How to Figure Out What You Really Want | Ashley Stahl | TEDxLeidenUniversity
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2019
- Have you ever wondered what you actually want? Then join Ashley Stahl-career coach, author, former counterterrorism and podcast host- as she shares her 3 key steps to help you connect to your life's purpose, discover your ideal career path, and make what she likes to call a "You Turn," the decision to get out of fear and tap into to what you actually want out of life. She hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, "the You Turn Podcast", with the intention of helping her listeners upgrade their mindset both in work and love, and land a new job they love. Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned podcaster, forthcoming author, and career coach who helps clients find their purpose, build their confidence, and launch successful service-based businesses. Ashley also hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, the You Turn Podcast, with the intention of helping listeners work on themselves, raise their confidence-all while taking life less seriously.
Ashley’s been named a “Top 99 Foreign Policy Leader Under 33” by Diplomatic Courier Magazine and Young Professionals in Foreign Policy. She’s a columnist for Forbes, and her work has been featured on the Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune and more.
Ashley earned her Master’s degree in IR from King’s College London, and another Master’s in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. She holds a BA from University of Redlands in government, history and French. She's a fluent French speaker, and intermediate in Arabic. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Dear younger self,
I'm sorry for denying you opportunities because I chose fear over happiness.
Oh my god that is what I’m doing I’m choosing fear over happiness and it is confusing
True. Fear of success. Never really seeing it, so not sure if you are capable of it.
Dear future self,
I hope that overcoming fear and giving trust to my gut worked out for you.
I'm so sorry myself too.. :(
Oh my huhuhu that's where I'm at now unfortunately 😭 and it's scary, i don't know why fear keeps on popping everytime I'm thinking of taking a leap to pursue my dreams. And that's what even sadder.
You really hit me with the "Realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken along the way" I call myself a realist :(
Because their dreams are expectations that doesn't meet the reality and lead to a major disappointment. Analyzation comes in with factual basis and they became realist.
That hit home deep in my soul too cause I've always called myself a realist. 😞
I think that one can only truely call themselves realists once they take out the " :( " in situations. Youre either a dreamer being sook or a pessimist but not a realists. Being a realists means accepting reality without either negative nor positive connotation in existing situations; but rather taking "what is" to what it is.
@@yellowtowels118 ط
..
SAME
9:44 Step 1 - *Self Audit*
Ask yourself: What's working? What isn't working?
Fear and criticism hold us back. What is something you are afraid to admit to yourself, what is something that you _know_ is true that you wish wasn't?
12:30 Step 2 - *Follow Your Freedom*
Follow what feels good to you. But how do you know what feels good to you? "Trust your gut" (way easier said than done) Pay attention to your feelings.
Keep a joy journal- make a note of moments that light you up and inspire you. Ask how to connect your inspiration with skill. Because when we are acting through inspiration, there is an absence of fear.
16:30 Step 3 - *Engagement*
" *Clarity comes from engagement, it does not come from thought* "
Decide on something that feels good, and make a commitment. You can adjust along the way. Thought paralysis is far worse than doing things improperly- you don't learn anything by over analyzing but you always benefit from engagement.
Overall a decent talk. Heard a lot of this stuff before- nothing groundbreaking and nothing insanely insightful. But she is a great speaker.
Really thank you soo much for this notes
Thanks for the notes. Sometimes its a bit like the universe posting sign posts to a better roadway. It keeps reposting messages until we get it. Twas a lovely talk.
@@victoriahill7218 of Extinction please. Antivictoria
Noiicee
Thanks!
it’s crazy how she managed to start the conversation with a traumatic situation and leaded it to the point of her talk. i love it
Yes! amazing!
riveting, but a misdirect. it had me ready to hear how she spearheaded the investigation that brought down an international kidnapping scam
@@360.Tapestry what!
Sharing personal stories makes a conversation more authentic emotionally, absolutely.
No, it's not. Just connect two ideas.
"Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we're afraid of failure." Hits my heart.
:'(
True
Relatable.
💯😖
Same :(
Me sitting down to get clarity:
Self: okay heart, what do we want?
Heart: lol I don’t fking know
Gut: chicken wings bro
loool
So true
If you dont know what you want. Its beacuse your mind is so busy with comfort things. When I say comfort I mean you should have an achievement. Like getting a good job or starting to have a good body shape. In these caseses you may want to leave your job to start your own business or after a year gym you decided to start boxing lessons and become a boxer. If you don't know what you want to do you just need to do something basic. Then you will figure out how it would be better
@@Russel.Idrive I'm at an age where comfort is good. I understand growing and learning is important. (Read a book walk in nature make a new recipe.) Especially for the mind but who says we need new bodies or to quit our jobs because those bigger things makes life better .. the problems if America is they're never content. They can't sit still therefore leads to unhappiness from unfulfilled expectations ..we have the most people on antidepressants. It's a crisis
Gotta learn to enjoy the small things in life ... Tacos lol
“Show up. See what the universe will give you. Make a commitment. And know that you can course-correct along the way.”
Loved this advice!
Eye really appreciate how Eye happened to read this comment JUST as she was saying it, was like double confirmation for me in the moment in what’s been going on for me and why Eye’m watching this video again today. 🤍🙌🏽💫🦋🌹 so needed the reminder both times, at the same time, thank you both.💯🌹🤍
me too! :) you look nice in your profile pic @Beka Firefox
*see what GOD will give you.
My take aways:-
1. "Realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken along the way".
2. "Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we're afraid of failure."
3. "Clarity comes from engagement ... it does not come from thought".
4. "See your career as an experiment that really meets you where you are. A vehicle for your own selfexpression."
5. “Show up. See what the universe will give you. Make a commitment. And know that you can course-correct along the way.”
THANK YOU ASHLEY!!!! 💝
My key takeaway:
- To figure out what you want, really take a look at yourself and figure out what makes you feel good (i.e. What do you like doing)? Shoot your shot, show up, commit, and try it. If it doesn't work out, go for the next one.
My notes:
Steps for a You-turn:
1) Do a self audit. Ask:
○ What's working for you? What isn't?
○ What do you know that you wish you didn't know? What are you scared to face? See things for what they actually are (and where you actually are).
2) Follow your freedom
a. What do you like? What makes you feel good?
b. Usually when you follow what feels good, your purpose is in front of you, or on the periphery
c. Follow your gut listen if you feel anxiety or anxiousness
d. List out your ideas/things you think you want. Do you feel:
i. Joy or fear?
ii. Excitement or Dread?
iii. Expansion or contraction?
iv. Liberation or suffocation?
e. Try writing a joy journal (30 days)
i. Write down every moment that brings joy to you
ii. Then look at any patterns in inspiration -> what skillset am i using when I'm the most inspired?
3) Engage
a. Take action. Don't go for perfectionism, dont be afraid to fail
In summary: Try things. Show up and commit to something that you like. You can always course correct if things don't go well.
This was very helpful
Thanks for the keypoints.
Thank you.
Tysm
Thank you for the notes
Biggest take away was "Clarity comes from engagement ... it does not come from thought" -- Solid gold!
@@phyju from trying things that feels good and taking actions ,,, the clarity will come ..
The previous ted talk I watched talked about how isolating yourself doesn’t fix things, your attitude and asking for help does…..coincidence? Lol
@@phyju if you take actions , try things .. assess your feelings after trying... its not a thought any more ... its reality
@@phyju yes of course it takes thought/brain power to take action and move your body, everybody knows that, but it’s sad that you’re missing the deeper meaning here.
Indeed!!
" Often we kidnap ourselves from the life that we really want" just hit home! I shall remember this every time I let fear get in the way.
"See your career as an experiment that really meets you where you are. A vehicle for your own selfexpression." Love, love, love this!
I am stuck with my life.
To those apologizing to their younger selves. I understand that.
But what if, Instead of apologizing to your past. Make a promise to your future self instead. To be inspired by pure positive emotions and your surroundings and to promise yourself to be happier and enjoy life.
Thank you 💛
Yes! 🙌🏼
Thank you for this beautiful piece of advice 🙏🏾
That's a great way of thinking!
YOU are genius! Thank you
This TedTalk was just fantastic. She is a phenomenal speaker, shame the mic quality didn't match her.
I think the same thing
Done is better then perfect. I guess this is a perfect example: if she turned down the talk just because the mic was bought from the discount isle at Target we would never have heard this.
@@SweetHeart-rq5hd re
@@VincentPascoe “pessimist are usually right but it’s the optimist that change the world” 🙏🏾❤️🌐 Agree with you
The editor could have improved the poor quality, specifically the plosives, with Izotope RX or even just some filtering. I agree because it distracts from the message she's sharing.
I am currently in the last semester of a career I studied because I thought would meet the expectations the world had for me, not because I actually liked it. Me, myself and I was the only one who kidnapped me from making the decision I really wanted. I was scared of not having the money, I was scared of not being good enough for something else. Honestly there is so much of me in this TED talk and so much that I needed to hear.
We are our own kidnappers.
Of course I'm still young and I'm sure I didn't waste my time. I just have to figure out what is it that I love and go for it, not settle to a career that doesn't make me happy.
Good luck! As a 67 year old who missed the mark several times, I am happy that you got to hear this now, knowing that you can 'course correct along the way'. Loved that!
Yo Andrea, am also in the stage of selecting what I wanna do next as my Master's. I also am in the dilemma of choosing money/future security or passion i have and the things I doo... It's a tough place to be, that's for sure :)
100% my situation as well. Good luck for us! ❤
Same. I am on the same point in my life. In dilemma what to choose, whethe to cobtinue or take a u turn .
Just want to know ypur feedback. I think this will guide me.
Did you manage to find what you love? Did you followed your passion?
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I don't really have a dream.. this is why is hard to know what I want to do
just start searching
do hobbies that you always wanted to try
start with small things
like what do you REALLY want for breakfast
or what do you REALLY want to wear today, how do you feel
or what do you really want to do on the weekend.. And do it!!
then listen to every desire you think of, from small things to bigger things.
Just listen to yourself closely and carefully, don't shut any of your desires. And make them happen if you can.
You'll get a habit eventually. That's a good habit to do what you want to do (not what others want, for example)
It gives you more freedom even in your own thoughts. When you don't put a barrier in front of your own dreams.
And bigger dreams will appear.
@@nastyamikhanoshina thanks.
@@nastyamikhanoshina adding this to the page and a half notes I took. Do your OWN Ted talk
I hear you!! ♥️... Think about YOU and what makes YOU feel good... Dreams don't have to be a GREAT BIG THING
"Perfectionism is the enemy of action."
JUST GET STARTED.
Thanks, I will
facts!
I love this. Thank you 🙏🏼 😊
All it takes to get the ball rolling.
Yeah, get started and *mean it*. THAT'S the part lotsa ppl have trouble with.
"We start calling ourselves 'practical' or 'realistic' for making choices that seem 'responsible', when really, we're just so scared of criticism."
"People who Call themselves realists are the ones who got their heart broken somewhere along the way"....this woman is beyond genius. I'm SO SO glad I came across this video.
If you haven’t had your heart broken, you’re probably
@@jameswilkerson4412 my heart was broken at 3yo.... Then at 7yo, then at 11yo, tem at 15yo, at 30 I resigned without any plan in mind! I just can't find a thing I like to pursue in the work field.....
notes
1. self audit -> seeing things as they are
2. follow what feels good / your freedom -> write joy journal
3. engage -> take action. connecting to the truth, the body
Thank you for ur summary
Thank you! ☺
Thanks!
Thanks ^^
Thx
This entire talk has so many truth bombs that it feels like an attack😂
Jump o
...an attack on that "kidnapped" mindset we operate with most of the time. This ted tlk is a huge wake up call, thanks!
Thank you for sharing this 🌟
I can relate bro😂
You might take it as an attack to the fear. It can do "miracles" if you find what fear... "fears" most.
“perfectionism is the enemy of action”. It hits different when you know that’s what is holding you back 🥺
I'm 71 years old (Feel younger)...but that number sometimes boggles me with how fast I got here. The title of this talk somehow crossed my path, and I had to listen to this.
I recently made a move to another State, alone. Made some lifestyle changes, in an effort to downsize. Moving to an area I knew nothing about, but the 'place' jumped out to me. It brought up some fears, and some exciting promises that I thought, perhaps I might re-write a story in my Self.
Everything she mentioned, hit me like a gut punch. And brought up some anger too. What the heck am I afraid of! I've lived a life of fearful events (abuse), and yet I survived them. I did some good things (caregiving) for others, yet each time, I lost my own footing. I set my plans aside.
I honestly don't feel like I have much time left, my Mom died at 84 - tho' my Dad died at 62. I purposefully changed lifestyle habits, to stay healthier. Now what do I do?
THIS may be an old talk from 3 years ago - but IT might just be the thing I needed to hear Today, in 2023.
Hello. Good to hear your story. I hope you are living the best life in your new home. Regards and prayers from Nagaland, India. I hear you.
I’d love to hear from you. 30 (31 monday) I’m so glad this is what you needed and our age difference aside, we’re in the same space.
I hope your new start brings you all you need and much joy ❤
To me- you’re an inspiration!
Really
To everyone who is experiencing a difficult situation:
To shoot an arrow you have to pull it backwards. So when life drags you back with some troubles, it means it's going to launch into something better.
Thank you 😊🥺 It really means a lot to me.
thank you for this ...really needed it .☺😓.
@@missgolightly5488 Glad you liked it. Have a nice day.
Thank you so much , you’re totally right 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I hope I can think like that when I’m feeling Terrible about myself, but I know it’s all my fault , I hope I can forgive myself and forget about the time I’ve wasted , and look up to the future ❤️
Your words was really helpful to me
@@nadhs21 You welcome Nadia.
Glad I could help, but I think by acknowledging the problem or the mistakes are already helping yourself far more than anyone else can advise you.
Wishing you all the best!
Have a beautiful 2022!
"Clarity comes from engagement, not from thought."
Damn, girl, you are ON it. I'm what you would call an overthinker, and have been overthinking for months about something now. It's time to take action.
🙌🏻🙌🏻 You got this
@@genevaconvention5443 it turned out pretty great ☺️ thanks girl 😘
@@elenersbebeners I'm so glad!!😊
Wooo 🥳
Reminds me of Chidi on the Good Place
I am turning 27 this month. I feel like I am having a mid life crisis. I am lost but this speech has given me hope for my future and redirection. I cant wait to experiment tomorrow on my Joy Journal❤️
All the best 💗
What feels good to me: walking on the beach, cooking a delicious meal, yoga, caring for my elderly Mom.
Tried to be perfect at work for 20 yrs. Then i left... got a new job, less money, but now my days are much more joy.
Sir I wish you a happy life
Goooood!! Way to go!!!
What are you doing now
@@johne.chalco4134 i was working in a factory, now i am driving a dilevery truck. I always sleep at home at night, btw.
@@grommie what’s that got to do w anything
Perfectionism is the enemy of action..... agreed
I don’t understand what you mean by this ? Please explain
@@mmpoggs2033 if you're a perfectionist you refrain from acting in fear of making mistakes
Also, if you're a perfectionist you spend huge amounts of time and energy making your action perfect and waiting to act at the prefect time. You either miss your opportunity or you never get to the point where something is perfect enough for you to actually execute so you don't....
Also, if you're a perfectionist you spend huge amounts of time and energy making your action perfect and waiting to act at the prefect time. You either miss your opportunity or you never get to the point where something is perfect enough for you to actually execute so you don't....
Well, I've heard another saying, which is - 'The major barrier to skill acquisition is EMOTIONAL'. I think the meaning of these two aphorisms are almost the same.
"Perfectionism is the mask we all wear when we are afraid of failure".
That quote describes me.
I call myself a perfectionist. I want to do things great, better than everyone else. But deep down, all I want is not to be a failure.
This is honestly one of the best TEDTalks I've ever seen. The universe lead me to seeing this one tonight after I watched like seven other ones before yours. I'm starting my Joy journal tomorrow and I'm excited to make my u-turn! Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Perfectly said, Ryan. I,too, was led by forces greater than me to find this video. I turn 71 today and often have to fight the drift my mind makes to the past in trying to solve past hurts that can never be solved. This video, and the message contained in it is a blessing for the day. Sending you good vibes on your own U-turn and Joy journal. 🙏👍
How’s your joy journal coming along?
If you watched 7 videos like this it isn't universe which lead you to this one
Same!
How're things going for you?
I burst into tears when she told about her father's reaction after learning she is safe and not actually kidnapped. 😭
Yatha Sharma me too! 😭
So did I. We have empathy. In that moment, we could empathize with the massive relief he felt in knowing she was okay. It's a very happy feeling.
Sameee
@@MidnightSonnet true
Same
She is really an INCREDIBLE speaker.
She has an awesome podcast called YouTurn that you might appreciate too
@@freshprincess210 where could I listen to this podcast of hers? Is it available on Google Podcast?
lifewithsasha is the youturn podcast available on apple podcast?
Fantastic isn't she
Seriously
“People who call themselves “realists” are often just dreamers who get their hearts broken, somewhere along the way” - I felt that
100% over and over
Same
AA
“People who call themselves realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken somewhere along the way.” That hit the nail on the head for me. I’m so beaten down by life and men that I’ve created a reality where I am happier alone. I truly feel more content now that I’ve been single for 6 years than I ever was when I was someone’s girlfriend for 16 years. Yet, I’m a hopeless romantic and all I want is a to call a good man my husband someday. ~sigh~
SAME SAME SAME!!!! OMG, same. 😍😍
I wish the best for you, and I hope you find someone you can trust and feel safe with who supports you through everything. There's billions of people, there's going to be one who you can spend the rest of your life with, so good luck finding him!
Another hopeless romantic and almost same situation, but I hope God bless you
Same here 100%
I feel the same way.
I know what I love. Unfortunately nobody wants to pay me a living to knit and watch RUclips docs all day.
edit 11/30/2020: Ok people. I appreciate all the likes and all the responses, and I appreciate all the advice from well-meaning people who don't understand that there's no way to get paid back for all the time required to make any knitted item. For example, it takes about 12 hours to make a pair of socks. Even if I charge something around minimum wage, who's going to pay $120 for a pair of socks? Also, I don't know enough about technology or anything it takes to set up a RUclips channel and make videos of myself knitting and/or watching documentaries and commenting on them. I'm not trying to be negative. These suggestions are hopeful, but not practical.
Well, there are a lot of online craft stores selling homemade knitted things (scarves, little plushies, hats etc.) so you could knit and watch youtube docs all day and then sell the things you knit online, or perhaps at a local hobby/craft market or fair, you could start a youtube channel showing people how to knit, or sell knitting patterns online or to craft magazines (I've seen lots of people buy these magazines purely for the knitting patterns)... There are a number of options, and it won't be profitable in the beginning, but as you gain momentum and popularity (and wool company sponsorships) then you'll see how profitable doing what you love can be :)
fenixrising1972 perhaps there are organizations which would pay u to knit.?
Maybe “knit” is a euphemism.
@@Lionofthelovinggod1 If you know of any, I'd love to hear about them.
@@goldenhelmet403 I actually did mean knit.
I can't help but notice that the police sent a message to her phone BEFORE they knew for sure she had not been kidnapped, thereby potentially alerting the kidnappers to the fact that her father had gone against their instructions.
Damn good point I didn't even consider that, sketch
It is possibly because kidnappers would have not kept the victim's phone. Otherwise, it would be so easy for the police to track it and find them. So if the victim answers, it could mean that the kidnapping was a scam. Or maybe the police already tracked it and knew that she was in her Beverly Hills office. So many combinations of "maybe".
@@Lolipop59 Man have some respect, it's still an interesting factoid and they cared enough to think about the deeper going ons, everyone thinks differently
Yes Sherlock...
I caught that too. Didn’t seem right.
“See your career as an experiment…” wow, a total 360 from what most of us 50 and over were taught. I’ve been with the same company for many years. I thought this was a good thing. I was being a loyal employee. I was stable and not a job hopper. However, it’s time to rethink this before it’s too late for me. Thanks so much for these words of wisdom. Excellent!
360 degrees equals to 0 degrees which is the inital point.
I needed inspiration so bad today. This helped me so much. People tell us to ‘follow our dreams’ and ‘do what feels good’. She has actually told us how to make that happen, while also explaining why we find this so hard to do.
Ok Im legit crying hearing how horribly devastated that dad was and I couldn't bare hearing something so horrible about my only baby.
Omg same 😭😭
But she felt sorry for the kidnappers. I did not like that part. We need to prioritize the victim even though we could analyze and find empathy for the criminal.
Good thing ur not from Pakistan
@@TonTon-rm8xn someone who can think from the shoes of others are both rare and dangerous
You would not have a choice, just like those of us who have gone through it had no choice. That statement you made implies you somehow love your child more than we did ours. Please just acknowledge how horrible it is without stating you would be the magic one who doesn't have to figure it out after.
"those who called themselves realistic are often the dreamers who got their heart broken along the way" 10:53 …
J2 N yes, that was powerful. Unrealistic people also get their heart broken, but they don’t learn so they keep making the same mistakes all over again, still dreaming of a better outcome.
@@dalitm7315 but still at least they don't give up…
@@dalitm7315 That's quite assumptive. A lot of people who go after their dreams do learn from their mistakes, but what makes them go on is their resilience and optimism.
Juris Maclang I didn’t mean that unrealistic people shouldn’t follow their dreams, but rather that they repeat the same mistakes, dreaming of a better future. So I will give you an example. I have a friend who has been married twice and will most likely marry a third time quite soon. She dreams of a happy relationship. But she keeps attracting the same kind of man, and she doesn’t give herself time to breathe in between and figure things out. So I am not saying she should give up on her dream of a happy relationship, but I am saying that she should not expect a different outcome. Learning from our mistakes is what makes us realistic. We are all dreamers, but the question is do we go about achieving our dreams realistically or unrealistically?
The phrase is actually the pessimist is just a disappointed optimist.
I don't think people realize what this woman just managed to do in under 20 min. Every teaching of hers put together births the perfect recipe for a massive world shift, if only more people would truly listen and apply it to their lives.
Calling you a genius would be an understatement. You're a life saver.
My gut tells me that I want to become super rich and sleep with hot young women. I also like to eat good food.
@@jandersen6802 Totally a superficial and unrealistic gut level guidance to nowhere
@@inner-healingwbrendabasco Totally bitter answer with no substance from you.
@@jandersen6802 You get to be abusive because as a male human it is a normal way of being - such a sad state for the world.
@@jandersen6802 your gut can be wrong too, just like your brain.
This TED talk hit different! “Perfectionism is a mask we all wear when we’re afraid of failure”.. this has held me back the majority of my life! Inspiring and transformative articulation of what many of us struggle with Ashley!
If you were her father, wouldn't you be proud to hear her speaking such wisdom.
Nice work dad.
She is very wise
“Pain is often a trampoline that’s launching is into the next step of life, if we’re willing to let it” idk but there is something powerful about this
Thank you so much for watching and for the acknowledgment. Hope the talk moved you as much as giving it moved me! Happy 2020 to you and yours!!
@@AshleyStahlCareers its so cool that you comment under your talk! I think its talks like this that over time change our society for the better. The more people go after what they want and become happy, the more healthy our society gets. thank you! sry for bad english if there were mistakes
I have strayed so far from myself chasing an expectation I had since when I was 21. I am 27 now and it’s okay to know that goals change. I need to make a u-turn and feel alive again. Thank you ! I’m ready to feel good
I'm never able to follow conversations properly because of my ADD, but you got me fully concentrated and writing along with it, that's how insightful this was
I sent this to bae so she can choose what she wants to eat
Vastly underrated comment
@@whitemaleoprah lol thanks
Nah. Wouldn't work.
She'll make you choose anyway and then criticize your choice
LMAO
😂😂
“Perfectionism is the enemy of action”.... I started crying because that’s me. Your absolutely right. I feels so called out
OMG me too.....
Me too.
I have been coming back to this talk ever so often for the past three years... just gem after gem
"People who call themselves 'realists' are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken somewhere along the way."
Man I thought watching this during breakfast was a good idea until a few minutes in I’m sobbing with sympathy for her dad 🥺
Aww, just showed him your comment, and he said to thank you for your big heart. Thank you !
I usually listen to Ted talks on my drive home from law school and was not expecting all the feels. I was literally sobbing my car.
Same. Bawling. And a great message. Thank you!
@@AshleyStahlCareers
You have the best dad
I was sobbing while I was eating my dinner
When someone is depressed, what feels good get's distorted. Also, when someone is going through hormonal changes, or being overly influenced by people or situations around them, what makes them feel good is different than when they are in control of their feelings. To "Follow what feels good" is just generally bad advice and can lead to horrible consequences. I would say, "Find mentors. Pattern your life after people you respect and after life choices that lead to success joy. Use discernment, to judge your situation. Don't make decisions based on just your feelings."
Bruce Matichuk @Bruno Mikuš this is another factor I overlooked in my response to you Bruno.
That is certainly true, but you're skipping the first step--self audit. First that person would need to acknowledge the truth of their situation, and if they can't make choices and take actions from there, then they need to get help. She also doesn't just say to do what feels good, I'd describe it more as following the divine spark of evolution. Sometimes that spark is calling you in a direction that feels terrifying, but underneath that is a sense of joy, expansion, freedom. That is what you move towards.
This comment is brilliant. I'm ready for YOUR Ted Talk.
I get your point and its a great addition in my opinion. If someone wants to harm themselve for example because it feels good isnt meant by "follow what feels right". I know that example is a bit extreme.
That's a good point but probably a good reason to journal so you can see if those good feelings are valid or are good
options or just temporary and poor decisions based on passing moments, life events or hormone imbalances. Just as a check
"I think about how the truth always really does leave clues" so true, hits differently. Great Ted Talk 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I've really been trying to think my way through confusion but I always just end up more confused. Thank you for making me understand that clarity comes from engagement, not thought. This is my intentional social media imprint to deciding to engage more than overthink.
i believe the body knows and we don't listen to it enough.
cindy chan YES! Thanks for watching
Dude agreed. I also didn't know my "gut feelings" were a physical thing.
@@Indi_Waffle_Girl what exactly do you mean?
@@vNill I think I mean, like, my intuition in a way. The part of me that knows deep down what I dearly want, and the part of me that I trust when I take risks in my life by doing things unconventionally and going after my dreams. I feel it as a sensation...a thought...."gut feeling" I suppose...but I forget that the brain is a physical organ and that those things manifest physically at times. For example, I have had several jobs where I pushed through depression and anxiety, and the symptoms got so bad that I became physically ill, over and over again. Sometimes it's easy to say "it's all in your head" to disregard some feelings as valid, and while I do think that we can get too wrapped up in our own minds, I also think that we don't give our minds/ourselves enough credit....enough faith that we know ourselves better than we think we do. I guess, I feel like maybe the body and mind are more connected than we are taught.
Yes my intuition was always right and i learned the hard way after not honoring it.
"What do I know that I wish I didn't?"
I picked my major for the money but I am not passionate about it. I love to help people and I fear that if I go down that route, I will live a average poor life. I have a deep fear of continuing to be poor. I feel alone all the time. Maybe because I overthink things. Probably. Being poor growing up was embarrassing and a confidence killer. Having nothing and watching everyone else get all that they wanted.
Now, I struggle with the idea of being happy and less successful or making more money and putting my happiness last. I know the right answer. It's just hard to execute.
Guillermina Canales this is me!!!!!
Being poor is hard and not shameful. My friend was born with debt because her parents ruined her credit by using her name. Even being the poorest and most abused person I know she is the most amazing person I have ever met and she was joyful in her worst times and now in her best even more so. She did what this women spoke about naturally and she is getting paid handsomely. I wish you luck.
Wow took the words right of my mind in what I been thinking and been feeling. Thank you for writing it.
With your degree and experience, if you are willing to live cheaper, many, many doors are now open to you that would not be if you hadn't worked hard doing something you don't love. It's time to execute your plan. True wealth comes from good health and wise ways my friend.
Same sentiments. 😭
This is hands down the absolute BEST TED Talk I've ever listened to. I've listened to so many amazing ones, but I truly felt this one like no other. She speaks with absolute conviction, emotion, and passion, and it truly inspires me as a person.
I was watching this with goosebumps and tears in my eyes. SO well spoken, SO easily but smartly explained. Thank you SO much for this eye opening TEDxTalk. You have no idea how bad I needed this at the very moment.
Same here❤️
"people who call themselves realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken somewhere along the way." What a powerful statement!
💖
Or people who just can't afford to follow their dreams?
She is probably right but I think it's a bit too simple
What feels good?! I changed my career 3 times. I used to be a teacher in midschool, got bored. I started my career at a bank with a good salary. Got bored again. Not I am a researcher in the field of nanomaterials. Sometimes I feel like giving up! What makes me feel good?! Traveling?! But to do traveling, I need money. Those money comes from those jobs, which I hate and fear! Life is not a bed of roses.
@@cranjis Although, if Dorin is anything like me than they do not want to work when they travel. I think people forget that when you travel for your job the whole time you are out you are on the job. Companies don't send people to new countries to have fun.
I really want to travel, but I would never get a job that requires it.
There are ways to travel. Start investing your money to get passive income. If it's a foreign country, see if you can teach english there. Korea, Japan, and China have really good deals where the schools pay for your apartment and you can save so much money. Most contracts are just a year long.
Find an online job, that way you can move around the world without being tied down.
I hope you find a good path and get what you want out of life.
Exactly. What feels good can change over time...
There is some jobs where you go to different hotels around the world to test their quality and you get to spend time I'm beautiful places if you could aply to such job then you will do both never give up on finding the right one
@@rae8961 I want to do that, but unfortunately there's a bachelor's degree (in anything) requirement. I guess it's to make the applicant pool smaller. What if I'd be a much better English teacher than someone who went to college? They don't care.
i love how she talks with her hands, my therapist always mentions that I do this and how it makes everything sound more understandable and helps to create your own perception
Rewatching it again now makes me wonder what I was doing after watching it the first time. I forgot how long it has been since I watched it the first time, but maybe this time I truly understand it; I can connect and relate to it now. This was such an amazing talk, and her story is inspiring, to say the least. How could someone learn and gain something so valuable after an incident like that? That kind of compassion is what people need.
Many lines in her speech hit home and really give me energy. Thank you, Ashley Stahl.
What an intense intro for a career choice talk 😂
Thaaank youuuuu
Riiiiiiight!
I know right? But it was still pretty effective. Grabs your attention and really think what pushes people to make decisions that they otherwise wouldn’t in the absence of fear.
YESSSSSS, that was quite a sharp turn. Damn. Trauma is not to be taken lightly like that. She used it to get people's attention. I don't like how concerned I felt at the beginning only to realize it was just a career, check in with yourself, talk. 🤦♀️
If she was really in danger that text from the police was not a smart thing.
maybe it was not a better option :)
Maybe If it really happened real police would not have really done that. Good catch.
Hi Ajoh! Agreed. My dad was about to make a wire transfer to the fake kidnappers and the police text came right before it, so he’d have been out a lot of his life savings. The policeman told me later he expected if I didn’t reply that perhaps it was real. Thanks for watching the talk. I hear this sort of fake kidnapping thing is happening to many these days and it’s so sad how many people lose their life savings in that moment of fear. Sending love xo
Ashley
Yo, if you thought all police officers are smart or only do supersmart things, think again. First of all, they are mere humans. Second, my experience in the past 10-15 years has been that many police officers know as much as the average homeless meth addict or industrious takeaway owner who doesn't even have website but they still consider themselves experts on everything, LOL. And yes, that can be dangerous.
How do you know?
Clarity comes from engagement.
Thank you ,for this golden statement.
❤❤
“When you are in your inspiration, you are not being run or kidnapped by your fears”…This is the best Ted Talk I’ d ever heard👏🏻👏🏻
I love that notion of careers being vehicles for your self-expression. It makes the idea of changing careers so much easier to digest, since there's always an emphasis on just climbing the ladder than jumping around to suit oneself as they grow and change.
💗💗💗
Thank you! Agreed
"What skill set am using when I am the most inspired?" - probably the most powerful tool to understand yourself I've heard of in a long while!
**"What do you know that you wish you didn't?"**
Is such a wildly informative question to ask someone & also very bold
“Often, we kidnap ourselves from the lives that we actually want, because we think a different path is gonna help us survive, get by, pay our bills, or meet our needs in the world.” so truee…..
Isn't a path that pays our bills kind of preferable to the ones that don't? I wanted to be a professional mime; it was what made me happy and felt like my calling, but sadly limited opportunities left me, or rather kept me begging for handouts of food and living on the street. I actually thought about kidnapping myself and selling my own kidney or something just so I could buy a few meals at a restaurant.
"Clarity comes from engagement, it does not come from thought" might be some of the best advice I've heard in a LONG time
For me too !
Yes! Action is a shortcut to answers
I’ve had time to think and gotten nowhere. Needed to hear it too
I searched this one on RUclips coz I'm mentally broke. It felt like my heart is searching for something and to tell you, i was crying the whole time while watching this. I love the way she talk. Her wisdom is something to awe
You are going to be fine, it is well!! I totally get you, I'm still trying to understand my path and it gets overwhelming at times, but we are going to get there 🙌.
Best of luck on your journey 😊
@@girlyessencee5273 thank you, bub!
Same bruh same.
Everything is going to be okay sending you strength 😊
"Do a self-audit. Follow what feels good. Engage." Priceless, simple advice!
"People who call themselves "Realists" are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken somewhere along the way". Precise.
I am very conflicted because I always say that I am a realist
Patience, perseverance, and persistence are coming to win your goals. Yes to you who is reading this. Good things are coming your way, my friend. Sending you good vibes. Now go and visualise
As a father of a 15yr old girl, I couldn't imagine feeling the way her father did when that happened.
probably mentally violating, and the rush of emotions when he found out that reality was false...those emotions would be everywhere from relief to anger to shame and joy.
This is one of the most moving TEDx Talks I've watched. Started with a captivating story and ended with emphasis on engagement--"Clarity comes from engagement; it does not come from thought."
Thank you, Ashley, for this wonderful and insightful talk about career and life, in general. I sorely needed the pieces of advice and the steps to rediscover the path I actually want to take. I haven't pieced through what I really want, but this is a good start to a lifelong pursuit of finding purpose in life. I hope that anyone who comes across this talk would find theirs as well. Here's wishing all the best to everyone!
This is one of the best TED talks I have seen in 2 or 3 years. Great quotes: "What do you know that you wish you didn't know?" "Pain is often a trampoline to get you into the next stage in your life" and "Perfectionism comes from fear of failure". Btw, I am a perfectionist.
So you wear a mask all day long?
This womans choice of words slaps hard
Right?
Seriously!
*woman
@@kateosborn6033 thank you for correcting me. i'm asian so i cant communicate in english very well
@@kateosborn6033 I think what he meant was "this woman's choice"
im 28 and still very unsure about what im doing in life. this is really inspiring to me. i hope these steps help me feel better about myself and my life
I love her articulated points.very well delivered. Every second is worth watching this video. Thanks Ashley and TED.
A little bit too much of a performance. Felt very Disney.
I’m not confused about my direction in life, I’m just scared I can’t do it
Daimon Smith u can do anything
Understand the feeling
You can.
Yes, same
Practical steps for your situation based on the speech:
1-Ask yourself whether it is possible to accomplish your goals with your current habits and strengths.
2-Ask yourself whether you really like your dreams.
3-Go 100% for it and journal along the way to evaluate how it's going. Believe in yourself; you only live once.
"I wish I had..." is ten times worse than "At least I tried it" when you're old.
“If you follow what feels good to you, your purpose is either right in front of you or on the peripheral of that”
I haven’t stopped crying since the beginning. This is so moving.
I recently read Ashley's book "You Turn," and it prompted me to reflect on my career path and reexamine what I do for myself and the impact it has on the people around me.
This was unbelievably powerful and clearly not ironic that I heard this tonight. As I've been depressed and suicidal kidnapping my life in a direction I hate. Time to take my life back, thank you for this gem tonight!
I hope you get the help you need to better cope with your depression. If you need to talk to someone call this number anytime to talk to someone. 1-800-273-8255 Sending you love and strength were ever you may be.
Unxpekted - I hope you are doing well, and keep going from strength to strength one step at a time.
l've been the same, feel totally lost, with no one at all
You may feel lost and alone, but you have yourself. You have the whole universe of hidden energies to draw on. Don't give up on you. Find a way to meet your needs, don't wait for someone else to. Find out what you really enjoy, that is this speaker's message. And lovingly pursue whatever it is, if only because your wants and needs are important.
@@vNill How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling better
I was often told that if your dreams don’t scare you, that they aren’t big enough.
That seems harsh. Why should dreams be scary?
@@theparanoidandroid3583 Sometimes we force ourselves into dreaming things we don't actually like, because we choose to see so little of the world that the ideas that we love feel like they can never be achieved, that we'll never have someone just like us who has that same spiritual dream we always have locked in our hearts, but can't ever seem to describe. And the fact that we choose our comfort zone, the one thing we have or have made, instead of risking it all for something completely different, it makes us afraid. Sometimes we don't wanna dream and we think we have to, sometimes we wanna dream, but we haven't seen what we can dream about, no ideas. It's so hard sometimes.
I just read this quote an hour ago 🤯. Sidney Poitier.
@M Hill. Is the universe trying to tell you something?
What an amazing ted talk from such an intelligent person. Thank you for sharing your insights and story. I enjoyed every minute of this ted talk
Girl you really give me a wake up call. I was doing good in my life but suddenly felt so lost within myself. I ruined relationships i had and just couldn't listen to my inner voice. I know that I have the caliber to excel in things that will make me feel good.
All in one advice that Hit me is about perfectionism. I was too afraid to try anything new because of criticism. Always doubting myself. But surely your advice will work up.
Thank you for giving this masterpiece.
This is so powerful, “We are our own kidnappers.” how many times I let myself from becoming my best self? A lot. Thank you so much.
The question is why we do it - and keep doing it even after we figured out we are doing it
@@ronaldgadget because it's easier
We are captive by the time we are born into and resources at hand to transcend the place we are in@@Hashslingingslasher-
Great Talk. Thanks. Some of my favorite excerpts/conclusions:
-Doing a Joy Journal
-each day writing down what moment lit you up the most that day
-After 30 days checking what skillset am I using when I am the most inspired (I add something important that was missing in the talk: inspired from the Holy Spirit/divine spark that dwells in me)
- show up, make a commitment, know you can course correct along the way
-
Connect with your (highest) truth ... see your bodyreaction
Perfection is the enemy of Engagement
Clarity comes from engagement not from (limbo state) thinking
Claudia Henzler HENZLERWORKS thank you 🖤
Great
Wonderful Holy Spirit addition!
Thank you
To be inspired means to be "in spirit," so it was implied when the speaker said it, but it doesn't hurt to single that out for those who maybe didn't catch that. :)
"We learn to stop taking risks and start being afraid"
This hits hard ..
One of the best ted talks I’ve ever listen to, so powerful and impressive how she links the traumatic experience in her purpose, definitely I’m going to start that journal right now for 30 days and take action, it’s extremely simplified what I need and arrived in the perfect moment ( and I’ve done a lot of research for this topic)…. Again thanks 🙏 lots of love !
This young woman sharing all this wisdom and knowledge. I'm impressed!
Our body knows and going against it is what causes depression and anxiety.
YES EXACTLY!!! 💯
I agree completely. Every morning I fight with myself and force myself to go into a job that is slowly draining everything that brings me joy. I’m in such a dark place.
@@jessicagreene2649 I feel you Jessica. I am sick of having to force myself to live
True but life isn’t a bed of roses. It can take time to get to where you wanna be. In the meantime, sometimes you need to work that job you hate to have the funds to do what you wanna do... life is about balance and learning experiences not necessarily constant pleasure...
You wish it was that simple to identify a cause of depression or anxiety
We give in to our fears thinking we don't have another option. Loved this video.
Thank you, Ashley!! So many topics hit home for me! I have a path of self-improvement to embarck upon. The gut is amazing and has been telling me to leave my job for a long time now. I am finally listening.