what creeps me out the most is the realisation of how much i was cat called and flirted with by grown men when i was a teenager and in my school uniform, compared to so much less now that i'm in my 20s and visibly an adult
I think about this a lot too, and wonder if I’m still getting catcalled in my mid-twenties simply because I genuinely look like a teenager at first glance 🥴
yeah my peak time of being catcalled was when i was 13-14 (and i looked it), with my massive schoolbag on my back walking home. men passing in cars would shout at me. now im 20 and in the past 3 tears or so ive maybe been catcalled from a car once
Remember when Keanu dated (or still dates) a woman who was his age and she looked her age too? And the media and the internet were confused by that because why would he choose a wrinkly "old woman" who's his equal instead of a young glistening orb of a woman who's brain and body haven't fully developed yet? Ughh.
@@towel1636eah i think the person u replied to just meant that even the relationship everyone heralds as anti the trend of massive age gaps in hollywood still has an age gap (albeit a way more acceptable and reasonable one but still an age gap) edit: and still significantly above the us average age gap between a het couple (which is apparently 2.3 years)
I was always curious why billie made her new album about how she was underage in a relationship... and then started dating a 10 older man literally half a year later
unfortunately it's extremely common for people who are in abusive relationships to enter several before fully breaking the cycle. In Billie's case, I'm sure she thinks because she's 20 now and not 16 an age gap is no longer a problem. I hope for her sake Jesse is not actually predating on her but yeah. Sad but not actually surprising.
I live in Brazil and here the age of consent is 14… this is so frustrating bc i studied with a girl who was 14 when she met and started dating her boyfriend, a 26-year-old man. It’s so sad and frustrating that their relationship was LEGAL, like, he was finishing college when she was on 7th grade… It’s so fuck3d up :(( I noticed how she changed when they started dating, he manipulated her SO MUCH ☹️☹️☹️
Omg and I thought the age of consent in my state (North Carolina, USA) being 16 was far too young! 14!? No 14-17 is remotely ready to do the deed! Also if you’re around the ages of 18-24, if the person trying to persue you is 6+ years older than you are, than that fucker is a creep and you should run the other way!!! The issue here is brain development, your brain is FAR from developed til you’re 25, therefore you’re not going to make the maturest of decisions at the age of 18-24! But fuck, 14 is 11 YEARS AWAY from being 25, 16 is 9 YEARS AWAY from 25! 14-16 year olds ARE LITERAL BABIES!!! They’re still barely in highschool! They shouldn’t even be thinking of the deed, nor dating 20 year olds, it’s literally far from appropriate! Hell I’m a 21yr old women, but I can’t even bring myself to even date an 18 year old because that’s baby to me… it makes me want to vomit and breaks my heart, that they’re 26 year olds in the world that are sick enough to date a 14-16 year old “just because it’s legal”!
That interview with Billie being so proud of herself that she ‘pulled’ him made me so sad. Literally Grooming 101 to make the victim feel like they’ve been in control the whole time when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
so true. also i find it weird bc she likely had a parasocial relationship with him before. is that not super weird???? bc she was a fan of him as an artist she would’ve already had ideas about him in her head before meeting him. she probably felt like she knew him before they started dating bc she’d been a fan for so long. like ofc she’s gonna wanna date him. he wouldn’t have had to do anything. therefore he can use that to his advantage and manipulate her bc he knows that she already sees him in a golden light. he can pretty much do no wrong. billie would likely justify his actions due to her having admired him for so long
He's destroying her self esteem from the inside out. You can watch it happen. It's devastating. Not just to her but to the culture. They target the strong young women and gut them. It's a form of terrorism. "Kill them before they grow."
That gave me the ick for a different reason. It reminded me of when dudes will go to their friends and be like “look at this piece of ass I just pulled” or something like that and all high five each other. But yeah I hadn’t thought of it that way either, it’s so icky in a lot of ways
Let’s not forget how 17 even 18 year old boys in high would be dating girls that were 14/13. Barely teenagers, I would see those relationships in my school all the time!
Yes!! Last year, I remember when I was a senior, I would get so sick when I would see senior dudes go after freshman girls, and I’d be like- “ bro they’re literal children, they just out of elementary school like 2 years ago “ 😭💀
yup. this happened to my former childhood friend. we were 12 and she was dating a 17 year old, then cheated on him with his 15 year old brother. it was a freaking mess.
yes! when i was 13 i was in a relationship with a 17-year-old guy and it was terrible, still traumatized tbh, i thought it was ok cause we both were underage but bruh ☠️☠️
a 16 yo girl in my area was murdered by her 22 yo boyfriend. Not only was his family aware they would often get into fights and would shoot guns, but they covered his ass by buying a brand new air mattress to cover blood stains. Terrifies me how his parents left the poor girl to die in the hands of a monster they raised
Just after I turned 22 I met a 30 year old man and I was super interested in him. He let me down gently, and I was upset, but.... that man is a GOOD man. I'm grateful for the respect and care he showed towards me by turning me down.
22 and 30 isn't a big difference. Its just an 8 year difference which isn't a big age gap if the younger one is over 20. 14 and 22 is inappropriate and even illegal and 18 and 26 is a significant age gap too but 22 and 30 is fine. I am 36 and my girlfriend is 22 and we have a very healthy relationship
@@lostecho5318Age gaps of more than 5 years are seriously weird and if it's going well for you and your gf that doesn't mean anything for others relationships. Also anyone can be abuse/manipulative/seek ppl the can control regardless of the age gap. The bigger it is the more concerning but ppl can absolutely have healthy relationships w/ age gaps
@@lostecho5318 That's a MASSIVE age difference, especially maturity and life stage wise. She'd only been able to buy alcohol for a year. And 22 is so young mentally. 30 year olds have a good idea of who they are now, 22 year olds are still really beginning the journey of figuring that out
@@TheKRenatusJournals she is turning 23 after 3 weeks anyways and i am turning 37 after 2 months. Most people are out of college by 21 or 22 max 23 so a 22-23 year old is fully grown adult in my opinion. It's only wrong when grown adults go for teenagers but 20+ is fine for older men. In my opinion something like 23 and 36 is less significant than 18 and 23 because we do more maturing between 18 and 23 compared to 23+.
As a now 22 year old woman who almost married a 34 year old man at 18, there is absolutely no reason that a grown man should be interested in women that young. You're completely right in saying there's a reason that women their own age don't want them.
@@olganova3058 sadly there are some women who want to normalize large age gaps in relationships by using "love is love" and "age is just a number" as an excuse (while at the same time sugarcoating it with "as long as it's between consenting adults" which is illogical)
@@fatimahanwaar306 and my favorite one is "yA'lL, whAt iF they aRe hApPy tOgEtHer?!!1" meanwhile it's a well known fact that bigger age gap relationships have very little chances to last and evolve in a healthy manner. Either they have some bad daddy issues thing or are brainwashed by their groomers, or a Stockholm syndrome, or all together.
@@olganova3058 exactly! examples include couples like Katherine McPhee and David Foster (from the musical reality TV series "The Masked Singer") which are basically like the gender opposite of Sam and Aaron-Taylor Johnson especially how Katherine said that older men are "better" than men her own age and used "humor" as a way of "clapping back" against the people who were speaking the truth about how inappropriate the relationship is even if she's in her late 30's now married to him and has a child (who was her first and his sixth child)
It’s so hard being a Neighbourhood fan when Jesse is dating Billie. It’s definitely creepy because she’s idolized him. I usually don’t care much about age gaps, because a lot of people’s parents have age gaps (my parents have a seven year one) but my parents both met when they were both solidly adults and had jobs (my mom would have been at least mid 20s). But the biggest thing is my dad didn’t know my mom when she was a minor. It’s also gross to me, not being a Billie Eilish fan, how so many people are shitting on her for dating him. Like we’re mad at her………for being potentially groomed? For being influenced and enticed to date someone who she’s idolized for YEARS? Shit I don’t blame Billie at all. I blame Jesse because he’s a 30 year old MAN.
I think that's so interesting bcus I've been a fan of the neighbourhood for like a decade, but I don't listen to their music anymore, even tho I don't care about billies music, she's still a woman and I still stand with her 100%. I think it's probably young teen girls who are mad of Billie because they themselves would want to be with Jesse. All the 20+ women who I've hear speak on this, side with Billie.
Billie and Jessie’s relationship is a power dynamic. He’s in like she’s in love . She’s a fan, she bragged about ‘bagging him’. She’s happy now but what about after it sets in
Your parents age gap in the setting you describe is just fine. But big age gaps do matter when one person is mentally developed and the other is not yet there. The thing is, even the man's strength (its important in sports that need strength especially) is not developed fully till the nervous system isnt and frontal cortex is a part of this system too. So its not only "decision making", changes are severe. But we are at "adult at 18" state of law so arguments against marurity of people in that age group are not common knowledge. We are basically stuck at the "end of growth, end of puberty = adult" status. Which is funny because men do grow longer sometimes than 18. But its better from the state and economic perspective when people enter the employment market earlier and work longer. Regardless if they are fully able, there are so many young people taking uncalculated risks and going bankrupt partially because making decisions needs fully developed frontal cortex. Its also important for relationships. I grew up in a stable family and sometimes i think its the reason why I am not attracted to man twice my age - they resemble dad and i would feel uncomfortable dating them because of that, i would feel like a child. Also it would be weird if my dad had a son in law his age, the dynamic is different than "son" for sure. I always dated people around my age. But i do know that people from "complete" families date older people so I only described how it feels for me to give a perspective
This brings back chilling memories, when a professor told us how he had met his wife at the time, he was 30 and she was 19, he kept making sexual jokes about the age difference, it was very uncomfortable. 💀
@@simin7140 are u stupid ? A 19 yr old is an legal adult , she’s much more attractive and youthful than a 25 yr old or a 30 yr old women in general, that’s y the professor is dating her. U also like to date older guys as well so quit the hypocrisy just cuz ur not 19 anymore.
As a dude- thank you so much. This pisses me off to the worst extent when I see age gaps, especially when girls are just turning 18. Like, what could you possibly have in common?!?
BOOING in solidarity!!! the "when i was 21 i realised i could never speak to a 17yo romantically" part is almost verbatim what ive said to people when referring to my own experience. i was 17 when i first had sex (with a 22yo man). when i turned 22 myself i was so SO repulsed by the idea. im a pan woman, and some people have tried to use the "o well men are emotionally less mature than women" to rationalize it and im like ???? i have no romantic/sexual interest in the most "emotionally mature" 17yo girl either? ew? jail.
people give men too much leeway. unrelated my brother (now 27) has dated girls younger than me (now 24) by 1 or 3 years (these girls are still adults in their early 20s) and my sister (30) & i give him crap about dating younger girls, we're always telling him to date women his own age. i dont come from a family w huge age gaps so in my family it IS weird. my siblings and i, we're all three years apart and its my brother that has dated an age range more vast in comparison to my sister (she dates within 1 to 2 years older/younger) and i have never dated anyone so.
This!! It’s incredibly mind boggling to see how many times people try to shoo away the bad behavior of heterosexual men when they do shit like that. It’s terrifying especially when it’s so clearly wrong
The worst part is they assume 17 year old girls are mature. There is no such thing as a mature teenager. They can be emotionally intelligent, but their lack of experience in life is enough of a reason to make them more or less immature and naive. Just because you're a smart teen, it doesn't mean you're mature. This is especially easy to be used as an excuse because girls are typically the most hardworking students, and work harder for better grades (at least in my country. Idk about others but where I'm from, more than half of girls have straight A's, whereas less than half of the boys barely pass their classes and are extremely violent). They push the responsibility of being a grown adult into young girls, making them seem as if they're more mature than boys, but that is simply because no boy I know has been held responsible for their behavior the way girls have
I am 29 now, so OLD to a lot of these men seeking younger women, but I was in situationships that featured age-gaps when I was younger and I gained NOTHING from them, just speaking for myself. I know there are age gap relationships that do work out but honestly if the older person has a repeated history of only going after younger people I consider that to be a MASSIVE red flag.
I relate to this so much. As someone who as personally experienced an age gap relationship like this I couldn’t agree more. You can’t see the warning signs when you’re 18 and 17. You just see the admiration of someone you look up to and all of a sudden feel as if you have value and are “different”. This person makes you feel like you’re a “grown up” when you’re new to not having a curfew or homework and it’s so intoxicating. It’s easy for women that age to fall for it and call it love which is why it’s so scary and happens too often
what would you think of a 31 y/o going after a 24 year old (me) and a 25 year old (one of my other girl friends) ? not the biggest age gap but I’m the younger half in that scenario and want to know if it’s possibly suspect for this person to be dating people this much younger
I'm 25 now. I used to hook up pretty regularly with this one guy who was 34 when I was 21. I can confirm I had a better head on my shoulders than he did back then (and I still do). The dude has messaged me to rekindle many times and I'm like... Boy, what are you doing with your life?
taylor swift was in a age gap relationship with john mayer, she was 19 he was in her 30s. her song would’ve could’ve should’ve is a really good song explaining what it was like in a age gap relationship where she was taken advantage of and how it still effects her. she has lyrics like “i damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil, at nineteen” “give me back my girlhood it was mine first” “i regret you all the time” “now that i’m grown im scared of ghosts” it’s really sad.
I was talking to a random dude and he admitted to be with a 15 year old while being 29, he stated she iniciated the interaction and that he talked with a lawyer friend of his about the legality, I told him “bro, if you need to talk with a lawyer after having sex with someone, you shouldn’t be having that interaction in the first place “
Bro I’m sick and tired of this nonsense and I’m don’t stand for this gross behavior and as a 21 year old single man myself, I find it pathetic and disgusting that a 30s to 40s and 60s year old men can think in their darn minds to date a younger women and me personally I would date right around my age or 5 years old and I do like mature women.
From an older person's perspective: Please keep this conversation going. Please keep making videos and commentary like this. I had to navigate this stuff 25+ years ago, when it was perceived as "cool" for girls like me, as teenagers, to date much older guys. We didn't really have anyone telling us about red flags or the controlling nature of age gap relationships. We had to figure it out ourselves and it was hard. I hope the younger people out there find your videos and learn to advocate for themselves earlier.
@@samuelfoster8615 Did you even read my reply? Yes, we had to learn the hard way, usually after broken hearts and trauma. It's a lot nicer to learn from someone else's mistake and save yourself from lasting hardship. Do you agree?
@@jillkeller8956 don’t even bother, he’s one if those who actually date barely legal teens, and when someone questions it, they use “oh you think women can’t think for themselves” as a reverse psychology to prey on these girls🤷🏽♀️
There's this idea that "women tends to be mentally older, that's why they tend to like older men". I don't know if the 'mentally older' thing is true, like if there's a scientific research or what. But, I often see that being used to defend and justify these questionable age gap relationships, which is gross.
I’m 30 now but when I was 22 I was pursued by and eventually dated a 33 year old man and I say from experience, I found out women his age didn’t want his crazy ass cuz his ass was crazy
@@drinkmoreagua8984 I’m so sorry sugar, plz know u are a growing person in ur own right and if this dude is trying to rob u of the beauty that is ur early 20s then he’s a loser and I am sending him horrible vibes
@@drinkmoreagua8984I’m 27 but was in this exact situation when I was in 17/18 with a 40 year old (gross I know, he was my boss and I was extremely vulnerable). Get out, whatever you have to do, just leave it will never be the wrong decision. Take care of yourself ❤
theres also such a big problem of age gaps in the gay community. older men target teen boys and young men and often their parents dont protect them because they arent supportive in the first place. ive witnessed so many young gay guys feel like their only source of love is older men and it just breaks my heart
oh my god so so so so important! all my gay male friends have had relationships with almost exclusively TOO OLD men. it comes down to just sex which is what the older men want. cuz what else would a 14 year old and a 30 year old be talking about. for ppl who are closeted and are desperately in search of being able to live out their romantic life peacefully it often comes down to being groomed which is alarming.
@@twiff3rino28 17 certainly isn't an adult. especially compared to a 24 year old. think about it, that's a junior in high school and someone who could have been graduated from college for 2 years. and that's not even the worst of it compared to real. life
The most insidious thing about the relationships like these (that go wrong especially, like with a mentor and a mentee, or are messy for any number of reasons) is that as a young person, to admire someone professionally or personally and to then see that feeling reflected back at you is invigorating. It's validating. Someone who has it all is looking at me? Loves me? What could go wrong? But it's easy to forget that it takes years to truly and fully get to know someone, and those "red flags" are a big indicator on whether or not it's safe, or if they are a waste of your time.
And also, what about when they leave, or when the relationship 'fails'? If the person feels validated and admired and valued, where does that go when it's gone. I'd feel completely broken because not only did I lose a person, but I would also question if that validity also leave and now somehow I'm no longer good enough in many facets. Obviously, I didn't put this perfectly, but I hope my point makes enough sense. Also, I used myself because I'm 18 and also I don't want to project totally on celebs. But I worry about these young women and girls because I know how it would affect me.
As someone who as personally experienced an age gap relationship like this I couldn’t agree more. You can’t see the warning signs when you’re 18 and 17. You just see the admiration of someone you look up to and all of a sudden feel as if you have value and are “different”. This person makes you feel like you’re a “grown up” when you’re new to not having a curfew or homework and it’s so intoxicating. It’s easy for women that age to fall for it and call it love which is why it’s so scary and happens too often
Chris Evans and his gf alba baptista who is just starting with her career. All those rumors about the DC interns plus accounts of him running around banging girls in their early 20s while staging PR relationships with "age-appropriate" women to cover his tracks in Public are finally starting to sound believable. So many people warned us about him especially the jenny slate thing, came up with evidence it was a staged Pr relationship but people called them crazy, obsessed fans who were only hounding her cause she was too ugly for him. There actually were people (both in his Fandom and outside) who called her ugly but they made it look like his whole Fandom was all about that when I reality their main taking point was that the whole thing was a lie to give Jenny exposure and keep Chris' image clean. People blamed said crazy fans for their break up but turns it out these fans were right all along. The fact his now gf literally grew up watching him and his fellow marvel actors and idolised them in interviews and then he started pursuing her on IG when she was 23 and he was 40 is fucking sad. I really thought he was another Keanu but he turned out to be just another Leonardo.
Thank you, this is so well written. It‘s really an eye-opener for me (since I have a big problem with falling for mentor-figures in my life again and again and again ._.).
@@tweedledummie those "crazy" fans had common sense the real "crazy" fans were the ones using "consent' or "maturity" as a way to defend their relationship!
A reminder to all that there is no such thing as an "underage woman" that's called a child. And isn't it weird that you never hear the term "underage man"... yeah because they don't exist.
Correct, because boyhood stops at about 11-13. You’re just a man or a young man, you don’t get to be underaged, the world just looks at you as an adult.
Yeah, the Aaron Taylor Johnson situation is also very icky, because apparently she was his parents friend and insisted for him to be in her film, and during filming they were sexu@lly involved while she was still married to her ex husband! And to me is crazy how her oldest daughter is like 5 or 6 years younger than him. And the delusional way in which he talks about her, about how it was love at first sight and that he immediately wanted to marry her and have babies with her... What kind of 19 year old boy thinks like that? It just looks and sound like he was groomed and brainwashed, even more because of the position of power that she was being his boss at the time! I just fell like people don't talk enough about situations like these where the man is the one being abused 🤷🏻♀️
She gives me 50 shades of the ick. It screams manipulation! He just turned 18 when they started dating. It’s giving she just waited until she could legally get with him. 🤢
it's the same as how Katherine McPhee talks about David Foster especially in interviews with the Today show or Women on Top where she says that older men treat her better than men her own age given her dating history they got married after he divorced Yolanda Hadid who was his 4th wife (he had 3 other wives one of whom was the same age as him) and she divorced Nick Cokas she met David Foster when she performed on American Idol when she was 22 and he was 57 and people defend their 35 year age gap
As a 26 year old man, I can say there's no way I'm actually dating anybody younger than like 21. I understand that they're adults but I always just imagine myself at that age and how I was a totally different person than I am now. People who are 18-21 are still in a pretty chaotic stage of development and dating someone who's aged out of that part of their life is definitely not beneficial for them
@@VolzotranOH come on how is a 26 year old dating a 22 year old creepy? It's only a 4 year age gap and both in your 20s. You are both grown adults. I am 36 and dating a woman who is 22 too and she will turn 23 after 2 months and we have a very healthy relationship. Anyone 21 and older is a grown adult.
I feel you man, shit I’m only 23 and 18 year olds feel like literal children to me. Like I get the same kind of feeling talking to an 18 year old girl as I would a 14 year old. The thought of dating someone so young is so creepy to me
@@brodyskillman7572 so would you find it bad that I am a 22 year old guy and recently went on a date with a girl who is 19? We are basically only 3 years apart in age and have many things in common and get along really well especially because we are both foodies. She is in 2nd year of college and I just graduated college 3-4 months ago but I will be studying MBA next so I will still be a student for 2 more years. I will turn 23 in December tho just 3 days before Christmas and she will turn 20 in April so we will be 19 and 23 for 4 months but after April we will be 20 and 23. Would you still consider it bad?
billie's situation is arguably worse than the other ones you named tbh bc shes just SO young. im 20 and shes less than a year older than me. i most likely wouldnt be comfortable enough to date someone over the age of 24. dating a 30 year old is out of the question. and i genuinely feel any 30 year old who woule want to date someone that young has got issues.
I think also because he met her when she was underage and has been friends with her bro for a long time and has idolized him since she was a child. She doesn’t have the ability to see anything wrong with it because she’s living out her childhood fantasy of pulling her celeb crush and being with him so she thinks she won the lottery.
@@margaretcorleoneblues yep exactly, I didn’t mention that but that also does make it worse. He’s taking advantage of her being a fan and imagine what she would do for him in the relationship just bc she has idolized him so long
As someone who as personally experienced an age gap relationship like this I couldn’t agree more. You can’t see the warning signs when you’re 18 and 17. You just see the admiration of someone you look up to and all of a sudden feel as if you have value and are “different”. This person makes you feel like you’re a “grown up” when you’re new to not having a curfew or homework and it’s so intoxicating. It’s easy for women that age to fall for it and call it love which is why it’s so scary and happens too often
as a 24 year old I wouldn’t even go after anyone under 22, like y’all can’t even legally drink yet whereas I have been through the cycle of substance abuse, recovery and semi-sobriety (mostly sober apart from very occasional smoking and drinking). I was in college when Billie broke on to the scene. I always thought she was going to be huge from her first ep. I still only think of her as a teen pretty much. It’s insane that Jesse, someone I looked up to when I was in HIGH SCHOOL would go for someone that I saw as being so young years later. So unbelievably creepy
This came at a strangely good time in my life. My (ex)boyfriend of a year and a half just ended things because he thought we were heading in different directions. But here’s the kicker, I met him when I was 18 and he was 25. Now I’m turning 22 and he seemed shocked that I changed, and I currently cannot fathom being attracted to someone that young.
@@EludingRu hey, thought i'd chime in. I dated my ex for a year and a half and looking back there were a lot of red flags. Red flags people were telling me about but I ignored because I thought they were managable, listen to them and try to consider what they are saying. Now I do not know your relationship, and I will not pretend all of my relationship was bad, you just have to be willing to have the tough conversations with yourself and them as well. I know I did not start officially dating my ex till I was 20 because I wanted to know for sure I was not just rushing into something, and even in that limited time I changed a lot because I went from being a teen to an adult. Being with someone who has already settled into themselves somewhat stiffles growth because we want to be what our partner expects of us. But it is important we are more than our partners and sometimes hindsight is 20/20. I hope this was somewhat informative, and a bit helpful. Stay safe
@@jessicamichalsky886 I ended things today and he took it really well. I realize I did have an issue with many things that come with dating him romantically and would like to just be friends. Thank you sm. 💖
@@EludingRu I will say I never thought sharing my experience would have this effect, I'm sorry your relationship ended I know these sorts of things can be tough. Even though will never meet I'm here for you. I am proud of you for having the difficult conversations and really evaluating what you want in a relationship, these sorts of decisions will helo you in the long run. Glad I could help, and I wish you the best of luck :)
another demi lyric they change to in the final chorus is "finally 29, seventeen would never cross my mind". the same realisation you had, and taylor in would've, could've, should've, when we reach the age that older man was and look back at people that age in such confusion over how they could view you as a romantic, sexual option at that age
When you started "rationalizing it" with the "oh he thinks i'm special" talk, it reminded me of Perks of Being a Wallflower and how much that book opened my eyes toward the existence of power imbalances in abuse and relationships
I don't really think you understand what a power imbalance is and how that can be toxic in a relationship. Just simply being older is not a power imbalance unless they are having a huge age gap under the age of like 23. Power imbalance can still happen at older ages but it isn't as simple as age difference = power imbalance. Being more successful or better looking or richer mean you cannot date down.
The sad part is I remember being 17-20 dealing with older guys and thinking the older women who advised me against it were just jealous and didnt realize how "mature" I was. Now here I am at 26, being that same woman, advising younger girls against it, beacuse I've seen the light. It sucks that we end up having to learn things like this for ourselves due to women being written off as "bitter" or "jealous" for simply trying to stop the cycle from happening. Idk what the solution is, but it has to stop.
lol, it's your fault for choosing the wrong man, it has nothing to do with an age gap, there are shitty men young & old. Yall act like women don't benefit from dating older men. When hypergamy is all women do, age is gonna be a contributing factor. And due to social media, most women are attracted to a certain lifestyle. On a balance of probability who can provide said lifestyle young or older men? Whether yall like it or not this will never change and the men who can provide that lifestyle can have most females past the age of consent.
@@oreoakalaperoji8314 Of course it can and will change. You mentioned that women benefit from dating older men, but men would also benefit from dating older women. So why isn't it as common? Because it's a cultural phenomenon, not a natural one. And culture always shifts and changes. It already has changed a lot regarding what age gap is considered okay.
@@oreoakalaperoji8314 Most older men are married or beholden financially to children from past relationships (and thus are absolutely not in a better position financially) and game the personal finances of their younger partners. Inhibiting their futures well beyond youth. The domestic abuse rates skyrocket in age gap relationships in every way (financial, physical, and sexual). Yall just want an excuse to use children and not feel the very, very well deserved backlash for destroying teenagers (aka CHILDRENS) lives.
When you mentioned age gaps in casting for romantic leads in movies (like Silver Linings playbook)… I couldn’t help but laugh because I’m a 22 year old actress and just wrapped on a movie in which I played the WIFE to a 40 year old actor. And no where in the script did it mention that our characters were supposed to have a big age gap… I think they just thought “oh yeah these two look like a normal couple”… meanwhile I’m still getting auditions to play high schoolers 🙃 (happy to be working but it definitely was a prime example of how normalized age-gap relationships are in this industry!)
Yes and they should stay normalised. In Hollywood most people are in same carrer and well off economically, there's less chance of economic or power dynamic exploitation.
Love your point about aging and realizing it was weird. That was my experience too. I dated a dude who was 50+ when I was 19. Turning 21 I couldn’t imagine talking to a 19 year old. It only gets creepier when you get older
@@KatBlaque that looks like your personal preference, not the gap itself creepy. And I don't know how we "leftists" want to give autonomy to youth while at sams time telling them that they're dumb to make thier own relationship choices.
@@KatBlaque 21 and 19 so close n age it kind of sounds like u just want older guys this generation is so sensitive wen it come to the little age gaps I could see if u said 19 and 28🤦🏽♂️
@@natalieromanoff Where did she say it wasnt her preference? When did she say it had to be yours? How is the first thing you honed in on in this comment that miniscule part instead of the absolutely batshit insane part where they say a FIFTY year old was dating them when they were NINETEEN. Priorities!!! In order!!! Sometime this month!!
Something else that needs to be de-normalised is adult women referring to underage boys with phrases like "He's so handsome", "He's my little boyfriend", he's going to be a lady killer when he's older" etc. My son is a handsome 14 year old and has had grown women use these types of terms towards him since he was about 5 years old! Its got to the point that I've got into confrontations with women because of this! Its disgusting! Another example is me putting up pictures on my IG story of my son at different ages on my story on his birthday last year. The amount of heart eyes and the like that the pictures received from grown women was outrageous! If me, a 38 year old man was to do that towards a young girls pictures (pictures from a baby to 14 years old) there would be outrage and rightly so! ALL underage people should be protected, not just the girls!
...not having ever dated anyone, I'm not sure how qualified I am to comment on this, but for what it's worth: I've always seen it as "what percentage of your life does that age difference represent?" Like, a 4-year gap between a high school freshman and high school senior would be pretty roundly condemned because of how much of a 14-year-old's life 4 years represents and how much of a social and developmental difference can take place between 14 and 18, whereas I don't think anyone would blink an eye at that same gap 10 or 20 years later--because 4 years is much less significant to a 24-year-old or a 34-year old in terms of life experience/mental-social-emotional development. 50 and 60? Fine, no one bats an eye. 20 and 30? That's a 50% difference and significantly more questionable.
yup I definitely get you because the life experience is also very similar once people reach 40s and 50s; people have been married, divorced, single for years, paid taxes, had multiple jobs, dealt with housing themselves, had kids, etc so like Nikki said what does a high school graduate have in common with a 30 year old??
Agreed. Another way I gague appropriateness is by what life stage people are in. An 18 year old dating a 20 year old feels weirder if the 18 year old is in high school versus college/working.
in a grooming relationship I was victim to (and not the only one) another woman asked me what does a 26 year old man want with you, a 19 year old? Why are woman his age NOT wanting to date him??? why is he pursuing a 19 year old? helped change my life
Those are such valid questions for real. Maybe he's been rejected by every woman his age because they've seen through him instantly. They have more wisdom than someone much older
When I was 19, I dated a 26 year old. We were both in college. The relationship didn't work out. Which it is fine it wasn't meant to last. Although it lasted for 2 years. It was by far the best relationship I had to date. We were good friends and he treated me better than all my botfriends.
@Fred the Fish facts bro. I honestly think 80% of the time, women complain about this stuff 80 cuz they're just coping about not getting attention from men when they're older and maybe when they want to settle down
Finally someone who’s willing to acknowledge this! I’m 21 about to be 22 and my boyfriend just turned 19. No one in my life thought this was strange for two reasons. 1. We are both legal adults and in college (similar stages of life) 2. Click extremely well and have a healthy relationship and we are mature enough for each other.
@@carriegoodman2779 Nice to see another age gap relationship perspective here. I'm soon 18 and been dating almost for a year someone who's 22 and nobody has reacted negatively to it either (except strangers online). I've been groomed before at 12 and it felt vastly different to how my current relationship feels
@@dove2826 18 is also an age where legally you’re considered an adult, so in my opinion it’s no one’s business who or why you choose to date after that point unless there is evidence for being groomed before 18.
girl...my cousins tried to set up our 21 yeard old friend with our other 16 year old friend, I was the only one who was like "ummm...wtf??" and than they had the AUDACITY to use the "girls mature faster than guys" excuse
@@kurlykayla9013 people who give women this "advice" that older men are "better" and bring up how "toxic" relationships with men their own age can be are ignorant and uneducated
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve adds onto that. It’s kind of heartbreaking to hear her speak about it now because she speaks about how she wish she would’ve stayed curious.
One relationship that always had a big fat question mark in my mind was the one of Céline Dion and her late husband. He met her when she was around 12 years old and was her manager, then later on married her, which was broadcast on TV in Canada and celebrated almost like the marriage of royals. He was 26 years older and met her, when she was a literal CHILD! To realize this type of thing is happening to oneself always takes a bit, personally it helped me a lot to listen to Demi's song 29. That really made me reflect. Especially the line 'finally 29, 17 would never cross my mind'.
As a younger 21 years old man, I just don’t get why these older guys keep on doing this and making as young guys look bad, even though we’re trying to get are crap together and figure out what we want to d
My mom was 18 and my dad was 23 when they met. While it has been a long time since they got married, my mom talks about how she was a "doormat" for the first 20 years of marriage and then finally decided to stick up for herself (I remember this point in my childhood being one where my parents were always screaming at each other, and it felt like everything was going to end). That conversation with my mom kind of gave me the feeling that my dad may have been looking for a partner he could easily control. Their marriage is certainly stronger nowadays, but I still can sense a power imbalance.
Almost all of my sexual assault and sexual harassment experiences happened before I turned 18. I don’t get cat called like at all now but as a 16 year old it was constant. There are definitely factors that have contributed to this decrease like I no longer go outside when it’s dark, but still. People need to realize too that most beauty standards are also creepy in the same way. Like wanting women to be hairless. Women are generally not naturally hairless at all, you wanna know who is though? Children. Only children. They want you to be small and fragile so they can feel big and in control. It’s terrifying. Growing up I have always connected more with people older than me, but even when dating I knew not to do anything crazy. I’m in my 20s now (almost 23) and my general rule is to not date a man who is anymore but 4 years older than me. And even that can be a bit much. You mentioned the most important thing though which is life stages. Someone got mad at me because I said it’s understandable that a 45 year old woman could date a 55 year old man… I really don’t think that’s inherently a problem. I feel for Billie a lot. She likely loves this man, but then is being told by the entire world that he’s not good for her. The world probably should be telling her that, but I imagine it can be a really confusing situation for her to be in. At the end of the day the people that need to check in on her are those close to her. We can’t help her much compared to them. Hopefully she has people watching over her
The other day I was in a conversation with three other women and one man, all of us middle aged, and I brought up the fact that sexual harassment pretty much stops when you pass your early 20s. All of the women agreed, and the man was completely shocked. He never suspected this, despite the fact that he has a wife and three young adult daughters. He didn't know men are like this? I mean, he himself is like this. Why are men so awful?
Teens don't seem to realize how easy adults have it to groom them, because they think they're already mature for their age, while they're still developing. They don't seem to realize that all adults were once teenagers, so they understand how they work. But no teenager has ever been an adult, they won't grasp how predatory some grown ups can be
I’m 21 years man that has no dating experience and only dates once left year and things didn’t work and we were both 19 years old but she was in college and I was working and we just decided to be friends after dating for 2 to 3 month and me personally I think I rushed it and that big regret and put lot of effort to. And It was both our first time dating.
There are so many age gap relationships in Hollywood that I didn’t even realise were so large. When I found out the age gap between Beyoncé and Jay Z I was shook, especially because she was around 20 when they got together and he was 32
@@karna8658 I’m not American, but also I don’t think legal and moral always correlate, and even if two people are legally consenting adults, there can be other factors that create a power imbalance in the relationship
I’m so proud of you for realising and acknowledging how you feel. I’m in a similar predicament and I know it’s so hard to accept the grooming factor to it all, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. But I want you to know that even though I don’t know you that I am so goddamn proud of you. We deserve true real love that isn’t defined by just a fantasy ❤
a guy in his 40s?! ewww.I have been hit on guys my mother's age and would not want to be with anyone who was over 5 year older or 3 years younger than me.
When nicole mentioned how she lost a friend because of an age gap relationship it resonated with me so much because that happened to me too. One of my childhood friends got into a large age gap relationship (17 and 39 at the time) and her personality completely changed, even her morals and politics changed too. She did and said some pretty terrible things after she got into that relationship but I still think about her a lot and how she was before. From my point of view I feel like her life was seriously derailed by that shitty old man, last time I spoke to her she was talking about giving up on the idea of going to university. All this to say that I hope that man rots in hell.
But what does that even mean? When I was 19, my 19-year-old friend got into a relationship with another 19-year-old - and I lost her friendship over the changes in her behaviour, ideology, music taste... But yeah, no, right, conclusive evidence that 19-year-olds suck
I also lost friend due to it, a large age gap relationship. She was 16 and he was 31. They met at church. Her parents were fine with it. But our high school gym teacher who also went to that same church found out told the church and they were exiled and they completely changed her. She finish high school move to Colorado and now they’re married. She was an amazing athlete and wanted to compete in the Olympics and she probably could’ve done so, she wanted to go to college and had so many friends… now all she posts about is Monat, and how the gym teacher did her dirty. She’s clearly unhappy, but there’s unfortunately nothing I could do for her. I miss her every day.
But ....... That literally wasn't about Billie, because that song was released in 2013 and they dated in 2022. I'm just genuinely confused as to the relevance? I know it's easy to get timelines mixed up but let's not accuse someone of more than they actually rightfully did just because we already know they're a creep, ya know? 🤷♀️
i've lost two best friends to abusive age gap relationships. one began when she was 20 and he was 34. the other, she was 22 and he was 31. it's a personal subject for me because i watched those friends become unrecognizable under the influence of these older men. no idea where either is at this point. wish them the best and hope they're not with those men anymore.
@@tiffanyapril5458 100%. the first one, it was her first real relationship too so the guy knew she was naive. the second is a little more insidious; she was abused very badly as a child and the guy knew that she wouldn't recognize the signs on her own. i hate both of those guys.
I'm 31 right now and the only people that age i regularly talk to are friends of my nephew and pldest niece or co-workers. I certainly would never date someone that age because we have nothing in common in that way.
@@myloveisgodthis was also what happened to my friend too! Thankfully she's now in a healthy and happy marriage. Her home life was so complicated. Then, this guy who was in his late twenties took advantage of that and dated her. She was fifteen. When they broke up two/three years later, the guy had audacity to call me and accused her of cheating. He went on saying that she made huge mistake by choosing someone younger who was 'less experienced'.
i called out the olivia rodrigo and zack relationship when it started and now we have vampire. i feel vindicated, bc the gaslighting at the time was crazy also the lifestyles stages thing is very real. going to university showed me that its a huge factor to consider where you are in life is almost more important than age only
It couldn't be more fitting that the sweatshirt you are wearing in this video says Princess Diana. Princess Diana was a victim/partaker of a significant age-gap relationship, which as we know, did not pan out well and, for more than one reason, had a lot of unhealthy power imbalances.
Also it's just really pathetic and pitiful that women who've been there who have that concern, are intimidated and even outright bullied out of voicing their concerns because if it's not being spun as 'none of your business, they're legal and therefore inherently mentally sound', we're spun as jealous hags who just don't want a beautiful youth to be happy. And it's positively disturbing that we're pitted against each other and unconsentualy entered in this competition of our age or appearance deternining our intellectual validity in order to protect predatory men
As a 17 yr old girl I LOVE YOU GUYS. One thing about me(and i’ve had this happen) when a wierd guy comes for y’all when you’re just trying to protect us, i’ll 100% come for him. Sorry but i trust other women who have a variety of experiences much more than men trying to trick me in order to gain something from me. Love y’all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring and being here for us!! God bless you!!🙏🤍
@@orthodox_truth But girlie, remember that women can be predators, too. If not in a romantic way, in an emotionally dependent way. Keep a healthy distance from strange adults, especially on the internet.
I said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m 23 and turning 24 in a couple months, I can’t even IMAGINE dating an 18yr old or someone in their 30s. They’re in a completely different stage in life than I am and for so many other reasons!
@L’esprit de l’escalier true depends on where one is in life. You’re either 25 still studying or already working for some years, own flat own car etc, and no partying on their mind whats so ever. This has been me since I was 21 and I only dated men who were at least 6-7 years older
@L’esprit de l’escalier Woah I don't think that's okay, no matter how you think of it. Age gap should never be higher than 2-3 years, no matter how old someone is. Meaning that if your man is 37, he should be dating with someone at the age range of 34-40
Aaron Johnson (33) is actually 23 years younger than Sam Taylor Johnson (56) NOT 19 years. She dated him when he just turned 18. Married him and got pregnant with his child when he was 20. I never understood that relationship but they are still together and have 2 children aside from her older children from her 1st marriage.
My younger cousin who just turned 18 started dating some random 23 year old man from tinder, and she's already bringing him to family functions. I am 23 too and disgusted 🤢 I brought up that it was weird that he's dating a teenager, and her mom just said "well she's mature so it's ok." Girl just graduated from high school and got her first part-time job ever, what do you mean?! Some parents rly just set their kids up for failure. Edit: just found out that this man has also been previously married .... wtf Edit: hm, interesting how some people just don't believe that "adults" can still be groomed, when this is definitely a concern for young and isolated/vulnerable adults
When I turned 18 I started dating a 23 year old. We are still together 3 years later but I will agree I was really young. At 18 you are learning and figuring out your boundaries. In the beginning I bought into the chill girl mind set bc I was scared that He would view me as young. But at 18 you are young and there is nothing wrong with that. Obviously it works between my boyfriend in all but moral of the story at 18 you are not an adult.
The issue is you're infantilizing your cousin when she's an adult. You use the word teenager as if It means anything? She's not 15. If you don't know the guy don't make assumptions. He's only 23 like u as u say so why are you acting like he's 35 or something. If they clicked together and have a good relationship then there's no issue. The only time I could think something is weird is if there's a pattern but honestly it's so weird how ppl try to infantilize adults and then wonder why certain people seek them out. Maybe if y'all treated all adults like adults we wouldn't have weirdos looking for something "specific"
@Katie Klem I agree! I'm glad it worked out for you though. I think that my opinion and bias on this subject is definitely due to looking back at my experiences with predatory men when I was in high school, it just doesn't sit right with me.
@Dami R Well I guess I am looking at it as a 23 yo, I myself would never date an 18 yo bc there is such a difference. Like there are 18 yr olds still in high school, and at 23 I've gone through college, traveled, and am now working a full-time job. Also, as I know my cousin, she doesn't make very well-thought out decisions. She was engaged for a few months at 17 to another 17 yo, and they were very codependent and cut ties with all of their friends due to insecurity and conflict. And they broke it off just a few weeks before she met this man on tinder so 🤷♀️ I also have a friend that was groomed by an older man when she was 18-19, so "adults" can definitely still be vulnerable when placed in this kind of dynamic.
@Bo THANK YOU! I think my concern is reasonable. I've noticed a trend in my life that young women who have grown up being called "mature" a lot of times fall victim to grooming and manipulation from older men. So they are certainly not being infantilized, but their brains are literally not as developed for sound decision making! It's a shame that her parents don't care enough, even though she is still a dependent.
When I was younger I heard the phrase age is just a number thrown around a lot but I recently heard someone say that age becomes just a number when both parties have fully developed brains (around 25) which I definitely agree with. My parents have a 7 year age difference but it was ok because when they met my dad was 33 and my mom was 40, both self sufficient independant adults with fully functioning prefrontal cortexes. Also if anyone ever doubts the damage age gap relationships can cause to a young woman you can direct them to a significant portion of Taylor Swift's discography that is about the emotional trauma of dating older men
@L’esprit de l’escalier i’m currently in an age gap relationship and I’ve never felt safer or happier. there’s something about men my age in this generation that i PERSONALLY don’t like or find attractive. Like you said it’s a choice and a personal preference. it doesn’t always have to be the guy making the moves. these relationships were never a problem until the recent years. makes me feel like i’m doing something wrong and question the person i love and fully put my trust into.
Ngl I don't fully agree with this. A 25 year old dating a 21 year old is much less weird than a 45 year old dating a 25 year old, despite the fact that both of the latter have fully formed brains.
I remember a radio show/interview with Billie a few years back (maybe the Howard Stern one?) where they were defending her "having" to date older guys because she wouldn't have anything in common with a random high schooler her own age. Which like... there's lots of famous people/artists closer to her age who would understand some of her life experience. Meanwhile no one is questioning Jesse Rutherford on what he has in common with a 21 year old who he's known since she was a child
I think they have a few things in common like the experience of the music industry and stuff, mind you js bc he met her when she was younger doesn’t mean he’s a groomer, how could u not know she exists.
literally the idea of an age gap relationship repulses me so much. when i was 13 a 19 yo came on to me - looking back it was so disgusting, nothing really happened but it gave me extreme anxiety and i was already in a fragile mindset. as an 18yo now the thought of going to to college and talking to someone in 8TH GRADE is insane and horrific.
I can understand what you mean. I was 15 talking with a 17 year old and even though we were close ages, I could sense that he wanted to do it with me and I refused, we only had a make out session. Because I was scared to do that with him. He left and since then, I focused on myself till I graduate from school and then be with someone else.
My first ever boyfriend when I was 16 was 30 years old, it lasted 4 years and he put in so many adult situations which were in fact illegal for me to be in. When I was 21 I lived in a student house with 18 year olds in their first year of uni. And despite that small age gap, I saw them as my little sisters, as children (I know technically adults, but they had didn’t have the life skills of an adult), they didn’t know anything about life, it was their first time living out of home. I remember inviting them somewhere and one going “omg yes I’ll have to ask my grandad first”. It was one of the steps that made me realise how taken advantage of I was. I’m 26 now, and I definitely see 16 year olds as CHILDREN. Edit: corrected some typos.
18 isn't technically an adult, it's legally an adult. You at 21 also were not technically an adult, just legally. You're not actually a fully grown, fully developed adult until you're AT LEAST 25. Until then you're an adolescent. And we don't all reach adult maturity at the same age, it can be anywhere between 25 and 30.
@abominablyawsm why are you acting like me and anyone reading my comment is dumb? Young adulthood is 18-25 pretty much everywhere. So yes they are technically and legally adults. You come across very arrogant.
@abominablyawsm your comment actually rather pissed me off. Being under 25 doesn't make you a child. It makes you a young adult. You can move abroad and travel and work and drive and make big decisions all as a young adult discovering life. It's not the same as being a child. Yes your brain isn't fully developed but you don't need to infantilize young adults.
@@extrashotofespresso_ So you're blaming her and not the guy that dated her? People should stop blaming younger people for dating older people regardless if they pursued them or not.The older person should only be blamed.
Thank you for making this video. I’ve seen these type of videos of the last couple of years. I think it’s a really good thing. People are talking more about this kind of stuff about people dating very much younger women and boys and talking about how gross and abusive it is, and I’m glad there’s people talking about it so people younger people can have more access and learn about this kind of thing and how gross it is. i’m in my early 20s and I can’t even imagine talking to someone who is a teenager. I just see them as children and also having a relationship with someone who’s in their 30s or the same age as my dad so gross when I was a kid this kind of thing wasn’t really something people talked about or was very much normal. There’s a lot of big age gaps in my family and I didn’t realise how gross it was until I got into my late teens and 20s. Thanks for making this video to make it more aware for young people, so hopefully they won’t get into this kind of situation
Speaking of 29 by Demi Lovato - it reminds me so much of my own relationship in high school when he was 23 and I was……..15 🤮 and now as a 24 year old with an 18 year old baby brother it makes me SCREAM
This. I feel like growing up with younger siblings made me hyper aware of age gaps. I'm the oldest of 4, my brother who is closest in age to me is 5 years younger than me. Back in highschool, at about 16/17 years old, a girl in my Math class started gushing about her new boyfriend, about 22 years old then, who was living on his own and already working. Mind you, where I come from, only very few highschoolers work part-time. So, completely different stages, she still had about two years of school ahead of her. We were sitting in a group with two other male classmates. I got really concerned, but nothing came from the other two. I couldn't help put picture my little brother dating one of MY peers in 5 years, and that instantly creeped me out. Because I knew they would be at completely different stages then. I knew that 5 years isn't enough time for a now 12 year old to catch up to a then 22 year old working adult. Even if they were 17 year old then. And I was right, even turning 22. I would've killed any 22 year old dating my 17 year old brother
@@Dialga9187 if he watches porn and has sexual thoughts that still doesn’t mean he should be in a sexual relationship with a grown adult so I don’t understand your point tbh
"He doesn't like me even though I'm young but because of it" is what made me realize what situation I was really in when I was in my teens and maybe it can open up a new perspective for those thinking they were able to pull someone older.
When I was 18 and a senior in HS, I started dating a 25 year old. I had been told I’m “mature for my age” my whole life, so I didn’t think much of it when he said the same thing. What ultimately led to our breakup? His wife messaged me on Facebook saying she knew about us, and that he’d cheated on her before, and all these other things. I had no idea he was married. Now I’m 25 and I can’t imagine even being close friends with an 18 year old.
I totally get that. I'm 26 and I'm attending university with a bunch of 19 year olds in my classes. Sure we can talk and be friendly towards each other. But a romantic relationship? They're so immature and as an adult it's so easy to see that once you talk to them. I can't imagine dating one. I've been friends with teenagers as an adult, but I'd never think of dating them. They're like little siblings.
it's so dangerous to tell young girls that they're mature for their age, all it does is make them think they're able to make adult decisions when they're still kids. i had a friend who was mature for her age and EVERYONE kept telling her that, so when she entered a relationship with a 25 year old man (we we're 14) i didn't even bat an eye. we knew it was "wrong" and therefore kept it a secret, but we thought she was so mature it just made sense. that situation became very tragic, and later she realised she was a lesbian anyway. a child really can't consent no matter what they say. she's now happily together with her girlfriend of 6 years, but this whole situation got taken to court and was a dark cloud over their whole family for years. it makes me feel horrible that i couldn't understand what was happening right in front of my eyes, because i was also just a child.
I’m a 63 year old white conservative male, and I totally agree with you. It’s just gross. I think I’m a fairly attractive man in pretty good shape but I’ve even tried to imagine a young women with me and have to be honest from their point of view it would make me nauseous if I were them. I see older dudes with young women and it’s not envy that bothers me, it just makes me think of the man as kinda pathetic. And these old guys going abroad for very young women is just predatory.
Something I recently found out that really underscores why Jesse and Billie's relationship feels so icky to me is that Jesse was a senior in high school and Devon Carlson was a freshman when they met. So like....his relationship with Billie just follows that pattern of dating much younger women. If he and Devon met at a later time when a 4-year age gap doesn't really matter or maybe they were only like a year apart in high school, then I'd consider this relationship with Billie is just an isolated incident. BUT IT'S NOT. And that's weird to me.
The problem with this argument is that even with legal adulthood hits (being 18) there are still people who want to argue that it’s inappropriate. For example, an 18 year old dating a 22 year old would be made out as weird by some even though both could be in college working and are of legal age.
@@carriegoodman2779 because it is inappropriate?? theres so many stories of young women/men who were groomed by someone of age 21/22 while they were 18. just bc its legal doesnt mean its ethical. you can literally find people in this comment section telling their stories about this exact thing.
@@aloeleaf so I must’ve been trying to groom my then 18 year old boyfriend when I met him at 21? That’s barely an age difference. We are also both legal and in college. We met at a college football game and I’ve never vibed more with another guy. I have a similar outlook on life and more shared life experiences to him than my first boyfriend who was the same age as me. What makes this story even funnier is that we were both 19 at the time when we dated. I feel like that along with maturity will make a huge difference more than age (assuming you’re both legal). To me, if someone thinks that’s inappropriate, then it’s infantilization. In MOST instances, this age difference wouldn’t automatically equal grooming. I’m not trying to invalidate the stories of this having actually having happened to other people. To me, it’s grooming if I knew him when he was still a minor and had INTENTIONS of taking advantage of him then waited until he was 18 to do anything. We both agree that had he been any younger, we would’ve waited. Also, intentions are an important thing to mention here. Not every person who is slightly older wants to take advantage of the younger person. To me, once you or the person is of legal age (unless you knew them when you were both minors and waited until one was older) the age isn’t what makes it unethical, it’s the intentions you have with that person.
Im 25 and i recently broke off a relationship with a man 22 years older than me. Wasnt easy since he was a very familiar face to me and it was comforting (we first dated seven years ago). Last year i got the impression that he wanted to commit and have kids but im still in uni so i came to an epic realization that this whole thing was a bad idea. It all felt so rushed when i still need a few years to figure things out. Im still thinking about getting braces, getting a drivers license, graduating and possibly moving to a different state and finding a job and this guy just wants more kids.
7 years ago... So you were 18 and he was 40 when you started dating ??? Wow you just saved your life by breaking up with him, that's borderline Law and order case
@@mississipi1103 yeah it was really dumb. I actually asked him why he wanted to date me at 18. As expected his reason was superficial but it was fine because tbh i was too😐 i dont think i was a ‘victim’ or anything. It’s more about the difference in maturity and responsibilities.
@@wisnoe do not be harsh on yourself, that's normal that sometimes that 18 years old just jump into "relationships" just because of money and finding somebody pretty 😅 that's because you're still naïve because you were a child one months before turning 18, this dude knew it... Well i Hope that you will find a loving partner that will love you for the right reasons !
@@mississipi1103 thank you and i hope the same for you. I agree with the naive part. We can even see in this comment section that people only realize how weird this is by getting older and realizing how young teenagers really are and how they can’t even be friends with them let alone date!
Oh man, even as I teenager I knew that dating older guys was :/ but the experience of getting to the age of some of the guys my friends were dating in high school... It's so surreal. Because like you, I look at someone that age and see a child. And to think a guy that is the age I am now could look at a girl that young and want to date her... it's deeply, viscerally disgusting.
I am so glad you made this video. Back in the day, we didn't have these conversations. I am a mom of grown children. I work in the mental health field. Large age gap relationships tend to have a bad prognosis. The potential for trouble increases with the age gap itself. The larger the age gap, the greater the rates of dissatisfaction and failure - and possibly, abuse. In the case of an older man seeking out much younger women, from the begining you should question his motives. Why would a "mature" man with much greater life experience and in a totally different life stage feel the need to get himself a younger woman? It's not because he can't find quality attractive women in his age group. There are a few reasons why he wants young women. Number 1, he imself is immature and can't get along with women in his own age group. This can not be overlooked nor under-estimated. There are all sorts of dysfunction that came with this type of man. Number 2, he has something to prove to himself and others: I still got it, look what I can do. But why is that important? Ego. And if his ego is that important, guess what? He always will come first, and it's all about him, and even if he is chivalrous with a lady, it's still all about him, and the idea that he can conquer a young chick and win her affection makes him appear pretty special to others, and in an elite category in the mating pool (Leo DiCaprio and such). He can't care less who you are as a person, he is not out to find women who are good human beings, and even though you are a good human being, your youth is the criteria which he adheres to, because it makes him look good to his peers. So this makes young women more like props and objects to play with and display. Of course if you are okay with that, then it's all good. 3. A control issue. It's very possible that this man needs to feel in control at all times, and he knows a woman his own age will not make things easy for him, she will require equality and reciprocity from the get go, and no shenanigans. As a young woman you can say "me too, I require the same". True. But it can never be the same. It will never be equal. He knows that a woman his age can't be manipulated, cohersed, or dominated, because she is herself at the same level. Besides being in an equal or superior place to him financially and career wise, she has enough life experience of her own, and knows his games and agenda, and knows how life works, and how men work, and how relationships work. This can be really disconcerting for a man who is insecure, dominating, and obsessed with power and influence over women. These guys can be charming, sneaky, and smooth as silk. They know how to seduce, and they excell at that game - they have years of experience. They know how to make young women feel special and powerful, inicially. But it can be deceitful like a snake in the grass, so be careful. There are other reasons, but these are three to consider. If a man is old enough to be your dad, think about why he'd want to be with you. Studies show that age gaps greater than 5 years and older have a higher rate of conflict, with a dramatic increase in dissatisfaction as the age gap widens. There are always exceptions, obviously, like everything else in life. But they are just the exceptions. Much love.
You just described my ex. Smooth and silky, hook up boy, player who poses as a Christian. He is 35 and his new girlfriend is 22. She thinks he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.
@@fatimahanwaar306 LMFAO that's all you can do, isn't it? Call people incel for stating basic reality. Men look for youth and fertility in a partner, we are wired for it. Isn't calling people an "incel" at odds with your progressive philosophy anyway? Doesn't sound very kind or empathetic now does it...
I lost a friend, not to an age gap relationship, but because she jumped into a marriage after barely knowing him for a month. And all of a sudden she started shutting off friends and quitting her job. It's heartbreaking. I know she's an adult, she can get out. But it's hard seeing how their relationship ruins their life. I'm sorry you had to lose a friend to a relationship as well.
i'm a 17 year old trans guy, and i absolutely enjoy your content. When I had just turned 16 I was dating this 19 year old guy and even that has scarred me so i'm swearing off dating until i'm in my early 20's or something. I can't even imagine if someone older was with me. Your videos are always comforting, give me insight, make me feel heard, and make my day. So i thank you Nicole
the way I gasped when you told your anecdote of when you were dating a 21 year old as a 17 year old bc I practically did the SAME THING. I was freshly 16 dating this 20 year old (we first met when I was 15 and he was 19, he was the cousin of a close family friend) and at the time, it was a big issue. Both of our families were in shambles because apparently he had done this before, even the family FRIENDS were warning me that they just didn’t want to see me get hurt. But we ended up dating for a couple months and you were exactly right. I was mature, but I was made to feel even more special now that he was giving me all this attention. It truly didn’t feel that weird, but he kept on reiterating that a 4 year age gap when we’re older isn’t nearly that bad. But as I am now a couple months away from 20, I realize how strange it would be for me to start dating a 16 year old. I was a prime teenager. A CHILD. It was never me, it was ALWAYS ON HIM. Also, I heard this summer that he (now 23) made a big fuss bringing his new girlfriend to a family dinner who was turning 18 THAT NEXT WEEK. SHE WAS 17. Sucks knowing that he also wants to be a YOUTH PASTOR AS HIS PROFESSION.
Jesus Christ, the fact that he has history is so creepy. I'll admit I'm 17 with a guy who's 22, but I've not been happier. I've been groomed before though at 12 by a 20-21 year old guy.. fucking hell. That shit ruins people for real. I'm sorry you ended up with that guy :(
As someone who looks pretty young and has experienced grooming when I was younger, it literally frustrates me because I always get called looking like a little girl 😭😭 and I’m like plssss stop I’m a women
@mayonnaiseman_t’s okaaay! it’s something that I don’t talk abt a lot but I’m trying to heal from and realise how it had affected me etc and yesss I love his videos was nice to see him support my lil channel! 🫶 (used the wrong emoji before aaaa)
@green mayo man 🇺🇦 It's really not when that person is talking about their age and how they look young for that age. If we were talking about zebras then you'd have a point.
Never been in an age gap relationship, but one time i was at an event with my family, and when my mom left for a moment a stranger asked if I was my dad's wife. I was 16 at the time, he was almost 60. I know it was an honest mistake but I will never ever ever get over that. It still disturbs me. I absolutely hate how I can't spend time with my old man dad in public the way i can with my mom without worrying that people see us as a couple because age gaps are so normalized and romanticized.
Austin himself was also what 13 when that photo was taken do it's not like he was an adult Vanessa is older than him and met him when she was an adult and he was still a kid, yes it's a perspective photo. But just thinking about it he wasn't that old himself yk.
I think the different life stages thing is very real. My parents were 9 years apart, with my mom in her early 30s when she met my dad, but my dad was in the military at the time and that is definitely something that ages you. They actually had a lot in common, they met while dancing, and their relationship is super respectful and stable. I think intention is everything, my mom didn’t go out looking for a younger dude, in fact they were friends first before just kind of realizing they were spending almost every day together. All in all, I think the best measure for how a relationship of any kind is going to work out is motive, and I don’t see how a gap of 20 years or more would ever have a different motive.
Songs like “29” and “would’ve could’ve should’ve”-aka songs calling out shitty men as the artist reflects on their grooming experience-are my favorite songs
I am SO with you. I dated men much older than me when I was younger- and now, I am so upset and disturbed by it all. I can’t believe I thought it was OK- ever! Omg!
@@NicoleRafiee Turns out you've got some good thoughts in that noggin of yours! Who'da thunk. Sarcasm from a stranger online is a dangerous game but I think you get it. Maybeee revisit any previous video ideas you ditched that are kind of within this same serious vein? This one really was so great. I'm definitely open to more eyebrow raises and head nods (or shakes!)
But there's definitely a double standard. I mean shawn mendes is dating a 50 year old and he's only 24. only 4 years older than Billie. But he hasn't received blacklash. Because when a man gets into a relationship with someone way older, they " know what they are doing", but when a women gets into a relationship with someone older, she's clueless and must've have been prayed on.
it's actually that latter for everybody, no matter the gender. you're so young in your twenties and lack the development and life experience to get with someone so much older. the reason why people don't seem to care too much when it's guys is because society doesn't' seem to give a shit when a younger man is being groomed or is in a relationship with a much older woman. when i heard shawn was dating a 50 year old, i felt disgusted. like, he's only 24 and she is 50, leave him alone. it's unfortunate that both are not treated the same when they're basically the same thing.
I don’t think there is a double standard. Women get a lot of shit for dating younger. They are deemed desperate old hags who are trying to claw to some last shreds of youth by sucking it out of fit young men. Curiously the same is not usually said about men. Instead people are almost proud for them, like: look at this stud, pulling a 20 year old
I actually recently read something that it is a myth men naturally prefer younger women - they found that in societies that were more egalitarian, men tended to date to their age (and women as well). In societies that are more patriarchal, they tend to date younger. I believe it is a lot because they think they are easier to control and have power over, and that the younger ones are more likely to compliment and stroke their ego.
the more you look into it the more interesting the gender and social dynamics of hunter-gatherer societies are. from the research I've read, human forager groups both then and today were/are abnormally egalitarian even for other primates. from what we know chimps have more social hierarchies than foragers. i read something that said 80% of tribes that were studied had female hunters. i also have heard of an Australian tribe where both young men and women would marry older women and men and then remarry a younger person when their original partner died, and so on. a lot of the things that the so-called 'alpha males' claim to be true about our biology are fully untrue, such as the idea that there are even alpha or beta males... or men being supposed to have >1 partner. females in species where you mate for life biologically want to do just that, mate for life... find the best possible father. so it makes sense why many girls I know will like guys they don't consider that physically attractive because they have good personalities. this includes putting in large amounts of time and resources into her and her children's well-being. if a man is unwilling to do this or has to split resources, they will be rejected, thus those selfish men will die out and the selfless ones will reproduce monogamously, incentivizing it in future generations. it also makes sense why women would want to choose someone around their age, as they want someone who isn't going to die before their children are ready to support themselves or need care themselves. plus people only lived to like 30 or 40 anyways. sorry for the rant, I just really like anthropology lol.
Last year, I watched „The Office“ for the 1st time and was sooo confused, that Michael dated women in his age, bc I’m so used to see age gap relationships everywhere. Literally I can’t put into words how surprised I was. I really expected him to date some mid-twenties
Though he did considered younger women. Remember the night out episode when he was trying to strike up a conversation with two girls much younger than him, or when he asked Kelly if she had any single friends not realizing that he meant for her to hook him up with. When she mentioned that her friend was 23 he actually had to ask if she was too young for him. 😅😅
Also, a reason why these age gaps might be so prevalent in Hollywood, not just because of the constant media attention, preference for younger actresses, and older men thinking they're hot shit, is because the younger partner might have already been treated like an adult for years, potentially even before they came of age. Contract negotiating, auditions and demo reels, award shows and movie premiers, young people are surrounded by older adults in these industries and they act quite mature because they're also working and most likely have been since they were a kid. And they really start to blend in and you forget their age until a new couple makes the news and you're suddenly reminded of how far apart in age they actually are. For them, it makes complete sense because they probably haven't seen themselves as truly a 'child' in all aspects of the word in years.
totally agree with this. i think it's really sad that kids in hollywood are basically forced to "grow up" fast and lose their childhood, and then they'll be praised by adults for being "so mature" and put together when they're only 17 or 18. i can totally see how they would then come to see themselves as "different" and not like normal teenagers/early 20s and not see the weirdness in a 30+ year old being interested in them (not at all blaming the younger person here, just my thoughts on how their experiences might affect their perception of their relationships)
The last part is v true. I had a family friend (16 years older) who I used to idolize, and once I hit 16, he took the very thing I was keeping safe (my “first kiss”). Completely ruined trust issues. No, you’re not special as a teen, you’re a literal CHILD, and no grown ass man should be having any relationship with you. Ever.
I think that after a certain age, age gaps shouldn't matter that much. Like, a woman in her 30s dating an older man doesn't bug me as much as someone who's prefrontal cortex isn't done cooking yet dating someone a lot older. Like if a 48 year old woman is dating a man 10 years older, I don't care. You've got enough life experience to make an actual informed decision. But the Billie Eilish thing makes me so nervous.
yeah its really more about the life stages. When you are young your life is moving so fast and changing and that's when age gaps are really concerning. Like once you are past 35 its easier to be in the same 'life stage' as a 40-50 year old. Obviously someone 35 shouldn't date like a 70 year old but I'd say it's really just up to the certain situation and again 'life stage'
I am so glad Lost in Translation was included as an example. The first and only time I watched this movie I was like oh he prolly views Scarlet’s character as a stand in to bestow some aging wisdom bs upon her, and she being lonely and bored out of her mind prolly is thankful for the company. I thought it was gonna be this wholesome platonic almost father daughter relationship seeing as how it’s suggested he’s kinda a bad father, and actually thought it was nice seeing such a friendship in a movie. Towards the ending it became clear that was not the case and their whole relationship was so icky seeing how he actually viewed her as a romantic interest and the kiss at the end was actually painful to watch.
that's why it's an "age-gap acceptance" propaganda film about men having a midlife crisis and seeking a relationship with younger women as a way to deal with it
I feel like whenever you talk about age gap relationships someone always says “they’re both adults” and it’s like no ones talking about age gaps where both people are fully grown adults. 20yr olds are hardly adults... there’s not many reasons for why a grown adult would be romantically talking to you..
So so so important. Thank you for having the courage to talk about this topic. This exploitative behavior is absolutely brushed under the rug by society because it benefits people in power. When I was in my early 20s, I was in a power-imbalanced relationship. He was only 4 years older than me, but in a different life stage. I was blinded to his abuse because I idealized him as successful, educated, and experienced. I can’t even imagine how much more traumatizing that relationship would have been if he’d been much older and had even more “authority.” I’m so grateful I woke up and realized that my age, education level, and economic status don’t make me less valuable as a human being. No legality is an excuse for manipulation and exploitation.
Most of the time the only people I see defending age gap relationships are ones that are in those relationships and still very new to it. I’ll see girls say “I’m 19 with a 30 year old and we are going great” but I’m yet to see someone (who’s not like 80 years old) be in one of these relationships for a long time and still talk positively of it.
Hi, my mom has been in a relationship with my father for 21+ year, aprox. They have an 8 year gap difference... I love my parents and they're not doing bad... but anytime I bring the subject and speak about how weird it is and my opinion about it (basically this video) she just keeps on contradicting me and defending not only her case but almost everyone else's. She just can't get it. She was 27 I think when she met my father, with a child and depressed after a failed marriage (which also had a not so big age gap but they were teens, so it was) so we can say she was already experienced. But my father had 2 grown children from also a failed marriage, and he knew my mother since SHE WAS A KID. So, answering your questions, yeah, a person with many years in a big year gap relationship can also defend it and support it completely. I feel like my mother just want to convinced herself, she was already traumed since she was a kid, so... Apart from that, I know that this type of conversation is just talked with my mother, my father would probably turn really violent as always, so I'm really started to get disturbed by all this topic...
When you're older, the age difference causes problems mainly surrounding health and impending death. You're both mature, there's not really exploitation. My Dad is 30 years older than his current wife, they've been together for more than 15 years now. My boyfriend is 25 years older than me, we've known each other for 7 years. But then again I am much much older than the average public of this channel.
What’s the most heartbreaking is growing up loving a guy in the same year as you from your teens into adulthood, and then it slowing dawning on you that you have to worry about aging when they leave you for someone younger. None of us deserve to feel valueless for something we can’t control.
i think another point thats important about age gap relationship is the act of 'seeking out' if someone is actively, purposely, seeking out someone younger than them, then it is definitely more likely to have bad intentions. If an older person that has a history of dating younger people, that is a pattern, and one that shows they're actively seeking out younger people.
I was so shook when I found out that Liz Gillies from Victorious started dating and eventually married a man 21 years her senior when she was 18. They met on the set of Victorious when she was 16 and I just can't get it out of my head.
not enough people talk about how predatory working in the restaurant industry is- every waitress/hostess, and even gay hosts and waiters that started working in the industry as a minor have a story about someone in the back trying to/successfully grooming and harassing them. I remember on my 3rd day of work the 22 year old line cook had a waitress ask me sexuality and then he offered to take me out- I said im 16 and he said”oh thats a bit of a problem” but i guess it really wasnt.
I also love what you said about life stages. My friend is 28 with a soon to be 7 year old daughter, divorced. Her fiancé is in his early 40s (I don’t remember is exact age atm) and has a soon to be 11 year old daughter, divorced. They have so so much in common and worked on making a healthy relationship, it’s been amazing to see. My best friend is also engaged to a man 8 years older than her that we’ve known since we were in high school due to her involvement with parkour (which is hella predatory and sexist when men and women are together unfortunately). He’s a wonderful guy. They got together when she was 23 and he was 31, they’re perfect for each other. It’s been crazy to watch these two women I’m so close with go through something I’m usually very firmly icked out about and not get the ick.
The older you get the less bad the gap is. 40 and 30 is okay bc both are mature adults, 20 and 30 is the danger zone and i can‘t even take the last step of that example bc at 22 years old i feel weird around 19 year olds haha
I just want to thank you and all the other youtubers who make these real life discussions about these sort of things, more and more people should be aware of what's really happening behind closed doors!!
When I was watching this, it made me think of how much people (including me) used to love Aria and Ezra from PLL. Us not seeing how inappropriate it was. They weren’t my fave but I accepted it and thought it was cool. The worst part was that anyone in the show that was against the relationship (as they should) would be written as a villain in the show. 👀👀 Thank you for spreading light on this.
what's even worse is that one of the actresses from the show (Lucy Hale) blindly defended her relationship with a man who's twice her age and said that older men somehow treat her "better" than men her own age (a clear sign of seeking male validation and having "daddy issues")
@@fatimahanwaar306 I didn’t even know that, even the actor that play Ezra (Ian Harden) called his own character a pedo in his book but Lucy defending it is concerning.
@@fatimahanwaar306 right but remembering that this was a fake relationship for a show, I didn’t really care it’s just the influence it had on many teen girls and maybe still does is the problem for me. I just didn’t like how it was handled in the show compared to the books where the teacher actually got arrested which should have happened in the show. It would have taught young girls that this is not ok. Or if he ended up being the villain. They could have made it a valuable lesson but instead had her marry him in the end… like girl
@@torileslie530 there's a lot of female celebrities who got defensive about their relationships with older men by saying that their older boyfriends and husbands are being "bullied" by the people who were calling them out for dating them and the media praises them for doing so viewing it as "female empowerment" when dating/marrying an older man is a sign of objectification some of them even had children with these men they also give "advice" on being in large age gap relationships by acting like they can be "safe" and "healthy" when they aren't "healthy and happy" age gap relationships are a myth
what creeps me out the most is the realisation of how much i was cat called and flirted with by grown men when i was a teenager and in my school uniform, compared to so much less now that i'm in my 20s and visibly an adult
I think about this a lot too, and wonder if I’m still getting catcalled in my mid-twenties simply because I genuinely look like a teenager at first glance 🥴
Oh yeah I def experienced men approaching me more often when I was 16-21 vs 22+
ew ew eww. Pink Rover time
Oh my god. I felt this. It’s actually really terrifying to realize how many woman relate to this
yeah my peak time of being catcalled was when i was 13-14 (and i looked it), with my massive schoolbag on my back walking home. men passing in cars would shout at me. now im 20 and in the past 3 tears or so ive maybe been catcalled from a car once
Remember when Keanu dated (or still dates) a woman who was his age and she looked her age too? And the media and the internet were confused by that because why would he choose a wrinkly "old woman" who's his equal instead of a young glistening orb of a woman who's brain and body haven't fully developed yet? Ughh.
Keanus legit
craziest thing is he's still 9 years older than her (49 and 58 isn't weird imo because of the life stages thing, just something i wanted to point out)
Omg at first i thought u have auroras picture in bio ❤️
@@pipertibbitt4930 In my opinion there's nothing wrong with age gaps if both individuals are over 25
@@towel1636eah i think the person u replied to just meant that even the relationship everyone heralds as anti the trend of massive age gaps in hollywood still has an age gap (albeit a way more acceptable and reasonable one but still an age gap)
edit: and still significantly above the us average age gap between a het couple (which is apparently 2.3 years)
I was always curious why billie made her new album about how she was underage in a relationship... and then started dating a 10 older man literally half a year later
unfortunately it's extremely common for people who are in abusive relationships to enter several before fully breaking the cycle. In Billie's case, I'm sure she thinks because she's 20 now and not 16 an age gap is no longer a problem. I hope for her sake Jesse is not actually predating on her but yeah. Sad but not actually surprising.
The thing is, she probably doesn't realize the correlation....
He’s her lifelong celeb crush so she just thinks she living out a watt pad fantasy unfortunately
I think It’s hard to make rational decisions when you’re that age and the partner in question is someone you admire
I’m also questioning her parents because she was dating 22 yr old at 16. Wtf.
I’ve also heard that people with older parents tend to date older 🤷🏾♀️
I live in Brazil and here the age of consent is 14… this is so frustrating bc i studied with a girl who was 14 when she met and started dating her boyfriend, a 26-year-old man. It’s so sad and frustrating that their relationship was LEGAL, like, he was finishing college when she was on 7th grade… It’s so fuck3d up :(( I noticed how she changed when they started dating, he manipulated her SO MUCH ☹️☹️☹️
exactly! also "legality" doesn't mean morality
Mano, sério? Eu n sabia disso 😭
Omg and I thought the age of consent in my state (North Carolina, USA) being 16 was far too young! 14!? No 14-17 is remotely ready to do the deed! Also if you’re around the ages of 18-24, if the person trying to persue you is 6+ years older than you are, than that fucker is a creep and you should run the other way!!! The issue here is brain development, your brain is FAR from developed til you’re 25, therefore you’re not going to make the maturest of decisions at the age of 18-24! But fuck, 14 is 11 YEARS AWAY from being 25, 16 is 9 YEARS AWAY from 25! 14-16 year olds ARE LITERAL BABIES!!! They’re still barely in highschool! They shouldn’t even be thinking of the deed, nor dating 20 year olds, it’s literally far from appropriate! Hell I’m a 21yr old women, but I can’t even bring myself to even date an 18 year old because that’s baby to me… it makes me want to vomit and breaks my heart, that they’re 26 year olds in the world that are sick enough to date a 14-16 year old “just because it’s legal”!
i know, and the culture is so much more accepting of predatory age gaps in brasil :(
Yes. In high school my colleague just disappeared from school, later on I discovered she had married a 27 year old, she was 15... (and pregnant)
That interview with Billie being so proud of herself that she ‘pulled’ him made me so sad. Literally Grooming 101 to make the victim feel like they’ve been in control the whole time when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
so true. also i find it weird bc she likely had a parasocial relationship with him before. is that not super weird???? bc she was a fan of him as an artist she would’ve already had ideas about him in her head before meeting him. she probably felt like she knew him before they started dating bc she’d been a fan for so long. like ofc she’s gonna wanna date him. he wouldn’t have had to do anything. therefore he can use that to his advantage and manipulate her bc he knows that she already sees him in a golden light. he can pretty much do no wrong. billie would likely justify his actions due to her having admired him for so long
Same here. I felt for her because I know in a few years when she looks back she’s going to be so upset she didn’t listen to the warning signs
He's destroying her self esteem from the inside out. You can watch it happen. It's devastating. Not just to her but to the culture. They target the strong young women and gut them. It's a form of terrorism. "Kill them before they grow."
That gave me the ick for a different reason. It reminded me of when dudes will go to their friends and be like “look at this piece of ass I just pulled” or something like that and all high five each other. But yeah I hadn’t thought of it that way either, it’s so icky in a lot of ways
@@khalilahd. I get what ur saying however who’s to say the relationship is going to go bad? Look at the Coldplay front singer
Let’s not forget how 17 even 18 year old boys in high would be dating girls that were 14/13. Barely teenagers, I would see those relationships in my school all the time!
Yes!! Last year, I remember when I was a senior, I would get so sick when I would see senior dudes go after freshman girls, and I’d be like- “ bro they’re literal children, they just out of elementary school like 2 years ago “ 😭💀
yup. this happened to my former childhood friend. we were 12 and she was dating a 17 year old, then cheated on him with his 15 year old brother. it was a freaking mess.
*THIS!* It’s so nasty 🤢 🤮
Seen a 15 yr guy dating a 12 yr bye 🙂
yes! when i was 13 i was in a relationship with a 17-year-old guy and it was terrible, still traumatized tbh, i thought it was ok cause we both were underage but bruh ☠️☠️
a 16 yo girl in my area was murdered by her 22 yo boyfriend. Not only was his family aware they would often get into fights and would shoot guns, but they covered his ass by buying a brand new air mattress to cover blood stains. Terrifies me how his parents left the poor girl to die in the hands of a monster they raised
this only happened about 2 weeks ago. fucked up shit
shoot guns? wtf
that’s so messed up, heart goes out to that poor girls family and i hope the guy rots in jail
wtf?
Dang the fact that it happened not too long ago
Just after I turned 22 I met a 30 year old man and I was super interested in him. He let me down gently, and I was upset, but.... that man is a GOOD man. I'm grateful for the respect and care he showed towards me by turning me down.
22 and 30 isn't a big difference. Its just an 8 year difference which isn't a big age gap if the younger one is over 20. 14 and 22 is inappropriate and even illegal and 18 and 26 is a significant age gap too but 22 and 30 is fine. I am 36 and my girlfriend is 22 and we have a very healthy relationship
@@lostecho5318Age gaps of more than 5 years are seriously weird and if it's going well for you and your gf that doesn't mean anything for others relationships. Also anyone can be abuse/manipulative/seek ppl the can control regardless of the age gap. The bigger it is the more concerning but ppl can absolutely have healthy relationships w/ age gaps
@@lostecho5318 That's a MASSIVE age difference, especially maturity and life stage wise. She'd only been able to buy alcohol for a year. And 22 is so young mentally. 30 year olds have a good idea of who they are now, 22 year olds are still really beginning the journey of figuring that out
@@lostecho5318 You're only telling @riahneol6680 that's she's wrong, because you're trying to justify having an even larger age gap yourself.
@@TheKRenatusJournals she is turning 23 after 3 weeks anyways and i am turning 37 after 2 months. Most people are out of college by 21 or 22 max 23 so a 22-23 year old is fully grown adult in my opinion. It's only wrong when grown adults go for teenagers but 20+ is fine for older men. In my opinion something like 23 and 36 is less significant than 18 and 23 because we do more maturing between 18 and 23 compared to 23+.
This is why I love seeing Zendaya and Tom Holland together because same age relationships like theirs are not promoted/encouraged in mainstream media.
Yes so glad zendaya never got groomed to fall for a creepy older guy like a lot of young child Hollywood stars sadly do
yeah!! and tom seems like such a nice guy too :)))
@@logw.7190 Even Tom
Same-age relationships should be normalized by society instead of age gap relationships
Zendaya is 26, so obviously she will be dating people her age, and men her age will still find her desirable.
As a now 22 year old woman who almost married a 34 year old man at 18, there is absolutely no reason that a grown man should be interested in women that young. You're completely right in saying there's a reason that women their own age don't want them.
I am so happy you saved yourself from this misery
I need the storytime
@@olganova3058 sadly there are some women who want to normalize large age gaps in relationships by using "love is love" and "age is just a number" as an excuse (while at the same time sugarcoating it with "as long as it's between consenting adults" which is illogical)
@@fatimahanwaar306 and my favorite one is "yA'lL, whAt iF they aRe hApPy tOgEtHer?!!1" meanwhile it's a well known fact that bigger age gap relationships have very little chances to last and evolve in a healthy manner. Either they have some bad daddy issues thing or are brainwashed by their groomers, or a Stockholm syndrome, or all together.
@@olganova3058 exactly! examples include couples like Katherine McPhee and David Foster (from the musical reality TV series "The Masked Singer") which are basically like the gender opposite of Sam and Aaron-Taylor Johnson especially how Katherine said that older men are "better" than men her own age and used "humor" as a way of "clapping back" against the people who were speaking the truth about how inappropriate the relationship is even if she's in her late 30's now married to him and has a child (who was her first and his sixth child)
It’s so hard being a Neighbourhood fan when Jesse is dating Billie. It’s definitely creepy because she’s idolized him. I usually don’t care much about age gaps, because a lot of people’s parents have age gaps (my parents have a seven year one) but my parents both met when they were both solidly adults and had jobs (my mom would have been at least mid 20s). But the biggest thing is my dad didn’t know my mom when she was a minor.
It’s also gross to me, not being a Billie Eilish fan, how so many people are shitting on her for dating him. Like we’re mad at her………for being potentially groomed? For being influenced and enticed to date someone who she’s idolized for YEARS? Shit I don’t blame Billie at all. I blame Jesse because he’s a 30 year old MAN.
I think that's so interesting bcus I've been a fan of the neighbourhood for like a decade, but I don't listen to their music anymore, even tho I don't care about billies music, she's still a woman and I still stand with her 100%. I think it's probably young teen girls who are mad of Billie because they themselves would want to be with Jesse. All the 20+ women who I've hear speak on this, side with Billie.
Billie and Jessie’s relationship is a power dynamic. He’s in like she’s in love . She’s a fan, she bragged about ‘bagging him’. She’s happy now but what about after it sets in
Oh noooo I was a huge fan of them lol that is wild though
fr. it’s kinda disappointing
Your parents age gap in the setting you describe is just fine. But big age gaps do matter when one person is mentally developed and the other is not yet there. The thing is, even the man's strength (its important in sports that need strength especially) is not developed fully till the nervous system isnt and frontal cortex is a part of this system too. So its not only "decision making", changes are severe. But we are at "adult at 18" state of law so arguments against marurity of people in that age group are not common knowledge. We are basically stuck at the "end of growth, end of puberty = adult" status. Which is funny because men do grow longer sometimes than 18. But its better from the state and economic perspective when people enter the employment market earlier and work longer. Regardless if they are fully able, there are so many young people taking uncalculated risks and going bankrupt partially because making decisions needs fully developed frontal cortex. Its also important for relationships. I grew up in a stable family and sometimes i think its the reason why I am not attracted to man twice my age - they resemble dad and i would feel uncomfortable dating them because of that, i would feel like a child. Also it would be weird if my dad had a son in law his age, the dynamic is different than "son" for sure. I always dated people around my age. But i do know that people from "complete" families date older people so I only described how it feels for me to give a perspective
This brings back chilling memories, when a professor told us how he had met his wife at the time, he was 30 and she was 19, he kept making sexual jokes about the age difference, it was very uncomfortable. 💀
How can a person like that be a proffesor?💀
@@missstranger7697 you'd be surprised :c
@@missstranger7697adult age duh!
What kind of sexual jokes ? and that gap is ok
@@simin7140 are u stupid ? A 19 yr old is an legal adult , she’s much more attractive and youthful than a 25 yr old or a 30 yr old women in general, that’s y the professor is dating her. U also like to date older guys as well so quit the hypocrisy just cuz ur not 19 anymore.
As a dude- thank you so much. This pisses me off to the worst extent when I see age gaps, especially when girls are just turning 18. Like, what could you possibly have in common?!?
I love you
And we all know they only even wait till 18 so they literally won’t go to jail……..
Common? Thier social circles. A 20 year old actress would have much more in common with another 30 yo actor lmfao what are u even on?
thank fuck guys like you exist on earth like after seeing some of the comments in another vid I was honestly disturbed 😅
Indeed. Well they are just easy to manipulate probably... In some men's mind.
BOOING in solidarity!!! the "when i was 21 i realised i could never speak to a 17yo romantically" part is almost verbatim what ive said to people when referring to my own experience. i was 17 when i first had sex (with a 22yo man). when i turned 22 myself i was so SO repulsed by the idea. im a pan woman, and some people have tried to use the "o well men are emotionally less mature than women" to rationalize it and im like ???? i have no romantic/sexual interest in the most "emotionally mature" 17yo girl either? ew? jail.
on an unrelated note, Nicole, WHAT eyeshadow are you wearing? incredible stuff.
people give men too much leeway.
unrelated my brother (now 27) has dated girls younger than me (now 24) by 1 or 3 years (these girls are still adults in their early 20s) and my sister (30) & i give him crap about dating younger girls, we're always telling him to date women his own age. i dont come from a family w huge age gaps so in my family it IS weird. my siblings and i, we're all three years apart and its my brother that has dated an age range more vast in comparison to my sister (she dates within 1 to 2 years older/younger) and i have never dated anyone so.
This!! It’s incredibly mind boggling to see how many times people try to shoo away the bad behavior of heterosexual men when they do shit like that. It’s terrifying especially when it’s so clearly wrong
The worst part is they assume 17 year old girls are mature. There is no such thing as a mature teenager. They can be emotionally intelligent, but their lack of experience in life is enough of a reason to make them more or less immature and naive. Just because you're a smart teen, it doesn't mean you're mature. This is especially easy to be used as an excuse because girls are typically the most hardworking students, and work harder for better grades (at least in my country. Idk about others but where I'm from, more than half of girls have straight A's, whereas less than half of the boys barely pass their classes and are extremely violent). They push the responsibility of being a grown adult into young girls, making them seem as if they're more mature than boys, but that is simply because no boy I know has been held responsible for their behavior the way girls have
It's biology and now you realize no one wants an old ass women.
I am 29 now, so OLD to a lot of these men seeking younger women, but I was in situationships that featured age-gaps when I was younger and I gained NOTHING from them, just speaking for myself. I know there are age gap relationships that do work out but honestly if the older person has a repeated history of only going after younger people I consider that to be a MASSIVE red flag.
I relate to this so much. As someone who as personally experienced an age gap relationship like this I couldn’t agree more. You can’t see the warning signs when you’re 18 and 17. You just see the admiration of someone you look up to and all of a sudden feel as if you have value and are “different”. This person makes you feel like you’re a “grown up” when you’re new to not having a curfew or homework and it’s so intoxicating. It’s easy for women that age to fall for it and call it love which is why it’s so scary and happens too often
I just gained trauma
what would you think of a 31 y/o going after a 24 year old (me) and a 25 year old (one of my other girl friends) ? not the biggest age gap but I’m the younger half in that scenario and want to know if it’s possibly suspect for this person to be dating people this much younger
@@andreja9425I’m 22. 25 is when the brain is developed to the fullest. 31 is too old for you. Wait till you’re 26 to date above 30
I'm 25 now. I used to hook up pretty regularly with this one guy who was 34 when I was 21. I can confirm I had a better head on my shoulders than he did back then (and I still do). The dude has messaged me to rekindle many times and I'm like... Boy, what are you doing with your life?
taylor swift was in a age gap relationship with john mayer, she was 19 he was in her 30s. her song would’ve could’ve should’ve is a really good song explaining what it was like in a age gap relationship where she was taken advantage of and how it still effects her. she has lyrics like “i damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil, at nineteen” “give me back my girlhood it was mine first” “i regret you all the time” “now that i’m grown im scared of ghosts” it’s really sad.
So gross.
@@RawChristianSuperman Are you not ashamed of yourself?
@@violetvictoria7248 Ashamed of what?
all too well is another example of what happens in relationships with age gaps. and worse that Jake still dates young women.
@@Palepetal What is?
I was talking to a random dude and he admitted to be with a 15 year old while being 29, he stated she iniciated the interaction and that he talked with a lawyer friend of his about the legality, I told him “bro, if you need to talk with a lawyer after having sex with someone, you shouldn’t be having that interaction in the first place “
He should be arrested WHAT THE HELL
Bro I’m sick and tired of this nonsense and I’m don’t stand for this gross behavior and as a 21 year old single man myself, I find it pathetic and disgusting that a 30s to 40s and 60s year old men can think in their darn minds to date a younger women and me personally I would date right around my age or 5 years old and I do like mature women.
I hope you never spoke to this person again.
He a fan, he a fan, he a fan
From an older person's perspective: Please keep this conversation going. Please keep making videos and commentary like this. I had to navigate this stuff 25+ years ago, when it was perceived as "cool" for girls like me, as teenagers, to date much older guys. We didn't really have anyone telling us about red flags or the controlling nature of age gap relationships. We had to figure it out ourselves and it was hard. I hope the younger people out there find your videos and learn to advocate for themselves earlier.
@@samuelfoster8615 Did you even read my reply? Yes, we had to learn the hard way, usually after broken hearts and trauma. It's a lot nicer to learn from someone else's mistake and save yourself from lasting hardship. Do you agree?
@@jillkeller8956 don’t even bother, he’s one if those who actually date barely legal teens, and when someone questions it, they use “oh you think women can’t think for themselves” as a reverse psychology to prey on these girls🤷🏽♀️
@@lightningbolt4467 true!
I never liked older men lol i’m always attracted to same age men. I like people who match my vibe
There's this idea that "women tends to be mentally older, that's why they tend to like older men". I don't know if the 'mentally older' thing is true, like if there's a scientific research or what. But, I often see that being used to defend and justify these questionable age gap relationships, which is gross.
I’m 30 now but when I was 22 I was pursued by and eventually dated a 33 year old man and I say from experience, I found out women his age didn’t want his crazy ass cuz his ass was crazy
Oh my i’m in this exact situation, same ages and everything
@@drinkmoreagua8984 I’m so sorry sugar, plz know u are a growing person in ur own right and if this dude is trying to rob u of the beauty that is ur early 20s then he’s a loser and I am sending him horrible vibes
@@drinkmoreagua8984I’m 27 but was in this exact situation when I was in 17/18 with a 40 year old (gross I know, he was my boss and I was extremely vulnerable). Get out, whatever you have to do, just leave it will never be the wrong decision. Take care of yourself ❤
That is SO true
@@cymonearmstrong8764 i love the way you talk
theres also such a big problem of age gaps in the gay community. older men target teen boys and young men and often their parents dont protect them because they arent supportive in the first place. ive witnessed so many young gay guys feel like their only source of love is older men and it just breaks my heart
exactly! and people still defend age gap relationships between gay couples by using "love is love" and "age is just a number" as an excuse
oh my god so so so so important! all my gay male friends have had relationships with almost exclusively TOO OLD men. it comes down to just sex which is what the older men want. cuz what else would a 14 year old and a 30 year old be talking about. for ppl who are closeted and are desperately in search of being able to live out their romantic life peacefully it often comes down to being groomed which is alarming.
It makes me think of that awful "Call Me By Your Name" movie. Isn't that one about a teenage boy and a grown man falling in love?
@elizrebezilmadommdo1662 He was 17 which is really an adult right?
@@twiff3rino28 17 certainly isn't an adult. especially compared to a 24 year old. think about it, that's a junior in high school and someone who could have been graduated from college for 2 years. and that's not even the worst of it compared to real. life
The most insidious thing about the relationships like these (that go wrong especially, like with a mentor and a mentee, or are messy for any number of reasons) is that as a young person, to admire someone professionally or personally and to then see that feeling reflected back at you is invigorating. It's validating. Someone who has it all is looking at me? Loves me? What could go wrong? But it's easy to forget that it takes years to truly and fully get to know someone, and those "red flags" are a big indicator on whether or not it's safe, or if they are a waste of your time.
And also, what about when they leave, or when the relationship 'fails'? If the person feels validated and admired and valued, where does that go when it's gone. I'd feel completely broken because not only did I lose a person, but I would also question if that validity also leave and now somehow I'm no longer good enough in many facets.
Obviously, I didn't put this perfectly, but I hope my point makes enough sense. Also, I used myself because I'm 18 and also I don't want to project totally on celebs. But I worry about these young women and girls because I know how it would affect me.
As someone who as personally experienced an age gap relationship like this I couldn’t agree more. You can’t see the warning signs when you’re 18 and 17. You just see the admiration of someone you look up to and all of a sudden feel as if you have value and are “different”. This person makes you feel like you’re a “grown up” when you’re new to not having a curfew or homework and it’s so intoxicating. It’s easy for women that age to fall for it and call it love which is why it’s so scary and happens too often
Chris Evans and his gf alba baptista who is just starting with her career. All those rumors about the DC interns plus accounts of him running around banging girls in their early 20s while staging PR relationships with "age-appropriate" women to cover his tracks in Public are finally starting to sound believable. So many people warned us about him especially the jenny slate thing, came up with evidence it was a staged Pr relationship but people called them crazy, obsessed fans who were only hounding her cause she was too ugly for him. There actually were people (both in his Fandom and outside) who called her ugly but they made it look like his whole Fandom was all about that when I reality their main taking point was that the whole thing was a lie to give Jenny exposure and keep Chris' image clean. People blamed said crazy fans for their break up but turns it out these fans were right all along. The fact his now gf literally grew up watching him and his fellow marvel actors and idolised them in interviews and then he started pursuing her on IG when she was 23 and he was 40 is fucking sad. I really thought he was another Keanu but he turned out to be just another Leonardo.
Thank you, this is so well written. It‘s really an eye-opener for me (since I have a big problem with falling for mentor-figures in my life again and again and again ._.).
@@tweedledummie those "crazy" fans had common sense the real "crazy" fans were the ones using "consent' or "maturity" as a way to defend their relationship!
A reminder to all that there is no such thing as an "underage woman" that's called a child.
And isn't it weird that you never hear the term "underage man"... yeah because they don't exist.
Correct, because boyhood stops at about 11-13. You’re just a man or a young man, you don’t get to be underaged, the world just looks at you as an adult.
^^^ The second you start getting some hair on your chest or your voice starts to get a little deeper, your a man from that point onward.
Wow these replies are really saying Boys don't count as kids and don't deserve to be protected as well 💀
17 is an adult.
@@jghifiversveiws8729 but it's different for women? My classmate in first year of high school wanted to "meet" a celebrity over 2x her age so badly.
Yeah, the Aaron Taylor Johnson situation is also very icky, because apparently she was his parents friend and insisted for him to be in her film, and during filming they were sexu@lly involved while she was still married to her ex husband! And to me is crazy how her oldest daughter is like 5 or 6 years younger than him.
And the delusional way in which he talks about her, about how it was love at first sight and that he immediately wanted to marry her and have babies with her... What kind of 19 year old boy thinks like that? It just looks and sound like he was groomed and brainwashed, even more because of the position of power that she was being his boss at the time!
I just fell like people don't talk enough about situations like these where the man is the one being abused 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah true, people don't tend to talk about situations for men like that, because they don't care or they don't think that's rape like a girl has.
he was underage too during filming, and shes known him since he was a kid. its so fkd
She gives me 50 shades of the ick. It screams manipulation! He just turned 18 when they started dating. It’s giving she just waited until she could legally get with him. 🤢
it's the same as how Katherine McPhee talks about David Foster especially in interviews with the Today show or Women on Top where she says that older men treat her better than men her own age given her dating history they got married after he divorced Yolanda Hadid who was his 4th wife (he had 3 other wives one of whom was the same age as him) and she divorced Nick Cokas she met David Foster when she performed on American Idol when she was 22 and he was 57 and people defend their 35 year age gap
Bc it’s vastly girls. Rarely men
As a 26 year old man, I can say there's no way I'm actually dating anybody younger than like 21. I understand that they're adults but I always just imagine myself at that age and how I was a totally different person than I am now. People who are 18-21 are still in a pretty chaotic stage of development and dating someone who's aged out of that part of their life is definitely not beneficial for them
Same and I’m a 21 man and I just like a women who’s mature and has good humor
Tbh I am 22 and a 26 year old approaching me for such purposes would be creepy already
@@VolzotranOH come on how is a 26 year old dating a 22 year old creepy? It's only a 4 year age gap and both in your 20s. You are both grown adults. I am 36 and dating a woman who is 22 too and she will turn 23 after 2 months and we have a very healthy relationship. Anyone 21 and older is a grown adult.
I feel you man, shit I’m only 23 and 18 year olds feel like literal children to me. Like I get the same kind of feeling talking to an 18 year old girl as I would a 14 year old. The thought of dating someone so young is so creepy to me
@@brodyskillman7572 so would you find it bad that I am a 22 year old guy and recently went on a date with a girl who is 19? We are basically only 3 years apart in age and have many things in common and get along really well especially because we are both foodies. She is in 2nd year of college and I just graduated college 3-4 months ago but I will be studying MBA next so I will still be a student for 2 more years. I will turn 23 in December tho just 3 days before Christmas and she will turn 20 in April so we will be 19 and 23 for 4 months but after April we will be 20 and 23. Would you still consider it bad?
billie's situation is arguably worse than the other ones you named tbh bc shes just SO young. im 20 and shes less than a year older than me. i most likely wouldnt be comfortable enough to date someone over the age of 24. dating a 30 year old is out of the question. and i genuinely feel any 30 year old who woule want to date someone that young has got issues.
I think also because he met her when she was underage and has been friends with her bro for a long time and has idolized him since she was a child. She doesn’t have the ability to see anything wrong with it because she’s living out her childhood fantasy of pulling her celeb crush and being with him so she thinks she won the lottery.
@@margaretcorleoneblues yep exactly, I didn’t mention that but that also does make it worse. He’s taking advantage of her being a fan and imagine what she would do for him in the relationship just bc she has idolized him so long
As someone who as personally experienced an age gap relationship like this I couldn’t agree more. You can’t see the warning signs when you’re 18 and 17. You just see the admiration of someone you look up to and all of a sudden feel as if you have value and are “different”. This person makes you feel like you’re a “grown up” when you’re new to not having a curfew or homework and it’s so intoxicating. It’s easy for women that age to fall for it and call it love which is why it’s so scary and happens too often
kaia gerber is also SO young.. there's a video of her meeting young adult vanessa hudgens (austin butler's ex) when she was a literal child
as a 24 year old I wouldn’t even go after anyone under 22, like y’all can’t even legally drink yet whereas I have been through the cycle of substance abuse, recovery and semi-sobriety (mostly sober apart from very occasional smoking and drinking). I was in college when Billie broke on to the scene. I always thought she was going to be huge from her first ep. I still only think of her as a teen pretty much. It’s insane that Jesse, someone I looked up to when I was in HIGH SCHOOL would go for someone that I saw as being so young years later. So unbelievably creepy
This came at a strangely good time in my life. My (ex)boyfriend of a year and a half just ended things because he thought we were heading in different directions. But here’s the kicker, I met him when I was 18 and he was 25. Now I’m turning 22 and he seemed shocked that I changed, and I currently cannot fathom being attracted to someone that young.
I'm 18 now dating a 25 year old..
@@EludingRu pls leave them
@@EludingRu hey, thought i'd chime in. I dated my ex for a year and a half and looking back there were a lot of red flags. Red flags people were telling me about but I ignored because I thought they were managable, listen to them and try to consider what they are saying. Now I do not know your relationship, and I will not pretend all of my relationship was bad, you just have to be willing to have the tough conversations with yourself and them as well. I know I did not start officially dating my ex till I was 20 because I wanted to know for sure I was not just rushing into something, and even in that limited time I changed a lot because I went from being a teen to an adult. Being with someone who has already settled into themselves somewhat stiffles growth because we want to be what our partner expects of us. But it is important we are more than our partners and sometimes hindsight is 20/20. I hope this was somewhat informative, and a bit helpful. Stay safe
@@jessicamichalsky886 I ended things today and he took it really well. I realize I did have an issue with many things that come with dating him romantically and would like to just be friends. Thank you sm. 💖
@@EludingRu I will say I never thought sharing my experience would have this effect, I'm sorry your relationship ended I know these sorts of things can be tough. Even though will never meet I'm here for you. I am proud of you for having the difficult conversations and really evaluating what you want in a relationship, these sorts of decisions will helo you in the long run. Glad I could help, and I wish you the best of luck :)
another demi lyric they change to in the final chorus is "finally 29, seventeen would never cross my mind". the same realisation you had, and taylor in would've, could've, should've, when we reach the age that older man was and look back at people that age in such confusion over how they could view you as a romantic, sexual option at that age
When you started "rationalizing it" with the "oh he thinks i'm special" talk, it reminded me of Perks of Being a Wallflower and how much that book opened my eyes toward the existence of power imbalances in abuse and relationships
I don't really think you understand what a power imbalance is and how that can be toxic in a relationship. Just simply being older is not a power imbalance unless they are having a huge age gap under the age of like 23. Power imbalance can still happen at older ages but it isn't as simple as age difference = power imbalance. Being more successful or better looking or richer mean you cannot date down.
@@hyui5096 Bro i wasn't talking about charlie and sam - i was talking about sam and her dad's friend
The sad part is I remember being 17-20 dealing with older guys and thinking the older women who advised me against it were just jealous and didnt realize how "mature" I was. Now here I am at 26, being that same woman, advising younger girls against it, beacuse I've seen the light. It sucks that we end up having to learn things like this for ourselves due to women being written off as "bitter" or "jealous" for simply trying to stop the cycle from happening. Idk what the solution is, but it has to stop.
The solution is more awareness and more famous guys talking about it. And also seeing less of it on TV
lol, it's your fault for choosing the wrong man, it has nothing to do with an age gap, there are shitty men young & old. Yall act like women don't benefit from dating older men. When hypergamy is all women do, age is gonna be a contributing factor. And due to social media, most women are attracted to a certain lifestyle. On a balance of probability who can provide said lifestyle young or older men? Whether yall like it or not this will never change and the men who can provide that lifestyle can have most females past the age of consent.
@@oreoakalaperoji8314 Of course it can and will change. You mentioned that women benefit from dating older men, but men would also benefit from dating older women. So why isn't it as common? Because it's a cultural phenomenon, not a natural one. And culture always shifts and changes. It already has changed a lot regarding what age gap is considered okay.
@@oreoakalaperoji8314 Most older men are married or beholden financially to children from past relationships (and thus are absolutely not in a better position financially) and game the personal finances of their younger partners. Inhibiting their futures well beyond youth. The domestic abuse rates skyrocket in age gap relationships in every way (financial, physical, and sexual).
Yall just want an excuse to use children and not feel the very, very well deserved backlash for destroying teenagers (aka CHILDRENS) lives.
@@tiffanyapril5458 stop applying your morality on Hollywood.
When you mentioned age gaps in casting for romantic leads in movies (like Silver Linings playbook)… I couldn’t help but laugh because I’m a 22 year old actress and just wrapped on a movie in which I played the WIFE to a 40 year old actor. And no where in the script did it mention that our characters were supposed to have a big age gap… I think they just thought “oh yeah these two look like a normal couple”… meanwhile I’m still getting auditions to play high schoolers 🙃 (happy to be working but it definitely was a prime example of how normalized age-gap relationships are in this industry!)
Yes and they should stay normalised. In Hollywood most people are in same carrer and well off economically, there's less chance of economic or power dynamic exploitation.
@@natalieromanoff sure 🙄
@@natalieromanoff you're proving my point again that you're insane
Love your point about aging and realizing it was weird. That was my experience too. I dated a dude who was 50+ when I was 19. Turning 21 I couldn’t imagine talking to a 19 year old. It only gets creepier when you get older
God forbid 2 years age gap. 19 and 21? So creepy omg.
@@natalieromanoff I meant that
When I turned 21, I couldn’t imagine dating a 19 year old.
@@KatBlaque that looks like your personal preference, not the gap itself creepy. And I don't know how we "leftists" want to give autonomy to youth while at sams time telling them that they're dumb to make thier own relationship choices.
@@KatBlaque 21 and 19 so close n age it kind of sounds like u just want older guys this generation is so sensitive wen it come to the little age gaps I could see if u said 19 and 28🤦🏽♂️
@@natalieromanoff Where did she say it wasnt her preference? When did she say it had to be yours? How is the first thing you honed in on in this comment that miniscule part instead of the absolutely batshit insane part where they say a FIFTY year old was dating them when they were NINETEEN. Priorities!!! In order!!! Sometime this month!!
Something else that needs to be de-normalised is adult women referring to underage boys with phrases like "He's so handsome", "He's my little boyfriend", he's going to be a lady killer when he's older" etc.
My son is a handsome 14 year old and has had grown women use these types of terms towards him since he was about 5 years old! Its got to the point that I've got into confrontations with women because of this! Its disgusting!
Another example is me putting up pictures on my IG story of my son at different ages on my story on his birthday last year. The amount of heart eyes and the like that the pictures received from grown women was outrageous!
If me, a 38 year old man was to do that towards a young girls pictures (pictures from a baby to 14 years old) there would be outrage and rightly so!
ALL underage people should be protected, not just the girls!
Facts
Unfortunately gets lost in this dialogue. Yes women are targeted more but young boys are also susceptible and they get zero exposure.
I mean I get your message and youre right... but liking and hearting pics of isn't specifically sexual..
...not having ever dated anyone, I'm not sure how qualified I am to comment on this, but for what it's worth: I've always seen it as "what percentage of your life does that age difference represent?" Like, a 4-year gap between a high school freshman and high school senior would be pretty roundly condemned because of how much of a 14-year-old's life 4 years represents and how much of a social and developmental difference can take place between 14 and 18, whereas I don't think anyone would blink an eye at that same gap 10 or 20 years later--because 4 years is much less significant to a 24-year-old or a 34-year old in terms of life experience/mental-social-emotional development. 50 and 60? Fine, no one bats an eye. 20 and 30? That's a 50% difference and significantly more questionable.
.....true
yup I definitely get you because the life experience is also very similar once people reach 40s and 50s; people have been married, divorced, single for years, paid taxes, had multiple jobs, dealt with housing themselves, had kids, etc so like Nikki said what does a high school graduate have in common with a 30 year old??
Yes… different life stages. It means way more the younger people are
Agreed. Another way I gague appropriateness is by what life stage people are in. An 18 year old dating a 20 year old feels weirder if the 18 year old is in high school versus college/working.
i feel like if you meet at like 22 and 26, youre BOTH working adults and you both have a similar life experience, and you both are adults too
in a grooming relationship I was victim to (and not the only one) another woman asked me what does a 26 year old man want with you, a 19 year old? Why are woman his age NOT wanting to date him??? why is he pursuing a 19 year old? helped change my life
Those are such valid questions for real. Maybe he's been rejected by every woman his age because they've seen through him instantly. They have more wisdom than someone much older
When I was 19, I dated a 26 year old. We were both in college. The relationship didn't work out. Which it is fine it wasn't meant to last. Although it lasted for 2 years. It was by far the best relationship I had to date. We were good friends and he treated me better than all my botfriends.
@Fred the Fish Nah, we just don't want women that are ran through by men that were older than those women lmao
@Fred the Fish facts bro. I honestly think 80% of the time, women complain about this stuff 80 cuz they're just coping about not getting attention from men when they're older and maybe when they want to settle down
My cousin married a 35 year old man at 19 she dated when she was 17 and my mom told me that it isn't pedophilia 💀
People underestimate how much experience and emotional maturity makes a difference in a relationship
Finally someone who’s willing to acknowledge this! I’m 21 about to be 22 and my boyfriend just turned 19. No one in my life thought this was strange for two reasons. 1. We are both legal adults and in college (similar stages of life) 2. Click extremely well and have a healthy relationship and we are mature enough for each other.
@@carriegoodman2779 Nice to see another age gap relationship perspective here. I'm soon 18 and been dating almost for a year someone who's 22 and nobody has reacted negatively to it either (except strangers online). I've been groomed before at 12 and it felt vastly different to how my current relationship feels
@@dove2826 18 is also an age where legally you’re considered an adult, so in my opinion it’s no one’s business who or why you choose to date after that point unless there is evidence for being groomed before 18.
girl...my cousins tried to set up our 21 yeard old friend with our other 16 year old friend, I was the only one who was like "ummm...wtf??" and than they had the AUDACITY to use the "girls mature faster than guys" excuse
yet also shamed me for liking a boy a year younger than me
that's so weird. people are horrible
@@kurlykayla9013 people who give women this "advice" that older men are "better" and bring up how "toxic" relationships with men their own age can be are ignorant and uneducated
dear john by taylor swift is a song that almost perfectly depicts what was discussed in this video. she was 19 and john mayer was 32
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve adds onto that. It’s kind of heartbreaking to hear her speak about it now because she speaks about how she wish she would’ve stayed curious.
me : a taylor swift fan who likes the guys older : 👩🏻🦯no see
Didn't Taylor also date a minor guy?
@@twothousandandchew Don't actually get with any of them, it's not worth it. They're assholes that will ruin your life. enjoy from a distance lol
@@Sabrina-sc1db i don't think so? she dated harry styles who is like 4 years younger but he wasn't a minor
One relationship that always had a big fat question mark in my mind was the one of Céline Dion and her late husband. He met her when she was around 12 years old and was her manager, then later on married her, which was broadcast on TV in Canada and celebrated almost like the marriage of royals. He was 26 years older and met her, when she was a literal CHILD!
To realize this type of thing is happening to oneself always takes a bit, personally it helped me a lot to listen to Demi's song 29. That really made me reflect. Especially the line 'finally 29, 17 would never cross my mind'.
As a younger 21 years old man, I just don’t get why these older guys keep on doing this and making as young guys look bad, even though we’re trying to get are crap together and figure out what we want to d
OH MY GOD YES. I forgot about them. It makes you wonder whos out here protecting these girls
similar to liz gillies and her husband
@@kalystaalalala the fact that she got defensive over people being rightfully against her relationship with him makes this even worse
My mom was 18 and my dad was 23 when they met. While it has been a long time since they got married, my mom talks about how she was a "doormat" for the first 20 years of marriage and then finally decided to stick up for herself (I remember this point in my childhood being one where my parents were always screaming at each other, and it felt like everything was going to end). That conversation with my mom kind of gave me the feeling that my dad may have been looking for a partner he could easily control. Their marriage is certainly stronger nowadays, but I still can sense a power imbalance.
That sucks. Wishing you and your mother well.
I don't think age caused that imbalance
@@robertsarge-xl6vq what caused it ☹️
@@nicoleharrington9086 imbalances happen when the abuser has a money advantage or manipulation
I was also 23 and my partner was 18. I don't it's creepy. It depends on individual to individual.
Almost all of my sexual assault and sexual harassment experiences happened before I turned 18. I don’t get cat called like at all now but as a 16 year old it was constant. There are definitely factors that have contributed to this decrease like I no longer go outside when it’s dark, but still. People need to realize too that most beauty standards are also creepy in the same way. Like wanting women to be hairless. Women are generally not naturally hairless at all, you wanna know who is though? Children. Only children. They want you to be small and fragile so they can feel big and in control. It’s terrifying.
Growing up I have always connected more with people older than me, but even when dating I knew not to do anything crazy. I’m in my 20s now (almost 23) and my general rule is to not date a man who is anymore but 4 years older than me. And even that can be a bit much.
You mentioned the most important thing though which is life stages. Someone got mad at me because I said it’s understandable that a 45 year old woman could date a 55 year old man… I really don’t think that’s inherently a problem.
I feel for Billie a lot. She likely loves this man, but then is being told by the entire world that he’s not good for her. The world probably should be telling her that, but I imagine it can be a really confusing situation for her to be in. At the end of the day the people that need to check in on her are those close to her. We can’t help her much compared to them. Hopefully she has people watching over her
ikr. it's very creepy to remember how much unwanted attention from older men i got at the age of 14-16.
@@pigeondance exactly!
The other day I was in a conversation with three other women and one man, all of us middle aged, and I brought up the fact that sexual harassment pretty much stops when you pass your early 20s. All of the women agreed, and the man was completely shocked. He never suspected this, despite the fact that he has a wife and three young adult daughters. He didn't know men are like this? I mean, he himself is like this. Why are men so awful?
Teens don't seem to realize how easy adults have it to groom them, because they think they're already mature for their age, while they're still developing. They don't seem to realize that all adults were once teenagers, so they understand how they work. But no teenager has ever been an adult, they won't grasp how predatory some grown ups can be
I’m 21 years man that has no dating experience and only dates once left year and things didn’t work and we were both 19 years old but she was in college and I was working and we just decided to be friends after dating for 2 to 3 month and me personally I think I rushed it and that big regret and put lot of effort to. And It was both our first time dating.
There are so many age gap relationships in Hollywood that I didn’t even realise were so large. When I found out the age gap between Beyoncé and Jay Z I was shook, especially because she was around 20 when they got together and he was 32
She was 19.
@@LinnySays yeah that’s very strange to me, even as a 23 year old I have no interest in a 19 year old
Idk why Americans obsess over age gaps so much cuz in alot of other countries, nobody gives af about it as long as they're too consenting adults lmao
George n Amal has an age gap of 16 , yrs . Ryan n Blake probably 11.
Priyanka n Nick. 10. Theses are huge age gaps.
@@karna8658 I’m not American, but also I don’t think legal and moral always correlate, and even if two people are legally consenting adults, there can be other factors that create a power imbalance in the relationship
I was 20 he was 43. Took me some time to realise the trauma and I still miss him sometimes. Hurts a lot, actually.
I’m so proud of you for realising and acknowledging how you feel. I’m in a similar predicament and I know it’s so hard to accept the grooming factor to it all, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. But I want you to know that even though I don’t know you that I am so goddamn proud of you. We deserve true real love that isn’t defined by just a fantasy ❤
a guy in his 40s?! ewww.I have been hit on guys my mother's age and would not want to be with anyone who was over 5 year older or 3 years younger than me.
@@jazzyj150 thank you love I wish you all the healing and peace
@@niccole3542 Good for you.
what did he do? any thing you could say
When nicole mentioned how she lost a friend because of an age gap relationship it resonated with me so much because that happened to me too. One of my childhood friends got into a large age gap relationship (17 and 39 at the time) and her personality completely changed, even her morals and politics changed too. She did and said some pretty terrible things after she got into that relationship but I still think about her a lot and how she was before. From my point of view I feel like her life was seriously derailed by that shitty old man, last time I spoke to her she was talking about giving up on the idea of going to university. All this to say that I hope that man rots in hell.
But what does that even mean? When I was 19, my 19-year-old friend got into a relationship with another 19-year-old - and I lost her friendship over the changes in her behaviour, ideology, music taste... But yeah, no, right, conclusive evidence that 19-year-olds suck
I also lost friend due to it, a large age gap relationship. She was 16 and he was 31. They met at church. Her parents were fine with it. But our high school gym teacher who also went to that same church found out told the church and they were exiled and they completely changed her. She finish high school move to Colorado and now they’re married. She was an amazing athlete and wanted to compete in the Olympics and she probably could’ve done so, she wanted to go to college and had so many friends… now all she posts about is Monat, and how the gym teacher did her dirty. She’s clearly unhappy, but there’s unfortunately nothing I could do for her. I miss her every day.
wow so instead of helping her they exiled her...typical church moment
Wow that’s horrible
wow, they destroyed her life
Wtf is wrong with her parents?
@@issecret1 When parents see their daughters as presents to send off to men...
He sang "one house, two mouths, no shirt, no blouse", when she wasn't even a teen. That blows my mind
But ....... That literally wasn't about Billie, because that song was released in 2013 and they dated in 2022. I'm just genuinely confused as to the relevance? I know it's easy to get timelines mixed up but let's not accuse someone of more than they actually rightfully did just because we already know they're a creep, ya know? 🤷♀️
@@gracecadet3244 I'm not accusing him for what you thought)) I'm pointing at age difference
i've lost two best friends to abusive age gap relationships. one began when she was 20 and he was 34. the other, she was 22 and he was 31. it's a personal subject for me because i watched those friends become unrecognizable under the influence of these older men. no idea where either is at this point. wish them the best and hope they're not with those men anymore.
Brains don’t fully develop until 25. Those older men knew exactly what they were doing to manipulate them
@@tiffanyapril5458 100%. the first one, it was her first real relationship too so the guy knew she was naive. the second is a little more insidious; she was abused very badly as a child and the guy knew that she wouldn't recognize the signs on her own. i hate both of those guys.
I'm 31 right now and the only people that age i regularly talk to are friends of my nephew and pldest niece or co-workers. I certainly would never date someone that age because we have nothing in common in that way.
@@myloveisgodthis was also what happened to my friend too! Thankfully she's now in a healthy and happy marriage.
Her home life was so complicated. Then, this guy who was in his late twenties took advantage of that and dated her. She was fifteen. When they broke up two/three years later, the guy had audacity to call me and accused her of cheating. He went on saying that she made huge mistake by choosing someone younger who was 'less experienced'.
i called out the olivia rodrigo and zack relationship when it started and now we have vampire. i feel vindicated, bc the gaslighting at the time was crazy
also the lifestyles stages thing is very real. going to university showed me that its a huge factor to consider where you are in life is almost more important than age only
It couldn't be more fitting that the sweatshirt you are wearing in this video says Princess Diana. Princess Diana was a victim/partaker of a significant age-gap relationship, which as we know, did not pan out well and, for more than one reason, had a lot of unhealthy power imbalances.
Yes good example because we got to see how all that played out. Very tragically.
Also it's just really pathetic and pitiful that women who've been there who have that concern, are intimidated and even outright bullied out of voicing their concerns because if it's not being spun as 'none of your business, they're legal and therefore inherently mentally sound', we're spun as jealous hags who just don't want a beautiful youth to be happy. And it's positively disturbing that we're pitted against each other and unconsentualy entered in this competition of our age or appearance deternining our intellectual validity in order to protect predatory men
EXACTLY, omg THANK YOU for saying this
As a 17 yr old girl I LOVE YOU GUYS. One thing about me(and i’ve had this happen) when a wierd guy comes for y’all when you’re just trying to protect us, i’ll 100% come for him. Sorry but i trust other women who have a variety of experiences much more than men trying to trick me in order to gain something from me. Love y’all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring and being here for us!! God bless you!!🙏🤍
@@orthodox_truth But girlie, remember that women can be predators, too. If not in a romantic way, in an emotionally dependent way. Keep a healthy distance from strange adults, especially on the internet.
Sometimes you people project your experience and think it's everyone's experience.
@@natalieromanoff I know you're not a woman because ain't no way you're committed to making every be okay with it. You're men using women's accounts.
I said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m 23 and turning 24 in a couple months, I can’t even IMAGINE dating an 18yr old or someone in their 30s. They’re in a completely different stage in life than I am and for so many other reasons!
@L’esprit de l’escalier true depends on where one is in life. You’re either 25 still studying or already working for some years, own flat own car etc, and no partying on their mind whats so ever. This has been me since I was 21 and I only dated men who were at least 6-7 years older
@L’esprit de l’escalier Woah I don't think that's okay, no matter how you think of it. Age gap should never be higher than 2-3 years, no matter how old someone is. Meaning that if your man is 37, he should be dating with someone at the age range of 34-40
@@kalicasts so True!!! Imagine a 55 years old man who is dating a 50 years old woman, its so disgusting.... 5 years gap😱😱
So? People are in different stages of life all time, even at same ages.
@@kalicasts wtf 💀💀💀 what are you on? Crack?
Aaron Johnson (33) is actually 23 years younger than Sam Taylor Johnson (56) NOT 19 years. She dated him when he just turned 18. Married him and got pregnant with his child when he was 20. I never understood that relationship but they are still together and have 2 children aside from her older children from her 1st marriage.
Dude, she's old enough to be his mother 💀
My younger cousin who just turned 18 started dating some random 23 year old man from tinder, and she's already bringing him to family functions. I am 23 too and disgusted 🤢 I brought up that it was weird that he's dating a teenager, and her mom just said "well she's mature so it's ok." Girl just graduated from high school and got her first part-time job ever, what do you mean?! Some parents rly just set their kids up for failure.
Edit: just found out that this man has also been previously married .... wtf
Edit: hm, interesting how some people just don't believe that "adults" can still be groomed, when this is definitely a concern for young and isolated/vulnerable adults
When I turned 18 I started dating a 23 year old. We are still together 3 years later but I will agree I was really young. At 18 you are learning and figuring out your boundaries. In the beginning I bought into the chill girl mind set bc I was scared that He would view me as young. But at 18 you are young and there is nothing wrong with that. Obviously it works between my boyfriend in all but moral of the story at 18 you are not an adult.
The issue is you're infantilizing your cousin when she's an adult. You use the word teenager as if It means anything? She's not 15. If you don't know the guy don't make assumptions. He's only 23 like u as u say so why are you acting like he's 35 or something. If they clicked together and have a good relationship then there's no issue. The only time I could think something is weird is if there's a pattern but honestly it's so weird how ppl try to infantilize adults and then wonder why certain people seek them out. Maybe if y'all treated all adults like adults we wouldn't have weirdos looking for something "specific"
@Katie Klem I agree! I'm glad it worked out for you though. I think that my opinion and bias on this subject is definitely due to looking back at my experiences with predatory men when I was in high school, it just doesn't sit right with me.
@Dami R Well I guess I am looking at it as a 23 yo, I myself would never date an 18 yo bc there is such a difference. Like there are 18 yr olds still in high school, and at 23 I've gone through college, traveled, and am now working a full-time job. Also, as I know my cousin, she doesn't make very well-thought out decisions. She was engaged for a few months at 17 to another 17 yo, and they were very codependent and cut ties with all of their friends due to insecurity and conflict. And they broke it off just a few weeks before she met this man on tinder so 🤷♀️ I also have a friend that was groomed by an older man when she was 18-19, so "adults" can definitely still be vulnerable when placed in this kind of dynamic.
@Bo THANK YOU! I think my concern is reasonable. I've noticed a trend in my life that young women who have grown up being called "mature" a lot of times fall victim to grooming and manipulation from older men. So they are certainly not being infantilized, but their brains are literally not as developed for sound decision making! It's a shame that her parents don't care enough, even though she is still a dependent.
as my favourite doctor once sang..... "give me back my girlhood, it was mine first"
Omg Ally!!!🫶🏾😭
Omg yessss! (Also hi ally!)
TS reference here is really at the point, knowing her history
Indeed! Girls don't owe their childhood TO ANYONE!
When I was younger I heard the phrase age is just a number thrown around a lot but I recently heard someone say that age becomes just a number when both parties have fully developed brains (around 25) which I definitely agree with. My parents have a 7 year age difference but it was ok because when they met my dad was 33 and my mom was 40, both self sufficient independant adults with fully functioning prefrontal cortexes. Also if anyone ever doubts the damage age gap relationships can cause to a young woman you can direct them to a significant portion of Taylor Swift's discography that is about the emotional trauma of dating older men
@L’esprit de l’escalier i’m currently in an age gap relationship and I’ve never felt safer or happier. there’s something about men my age in this generation that i PERSONALLY don’t like or find attractive. Like you said it’s a choice and a personal preference. it doesn’t always have to be the guy making the moves. these relationships were never a problem until the recent years. makes me feel like i’m doing something wrong and question the person i love and fully put my trust into.
@@thebestofus677 Alot of things were never a problem until the last 5 years. Don't take it too personally.
Lol wish neuroscience was as simple as the whole myth of "prefrontal development around age 25" equals adequate levels of rationality
Ngl I don't fully agree with this. A 25 year old dating a 21 year old is much less weird than a 45 year old dating a 25 year old, despite the fact that both of the latter have fully formed brains.
@@ACDnut101 why do you think it's weird?
This video aged beautifully, and brutally, for so many of these relationships
I remember a radio show/interview with Billie a few years back (maybe the Howard Stern one?) where they were defending her "having" to date older guys because she wouldn't have anything in common with a random high schooler her own age. Which like... there's lots of famous people/artists closer to her age who would understand some of her life experience. Meanwhile no one is questioning Jesse Rutherford on what he has in common with a 21 year old who he's known since she was a child
I’m was concerned about that too and I’m eye brow raising at still.
I think they have a few things in common like the experience of the music industry and stuff, mind you js bc he met her when she was younger doesn’t mean he’s a groomer, how could u not know she exists.
@@Mxshy_ do you have any reading comprehension? or a brain at all?
literally the idea of an age gap relationship repulses me so much. when i was 13 a 19 yo came on to me - looking back it was so disgusting, nothing really happened but it gave me extreme anxiety and i was already in a fragile mindset. as an 18yo now the thought of going to to college and talking to someone in 8TH GRADE is insane and horrific.
God 😧
That's not age gap that's Pedophilia. Age gap between adults is not wrong
I can understand what you mean.
I was 15 talking with a 17 year old and even though we were close ages, I could sense that he wanted to do it with me and I refused, we only had a make out session.
Because I was scared to do that with him. He left and since then, I focused on myself till I graduate from school and then be with someone else.
My first ever boyfriend when I was 16 was 30 years old, it lasted 4 years and he put in so many adult situations which were in fact illegal for me to be in. When I was 21 I lived in a student house with 18 year olds in their first year of uni. And despite that small age gap, I saw them as my little sisters, as children (I know technically adults, but they had didn’t have the life skills of an adult), they didn’t know anything about life, it was their first time living out of home. I remember inviting them somewhere and one going “omg yes I’ll have to ask my grandad first”. It was one of the steps that made me realise how taken advantage of I was. I’m 26 now, and I definitely see 16 year olds as CHILDREN.
Edit: corrected some typos.
18 isn't technically an adult, it's legally an adult. You at 21 also were not technically an adult, just legally. You're not actually a fully grown, fully developed adult until you're AT LEAST 25. Until then you're an adolescent. And we don't all reach adult maturity at the same age, it can be anywhere between 25 and 30.
@abominablyawsm why are you acting like me and anyone reading my comment is dumb? Young adulthood is 18-25 pretty much everywhere. So yes they are technically and legally adults. You come across very arrogant.
@abominablyawsm your comment actually rather pissed me off. Being under 25 doesn't make you a child. It makes you a young adult. You can move abroad and travel and work and drive and make big decisions all as a young adult discovering life. It's not the same as being a child. Yes your brain isn't fully developed but you don't need to infantilize young adults.
What were you thinking? I was 16 once and would never.
@@extrashotofespresso_ So you're blaming her and not the guy that dated her? People should stop blaming younger people for dating older people regardless if they pursued them or not.The older person should only be blamed.
Thank you for making this video. I’ve seen these type of videos of the last couple of years. I think it’s a really good thing. People are talking more about this kind of stuff about people dating very much younger women and boys and talking about how gross and abusive it is, and I’m glad there’s people talking about it so people younger people can have more access and learn about this kind of thing and how gross it is.
i’m in my early 20s and I can’t even imagine talking to someone who is a teenager. I just see them as children and also having a relationship with someone who’s in their 30s or the same age as my dad so gross when I was a kid this kind of thing wasn’t really something people talked about or was very much normal. There’s a lot of big age gaps in my family and I didn’t realise how gross it was until I got into my late teens and 20s. Thanks for making this video to make it more aware for young people, so hopefully they won’t get into this kind of situation
Speaking of 29 by Demi Lovato - it reminds me so much of my own relationship in high school when he was 23 and I was……..15 🤮 and now as a 24 year old with an 18 year old baby brother it makes me SCREAM
JAIL ☠️☠️☠️
Nooooo omg 💀
This. I feel like growing up with younger siblings made me hyper aware of age gaps. I'm the oldest of 4, my brother who is closest in age to me is 5 years younger than me. Back in highschool, at about 16/17 years old, a girl in my Math class started gushing about her new boyfriend, about 22 years old then, who was living on his own and already working. Mind you, where I come from, only very few highschoolers work part-time. So, completely different stages, she still had about two years of school ahead of her.
We were sitting in a group with two other male classmates. I got really concerned, but nothing came from the other two.
I couldn't help put picture my little brother dating one of MY peers in 5 years, and that instantly creeped me out. Because I knew they would be at completely different stages then. I knew that 5 years isn't enough time for a now 12 year old to catch up to a then 22 year old working adult. Even if they were 17 year old then.
And I was right, even turning 22. I would've killed any 22 year old dating my 17 year old brother
Check your 'baby brother's' internet history. He's no baby.
@@Dialga9187 if he watches porn and has sexual thoughts that still doesn’t mean he should be in a sexual relationship with a grown adult so I don’t understand your point tbh
"He doesn't like me even though I'm young but because of it" is what made me realize what situation I was really in when I was in my teens and maybe it can open up a new perspective for those thinking they were able to pull someone older.
When I was 18 and a senior in HS, I started dating a 25 year old. I had been told I’m “mature for my age” my whole life, so I didn’t think much of it when he said the same thing. What ultimately led to our breakup? His wife messaged me on Facebook saying she knew about us, and that he’d cheated on her before, and all these other things. I had no idea he was married. Now I’m 25 and I can’t imagine even being close friends with an 18 year old.
I totally get that. I'm 26 and I'm attending university with a bunch of 19 year olds in my classes. Sure we can talk and be friendly towards each other. But a romantic relationship? They're so immature and as an adult it's so easy to see that once you talk to them. I can't imagine dating one.
I've been friends with teenagers as an adult, but I'd never think of dating them. They're like little siblings.
Because ur a women?
it's so dangerous to tell young girls that they're mature for their age, all it does is make them think they're able to make adult decisions when they're still kids. i had a friend who was mature for her age and EVERYONE kept telling her that, so when she entered a relationship with a 25 year old man (we we're 14) i didn't even bat an eye. we knew it was "wrong" and therefore kept it a secret, but we thought she was so mature it just made sense. that situation became very tragic, and later she realised she was a lesbian anyway. a child really can't consent no matter what they say. she's now happily together with her girlfriend of 6 years, but this whole situation got taken to court and was a dark cloud over their whole family for years. it makes me feel horrible that i couldn't understand what was happening right in front of my eyes, because i was also just a child.
@@vicki5322 nope ur a kid , there not
isnt that ur faul for dating him?
I’m a 63 year old white conservative male, and I totally agree with you. It’s just gross. I think I’m a fairly attractive man in pretty good shape but I’ve even tried to imagine a young women with me and have to be honest from their point of view it would make me nauseous if I were them. I see older dudes with young women and it’s not envy that bothers me, it just makes me think of the man as kinda pathetic. And these old guys going abroad for very young women is just predatory.
Something I recently found out that really underscores why Jesse and Billie's relationship feels so icky to me is that Jesse was a senior in high school and Devon Carlson was a freshman when they met. So like....his relationship with Billie just follows that pattern of dating much younger women. If he and Devon met at a later time when a 4-year age gap doesn't really matter or maybe they were only like a year apart in high school, then I'd consider this relationship with Billie is just an isolated incident. BUT IT'S NOT. And that's weird to me.
Well him having a song called daddy issues is all one should need to know about him and yet...
@@artisticbeautybyhanako6801 the song is about a serious thing. i understand hes a red flag but leave that song out of this.
The problem with this argument is that even with legal adulthood hits (being 18) there are still people who want to argue that it’s inappropriate. For example, an 18 year old dating a 22 year old would be made out as weird by some even though both could be in college working and are of legal age.
@@carriegoodman2779 because it is inappropriate?? theres so many stories of young women/men who were groomed by someone of age 21/22 while they were 18. just bc its legal doesnt mean its ethical. you can literally find people in this comment section telling their stories about this exact thing.
@@aloeleaf so I must’ve been trying to groom my then 18 year old boyfriend when I met him at 21? That’s barely an age difference. We are also both legal and in college. We met at a college football game and I’ve never vibed more with another guy. I have a similar outlook on life and more shared life experiences to him than my first boyfriend who was the same age as me. What makes this story even funnier is that we were both 19 at the time when we dated. I feel like that along with maturity will make a huge difference more than age (assuming you’re both legal). To me, if someone thinks that’s inappropriate, then it’s infantilization. In MOST instances, this age difference wouldn’t automatically equal grooming. I’m not trying to invalidate the stories of this having actually having happened to other people. To me, it’s grooming if I knew him when he was still a minor and had INTENTIONS of taking advantage of him then waited until he was 18 to do anything. We both agree that had he been any younger, we would’ve waited. Also, intentions are an important thing to mention here. Not every person who is slightly older wants to take advantage of the younger person. To me, once you or the person is of legal age (unless you knew them when you were both minors and waited until one was older) the age isn’t what makes it unethical, it’s the intentions you have with that person.
Im 25 and i recently broke off a relationship with a man 22 years older than me. Wasnt easy since he was a very familiar face to me and it was comforting (we first dated seven years ago). Last year i got the impression that he wanted to commit and have kids but im still in uni so i came to an epic realization that this whole thing was a bad idea. It all felt so rushed when i still need a few years to figure things out. Im still thinking about getting braces, getting a drivers license, graduating and possibly moving to a different state and finding a job and this guy just wants more kids.
he is a RED FLAG glad you didnt get caught up
7 years ago... So you were 18 and he was 40 when you started dating ??? Wow you just saved your life by breaking up with him, that's borderline Law and order case
@@mississipi1103 yeah it was really dumb. I actually asked him why he wanted to date me at 18. As expected his reason was superficial but it was fine because tbh i was too😐 i dont think i was a ‘victim’ or anything. It’s more about the difference in maturity and responsibilities.
@@wisnoe do not be harsh on yourself, that's normal that sometimes that 18 years old just jump into "relationships" just because of money and finding somebody pretty 😅 that's because you're still naïve because you were a child one months before turning 18, this dude knew it... Well i Hope that you will find a loving partner that will love you for the right reasons !
@@mississipi1103 thank you and i hope the same for you. I agree with the naive part. We can even see in this comment section that people only realize how weird this is by getting older and realizing how young teenagers really are and how they can’t even be friends with them let alone date!
Oh man, even as I teenager I knew that dating older guys was :/ but the experience of getting to the age of some of the guys my friends were dating in high school... It's so surreal. Because like you, I look at someone that age and see a child. And to think a guy that is the age I am now could look at a girl that young and want to date her... it's deeply, viscerally disgusting.
I am so glad you made this video. Back in the day, we didn't have these conversations. I am a mom of grown children. I work in the mental health field. Large age gap relationships tend to have a bad prognosis. The potential for trouble increases with the age gap itself. The larger the age gap, the greater the rates of dissatisfaction and failure - and possibly, abuse. In the case of an older man seeking out much younger women, from the begining you should question his motives. Why would a "mature" man with much greater life experience and in a totally different life stage feel the need to get himself a younger woman? It's not because he can't find quality attractive women in his age group. There are a few reasons why he wants young women. Number 1, he imself is immature and can't get along with women in his own age group. This can not be overlooked nor under-estimated. There are all sorts of dysfunction that came with this type of man. Number 2, he has something to prove to himself and others: I still got it, look what I can do. But why is that important? Ego. And if his ego is that important, guess what? He always will come first, and it's all about him, and even if he is chivalrous with a lady, it's still all about him, and the idea that he can conquer a young chick and win her affection makes him appear pretty special to others, and in an elite category in the mating pool (Leo DiCaprio and such). He can't care less who you are as a person, he is not out to find women who are good human beings, and even though you are a good human being, your youth is the criteria which he adheres to, because it makes him look good to his peers. So this makes young women more like props and objects to play with and display. Of course if you are okay with that, then it's all good. 3. A control issue. It's very possible that this man needs to feel in control at all times, and he knows a woman his own age will not make things easy for him, she will require equality and reciprocity from the get go, and no shenanigans. As a young woman you can say "me too, I require the same". True. But it can never be the same. It will never be equal. He knows that a woman his age can't be manipulated, cohersed, or dominated, because she is herself at the same level. Besides being in an equal or superior place to him financially and career wise, she has enough life experience of her own, and knows his games and agenda, and knows how life works, and how men work, and how relationships work. This can be really disconcerting for a man who is insecure, dominating, and obsessed with power and influence over women. These guys can be charming, sneaky, and smooth as silk. They know how to seduce, and they excell at that game - they have years of experience. They know how to make young women feel special and powerful, inicially. But it can be deceitful like a snake in the grass, so be careful. There are other reasons, but these are three to consider. If a man is old enough to be your dad, think about why he'd want to be with you. Studies show that age gaps greater than 5 years and older have a higher rate of conflict, with a dramatic increase in dissatisfaction as the age gap widens. There are always exceptions, obviously, like everything else in life. But they are just the exceptions. Much love.
This comment should be on the top!
You just described my ex. Smooth and silky, hook up boy, player who poses as a Christian. He is 35 and his new girlfriend is 22. She thinks he is the best thing that has ever happened to her.
What is this coping nonsense? Younger women are hotter. That's why he is seeking them. Grow up.
@@bluegoose777 typical incel
@@fatimahanwaar306 LMFAO that's all you can do, isn't it? Call people incel for stating basic reality. Men look for youth and fertility in a partner, we are wired for it. Isn't calling people an "incel" at odds with your progressive philosophy anyway? Doesn't sound very kind or empathetic now does it...
I lost a friend, not to an age gap relationship, but because she jumped into a marriage after barely knowing him for a month. And all of a sudden she started shutting off friends and quitting her job. It's heartbreaking. I know she's an adult, she can get out. But it's hard seeing how their relationship ruins their life. I'm sorry you had to lose a friend to a relationship as well.
i'm a 17 year old trans guy, and i absolutely enjoy your content. When I had just turned 16 I was dating this 19 year old guy and even that has scarred me so i'm swearing off dating until i'm in my early 20's or something. I can't even imagine if someone older was with me. Your videos are always comforting, give me insight, make me feel heard, and make my day. So i thank you Nicole
I could’ve listened to you talk about this for hours
the way I gasped when you told your anecdote of when you were dating a 21 year old as a 17 year old bc I practically did the SAME THING.
I was freshly 16 dating this 20 year old (we first met when I was 15 and he was 19, he was the cousin of a close family friend) and at the time, it was a big issue. Both of our families were in shambles because apparently he had done this before, even the family FRIENDS were warning me that they just didn’t want to see me get hurt. But we ended up dating for a couple months and you were exactly right. I was mature, but I was made to feel even more special now that he was giving me all this attention. It truly didn’t feel that weird, but he kept on reiterating that a 4 year age gap when we’re older isn’t nearly that bad. But as I am now a couple months away from 20, I realize how strange it would be for me to start dating a 16 year old. I was a prime teenager. A CHILD. It was never me, it was ALWAYS ON HIM.
Also, I heard this summer that he (now 23) made a big fuss bringing his new girlfriend to a family dinner who was turning 18 THAT NEXT WEEK. SHE WAS 17. Sucks knowing that he also wants to be a YOUTH PASTOR AS HIS PROFESSION.
Jesus Christ, the fact that he has history is so creepy. I'll admit I'm 17 with a guy who's 22, but I've not been happier. I've been groomed before though at 12 by a 20-21 year old guy.. fucking hell. That shit ruins people for real. I'm sorry you ended up with that guy :(
I was literally JUST wondering when we’d see another video essay from you while sitting at my desk at work wishing for mental stimulation tonight
Btw sorry if my name triggers you I’m not a man!!
As someone who looks pretty young and has experienced grooming when I was younger, it literally frustrates me because I always get called looking like a little girl 😭😭 and I’m like plssss stop I’m a women
how old are you?
@@gloriajj 23!
@mayonnaiseman_t’s okaaay! it’s something that I don’t talk abt a lot but I’m trying to heal from and realise how it had affected me etc and yesss I love his videos was nice to see him support my lil channel! 🫶 (used the wrong emoji before aaaa)
@green mayo man 🇺🇦 It's really not when that person is talking about their age and how they look young for that age. If we were talking about zebras then you'd have a point.
Same.I hate being infantilized as an adult but I sure would not want to be sexualized when I was a minor.
Never been in an age gap relationship, but one time i was at an event with my family, and when my mom left for a moment a stranger asked if I was my dad's wife. I was 16 at the time, he was almost 60. I know it was an honest mistake but I will never ever ever get over that. It still disturbs me. I absolutely hate how I can't spend time with my old man dad in public the way i can with my mom without worrying that people see us as a couple because age gaps are so normalized and romanticized.
Lmao this reminds me of the photo of a *child* Kaia Gerber meeting an *adult* Vanessa Hudgens on a promotional carpet for High School Musical
💀💀💀
Just want to note that Vanessa is 4 years older than Austin. I'm not sure if people who see that video are assuming they are the same age.
Austin himself was also what 13 when that photo was taken do it's not like he was an adult Vanessa is older than him and met him when she was an adult and he was still a kid, yes it's a perspective photo. But just thinking about it he wasn't that old himself yk.
I think the different life stages thing is very real. My parents were 9 years apart, with my mom in her early 30s when she met my dad, but my dad was in the military at the time and that is definitely something that ages you. They actually had a lot in common, they met while dancing, and their relationship is super respectful and stable. I think intention is everything, my mom didn’t go out looking for a younger dude, in fact they were friends first before just kind of realizing they were spending almost every day together. All in all, I think the best measure for how a relationship of any kind is going to work out is motive, and I don’t see how a gap of 20 years or more would ever have a different motive.
Songs like “29” and “would’ve could’ve should’ve”-aka songs calling out shitty men as the artist reflects on their grooming experience-are my favorite songs
REAL
I am SO with you. I dated men much older than me when I was younger- and now, I am so upset and disturbed by it all. I can’t believe I thought it was OK- ever! Omg!
I think this was one of your best videos dude. I found myself doing a lot of eyebrow raising and then vigorous nodding
thank you!! i legit was thinking of scrapping this video
@@NicoleRafiee Turns out you've got some good thoughts in that noggin of yours! Who'da thunk.
Sarcasm from a stranger online is a dangerous game but I think you get it. Maybeee revisit any previous video ideas you ditched that are kind of within this same serious vein? This one really was so great. I'm definitely open to more eyebrow raises and head nods (or shakes!)
But there's definitely a double standard. I mean shawn mendes is dating a 50 year old and he's only 24. only 4 years older than Billie. But he hasn't received blacklash. Because when a man gets into a relationship with someone way older, they " know what they are doing", but when a women gets into a relationship with someone older, she's clueless and must've have been prayed on.
it's actually that latter for everybody, no matter the gender. you're so young in your twenties and lack the development and life experience to get with someone so much older. the reason why people don't seem to care too much when it's guys is because society doesn't' seem to give a shit when a younger man is being groomed or is in a relationship with a much older woman. when i heard shawn was dating a 50 year old, i felt disgusted. like, he's only 24 and she is 50, leave him alone. it's unfortunate that both are not treated the same when they're basically the same thing.
Facts💀 I mean dumb people are everywhere 💩🤢🤮🤡
I don’t think there is a double standard. Women get a lot of shit for dating younger. They are deemed desperate old hags who are trying to claw to some last shreds of youth by sucking it out of fit young men. Curiously the same is not usually said about men. Instead people are almost proud for them, like: look at this stud, pulling a 20 year old
Yeah I thought that was creepy too. Not to mention Shawn Mendes knew this woman before they officially started dating. She was his chiropractor.
I actually recently read something that it is a myth men naturally prefer younger women - they found that in societies that were more egalitarian, men tended to date to their age (and women as well). In societies that are more patriarchal, they tend to date younger. I believe it is a lot because they think they are easier to control and have power over, and that the younger ones are more likely to compliment and stroke their ego.
Where did you read it?
the more you look into it the more interesting the gender and social dynamics of hunter-gatherer societies are. from the research I've read, human forager groups both then and today were/are abnormally egalitarian even for other primates. from what we know chimps have more social hierarchies than foragers. i read something that said 80% of tribes that were studied had female hunters.
i also have heard of an Australian tribe where both young men and women would marry older women and men and then remarry a younger person when their original partner died, and so on.
a lot of the things that the so-called 'alpha males' claim to be true about our biology are fully untrue, such as the idea that there are even alpha or beta males... or men being supposed to have >1 partner.
females in species where you mate for life biologically want to do just that, mate for life... find the best possible father. so it makes sense why many girls I know will like guys they don't consider that physically attractive because they have good personalities. this includes putting in large amounts of time and resources into her and her children's well-being. if a man is unwilling to do this or has to split resources, they will be rejected, thus those selfish men will die out and the selfless ones will reproduce monogamously, incentivizing it in future generations.
it also makes sense why women would want to choose someone around their age, as they want someone who isn't going to die before their children are ready to support themselves or need care themselves. plus people only lived to like 30 or 40 anyways.
sorry for the rant, I just really like anthropology lol.
@@katies9114 except all of that is cherry picked nonsense.
Last year, I watched „The Office“ for the 1st time and was sooo confused, that Michael dated women in his age, bc I’m so used to see age gap relationships everywhere. Literally I can’t put into words how surprised I was. I really expected him to date some mid-twenties
Though he did considered younger women. Remember the night out episode when he was trying to strike up a conversation with two girls much younger than him, or when he asked Kelly if she had any single friends not realizing that he meant for her to hook him up with. When she mentioned that her friend was 23 he actually had to ask if she was too young for him. 😅😅
Also, a reason why these age gaps might be so prevalent in Hollywood, not just because of the constant media attention, preference for younger actresses, and older men thinking they're hot shit, is because the younger partner might have already been treated like an adult for years, potentially even before they came of age. Contract negotiating, auditions and demo reels, award shows and movie premiers, young people are surrounded by older adults in these industries and they act quite mature because they're also working and most likely have been since they were a kid. And they really start to blend in and you forget their age until a new couple makes the news and you're suddenly reminded of how far apart in age they actually are. For them, it makes complete sense because they probably haven't seen themselves as truly a 'child' in all aspects of the word in years.
I can totally see that. Though most likely were groomed
They share same social circles. It isn't wrong.
totally agree with this. i think it's really sad that kids in hollywood are basically forced to "grow up" fast and lose their childhood, and then they'll be praised by adults for being "so mature" and put together when they're only 17 or 18. i can totally see how they would then come to see themselves as "different" and not like normal teenagers/early 20s and not see the weirdness in a 30+ year old being interested in them (not at all blaming the younger person here, just my thoughts on how their experiences might affect their perception of their relationships)
@@natalieromanoff educate yourself
@@fatimahanwaar306 They probably do share the same social circles ngl. Especially if they are 30
The last part is v true. I had a family friend (16 years older) who I used to idolize, and once I hit 16, he took the very thing I was keeping safe (my “first kiss”). Completely ruined trust issues. No, you’re not special as a teen, you’re a literal CHILD, and no grown ass man should be having any relationship with you. Ever.
I think that after a certain age, age gaps shouldn't matter that much. Like, a woman in her 30s dating an older man doesn't bug me as much as someone who's prefrontal cortex isn't done cooking yet dating someone a lot older. Like if a 48 year old woman is dating a man 10 years older, I don't care. You've got enough life experience to make an actual informed decision. But the Billie Eilish thing makes me so nervous.
So we shouldn't let 20 year olds vote, drink, go out on thier own either yessss slay 😍
yeah its really more about the life stages. When you are young your life is moving so fast and changing and that's when age gaps are really concerning. Like once you are past 35 its easier to be in the same 'life stage' as a 40-50 year old. Obviously someone 35 shouldn't date like a 70 year old but I'd say it's really just up to the certain situation and again 'life stage'
Prefrontal cortex comment has zero basis in reality. Go educate yourself.
I am so glad Lost in Translation was included as an example. The first and only time I watched this movie I was like oh he prolly views Scarlet’s character as a stand in to bestow some aging wisdom bs upon her, and she being lonely and bored out of her mind prolly is thankful for the company. I thought it was gonna be this wholesome platonic almost father daughter relationship seeing as how it’s suggested he’s kinda a bad father, and actually thought it was nice seeing such a friendship in a movie. Towards the ending it became clear that was not the case and their whole relationship was so icky seeing how he actually viewed her as a romantic interest and the kiss at the end was actually painful to watch.
that's why it's an "age-gap acceptance" propaganda film about men having a midlife crisis and seeking a relationship with younger women as a way to deal with it
I feel like whenever you talk about age gap relationships someone always says “they’re both adults” and it’s like no ones talking about age gaps where both people are fully grown adults. 20yr olds are hardly adults... there’s not many reasons for why a grown adult would be romantically talking to you..
So so so important. Thank you for having the courage to talk about this topic. This exploitative behavior is absolutely brushed under the rug by society because it benefits people in power.
When I was in my early 20s, I was in a power-imbalanced relationship. He was only 4 years older than me, but in a different life stage. I was blinded to his abuse because I idealized him as successful, educated, and experienced. I can’t even imagine how much more traumatizing that relationship would have been if he’d been much older and had even more “authority.” I’m so grateful I woke up and realized that my age, education level, and economic status don’t make me less valuable as a human being. No legality is an excuse for manipulation and exploitation.
Most of the time the only people I see defending age gap relationships are ones that are in those relationships and still very new to it. I’ll see girls say “I’m 19 with a 30 year old and we are going great” but I’m yet to see someone (who’s not like 80 years old) be in one of these relationships for a long time and still talk positively of it.
Hi, my mom has been in a relationship with my father for 21+ year, aprox. They have an 8 year gap difference...
I love my parents and they're not doing bad... but anytime I bring the subject and speak about how weird it is and my opinion about it (basically this video) she just keeps on contradicting me and defending not only her case but almost everyone else's. She just can't get it. She was 27 I think when she met my father, with a child and depressed after a failed marriage (which also had a not so big age gap but they were teens, so it was) so we can say she was already experienced. But my father had 2 grown children from also a failed marriage, and he knew my mother since SHE WAS A KID.
So, answering your questions, yeah, a person with many years in a big year gap relationship can also defend it and support it completely. I feel like my mother just want to convinced herself, she was already traumed since she was a kid, so...
Apart from that, I know that this type of conversation is just talked with my mother, my father would probably turn really violent as always, so I'm really started to get disturbed by all this topic...
When you're older, the age difference causes problems mainly surrounding health and impending death. You're both mature, there's not really exploitation. My Dad is 30 years older than his current wife, they've been together for more than 15 years now. My boyfriend is 25 years older than me, we've known each other for 7 years. But then again I am much much older than the average public of this channel.
@@brokenglassshimmerlikestar3407 your dad is sick and you too
It very much depends how old you are when the relationship begins. 35 and 45 is a very different proposition to 25 and 35.
What’s the most heartbreaking is growing up loving a guy in the same year as you from your teens into adulthood, and then it slowing dawning on you that you have to worry about aging when they leave you for someone younger. None of us deserve to feel valueless for something we can’t control.
i think another point thats important about age gap relationship is the act of 'seeking out' if someone is actively, purposely, seeking out someone younger than them, then it is definitely more likely to have bad intentions. If an older person that has a history of dating younger people, that is a pattern, and one that shows they're actively seeking out younger people.
I was so shook when I found out that Liz Gillies from Victorious started dating and eventually married a man 21 years her senior when she was 18. They met on the set of Victorious when she was 16 and I just can't get it out of my head.
They only want you when you're 17,
When you're 21, you're no fun
I've seen that comment before, but that is only true for men who are also pedophiles,not predatory only...😂
not enough people talk about how predatory working in the restaurant industry is- every waitress/hostess, and even gay hosts and waiters that started working in the industry as a minor have a story about someone in the back trying to/successfully grooming and harassing them. I remember on my 3rd day of work the 22 year old line cook had a waitress ask me sexuality and then he offered to take me out- I said im 16 and he said”oh thats a bit of a problem” but i guess it really wasnt.
😬
I also love what you said about life stages. My friend is 28 with a soon to be 7 year old daughter, divorced. Her fiancé is in his early 40s (I don’t remember is exact age atm) and has a soon to be 11 year old daughter, divorced. They have so so much in common and worked on making a healthy relationship, it’s been amazing to see. My best friend is also engaged to a man 8 years older than her that we’ve known since we were in high school due to her involvement with parkour (which is hella predatory and sexist when men and women are together unfortunately). He’s a wonderful guy. They got together when she was 23 and he was 31, they’re perfect for each other. It’s been crazy to watch these two women I’m so close with go through something I’m usually very firmly icked out about and not get the ick.
Well they're old enough to date with such an age gap, so it makes sense. The 23 year old one gives me a bit of an ick but it's not crazy tbh
Somebody's jealous 😏
The older you get the less bad the gap is. 40 and 30 is okay bc both are mature adults, 20 and 30 is the danger zone and i can‘t even take the last step of that example bc at 22 years old i feel weird around 19 year olds haha
I just want to thank you and all the other youtubers who make these real life discussions about these sort of things, more and more people should be aware of what's really happening behind closed doors!!
When I was watching this, it made me think of how much people (including me) used to love Aria and Ezra from PLL. Us not seeing how inappropriate it was. They weren’t my fave but I accepted it and thought it was cool. The worst part was that anyone in the show that was against the relationship (as they should) would be written as a villain in the show. 👀👀 Thank you for spreading light on this.
what's even worse is that one of the actresses from the show (Lucy Hale) blindly defended her relationship with a man who's twice her age and said that older men somehow treat her "better" than men her own age (a clear sign of seeking male validation and having "daddy issues")
@@fatimahanwaar306 I didn’t even know that, even the actor that play Ezra (Ian Harden) called his own character a pedo in his book but Lucy defending it is concerning.
@@torileslie530 true! but people pretended like her relationship was healthy and that it was somehow "none of our business" to scrutinize it
@@fatimahanwaar306 right but remembering that this was a fake relationship for a show, I didn’t really care it’s just the influence it had on many teen girls and maybe still does is the problem for me. I just didn’t like how it was handled in the show compared to the books where the teacher actually got arrested which should have happened in the show. It would have taught young girls that this is not ok. Or if he ended up being the villain. They could have made it a valuable lesson but instead had her marry him in the end… like girl
@@torileslie530 there's a lot of female celebrities who got defensive about their relationships with older men by saying that their older boyfriends and husbands are being "bullied" by the people who were calling them out for dating them and the media praises them for doing so viewing it as "female empowerment" when dating/marrying an older man is a sign of objectification some of them even had children with these men they also give "advice" on being in large age gap relationships by acting like they can be "safe" and "healthy" when they aren't "healthy and happy" age gap relationships are a myth
the phoebe x billie motion sickness collab was insane
fr i was literally convulsing