Julia Dhar: How to have constructive conversations | TED
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2024
- "We need to figure out how we go into conversations not looking for the victory, but the progress," says world debate champion Julia Dhar. In this practical talk, she shares three essential features of productive disagreements grounded in curiosity and purpose. The end result? Constructive conversations that sharpen your argument and strengthen your relationships.
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"I never thought about it exactly that way before, what can you share that would help me see what you see?"
1. Curiosity over clash - "I never thought about it like that before"
2. Your ideas become better through challenge
I have convos with my coworkers all the time about politics, religion, spirituality, race and gender issues, etc. I’ve learned to listen to them and try to move the conversations in a productive way, by challenging why they believe that way and what experiences led to their eventual conclusion. Often times we both realize we are unequipped with the right data points to make certain conclusions. Even then, there will be times when one party does not budge on their belief even when the adequate facts and logic is presented to them. They don’t want their reality shattered. Human emotion is tricky to circumvent. Even logic and facts don’t change the way people want to believe certain things.
"Human emotion is tricky to circumvent" (Flame, 2021)...it is right there that emotional intelligence matters. Being able to recognize, understand, and efficiently manage and deal with our and other people's emotions is essential in every aspect of our lives.
4:02 01 Choose curiosity over clash
4:55 02 Treat discussion like a climbing wall, not a cage fight
6:25 03 Anchor in purpose
Thnks
Thanks!!!
appreciate it
I'll try to keep that in mind "choose curiosity over clash" and many more things she said. It was a helpful video because my antisocial self really struggles with conversations because of some of my ideals.
This was a stunning speech honestly. People often overlook at this point of constructive conversation.
Your English is so easily understandable..the pronunciations are soooo clear!
@Dreckige Spritze yes
All of Twitter needs to hear this lmao
😂😂😂😂
What is Twitter?
@@andio98 a platform for destructive conversations.
@@SuperBhavanishankar I am gay
877787
Amazing talk and advice that cannot be given too many times! Thank you!
Constructive Conversation: is to understand the other person's perspective
1. Choose Curiosity over Clash
2. Development of your ideas through discussion: anchor in common purpose
3. Goal: encounter expecting everyone to walk out with the same point of view that you walked in with
-How?
+Started with the big picture (not with personality, politics, policies)
+Digging into the details
It's good
Absolutely wonderful. Thank you.
Wonderful talk, thank you Julia!
she is amazing! :o The tone of voice, the vocal fry she uses, the notes going high for making a word heard more..... And a comfortable "low" voice for a Lady which makes you want to listen~ Love your words here today! Thank you so~
Wife material right there.
@@lisaariottiart You'd really wanna marry a lady that has won championships for winning arguments? 😅
@@lisaariottiart Too late. Diamond ring on her left hand.
I'm totally using these suggestions at work.
Whole idea gets better through challenge & criticism!!
She’s so right about that understand other people’s perspective part. Sometimes we really need to see what’s on the other side of the fence to talk peacefully.
"not looking for the victory but the progress"
Yeah, that's the ultimate way of life😌
It's inspired from a quote by someone that goes something like "the aim of argument should be progress but not war"
Her focus on "progress" risks being disingenuous. She expresses opposition in terms of something that sharpens your argument (rather than the possibility they explode your argument). It risks appealing to people who think they're right and enter the conversation as a means of interrogation (pointedly putting a burden of proof on the other party) or manipulation. She explains it in terms of persuasion at one point. It would be better if progress was defined as "mutual understanding" rather than achieving a particular political end. And it might be preferable if she foregrounded a need for intellectual humility. People tend to assume that the other party is the idiot and risk adopting her ideas in a bad faith way.
I recall arguments I had with a climate change denier. He didn't have a grasp of the science, but it was an illuminating conversation because he demonstrated that I was parroting environmental messages where I had no citations or understanding of the science myself. If you regard yourself as not purely rationale (even if you're objectively quite bright), then you'll withhold some judgement if the other party doesn't really have an intellectual defence or is constructing an intellectual defence on the fly with the conclusion being the starting point. Or you'll have some sympathy for yourself if the other party has a solid argument that stems from their first principles (and you can't remember your reasons why).
We all know those friends and family members who understand the difference b/t compliance and conversation during communication! Relationship building versus winning!
Phenomenal.
My favorite book is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
mine is The Art of Being Right by Schopenhauer 😋
That would perhaps be Nonviolent Communication?
@@dadavimaleshvara3154 yes! Thanks
Hehe
Thanks
I really like your openings. "I never thought about it like that before" Etc. It puts most of the responsibility on the other person, which in my case is probably good because I tend to recoil
Sounds great! Now, if you seek and find progress in a conversation, and the other side on that same occasion seeks, finds and exerts victory - and enjoys the benefits, to your disadvantage... From a broader perspective: Is that progress?
Quite an interesting perspective to look at conversations. Curiosity over clash is a huge point.
Brilliant. More voices like Julia, please.
Outstanding!
Thank you 😊
Very beutifull explanation of how to develop constructiv communication with a positive attitude.
But it is impossible to have a constructive conversation with humanity.
I never saw a title that called me out like this lmao
Hi
In this time, friends are fighting with friends and family’s are fighting with family! It’s crazy
Ditto!
Fact
Its not the tittle that called you
Very interesting and helpful. It's 2021 and humans are so advanced materialistically. Tech is at its peak and bringing people globally nearer. Sadly, and ironically, people were never farther before than they are now.
This is really good recommendation , Thanks Julia
Checking in from the DMV
Beautiful Content
Thank you for this video Julia Dhar!
I should send this to certain family members
😂
Simple but really valuable ted talk
Listen, be heard, and understand...
A skill that humans are in desperate need of right now (for friendships, relationships and politically)!
Sadly most conversations seem to come from the perspective of an Olympic sport where 'winning' (never conceding to be wrong) is the only objective, whatever the cost!
A lot of people in the US political do not care about this skill. That is why a lot of fights now. Very destructive.
@@chaugg1 Indeed. Sadly seems a global problem right now!
@@BlackWolf-uk2yb yes but there are lots of people who stay with mienwqoalertrwqadrtuolmnbczasw2
People take great pleasure in tearing down everything and all you've built up.
Who says what you made deserves to live? Lol
Easier said then done. Especially if in institutions the practice to clash and triumph are the modus operandi preferred and awarded.
Without fact less arguments hopeless.. but open mind discussions with both way analytics mindset always share purposes fulfilling...
Muito interessante, com certeza vai me ajudar
We need to talk thinking in things about we are same.
True..The true spirit of conversation consists in building another man's observation
It was a very good Talk and a stimulus, prompting me to have a convo(constructive) with my Ex
enjoy your time
It's so damn good
from what ive seen of debate coulture seems debating is about getting the right, rather than being right.
It was assumed that increased connectedness would lead to more discussion and thereby convergence towards a more shared worldview. Instead people realized that it is now much easier to find people who share their opinions, so there is no need for discussion.
I feel like everyone needs to watch this and similar videos.
Because most of us have been badly raised by family, friends, TV, movies and by our foes.
If we all think this way, we can all start to understand each other.
Many social media sites are set to reward engagement, you know what's great for engagement? Very emotional people...
Does anyone know where to find any videos of her father's interviews?
I would actually love to watch these!
This needs to go viral
That's quite lovely...
I never thought about it exactly that way before, what can you share that will help me see what you see
Curiosity over Clash!
Interesting
She’s gorgeous 😍
We past by the age of empathy before it began, but nice effort. There will always be room for those who practice it. Also, maybe it would be a good idea to show your examples of your dad having converstions with other people.
Exactly. Was the purpose of those conversations to understand someone's POV, or to understand a DIFFERENT POV.
As long as I get everything I want, I guess constructive conversation could bo OK.
Freaking brilliant PoV
Constructive consumer,note.
Thanks
Revolutionary
👍
Awesome speach and it should be used against the cancel culture and censorship ideologies currently taking centre stage.
I know I need thia
I enjoy my purposeless and meaningless existence.
Totally with u dude came back to this video to comment back
Don't we all
Ok
Would we be on the Ted channel if we truly enjoyed it...
You wanna debate on this!? 😂
Good
gooood
nice
she so pretty
Mostly it's not a conversation, more like an argument. People just wanted to win the argument but not to find the common ground.
{ destruct, variables } = construct ?? conversations
life is empty and meaningless until you see a possibility
10:38
Twitter users need to see this
People are so egoistic that they wont stick to these methods. They mostly want to prove the other person wrong and thats where they're wrong. And imo online debates are the worst
Maybe I’m tripping here, but I’m waiting for Hannibal to appear in the middle of the talk to offer her help...
Unlikely friendships: Jon Stewart and John McCain (when he was The Maverick).
I would like if the subtitles were in Spanish, please.
Click on the gear icon on the lower right and then click on subtitle/CC and then click on Auto-translate which will give you a list of languages to choose from. Bear in mind that the translation may not be accurate.
Her eyes ...
✨
Wish my coworkers would watch this video
Almost a noble sentiment. However, progress is nebulously defined. While one could determine it to be "mutual understanding" other people will view it as furthering their political agenda and have this reinforced by her choice to be somewhat mocking with "and boy, do some people's beliefs seem to persevere". The whole thing risks being a ploy. She phrases people who disagree with you as potential allies, rather than the conversation opening you up to their perspective and being their allies. And she ends with expressing it in terms of "world class persuaders", suggesting that the aim is to persuade rather than to be persuaded or just to understand. If you stress getting your way (even accidentally), then you aren't respecting people for the sake of respecting people.
That is impossible!
i was just about to say something similar
O seven gönlüne kurban olayım
These tactics I believe are workable in conversations, but not in debates. I liked the half-American/Aussie accent btw
Someone ate a yellow lollipop before the video
What if the other person isn’t interested in talking to you
Nice man
Where are her dads videos?
Her words are as beautiful as her looks.
me and my past trauma watching this video because i cannot deal with these type of convos.
passe
I can barely concentrate on the information she is saying because of her beauty.
Yes! haha me too!!!!!
take time. of good condition. situations. then input problems and solutions.is.out.of.enumarated identified. approach . being goodies
so, learning something from someone you don't agree with or like, isn't it like learning biased opinions? i really don't get it.
Don't use Twitter, Reddit and don't try to debate on RUclips, that's for sure.
The problem is that I'm always right
@@davidbattaglia2893 cool, post your number
You don't just need to be right, you also need to be effective
Imagine watching a video on how to communicate with your specie.
There is no conversation at all when the other party simply makes law with the stroke of a pen! Any chance of debate is then null and void!
I need a person to guide me to learn english good
Duolingo