Narcs will not look you in the eye when you are trying to have an honest, meaningful conversation with them. Yet they will sure as hell stare at you like a rabid animal when they are narc raging!
Ive met someone that turned out to be a covert narcissist, when i looked him in the eyes because i THOUGHT there was a connection, it felt like there was no soul, his look was absolutely empty and on top if that he did not know how to process the look on my face as if he didnt know how to recognize my mood
Laura Dennrichs I'm autistic if you look me in the eyes I'll run away😂😂😂and it happens almost always I have these awesome lil connection moments with people then I just have a panic attack and bolt or just try to fidget or focus on something else
38 years of marriage and he never looked at me or the children when he spoke, I noticed he only looked at people who didn’t know him or someone he was trying to have another affair with. He was false as the day was long. I’ve finally left at 59 years old.
I have a similar situation. After 35 years of marriage I have finally figured him out & he always made out that it was all my fault. I’m 3 months into my divorce at the age of 56. I only wish I’d known what his problem was years ago!!
It’s creepy.... I like they are possessed. In the past when I got in arguments in the car with my spouse... he parked the car and looked at himself in the rear view mirror. I’m like you can look at me and deliver the message. It’s so odd and honestly aggravating!!
Narcissism has to be one of this worst disorders. This is because a narc doesn't know they're sick. I hate them and feel sorry for them all at the same time.
I don't believe that they don't know that they're narcissists, the man that I knew clearly seemed to understand and actually enjoy the evil power that he had over people. I believe they they clearly know, but they simply don't care about other people...
@@merrilymunson5010 I don't know don't believe people are evil. I believe they have some disorder or condition like narcissism. This is the driver for the evil things they do. If you give them a polygraph. Then would actually pass. They really don't know. No normal person would want to do and say these horrible things to another human being!!! Bottom line they're ill.......................
@@dvstiger I believe certain people CHOOSE to do evil. And malignant narcs know what they're doing. If they didn't they wouldn't try so hard to invalidate their victims.
I understand I feel the same way. I’m no contact and don’t intend to break that but I always have this little ache in my heart for him. It’s annoying cuz I should hate him. But it’s like since I understand the roots of the disorder, it just makes me sad for him.
@@angelabowman343 I can count on one hand how many times he looked me in the eyes or said my name in 15 years. Looking back, he dehumanized me. I think it was because he knew my heart and he developed a guilty conscience after so long of mistreatment. I think he knew I knew and eventually got to a point that he actually disgusted himself and was ashamed, but would NEVER admit that.
Dr. Ramani restored my trust in my sanity. Narcs want us to think that these little weird things they do are normal. But they’re not, and we’re not crazy to feel uncomfortable when they act like this.
OMG you're absolutely correct 100%! You wouldn't have any confusion with a healthy-minded person. But narcissists are completely backwards, upside-down, bending over and backing in -- all while trying to make you think you're the crazy one. And the moment you scream in frustration in front of an audience, the narcissist will behave like perfection and tell everyone, "See all this crazy I have to put up with? I'm not the crazy one." Up is down and forward is backward and left is Tuesday.
Narcs make you uncomfortable because their intentions are never good concerning you. They are sadistic by nature and enjoy tricking you. Their eyes are dead and flat looking. They are joyless people.
@@danielkaiser8971 The narcissist wants you to react emotionally so that you will appear to be the unstable one. They set you up by provoking you in front of others. Narcissist are always smearing their targets so that they can come out smelling like a rose when you speak out against the abuse. The Narc will always play the victim. This is so they can paint you as the bad one and so they can avoid any accountability. The narcissist wants to be able to re-offend and they can't expect to do that unless they play the victim. This is why Grey rocking them is key. Never react! Disengage! Be stoic and calm. Ignore their attempts to provoke you. Shrug it off and turn the subject onto them. Let them talk about themselves. Give them the spotlight. Then be thinking of an excuse to leave. Always keep distance between you and the Narc. Be polite with everyone and avoid badmouthing anyone. It's all about getting you to react, especially in an angry way so that you will look bad to others. Never give the Narc the chance! Be working on an escape! Limit your time with them and their cronies.
I figured out this out later on. Try looking at the pics you have with your narc. Or just his picture. They have this stare that is just blank and void. I realized when I was going through our pictures.
I saw a documentary on people with psychosis. Normal people's eyes "dance" as they talk, looking around as they think, look up and to the side as they imagine or remember something. But people with psychosis seem to have one basic stare pattern, and they don't blink as often. Whether talking about happy things or gruesome things, they mostly just stare with about the same facial expression.
@@bonquiqui6342 I got that aswell.It was so shocking to me.Disgust or look of misunderstanding.I started wondering if there was something about me that had changed overnight.
I once had a partner who was obsessed with me making eye contact with them. They insisted I wasn’t listening to them even though I told them that I was. Years later, after we broke up, I found out I’m autistic. So don’t get stuck on this one detail of narcissistic behavior. It could be a red flag or it could be something else entirely.
I have to agree with you. I generally have to consciously look someone in the eyes when conversing. I don't know if I'm on the spectrum or not, but I've always had a bit of trouble with it.
Truth.. Im a person of faith and did everything in my power to help this person but God gives us free will. If they dont want to, it wont happen. Sad for them. I learned alot and im thankful for my experiences bcz God heals and thats what matters. Blessings.
So true. Narcs are a waste of time and energy that will exhaust you to the fullest. Its a matter of time before my permanent exit from my narcissist husband and family. No time to waste anymore. We only have one life to live and at my age its not a lot of time left. They will never change and that is fact
@@minpin8257 there is no God. What God would allow his children to become narcs? They are the orcs of real life. Tortured unto everlasting madness and evil.
@@alicegharibjanians1449 there is no God to believe in and narcs are proof. What God would allow their children to be tortured to such madness? Only a despicable monster.
@@MediaEnslavedNation This world is a test from God to see if we are worthy for Heaven after or fall because of the sin men committed in the Garden Eden.
My husband always looked me right in the eye particularly when he was cornered. He looked me in the eye every time I asked him if he was having an affair and this made me believe he was telling the truth. After I caught him out having one affair and he confessed to many others, I challenged him about his lying and looking me pointedly in the eye when he did so , his response was with a smile on his face “ I know”, giggle, “ I’m good aren’t I?”. So please be careful, if they look you too long in the eye, they are likely to be lying too.
Yeah I think, if theyve had to resort to lying for many years to get their needs met.....they become pretty damn good psychologists. But they also give away so many instabilities.
My son always unblinkingly looked me straight in the eyes and lied, even as a kid the teacher noticed it... said he could win an academy award for acting/lying. That's how I finally figured out when he was lying, the blank stare.
Yes, they can be so great at their craft which comes from the wicked one, their father. But woe be to them on judgement day if they haven't repented because they have to stand before a Holy God who DETESTS lying lips, and had a front row seat to every one of their lies...
I have a narcissist in my life who stares at me to the point of making me feel uneasy...it's a fixed stare without uttering a word...I avoid looking back and get very uncomfortable..its a kind of disrespect to anothers boundry
Yes, especially if they behave that way in the beginning. Narcs often test what toxic behaviors you will tolerate early in the relationship -- when you are still trying to give your very best impression.
Except a psychopath will fake all the appropriate reactions and make eye contact and you will think they are in the right and you are in the wrong still.
Sure, but it's a bit cut and dry. Even the narcissistic can bring the most benevolent souls back into touch once and a while. We just need to discern, does that mean remaining in touch with ourselves...🙏✌
It’s a bit harder when they are forced around you because they are family. In fact, with me, my narc sibling distorted what I thought was how someone should be treated. So I just presumed growing up that being treated like poop was normal.
What I've noticed about a former friend who is highly narcissistic: she always tried to stare in other peoples eyes to make them feel uneasy and by that to estimate their level of self-esteem. My ex-boyfriend got to get to know her and told me: "I don't like her, there is something about her eyes and the way she makes eye contact". I think it's very important for narcissist to be able to estimate the other person's self-esteem because they always are in competition with others and unconsciously wanna find out who could be a next prey or (in case of a a person with healthy self-esteem) could be a danger.
I can attest to that as I have a co-worker who does just that and then deliberately takes jabs at people when he thinks the "coast is clear". All eye contact is not equal. One kinda has to read the intentions behind it too because sometimes it's just them trying to find a way to make you feel inferior. In which case I just give intense eye contact back 👁️👁️ and watch them get a little shaky when they realize the rabbit is suddenly holding the "gun".
@@hardcore1742 Because they think they're perfect... My dad's a fucking alcoholic narc and he actually had the audacity to say that he always was respectful of his ex-wives in front of me. The jackass had my mom in depression for close to 10 years with his abusive BS.... smh
I never knew that anyone else experienced the death stare. I had seen it before during various arguments when I dared to disagree with him, but never the full-blown version until the moment I told him I was leaving. I have never seen such hatred and anger in someone's eyes until then. From that moment, every discussion we had included the stare of death. It was frightening and only reinforced my decision to leave him.
I said NO to him which, I had never done before. It was in front of his friend. 1st the rage. I would not back down. It triggered him to have a complete" narc collapse" in the carport. He even let loose of his bowels+ bladder. Then he turned his chair toward the wall like a kid put in a corner. His dad used him against his mom. Hmm...
Oh my god. My heart started racing reading this because my ex did the exact same almost the same series of events too. It was like they went black and it was just pure hatred in his pupils. We had had discussions about it too. How he couldn’t look at me without contempt after I went through his phone… and how there was no love in his eyes anymore. Before that even, when we would have discussions I’d be facing him and he would be turned 90 degrees the other way staring blankly at the wall like a wounded animal.
Definitely all the time and I let him know I'm not scared of him. At this point I don't speak or even look at him slowly putting an exit plan in motion. This was the 3rd and last time might been the fourth but definitely last time. I need my peace back.
I have anxiety disorder and sometimes I feel like it's easier to talk to someone while looking at some other point in the room. Just wanted to add that in!
The not looking in the eyes=lying is such a myth. People often look to their side when recalling facts, and forcing them to stare at your eyes interrupts their natural recollection.
I think when narcs want something from you, their eyes are piercing without blinking. That's what I've noticed or maybe that's a psychopath. In any case, the glare is uncomfortable and creepy cringey.
Oh my god you are correct!!! One time they looked me in the eyes glaring and it gave a bad feeling in my stomach, it was so weird I don't know why that glare scared me so much.
Ohmygosh, so true. When he wanted to convince me to change MY MIND or acquiesce to HIS wishes, he would stare at me so direct and without blinking with such a serious glare that I would go quiet and turn away cuz it freaked me out ! I knew for a fact within two months of our relationship that he was a Covert Narc on the prowl and so wanted to keep ME hooked, line and sinker. So disappointing cuz I really liked him. But once burnt I was scarred for Life !
A few months into my life with the narcissist, my vision began to deteriorate for no reason. Now I know that even then my body was against this relationship
Your body always reacts! People just don't link the abuse with the hives, headaches, fatigue, rashes, etc. And then it's amazing that when your out of the narc system your body is the healthiest its ever been. When I went no contact with the narc system I lost 70 pounds. I was never able to lose weight before. That nervous system connection with general health is huge.
Narcissists can easily lie to you and look you straight in the eye. That’s what brings out the anger in you trying to understand what kind of person your dealing with.
In my experience I have found they can look you in the eye with the initial lying statement but then look away when an explanation or justification follows or if questioned and they choose to engage the question.
@Canal De RUclips Watch Dr, Ramani's videos about the Narcissistic types. There are 7 types. All Psychopaths are Narcissists, but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths. So, for someone to lie (especially grandly) while looking you in the eyes they would need to be Psychopathic. However, they could be any type of Narcissist (Covert, Grandiose, Malignant, Communal, Benign, etc.).
yes!!! they even do this eye contact thing where they stare at you when you say something that catches them off guard, or something they disagree with. they’ll stop in the middle of a conversation and just stare at you for a few seconds. you’ll know it if/when you experience it. EXTREMELY disturbing.
Yes, it’s like that turn their heads real fast & stare. This is why you have to be careful about information you are revealing about yourself because I took it as she try to exploit the fact that I had paid my car off and would asked me for money. But then when you know they are staring at you, they break eye in a trance state( slow motion). These were female narcissists. I felt like I was in the movie excorist.
I think I saw that facial expression in a couple horror movies I once rented. I don't think it's a coincidence that horror movies would use such a sudden, intimidating expression before the "nice person mask" comes off and a monster comes out and eats the whole family alive. I really think horror movies take correlations from real life situations like that.
My narc was praising trump for the economy. I mentioned stats that disagreed with that. He turned to me, whites of his eyes showing, didn’t say anything for 5 seconds, and then goes “not even close to being true”
One of my narcissists favorite tactic was to attack while driving. He was focused on the road and I was trapped. Yes, I wanted to jump out of a moving vehicle many times. Other tactic was to stand behind me very close and say something horrible. He was a very crafty and my psychologist coached me through these situations. Still here to talk about it.
A narc i knew use to say the worst things while driving. When i responded to something and he didnt like it thats when he tried to make eye contact,he would constantly turn and look at me and at the same time struggle to stay in his lane on the road. As if if we crashed it would be my fault for making him lose his focus cause i didnt agree with him. So its basicilly stressing the person out to the point when they finally give in, because otherwise there could be a car crash. Its sick behaviour, as he would start the argument and i would feel bad because i made him lose focus only because i had a different opinion.
I told my husband that he started staring into emptiness whenever he was about to start a toxic statement. Thank you so much for this video. It really validates my observation.
I really hope he is genuinely trying to be a better person. I am the rager in my relationship, it's a very difficult thing to contain even when you desperately want to. Which is why I think most people just choose not to. So if he's not actually putting in work to change, please I ask you to leave and save yourself the damage
@@christypowell. Thank you. He hit his narc rock bottom in April 2020 and has been working on it. It was a learned behavior from his family of origin. We watch a couple Ramini’s video every week and it helps him realize what he picked up are toxic.
The narc I was with literally said "stop looking at me" after a rage episode.... *Trigger warning* (slapped my face 4 times for preparing dinner). A week before that the narc punched me, then walked away. Its true that they cant make eye contact when they lie, but also, along with it, they have this certain "forgetfulness" which conveniently erases their memories that threatens their ego.
@@knarf_on_a_bike I know the feeling of thinking of escape route. My escape route is often out of the house few hours in public park, today only i had chips and cookies in the park. Other routes are staying at relatives place for a week.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Just in case can you add a disclaimer and a few spaces just in case it triggers someone. (Some narc Facebook groups I am in do this) Also I remember my ex narc used to hit me in the head and back. though his favorite punishment was entrapping me in our shared room. The one night he slapped me in face was the worst thing he could have done. Our face has more sensory elements then other body parts. I left the house that night and called a friend but I couldn't find an escape plan and still had stuff in the house. He was kicked out 3 days later by a housemate.
Absolutely yes, without a doubt. Narcissists have selective memory, selective hearing, selective everything. They even reinvent history and create events that never happened. All to keep you confused and disoriented and under their manipulative control. But they would never admit it. Anyone who makes me dinner and we can sit together at the dinner table and really talk about how our days went, no matter how uneventful, already has my heart's attention.
But at first when they're love bombing/wooing you, their eyes light up with a fire whenever you reveal intimate details they can use against you later. A person I luckily no longer work with would physically lean in and get so excited whenever I shared something personal.
Yeah and you can tell because it's a really wierd kind of interest they show yet a genuine disinterest to whatever concerns you're having and I like to watch their reaction after the first piece of info I give them, and then make my decision to either continue or not.
Exactly what the malignant narcissist ex did. He would get giddy finding out any “dirt”or gossip about me.. anyone I was related to or friends of mine to save up and use as future ammunition against me
How you distinguish...? 1 eyes lighten up in someone, who is in love. Someone in love can lovebomb too! 2 eyes lighten up, like in the narcissists way and lovebombing. I was very, very in love, felt so much affection, compassion and real sexual strong desire towards 1 man. This combination i never felt so strong before. I wanted to get old with him. Be there for him. Am i an narcissist myself? Because my eyes looked in love and people saw this. Him too! My eyes lighten up also i guess.
Whenever I'd made eye contact with older overt coke head sis it was met with a her pained look, quick to eye lids down, weirdness thing, I think the way I'd non- challontly manage to look straight at her, not missing a beat, power in me scares her, not seen her in decades, still she calls, her rude message bothers me,
YES, it happened to me these days with my hubby 🙄🙄🙄 I couldn’t care less 🥳🥳🥳 asking him something about Work and he just looked at my maid and answered sideways 🥴🤦🏻♀️
Another ‘eye contact’ phenomenon, for a narcissist, is when they talk wholly & solely about themselves, their engaged with not much eye contact. But,when it’s your time to talk their eyes look away, glaze over, & go into a dream state. They don’t even listen to a word you’ve said.
Over time I've learned that there's no one sign that perfectly spots a type of person. You have to use all of your senses and spot inconsistencies in their behavior or words. A nonverbal autistic person isn't avoiding eye contact because they want to trick you, they are trying to not overstimulate their input as they formulate their words. Their thoughts are another language than the one they speak so it's distracting when you have uncomfortably heightened senses. The authentic person will be constant in their motivations. Shallow people have to invent an identity each time.
@@ACollectionOfBookmarks I’m talking about a narcissist- not autistic. My narcissist friend had the hallmarks- snide, inability apologise, grandiose, lie, future fake, view others as objects etc. My mother, sister & brother are narcissists- so I have living experience with them.
@@denisemangan1413 I feel you and I agree with you. I was convinced for years that the red flags I was seeing in my long-term partner was something familiar like being on the spectrum. The difference is when I find a cool rock that is almost in the shape of a turtle I want everyone to be as excited about it as I am. It's a radiation of joy. A narcissist on the other hand clasps their fist over the rock and holds their arm up saying look what they found with their clever eyes and tenacity. Don't be fooled by familiarity, remember how they left you feeling and see if it's consistent. Trust that energy drain if you can't place something outwardly negative about the interaction. I wish you healing my friend.
As victims of narcissistic abuse we also can end up having problems with eye contact as well due to anxiety etc. Among tuns of other mental health problems Also be weary of those that NEVER break eye contact it's normal for us to shift from looking to not looking for a second those that never break are usually psychopaths
the watching ..omg the watching. ugh PREDATOR. there was a guy in the shop I worked at who used to stand just off to the side and stare at me and this other woman. I'm not so flattered now and I foolishly was then. I think he was the only person in the whole of the time I've worked there who did that th at and my ex just big intense wide eyes staring at me after a significant event or looking for cues. No one needs to be stared at !
Yes my lying psychopathic narcissistic aunt. I hate looking her in the eyes when having a conversation with her because she’s so cold, calculated & fake but she definitely has no problem staring me dead in the face knowing she knows I know that she’s all these things then some smh
I understand the needing to look away... sometimes.... I relate to the stare down of intimidation, a way to put a level of fear which makes it difficult to stand up for yourself, or my name being aggressively called (out of context) followed by a hard glare, when I’ve made a valid point... I either answer, “ Yes, I know my name” or I stop talking (collect my courage) and return the glare, after I’m accused of being aggressive... 🤷🏼♀️
My parents were narcissists and I realized, one day, that they actually never LOOKED at us! I know I am not a narcissist because I love to look at people directly when we speak in a friendly manner, That makes people feel connected, cared about, loved. Thanks for confirming this. As the child of narcissists, you have a tendency to doubt yourself, because you were trained that way.
My covert Narc is so passive that when I begin to talk about serious thing, I literally can’t get any emotion out of her. She just sits there so passively as I’m in tears. Sometimes I just want to fucking fight her because she won’t respond to anything I say to her. I can’t get her to feel anything. She has no emotion.
its Jezebel and ahab spirit. when in marriage they take turns on whos who. for every narc jezebel thers a ahab to withstand the narc. control/controlled
Mine does that too. I so badly want to leave him but being unemployed and having 2 young kids, a mortgage with him and no place to go, it’s gonna take time.
I‘ve sworn an oath to myself and to my unborn children to never become like my narcissistic father and to never get married to a narcissist. I‘m intensely working on myself to keep that promise. I owe it to my unborn children to provide them with a good father.
I’ve grown up in a narcissistic family system, and I recognize this (my mother is narcissistic). Because of it, I also have real intimacy issues, but there are two friends in my life I deeply care for. Everytime they tell me something serious or unsettling, I “force” myself to stay tuned in the conversation, and to talk about these heavy emotions with them. Your videos help me so much to unlearn all my behavior from childhood.
Lion of Yudah. Based on my experience they tend to cloak themselves in it. (The light that is.) Most individuals are not misled by things which horrify them; they are deceived by Beautiful Things that bring pleasure. Things that FEEL GOOD. (even as Nails of Darkness are driven into their Metaphoric Hearts.) I'm not a religious sort. (anymore. ) But Evil , or the capacity for it exists in everyone, and is brought out by circumstances. Or inspired by a lifetime of neglect..or even Over-Nurturing in some instances. (There are just as many spoiled and entitled brats out there who go on to commit crimes as those raised in more abusive environments.) The human will is a mystery. Some who are abused grow up to be Dr.s who heal, or policemen (and women) who serve and protect; while others raised under a similar set of circumstances will go on to perpetuate the same cycles of violence or neglect they experienced. Mind you I'm speaking metaphorically here.. But Sometimes The difference between angels and devil's boils down to making a choice. (Not always though unfortunately. Some are Born Damned.)
My narcissistic ex girlfriend would look me straight in the eyes when lying to me. It was a different look than when she was telling the truth. Her eyes would become glassy, frozen and unblinking. It was like she was staring through my head at something.
You discovered her personal "baseline behaviors" regarding when she was lying or telling the truth. You must have excellent observational skills. Most people need to be trained to understand body language.
Just dumped a cluster b woman I dated for 3 months, she had exactly what you describe, glassy, frozen, unblinking, like she was going into a robotic trance.
Yes!! Exactly what my narc husband does. It's like, "how dare you catch me lying?" Now when he gives me this look, i just walk away leaving him wonders 😃
Howie Dunbar Dude!!!! Reading your words is blood-curdling to me!!! That’s exactly how my narcissistic ex-spouse was!!! When I confronted them with their infidelity, I kept wanting to find comfort in that collective belief we all have about how when someone tells you the truth they look you straight in the eye, but for some reason I couldn’t find any assurance when my narcissistic ex looked me straight in the eye as they denied they had been unfaithful, and what’s so creepy is that their eyes turned just like what you described in your ex wife’s: glassy, frozen and unblinking!!!!
Yes she’s amazing! Everything she says is exactly what I need to hear for that day...Dr R brings me confirmation every time. I’m in the process of leaving and at times when I feel weak like today, there she is telling me what I need for that moment ❤️
Breaking eye contact sounds soo familiar. There's one thing I noticed with my narcissistic ex bf and my father. With each of them I had fights (seperately, different situations) and those fights were about something that really hurt me. In both of those situations I started crying, shouting that their actions are anacceptable and I was ready to storm out of the room. Just before leaving I looked in their eyes and they were looking staight at me with eyes sparkling, wide opened, surprised and kinda delighted like they enjoyed seeing my strong reaction. Like they got the fuel they wanted. And that look to me was frihtening.
This is common with Narcs. They enjoy seeing that their manipulation, lies, gaslighting, projection, and character smears are affecting the target. They enjoy it so much that they can’t hide it 100%. They will quickly smile, giggle, scoff and grin, or act gleefully surprised for a split second before they remember they can’t show their joy at giving others pain if they want to be able to continue their abuse and protect their image.
I've noticed only in the beginning, the early stages do narcissists stare you deep in the eye . They're not looking at you , they're looking straight through you in order to hook you in . After that they cannot risk doing it again, for the fear of their mask slipping .
So true. I uaually ask "Do you see what you are looking for?" but after a while, the eye contact stop and they would only look at your face when ur head or back is turned.
@@itslewisbuttery My narc is on the smoke screen campaign as we speak while parading his new supply. I've asked Jehovah to rid him out of my life. Now he's gone, I'm happy, it's the new supply I pity. Just got to stay strong cause he ain't walking back in my life with the sorry excuses n sad excuse of a human that he is. I need a real one that has feelings and a heart. No superficial stuff . I'm good.
That is a sign of super smug people . Even when they are talking . If they close their eyes they are smug at the least. With that in mind dr Ramani is extremely smug and probably a narcissist herself . Most doctors actually are. Thats the funny part
I've noticed this too! Yet, it's really important to distinguish this from the eye contact patterns of people on the autism spectrum. They're sincere to their own peril in this world, but their senses are overwhelmed, and they've difficulty experiencing and emoting gestures as others do. I feel protective of them and people confusing them with narcissists, in part because they themselves stand to be badly victimized by deceitful, dark people.
Something I can never forget, Dr Ramani: the eyes, during an intimate moment. I had never seen anything like that before, in anyone. Half human, detached. It took me years before I could verbally describe it, as lizard-like. That's as close as I can get. It still makes me shudder! How did I get myself into that?
I've had the same experience. I would describe the look of the eyes during that intimate moment as just plain cold. Kind of like the eyeballs of a fish on ice at the supermarket deli. Very, very disturbing.
Thank you for posting this. I've seen info that looking into the distance with open, empty eyes when kissing, etc. is normal for some people, but I just don't believe it. It feels inhuman.
Please remember that people with autism often struggle with making and keeping eye contact. It shouldn't be confused with what Dr Ramani is talking about.
yes I totally agree that context is everything, and not all lack of eye contact is necessarily for the same reasons. Usually when it happens, I become observant for other clues about the exchange, I know about autism, some people are socially shy, and yet others have cultural norms where they dont meet people's eyes as a form of respect. But you can usually tell the difference of how to read people.
I think this happen more with sociopaths? Also if they have blue eyes their eyes dont go dark.. Might be just eye color they have darker eyes and maybe the pupil becomes big when they are angry
I saw my soon to be ex husband to drop a couple of his things off and pick up my house plants a few days ago. My sister was with me, for safety, as well as to serve him the divorce papers. We had a brief and tumultuous time together, but I had never seen the Dark Eyes before that day. When he opened the door, his blue eyes looked black, blank and evil. I'm so grateful to finally feel free
Demonic possession. Pray to Jesus for their deliverance. HOW TO HAVE ASSURANCE OF SALVATION! | Dr. Ralph Yankee Arnold m.ruclips.net/video/Wh1VU-_OF98/видео.html
All I get is “ you’re just wanting to argue “ and flat out refuses to talk something out. A conversation. Not an argument is all I’m trying to do. Can’t ever discuss or resolve anything
Kathy T I hear that every time I bring up a certain subject..... his abuse of meds, lying, hiding, sneaky behavior, emotional neglect, and the porn. Why are you always trying to argue with me, I don't want to heart this, I am not fighting with you... and my response is" I am not trying to argue but I just want to discuss these issues." My anxiety has amped up and I now have to go on meds. I have tried to break up and kick him out but, I can't. I have to give a 30day notice of eviction. I am afraid to continue to live with him after I give the notice so I haven't been able to do it. It is my home and he just moved in with mostly his clothes. I am afraid he will trash my place in a fit of rage. I have called the police on him before when he raged on me and threw and he acted all calm and fooled them. He keeps saying I have no clue and will make me look crazy when I try asking him to leave. Right now I am just placating him until I can figure out a way to break up with him and get him out of my home. Like I said my anxiety is crazy now and I don't feel like I should have to take anxiety meds to stay in a relationship. He has used that against me as well. I need help getting out of this. I somehow keep attracting and falling for these type of men. What is wrong with me?😢💔!!!!!
@@amandamudford7048 Find out what are you attracted to in these relationships. What kind of dysfunction you like in them? What kind of insecurities and lack of self love and self respect are behind behind that? How does your family life looked like? What is your attachment style in relationships? What kind of traumas you’ve been through in your childhood? These all play a role
dated one recently where whenever i said something uncomfortable they went into this intimidating stare look. it was like their sort of wall of disagreeableness that reads "that is ridiculous to my ego and stand down!".
It's funny though if it is their first try and you see them realize you saw their secret, recognized it, and brushed it off as having no impact at all. Then they switch back and are now scared $h1tl3ss when they see you.
You can't diagnose serious and complex mental health disorders based on stares or lack of eye contact. There are a multitude of reasons why someone might be avoiding eye contact or has a blank stare, it doesn't mean they are narcissists or psychopaths.
I can feel when I’m being lied to and just now realized I will not look at the person when they are lying to me, it’s like I’m embarrassed for them and rather than confronting the lying I go along with it!! I’m changing this NOW! Thank you!
Note that a difficulty maintaining eye contact doesn´t always mean a person is dishonest. People with autism, social anxiety etc often have problems maintaining eye contact, too.
I'm going to tread lightly here, because I've had bad experiences with self-proclaimed body language experts. Like Dr. Ramani said, there are various reasons somebody might break eye contact, including anxiety or needing to think. But when I was a little girl and I started to meet people outside my immediate family, *normal* eye contact freaked me out. I wasn't used to other people initiating eye contact, or looking at me while I was talking, or looking at my reaction to what they were saying. Sincerity gave me a stomachache, it was so alien to me.
This is absolutely true! The main abusive narcissist in my life actually rarely makes eye contact. She NEVER makes eye contact while being vicious, though. I sometimes intentionally drive her away by being sincere and polite, whilst trying to make eye contact, even if she's being cruel. Narcissists are definitely wary of highly intelligent, aware, bold, self-empowered individuals who see through their BS!
This one confuses me. The narcissists I know think they are so much better than everyone else that they have no problem looking people in the eye condescendingly.
I remember asking my covert Narcissist husband to look me in the eye when I was trying to have a conversation with him . . he was reading something . . . he replied he heard every word I said, so eye contact wasn't necessary. . when I insisted, he turned and the anger/disdain/contempt that came from his facial expression and his eyes frightened me . . .I stopped and walked out of the room . . .
Oooh boy does this sound familiar. You asked for the smallest of courtesies, 'please look at me ' and his response is like you slapped him in the face. In my case I put it down to any conversation I attempted would be interpreted as a put down by him. After I experienced a shocking unexpected response enough times I gave up. All the while he was attempting to armchair analyse me. After all it couldn't have been him or both of us.
happened to me...it was our second day we were spending together. The entire behaviour and body language - cold shoulder, not looking at me - was so bewildering to me that I called him out - actually it's the first time I ever asked someone to look at me while talking. It was utmost confusing, because he is professionally a "communicator"(moderator and interviewer , among others) and he seemed so fun, outgoing and charming and skilled in communication, eloquent etc. Plus, we just had met after a long period of online dating and the first day we had spent together was all fine . As someone who is extremely sensitive about body language , this was HUGELY disturbing me already, but I couldn't rationalize it.
@@hessegoldmund7547 hands up to you to ask him to do that" also you Phyllis, I so relate to that because it happened to me. I realized "okay so thats what he is hiding" it was the part on his inside that is evil.
I’m convinced this was done so you wouldn’t ask that of him again. Like my ex who purposely did things wrong so I would no longer request his help, leaving me with all household and relationship responsibilities.
I noticed narc mother looks away at specific times, when she is setting me up subtly or baiting me for example, laying the ground work or fishing for a response, she averts her eyes while listening 👂. Contrarily, she looks intently in my eyes or scans my face for my reaction when she thinks she’s blindsided me or going for my jugular with cutting words. She wants to SEE the pain or discomfort or anger on my face. When she hurls insults or slights she looks at me and away depending on situation.
Blessings to u. Keep being who u are. If she saying things to hurt u sounds like she jealous. Just keep 💯 👌 😌 🙂 try to stay away from her if u can. Its hard if they family.
I totally know that feeling. My own mother is that way. I went no contact with her over a year ago, yet I can still see her evil eyes glaring at me each time she was degrading me. . I will never be able to get that face out of my mind. It's disgusting
I hope she does not get a tv show (at least not the traditional kind). I'd hate for her good work turn into a pop-culture joke for the enablers, flying monkeys and narcissists to throw rocks at. Then all the people with weakened immunity for that kind of shaming begin to also join in on making fun of her "to look cool" and then all the good work she's done is left on a shelf of past pop-culture phenomenon we think of as yesterday's entertainment. But I'm jaded 😂
Narcissist=the cowardly lion (and yes, the role of the cowardly lion was intended....by the author of the Wizard of Oz....to represent a narcissist (all growl and no bite).
There are a couple of problems with your theory. The cowardly lion acknowledges the root cause of his cowardice, being afraid, and seeks to redeem himself (and does). The narcissist doesn't have the capability or willingness to acknowledge their shortcomings and they most certainly have no desire to redeem themselves.
@@joeschmoe442 Narcissism can be a stand alone diagnosis like the one Dr Ramani is describing or it can be a symptom of a larger condition like Psychopathy like the one you are describing in which case Psychopaths often have no fear and do a lot of harm.
My first husband narc... his eyes looked like a tiger when he would beat my ass for catching him cheating. I thought maybe I was just imagining it. Omg. 😟
I call it dead eyes, as being an Empath I can see the absent soul behind the look in their eyes. The worst I ever encountered was with a malignant covert narc. His eyes were fully dilated black, as when you see the eyes of death. Incredible and scary.
I met two people whose eyes gave an impression of being as if dead. I think it was my personal thing and i shouldnt give quick conclusions until i get to know a person better. One of them turned out a really unpleasant covert narc though...
Or when they're playing for sympathy they'll look at you, making eye contact, to make sure you see the crocodile tears in order to tweak your empathy button. I fell for this for almost 2 decades. Until I didn't, and finally escaped.
I have to say, I love watching and listening to you. And most importantly, you are a true breath of fresh air, especially when you watch other ‘Narcissism experts’ who are themselves Narcissists (Dr. Sam Vaknin), and then you read their awful, harsh, mean spirited answers to the questions that their viewers ask, and issues they may share. It’s truly disturbing and disheartening...then there’s you. Such compassion and kindness, and great imparting of much needed information. Thank you so much.
That's why Dr. Ramini is the best...she's the real deal, and it shows...I'm sorry I live so far away. I'd love to have her as my therapist, and RUclips is the next best thing!
My ex would always be on his phone while I was trying to speak my part of the important conversation. He would say whatever he wanted to say and look at me but when I spoke he would be completely in his phone. I asked him multiple times to give me his full attention but now I have a much better understanding. Thank you for this information.
Yes that is the strangest thing! He will ask important questions like how was the doctors appointment, is your family doing ok etc. Right when I'm answering him he will walk away, get on his phone, or interrupt and tell me what I did wrong that day. It leaves you so confused! I just stand there like a deer caught in headlights. So now when he ask any questions I give very short answers. Then I get told I have an attitude. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
Dr. Ramani you're wonderful ! You don't mince words and get right to the point! I have learned so much from you and been able to sort through decades of narcissistic abuse I suffered as a child Thank you!
I’ll never forget my last interaction with my narcissistic coworker. After 18 months of blistering silent treatment, his grandfather died and he was forced to hand over an important task to me, which forced him to talk to me, however briefly. He started by impugning my character in the execution of the task (it was to hire a person, one of the candidates was my friend who also happened to be extremely qualified, but he implied that I would give him the job unduly on the basis of no evidence whatsoever). After enduring the silent treatment for so long I promised myself to never speak to him again and I kept that promise. He went over the particulars of the task and I scarcely mumbled “yes” when forced. The entire time I glared at him so hard by the end of it I swear I pulled an eyebrow muscle. I seethed with all the pent up rage and judgement for the horrible things he had done to me the prior months, but I didn’t say a word because I knew as soon as I spoke he could twist my words into his perverse unreality. But there I sat, glaring and defiant. He said “I don’t like that look on your face, get it off.” I huffed at him, and glared even harder, daring him to ask me to stop it again. The second time though, he flung his paper work at me and said “I’m done with you” and miraculously he was. All the hoovering, the baiting and instigating finally stopped, because he knew he didn’t have me in his clutches any more. I remember telling my then friends (his useful idiots) that I didn’t care if he got hit by a bus. I was over him long before he was done playing his games, but my career suffered, my relationships were in tatters, and my dreams were crushed as a result of his brutality, but finally in the end he couldn’t lie about my eyes that told him his games with me were up. It was one of the most liberating, powerful moments in my life, don’t underestimate the power in a face.
Mine wouldn’t look me in the eye for any reason. I remember talking to him and having to ask him why wouldn’t look at me. Finally, I stopped looking at him. Now I deliberately won’t look at him. He cannot have an adult conversation.
good for you. mine ignores me totally now (w/exception of his needs) which is sort of good, however, when ive become ill I've been known to suffer 3 or more days b4 being cheked on.
I had the lack of eye contact AND the fake sleeping act. This would happen when he didn't want to deal talk or when the silent treatment wasn't enough to deter me literally fake being asleep for 18 hours if that is what was needed to prevent me from interacting with him. Then suddenly would go into the bathroom for two sometimes three hours. On his phone- wide awake, catching up on missed calls and texts while he pretended to be dead asleep. Fake sickness for sympathy and attention, rage for attention. But if they are getting supply from another source I knew right away. My attention and love and my focus on him were met with rage and resentment. It's as if he had his ego cup filled for the day prior to seeing me and now anything I give to him to fill that cup is being wasted because it's all going in the Overflow! Absolutely unfathomable.
Dear Dr Ramani, I started listening to you years ago, the olden days. I am so happy that your voice is now being so projected on social media. I have a University degree in Mental Health I’m also a survivor of this type of abuse. Your message has always resonated with me. I want everyone to hear your message!
Work on loving yourself brother. The more you are yourself, the more confident you can be. It's not going to make people any less horrible, but you don't have to care what they think of you.
@@superhornyalien be in the moment. Always beauty around you. Birds singing. Sun shining. Thunder and rain singing. Moon shining. Sing friend Blessings
My daughter has asperger. She works on eye contact but it isn't natural. She gets tired and breaks contact. She not lying either. She's just reached a limit. I think social anxiety is like that. Sometimes you just reach a limit.
Absolutely my mother! But she had a next stage: staring in my eyes, cold as ice and being in rage like a raging bull. In Germany we have a saying that fits: If looks could kill... I would be killed many many times in my life
whenever i suspect someone is a narcissist, i make hard eye contact with them, as if to look into their soul through their eyes. they either avert my eye contact or they resolve to maintain eye contact, a bewildered look in their eyes. after a while holding eye contact with them feels so draining. it's like furiously staring at a mask that won't break off.
Not enough eye contact, or too much eye contact are signs of narcissism. lol This reminds me of chief Wiggum saying to his son Ralph "now remember if your nose is bleeding it means you're either picking your nose too much or not enough."
Nope, mine would direct eye contact, pour all those mean hateful words into you, then look away and let you sit in it while he’d get over it. Then when your upset by what was said he’d be like “I thought we dropped this?” But when he’s in the direct eye contact it would be like snake eyes
Nope? I think possibly YEP. Your example illustrates a possible variation of what she's talking about. Poured all that vicious bile at you, then looked away to avoid having to see the aftermath. And left. Then tried to get you to not bring it back up. I see that as not being able to make eye contact when uncomfortable.
Left a 20 year marriage in 2019 after realising what was going on was textbook narcissistic abuse. In relation to this video, one thing my ex would do during tough conversations limiting on the argument, he would lie back on the sofa while I was talking, put his arms behind his head and close his eyes, cutting all eye contact therefore. When I would get annoyed by that and ask him to look at me when I was speaking, he would get angry saying that YES he was listening and that I really had a problem with that. It was classical invalidation at its best, I'll shut you out by shutting my eyes. Infuriating, invalidating, dismissive, disrespectful, simply rude.
Sounds more like an annoyed husband or an unpleasant human being to be around. But narcissism ? What do you mean by that ? NPD ? Narcicistic traits ? That seems a little bit far off to me.
My partner does the exact same thing - lie on the couch, hands behind head and eyes closed. I tell him to look at me when I am talking, he says ‘I am listening’!
I've long noticed that my mother won't look me in the eye so the title of this video grabbed me. I've spent my life listening to everyone telling me how wonderful she is, how fortunate I am to have her. (I never hear that the other way around). It took my husband 35 years to see her for what she is, and he still doubts it quite often, 11 years after that. Thank you for your enlightening videos and that you care so much about freedom and truth for the survivors
It is very frustrating having someone as close as a mother, father or child not make eye contact. Though the reason may differ based on the person, I think the main reason for lack of eye contact is guilt especially if they make eye contact with everyone except you.
Nice video, learned a lot. Few things: 1. People on the spectrum have also trouble keeping/making eye contact, 2. People from other countries (like myself) were though NOT to do that, as it was considered IMPOLITE. Living in America, I wish it would be easier for me to make/keep eye contact, because I know how untrustworthy it seems when someone doesn't do that. Personally, I also have trouble with it because I can't focus on the story. Like, by looking away it's easier for me to process what's being said and come up with better answer. I just simply cannot focus when I am looking at the person talking to me (oftentimes). So, I think there's a lot of reasons for it...
One thing I didn't see discussed in this video: NEVER call a narcissist out for breaking eye contact. Because if you do, he or she will not hesitate to look you STRAIGHT in the eye and tell a bold-faced lie. By calling them out, you're just making them better, more covert, narcissists.
I watched my ex's eye's go black and dead twice while we were together. It was very unsettling and I knew immediately something was very wrong with her.
Never looks at me , too busy with phone , tv, and computer, so pathetic and never wants to engage in anything. Thank God I have Jesus in my life and great videos like this , thank you 🙏 ❤️
Eye contact: I noticed afew weird ones. 1)First there is the cold anger glare like a glint, almost a spark in the eye, while saying something firmly with an angry undertone and usually looking sideways at you. 2) The long stare in the distance with pause: usually in a situation when it feels like withholding a big lie; or something compromising that needs careful thought to answer (a trigger maybe?)and might hurt their ego by telling the truth .. 3) Lowered gaze, from beneath lowered brows, pierceing not losing contact stare. Usually with a deep awkward feeling of examining you or judging you up and down, especially when they think your not looking, or have a length to walk towards them, which can make one feel uncomfortable and awkward. 4) This happened once in lovebombing where he looks a long stare in your eyes but later at the start of devalue stage if you do the same in a loving way, he gets aback, angrily, spark in eyes, and ask why you are doing that. 5) Then there is the no contact eye contact, I like to call it, ignore you, not look at you and if you do, you get a swift angry eyes glare, like what the hell do you want, back off. You start to question yourself what resentment or anger might this person be holding against you, (not the 'Im just not in the mood" type thing.) 6) If you await with a smile, you get a lowered stare and long look to the side as not to have to lock eyes and have to reciprocate. 7) I know this hasnt to do with eye contact per se, but who else has this ubrupt turn around not look back (or straight in the phone nose dive) when leaving, so no proper farewells or wave goodbyes. Will just turn around and leave, and not once look back, or be able to catch attention. Which is done in quite a clear 'cut off' fashion if you get me?
For me was actually the contrary. He wouldn't let me look anywhere else when we were discussing. I had to look into his eyes the whole time. I couldn't take any time to reflect or look somewhere else to assemble my thoughts. Like if he was saying: "How dare you looking somewhere else and not at me? What could be more interesting?"
I know that's right. I wanted more things back than just money. His response? "I didn't ask you for any of those things!" But he sure reached out an open empty hand and took them in a mad hurry! I've learned my lesson. Not everyone wants love from a relationship, some want "help".
Fantastic. I could see my film as a victim til your very last words of advice, remembering my partner's body language on specific ocasions ( had 3 in my life, I'm 66.) . Thanks for your good work and intentions at helping people like me move on.
I've never known how to make proper eye contact with people, it always feels like I'm looking at one eye rather than them in the eyes if that makes sense. I think I'm a weirdo
It's hard to look straight at both people's eyes when you're talking about random things- not personal comments. It's easier to look at one of them, or their nose and then an eye to just have a place to focus on on their face.
Dr. R does say here she doesn't mean when you are talking and being reflective.... it's more in a personal relationship when you are having a conversation that should require connection..
Just look at one eye, or their nose. It's more common to look at a person's face when they're talking and you're listening. It's more common for you to go back and forth between a person's face and to the side or around when you're talking and they're listening.
@Eris omg yes, me too, often suspected of telling lies or having ulterior motives when I say something genuinely because I'm so awkward with eye contact. Also reading people's faces while talking is sometimes too much to process simultaneously for my little brain (I can do it more easily while listening than while forming sentences)... but I can't lie to save my life lol. I'm just like that pretty much 100% of the time and like Dr Ramani says, if people ask, I'll acknowledge it. I think we're fine, it's not exactly the narcissistic pattern described here, where the person does that specifically when confronted, and snaps if asked about it.
AND...They will become uncomfortable when you are looking at them. Sometimes they will actually mention it to you in an accusatory manner, "You stare at my face when you talk to me, as if you are checking to see how I react to what you say." This gas lighting comment claiming that you will lie to them and try to see if they buy your lie. They always assume that you are lying to them. @8:50-9:03 "And, No, it's not you, it's them. Looking someone in the face and in the eyes when you are telling them something. Something significant, whether it's good or bad is good relationship hygiene." When practicing "good relationship hygiene" you will get called out for it as if you did something wrong. Narcs call 'good' things bad because good makes them feel weirded out... Thank you Dr. Ramani, I did actually believe that something was wrong with my behavior and that the narc in my life had a point when she accused me of staring at her when telling her about difficult things. I feel so much validation right now!
I looked at my mum dead in the eyes and captured her with my look because she said something in front of my 12 year old daughter that was not positive. I caught her eye and looked at her straight in her eyes, I was so angry I just stared at her with discuss which I've never done before. She nearly fell off her chair. Such a massive moment for me, which lead me to these videos and I've learned so much. I've actually replayed it in my head every day since then. It felt so good. I've found a coping mechanism; I wish I'd figured this out earlier but I am very proud that I haven't repeated her behaviours raising my own three girls. Thank you 😊
Narcs will not look you in the eye when you are trying to have an honest, meaningful conversation with them. Yet they will sure as hell stare at you like a rabid animal when they are narc raging!
Mine never looks in my eyes when she rages. Looks to the left, right, above, never at me.
Oh yeah!!
So true. When they are raging, their eyes go black and they stare.
How true ;)
Hmmm that could be conflated with people on the autism spectrum though.
Not only can’t make eye contact but will change subject, blame shift or walk away
So on point
In changing subject they are masters. How i hate this!
Walk away! This! Is that a narcissistic thing too? Many times after saying something nasty, as if to teach you a lesson and marinate in it... :/
Yes, mid sentence, walk away and close a door in your face. And later on, act like nothing happened, nothing wrong with doing that to someone.
I have to walk away when it keeps being my fault and there's no acceptance or admittance of fault on their part.
Eyes are the window to the soul. Narcissists certainly wouldn’t want anyone to have access into their inner reality.
I have seen comments before which some people thought narcissists don't have a soul.
Ive met someone that turned out to be a covert narcissist, when i looked him in the eyes because i THOUGHT there was a connection, it felt like there was no soul, his look was absolutely empty and on top if that he did not know how to process the look on my face as if he didnt know how to recognize my mood
Well, because they know there is nothing there...
Laura Dennrichs I'm autistic if you look me in the eyes I'll run away😂😂😂and it happens almost always I have these awesome lil connection moments with people then I just have a panic attack and bolt or just try to fidget or focus on something else
They do when in rage mode
"Within the chest of every bully beats the heart of a coward."
Well put.
38 years of marriage and he never looked at me or the children when he spoke, I noticed he only looked at people who didn’t know him or someone he was trying to have another affair with. He was false as the day was long. I’ve finally left at 59 years old.
YAYYYY FOR YOU. ATTA GIRL!!!
I have a similar situation. After 35 years of marriage I have finally figured him out & he always made out that it was all my fault. I’m 3 months into my divorce at the age of 56. I only wish I’d known what his problem was years ago!!
@@theresabennett3168 now you know. You couldn't have known before. I'm happy for you now.
We didn't lose anything, bc it was never there. Congratulations on leaving. 😊
It’s creepy.... I like they are possessed.
In the past when I got in arguments in the car with my spouse... he parked the car and looked at himself in the rear view mirror.
I’m like you can look at me and deliver the message. It’s so odd and honestly aggravating!!
Narcissism has to be one of this worst disorders. This is because a narc doesn't know they're sick. I hate them and feel sorry for them all at the same time.
I don't believe that they don't know that they're narcissists, the man that I knew clearly seemed to understand and actually enjoy the evil power that he had over people. I believe they they clearly know, but they simply don't care about other people...
@@merrilymunson5010 I don't know don't believe people are evil. I believe they have some disorder or condition like narcissism. This is the driver for the evil things they do. If you give them a polygraph. Then would actually pass. They really don't know. No normal person would want to do and say these horrible things to another human being!!! Bottom line they're ill.......................
Diagnose narcissism for me let me know when you see one,give details?
@@dvstiger I believe certain people CHOOSE to do evil. And malignant narcs know what they're doing. If they didn't they wouldn't try so hard to invalidate their victims.
I understand I feel the same way. I’m no contact and don’t intend to break that but I always have this little ache in my heart for him. It’s annoying cuz I should hate him. But it’s like since I understand the roots of the disorder, it just makes me sad for him.
He turns his head when I start talking to him. And they hate being looked at but love to watch you when your back is turned.
Yes! Creepy,right?
Creepy af 😂
Enaah the Virgo ahhhh that’s who I married 😣
Truth 100%
Omg I'm scared
My narc said his vows with sunglasses on. Looking back, it speaks volumes.
Wow, that is creepy and it hurts.
That's heartbreaking
That was my ex- always wearing sunglasses!!
@@angelabowman343 I can count on one hand how many times he looked me in the eyes or said my name in 15 years. Looking back, he dehumanized me. I think it was because he knew my heart and he developed a guilty conscience after so long of mistreatment. I think he knew I knew and eventually got to a point that he actually disgusted himself and was ashamed, but would NEVER admit that.
that’s a really big fucking sign
Dr. Ramani restored my trust in my sanity. Narcs want us to think that these little weird things they do are normal. But they’re not, and we’re not crazy to feel uncomfortable when they act like this.
OMG you're absolutely correct 100%! You wouldn't have any confusion with a healthy-minded person. But narcissists are completely backwards, upside-down, bending over and backing in -- all while trying to make you think you're the crazy one. And the moment you scream in frustration in front of an audience, the narcissist will behave like perfection and tell everyone, "See all this crazy I have to put up with? I'm not the crazy one."
Up is down and forward is backward and left is Tuesday.
It's called reactive abuse... they provoke and prod and totally micro scrutinise and when you finally lose it, they now have ammo against you
Narcs make you uncomfortable because their intentions are never good concerning you.
They are sadistic by nature and enjoy tricking you.
Their eyes are dead and flat looking.
They are joyless people.
@@danielkaiser8971 The narcissist wants you to react emotionally so that you will appear to be the unstable one.
They set you up by provoking you in front of others.
Narcissist are always smearing their targets so that they can come out smelling like a rose when you speak out against the abuse.
The Narc will always play the victim.
This is so they can paint you as the bad one and so they can avoid any accountability.
The narcissist wants to be able to re-offend and they can't expect to do that unless they play the victim.
This is why Grey rocking them is key.
Never react!
Disengage!
Be stoic and calm.
Ignore their attempts to provoke you.
Shrug it off and turn the subject onto them.
Let them talk about themselves.
Give them the spotlight.
Then be thinking of an excuse to leave.
Always keep distance between you and the Narc.
Be polite with everyone and avoid badmouthing anyone.
It's all about getting you to react, especially in an angry way so that you will look bad to others.
Never give the Narc the chance!
Be working on an escape!
Limit your time with them and their cronies.
@@kathysteele4303 Exactly!!
Grey rock all narcs!
This way you avoid the trap of reacting.
They cannot look at you, because they refuse to look at themselves and their wrongdoings.
Makes so much sense
They have no sense of remorse. Deceiving others is a form of abuse for which they are proud.
wow
They never make eye contact
Anyone who can't give u straight up eye contact is shady
The other type of eye contact that they have is the "stare" they just stare at you with blank eyes
A guy I know who is a narc had that stare and I would stare right back at him. He did look sorta spooky and creepy.
Absolutely, the blank stare you get when you are upset
I figured out this out later on. Try looking at the pics you have with your narc. Or just his picture. They have this stare that is just blank and void. I realized when I was going through our pictures.
I saw a documentary on people with psychosis. Normal people's eyes "dance" as they talk, looking around as they think, look up and to the side as they imagine or remember something.
But people with psychosis seem to have one basic stare pattern, and they don't blink as often. Whether talking about happy things or gruesome things, they mostly just stare with about the same facial expression.
This is really unsettling but thank you for sharing, I will have to look into this more.
What's worse than no eye contact is the sneaky sidelong glance, to keep a check on how you are feeling/doing. Creepy.
So true
"In the chest of every bully beats the heart of a coward." (You validated this thought at around the 4 minute mark.)
And they are very insecure people. But they try to create the same insecurities in our heart too.
Wow so true
@@mindfulmatters3856 Yup, it's pathetic.
Love this.
Most true words ever spoken, and I couldnt agree more!!
It’s also unnerving how they will roll their eyes and/or look away when you are speaking about topics they don’t like or are not interested in.
My Daughter
My narc sister, like someone can't see her "excessive" eye ball rolling 👁😅
My narc husband actually closes his eyes when I am talking about something he’s not interested in ...
This!
Yes, narcissists love to subtly show you how boring you are, which is ironic as they are the boring ones.
They have a cold ,blank ,empty stare ......just before they start messing your life up........also.
I saw that look right before he discarded me...
I was getting the "I smell shit" look from her for a few months before discard ..
Those narc eyes. Staring into a graveyard.
@@susanotero6431 ME TOO!
@@bonquiqui6342 I got that aswell.It was so shocking to me.Disgust or look of misunderstanding.I started wondering if there was something about me that had changed overnight.
I once had a partner who was obsessed with me making eye contact with them. They insisted I wasn’t listening to them even though I told them that I was. Years later, after we broke up, I found out I’m autistic. So don’t get stuck on this one detail of narcissistic behavior. It could be a red flag or it could be something else entirely.
I have to agree with you. I generally have to consciously look someone in the eyes when conversing. I don't know if I'm on the spectrum or not, but I've always had a bit of trouble with it.
As someone with ADHD you’re right
Yes, I can't think properly if I stare at someone else's eyes. It's like I feel their energy and nothing else.
Same for my soon to be ex husband
Those who particularly have challenge with eye-contact other than narcissists are those with bpd, social anxiety too
Narcissist don’t change.dont waste your time,🤧
Truth.. Im a person of faith and did everything in my power to help this person but God gives us free will. If they dont want to, it wont happen. Sad for them. I learned alot and im thankful for my experiences bcz God heals and thats what matters. Blessings.
Yes we do!! We are forced to evolve so as not to be discovered....stay safe!
So true. Narcs are a waste of time and energy that will exhaust you to the fullest. Its a matter of time before my permanent exit from my narcissist husband and family. No time to waste anymore. We only have one life to live and at my age its not a lot of time left. They will never change and that is fact
I'm a good stupid 9 years in.... And so far this seems true
Yes they DO! JESUS IS ALIVE and I know 3 narcissists totally healed by God ,
Don't say what you don't know
It is as if their soul disappears, eyes go cold and empty.
@@minpin8257 there is no God. What God would allow his children to become narcs? They are the orcs of real life. Tortured unto everlasting madness and evil.
How can they believe in God, when they believe that they are God!?!...
@@alicegharibjanians1449 there is no God to believe in and narcs are proof. What God would allow their children to be tortured to such madness? Only a despicable monster.
@@MediaEnslavedNation This world is a test from God to see if we are worthy for Heaven after or fall because of the sin men committed in the Garden Eden.
@@qq84 nope
My husband always looked me right in the eye particularly when he was cornered. He looked me in the eye every time I asked him if he was having an affair and this made me believe he was telling the truth. After I caught him out having one affair and he confessed to many others, I challenged him about his lying and looking me pointedly in the eye when he did so , his response was with a smile on his face “ I know”, giggle, “ I’m good aren’t I?”.
So please be careful, if they look you too long in the eye, they are likely to be lying too.
Yeah I think, if theyve had to resort to lying for many years to get their needs met.....they become pretty damn good psychologists. But they also give away so many instabilities.
My son always unblinkingly looked me straight in the eyes and lied, even as a kid the teacher noticed it... said he could win an academy award for acting/lying. That's how I finally figured out when he was lying, the blank stare.
Yes, they can be so great at their craft which comes from the wicked one, their father. But woe be to them on judgement day if they haven't repented because they have to stand before a Holy God who DETESTS lying lips, and had a front row seat to every one of their lies...
Cris Fox thank you for sharing I agree with you
Yeah or maybe a psychopath/sociopath. Theyre not all murderers like they say on TV lol
I have a narcissist in my life who stares at me to the point of making me feel uneasy...it's a fixed stare without uttering a word...I avoid looking back and get very uncomfortable..its a kind of disrespect to anothers boundry
MY MOM
Omg the Narc i was with did the same I Never looked him into face fear of him killing my soul its was so creepy 😫 I could feel his stares killing me
My doctor
I get that from a narc who discarded me. It is unnerving
The Narc I was with did the same thing. I would bust out laughing because it’s so ridiculous!!!!!
Anyone who doesn't give you empathy or hear you when you try to communicate with them needs to be removed post haste if you can go no contact.
Yes, especially if they behave that way in the beginning. Narcs often test what toxic behaviors you will tolerate early in the relationship -- when you are still trying to give your very best impression.
Except a psychopath will fake all the appropriate reactions and make eye contact and you will think they are in the right and you are in the wrong still.
I agree. Basically if they are an adult and don’t act like one then you know that person is not someone you can rely on, not even as a friend.
Sure, but it's a bit cut and dry. Even the narcissistic can bring the most benevolent souls back into touch once and a while. We just need to discern, does that mean remaining in touch with ourselves...🙏✌
It’s a bit harder when they are forced around you because they are family. In fact, with me, my narc sibling distorted what I thought was how someone should be treated. So I just presumed growing up that being treated like poop was normal.
What I've noticed about a former friend who is highly narcissistic: she always tried to stare in other peoples eyes to make them feel uneasy and by that to estimate their level of self-esteem. My ex-boyfriend got to get to know her and told me: "I don't like her, there is something about her eyes and the way she makes eye contact". I think it's very important for narcissist to be able to estimate the other person's self-esteem because they always are in competition with others and unconsciously wanna find out who could be a next prey or (in case of a a person with healthy self-esteem) could be a danger.
That's good info
I can attest to that as I have a co-worker who does just that and then deliberately takes jabs at people when he thinks the "coast is clear". All eye contact is not equal. One kinda has to read the intentions behind it too because sometimes it's just them trying to find a way to make you feel inferior.
In which case I just give intense eye contact back
👁️👁️ and watch them get a little shaky when they realize the rabbit is suddenly holding the "gun".
@@chrysichrysi7889 I call them out for being a staring weirdo, or make some kind of face at them.
@@hardcore1742 Because they think they're perfect... My dad's a fucking alcoholic narc and he actually had the audacity to say that he always was respectful of his ex-wives in front of me. The jackass had my mom in depression for close to 10 years with his abusive BS.... smh
I mean you what you want to make eye why does the other person always have to initiate it?
Yup. If they can’t just look away, they will physically run away to avoid you
I never knew that anyone else experienced the death stare. I had seen it before during various arguments when I dared to disagree with him, but never the full-blown version until the moment I told him I was leaving. I have never seen such hatred and anger in someone's eyes until then. From that moment, every discussion we had included the stare of death. It was frightening and only reinforced my decision to leave him.
I said NO to him which, I had never done before. It was in front of his friend. 1st the rage. I would not back down. It triggered him to have a complete" narc collapse" in the carport. He even let loose of his bowels+ bladder. Then he turned his chair toward the wall like a kid put in a corner. His dad used him against his mom. Hmm...
Oh my god. My heart started racing reading this because my ex did the exact same almost the same series of events too. It was like they went black and it was just pure hatred in his pupils. We had had discussions about it too. How he couldn’t look at me without contempt after I went through his phone… and how there was no love in his eyes anymore. Before that even, when we would have discussions I’d be facing him and he would be turned 90 degrees the other way staring blankly at the wall like a wounded animal.
Definitely all the time and I let him know I'm not scared of him. At this point I don't speak or even look at him slowly putting an exit plan in motion. This was the 3rd and last time might been the fourth but definitely last time. I need my peace back.
Wish I had known this in 1979. Would have saved me a lot of pain and agony.
👏👏👏
your strong woman 💕
🤷🌺
So these narcicist new personality drive are making narcs of us as well??
,
I have anxiety disorder and sometimes I feel like it's easier to talk to someone while looking at some other point in the room. Just wanted to add that in!
Thank you!!
The not looking in the eyes=lying is such a myth. People often look to their side when recalling facts, and forcing them to stare at your eyes interrupts their natural recollection.
@@GG-cr5hm lies people look to the left when they lie ...
@@mimi-xw5se myth busted www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/myth-busted-looking-left-or-right-doesnt-indicate-if-youre-lying-1922058/
@@mimi-xw5se That makes no sense, if the other person is on the left people would look away to the right.......
I think when narcs want something from you, their eyes are piercing without blinking. That's what I've noticed or maybe that's a psychopath. In any case, the glare is uncomfortable and creepy cringey.
like fiery darts
Oh my god you are correct!!! One time they looked me in the eyes glaring and it gave a bad feeling in my stomach, it was so weird I don't know why that glare scared me so much.
They keep their eyes on you so that you feel that what they are saying or trying to pretend is true.
Those are the worst ones. Always look in eyes, and yes, steel your soul.
Ohmygosh, so true. When he wanted to convince me to change MY MIND or acquiesce to HIS wishes, he would stare at me so direct and without blinking with such a serious glare that I would go quiet and turn away cuz it freaked me out ! I knew for a fact within two months of our relationship that he was a Covert Narc on the prowl and so wanted to keep ME hooked, line and sinker. So disappointing cuz I really liked him. But once burnt I was scarred for Life !
A few months into my life with the narcissist, my vision began to deteriorate for no reason. Now I know that even then my body was against this relationship
Lmao.. u was looking for an excuse to leave..im done..
Same girl, same!
Your body always reacts! People just don't link the abuse with the hives, headaches, fatigue, rashes, etc. And then it's amazing that when your out of the narc system your body is the healthiest its ever been. When I went no contact with the narc system I lost 70 pounds. I was never able to lose weight before. That nervous system connection with general health is huge.
@@ms.newcomerteacher6554 Thank you very much. I hope I'll recover some of my health
Narcissists can easily lie to you and look you straight in the eye. That’s what brings out the anger in you trying to understand what kind of person your dealing with.
Sure, if that is something that gets them narcissistic supply, they will certainly do it.
That is a psychopathic malignant narcissist. That is why that can look at your eyes when lying.
In my experience I have found they can look you in the eye with the initial lying statement but then look away when an explanation or justification follows or if questioned and they choose to engage the question.
Black Weirdo Spot on!
@Canal De RUclips Watch Dr, Ramani's videos about the Narcissistic types. There are 7 types. All Psychopaths are Narcissists, but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths. So, for someone to lie (especially grandly) while looking you in the eyes they would need to be Psychopathic. However, they could be any type of Narcissist (Covert, Grandiose, Malignant, Communal, Benign, etc.).
yes!!! they even do this eye contact thing where they stare at you when you say something that catches them off guard, or something they disagree with. they’ll stop in the middle of a conversation and just stare at you for a few seconds. you’ll know it if/when you experience it. EXTREMELY disturbing.
claire de la lune it’s creepy for sure
Yes, it’s like that turn their heads real fast & stare. This is why you have to be careful about information you are revealing about yourself because I took it as she try to exploit the fact that I had paid my car off and would asked me for money.
But then when you know they are staring at you, they break eye in a trance state( slow motion). These were female narcissists. I felt like I was in the movie excorist.
I think I saw that facial expression in a couple horror movies I once rented. I don't think it's a coincidence that horror movies would use such a sudden, intimidating expression before the "nice person mask" comes off and a monster comes out and eats the whole family alive. I really think horror movies take correlations from real life situations like that.
My narc was praising trump for the economy. I mentioned stats that disagreed with that. He turned to me, whites of his eyes showing, didn’t say anything for 5 seconds, and then goes “not even close to being true”
I call it the vampire laser stare. You can fell them feeding off you, it's so strange.
One of my narcissists favorite tactic was to attack while driving. He was focused on the road and I was trapped. Yes, I wanted to jump out of a moving vehicle many times. Other tactic was to stand behind me very close and say something horrible. He was a very crafty and my psychologist coached me through these situations. Still here to talk about it.
My narc father did the same thing
@@dis_sunsetsongstress7350 sending u hug and healing.....he did not know any better
Yesss!!! The attacking while driving. Very unnerving
Oh yes, driving! I know that one!
A narc i knew use to say the worst things while driving. When i responded to something and he didnt like it thats when he tried to make eye contact,he would constantly turn and look at me and at the same time struggle to stay in his lane on the road. As if if we crashed it would be my fault for making him lose his focus cause i didnt agree with him. So its basicilly stressing the person out to the point when they finally give in, because otherwise there could be a car crash. Its sick behaviour, as he would start the argument and i would feel bad because i made him lose focus only because i had a different opinion.
I told my husband that he started staring into emptiness whenever he was about to start a toxic statement. Thank you so much for this video. It really validates my observation.
I really hope he is genuinely trying to be a better person. I am the rager in my relationship, it's a very difficult thing to contain even when you desperately want to. Which is why I think most people just choose not to.
So if he's not actually putting in work to change, please I ask you to leave and save yourself the damage
@@christypowell. Thank you. He hit his narc rock bottom in April 2020 and has been working on it. It was a learned behavior from his family of origin. We watch a couple Ramini’s video every week and it helps him realize what he picked up are toxic.
@@athenalulu That is amazing that he is openly working on it to better your relationship and recovering from his own familial traumas. GL to you guys!
The narc I was with literally said "stop looking at me" after a rage episode.... *Trigger warning*
(slapped my face 4 times for preparing dinner). A week before that the narc punched me, then walked away. Its true that they cant make eye contact when they lie, but also, along with it, they have this certain "forgetfulness" which conveniently erases their memories that threatens their ego.
Please stay safe! My narc hits me, too. As soon as she starts to rage I start thinking of escape routes, and try to leave before the violence starts.
@@knarf_on_a_bike I know the feeling of thinking of escape route. My escape route is often out of the house few hours in public park, today only i had chips and cookies in the park. Other routes are staying at relatives place for a week.
@@knarf_on_a_bike try as soon as possible.....your physical and mental health is very important.👍
Thank you for sharing your experience. Just in case can you add a disclaimer and a few spaces just in case it triggers someone. (Some narc Facebook groups I am in do this)
Also I remember my ex narc used to hit me in the head and back. though his favorite punishment was entrapping me in our shared room.
The one night he slapped me in face was the worst thing he could have done. Our face has more sensory elements then other body parts.
I left the house that night and called a friend but I couldn't find an escape plan and still had stuff in the house. He was kicked out 3 days later by a housemate.
Absolutely yes, without a doubt. Narcissists have selective memory, selective hearing, selective everything. They even reinvent history and create events that never happened. All to keep you confused and disoriented and under their manipulative control. But they would never admit it.
Anyone who makes me dinner and we can sit together at the dinner table and really talk about how our days went, no matter how uneventful, already has my heart's attention.
But at first when they're love bombing/wooing you, their eyes light up with a fire whenever you reveal intimate details they can use against you later. A person I luckily no longer work with would physically lean in and get so excited whenever I shared something personal.
Yeah and you can tell because it's a really wierd kind of interest they show yet a genuine disinterest to whatever concerns you're having and I like to watch their reaction after the first piece of info I give them, and then make my decision to either continue or not.
Exactly what the malignant narcissist ex did.
He would get giddy finding out any “dirt”or gossip about me.. anyone I was related to or friends of mine to save up and use as future ammunition against me
How you distinguish...?
1 eyes lighten up in someone, who is in love. Someone in love can lovebomb too!
2 eyes lighten up, like in the narcissists way and lovebombing.
I was very, very in love, felt so much affection, compassion and real sexual strong desire towards 1 man. This combination i never felt so strong before.
I wanted to get old with him. Be there for him.
Am i an narcissist myself?
Because my eyes looked in love and people saw this. Him too! My eyes lighten up also i guess.
"The eyes are the windows to the soul."
The narcissist doesn't have one and can't let you find that out so they look away! 😂
Whenever I'd made eye contact with older overt coke head sis it was met with a her pained look, quick to eye lids down, weirdness thing, I think the way I'd non- challontly manage to look straight at her, not missing a beat, power in me scares her, not seen her in decades, still she calls, her rude message bothers me,
Lmao 😂😂😂😂😂
With a Narc, 'eyes are the windows to the assoul'
They have souls. Profoundly damaged and damaging souls.
YES, it happened to me these days with my hubby 🙄🙄🙄 I couldn’t care less 🥳🥳🥳 asking him something about Work and he just looked at my maid and answered sideways 🥴🤦🏻♀️
Another ‘eye contact’ phenomenon, for a narcissist, is when they talk wholly & solely about themselves, their engaged with not much eye contact.
But,when it’s your time to talk their eyes look away, glaze over, & go into a dream state. They don’t even listen to a word you’ve said.
Good observation. Me ex did that. Blabbed on about herself and would seldom look at me while speaking about herself.
Over time I've learned that there's no one sign that perfectly spots a type of person. You have to use all of your senses and spot inconsistencies in their behavior or words.
A nonverbal autistic person isn't avoiding eye contact because they want to trick you, they are trying to not overstimulate their input as they formulate their words. Their thoughts are another language than the one they speak so it's distracting when you have uncomfortably heightened senses. The authentic person will be constant in their motivations. Shallow people have to invent an identity each time.
@@ACollectionOfBookmarks I’m talking about a narcissist- not autistic.
My narcissist friend had the hallmarks- snide, inability apologise, grandiose, lie, future fake, view others as objects etc.
My mother, sister & brother are narcissists- so I have living experience with them.
I have experienced this a million times. I can't even be around this person anymore.
@@denisemangan1413 I feel you and I agree with you. I was convinced for years that the red flags I was seeing in my long-term partner was something familiar like being on the spectrum. The difference is when I find a cool rock that is almost in the shape of a turtle I want everyone to be as excited about it as I am. It's a radiation of joy. A narcissist on the other hand clasps their fist over the rock and holds their arm up saying look what they found with their clever eyes and tenacity. Don't be fooled by familiarity, remember how they left you feeling and see if it's consistent. Trust that energy drain if you can't place something outwardly negative about the interaction. I wish you healing my friend.
As victims of narcissistic abuse we also can end up having problems with eye contact as well due to anxiety etc. Among tuns of other mental health problems
Also be weary of those that NEVER break eye contact it's normal for us to shift from looking to not looking for a second those that never break are usually psychopaths
the watching ..omg the watching. ugh PREDATOR. there was a guy in the shop I worked at who used to stand just off to the side and stare at me and this other woman. I'm not so flattered now and I foolishly was then. I think he was the only person in the whole of the time I've worked there who did that
th at and my ex just big intense wide eyes staring at me after a significant event or looking for cues. No one needs to be stared at !
Yes my lying psychopathic narcissistic aunt. I hate looking her in the eyes when having a conversation with her because she’s so cold, calculated & fake but she definitely has no problem staring me dead in the face knowing she knows I know that she’s all these things then some smh
I understand the needing to look away... sometimes.... I relate to the stare down of intimidation, a way to put a level of fear which makes it difficult to stand up for yourself,
or my name being aggressively called (out of context) followed by a hard glare, when I’ve made a valid point...
I either answer, “ Yes, I know my name” or I stop talking (collect my courage) and return the glare, after I’m accused of being aggressive... 🤷🏼♀️
yes, it seemed to me that the narcissists I met were also psychopath to some degree. They all are the kind never breaks eye contact.
Yes I can't talk to my narsissistic parent looking in the eye bcz it makes me want to cry
My parents were narcissists and I realized, one day, that they actually never LOOKED at us! I know I am not a narcissist because I love to look at people directly when we speak in a friendly manner, That makes people feel connected, cared about, loved. Thanks for confirming this. As the child of narcissists, you have a tendency to doubt yourself, because you were trained that way.
Absolutely agree! Both my parents are narcissists and everything you said is true. I had the same experience
I think a lot of them are dissociated as well and repeating their own verbal child abuse.
You are so beautiful ❤️
REALLY DEEP.WHEN WERE TRAINED THAT WAY..
Peace.love.happiness.
I have found that eye contact is lacking during lying or gaslighting, yet is constant when the boo boo eyes are in play.
Or outrageous accusations--the glare is burning hateful.
Boo boo eyes..lol..thanks for the chuckle. I needed a laugh today. Good term, I am sick of crying
They will look me straight in the eye wide opened and not blinking .
Yesssssss! Omg this was last night. I said you can link you look like a zombie 😮
My mom makes eye contact when she lies. Flawlessly. It's unsettling.
maybe she is a psycopath
My ex-husband was an expert at that, too.
So sorry😎
Paychopath
I've noticed my ex could lie , looking into my eyes, no problem. Also lied to his family & friends, so easily.
Anytime I try to talk to my narcissist, he stops our conversations with “I don’t want to fight with you.” and walks out of the room.
Just Looking leave him! He’s bad news!!😱
My covert Narc is so passive that when I begin to talk about serious thing, I literally can’t get any emotion out of her. She just sits there so passively as I’m in tears. Sometimes I just want to fucking fight her because she won’t respond to anything I say to her. I can’t get her to feel anything. She has no emotion.
Stevie Wee leave her. It gets worse.
its Jezebel and ahab spirit. when in marriage they take turns on whos who. for every narc jezebel thers a ahab to withstand the narc. control/controlled
Mine does that too. I so badly want to leave him but being unemployed and having 2 young kids, a mortgage with him and no place to go, it’s gonna take time.
I‘ve sworn an oath to myself and to my unborn children to never become like my narcissistic father and to never get married to a narcissist. I‘m intensely working on myself to keep that promise. I owe it to my unborn children to provide them with a good father.
I’ve grown up in a narcissistic family system, and I recognize this (my mother is narcissistic). Because of it, I also have real intimacy issues, but there are two friends in my life I deeply care for. Everytime they tell me something serious or unsettling, I “force” myself to stay tuned in the conversation, and to talk about these heavy emotions with them. Your videos help me so much to unlearn all my behavior from childhood.
when demons see the light they want to hide.
And when i see the demon ..i want to hide
fight and flight at same time! they are attracted but they hate you at same time
As do cockroaches :P
Lion of Yudah.
Based on my experience they tend to cloak themselves in it. (The light that is.)
Most individuals are not misled by things which horrify them; they are deceived by Beautiful Things that bring pleasure. Things that FEEL GOOD. (even as Nails of Darkness are driven into their Metaphoric Hearts.)
I'm not a religious sort. (anymore. ) But Evil , or the capacity for it exists in everyone, and is brought out by circumstances. Or inspired by a lifetime of neglect..or even Over-Nurturing in some instances.
(There are just as many spoiled and entitled brats out there who go on to commit crimes as those raised in more abusive environments.)
The human will is a mystery.
Some who are abused grow up to
be Dr.s who heal, or policemen (and women) who serve and protect; while others raised under a similar set of circumstances will go on to perpetuate the same cycles of violence or neglect they experienced.
Mind you I'm speaking metaphorically here..
But
Sometimes
The difference between angels and devil's boils down to making a choice.
(Not always though unfortunately.
Some are Born Damned.)
I'm stealing this
My narcissistic ex girlfriend would look me straight in the eyes when lying to me. It was a different look than when she was telling the truth. Her eyes would become glassy, frozen and unblinking. It was like she was staring through my head at something.
You discovered her personal "baseline behaviors" regarding when she was lying or telling the truth. You must have excellent observational skills. Most people need to be trained to understand body language.
My 85 year-old mom does the same( or I am just noticing now) her eyes become glassy, very strange.
Just dumped a cluster b woman I dated for 3 months, she had exactly what you describe, glassy, frozen, unblinking, like she was going into a robotic trance.
Yes!! Exactly what my narc husband does. It's like, "how dare you catch me lying?" Now when he gives me this look, i just walk away leaving him wonders 😃
Howie Dunbar Dude!!!! Reading your words is blood-curdling to me!!! That’s exactly how my narcissistic ex-spouse was!!! When I confronted them with their infidelity, I kept wanting to find comfort in that collective belief we all have about how when someone tells you the truth they look you straight in the eye, but for some reason I couldn’t find any assurance when my narcissistic ex looked me straight in the eye as they denied they had been unfaithful, and what’s so creepy is that their eyes turned just like what you described in your ex wife’s: glassy, frozen and unblinking!!!!
There she goes again, confirming what I already know deep down but have never spoken aloud ❤️
Yes indeed, it's called "validating" your experiences and knowledge. It has an outstanding healing effect to hear our thoughts voiced by someone else.
Yes she’s amazing! Everything she says is exactly what I need to hear for that day...Dr R brings me confirmation every time. I’m in the process of leaving and at times when I feel weak like today, there she is telling me what I need for that moment ❤️
Yes, yes, yes! I think that I might just sleep a little easier tonight will this piece of validation safely stored away.
Poor eye contact can also be attributed to social anxiety.
Or autism..
There is a different body language to blocking eye contact when done with malice than with great discomfort.
Or involuntary, as well.
@@alexisscarbrough4083 excellent point love
Ye, and ADHD. I can “hear” and process words better when I am not distracted by looking at the speaker.
Breaking eye contact sounds soo familiar. There's one thing I noticed with my narcissistic ex bf and my father. With each of them I had fights (seperately, different situations) and those fights were about something that really hurt me. In both of those situations I started crying, shouting that their actions are anacceptable and I was ready to storm out of the room. Just before leaving I looked in their eyes and they were looking staight at me with eyes sparkling, wide opened, surprised and kinda delighted like they enjoyed seeing my strong reaction. Like they got the fuel they wanted. And that look to me was frihtening.
This is common with Narcs. They enjoy seeing that their manipulation, lies, gaslighting, projection, and character smears are affecting the target. They enjoy it so much that they can’t hide it 100%. They will quickly smile, giggle, scoff and grin, or act gleefully surprised for a split second before they remember they can’t show their joy at giving others pain if they want to be able to continue their abuse and protect their image.
I've noticed only in the beginning, the early stages do narcissists stare you deep in the eye . They're not looking at you , they're looking straight through you in order to hook you in . After that they cannot risk doing it again, for the fear of their mask slipping .
So true. I uaually ask "Do you see what you are looking for?" but after a while, the eye contact stop and they would only look at your face when ur head or back is turned.
wow
All truthful
@@itslewisbuttery
My narc is on the smoke screen campaign as we speak while parading his new supply. I've asked Jehovah to rid him out of my life. Now he's gone, I'm happy, it's the new supply I pity. Just got to stay strong cause he ain't walking back in my life with the sorry excuses n sad excuse of a human that he is. I need a real one that has feelings and a heart. No superficial stuff . I'm good.
@@gillianmckane6511 Amen to that!
My father is a Narcissist and he literally will close his eyes when he is insulting you. I always found it to be strange. Now i get it
A form of "shutting someone out."
That's what my nuptial captor did.
That is a sign of super smug people . Even when they are talking . If they close their eyes they are smug at the least. With that in mind dr Ramani is extremely smug and probably a narcissist herself . Most doctors actually are. Thats the funny part
@@silent13379 that's your opinion...wish you didn't say anything .
I've noticed this too! Yet, it's really important to distinguish this from the eye contact patterns of people on the autism spectrum. They're sincere to their own peril in this world, but their senses are overwhelmed, and they've difficulty experiencing and emoting gestures as others do. I feel protective of them and people confusing them with narcissists, in part because they themselves stand to be badly victimized by deceitful, dark people.
Something I can never forget, Dr Ramani: the eyes, during an intimate moment. I had never seen anything like that before, in anyone. Half human, detached. It took me years before I could verbally describe it, as lizard-like. That's as close as I can get. It still makes me shudder! How did I get myself into that?
This same question tormented me for years
I've had the same experience. I would describe the look of the eyes during that intimate moment as just plain cold. Kind of like the eyeballs of a fish on ice at the supermarket deli. Very, very disturbing.
@@rl5187 Yes, you've described it very well! Cold and detached - dead? Barely human. Steven King couldn't have made it up!
😂😂 so true. But scary. As they say...dont discuss cheese with a rat. Dont make moves with a snake. Bless you...narc survivors.
Thank you for posting this. I've seen info that looking into the distance with open, empty eyes when kissing, etc. is normal for some people, but I just don't believe it. It feels inhuman.
Please remember that people with autism often struggle with making and keeping eye contact. It shouldn't be confused with what Dr Ramani is talking about.
As one of them- THIS :D thank you for mentioning this
Understood.
Autistic v Narcissistic. Completely different energies when interacting.
It's palpable and visceral.
yes I totally agree that context is everything, and not all lack of eye contact is necessarily for the same reasons. Usually when it happens, I become observant for other clues about the exchange, I know about autism, some people are socially shy, and yet others have cultural norms where they dont meet people's eyes as a form of respect. But you can usually tell the difference of how to read people.
moviemakerwannabe - We’re here to discuss Narcos, not Autism.
@@ravenesqueone3033 People are pointing out that people on the spectrum also do this so that we are not misinterpreted as bad people (happens a lot)
"....unless you're a psychopath or a real career liar...."
I like your clarity and directness, Dr. Ramani.
Yes there is a psychopath at my work and she has the most intense stare ever with everyone even while lying and I don’t think I’ve seen her blink
Dr. Ramani - your book “Should I Stay or Should I Go” has saved my life!! And I just want to thank you for that! 🙏🙏
It's the eyes that go black that I still have trouble understanding
I think this happen more with sociopaths? Also if they have blue eyes their eyes dont go dark.. Might be just eye color they have darker eyes and maybe the pupil becomes big when they are angry
The colour drains out of their eyes 👀 & they become cold.
I saw my soon to be ex husband to drop a couple of his things off and pick up my house plants a few days ago. My sister was with me, for safety, as well as to serve him the divorce papers. We had a brief and tumultuous time together, but I had never seen the Dark Eyes before that day. When he opened the door, his blue eyes looked black, blank and evil. I'm so grateful to finally feel free
@@beverlypeace1875 :( I've seen it before too, it's scary
Demonic possession.
Pray to Jesus for their deliverance.
HOW TO HAVE ASSURANCE OF SALVATION! | Dr. Ralph Yankee Arnold
m.ruclips.net/video/Wh1VU-_OF98/видео.html
All I get is “ you’re just wanting to argue “ and flat out refuses to talk something out. A conversation. Not an argument is all I’m trying to do. Can’t ever discuss or resolve anything
I've been dealing with the same thing.
Kathy T I hear that every time I bring up a certain subject..... his abuse of meds, lying, hiding, sneaky behavior, emotional neglect, and the porn. Why are you always trying to argue with me, I don't want to heart this, I am not fighting with you... and my response is" I am not trying to argue but I just want to discuss these issues." My anxiety has amped up and I now have to go on meds. I have tried to break up and kick him out but, I can't. I have to give a 30day notice of eviction. I am afraid to continue to live with him after I give the notice so I haven't been able to do it. It is my home and he just moved in with mostly his clothes. I am afraid he will trash my place in a fit of rage. I have called the police on him before when he raged on me and threw and he acted all calm and fooled them. He keeps saying I have no clue and will make me look crazy when I try asking him to leave. Right now I am just placating him until I can figure out a way to break up with him and get him out of my home. Like I said my anxiety is crazy now and I don't feel like I should have to take anxiety meds to stay in a relationship. He has used that against me as well. I need help getting out of this. I somehow keep attracting and falling for these type of men. What is wrong with me?😢💔!!!!!
This happened to me to. Get away as soon as possible
Amen!
@@amandamudford7048 Find out what are you attracted to in these relationships. What kind of dysfunction you like in them? What kind of insecurities and lack of self love and self respect are behind behind that? How does your family life looked like? What is your attachment style in relationships? What kind of traumas you’ve been through in your childhood? These all play a role
Stares fiercely is their most often eye contact. Other than that, they are looking at a screen of any sort.
Yes!!! One narc that I knew I could feel his stare literally from 30 yards away. I'd search the area and bingo, eye contact. He was glaring at me.
dated one recently where whenever i said something uncomfortable they went into this intimidating stare look. it was like their sort of wall of disagreeableness that reads "that is ridiculous to my ego and stand down!".
How great you said that. I was thinking this video will be about staring. This kind of tense gaze.
It's funny though if it is their first try and you see them realize you saw their secret, recognized it, and brushed it off as having no impact at all. Then they switch back and are now scared $h1tl3ss when they see you.
*stares furiously to make eye contact but not too much 😜*
Looking away aligns with narcissism, but Intense stare and/or a blank stare that’s psychopathy. It’s good to know the difference.
You can't diagnose serious and complex mental health disorders based on stares or lack of eye contact. There are a multitude of reasons why someone might be avoiding eye contact or has a blank stare, it doesn't mean they are narcissists or psychopaths.
Staring (empty, on the wall..) is also trauma behavior.
Oh wow, I thought he was just shy. I didn't even think it was a red flag.
I can feel when I’m being lied to and just now realized I will not look at the person when they are lying to me, it’s like I’m embarrassed for them and rather than confronting the lying I go along with it!! I’m changing this NOW! Thank you!
I can relate .
Yes i do this too! We're calling it out from now on!
@@Escobaz96 No don´t call it out, then you would disclose how you got them.
That’s exactly how I am as well.
Note that a difficulty maintaining eye contact doesn´t always mean a person is dishonest. People with autism, social anxiety etc often have problems maintaining eye contact, too.
I'm going to tread lightly here, because I've had bad experiences with self-proclaimed body language experts. Like Dr. Ramani said, there are various reasons somebody might break eye contact, including anxiety or needing to think. But when I was a little girl and I started to meet people outside my immediate family, *normal* eye contact freaked me out. I wasn't used to other people initiating eye contact, or looking at me while I was talking, or looking at my reaction to what they were saying. Sincerity gave me a stomachache, it was so alien to me.
Folk could be just shy as well
This is absolutely true! The main abusive narcissist in my life actually rarely makes eye contact. She NEVER makes eye contact while being vicious, though. I sometimes intentionally drive her away by being sincere and polite, whilst trying to make eye contact, even if she's being cruel.
Narcissists are definitely wary of highly intelligent, aware, bold, self-empowered individuals who see through their BS!
This one confuses me. The narcissists I know think they are so much better than everyone else that they have no problem looking people in the eye condescendingly.
Uuggh. Creepy and dangerous. Run. Dont look back.
Confident narcissists😅
I believe she said Psychopath look you straight in the eyes.🤷🏾
For me too this is the same. They just look in to the eyes piercing while arguing and lieing.
Same I have noticed that there eyes go evil. Like blank and cold.
I remember asking my covert Narcissist husband to look me in the eye when I was trying to have a conversation with him . . he was reading something . . . he replied he heard every word I said, so eye contact wasn't necessary. . when I insisted, he turned and the anger/disdain/contempt that came from his facial expression and his eyes frightened me . . .I stopped and walked out of the room . . .
Oooh boy does this sound familiar. You asked for the smallest of courtesies, 'please look at me ' and his response is like you slapped him in the face. In my case I put it down to any conversation I attempted would be interpreted as a put down by him. After I experienced a shocking unexpected response enough times I gave up. All the while he was attempting to armchair analyse me. After all it couldn't have been him or both of us.
Mine does this. He won’t look at me most of the time so I started to not look at him either. There’s no point looking at them...
happened to me...it was our second day we were spending together. The entire behaviour and body language - cold shoulder, not looking at me - was so bewildering to me that I called him out - actually it's the first time I ever asked someone to look at me while talking. It was utmost confusing, because he is professionally a "communicator"(moderator and interviewer , among others) and he seemed so fun, outgoing and charming and skilled in communication, eloquent etc. Plus, we just had met after a long period of online dating and the first day we had spent together was all fine . As someone who is extremely sensitive about body language , this was HUGELY disturbing me already, but I couldn't rationalize it.
@@hessegoldmund7547 hands up to you to ask him to do that" also you Phyllis, I so relate to that because it happened to me. I realized "okay so thats what he is hiding" it was the part on his inside that is evil.
I’m convinced this was done so you wouldn’t ask that of him again. Like my ex who purposely did things wrong so I would no longer request his help, leaving me with all household and relationship responsibilities.
I noticed narc mother looks away at specific times, when she is setting me up subtly or baiting me for example, laying the ground work or fishing for a response, she averts her eyes while listening 👂. Contrarily, she looks intently in my eyes or scans my face for my reaction when she thinks she’s blindsided me or going for my jugular with cutting words. She wants to SEE the pain or discomfort or anger on my face. When she hurls insults or slights she looks at me and away depending on situation.
Blessings to u. Keep being who u are. If she saying things to hurt u sounds like she jealous. Just keep 💯 👌 😌 🙂 try to stay away from her if u can. Its hard if they family.
My narcissist supervisor & flying monkeys would do this. It was so weird.
I totally know that feeling. My own mother is that way. I went no contact with her over a year ago, yet I can still see her evil eyes glaring at me each time she was degrading me. .
I will never be able to get that face out of my mind. It's disgusting
Yep, unfortunately that sounds about right.
Cruel. Don’t believe the negative judging. I’m sad and so sorry for you. . Know God loves you. Always call on Him.
I have NEVER heard of "good relationship hygiene." You REALLY need a TV show. You could help millions.
I hope she does not get a tv show (at least not the traditional kind). I'd hate for her good work turn into a pop-culture joke for the enablers, flying monkeys and narcissists to throw rocks at. Then all the people with weakened immunity for that kind of shaming begin to also join in on making fun of her "to look cool" and then all the good work she's done is left on a shelf of past pop-culture phenomenon we think of as yesterday's entertainment.
But I'm jaded 😂
Narcissist=the cowardly lion (and yes, the role of the cowardly lion was intended....by the author of the Wizard of Oz....to represent a narcissist (all growl and no bite).
Gosh -- I never got that impression . . . in fact, the "cowardly" lion was my favorite character!
Narcissists bite. Ask ted bundy.
There are a couple of problems with your theory. The cowardly lion acknowledges the root cause of his cowardice, being afraid, and seeks to redeem himself (and does). The narcissist doesn't have the capability or willingness to acknowledge their shortcomings and they most certainly have no desire to redeem themselves.
@@youcantsingdumass I mean an adventure to Oz works wonders
@@joeschmoe442 Narcissism can be a stand alone diagnosis like the one Dr Ramani is describing or it can be a symptom of a larger condition like Psychopathy like the one you are describing in which case Psychopaths often have no fear and do a lot of harm.
It finally makes sense now ! I always used to sense this lack of intimacy but I really couldn't tell what it was !
My narcissist was like this. He cheated and when I asked to talk about it there was always a phone screen in front of his face. Coward
same, mine would turn his back and pretend like I'm not here in this very room with him
My first husband narc... his eyes looked like a tiger when he would beat my ass for catching him cheating. I thought maybe I was just imagining it. Omg. 😟
I call it dead eyes, as being an Empath I can see the absent soul behind the look in their eyes. The worst I ever encountered was with a malignant covert narc. His eyes were fully dilated black, as when you see the eyes of death. Incredible and scary.
Hello?
I thought she was exhausted back then but it wasn't lol
I met two people whose eyes gave an impression of being as if dead. I think it was my personal thing and i shouldnt give quick conclusions until i get to know a person better. One of them turned out a really unpleasant covert narc though...
omg same. i could see his dark soul when i looked at his eyes. so scary tbh
I know exactly what you're talking about
Or when they're playing for sympathy they'll look at you, making eye contact, to make sure you see the crocodile tears in order to tweak your empathy button. I fell for this for almost 2 decades. Until I didn't, and finally escaped.
Oh yes!
I have to say, I love watching and listening to you. And most importantly, you are a true breath of fresh air, especially when you watch other ‘Narcissism experts’ who are themselves Narcissists (Dr. Sam Vaknin), and then you read their awful, harsh, mean spirited answers to the questions that their viewers ask, and issues they may share. It’s truly disturbing and disheartening...then there’s you. Such compassion and kindness, and great imparting of much needed information. Thank you so much.
That's why Dr. Ramini is the best...she's the real deal, and it shows...I'm sorry I live so far away. I'd love to have her as my therapist, and RUclips is the next best thing!
@@stacieroork3820 Another great one is Dr Les Carter, He and Dr Ramani are my favourites.
So true 😻❤️
My ex would always be on his phone while I was trying to speak my part of the important conversation. He would say whatever he wanted to say and look at me but when I spoke he would be completely in his phone. I asked him multiple times to give me his full attention but now I have a much better understanding. Thank you for this information.
Yes that is the strangest thing! He will ask important questions like how was the doctors appointment, is your family doing ok etc. Right when I'm answering him he will walk away, get on his phone, or interrupt and tell me what I did wrong that day. It leaves you so confused! I just stand there like a deer caught in headlights. So now when he ask any questions I give very short answers. Then I get told I have an attitude. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
Unfortunately, I understand this comment all to well😔
@@michelegray5970 Please dump him
Same
Dr. Ramani you're
wonderful !
You don't mince words and get right to the point!
I have learned so much from you and been able to sort through decades of narcissistic abuse I suffered as a child
Thank you!
I’ll never forget my last interaction with my narcissistic coworker. After 18 months of blistering silent treatment, his grandfather died and he was forced to hand over an important task to me, which forced him to talk to me, however briefly. He started by impugning my character in the execution of the task (it was to hire a person, one of the candidates was my friend who also happened to be extremely qualified, but he implied that I would give him the job unduly on the basis of no evidence whatsoever).
After enduring the silent treatment for so long I promised myself to never speak to him again and I kept that promise. He went over the particulars of the task and I scarcely mumbled “yes” when forced. The entire time I glared at him so hard by the end of it I swear I pulled an eyebrow muscle. I seethed with all the pent up rage and judgement for the horrible things he had done to me the prior months, but I didn’t say a word because I knew as soon as I spoke he could twist my words into his perverse unreality. But there I sat, glaring and defiant. He said “I don’t like that look on your face, get it off.” I huffed at him, and glared even harder, daring him to ask me to stop it again. The second time though, he flung his paper work at me and said “I’m done with you” and miraculously he was. All the hoovering, the baiting and instigating finally stopped, because he knew he didn’t have me in his clutches any more. I remember telling my then friends (his useful idiots) that I didn’t care if he got hit by a bus. I was over him long before he was done playing his games, but my career suffered, my relationships were in tatters, and my dreams were crushed as a result of his brutality, but finally in the end he couldn’t lie about my eyes that told him his games with me were up. It was one of the most liberating, powerful moments in my life, don’t underestimate the power in a face.
Mine wouldn’t look me in the eye for any reason. I remember talking to him and having to ask him why wouldn’t look at me. Finally, I stopped looking at him. Now I deliberately won’t look at him. He cannot have an adult conversation.
good for you. mine ignores me totally now (w/exception of his needs) which is sort of good, however, when ive become ill I've been known to suffer 3 or more days b4 being cheked on.
THIS!!! He NEVER looks me in the eye until he wants to have a convo about something I’ve said or done that he dislikes.
I had the lack of eye contact AND the fake sleeping act. This would happen when he didn't want to deal talk or when the silent treatment wasn't enough to deter me literally fake being asleep for 18 hours if that is what was needed to prevent me from interacting with him. Then suddenly would go into the bathroom for two sometimes three hours. On his phone- wide awake, catching up on missed calls and texts while he pretended to be dead asleep. Fake sickness for sympathy and attention, rage for attention. But if they are getting supply from another source I knew right away. My attention and love and my focus on him were met with rage and resentment. It's as if he had his ego cup filled for the day prior to seeing me and now anything I give to him to fill that cup is being wasted because it's all going in the Overflow! Absolutely unfathomable.
Dear Dr Ramani, I started listening to you years ago, the olden days. I am so happy that your voice is now being so projected on social media. I have a University degree in Mental Health I’m also a survivor of this type of abuse. Your message has always resonated with me. I want everyone to hear your message!
I have social anxiety and sometimes eye contact is hard regardless if I’m lying or not . Let’s not confuse things
Work on loving yourself brother. The more you are yourself, the more confident you can be. It's not going to make people any less horrible, but you don't have to care what they think of you.
@@gratefulila9980 it would be nice to wave a wand and have all the trauma and anxiety go away
@@superhornyalien be in the moment. Always beauty around you. Birds singing. Sun shining. Thunder and rain singing. Moon shining.
Sing friend
Blessings
THIS! ;_;
My daughter has asperger. She works on eye contact but it isn't natural. She gets tired and breaks contact. She not lying either. She's just reached a limit. I think social anxiety is like that. Sometimes you just reach a limit.
Absolutely my mother! But she had a next stage: staring in my eyes, cold as ice and being in rage like a raging bull. In Germany we have a saying that fits: If looks could kill... I would be killed many many times in my life
whenever i suspect someone is a narcissist, i make hard eye contact with them, as if to look into their soul through their eyes. they either avert my eye contact or they resolve to maintain eye contact, a bewildered look in their eyes. after a while holding eye contact with them feels so draining. it's like furiously staring at a mask that won't break off.
Not enough eye contact, or too much eye contact are signs of narcissism. lol
This reminds me of chief Wiggum saying to his son Ralph "now remember if your nose is bleeding it means you're either picking your nose too much or not enough."
If someone did that to me I'd probably look away and my intuition would tell me to stay away from that crazy person.
i can feel their energy they are wasting trying to keep the mask on...
Nope, mine would direct eye contact, pour all those mean hateful words into you, then look away and let you sit in it while he’d get over it. Then when your upset by what was said he’d be like “I thought we dropped this?” But when he’s in the direct eye contact it would be like snake eyes
They're physcopaths with very big narcissism inside them.
Nope? I think possibly YEP. Your example illustrates a possible variation of what she's talking about. Poured all that vicious bile at you, then looked away to avoid having to see the aftermath. And left. Then tried to get you to not bring it back up. I see that as not being able to make eye contact when uncomfortable.
Ugh I've thought his eyes looked like snake eyes before so its interesting you say that!!👀
I thought this was some frivolous information but now watching, this is one of the more important keys to understanding the phenomenon.
DR. RAMANI, YOU HAVE REALLY HELPED ME TO LEARN TO IDENTIFY NARCISSISTS AND THEIR CHARACTERISTICS. THANKS A LOT.
Yes. She is amazing.
Left a 20 year marriage in 2019 after realising what was going on was textbook narcissistic abuse. In relation to this video, one thing my ex would do during tough conversations limiting on the argument, he would lie back on the sofa while I was talking, put his arms behind his head and close his eyes, cutting all eye contact therefore. When I would get annoyed by that and ask him to look at me when I was speaking, he would get angry saying that YES he was listening and that I really had a problem with that. It was classical invalidation at its best, I'll shut you out by shutting my eyes. Infuriating, invalidating, dismissive, disrespectful, simply rude.
Sounds more like an annoyed husband or an unpleasant human being to be around. But narcissism ? What do you mean by that ? NPD ? Narcicistic traits ? That seems a little bit far off to me.
My partner does the exact same thing - lie on the couch, hands behind head and eyes closed. I tell him to look at me when I am talking, he says ‘I am listening’!
I've long noticed that my mother won't look me in the eye so the title of this video grabbed me. I've spent my life listening to everyone telling me how wonderful she is, how fortunate I am to have her. (I never hear that the other way around). It took my husband 35 years to see her for what she is, and he still doubts it quite often, 11 years after that. Thank you for your enlightening videos and that you care so much about freedom and truth for the survivors
It is very frustrating having someone as close as a mother, father or child not make eye contact. Though the reason may differ based on the person, I think the main reason for lack of eye contact is guilt especially if they make eye contact with everyone except you.
Nice video, learned a lot. Few things:
1. People on the spectrum have also trouble keeping/making eye contact,
2. People from other countries (like myself) were though NOT to do that, as it was considered IMPOLITE.
Living in America, I wish it would be easier for me to make/keep eye contact, because I know how untrustworthy it seems when someone doesn't do that.
Personally, I also have trouble with it because I can't focus on the story. Like, by looking away it's easier for me to process what's being said and come up with better answer. I just simply cannot focus when I am looking at the person talking to me (oftentimes).
So, I think there's a lot of reasons for it...
One thing I didn't see discussed in this video: NEVER call a narcissist out for breaking eye contact. Because if you do, he or she will not hesitate to look you STRAIGHT in the eye and tell a bold-faced lie. By calling them out, you're just making them better, more covert, narcissists.
I don't like making eye contact mainly because it makes me feel akward. I'm an introvert.
thats some bs excuse. Im introvert too but always use eye contacts. must be more than introvert.
@@LOOTLORD605 It might be down to shyness, anxiety and introversion, and a mixture of the 3, sometimes.
Earth Angel - The channel is about Narcs, not introverts.
Culture can also make it inappropriate to look into one's eyes too.
@@timd6671indeed,my comment already mentioned more than introvert.
I watched my ex's eye's go black and dead twice while we were together. It was very unsettling and I knew immediately something was very wrong with her.
Ted Bundy's eyes were blue, but it turned black in some interviews. Scary!😳
My fathers eyes would go black!😲
Black?
Sounds like demonic possession. Watch the exorcism of Emily Rose.
@@glendyonline funny thing is that she is religious and believes in that stuff. Me, not so much. I just think she is full blown sociopath.
Never looks at me , too busy with phone , tv, and computer, so pathetic and never wants to engage in anything. Thank God I have Jesus in my life and great videos like this , thank you 🙏 ❤️
Eye contact: I noticed afew weird ones.
1)First there is the cold anger glare like a glint, almost a spark in the eye, while saying something firmly with an angry undertone and usually looking sideways at you.
2) The long stare in the distance with pause: usually in a situation when it feels like withholding a big lie; or something compromising that needs careful thought to answer (a trigger maybe?)and might hurt their ego by telling the truth ..
3) Lowered gaze, from beneath lowered brows, pierceing not losing contact stare. Usually with a deep awkward feeling of examining you or judging you up and down, especially when they think your not looking, or have a length to walk towards them, which can make one feel uncomfortable and awkward.
4) This happened once in lovebombing where he looks a long stare in your eyes but later at the start of devalue stage if you do the same in a loving way, he gets aback, angrily, spark in eyes, and ask why you are doing that.
5) Then there is the no contact eye contact, I like to call it, ignore you, not look at you and if you do, you get a swift angry eyes glare, like what the hell do you want, back off. You start to question yourself what resentment or anger might this person be holding against you, (not the 'Im just not in the mood" type thing.)
6) If you await with a smile, you get a lowered stare and long look to the side as not to have to lock eyes and have to reciprocate.
7) I know this hasnt to do with eye contact per se, but who else has this ubrupt turn around not look back (or straight in the phone nose dive) when leaving, so no proper farewells or wave goodbyes. Will just turn around and leave, and not once look back, or be able to catch attention. Which is done in quite a clear 'cut off' fashion if you get me?
I don't like it when I am being starred at with dark, angry eyes.
For me was actually the contrary. He wouldn't let me look anywhere else when we were discussing. I had to look into his eyes the whole time. I couldn't take any time to reflect or look somewhere else to assemble my thoughts. Like if he was saying: "How dare you looking somewhere else and not at me? What could be more interesting?"
Its not about eye contact they just come into your life and ruin it, end of the story, i want my money back
True. I owe over 20,000 now...and did have good credit....i owe for stuff I dont even know about. Blessings to u....
I know that's right. I wanted more things back than just money. His response? "I didn't ask you for any of those things!" But he sure reached out an open empty hand and took them in a mad hurry! I've learned my lesson. Not everyone wants love from a relationship, some want "help".
No refunds with a narcissist!
Lol well wise up then, we gotta learn from the shit 🧐
Fantastic. I could see my film as a victim til your very last words of advice, remembering my partner's body language on specific ocasions ( had 3 in my life, I'm 66.) . Thanks for your good work and intentions at helping people like me move on.
I've never known how to make proper eye contact with people, it always feels like I'm looking at one eye rather than them in the eyes if that makes sense. I think I'm a weirdo
It's hard to look straight at both people's eyes when you're talking about random things- not personal comments. It's easier to look at one of them, or their nose and then an eye to just have a place to focus on on their face.
Could be a problem with your self-esteem. I was there, too. But was not afraid to look in the eyes of my friends.
Dr. R does say here she doesn't mean when you are talking and being reflective.... it's more in a personal relationship when you are having a conversation that should require connection..
Just look at one eye, or their nose. It's more common to look at a person's face when they're talking and you're listening. It's more common for you to go back and forth between a person's face and to the side or around when you're talking and they're listening.
@Eris omg yes, me too, often suspected of telling lies or having ulterior motives when I say something genuinely because I'm so awkward with eye contact. Also reading people's faces while talking is sometimes too much to process simultaneously for my little brain (I can do it more easily while listening than while forming sentences)... but I can't lie to save my life lol. I'm just like that pretty much 100% of the time and like Dr Ramani says, if people ask, I'll acknowledge it.
I think we're fine, it's not exactly the narcissistic pattern described here, where the person does that specifically when confronted, and snaps if asked about it.
What about the ones that will look you straight in the eyes and are still lying? They are even more dangerous!
Yep. Pretty sure the narcissist I deal with could pass a lie detector test. That is the depth that he believes his own lies.
ew yeah they believe their own dirty lies
she does mention these might be psychopaths
AND...They will become uncomfortable when you are looking at them. Sometimes they will actually mention it to you in an accusatory manner, "You stare at my face when you talk to me, as if you are checking to see how I react to what you say." This gas lighting comment claiming that you will lie to them and try to see if they buy your lie. They always assume that you are lying to them.
@8:50-9:03 "And, No, it's not you, it's them. Looking someone in the face and in the eyes when you are telling them something. Something significant, whether it's good or bad is good relationship hygiene."
When practicing "good relationship hygiene" you will get called out for it as if you did something wrong. Narcs call 'good' things bad because good makes them feel weirded out...
Thank you Dr. Ramani, I did actually believe that something was wrong with my behavior and that the narc in my life had a point when she accused me of staring at her when telling her about difficult things. I feel so much validation right now!
I looked at my mum dead in the eyes and captured her with my look because she said something in front of my 12 year old daughter that was not positive. I caught her eye and looked at her straight in her eyes, I was so angry I just stared at her with discuss which I've never done before. She nearly fell off her chair. Such a massive moment for me, which lead me to these videos and I've learned so much.
I've actually replayed it in my head every day since then. It felt so good. I've found a coping mechanism; I wish I'd figured this out earlier but I am very proud that I haven't repeated her behaviours raising my own three girls. Thank you 😊