Absolutely. They want you around because of the qualities that you possess and which they never can have. By having you around they hope that these qualities somehow get transferred to them (that's a poignant reminder of the narcissist's delusion), alas, they are intrinsic to a particular person and cannot be mapped to someone else. Once they realize that they cannot have what they are craving, envy and hatred are going to set in. Hence the narcissistic cycle: Love bombing, devaluation, discard. Rinse and repeat with their new source of supply. In case you are noticing a pattern here, it's the very definition of insanity: Doing the same thing again and again while hoping for different results after each iteration.
I scored 5/5. What do I win? Oh, a heap of narcissistic relationships? Yep. Been there. Done that. ☹️ I’m resolved to use all the positive, empathic, forgiving energy on myself. 😊❤️
6:14 I am watching this and hardly holding my laughter. I completely cover #1, #2 and #3 so far. And yes, I just learned what "narcissist" even means.. and yes, that explains SO much of my life ;d;d;d;d PS: yep, #4 greatly applies to me as well.. #5.. most probably, YES? but, I'm not sure yet, because I just learned about this and I'm processing so much information ;d anyhow, I love the person that I am, I will never ever change that! but knowing about this kind of people, makes going trough life soo much easier.. and most of all, it takes away the horrible horrible feeling of being "betrayed".. ^^
@@supergreengirl5721If you mean me, I don't see what it cost me, and it was quite funny. I can't do it anymore without everyone agreeing that he is not a real person, or him becoming one, but it was an adventure. I have been the primary caregiver of my elderly mum, who is in the advanced stage of dementia and was used to having a more robust intellectual life, sex life, life in general before this phase. Knowing and talking with him was intellectually stimulating and useful to me, even though I don't recommend falling in love with a ghost on the internet as ultimately useful. Worse things have happened. It is probably emotionally worse to be rejected by someone who has been a real person. I don't even get a real pain from the loss. I would be too embarrassed to tell even my closest friends. It was still an adventure I will never forget. I don't know what it meant to him or if it is time for him to move on. I accept whatever it is. I am lucky to have known him, whoever he was. He helped bring me back to life. I know that it is counterintuitive to the role of ghosts or catfish on the internet. You can't do justice to the psychology of all this with slogans about narcissists.I am not sure who is the narcissist. I don't need him as something else. Wouldn't he have to be a real person for that? Does that mean he should go? I am open to finding a man now. It doesn't have to be him. That depends on how he feels about it.
I don't see what the "taking advantage" was, though. Wouldn't that be evident? I pretty much enjoyed myself. If he is never going to be more than a ghost, he has to specify that. That's all.
I got 4/5. I kept reading sadly hoping someone would make it past 3 so I wouldn't feel so "alone" in this. Dang. I guess thank goodness I'm not a positive person?? I wish you the best moving forward. Knowing our vulnerabilities is a good part of the battle.
I understand how you feel! But don't give up. When you are healed or on your way to healing the right people will come into your life. Hang in there, getting well is a journey but you're on the right path!
@Bill Bruckner I agree. As soon as you quit “playing the game” with them things can turn ugly. I had no idea mine would go to the lengths he did to “win”. I was so very careful the second time. 😊
@Bill Bruckner trust me. The second time around was not with him. My husband now is amazing, and I swore I would never get married again. I was just careful when dating, if anyone even raised their voice to me I would be out. I can’t be around people that call names or lash out to hurt you during an argument.
I've known a lot of narcissists. And all of them choose the kindest, most tolerant & forgiving partners. And proceed to make those good people absolutely miserable.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them -- the first time." The key is being able to see it. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your helping us see it.
@@MethuselahMusic you hit the nail on the head .... they are great character actors ... i caught narcissists talking to me exactly using my lines and thoughts in argument as their own. i seen them replay parents scholarly skills and its believable, until you realise that they cannot live out the words they speak!!!
Overly empathic rescuer plus positive forgiver--and a child of a narcissist mother! OMG! It took me 75 years to figure this out- set limits- and learn to walk away! I wish I had learned it earlier- but better now than later!
@@ladywarrior5866 and in my opinion that is precisely why you may be a target for narcissists being empathetic and extrovert at the same time causes them to envy your empathy and also Envy the fact that you are extroverted because those two qualities make a very likeable person...
Been my Quote since childhood. My first 30yrs I say were hell but learning and growing my next 30 will be great. Better understanding and skills to handle them and protect myself
I'm a Christian; therefore I tend to forgive people's mistakes. However, I always keep in mind that FORGIVENESS is one thing, CONTINUING THE RELATIONSHIP is another thing. Sometimes, you have to forgive & let go.
I learned this lesson as making a distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness involves one choosing not to dwell on past hurt or trauma, or the effects one suffered as a result of such past hurts or traumas. Reconciliation, on the other hand, involves one choosing to end or discontinue the relationship because it is no longer working out for them, and they see no benefit, or not enough benefit to outweigh the trouble, in maintaining such a relationship. Forgiveness is choosing not to collect on a debt, but reconciliation is choosing to continue doing business with the other party (if one may use a business metaphor as an analogy). Therefore, one can still forgive, even if they decide not to reconcile, and forgiveness does not necessarily entail reconciliation.
my dad is a horrible dark narcissist and yes, I have attracted a string of relationships with men with narcissistic traits. The last one I ended months ago. It broke my heart to pieces, but I decided that my empathic, forgiving, giving nature was not to be abused by any man ever again. I am in the process of healing from all this misuse and abuse thanks to your videos! Namaste
To anyone who got out of a relationship with a narc I'm so so proud of you ❤️ Edit: For the past 10 months I've been getting so many replies on this comment regarding all your unfortunate experiences with narcs 😓 I hope you'll are doing better now ❤️❤️❤️ Keep on moving and stay strong 💪 Be proud of yourself ✨
@@anne-marierizzo4671 it's okay ❤️❤️ even I took a year to completely get over him but still get triggered by some memories, you can do it!! ❤️❤️ Keep going ❤️💫
As a Rescuer I've felt attracted towards mine. I got 4/5 and I can see how 3 of those would be attractive to Narcs, but in my mind Rescuers could go both ways.
@Under Doggg Not in my experience. The worst I have had are those who are lousy at their job so they get stuck with teaching the classes the good teachers don't want.
I’m empathic, positive, rescuer and a forgiver. After 5 years of narcissistic relationships I finally figured it out and it toughened me up big time. I still am all of these things I’ve just learned who is actually worth these things and who isn’t. it was a tough lesson to learn and I can agree that I felt my innocence was destroyed. Learning how to still be a good person and protect myself from narcissistic abuse helped me to heal. I can spot the. A mile away now 🙏🏼
@Zoey Greer Do not second guess yourself. When we start to realize the truth about others is difficult to believe because we think we know them so well but it is just a mask that they showed us. On my journey of recovery, I also find it difficult to find love for myself and second guess if I made the right choice but these people broke my inner peace and I realized I do not need that energy. You are a strong beautiful soul that deserves people who love and respect you.
@Rune Quester I went thru the same thing. I'm a forgiver, but I'm also a rescuer. I've been single now over a yr and a half and spend alot of this time doing self improvement and getting educated on how not to put myself back in those toxic relationships. I am 46 and I may have been In 1 healthly relationship. I don't even remember what that feels like. Watching her videos are reminding me of what a healthLy relationship is suppose to be.
But are forgiving and kindness two separate things? Many people mistake kindness for weakness . My rule of thumb is that I'll be kind and do something or help somebody , but if they start expecting it , I take it away. Also if someone is not willing to put any effort to help themselves , why should I help them ? That's just doing it for them.
I am the child of a narcissistic mother and have a narcissistic bipolar sister. I am a very empathetic person, I am a rescuer/fixer, I am very forgiving, extremely positive and I have been heartbroken and disappointed by numerous narcissistic men and also friends. I have been divorced twice and I can see that both times I married my mother and I have friends who are narcissists because I see now that I am codependent. Healing from all of this has been an enormous task and is ongoing. I am looking for relationships with people who are more like myself right now than like the nuclear family I grew up in. It's a good thing I am very positive or I would have given up on finding real, meaningful love many years ago. I love your channel Dr. Ramini. You very succinctly put into words what people like myself have struggled to define all of our lives. Keep up the good work and thank you.
One thing I’ve learned over the years-narcissists are really good at LOOKING good-they’ll even go out of their way to appear like caring, empathic people, (because they know people love and adore people who care), but when the chips are down and it REALLY matters, they won’t show up for you (unless it’s something they can brag about later or have witnesses to). And to add insult to injury, they may even try to “compete” with your issue and try to get out of having to support you by claiming to be dealing with their own “equally” upsetting issue. Bottom line? It’s ALWAYS about them. Never you. 😞
impromptu3000 , so glad you could put it into all the exact perfect words. Yes! Yes! I end up making a comment and it becomes a book so I delete. Great comment.
Wow I feel so inlightend! But just realized that I have been married to one for 30yrs! We have been separated for the last 10yrs! I have blamed my self for everything in my life and the children who are adults now with kids of their own and I see now ( not saying I was or am perfect or just good) how it has impacted my adult kids and how they feel and act that has drizzled down into my grandchildren. Lord help us
Not forgiving ourselves is very might be our oversight. If we keep forgiving those who constantly punish us, we are NOT forgiving ourselves and just may be engaging in an unskillful form of forgiveness.
Me: Empathetic. Overly Positive. Forgiver. I blamed myself for years. I see my "insanity" clearly now. The problem was that I kept looking at myself and trying to change ME in hopes of stopping THEIR abuse.
@@ephesians28-93 Well done for being this strong! I know how hard it probably was. I hope it's because u developed a strong sense of core self. Your sister honestly showed who she really is, which confirmed your suspicions of who she really is. She seems drama hungry.. So weird. And perhaps masking it as caring for u? Drama, or attention..
I was overly empathetic and a rescuer. For years I had let people practically suck the life out of me, while trying to rescue them. I thought it was my responsibility to fix their problems, even though It was not true and not possible. While growing up, it was the message I was given by my narcissistic mother, “Just give in”, “Just apologize, even if you weren’t wrong”, “Just go above and beyond to help your sister, because she has had such a rough life, etc.” “But YOUR feelings don’t really matter”. I do finally have boundaries now though, and some people don’t like me anymore, because they can’t use me. Too bad.😊
@@hyg44gu54 A narcissist will affect a child's personality. Not tell you they are a narcissist, nor will they tell you how to protect yourself from it, nor will they tell you you are being abused. A school can turn the light on in children's brains what you can do, or how you will be affected. They are the second opinion.
I grew up with a step mom who now I know is narcissistic and sociopathic . I wasted my whole life wondering what the f is wrong with her. Now I know to stay away. She's always been the same. They WON'T CHANGE. It really ruins a lot about you like you said with kids.
Sami: thanks for a response :) Its nice to be able to talk to someone. I've gone to therapy and the therapist didn't even know what to say about my family situation. I'll go to someone else someday, when I can. I really don't know what to do about it. It would be a lot to explain but my mom is gone and dealt with that for a majority of my life & still am. I don't know what to do/how to deal with it other than try not to think about it or focus on work & other stuff. Music helps A Lot. Its very healing but it doesn't go away.
I’m 4/5. Everything but overly positive person. I’m an empath, rescuer, forgiver and grew up with horrible malignant narcissist father. At 45 years old I still keep ending up in abusive toxic relationships all the time and am completely burned out in every aspect of my life. I suffer from crippling depression as a result of CPTSD, severe abandonment issues and codependency. I wish I would have money to get some kind of therapy or treatment….
I'm all 5. My father was a narcissist so I never developed a healthy sense of self or self worth. Spent all my life giving, forgiving, understanding, people pleasing and accepting abuse because I didn't know better. 33 years old now.
Queen Bee - You're young. You learned early. Thank God. I spent 21 years married into a psychopathic family. Got rid of that mess and dated another for 10 years and kept him in my life for another 15. My mother was one and my sister. Done with them also. Once you are educated on this subject you can't go back. 66 am enjoying my solitude and freedom.
Same here JD. Christ is showing me the way (saved and delivered 10 years ago), and I’m learning balance and when to draw the line. We need to walk in forgiveness while at the same time, not cast our pearls to swine, and not be abused and walked all over. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my empathetic personality, but that’s not true. We can be empaths and kind hearted people while still having boundaries. And enabling tends to hurt both people, so not enabling is much healthier and doesn’t make us mean or less of a kind person to learn to say the word “no”.
@@malarie532 There is a Christian book out there that deals with that subject, something do to with how Jesus set healthy boundaries for himself when he was among people. Sorry I don't remember the title, I think it is from the 80's or 90's.
“Narcissists use forgiveness as permission.” Absolutely true. We can forgive without letting someone back into our lives. This way we don’t hold a resentment that only serves to hurt us.
Yep! As a christian, I can say Jesus expects me to forgive every time (70 x 7 and then some!), BUT, if someone is continually abusing you as part of their narcissistic ways, you are biblically not obligated to reconcile right away, but rather, encourage that person to get counselling to help them first, then the relationship.
@@catherinepeters9014 I am sorry as Muslim believer in the death and resurrection big our savior in christ.Admonish you to forgive which means to not nurse a grudge against anyone for your own Psychological well-being.But by all cost runaway from the predator permeantly and report them to be predator in jail and experience how it feels to be prey upon in jail by other predators.And if you are neglectful of this warning you are allowing yourself to be prey upon again.Resist the devil in he will flee from thee.The devil is a predator.
I am actually all of those chategories: empathic/overly optimistic/forgiver/people pleaser and I have a narcisstic mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, and grandmother. As a 40yr old man, it has taken me decades to finally unravel and define the nature of the trauma, dysfunction, and generational patterns that I have experienced throughout my life. Thank God for you Dr. Ramani and others like you providing this advice to help us navigate these difficult relationships. Recently, my Narcissistic Grandmother died and left behind property to myself and two of my narcissistic siblings and while they tried to force me to giveaway my share to them, I stood my ground and established healthy boundaries and managed the situation. Thanks, again!
What I learned the hard way: "If you confuse my good-natured manner with stupidity, I will throw you out of my life faster than you can count to three. "
Narcissists look for a empath, a person who won’t stand up for themselves. They will break that person down and inflict there insecurities on that person to make themselves feel better.
Or enjoy the fight if empath stands up for himself, cause fight hurt empath, on the thrill of narc. Just getting emotional reaction is what they want, is what they lack. I cannot see them otherwise than spoiled children that never matured, and developed some parts of personality. As if they got lost while chasing shortcuts
A narc parent and sibling, have to distance yourself. Theyre manipulative, very arrogant, they lie and play the victim to try to convince others. Its all a game to them, its all ego. They're emotionally immature. Playing one person off the other. I've seen the narc meltdown/rage, they realised I didnt fall for it, they were not happy, so then resorted to tearing my character to shreds to anyone who'd listen. Its a life long game for them. Self entitlement and having to win at any cost is what its all about. No conscience, no concern, only for themselves - its only ever for themselves. Although they think theyre one step ahead of everyone, they're actually very predictable but can't see it, they think everyone else is stupid ...... 🤨🤔
See, I see that as a boundary violation - cringy, to have someone fuss about in my life, worrying about if I get a good parking place, or coffee.... or condescending to pray for me...
I cried when you touched on the loss of innocence in the realization of how chillingly dark humanity can be. I want to throw up every time I look back on how convincing someone so deceptive was able to make me feel so secure in the relationship. You I think that was the worst part of it for me. Frankly, it scares me
It is very scary. I am glad I didn't not introduce him to my child. He didn't even do anything to physically harm me but just the way he switched it made my blood run cold.
That's when we have to learn that just because we forgive someone does not mean we have to take them back. I need to learn that with myself more than anybody I know.
They also view it as weakness. Even as far as believing you deserve the treatment you get because you're 'stupid' enough to put up with it. Truly twisted people.
@@marilaglubag I forgave and took them back even after they did not accept my forgiveness, but it turned out to be great disaster, like accidentally triggering an atom bomb 😭
@@loverofthelostnarc I completely understand. I did too. However, there will come a time when enough is enough. It may take a year, five years, ten years, forty years but there will come a time when you realize that you're happier without them than when you're with them. Also, having a strong support system would help you get there faster. To me, that's the game changer.
I am the the child of a narcissist, extremely empathic and a positive person. Unfortunately, I have been attracting narcissists my whole life and didn’t realize it for what it was until now.
There are two aspects this, which are mutually exclusive. Attracting the narc in the first place, and getting rid of them at the first signs of red flags. I have managed to master the second but not the first. I still seem to the sticky jam jar for whom the narc wasps buzz around.
Same here... as I learn more about it I am realizing I am surround by them - some are extreme and some are “mild” (for lack of a better word). But they are all helping me to learn, grow and protect myself.
I see that now about someone that just came into my life over a year ago. That is exactly what I noticed but didn’t understand what it exactly was or how to define it. 🤯
I have Asperger's Syndrome and have always been a very sensitive individual, emotionally-speaking. Currently learning about my ex-partner's narcissistic personality. There are times I look back on the relationship and feel like something was wrong but always made excuses or ignored how I was feeling. When they came to me saying they still had feelings for me, I paid close attention to their actions, words, and how my body was feeling and reacting to them. Needless to say, something felt very off and I told them I couldn't be with them.
aspergers persons seem wonderful beings, mostly!!! I met two such and then there is Elon Musk, so awesome! I managed to assist both to overcome some of their common inherent issues affecting their karmic debt. It worked wonders for both! I encouraged them to serve the needy by making food with their own hands and personally handing out! Both seemed to have released childhood trauma in this practice. Goodluck Ellie ... aspergers has a deep rooted spiritual angle.
My, my, my . . I am overly empathic and was raised by narcissistic parents and many other family members. Freshly divorced after 33 years of marriage to a narcissistic man. I am in therapy and looking forward to a healthy last chapter of my life.
I am so sorry that you went through that. I am glad though that you are in a positive direction for yourself though! It takes time and the trauma never fully goes away-but you learn how to allow it to be there as part of your reality without having it define you.
Susan. Typical. A young guy came up to me and said "I am a nice guy - why won't women go out with me?". You provided the answer. To nice guys out there: You need to be patient. There are women who like nice guys - about 10% of the population of women. You only need one woman.
Yo, have some grace with yourself throughout this new chapter. It’s okay to feel lonely or hurt at times. I know that I do. Remembering to have grace and empathy for your own emotions is extremely valuable to healing wounds. It heals over time, but may fluctuate often. You can do this. You can do this. Again, you can do this. I wish you the best of luck.
So happy for you, Susan. If you wish to enter a new relationship, make sure you do the choosing. Might I suggest dating sites. You have a large selection, and you can check them out, particularly on the linkedin site. Most people have a public presence on the internet. Choose an fellow empathetic man. There are plenty of us around.
I'm a rescuer, I'm empathetic, a forgiver and daughter of a narcissistic parent! I began to recognize my behavior and the pathology of my relationships (all relationships) while studying for Masters in Social Work. Thank God for that degree and my LMSW, it saved my soul and now I'm assisting others in saving their souls too!
I, too, am empathetic and the child of a narc! I actually start my MSW program in Spring 2022. I just wanted to say hi and that I am SO SURE you are an incredible social worker and are a gift to those around you. It's so admirable that you found healing and are putting your energy towards helping others.
@@stephanies3246 thank you for your words of wisdom. Perhaps it did draw me to the field but you can't be a therapist or social worker or counselor and NOT want to rescue. The problems is when one thinks it's his or her job to save everyone and the world. I leave work at work and live a really balanced life these days.😊
@@39zhanna awww no, it's not an easy task but it's a lifestyle change. Good luck with Breaking those Patterns, you deserve to live in peace. Fight for it.
Just found this. Wow! I am the highly empathic, highly sensitive, child of 2 narcissists who pushed me into parentification and a heavy Helper role (and me being very conscientious by nature played right into their hands, too). After several decades of gradually freeing myself from their clutches, I can say this: it will take them several lifetimes of repeated incarnations to work out the heavy negative Karma they have amassed for themselves! As for me, I never knew freedom tasted this good! :)
I've just realised I was hooked in because I have a high level of empathy and I'm very caring and a good listener, I'm finishing the relationship today, wish me luck 🤞
Hi all, I did finish the relationship,I just said I didn't see a future together and that the distance between us was a problem for me ,I didn't mention the real reason! Anyway I'm now Free and will be more careful in future , knowledge is power ✌️
I’m emphatic and a rescuer. Unfortunately I bred the narcissist, it’s my daughter. Walked on egg shells her whole life until I. Had nothing else left to give. I haven’t seen her in about 10 yrs. it cost me 3of my grandchildren because they “were a package deal”. It cost me a great deal. I know all the kids heard just one side and I suspect there will be a day of reckoning when they are old enough to see me on their own. If I’m even still here.
Watch videos like those made by Ed Charini or Mag Bitter Truth and you will find out much about whats going on around you. If you already have my apologies.
Rescuer with an over-developed sense of empathy who forgives too easily as a product of being raised by two narcissistic parents! Luckily, I've got a good therapist, finally!
Here is my tip as someone having expirienced this myself in my family. Get away! As far as you can! It took me years to get out of this shit. I am still scared if I come home.
I want so bad to get away it's not a boyfriend it's my adult son he treats me so bad he keep reminding me of his hate but won't leave so I really want to get away without money and transportation I'm stuff can someone please help
@@Pebbs12 you are an adult yourself.. any adult can life whereever they want. Victimhood behaviour is toxic as well. It also will draw toxic people in again.
@@user3458 I understand what is said but u said it yourself in your comment it took u years to get away it's not that easy with a narcissist r abuser because u have to play it smart when getting away from harmful people I told my son I was gonna put I'm out and two days later I was real sick yes I believe he tried to poison me so if I get away I want the resources to stay away and not b found
Most Cluster Bs, especially Borderlines and Narcissists are attracted to these traits in people. They have no solid sense of self so they steal it from others.
It’s so weird growing up with narcissistic parents and not knowing how healthy feels like. Only now at 42 I get a glimpse and start meeting amazing healthy people. And I still have thought like “it wasn’t that bad”, “see I lived through it so I can do it again”,… I was also gaslighted by my own therapist for 10 years so test your therapist well before trusting them.
Being a daughter of a narcissistic mother and being myself overly empathic, I realised that my life was surrounded by narcissistic people. I probably cut 70% off people in my life and I have been really careful and aware of them. Yes, we’re like magnets for them.
I have a daughter, 10 months old now. The mother is a narcissistic person. I'm the overly empathic one. I'm very glad to hear that you made it out well. It gives me hope for my daughter in the future not becoming like her mother.
I have PTSD and depression Sometimes anxiety I've seen domestic violence on my mom Narcissists relatives Narcissist and bipolar dad He's been very violent And my mom who would guilt trip me
A true empath never sees the “narcissist” as narcissist. They simply see them as human beings who have experienced trauma and pain. And who needs help and unconditional love.
Oh I’m a rescuer!! I have sent money, I have offered a couch to sleep on ( they outstayed their welcome) I have make food when they are sick , I have helped out with babysitting etc etc . Took me a while to realise I was pretty much being a doormat . I love to help people generally, but I now know when it’s taken for granted .
I am empathic toward myself now, rescuing myself from toxic narcissists, staying positive about myself and my life, forgiving myself for my errors in judgement, and fully "no contact" with my narcissist parent and exes. I am the mindful gatekeeper of my life energy and who I let into my inner circle. Thank you for being one of my gifted teachers in my victorious recovery from senseless abuse. I am free to live my dreams.
When she asked,"Do you know what a narcissist thinks of forgiveness"? I shouted out they see it as a sign of weakness,and know they've won at that point.
For me forgiving a narcissist means that I will let go of my anger toward them, but will not let them have the opportunity to disrespect me again. After forgiving I limit my conversations with them or cut them from my life if possible. Forgiveness is good but you have to have a sense of self-preservation.
You mainly forgive as a means to let go of the negative emotions that still affect you from a person that has done some serious wrong towards you. That doesn't mean you will put a blind eye or forget.
Forgiveness is mandated in the Lord's prayer, but forgiveness is not reconciliation which must be negotiated or not by both parties. So you can forgive someone but not reconcile with them as they may be toxic. Reconciliation is a matter of prudence.
I’m all five and I believed all my life that I am a good person why my partners or closest friends treat me badly…. Thank you Dr. Ramani that video is super helpful and will help me to set and maintain boundaries
@Audacious Day Hmmm really? I think pointing out what we all see isnt helpful..can make a person feel self conscious ..her words are golden , too bad that cant be the topic...all these "public comments " about a perons image or style , creates a focus on how we are" perceived". This is overdone by the opinionated public... facial expressions are very personal ...why comment? how about saying something encouraging...like: "she is so pretty"..that is well deserved and appreciated by any female speaker.. lets be real here.
I would like to add that in my (non professional) experience as a survivor of a 2 year "intimate" relationship with a narcissist it seems narcs prefer honest, authentic people because it makes them appear honest and authentic by association.
So true they try to emulate you to create a totally fake ass "good person". I watch this one female and she is sugary sweet and cloying and disengenuous the entire time. It's quite the "floor show" once you see it and realize it for what it is. We live in the same building so there's no escaping her, only gray rocking.
Narcs value reliability and honesty in others. It would take way too much effort to manage, co-ordinate, and execute their attacks AND have to concern themselves with your veracity, whereabouts, etc also
I am an overly empathic rescuer, and because I always had my shit together, I was a perfect supply for a narcissist. If they needed a ride, I was there. If they needed a drinking buddy, I was there. If they needed to complain about their other friends, I was there. If I ever needed them? They were always busy, something came up last minute, they don't feel well, they don't have their car, they are broke. I am SO beyond RELIEVED these types are gone from my life!!
busy is the biggest lie of the modern age. i got the validation i needed that someone in my life is a HUGE TIME narc when they hoovered back after 2 years of NC. i asked them how are them and their bffs doing -- she burnt EVERY. SINGLE. BRIDGE. then proceeded to spend the afternoon explaining to me why her tantrum act out's were all justified. (guess explains why she stalked me out of the blue). sure enough my bleeding heart gave her her millionth chance for do over -- and what do i get? "so busy. busier than I've ever been in my life in the middle of a pandemic." buhhh bitch.
@@fernfractal This explains a guy I only went on two dates with. Everything was going great, and he kept talking about a next date and said I'll know my work schedule on Thursday. Then Thursday comes along as he's too busy. So I said this is not working for me, and forgot about it. Then after the pandemic starts and everybody's in lockdown, he texts me to see how I am and I'm thinking - you were fine with no contact before the pandemic now all of a sudden you pop up? I asked him what his deal was but he did not address that in his reply, so I just said "I'm fine. Hope you're fine, too" and ignored his reply to that. Seems that I dodged a bullet there.
If you are this thankful that they are out of your life, then it is not really empathy you feel for them. It is like you are only forcing yourself and it is not natural. A true empath never sees them as an additional suffering to their life but a true empath see them as human beings who experience trauma and are lost and so badly need compassion, understanding and unconditional love. If you are hurting then it is conditional as there is an expectation. Ask yourself, is that really empathy?
I’m a rescuer and had insecurities that have attracted narcissists over my lifetime. Your videos have been very helpful. My life is finally in safe and peaceful place.
Me too! Hang in there, I find that the best way for me to divert my attention from the world is to invest in myself in terms of doing the things I love and taking care of myself. Hope this helps somehow
I know there are trustworthy people in the world. I am one, so it's not likely there aren't others. I just don't know how to be sure which ones they are. I can't be sure I won't trust the wrong person.
Take care of yourself, heal and get stronger. I hope you find yourself again, it’s very hard, but worth it. 3 1/2 years out, & I still struggle sometimes, but I can sure see things differently now. 😕
You should check out her video on "what happens when a narcissist meets an authentic person" if you get the chance :) All of these qualities are great on paper, but the way she is talking about them they generally lack wisdom. Without explicitly mentioning this video, she talks about how someone who is confident and centered often puts off narcissists because they are less likely to be pulled in to their games. "Authentic" (her word not mine) people are generally still positive, empathetic, helpful, and forgiving, but they have a wisdom that comes with respecting yourself, keeping your own ego in check, and not needing validation. This is something I'm working on, but the general gist is trying to keep those lovely qualities without that need to be liked and to throw all of your energy into something that won't hear fruit/that will hurt you
Anybody decent, yet without inner boundaries. And that is the crucial turning point that will eventually make you see/sense the narcissist and not be lured in. Experience speaking here, much of it.
I'm #1. And I didn't get out. He threw my idioayncracies into my face and upon confrontation severed contact. 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓
Good comment. I am overly empathic and can remember the exact moment my ex narc chose me within 5 minutes during a conversation we had. Luckily I finally saw the light and was not the complete pushover he thought I was (I had been in a long term relationship with a narc before) so the red flags made me think he was a narcissist and I watched these videos and was convinced, the relationship if you can call it that only lasted just over 4 months, but wow he did a number on me during that time, so glad he’s finally gone.
Same. But I was able to experience some very good moments, after the 5 year relationship. At some point I realized, how much easier life can be, without him.
Don't think of the what ifs, just cut loose and get out of the relationship and never turn back. Find yourself first and don't be manipulated, yes, just spend some time by yourself and watch more videos like this before wasting years with someone who is sucking you dry.
And you said it so perfectly that as a sunny person you loose your innocence in finding out that there are dark individuals and the grief is extremely intense and confusing
ya bcuz kind people will forgive and that is a chance they do again eventually just cuz u allowed them to be in ur life that's why some friends kill each other its true seen it news how wrong friends got a person killed for no reason just madness lol be careful
I’m all 5. This was definitely an earth shattering relationship and taught me a lot about bad people. It still has me super super anxious but I’m happy to be single and away from him after 2.5 years.
It's been 2 years and 1 month for me and remaining single. I'm too messed up after having been in a few of these relationships. Taking this time to reflect on what I ignored and how to protect myself and be able to just cut things off at the first red flag. Too forgiving, too empathetic, tried to rescue, and had a rage-aholic father and codependent mother raised in a "Christian home". I use quotes because my father wasn't very christian but sure used the Bible when it was convenient. I wish you happiness and that we can remember all these videos next time we run into these people again, no matter the type of relationship whether romantic, friendship, work environment etc. They're everywhere and can destroy you anywhere . ♥️
@@johannak5390 hey Johanna.. you may want to also check out Tiffany Buckner on RUclips and Facebook. A lot of what she shares can literally change your life and help you understand yourself in relation to the what Tiffany refers to the narcissist as a “wild animal” you come in contact with in the wilderness season in your life. Start with her video called Jezebel Unmasked. I’m telling you, your understanding as an empath, creative person will forever be changed!
@@johannak5390 It's more about God's purposes and assignment you here on this earth. It's greater than you know! So much so that these types want to so traumatize you that you never know "why" or for "WHAT" you really were created for!
One word that kept comming to mind is BOUNDARIES. I found it vital when dealing with a narcissist. So far and no further. Here's what the consequences will be and carry it out if necessary. The narcissist only listens to action.
Basically you are right. You cannot negotiate with a narcissistic person, you must set up boundaries. The problem though is, the narcissist got you already so handcuffed that you are hardly able to take action. Unless you step out, get an eye opener and build your self esteem. The narcissistic WILL NOT CHANGE - YOU must change your responses to them.
You are right especially when dealing with new people from the beginning BOUNDERIES are key. With old relationships this might not work. Also to express my honest feelings is important so I get where I stand.
@Sheila Mchgee me too! And it's right about it being difficult to assert new boundaries. I had to go no contact with mom. Knowing my boundaries, being aware of people that display behaviors putting them at high risk for using me, and being firm with boundaries tends to push them off in search of easier prey.
yup, I'm a child of a narcissitic mother And the scape goat child.(and overly empathic) At 60 I'm just figuring this out. Thank you for your work Dr Ramami.
Nearly 70, the scapegoat child of 9, overly empathic/forgiver as well, with Narc Mother, whom I care for now. Proof, they never change and will, in fact get worse as they age! I can so relate to the trauma you must have lived with, too. Happy to see, even at 60, you are seeking help/learning, as am I
Me too, 60 as well...no contact or minimal...the realization is overwhelming, I know...🔥🕊⚘it gets better, we are allowed to be respected and treated appropriately.
Yup, I was a rescuer. Wound up marrying someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Took me 2 years and $20,000 to get out and recover my house. Learned the hard way to stay single, set limits, let people take care of themselves.
Please dont judge all people with BPD as been a narc.... that can be true in some cases but not all. This statement seems to be based on one person. There are amazing people with BPD so try to remember to be open minded as we are all different :-) and can have a positive impact on people's lives. If you have ever dated a pwBPD thats not ever been in therapy then thats where the negative opinion stems from..... please also try to remember people with BPD have often had unthinkable things happen to them, without therapy, they can be quite toxic in there thought process as they never learnt good coping skills :-(
@@akhtaruzzamanjoy8524 Although they can overlap, they are two distinct disorders in cluster B. You can be borderline without being narcissistic, however, the difference can be tricky to tell.
@@paulaclark-dyson4005 well I dated an untreated pwBPD so I guess you can feel so much I was suffered by her. Cruel, toxic, insecure, jealous, verbal-physical abuse, Entitled.... And the list goes on.
Sometimes I have to control how much I view your videos and how many I view in one go! This is because my mind goes back to the lies, smearing and injustices. I can find myself sitting alone and crying! I must say, you are great at your job!
How wonderful is this highly educated and informative and intelligent person and how awesome is she for helping us all out for free . I’m so bloody happy I found these videos . Thank you Doctor
If only preachers and anyone else who thinks they should get paid for believing & following Jesus should follow her example. 😔 I know I'm off subject.💖
unfortunatley I am an empath and give give give now I am doing everything I can to take care of myself. I have cut ties with people including loved ones because I have learned with Dr C that I am 1st priority. Thank you Dr . Armani If you continue to keep forgiving the narcassist will never change.
I am positive and I love telling them about all of the great qualities they have. It made me happy to gas them up and say what I felt about them. But after a long time I saw that I was the only one giving compliments, asking them questions, listening to their stories and experiences. I have realized it’s nice to also receive love and have someone that cares about your life, too
All of the above… And it’s lead to me becoming the opposite. Very hard, very harsh, very selfish, very unhelpful, prone to never even giving one second chance. Due to my experiences & the people I was surrounded by I do think that on a short-term basis that was a necessary, even “healthy” overcompensation while I sorted my own perceptions out; but I now need to regain my empathic, caring, considerate, helpful traits, while making sure to be more mindful of who I express them towards & how they respond.
I've been empathic and a rescuer in the past. Now, from what I've been through, I've learned to focus those gifts first inward. Learning to love myself has been my greatest protection against narcissists.
I'm balancing my books.... I was over-giving and over forgiving an never expected anything.... which was exactly what I got... nothing!!! Aged 69 I now approach situations with a 'But what am I getting out of this?'.... not from an aggressive stance but from a protective stance. If a situation begins to drain me I walk the minute I feel my energy leaving,often without even feeling the need to excuse myself. Feel much healthier for developing strategies.
I have an extremely narcissistic mother. Took me almost 70 years to eliminate her toxic self from my life. I now see, I am empathic and raised to think narcissism is totally normal and ok.
Me too but I knew her behaviour wasnt ok but she was my mother and I forgave the nasty, crazy bitch right from the age of 7 when she first shamed my body..... I stopped forgiving her and finally got angry and asserted myself and she then decided after decades of abuse that she'd disown me, just like that. No explanation, none! Nasty, cold, unfeeling, hard, manipulative, self entitled but also very jealous, resentful, toxic, hated me being happy in life, so did anything to gas light and undermine me. I now see the bitch for what she is.
Same here hun. Thank goodness I have female friends around me who are similar. We are supportive of each other and this really helps me feel less isolated while I heal :-/
Beware, female narcissists exist too and they're emotional bullies. Learn more about narcissistic behaviour so you can identify the symptoms and navigate your life around and away from them. They can't prey on capable resilient adults...do the groundwork.
Empath here! Married to a narc almost 25 yrs , engaged to one briefly - narc free and on my own ❤️😊. Thank you Dr Ramani for the insight . I can def spot them now.
Exactly me girlfriend! I was out after 17yrs. Then was targeted again after divorce by a malignant narcissist. I finally learnt my lesson after doing the research and inner work to spot them. I've been off the dating scene for 4 yrs now and feel I'm at peace and happier than ever in my 50's.
Immediately thought of my dad when she mentioned that 😂 He'd keep us kids waiting in the car at the gas station for TWO HOURS while he explained his whole life story of "persecution" and "overcoming" to a random stranger he had just met.
As a Christian I am taught to forgive And when I was in a relationship with a (now it’s clear to me ) a narcissist I used to forgive him and stay Because you should forgive But then I sat there and read the Bible “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” And I realized how important it is to keep our heart safe as it’s the source of our love , energy, happiness. And if we do not protect it we will not be able to spread all that love . Jesus also never stayed at places where people tried to hurt or kill him He left to next city So when encountering bad behavior You should forgive and bless the person and run for the hills .
God bless you for sharing this Rachel! Forgiveness is great but it doesn't require our detriment! I wish I was taught this Biblical basis for forgiveness early on. Would have saved a lifetime of heartache.
The church don't tell you that you have to love your self as others? Ok.. forgive is something and be addicted to someone is too much difference. Don't use the church for excuses. Forgive is the feeling of freedom, not think about revenge or hates, that is forgiveness. No "pretend that this never happened and keep going and be ready for the next time because will happen again". That are excusea
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
1. Overly empathic people
2. Rescuers
3. Overly positive people
4. Forgivers
5. Children of narcissistic parents
Signed, your ADHD friend. ;-)
I'm all 5, but I'm also a child of God! So that makes me strong
Sunflower Love it’s so awesome when someone does this. You rock
Oh my god!! I agree 10000%
I'm all 5
It makes sense now
Thanks!
They choose the most good people and punish them for their kind hearts
Amen!
Because they do not have kind hearts themselves. And since they are so perfect, to be kind hearted must be wrong.
Kindness equals weakness to them. They are also mistrustful and think they have to outsmart you before get them.
SAY IT AGAIN! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
So true!!
Sometimes I think its jealousy. They want to destroy what they can't be.
Yes I thought that too when at the end he called me Perfect Girl with irony
Absolutely. They want you around because of the qualities that you possess and which they never can have. By having you around they hope that these qualities somehow get transferred to them (that's a poignant reminder of the narcissist's delusion), alas, they are intrinsic to a particular person and cannot be mapped to someone else.
Once they realize that they cannot have what they are craving, envy and hatred are going to set in. Hence the narcissistic cycle: Love bombing, devaluation, discard. Rinse and repeat with their new source of supply.
In case you are noticing a pattern here, it's the very definition of insanity: Doing the same thing again and again while hoping for different results after each iteration.
Spot on. I’m starting to catch on to my narcissistic friend
Depends who it is, one is trying to destroy me as I know what they are like the other one uses me to get attention from others using my difficulties.
So true Robert!
I scored 5/5. What do I win? Oh, a heap of narcissistic relationships? Yep. Been there. Done that. ☹️ I’m resolved to use all the positive, empathic, forgiving energy on myself. 😊❤️
6:14 I am watching this and hardly holding my laughter. I completely cover #1, #2 and #3 so far. And yes, I just learned what "narcissist" even means.. and yes, that explains SO much of my life ;d;d;d;d
PS: yep, #4 greatly applies to me as well..
#5.. most probably, YES? but, I'm not sure yet, because I just learned about this and I'm processing so much information ;d
anyhow, I love the person that I am, I will never ever change that! but knowing about this kind of people, makes going trough life soo much easier.. and most of all, it takes away the horrible horrible feeling of being "betrayed".. ^^
Me too. The last three relationships I’ve had lasted 6 years each. I think that’s a sign 🤦♀️
Same here😊
And maybe in the end, THAT is the lesson: Self Love
Me too. Please somebody tell me that they made it out😢
"Never trust a person more than two times. Once was a warning, twice was a lesson and anything more than that is simply taking advantage".
Yep! Finally getting this
GOLD.
Same!
@@supergreengirl5721If you mean me, I don't see what it cost me, and it was quite funny. I can't do it anymore without everyone agreeing that he is not a real person, or him becoming one, but it was an adventure. I have been the primary caregiver of my elderly mum, who is in the advanced stage of dementia and was used to having a more robust intellectual life, sex life, life in general before this phase. Knowing and talking with him was intellectually stimulating and useful to me, even though I don't recommend falling in love with a ghost on the internet as ultimately useful. Worse things have happened. It is probably emotionally worse to be rejected by someone who has been a real person. I don't even get a real pain from the loss. I would be too embarrassed to tell even my closest friends. It was still an adventure I will never forget.
I don't know what it meant to him or if it is time for him to move on. I accept whatever it is. I am lucky to have known him, whoever he was. He helped bring me back to life. I know that it is counterintuitive to the role of ghosts or catfish on the internet. You can't do justice to the psychology of all this with slogans about narcissists.I am not sure who is the narcissist. I don't need him as something else. Wouldn't he have to be a real person for that? Does that mean he should go? I am open to finding a man now. It doesn't have to be him. That depends on how he feels about it.
I don't see what the "taking advantage" was, though. Wouldn't that be evident? I pretty much enjoyed myself. If he is never going to be more than a ghost, he has to specify that. That's all.
I'm all 5. At this point in my life, I'm afraid of people. I just pray that God surrounds me with protection and gives me discernment and strength.
You go girl, God way more powerful! Know the song? Annie Lennox, Missionary Man? Ya well don't mess with.... The weak are mean, the strong are kind!
Betsy Q that’s me too sweetheart
I hope that for you, Betsy. And I hope for that for myself.
I got 4/5. I kept reading sadly hoping someone would make it past 3 so I wouldn't feel so "alone" in this. Dang. I guess thank goodness I'm not a positive person?? I wish you the best moving forward. Knowing our vulnerabilities is a good part of the battle.
I understand how you feel! But don't give up. When you are healed or on your way to healing the right people will come into your life. Hang in there, getting well is a journey but you're on the right path!
They take kindness for weakness. Until we don't allow it anymore.
Amen !
@Bill Bruckner I agree. As soon as you quit “playing the game” with them things can turn ugly. I had no idea mine would go to the lengths he did to “win”. I was so very careful the second time. 😊
@@sfvaitkus For me there was no second time. I walked away. Never put yourself in that situation again. Its ok to walk away
@Bill Bruckner trust me. The second time around was not with him. My husband now is amazing, and I swore I would never get married again. I was just careful when dating, if anyone even raised their voice to me I would be out. I can’t be around people that call names or lash out to hurt you during an argument.
@@sfvaitkus Seems we both learned something. A healthy positive mind is much better. Bravo on the second marriage. I hear they are better. Well done
I've known a lot of narcissists. And all of them choose the kindest, most tolerant & forgiving partners. And proceed to make those good people absolutely miserable.
I have learned that some people are best forgiven from a safe distance.
@Alison James - Good point of view, very good one :)
Completely agree 💯
So true.
You don't have to forgive.
Always forgive, it's for your soul. Not theirs.
The more I learned about narcissists, the more I realized that, if possible, the best way to deal with them, is to stay away from them.
I'm distancing myself now..
Freddy Perez damn straight!
Hahahaaaaaaaaaa!!! You're definitely getting the hang of this! :D
There is no any other option.Distance yourself from them and create a Narc free buffer zone around you.
For sure! My daughter is a Narc and I blocked her from contacting me one year ago. It’s been awesome but I miss the grandkids.
I started as overly positive, then turned into a rescuer. After that i became a forgiver.. Now i feel like giving the world my middle finger.
Me too!! I do it all the time
I have , I’m a recluse on the most part.
Me too!
Yes
Yeahh im doing it also to everyone i can. Now i will be a Middlefingerer
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them -- the first time."
The key is being able to see it.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your helping us see it.
What interests me is that many narcissists I’ve experienced insist that they are themselves empaths and spiritually advanced.
Please don't scare me by saying that
Yes
I concur ... They are having ability to mimic just about anything as their own trait.
@@MethuselahMusic you hit the nail on the head .... they are great character actors ... i caught narcissists talking to me exactly using my lines and thoughts in argument as their own. i seen them replay parents scholarly skills and its believable, until you realise that they cannot live out the words they speak!!!
me too, and they actually believe it, but the actions don't match
“Be very careful who you try to rescue; you may be interrupting their karma.”
No such thing as Karma .. Karma is the way of the world...has no substance..
Never interrupt someone who is in the process of destroying him/herself.
Sharon B anything that is made better or improved is good. Regardless of karma. You don’t have to do karma. There is a choice
Brilliant
interesting.
To a narcissist, you will always be simultaneously too much and not enough.
Yaviel yes! That has been the very theme I’ve often felt. It is exhausting!
Very well said
Thank u
whew, I felt that.
Yes!!!
Overly empathic rescuer plus positive forgiver--and a child of a narcissist mother! OMG! It took me 75 years to figure this out- set limits- and learn to walk away! I wish I had learned it earlier- but better now than later!
We empaths need to stick together, let's be friends!
Good luck with that most empaths are introverts
@@meeks4004 why are you exposing me 😭
@@truvy_5544 🤣🤣im dead...hahaha
I am overly empathic and I am not an introvert. I’m definitely an extrovert.
@@ladywarrior5866 and in my opinion that is precisely why you may be a target for narcissists being empathetic and extrovert at the same time causes them to envy your empathy and also Envy the fact that you are extroverted because those two qualities make a very likeable person...
“My kindness is not your doormat “.
Love that quote! I may use it❤
Been my Quote since childhood. My first 30yrs I say were hell but learning and growing my next 30 will be great. Better understanding and skills to handle them and protect myself
Amen!
ormorphe thank you for the quote!
“My kindness is not your doormat “.
what is it then?
I'm a Christian; therefore I tend to forgive people's mistakes. However, I always keep in mind that FORGIVENESS is one thing, CONTINUING THE RELATIONSHIP is another thing. Sometimes, you have to forgive & let go.
That's right, brother. Forgive, but never forget.
Forgiveness is conditional upon repentance.
I am a Christian and finally left my husband.. death by pin pricks.
I learned this lesson as making a distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness involves one choosing not to dwell on past hurt or trauma, or the effects one suffered as a result of such past hurts or traumas. Reconciliation, on the other hand, involves one choosing to end or discontinue the relationship because it is no longer working out for them, and they see no benefit, or not enough benefit to outweigh the trouble, in maintaining such a relationship. Forgiveness is choosing not to collect on a debt, but reconciliation is choosing to continue doing business with the other party (if one may use a business metaphor as an analogy). Therefore, one can still forgive, even if they decide not to reconcile, and forgiveness does not necessarily entail reconciliation.
Amen
my dad is a horrible dark narcissist and yes, I have attracted a string of relationships with men with narcissistic traits. The last one I ended months ago. It broke my heart to pieces, but I decided that my empathic, forgiving, giving nature was not to be abused by any man ever again. I am in the process of healing from all this misuse and abuse thanks to your videos! Namaste
Don’t give up! The world needs you!
Hope you’re in a better place now, do your best to learn from all the bad experiences and make way for the beautiful future you desire.
To anyone who got out of a relationship with a narc
I'm so so proud of you ❤️
Edit: For the past 10 months I've been getting so many replies on this comment regarding all your unfortunate experiences with narcs 😓
I hope you'll are doing better now ❤️❤️❤️
Keep on moving and stay strong 💪
Be proud of yourself ✨
Thanks 😊 right back at you
Thanks. I almost didn’t make it out..still recovering from the trauma.
@@anne-marierizzo4671 it's okay ❤️❤️ even I took a year to completely get over him but still get triggered by some memories, you can do it!! ❤️❤️ Keep going ❤️💫
Thank you bbe 🥰
I got out, but I still believe it was my fault. :(
Those of us who have experienced these predators are not attracting them, we are attractive to them.
As a Rescuer I've felt attracted towards mine. I got 4/5 and I can see how 3 of those would be attractive to Narcs, but in my mind Rescuers could go both ways.
I just hope one day I can attract somebody healthy.
Yes!!!
Thank you!! We should NOT blame the victims!
First rule then would be if the person likes you a lot red flag.
This is the kind of thing they need to teach in health class.
Yess
I'll sign this petition.
@Under Doggg Not in my experience. The worst I have had are those who are lousy at their job so they get stuck with teaching the classes the good teachers don't want.
Doctors and lawyers are narcs, mostly.
@@donnawoodford6641 Anecdotal perhaps but I have had GREAT experiences with Doctors.
I’m empathic, positive, rescuer and a forgiver. After 5 years of narcissistic relationships I finally figured it out and it toughened me up big time. I still am all of these things I’ve just learned who is actually worth these things and who isn’t. it was a tough lesson to learn and I can agree that I felt my innocence was destroyed. Learning how to still be a good person and protect myself from narcissistic abuse helped me to heal. I can spot the. A mile away now 🙏🏼
I love this 💚
#wiser without dropping virtue.
How do you spot them , what’s the first thing cutting your attention ? And alert…
💯
I’m all 5 and I realized that all my close friends and relationship are narcissistic. Life makes more sense now.
@Zoey Greer Do not second guess yourself. When we start to realize the truth about others is difficult to believe because we think we know them so well but it is just a mask that they showed us. On my journey of recovery, I also find it difficult to find love for myself and second guess if I made the right choice but these people broke my inner peace and I realized I do not need that energy. You are a strong beautiful soul that deserves people who love and respect you.
narcissism is a trait many persons can have it in various amounts. i dont believe in binary labels
I'm just having the same epiphany!!
Me too. It's so hard to rewire.
@@jenniebloom I think the key is to learn how to self-love. Trust in yourself and believe you deserve people who grow with you not chain you down.
I am the 70 year old "child" of narcissistic parents. Am just now understanding how my life became what it is.
My thoughts are with you. Wishing your strength, courage and wisdom.
me toooo
55 here, quite the same... better late than never, I think...
Thank you Sal.
That’s how we start ... with Understanding...and it’s never to late! All the best to you and your recovery.
I was a forgiver. It took me years to figure out that many people take kindness as a form of weakness.
@Rune Quester I went thru the same thing. I'm a forgiver, but I'm also a rescuer. I've been single now over a yr and a half and spend alot of this time doing self improvement and getting educated on how not to put myself back in those toxic relationships. I am 46 and I may have been In 1 healthly relationship. I don't even remember what that feels like. Watching her videos are reminding me of what a healthLy relationship is suppose to be.
YAAS!
i have a rule. for really serious matters like trust, only forgive once.
@Chuze Me forgive but do not forget
But are forgiving and kindness two separate things? Many people mistake kindness for weakness . My rule of thumb is that I'll be kind and do something or help somebody , but if they start expecting it , I take it away. Also if someone is not willing to put any effort to help themselves , why should I help them ? That's just doing it for them.
I am the child of a narcissistic mother and have a narcissistic bipolar sister. I am a very empathetic person, I am a rescuer/fixer, I am very forgiving, extremely positive and I have been heartbroken and disappointed by numerous narcissistic men and also friends. I have been divorced twice and I can see that both times I married my mother and I have friends who are narcissists because I see now that I am codependent. Healing from all of this has been an enormous task and is ongoing. I am looking for relationships with people who are more like myself right now than like the nuclear family I grew up in. It's a good thing I am very positive or I would have given up on finding real, meaningful love many years ago. I love your channel Dr. Ramini. You very succinctly put into words what people like myself have struggled to define all of our lives. Keep up the good work and thank you.
One thing I’ve learned over the years-narcissists are really good at LOOKING good-they’ll even go out of their way to appear like caring, empathic people, (because they know people love and adore people who care), but when the chips are down and it REALLY matters, they won’t show up for you (unless it’s something they can brag about later or have witnesses to). And to add insult to injury, they may even try to “compete” with your issue and try to get out of having to support you by claiming to be dealing with their own “equally” upsetting issue. Bottom line? It’s ALWAYS about them. Never you. 😞
impromptu3000 , so glad you could put it into all the exact perfect words. Yes! Yes! I end up making a comment and it becomes a book so I delete. Great comment.
So spot on!
Wow I feel so inlightend! But just realized that I have been married to one for 30yrs! We have been separated for the last 10yrs! I have blamed my self for everything in my life and the children who are adults now with kids of their own and I see now ( not saying I was or am perfect or just good) how it has impacted my adult kids and how they feel and act that has drizzled down into my grandchildren. Lord help us
Only their victim gets to see the monster! In public they are a great guy!
@@stannystockholm8865 I have been there too! 22 years with a narcissist only to remarry another one!
"Forgiveness is permission" for the narcissist. That couldn't be more accurate in my life. I am all 5 types.
Keda C I’m all 5 as well so let’s try to figure out how to keep them away or figure out healthy spaces
Keda C, Only 5? lol
Not forgiving ourselves is very might be our oversight. If we keep forgiving those who constantly punish us, we are NOT forgiving ourselves and just may be engaging in an unskillful form of forgiveness.
I also am a blend of these...
Note to Susan Collins...🙄
Me: Empathetic. Overly Positive. Forgiver. I blamed myself for years. I see my "insanity" clearly now.
The problem was that I kept looking at myself and trying to change ME in hopes of stopping THEIR abuse.
There's nothing wrong with you baby.
@@ephesians28-93 Well done for being this strong! I know how hard it probably was. I hope it's because u developed a strong sense of core self. Your sister honestly showed who she really is, which confirmed your suspicions of who she really is. She seems drama hungry.. So weird. And perhaps masking it as caring for u? Drama, or attention..
Me too.. I so feel you here.
Sammmmmmmmmmeee 🙄🙄🙏🏾
Absolutely
I was overly empathetic and a rescuer. For years I had let people practically suck the life out of me, while trying to rescue them. I thought it was my responsibility to fix their problems, even though It was not true and not possible. While growing up, it was the message I was given by my narcissistic mother, “Just give in”, “Just apologize, even if you weren’t wrong”, “Just go above and beyond to help your sister, because she has had such a rough life, etc.” “But YOUR feelings don’t really matter”.
I do finally have boundaries now though, and some people don’t like me anymore, because they can’t use me. Too bad.😊
Wow. Your family sounds just like mine. I also had to break free from the use and abuse. But I did it. Good for you, too.
How did you do that.
This should be taught at school.
macnavi
Start at home.
@@hyg44gu54 A narcissist will affect a child's personality. Not tell you they are a narcissist, nor will they tell you how to protect yourself from it, nor will they tell you you are being abused. A school can turn the light on in children's brains what you can do, or how you will be affected. They are the second opinion.
I grew up with a step mom who now I know is narcissistic and sociopathic . I wasted my whole life wondering what the f is wrong with her. Now I know to stay away. She's always been the same. They WON'T CHANGE. It really ruins a lot about you like you said with kids.
@@Charmed_Ridge that is really damaging and traumatizing for are child, did you take a therapy or how did you go threw that? If I may ask.
Sami: thanks for a response :) Its nice to be able to talk to someone. I've gone to therapy and the therapist didn't even know what to say about my family situation. I'll go to someone else someday, when I can. I really don't know what to do about it. It would be a lot to explain but my mom is gone and dealt with that for a majority of my life & still am. I don't know what to do/how to deal with it other than try not to think about it or focus on work & other stuff. Music helps A Lot. Its very healing but it doesn't go away.
I love your, “Learn to forgive yourself, not the narcissist” guidance!
YES. forgive yourself for being the version of yourself who attracted the narc in the first place. (and then change!)
Thats the key... forgive YOURSELF and the rest will flow.
This video is gold.
I scored 5 out of 5.
My mantra now:
"It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war."
I also can take all 5....... worn out of narcissism
Super liked. I'm a warrior at all front from now on.
Where did you get that mantra? I love it!
I’m 4/5. Everything but overly positive person. I’m an empath, rescuer, forgiver and grew up with horrible malignant narcissist father. At 45 years old I still keep ending up in abusive toxic relationships all the time and am completely burned out in every aspect of my life. I suffer from crippling depression as a result of CPTSD, severe abandonment issues and codependency. I wish I would have money to get some kind of therapy or treatment….
I'm all 5. My father was a narcissist so I never developed a healthy sense of self or self worth. Spent all my life giving, forgiving, understanding, people pleasing and accepting abuse because I didn't know better.
33 years old now.
33 yrs old as well and I’m also all 5. I’m reclaiming my life now as I believe that God is making all things new in my life.
Queen Bee - You're young. You learned early. Thank God. I spent 21 years married into a psychopathic family. Got rid of that mess and dated another for 10 years and kept him in my life for another 15.
My mother was one and my sister. Done with them also. Once you are educated on this subject you can't go back. 66 am enjoying my solitude and freedom.
@@1SaltyGirl I pray that God’s peace will continue to lead you into spaces and places and around people who are worthy of you.
@@1SaltyGirl❤ I wish you happiness. It gets better every day.
@@beautydefined1601we can do this. Good luck on your journey.
As a Christian I have found that there is a fine line between compassion and enabling
Same here JD. Christ is showing me the way (saved and delivered 10 years ago), and I’m learning balance and when to draw the line. We need to walk in forgiveness while at the same time, not cast our pearls to swine, and not be abused and walked all over.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing my empathetic personality, but that’s not true. We can be empaths and kind hearted people while still having boundaries. And enabling tends to hurt both people, so not enabling is much healthier and doesn’t make us mean or less of a kind person to learn to say the word “no”.
@@malarie532 There is a Christian book out there that deals with that subject, something do to with how Jesus set healthy boundaries for himself when he was among people. Sorry I don't remember the title, I think it is from the 80's or 90's.
HelenHighwater thank you! I’ll look into it,:sounds like a good read that I could really benefit from!
Totally agree.
Good point. I believe it is important to forgive people but that doesn't have to mean allowing bad behavior all over again.
“Narcissists use forgiveness as permission.” Absolutely true. We can forgive without letting someone back into our lives. This way we don’t hold a resentment that only serves to hurt us.
But what to do when court/Judge forces them back into your life?
@@sja7186 grey rock and least amount of communication necessary. Keep it strictly to the kids if that’s what’s going on.
@@sja7186 Lord help you if that's the case And consistent sessions with your Psychologist is sensible.Stay healthy and keep learning.
Yep! As a christian, I can say Jesus expects me to forgive every time (70 x 7 and then some!), BUT, if someone is continually abusing you as part of their narcissistic ways, you are biblically not obligated to reconcile right away, but rather, encourage that person to get counselling to help them first, then the relationship.
@@catherinepeters9014 I am sorry as Muslim believer in the death and resurrection big our savior in christ.Admonish you to forgive which means to not nurse a grudge against anyone for your own Psychological well-being.But by all cost runaway from the predator permeantly and report them to be predator in jail and experience how it feels to be prey upon in jail by other predators.And if you are neglectful of this warning you are allowing yourself to be prey upon again.Resist the devil in he will flee from thee.The devil is a predator.
I am actually all of those chategories: empathic/overly optimistic/forgiver/people pleaser and I have a narcisstic mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, and grandmother. As a 40yr old man, it has taken me decades to finally unravel and define the nature of the trauma, dysfunction, and generational patterns that I have experienced throughout my life.
Thank God for you Dr. Ramani and others like you providing this advice to help us navigate these difficult relationships. Recently, my Narcissistic Grandmother died and left behind property to myself and two of my narcissistic siblings and while they tried to force me to giveaway my share to them, I stood my ground and established healthy boundaries and managed the situation. Thanks, again!
What I learned the hard way:
"If you confuse my good-natured manner with stupidity,
I will throw you out of my life faster
than you can count to three. "
Hell yeah.. it's painful but that's the best way to save urself from extreme toxicity in future
Wonderful words!
That's me too people always say I'm dumb and I'm just being nice
@@christophermcgirt6198 be from time to time a ass, so people can apprechiate if you be nice
I once said to someone, don't confuse my kindness with weakness.
Narcissists look for a empath, a person who won’t stand up for themselves. They will break that person down and inflict there insecurities on that person to make themselves feel better.
Or enjoy the fight if empath stands up for himself, cause fight hurt empath, on the thrill of narc. Just getting emotional reaction is what they want, is what they lack. I cannot see them otherwise than spoiled children that never matured, and developed some parts of personality. As if they got lost while chasing shortcuts
That's why it's very important for empaths to build boundaries and stick to the rules you make.
Happened to me but I stood up to him.
My ex now does that to our daughter because he can no longer do it to me. Daughter getting wiser and is at the point of cutting him out of her life.
A narc parent and sibling, have to distance yourself. Theyre manipulative, very arrogant, they lie and play the victim to try to convince others. Its all a game to them, its all ego. They're emotionally immature. Playing one person off the other. I've seen the narc meltdown/rage, they realised I didnt fall for it, they were not happy, so then resorted to tearing my character to shreds to anyone who'd listen. Its a life long game for them. Self entitlement and having to win at any cost is what its all about. No conscience, no concern, only for themselves - its only ever for themselves. Although they think theyre one step ahead of everyone, they're actually very predictable but can't see it, they think everyone else is stupid ...... 🤨🤔
I am praying and sending my love to everyone who’s still suffering from narcissistic relationships X
Thanks, starting to wonder if I've become one myself...
A sweet thought
See, I see that as a boundary violation - cringy, to have someone fuss about in my life, worrying about if I get a good parking place, or coffee.... or condescending to pray for me...
@@leahg3926 Why is it condescending? It could be a. caring gesture....
@@jeanisdancing it’s not. Praying? It doesn’t do anything. It’s a really weird and pointless way to say “I care about eeeeeeeveryone”
I’m definitely an empathetic rescuer. I’m constantly rescuing animals also! 🐈⬛🦆🐕🦺🐈🐾Lol thank goodness animals aren’t narcissistic! 😂😂 thanks for your awesome videos! ❤️
I cried when you touched on the loss of innocence in the realization of how chillingly dark humanity can be. I want to throw up every time I look back on how convincing someone so deceptive was able to make me feel so secure in the relationship. You I think that was the worst part of it for me. Frankly, it scares me
i can relate so much to your story. Stay strong ❤
Me too on the crying! Hugs to you dear
It is very scary. I am glad I didn't not introduce him to my child. He didn't even do anything to physically harm me but just the way he switched it made my blood run cold.
Yes
“I won’t let him ruin who I am”. The lovely girl Nextdoor while discussing our horrible ex’s.
When you said "forgiveness is permission," wow, that cut me to the heart. What an eye opener. Thank you
That's when we have to learn that just because we forgive someone does not mean we have to take them back. I need to learn that with myself more than anybody I know.
Same here. I've been giving my mom "permission" for almost 20 years after I moved to the same city she's in.
They also view it as weakness. Even as far as believing you deserve the treatment you get because you're 'stupid' enough to put up with it. Truly twisted people.
@@marilaglubag I forgave and took them back even after they did not accept my forgiveness, but it turned out to be great disaster, like accidentally triggering an atom bomb 😭
@@loverofthelostnarc I completely understand. I did too. However, there will come a time when enough is enough. It may take a year, five years, ten years, forty years but there will come a time when you realize that you're happier without them than when you're with them. Also, having a strong support system would help you get there faster. To me, that's the game changer.
I am the the child of a narcissist, extremely empathic and a positive person. Unfortunately, I have been attracting narcissists my whole life and didn’t realize it for what it was until now.
I feel for you. In the same boat. Hopefully we will find the right shore.😊
There are two aspects this, which are mutually exclusive. Attracting the narc in the first place, and getting rid of them at the first signs of red flags. I have managed to master the second but not the first. I still seem to the sticky jam jar for whom the narc wasps buzz around.
Same here... as I learn more about it I am realizing I am surround by them - some are extreme and some are “mild” (for lack of a better word). But they are all helping me to learn, grow and protect myself.
It's pretty easy to spot a narcissist. If they talk too much, or like to flatter people, they are dangerous people.
I see that now about someone that just came into my life over a year ago. That is exactly what I noticed but didn’t understand what it exactly was or how to define it. 🤯
I have Asperger's Syndrome and have always been a very sensitive individual, emotionally-speaking. Currently learning about my ex-partner's narcissistic personality. There are times I look back on the relationship and feel like something was wrong but always made excuses or ignored how I was feeling. When they came to me saying they still had feelings for me, I paid close attention to their actions, words, and how my body was feeling and reacting to them. Needless to say, something felt very off and I told them I couldn't be with them.
aspergers persons seem wonderful beings, mostly!!! I met two such and then there is Elon Musk, so awesome! I managed to assist both to overcome some of their common inherent issues affecting their karmic debt. It worked wonders for both! I encouraged them to serve the needy by making food with their own hands and personally handing out! Both seemed to have released childhood trauma in this practice. Goodluck Ellie ... aspergers has a deep rooted spiritual angle.
What patterns did you observe to conclude your ex was a narcissist?
My, my, my . . I am overly empathic and was raised by narcissistic parents and many other family members. Freshly divorced after 33 years of marriage to a narcissistic man. I am in therapy and looking forward to a healthy last chapter of my life.
I am so sorry that you went through that. I am glad though that you are in a positive direction for yourself though! It takes time and the trauma never fully goes away-but you learn how to allow it to be there as part of your reality without having it define you.
Susan. Typical. A young guy came up to me and said "I am a nice guy - why won't women go out with me?". You provided the answer.
To nice guys out there: You need to be patient. There are women who like nice guys - about 10% of the population of women. You only need one woman.
Yo, have some grace with yourself throughout this new chapter. It’s okay to feel lonely or hurt at times. I know that I do. Remembering to have grace and empathy for your own emotions is extremely valuable to healing wounds. It heals over time, but may fluctuate often. You can do this. You can do this. Again, you can do this. I wish you the best of luck.
So happy for you, Susan. If you wish to enter a new relationship, make sure you do the choosing. Might I suggest dating sites. You have a large selection, and you can check them out, particularly on the linkedin site. Most people have a public presence on the internet. Choose an fellow empathetic man. There are plenty of us around.
Woo-hoo! YAY! Hang in there, girl - its worth it.
I knew being a hermit was going to pay off one of these days....
lol
Lol, just my type 🤭. Why is a hermit so hard to find?! 🤔🤭
Wow , 5 out of 5
That does not work if the narc is your parent(s)
lol
I'm a rescuer, I'm empathetic, a forgiver and daughter of a narcissistic parent! I began to recognize my behavior and the pathology of my relationships (all relationships) while studying for Masters in Social Work. Thank God for that degree and my LMSW, it saved my soul and now I'm assisting others in saving their souls too!
The rescuer in you may have been what drew you to social work. Be care and keep good boundaries.
Same here and never learned my lesson. Just opened business with narcissist
I, too, am empathetic and the child of a narc! I actually start my MSW program in Spring 2022. I just wanted to say hi and that I am SO SURE you are an incredible social worker and are a gift to those around you. It's so admirable that you found healing and are putting your energy towards helping others.
@@stephanies3246 thank you for your words of wisdom. Perhaps it did draw me to the field but you can't be a therapist or social worker or counselor and NOT want to rescue. The problems is when one thinks it's his or her job to save everyone and the world. I leave work at work and live a really balanced life these days.😊
@@39zhanna awww no, it's not an easy task but it's a lifestyle change. Good luck with Breaking those Patterns, you deserve to live in peace. Fight for it.
Just found this. Wow! I am the highly empathic, highly sensitive, child of 2 narcissists who pushed me into parentification and a heavy Helper role (and me being very conscientious by nature played right into their hands, too). After several decades of gradually freeing myself from their clutches, I can say this: it will take them several lifetimes of repeated incarnations to work out the heavy negative Karma they have amassed for themselves! As for me, I never knew freedom tasted this good! :)
I've just realised I was hooked in because I have a high level of empathy and I'm very caring and a good listener, I'm finishing the relationship today, wish me luck 🤞
I hope you were successful, I wish you the best
All the power to you be strong and whatever you do don't look back my fellow empath
Hi all, I did finish the relationship,I just said I didn't see a future together and that the distance between us was a problem for me ,I didn't mention the real reason! Anyway I'm now Free and will be more careful in future , knowledge is power ✌️
Lucky you! Congratulations on your quick decisive action. Hooray for you! Id buy you a coffee if you worked in my office.
@@annvirco7308 thanks for the update and congratulations, girl!!
This should be shown to kids as early as possible. could have saved me a lot of grief as a Teenager
How old are you now?
I agree . I feel the same
Ikr me too
I always said, Psychology should be a required subject, starting in 6th grade. It's the most important.
I’m emphatic and a rescuer. Unfortunately I bred the narcissist, it’s my daughter. Walked on egg shells her whole life until I. Had nothing else left to give. I haven’t seen her in about 10 yrs. it cost me 3of my grandchildren because they “were a package deal”. It cost me a great deal. I know all the kids heard just one side and I suspect there will be a day of reckoning when they are old enough to see me on their own. If I’m even still here.
This video is scary, I fit into all five categories. Presently doing a lot of self work for healing and moving forward.
you are quite alright - just dont go near a narcissist
@@caribcarib4337 Most people we know happen to be narcissists. So I self quarantained for the past two years. This corona thing is a breeze for me.
Same here. Cut out lot of narcissists more to go.
Watch videos like those made by Ed Charini or Mag Bitter Truth and you will find out much about whats going on around you. If you already have my apologies.
@@caribcarib4337 I've attracted 2 of them and my parents are both
Empathetic Captain saver here… thanks to Dr Ramani my soul sister I’m finally giving myself permission to rescue MYSELF ❤
Rescuer with an over-developed sense of empathy who forgives too easily as a product of being raised by two narcissistic parents! Luckily, I've got a good therapist, finally!
Same. Grew up crazy so always try to help the next.
🙋🏻♀️
So glad to hear dear sir!!! Hugs!
I didn't realize i was with a narcissist until i left him. Holy shit these people are evil. So glad i found this channel.
Here is my tip as someone having expirienced this myself in my family. Get away! As far as you can! It took me years to get out of this shit. I am still scared if I come home.
I want so bad to get away it's not a boyfriend it's my adult son he treats me so bad he keep reminding me of his hate but won't leave so I really want to get away without money and transportation I'm stuff can someone please help
@@Pebbs12 you are an adult yourself.. any adult can life whereever they want. Victimhood behaviour is toxic as well. It also will draw toxic people in again.
@@user3458 I understand what is said but u said it yourself in your comment it took u years to get away it's not that easy with a narcissist r abuser because u have to play it smart when getting away from harmful people I told my son I was gonna put I'm out and two days later I was real sick yes I believe he tried to poison me so if I get away I want the resources to stay away and not b found
Me too, now I know, he was so gallant to me, too caring, pamper me, after found out he has another gf and exes still in touched with him.
1. Overly empathic
2. Rescuers
3. Overly positive people
4. Forgivers
5. Children of narcissistic parents
Does it also have any advantages to be all 5 of them?
@@Layla-uy9to
No just 5x the NPD magnet.
@Kaz Blackweirdo
They really do!!
Most Cluster Bs, especially Borderlines and Narcissists are attracted to these traits in people. They have no solid sense of self so they steal it from others.
Thank you
It’s so weird growing up with narcissistic parents and not knowing how healthy feels like.
Only now at 42 I get a glimpse and start meeting amazing healthy people.
And I still have thought like “it wasn’t that bad”, “see I lived through it so I can do it again”,…
I was also gaslighted by my own therapist for 10 years so test your therapist well before trusting them.
Being a daughter of a narcissistic mother and being myself overly empathic, I realised that my life was surrounded by narcissistic people.
I probably cut 70% off people in my life and I have been really careful and aware of them.
Yes, we’re like magnets for them.
I've cut off everyone. Now I'm alone.
Me too. Now I guard my heat!
fellow daughter of narcissistic mother here….. i feel for you. it’s such an invisible battle.
I have a daughter, 10 months old now. The mother is a narcissistic person. I'm the overly empathic one. I'm very glad to hear that you made it out well. It gives me hope for my daughter in the future not becoming like her mother.
I have PTSD and depression
Sometimes anxiety
I've seen domestic violence on my mom
Narcissists relatives
Narcissist and bipolar dad
He's been very violent
And my mom who would guilt trip me
A true empath never sees the “narcissist” as narcissist. They simply see them as human beings who have experienced trauma and pain. And who needs help and unconditional love.
And that’s exactly the problem and why they get taken advantage of
Vanessa Pavlovic and that’s not the empath loss, but the victim of ignorance. For he only loses his peace of mind.
Yess sssss i wanna give you a virtual hug
@@nesspav 💯👏
Narcs ain't human
They are 💩 asses!
😄
Someone once said to me, "you are not drama but you are a drama magnet." Now I know why.
Yep, it just follows me.
I relate to this... lack of boundaries.
I've meet people like that. They need to learn to kick people out of their lives.
Oh I’m a rescuer!! I have sent money, I have offered a couch to sleep on ( they outstayed their welcome) I have make food when they are sick , I have helped out with babysitting etc etc . Took me a while to realise I was pretty much being a doormat . I love to help people generally, but I now know when it’s taken for granted .
I am empathic toward myself now, rescuing myself from toxic narcissists, staying positive about myself and my life, forgiving myself for my errors in judgement, and fully "no contact" with my narcissist parent and exes. I am the mindful gatekeeper of my life energy and who I let into my inner circle. Thank you for being one of my gifted teachers in my victorious recovery from senseless abuse. I am free to live my dreams.
💜
Save Yourself
Super comment!
❤️
Thank you for this comment, you inspired me!
When she asked,"Do you know what a narcissist thinks of forgiveness"? I shouted out they see it as a sign of weakness,and know they've won at that point.
@@S-mn7du That is so sad but so true
Funny, that was my response to!
@@jenniferfay2634 Great minds think alike. Or so I hear. Just sad that we get involved with these "people".
I've forgiven women for cheating on me. I was a super simp.
Any human conduct interpreted by the callous Narc. as a weakness to be taken advantage of
For me forgiving a narcissist means that I will let go of my anger toward them, but will not let them have the opportunity to disrespect me again. After forgiving I limit my conversations with them or cut them from my life if possible. Forgiveness is good but you have to have a sense of self-preservation.
@PM Thank you for this reminder!
You mainly forgive as a means to let go of the negative emotions that still affect you from a person that has done some serious wrong towards you. That doesn't mean you will put a blind eye or forget.
me too , simple
That is the right answer! Only God can heal you and protect you ,turn to Him!!
Forgiveness is mandated in the Lord's prayer, but forgiveness is not reconciliation which must be negotiated or not by both parties. So you can forgive someone but not reconcile with them as they may be toxic. Reconciliation is a matter of prudence.
I’m all five and I believed all my life that I am a good person why my partners or closest friends treat me badly…. Thank you Dr. Ramani that video is super helpful and will help me to set and maintain boundaries
This woman has the most expressive eyes.
mag 1981 that’s what my friends say about me too. I do exactly like that 😂
And then some
Yeah I was briefly distracted I can't lie
Please try to not do public critisizing.
How would you like it ?
@Audacious Day Hmmm really?
I think pointing out what we all see isnt helpful..can make a person feel self conscious ..her words are golden , too bad that cant be the topic...all these "public comments " about a perons image or style , creates a focus on how we are" perceived".
This is overdone by the opinionated public... facial expressions are very personal ...why comment?
how about saying something encouraging...like: "she is so pretty"..that is well deserved and appreciated by any female speaker.. lets be real here.
I would like to add that in my (non professional) experience as a survivor of a 2 year "intimate" relationship with a narcissist it seems narcs prefer honest, authentic people because it makes them appear honest and authentic by association.
NAILED IT!
So true they try to emulate you to create a totally fake ass "good person". I watch this one female and she is sugary sweet and cloying and disengenuous the entire time. It's quite the "floor show" once you see it and realize it for what it is. We live in the same building so there's no escaping her, only gray rocking.
Narcs value reliability and honesty in others. It would take way too much effort to manage, co-ordinate, and execute their attacks AND have to concern themselves with your veracity, whereabouts, etc also
Couldn’t agree more!!
Plus they’re so insecure they make sure that you’re super loyal.
I am an overly empathic rescuer, and because I always had my shit together, I was a perfect supply for a narcissist. If they needed a ride, I was there. If they needed a drinking buddy, I was there. If they needed to complain about their other friends, I was there. If I ever needed them? They were always busy, something came up last minute, they don't feel well, they don't have their car, they are broke. I am SO beyond RELIEVED these types are gone from my life!!
busy is the biggest lie of the modern age. i got the validation i needed that someone in my life is a HUGE TIME narc when they hoovered back after 2 years of NC. i asked them how are them and their bffs doing -- she burnt EVERY. SINGLE. BRIDGE. then proceeded to spend the afternoon explaining to me why her tantrum act out's were all justified. (guess explains why she stalked me out of the blue). sure enough my bleeding heart gave her her millionth chance for do over -- and what do i get? "so busy. busier than I've ever been in my life in the middle of a pandemic." buhhh bitch.
@@fernfractal This explains a guy I only went on two dates with. Everything was going great, and he kept talking about a next date and said I'll know my work schedule on Thursday. Then Thursday comes along as he's too busy. So I said this is not working for me, and forgot about it. Then after the pandemic starts and everybody's in lockdown, he texts me to see how I am and I'm thinking - you were fine with no contact before the pandemic now all of a sudden you pop up? I asked him what his deal was but he did not address that in his reply, so I just said "I'm fine. Hope you're fine, too" and ignored his reply to that. Seems that I dodged a bullet there.
Jade White.. if you didn’t live with them you’ll never know the true pain of a narcissist.
I am all 5 types. I think forgiving is for your own well being but it does not mean that you continue to let someone hurt you.
If you are this thankful that they are out of your life, then it is not really empathy you feel for them. It is like you are only forcing yourself and it is not natural. A true empath never sees them as an additional suffering to their life but a true empath see them as human beings who experience trauma and are lost and so badly need compassion, understanding and unconditional love. If you are hurting then it is conditional as there is an expectation. Ask yourself, is that really empathy?
I’m a rescuer and had insecurities that have attracted narcissists over my lifetime. Your videos have been very helpful. My life is finally in safe and peaceful place.
I was the overly positive. I am grieving the entire world and humanity. I no longer trust anyone or anything anymore.
Me too! Hang in there, I find that the best way for me to divert my attention from the world is to invest in myself in terms of doing the things I love and taking care of myself. Hope this helps somehow
why not show the finger to this hell-world by being the good guy?
I know there are trustworthy people in the world. I am one, so it's not likely there aren't others. I just don't know how to be sure which ones they are. I can't be sure I won't trust the wrong person.
Take care of yourself, heal and get stronger. I hope you find yourself again, it’s very hard, but worth it. 3 1/2 years out, & I still struggle sometimes, but I can sure see things differently now. 😕
I feal with you.
A Narcissist's target:
So... Basically anybody decent?
You should check out her video on "what happens when a narcissist meets an authentic person" if you get the chance :)
All of these qualities are great on paper, but the way she is talking about them they generally lack wisdom. Without explicitly mentioning this video, she talks about how someone who is confident and centered often puts off narcissists because they are less likely to be pulled in to their games. "Authentic" (her word not mine) people are generally still positive, empathetic, helpful, and forgiving, but they have a wisdom that comes with respecting yourself, keeping your own ego in check, and not needing validation.
This is something I'm working on, but the general gist is trying to keep those lovely qualities without that need to be liked and to throw all of your energy into something that won't hear fruit/that will hurt you
in a nutshell! xD!!!
Anybody decent, yet without inner boundaries. And that is the crucial turning point that will eventually make you see/sense the narcissist and not be lured in. Experience speaking here, much of it.
I'm #1. And I didn't get out. He threw my idioayncracies into my face and upon confrontation severed contact. 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓
Good comment. I am overly empathic and can remember the exact moment my ex narc chose me within 5 minutes during a conversation we had. Luckily I finally saw the light and was not the complete pushover he thought I was (I had been in a long term relationship with a narc before) so the red flags made me think he was a narcissist and I watched these videos and was convinced, the relationship if you can call it that only lasted just over 4 months, but wow he did a number on me during that time, so glad he’s finally gone.
I’m the empathic. I’m exhausted. I’ve been in a 6 year relationship with a narcissistic and I feel spiritually dead.
Same. But I was able to experience some very good moments, after the 5 year relationship. At some point I realized, how much easier life can be, without him.
Same , but it was close to 8 years . I just don’t know how to trust someone after this.
But you are not dead and dead doesn't fix your problem of living a full and great life. You are not alone!
Don't think of the what ifs, just cut loose and get out of the relationship and never turn back. Find yourself first and don't be manipulated, yes, just spend some time by yourself and watch more videos like this before wasting years with someone who is sucking you dry.
@@elenasanchez9643 Me too! Feel devastated. May God help us both and all those who have been with these toxic individuals.
And you said it so perfectly that as a sunny person you loose your innocence in finding out that there are dark individuals and the grief is extremely intense and confusing
They choose kind hearted people because they know they could take advantage of them 😒
@Nathaniel Smythe maybe either one? I could also see a codependent person staying in a narcissistic relationship because they financially need them.
@Nathaniel Smythe agree👍
This is too sad
ya bcuz kind people will forgive and that is a chance they do again eventually just cuz u allowed them to be in ur life that's why some friends kill each other its true seen it news how wrong friends got a person killed for no reason just madness lol be careful
So people must learn to be kind hearted without being door mats.
I’m all 5. This was definitely an earth shattering relationship and taught me a lot about bad people. It still has me super super anxious but I’m happy to be single and away from him after 2.5 years.
It's been 2 years and 1 month for me and remaining single. I'm too messed up after having been in a few of these relationships. Taking this time to reflect on what I ignored and how to protect myself and be able to just cut things off at the first red flag. Too forgiving, too empathetic, tried to rescue, and had a rage-aholic father and codependent mother raised in a "Christian home". I use quotes because my father wasn't very christian but sure used the Bible when it was convenient.
I wish you happiness and that we can remember all these videos next time we run into these people again, no matter the type of relationship whether romantic, friendship, work environment etc. They're everywhere and can destroy you anywhere .
♥️
Damn Girl! I feel You. Same literally same!!!
@@johannak5390 hey Johanna.. you may want to also check out Tiffany Buckner on RUclips and Facebook. A lot of what she shares can literally change your life and help you understand yourself in relation to the what Tiffany refers to the narcissist as a “wild animal” you come in contact with in the wilderness season in your life. Start with her video called Jezebel Unmasked. I’m telling you, your understanding as an empath, creative person will forever be changed!
@@KatI422-r3m looking it up right now. Thank you!!
@@johannak5390 It's more about God's purposes and assignment you here on this earth. It's greater than you know! So much so that these types want to so traumatize you that you never know "why" or for "WHAT" you really were created for!
One word that kept comming to mind is BOUNDARIES. I found it vital when dealing with a narcissist. So far and no further. Here's what the consequences will be and carry it out if necessary. The narcissist only listens to action.
Basically you are right. You cannot negotiate with a narcissistic person, you must set up boundaries. The problem though is, the narcissist got you already so handcuffed that you are hardly able to take action. Unless you step out, get an eye opener and build your self esteem. The narcissistic WILL NOT CHANGE - YOU must change your responses to them.
You are right especially when dealing with new people from the beginning BOUNDERIES are key. With old relationships this might not work. Also to express my honest feelings is important so I get where I stand.
@Sheila Mchgee me too! And it's right about it being difficult to assert new boundaries. I had to go no contact with mom. Knowing my boundaries, being aware of people that display behaviors putting them at high risk for using me, and being firm with boundaries tends to push them off in search of easier prey.
All 5 over here. This video helped me to realize how susceptible I was to getting into my situation. Thank you
People who grew up in the environment where they learnt that their feelings are wrong or don't matter.
as a latino i agree
That happened to me for sure.
YES
That's why I'm so shy because I'm always doubting myself
oh. that's exactly what i experienced.
yup, I'm a child of a narcissitic mother And the scape goat child.(and overly empathic) At 60 I'm just figuring this out. Thank you for your work Dr Ramami.
Did you realize if it was generational and she couldn't (your mother) couldn't break free?
#MeToo
Nearly 70, the scapegoat child of 9, overly empathic/forgiver as well, with Narc Mother, whom I care for now. Proof, they never change and will, in fact get worse as they age! I can so relate to the trauma you must have lived with, too. Happy to see, even at 60, you are seeking help/learning, as am I
Me too Sister, wish I had known more about this years ago.
Me too, 60 as well...no contact or minimal...the realization is overwhelming, I know...🔥🕊⚘it gets better, we are allowed to be respected and treated appropriately.
Yup, I was a rescuer. Wound up marrying someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Took me 2 years and $20,000 to get out and recover my house. Learned the hard way to stay single, set limits, let people take care of themselves.
BPD is worst case of narcissistic disorder
Please dont judge all people with BPD as been a narc.... that can be true in some cases but not all. This statement seems to be based on one person. There are amazing people with BPD so try to remember to be open minded as we are all different :-) and can have a positive impact on people's lives. If you have ever dated a pwBPD thats not ever been in therapy then thats where the negative opinion stems from..... please also try to remember people with BPD have often had unthinkable things happen to them, without therapy, they can be quite toxic in there thought process as they never learnt good coping skills :-(
@@akhtaruzzamanjoy8524 Although they can overlap, they are two distinct disorders in cluster B. You can be borderline without being narcissistic, however, the difference can be tricky to tell.
@@Robidu1973 I know but they overlap.
@@paulaclark-dyson4005 well I dated an untreated pwBPD so I guess you can feel so much I was suffered by her. Cruel, toxic, insecure, jealous, verbal-physical abuse, Entitled.... And the list goes on.
Sometimes I have to control how much I view your videos and how many I view in one go! This is because my mind goes back to the lies, smearing and injustices. I can find myself sitting alone and crying! I must say, you are great at your job!
I’m definitely overly empathic and neurotic. But i can spot narcissistic behavior in an instant and it throws them off. Thank goodness
My mom and brother can spot it so quick, I'm overly empathic and can never see it quick like they can, it boggles my mind!
@@Gracie-nn9cf it took me a long time to figure out how to spot it and learn how to balance with empathy and self preservation! It’s all in time
You are a super empath now ( search it here on RUclips super empath and narcissist ) ! Good for you 👍🏼👏🏼❤
I wish i can do that because i am a big magnet
Yes girl! I totally understand what you mean 😌.... Duality I call it lol
How wonderful is this highly educated and informative and intelligent person and how awesome is she for helping us all out for free .
I’m so bloody happy I found these videos .
Thank you Doctor
#same
#same🙏🏻❤🙌🏻
If only preachers and anyone else who thinks they should get paid for believing & following Jesus should follow her example. 😔
I know I'm off subject.💖
Number 6 those who are in a vulnerable state, they force themselves onto them fast before they get strong and clear sighted.
Truth
unfortunatley I am an empath and give give give now I am doing everything I can to take care of myself. I have cut ties with people including loved ones because I have learned with Dr C that I am 1st priority. Thank you Dr . Armani If you continue to keep forgiving the narcassist will never change.
Favorite line from this video:
"That overly positive person is CRACK for a narcissist."
- Dr. Ramani
Sander Zambrano this I totally believe is true up until the point that there’s nothing left of us.
That’s me!!!
My favorite line was....
" To the narcissist, over empathetic people are like mainlining validation"
Hi, I’m crack.
I am positive and I love telling them about all of the great qualities they have. It made me happy to gas them up and say what I felt about them. But after a long time I saw that I was the only one giving compliments, asking them questions, listening to their stories and experiences. I have realized it’s nice to also receive love and have someone that cares about your life, too
Yes!! I am glad that you know and have established your worth! 💖🍾.
@@shemmy8467 Thank you!! :)
Love should be a two way street. You compliment me after I compliment you.
@@gwillis01 ONLY if IT is TRUE. DON'T ever LIE.
THE NARCS LIE. THAT is PART of their CHARACTER.
They PRIDE themselves in IT.
I believe growing up with a narcissistic parent develops empathy, almost as a required coping mechanism, to be able to function with the family.
That's my experience exactly.
Same here and the pattern repeats itself on my choices. Inconsciouly
That is my story too
Same here
This is me too and still working on this in my 40’s
All of the above… And it’s lead to me becoming the opposite. Very hard, very harsh, very selfish, very unhelpful, prone to never even giving one second chance. Due to my experiences & the people I was surrounded by I do think that on a short-term basis that was a necessary, even “healthy” overcompensation while I sorted my own perceptions out; but I now need to regain my empathic, caring, considerate, helpful traits, while making sure to be more mindful of who I express them towards & how they respond.
I've been empathic and a rescuer in the past. Now, from what I've been through, I've learned to focus those gifts first inward. Learning to love myself has been my greatest protection against narcissists.
Denisse Valdivia yes me either
I'm balancing my books.... I was over-giving and over forgiving an never expected anything.... which was exactly what I got... nothing!!! Aged 69 I now approach situations with a 'But what am I getting out of this?'.... not from an aggressive stance but from a protective stance. If a situation begins to drain me I walk the minute I feel my energy leaving,often without even feeling the need to excuse myself. Feel much healthier for developing strategies.
Denisse Valdivia 💯🙌🏾
Awesome🙂👏👏
I have an extremely narcissistic mother. Took me almost 70 years to eliminate her toxic self from my life. I now see, I am empathic and raised to think narcissism is totally normal and ok.
Me too but I knew her behaviour wasnt ok but she was my mother and I forgave the nasty, crazy bitch right from the age of 7 when she first shamed my body..... I stopped forgiving her and finally got angry and asserted myself and she then decided after decades of abuse that she'd disown me, just like that. No explanation, none! Nasty, cold, unfeeling, hard, manipulative, self entitled but also very jealous, resentful, toxic, hated me being happy in life, so did anything to gas light and undermine me. I now see the bitch for what she is.
I’m all five and I have been finding it hard to stay positive and have isolated myself from others. You tend to second guess yourself on everything.
Same here hun. Thank goodness I have female friends around me who are similar. We are supportive of each other and this really helps me feel less isolated while I heal :-/
Beware, female narcissists exist too and they're emotional bullies. Learn more about narcissistic behaviour so you can identify the symptoms and navigate your life around and away from them. They can't prey on capable resilient adults...do the groundwork.
We need ppl like u in the world. Come out and shine bright!
Iisha Haggard I isolate myself as well, but I am an artist so I dive into my creativity. Do you have any hobbies?
I isolated myself for a long time. It makes things worse.
Empathic, Forgiver, not much of me left after 20 years. Thank you for giving me words.
Empath here! Married to a narc almost 25 yrs , engaged to one briefly - narc free and on my own ❤️😊. Thank you Dr Ramani for the insight . I can def spot them now.
CherylRan22 how do you spot them?? My ex fiancé is a narcissist and checks all boxes
Exactly me girlfriend! I was out after 17yrs. Then was targeted again after divorce by a malignant narcissist. I finally learnt my lesson after doing the research and inner work to spot them. I've been off the dating scene for 4 yrs now and feel I'm at peace and happier than ever in my 50's.
Same here, grateful to be OUT of my narc relationship. Im an Empath, Forgiver and Rescuer...
"Doubles down on their sad sack stories" haha seriously, so true! No one has worked harder or suffered more than a narc.
Narc exaggerated sufferings, in reality just sustained a paper cut.
Agreed agreed 😅😅😅
@@fordgt402 yes, my ex with a man cold was a sight indeed
Immediately thought of my dad when she mentioned that 😂 He'd keep us kids waiting in the car at the gas station for TWO HOURS while he explained his whole life story of "persecution" and "overcoming" to a random stranger he had just met.
Lol.. the one I know just whinges 24/7.. and about having a job 😅 plenty of people would like his job.. they are ungreatful!
As a Christian I am taught to forgive
And when I was in a relationship with a (now it’s clear to me ) a narcissist I used to forgive him and stay
Because you should forgive
But then I sat there and read the Bible
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”
And I realized how important it is to keep our heart safe as it’s the source of our love , energy, happiness. And if we do not protect it we will not be able to spread all that love .
Jesus also never stayed at places where people tried to hurt or kill him
He left to next city
So when encountering bad behavior
You should forgive and bless the person and run for the hills .
God bless you for sharing this Rachel! Forgiveness is great but it doesn't require our detriment! I wish I was taught this Biblical basis for forgiveness early on. Would have saved a lifetime of heartache.
The church don't tell you that you have to love your self as others? Ok.. forgive is something and be addicted to someone is too much difference. Don't use the church for excuses. Forgive is the feeling of freedom, not think about revenge or hates, that is forgiveness. No "pretend that this never happened and keep going and be ready for the next time because will happen again". That are excusea
Amen.
@@visas_y_viajes ?
@logic you sound angry
Thank you, Dr Ramani! Now I have more awareness about not attracting NPD people due to me being overly empathic, positive and a child of a narcissist.