Narcissistic Family: 9 Ways to Detach from Them

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  • Опубликовано: 31 июл 2024
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    Many people are searching for the 'holy grail' of detachment. It is an emotional experience that eludes so many of us. Detachment is being able to be ourselves while staying connected to others and not be pushed and pulled by the emotional dynamics in a relationship, family, or group. Jerry Wise, a life and relationships coach, presents nine ways to achieve detachment. Enmeshment, codependency, caretaking, and fused relationships require us to move to greater detachment for our recovery. Jerry Wise brings another message of self-differentiation to help those in recovery and to guide viewers into greater maturity and emotional freedom. Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC has over 150 videos on You Tube.
    #detachment #enmeshment #scapegoat #scapegoating #Bowenfamilysystems #selfdifferentiation
    If you would like to learn how to recover through detachment and self-differentiation ...contact Jerry Wise and his team.
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    317-919-6264
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Комментарии • 235

  • @jerrywise
    @jerrywise  Год назад +6

    👇🏼This is how I can help you 👇🏼
    ➡FREE 84-Minute Training: "Build The REAL SELF You Were Never Allowed To Have!" jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
    🆘FREE Toolkit for Instant Family & Relationship Detachment join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
    🔥🔥🔥 6-week online program 'Your New Road To SELF': Break free from toxic family patterns, heal the damage, and discover your true self! program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

  • @mariamalhotra8228
    @mariamalhotra8228 3 года назад +264

    Starts at 3.50

  • @Zoya194
    @Zoya194 3 года назад +232

    1 Don’t hold onto that dream of the marriage/friendship.
    2 Stop rehearsing/replaying hurt , anger, rejections.. systems/feelings. And false feelings like guilt.
    3 Stop being over serious. Practice - “So what” turn their serious tone into a joking or playful tone as an exercise.
    4 Stop hoping they will change! Stop offering never ending understanding to others.
    5 What would I feel if this situation didn’t matter ? Ask yourself this and do that.
    6 Stay “ I “ when others demand “ We “. Balance these two. Stay “ I “
    7 Avoid polarisation. The extreme ends of the pendulum. Go from codependency to a reckless rebel. ( anti positions cause enough troubles )
    8. Be aware of your own personal wants and needs. Stop and think. Don’t instantly say I Dono anything is ok! Think. Compromise if need be but know what u want. Focus on where u stand and state of being.
    9 Take maximum responsibility for your emotional reactions instead of just blaming. Blaming is a form of pursuit. Stop being the victim. Victim hood is trying to pursue too. Hurt is real but don’t stay in the hurt, anger etc. . Learn to detach and save yourself time. Save yourself that 20 years love affair with being a victim. Grow up, even if you are treated badly.

    • @dailyequanimity
      @dailyequanimity 3 года назад +9

      Thank you for the transcription. I was taking notes fast and furiously, too.

    • @dailyequanimity
      @dailyequanimity 3 года назад +8

      I wanted to add that you really grasped each of the nine concepts and articulated well and in a way that can be applied in daily life. Excellent and well done!

    • @Zoya194
      @Zoya194 3 года назад +9

      Vicki Zimmerman Thank you. I really hope it doesn’t end with just writing these points down and still suffering with old patterns for me. Wishing u, me and everyone who needs this the transformation we are craving.
      Must thank the man who made this video for the wisdom. 🙏

    • @dailyequanimity
      @dailyequanimity 3 года назад +7

      @@Zoya194 Truly! I am so good at "taking notes" in life and staying in my head and "not feeling" so to take that active leap and set boundaries and use these principles is important for our healing. I'm concerned about the trauma bonding that has taken place, because my self-esteem and self-confidence has been whittled away with so much arguing and verbal abuse. Regaining my center and rediscovering my true nature and my wants and needs are essential for a healthy detatchment.

    • @Zoya194
      @Zoya194 3 года назад +6

      Vicki Zimmerman Your last sentence got me! I read it several times over. Also, one must remember to remember and start with small bay steps. I didn’t hold onto these 9 points all day. I slipped by evening but as I reply now, I’m okay again. So it’s going to be up and down. All the love we gave away.. we need to give a little of it to ourselves, slowly with no guilt. Every bloody day.

  • @gilmourishgilmourish6205
    @gilmourishgilmourish6205 3 года назад +136

    I saw the ex narcissist today.
    My heart did not jump in my chest ...
    I felt nothing so I waved at him. Took me 21 months to detach from his energy.
    I ran, went no contact, got my bus drivers license and now working for a big company. I love my job but most of all, I love myself...

  • @halasm2014
    @halasm2014 2 года назад +33

    1- Resolving Fantasies and dreams.
    2- Stop rehearsing systems feelings.
    3- Stop being over serious. (SO WHAT?)
    4- Stop waiting/hoping for others to change.
    5- What would i feel if the situation doesn't matter.
    6- Stay i when others demanding we.
    7- Avoid polarization.
    8- Be clear about your own values,wants and needs.
    9- Take maximum responsibility for ones own emotional being and destiny rather than blaming others or the situation.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад +4

      Thanks for the recap!

  • @antoinette8519
    @antoinette8519 3 года назад +106

    I have been offering '"never ending understanding" to the narcs in my life starting in my family of origin. I am frankly beyond exhausted because showing these individuals "never ending understanding" only enables them to continue and even worsen their abusive behaviors.

    • @lillysnet9345
      @lillysnet9345 3 года назад +11

      "Never ending Standing Under"... time to change the "Point of View"...🤗

    • @lillysnet9345
      @lillysnet9345 3 года назад +5

      Climb the Mountain...

    • @tnt01
      @tnt01 3 года назад +7

      Go no contact. Narcs do not change.

    • @godzillamanstreb524
      @godzillamanstreb524 3 года назад +5

      I do the same ! For deeeecaaades😖learning to go Protective Contact.....never alone with any narcs

    • @dailyequanimity
      @dailyequanimity 3 года назад +4

      So true and “never ending understanding” is a powerful phrase.

  • @user-ee5om8wy7u
    @user-ee5om8wy7u 3 года назад +11

    I like the points. But then I wonder how did I end up living in the false fantasy? Was I delusional? And how do I prevent myself from getting into an illusion and then suffering from this in the future? I guess, one strategy for this is to close one's ears. I hear a lot this phrase: "actions speak louder than words". My life taught me something else: actions are the only thing that speaks while words only confuse, and confuse profoundly. .. Hence, close your ears and never just listen to what people say - never take seriously their words. Listen to what people DO!!! Listen to behavior, listen to actions, listen to body language and to tone of voice BUT NEVER TO WORDS! Even better, keep a record of events and actions. Something emotionally touching happened, write it down. Something felt weird in your interaction, write it down. Something was promised and agreed, write it down. You'll have a written record of what happens. Then you'll clearly and very fast notice that the narrative of the one you love mismatches the words and the claims of the one you love. That will keep you sober and won't let you deviate into the fantasy. You will not be confused because you'll be paying close attention to what the person does and verifying it against their words/stories. If you don't write down what happens, you'll forget or think you misunderstood something that feels confusing. But having a written record is like a guide that will keep you sane. Just remember this one wisdom for the future:
    Actions speak! Words confuse!

  • @nana.naghmana9
    @nana.naghmana9 3 года назад +22

    I learned a lot from you . I think coz I stopped expecting a normal human emotional behaviour from the narcissists. They don't deserve my time , love n care. I'm detached n am very happy today. It took a long time but still. I'm trying to be me again.

    • @charlottelagond4706
      @charlottelagond4706 3 года назад

      I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
      His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
      Good luck to you.

    • @nana.naghmana9
      @nana.naghmana9 3 года назад

      @@charlottelagond4706
      Thank you so much. My regards.

    • @godzillamanstreb524
      @godzillamanstreb524 3 года назад

      I’m still working on getting rid of a few narc friends & very low Protected Contact w/narc siblings

  • @youraphrodisiac.895
    @youraphrodisiac.895 2 года назад +5

    1. Let go of the fantasies that we hold on to the person

  • @lisarochwarg4707
    @lisarochwarg4707 3 года назад +63

    Isn't a lot of this called "enmeshment?" Taking responsibility for another's unhappiness when their feelings are their own responsibility.
    Plus, it's all manipulative.

    • @stefanemanuelsson2201
      @stefanemanuelsson2201 3 года назад +12

      Agreed, being codependent and being manipulative goes hand in hand. All roots to being ashamed of who you are.

    • @jackilynpyzocha662
      @jackilynpyzocha662 Месяц назад

      Dad blamed me for his abusing me, what a jerk! He's wrong. He won't take any blame, he is beyond help. I gave up trying to figure him out, it's not worth my life!

  • @zbyszeks3657
    @zbyszeks3657 2 года назад +4

    1. Terrific background view and sounds.
    2. Unnecessary checking headphones in ears.
    3. Good tone, good message.
    I would underscore (most value) three from these nine:
    - Stop fantasize about good, expected future, cause it separates u from reality.
    - Look for humor, stop being overserious
    - Put - in imagination - yourself in situation if all of it doesn't matter.
    Maybe last two are similar :)
    Thanks

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад +1

      This comment made me smile, thank you for the grading and feedback. I'm glad you resonated with those 3 ways and found in them the most value.

  • @timetraveler1976
    @timetraveler1976 3 года назад +8

    I am the one pulling him toward we ness...he loves me but wants I ness.. So I stepped back and it hurts my heart but only the relationship i created in my head not the reality of how I have felt for 2 years. gut feelings red flags caught him in lies. I noticed I was putting all in and it was never really returned unless I begged. A blow to the ego when you realize you were in a relationship by yourself for 2 years.

    • @daintykeisha9787
      @daintykeisha9787 2 года назад

      I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m in the same situation only I’ve been doing it for almost 20 years. We will get through this.

    • @tinatynnie5594
      @tinatynnie5594 2 года назад

      Me too in same situation for 16years

  • @claraaragonn
    @claraaragonn Год назад +2

    When I try to make a joke on a serious argument with my boyfriend when he calls me stupid or something else, he get mad and asks me to apology for mocking him.

  • @1980tiffani
    @1980tiffani 2 года назад +5

    I have a huge issue with polarization… I’ll be working on that.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад +1

      Great thing to work on

  • @Oldbroad1
    @Oldbroad1 11 месяцев назад +5

    Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom. Well done!

  • @stephaniewencek6618
    @stephaniewencek6618 8 месяцев назад +5

    Thank you Jerry, for giving me real solutions.💙🕊🕊💙

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  8 месяцев назад +2

      You are so welcome

  • @kass6442
    @kass6442 Год назад +3

    Really enjoyed this video. It was very helpful. Thank you.

  • @karlasnyder645
    @karlasnyder645 Год назад +4

    absolutely everything you said on this video will help me. Thank you so much.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  Год назад +1

      I’m glad the video was helpful Karla, you are very welcome

  • @nylaclancy2655
    @nylaclancy2655 2 года назад +5

    So helpful, Thank you ❤️

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад

      You're so welcome Nyla! ❤️

  • @cassielengel00
    @cassielengel00 3 года назад +9

    Another amazing informative video ❤️ I appreciate the quality of the content that you share with us! 🙏🏼 Thank You.

  • @solstice1681
    @solstice1681 3 года назад +9

    Finally a video that applies to my situation! I'm married to an alcoholic, I've been neglected for so long!!!!!! I'm young and beautiful and for my children's sake I'm forced to stay married for now, this is exactly what I was looking for, I need to stay detached without leaving. Thank you!!!!!

  • @fairpoet81
    @fairpoet81 Год назад +2

    Thank you! Blessings from Austin 🔥

  • @palmamingozzi5736
    @palmamingozzi5736 3 года назад +7

    I’ve been helped a lot by your videos, thank you for your videos.

  • @berlinetta____2680
    @berlinetta____2680 2 года назад +4

    Thanks again Jerry. I too have benefitted and continue to benefit from your free RUclips videos. They are greatly appreciated.

  • @kimberlymccracken747
    @kimberlymccracken747 3 года назад +42

    Jerry, I am FINALLY entering the third stage and it is SUCH a freedom and relief at the moment ☺️🙏💗 It has taken a lifetime at almost 57 years old. Not SURE what really transpired, but it seems to be coming together - mental, physical, and spiritual ease after so much drama and trauma. Grateful to you and many others for very practical, grounded assistance 👍🌹✝️

    • @majakolonja4266
      @majakolonja4266 3 года назад +3

      Keep going :)

    • @tnt01
      @tnt01 3 года назад +1

      You are still young and look great.

  • @pinkazure808
    @pinkazure808 7 месяцев назад +1

    Thank you, Jerry. 😊 ☀

  • @basiorekso4166
    @basiorekso4166 6 месяцев назад

    you are my everyday therapy, an answer to what is going inside me. thank you, bless you.

  • @alaysiakayebutler6299
    @alaysiakayebutler6299 3 года назад +6

    These make so much sense, hit the mark from so many angles..I think these tips and practices will fit into my non-neurotypica way of processing. I like the lighthearted reframing. So heavy being scapegoated by adult kids who learned from some nasty coverts how to treat mom. But Im not done yet!! Love will win.

  • @patienttherapiesllc
    @patienttherapiesllc 3 года назад +8

    Being myself while staying connected does not work with a narcissist. As long as you are engaged with them even on the simplest level, they will think they have a hook in you. The only way to remove the hook is to grey rock them.

  • @loissemanek1715
    @loissemanek1715 3 года назад +4

    Thank you so much for this video because I needed to brush up on these issues during the pandemic. I’ve learned so much from you and continue to grow with the wisdom you share.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +1

      You are so welcome!

  • @franny5295
    @franny5295 2 года назад +2

    My husband killed himself in a VA facility. Thing is, he was not capable of keeping himself safe. He was a borderline, diagnosed during that stay, among other things and even though he had to be extracted by the swat team and taken to icu they didn't watch him. Not because they felt he didn't need to be watched but because, and I quote, "it would cost too much..." For the most part, I've been able to compartmentalize this and go on with my life but anything at all that forces me to deal with them causes me a great deal of distress. My heart has not beat right since this kicked off and I'm just so angry. Not so much with him, he was crazy as hell and I knew that which is why I wouldn't let him come home but they knew better. They just let him kill himself because providing him the care he needed would have cost too much. How do I emotionally detach from them? I'm a veteran too and periodically they find a reason to invite themselves into my life in a way that requires my time which profoundly irritates my peace. It may well not be intentional but at this point it's either a gross incompetence or it is deliberate. I don't want to give them any more rent free real estate in my heart or mind but I don't know how to let that go. Our son is now 5 and his dad not being here hurts him. It just makes it harder to not hate them when they get into my space and I don't want to.

  • @magdalenasteyn-durand4976
    @magdalenasteyn-durand4976 3 года назад +6

    Thank you, Jerry. Valid points explained well.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +2

      Glad it was helpful!

  • @CareBlair222
    @CareBlair222 2 года назад +6

    Pure brilliance thank you. 😊 so grateful for people like you.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад +2

      You're very welcome!

  • @minnneyl2228
    @minnneyl2228 2 года назад +5

    I just came across your videos I am looking forward to learning more. In a tough place in my relationship just looking for some relief

  • @roxyblabla
    @roxyblabla 3 года назад +10

    This advice is priceless! Thank you very much for your work Jerry! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💖💖

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +3

      You are so welcome

  • @ingenuity168
    @ingenuity168 2 года назад +4

    Jerry Wise, is very wise. 💜

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад +1

      You are so kind, thank you very much

  • @lukaa4559
    @lukaa4559 3 года назад +5

    I have heard so many videos about this issue..you can only speak to our mind to face this different ly after years of suffer.. thank you Jerry..You are giving happiness to us ..

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +1

      You are welcome
      “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
      Workshop
      A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families!
      Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE
      July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
      On Zoom
      Topics:
      The Illusions of the Narcissist
      The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
      Living in the War Zone
      7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
      10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
      Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
      Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
      Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
      Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
      And more…
      Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
      Q & A
      Role Plays
      Volunteer participation
      You will receive the recorded workshop
      You will receive the notes for the workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

  • @SunnyDays70s
    @SunnyDays70s 4 месяца назад

    I have been in the counselling field either studying teaching or healing myself and have never had someone actually provide steps to healing rather than always explaining the problem. I do desperately need these practical ways to detach. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had given up after all of these years of trying but I now I again have hope.

  • @Mrcamm4
    @Mrcamm4 Год назад +1

    Thank you for the information and instruction! Thank you!

  • @Sad_bumper_sticker.
    @Sad_bumper_sticker. 10 месяцев назад +1

    Such vital survival Tips, Thank you

  • @aesdiopoddesigns3621
    @aesdiopoddesigns3621 9 месяцев назад

    Very cool. Helpful breakdown.

  • @The_Stark_Contrast
    @The_Stark_Contrast Год назад +2

    Best applicable self help video I have ever watched. This is the work I do in long term recovery of substances/ co dependency. Great video!

    • @The_Stark_Contrast
      @The_Stark_Contrast Год назад

      I would love to do an interview/ conversation with you and share my experience and results. It’s nothing short of miraculous,

  • @ProudEve1
    @ProudEve1 2 года назад +2

    The sound of the beach is heavenly... i can hear it 😄💜Thank you

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад +1

      I'm glad you like it

  • @Connect_with_Yourself
    @Connect_with_Yourself Год назад +5

    This is the gold advice I have been searching for for the last few years. I'll listen to these gem tips every morning, to reprogram my mind, my thinking habits and to develop a sense of self and a sense of individuality.

    • @jkm1611
      @jkm1611 7 месяцев назад

      Yes. ITA. No one has been able to really "get it". He does. He also doesnt BS. Gets to the point. I really love this guy.

  • @lucycp2881
    @lucycp2881 4 месяца назад

    Jerry I think your approach is amazing. I am so grateful I came across your videos! I love how you also explain how to deal with situations inside yourself as well as when you are having an interaction with the toxic family members.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  4 месяца назад

      Awesome! Thank you!

  • @honeybadgernasty
    @honeybadgernasty 3 года назад +27

    Oh, I so love this view!!! Thank you Jerry for sharing this gorgeous view with us! 🤗

  • @juliacross2713
    @juliacross2713 2 года назад +2

    Thank you ❤

  • @fung8978
    @fung8978 3 года назад +2

    One of the best videos I’ve seen so far wow

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад

      This is great to hear!
      Thank you for watching…
      “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
      Workshop
      Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
      July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
      On Zoom
      Topics:
      The Illusions of the Narcissist
      The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
      Living in the War Zone
      7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
      10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
      Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
      Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
      Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
      Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
      And more…
      Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
      Q & A
      Role Plays
      Volunteer participation
      You will receive the recorded workshop
      You will receive the notes for the workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

  • @sharonmbi973
    @sharonmbi973 3 месяца назад

    Thank you so much Jerry

  • @SaarLeestMee
    @SaarLeestMee 2 года назад +1

    thank you Jerry for this practical information. it is very hard to find these subjects explained in away it is a tool in daily live but you explain it understandable thank you.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад

      You are very welcome Saar, I'm glad it was helpful ❤️

  • @gilmourishgilmourish6205
    @gilmourishgilmourish6205 3 года назад +3

    Very interesting!!!
    Thank you 🙏🏾 so much !!!

  • @irenebuford8930
    @irenebuford8930 3 года назад +3

    Thank you Jerry... Your video was so educational and informative... You are appreciated...

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +1

      Thank you and thank your for watching
      “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
      Workshop
      Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
      July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
      On Zoom
      Topics:
      The Illusions of the Narcissist
      The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
      Living in the War Zone
      7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
      10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
      Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
      Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
      Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
      Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
      And more…
      Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
      Q & A
      Role Plays
      Volunteer participation
      You will receive the recorded workshop
      You will receive the notes for the workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

    • @irenebuford8930
      @irenebuford8930 3 года назад

      @@jerrywise You're very welcomed.. I can relate to you because, I am an adult child of narcissistic indivuals also, however they are passed away now, I also feel as if they did the best they could do considering them being unaware of what they were... You made it and I made it through it also... I guess we don't have to be ashamed of it anymore... I guess maybe this is why I am drawn to your videos because I continue on my journey to detach from toxic people... You are a great man Jerry... You helped me out a lot...

  • @dailyequanimity
    @dailyequanimity 3 года назад +5

    Your video was extraordinary, Jerry, and I learned so much about enmeshment, especially with narcissists in my life and how there are tools to use so I don't feel so depleted. Love the concept of humor and being less serious and "so what" which I think has drained away with a parenting spouse. I like #5 to do what you would do, or think, or feel if it didn't matter. Yet, couldn't there be pushback from a controlling narcissist? #7 was excellent, too, as I've probably asserted myself in a reactive way to gain ground I've lost. I'm trying to understand the emotional system which means I have to assert myself as an adult or walk away and do the hard work as an adult in every situation, however, small or large. Empowerment is possible. Thank you.

  • @jaysmithcool
    @jaysmithcool 3 года назад +12

    Hi Jerry, I just wanted to say that your videos have been a big help to me. Thank you for all you do!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +3

      You are very welcome

  • @monicaperez2843
    @monicaperez2843 10 месяцев назад +1

    Jerry, I support your good work by watching the commercials. I understand you receive a small amount for the fist 30 seconds watched and a little more for each commercial watched in its entirety. Please, everyone, watch the commercials if you can't join or make a donation. If enough people do this, we can support this great work! Thank you, Jerry, for educating us!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  10 месяцев назад +2

      You are so kind. I have made 400 videos for people to watch free. Their only charge is to have to deal with ads sometimes. But it help reduce the cost of making these videos, editing these videos, and making title pics for these videos. All cost money.

  • @cindyc
    @cindyc 3 года назад +11

    Hoping to apply your techniques in my own life. It is so odd to know my thoughts and feelings are valid, yet to know that others would prefer to hide their head in the sand, than to admit, much less try to improve the situation. But, as you say we are only responsible for ourselves, and we cannot expect others to react in the same way we do. We must accept that everyone is entitled to their own decisions, thoughts, and feelings.

  • @Star-dj1kw
    @Star-dj1kw 2 года назад +3

    My favorite part- 5:42
    A great example of false guilt and manipulation

  • @rishikeshsarang5593
    @rishikeshsarang5593 2 года назад +1

    Thank you so much sir keep posting

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад

      We will
      Thank you for watching.
      Any donation would help in making these videos.
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

  • @rokn35
    @rokn35 3 года назад +3

    Thank you.
    Your way of giving examples is really helpful

  • @jenn_jean_kent_artist
    @jenn_jean_kent_artist 3 года назад +9

    Thank you Jerry, for all you do and share. Your helped us so much, even online. I hope someday we can counsel with you. God bless you.

  • @jkm1611
    @jkm1611 7 месяцев назад

    Here is the irony....I assume you filmed this here due to the peace and serenity it provides. Me, the one watching your video on how to heal from narc family abuse, grew up 10 minutes from where this was filmed. So they place that you felt safe was the place that I feared.

  • @rosamurgia7508
    @rosamurgia7508 2 года назад +1

    Great vídeo!

  • @Xaviarra
    @Xaviarra 3 года назад +4

    This is. Great video!! Thank you❤️

  • @pennybradshaw6908
    @pennybradshaw6908 2 года назад +2

    So helpful !

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад

      Glad it was helpful Penny ❤️

  • @hyggeeof9885
    @hyggeeof9885 8 месяцев назад +2

    The problem is the dysfunctional family cannot accept the differentiated ..they demonise reduce scapegoat. If u dont think like them you are against them. But great points ..i am trying to be more secure not over react ..its hard. Youre point about over serious is a good one..like why the hell am I giving s damm really ? Take me or leave me youre choice. !

  • @trev777
    @trev777 3 года назад +6

    Great video as always! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +2

      Glad it was helpful!

  • @tsmanu81
    @tsmanu81 3 года назад +4

    Very useful. Thank you :)

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад

      Glad it was helpful!
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my RUclips channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my RUclips channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
      Also,
      Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
      “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
      Workshop
      Date: February 6, Saturday
      Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
      Zoom
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
      [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]

  • @zullyamaya1
    @zullyamaya1 2 года назад +1

    Thank you 🙏

  • @mopanitrust9034
    @mopanitrust9034 3 года назад +7

    Thank you, Jerry. Excellent advise. We take full responsibility for our own emotional fitness and we trust God's to help us with it. May the Lords goodness grow us up. Kind regards Douglas

  • @phoenixbg2096
    @phoenixbg2096 3 года назад +12

    Thank you Jerry for very helful video and beautiful view, it’s so beautiful and peacful, it rhymes with what you are teaching us. Now every time when I want to detach from my toxic family members I will remember your calm voice and this scenery

    • @marywolfe6598
      @marywolfe6598 3 года назад +1

      Nicely said.

    • @phoenixbg2096
      @phoenixbg2096 3 года назад

      @ Mary Wolfe Thank you dear, have a beautiful day☀️

  • @cartooningwithrabia3273
    @cartooningwithrabia3273 3 года назад +4

    I needed this today!!! Thank you!

  • @gilmourishgilmourish6205
    @gilmourishgilmourish6205 3 года назад +2

    Definitely a new subscriber!!

  • @sharonmckay9293
    @sharonmckay9293 3 года назад +4

    Thank-you for this - it helps to know some of the areas I need to work on & where I need to take responsiblity.

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад

      Great
      I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
      “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
      It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
      Sign up on website to get info on workshops
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
      Sign up now
      I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
      • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
      • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
      • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my RUclips channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my RUclips channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
      If you sign up now, I will be offering a live broadcast with my paid members on You Tube soon…

  • @nightbeast8959
    @nightbeast8959 2 года назад +3

    I needed this today. ☹️

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  2 года назад

      Thank you for watching.
      Any donation would help in making these videos.
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

  • @katyparker1344
    @katyparker1344 3 года назад +4

    So thankful for your work!

  • @brattygrl81
    @brattygrl81 Месяц назад

    Right now I'm exhausted with the constant messages that I have to explain myself and/or justify my decisions. And I'm sick of hearing about middle ground and not being polarizing in my reaction. It all sounds like I'm still supposed to pander to the narcissist even as I'm detaching from them. I'm completely resolved now to the fact that my mother will never change, but I've also gotten to the point that I'm sick and tired of the endless cycle of trying to make the relationship work. It's so weird that I have to explain how to be an adult to someone who was almost 30 by the time they gave birth to me. And it's so exhausting that I've been the surrogate mother of my own mother for the entirety of my life. Honestly if she's not going to or is not capable of changing, then I'm going to move on. For myself no contact is the end goal. It's not something I can just immediately do, but I'm preparing for my final exit anyway.

  • @milokaz2753
    @milokaz2753 3 года назад +2

    You are good Jerry. Thank you for your help!

  • @775.-
    @775.- 3 года назад +1

    Awesome video sir!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад

      Glad you enjoyed it
      Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my RUclips channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my RUclips channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional helpful recovery information.
      Also,
      Please sign up for the upcoming workshop
      “Getting Your Family of Origin Out of You”
      Workshop
      Date: February 6, Saturday
      Time: 1pm EST - 5pm EST
      Zoom
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
      [Even if you are not able to attend, if you sign up for this workshop, I will send you your own copy of the full workshop and the workshop notes]

  • @vernefits1953
    @vernefits1953 3 года назад +3

    Beautiful video

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад

      Thank you
      “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
      Workshop
      A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families!
      Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE
      July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
      On Zoom
      Topics:
      The Illusions of the Narcissist
      The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
      Living in the War Zone
      7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
      10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
      Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
      Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
      Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
      Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
      And more…
      Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
      Q & A
      Role Plays
      Volunteer participation
      You will receive the recorded workshop
      You will receive the notes for the workshop
      Scholarships are available write to Jerry Wise at
      jerrywise5@gmail.com
      www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

  • @getnetalemu4427
    @getnetalemu4427 2 года назад +1

    Thank you.

  • @andrearush6209
    @andrearush6209 4 месяца назад

    8:30: I LOVE THIS!! I'm gonna take this on as my new response to taking their opinions too seriously!

  • @KoolT
    @KoolT Год назад

    Great Job

  • @erolgermannemmanuel5637
    @erolgermannemmanuel5637 3 года назад +3

    Character building stuff; Thanks Dr. Wise. Regards from 🇧🇷

  • @anettschneider8959
    @anettschneider8959 3 года назад +2

    Your great.thanks.

  • @honeybadgernasty
    @honeybadgernasty 3 года назад +12

    You look so relaxed there 🙂

  • @DRUMofTRUTH
    @DRUMofTRUTH 2 года назад +1

    It’s called balance. Ever seen a tight rope walker? Hard as fuck. Good luck being balanced. We all fall down from our extreme extremities

  • @youraphrodisiac.895
    @youraphrodisiac.895 3 года назад +1

    3:50
    But thank u for the content to help us have a great day sir

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +1

      You are so welcome
      Thank you for watching

  • @preciousgem9343
    @preciousgem9343 3 года назад +3

    Thank you Jerry! I sure need to detach more! No one gave me this tip til you did!

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +1

      Glad to help

    • @charlottelagond4706
      @charlottelagond4706 3 года назад

      I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
      His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
      Good luck to you.

  • @LaLabutterfly
    @LaLabutterfly 3 года назад +5

    Resolving our fantasies and dream of what we HOPE the relationship would be in the future!!!! Ufff if that doesn’t speak to me, in regards to the people I meet at work. I’m a lot better now but just have a couple of steps to go.

  • @lucretiz
    @lucretiz 3 года назад +3

    Beautiful video.

  • @sula645
    @sula645 2 года назад +1

    Thk u

  • @cinderelly00
    @cinderelly00 3 года назад +4

    This is very helpful for my counsellor training. Thank you

    • @jerrywise
      @jerrywise  3 года назад +2

      Glad it was helpful!

    • @charlottelagond4706
      @charlottelagond4706 3 года назад

      I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
      His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
      Am surely glad that my recommendation will greatly help you.

  • @decipher8057
    @decipher8057 4 месяца назад +1

    I only make myself happy. If fake mom is not happy, that is her fault. Fake daddy needs to get a grip on reality.

  • @dn-cp6sh
    @dn-cp6sh 3 года назад +6

    Thanks for this video Jerry. Can you do a video elaborating on polarization? Thank you

  • @divinationbydivyanka8264
    @divinationbydivyanka8264 Год назад +1

    Starts at 3:50

  • @sue4341
    @sue4341 3 года назад +1

    Hi Jerry. Can you please explain what codependency is? I had told someone that I was codependent. They replied Who are you codependent with? I said no one.... They have the old school view of what a codependent is... They use to work in a rehab house/ halfway home... Back in the late 70s early 80s. I would like to pass on to them a good definition/ information about someone who is a codependent. From what I've heard your basically programed to become a codependent person.

  • @marywolfe6598
    @marywolfe6598 3 года назад +4

    I had a situation the other day with the maintenance man where I live. He doesn't like to work. He needed to fix a wall in my bedroom that got damaged in the last topical storm. I asked him if he could give me a window of time to take care of it. He got angry, huffed and puffed, shook his head from side to side and walked down the hall away from me. I told myself that I am not responsible for his feelings and that I did nothing wrong. In the past I might have given in and let him put it off again. When he finally came in to take care of the wall..he didn't even speak a word to me....a very uncomfortable situation. I hope nothing breaks soon. I don't like dealing with him at all!

    • @antoinette8519
      @antoinette8519 3 года назад +3

      I hope you report the guy to management.

    • @bookwoman7803
      @bookwoman7803 3 года назад +2

      Mary, he's trying to make you fear him, so that you don't dare call on his services again.

    • @charlottelagond4706
      @charlottelagond4706 3 года назад

      I understand what you are going through in the hands of your husband.. Many marriages suffer the same thing or even more,but my dear I had to make a bold step by saving my home the spiritual way and since then till now am happy because Dr Akunda actually helped me stable my marriage and am grateful to him.
      His WhatsApp +2348103803120.
      Good luck to you.

  • @user-xj6ke4qk8t
    @user-xj6ke4qk8t Месяц назад

    No 5!!!!!!!

  • @rachelwestendorf6386
    @rachelwestendorf6386 6 месяцев назад

    I have six children. My girls are under extreme brainwashing and I goring me. Two of them have even assaulted me.
    The girls are 20,16,14. I lost my first born some a year and a half ago, at 17 years of age. My other two children are boys, they are 12 and 6. My six year old has Down’s. My 12 year old hates his dad. He loves him but he hates him. He wants to get away but he is scared to death to tell the family secrets. He knows he will be punished if anyone finds out the truth of what’s going on. Chad knows how sadistic he is, we all were programmed to believe that was normal.
    What do I do with my 12 year old son? How to I help him heal? What do I have his uneducated therapist work with him on? He is being abused in that house by everyone in it. And they are teaching my Down’s son how to do it too!!!!
    Also, how do I deal with this in court. Not divorced yet…just filed.

  • @meanimeconingles
    @meanimeconingles 9 месяцев назад

    My father actually worships my mother. 😮