different views/values. Sad but true. 💙
I would never end a friendship over politics a friend is a friend period
I agree💯I’m so sad for people that do
@@laurahillauthor I'm grateful to have people from all walks of life opens doors and helps you see things in a new light, I've had friends that caused damage and great pain makes you not want friends anymore 😞 but, if you close yourself off the bad friends win
I am conservative from a liberal area. Many people ended friendships with me when I came out of the closet. I don't understand not accepting someone because they have a different opinion
@@marietgagliardi I'm sorry for you 😔 let them go so new good people can come in a real friend will say come as you are 🙋🏻♀️🤓
Sometimes different views = different values. If they look down on others due to race, income etc… maybe they won’t make a good friend!
I thought you'd be talking literally about gut punching where you're doubled over because someone knocked the wind out of you.
Haha well that would make a good video🤣
My daughter still has friends since she knew as a small child. She has countless friends, and, all are VERY loyal. I'm the opposite..quite introverted. I prefer one or two close friends to a large group. Still...I've had close friends walk right out of my life, with no closure, no harsh words. More than once. It's VERY hurtful. So now, I have just one or two, at a distance, so it's mostly by phone. But, I've kind of outgrown the need, though I do miss girlfriends to go out to dinner or drinks with. I'm widowed, so there's that. Even in my church, everyone just keeps to themselves. Oh, well...at 74, my only buddy is my six year-old grandson. Until he's too big to hang with Grandma. 🫤 TY, Laura.. good topic. Rosemarie 🩷
@@roseyc.5846 I am the same I have a small friendship group too, I think that is why it is so devastating when someone lets you down, I am a little older than you and I agree it does get lonely (I am a widow too). I found also when my husband died some friendships ended because of the couple thing. We will get there, keep our chins up and soldier on xxxxx 😂🙏
Nothing better than a six year old grandson💙
Thank you!! 🙂💙