Stephen Hawking didn't pretend he was mobile. He was just a brilliant mind whose body failed him. Segal is like a sack of potatoes that wished to be a real boy.
@@JasonBrant Me too. Hilarious. Love the one where the Dali Lama named him a deity or the one where he was working with Tom Arnold and walked out the wrong door and into Lake Ontario. There are so many.
You know what amazes me? How he manages to keep getting work. I mean you read about how horrible it is to work with him. He’s late, he’s lazy, he’s demanding, he doesn’t rehearse. God forbid if he happens to be directing he might show up and rewrite entire scenes and the list goes on. And yet he keeps getting work. Amazing.
Doesn't he produce his own movies these days? These movies have to be really low budget, though, for him to be able to get ahold of the finances to make them. It is kind of hard to imagine there being a big enough audience to keep this drivel coming (the suggestion of a money laundering scheme actually seems credible!).
Gotta say, I needed this video. This past month was probably the worst time of the year for me. There's nothing better that lightens the mood than laughing at Steven Seagal.
I’m going through a 2 year depression and on top of that I’m cold turkeying nicotine and weed. I feel your pain and happiness while watching this. Stay strong 👍👍
Well I for one would like to commend Mister Seagal for taking time out of his busy schedule to help with this Jr. High student film project, what a community-minded individual!
I was thinking this whole thing was a tax shelter, but you might be on to something. He's giving back to the community. Sensai cares about little known actors and wants to give them an opportunity... by fondling their boobs on camera.
This shit genuinely makes me sad. At this point in his life, Seagal has been making these direct-to-DVD shlockfests for so long, that they comprise 90% of his career. But the man made enjoyable, pretty above average action movies in the early part of his career. His first handful of movies - Above the Law, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Out for Justice, and of course Under Siege - were some good shit that I can still watch today and enjoy. How he want from that to shit like this, I'll never fully understand. I just want to see Seagal give a shit about his career, his health, and his fucking life again. At this point, I'm convinced he must have some kind of thyroid problem, or some other health issue, that makes it boarderline impossible to keep his weight down. But, I would love to see him drop a bunch of weight and crank out ONE more sick film like Out for Justice, and then just call it quits.
13:10 Wow, young Seagal looks like nearly a completely different person. I think Steven never diversified his career and never learned humility. He bought into his own brief hype as an action star but wants to continue living that fantasy that he still is a big hot shot action star, but as he gets further and further into his career he puts in less and less effort. If Seagal could just admit he's had his time at least then I could respect him a bit. But he's clearly obsessed with himself while putting in bare minimum effort for it.
@Steven Keck Did you see him in Machete?, he takes a blade to the gut, but rather than look like someone killed him, he grabs the sword by the handle and starts moving it around and dies like a samurai warrior. 🙄
I actually love these movies. To me it's pure comedy. My favorite part is when they are in the office and his partner says "Hey, you know what I'm thinking", and Steven says "That you admire me and want to be like me". I was rolling on the floor.
@@RagingUtai Who knows? I mean, Steven Seagal once delayed production on a film because he was in his trailer reading a script. He emerged two hours later and told someone "I just read the greatest script I've ever read in my life". When asked who wrote it, he responded, "I did". Was he being sarcastic? Funny? Dead serious? I'm not sure anyone will ever understand the true Steven.
I used to work on film sets. I know a few people that have worked on movies with Seagal, and they all say he is a super jerk to all set workers and that they would NEVER work with him again.
Seagal saves time and money on films by shooting eight scenes one after the other where he sits there. Each scene he changes clothes and lines. Bingo, eight films shot. They just film material around each scene.
Not to defend Steven, but when he rests his pistol on his gut at 4:12, that's actually called the "sul" position (which randomly is Portuguese for "south") in the tactical community. It's supposed to be kind of a safe, baseline position to have your gun oriented while it's still drawn when there's no immediate threat. Also known as "low ready" but not the traditional low ready where your arms are extended as it's pointed at the floor. This version keeps it at chest level so you can quickly get on target if a threat arises. I would imagine Seagal copied it from the tactical community but it does look funny on his massive gut.
@@nivekian tell that to my unit (Marine Recon) as well as any SF group, 75th Ranger regiment, NSW, AFSOC, and any major metro SWAT team. It's context specific buddy. Nobody is saying to keep it there when you're running and gunning. It's just a sensible position to have your gun when you have it drawn and there's no immediate threat.
@@nivekian i can happily point you to my Facebook and Instagram. I can also send you my DD-214 (official record of service). And i literally said "he probably copied it from the tactical community but it does look funny on his massive gut" so i don't even know what you're trying to argue.
I'm so sorry you have to watch these for our amusement, but I always did have a morbid curiosity about the last 20 years of nearly constant Seagal movies, and I never would have put myself through watching them just to find out. Therefore, this is a valuable service you provide, breaking them down into the lowest of highlight reels, with your insightful input to help make it more palatable. I appreciate what you've done, and the sheer number of videos in your Seagal series has made for excellent binging. I salute your suffering.
12:43 pistol grip only 12 gauge shotguns are known for their awful recoil, especially in the webbing of your finger between your thumb and index finger. Steven Segal has one of those rare recoilless models...
My 2 favorite things about this movie from you guys watching it -- 1 - I like how the movie would randomly put on a 70's or 80's Film Stock filter (clearly done in post-production), but always in scenes where it made no sense to use it And 2 - I like how he used 3 different types of guns and he looked like he didn't know how to hold them at all; not like he didn't receive training, but almost like he heard what guns were but never even saw someone else hold them. The best was when he was holding the shotgun to the side of his own head, aimed at the bartender, and his back hand was ABOVE his ear despite being eye-to-eye with the guy!
Ha! What about the bit where he kicks down the door (of medallion man) & then loads the shotgun!?! Genius comedic talent.. yet, hes oblivious to how funny he is!
R.I.P. DARREN SHAHLAVI Darren was the actor playing the main bad guy. He was an amazing martial artist and, according to those that knew him, an amazing human being that passed away back in 2014. He even played the main villain in Ip Man 2 where he had a twenty minute fight scene with Donnie Yen and Sammo Hung... and seeing him being destroyed by fatass Seagal in two minutes is just heartbreaking.
All of Seagal's recent, fully-clothed "sex" scenes actually made me think about something. Did he ever do ANY sex scenes in his actually decent action movies from the late-80's to mid-90's? Because I can't recall any. Although I have to admit, the only Seagal action movie that I've seen enough times to remember any of it is Under Siege. In Under Siege, the smoking, SMOKING-hot Erika Eleniak is topless when she pops up out of the fake birthday cake but there is no physical interaction between her and Seagal at that point. Then at the end of the movie when Seagal saves the day, the two of them kiss but they are in front of a bunch of US Navy sailors and stuff. So there is no actual "sex scene" in that movie. And I truly can't recall any in Under Siege 2 or Hard To Kill or Above The Law or ANY of Seagal's "popular" action movies from when he was actually thin and fit. It's like now that he's old, morbidly obese and totally disgusting, he's making up for a lack of sex scenes in his actually decent action movies from his prime by putting at least one incredibly awkward, fully-clothed "sex" scene in every single one of his trash straight-to-DVD movies. And as I already mentioned, in ALL OF THEM the poor F-list female actress has to get totally naked (or at least topless) and rub up against a fat, fully-clothed Steven Seagal while attempting to make what they are doing actually look like "sex". It would be hilarious if I didn't feel so bad for these poor actresses who are never going anywhere in their "acting" careers and are basically one small step above porn stars in the "actress" hierarchy.
"The kick he taught Anderson Silva" Guys, that is a LIE. That frontal kick you learn at WHITE BELT in Tae Kwon Do, which Anderson is a BLACK BELT. That kick is one of the most basic things you do in martial arts. Don't fall for Seagal's BS.
A lot of people think Seagal is the baddest dude ever because he always kicks everybody's ass and never gets hurt, but Seagal has the privilege of always fighting the most stupid and pathetic specimen the human species has to offer.
One interesting thing is that Seagal never uses a double in his sex scenes. Even if you can't see his face on frame, he's very keen on doing the entire sex scene by himself. This, coming from a men who fights sitting down. Yeah... Very interesting indeed.
His face shadows have cracked me up for years, out in the full sun and he still will have at least 1/3 of his face will be shadowed. The cover to the movie will always half shadow.
There's a rumor, in getting captured by the enemy, that if you think you're strong and torture is nothing to you, put a bunch of Steven Seagal movies and you will sing like a bird.
Which was worse? The r*pe scene or the Seagal-molesting scene? I find those latter types of scenes 100x worse to watch since all the allegations about Seagal came out. Gross. Also, the chained bad guy dude in this is the late Darren Schlavi, he was the bad guy in Ip Man 2 as well. Maybe Seagal tries a bit harder when an accomplished martial arts actor is on set. Seems they wasted him though.
Mark my words: eventually, Steven Seagal will do a movie titled _The Sitter,_ in which he portrays a rogue cop who fights a drug kingpin's evil henchmen while sitting down.
I am dumbfounded everytime I see that someone actually wasted the low but still effort , the money and people's time to make anything with Segal in it .
While there are people pointing out how the idea of Seagal beating a genius at chess is stupid, I'm surprised nobody has pointed out the FUCKING BOARD itself that shows they had been playing for a while, clearly NOT a won-in-single-move match. The jokes about Seagal not knowing how to play chess may be more right than they think.
Just from the clips you’re showing this film seems leagues ahead of any of these fat segal era films. Some creative choices and some pretty cool actions scenes, as well as segal actually acting. Brings me back honestly.
I worked at a high end restaurant when he was filming exit wounds in my city. His "people" called to reserve the entire restaurant for him. No compensation to close down for a private feed trough. Yeah sure we hate working and payday is theeee worrrst so come on by bro. Now I wish we said yes just to see his face when he saw a full restaurant full of people who wouldn't recognize him.
Fact time! The original director dropped out to direct a Steve Austin film (Hunt to Kill), so the Second Unit director stepped up. This explains... many things. Also, the guy who gets the red sight on his face? He's also in 'Against the Dark', the Seagal film where he fights vampires.
Oh man I did NOT realize you guys lived in Maryland, that means cheap postage. Hope you guys wanted to watch Seagal's entire (like 60-something movies) filmography :)
Eventually we'll reach a point where we'll have a Steven Seagal movie where Steven himself isn't even in it, he's played entirely by Steven's body doubles.
After you watch more of these lousy Seagal movies, you should do a video where you rate them from all from best to worst. I know that’s like comparing crap to poop, but I’d love to know what the all-time worst Seagal movie is.
You guys nailed the voice over in the beginning. That was not Segal talking. Hands down funniest most on point reaction to both rape scenes. Yes I said both. Rock on
Born to raise Cholesterol level is lazy and totally wooden Seagull movie Steven Seagull before he had a fuzzy goatee He relying on stunt doubles and voice Dubbing Because he is lazy and he whispers 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
That Movie did seem bland, I think I will watch this one so soon. The only thing that I'm taking from this is his hair line …. I cant believe I never noticed his hair from the older movies to the new hahaha
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Stephen Hawking walked more than Steven Seagal.
OMG 🤣🤣 That killed me.
Yooooooooooo!
And has kicked more ass, too.
But...did he run like Steven Seagal tho???
Stephen Hawking didn't pretend he was mobile. He was just a brilliant mind whose body failed him. Segal is like a sack of potatoes that wished to be a real boy.
Steven seagal is someone who saw chuck norris jokes, took them serious and unironically thought "I can do better".
I think you figured out Sifu's mindset!
Yess
@@JasonBrant FFS stop doing videos in your underwear, it's stupid and disrespectful. Keep that for your boyfriend here...
hahaha
Facts
Seagal- " I just read the best script I've ever read".
"Really Steven, who wrote it?"
Seagal- "I did!"
Love that story.
@@JasonBrant Me too. Hilarious. Love the one where the Dali Lama named him a deity or the one where he was working with Tom Arnold and walked out the wrong door and into Lake Ontario. There are so many.
You know what amazes me? How he manages to keep getting work. I mean you read about how horrible it is to work with him. He’s late, he’s lazy, he’s demanding, he doesn’t rehearse. God forbid if he happens to be directing he might show up and rewrite entire scenes and the list goes on. And yet he keeps getting work. Amazing.
It's mind boggling. I can't wrap my head around it.
The mafia
Doesn't he produce his own movies these days? These movies have to be really low budget, though, for him to be able to get ahold of the finances to make them. It is kind of hard to imagine there being a big enough audience to keep this drivel coming (the suggestion of a money laundering scheme actually seems credible!).
@@BRUCEJJ66 It has to be some kind of scheme. I just can't understand it.
Never got that myself
Gotta say, I needed this video. This past month was probably the worst time of the year for me. There's nothing better that lightens the mood than laughing at Steven Seagal.
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Hope we gave you a few laughs and that things will get better for you soon.
@@JasonBrant Amen! Keep up the good work! At least goatee-less Seagull is somewhat entertaining.
Same
I’m going through a 2 year depression and on top of that I’m cold turkeying nicotine and weed. I feel your pain and happiness while watching this. Stay strong 👍👍
i hear ya bro, cheers
Every Seagal movie has a, “aww that poor girl” moment in it.
And a awkward fully clothed sex scene.
@@MinscFromBaldursGate92 I'd prefer not to see Seagal without his clothes. There's not enough bleach on Earth to wash that image.
He's contracted to have a CMNF scene or he won't put his name on it.
@@eduardodiaz9942 I would LOVE Seagal to be nude and the woman in the sex scene to be fully dressed.
The only way he gets to touch a woman is to pay her. And, not nearly enough.
I'm convinced at this point Seagal keeps putting those sex scenes in so he has an excuse to grope young women on set without any backlash.
Probably needs one of those massages he gets afterwards too... you know... to relieve the stress.
He’s already had backlash for allegedly assaulting some of the women on set. Allegedly is the keyword.
I've never seen an actor so lazy they need a stunt AND voice double.
He has a double walking up the stairs for him in our next Seagal review.
@@JasonBrant Hard To Walk.
@@JasonBrant looooool
haha, could have added a stuck c*ck like the movie "Orgazmo"
To many McDouble takes
I bought this in a bargain section, it was in a set with three other movies for 5 bucks and I still feel cheated.
🤣🤣 I think he owes us restitution.
@@JasonBrantAlso included the Cuba Gooding Jr. gem "Wrong Turn at Tahoe", they somehow roped Harvey Keitel into that one. Better than Seagal though.
@@doctorthirteen5499 I haven't heard of that one.
You WERE cheated dude
They should have been in the bin where they PAY YOU to take them.
Well I for one would like to commend Mister Seagal for taking time out of his busy schedule to help with this Jr. High student film project, what a community-minded individual!
I was thinking this whole thing was a tax shelter, but you might be on to something. He's giving back to the community. Sensai cares about little known actors and wants to give them an opportunity... by fondling their boobs on camera.
This shit genuinely makes me sad. At this point in his life, Seagal has been making these direct-to-DVD shlockfests for so long, that they comprise 90% of his career. But the man made enjoyable, pretty above average action movies in the early part of his career. His first handful of movies - Above the Law, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Out for Justice, and of course Under Siege - were some good shit that I can still watch today and enjoy. How he want from that to shit like this, I'll never fully understand.
I just want to see Seagal give a shit about his career, his health, and his fucking life again. At this point, I'm convinced he must have some kind of thyroid problem, or some other health issue, that makes it boarderline impossible to keep his weight down. But, I would love to see him drop a bunch of weight and crank out ONE more sick film like Out for Justice, and then just call it quits.
He has zero self awareness, so I'm not holding my breath on him getting it together. Would be nice, though.
He shows the symptoms of being a classic narcissist, so, no, he's not going to change.
@@rikk319 and @Jason Brant, you're both probably right. It doesn't make me any less sad, though.
I would agree. If Seagal wasn’t such a piece of shit IRL. Legit, read some real life stories about him. They’re gold 😂
Don’t forget Fire Down Below and On Deadly Ground
The Seagal love scene was somehow far more traumatic than the rape scene
Every time I watch a Steven Segal sex scene I feel like I’m watching a crime taking place.
Fun Fact: IMDB says Seagal wrote this movie.
That explains why it blows.
@@JasonBrant Exactly 😂
He wouldn't have it any other way lol 😭😂😂
@@jaymac7203 Lol am i the only one that likes Kill Switch and Born to Raise Hell. Like they’re actually good movies for me i rate both a 7,5
@@minoritytracks4666
Lol I remember the movie on a ship where he's the cook that I actually used to like as a kid. Seige I think its called? 😂
Let's just face it, Steven Seagal is just Cartman, just makes himself overpowered for no reason.
"He's not taking steps, but he's moving." That sounds like something my physiotherapist friend would say.
🤣
Seagal reminds me of that one kid from middle school that tried to convince everyone his hands were registered as lethal weapons. 🙏🙄
Absolutely!
I actually knew one of those kids.🙄
@@Domino365 I had a friend like that too lol. You're not alone!
@@TheGodshatter Did Segal eat them?
13:10 Wow, young Seagal looks like nearly a completely different person.
I think Steven never diversified his career and never learned humility. He bought into his own brief hype as an action star but wants to continue living that fantasy that he still is a big hot shot action star, but as he gets further and further into his career he puts in less and less effort.
If Seagal could just admit he's had his time at least then I could respect him a bit. But he's clearly obsessed with himself while putting in bare minimum effort for it.
Ego is definitely a huge problem with this knucklehead. A moment of self-reflection would go a long way.
This is why he probably won't be in a movie like "The Expendables"
@@playboymaxim I don't think Stallone wanted him in it, because of Van Damme not getting along with Seagull.
@@playboymaxim He fell out with the production company of those films.
@Steven Keck Did you see him in Machete?, he takes a blade to the gut, but rather than look like someone killed him, he grabs the sword by the handle and starts moving it around and dies like a samurai warrior. 🙄
I actually love these movies. To me it's pure comedy. My favorite part is when they are in the office and his partner says "Hey, you know what I'm thinking", and Steven says "That you admire me and want to be like me". I was rolling on the floor.
Check out Attack Force. Now that movie is hilarious.
That`s actually insane!
@@RagingUtai Who knows? I mean, Steven Seagal once delayed production on a film because he was in his trailer reading a script. He emerged two hours later and told someone "I just read the greatest script I've ever read in my life". When asked who wrote it, he responded, "I did".
Was he being sarcastic? Funny? Dead serious?
I'm not sure anyone will ever understand the true Steven.
I like how instead of using a holster he pulls his gun out from under his fold.
haha
That would make it greasy. Not a good move.
I used to work on film sets. I know a few people that have worked on movies with Seagal, and they all say he is a super jerk to all set workers and that they would NEVER work with him again.
They won't have to, since he moved to Russia and became a citizen.
I've heard the same thing.
@@ksavage681 Can we make sure he is on a "DO NOT FLY" list so he does not come back?
Seagal saves time and money on films by shooting eight scenes one after the other where he sits there. Each scene he changes clothes and lines. Bingo, eight films shot. They just film material around each scene.
I think you cracked the code!
The win in chess with one move sent me over 😄😆😂🤣. Dude is literally a walking spoof in every movie. SMH 🤷.
His doucheness has no bounds.
Not to defend Steven, but when he rests his pistol on his gut at 4:12, that's actually called the "sul" position (which randomly is Portuguese for "south") in the tactical community. It's supposed to be kind of a safe, baseline position to have your gun oriented while it's still drawn when there's no immediate threat. Also known as "low ready" but not the traditional low ready where your arms are extended as it's pointed at the floor. This version keeps it at chest level so you can quickly get on target if a threat arises. I would imagine Seagal copied it from the tactical community but it does look funny on his massive gut.
Thanks for the info!
Doesn't seem "tactical", seems lazy and fatass.
@@nivekian tell that to my unit (Marine Recon) as well as any SF group, 75th Ranger regiment, NSW, AFSOC, and any major metro SWAT team. It's context specific buddy. Nobody is saying to keep it there when you're running and gunning. It's just a sensible position to have your gun when you have it drawn and there's no immediate threat.
@@joeberger3441 Sure supercommando rando internet guy... LOLOL... Can't just be a fat actor messing up a scene with bad prop-play...
@@nivekian i can happily point you to my Facebook and Instagram. I can also send you my DD-214 (official record of service). And i literally said "he probably copied it from the tactical community but it does look funny on his massive gut" so i don't even know what you're trying to argue.
The pain you must go through to edit in more 'WADDLE' is something I'm willing to endure.
🤣🤣 Thank you for your sacrifice.
I'm so sorry you have to watch these for our amusement, but I always did have a morbid curiosity about the last 20 years of nearly constant Seagal movies, and I never would have put myself through watching them just to find out. Therefore, this is a valuable service you provide, breaking them down into the lowest of highlight reels, with your insightful input to help make it more palatable. I appreciate what you've done, and the sheer number of videos in your Seagal series has made for excellent binging. I salute your suffering.
Thanks so much. Nice to see my suffering appreciated 🤣
He beat him in one chess move I’m dead 🤣💀
🤣
As an avid chess player I can confirm that this is exactly how it happens in real life.
It doesn't even match the board state we see. Clearly the game had been going for a while based on how many pieces were off the board.
Old and Busted: 1. e4
Steven Segal Hotness: 1. Suddenly all your pieces are dead and I am next to your king!
What's even worse, is that he was checked by the white queen (saw it in RUclips video: ruclips.net/video/MAxexYgRls0/видео.html )..
“Let me see your hands, bitch.”
“This is my warrant, bitch.”
It’s like he watched a couple Denzel movies and then just took the lines.
Probably did.
Director definitely missed an opportunity. The most genuine, heartfelt, life or death action you'll get is filming him eating.
I could say that Seagal dates women half his age in his movies, but that wouldn't even be true. He's old enough to be their grandfather.
The 'love' scenes in these movies are giving me PPTSPTSD.
You been around Mar-a-Largo lately? That old mountain goat is still paying the young 'uns.
"Beat me in 1 move" Me, who was in chess club in high-school all 4 years: that's not..you cant...error error [blue screen]
Working a 24 today and then saw this. You guys are the highlight of my day so far
A 24 hour shift? Jesus.
Yes sir I’m paramedic. I’ve been showing so of my shift people ur guys videos and they think u guys are awesome
@@eric-dg6oe thanks so much! 🙏
12:43 pistol grip only 12 gauge shotguns are known for their awful recoil, especially in the webbing of your finger between your thumb and index finger. Steven Segal has one of those rare recoilless models...
He's just that strong.
@@JasonBrant Sifu Seagal is so powerful that recoil is foreign to him
Or maybe he got one of those toy guns…
My 2 favorite things about this movie from you guys watching it --
1 - I like how the movie would randomly put on a 70's or 80's Film Stock filter (clearly done in post-production), but always in scenes where it made no sense to use it
And 2 - I like how he used 3 different types of guns and he looked like he didn't know how to hold them at all; not like he didn't receive training, but almost like he heard what guns were but never even saw someone else hold them. The best was when he was holding the shotgun to the side of his own head, aimed at the bartender, and his back hand was ABOVE his ear despite being eye-to-eye with the guy!
His gun usage in movies has always been a little wonky, but it's getting really strange now. He's losing his mind.
Ha! What about the bit where he kicks down the door (of medallion man) & then loads the shotgun!?!
Genius comedic talent.. yet, hes oblivious to how funny he is!
@@baabaabaa2293 The man is a comedic genius.
Gotta bring up how Gene Lebell choked out Seagal and made him 💩 his pants 🤣
After Belly of the Beast I have no idea why any director hired him
I just woke up and saw this notification. It’s a Sunday miracle! Thanks guys!
Our pleasure! Hope you enjoy it!
@@JasonBrant you two and Seagal are my favorite thing on RUclips! Thank you!
Thanks so much, bud.
R.I.P. DARREN SHAHLAVI
Darren was the actor playing the main bad guy. He was an amazing martial artist and, according to those that knew him, an amazing human being that passed away back in 2014. He even played the main villain in Ip Man 2 where he had a twenty minute fight scene with Donnie Yen and Sammo Hung... and seeing him being destroyed by fatass Seagal in two minutes is just heartbreaking.
All of Seagal's recent, fully-clothed "sex" scenes actually made me think about something. Did he ever do ANY sex scenes in his actually decent action movies from the late-80's to mid-90's? Because I can't recall any. Although I have to admit, the only Seagal action movie that I've seen enough times to remember any of it is Under Siege.
In Under Siege, the smoking, SMOKING-hot Erika Eleniak is topless when she pops up out of the fake birthday cake but there is no physical interaction between her and Seagal at that point. Then at the end of the movie when Seagal saves the day, the two of them kiss but they are in front of a bunch of US Navy sailors and stuff. So there is no actual "sex scene" in that movie. And I truly can't recall any in Under Siege 2 or Hard To Kill or Above The Law or ANY of Seagal's "popular" action movies from when he was actually thin and fit.
It's like now that he's old, morbidly obese and totally disgusting, he's making up for a lack of sex scenes in his actually decent action movies from his prime by putting at least one incredibly awkward, fully-clothed "sex" scene in every single one of his trash straight-to-DVD movies. And as I already mentioned, in ALL OF THEM the poor F-list female actress has to get totally naked (or at least topless) and rub up against a fat, fully-clothed Steven Seagal while attempting to make what they are doing actually look like "sex". It would be hilarious if I didn't feel so bad for these poor actresses who are never going anywhere in their "acting" careers and are basically one small step above porn stars in the "actress" hierarchy.
I think he had a sex scene with Kelly LeBrock in Hard to Kill... been a long time since I've seen it. Dunno if there was any nudity, though.
... And they were married back then, if I recall correctly
"The kick he taught Anderson Silva"
Guys, that is a LIE. That frontal kick you learn at WHITE BELT in Tae Kwon Do, which Anderson is a BLACK BELT. That kick is one of the most basic things you do in martial arts. Don't fall for Seagal's BS.
The man should be given a special Oscar. But its the statue sitting on a chair
Best Actor in a Sitting Film.
@@JasonBrant you guys should watch the cumtown clips on ol Steven. Funny as hell.
@@tpmnrcks I'll check them out, thanks.
Seagal "earned" his blackbelt because his teacher fell asleep when evaluating him. Not even kidding.
He's best sitter guy in the movies he should be given an oscar for.no one knows it's really hard to do a good sitting acting thing lol
He's the best sitting fighter on the planet.
A lot of people think Seagal is the baddest dude ever because he always kicks everybody's ass and never gets hurt, but Seagal has the privilege of always fighting the most stupid and pathetic specimen the human species has to offer.
That ending shot is beautiful. It's like he killed the movie. Unfortunately he's made 16 (!) more after this one.
God, don't remind me.
Jason's correct....Seagal was losing hair in ABOVE THE LAW.
That dude could make a fortune doing Marlon Brando impersonation.
He's part of nambla
Not for long. Nobody will ever want to see or hear Marlon Brando's voice again if it is associated with the lumbering slob.
"That was not him"....as the No Gut arrow appears...😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
"You think that's a stunt hand?"
"Definitely not."
Your contempt for Seagal is heartwarming for a dark hearted soul like myself 🤣
New to the channel and already binge watching the Seagal videos and loving the commentary. Keep it up guys!
Awesome! Thank you! Check out some of our other, newer reviews that don't have Seagal, like Elves. They're way better than these.
That waddle text made me laugh so hard. Great editing and sorry for the suffering you had to go through for this
Thanks!
One interesting thing is that Seagal never uses a double in his sex scenes. Even if you can't see his face on frame, he's very keen on doing the entire sex scene by himself.
This, coming from a men who fights sitting down. Yeah... Very interesting indeed.
You can actually hear Segal's blood pressure in this.
J.B. you and Brian make some entertaining videos. I have been watching them for 2 days now. It helps that y'all have a great sense of humor.
I'm so happy I found this channel. I'd totally chill with you guys and wish you many more subscribers and shitty movies.
Thanks so much. Glad you found us!
Seagal like his enemies like he likes his tenderloin. Dead, bloody, and covered in gravy.
What does that even mean? Don't question the Seagal.
Fantastic video as always. Guys never cease to crack me up. Thanks for the laughs and keep up the great content
Thanks so much! We appreciate you coming back for more!
In the words of Steven Seagal: "Wenn obbs otta be done, mmm urr ann"
I have heard that as you grow older, time moves faster as you move slower. Steven Seagal just proved it.
I did not know that seagal was a ninth degree black belt in chess,I am impressed.. Can't get enough of your seagal insults..Keep them coming.
But you got to remember.... He's not an actor.. He's just the cook!
I love this joke from the Space Ice review of this one about the agency name:
I would be terrified if Seagal banged on my door and said IDTF.
His face shadows have cracked me up for years, out in the full sun and he still will have at least 1/3 of his face will be shadowed. The cover to the movie will always half shadow.
It takes some serious ninja lighting to pull that off.
“ is he resting his gun on his gut there?”
“Yup”
😂 I Fkn love this channel. Watch every day. I share it all the time with folks .
There's a rumor, in getting captured by the enemy, that if you think you're strong and torture is nothing to you, put a bunch of Steven Seagal movies and you will sing like a bird.
When Seagal gets to berate someone he suddenly perks up and enunciates
Which was worse? The r*pe scene or the Seagal-molesting scene? I find those latter types of scenes 100x worse to watch since all the allegations about Seagal came out. Gross.
Also, the chained bad guy dude in this is the late Darren Schlavi, he was the bad guy in Ip Man 2 as well. Maybe Seagal tries a bit harder when an accomplished martial arts actor is on set. Seems they wasted him though.
Seagal rubbing down the actresses is way worse. So gross.
He also wrote the rape scene, so that's pretty gross, too, when you consider his own misconduct.
Mark my words: eventually, Steven Seagal will do a movie titled _The Sitter,_ in which he portrays a rogue cop who fights a drug kingpin's evil henchmen while sitting down.
Either that, or some kind of paraplegic purple heart war hero so he can use a Rascal scooter for the whole shoot.
I feel bad for the actors that think they might get their next big break in a movie of his it’s truly sad
Yeah, that's rough. Merry Christmas!
@@JasonBrant merry Christmas
I love you guys. Glad this older vid got recommended to me. I have heard that Seagal won't do ADR and it just makes it all the more enjoyable.
Thanks!
Arnold Schwarzenegger has god-like acting skills/expressions compared to Seagal
For sure. Not even close.
Apparently Steve has two more films to come out. I can't wait to watch them......on your channel 🤩
That sex scene is like the one frank reynolds wrote himself in lethal weapon 5 on Its Always Sunny In Philidelphia lol
Seagal jumping on the hood & y’all talking about the car struggling to accelerate had me dying
Please, please, please do all the Seagull films.
You got it.
@@JasonBrant Awesome!
Goddammit. I laughed my ass off. I love the Steven Seagal roast vids. Sorry for your pain, but thank you for taking several for the team. Lol
You can’t beat chess in one move wtf
Sensei Seagal can, apparently.
No, unless you are seagal
Never underestimate what Sifu Seagal can do.
Sensai Steve can & he was taking it easy don't forget
Steven does what he wants. East or West, Seagal is the best
First video of yours I've seen, and I'm loving it so far.
Thanks!
It’s kinda sad when you’re like ‘Seagal is not the worst thing in this movie’ 😆
Pretty sad.
Bar is too low he can't see it with his gut in the way.
I love watching bad film reviews and just recently stumbled apon your videos and they are hilarious, especially this one. 🤣
Thanks so much! We have some crazy ones coming up
I am dumbfounded everytime I see that someone actually wasted the low but still effort , the money and people's time to make anything with Segal in it .
While there are people pointing out how the idea of Seagal beating a genius at chess is stupid, I'm surprised nobody has pointed out the FUCKING BOARD itself that shows they had been playing for a while, clearly NOT a won-in-single-move match. The jokes about Seagal not knowing how to play chess may be more right than they think.
Just from the clips you’re showing this film seems leagues ahead of any of these fat segal era films. Some creative choices and some pretty cool actions scenes, as well as segal actually acting. Brings me back honestly.
It isn't as bad as his other stuff, which kinda makes it dull.
I worked at a high end restaurant when he was filming exit wounds in my city. His "people" called to reserve the entire restaurant for him. No compensation to close down for a private feed trough.
Yeah sure we hate working and payday is theeee worrrst so come on by bro.
Now I wish we said yes just to see his face when he saw a full restaurant full of people who wouldn't recognize him.
There's Darren Majian Shahlavi in the movie.
Everybody talks about how brilliant Paul Greengrass is, but the shakycam just ruins it for me. I want to SEE the action, not a quick MTV montage.
You can clearly see “specimen” printed on the bills in the counter 🤪
Really?
Only in one shot but it’s in slo-mo so it’s really obvious 😳
He has IDTF patches on his kit. Does that stand for “I’m DTF” 😂😂
14:07 anyone else notice him rack the shotgun and instantly pull the trigger while the gun was empty?
I didn't! Nice catch. Merry Christmas!
"He's trying to do his best Marlon Brando" as opposed to Seagal who is trying his best to LIVE like Marlon Brando
🤣 🤣
Fact time! The original director dropped out to direct a Steve Austin film (Hunt to Kill), so the Second Unit director stepped up. This explains... many things.
Also, the guy who gets the red sight on his face? He's also in 'Against the Dark', the Seagal film where he fights vampires.
That's an excellent choice by the original director. And yeah, that might explain some of the weird decisions in this one.
He uses the same actors who can barely speak English because nobody else wants to be in his movies
i just found you guys and this is the best!! Thanks for making me laugh today.
Thanks so much! Merry Christmas!
Oh man I did NOT realize you guys lived in Maryland, that means cheap postage. Hope you guys wanted to watch Seagal's entire (like 60-something movies) filmography :)
That sounds like a threat, haha. I appreciate anything you want to send.
@@JasonBrant Seagal's filmography is so awful it may as well be a threat
Eventually we'll reach a point where we'll have a Steven Seagal movie where Steven himself isn't even in it, he's played entirely by Steven's body doubles.
After you watch more of these lousy Seagal movies, you should do a video where you rate them from all from best to worst. I know that’s like comparing crap to poop, but I’d love to know what the all-time worst Seagal movie is.
That's a great idea.
His first movies are the "best"...Hard to Kill, Under Siege, Marked For Death being the ones I have fond memories of enjoying with my father.
@@doctorthirteen5499 For sure.
@@JasonBrant There's an Above the Law 2 listed as an upcoming project on his IMDb page...dear God no.
Christ. Let's hope not.
You guys nailed the voice over in the beginning. That was not Segal talking. Hands down funniest most on point reaction to both rape scenes. Yes I said both. Rock on
🤣 So gross.
Born to raise Cholesterol level is lazy and totally wooden Seagull movie
Steven Seagull before he had a fuzzy goatee
He relying on stunt doubles and voice Dubbing
Because he is lazy and he whispers 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
Born to Raise Cholesterol, haha.
Born to Kinda Raise Shenanigans
Movie should´ve been called "Bored to snooze Hell". God i love your channel!
That Movie did seem bland, I think I will watch this one so soon. The only thing that I'm taking from this is his hair line …. I cant believe I never noticed his hair from the older movies to the new hahaha
Haha. His hair is utterly ridiculous now.
It's a nice sprayed on rug. Look at him in Hard to Kill in the early days, he was already going bald then.
@@ksavage681 I will watch that once soon, thanks for the choice watch !
Seagal stole Eddie munsters hair style