Practicing Detachment: 3 Secrets To Detachment (Secret Two)
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- Опубликовано: 17 окт 2024
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.
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Question: how can one detach without convincing?
Example:
Person 'A' experiences a trigger, then he attaches 'reasons' to justify an incorrect action (bad habit)
Solution 1: he can defuse/detach (in order to remove the meaning of the reason). -> here he convinces himself that there is no meaning
Solution 2: he can defuse/detach (in order to remove the meaning of the reason). -> here he doesn't convince himself but is this possible?
These videos on detachment are priceless! Thank you. The very first time I truly detached from an ex-alcoholic in Al-Anon decades ago, he came in , found something wrong with the housekeeping, started yelling about it. Normally I yelled back and defended, then he would slam out the door and go drink. This time, I used my 'tools' - I saw him as if he were behind bars (mental institution or jail - alcoholism is a jail), said, "God, please control this person, I can't", and did the next right action which was doing the dishes. I was listening to him and kept eye contact, but the emotions weren't getting inside me. He got madder and madder because I wasn't reacting as usual and started jumping up and down and cussing and threw a dish down on the floor. He had a red beard, a brown suit on with a green tie and looked like a leprechaun. Then he slammed out the door to go drink - all without my participation in the play. It was obvious that it was about him not about me. It was the first time I'd been able to do that and felt weird. I started crying and called my sponsor who laughed and said good job - you're just not used to it.
I love that: " Don't just do something stupid, STAND there." That is going to be something I'll keep in mind. Thank you Jerry
Yes, me too!!
"Acting as one" is actually a super-clarifying description of enmeshment. Super useful.
Glad it was useful
The Soviet spy in Bridge of Spies was played by Mark Rylance. A tremendous actor and he won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for that role.
I would say “they are flooding me with their emotions”, there is an unspoken demand to mirror back. So when they make the bid- “How do I feel?”.
That's a lot to keep in mind .
But those of us trying to heal...truly need to hear this! Solutions are not magical when in this complex situation...many a time I find myself two steps forward, then perhaps one of more steps backwards..
And this involves my aging parents who had structured toxic family dynamics and what has been laid out over the years!
Only now with the information available thanks to this channel and others..it's at least a great start towards healing
I am in that kind of situation. Learning.
It is difficult. But we must keep working on ourselves.
It nice to watch these videos and realize that I've done some detaching without realizing it!
I remember when I stopped reacting to my "mom's" outbursts and was called cold-hearted. I'm not cold-hearted, I wasn't taking the enmeshment bait. Big difference.
To go where u want 2 go, you have to do what you have never done
Yes.
"Would it help?" Wow! Life changing. Sooo applicable when dealing with my ndad. Being less reactive to him helped me in detaching
I thank God for Jerry's insight and wisdom which helps me keep my peace and dignity no matter whats happening. It is a superpower and keeps me accountable!
Thank you for this video.
I want to watch/listen to it again. This is where I am at currently. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!Thanks for watching! 🙂
One thing I'd like to do instead of reacting, next time I feel my reactivity coming on, is rewatch this awesome video. Thank you very much for it! 🦉🍀💚
If you have a plan for when you become reactive, you're response to the reactivity is no longer a reactive response ❤️
Very powerful insight in this video ❤
Is that Yitz?
@@Rob9mm Lol I didn’t know I’m this popular. It is indeed me😊
This is very helpful in understanding of what is going on with my family and my own behavior. I have a lot of work to do to change what needed to change. Thank you so much! ❤️🙏
I Am separate from them. Powerful. Be the videographer. I will keep repeating that in my thoughts.
I'm so glad I found your channel! You've really helped my recognize my enmeshment issues and learn how to address them!
Thanks Jerry...it's EXTREMELY difficult to detach from my mother 😥
Sorry to hear that Laurie, I hope my videos can help you with connecting with yourself and detaching from mom
Was excited for this video to come out!
I hope you find it helpful, thanks for being part of the family Joe ❤
These are nuggets of gold, thanks Jerry
Im blown away by this message, its just what ive been needing to hear for so long!
I'm glad it resonated with you ❤️
As iv woken up to being a golden child iv been suicidal in my thinking but this video has helped me.
I know it's going to be ongoing for me but the tools you gave are very interesting and il try to incorporate them into my life.
I know that my family are the ones with a problem and I need to move on
Suicidal?
Pls seek care.
BRILLIANT..... and great analogies...such as be the videographer....not the bride or groom....yes....our emotional fields are trapped, enmeshed, pinging and ponging off each other....I think that's what Christ meant when he said...."In it but not OF it."....that Divine human went through ALOT....but his Soul escaped unscathed.
Thank you Karen, I'm glad you enjoyed the video and that the analogies were helpful ❤
This video is Gold! So much wisdom and insight here. I will be rewatching this many times.
I'm glad you found it helpful ❤️
Great stuff as usual. I know as I practiced this that it was all about the reaction. When I stopped giving others the reaction then they did not want anything to do with me. That is fine. I do also like the questions about what do I want out of it rather than if they do this..
this was very difficult and uncomfortable to process Jerry as its so true to my past and present situation. had to listen to it a couple of times or more to internalise. much appreciated as always.
Great video. I have watched it a couple times to help retrain my brain. Thank you.
Thanks O.G. ! 🔥 Content.
Really helps my every morning on my way to work to reset my regular functioning...
Glad it helps you, keep it up ❤
Thanks! LIFE IS BECOMING MORE EASIER WITH YOU'RE INFORMATION.
Happy to help! Thank you for your gift!
After awhile of being torn down or called a name it's time to totally detach if i have to dance around that person to get my point across to them of how i want to relate. Ive had to many people in my life this year that had been abusive & manipulative. They are wow moments & I've had enough! Now, it's quiet & i can breath.
HA ! ...THANKS JERRY.
I'm getting WELL practised in this detaching. It's getting to be like a funny game ...pre.... ' emptying '...my NarcHusband ¡¿¡¿ 😀😄😅🤣🤡🤡🤣🤣
Y'see - now he lives so guarded and vigilant.....to any vulnerability..... it is much easier to just let him get on with it - I am no longer invested in being an open and honest role model. 😉😊
Remember detaching is not about him, but about you ❤️
Thank you, so helpful, short !and sharp !
‘Would it help’? 👏👏👏👏
The literal action of stopping entertainment of the wrong thoughts
Thank you for sharing so much information on the family system. It has helped me tremendously!💕
You are so welcome!
As*always so so good 💕🍀
Glad you think so Gaye! ❤️
Yay!!! Eager to listen and absorb 😊 Thank you again, Jerry!
You're very welcome Jennifer, thank you for always supporting my work ❤️
Thank you 🙏🏻 I have been working on these issues for a long time and have kept coming back to different points over the years but this time listening to your videos and I bought the book growing yourself up also by Jenny Brown it really is sinking in and really helping me fully and practically so I really wanna thank you for making these videos 😊
LIFE CHANGING!!! Soooo brilliant !!!!!! THANKYOU THANKYOU
Don’t want to over give
Me too! ❤😢
Thank you so much Jerry! You have helped give me hope for a different kind of relationship with my FOO! I can use these tools and if it’s still immensely unhealthy and triggering, I will wipe the dust off my feet knowing I have tried everything I can do to take responsibility for my part.
keep up the great work, glad to be part of your journey!
I forgot to say, great video!
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
❤️🤓thank you so much!!
You re the best! Thank you . This us extremely helpful.
Was waiting for this..
Here it is ❤
Love m’ Jerry, very fond of you now, thankyou for the cool wisdom
You are very welcome🙂
Love your videos!!
Thank you. Very helpful 👌 ☺
Glad it was helpful!
Very helpful video! Even during watching this I was able to defllect an "invitation to reactivity" from someone.( At 15:49 it should say "their" not "there".)
I'm really glad the videos was helpful. Thank you so much for your feedback!
Always a great listen. 🦋💕🙂🌺
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
Thank God for you.😊
🤗
Hi @jerrywise thank you for this. Did you make a secret 3 video ? I can't seem to find .
Here it is :)
ruclips.net/video/KSJ9YRiPKFk/видео.html
One of your best Jerry!
Thank you Robert, I'm glad you enjoyed it
God bless ~💜💜💜~
I love your shirt! 🙂💜
Thank you!
Yes. ❤
I only do small talk with my Mom.
24:00
That's interesting. I haven't met that jerk. I haven't known that to be true
❤
I am in Christ. I am not in mom/dad.
Spot on the video I really have been needing. Currently staying with family that has behaviors which light up my exposed childhood nerves like crazy.
I can see I’m in a time loop, and it sucks. I know it’s happening but have felt powerless to stop it no matter what tactics I’ve tried.
This video is super timely and I feel lucky you put it out and the algorithm sent it my way.
Thank you for your work and time. 🙏🐌🌈🫶
Spot on the video I really have been needing. Currently staying with family that has behaviors which light up my exposed childhood nerves like crazy.
I can see I’m in a time loop, and it sucks. I know it’s happening but have felt powerless to stop it no matter what tactics I’ve tried.
This video is super timely and I feel lucky you put it out and the algorithm sent it my way.
Thank you for your work and time. 🙏🐌🌈🫶
The algorithm works in mysterious ways...😊 I'm glad the timing was right for you.
Some of the videos in these playlists may be helpful to you:
Dealing with your dysfunctional family of origin- ruclips.net/p/PLoYQTW09i3W1xrL-OpTtpnvP9U9RvQDox
Setting healthy boundaries in dysfunctional relationships- ruclips.net/p/PLoYQTW09i3W2hJBDh27eYY7e0xiFnDbtQ
I hope these help ❤️