Steven Seagal's The Keeper Is So Bad It Uses The Urinal RIGHT NEXT TO YOU - Worst Movie Ever
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- Опубликовано: 30 июн 2023
- The Steven Seagal tragedy, also known as The Keeper, has absolutely no sense of common decency an refuses to acknowledge the #1 guy rule of a urinal space between each person. Steven Seagal movies have gotten to the point where they can actually violate the most sacred of mancodes. While you're here, I know if there's 3 urinals its just a habit to use the one in the middle as that gives you a space on both sides, but then if someone else has to use it they're now FORCED to stand next to you. Please think about what you're doing.
#stevenseagal #badmovie #worstmovie 
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My boi
You just created the best name for his style of fighting lofl, true sloppy slappy
With a sprinkle of Native American
How many bottles of JD and cigarettes do you got through watching these Seagal movies?
And another movie where Seagal shits on, fuaq both them….
Steven is white, Asian, black & Mexican at the same time. Amazing.
Don't forget he also thinks he's Russian!!😂😂😂😂😂
And an Indian.
Steven is in fact White, spiritually Asian, half Black sometimes, Mexican by marriage, and, when the mood hits him, a big, fucking Indian.
@@aveedub7403So Russian isn't white? Good to know
Maybe he has a personality disorders..he puts a hat on and thinks he's a different person
Steven Seagal suddenly adopting a crappy Texan accent after being there for a day is the most Steven Seagal thing ever
goes w/ the cowboy hat...a badass twofer...don't mess w/ Texas.
What do you mean "Seagal adopting a Texan accent"? He invented it. The Texans got it from him.
I find it funny he changes his accent depending on who he is speaking to.
@@bellissimo4520 "Hell, I been speakin' Texan since I was the last samurai, around the same time I invented jiu-jitsu and crossed the Delaware
River with Washington"
He speaks Texan real good. He's darn near effluent in it.
'...all he needs to do is randomly attack strangers, which quiets the voices...' 😂😂😂
"it's been an hour he hasn't killed anyone"
That hospital gun always comes in handy when your partner tries to murder you the second time😂😂
he must have stashes spread around like Janeway on Voyager with her engine room rifle
@@HappyBeezerStudiosI am doing a Seagul movie run and watched this a week ago. They actually put a teeny weeny amount of thought into this scene...some cop comes to visit him and he steals her pistol
The best part is you can tell how much of a narcissistic asshole Seagal is because his characters never suffer any consequences lmao. It's like a kid at a playground.
"I shoot you in the chest"
"I still have a pulse"
"I shot you right in the heart."
"Nuh-uh"
He's the kind of guy who suddenly has a toilet gun, freezer gun, garbage can gun, car bazooka. And don't forget about the random bomb he keeps in the trunk of his car.
The best way to destroy a heavily armed compound is to tell Seagal it's full of innocent families.
And waffles.
🤣
Don't forget the cookies!
He goes balistic after hearing that 🤯🤯🤯
How do you think Putin is able to hold onto power. It's because he let's Seagal kill anyone he wants as long as he kills Putins enemies
These Steven Seagal Space Ice reviews are so much better and rewatchable than the covered movie.
You're so right.
BTW I may not know you, homie but I have a strong suspicion you're as Portuguese as I am... Educated guess
@@erict3728 you hit the nail on the head boss!
Space Ice: "I watched many Steven Seagal movies.."
**Cut to Ace Ventura crying in the shower** 😂😂😂😂
@@BeautifulRhodeIslandawesome. Take care, bud!
Ahh, I see another person from R.I. has taste!
The narrator is literally making this movie 100x better than the original one. Best sarcastic comedy of Steven Seagal I've heard yet 😂😂😂
I was literally laughing all the way 🤣
Tis the only reason we want Steven Seagal to carry on making movies lol
True. Now I want to watch it 😂😂
DON'T DO IT!
U DON'T NEED TO!@@_1Marisa
If Steven Seagal would be self aware and make these kind of direct-to-video productions as sort of mockbuster-esque parodies, he would be hilarious.
If some of the scenes would be acted by people who know what they're down and who give a damn, they would be great (imagine the fighting-while-sitting stuff with Jackie Chan)
If he would be an insane over-actor who hams up his lines so hard, every movie of his would make a great ham & cheese sandwich, they would be amazing.
But that would require not having Steven Seagal in them...
"We can't find her until we know why she was taken" Imagine if law enforcement was really like this!😂
Right? Let the victim suffer because her dad won’t tell us why. Not like we should try to save her anyways then also figure out what she knows 😂
this guy must be Frank dux dad
The American police is like that what are you on about?!
I know right because in reality the police would and will never show up in the first place unless you owe the government money 😂😂😂
I don't know. The police in the USA are pretty bad at missing persons cases unless it's a child or some mental limitation. Usually they'll tell you to wait 48 hours and then you can file a missing person thing. Usually they do nothing afterwards because 99% of the time the person comes back and it turns out to be they left without telling anyone.@@buyerenogurlfwendo2106
Steven Seagal playing a cop is like a poor man's, fat man's, lazy man's Training Day.
Except Seagal will never have the charisma or charm of Alonzo Harris.
Snatch every mf'n king kong.
@@adoredpariah hot bimbo: "Is it true what they all say about you? That King Kong aint got nothing on you."
Only wet his partner gets is Stevens sweat from eating.
And a lazy attempt to recreate the "bodyguard"
Nothing hurts me more than the knowledge that one day this channel will run out of seagal movies, so I’m just enjoying it while it’s still happening
Some AI Chat GPT type thing will generate some more someday.
I hope he moves on to shit on current awful disney and mcu movies
We will never run out of seagull movies as long as there is money to be laundered, free buffets at strip clubs and seagull not eating himself into becoming his own galaxy.
He hasn't even done Under Seige 1 and 2 yet
he's got uwe boll movies too...
I died at the, "Seagall tries to order a cheesesteak over the radio!" 😅😅😅
No worries his Stunt doubles will take over
Took me out. 🤣 🤣 🤣
When even the bad guy asked Seagal not to kill the children... 😂
"fck you, he will never agree to that!"😂
Did Steven Seagal even knew he was in a movie?
Sometimes i imagine Steven seagull sitting at home with his beer on one hand and a burger on another hand wearing those funny glasses watching his own movies saying " godamn that's a masterpiece" 😂😂😂
or circling his nipples (like those south park characters) while watching Ultimate Seagal Compilation #14
@@currentlyAddictedToKebab 😁
That's probably not too far off from the truth, tbh.
If those Keenan Ivory Wayans stories from Rob Scheinder are true, he probably does.
Steven Seagal: I just read the greatest script I've ever read in my life.
Writer: Oh wow, who wrote it?
Steven Seagal: I did.
I was stunned that the young girl didn't throw herself at Seagal like they do in every other movie.
I wanted to know about the tracking device he gave her to wear, but as per usual, *it's never mentioned again*
@@jimmyzhao2673Oh no, he's still tracking her. That's where true life imitates art.
Seagal dont ask. He take what he wants. But this time it wasnt caught on camera :D
Especially since he wrote the movie.
She ain’t bad.
"The good guys know they can only keep her safe for so long"!! Lmao had me dying
True. In Steven Seagal's movies, it's like we're watching the show from the *villain* 's point of view. 😅
😂😂😂
🙂😂😂😂😂😂
"He needs to attack a couple of strangers which quiet the voices" Seagal being his full psychotic serial killing self. 😂
Yea, that's my favorite joke.
In the entire history of film review, no one has brilliantly, hilariously and accurately mocked an 'actor' as Space Ice has mocked Steven Seagal! Bravo sir, great job every time. 🤣
Seagal is not an actor, he is a trained killer, real life warlord, and certified badass
@@tehpurplepillswell, certainly ones brain cells will be mass murdered watching that crap. So yeah, at least that will be achieved by seagull
Typing long rambling babbling essays reminds me of seagal, good job comrade @@Voodoo_One
🤣🤣
I'm proud to be your 420th like! Sammy "The Bull" says that Steven Seagal shit himself twice on set and then cried to the F.B.I., and I believe it. 😂🎉
I love the way Space Ice says “mega blockbuster,” it never fails to get a giggle out of me.
lol, its always "Mega Blockbuster... that showed the WORLD..." it never gets old 😆
Because of Blockbuster (TM) video stores or just the way he says it?
may-ga blockbuster...
@@raylopez99 The way he says it, I reckon.
@@sharpfalcon6196 im pretty sure its because the movies are never in anyway a mega blockbuster ha, although the way he says it is also funny 😆
"Hospital gun" made me laugh harder than anything has a right to 😂
I was dying
“ After mandating that she’d take 8 hours of sexual harassment training every quarter, he takes the job!” I died 💀 😂
Ngl when the woman told Seagal "there's something you gave me as a little girl" It was scarier then any horror movie I've seen
And doesn't Seagal write most of his direct to video garbage?
@@bigbearkat2010Of course his ego and over inflated sense of self writes these movies.
I could be wrong and he could very well be the cause of both the writers and actors strike.
@@ZeitGeist_TVIt's confirmed 👌
@@bigbearkat2010 Like for real bro, just imagine - little girl, but it is actually Seagal.
and it immediately made her vomit too! xD
I think we all owe a lot to Space Ice and the work he does - God bless him
His therapy bills must be huge.
His sacrifice is worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize.👍🏾
if someone has to watch this garbage im glad he can stomach it for the rest of us xd
I think they deserve some quality time out to dance in a Thai bar!
Not to forget the ordeal he must go through watching these travesties then turning them into block busters!
"After having one of his best sit-down shootouts" 😂 Only Seagal can have so many that they're ranked.
That was top five for sure
"Rescuing one of Seagulls victims won't be that easy" fucking LOL
Segal getting shot at the start of the movie is like... the closest we've ever gotten to him losing a fight in a movie.
China Salesman
Hard to kill
He dies in a movie with some airplane terrorist thing.
Executive Decision
@@CharterForGaming That's why the movie was great.
@@CharterForGaming I felt a sigh of relief when he died in that movie. My entire family applauded that scene
i like how you framed steven segal as the kidnapper lmao
And is the one trying to kill the hostage. XD "F**k! Out of ammo." Lol
Framed Seagal? Sounds like the plot of a Seagal movie.
Yo, that was soo funny😂
@@raylopez99 a steven seagal remake of murphy's law (1986)
Seagal movies make more sense when you see him as the villain.
"Nevermind, it's just Seagal doing Seagal things." 😅
I think Space Ice's premise of Seagal being the villain in each film is true. If you go back and watch any Seagal movie, but view it from the perspective that he is the villain, it actually works out way too well.
I mean, he do be commiting a lot of atrocities as a government or law enforcer in his movies.
@@kolossis8283 he is a serial killer maniac in all his movies
The continuous joke about licence plates, women creeper, being the best at everything and such is pure comedy. Pure joy of watching
Women creeper is actually not a joke but truth
And him being the best thing is a joke but steven does it in every single movie
I know guys, I referred it as a joke because we're making fun of him here, but it is truth and lack of self awareness..I know because I'm not Seagall
Women creeping is funny to you?
@@ShesMongolianASMRIt's a joke. Grow up. You are a buzz kill. Are you the type of person who goes to comedy shows and gets offended? I bet you are real pleasant to be around huh?
I like the fact that Seagal is the villain in every Seagal Movie.
I need Steven Seagal to keep making movies so we never run out of these reviews!
"None of the bathroom cameras are even facing the bathroom."
I got 50 bucks to spare. I’m gonna give it to Seagal so he can make 6 more movies for Space Ice to review.
Most budget would go to women tolerating scenes with him
He'll just use it to buy more Philly cheesesteaks.
Don’t forget to get your change.
That's waay more than the DVD sales of those 6 movies
Augh
""He needs a quick break from all that standing"😂😂😂
I never could sit myself watching Seagal films. Thanks for the review, it’s more entertaining than the actual film 😂
I stopped watching watching his movies after failing to finish a few of them. You need to switch of your brain to endure just 30 mins of one, but even that is not enough
5:57
“The good guys know they can only keep her safe from Seagal for so long”
Omfg, the fucking passive aggressive SHEER HATRED you have for him is fucking amaaaaaziiiiiiiing !!!!!
"Tiny binoculars made up of two Hubble telescopes." I've rarely come across such a genius hilarious line in my entire 30 years of experience
"Seagal goes full sloppy slappy on him." 🤣😅😂
No strip club scene? No sex scene? Something is wrong with Seagal...
The "relaxed car chase" looks like a Will Sasso MadTV sketch. This is gold 🤣🤣
I'm at the point in my life that a new video of you rating Seagal movies is the highlight of the weekend 🤣
That's not a bad life 😁
It's impressive that Seagal has been making movies as long as he has yet his acting hasn't improved at all. That has to be a skill in and of itself. 😅
I’d go further - it has worsened.
Do film acting skills matter in a money laundering front?
I'm sure in his mind he thinks 'why mess with perfection'?
Each line read is the worst line read he's ever given
@@muskyoxes The exception being "I will snatch every motherfucker birthday". That is a line to be remembered.
2:17 he throws a knife and misses it. Still decides to leave the shot in.😂
It’s unbelievable how these videos just get funnier the more they continue. In reality anything like this would get stale, not here 😂
Perfect way to start off a long weekend with Steven Seagull roasting session by Space Ice 🇨🇦
Yessss😂😂😂😂
It is!! Happy Canada Day, fellow Canadian! 🇨🇦🍁
@@mayhemmcfly4229 🟥🍁🟥 yay Canada !
Seagal doesn't show the world he's back. He shows the world that he's still here and refuses to leave.
"Now they have a serial killer they have to deal with...
Nevermind, it's just Seagal." 😂😂
I just watched the film myself. The entire plot revolves around Seagal and his lady pal. It seems like everyone owes him a favor because earlier he beat up someone for them like he’s in 2nd grade or something. Also the woman he’s protecting is falling for him and wants him to love her because she senses something profound about him. His fascination about this bodyguard-client relationship goes so deep that it ignores everything wrong with the overall plot of someone trying to kidnap her for a uranium mine.
The way he changes his accent depending on who he’s talking to is the funniest thing
Tom Segura warned us all
The fact that Segal has no clue how racist he is being when he does that is hilarious to me!
@@robertcatania1120Its hilariously bad how he changes accents when talking to different races
At this point I wouldn’t even be surprised if Steven seagal turned out to be an actual serial killer 😂
😂😂
He is absolutely not smart enough to be a serial killer
He'd probably send his body double to commit the murders
He is...a moviemaking serial killer!!!
@@mattg4705or its working in his favour everyone just assumes it can't be him as he is thick 😂
I'm guessing Seagal thought barrells of uranium just explode if shot.
And water explodes when it freezes!
I love how space ice plays the entire thing as segual being the main bad guy of the movie and it making complete sense.
How the hell is space ice soo damn funny!? I hope seagal keeps making movies so we can keep getting these hilariously, witty break downs
His sarcasm game is om point.
Unfortunately Seagal took a path of no return with his venture in Russia. So our only hope now is Neil Breen.
Soon to come a Steven Seagal movie Fund Me page sponsored by Space Ice
I love how he switches accents from normal to southern mid-movie. Only Steven Seagal
No, he went from his black accent to his 💩 texas accent
He is the worst action actor the world has ever seen. Nobody does the same shit he does he's a legend in his own garbage
Hardest achievements Seagal's couldn't finish yet:
50G - Don't harm innocent people.
50G - Stay undetected.
100G - complete a movie without killing anyone.
500g throw a kick above ankle high
@@dannyglover8217 1,000G - Win a fistfight using actual hand-to-hand combat techniques, without using jump-cuts, and without sitting down.
50G - not fucking about with license plates
Achievement unlocked - Ghost of Segal
A new Sensei Seagal video on my actual birthday, the greatest present anyone could hope for
Happy birthday🎉
I would wish you a happy birthday, but Segal just snatched your mother fucker birthday.
Happy Birthday
“10lbs 4 reps!”
😂😂
no rest period...that's badass.
And judging by those tree trunks, he doesn’t skip leg day
Seriously, your work just keeps getting better and better. Absolutely epically hilarious!
That knife throw is entirely accurate.
"neck full of ass knife"-Space ice..one of my favorite qoutes
All part of the script!
The narrators delivery has me on the floor for the duration of the videos. Space Ice, BRAVO!
At this point Steven Seagal NEEDS to keep making c grade schlock action flicks just so we can get more Space Ice videos out of it.
How to get an actor to actually try in a Seagal movie: trap them in his trailer.
I was kind of rooting for Seagal's partner at the beginning to finally kill Seagal, but then I realized we wouldn't have any more glorious Space Ice reviews.... Long live Seagal!
I'm amazed that there was a whole plotline where another character realizes Seagal is a bad guy and tries to stop him, and then he dies and the movie just moves along and pretends like it never happened.
@@red4. Indeed. *It's never mentioned again*
I love the commentary and the titles. Your a legend! 😂
Space Ice, you produce one of the funniest line of videos I've ever seen. Keep up the great work. Thank you!!
"... which quiets the voices..." made me cry. Thank you.
I felt a wave of embarrassment come over me from all the decisions Seagull makes in this movie. Thank you space ice for your diligence. I don't think I could watch this movie first hand.
"Seagull" made me laugh irrationally hard.
He's getting there!
For the first time ever in one of his movie he was actually ambushed and sent to the Hospital.
Even though he's still ex-special forces, the greatest most talented person that ever lived...again.
Your videos are getting better and better bud... love it and I've been showing your stuff to anyone who thinks Steve is a joke... kinda turning into a fulltime job, but keep up the good work
Thanks to this channel, I can enjoy Steve Seagal movies again.
The Steven Seagal POV is always a wild ride and funny as hell.
Nothing better than starting your month off with a nice
*SPACE ICE: SEAGAL BASHING* 😂
I'm devastated at the thought of you running out of Steven Seagal movies!
This channel gives me life.
Love how Stephen's movies are mega blockbuster hits, and The Rock was a small independent film 😂👍
When 'The Rock' review first popped up I thought I'd be 'clever' by saying "mega blockbuster hit movie" before SI got to it and damn, Space Ice flipped the script. He's the boss!
good spot! ;-)
I love your Steven Seagal reviews! You had me rolling since the start, but I really lost it at "Hospital gun". Thanks and keep up the great work!
"Rescuing one of Seagal's victims won't be that easy."🤣
I don't know what vendetta Space Ice has with The Steven of Sea Gulls, but his routine demolition of these movies means everything to me.
Def one of ur best movie title descriptions! Ur the man , hilarious
I often wonder if Steven is waddling around his house with a bacon cheeseburger and his phone watching these outstanding reviews knowing that the whole world is laughing at him.
I see him more as a shambler than a waddler. Either way, hope so.
Where do you think he keeps getting movie Ideas from?
I think I read somewhere that he has a disorder where he can't recognize mockery ...of him
@@5points185 he's never experienced people not mocking him, so how could he?
@@nathanadler1452 this is VERY TRUE!!!
"Oh, please. The shorter, the better" made me laugh for 10 straight minutes
I’m addicted to your Steven Seagal videos 😭
Your videos are more entertaining than 10 Seagal movies combined! Its pretty hilarious what he became after solid action movies that he had in 80s and 90s :D
Your plot descriptions are invariably better than the actual plots.
*inevitably
Seagul is so lethal, that uses doubles to not kill someone.
Hell that might've actually been true in his prime given his reputation of ignoring fight choreography and not pulling his punches
Bro i love this channel 😂😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤ keep up the great work. Definetly going to show my friends your channel.
Myyyyy guy is back at it!!!!! These are saving my mental health for real.
I appreciated the mini-lecture on proper urinal etiquette in the description. It needed to be said.
"He kills like 5 families a shift"
After a minute already I need to take a laugh break 🤣
I am convinced that you are to Steven Seagal what RedLetterMedia is to Star Wars episodes 1-3. And for this reason, I subscribed!!🎉🎉🎉
The most underrated channel in history, I haven't seen jcvd dance in a while
@6:28 Seagal is so incredible that he even managed to remove the license plates off the cop cares *before* they showed up.
The police didn't arrest him for the shooting, they arrested him for stealing their license plates
I can't believe they cut out the scene where he slapped the plates off the cars using his famous slapkido moves.
The way he found a cowboy hat that fits over his hair hat...is pretty impressive.
Hair hat..😂
Imagine all the boot polish and sharpie ink all over the inside of that cowboy hat afterwards. I also wonder did Steven's hair hat get wedged inside the 75 gallon Texas bonnet when he removed it?
Hilarious .I never thought that I would ever wish for another Segal movie but can't wait to see your review. Keep it up
Thank you for your sacrifice to your sanity with watching all these bad Seagal movies for us. You are doing god's work!
The Seagal reviews on this channel are the only series, i anxiously wait for. i laugh my ass off at every episode. i only found this channel like two months ago,and have watched everyone of them over and over. You're a legend Space Ice.
uwe boll ones are a masterpiece as well... and van damme ones are great
@@LessPegasus True, , the Neil Breen ones are good aswell. The Seagal ones are my favorite. Hell anything he narrates would be funny tbh.
JCVD is the true greatness
True, but I just like watching seagal get dunked on by Space Ice. lol
@@Pound-TownHe was good in kick boxing . Norris said he was very ,very good .Unfortunatelly ha is a lousy actor..
I was bracing for that inevitable cringe and sick moment when Seagal puts his hands (and other undefinable parts of his anatomy) over that girl and the movie subverted my expectations, that actress really dodged a bullet and I will be rooting for more movie-long kidnapping in the future.
“He’s interrupted by one of his biggest pet peeves”. I honestly thought it was going to be a flight of stairs.
Or a buffet closing
9:16 "that's definitely Seagal's trailer" - harsh ... but fair. 😅
He's bad at acting???
He's bad at everything.
even at things he can't do, like somehow he is also the world's worst mother.
He's pretty good at singing tho, even released a few albums. Man can really play the blues
He's pretty good at domestic abuse and sexually harassing women.
Hell of a martial artist.
His Japanese daughter (Ayako Fujitani) is so embarrassed of him, she doesnt even bear the Seagal name.
Good to hear he's working through his license plate fetish