LOYALTY means DIFFERENT things to MEN and WOMEN: working through the misunderstanding
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- Опубликовано: 12 янв 2023
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In turns out that both men and women are capable of loyalty, though each group tends to remain loyal to different things. Whereas men are typically loyal to their duties, women are typically loyal to their feelings. It is what it is. Accepting this reality can help men and women have more harmonious and rewarding relationships with each other. Each other holds out a growth opportunity for the other, which I will discuss at the end of the episode.
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Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
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Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#loyalty #relationship #dating
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
In turns out that both men and women are capable of loyalty, though each group tends to remain loyal to different things. Whereas men are typically loyal to their duties, women are typically loyal to their feelings. It is what it is. Accepting this reality can help men and women have more harmonious and rewarding relationships with each other. Each other holds out a growth opportunity for the other, which I will discuss at the end of the episode.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
#loyalty #relationship #dating
THAT PART OF THE BURIAL OF THE BODY WAS NOT NEEDED
The only thing women are loyal to is their children, they are inherently selfish and the human that is created from them and in them are the only things they are loyal too. So the selfishness women have ultimately benefited their children
It is time for women to talk about their duty...... it was common place.
The more I watch your videos, the more I get I'm screwed. Those are deeply depressing.
the idea that the concept of duty does not exist in the female population
is ridiculous
mothers fulfill their duties everyday
they prove it through their actions
Being "loyal to your feelings" is the opposite of loyalty...
Everyone has conditional loyalty.
People stop believing in god
When God stops answering the prayers.
.
It's a contract
And breach of contract
Is tied to behavior
A husband has to be on his best behavior
Be better than the other men
Be a gentleman
Or it's a breach of contract.
@@AlmaVasquezjr Easy to say when you're on the non-performative side of the interactions. "Shower me with love, attention, and provision. I'll decide when I'm done with it" Yes, very romantic. You should spend some time thinking about what duties your mother and grandmothers honored and upheld and less time about the fickle nature of feelings and how you must follow them. Discipline exists and so does willpower. Relationships take work. That's what makes them different than a crush or a fling.
Two way street there….applies to women as well.
@@MartialistKS spot on!
@@AlmaVasquezjr 🤡🤡
From a man's perspective: "I will love and honor you because that is my vow." For the woman: "I will love and honor you until I'm no longer attracted to you." This really changes the way I think of marriage.
AMEN ..you have no idea how true this is
Umm so are we just gonna pretend that men many don't step out on their wives because they are no longer attracted to them? Are we just going to pretend then many mem don't abandon their wives once they become sick? Are we just going to pretend that men don't do that as well in many marriages?
@@jeremiahborders2959 ty for calling it out!!
@@jeremiahborders2959 There will always be examples of these cases but FACTS and Statistics show that 70%of divorce are INITIATED by women. It is 2023, a simple google search literally kills your argument. Every rule has its exception but what you are saying is not the norm SMH!!! Most men step out of their wives but retain their duty of staying in the marriage and taking care of their financial responsibility regardless ( duty) is what this video is about
@@jeremiahborders2959 More women do so, just sayin
I am loyal to my husband because I am a committed Christian loyal to God. Based on that commitment, I am loyal to my husband. This commitment has been tested though as I stayed loyal to him during 2 bouts of cancer lasting 10 years. That paid off in dividends as now he is healed and appreciates my faithfulness and our love is so deep and we are reaping the benefits of staying together. Love endures all things.
Agree. Love is a choice, a commitment. The feelings are an outcome. They change for many reasons but can always return. A truly deep relationship is what you have done, loving through adversity. We learn this because that's how God loves us.
@@TheLlywelyn Ridiculous. Love is love. It starts out with that which is what leads to commitment in the first place. By your logic, we could pick anyone we have zero feelings for, just by virtue of having a pulse, and stick them in a role (a vacancy we have open) - then commit to love them.
It is religious schizo stuff like this that makes for so many mate selection errors, divorces and miserable lives.
This "love is a choice" trope needs to bite the dust once and for all.
@@roses6564 No, you've misread my post based on the limited space I gave to explain it, because I was responding to someone. Agree that, of course attraction is important, and choosing well. I'm responding to the 'love is just a feeling' - and if the feelings run away it's over mentality. It's the shallowest, pathetic nonsense. Commitment to work through issues by people with character can reignite all the love, depth and passion that was there at the start. That's real.
So happy for you, God bless you
Experienced divorce attorney here. I approve of this terrific video.
Please tell me you work in Northern Virginia. I am about to fire my second female divorce attorney. They are about as loyal as my ex!
Marriage rewards the unloyal party with benefits for breach of contract.
@jcnlaw may I ask you why do men cheat and leave their family if they are only loyal by duty ?
I don't understand where the loyalty of a man stands when he leaves or has a mistress for years and sometimes even decades. Are they loyal by duty in this case ?
I really ask the question seriously, because I get the point about women being loyal to their feelings for a man, but I don't get it when it comes to a loyal man by duty but still cheats or even leaves or make another baby outside the marriage...
Prenup. Enjoy her devoted ephemeral feelings while you can, becasue the moment she doesn't feel them, she'll expect your loyalty in the form cold, hard cash, and she'll take your kids.
I wonder how many mistresses do you have? 🧐🤔
"A woman's word is her bond." -- No one, ever.
"It's a woman's right to change her mind".......................it's been that way since the beginning of time. 'All's fair in Love and War.' The old quote is as true today as it has been for hundreds of years past.
"The oaths of a woman I inscribe on water."
Sophocles
Go into the Bible and other religions.
Burn! Red Pill truths leave a mark.
And it is a man’s right to not care and indulge the fickle nature of women.
"I've never heard a woman talk about her duty"
I think that sums it all up.
Haven't heard it from a single one. They don't know the meaning of duty, only that it's a man's job to them.
I've heard it, but only from conservative religious women
Mothers
@@samshires4512 Yep. Plus myself and my friends only talk about it to our mothers and each other about it in private so that's probably contributing to it.
1) Almost every women in the military or law enforsment;
2) Or from military/law enforsment family;
3) those who are from tightly knit etno-religious communities.
“You can either love women or understand them, you can’t do both.”
thats a good quote
This video is case in point of that. I don't see how this would make relationships more harmonious or fulfilling. Just makes it seem less worthwhile.
@@spockskynet It's essentially giving you the choice to continue closing your eyes and live in the bliss of ignorance or do you find a way to engage in a way that's not 100% what you hoped it to be. Some people can make that choice. Most people can't. Some might argue it's better for them not to know.
@@JuiceIVStat I wonder how people can maintain relationships like this if they are living in bliss though
Red Pill is a bitch..is the juice worth the squeeze? My kids are grown, so for me, no. Young men who want children? Necessary evil I guess.
So the burden completely falls on men to keep their woman’s attention/affection, which is impossible and exhausting. In an age of social media obsession and constantly looking over the fence, this becomes an even more impossible task for men, as women find it impossible in this era to not believe the grass is greener somewhere else.
BS- yep. Hence valentines day is the man throwing gifts at his woman.
No, women need to own up to their addiction to fantasy. Men need to be real men and not order followers. Loyalty has been corrupted for both men and women.
The thing is, a woman’s attraction to a man is massively based on his value. A man can significantly affect this by simply working on HIMSELF. I.e going to the gym and maintaining or improving physique, focusing on his career and ambitions, being charismatic, maintaining various friendships/social circles, being passionate about productive hobbies. Things that are GOOD for you as a man, are also good for your attractiveness to women, and hence their loyalty to you. Be kind to yourself, and never let those things slide. Always strive to be better.
@@gaunt1410 I’m in a fantastic spot with women…I have plenty of female attention. I’m talking about the vast majority of dudes in this day and age. Social media has had a profoundly negative effect on women and that all roles downhill to dudes. Most women are addicted to the attention, and if a young guy does all those things you describe, her DMs are still blowing up and they almost can’t help themselves. It’s a sad situation for younger dudes today…this is reality.
@@1976brenden I made no comment on you my dude, I was talking about men in general. I don’t disagree what you said about social media, but you seem to be ignoring a major part of PsycHacks’ video - womens loyalty to their partner being tied to their attraction to their partner. Attraction being tied to a man’s value, and a man’s value being mostly within his control. Younger men may be in a worse spot for committed relationships, but they are in the absolute best spot for self improvement, which is why they should spend their 20’s mostly working on themselves and their own goals and ambitions, and only go for casual or short term relationships.
When you said that the burden of keeping women’s affection/attention being on a man, I wasn’t disagreeing with you, but I was saying, that a man can successfully do this by continuing to work on himself, his own development, his own ambitions, his own physique, his own relationships with friends/social circles OUTSIDE of his own committed relationship. These are things that are GOOD FOR MEN in general and we should all strive to keep doing for ourselves. The added bonus is that as a side effect, it keeps us attractive to women, and hence will keep our spouse/committed partner attracted and therefore loyal. Yes, it takes effort, and the problems start to arise when men become complacent, and start to slack at these things.
Ultimately as men we can grumble and moan about how the world IS and how it’s different from how we’d like it to be, OR, we can simply accept it, and do the best we can with that knowledge, which is what PsycHacks is trying to help men with in general. In this case, the key to getting loyalty from women in long term relationships being, working on maintaining or increasing your own value as a man.
Basically one should stop expecting any commitment from a woman after you stop giving her butterflies
And those butterflies usually last less than 2 years.
Why did people lie to me lol
@@nathantrujillo471We were all lied to. I'm glad channels like this exist.
Yes. Especially if they’re modern wmn.
@@justin-credible Facts. They drop you and go looking for another "high." I've come to understand that (in many cases), when a woman says "I love you", she means she loves the feeling(s) you give her. She loves the sensation of being with you. Ask a woman why she loves a man, and watch her say things like "he makes me laugh, he's always there for me, he takes care of me, he makes me feel special.." etc etc. It all comes back to HER. About what SHE feels. My father taught me, that when I truly love a woman, it's not because of what she does for me, but of what i'm willing to do for her. Men love because of what we're willing to give, women "love" because of what they're receiving.
Being loyal to one's own feelings is not loyalty in any sense of the word.
That's not what that means. When a woman (for whatever reason, but it's mostly a very severe one) has to acknowledge her man does not deserve her love anymore, loyalty is the first thing to go, right after her respect for him. She might still love him, but ultimately to many women being able to trust and respect a man, and feeling or knowing the man is respectful and loyal to her, is much more important than if you still feel love for him or not.
@@Keyboardje Wow! How many definitions for Love is used in this paragraph. Please rewrite this and put the definitionS adjacent in parenthesis).
No, it isn't. Look for INFJ and INTJ women who don't use their feelings in that way.
@@Keyboardje
And they can be very fickle when they decide that their man "doesn't deserve her love" anymore
Why not? According to your masculine interpenetration it makes no sense. According to feminine logic it does.
I served in the military and was married for 20-plus years. I never understood how most women look at loyalty. I knew they didn't see it the same as men. But have gone my whole life trying to make them see it the way men see loyalty. I understand that was a mistake now.
If you want to understand women, look at the fantasies they consume. Their reality hardly matches up to it.
The definition of the word loyalty matches men.
Being loyal as long as she *feels* like it literally means treacherous.
That's because serving is beaten into men from a young age. Women on the other hand, are groomed to be served. It's not innate. It's learned behavior.
@@evelynn4273 I hope so, means we can change it.
@@Saphirefenix Then it's on parents - fathers in particular - to teach their daughters the meaning of loyalty, and how to keep your word, even if it's uncomfortable or inconvenient.
@@evelynn4273groomed? That's a very odd way of stating that
@@evelynn4273😂😂 boys get to do whatever they feel like doing… this comment section is so backwards
So basically......DO NOT GET MARRIED
@Ed Smith yep, and the courts back them when they "feel" like taking everything. Yet, prostitution is illegal unless it's ordained by the state.
BINGO!
The 6 months I gave marriage a try, were the most miserable of my life.
Marriage is a lie
So the marxist commies win when destroying the family then the nation.
"Fighting for a country that no longer exists". Absolutely brilliant!
I know, freakin' great line. I'm stealing it.
Not so brilliant.....as for long periods of time some countries ceased to exist...but the hope and courage to bring them back did....so they re-emerged....eg. Poland....Ukraine was engulfed and usurped many times...today they are fighting for their very existence....the show is not over until the fat lady sings...and for Ukraine she is very present on the stage....and singing loudly....
@@gerhardvanderpoll7378I bet you're a lot of fun at parties. LOL
You can stay and fight... just know that it will be an uphill battle and hope is a weak ally.
@@gerhardvanderpoll7378 Spain under Muslim occupation.
Bro this is so true. I often talk about how the most tricky thing with women is understanding their arousal triggers. And because arousal for women can be very very circumstantial, her desire for you can be riding on a thin line that could break from the tiniest things. Her desire for you is often based on a feeling, and if that changes, so does her arousal. Men need to understand this and I didn't understand this until around 30 years old.
Like the way you sit turns her off, or the way you wait in line, or the way someone spoke to you, or what outfit you are wearing etc... if even one of those things are "off" from her perspective, boom goes her arousal to you. Very weird
@@abdinoorful It certainly can be yeah. Typically as long as she's already aroused by her vision of you, you'll be solid. But a small thing can completely ruin it. Even though guys in RP like Myron tend to be a bit over the top with their assertions, this one is true. I think the issue with people not understanding is because they lack the understanding of context.
@@wisdomandy9361 Very astute observation. Thanks, thinking about it now in the ways you put it, as I've witnessed it several times as well in the past. I always felt it too in interaction with women you feel attracted to: one step wrong, one intonation of a word off, one hair the wrong way and BOOM you're out. Nowadays I don't give a f*ck. That works much much better for my own peace of mind, but is not a guarantor for succes in any way.
As a Woman…this is the BEST explanation I have ever heard IN MY LIFE!
That's admitting that women have no concept of loyalty. Loyal to yourself is a euphemism for selfish, opportunism, and being a narcissistic user.
@@sshreddderr9409 they are what they are. You just need to know what you're dealing with.
Shocking
As an autistic woman I'm grateful for these videos. Otherwise I would never understand how females think.
I appreciate the honesty, even if demoralizing.
What's depressing is most husbands today are not attractive to their wives. He is merely a desperate last ditch attempt to get married and fulfil her biological drives. No man should allow himself to be used this way.
It's a person's sole responsibility to take care of their health whatever gender they may be.
Men still pay. Even when it is free lol
@@sherriflemming3218 You missed the point. He didn't say that the woman once found her husband to be attractive and he left himself go. The point was that some women will marry a man they didn't really find attractive to begin with because they just wanted to have kids. This is not a recipe for healthy marriage.
Agreed, some women will marry a man they don’t really find attractive but that will be a good father to their kids. Unfortunately I see this as a consequence of everyone telling women that they shouldn’t care about looks when it comes to men. Looks / physical attraction are important. As well as the other emotional factors of attraction.
If that happens the West will collapse. Women will never make the young Chads they desire to settle
This is absolute gold.
This is what the red pill movement try's to teach men also.
Yessirree
The Red Pill' movement is filled with a bunch of Grifting Clowns
@@andrewkerr5296 like any other school of thought that catches on. At its core however there's a kot of truth that people are too afraid to accept
@@7yep4336dfgvvh Like everything that starts off as Exclusives, once the Plebs join in, it turns to shit
@@MrGabox345 anything that criticizes women, even if valid, is categorized as woman-hating, let's face it
At 4:45, he's exactly describing the predicament I find myself. "The liability for men is that they can often end up in relationships where really all they have left is their duty. And they spend the remainder of their lives with someone they don't love or someone who stopped loving them long ago. In those situations, it's like the only thing these men have left is the fact that they never broke their commitment which is a pretty dry and empty victory - kind of like fighting for a country that no longer exists." I wish I had known this earlier.
I understand what you're saying, but I'd rather have the dry and empty victory then be the walking corpse I'd be if I abandoned my oaths I swore
@@M-S_4321 That mean that you're a man of honor and principle. Most men would appreciate that. That's why men go to war and sacrifice for their country, but most women don't have such "irrational" hang-ups.
Society didn’t want you to know.
Rationality doesn’t survive in the long run. Irrational loyalty is what made great empires and tribes grow. The enlightenment and the rise of individualism(which is great) brought the idea that groups like nations and family should come after the person.
@@M-S_4321 Agreed
Well said. A woman's loyalty will be strong as long as you are the best guy she can get. If not, it may waiver. It's driven by hypergamy.
Hypergamy has been around for centuries. Why is it not working now?
Yep, that pretty much sums it up.
@@TheNinjapancake14 Because women can vote, get high paying professions, and men can't beat women who don't behave.
@@TheNinjapancake14 because internet, smartphones, social media, dating apps...give them unlimited options worldwide.
and the laws must change in order that women should be driven not by hypergamy but fear to lose something (for example custody of sons) , that it's what happen actually to men. That is not something byologic or sociologic that we must talk abiout , here is a problem of justice , accountability and laws .
We need to set rules and expectations for women in our society, and hold them accountable. Doing "whatever you feel like" is destroying our society at a rapid rate.
Yeah but you can't point that out or you'll be a called a "misogynist" and "you hate women"
Well let me ask this simple question how are gonna control the women that births y'all? How are you gonna set rules and expectations but y'all don't even lead by example through your own actions but I can't say that because y'all betas are probably gonna call me a feminist or a simp!
Y'all wonder why women don't like us but never stop to think "hey could women no longer like us because of our actions, if there two types of people in the world then what parts am I playing in the breakdown"??? 🙄
@@kurtrussell5228 And? Who gives a fuck. These words only have power so long as we let them, lean into that shit.
Ryan, do you see how Jeremiah threw the responsibility all on men and let women off of all responsiblity and accountability? The family courts are full of guys like him, " you're not man enough bro" " maintain frame bro" .....tom Brady and Bezos, brad pitt weren't " man enough " to keep their wives but this guy thinks he is.
@@kurtrussell5228 You misunderstand, my entire point is that groveling at the feet of these people for fear of being called a bad name is what gives them power in the first place. Wear it like a badge of honor. I'm a White Separatist, believer in traditional gender roles and I don't give a damn who knows it. The fact that I wear it on my sleeve means that it can't be used against me and something that I would need to apologize for later.
I had to pay a psychiatrist a large chunk of cash for this advice. Boys the moment you stop benefiting from the situation just cut the cord and don't feel bad, she'd do the same, it truly isn't personal.
Well said John.We often know things are going downhill.Women usually break with us when they have the new guy warmed up and ready to go.
@@thomasandrewmcgonigal5150 that's not actually true there is a little hint of misogyny in your comment but ok
@@John-po9wz bruv you calling misogyny when you just said a girl will fuck you over if she's not benefiting from you anymore. Ironic? Thomas aint lying that's happened to me and most guys I know.
@@John-po9wz stop simping little bit…
what you are proposing is feminizing men... i understand your point from a practical perspective. but i think the solution is the oposite... once married must be hard to break that vow... marriages have kids and it is not longer of "how i feel" but a larger responsability towards the children.
problem is that women nowadays dont have any punishment if they decide to break the agreement because do not "feel" the same.
I truly believe that he is right in his assessment of the way women approach loyalty. It's exactly the excuse my ex-wife gave when bailing on our marriage. However, that does not excuse the fact that she and many other women said the words in the marriage ceremony. There is no verbiage that says "as long as I find you attractive". If women live by this "feelings rule" code than they should refuse to take a wedding vow. They don't get to change the meaning of words because they feel like it.
Then the last wedding has happen.. :D Women has always been and always will be driven by their feelings. That is their basic nature.
Better she leave the marriage when her feelings have changed than stay and cheat on you. She was honest in leaving.
They'll never refuse the vows because it directly benefits her. Sorry my man; it's all a transaction...
In other words, a man must do what it takes to appear superhuman to his woman so she'll fall into a kind of sexualized and romanticized respect with him. Because this is impossible to maintain, women initiate 80% of all divorces. This is why "commitment" is everything to a woman, but only up until the marriage contract is signed.
Isn't loyalty to one's feelings a form of narcissism?
basically, once you lose your "mystery" its only a matter of time before she hits you with the "we need to talk honey"
She wants you when she NEEDS you - no longer NEED you? No longer want you.....
Good call. Perhaps the ultimate form. A woman's lechery is also treachery.
I think the responsibility is actually on the woman to not live in a world of fantasy and do the work to acquire the ability to discern truth from fiction. Women are constantly being sold fantasy snake oil by predators. Mass media directly injects these fantasies into everyone's brains right now. People like this "psychiatrist" profit from it.
More baldly than that, it’s sheer fickleness.
In other words, women approach the relationship with "what have you done for me lately?" Men should adopt the same approach back to women.
They do. It’s why they feel owed and entitled to sex.
The problem is their not getting it , and no respect either, women have the mindset that they are entitled to everything when didn't hold up their end.
Also, be cold . Women need it to maintain respect/attraction.
Facts
@@juanis8219 no such thing. If you don't like sex become a nun. Or if you lose attraction for your man so fast never marry just become a prostitute
I have changed my approach to loyalty. Women want to hold us to some iron law while they are held to nothing. I will now end my agreements when she ends hers.
Imagine a man saying "I don't feel like providing for you anymore"
They do quite frequently.
@@kenyanicholas6809 and women still initiate majority of divorces.... your point being?
@@TheSolidfoxhound Your point being? You just shifted the goalposts.
@@kenyanicholas6809 not my problem if you don't understand logic
@@TheSolidfoxhound lmfao, stop projecting your intellectual failings onto me. Men frequently say they don’t feel like providing anymore, most child support is unpaid and pregnancy is when a woman is most vulnerable to femicide.
This is the last piece of the puzzle.
No man can be the same after watching this video. It is the red pill of relationships for us.
Lol indeed😂 im out
My mind blew up when you said "women are only loyal to their feelings" so on point
And males are only loyal to their dcks 🤷🏽♀️ whats your point
The current social engineering emphasizes "feelings" and "happiness" and then the media does everything to make people unhappy with their current situation. Look at other countries. That's not how the people operate.
Which they are never happy
If women don't even have a concept of duty or loyal, why should men be loyal to them? Sounds like men should just follow their feelings and do whatever tf they want.
Exactly that’s how u flip the game
Do you mean the men that cheat on their wives are loyal to those wives, and deserve their ongoing love and loyalty despite those men clearly DON'T respect or are loyal to them?
A man is as loyal as long as his d*ck isn't lusting after someone else. And THAT's one of the times women stop loving those men. Let alone want to be loyal to those cheating b*stards anymore.
@@Keyboardje No man is sexually loyal to his woman and he is not required to, sexualilty is how women show loyalty.
Men show loyalty by protecting and providing.
Women won't protect or provide, any man who requires protecting and providing, a woman would not love.
Your mind is twisted by the matrix and so you are enslaved by it.
This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s functioning on the assumption that people are completely reduced to and rely purely on instinctual and primal instinct rather than the reality which is that we are all evolved civilized intelligent beings that are not bound by primal instinct. Don’t listen to him. Men and women are more than capable of loyalty in the same capacity. It is a matter of maturity and emotional intelligence, not gender. That’s why the stuff this dude says is so harmful.
@@juanis8219 60% of marriages end in divorce with 80-90% of them being filed by women, so at least 60% of women...
Saying women are "loyal to their feelings" is like saying women will be loyal until they change their mind.
As a friend once told me: we men have a saying that says : are you a man of your word? But we don’t have a saying that says : are you a woman of your word ?
In fairness, that phrase dates back to an era when “man” simply meant “person.” But yes, fidelity to one’s word has always been regarded as a masculine trait.
Feelings are a byproduct of thinking. Being loyal to feelings is having no loyalty
That’s not true for women and I’d argue most men growing up today.
feelings are primitive subconscious software. more like embedded software in (brain). it does subconscious thinking. it even related to us growing up and our experiences. now these feelings are like operating system.
Feelings are NOT a byproduct of thinking.
Thinking is to often a process to rationalize feelings.
@@M-S_4321 that’s where men and women largely differ. Men are more logic based and women are more in tune with emotions. Though raised in this society, men are taught to be more in tune with their emotions. The problem is that this training doesn’t stick because society fundamentally treat men differently. The more reality differs from what you’ve been taught as a man, the more you start pushing towards logical reasoning. Women tend to stay in emotional thought.
stop being so logical, you obviously don't get women 😂😂😂
So basically if you have hitched your wagon to a woman with bipolar disorder, her loyalty to you and your relationship could change multiple times from hour to hour, day to day.
Well that explains a few things.
More accurately if she has a fearful avoidant or borderline personality disorder
Elvis sang i song that explains just that. Moody blues.
That may be more BPD than Bi-polar as bi-polar waves last for days if not weeks if I recall correctly
Yep. I had a friend couple and their relationship was exactly that. The girl could go from a loving GF to a cheating b*tch from one day to another. I got even accused by her that I fallen in love with her. In reality I was just friends with her BF but she thought that I want to steel her from her BF. She was crazy. At the end I wished good luck to my buddy and I cut connection from them. I don't need false accusation in my life from some crazy B.
HAHA!
Ok, so... As a guy who still plans on having relationships with women what I'm hearing is that I have two options: either accept that a woman will leave/cheat just based on her feelings OR I can learn to manipulate a woman's emotions in order to keep her involuntarily in that emotional high. I'd really like a video on how to proceed and have healthy relationships, given the info in this video.
And that should explain exactly why women love sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissistic men. The dark triad is defined by ability to manipulate emotions and women find this extremely attractive. Manipulation is a display of strength to them. However break the illusion and they will treat you like you tried to enslave them bc in their minds you did.
@@williambontrager2349 Woah...that's heavy. Thanks.
find a good woman. Either her family, community, or hardtimes will have taught her enough about real life for her to truly appreciate a good man.
So be a good person first. Then find a good person one way or another, then ride the whirlwind!
Part of trust and being vulnerable is acknowledging that both parties are leaving themselves open to a world of hurt if the other decides to go completely sideways.
No risk it, no biscuit! 😊
ps... then have healthy, consist boundaries. Women are all over the place following their ever changing feelings. Be like a surfer or a skater. Pick your line and stick to it. I watched vids where they use the terminology 'containment.' Men need to provide containment.
Creating a safe, understanding, consistant, and kind situation brings out the best in a good woman. And that in turn brings out the best in the man.
Basically don't be all over the place cause then both of you will be nowhere. And be stuck together nowhere SUCKS...
Sartre's No Exit level SUCKS! 😅
How about this plan:
1. Make sure she is actually in love with you pre-marriage.
2. Don't change from the person she fell for. Don't bait and switch with courtship, then revert to emotional unavailability or other autistic behavior.
Ta-da. Problem solved. She won't leave.
loyalty to feelings is basically a form or narcissism and has nothing to do with unconditional loyalty to your life partner.
Sure it does, if the woman has those feelings for her life partner. Tell you what: have a life partner who has feelings for you. Tada. Now she's loyal to you.
See how easy it is?
My grandfather had a 6th grade education, could barely write, worked as an industrial painter of water towers and bridges and loaned people money on a handshake. No paper. He said your word means something. Never tarnish it. Once you do it will never come back. I grew up with that philosophy and was laughed at and tested by dishonest people who broke agreements with me to see what I would do. I had to accept it was impossible to give your word to dishonest people. Your word rests on a foundation of false pretense.
I have one for you, Doc. Men stay in relationships and the reason is their oath. Well in these contracts, there is also usually a penalty. Men leaving a marriage not only break their oath but face financial penalties. Women usually have nothing to lose and even have something to gain by divorce.
Why not do some research and determine if there was no loss/penalty to a person would they still keep their oath?
Men do leave marriages then just don't file for divorce. Women file for divorces because they know a man will never (pay) for a divorce.
@jeremiahborders2959 I don't understand what you're saying men pay for most divorces, even though they didn't file, and loose better than half the shit they worked for !
The answer is yes because we are men.
It's regardless the penalty in most cases. Men in general have a far stronger sense of duty and responsibility than women. There is a reason why treason was marked by male leaders of every society prior as the highest of crimes.
Why do women often gain during a divorce? Do you say they have nothing to lose because divorced women are now able to work and sustain themselves, compared to back in the day?
And that's why girlfriends are better than wives
Yes. It’s only a question of time before her “loyalty” to her “feelings” goes out the window. Be emotionally unavailable if you don’t want to suffer and expect the “big s..t test” to happen sooner or later because relationships based only on feelings and infatuation don’t last. When the “feelings fuel” stops, AND she found another man she is feeling “loyal” to, the relationship is done.
In the past, either her parents educated her to have emotional discipline and limits or intervened when she wasn’t “loyal” anymore, of course, to her feelings. Not anymore.
Guys, feelings are important in life, but not on influencing long term relationships or decisions.
After 20 years of being with my wife, she got cancer at 39, died 5 months later in my arms. I loved her to the end, and the only words she could say to me the final morning was "I love you too". Was worth the 20 years. But now I am trying to figure out how to date in my mid-40s and could use all the help I can get.
The same as when you were younger. Get in shape, improve yourself and women appear by themselves. You are young. Man's peak is at around 45, so you are at your best age.
@@santiagopuentep That is a superficial answer, unfortunately. I'm in excellent physical shape, have been since my Army days. I've got a graduate degree and great job. I reflect on my behaviors. But also raising a 7 year old son on my own, with little time. So my question isn't so much about how to make women appear, but rather how to date in this crazy world.
Do you think dating would improve your life? I think not. Be happy with what you had. I don't think you'll find something remotely close. I would trade your experiences in those years, 20 good years, for what's out there nowadays.
@@blackpillspear2592 Yes, you are probably right, there is just lots of pressure to find someone. I work full-time, often late nights as well, and then have no help with my young son. And then he doesn't have anyone to be a mom, just me--which if you met me you would see I am not much of a mom, lol. Anyhow though, you are probably right.
@@JeffreyWillis800 Find a female nanny or tutor for him and date outside of the concept of finding a new mother for your son. Only when your son is a man grown you'll be able to date without the fear you may negatively impact your son.
This is why my ex wife cheated twice. Once with a 20 year old coworker, when she was 43.
Second, with my ex friend that had a wife & 2 young kids.
She said she wanted to off herself & the cats because she wanted to feel something.
Hope she does wel with her aging parents and 10 cats
Who would sleep with a 43 year old woman? Yuck
Sounds like your wife had her reasons to look for love elsewhere. I bet she has a better life now, despite her aging parents and 10 cats. :)
@@Keyboardje She must have had a rotten my to go with his friend. Who was married and has 2 kids. Thats not lust or attention. Thats just malice.
those poor cats
@@Keyboardje What reasons would they be?
My ex (walked out on me and the kids) once told me she had to leave because she knew I never would have done. I'd have kept on fighting for it and trying to make it work forever.... Well... Yes! Of course!
The same thing happened to me she took my two little kids 3+5 n moved to Texas... I started listening to Andrew Tate and said screw her... Her only loyalty now I looked back over the years was always n only to herself....time wasted
@@anthonycee7492 Been there, but our kids were 9 and 11 when she 'needed to find herself'.
@@M-S_4321
Men have it the hardest,
If the wife wants out, the husband should set her free quickly. I learned that the hard way.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife started to ask me to divorce her because she was unhappy. To encourage my action, she tried her best to make me unhappy by abusing me. I was perplexed about her unhappiness because I was a loyal dutiful traditional husband who paid for everything though she had a good job and still did half of the domestic duties. I did not take her demand for divorce seriously. I was thinking of our kids and my wedding oath of eternal loyalty. For next 7 years, she kept on asking me to file for divorce and she encouraged me to do that by dialing up her abuse to higher and higher degree. To my regret, I still did not divorce her. Finally she filed for divorce after 27 years of marriage. Looking back, I think (without proof) she was cheating but at that time I did not suspect due to my blind trust.
@@anthonycee7492 hope you are doing well in life💙💙💙
Loyalty for woman is the pirate code.
Loyalty for men is chivalry.
Oh my! When I heard you describing female's loyalty, I was going to type that I disagreed and that my loyalty came from valuing myself and my word. I am loyal to a fault because it is my character. Being disloyal harms me as well!
When I heard you then describe the male perspective, it resonated much, much more.
I stayed in a bad relationship (my first and only) for 12 years just because I made a promise. Lol
...I may have a well integrated masculine side, I suppose, but to most I come off as ultra feminine.
Interesting! Not sure about this one!
Hope you're right about men, though!! :]
I agree. To me loyalty is seeing things through, whether good or bad and being able to work through stuff to find solutions. I dont bail at the first hint of a problem. Does that make me unusual?
The problem I have with this argument in regards to not loving someone anymore, is that the "feeling" of love is a chemical thing. In nature a couple would engage with one another sexually, the woman would get pregnant, and that "feeling" of love would be there to ensure he'd guard her and keep her fed and safe. But then once that baby was born and she was back to normal, that chemical would generally fade and you no longer have that "feeling" any longer. Well this notion of people need to stay married until the love is gone is a terrible notion produced only by those who don't understand this simple concept. We live in a very "me" focused society. And this notion of "I just spent 20 years of my life with you, and because I'm bored or the feeling is gone, time to find someone else" is the mindset of an immature person. Duty to one's family is the most important thing there is. If you're dealing with a woman who doesn't understand that, then guess what? She's a stupid person. Women used to stand by their families, they don't anymore. Which is proof that our society has taken a terrible turn. Not that this logic is presenting a valid argument to defend it. No disrespect to you, but the point I make is that the previous model was the superior model. All this current way does is create an environment where a LOT of people are going to die alone. And that's a terrible thing.
We can’t change the rules of the game. Can you fix society? No? Well then I’m going to operate within the rule set that exists now. Not a fantasy world where traditional values are still the norm.
Sorry to say, there is no peaceful political solution. Look into Bernay’s and you’ll find a whole bunch of people who manipulated society to be the way it is now. It’s the same families doing the same thing in modern times. Did you know Bernay’s grandson co-created netflix? They’re not going to have any laws change if it doesn’t benefit them, and having a consumer class of women is highly beneficial for the guys at the top of the economic pyramid.
Marriage vows are oaths. Men are capable of abiding by their oaths indefinitely if they have to, regardless of how they feel about it later on
Women apparently are not for the most part.
Accountability and responsibility are masculine traits, not feminine ones
@treeghettox Preach it, my brother. You western men really need to toughen up again.
@treeghettox im a woman myself who cant stand womans behavior.
as strange it sounds like, but i work in 2 enviroments and 2 jobs : one place full of woman with a woman boss & one place full of men with a male boss.
whenever i work in the place with female, & whenever i worked with female ( including my entire life ) i myself as female dealed with their problematic way to confront issues.
beside especially if there is jealouse and jugemental way to judge other female like a competition, a woman always competete with their " feelings as well " its not even equal. they jealouse other females weight while not accepting to work on themself and accepting their own failure in beeing overweight ( it even starts from these small things )
beside it, if a female fight an issue between coworker they first build a " team of womans usually in their enviroment " and attack you, not alone bybthe enviroment they build against ( another female )
BUT if its a men they feel pressured and they follow men in confrontation ( usually ) woman easy to gave up cause naturally woman feel pressured by men and dominated.
if there is a confrontation at workplace.
but a men talk face to face - slove it face to face- i had this issues my entire life about how female handle issues in workplaces & generally. confronting them. the way female do is so uneducated than men do.
( my myself more masculine personality with aggression traits in my DNA just like my dad unfortunately its a blessing and a tortue at same - i care equal feelings )
between men and female.
- basically i care that feelings are equal.
regardless the gender.
but i feel female dont understand these things at all.
and
i felt in my workplace my female boss had almost zero work, but instead of " chill " she constently would try to " find " work - so she try fix other people
behavior, in a controlling way.
not only her, i had few females whose i experienced that behavior been similar.
if there is no work for themselves they try find work in useless things.
and make unneccesiary focus on them.
i feel sometimes females generally been always treaten so well by their enviroments, cause they females,
so they never really worked hard or really get treaten like absolute sh...
im somehow thankfull and hurtfull to extreme - in my life -
that in my family the enviroment i get been treaten was so equal - exact like my brother -
i get same power as him.
but also same punishment as him.
i fighted verbal and by body with my brother. we beat each other.
i wasnt beaten and thinking im a woman i dont deserve ( as i have aggressive traits i seen the beat as an equal response to his beat ) -
that i been going through something really hard and taff days in my life in absolute lonelyness- as well.
and never i wanted to rely on someone.
woman or a men on that times.
i kept this independence of accepting beeing a looner on my own failure.
its something made me connected with men, generally -
goinf through failure with my own response. made me feel understanding men.
if they fail at something they 100% capable of their failure. to flesh and blood.
this is what i learned to be connected with a men. and its an equality i feel to carry in my outside relationships as well.
and my relationship are equal and loyal from both side.
but equality in terms of feelings.
not in terms of a womans body is capable to carry heavy things ( and stuff ) its impossible to be equal by body between men and woman.
but its possible to be equal by feelinfs between men and woman.
but woman dont want accepting it.until now 2023. because they sexualized themselves. by own freewill.
by their own weakness of their personality. because they sexualized in historie.
my opinion, woman myst stop to use their sexualization as a weapon. this will always create unequality in feelings between men and woman.
i wished feminism nowadays will be changed into understanding that feelings of men and woman are equal and to this belongs " remove the sexualization as a weapon and manipulationtool "
but i dont think woman will " give up that power " - they try to controll
men through this.
and then they wonder why their men cheats on exact that female that manipulated the men by her sexualization.
females ... its a mess.
female needs a lot of revolution.
but its not ready yet.
a men has a genius characteristic about handle their failure.
a men has a genius characteristics about handle their sexualization of their own bodys.
a woman, never was came to the point of understanding their absolute failure.
this made me disconnected with females.
im so masculine about this feel.
simply because of their way they handle failure.
i cannot deal i cannot friend with females. of course its bad for my husband or boyfriend. but i also never interests to betray my men as long he doesnt betray me its a 1 - 1 rule.
Clearly explains the insane divorce rate fueled mostly by women!
Mah feelings!!!!!
I am a woman. I was married for 26 years. Never cheated on him, supported him in every way, even once the feelings were strained as he was cheating on me for 9 years and lied to me about it the whole time. We then had therapy and all of that, and I remained commited as I feel marriage is for life. He finally walked away from me with yet another woman. Now he wants to come back....no honor in that in my opinion. So there is that.
You're a nawalt unicorn. God bless you.
@@MasterKeySolutions there are more of them than you think, especially in religious communities. The key is how they were raised by their father and the norms of their social group.
The exception is not the rule....
@kathrincoulter3447 The greatest respect I could give to a woman I give to you, sweet lady! You are an honorable woman! A very rare kind! And I am so sorry for the cruel person you chose to be your partner. I'm afraid there is NO guarantee on this planet and in this world. I've listened over the past few years to a lot of Alan Watts and some ideas of buddhism which have made me understand that such behavior can only be expected. I hope you are living and experiencing a beautiful life nonetheless : )
@gracefool i've been thinking about this over the past few years. I'm not a christian anymore. And i feel like my eyes have been opened to a reality that takes a lot more gutts to accept than the beautiful stories of heaven and hell and my bestest friend Jesus Christ who is more close to me than any of you people on this planet.
I believe your comment is spot on! My christian girl friends KNOW commitment and live really honorable lives (not all of them but there are several sincere Christians in my life who I still admire GREATLY!). The complication for me is that they are still living a lie. They are still living in a world where good has to win over bad and we are all guilty of sin and god is a jealous god and He will send even his own sons to hell to burn in it for eternity. All made-up! Half of the stuff in the book of John (after who I was named actually) was all made up.. cuz none of the other disciples of jesus remember any of that insane stuff ever having happened (compare matthew mark luke to john). All cooked up! The 40 year walk of the israelites in the wilderness? Could it be that it never happened? ...oh i digress!
So, i can't truly choose to fall for a christian girl cuz she, as pure as her heart and mind are, is still trapped in a fantasy world. What I wonder is what she would be if she was made to see the truth about life... would her reason to be committed not make sense to her anymore!! And she become just like the average woman this video speaks of. (i'm terribly sorry for the ridiculously long comment).
Kudos to you for sticking to the right things in your marriage. Not all men are of good quality. Not your fault, move on.
Holly cow, I could write a book just on my experience with this. I had a female relative just break one agreement after another because of feelings (my contempt on this is beyond measure) so I thought, OK I will teach her a lesson apparently, she thought that my one agreement was written in stone, a law a physics, a commandment from God, etc. So, I ended that agreement! 13 years after her death my family hardly talks to me even though I explained all of my actions vs. hers. See I punished a woman (who was massively overdue) and it looks like that is not supposed to happen.
@treeghettox The agreement was that I can live at her house (my mothers’) and pay rent as long as needed. However, I was no longer the family slave boy that was now ended. So, she throws me out of the house because I refused to be the family slave. This was clearly explained to her. I was just a tenant. So, she in evicting me broke that agreement (the major one) and others over her emotions. Loyalty to emotions! So, I ended my agreement to pay her back some borrowed money-a few thousand dollars. You can break agreements over nothing then so can I. So, family hardly talks to over this.
@@lorenzmenke3121 First, women are very good at blaming other for their own error and/or omission.
Second, she probably socially excluded you from all your allies by destroying your reputation and sowing doubts with every body you shared mutual relationship.
Few keywords:
Reputation destruction
Innuendo
Reposition herself as a victim in all situations.
Moving goalposts.
Use her sexuality to recruits allies to play against you.
For most man, it’s a game we can’t win.
“The only winning move is not to play.”
One of the highest laws in this wicked world is "whamin will never be held accountable. ever."
What they do, is they challenge your honor, because their feelings are more important to them than you, and it makes them feel like they have some control. When you take revenge they don't see it as revenge. They see it as you breaking a deal. It's only disloyalty if a man does it, even if it's in response to their disloyalty.
Keep in mind too that a woman's feelings are also shaped by many factors. For instance, you never want to get on her friend/families bad side, because female packs act in a heard like mentality. And whatever her in-groups view you as, they will try and make her feel that way too, no matter how irrational it may sound.
@treeghettox Yes, especially when the relationship is fresh. I know it's natural that women are indecisive like that, but my god, I hate that side so much.
They will manipulate your life and situation to make their agenda valid.
She told the truth.
Yup I've had a girl who was clearly Into me, and went from look at me with big sparkling eyes everytime I saw her to treating me like a weirdo rapist overnight. Found out her friend who I had only ever met for like 2 seconds was talking shit about me for no reason.
@@wolfman_jagermeistro8445 That's all it takes, sadly. Either because her friends are jealous homewreckers, they in themselves find you creepy, or they literally do it for fun/vengeance because of daddy issues.
Being loyal to your feelings/emotions guarantees you will cheat. This is right down there with, "If it feels good, do it."
This is why your girlfriend or wife can go out and f_ck 100+ men and not believe she has cheated on you.
This is why I believe relationships only work when a woman truly desires you. I have seen women stay with the most garbage emotionally unavailable men all because of how they feel about them. So even if you are the most kind, considerate, loyal man around it won't mean anything if she doesn't desire you. Which is quite a sad reality.
I don't see how marriage /relationships and dating are worth it these days with this trend growing more and more.
100% true. Ask me how I know.
She must demonstrate right off the bat that famous genuine burning desire otherwise she's not fundamentally attracted to you and you're walking a thin line. 95% divorce predictor per both rollo tomassi and Jordan Peterson (both couldn't be further apart). If they can agree on this my man that's proof enough for me.
So what does it mean for young men when a psychologist says women are only loyal to super hot dudes and can change their loyalty in a heartbeat?
It means watch your ass out there. That's what it means.
It means it's rough out here and you're probably going to be blind-sided for that you love the most. And it does break any man
Women are only as loyal as their options. Which in the modern world makes them unsuitable for committed relationships. She's not yours, it's just your turn.
The same goes for men. When men have access to younger, malleable women be it through fame, access, or money- Not only do they take it...they Ride out the marriage through infidelity until the wheels fall off and finally ride off with the younger model he can impress.
If you don't think this is true it's because you're apart of the overwhelming percent or Men who don't have access to women
@@alunalalune8691 slow clap for the small brain who literally appeals to the exception and not the rule while also openly acknowledgong that it's not the norm. How do people like you even exist these days. The great mass of men don't have that option. Average Becky does. You utter midwit.
So women in your view are the same as so-called "high value men", yet the behavior of "high value men" isn't incorporated into your view of "men in general".
Men and women are equally warped and inadequate moral beings. This game of "but they're worse" that both genders are now playing is destructive, dishonest and self-absolving while demonising the other.
A man who has sex with another woman while married to another does not love his wife and is not loyal to her. The same is true for a woman who does the same.
There is no morally superior gender; we all suck. And obsessing about the flaws of the other isn't doing any of us any favours.
When you let her do what she wants, she thinkgs you love her, but when you do what you feel you need to do, even if she doesn't like it, then you don't love her.
I am a woman. Loyalty is a moral value and it has nothing to do with my feelings. And like each individual we both have masculine and feminine characteristics.
It has everything to do with ur feelings women are slave to their emotions and they cannot be trusted because of this
Yeah I’m seeing the comments from men. They are loyal to their duties but not loyal to their actual partners in many cases
When you say loyalty is a moral value and it has nothing to do with your feelings, does that mean that your feelings trump moral values when you make decisions? Im just curious to know if women believe that their feelings are the most important consideration when they make decisions. Thanks
@@stimroe9731 But don’t most men want to sleep with multiple women? That topped with the fact that most men don’t have strong sexual discipline almost makes it guaranteed you’ll get cheated on then you wasted all that time you could have been single and focused on you. I’m not bringing men down I’m just saying men and women see loyalty different most women see it as being faithful and most men see it as being a provider
@@stimroe9731 I’m not a man so I rely on stats and male perspectives for this so plz let me know where i may be mistaken. But it seems like for most men they want sex with a variety of partners which creates a deep desire to sleep around. When men enter relationships and start to care for a woman they lose testosterone which many men feel makes you less of a man I think. When you factor in these 2 things then it’s understandable why one may come to the conclusion that being in a relationship increases a man’s desire to have sex with someone outside of the relationship thus increasing their temptations. In addition men statistically cheat more and lack sexual discipline more than women. When you also factor in the fact that male promiscuity is seen as a positive the chances of getting cheated on increases even more. Now on top of all of that if women view loyalty as being faithful it’s easy to see why many women are starting to be more reluctant in who they entertain. Women are emotional asf (myself included) so being cheated on hits hella deep
If this were taught in elementary we could save alot of lives
A woman that rates a man 11 on a scale of 10 might still cheat on him. It happens.
Chaos has no logical order
when she finds someone that she rates as a 11.1 on a scale of 10 is when it happens
@@seribelz they usually are disgusted by other men when their super infatuated with one particular Chad
This actually happens even when the man she cheats with is just 6 and her husband is 10. This is because:
1) She wants to try a new dick or two or 3. Her hoe friends told her she is missing all the fun they are having. They fill her head with the feministic idea of female entitlement and empowerment and patriarchy. How monogamy was a scheme created by patriarchy and how oppressed she is. She starts to feel resentful about her husband for trapping her in the tyranny of monogamy and depriving her from all the excitement and fun that her friends are having.
2) She is confident that her husband will not find out her cheating.
3) She hopes she will be forgiven in the unlikely event she gets caught, because she thinks she will be able to gaslight him by somehow making him feel guilty with blame of inattention or too much attention.
4) The lusty attention from the other men make her feel she still has the feminine power over men. 5) She feels the excitement and thrill of illicit sex and kinky sex, like getting her face spread with man-juice, and getting drilled in her backdoor, getting throat choked and getting bum slapped, getting disrespected with trash talk.
@@rayrwyr 6) it's a way to make husband jealous and value her more and get some benefit out of that, or atleast thats what they think will happen (Its a risk)
7) to punish him because he is too busy, too emotionally stingy, or whatever, maybe she fears he will reject her
8) because the guy isn't around (he is maybe on a business trip) and she wants to have some fun
Remember the 4 D’s:
Don’t date.
Don’t cohabitate.
Don’t breed.
Don’t marry.
Put yourself first. She won’t.
Sounds like death cult.
Sounds like incel red pill talk
@@TheddunTOSS S.I.G.N. language. Typical.
@@sselemaNrM And you sound like you still expect S.I.G.N. language to work. Hilarious.
@@MrDarthtelos what?
"The oaths of a woman, I inscribe on water." -Sophocles
Thank you for bringing perspective to this topic! It is very much needed nowadays.
Agree with the male definition or understanding of loyalty but you don't go far enough on the woman's definition in my experience they aren't loyal to the man they are loyal to how the man makes them feel so in essence they are loyal to self.
Wow... that explains a lot. I also think it a brutal truth that many are going to find hard to accept.
NO loyalty, NO honor and NO gratitude.
Gratitude? I have NEVER seen or heard of a woman being genuinely grateful and appreciative for a guy's hard work. That bears a sense of accountability that does not exist. Spent years to come to terms with this truth.
If this is true, then a man would be an idiot to get married today.
Who needs that kind of loyalty? She would have no issues with betraying you once the honeymoon phase is over and she falls "in love" with someone else.
Women are loyal to their best option
I learned this after a really bad a breakup. I never approached relationships the same again. Monogamy is for fools if you date women. Also, I never expect anything to last. I don’t really make plans with them. I take it week by week
Loyalty is almost non existent in gay marriages
What happened mate?
@@safffff1000 ^This guy knows. Gay lifestyle looks REALLY fun to be honest and sometimes I wish I were gay but I just have never found the attraction. They fck everything that moves and looks like a fun time. However I have noticed that loyalty is rough for most gay couples.
@@safffff1000 The divorce rate among gay men is the lowest by a significant margin. The divorce rate among lesbians is astronomical (70 to 80 percent) - and the top four reasons lesbians give for getting divorced are identical to the ones women give for breaking up heterosexual marriages. The sad reality that women just aren’t happy in relationships. They get restless and convince themselves they can always do better. The irony is they’re the ones who tend to push for commitment in the first place, all the while holding up men for ridicule when they hesitate to commit.
I love this message, finding joy in discharging our duties. I will strive for that.
It's hard to put into words what a breath of fresh air - and by "air" I mean truth, facts, data, logic, science and real talk - you are. Especially because you're Western-college-educated, and we all know the state of things on Western college campuses and in academia on this present day. Just keep it up!
Your content is incredible! Really teaches us how to live the right way, while understanding reality.
@waterwhisp Not really. I ascribe to the philosophy of extreme ownership. If something is my fault, I am more than happy deeply analyze and correct myself if I am at fault.
I can't remember who wrote/said this (I think it was Rollo, actually) but I am recalling a quote "men love idealistically, women love conditionally"
My question is; assuming these definitions of loyalty are true, why would any man make this oath (marriage) with a woman? If the man said "I swear to love and uphold, etc etc" and then she said "I swear to love and uphold, etc etc, as long as I feel like it" I don't think many of these ceremonies would be happening.
Things may have been different back when there were social structures and stigmas in place so that simply leaving wasn't the easiest course of action to take. But now, why bother?
It had nothing to do with social structures, but rather legal structures. A woman was less likely to work, but more importantly, she couldn't have a bank account without consent of her husband or father. Her financial ability was directly tied to her immediate family or husband. If the relationship was fine, then it didn't matter. On the other hand, if the relationship was toxic or abusive, she had to stay in the relationship or risk losing any financial gains. Now add the social stigma.
I disagree with Rollo on this as it was a generalization. Women love how she feels about you as an adjective. Men love our actions about her (the act of getting it on, spending money on her, setting dates, doing things around the house, etc). Case in point I am the 30% minority who divorced my exwife but still loved her. She cheated. In her eyes she didn't love him so it didn't count and she wanted to move it back based on she felt (funny she didn't love me a week ago). I was also severely disrespected and didn't want to come home seeing her knowing what she did every day. I left and filed.
A woman on the other hand will stay in a marriage until she doesn't love him anyway. She could even be nice to her like a roomate. Actions don't mean anything as that is not love to her or marriage. It is an emotion. Now if we had an emotional affair but didn't sleep that would enrage her more in her eyes. This confused my ex-wife as women never ever leave a man she loves even if he is a jerk. IN her eyes I was unfaithfull since I stil loved her. Weird
@@timgibney5590 Men only break up with a woman if she cheats or she does something insanely f*cked up that severely breaks the "oath" they made when committing to them. Yes men do love idealistically and women do love conditionally. If said conditions are not met she will stop loving you. I have yet to find a man who filed for divorced for other than those two reasons btw.
@@captainvanisher988 I dumped my last gf conditionally. She was not as good in bed as some of my past ones and I did not feel as strong as I did wiht my ex 15 years earlier.
Women taught me to love conditionally back. If you love a woman idealistically you will get burned. I adivse you RUclips Coach Corey Wayne the original alpha pre-redpiill. If you just have a good time and she has to invest in you as women fall in love slower with no pressure you will see drastic results! Trust me on this.
That other gf I was a jerk and felt bad. I was not into her and that drove her to commit to me and lock me down over the thirsty simps trying to be idealistic. It is what poor peasants do hence what this guy teaches and is a turn off.
@@timgibney5590 Couldn't you just convey that to her? You could just easily tell her that I want other women sexually ,so I want it open on my end. If she refused then go ahead and leave, if she accepted it I wouldn't see a problem with staying. If you were married to her and had children with her and left because you "felt" unsatisfied in bed then sorry but this is beyond sh*tty and egotistical.
Spot on!!! This man has a real gift. The way he can intelligently articulate the differences between men and women while maintaining a sense of reason and not overly pandering to one side over the other. 🙏🏽👍🏽🙌🏽💯✔️
Wow, this is something I've been struggling to understand. Thank you for the clarity.
Great stuff here! I think you are absolutely correct on this and I have experienced it personally.
You’re videos are great. Your video on respect clarified a lot of things for me.
It is totally true. ... After two failed marriages, I understood that she never loved me. She had a husband, but I never had a wife.
Being married to "feelings" means that she feels emotionally abandoned in the marriage when the "feeling" goes away.
They only love themselves. They are fluid with everyone else. Solipsistic.
Men unthinkingly derive emotional support and benefit from a wife, but many don't realize they need to provide it in return: emotional food is important for families in addition to subsistence food and shelter. Too many men don't realize they are emotionally dependent on wives until they are gone, whereas women may feel emotionally abandoned before the men are physically gone. Either abandonment is not okay. I do think men would have better success and derive greater benefit if they realized their own emotional health benefited from supporting the wife's emotional health and sense of value. I see a lot of comments on this video that show how obvious it is that many men don't (or do not wish to) get this basic point, and would rather blame the woman 100% for all problems.
@Eli Bennett - Would you dare to flip the script? Would you dare find it acceptable for a man to withhold provision and protection from a woman if she does not meet his emotional needs?
I make a distinction between a woman and a wife. A woman must change her identity in order to be a wife, as a man must also change his identity in order to be a husband. This change in identity integrates the obligations of marriage into their character. ... Feelings are often a pretext for evil.
@@jamesbuchanan3888 Plenty of abuse cases where men did withhold provision, manipulated feelings, and used violence on women. I personally saw my own sister in an abusive marriage where husband cut off contact from her family for over two years. He would call the parents and spew unprovoked vulgarities at them. She reverted to a childlike state, a broken person. He didn't deserve her loyalty. But, my point is that being a good provider isn't just about material things. Totally up to you if you dismiss the information.
My wife once asked me what I thought about marriage. I replied, “It’s a responsibility.” That answer wasn’t touchy-feely enough for her, but, suffice to say, my “duty” is the only reason I’m still in it.
I dare say, if that is the only reason, not to discount the promise… perhaps consider you aren’t doing either of you any favors… if you are honest about this truth with her… what do you believe that you would both choose to continue holding the marriage together or do you believe you would each choose to let each other go, with love… Marriage is not easy, at all.. relationships can be quite Complex… neutral contemplation… no judgment… just a thought to chew on…
@@tamelashafer8852 What’s up with all the ellipses? Why isn’t one period enough to get your point across?
I like them…
Interesting that no one has ever mentioned it before…
It’s an energy thing, not a grammar thing for my personal expression… I will contemplate on that though.. How do you interpret it, out of curiosity?
I think we need to go back over the concept of "Loyalty to ones feelings". That's like saying something is pretty ugly or saying Indifferent Love. Two completely different opposite words tied to together to make a new meaning that doesn't exist. As far as I understand it " Loyalty to ones feelings" is another word for narcissism. I think maybe a better word would be "Loyalty to ones passions".
Wow. Following the passions is the definition of sin. 😮
I think we should go back to the ways of the Bible and punish treason and infidelity...and with punishment I'm not talking less beneficial divorse laws, I'm talking death row.
@@WannabeShady90 Without punishment, there will be no change. It's too late for the West. We allow s0d0mites to have celebrations of their evil perversions that take up many city blocks; we even give them an entire month as if our culture condones and even praises their wickedness.
But that isn’t the definition of narcissism, which is one of the most misused terms in discourse these days. It’s much more accurately the definition of fickleness, expediency, or egoism. It’s bald, unvarnished self-centeredness.
Wouldn't you just love to dictate even how or whether women are allowed to feel? How you feel about someone is a natural right and sits at the foundation of female mate selection. Live with it.
Loyalty, in a relationship sense, that is conditional to feelings, is not loyalty. At best it is like a truce with an enemy that lasts until both parties handle a common threat together. It's a common trope in hero-villain team up fiction. If one recalls, those usually end with the hero betrayed as soon as the threat is ended.
I believe I have heard many times that one cannot control the feelings of others. Not only that, but it is unhealthy to try. If that is the case, where does that leave us?
There are far too many catastrophes that can happen to a person over which they have no control that could destroy superficial feelings. Job loss, illness, accident, etc.
I don't know about anyone else but I would not want to be in a relationship with anyone who I thought would leave in those cases.
BTW. A simple fix here is to agree from the start that the relationship is at the convenience of either party. Like a terminate for convenience clause in a contract. No committment is implied.
You can't expect a woman to stay with an emotionally abusive man, or a passive agressive man, or a man that humiliates you, or speaks condescendingly to you.
Or throw temper trantrums.
These behaviors are termination of contract behaviors.
The man is the disloyal one.
He ruined the conditions of the marriage
He broke the magic spell.
Being married is a privilege, not a right.
Don't expect a woman to endure torture from her man.
@@AlmaVasquezjr I agree with you. I like how you stated it. They are not acceptable behaviors. They would indeed be a termination for cause.
@@AlmaVasquezjr I see you replying to a lot of the negative comments in here with relatively reasonable conditions. Can you please give the woman's perspective of what the contract should be?
In today's day and age it is the average woman who is more abusive. It's not even close.
This stereotype was definitely true of me as a young woman, but with years of personal development and desire to understand values and motivations, I have grown to respect and embody the masculine virtues as well. It feels good to have a balance. That said, complete understanding both masculine and feminine virtues are beyond the scope of this video, much less this comment. Perhaps there will be opportunity to expand on the concepts in future videos/comments.
Sounds good and all. However, all those years of "self development" (whatever that mean) also made you less attractive from a male perspective, since men value youth and beauty.
Thank you. I now understand (and gladly accept), that women and men are very different when it comes to promises (oaths) and loyalty. This has mystified me for many years (until now, thanks again).
This one is a struggle for many people. For me I learned this about a decade ago, and God was that a blessing. Since then I’ve been working on investing in myself and consistently increasing my value in the marketplace and personal life. I’ve been married now for two years and my beautiful wife knows that if we split up I’m more likely to do better going forward as I am in a much better place than when she met me. She is a high value partner and I have every intention to stay married to her, and she’s also well aware that I’m worth the loyalty. As society, we really struggle with these “dark” truths, but it’s unproductive to argue with reality.
Anything based on feelings is unreliable.
I’m so grateful for your videos, and especially for this one. Will donate you right now ❤
Woah, I was in the middle of a jogging session (perfect time to listen to podcasts) and had to stop.
This is the first time I hear someone explain intersexual dynamics in such a short amount of time. And someone with the credentials and not just more of a random RUclipsr (which I have learned to appreciate nevertheless that is).
I hope this channel blows up in visibility and that you continue to give psychological points of view.
Subbed.
Your videos are very helpful in understanding the differences in gender ideas and concepts TY
its "a man of his word" and its "a woman's prerogative to change her mind". no one says "a woman of her word" nor "a man's prerogative to change his mind".
You have nailed the issue of loyalty so well... I can very well relate to the difference of what it means to men and women not only in what we see around, but also in the intimate experiences of my own life... what you say is valid across cultures... never before could I understand a man's perspective so clearly and so well... thank you for your work... in light of this, commitment phobia in men seems so understandable...
Wow! This is my life. I have done my duty for years without reward.
My mom always said she had a duty to raise us kids. I know many women who feel the same way.
My mom was loyal to her duty as a wife when my dad was unwell for 10 years, 3 of those bed ridden. Most women would nurse their husbands when unwell, most men leave unwell wives or hand them over to someone else. Most extra marital affairs are by men, that lead to women leaving. Just staying married but being a pain to live with isn't loyalty
Sure. But we’re not talking about a woman’s perceived duty to her children. We’re talking about her perceptions of her duty (or lack thereof) to her mate.
The understanding will be mutual (regardless of whether it is masculine oriented or not) or no agreement will be made. So I keep my word and commitment based on principles and so will she. When she breaks her end I break my end. I treat this as contract law now.
Absolutely love the way you explain these things and i can relate a lot of what you are saying to my own experiences.
this is truly life changing. Thank you.
As a woman my word is my vow. I take my marriage very seriously and no matter what will never leave my spouse, so help me God
pure comedy. thanks for the laugh.
i hope hubby stays in-shape, never gets sick or laid-off from work for an extended period of time.
@rb7454 yes until you meet someone more interesting
@@maxdawg Is it really funny though? This whole thing is depressing
You need to talk to your sisters, who don't agree with you, rather than us men in the comments section.
I believe you, but it's the "so help me God" that is telling. Your vow is sacred, which I respect t, but most marriages now rely on a secular vow and rely on the interpretation of the individual.
Loyalty ≠ desire
This is just an exercise in avoiding to brand women as not loyal. Whatever desirable qualities they may possess is not related to the concept of loyalty specifically.
Yes, in labeling inconstancy as loyalty, he was trying desperately to avoid accusations of misogyny.
Thank you for your ideas and videos. Can’t express how grateful I’m am.
Loyal to feelings. If you are loyal to feelings, you aren't loyal to ANYTHING!
Don't expect loyalty from women. You have to ensure it by guarding her from alll other men (except her own father and her own brothers). Otherwise, she will seek and act on attention from men.
Dude you're spot on. Thanks you for address concepts/facts like Men's Vow, honor and duty.👍
my man speaking nothing but facts 💯… i have always said that for me if a woman dares hold back her desire for me that I take the utmost offensive , purely because she is betraying herself (her feelings) and in so doing can’t be trusted as she is okay/comfortable/willing to be dishonest with herself
Women are not able to hold back feelings unless they dont have any
Me: A female mind is a terrible place. At least it can't get any worse.
PsycHacks: Hold my beer.
You describe things in such a nice way that it touches the heart and mind...
Thank you ❤