My Parent's Never Told Me About My Secret Brother
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2020
- My Parent's Never Told Me About My Secret Brother
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Go meet him. He did nothing wrong. You're an adult now, she raised you. He suffered all these years, he didn't have a say in how he was born into your family. Go see your brother. That's your mom's choice if she wants to cut you off. God is love. Show love.
Build the bridge that opens the path t o inner healing and
Oops...love builds the bridge that opens the path to inner-healing and inter-healing to all. So stop making assumptions and just do it for God Jesus & the Holy Spirit have led you to this with the knowledge that you have the strength to shed this cross of shame & rebuild the bridge to forgiveness. You're in all our prayers amen 💞💟
@@maureen8745 p
Coming from someone who lost my only brother in my twenties, not meeting a brother is NOT an option. You will never let it go. The reunion may not be magical, you may never see him again, but you need to meet him and figure that out. Good luck.
The mom forbade her husband to contact him also. Bet.
The way her mom said if she decides to talk to her secret brother that she’ll will drop her. I’m almost 100% sure that she said the same thing to her husband years back when they found out he had another child. Basically saying me or him! Childish
Apparently the son is older though
grod805 id love to see what the son has to say to his father for “pretending he didn’t exist” for 30 plus years
Puppy and Baby Action still doesn’t justify her mother telling them to pick and choose
@Puppy and Baby Action If you listen to the call closely, he had a child before he met this girl's mom and they got married. There was no cheating.
Sell the car, start delivering pizzas and live on rice and beans, beans and rice
🤣🤣🤣
"What's your secretly brother's income?"
This is still the Dave Ramsey Show right?
Tuba degree?!
@@laospa55ion brother has a degree in German polka history! That's why they disowned him.
I met my father for the first time in my 20s. He had never told his wife about me. He raised her children ...then we reconnected. She has been the most amazing woman. I am so blessed to be able to call them stepmom & dad. ❤
They are lying. That baby did come from an affair early on in their relationship before they were married. The father went back and forth between the two women and his current wife gave him an ultimatum. Because of this, they have had to lie to everyone about the true timeline of their relationship.
Problem solved!
9000 iq
The mom is toxic but so is the dad for allowing himself to be brainwashed by his wife who forbade him from taking care of his own son.
Thing is, you don't know that to be true. You can't assume lies to fit the narrative. The reality is they both said that the child came from before their relationship. That's actually not difficult to prove, so to lie about it would be foolish.
Then again, they've been lying a lot. But it's never good to assume what's not in the call.
My uncle had a child before marriage and his current wife refused for him to have a relationship with his daughter. He has his daughter before they were in a relationship but she still refused him to see her and now after 30 years he wants to see her and she is now divorcing him
I had a very similar situation but it was very different at the same time. My mother was the one who found my brother because she thought we had the right to have each other in our lives. This information probably hurt her more than anyone and she was the only one willing to bring him to light and it was so important to me. We met him 5-6 years ago and 3 years ago he almost died in a semi truck accident.. I love my brother please do not stay away because of your mom, you will regret it.
Of course, the “secret” brother also has emotions, try not to ruin his life too. If the only losers in this is that you both have “secret siblings”, you can both decide not to make this about other people. Be a grown up and decide. You and your brother can choose to have a relationship outside of each of your parents. Not in secret, just as a matter of fact.
Sue You would think so, but my ex gave this same ultimatum to my boys regarding their half sister. He threatened to disown them.
I agree Sue and shocked by Sandy’s ex husband. As the outside child, I didn’t and still don’t have a relationship with my father but close to my grandmother, cousins and half sinister. I had to come to a realization that there would never be a bond there with my father but having the rest of the family accept me was really helpful.
Talk go your brother. You’re an adult.
She needs a therapist!!!She def needs to mourn her “idea” of her dad/family. Great advice Dr. D. I say def let Dr. D take the lead on these calls!
Dr John is really good but I appreciate Ken's comments on remembering he was a great dad and this doesn't negate the good he did
If this child happened before her parents even knew each other, then her mom would have no problem with them getting to know each other. Her parents are lying! There's no way that her mom could feel that strongly about a child that existed before she even knew the man. I I have 2 cousins who discovered they had children they never knew about. Neither of their wives were in the picture when these children were conceived. Both of their wives had no problem welcoming their long lost children into the family.
This is not always true. Some women are THAT controlling!
"If you want to be with me you have to cut ALL ties with your past life."
They are so insecure they feel that he may want to go back to his old situation and she has to keep him from even thinking that could ever be an option.
After our father passed away we found out we habe 2 sisters and this year we found out my father had another child before them. It was really hard to know all this but we have used it as just more family to love
I kept waiting for someone to ask her what her income is...
😂😂
The fact that her mom said she can’t speak to her brother means he was conceived from an affair. 🙄 Girl, stop acting slow.
Not necessarily from an affair. (1) The brother could have resulted from a college relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, and the mother decided to go her own way and raise the child. She got married and the child was raised by another man. (2) The caller’s dad, as a teen, impregnated his girlfriend, but she didn’t tell him of the child until years later, when he was married and rising through social or political ranks. The news of this existing child would devastate his (and his wife’s) social, or political, standing so they decided to keep the son a secret. (3) The caller’s dad - before he met her mother - had a brief relationship with a coworker (married or in a relationship with another man), and the coworker convinced the other guy that he was the father. This scenario makes sense, even if the caller’s father was dating, or engaged to, her mother at the time. Her mother is threatened by the very existence of this child. Perhaps they are quite wealthy and she’s concerned that this son will lay claim to a chunk of an estate when the caller’s parents die, thereby diluting the caller’s (and her full blood siblings’) portion of the estate.
There is definitely more to the story! Plus the caller said at the beginning that she’s getting different information.
They already mentioned that the brother is older than Sarah's parents relationship. So, go listen to the clip again, but this time listen to what everyone has to say instead of swooping in with your judgemental comments. It can't be an affair if it's older than the relationship.
@@agjios What is your opinion ? I'am getting confused by this story.
@@BronsonWally Sarah said that before her mom and dad even dated, her dad had a child. It sounds like the shrew of a mom set an ultimatum that she wants her husband's son to be out of sight, out of mind.
I’m in my 30s. My mom doesn’t “tell” me what to do. Dave has yelled at me enough lol
vouch
LOL! Yeah, he doesn't stand for that
I am adopted. As an adult I searched for my parents. My biological father denied I was his. After taking a DNA test, it was proven he was the father. His family was never told, the truth, and when they found out they where shocked and went into denial. Only one person in that biological family reached out to me. Very sad. IMO - I would suggest getting some professional mental counseling over this situation. God bless.
Definitely have a private conversation with your Dad. Nobody knows the real reason why he wasn’t part of her brother’s life, not even Sara’s mom. Her knowledge is secondhand. Maybe the brother’s biological mother didn’t want him to part of their lives.
My dad was adopted and we finally found his bio-family. His mom is dead and she took this secret with her to the grave, we have no idea who his dad is. But his half-sisters and their families were so worth reaching out to. We’ve learned so much about them! No regrets connecting. Funny enough one of his sister was not so surprised her mom had done this 👌
Let’s hope that mother is not a narcissist. There is no good time to challenge her control. I’m thinking this woman meeting the brother could prove healing for the father as well. Some day the father may meet his son. Kudos to the brother’s mom for choosing life!!! Good things come from humble loving. Trust that. 🙂✝️
Lady go and talk to your brother you didn't have to call these people to get an answer your an grown woman you can talk and seek the information yourself
She's trying to avoid losing her relationship with her mother. some people are really close to their parents and don't want to lose that relationship, no matter how effed up it is. There's nothing wrong with looking for help
@@IreneZGoodman Mom sounds like a control freak. No sympathy for her at all.
I’m willing to be her dad is a pastor or something. These people clearly care more about what other people think of him then they do about his son
You might be on to something! 🤔
Not necessarily. My uncle had a daughter before he met and married his wife. She was horribly jealous and demanded he have nothing to do with his daughter because it meant he’d have to be around the ex. She threw downright nasty fits on him which lasted for years while they were married. It was a mess. He only really got to know his daughter after he and his wife divorced. Some women can just be that bad. We had one in our family. I don’t believe she’d have ever accepted the daughter if they would have stayed married. Not sure if my cousin speaks to his sister or has much have a relationship with her even now.
You're prejudiced against pastors, but atheists can be every bit as judgemental and is image obsessed
I agree with most, this is a question for Dr.Phil... why is this on Dave Ramsey show?
You know the doctor is a therapist right?
Theory: The father had the child and did not TELL the mom before they were married. She is already married to him and was lied to so she is ashamed she married a liar. Just a thought
I disagree. I think the mom forbade not only her daughter now, but her spineless father from being a father to the brother.
dueimack He has no spine due to the fact that he chose to be an amazing parent to his daughter but act like his son doesn’t exist.
@dueimack If you was taking care of his son, the daughter would have known about it. You can't take care of someone and hide them at the same time. Unless you're just talking about financially like throwing him checks or something like that. But it doesn't seem like he has a relationship with that boy at all
i really dont think its that serious
I just wasted a second of my life trying to remove your photo icon off my phone thinking it was an eyelash 🧐 you are evil Zero!
This is really not a problem
Amanda... me too 😂
Kind of agree. I'm like 90% sure that I have half brothers/sisters down south in Mexico but it's never really bothered me to go and look for them.
I think maybe it's because this person had a very "full house/brady bunch" upbringing that it shook her world to find out something like this and her parents.
That's good for you, but not everyone is like you. Some of us want our family in our lives.
Had a similar situation it's a tough realization, but you'll get through it.
What’s the dad’s household income? How much debt does this secret brother have?
Rice and beans, beans and rice.
Lol I really was wondering when she would get to the financial part
I would tell the parents, “We’re all going to have to grow.”
She had the right to know she has a brother. Honestly that’s huuuge broken trust right there. Not ok.
Why do you think she has any such right?
This whole situation is so sad. I really hope she will talk to her brother and I hope her parents find a way to forgive themselves and get rid of their guilt. I think that is the main reason for them hiding it all together
I'm confused why she's calling a financial person for this
She’s calling for Dr Deloney I think...
He's a doctor.... He does this for a living.
The caller is confused as well.
She just had a baby so she just started the baby steps.
Because Dr. D is a mental doctor.
I know why he did it....He married it.....
You dont need an apostrophe in parents.
I just wonder if the daughter needed a life saving medical procedure and the brother was a match would the mom allow it or let her daughter die?
Go meet him and see where it goes, your mother is being incredibly unfair in this and is probably scared and embarrassed that you just found out. Went through something similar with my parents when I found out I was adopted and found out who my real mother was in my 30s, lots of unnecessary emotional drama, almost like they feel betrayed when all I wanted to do was find out where I came from.
Mom could also be scared because the plot twist is that Sarah is actually also a child of this other woman.
I wonder if the brother knows that he has a sibling, Then, why he didn’t try to contact her . Also, She needs to search really good about this brother characteristics .. is he a good or bad person .. what kind of family he was raised in .. etc .. because she doesn’t need more drama in her life.
It was the brother who contacted her!
The brother is the one who contacted her. Did you listen to the call?
Question comment posters: How many of you know people who were born to couples who never married in the 1970's, and then raised by a stepfather or grandparents? I have 5 sisters and 1 brother: Three sisters each had a child from men they lived with in their early 20's, and my brother did too. They all later married other people and had other children. All of the young men had nothing to do with their children until they were in their 40's and it was at a very superficial level. My brother's daughter moved away at 4 years old with her mom to another state, he never regained his relationship with daughter until she was 15, by then the daughter hardly remembered anyone, and she was only interested in getting material things from her father, not so much getting a relationship. Time passes and everyone should expect very little from family that you were not raised with.
I was born in 75. My mother and father were never married because he was married to someone else. Yep outstanding parents I have. I have five half siblings who are awesome. I connected to them about 12 years ago and we get along really well.
It would be interesting to hear moms reasoning for her to not create a relationship with her brother. Possible that the brothers mom has some serious issues & she was fearful about that back in the day. They could have also never really thought the brothers mom was ever actually pregnant. If it were me I'd want to talk to both parents separately. I'd also move slowly with this new brother & find out if theres a motive with him other than just wanting connection.
I'd definitely meet the brother though...I just met some of my birth family & it's made a huge difference.
These two need their own show. Nothing to do with the Dave Ramsey Show.😞
I would meet my brother- Mom has to grow up
Right?
My question is why in the world would a person call in to a financial opinion show about a highly personal family matter that has nothing to do with finances. Call you psychologist - not someone who wants you to pay off bills. DR Show screener did not do a good job here.
It's a disappointing new tangent the show is taking. Out of curiosity, I recently watched a whole episode with Dr. Deloney and one of the other non-Daves. It had three of these soap opera callers. I understand the point of building an audience for Deloney's own show, but it alienates the huge majority who expect to hear a financial advice show.
part of growing up...you find out your parents, no matter how great they are, aren't perfect.
Family. Counseling. I couldn’t imagine my mom saying I couldn’t talk to secret brother. She’s talking about the idea of her father changing, but more than that must be changing. A woman cannot day that without me think differently about her.
Mom is outrageous
Grace and Mercy. Has she lived a life without sin? Let she who is without sin cast the first stone. Sarah, give your dad grace the way your dad has given you grace time after time growing up.
Well, he had no leg to stand on, did he?
Dad was ok. He just couldn't keep his pants up:)
Dad got side action. The mom doesn't want this "brother" to hang around, it's a painful reminder of the dad's side action
"Parent's"?
Did Dave fire the proofreader?
This could go so many different ways. She may meet her brother and find out he's not the kind of person she wants in her life. The grass is always greener on the other side.
When did this become dr.Phil 😂
My ex gave my boys the same ultimatum regarding their half sister. If I were her I would have contact with my brother and if mom can’t deal with it that is her decision. She needs to set boundaries. I don’t think the dad issue for her is as difficult since she said he was a good dad.
I think they give great advice as a team. They should work together more on the delony Show.
Have a relationship with your brother and keep it a secret from your parents. Lol
N have his bby
It is horrible when a birth parent rejects a child who is reaching out. It is cruel that you are told you can not contact your own brother. I would go ahead and have a relationship with him.
I didn’t realize this was the Maury show.
When did DR become Dr. Phil?
Truth is like cream. It always rises to the top. Eventually, the truth comes out and when it does you must face it with honor and integrity. You are an adult. You decide for yourself what is best for you and your brother. Your father will understand.
I like the mix of questions
Weird call... This has nothing to do with money
"I love everyone" So love means nothing to her.
Back when we used to adopt unwanted babies instead of, well you know.
Abortions go back to 1550 BC
@@auemmjee , reply censored, never mind.
Meet the brother if you want , he just might end up taking care of you! Life is full of surprises
1. Look up parents’ marriage certificate.
2. Meet brother without telling mother. He is not an enemy. Be kind. Do a lot of listening, and be respectful of him and his mother. Ask open-ended questions. Ask his birthdate, his name at birth, and his current name.
3. Use that info to figure out how he fit into the timeline of the family.
4. You don’t need your parents’ permission and you don’t have to tell them.
Something similar happened to me, but after doing a little digging (because regardless of the title he's still a stranger) I discovered that he spent 5 years in prison for 1st degree child abuse. I have two children ages 11 and 8,so should I ignore him?
Man! The brother is hurting as well! Please go meet him Sarah! If I found out I have a sibling, the minimum I would do is meet! Blessings to everyone. 🇯🇲🇺🇸🖤🙏🏾
The mom was NOT connected to the child, that's why it's easy for her to block it off. Sarah and her dad on the other hand...that's their brother and son its their blood.
family drama...... this is why i do not associtate with family, no need for it. i prefer to keep things simple.
Sorry. I'm an adult now. Mom and dad can't dictate who I see and who I don't see. I'd find out where the brother is and ask to meet. Mom and dad don't like it, too bad. That's what you get for lying and hiding things.
Edit: The mom has more to lose than the daughter. She will lose both her daughter and grandchild, and maybe her husband also. If she's willing to lose her whole family over this, then that's her choice. She doesn't have to love and care for the brother, she just has to treat him with respect, adult to adult.
Neither of these two listened closely to this woman...thankfully, one was wise enough to step in and be the voice of reason of the other who is so caught up in his "seasons".
I am indifferent to Coleman. Love all the other Ramsey personalities.
My wife found out she had a half sister about 13 years older than her and was born several years before her parents got married.
Dave: Sell the brother, secretly.
Why is it on this channel?
I feel like she's making way to big a deal about this. The mom also is making a bigger deal about it than it is. The brother is just another human being out there, billions of people and you don't meet them all.
No she's making the right amount of deal about it. She has a brother. Someone she wants to have a relationship with. There's a whole lot to unpack in this story. Her father abandoned his son. Her mother is being horrible about it.
I agree. It's blown out of proportion.
@@IreneZGoodman "Her father abandoned his son". You don't know that. You don't know who is culpable for why the caller's father isn't involved in the half-brother's life.
He could be involuntarily separated from his son, because of the way the break-up or divorce happened with the mother. It could also be that she convinced another man to believe he was the father throughout the caller's half-brother's childhood, and just now truth is coming out. She may not have even informed the caller's father that he was a father.
Her mother is just another human as well
I would say the mother is being threatenING because she feels threateNED..... Ugh
Parents*
Fixed that for the person who titled the video.
Forget, but never forgive☝️
Your parents are 100% in the wrong. Your brother deserves to know his sister, and the truth. So do you.
I predict hyln at 150 plus within a week...watch out when it gets some press and a little hype and becomes available on all platforms
Believe it or not, a lot of the women are usually the ones who convince the man to not see the secret child or it is their mother that tells them to not have a child out of wedlock. My friend is a 'secret child' and their father is not able to see them because of his wife is forbidding him. It is usually rare for a man to just walk away from a child they created unless it is something or someone that is putting a stop to it. Not an excuse for it but for those who are wondering, this is the reality.
He is not seeing his child because he is doesn't have a backbone. He's choosing a woman of poor character over his child. He and his wife deserve each other and your friend is better off without a weak male in their life.
I’ve had this exact situation happen with the kids mothers parents. My ex found out she had a sister that was 40 when she knocked on the door and said “hi dad”. My ex’s mother said personally to me that she was worried “this new woman” was going to take her husbands fortune way FROM HIS WIFE AND THEIR CHILDREN. It’s simply an issue of keeping the mans resources for her and HER children.
One of my friends stated if she found out her husband had a child before they got married... before her now.. she would not accept that child and would make sure they got nothing from her husband. I was like wow!!
@@LisaLisaCJ it’s basic female nature to want to consolidate the resources for her children.
Her brother is Jon Snow.
Mom has conditional love. That ultimatum is emotional child abuse. Not only that but her mother’s ultimatum isn’t for her daughter, it’s her own. If she cuts her daughter out, she loses her grandkids etc. That would be HER LOSS! The ultimatum will ruin her own self later on. Maybe mom needs to learn from that lesson cuz brother deserves to be loved 💗 my mother met her brother in her 40s!! She’s represents the only family he knows now and how awesome 🤩 👍 what a blessing long term to pursue true love and not the conditional kind
She sounds very sheltered. She needs to realize that life happened and people aren’t perfect. Get over it…your Dad is not above reproach.
Sounds like the child was conceived while mom and dad were either dating or married and not admitting to the timeline.
Surprised that the dad easily abandoned the son and didn'teven mention the son. The mom is just being crazy in trying to control the situation. The daughter is just dramatic I mean meet the brother and establish a relationship with him if she wants. This just shows that the parents may never get over the shame of the situation.
Some generations are not as open... My grandma didn’t talk about my dad’s brother that was put up for adoption to anyone for 25 years. In the old days you never ever talked about any kind of scandals in fear of judgement from the neighbors. There is a book called “the women who went away” about this exact phenomenon. It is very interesting... My grandfather had a kid with another woman out of wedlock and he said that the kid didn’t “count” bc “he never even found out what gender it was”. It was a different time lol
Dave finally got that hair transplant and plastic surgery i been telling him get when me & him get 31cent not iced coffee
I think Dave drinks higher priced coffee than Graham. ☺️
Parents, not "Parent's"
She can go see the brother and not tell her mom about it initially.
I'd be so tempted to tell Mom that she and I don't have to talk again and that I'll be reaching out to my brother.
It’s not different than if the mother had had a child and adopted it out before husband and family came along. That’s basically what the father did. It’s not about lack of integrity, or that he’s different than who she knew. Many women have done this over the course of time. They let go of a child because maybe it’s the in the best interest of the child. Apply that to this scenario, just reverse the genders. The child had a family, a mother and a man who stepped in as father.
Much ado about nothing;
Do you even have a paternity test?
Are your parents going through a divorce? And was it your mother who told you about the alledged half-brother in order to bring you on her side?
Did somebody give you this information because they knew it would bother you and now you are just dancing to their tune?
Maybe because I've been through a lot I find most people are pathetic with their problems.
The brother had a dad who reared him. Did the Mom marry or have a man who was the Dad to her son or was he given up for adoption and was adopted by someone. All adoptions weren't open, her dad may have had no idea where the boy was. This was typical years ago. Her Mom has her own reasons for not wanting a stranger into her family. How did the son find out, DNA testing? A sudden child showing up wasn't as common in years past and they frequently weren't welcome. But, there's not enough known as to how the son came to be and was 'given up'. The daughter is looking at things from today's viewpoint; things were different when this occurred and they were really different when I was young. The young can be so judgemental with so little knowledge. I wish I knew how this one settled.
Sounds like dad didn't want to spend too much on Baby Step 5: Saving for Kids' college !
RepudiumDotCom 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I would ABSOLUTELY be reaching out to my brother who is just as innocent as me in that shameful secret; OUTRAGEOUS!!!!! and if my 'parents' decided to not be in my life because of my choice OH WELL; like the adult decision THEY made; I am an adult and will make decisions for me
1. This call is for Dr. Phil, not Dave Ramsey. This has absolutely nothing to do with finance and is for a separate show. 2. That your brother; you owe him a relationship. Your mom is embarrassed that dad had a child outside of the relationship. Your grown now and tomorrow isn't promised. CALL YOUR BROTHER!
Get yourself a $1000 v-hickle.
What does this have to do with financial issues?
They totally missed the financial aspects of this! Georgia has no statute of limitations on child support (which I am inferring the dad never paid). If the parents don't have a will, the son would be legally have a claim to anything his dad left behind upon death. Other medico-legal aspect - unless the Dad has established a chain of legal healthcare surrogates, the order is : Spouse... if no spouse, then parents... if no parents, then majority of siblings. There's probably other things I'm not even thinking about.... but of course the two numbskulls guest hosting are going to blather on about whether to contact the brother or not.
It wouldn’t be lying to her .parents if she simply didn’t tell her
Mom sounds evil!.Dad sounds weak! His own child he walked away from.