5 Reasons We Attract Narcissists
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- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2024
- Narcissism seems to be talked about a lot these days. Each time I create a video about it, there are so many comments asking why some of us continue to find ourselves in relationships with narcissists. We can wonder if we are doing something wrong, or maybe we don't know what a narcissist is like? Maybe we are attracted to the abuse? Why do we keep doing this? In this video we talk about the 5 reasons why we can get stuck in relationships with a narcissist, and the red flags to look out for so we don't get caught in these cycles. Here you will find everything from dating a narcissist, narcissistic relationships, narcissism in relationships and abuse cycle questions answered. If you think I missed anything or want more videos about this, please let me know! xoxo
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What reason hit home the most for you? Do you have any other tips for avoiding these types of relationships? Please share! xoxo
Thxs for sharing!
Imo I believe the term "narcissist" gets throw around way too much.
I think narcissism is tied to [percieved] societal Power.
And what people are willing to do for [that] Power determines their position in the [predetermined ] hierarchy.
Many people parasite to these Power-positions, then throw labels around when "Their" schemes for power acquisition fail.
Ateotd- create the best version of yourself. Live and let live👌
I'm so scared of attracting the same pattern over and over especially our parents pattern that is so scary for me and I feel we go through it without noticing that we are on the same toxic pattern because it's the thing that we are familiar too even if we hate it you know ..so can you please do a video for that ..thank you ❤
I am an empath and I take care of everyone else but myself. I’m in my 50’s and I finally decided to leave my house for my health and happiness. I am so overwhelmed and frustrated with everything but I’m going to get through this with an attitude of a lioness. My heart is growing and I feel brave! Let go and grow! Thank you Kati you have been a wonderful friend and gift to me
I'm the narcissist..
Some red flags I've noticed are sprinkles of verbal or mental abuse disguised as a joke or not in/from the beginning. Those things based on something that may be a weakness to you. If they are, it will/ could hurt you. If they are not, you will pick up on it. Also, they are very argumentative. They will try and twist something, so you'll come back with anything... They want to see you squirm with a, "that's not true,..." type reaction. Don't fall for it. Just ignore them. Don't stick around for it. Being a single mother, I sense they look for that, because often times we are somewhat isolated and maybe struggling -- they see this as a weakness and someone they think is easy prey.
Number one: you were abused as a child and the PTSD from that abuse causes deeply engraved changes in the brain that cause us to seek out abuse as an adult.
Yes... unfortunately, we can seek out what's comfortable or "normal" to us. :( xoxo
Me, 100%
@@candaceion9622 I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel. I focus on my pain, The only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole, The old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away, But I remember everything. What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know Goes away in the end. You could have it all, My empire of dirt. I will let you down, I will make you hurt. I wear this crown of shit, Upon my liar's chair. Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair. Beneath the stains of time, The feelings disappear. You are someone else, I am still right here. What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know Goes away in the end. And you could have it all, My empire of dirt. I will let you down I will make you hurt. If I could start again, A million miles away. I would keep myself, I would find a way.
ruclips.net/video/OvoTktdpIiI/видео.html
@@yayhoo8848 love Nine inch nails
Stuck in CPTSD - Repetition Compulsion. Attracted to what's familiar - Unavailable, abusive people going back to our childhoods of Unresolved/Unmet needs from Parent(s)/Caregivers - Codependency.
this isn't just with relationships... its with friendships too.
Yes
🎯❗
Having had a narcissistic mother, I learned that the fee to staying in her orbit was to be selfless and subservient. This extended into adulthood and to friendships with other women where I became an on-call therapist. Once I realized that these friendships were one-sided, I left and would suggest that others do the same. Loneliness is not being alone. That's the solitude we need to develop ourselves. Loneliness is being in a relationship with someone who doesn't give a damn about you or your feelings and desires. Leaving on any level might be scary at first, but it's worth it in the end. Thank you for your helpful channel, Katie.
48 years and I finally decided ENOUGH! It’s so freighting but also empowering. Those who love us will always encourage our decisions and those who don’t will discourage them. Pay attention
It's crushing to know this about a parent. I'm going through my stag3s after realizing this and cutting my mom off.
The truth is you're really leaving the original parents/caretakers who never gave a damn about you in the first place. Facing and grieving that loss is very painful - dying to the Codependency that originated from the Trauma of being abandoned by these people. Like John Bradshaw said in his book "Healing the Shame that Binds You" "We have to leave home in order to heal the Shame from the abuse and abandonment by the most important people of our lives." I agree with him - makes total sense.
Well said.
Yup, would have worded it slightly differently but it is the same thing. We develop Workarounds as kids, ways to mollify the creatures ego often automatically and quickly because we have ĺives too more and more as we get older. We can anticipate the pathetic drama and have the right comments or actions at the right time. We are then "rewarded" with enough head space to get our things done. Other narcissists home in on people who do Workarounds, it's like sweet nectar to them. We have to learn to let people fall on their own butt's, get through their own consequences without mollifying them or have a life of cling ons over and over.
I get real tired of people saying that Codependents seek out Narcissist. No one does that. We just overlook red flags or are unable to see them.
I was raised by a narcissist and then fell into a cult led by a narcissist as soon I left home at the age of 18. This video is on point ! I’m still recovering from leaving the cult just 3 years ago .
I am so sorry you went through all of that.. but glad you are on the path to recovering from it. xoxo
I feel your pain. I’ve gotten a lot of help from listening to Sam Vaknin on RUclips. Sam isn’t warm n fuzzy more factual about the nuts and bolts.
@@leeboriack8054 thank you for the suggestion!
Hi👋 I was wondering what is the name of thet Cult How are you coping now after leaving the cult three years ago ? How did you get out / leave the corrupt cold callous cult! Good 4 you ! Wow ! 👌 ✌ ☮ ❤ Dsnica I believe in you to change only need be for you can o nly & chqnge and heal thyvwouned wounds 😊 ❤ by watching all these self explanatory videos on marciism abuse! Thanks ! ✌ ☮ ❤ Danica
This is interesting. I've come to realize that growing up in a narcissistic family system is very similar to a cult and will do the same things if you try to leave that family system is if someone were trying to leave a cult. It can also be considered that like we were set up to be groomed and love bombed
I have noticed that when I ghosted people .it was my gut telling me they were narcs and to stay away. In retrospect all those gut feelings were totally on the mark. Instead of feeling bad about them, or feeling guilty about them, my new perspective is to trust them.
My attitude now is: one red flag and I am out.
Now it possible some calibration is required. My narc-dar might be overly sensitive. I hope I am not dropping good people. im just 17 tho so I think I have a lot to learn
One piece of advice, don't go after older people, if an older person is going after someone much younger than them they are very likely going to take advantage of you in some way.
Wow you're a head of the curve. I'm 32 and just now discovering narcissistic abuse. I wish I knew this at your age, I wouldn't have made so many stupid mistakes.
Honestly sometimes it’s just best to not overthink and not over analyze because overthink can ruin a lot unless you truly are unhappy with that person than why keep them
You are way ahead of the game by even understanding what a narcissist is and that many are out there. Keep learning as much as you can about them. ONE red flag is not necessarily indicative of a narcissist. Anyone can make a mistake. But if you see many red flags, don’t ignore them. Trust your head over your heart or sex organ. Your head/gut feeling will very rarely steer you wrong.
You want to be discerning. People make mistakes so don't get out of balance to deem them a narcissist.
I grew up wit a narcissist Mother, and then ended up in a 17 year relationship with a narcissist who ended up abusing me, physically and emotionally. My therapist said the same thing, It's about the brain finding a dynamic that felt familiar and "comfortable". in other words, what I had been used to. I'm so scared of real commitments now, i worry I will end up in a another similar relationship.
I am so sorry.. it can be incredibly hard to break those patterns, but I hope by working with your therapist you can heal and find a healthy and happy relationship :) xxoo
Good luck You have to change ! ✌ love ❤ Danica
You deserve better than your narc mom and the abusive jackass!
Narcissists are excellent at acting. They get people by their charm and performance. It can leave you feeling confused because they are so innocent in playing victim and pointing you as the abuser. Don't fall for it!💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Actually they are pretty bad actors once you see the pattern, but they are good at sensing needs, especially the deep ones. And they cater to those needs, whatever it is. Once they have you hooked you think their acting is good.
@@TheNinnyfee facts.
@@TheNinnyfee yesss
I’m done with the narcissist spirit! I’m on my spiritual journey. I am hoping to gain better discernment.
I became codependent as a result of being placed in the surrogate spouse role by my mom. I have found over the years that I let many people take advantage of me and treat me like crap because I didn’t have any boundaries. I never realized that I was allowed to have them and that this treatment was wrong. It’s been a massive struggle to be able to trust others as I don’t want to be hurt in the same ways again. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the covert incest abuse for about 7 years now and am still peeling back the onion with respect to its effects. I honestly have no desire for an intimate relationship as closeness still feels violating to me. It’s almost like a ptsd like response that I can’t help. It’s all good though, bc I’m grateful that I’m able to take care of myself and do my own thing. There’s nothing wrong with being single.
You sound like my husband. He seems repulsed by intimacy. How did you realize what was going on?
My dad once told me as a child "Would I have known you I would have married you"
A few years ago when I was 17-18 I dated a narcissist. I knew he was mean and that I was miserable but I didn't realize what was really going on until after I broke up with him and saw an article online about narcissists and was like oh my gosh that's him. He seemed so nice and caring and he was around 10 years older than me and had a decent job and his own place and so I thought he was great at first. He was not great.
I have 2 narc siblings…..and have been several female narc friendships…..thanks to covid & a few yrs of healing I’ve been able to rid myself of these toxic people ….ty Katie 🌸🌸
Omg when you said when our narcissist partner tells us that we are good enough fixes the wound of our narcissist parent never telling us we are good enough THAT HIT HOME SO HARD 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
❤❤❤
My father is a narcissist and he stalked me for over two years after I left home. He would show up at my place at 5 in the morning, park outside my apartment and watch me. I eventually moved without telling him. I haven't spoken to him in several years.
Jesus
thats beyond messed up. Its too common to hear some jilted lover do that, this tho ...
Pray for protection against his spying, much love
Because childhood abuse programmed us to accept shit, that's our normal. Even when someone treats us badly, we think did something to invite this. It takes a lot of self-awareness n de-programing ti change our ingrained patterns of accepting crappy behavior😥
Can’t take it anymore… nothing left to give 😔
The codependency Part has really hit me hard. I do that all the time and never realised it
I like how she mentioned feeling uncomfortable with partners, and to embrace it. I think that's a major key. In the end, we can watch these videos and feel better for blaming that person (not that Kati is doing that, just that's how some people can feel), in the end it's on us to improve our selves. And this ends up setting us up toward better people.
I reconned=cted with a classmate who liked knives and violence but said buh-buh before it was too late and he turned it on me.
First of all I would tell to anyone trying to get out of a relationship with narcs to create a relationship with yourself, to me that was the key and most powerful tool to get out and stay out of said relationship, you must be so strong emotionally and reconcile with yourself, forgive yourself and do this because you know you deserve better and even if you think you don't deserve better know that you do, it's your birth right and you are willing to make the right decisions for you, that's not selfish it's a life and death decision, do things alone that you like, journal, keep it private, have secrets you only share with yourself, do fun stuff on your own, give yourself love baths, talk to yourself with love, find new hobbies, learn to put boundaries, do self compassion meditations this helped me so much, honor your truth and stand up for yourself, re learn who you are discover what you want, what you like, what you don't and when you're at this point it will be soo much easier to get out and stay out without betraying yourself, loveyou anyone who is going through this know that its absolutely possible to get out, be kind to yourself and treat yourself with compassion you have been through so much, you deserve a happy life, if you don't fight for your rights no one will always with integrity but not letting anyone disrespect or mess with your head and your emotions, know your strengths and know your vulnerabilities and don't share it with just anyone, giving that kind of information to the wrong people is the first step in putting yourself in dangerous ugly situations that could ruin your life, define who deserves that kind of trust and how will you know they are integer enough to honor this, be your own hero/ shero
I grew up with a narcissist mother and sister. Because my childhood wasn't ideal and I did not know how is supposed to look like a healthy relationship, I did not know that there is a problem. I read a book about unavailable immature parents and discovered that my mom wasn't the hero I thought but again, because I never discussed this before. Then I started taking therapy and I started trying to identify which type of partners I am likely to attract and couldn't find any pattern until one of the guys I dated and then I started putting everything together. I did not know that I am a people pleaser, when I looked it up it did not ring a bell but I kept insisting and discovered that I am a people pleaser and that I was raised by a narcissist mother. What is helping me now is to always try to discover what I want and when I dedicate to what I want, that is when I notice who is helping me and how and who doesn't and becomes envious or try to sabotage me.
I used to attract them, but I grew out of it. I'm in my 50's now. I wish I could have in my 20's. Unfortunately, I was born a door-mat. I must still 'appear' as one? Because people regularly confuse me for one? But, nope. That was the old me, ain't got no time for that now. I'm thinking it's because of my age-gender-race? No, I enjoy my life with myself too much. They can go bother someone else, it's my day off with me. My trick? I write down what they're asking, I tell them I'll think about it, and then I imagine throwing it away. I ask myself does it matter? 9/10 times it doesn't make a difference for me. So I literally shred it. Bye. Believe me, they go on to the next, and the next, and the next getting their way with their list of demands. It's a disease.
This video was awesome thank you. I think empathy is definitelyyyy one of the things narcissists seek out as well because they can’t empathize at all. Narcissistic abuse eventually feels like a drug and like you need your “fix” so you’ll do anything to get that attention from them.
Simplified but very accurate list of factors that can make you vulnerable to relationships with narcissists. I think the future faking is a big part of it, they will ask questions and figure out what your future goals are and create a fake future around it that they never intend to follow through with. I think this relates well to that point you mentioned about how one successful outcome can fix all that is wrong from your childhood or past. Only you can fix you, no one else can.
Thank you for doing this video. A lot of your videos have helped me in the past and my friends. I left to very tough relationship last night. This video help me understand why my mind was so foggy. Again, thank you for all you do.
Deception is something EMPATHS fall for almost every time. JUST because we WANT to believe does not make it so. And we are ridiculed for out wonderful outlook. But being both idealistic and savvy is really the key. You and other professionals for mental health remind me of this. Many, many thanks, Kati. You are a true blessing to me and the world. A lot of it, for me, is that you are very accepting of mistakes and are quick NOT to blame, which I am mired at the moment in because of the heap of responsibility I have had to carry all my life as the plucky empath forgiving and fixing all over the place. 🤓
Excellent points you have made! A common misconception is that narcissists are always arrogant, haughty or showy which I believe has gotten me stuck in this kind of relationship.
True!!! Most are not like that at all!! Thank you so much for sharing, and I am so sorry you found yourself in a relationship with a narcissist :(
@@Katimorton Are you still going by DSM definitions or did you stop doing that a long time ago?
I find this so important to talk about. So many people get caught up in this. I learned the hard way.
Took 5 years, but now I know what to avoid entirely. I thought I'd mention I also have BPD (i like to say I'm in recovery as I'm doing well after all my CBT & DBT & schema, over the years). I know it 's rather common for these 2 personalities to connect. IT's so toxic. I find the hardest part was to accept when it ended & then do the therapy to heal from it all. The moment you realize that it wasn't in your head & That your gutt feelings were right all along is such a relief.
Love your videos ♡
Katie is such a beast in psychology. So grateful I found her channeru ❤️🔥
@@nikkigotcutloose Absolutely. She 's the best. Been following for couple of years as well. ♡
I
The part about Codependency and sense of self, that "our dependency is actually on people feeling dependent on us" and being needed by others made so much sense. Thank you so much for your videos.
Totally agree
You're really spot on with your videos, and you do a great job of articulating your topics in a way that people can truly understand. Well done!
The part about codependency was a slap in the face because I acted just like that with an unhealthy person I was “friends” with. Lessons learned.
Excellent video, Kati!
I could definitely relate to a lot of what you spoke about.
So glad it was helpful Nicole :) xoxo
My father was a narcissist, I was always was seeking his approval. He was hell on my mother, my older brother has so many of his tendencies. I live with the things he said to me and the way I was personally treated to this day.
Thank you for this video I’m currently going through this and 7 years later I’m finding the strength to finally leave and be free. I need true happiness & he’s broken my spirit so many times enough is enough
i can relate to every single sentence you said. it's true that we unconsciously play out the same pattern from our childhood, we don't realize this until we make it concious. i had my first awakening few years ago and suddenly i could see it very clearly that all connection i had (or have) with guys is mirroring on my emotionally unavailable parents. i remember when i met that gaslighter, i told myself, "well, he's like my father, he's patient" but then later on, i realized that i misinterpreted "emotionally unavailable" as patient. bcs he seemed like didn't give a crap when i said that i felt hurt by his "jokes". he called me too sensitive but when i did the same, he called me rude. for more than ten years, i fell into this trap. but not anymore, as i'm walking out from this relationship.
btw, i have bpd traits and mood disorder, i had no strong sense of self/identity disturbance, i felt as if i had multiple of personalities. so this also could manifest as someone who acts differently in public and behind a closed door. but the thing is, i NEVER wanted or want to take advantage from others. it's all done unconsciously. sometimes, i have my sassy-self, people called me I'm being too serious, overly critical, but other time I'd be very playful, i got some compliments for being funny, witty, and smart. I didn't know who i am or what i wanted, it's awfully confusing in my head. Even i can identify myself as frayromantic and lithromantic, all the feelings i had for other people, it would change drastically. from outsider perspective, they might see me as being a jerk but to me, it feels like confusion. it's like, i know i want a vanilla cake, my eyes see vanilla cake, but when i put it in my mouth, it doesn't taste like it. so i spit it out (discarding). now, my strategy is, putting all my cards out there, so they know what they're dealing with. also i make a list of things i really really want in a partner/friend, and stick with it, so i can see myself and people in reality, not in my fantasy (idealization), and not coming from desperation (codependency/fear to be alone).
My mom was a narcissist. Girlfriends 2 thru 5 were narcissists, then I wised up.
I’m glad I finally worked up the courage to watch these videos.
My ex was all of these things. He became increasingly violent toward me because I couldn't be controlled. I had to leave before I was murdered.
Same here 😢
Your videos are so informative and respectful. You're good at explaining complicated topics in a way I can understand. Thank you so much. Hi from Australia 🇦🇺 xx
Very informative. Thanks, Kati for educating the public.
In my case it was lack of knowledge about NPD. I had no clue of what is NPD. Now I understand that my mother had the trait of a toxic narc, and I have 2 brothers who I believe are narc. Thank you for sharing your video it's educational and informative. ❤
I just left a video and the therapist didn't give any examples. I needed examples and you gave them to me, and it makes sense! Thank you.
I can’t click like enough on this one. This is a good companion video to some of the Dr. Ramani and Les Carter videos on the subject. 😊
Wow Katie. so grateful for all your videos. You are an amazing communicator. I have been trying to work on myself for years and struggling to leave a really toxic relationship. Trying to see my part in all of this. I'm doing all the hard work and he's doing what he does best which is to be the narcissist! Hate that word co-dependant, and have struggled to own it because I'm the "strong one in the relationship and holding everything together", not dependent on anyone! Hah Hah!! but now I get my enabling and my need to manage his moods to protect my own. light bulb moment! Thank you. Tips to avoid falling for the next narcissist waiting round the corner- do the hard work of getting healthy then hopefully we will attract healthy kind people.
I would love it if you did this same video but about covert narcissism because the pattern feels different. Thank you for this! 💗
Yes! Covert narcs keep their bad traits in check! He never berated me but did make fun and teased me in front of my kids which in turn made them tease me. He was gaslight me but never put me down. He would project but very carefully.
Love bomb me and got me addicted to him in the beginning but never let me go, just kept showering me with compliments to where I was needing them and lost my sense of self esteem from others places and only got it from him. I was entranced by him. Breadcrumb if me when he didn’t need anything from me but love bombing me when he needed to borrow money. I kept falling for it and him over and over. The the final thing was the love bombing and getting me hooked one last time so he could rob me of thousands of dollars.
I told him I know it was him but he says it’s not his truth but my truth. That’s his narcissistic answer for everything. Not his truth. Well duh, he doesn’t want to face accountability so he’s not going to attach himself to THE ACTUAL TRUTH.
OMG, a lot of light bulbs just went off here, so insightful and relatable. I haven't heard these points explained before that made sense to me, I could've saved myself a fortune if I had this info earlier lol, thank you so much!!
Thanks very much for your words of wisdom, Kati! My attraction is rooted in family dynamics by having a narcissistic father. I feel sad that I can't yet have healthy relationships, and I'm 68 years old! I went 10 YEARS without a relationship before this most recent experience. And then I DID IT AGAIN! But I think I recognized all the signs much earlier than I would have in the past!!
Do you ever get the chance to give lectures either in a high school or college setting on this subject?, your knowledge and understanding could heal many wounds and save a great many lives. Just incredible!!
New to your channel. I love your videos. I am a licensed counselor and RN, 35+ years in the field, but I am learning so much from your videos. Thanks Kati.
You are so welcome!
Great topic, I’ll definitely save and rewatch this video many, many times! 🙏
It's strange how NPD is considered "rare" when virtually everyone has had to deal with them at some point.
Lots of great points! I took notes! You are great!
So I have ADHD, and I childhood trauma. Due to this for many years - yall can imagine the types of folks Id get involved with - and all the red flags Id miss from being all in my feelings. I learned one does not need to stop enjoying those feelings - so long as one is able to understand their feelings - and stay present. I have learned to enjoy whats happening in the moment - without getting into limerence (creating fantasies about a possible future - AKA becoming attached to the "outcome") No the difference between your hopes and whats actually happening. ONe can enjoy all the sensations of romance - wihout the heartbreak of expectation. Its a lot less stressfull.
Thank you for this video - it was extremely informative and helpful and easy to understand.
So helpful Katie! Thank you 🙏
I really needed this video this week
thank you Kati, this one hit home
Kati I love your cardigan! It reminds me of spring
That was the most accurate and amazing definition of Codependency I have ever heard. Thank you 🌹🌹
Very good! This is so helpful! Thank you!
You always hear how childhood wounds create inclinations / wiring but for some reason your video really made me think about my relationship w my mom. Add in your point that we are always trying to be needed (co-dependent); that reminded me of how my mom both put me down and praised me. She wanted me to take care of her emotions but also made me feel not good enough. Those two points somehow made me connect some dots w what I just did in my last relationship: want to get back to praise (equating that w love) and also my ex's subtle criticisms (she's covert) made me try harder and feel good when I pleased her bc I thought it was helping her (white knight syndrome?)...anyway thinking about that in relation to my mom is helpful: she didn't want me to have interests beyond a quiet 3 year (once told me she wished she could freeze me at 3), was all about herself and needed validation / got frustrated when I didn't "behave" and give it, and yet I would also strive to achieve so she would be proud. Your talk has been helpful. Thank you.
100% what I personally went through. Look for all the red flags!
Great video, and a bit of an eye opener.
9 years with her just pay attention to the red flags I wish now I would’ve took them more seriously I was at home watching her handicapped son she trained me to watch while she was out cheating I am still trying to get over it thank you for the videos .
I thoroughly enjoyed this video
Love you, Kati. Thank you for making me feel okay with myself 😭...
I been played for a fool mostly all my life.when a lady is truly a friend I can't seemed to except it
I love your videos so much it's so clear so helpful and it gives me hope that we can improve ourselves and things can be good wow ! thank you so much ❤👏👏
Kati you are so very sane thank you for teaching us 🌈
You don't attract but fall for them!
Thank you Kati! Very helpful.
Christy M,Hope you are not with a narcissist 😈....
I've always ended up dating and even married to narcissists like my narc mom. Trying to break the cycle. It's hard.
Great video. Very helpful.
I was fed whiskey w lots of sugar at 5yo by my grandfather who loved little girls a bit too much. 😢 in the chaotic home I felt calm. I found my new best friend at that age. He groomed and used me for years. He was a sick man who I’ve found more about over the years. What does this have to do w narcissistic behavior? Everything. He wanted and got exactly what he needed. No empathy or emotions over this little girl. To this day I just say my ‘picker’ is broken. The good guys go by the wayside while I look for what is familiar. They are abusive. I left my husband several months ago and this is a struggle living out of bags and boxes. But I’m grateful for a place to live, and hopefully can go over and get my things. Im so tired I will not go back to that and he has no idea where I’ve been. Full blown malignant narcissist. I ignored the red flags. And they were flying!!
Good one!
What I discovered... when in a new(ish) relationship, that it was not love, it's lust.
Lust is the two sticks rubbed together to make the fire of love.... and it takes a long time of rubbing, and kindling, for the fires of true love to blossom, plenty of nurture, by both sides, equally.
I've never had a narcissist tell me they loved me (except on a birthday card).... but they'd make sure the lust was intense when they needed a favor, or needed to draw me in more for other favors.
As a younger man, I was quite the horn-dog. Manipulating me was super easy with lust bombing... I was clueless... living in a hormone driven, one-track-mind brain fog.
There's a saying,
. "A stiff dick has no conscience." ...and I'll add, "no conscious." I was oblivious as long as I was "getting some." I became a slave to these women.... it cost me so much of my time and money.
I look at my present relationship. I'm old. The hor.mones have calmed down... but she's always kind, cooks, cleans, doesn't complain or keep score... Still, I see the relationship taking me away from my interests... and towards hers.
Recently, I've been more assertive about this. Thanks for the reminder. ✌️
I love your colors Katy. For me they always back up what you are saying. To me they are helpful and inquisitive, kind a like a child learning... which I love. I love to learn like a child!! Thank you!!🤗 You feel like a great, big hug.
Wow thank you, amazing video, it really helped me
Thank you Kati.
"how we make them look" - I was arm candy he hated.
Thanks a lot 🎉!
Now I understand a lot of patterns.
Wow!! That's the best description of codependency I've ever heard! 99% chance my father was/still is codependent.
EDIT: The section from 4:07 to 6:40 is very relevant. Good to know that simply feeling uncomfortable around someone who's actually kind and caring if you had an abusive childhood isn't necessarily a bad thing.
INFACTUATION Shallow thinking.. Empathy is to step into their shoes to discern their needs for Understanding to have new relationships. Sharing is CARING : GIVING OF YOUR SELVES. to feel warm fuzzy heart sensations. Warms it heart. Heart willingness.Peace. KEEP THE PEACE..
I love your videos so much, thank you
I love the way u explain it all. U are very real person. Thanks. 🙏
Standing up for myself has Destroyed my Family . It’s tuff, but I’m on the right track.
Thank you for all your videos
Very helpful, thanks.👍
My sister is married to one. And she’s isolated indeed. It’s hard to be there for her when it feels as though she has (unknowingly) replaced our relationship.
Nicely explained katie 👍
Glad it was helpful!
thanks, a really great explanation of co dependency.
I went from a grandiose narcissist who was a terrible partner and mother,to a covert narcissist which I thought at the time was the exact opposite of my grandiose narcissist,turned out the 2 of them lied cheated deceived and stole everything of me,I attract these demon's,I wouldn't no were to start on finding someone with morals and empathy after these to demon's,great video 🌹
Love this video, very helpful. Where is your sweater from?
Thank you for this video
I keep going for men that are narcissistic it's like I'm addicted to the drama and rollercoaster it's mental I've pushed away nice guys that made it clear they liked me cause I felt it was weird and they were clingy but they were normal and healthy
I did the exact same things in life that you did! LOL Great video!
What if 2 narcissistic people date? 🤔🤔
I appreciate you videos. Although it's also a little frightening to lose focus on what is good and benefits us. Even intentions can be difficult to detect. In short in order to understand what's sick you must know what's healthy. They're the logic opposites of each other.
I love when you are laughing.
Very good explanation. On the other hand, people talking about their own experiences here might work as a _catharsis_ but it's sort of useless.
The lasting imprint of a narcistic parent on its young child effects in its difficulity, to discern clear between being the obedient object of the parent or a subject at the same time. Being object is the primary demand on the child, while being subject it has to give up instead. To be, or not to be (Hamletian dilemma).