Steven Seagal is out of control. They stretched his body out to look thinner. | So Bad It's Good #64
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 21 сен 2024
- Patreon for full-length commentary ► / jasonbrant
Watch A Good Man here ► amzn.to/3IOSWjv
Because you love watching us waddle through the ninth circle of Hell, we're watching another Steven Seagal movie. In A Good Man, which is a hilarious title for a movie starring Sifu, he mumbles and stumbles his way through an incoherent plot while stuntment do all the real work.
Send us bad movies ▼
Jason Brant
P.O. Box 49
Abingdon, MD 21009
Equipment used to record our episodes ▼
Camera ► amzn.to/3zBYFG9
Lens ► amzn.to/33iOGJu
Backup Camera ► amzn.to/3JWkN2M
Microphones ► amzn.to/3f7uIo0
Audio Recorder ► amzn.to/3FbbBUD
Lights ► amzn.to/3tcwXyu
Check out my novels ► amzn.to/3Ge62py
Hysteria Brewing ► www.hysteriata...
Facebook ► / jmbrant
Twitter ► / jason_brant
Instagram ► / jmbrant17
Website ► www.authorjason...
The Patreon page is live. You can find uncensored episodes, polls, behind the scenes updates, and the full-legth commentaries from each episode dating all the way back to So Bad It's Good #37 - Attrition. I hope to see you there! www.patreon.com/jasonbrant
Guess where you can shove your patreon page./..
@@bentelbow2922 Please tell me 🤣
Can I make a suggestion!?!
The Guyver!
Dude the hotdog head had me dying. And if you think about it. He did look like a character from sausage party.the one with the mustache.lol
Look, there's no denying Steve Seagul is a joke.. But be wary, because you two are staring to look a lot like him^
Pair of tubby bitches in loungers talking about how fat someone else is.. Remember just a lil bit of your training here.
As a fat guy myself, I've seen all the Seagal films. On Deadly Ground Beef, A Good Mayonaise, Hard to Chew, Takeout for Justice, The Asian Fusion Connection, The Perfect Waffle, and Above the Recommended BMI are some of my favorites. I also love the one about his feet: Out of Reach.
Above the Jaw
🤣 🤣 Nice.
Hahahaha deadly ground beef!
Belly of the beast, don’t have to do anything with that one.
You mising Taco night: Toilet assault
I was on a flight onetime and the flight had a Steven Seagal movie featured, and the movie was so bad, people were literally walking out of the movie in mid flight.
That must have been a really cheap airline. Did y'all have to pedal like to make the propellers turn?
oh hell yeah, you win with this comment. instant cry laugh
Lol
Maybe they were trying to jump out! That’s what I’d do…. Without a parachute. But, I don’t want Steve Seagulls face to be the last thing I ever see so I’d risk death over watching his movies lol😂😂😂
It was 9/11. We will never forget
Calling Segal an actor is like calling me a Vet because I brush my dog.
Exactly
I’m A mechanic
Just put gas in my car
I’m a pilot.. my paper airplane flew 5 feet and made a safe landing
Lol 😂😂
If you watch enough Segal movies you become a vet
@@courtneyfitzpatrick3214 You don't even do that since the fuel is in liquid form. Unless you run it on Helium 3.
I love that “the good man” essentially human traffics the female lead after he saves her from human trafficking.
🤣 🤣 Yeah, he does!
She screwed him cos she was grateful lol.
hes a sick fuck you can really tell in a few of his movies.
I'm never gunna get over Steven seagal Hot dog head fake karate guy.
Because in real life Seagal was charged with human trafficking
The sex scene at the end was literally the thing I did NOT think would happen because of lethal cringe levels. Then it was predicted as a joke, and then it literally happened. Steven really is out of control 🤯
I should have expected him to slip that in at the end. Pun intended.
@@JasonBrant 🤣🤮🤣🤮
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Who played the stunt double for the girl? - a Buffalo?
I’m going to wash my eyes after watching that cringey scene.
Best part of segal movies is he never takes damage and he always gets the model. Legend
Still slinging it at his advanced age and girth.
Thank God we have Seagal to show us what being a good man is all about.
Murdering people with a sword makes you a good man, apparently.
Badly needed in this day and age :)
ROTFFLMFAO.....
🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👍🏿❤️
Maybe he keeps a sword in his prison wallet. That's why he walks so weird.
I think you figured out the waddle! 🤣
😂😂😂😂
Surely a kenpo stick? :)
It's in one of his fat folds
Seagal's upcoming movie projects:
1.The Devil's Food Brigade
2. Marked for Death by Chocolate
3. Gravy Seals 2
4. LP/ IHOP
5. Heavy Drop : The seige of Golden Corral
6. SONOM
7. Central Intestinal Agency
8. Blackhawk Down 2 : Slingload
9: Saving Colonel Sanders
10. Hamburger Hill 2: Super size
11. The A-Rations
12. The Man From A.R.B.Y.S.
Out For Burgers.
Under Statins.
The Slimmer Man (not him!).
Hard to Slim.
Sensei Segal looks like he ate an entire "Good Man"
🤣 🤣
He cleaned off a place for her to sit 🤣
Lmao
Like John Goodman sized
Segal ate A Few Good Men.
What we're witnessing in the movie is breakthrough science in the field of Seagalology. Seagal's mass, combined with the sheer force of his knowledge of martial arts, multiplied by the sum value of all collective charisma and animal magnetism exhibited in all his films, along with some other complex calculations, have now created the beginnings of a black hole at his coordinates in space/time that is slowly growing in size. With this, you can see the effect of light being dragged violently inside, creating a "spaghettification" effect, which gives us the stretched image. It's an exciting new field of study!
Wow. Where can I learn more about Seagalology? Sounds fattening, I mean fascinating.
@@JasonBrant Many universities in the dozens of nations that Seagal claims to be a descendent of. The Russians are spearheading the research last time I checked. Putin has a keen interest!
This is probably the best comment about Seagal lol
In most scenes, his head is in quantum entanglement with the rest of the body.
😂😂😂
I've been sober for almost 6 years and watching you review this many Segal movies on a snowy day has made me realize that at least i'll never be steven segal and for that, i am so grateful. thank you for your services for turning his turdfilms into something entertaining on a day i'm snowed in.
Check out some of other stuff - it's a lot more fun. Watch our reviews of The Barbarians, Elves, and Champagne and Bullets to see movies that are actually enjoyable.
Seagall hasn't been sober for more than a week. Ever.
Sifu may be chubby, but he identifies as athletic. You must respect that.
If he started saying that, I would die laughing. That's hilarious.
Are u fcn high ?
the only athletic thing about Seagal is how quick he move when ask about the sexual harassment on his interview. i've never seen a fat guy move that fast before. good thing it's video taped so we can watch it in slow motion.
Do I have to? Really? C'mon?
"Stephen Seagal" is to "chubby" what "Hitler" was to '"casual racism".
If you never heard the Seagal stories Rob Schneider told Howard Stern, then you need to go watch that immediately. Also the Tom Arnold story of Seagal walking out the wrong door is a classic as well.
Those stories are hilarious.
@@JasonBrantGoogle "Stephen Tobolowsky on working with Steven Seagal". It's pretty hilarious.
My favorite stories are Gene Labell choking him out for show boating, and then John Leguizamo talking about Seagal couldn't die in Executive Decision.
Uncle Buck walked out the wrong door once... Here's a quarter....
@@eddiemclean7011 You'll never find a rat that big for only a quarter though hahahahahah
You guys crack my girl and I up so badly! We are still dying every time we hear the barbarian "URRRRR"🤣🤣🤣
🤣 Thanks!
If I was on a desert island and could bring one movie I'd take anything with Steven Seagal in it so I could throw it in the ocean.
🤣 🤣 🤣
Don't do that, he'd waddle out of the surf to chop you up with the Devil's Butcher Knife🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ain't no islands in the desert....the whole point of a desert it lack of water .....you mean A deserted island ?
@@mertalawiscious2873 No I mean desert island.
@@mertalawiscious2873 I think you missed the definition of an island. Desert island means it lacks vegetation and it's mainly sand or volcanic rocks. Coincidentally that's how island actually start off when they are pushed up from the ocean floor, it would be weird to see a fresh island come out the sea fully fleshed out with palm trees and shit growing like that normal.
Executive decision is one of the best movie I have ever seen. Mostly because it killed Seagal in the beginning and I didn't have to suffer watching the whole movie with him in it.
His death is great in it. Too bad he didn't die ten minutes into this one.
Great stuff, love your show. As a token of my gratitude, I will present to you my favorite bit of Seagal trivia:
"After the actor claimed that, due to his aikido training, he was "immune" to being choked unconscious, LeBell offered Seagal the opportunity to prove it. LeBell is said to have placed his arms around Seagal's neck, and once Seagal said "go", proceeded to choke him unconscious, with Seagal losing control of his bowels."
Holy Shit. LoL
RIP Gene Lebell.
Bullshit and slander.
Steven Seagal doesn't have a neck.
Ah yes the forbidden technique he likely held back so he didn’t hurt lebell
Yea this is widely known ...lmao
This is great stuff guys, can't beat watching a cr@p movie with a buddy and roasting it, let's face it, Segal deserves every bit of it haha
its Seagull, Stephen Seagull
Thanks. He deserves a lot of roasting.
@@JasonBrant I'm sure he's eaten his fair share of roast beef
I really want to see you guys watch Edward Lee's, "Header."
I promise you that it's way more messed up than Verotika, that has a story that you can follow.
Maybe Yes maybe no😎
This man needs an intervention, badly. Were I one of his kids, I'd be signing papers and seizing power of attorney.
🤣 🤣
Power of refrigerator access needs to be seized if anything...
@@gauloiseguy lol
how much you want to bet. steven sits in his home theater just like these guys and watches his own movies
I'd bet all my money on that
Most regular people could only wish for 1/1000th of the illusions of grandeur that Sensei Seagal has been blessed with.
Zero self-awareness. It's almost impressive.
I really like the Barbarian howl to cover the curse words 😆
Me too.
@@JasonBrant HURRRR!!!!
So that's what that sound was.
Do we have Erin to thank for that?
@@jamminjohn yup🤣
I see Steven is using the hot potato tactic of barely holding your weapon and moving from hand to hand as if it’s hot. He’s even pairing it with Ray Charles method of aiming. I’m impressed with both these methods, they are taught at the Detroit survival school.
Honestly, I was about to end my life. However, after watching this, I've concluded I'm no where as bad as Steven Seagal. Jason Brant, you're saving lives! He does a pretty cool waddle.
It's not me, it's Sifu. Stay strong, for his sake.
Honestly no one can stoop as low as he does, keep on fighting. Or you’ll end up like Seagal.
Sometimes I wake up and I think, damn. I'm not Chris-chan, I probably still deserve to live. Keep on in there bro
I know you hate him, but each time you review a Seagal turkey you guys automatically give the absolute best of yourselves. That was hilarious, thanks.
p.s. I felt for you on that 'sex' scene.
That sex scene was brutal.
They don't hate him, they're fans. As rich piana said "haters are your biggest fans"
I wonder if there's anyone in the world who saw that scene and thought 'Ohhh finally they got together and made love, so beautiful!'
@@mikerosoft1009 Dude. 🤢
@@mikerosoft1009 Yeah, and “oh that Steven Seagal, he’s so handsome! He’s one helluva man!”
Stephen Seagal...arguably the greatest comic actor who ever lived.
So fun to join you guys in the hope that we could get through without the obligatory fully clothed "sex" scene with a woman half his age, only to have those hopes dashed at the last minute! These movies are so bizarre and poorly made that they seem to defy reality and that aspect ratio to look less bloated stuff was hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much. He definitely dashed our hopes by throwing the sex scene in at the end.
*1/3rd his age
Segal got inspired from GTA: SA fully clothed sex.
Well, it's a Seagal movie, so, it's about how great he is. Just like every other Seagal movie...
That's correct.
thx you
@@Stevie-J thx for shield
Are you really as good as they say???
I love how excited you two get over the WADDLE!
You know I actually have a blast watching his shitty movies. Not because they approach anything that resembles an even decent movie, but because you can tell that this dude really believes he's a true badass. He's the Frank Dux of the silver (and usually straight to dvd/bluray) screen. The jet black fake hair and goatee...the enormous hippo-like gut (except Hippos are actually not fat but ridiculously muscular with a thin layer of fat on top of it)...the speech that not only panders to groups based on who he's speaking to but also is nearly mangled so throughly that he sounds like he's speaking while trying to blow bubbles with beef jerky.
I think the worst part about these movies, outside of the poor unfortunate actresses that end up having to film sex scenes with this monstrosity, is that there are some talented actors that appear in them and that shit just looks bad on a resume.
The chocolate donut goatee has to be his biggest transgression thus far!
He’ll never be accused of overacting.
I think why everyone loves your guy's review's on these movies are the roasts, you guys know how to flame a movie while being funny and upset at the same time. That painful "uhhhh not this again" followed up by a techno quip about how the scene is shot it's great. :)
Thanks. That means a lot. It's nice to know our pain is appreciated 🤣
I’ve gotten through all these Seagal movies on my own, because apparently I feel the need to self flagellate. Or maybe it’s me kind of looking into the life of an old friend I used to care about to see what a dumpster fire he has become. Couldn’t tell ya. But growing up, I loved his movies. His first 4 or 5, in my opinion, were great. It was the first time I really saw gore with martial arts. I don’t know who it was that really introduced bone breaking with martial arts but he was the one who introduced it to me. I couldn’t get enough of it. It’s a tad different watching them now, but nostalgia takes over and I still love them. I know the dude’s an egotistical bag of dicks, but in his hayday he wasn’t a disaster, except when he was running. Good shit, bros. You’re good men for sitting through A Good Man.
Much appreciated. His fall from grace is kinda remarkable.
@@JasonBrant Yeah man, basically. I’m looking forward to seeing him in Birdemic 3: The Resuscitation.
I agree. His early stuff was fun. I think On Deadly Ground was the beginning of the end.
@@rticle15 It was.
i pray for you my boy🤣
I watch your Segal videos so I don't have to watch his movies. You're performing an invaluable community service. Keep up the good work!
These Segal movie reviews are not only entertaining but very educational. You teach the masses about which movies to avoid and that most of Segal's best work happened 100 movies ago lol
Thanks for making this folly feel worthwhile 🤣
Seagal has 4 decent movies i’d say: Out for Justice, Under Siege, Under Siege 2, and Hard to Kill. After that, it goes downhill faster than an Olympic ski jumper.
@@BigMikeDTW I concur lol 😆
Yet another amazing episode of watching you guys suffer through a Segal movie. 😄
You're putting us through hell 🤣
I love how he doesn't even take his clothes off to have sex in the movie 🤣. This movie somehow makes my ass hurt and is amazing at the same time I can't explain it.
I never tore up so badly for a movie review! :D Keep it coming guys
Thanks so much!
I really appreciate that as you guys have gone through these films, the name "Seagal" has transcended being just a name and has become a verb and adjective as well.
Thanks. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
The "actual action star" of this movie was in a Canadian sci-fi show called Continuum. Decent show and I remember reading he is mma-trained, and I think he has actually had some competitive fights as well.
Seagal is also MMA-trained....mighty-mass-accumulation :D
That show sucked. But it's a shame that Victor Webster never got to be Bruce Wayne/Batman for the small screen.
@@trustobey1016 it had its moments. I still haven't seen s3 and s4 though so can't fully agree or disagree.
I use to watch Victor in a TV show called Mutant X, like 20 years ago, and googling him now and seeing him with greying hair is making me feel old.
Highly ranked in the "Many Meals Association"
Continuum is a fantastic sci-fi, time travel show. Well written and well produced.
One of your best so far. I cracked up multiple times. You have developed such a great chemistry, it's awesome.
Keep doing what you're doing, guys and never, ever change!
Thanks so much! I appreciate the kind words.
The Barbarian Brothers "Errrp" is killing me I had pee in a house plant! And that yellow tee shirt was just over the top!
🤣 🤣
"He's too strong to be contained in a normal body" Pure. Gold.
This is Steven Segals interpretation of a "good man" this guy's a real piece of work 😆
🤣 🤣
I live for these haha
I don't 🤣
I agree. I wasn't expecting another one so soon, but I love it!
@@JasonBrant and yet, here we are🤣🤣🤣
I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT!!! - Vin Diesel in XXX
Right?! Same, dude. 👍🏻😄
"It's not like his fat ass is gonna thunder after you." Line was pretty good.
Love your New Sound for the F**** Word. Made me laugh and now i have this Barbarian Twins back in mind..... 🙈🤣
I think that censor sound is here to stay 🤣
Love Segal and watching him phone in another movie .Thanks for taking the full damage so we dont have to.Thank you both for your service.
Phoned in? This is his full and entire effort on display! I joke but that's probably true, or he at least thinks it's plenty enough and he looks the coolest.
It's a grenade we continue to dive on 🤣
The next Seagal movie is just him wheezing trying to go up stairs and it's called Hard to Breath.
Everyday around my bird table we have a fat pigeon that comes and eats and when he’s down on the grass eating the bird food that’s been spilt by the squirrels, that pigeon waddles around very much like Segal. I love watching that pigeon waddle as he walks as it’s funny to see
The 1st scene with Seagal set the tone. He had trouble getting up. I knew from that point, here comes the horrible acting.
I expect nothing less at this point.
@@JasonBrant I think it wass the Seagal film Today You Die the climactic fight scene was two fight scenes edited together because as the fight cut to and fro he was wearing different a shirt and coat
My Dad is fat, grumpy and 67 and has more get up and go than Seagull.
There are people in my family that still believe Seagal is the real deal, but I don't say anything because I don't want to ruin their fun, I just go to another room and laugh.
I can’t be with you on the sword thing…if I never questioned where immortals in Highlander hid their swords, I can’t hold Seagal to a higher standard 😂
Haha, fair enough.
"I think it's time for you to seriously consider salads."
T. Soprano
🤣 🤣 Not sure he knows what vegetables are.
@@JasonBrant He might eat them by accident sometimes? I imagine he quits listening after 'Deep fried...'
As difficult as it was for you guys to watch, imagine yourself being the one who is actually with that girl who got molested by the beluga whale and his flippers. Maybe it’s just me, but if I found out someone I was dating had once filmed a sex scene with Seagal and his giant belly, I’d never be able to keep that relationship going after it.
This looked like it was brutal for you guys to watch. We thank you for your service.
It was. Much appreciated.
Always enjoy the Segal flicks with you guys. He cranks so many out so fast it makes me wonder if he actually just films these in his back yard with random people he pulls off the street.
🤣 🤣
There is barely anything that causes me to laugh out loud, this channel gets me everytime. One of the best channels on my feed.
Thanks, Adam!
You and Brian have great Chemistry, and banter. You seem to have similar movie ideologies. Just the two of you is my favorite format.
Thanks!
Seagal isn't fat, he's mass positive
🤣 🤣
It's unbelievable how Seagal makes it that he never gets hit. He hasn't been injured in a movie since "Hard to Kill.".
He died in "Executive Decision" and got shot in "Under Siege" 1 or 2 (who cares). Executive Decision is by far his best movie. Mostly cause Kurt Russell was the main protagonist (and because Seagal dies).
Cheers!
@@PantoniStrikesBack how did Seagal's character die in Exec Decision?
@@arthuryong8562 there's a problem with the plane's attachment (makes sense in the movie), and he closes it from inside, sacrificing himself so the rest of the team can save the day.
Maybe is the only time he had a good role.
Cheers!
@@PantoniStrikesBack that's...heroic.
@@arthuryong8562 certainly it was. And being a supporting role, he's almost a good character. You should watch the movie if you haven't. It's quite decent, and has Leguizamo, Oliver Platt, Kurt Russell, Halle Berry and a bunch others. Die hard in a plane, kind of.
Cheers!
This is exactly what I needed after binging your other Seagal reviews. Thanks for doing the lords work 👍
Feels like the devil's work 🤣
"I er, sounds awful"
Got damn it I'm not even a minute into this and laughing and Segal hasn't even squeezed his way onto the screen yet, always good to see you guys back extra body mass and all. 💜
🤣 Thanks!
Not since the legendary blind masseur swordsman Zatoichi, has such extraordinary sword mastery been on display. Truly an instant classic 😂👍
"I'm new to being fat" omg I love you guys 😂
🤣 Thanks!
Seagal needs to start putting out more movies. Your channel is hilarious! Multiple movies a year for another 20 years sound fantastic.😂 This is gold!
Thanks so much!
Hell yeah, Sifu's back 🤩🤣
I'm glad one of us is excited 🤣
This was amazing, thank you for suffering on our behalf. The “hot dog” head scene was gold.
Thanks!
You guys are doing the lord's work. Thank you for your service.
The lord's or the devil's. Hard to tell sometimes.
You guys are hilarious, I used to love watching B-movies with friends for the laughs. But this reminds me of when me and some friends saw - I think it was Scream - at an actual theater but they had the wrong camera lens so everything was distorted and stretched out vertically. People were yelling like crazy in the theater so I dont know if the Projectionist was stoned or just didnt care, and then it sort of became more entertaining than the movie itself which was shot by that point. Everytime some character would look down or something their nose would look like it grew 5 inches. About halfway thru they *finally* changed the lens but then it was out of focus for another 10 minutes, worst experience ever but funny too. Oh, and Stegal was maybe inspired by that Paula Abdul video (Promise of a New Day I think?) where she was having weight issues and they did the same “technique” to make her look slender. Like no one notices, LOL. And love the line “I’m new to being being fat” - I’ll have to use that since I have yet to self motivate back to the gym to burn this off. Great video dudes!!!
B-movies? More like an F-movie, this one....
You want to know where the sword was hidden? It was concealed amongst the many fat folds in his body.
Maybe he should play a Hutt at this point. He is the same size as one and he'd just need some facial prosthetics though he may say something about his beard being covered up. Best of all, he gets to sit around and mumble incomprehensibly.
exactly my thoughts :D
Nice, haha.
Instead of "Solo and the Wookie" it's "Bring me soda and a cookie..."
BOSHKA!
Seagal hair is the reason i refuse to have hair planting 😂😂
Started watching you guys recently. I appreciate you doing what I can’t do. I couldn’t sit through a full movie of this body challenged former actor. He had his time but now he has lost it. Not the weight, I mean his star power. Actually, did he ever have star power? I’ll crack a beer and think about it.
Thanks! Glad to have you on board with us!
Seagal deserve credit. For believing his own hype for so many years.
I hate Aikido. When I was a little kid, I was baaaadly bullied. I started liking Bruce Lee and other martial arts movies and fantasising about being strong enough to beat my bully, and I kept telling my dad that I wanna learn martial arts. I kept saying, tae kwon do, or Karate, or jeet kune do. I want to kick some ass.
But my dad, in his infinite wisdom, didn't want me learning martial arts like that, and instead went for a defense only martial art - Aikido. I gave it a shot.
Got to green belt. Got bored of basically dancing and doing unrealistic things, with what was basically a group of middle aged men looking for a healthy alternative to working out than going to the gym. We spent half of each lesson stretching / cracking our wrists joints, and sitting in circles doing breathing exercises. My dad got caught up in the community part of this. He went on to blue belt, and eventually kept going without me for a few years by himself. He would often tell stories that he'd heard from the Sensai, about old 95 year old Aikido masters who could ragdoll men twice their size and weight.
Multiple claims about Aikido being the best martial art etc.
I had already been disillusioned by Aikido, because for some reason, the institution had made a deal with St. Peters, my current school, to do a demonstration at a fair. At the school, in front of all the other kids and their parents. The demonstration went well, but all it did was paint fucking targets on us - the Aikido students who went to that school. The sensai's son, Ross, was the first to be getting targeted. It got pretty bad for him. I remember when Ross got charged by the class bully. A big kid, who ended up becoming a cage fighter ( no joke ) called James Stabler. Ross actually managed to pull off an actual aikido move on him. Sorta. Used his momentum and guided his arm so he toppled into a table. Everybody went OOOOHHHHHH. James turned around, red faced, and then lunged at Ross, and that was that. It'd be nice if we were taught a move that can put a bully down and make him not wanna continue. Not something to piss him off. Aikido, as a kid, for self defense, was fucking useless. It lacked any power or intimidation, we couldn't do anything with it beyond tickle other kids. You literally focus on countering and precise defense. Which means that you're training to be a punching bag. An advanced training device that tries to dodge and catch your punches. The more you learn exclusive defense, the more you're learning to let someone who learned offense walk all over you. For the whole encounter. You HAVE to strike back.
Well, one day, I got attacked, on the way home from a club with some friends, and my first reaction to being hit was to try to do one of the fucking unrealistic moves we had practiced where the guy slowly comes in with an over head punch and we do the little bullshit dance routine grabbing the exact point on the opponent's hand and wrist to control him to the ground. I had the move flash in my head, I had step by step how to do it, taught to me over years, in my head, fresh and ready to use.
What happened, is I went into my stance, the fist came toward me, my hand went up to catch his hand and - they both collide, at high speed, with his angry, mentally unstable fist slamming into my palm and ramming both into my face.
Dazed. WTF was that. Try to get my bearings, but I'm still being hit, I'm wobbling about, can't fucking stabilise myself because I've been drinking, my friends are all 'passive pacifist' kind of people and they're all literally stunlocked and staring at this happening to me. The guy starts going for the body. I come to, on my feet, with him going crazy on my kidneys and abs, with all my strength I try to grab and throw this guy, or slam him or something, but I gas out, stumble backwards and fall over, cracking my head. An incredible display. He even sat on me and gave me a pounding while I was unconscious, so I was told.
I come to, again, being carried and the guy catches up to us and follows me, comes up to me and hits me again, breaks my nose and I fall heavy and slowly backwards and crack my head again on the fucking asphalt. He's drooling, kicking me in the side. Who the fuck? What the fuck? To this day, I don't get it, how I was the target for apparently all of this guy's pent up rage and anger and I literally have no clue what the fuck any of it was about.
Thanks Aikido.
It's got to the point now, where I've basically lost so much, lost so many encounters, shits just hit the fan for no reason, or a dumb reason.... when I think back of things that should have been fond, like learning a martial art with my dad to defend myself, it's just a fucking miserable cascade of failure, where I realise my dad used my urge to learn martial arts as an excuse to get into a meditative deep breathing holistic fucking fitness thing. HE didn't wanna do KUNG FU, he wanted to do hand holding and fucking doing the tango with sweaty men his own age. And when I stopped going, he kept going, and effectively left my social life at that point. So I've got sour, annoying memories of my dad choosing his friends at Aikido and getting his pointless b lue belt, over hanging with his son and teaching him to defend himself.
It's all come to a point where I'm like yo, if some group of kids comes up to me some morning or evening, and tries to take my shit.... I'll just kill them. On the spot, no chance for fighting, no bullshit maneuvers or dance routines, you show yourself to be an unavoidable threat to me and I'm just gonna stab you in the throat and walk away while you bleed to death.
It's gotten that bad.
Just teach your kids to kick some ass if they're being bullied, for the love of christ. Don't teach them to stand there and let the bullies swing at them. When you twist their arm and send them rolling on the floor they'll just g et back up, angrier than before. You need to concuss your bullies, or make them bleed. Remove a small appendage. Self defense has to hurt.
You've got to feel for the supporting actors..
Casting agent:" so Adrian, thanks for coming. I understand you are one of the leading up and coming actors in Bucharest?"
Adrian:" yes, thank you. I left school and waited tables to fund myself through drama school in Bucharest, I then travelled to London where I worked 3 jobs to enable me to learn English and attend RADA evening classes. I funded my own play at the Edinburgh Festival and now, at the age of 30 have refrormed the National Theatre in bucharest where we are staging Hamlet in a translation into Romanian that I wrote myself"
Casting agent:" brilliant, Adrian, just brilliant"
Adrian:" so, what have you got for me?"
Casting agent:" well, as you know we're from L.A."
Adrian:"yes.."
Casting Agent:"and you know we make some of the most widely distributed action movies on the planet?"
Adrian:" yes...."
Casting agent:" tell me, do you know any Aikido?"
Adrian:" ...."
This was better than all the Seagal scripts combined. Bravo 🤣
@@JasonBrant do I win £5?😁😁
Lol, "full figured" is a worse insult than calling him fat and I'm here for it!!
steven seagal : I LOOK FAT
video editor: just streach the video
Another fantastic return to form gentlemen. Seagal has never looked taller. keep up the amazing work. Thank you for always bringing a laugh.
Thanks for the kind words!
Yessss More Seagal waddle!!
I snuck some in there for ya.
@@JasonBrant Hahaha cheers! Great video lads! That end sex scene had me in stitches!!
I once found a Steven Seagal DVD in a puddle while out jogging, I picked it up, took it home, dried it out and amazingly it worked.
To this day I regret picking up that DVD.
using the "Barbarian" sound to bleep swears has me in tears laughing... UURRRR!!!!
🤣 🤣 Thanks.
Did you guys say Seagal is an Aikido master or a burrito master?
"Both?" "Both?" "Both!" "Both is good!"
Points if you can name the movie that came from.
@@megatronjenkins2473 Road to El Dorado?
Yes.
You guys didn't even comment on the greatest Seagal line ever, "I'm gonna snatch every motha fucka birfday!" Wtf guys!?
Thank you for suffering for our entertainment! Seagal Suffering Sundays could become a thing; I'm sure there's plenty of waddling to make plenty more content for a while.
I like that name, haha.
@@JasonBrant make that a subtitle🤣
I died the whole time watching this. These guys are low-key roast masters. 💀👌🏾
Thanks!
@@JasonBrant Np, thank you guys for posting these videos of self torture for our entertainment. ✊🏾😁
“This is the Devil’s butter knife.” “I use it all the time it’s a perfect utensil.” “I spread butter with it on everything all the time.”
They stretched the frame as much as they could without making his hair thinner.
🤣 🤣
I've been so excited for this video lol. I don't know why but I love your reactions to his crap movies, you guys make me laugh so hard. You have to check out his tv show lawman. It's so terrible but you guys will absolutely die laughing lol
We'll get to that at some point. Not looking forward to it 🤣
My favorite line “he waddles, he mumbles, he’s a wumbler
I got out of an abusive home where I was being starved when I was a child. I came out of high school at 350 pounds. It was a lot of hard work to pull that weight off in my 20s. But let's not sugar cote it I was fat. When I finally discovered food security like a starved dog I just went overboard when I could finally eat more times a week then I was ever able to before and maybe I was afraid of it happening again. I just hate how people try to use any excuse as to why they are overweight we have such a language problem. People don't die they pass away. The problem is not calling someone fat it is what the intent was fat is fat your doctor will tell you being overweight is having an excess of body fat not excess body overweight... Steven Seagal is not fat because of a problem he cannot control, he got rich depressed and lazy went from insane work outs to laying around the house. Nothing wrong with that but it is insane he still thinks of himself as an athlete and a bad ass he need so much help...
I'm sorry to hear about your upbringing.
Steven is a HUGE star, don’t ever forget it!
Hah, you got that right.
He's got a huge gut alright.
jep huge 400lbs
That one outfit comes in handy. He wears it in all his movies.
We really appreciate the fact that you suffer through these turkeys so we don’t have to however if you keep this up your going to be watching these with therapy dogs to help with the severe trauma you will have endured!
Peace to you and stay strong!
Always glad to see another video from you all, especially when you're watching a film starring Mr. Waddlesworth himself.
That was a good catch on the aspect ratio "wizardry" they used on Seagal's....oversized cranium😂. The editor had a field day.
The guy you said should actually be the star of this one is Victor Webster. He was in this sci-fi show called Continuum years back. It ran for three or four seasons, thankfully got a proper ending. Pretty good show, starring the absolutely beautiful Rachel Nichols. I saw it on Netflix, I don't know if it's still there or not.
You suffer for our entertainment and we all appreciate it. Thank you and please keep it going 😎🍻
Thanks! I haven't heard of Continuum, but I'll check it out. Much appreciated.
This was a sequel to a movie where he was the villain. There's no way he knew he was the villain of that movie before it came out, because otherwise he wouldn't have been in it. I'm now convinced that he made this movie as a redemption arc for his own character.
I just found your channel and wanted to say how much I enjoy these videos. Thank you for the noble work you are doing. Sitting through these bottom-shelf straight to digital graveyard trash-fests so I don't have to. kudos!
Remember those toys us old guys had, who knows they may still have, where you would punch them and they would bounce back up everytime. Was it a a Socker Bopper? Hahaaa. Steven Segal is shaped like one of those 💯
Sockem Bopper, yeah he does look like one of them 😂
Oh, I forgot about those! Those were a ton of fun.
See Also: "Weebles Wobble But They DON'T Fall Down! 😁
Omg yeah🤣
The poor man was obviously just cold throughout the entire film, hence the jacket and scarf. I mean, if you don't move much, you don't generate much body temperature. (and his eye condition that means he HAS to wear sunglasses indoors) This man is a medical wreck! We are privileged to be seeing him work under these poor conditions!
The aspect ratio is easier to explain given his mass. He has his own gravitational pull on the camera lens, thus stretching the image vertically.
Which would also coincidentally explain the phenomena whereby every bad guy is drawn TO him in a fight so he doesn't have to run after them.
Sheer genius at work.
Well, damn. You've figured the man out 🤣
Is there actually a scene where he manages to speak more than one sentence in a single shot? I can picture someone standing off camera with an oxygen mask and fried chicken.
🤣 🤣 Now that's a hilarious visual.