Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
What participants are saying about the workshop: I’ve done many workshops in my life and 4 in the past year only, this has been the most powerful workshop i’ve done. I’ve been following Jerry’s videos for a while, but I was skeptical what additional value I would get in the workshop. The value was beyond my expectations. J.
In years of searching, I have not found a group that worked so thoroughly on recovering from dysfunction. Because you ask deep questions, they go to the heart of the matter. It will take practice, but now I hear more truth in my head rather than dysfunction. In this workshop, I felt supported. I felt like the answers I found were deep. They were not flippant things that I've heard for years. I ended up with so many personal insights that I now have a personal book, just for me, about my issues, that I can re-read forever. Jerry gave us a full trunk of help to unpack. K.
The workshop got me further down the road to growing up and healing from a mind that was almost full of negative, abusive thinking. A huge concept was learning what is family system thoughts versus what are my own precious thoughts and opinions. Staying neutral was also a concept that was modeled in answers to me and your counsel to others. I love the modeling of how to deal with our own dysfunctional thoughts. I would love to continue in this group. H.
I learned in this workshop how to stay neutral in my relationships and how to stay on my side of the tennis net. The workshop helped me learn to have my opinions, desires and thoughts, and to value these above all else. Basically I learned so many very powerful concepts that started putting into real life practice right away. J.
I'm the child of a narc parent. I wasted a lifetime waiting/hoping/expecting the destructive pattern to change. Eventually I changed the way I dealt with it and relinquished any illusion that one day I would be acceptable to that parent. I've used the experience to learn about NPD. Expecting nothing from the narc and knowing how they operate is very liberating.
I have 4 children. My narcissistic family members including aunts, cousins and grandmother have rarely interacted with them over the years let alone wish them a happy birthday. Now that I’ve gone no contact, my cousins and aunts have been texting my older children “happy Birthday “. And they come at an angle of “ we really miss you , hope you’re ok”. I know what they are doing. Funny how you only miss children when you aren’t given the option to ignore them.
How they try to lure you in n then they are back to being the assholes. Wasted so many years in this rollercoaster of they like/care about me to be again gut punched.
Disgusting. My mom and her family are exactly the same. It’s very very hard to put up a defense when you are born and raised to be the supply, and have no strength of our own. Thank god for these channels!
I was my father's scapegoat for his shame, guilt etc. When I finally cognitively decided not to absorb it, I felt freedom. I had absorbed it for over 40 years. Do not absorb. Let it fall to the floor and just observe it
Thanks for "Pattern speak louder than words or actions." and 'Don't buy in to the niceness and not absorb the negatives.' More attention may go to the patterns.
Your description of the man with the flowers saying "I love you" is exactly the same way that our daughter "played us", going back to when she was a child. She would always behave until her consequence ended, and then would go back to the same behavior. We eventually caught on, but didn't know how to help her behave better. We also realized when she was around 14, that she wasn't going to change and that it would be a "rough ride" the rest of the way through. She moved out shortly after graduating from high school. That was five years ago, and we've only seen her once . My family interfered in the situation, which is part of the reason that we are still estranged. My husband and I realize that the odds of her changing are not good (even with therapy), and if we ever hear from her again, we know that our relationship with her will most likely be very limited. I'm OK with that, since I had a very superficial relationship with my father. As the scapegoat, I had to "re- parent myself" when I was in my early to mid 20's, in order to survive any contact with him. Not all of us are meant to have a close relationship with everyone who is important to our lives. Thanks for the video!
Omg, that is how my narcissus father act. At the age of 50, I accepted the bloody fact. Jerry your videos saved me in the darkest days, and now I am recovering. Thank you
We absorb and remain controlled by the demeaning hostility of the narcissist. We go along to get along by absorbing the shame shedding and emotions. We enable, turn into a codependent pretzel then wonder whats wrong with them.
Such an important discussion. Thanks for bringing this to light. Jerry Wise you are gifted with insight and clarity. Before I did cut-off from toxic mother and brain-washed dysfunctional siblings I was just as toxic when I was around them. But they never evolved emotionally. It took me years of work on myself - and continue to do so - just to let go and move on from the fantasy world of a supportive loving family. Best to you all.😘
Me too. I've gone no contact with both daughters & five siblings over past ten years. Only NPD spouse is left plus our adult son who's also narcissistic. Son lives elsewhere & has largely discarded me. This video is really going to help me fine tune my current strategies to castrate spouses unacceptable behaviors going forward...
i've been practising Jerry's techniques and others about saying ' I disagree' or 'why would you say that' (asking questions of manipulators who try to project things on to you such as 'you don't seem very happy') when it is they who are unhappy andhave a false self and subject you to the punishing silent treatment. i can now see the 'patterns' in her behaviour. it is a cycle. miraculously I practised this and stayed 'neutral' and the next day she had changed her approach! so it works.
After watching this, I got a lot out of it - especially I have started planning and rehearsing aloud how to feel inside and respond to any crummy behavior. What's interesting is when I am so ready, no narc!
This is so key 🔑 you have to fight to break out , do what ever will healthily make u feel better at that moment you want to continue the cycle the narc snares u in. And don’t go back . Let them know your stepping off the spinning wheel . Start doing what is best for you . You can practice being indifferent and start focusing on you before u completely walk away . It may take baby steps .
Thanks again Jerry. I think learning how to navigate narcissistic behaviour is so important in our time. This information is particularly helpful because it brings the focus to patterns. I have been caught in the maze of words and actions far too often. I find your suggestions for self change in the dance very empowering. Also thanks for the book suggestions. I really admire your contributions!
Focusing on our part in the dance is indeed empowering and actually gives us the opportunity to change the ways we learned to dance in such situations. I’m glad my work is helping you! Keep it up❤️
Omg. This speaks volumes. Patterns, patterns, patterns, always is the key. That is why your stomach hurts, and your heart is heavy when the love bombing phase comes around again. As always, the only person I can contol or change is me. I can’t do it all the time, but a good thermometer on how my own health or well being is when I can randomly spend 1/2 hr with a known narcissist in my family ( truly testing myself), don’t argue, change subjects when I see something coming, stay nice, then walk away with us both feeling good, detach completely, plus sleep well that night without ruminating more than a min or two. My goal is to completely shut off from a narc, after visiting, and not ruminate at all. It is kind of like dancing with a dragon, and then learning to sense when they are going to throw the flame out, but confusing them so they don’t. 😂 😂😂
The only way to change the pattern is to integrate the wounding which the other triggers. To see the sacred purpose of the contract. This level of self love can move from integrity moment to moment, without defense, without judgment, without condemnation. Freely. Know thyself and you are able to mirror the potential for others. Love thyself and you can love the other without entangling. Love is free. It frees everyone and everything from the patterns.
Jerry, crazy shirt! And even SICKER VIDEO. You are so helpful at breaking things down, and explaining things with analogies and examples. Thank you for your compassion and knowledge equally. ❤️
thank u so much...i have justfound u channel and it is so helpful with a N parent. I am learning to be neutral, not to internalise and practice loving detachment
Hello from Germany! Thank you so much, you are so right! It's hard to do so with a 16- year-old son, who is parentified by my husband's former narcissitic wife. My husband acts, like you say, to his former wife but rejects to accept that the son is the extended arm of her. So it's a sad situation. Best wishes, Franziska
Hi Franziska, I’m sorry this is your story, I hope my videos can help you stay connected to yourself and your calmness in these situations. Sending strength and love your way❤️
@@jerrywise Thank you so much, Jerry. I discovered your channel some days ago. There is so much wisdom to live a "free life" you give to us. To be honest, in Germany the wisdom about Narcissm is low. Thank you and all the best to you.
You sir are going to have to start sharing where you buy your shirts, please. I'm trying to see if I can apply this as a person who dated a woman who was married to an undiagnosed narcissist (I believe the experience damaged her and she may have picked up some practices). I'm trying to apply this generally: Identifying patterns seems to be key in changing your behavior in many different situations and with many different kinds of people. Great point on highlighting "If (distorted with this reaction) Then (distorted with other reactions as well)" distorted viewpoints (both upset and happy states) a person can have. But then how do you process your hurt feelings that you take away from a interaction that is painful to you?
i think that i am going to say the same thing that i have said in another of your videos about narcissists.. i agree with i know the behavior of the narcists.. my experience is that a narcissist is so good at getting what they want and they will do whatever they can to get it.. they are experts at manipulating everyone around them.. Donald Trump is the perfect example.. so what can i do? what is my side of the street? this is the stuff that i would love to have help with.. i left my narcistic mom and now i have a narcistic landlord that is running the HOA.. i am an owner but the owners only represent 30%.. we don't have the power.. i guess the way i look at it is for me not to give my power away.. we have our annual HOA meeting.. i do not have the support and the narcissist is going to do what the narcissist is going to do.. i think it is more about me not enabling at this point and separating..
If I may recommend a topic, it would be nice for those of us wanting to break the abusive cycles and better prepare our children with self-development, to have a session here dedicated to how to raise self-differentiated children in age and maturity appropriate ways. I would think that communicating and expecting applications as we would here as adults, may do a disservice to their young selves. I don’t want my children/future descendants to be pierced with others’ toxicity as I was due to the lack of self-differentiation and lack of appropriate development that I went through.
Yesterday needed narc spouse to sign some loan docs for me. He did all the while telling me how stupid I am. I stayed calm & neutral. Then we're heading to cafe while his toxic abuse continues. Tell him instead of cafe, I'll just take him to pick up his car and he can drive home by himself. He did a 180. I'm getting a loan because he refused to loan me a fraction of his inheritance he won't touch. Rough day. I won't need him again anytime soon...
Arashi - Hmm. Have you tried couples counseling or other means to improve the relationship? Sounds like you need to focus on you and change your ways. Surrounded by mean-spirited condescending others and bad behaviors means it's self-assessment time. I read your comments and you state everyone is a NPD including 2 daughters, son, spouse! Wow. I'd say something is not right. Usually this could mean you're an enabler or codependent. In life there's always always a give n take. Sometimes permanently cutting off toxic people is the only way to change our own toxic behaviors. Looking at our toxic part is emotionally mature. Taking accountability. Owning our dark side and how we are part of the problem. Best to ya!🙂
@@USAcit Only learned I am codependent last Thanksgiving. Yes, I am diligently working to heal MYSELF. NPD is permanent. It's been a steep climb, but many other codependent people are with me...
He gets very annoyed if I don’t react to his love bombing the way he wants. If I just say ”thank you”. I really donn’t know how to react, but I don’t feel like praising him.
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
What participants are saying about the workshop:
I’ve done many workshops in my life and 4 in the past year only, this has been the most powerful workshop i’ve done. I’ve been following Jerry’s videos for a while, but I was skeptical what additional value I would get in the workshop. The value was beyond my expectations.
J.
In years of searching, I have not found a group that worked so thoroughly on recovering from dysfunction. Because you ask deep questions, they go to the heart of the matter. It will take practice, but now I hear more truth in my head rather than dysfunction.
In this workshop, I felt supported. I felt like the answers I found were deep. They were not flippant things that I've heard for years.
I ended up with so many personal insights that I now have a personal book, just for me, about my issues, that I can re-read forever. Jerry gave us a full trunk of help to unpack.
K.
The workshop got me further down the road to growing up and healing from a mind that was almost full of negative, abusive thinking. A huge concept was learning what is family system thoughts versus what are my own precious thoughts and opinions. Staying neutral was also a concept that was modeled in answers to me and your counsel to others. I love the modeling of how to deal with our own dysfunctional thoughts. I would love to continue in this group.
H.
I learned in this workshop how to stay neutral in my relationships and how to stay on my side of the tennis net. The workshop helped me learn to have my opinions, desires and thoughts, and to value these above all else. Basically I learned so many very powerful concepts that started putting into real life practice right away.
J.
I'm the child of a narc parent. I wasted a lifetime waiting/hoping/expecting the destructive pattern to change. Eventually I changed the way I dealt with it and relinquished any illusion that one day I would be acceptable to that parent. I've used the experience to learn about NPD. Expecting nothing from the narc and knowing how they operate is very liberating.
Same situation for me. What a terrible situation to be in with a parent.
Help me.
The pattern is they never change till there last breath , my personal experience
I have 4 children. My narcissistic family members including aunts, cousins and grandmother have rarely interacted with them over the years let alone wish them a happy birthday. Now that I’ve gone no contact, my cousins and aunts have been texting my older children “happy Birthday “. And they come at an angle of “ we really miss you , hope you’re ok”. I know what they are doing. Funny how you only miss children when you aren’t given the option to ignore them.
How they try to lure you in n then they are back to being the assholes. Wasted so many years in this rollercoaster of they like/care about me to be again gut punched.
@@cherylm5002 it’s exhausting! I’m tired of fighting for the approval and acceptance of people I don’t particularly care for.
Disgusting. My mom and her family are exactly the same. It’s very very hard to put up a defense when you are born and raised to be the supply, and have no strength of our own. Thank god for these channels!
I was my father's scapegoat for his shame, guilt etc. When I finally cognitively decided not to absorb it, I felt freedom. I had absorbed it for over 40 years. Do not absorb. Let it fall to the floor and just observe it
'Let it fall to the floor.' Love that idea/visual.
@@arashigumdrop I used to absorb the verbal abuse like a sponge. When I let the abusive words fall to the floor, I found freedom :)
Patterns do not lie...and pattern recognition is how we learn as young children.
Thanks for "Pattern speak louder than words or actions." and 'Don't buy in to the niceness and not absorb the negatives.' More attention may go to the patterns.
You are very welcome, I’m glad the video was helpful.
"I love me more than you love me, so kick rocks."
Your description of the man with the flowers saying "I love you" is exactly the same way that our daughter "played us", going back to when she was a child. She would always behave until her consequence ended, and then would go back to the same behavior. We eventually caught on, but didn't know how to help her behave better. We also realized when she was around 14, that she wasn't going to change and that it would be a "rough ride" the rest of the way through. She moved out shortly after graduating from high school. That was five years ago, and we've only seen her once . My family interfered in the situation, which is part of the reason that we are still estranged. My husband and I realize that the odds of her changing are not good (even with therapy), and if we ever hear from her again, we know that our relationship with her will most likely be very limited. I'm OK with that, since I had a very superficial relationship with my father. As the scapegoat, I had to "re- parent myself" when I was in my early to mid 20's, in order to survive any contact with him. Not all of us are meant to have a close relationship with everyone who is important to our lives. Thanks for the video!
Omg, that is how my narcissus father act. At the age of 50, I accepted the bloody fact. Jerry your videos saved me in the darkest days, and now I am recovering. Thank you
We absorb and remain controlled by the demeaning hostility of the narcissist. We go along to get along by absorbing the shame shedding and emotions. We enable, turn into a codependent pretzel then wonder whats wrong with them.
That is all very true Thank you.
Such an important discussion. Thanks for bringing this to light. Jerry Wise you are gifted with insight and clarity.
Before I did cut-off from toxic mother and brain-washed dysfunctional siblings I was just as toxic when I was around them. But they never evolved emotionally. It took me years of work on myself - and continue to do so - just to let go and move on from the fantasy world of a supportive loving family. Best to you all.😘
Me too. I've gone no contact with both daughters & five siblings over past ten years.
Only NPD spouse is left plus our adult son who's also narcissistic.
Son lives elsewhere & has largely discarded me.
This video is really going to help me fine tune my current strategies to castrate spouses unacceptable behaviors going forward...
i've been practising Jerry's techniques and others about saying ' I disagree' or 'why would you say that' (asking questions of manipulators who try to project things on to you such as 'you don't seem very happy') when it is they who are unhappy andhave a false self and subject you to the punishing silent treatment. i can now see the 'patterns' in her behaviour. it is a cycle. miraculously I practised this and stayed 'neutral' and the next day she had changed her approach! so it works.
After watching this, I got a lot out of it - especially I have started planning and rehearsing aloud how to feel inside and respond to any crummy behavior. What's interesting is when I am so ready, no narc!
What a great analogy/visual per standing on the shore and not getting wet!!! 👍
I’m happy it resonated with you😊❤️
This is so key 🔑 you have to fight to break out , do what ever will healthily make u feel better at that moment you want to continue the cycle the narc snares u in. And don’t go back . Let them know your stepping off the spinning wheel . Start doing what is best for you . You can practice being indifferent and start focusing on you before u completely walk away . It may take baby steps .
Thanks again Jerry. I think learning how to navigate narcissistic behaviour is so important in our time. This information is particularly helpful because it brings the focus to patterns. I have been caught in the maze of words and actions far too often. I find your suggestions for self change in the dance very empowering. Also thanks for the book suggestions. I really admire your contributions!
Focusing on our part in the dance is indeed empowering and actually gives us the opportunity to change the ways we learned to dance in such situations. I’m glad my work is helping you! Keep it up❤️
The topic and the subtopics in the outline are so interesting!
Omg. This speaks volumes. Patterns, patterns, patterns, always is the key. That is why your stomach hurts, and your heart is heavy when the love bombing phase comes around again. As always, the only person I can contol or change is me. I can’t do it all the time, but a good thermometer on how my own health or well being is when I can randomly spend 1/2 hr with a known narcissist in my family ( truly testing myself), don’t argue, change subjects when I see something coming, stay nice, then walk away with us both feeling good, detach completely, plus sleep well that night without ruminating more than a min or two. My goal is to completely shut off from a narc, after visiting, and not ruminate at all. It is kind of like dancing with a dragon, and then learning to sense when they are going to throw the flame out, but confusing them so they don’t. 😂 😂😂
True. I did notice an ex was fond of me once I was in a “hurt” state. He’d be inspired to “make it up” to me. 🤮 I did notice patterns.
This is the kind of information we need!! 👏 Thank you Jerry!
If narc spouse told me he loves me, my anxiety would shoot through the roof as my chair falls over...
As your chair falls make sure you have a gun hidden under the chair just in case there going too get rid off you 😂
Thank you for all the book recommendations. I’m taking the action and half way through the recommendation.
The only way to change the pattern is to integrate the wounding which the other triggers. To see the sacred purpose of the contract. This level of self love can move from integrity moment to moment, without defense, without judgment, without condemnation. Freely. Know thyself and you are able to mirror the potential for others. Love thyself and you can love the other without entangling. Love is free. It frees everyone and everything from the patterns.
YESSSSS GREAT TOPIC AND GREAT VIDEO!
Glad you enjoyed it Joe!
Wow this is very empowering . Fantastic information and strategies
Glad it was helpful!
Good morning Jerry - PERFECT timing!! 👍
Good morning Kimberly!
Thanks Jerry ☀️
Jerry, crazy shirt! And even SICKER VIDEO. You are so helpful at breaking things down, and explaining things with analogies and examples. Thank you for your compassion and knowledge equally. ❤️
So very helpful. Thank you Mr. Wise.
thank u so much...i have justfound u channel and it is so helpful with a N parent. I am learning to be neutral, not to internalise and practice loving detachment
Merry Wise is my favorite narcissist channel
Thank you Jerry. This really helps.
Thank you for this.
You are very welcome Aisha!
Really helpful. Thank you.
I’m glad it was helpful!
Thank you, you live up to your name..very Wise. I needed that.
First few sentences..
You are brilliant Jerry!!
Looking forward to this one.,..
My family on my narc moms side is evil and I do feel.there is a curse over me from a long time ago.
This is so helpful
Thank you
You’re so welcome
great video!
Hello from Germany! Thank you so much, you are so right! It's hard to do so with a 16- year-old son, who is parentified by my husband's former narcissitic wife. My husband acts, like you say, to his former wife but rejects to accept that the son is the extended arm of her. So it's a sad situation.
Best wishes, Franziska
Hi Franziska,
I’m sorry this is your story, I hope my videos can help you stay connected to yourself and your calmness in these situations.
Sending strength and love your way❤️
@@jerrywise Thank you so much, Jerry. I discovered your channel some days ago. There is so much wisdom to live a "free life" you give to us. To be honest, in Germany the wisdom about Narcissm is low. Thank you and all the best to you.
So good!
You sir are going to have to start sharing where you buy your shirts, please.
I'm trying to see if I can apply this as a person who dated a woman who was married to an undiagnosed narcissist (I believe the experience damaged her and she may have picked up some practices). I'm trying to apply this generally: Identifying patterns seems to be key in changing your behavior in many different situations and with many different kinds of people.
Great point on highlighting "If (distorted with this reaction) Then (distorted with other reactions as well)" distorted viewpoints (both upset and happy states) a person can have.
But then how do you process your hurt feelings that you take away from a interaction that is painful to you?
Paul Fredericks shirts
@@jerrywise Thank you
before i even watch this i have been getting multiple videos about narcissists.. i should pay attention..
i think that i am going to say the same thing that i have said in another of your videos about narcissists.. i agree with i know the behavior of the narcists.. my experience is that a narcissist is so good at getting what they want and they will do whatever they can to get it.. they are experts at manipulating everyone around them.. Donald Trump is the perfect example..
so what can i do? what is my side of the street? this is the stuff that i would love to have help with.. i left my narcistic mom and now i have a narcistic landlord that is running the HOA.. i am an owner but the owners only represent 30%.. we don't have the power.. i guess the way i look at it is for me not to give my power away.. we have our annual HOA meeting.. i do not have the support and the narcissist is going to do what the narcissist is going to do.. i think it is more about me not enabling at this point and separating..
How about the punishment the narcissist gives after you "misbehave" how to inoculate the venom that comes from that very abusive treatment? thanks!!!
If I may recommend a topic, it would be nice for those of us wanting to break the abusive cycles and better prepare our children with self-development, to have a session here dedicated to how to raise self-differentiated children in age and maturity appropriate ways. I would think that communicating and expecting applications as we would here as adults, may do a disservice to their young selves. I don’t want my children/future descendants to be pierced with others’ toxicity as I was due to the lack of self-differentiation and lack of appropriate development that I went through.
When you make the Narc. stay ....in their OWN lane ...... they 'drive erratically'. Get your power - from observing that 😉😊
💯
My GF was like that, I am glad she is now my EX.
truly helpful! thanks 😊 gratitude!
You should see yourself interact with people and your relations and the why's? I wouldn't accept the flowers.
Yesterday needed narc spouse to sign some loan docs for me. He did all the while telling me how stupid I am. I stayed calm & neutral. Then we're heading to cafe while his toxic abuse continues. Tell him instead of cafe, I'll just take him to pick up his car and he can drive home by himself.
He did a 180. I'm getting a loan because he refused to loan me a fraction of his inheritance he won't touch.
Rough day. I won't need him again anytime soon...
Arashi - Hmm. Have you tried couples counseling or other means to improve the relationship? Sounds like you need to focus on you and change your ways. Surrounded by mean-spirited condescending others and bad behaviors means it's self-assessment time. I read your comments and you state everyone is a NPD including 2 daughters, son, spouse! Wow. I'd say something is not right. Usually this could mean you're an enabler or codependent. In life there's always always a give n take. Sometimes permanently cutting off toxic people is the only way to change our own toxic behaviors. Looking at our toxic part is emotionally mature. Taking accountability. Owning our dark side and how we are part of the problem. Best to ya!🙂
@@USAcit Only learned I am codependent last Thanksgiving. Yes, I am diligently working to heal MYSELF. NPD is permanent. It's been a steep climb, but many other codependent people are with me...
I like your last name 🙂
Thank you, I like it too😊
He gets very annoyed if I don’t react to his love bombing the way he wants. If I just say ”thank you”. I really donn’t know how to react, but I don’t feel like praising him.
Love bombing isn't love, allowing yourself to see the pattern behind the love bombing is an act of self love ❤️
Hmmmmm.....' Navigating the Narcs. ' Keep a check on your OWN.... ' TRUE NORTH ' ¡¿¡♡♡
Navigating ourselves will force others to re navigate themselves
Don't narcissists get triggered by shame when we detach and they sense it.
thank you.
You're welcome
Brilliant! Thanks for sharing your wisdom
Glad you enjoyed it!