A personal observation I learned and concluded in my mid-twenties: "In reality, no one sees you as you see yourself. Everyone sees what they think and believe you are, and this composite image of you doesn’t really resemble you. It is a result of personal conclusions, analyses, and evaluations that the other person has made to form a composite image of who they think you are..." This observation reshaped my reality, and now I am at a stage where I no longer care about the image others have of me. I am only required to think well of others and to do good deeds towards them. I am not responsible for correcting the image that others choose to attribute to me…❤
Thank you. I started watching a lot of RUclips videos during covid about what I should do, wear, look like etc as an older woman. It left me feeling inadequate. I’m 76 and am trying to turn around my thinking. I now look to positive influences like your channel and it helps me see blessings and the positive aspects to aging.
Ooohhh! I loved to read Ann Landers columns and books. She was the voice of reason , confidence and comfort. I also followed the humor and guidance of Erma Bombeck who advised us on life and children. lol. It was the world before the internet.
I read a lot of Ann Landers advice columns for many years. She was in the many gossip magazines I used to purchase at my local grocery store. She gave pretty sage advice and did a lot in her short 83 years she was on this earth. At 46, I’ve skipped right to the people don’t think about me. If I decided to walk off the face of the earth, none of them would cry over me so I wonder why I should cry over them?!🤷🏻♂️ I’ve always wanted to be my own person and always felt like I danced to the beat of a different drum. I felt it since very early childhood. We have this desire to keep up with the Jones’s. Why? Be happy with what you’ve got. I believe that in a world full of copycats, why not be an original?! Some will hate me, some will love me. Always a joy to watch your videos. I learn so much. Can’t wait to see your next one. Take care for now Dee. PS, I would way rather call you aunt Dee because you are way too young to be MY granny! Don’t be ashamed or resentful of being an older woman, it’s a privilege denied to many, particularly my mom who left us almost 18 years ago at 55.
Totally agree with what you say. I am proud to have come through to old age - I too lost my Mum at far too young an age. Never lose sight of the fact that you do matter - and as you say, you can't win 'em all. That is their loss. Thank you so much. D
Thank you Dee. I am sometimes still inclined to feel as if I could look much better, act much wiser and that I may be judged. It’s just from my childhood. I was always fearful that I’d say or do something that would anger/frustrate them my mom and/or grandmother. That was long ago. I’m an old ‘adult’ now…and must often remind myself: I made it this far. I’m not that shy, fearful, cautious little girl anymore but, sometimes, the slightest situation or emotions trigger those same feelings. Weird. You look lovely and your garden is so beautiful and lush. I’m still hangin in. We’ve had almost 100 degree heatwave in Jersey, USA for past week or more. I only go outside when necessary (add ice to water bowls, take out trash, feed critters, sweep off deck and to get mail, etc…). That has certainly changed. Summer used to be my favorite time of year until I turned about 70. After 76 yrs, I have come to like late autumn the most. I always loved (still do) watching snow falling, but so difficult to shovel with my health issues now. I’m still adapting and ‘becoming’ a bit different every moment of every day…and I’m so aware of that. Hugs to you and Mishka. Your smile and your gentleness are just what I need before sleep. Thank you. 🙏🏻❤️💫👍🏼🌺🪴🍃🌿☘️🥀💐🌱🫶
Spot on - we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I am glad social media wasn’t around when I was growing up. Thank you Dee, this is all so true. ❤❤❤Perfect advice as always.
I've always been a bit of a nonconformist, the red tulip. But there are definitely lots of people who judge me, treat me badly, gossip about me and exclude me. I'm 50 and thought it would have stopped by now, but I think people are getting worse - more judgmental, more conformist, more hierarchical, crueler. I think you're right that social media is fueling it. It's like pouring lighter fluid on the fire of capitalism. I appreciate your video. Thank you.
Hi Dee, totally agree with you. I don't care about what other people think about me. I'm 62, don't wear makeup, I wear what I like. I taught my daughter and son that it's better to stand out, to be different, than to be one of the bunch. I feel sorry for young people who feel pressure with the social media.
In My late 40's I stopped caring about what people think about Me, I'm 52 now...and sometimes when I start to people please & God reminds Me, I don't need to & that I Am Loved & Special & His💙 Thank you Dee for the reminder too!
I'm still learning English, sorry for the grammar mistakes Thank you for doing this Your voice gave me peace You always seems like you know what I need to hear every time Thanks for exist ❤
Just found your channel 😊I am 68 and live in the USA . I miss the newspaper, I used to read Ann Landers she was full of common sense. Nowadays, everyone is so focused on their phone. They don’t even know what’s going on around them. I feel sad about that because they’re missing out ,so much in life. I was walking my dogs the other day and I saw an eagle catch a fish out of the pond, I videotaped it of course, and put it on Facebook. That’s the beauty of life that you miss out on when you have your face stuck in your phone. I only carry mine when I walk because of safety concerns. I enjoy your videos. I use my tablet in the morning to watch videos like this. The world I grew up in is gone. I have to get used to that. Thank you for your inspiring words.❤🇺🇸
My pleasure - I love observing the natural world and human interactions with other humans or that natural world. I would love to be a fly on the wall so that I could get up close without affecting anything. Would probably be swatted!! D
Sadly I constantly still worry about what others think on me and I’m in my 50s. It’s ironic that I recognise that the same people I worry about have no bearing or meaning to my life yet I still let them worry me
Thank you for sharing with us. Does this affect you in a negative way?The worry? If so, do you feel that you need to have a think about your ironic way of interacting with these people? D
listening to your videos always awakens something so beautiful in me. you are so wholesome and pure, and i hope you know the light and love that you make others feel.
In my 40’s and 50’s my work demanded certain standards and as part of my work involved lecturing ( and being evaluated on it), I was very mindful of the way I looked and dressed etc. Confidence came from being appropriately attired and presenting a professional image. Now in my late 70’s I don’t care - since I spend most of my days gardening or pursuing my hobbies I live in old jeans and tee shirts or sweaters. All my formal gear and posh frocks went to the charity shops. I am comfortable with the life I live now,certainly no need to impress or worry about what people think of me.
Its much harder now to just be yourself . I feel so sorry for younger people in this age of social media. Think thats why there's such a mental health crisis among young people. Best wishes from a sunny Scotland.❤- Frances
It is and the levels of mental health and waiting lists for Adolescent and child support is long. I used to always make sure that I fit children in straight away and only ever charged a nominal fee. D
@Cheshirelass My great nephew who is 16 but was 15 at the time needed some counselling. Doctor referred him bit waiting list was so long I paid for some for him and he was taken straight away. Realise how lucky I am to be able to do that but shouldn't be like that as many can't.
greetings, it is such a good morning today. yes, that’s what we have understood yesterday. you can’t be happy and you can’t find a way, can’t get what you want without accepting what you do have right now and if you don’t like something then accept and change it without acceptance and honesty there’s no way. especially if you lying to yourself. it’s okay to say sometimes “okay, i am into bad situation and i wanna fix it but i think i need someone’s help” accept, be honest, live and change what you want, achieve your dreams
I miss not caring so much what people thought of me. As a teenager I really didn’t think about it much, not that I remember anyways. I’m almost 30 now and I think about it way more than I’d like to. Always comparing myself and feeling like I don’t measure up. As a mom, as a wife, as a daughter. It’s never enough. But I know I’m enough. I wish I didn’t do this to myself. 😢
Morning Dee. My mother (here I go again....but she did say some good things) she used to say, You wouldn't worry about what people think, if you knew how little they do. A bit caustic, but so true. If they think about you at all, it'll last about five seconds. When I look in the mirror, I see my Dad. When I open my mouth, it's often Mum who speaks. And somewhere in the middle is me. I'm happy with that. Have a lovely day. xxx
Your mother was spot on. Even moreso these days with everyone being so very busy - the focus is on themselves and their world. There used to be a saying -'if you want something doing, ask a busy person' - I wonder if that still applies? Probably down to character - and for some busyness can be an excuse. Sorry, I deviated! D
I grew up with a mother who was always saying you must do this and you must do that…. “What will people think” It ruined me. The children of today have many more troubles to contend with, social media is the reason so many have mental health problems in my opinion. It was only on becoming a mother that I was able to gain the confidence to do what was best for them. When they grew into wonderful adults I was then able to learn to throw caution to the wind and be myself to be that red tulip 🌷 Thank you Dee from Dee x
I know so many people like your mother, and while I hate them (I really do) I also feel blessed not to be one of them. They live in a world of nonstop self-judgment and anxiety. I think they're also the meanest people on Earth.
I'm 41 years old I do not have facebook/ Instagram the only thing I watch is you tube , I'm not so bothered about how other people see me but it's a shame that a lot of people my age spend an enormous amount of time on their phones especially when out socialising I find it rude , maybe they see me as boring but I would rather just enjoy the moment than see it through a camera lens trying to impress others 💙💙💙💙💙
Growing up, I read Ann Landers’ column in The Hartford Courant! What a lovely reminder your video is, Dee, as well as sweet encouragement to respect ourselves. Thank you 🙏
Great video Dee, it speaks so much truth. For me my mother started it, she always said ‘what will people think’ if she didn’t like something about my appearance or behaviour. It has had a huge effect on me choices throughout my life. However I’m now in my rebellious stage and at 70 I live in skinny jeans, 3/4 sleeve tee shirts and trainers or pink boots. I still don’t have enough confidence in myself when meeting people, wondering what they think of me and if they like me, but I’m so much better than I was. My children however are very confident and happy in their own skins, I never said to them what my mother said to me. I don’t blame her for it, she was on the nervous side and I don’t know what happened to make her feel that way, she was an excellent mother in so many other ways. I wish I had heard your thoughts a long time ago, thank you.
Our mothers sound like kindred spirits! You can so do this - head high, shoulders back and march on in your skinny jeans and pink boots. I have some pink boots too. Take care D
@@Cheshirelass yay for pink boots. Another thing she used to say, especially when I was leaving for school, was ‘ behave when you are out, there’s always someone watching you and they will tell me what you have been doing’ I spent years looking around wondering who was watching me, always feeling that I was being watched, that was the worst feeling ever. I never told her, she would have been horrified if she knew the effect it had on me.
I’m 16 and watch your videos because they have such a calming nature. I’ve often missed out on things I wanted to do because of the fear of other peoples thoughts and even choosing what to wear to go out bothers me sometimes but I’m trying to challenge the thoughts by putting myself in different situations and its not as bad. Thinking about the future is also tough, much due to the fear of how society will view my choices such as lifestyle and career. It’s sometimes disheartening to hear about what paths people think are respectable or not, realistic or unrealistic. I’ve always liked philosophy and literature and thought about pursuing that since it’s my biggest strengths but then the opinions of others get in the way. Thank you for your videos they hold great insight ❤❤
It is your future. Yes listen to the thoughts of family and friends but the decision is yours so long as you have what you need.. qualifications, finances included. Take care and consider all options open to you that appeal to you. D
Thank you for this video. I’m so Glad that I found your channel. I have struggled for years with fear of people judging me. People have talked about me to the point I almost give up and I’ve hid myself from the world. I’m a tall, big boned woman and people have said things about me that were very untrue. Lying and spreading rumors on me for no reason. It caused anxiety and depression. I try my best to be nice, but people still laugh and talk. I can’t help the way I look. I had so many goals that I wanted to accomplish, but my fear of being made fun of and talked about has kept me from going out into the world. I stopped socializing with people and I’m always alone. People really did break me down. I’ve cried many tears over the years. I just wanted to spread Love, and go out into the world to do big things, but people are so mean. I can’t handle it. 😢
I am so very glad that you found us - and so very sad that people have made you feel badly about yourself. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings - I have a feeling that you will not be the only one who has been affected in this way. Is there anything that you feel would help you with getting out into the world. This would need to be taken in baby steps - is there anyone else alone, maybe physically housebound that you could visit and chat with - so helping both of you and enabling you to fulfil your wish to be kind to others. Never lose sight of the fact that you matter - you are a wonderful, unique human being who people have put down. They are the ones who have a problem not you. Take great care - do keep on joining us. D ruclips.net/video/mKsfDtE40pk/видео.html
@@Cheshirelass Thank you for responding. People tell me that a forty year old should be doing big things, but it’s hard for me to do when I’m fearful of judgement. I just want to know how to stand up and not care at all what people think or say. I need to know how to Boldly stand up in front of the whole world and not let one lie, rumor or assumption bother me at all. I don’t want to care or worry anymore.
@@AlwayysBeKind Have you considered seeing a therapist - they would be able to help you to see what you currently are missing. It is good to have someone as a sounding board and is better than your thoughts going round and round in your head. Also, check out my piece on affirmations - they are helpful - so long as you don't expect miracles after one go! D ruclips.net/video/aWMkPaqN-bM/видео.html
Red tulip that accepts who I am and what I am. And like wise to every human being striving to be . Thank you Dee Yet again your words put a joyful smile in my mind and heart. You come from a place of wealth within❤ "You're never too late to be what you want to be".
I think it’s more about your situation and circumstance more then age. Who you surround yourself with daily and what you watch and listen to and read. Wise words Dee ❤
Thank you for commenting - I always appreciate people giving their thoughts. As the saying goes no 'man' is an island - unless you live on a desert island that is! Probably a whole mish mash of influences. D
Couldn’t agree more. Now in my 60s, I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I’m not concerned about what someone thinks of me. Sure wish I had arrived at this spot in my younger years. Better later than never, I guess!
Labels are for jars not people. Thank you Dee ❤ it is really authentic to be yourself. Although, our society doesn’t respect or champion or celebrate individuality.
I admit to not liking individuality if thrust in everyone's face with a loud voice and poky elbows as the person endeavours to get as high up their chosen ladder as they can. Maybe the ladder of fame - which can often actually be infamy. I guess many are happier to be surrounded by folk who don't stand out from one another. It's like that red tulip though - it is doing no harm, not affecting the yellow ones - simply being itself. D
@@Cheshirelass Interesting. I think of the conformists as the pointy-elbowed climbers and the authentic people as the flowers just being alive in the sunshine. Why bother conforming and going through the torturous show of it all if not to gain power over others?
I am female, 5'9", not pretty, aged 50 told look younger, as I don't drink or smoke, weigh a heart attack waiting to happen 315lb. I love my pink heart tights and as I walked past a woman sat at her table in the cafe she said, "Oh, you can wear kids tights" and laughed. Her problem not mine but when we're different from the average 5'2" British female we do stand out and life is a different experience. Luckily I have confidence.
Morning Dee. I’ve got my tea..☕️ I believe that mature, senior citizens, have so much to offer ( common sense) the older generations are “ untapped” Love and care is all that’s needed.❤ Thank you dee you are are wonderful wise lady. Personally I do not worry about what others think now. At 66 I know I’m fine! I don’t need validation. I am that red tulip!❤xxx
Oh my goodness I use to read the Dear Ann Landers column every week in the newspaper when I was young girl. I’m now 55 in August! Just came across your beautiful channel❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏 oh I so love your advice on this subject!!! Thank you so much ! 🫶🫶🫶
In my teens and 20s, I really didn't care about the trends. I didn't wear much makeup aside from eyeliner. And it was colorful. It's now, in my 30s, I've become very ill in the past few years and gained quite a bit of weight. And that's been difficult for me. I suddenly have become very self-conscious. I am so very glad I didn't grow up during the age of social media. I just missed it, having grown in the 90s and early 2000's. "So now matter what age you are: it doesn't matter." Thank you, Miss Dee. A very healthy reminder.
Social media has changed the game and not in a good way! The constant use of filters? What the heck! Too much pressure on themselves to be perfect. It’s not real. Pretty is what pretty does people. ❤
It's not how old you are... it's how you are old... there's enough put on our plate before one needs to asking for more.... Remember You are only pretty as you feel.. . excellent choice for a very genuine feelings... Cheers my dear from me to you... 🌬️🪁🌈🕊️💌
You’re so beautiful, your hair stylist is really good☺️ social media does scare women with aging, they have filters to look younger and pills. I’m 28 and I love watching you. You’re so wise and knowledgeable. So intelligent! Thank you for everything you post. My only request is to give advice for us 26-40 year range! This is proven the most mentally troubling time for women now. 🙏
Aging isn't easy its a time of loss of what we once looked like ....even to ourselves. Losing identity into becoming identified as........that old lady 😊 I dont like being labelled never have ,,,,this one is difficult to endure
I agree, but I feel so grateful to have weathered what life has thrown at me and still be here. Our identity is not merely our looks - it is so very much more our character, what we do and how we do it. Being old is a fact, not our identity. How do you know that is how people label you? You don't. So, head up, shoulders back - you are a unique individual who matters in this world - and that is a matter of fact. Don't put yourself down. D
I sometimes yearn for my 25 year old body......which was quite nice, and worked properly. But I wouldn't trade the wisdom I've gained in my 70 years, for anything. There's a lot to be said for being this age.....and what's the alternative? Have a beautiful day.
@Cheshirelass he didn't....but possibly we were 4 girls in dresses. He did teach us how to salute (long way up, short way down) and march, how to box and fence though.
Hello Dee, Thank you for this topic. For me it depends on Who is commenting, If it is somebody I believe has my best interest at heart, I will think about it, then it depends on my self esteem any given day, but in general, I try to take what I believe others think of me with a grain of salt,♥Lynda
Greetings Dee! Here in the southern US, women are often referred to as Miss whomever, such as Miss Jean once you reach a certain age. Or sometimes as Momma, as in Momma Dee. Interesting, isn't it? Love and blessings ♥️🙏
That is interesting - reverting to original title. I Struggled when I was divorced. Felt no longer a Mrs - or a Miss - and really don't like the other option of Ms. So I was looking into doing a PhD so that I would have an alternative. Quickly realised that I needed to get over myself and got on with life! D
Are you a mind reader - or are you imagining what others think? Yes, mirrors can be 'interesting' I had cataracts for years so unknowingly had been seeing my face through a soft mist. Post surgery - I saw the wrinkles, the 'age spots', etc etc. I sat and sobbed. Then realised that over the years that I had been blissfully unaware the changes - people hadn't held up their hands in horror and fled. I was always and still am - just me. I now smile at myself in the mirror and sometimes give myself a wink and tell myself 'you're ok Dee' - then on with getting on. D
hey Dee - do you know the poem "Out of the night that covers me" by William Ernest Henley? It suits this topic, and some of the comments I've read. I resonate with the sentiment expressed. I particularly like the couplet, "under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed". Have a gander. Pretty cool. xxx
I'm late today because we had sun today in the north east 👏 you are certainly up with the Zeitgeist Dee so many folk writing about their experiences. I agree with your sentiments expressed today. Personally I fing passing the time of day with young people i encounter walking my pooch is often more pleasant than with older people who are often terribly negative on anything from the weather or the buses! Big love from Scotland ❤️
A personal observation I learned and concluded in my mid-twenties: "In reality, no one sees you as you see yourself. Everyone sees what they think and believe you are, and this composite image of you doesn’t really resemble you. It is a result of personal conclusions, analyses, and evaluations that the other person has made to form a composite image of who they think you are..."
This observation reshaped my reality, and now I am at a stage where I no longer care about the image others have of me. I am only required to think well of others and to do good deeds towards them. I am not responsible for correcting the image that others choose to attribute to me…❤
Well said. D
You are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside! Thanks Dee for your videos. 1:51
Just what I needed, honestly. Thank you so much 🙌🏻
Thank you. I started watching a lot of RUclips videos during covid about what I should do, wear, look like etc as an older woman. It left me feeling inadequate. I’m 76 and am trying to turn around my thinking. I now look to positive influences like your channel and it helps me see blessings and the positive aspects to aging.
You are so welcome! D
Ooohhh! I loved to read Ann Landers columns and books. She was the voice of reason , confidence and comfort. I also followed the humor and guidance of Erma Bombeck who advised us on life and children. lol. It was the world before the internet.
"go on be that red tulip" it really make me smile.. thanks for Today lesson ❤
I read a lot of Ann Landers advice columns for many years. She was in the many gossip magazines I used to purchase at my local grocery store. She gave pretty sage advice and did a lot in her short 83 years she was on this earth. At 46, I’ve skipped right to the people don’t think about me. If I decided to walk off the face of the earth, none of them would cry over me so I wonder why I should cry over them?!🤷🏻♂️ I’ve always wanted to be my own person and always felt like I danced to the beat of a different drum. I felt it since very early childhood. We have this desire to keep up with the Jones’s. Why? Be happy with what you’ve got. I believe that in a world full of copycats, why not be an original?! Some will hate me, some will love me. Always a joy to watch your videos. I learn so much. Can’t wait to see your next one. Take care for now Dee.
PS, I would way rather call you aunt Dee because you are way too young to be MY granny! Don’t be ashamed or resentful of being an older woman, it’s a privilege denied to many, particularly my mom who left us almost 18 years ago at 55.
Totally agree with what you say. I am proud to have come through to old age - I too lost my Mum at far too young an age. Never lose sight of the fact that you do matter - and as you say, you can't win 'em all. That is their loss. Thank you so much. D
I’m the red tulip & love being that way. My own individual. Quote.. Be yourself,everyone else is taken. Thank you Dee xx 💕
Thank you Dee. I am sometimes still inclined to feel as if I could look much better, act much wiser and that I may be judged. It’s just from my childhood. I was always fearful that I’d say or do something that would anger/frustrate them my mom and/or grandmother. That was long ago. I’m an old ‘adult’ now…and must often remind myself: I made it this far. I’m not that shy, fearful, cautious little girl anymore but, sometimes, the slightest situation or emotions trigger those same feelings. Weird.
You look lovely and your garden is so beautiful and lush. I’m still hangin in. We’ve had almost 100 degree heatwave in Jersey, USA for past week or more. I only go outside when necessary (add ice to water bowls, take out trash, feed critters, sweep off deck and to get mail, etc…). That has certainly changed. Summer used to be my favorite time of year until I turned about 70. After 76 yrs, I have come to like late autumn the most. I always loved (still do) watching snow falling, but so difficult to shovel with my health issues now. I’m still adapting and ‘becoming’ a bit different every moment of every day…and I’m so aware of that.
Hugs to you and Mishka. Your smile and your gentleness are just what I need before sleep. Thank you. 🙏🏻❤️💫👍🏼🌺🪴🍃🌿☘️🥀💐🌱🫶
Hugs back to you. Those messages, feelings, from childhood really stick with us don't they? Take care in the heat. D
Spot on - we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I am glad social media wasn’t around when I was growing up. Thank you Dee, this is all so true. ❤❤❤Perfect advice as always.
Totally agree about social media when growing up. I can only begin to imagine how different things could have been, Have a good day, D
Thank you, Dee! I believe Ann Landers would have been a great friend with you. God bless you.
I've always been a bit of a nonconformist, the red tulip. But there are definitely lots of people who judge me, treat me badly, gossip about me and exclude me. I'm 50 and thought it would have stopped by now, but I think people are getting worse - more judgmental, more conformist, more hierarchical, crueler. I think you're right that social media is fueling it. It's like pouring lighter fluid on the fire of capitalism. I appreciate your video. Thank you.
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your feelings. Much appreciated. D
@@doctorberkowitz 100%true
Hi Dee, totally agree with you. I don't care about what other people think about me. I'm 62, don't wear makeup, I wear what I like. I taught my daughter and son that it's better to stand out, to be different, than to be one of the bunch. I feel sorry for young people who feel pressure with the social media.
Thanks for sharing!! D
I really love your videos. Its so calming. Youre so calming! ❤
Thank you. D
Thank you Dee.❤
In My late 40's I stopped caring about what people think about Me, I'm 52 now...and sometimes when I start to people please & God reminds Me, I don't need to & that I Am Loved & Special & His💙
Thank you Dee for the reminder too!
I'm still learning English, sorry for the grammar mistakes
Thank you for doing this
Your voice gave me peace
You always seems like you know what I need to hear every time
Thanks for exist
❤
Wow, thank you! Please, do not apologise for your English grammar - you are doing well. Take care D
As Dee says….”be that red tulip”
Blessings. ❤
@@Storm545 indead x
Just found your channel 😊I am 68 and live in the USA . I miss the newspaper, I used to read Ann Landers she was full of common sense. Nowadays, everyone is so focused on their phone. They don’t even know what’s going on around them. I feel sad about that because they’re missing out ,so much in life. I was walking my dogs the other day and I saw an eagle catch a fish out of the pond, I videotaped it of course, and put it on Facebook. That’s the beauty of life that you miss out on when you have your face stuck in your phone. I only carry mine when I walk because of safety concerns. I enjoy your videos. I use my tablet in the morning to watch videos like this. The world I grew up in is gone. I have to get used to that. Thank you for your inspiring words.❤🇺🇸
My pleasure - I love observing the natural world and human interactions with other humans or that natural world. I would love to be a fly on the wall so that I could get up close without affecting anything. Would probably be swatted!! D
Sadly I constantly still worry about what others think on me and I’m in my 50s. It’s ironic that I recognise that the same people I worry about have no bearing or meaning to my life yet I still let them worry me
Thank you for sharing with us. Does this affect you in a negative way?The worry? If so, do you feel that you need to have a think about your ironic way of interacting with these people? D
Oh my god that title....you read me! Thank you for another wonderful video.
as always, this is the message i needed, thank you💚
listening to your videos always awakens something so beautiful in me. you are so wholesome and pure, and i hope you know the light and love that you make others feel.
Thank you - you are so kind. D
In my 40’s and 50’s my work demanded certain standards and as part of my work involved lecturing ( and being evaluated on it), I was very mindful of the way I looked and dressed etc. Confidence came from being appropriately attired and presenting a professional image. Now in my late 70’s I don’t care - since I spend most of my days gardening or pursuing my hobbies I live in old jeans and tee shirts or sweaters. All my formal gear and posh frocks went to the charity shops. I am comfortable with the life I live now,certainly no need to impress or worry about what people think of me.
Well said! D
Yes, I think a lot of conformity and pretense is about making money and gaining power.
Its much harder now to just be yourself . I feel so sorry for younger people in this age of social media. Think thats why there's such a mental health crisis among young people. Best wishes from a sunny Scotland.❤- Frances
It is and the levels of mental health and waiting lists for Adolescent and child support is long. I used to always make sure that I fit children in straight away and only ever charged a nominal fee. D
@Cheshirelass My great nephew who is 16 but was 15 at the time needed some counselling. Doctor referred him bit waiting list was so long I paid for some for him and he was taken straight away. Realise how lucky I am to be able to do that but shouldn't be like that as many can't.
@@georgemaxwell4984 It really is something that needs sorting - but sadly, so do many things. D
Agreed. Social media really is Big Brother - thought and conformity police. 1984 has never been more relevant.
I like a saying I have heard, “It’s none of your business what others think about you.”
I love your videos so much Dee. You have such a beautiful soul and a glowing spirit. Thank you again for your wonderful words of wisdom.
You are so welcome D
greetings,
it is such a good morning today. yes, that’s what we have understood yesterday. you can’t be happy and you can’t find a way, can’t get what you want without accepting what you do have right now and if you don’t like something then accept and change it
without acceptance and honesty there’s no way. especially if you lying to yourself. it’s okay to say sometimes “okay, i am into bad situation and i wanna fix it but i think i need someone’s help”
accept, be honest, live and change what you want, achieve your dreams
Thank you for sharing your thoughts - appreciate that. D
I miss not caring so much what people thought of me. As a teenager I really didn’t think about it much, not that I remember anyways. I’m almost 30 now and I think about it way more than I’d like to. Always comparing myself and feeling like I don’t measure up. As a mom, as a wife, as a daughter. It’s never enough. But I know I’m enough. I wish I didn’t do this to myself. 😢
Morning Dee. My mother (here I go again....but she did say some good things) she used to say, You wouldn't worry about what people think, if you knew how little they do. A bit caustic, but so true. If they think about you at all, it'll last about five seconds. When I look in the mirror, I see my Dad. When I open my mouth, it's often Mum who speaks. And somewhere in the middle is me. I'm happy with that. Have a lovely day. xxx
Your mother was spot on. Even moreso these days with everyone being so very busy - the focus is on themselves and their world. There used to be a saying -'if you want something doing, ask a busy person' - I wonder if that still applies? Probably down to character - and for some busyness can be an excuse. Sorry, I deviated! D
You're a breath of fresh air on RUclips. Thanks for your videos.
Glad you like them! D
So absolutely wonderful!Thank you...
I grew up with a mother who was always saying you must do this and you must do that…. “What will people think” It ruined me.
The children of today have many more troubles to contend with, social media is the reason so many have mental health problems in my opinion.
It was only on becoming a mother that I was able to gain the confidence to do what was best for them.
When they grew into wonderful adults I was then able to learn to throw caution to the wind and be myself to be that red tulip 🌷
Thank you Dee from Dee x
Well done you! D
I know so many people like your mother, and while I hate them (I really do) I also feel blessed not to be one of them. They live in a world of nonstop self-judgment and anxiety. I think they're also the meanest people on Earth.
I'm 41 years old I do not have facebook/ Instagram the only thing I watch is you tube , I'm not so bothered about how other people see me but it's a shame that a lot of people my age spend an enormous amount of time on their phones especially when out socialising I find it rude , maybe they see me as boring but I would rather just enjoy the moment than see it through a camera lens trying to impress others 💙💙💙💙💙
I totally agree with you!! It is also annoying to those around if people talk on their phones, as their voices usually get louder. D
Growing up, I read Ann Landers’ column in The Hartford Courant! What a lovely reminder your video is, Dee, as well as sweet encouragement to respect ourselves. Thank you 🙏
Great video Dee, it speaks so much truth. For me my mother started it, she always said ‘what will people think’ if she didn’t like something about my appearance or behaviour. It has had a huge effect on me choices throughout my life. However I’m now in my rebellious stage and at 70 I live in skinny jeans, 3/4 sleeve tee shirts and trainers or pink boots. I still don’t have enough confidence in myself when meeting people, wondering what they think of me and if they like me, but I’m so much better than I was. My children however are very confident and happy in their own skins, I never said to them what my mother said to me. I don’t blame her for it, she was on the nervous side and I don’t know what happened to make her feel that way, she was an excellent mother in so many other ways. I wish I had heard your thoughts a long time ago, thank you.
So love that you are being rebellious at 70!
Our mothers sound like kindred spirits! You can so do this - head high, shoulders back and march on in your skinny jeans and pink boots. I have some pink boots too. Take care D
@@Cheshirelass yay for pink boots. Another thing she used to say, especially when I was leaving for school, was ‘ behave when you are out, there’s always someone watching you and they will tell me what you have been doing’ I spent years looking around wondering who was watching me, always feeling that I was being watched, that was the worst feeling ever. I never told her, she would have been horrified if she knew the effect it had on me.
@@kateheads887 I want pink boots now........
70 is a wonderful time to rebel!
You're a lovely, lovely person Dee!!!.. 😊💛❤️😊
Good morning! Thank you for these words, they meant a lot to me! 💖
I’m 16 and watch your videos because they have such a calming nature. I’ve often missed out on things I wanted to do because of the fear of other peoples thoughts and even choosing what to wear to go out bothers me sometimes but I’m trying to challenge the thoughts by putting myself in different situations and its not as bad. Thinking about the future is also tough, much due to the fear of how society will view my choices such as lifestyle and career. It’s sometimes disheartening to hear about what paths people think are respectable or not, realistic or unrealistic. I’ve always liked philosophy and literature and thought about pursuing that since it’s my biggest strengths but then the opinions of others get in the way. Thank you for your videos they hold great insight ❤❤
It is your future. Yes listen to the thoughts of family and friends but the decision is yours so long as you have what you need.. qualifications, finances included. Take care and consider all options open to you that appeal to you. D
Thank you for this video. I’m so Glad that I found your channel. I have struggled for years with fear of people judging me. People have talked about me to the point I almost give up and I’ve hid myself from the world. I’m a tall, big boned woman and people have said things about me that were very untrue. Lying and spreading rumors on me for no reason. It caused anxiety and depression. I try my best to be nice, but people still laugh and talk. I can’t help the way I look. I had so many goals that I wanted to accomplish, but my fear of being made fun of and talked about has kept me from going out into the world. I stopped socializing with people and I’m always alone. People really did break me down. I’ve cried many tears over the years. I just wanted to spread Love, and go out into the world to do big things, but people are so mean. I can’t handle it. 😢
I am so very glad that you found us - and so very sad that people have made you feel badly about yourself.
I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings - I have a feeling that you will not be the only one who has been affected in this way.
Is there anything that you feel would help you with getting out into the world. This would need to be taken in baby steps - is there anyone else alone, maybe physically housebound that you could visit and chat with - so helping both of you and enabling you to fulfil your wish to be kind to others.
Never lose sight of the fact that you matter - you are a wonderful, unique human being who people have put down. They are the ones who have a problem not you. Take great care - do keep on joining us. D ruclips.net/video/mKsfDtE40pk/видео.html
@@Cheshirelass Thank you for responding. People tell me that a forty year old should be doing big things, but it’s hard for me to do when I’m fearful of judgement. I just want to know how to stand up and not care at all what people think or say. I need to know how to Boldly stand up in front of the whole world and not let one lie, rumor or assumption bother me at all. I don’t want to care or worry anymore.
hey AlwaysBeKind! I love that handle. I recommend looking at Dee's previous videos......all very helpful. Take care.
@@AlwayysBeKind Have you considered seeing a therapist - they would be able to help you to see what you currently are missing. It is good to have someone as a sounding board and is better than your thoughts going round and round in your head. Also, check out my piece on affirmations - they are helpful - so long as you don't expect miracles after one go! D
ruclips.net/video/aWMkPaqN-bM/видео.html
@@Cheshirelass Thank You.
Red tulip that accepts who I am and what I am.
And like wise to every human being striving to be .
Thank you Dee
Yet again your words put a joyful smile in my mind and heart. You come from a place of wealth within❤
"You're never too late to be what you want to be".
I think it’s more about your situation and circumstance more then age. Who you surround yourself with daily and what you watch and listen to and read. Wise words Dee ❤
Thank you for commenting - I always appreciate people giving their thoughts.
As the saying goes no 'man' is an island - unless you live on a desert island that is! Probably a whole mish mash of influences. D
That is why I now call it, "uncommon sense".
Or better yet, "uncommon sense-abilty".
good morning Dee
i did care once, but now im not to bothered as im housebound, and only have myself for company lol but i do get what your saying 🥰
Couldn’t agree more. Now in my 60s, I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I’m not concerned about what someone thinks of me. Sure wish I had arrived at this spot in my younger years. Better later than never, I guess!
It is - and can take good while to wipe out thos well intentioned messages given to us when young. D
Labels are for jars not people. Thank you Dee ❤ it is really authentic to be yourself. Although, our society doesn’t respect or champion or celebrate individuality.
I admit to not liking individuality if thrust in everyone's face with a loud voice and poky elbows as the person endeavours to get as high up their chosen ladder as they can. Maybe the ladder of fame - which can often actually be infamy.
I guess many are happier to be surrounded by folk who don't stand out from one another. It's like that red tulip though - it is doing no harm, not affecting the yellow ones - simply being itself. D
@@Cheshirelass Interesting. I think of the conformists as the pointy-elbowed climbers and the authentic people as the flowers just being alive in the sunshine. Why bother conforming and going through the torturous show of it all if not to gain power over others?
Thank you 🙏🥰
I do not limit my identity to the opinion of others because my value as a person does not depend on what others say.
Feels therapeutic, thank you🥹
ASK ANNE!!! I REMEMBER HER COLUMN ❤
I am female, 5'9", not pretty, aged 50 told look younger, as I don't drink or smoke, weigh a heart attack waiting to happen 315lb. I love my pink heart tights and as I walked past a woman sat at her table in the cafe she said, "Oh, you can wear kids tights" and laughed. Her problem not mine but when we're different from the average 5'2" British female we do stand out and life is a different experience. Luckily I have confidence.
Good for you - walk on by with a smile - she probably thought she was being hilarious. GGGgggrrr D
Morning Dee. I’ve got my tea..☕️
I believe that mature, senior citizens, have so much to offer ( common sense) the older generations are “ untapped”
Love and care is all that’s needed.❤
Thank you dee you are are wonderful wise lady.
Personally I do not worry about what others think now. At 66 I know I’m fine!
I don’t need validation. I am that red tulip!❤xxx
Good morning! Enjoy your tea. I still drink mine in my 'best' cups - we deserve the best don't we? XXX
Well done!
@@Cheshirelass yes, always 😊xxx
@@desh7120 thank you 🙏🏻
Oh my goodness I use to read the Dear Ann Landers column every week in the newspaper when I was young girl. I’m now 55 in August! Just came across your beautiful channel❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏 oh I so love your advice on this subject!!! Thank you so much ! 🫶🫶🫶
My pleasure. D
In my teens and 20s, I really didn't care about the trends. I didn't wear much makeup aside from eyeliner. And it was colorful. It's now, in my 30s, I've become very ill in the past few years and gained quite a bit of weight. And that's been difficult for me. I suddenly have become very self-conscious. I am so very glad I didn't grow up during the age of social media. I just missed it, having grown in the 90s and early 2000's. "So now matter what age you are: it doesn't matter." Thank you, Miss Dee. A very healthy reminder.
My pleasure - take care. D
Social media has changed the game and not in a good way! The constant use of filters? What the heck! Too much pressure on themselves to be perfect. It’s not real.
Pretty is what pretty does people. ❤
Thank you Dee,I love listening to you good video 👍
You are so welcome D
Sending you much love - thank you for sharing
Goodmornig from Cyprus. Dee you made my day. ...be that red tulip...ha
It's not how old you are... it's how you are old... there's enough put on our plate before one needs to asking for more.... Remember You are only pretty as you feel.. . excellent choice for a very genuine feelings... Cheers my dear from me to you... 🌬️🪁🌈🕊️💌
Spot on. Cheers winging back to you too. D
Thank you Dee .I love your videos❤
You are so welcome D
Thankyou Dee, your videos are the best thing I can find on youtube to watch. So wholesome and real and down to earth. I appreciate this so much
Thankyou for your wise words. God bless you🙏💕
Thank you. D
I care what people think of me ,a bit. , But most of the time they are thinking about them selves and hardly notice you.
You’re so beautiful, your hair stylist is really good☺️ social media does scare women with aging, they have filters to look younger and pills. I’m 28 and I love watching you. You’re so wise and knowledgeable. So intelligent! Thank you for everything you post. My only request is to give advice for us 26-40 year range! This is proven the most mentally troubling time for women now. 🙏
Thank you for your comment and your kind words. My advice is usually applicable across all age ranges - and genders too. Take care, D
@@Cheshirelass we love you so much
Aging isn't easy its a time of loss of what we once looked like ....even to ourselves.
Losing identity into becoming identified as........that old lady 😊
I dont like being labelled never have ,,,,this one is difficult to endure
I agree, but I feel so grateful to have weathered what life has thrown at me and still be here. Our identity is not merely our looks - it is so very much more our character, what we do and how we do it. Being old is a fact, not our identity. How do you know that is how people label you? You don't. So, head up, shoulders back - you are a unique individual who matters in this world - and that is a matter of fact. Don't put yourself down. D
I sometimes yearn for my 25 year old body......which was quite nice, and worked properly. But I wouldn't trade the wisdom I've gained in my 70 years, for anything. There's a lot to be said for being this age.....and what's the alternative? Have a beautiful day.
@@Cheshirelass ha! My Dad (army) used to say that - Eyes front, chin up, shoulders back! And never let the b...... get you down.
@@amanitamuscaria7500 Mine too - did your dad include 'thumbs down the seams of your trousers?' D
@Cheshirelass he didn't....but possibly we were 4 girls in dresses. He did teach us how to salute (long way up, short way down) and march, how to box and fence though.
Splendid❤
Thank you sooooo much for what you do. You are truly wonderful!
You are welcome D
Fortunately I do not suffer with
“SENIORITIS”
❤
Hello Dee, Thank you for this topic. For me it depends on Who is commenting, If it is somebody I believe has my best interest at heart, I will think about it, then it depends on my self esteem any given day, but in general, I try to take what I believe others think of me with a grain of salt,♥Lynda
Thanks for sharing!! Me too. D
Great as usual, thank you. Lovely blouse today. ❤- Frances
Good video
Greetings Dee! Here in the southern US, women are often referred to as Miss whomever, such as Miss Jean once you reach a certain age. Or sometimes as Momma, as in Momma Dee. Interesting, isn't it? Love and blessings ♥️🙏
That is interesting - reverting to original title. I Struggled when I was divorced. Felt no longer a Mrs - or a Miss - and really don't like the other option of Ms. So I was looking into doing a PhD so that I would have an alternative. Quickly realised that I needed to get over myself and got on with life! D
I’m 66 and my 7 year old granddaughter told her Daddy I’m an ‘old lady’ 😆
Bless! In the eyes of children, their parents are old - it is all relative isn't it? D
Very wise words Xx
❤❤❤ very nice vlog. I am not effected by someone saying something about me because nowadays people r more selfish than before .Loved your vlog Dee❤❤❤
Thank you. D
Thank you ❤
I have to admit I feel a twinge when people see me a certain way...I always alittle shocked when I look in the mirror.
Are you a mind reader - or are you imagining what others think?
Yes, mirrors can be 'interesting' I had cataracts for years so unknowingly had been seeing my face through a soft mist. Post surgery - I saw the wrinkles, the 'age spots', etc etc. I sat and sobbed. Then realised that over the years that I had been blissfully unaware the changes - people hadn't held up their hands in horror and fled. I was always and still am - just me. I now smile at myself in the mirror and sometimes give myself a wink and tell myself 'you're ok Dee' - then on with getting on. D
@@Cheshirelass when I had my cataracts done, I could not believe the dust and cobwebs I'd missed!
@@amanitamuscaria7500 Yep - funny though.... I still do!! D
@@Cheshirelass Yes that happened to me too , I consoled myself by realising that everyone else also looked older without the cataract haze!
hey Dee - do you know the poem "Out of the night that covers me" by William Ernest Henley? It suits this topic, and some of the comments I've read. I resonate with the sentiment expressed. I particularly like the couplet, "under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed". Have a gander. Pretty cool. xxx
Not heard of the poet - have written it down to check it out. Thank you. D
Perfect👌
I'm late today because we had sun today in the north east 👏 you are certainly up with the Zeitgeist Dee so many folk writing about their experiences. I agree with your sentiments expressed today. Personally I fing passing the time of day with young people i encounter walking my pooch is often more pleasant than with older people who are often terribly negative on anything from the weather or the buses! Big love from Scotland ❤️
Will you be my grandma 😢🥺
Just curious, do you know Ann had a twin sister who had her own advice column? 😊
❤❤
Amen🙏🙏🙏
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
🌷🌷🌷🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽☘️🇳🇱
🤍🌹
Thank you Dee. 💚
Thank you, Dee❤