Why do you keep attracting narcissists?
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2020
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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Me: "What is it about me that attracts these toxic people??"
My therapist: "Nothing, because you don't ATTRACT them. They try it with everyone and you're the one who feels guilty enough to put UP with them."
Wow! Light bulb moment for me Thank you for that. ♥️
phemyda94, I like that! Guilt is one of their major ploys! Nice people often fall for it.
@@notagain779 Which is so ironic because they never feel guilty themselves. At best, they feel ashamed when caught redhanded.
Boom 💥 that’s me
phemyda94 why do we always feel guilty?
Biggest reason we get caught up with these people - because we give everybody the benefit of the doubt that’s why 😏
Pepps33 you’re 💯 on point 👍🏼!
I feel like I’m a narcissist magnet 🧲 because I feel that I’m always trying to rescue men .
Exactly!! So well said! 👏🏻👏🏻💖
Yep!
Absolutely!!! And make excuses
Everytime I think I have healed, I attract another one. So now I just stay single.
We’re out here but we’re just as cautious of you as you are of us 🤷♂️
Yep! Once I make my exit, I will not date. Too tired of this BS. I'd rather be alone and at peace. I do not want to risk investing/wasting any time with another narc.
@@exile3119 I absolutely get you, I felt in the past years actually, only since around 1-2 months I am starting to change in this regard. But know that it is not worth to give up on people because of some that are bad apples. Work on yourself and learn to identify them, and then to protect from them..like what actualy behaviours to look for and what actual behaviours to apply when that happens. it might seem hard at first, but if you find great information and you put yourself out there with those principles in mind, you will see that you will train your intuition, and it will get better. you will develop a new skill, and a very useful one in life, and trust me if you get the right information on the topic, it will not even take that much, a couple of months + practice, in my opinion. you need people as much as everyone else, and you need people that can love you and not abuse you. and cutting yourself from that is detrimental for your own sake. what I see working for me, is educating myself on the matter, as I said before. hope you will be well, take care.
Girl same 😩
Same
People with a bright light soul attract people lost in the darkness of theirs.
Light attracts darkness.
And vice versa.
This is true.
@@helenhighwater5313 Darkness masquerading as light is what works as vice versa.
HelenHighwater once you recognize your light you become repulsed by darkness and no longer attracted to it
Yep💯💚
Because we have something that they will never have: empathy and a golden heart!
Have a lovely weekend people! ❤️
so true thanks have a great day.
Get me in trouble, sadly
@@larryjbro you are lovable, never forget that ❤️
Well said Alexandra! Briefly and clearly. Have a lovely weekend too! Deborah from The Netherlands
@@deborahbloem1325 Thank you so much, Deborah ❤️ I am half Portuguese, half-Dutch. So good to receive a greeting from my other half country :) Have a lovely weekend :)
I see any signs of narcissism i am out of there quick as a flash.
Me too now that I've been through decades of abuse.
I am at the point where I am trying to perfect how I deal with narcissists. I can spot them and know to stay away from them. But sometimes you work with them or they are just in the community, friends of friends, etc.
I wish there was a forum where people talk about different scenarios and specifically how they deal with them.
I had on VERY informal dinner date ...we were both on our way to work....then the lockdown happened. After that, just phone calls and not even unusually often. We were talking about the economy and all the uncertainties ...wasn’t whining, just the general situation....and the man offered to help finance me!!! WTH??!! Giant red flag!! Exit, stage left!
Who the hell offers to support someone with whom he has spent only 45 minutes?
@@MsKK909 I had a similar thing happen. Actually it was the same thing. I didn't ask either I was just talking about the above. He offered me money too. I knew it right there. There were other signs too. He really didn't even have the money from what I gather because the next day he was asking for donations to get insurance on his van to help the needy. I knew and let him discard me to avoid problems.
@K H I wish I could do that.
My childhood conditioning and grooming by my parents made me the perfect Narc magnet. Scarily, even the friends I attracted were mostly Narcs. Having made excuses for wrong behaviour all my life, I just went on accepting more. I was a willing doormat. I’m learning to turn that around into strength now. Being more cautious about how much of myself I give, and to whom, with healthy boundaries. Looking forward to being more empowered through your videos, Dr Ramani!
Keep the good work dear!! Be strong for urself😍
Nelumbo Nucifera, My childhood conditioning, also. Our parents wanted us to be nice children - a joy to be around. Sounds reasonable, right? My mother said to me, "Make sure everyone knows you like them!" Being popular meant a lot to her, and she had a lot of friends, but some did also take advantage of her kindness. She forgot to add to be sure not to throw your pearls before swine, since not everyone you meet in life will be worthy of your time and attention. Looks to me like you're on the right path!💪🙂 Thank god for Dr. Ramani!
Yes we are people pleasers and ...."Boom" there it is.
Same here, Nelumbo. I was shocked to find I was surrounded by them. I nearly had to reinvent my whole life. Lots of grief and sadness but I have a much more peaceful life now.
I understand your words completely. I also have a few 'friends' that treat me really badly and it's taken me years to identify what's wrong. And I've allowed these people to nearly destroy me.
They're everywhere too! Recognize and discard quickly.
Agree! once you know about them you see them everywhere
Yep! They are EVERYWHERE!
@@pam164 glad the word is getting out....empaths are rising up!💐
This is it!
Everyyywherrrre is right haha
Empaths, conscientious, principled, need to remember that the cold blooded Narcissist wouldn't hesitate to drop you in a heartbeat if they were no longer obtaining benefit from you. You view them as someone to love, protect, sacrifice for. Narcissists view you as a financial transaction and when thing's go wrong, an annoying inconvenience.
You are so right! Even after 14 years...out of the blue. Things ok in the morning, suddenly disgarded in the evening. It's devastating.
Politicians
That hit me hard! thank you for sharing such inspiring truth
Stephanya Lisova That's exactly right and people have wasted many years with highly narcissistic, or worse, "partners," only to find out that they were having affairs, or left to be with a younger source of fuel, as HG Tudor calls it. He also calls his targets appliances, which is a clear, albeit confronting, way to state that fellow humans are objects he uses when necessary. 😥
True !!!
I realized that being forgiving is a good thing, but it doesn’t mean I have to put up with the abuse from anyone.
Amen!!!!! Forgiveness doesn't mean reconnecting.
Jesus said "forgive" not "take crap from them all the time"
@@kynathomas4809 And you do not have to forgive if you are not ready. I have heard people saying that you just MUST forgive so you can heal. Maybe, but leave that decision to me, if you please!
I would say the forgiveness might be for ourselves
I can forgive a frightened dog for trying to bite me. That doesn’t mean I’ll put my hand near its mouth.
I'm kind of glad I went through this experience. It makes me feel like God has something bigger and better for me down the road
I feel the same way! I'm in a terrible situation but I'm feeling so positive that great things are going to happen. Good luck 🤞
In my case, everybody is thinking on the narcisist, I just exist as a piece to make him happy. Nobody thinks that I deserve someone who makes ME happy. I am object to be used.
In my case everybody is thinking on the narcisist. I just exist as a piece to make him happy. Nobody thinks that I deserve someone who makes ME happy. I am an object to be used.
Okay, so he has put you in a living hell situation but you're glad because you think he has something better for you down the road? Sound familiar?
Amen!
Thank you Dr Ramani: -- "Don't hand over your best traits to the narcissistic lowest bidder; save them for the people who deserve to see the best parts of yourself."
And at this point, patience is a virtue. Because it may take some time. It’s good but anguishing at times.
People pleaser, rescuer, mistaking control for confidence are 3 of mine both in seeking partners or staying with employers. Thank you for helping me understand the patterns I have!
Great comment. Eye opening.
One thing I noticed after leaving a narc relationship, is when I looked back, I realized how fast the situation went. Like they just do sooo much sooo fast you don’t even have time to think about things before agreeing, etc. I am learning that pumping the breaks can get them off of you. Knowing your boundaries: don’t pick up the phone every time they call, tell them you can’t meet today you need to schedule it around your time, tell them “let me think about it and get back to you” , ask question for clarity. I feel like they’re impatient af and this will turn them off if you’re not a “yes man/woman.” They’ll have you feeling super happy at first, then stressed, then insecure and all this bs in a matter of DAYS … WEEKS. Don’t let it go on for months or years, R U N.
This happened to me this weekend. Met a girl and went in quick with her manipulation. She had nothing good to say about me , only things she said was to put me down. I saw a lot of myself in her so I had empathy, but god damn did I get overtaken quick.
I had a similar experience… it was 0-100, I was so caught up I felt like I was on drugs and was allowing behavior I wouldn’t necessarily allow in other relationships. He 100% fed on guilt and nurturing side… sick part is, I actually watched him try to get sympathy from other people in front of me and I never thought that that’s why he “chose” me because other people weren’t giving him the attention for the sympathy like I did. JESUS
Speed here is the key to the the tea 👍
Finally got rid of my narc ex bestie😌 After a whole year, now that I look back, I feel what made me sooo tolerant that I didn't block her sooner😂
"What is a narcissist magnet?"
*looks it up in dictionary*
Oh, there it is. Me. There's a picture of me right there.
Linzer; you can change that!
You must have boundaries!
You must respect yourself and not allow people to disrespect you.
Recognize their tactics such as blame-shifting and gaslighting.
Have a two strike rule.
If someone hurts you twice, dump them like a load of bad asphalt!
Drop them and move on.
Narcs look for people-pleasers.
They need someone with low self-esteem to take advantage of and use for negative supply by playing games.
Make people earn your trust.
Open up slowly.
If you start seeing red flags... it's time to cut they off!
Master the Greyrock so they get starved of any supply.
People who care don't try to trick you in any way.
Learn to trust your gut.
Watch out for a stony face and cold, flat, dead-looking eyes.
Be very selective about who you let in your life.
Snap
@@vernetta111 Thanks!😁
@@pegasus5148 Damn straight!! The time for change is NOW!! Thank you for the thoughtful support!!
@@Lindsay-Makes-Videos You bet!
I was raised by two coverts and it was awful.
Narcissist know what they are and they know who you are!
They know you are an empath.
They will use you to get what is known as negative narcissistic supply.
This means that they are going to target you for abuse.
Narcs know that emotional abuse is hidden.
They use gaslighting to keep you confused.
That is why you never want to confront them because you will only be giving them supply because you are reacting to something they've done.
They gradually and insidiously work destroying your self-esteem so that they can keep you in an abuse cycle that they want to see perpetuate.
That is why you get the feeling that this person is hot and cold.
It is the sweet mean cycle of abuse.
Once you're fully awake you'll never be able to go back to sleep and that is the good part.
Work on mastering the gray rock because this will starve them out.
They need you to emotionally react in order to get fed.
So, if you become stoic and silent, then they cannot get any satisfaction.
Remember they're attracted to people-pleasers.
You can be kind and courteous without over giving of yourself.
People who care will respect your boundaries.
Narcs hate them because it cuts off their opportunity to use you for supply.
Always take note of your surroundings when you let a new person into your life. Meeting the wrong person at a time when you're lonely and suffering, can easily fool you into thinking you've found the 'one'.
I got caught up with mine because I came from an abusive home. I was beaten by my father and was unable to move out, so i looked at my guy as a way out of my situation. Had i met him when I was in a more stable environment, I would have *NEVER* given him the time of day.
Stay alert, friends!!
I needed to hear this, thankyou
I'm guilty of looking for my knight and shining armor too. You really have to dig deep and find a way out of the situation.
Noted
Omg, that my story too, I hate my dad, he put me in a situation where in alot of people bullied me and narciistic people abused me and my ex molested me multiples times, cause I kept going to him cause I wanted an escape
I did this too
You attract a whole lot of people, including narcs. You will continue to attract narcs not because there is a problem with you, but because they are the predators attracted to you. And since there are so many in our society, you will continue to meet some.
All you can do is learn to spot them and walk out as soon as you identify them.
I'd say they're more akin to parasites than predators
A perfect response
Just attracted one at work. As soon as I said no to his offer to drive me at my house telling him I don't know him to accept the kind gesture he changed how is he treating me at work. I guess I am now in devaluation phase🤔
No many, but easy to spot, 🤢🤮
After dealing with my probably a narc ex for 21 years and my mother (aka the queen of head games), I don’t want to be with anyone. The idea of being alone, just me and my little farm, is very appealing. I have 4 very close friends and 2 great kids. That’s enough.
Me too!! Unfortunately I lost all my pets with my home and divorce. So happy that you have your farm. Too funny, I have exactly four super close friends and my two kids. Enjoy your PEACE!!!
Sylvia Oesterwinter I’m selling my place to move back home to where my friends are. On top of the narcissistic traits, my ex is unmedicated ADHD who won’t take meds because he doesn’t think it’s a problem. Our counselor told him very much was, but you know, ex is always right. 🤦🏻♀️ He also comes from a family of hoarders. I got the house in the divorce, so I’m trying to clean all the junk out, finish all the half done projects, sell it, and move 600 miles away with horses, dogs, cats, kids, and chickens. I keep telling myself this time next year it will just be a memory. I can do it.
Jo C4255 all the very best 😻
you are lucky
Your life sounds very good, I might do something just like that after 30 years of being with a narcissist. I don’t mind being by myself.
I have a bubbly personality, am positive, always try to understand the other. I was also raised with the typical characteristics of how a woman should behave: pleasing, nice, sweet, caring. So when I came across a narcissist and I told him no, I suffered immensely thinking I hurt him, doubting my decision, and I felt sad. Due to the way I have been raised to be a kind, sweet and pleasing girl, but I also realised that I need to trust my intuition and that it is okay to say no to people who hurt you. There is no reason to stay in a relationship with them. Hurt people hurt people.
That is a very good explanation. I am also happy and positive and try to give good and honest advice but these narcissists don't want that, they want someone they can control. This is how we attract them. I now keep to myself & sometimes I am even rude when people step over me....but maybe I should've always been like this & protected myself. I realize all my mistakes in the past.
I read "women who run with the wolves" and I really did away with being the nice and naive woman.
I still haven't had non narcissistic friends. But the narcissists are not staying any longer. I am bad supply.
@@dancinginthepurplereign4126 - Sounds like I should read that book too.
@@RACHELORI Life changing book. I strongly recommend it. Good luck on your journey ❤❤
@@dancinginthepurplereign4126 - thank you, I will check it out.
I attract the narcissist because I’m the responsible one.The one that cares and is willing to be understanding and forgiving . Basically the one who’s caring all the weight in the relationship. It’s the dam lie the fake reality that the narcissist projects and deceives is that gets us hooked. The love bombing , the future faking of wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend, the wanting to move in together or talk about marriage, having children after only a few weeks or months is what sucks us in. It’s like we found our soul mate at first . But the reality of the situation is an evil damaged person is who you are with. And no amount of trying to , fix them , forgive them will save your relationship. Narcissist are permanently damaged people who can’t give 100% of themselves. You can’t build a house on a quick sand foundation , located upon an earth quake prone street. Cut your losses and let karma get its revenge
Niles Guy, well said!! Exactly how I feel. 💪🏼
💯 Nice Guy...oh Niles my bad
Here’s my devil‘s advocate question …As a highly developed empath and a HSP, I can fall in love - want to move in together and talk about ( intentions of) marriage in the first weeks-why am I not a narcissist? Why can I feel these things and not be a manipulator
( I recently have analyzed these behaviors and will not be doing these in the future but I still have the question… Thank you)
@@nicolenicole319 I think it’s because feeling those things doesn’t make you a narcissist. But a narcissist will say those things so you get trapped with them. Because if you don’t marry them or have children with them quickly you will realise they’re a narcissist and leave
@@nicolenicole319 Were you a neglected child of a single mother? With no sibling?
"These qualities might play out beautifully in other (healthier) relationships, but with the narcissistic those qualities get taken advantage of." So true.
At the end of a 30+ marriage to a narcissist, I began to see a therapist and she shared a tip. When you have to be around the narc, pretend you are in a protective cylinder. It's made of strong material and you are safe inside. It's filled with love, self-nurturing vibes. Create your boundary and keep to it. Peace and love fellow warriors
Thanking you mightily for this sage, concrete idea....I'm going to 'borrow' it if you don't mind!
“At the end of a 30 + marriage to a narcissist” ….. me too. 😢
Time for a new therapist. That's ridiculous!
I grew up in a home with narcs and I was engaged to one, married to one and have dated several. I’m sick of them! They’re everywhere!!! I’m hoping since my recent discard, I have better discernment. My ex was a narc hybrid that you recently talked about. That’s what threw me off. Plus, we both worked two jobs and were apart except for weekends the last six months of the relationship. I started to put up boundaries and he got irritated, which led to the discard. I was no longer cooperative. Very painful. He and I are in our 50s. Since I knew him for 35 plus years, I thought I was “safe”. 😞
Yeah, they are everywhere. Male and female, in professional and private relationships.
Oh snap! I think you’re my TWIN. Trying myself to get out now, just hard shaking this MN off my leg!
@@tammyturner7988 keep trying until you succeed! You can do it!
I think that's the hardest part, if u knew them from previously in a platonic nature before becoming romantically involved with them. It is like it puts you at such a less aware state. It seemed like I was able to easily excuse behaviors that if it was anyone else I was getting to know the first time, I would be like, "Goodbye" without hesitation. It became so easy to convince myself to overlook red flags bc of the original persona I had in my mind of them. I would often explain away that "they are not that type of person" and continue to move forward without thought.... essentially, cognitive dissonance. It also became the hardest part of coming to a place of acceptance of who he was once truth and the mask that started to fall off came into the light. That original perception was what really messed with my head after the madness was over or I was discarded. It makes you question your entire ability or instincts in assessing people as being "safe" to allow in ur life in the future🫣
In the toxic relationship with my ex the red flags kept on presenting themselves but I consistently ignored them. And paid the price
I was so frustrated with myself that I had repeatedly ignored my better judgement and enabled her to continue extracting supply
I learned SO MUCH more about myself a few years ago - due to a narcissistic ‘friend’ that was attempting to groom me for a promotion. I’m so glad I listened to my instincts, researched his weird behaviours and found this channel. I have since instilled heathy boundaries across the board and am living my best life. Thank you!!
I’m glad they all act and say the same things. They all tell on themselves. Now if I see one red flag, I’m gone, no matter the nature of the relationship.
I’ve wondered this..it’s happened to me 3 times all 3 with different levels of narcissism..& I’m a nurse, so I’m everyone’s rescuer 😒
Same
@Dawn Green do elaborate what you mean: amongst clients or co-workers? I am about to enter the helping profession of Occupational Therapy myself. Thanks
I’m a nurse as well and I’ve attracted multiple narcs. I literally try to save everyone. It’s exhausting
Something I learned recently* forgiveness is given, but TRUST is earned!
Tresspassers want you to forgive and forget. I'm of the opinion that forgiveness requires repentance. If those often needing forgiveness never repent sometimes the only correst response is to tell yopurself, "I forgive them. And next they're forgotten.
If not forgotten, then at least blocked.
I have two narcissistic friends. One is more egoistic than the other but one thing common in both of them is that they are very very sensitive to criticism. But they like to criticise others and expect others to take the criticism very positively and accept what they saying. But if you criticise them then thats your worst mistake . They will attack you in every possible way and they really get very nasty.
Ugh that's one of THE most irritating traits of narcissists! Like where is the self-awareness or empathy smh. But it's also one of the easiest red flags to spot from a person early on
@@Dagaleeoromo yeah . As dr ramani says dealing with one is like "walking on egg shells" is absolutely true.
@@jimjung172 my last relationship with a malignant narcissist and did a few days ago and it was only just over a month and he said that he was walking on eggshells… As if! Luckily, I know the red flags and added them all up together and asked him to leave permanently… Broke my heart but at least I realized it sooner than later… There’s an epidemic of narcissist out there… It’s very tragic
My ex narcissist is like that. He laid criticism of you on thick, but boy if you dared criti
Heal the trauma where it started. Once you do you’ll learned to love yourself. And you will never be abused again. cause you’ll see the red flags right away and walk away before it leads to the path you were once on. Believe me I am living proof of a survivor of many years of abuse. I got out and saved myself and will never allow anyone to abuse me again. Sending prayers to all
Because I spent a lot of time in the performing arts world the past five years, I've encountered so many narcissists that I lost all interest in dating. I feel it's better to be on my own than getting stuck in a relationship that will make me feel miserable and doubtful about myself.
Dating has become a mine field in this day and age. I think we all need to slow down in how we give our trust and hearts to others. We need to scrutinize people more.
Date outside of performing arts scene. There are many in that scene because they have access to soooo much supply. I see it in the salsa dance scene also.
Hi, thanks it’s very interesting. I attract narcs like a magnet, overt, covert and PERVERT. Especially covert. Woman or men. As soon as they see me they want to destroy me.
I never ever understood why. I only knew they were toxic. I would probably say that overt narcs are the least dangerous.
Your series are all brilliant.
Now I can recognise all of narc categories very well from instant 0, at a first glance. Even covert narcs. They say specific things in a specific way that uncover them.
The sad thing is that my mother is in the narc spectrum and her sister is pervert. They were raised up by 1 pervert narc father and alcoholic mother. Outside everything had to look perfect. My father is co-dependent. I developed a dysfunctional empathy. Yes, it is dysfunctional because it made me excuse the abuse many times. Until now. I learned about it. And I CUT OFF ALL narcs. Some family members included. I don’t feel guilty. I feel so good. And especially at PEACE with myself. Thanks Doctor Ramani.
‘As soon as they see me they want to destroy me’ 💯 agree emymant AND coverts are more insidious as everything they do is deniable. At least overts are obvious and you can identify them fast and then get the hell away 😻
I SCREAMED when I read pervert 💀💀
THIS right here.... is the ONLY aspect of the subject of narcissism that INTERESTS me.
Check out Dr. Ross Rosenberg
Unconsciousness. Since my eyes are open I can not NOT see anymore.
if your eyes would be open, you would see that doctor ramani is a sociopath, the emotional expression are all acted, she intelligently use her muscles, nothing is natural, all meant to deceive. see that and your eyes are truely open, because not only narcissist exist. the sociopathic people act like the nicest people, but are all fake. at least you see naricissist, thats a good thing for the start, keep looking ;)
@@johndoe-jt7iz even if she is, she is definitely helping a lot of people 🤷🏽
john doe So many narcissists and psychopaths work as “therapists”. They are the worst predators on the planet. Because above everything, society has been brainwashed to believe them.
@@claudiacastillo5898 i agree fully with you. thats gonna change, i believe so.
You are just mad , because you are figured out. She can't be more normal and natural in her expressions. You are picking a fight with the wind my dear. I not only see, but avoid like pest. You narc turning my stomach upside down.
I think my empathy amd lack of boundaries is what attracts them to me. I really don't know how to live with my empathy, it's the worst thing that happened to me. It is exhausting when you're surrounded with narcisists.
me too
Try compassion instead of empathy. Read Sam Harris/Buddhism
As an empath, try and look at the world from the outside by letting yourself get uncomfortable physically.
Meaning when you feel for someone, rather than lean in and feel for them and get sucked into their world, feel the physical discomfort you get from their emotional state instead. Once you make the discomfort a habit, it’s a form of boundary that allows you to see the outside world for how it is, rather than through your empathic eyes.
Embrace that discomfort because focusing on the discomfort rather than emotion/other person steers your attention away from what might be a toxic person. Also as you get used to being uncomfortable, it stops feeling uncomfortable if that makes sense.
I hope that made sense. I’m still trying to puzzle it all together myself..
Thank you doctor Ramani. As a magnet for narcissistic partners I appreciate all your help. Great content!
The same here loool 🥴🥴
I was just talking about this last night. I got blindsided by a friend that turned ugly on a dime. I have been watching your videos to help see the situation in a different light.
I think most relationships I've had in my life, including my family, have been with narcissists. Which could be why I gave up on close relationships many years ago and went from being very sociable, with a good sense of humour and loving being part of a work team or in a love relationship (that always ended in tears or me needing to flee to escape baiter or manipulator) to just feeling safer on my own. It gets lonely but having no dramas and putdowns in my life is worth it. Even though I'd love be able to meet people I can feel safe around, I think I've settled for this safer rut
Grew up w a narc father, empath mother, borderline sister. Definitely fell into a pattern in my twenties - at one point I had a male narc housemate, was dating his narc best friend and my boss was a flaming narc too. The pennies dropped and I’ve worked hard on the pattern, and it’s definitely gotten better but I still have to be on my guard.
Me too!!! The bpd sister the worst!!!!
Someone is glowing alot today, sharing wisdom with others must really make you happy:)
Dr. Ramani, I now see where I've had vulnerabilities that were taken advantage of. I love how practical you are, and how well you explain things. Can't wait to hear more!❤️
Thank you, eyes wide open, today i walked away from a narcissist now their in a sulk because I did, i am so very happy am going my own way...love this series thanks again...
My being a narcissist magnet is a big part of what my therapy ended up being about. In a way, having the realization that my friend was a narc and I had to get out of there opened the door for me realizing my own issues.
If I was ever going to talk to him again (which I won’t), I would thank him for being so suddenly clearly who he is, which made everything else possible!
Take it as a blessing in disguise to opening your eyes to evil people like these .
As you say, I keep asking myself why and how I got into that situation, how I was so naïve. I realized I enabled it, I gave the benefit of the doubt many, many times, I rationalized and justified the red flags, I believed with great conviction and defended the good in the person. I just tell myself I am human, did not know better, and that I am not alone, many others go through this as well, sadly. This is a great community and I am very grateful for your support, knowledge, and the support of the community❤
I am pleased that you, Dr Ramani, have decided to take on what parts of our personality attract narcissists to our lives. Sometimes I’ve felt as if I had a sign placed on my forehead that says “all narcs are welcome”.
Like attracts like - not the other way around . It’s because you have unhealed emotional wounds that you still have yet to see and take care of in yourself so you attract a mirror relationship- in other words somebody who mirrors those unhealed aspects so that you can see them. The universe will always brings you a vibrational match to the current vibration that you’re holding. So unfortunately a low vibration narcissist is a match to you because you are also in someway vibrating at a frequency consistent with the insecurity of narcissist. If you have a secure sense of self aka good boundaries you will no longer be a victim of people that you allow to exploit you . That pull will no longer be there when you deal with those unresolved issues and get stronger . Narcs look for weak spots and prey on those who know no better . It’s not your fault until you know better . You may still attract them when you get better but you’ll be too smart and strong to fall for their traps .
Hi, you're right. So I thought too, that's why I can't hate the narcissist, but I thanked her at the end of the relationship. She didn't expect it .....
Ha! Vibrations? Try alcohol. Thank God I only ever attracted one. Unfortunately had kids with him and will never be totally free.
@Zachariah I get what you're saying but I think it's just a fancy way of saying "birds of a feather flock together". It's very true! People's state of normalcy varies and they gravitate/bond to those whose state of normal matches theirs. What's healthy (or normal) and what isn't is up to you to decide.
Thank you.
Zachariah read it again
I love this lady, she is such a natural when it comes to knowing narcissists
thank you for these videos. I’ve enjoyed getting my day started watching these because it gives me strength. It’s been very healing for me! So thank you 🙏🏽
Thanks Dr. Ramani
Studying narcissist is more intriguing than doing the heavy lifting of looking within oneself.
Thank You for these series. I am an empath born to narcissists and I attract them! You are an amazing therapist 🌸
Can’t wait for this series. Can definitely use some empath self defense.
It seems to be more like a challenge for the narcissists, they want to change you into one of them. That will validate their pathetic lives.
This is very important series.Many people need this.I am looking forward to see other videos in this series.I always wondered why was I magnet to bad people. Few years ago when I came across narcissism and dark triad ,my eyes opened.Thanks Dr Ramani.You are wonderful always.❤
Many times people who are magnets were abused in childhood.
You have been conditioned to tolerate the abuse.
Work on boundaries and respecting yourself.
Stop people-pleasing!
Master the Greyrock.
Make people earn your trust over time.
Never ignore your gut feeling.
Recognize red flags of gaslighting.
Once you are on to them, you will spot them quickly and dispatch them from your life.
Remember, they are out for supply.
Any sign of head games should be a deal breaker!
Thank you for being a beacon in showing an underworld I didn’t know existed. After being raised by a narcissist mother I married one and fell into the cavernous hole. I’m happy to say I left within 15 hours of attempted triangulation so I had that much respect for my time!
Wondering 🤔 if empaths get 2 votes next November?
Thank you so much. I really need to hear this. I just left my narcissistic husband today. I am afraid and I am trying to get my head straight.
Nothing could be more needed! Once again, my deepest thanks and congratulations for having your finger on the pulse of out times.
Although my (now estranged) mother is my most destructive narc, I have had several friendships with narcs and I think my low-self esteem combined with being isolated socially as a child by my mother conditioned me to be the type of person who feels they must do nice things for their friends to keep them. This perception has made me a repeated target for narc friends who take advantage of me but are never there for me when I need them. Fortunately, as I have aged, I have become more cautious and selective about who I call a friend and I have learned the lesson that a few "true" friends is better than a lot of "users".
Thank you for educating us. I just walked away from a narcissistic relationship an hour ago and I’m feeling at peace
Perfect timing for this series for me! Thank you ❤
Thankyou so much for taking the time to do these videos for us, i watch every single one and love your posts on Instagram. You have helped me so much and still do with every. Single. Video. Thankyou and bless you! X
I am ready with my pen and paper for this series.
Thank you so much 🤗
Of course we will like this series Dr Ramani. Everything you make is great, teaches us a lesson and also gives us much needed perspective. Thank you as always !
You're so kind...... i usually hate myself for letting the narc into my circle...... you're like the mother that assures and reassures the child.
Oh Doctor Ramani, I love you so much and what you're doing to educate us. Thank you so much! And bless your heart. My every ritual when I wake up is sipping my coffee, I paint something while I listen and watch your latest video. Please keep blessing us with your knowledge and wisdom everyday. More love and power to you, you wonderful woman! ♥️✨💪🏾
Oooh, this series going to be my new "guide", thank you Dr. Ramani, this is going to be awesome! You're such an angel for helping all of us and spreading the knowledge! Thank you so much!
Thank you Dr Ramani, I know this series is going to be helpful, just as the others. Your work is invaluable. I’ve become aware now and want to learn everything I can on narcs and protecting myself.
You’re so smart about this!! Yes I’m a magnet for narcissistic people! I keep trying boundaries and videos but it’s like I always fall for it. I wish I knew what I’m doing wrong. This totally sucks friends and people I’m dating. Wow the world must be made of mostly selfish narcissistic people! It’s like I’ll never understand.😥
Please keep this wisdom coming, Dr Ramani!! Thank you so much!!
Love this content Dr. Ramani! I’ve spent the better part of the past year researching narcissism after all fall out with a former fiancé. At the time of the relationship I didn’t understand why these strange patterns of circular arguments, gaslighting and all these things kept coming up in our relationship. After I got discarded I stumbled upon one of your videos and it was the first of many I watched! I feel like I’ve really grown from this and other channels and am less likely to fall into another toxic relationship! Thank you
You are awesome Dr Ramani... The way you teach and the fact that you are telling your audience that the magnetic qualities that attract narcissists into our lives are sometimes the best qualities we possess. We just need to be mindful that they can become weaknesses when we are in a relationship with a narcissistic person. Thanks so much.
Thank you for this series, I really needed this.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! Thank you for all these eye-openers! You might even not realise of how much value your channel is. Thank you.
Beautiful! This video is amazing. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you are helping a lot of people out here with your kindness and your wealth of knowledge and experience. This one is a great video and I have learned to keep my eyes wide open and be so careful and choose wisely about who I want to share myself with. Just mainly be aware and step away if need be. I know this has caused me much trouble in my past because I have always been too nice or too friendly to the wrong types. I just didn't understand about narcissism and now I can be more selective when I see the signs. I always loved most about myself how kind I would want to be to all people and it has taken me a long time to realize that I must not share everything with everyone. Yes, I can still be kind, but now I can see some signs or patterns that I never looked at before in myself and in others. Thank you so much! Hugs to you for all that you do to be so kind in helping many people. Blessings to you.
This is so great. I always thought that this was a truth but hearing it outloud now I cannot wait for the series!👍👍🤗🤗
Thank you for stating this in such a mindful way. It is true that the qualities that attract Narcs are in fact for the most part good ones, and I think it’s important that this fact is pointed out as many ppl feel guilty or weak and tend to hold back those great character traits in future relationships in fear of getting suckered again.
Dr Ramani is a gift 🙏
Thank you for your wonderful work Dr. Ramani! I cannot express how much you‘ve helped me. Thank you.
Looking at my vulnerabilities makes so much sense and what a relief from the years spent trying to figure out what’s wrong with me! Thank you so much I love your videos they are very helpful!
Thank you, I really found your delivery in giving this information helpful and effective in getting through to that which needed to be made aware in myself
I have background in nursing , psychology and currently a business major. I keep on blaming myself and realized it’s not my fault!,but definitely a magnet because I am a human trafficking and Foster care survivor. I didn’t know I was an empath until I left that relationship and started talking about what I went through. I just pray that I find justice because now I’m permanently disabled because of him. I try to tell people all the time please get out of these relationships. Unfortunately I will never be the same person ever again due physical abuse that I suffered. He tried to kill me on numerous occasions and I am just thankful to God that I’m alive. I am great full for your videos it’s helps me find clarity.
Yay! So excited for this series!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for guiding me through a traumatic narcissist breakup. Your videos were so helpful in navigating such a hurtful separation. Now my focus is on healing, don't even know where to start. I have am so grateful that you share so much wisdom about narcissism on this platform.
Joan, I found a piece I believe was intentionally put in my path at around your stage.
NO REMORSE
NO IF-ONLYS
JUST THE ALERTNESS OF BEING
Doctor Ramani videos mature like fine wines over time. The first time I watched this one I was shell shocked and just waking up to narcissism and saw myself clearly in this series. Now I’m familiar with my vulnerabilities and don’t beat myself up about them. Watching this video again I get such a huge sense of gratitude for Doctor Ramani and her work because I can measure how far I’ve come, how much I’ve learned, changed and healed. I now watch reflectively and take in the information in a more constructive rather than reactive way. You are Amazing Doctor Ramani. Thank you so much. Xxxjools
Thank you Dr Ramani, your messages are always spot on. congratulations for 250k subscribers..💗
My new ability to detect narcissism feels like a superpower I wish I had 25 years ago. Could have saved me a lot of pain. But now its everywhere!!! And your series on all the different types of narcissism seems to confirm my suspicions that it’s not IF someone is a narcissist, but what kind!!!
Omg I know they are EVERYWHERE. That’s the “real” pandemic. I sometimes wonder if there are some men that are out there that aren’t. I have many women in my life that are empaths, where are the empath men at??
If you walk around with your eyes closed you'll bump into thing's, if you try to climb a mountain blind you'll fall and perish, keep your eyes wide open, but mostly get what you deserve your worth it 👌
Thank you sooo much for your series! I just told my narc ex that I can’t be friends with him. This would be our 4th no contact period, so I’m hoping this would be our final conversation. Unfortunately, it was a little forced on me and not entirely my decision, but I know it’s for the best-regardless of how it happened. Thank you so much! I have watched your videos multiple times a day to get through my rough patch. Hope to see you soon!
Thank you very much Dr Ramani for your expertise and this delightful way of explaining complex things so comprehensively!
Good morning sunshine ☀️ 👸🏻🌷☕️ thank you so much 😊 you made my day 🙋🏼♀️😁 God bless you 🙌🏻 have a beautiful weekend 💗
Thank you. Healing after being discarded from a 20+ year marriage, I arrived at this conclusion. Your confirmation is so appreciated!
Much needed series. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Good morning Dr, Ramani, Please have a relaxing weekend, many blessings.
Not having proper boundaries makes you a target for a narcissist
Dr. Ramani, Don't you look nice in your green sweater with the backdrop. Look lovely doc. ;)
I think it's bc of the confusion they cause in general, especially in children, the victims feel, constantly, in youth, with concepts we couldn't understand or address. Narcs are really good, to me, not as much as a magnets, but they come to make us feel that we stay because of the "comfortable chaos" of their world. Normalizing what is not normal. I think it's wonderful that psychology is caught up/catching up to real dynamics in relationships, putting a label on it (thus validating the victims feelings), it has lead me to a much greater UNDERSTANDING; and on the path to telling the #narc good riddance. ;) Thank you for your videos. You're a real influencer/educator/life changer.You are appreciated Dr. Ramani!
Guilty on all counts! It is good to finally understand. You have describes me perfectly. I had no idea. I am 56 now and finally see how I have been drawn in and how I have been a magnet for narcissists. I am such a narcissist magnet!
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramini. ⚘
You are such a great source of knowledge and inspiration for us. I have learned so much since I've listened to you. Thank u doctor ramani. Greetings from belgium 🙏
Ooo this is going to be awesome series 😍
I was asking myself this question this morning. I seem to be a magnet. In fact, I broke no contact yesterday. I feel so conflicted when it concerns "him." I'm looking forward to this series.
You can do it DeAnna! Forgive yourself and try the no contact again. I've been out of a toxic relationship with a narc 15 years and now have a wonderful life partner who deserves my kindness.
There are some beautiful people out there who can love you like you deserve to be loved.
Thank you so much!! Love your new set up!!
YES!!!! Your videos have been helping me so much!
Thank. you for your videos Dr. Ramani. They have been a huge help. I watch a couple everyday to remind myself to not get sucked back in and to keep the thought that life is better without the Narc in my life. You are a daily dose of happiness when I am reinforced by your videos.
Looking forward to this series!
There is certainly something to be said about the victimology of narcissists, but I have left the places where I first learned the ABC of narcissistic abuse because many did the leap of equating "your vulnerability attracts narcissists + only you can take the responsibility of healing that vulnerability and immunizing yourself against narcissists = therefore if you haven't yet, you're entirely responsible for being abused by them, maybe that's even what you want."
I trust your approach more! :)