I dunno. I’m healed and I’m still fascinated and interested in the constant learning and changing information as knowledge on narcissists become more prevalent! But yes this video and him doing on about “why this and why that” ya that not healed. ❤
Yes, it was… I do all the things he stated…saving screen shots, watching videos 24/7 etc…. Literally have no memory at all from the extreme exhaustion of trying to figure this out…
You’re going out more, you’re keeping regular checkup appointments with your dentist and doctor, you’re planning events again, you’re looking better and getting in shape, you’re cooking good foods for yourself and watching what you eat and exercising. You have a little bit of hope again, and your belief systems are blossoming in that you are able to get in touch with God again.
And don’t forget to laugh! See humor. Make jokes! Elevate you soul and internal spirit. Lighten your life! ‘Happy’ in your life will make you available to happiness.
Yes... the discard by the narc, was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Also, one of the biggest periods of personal growth, and empowerment.❤
What about when you passionately wish for the discard, but the narc depends on you for survival? On the flip side, when moving on could kill the narc, almost literally, how to move on and deal with that guilt. 😢
Yes, it hurts but think of it as liberation. They have discarded you but it's not a loss, imagine stretching and growing without ridicule and abuse to keep you small. They control you to stop your growth just so they then criticize you for not reaching your potential. Be happy, be free.
@@swedishgirl2506 It is true. By planned premeditation, by design. They hate themselves and so must hate you also. They are predators. They want to destroy you. Afflicted by the dark side that afflicts them at every turn. Especially the so called "shy" malignant who are very good at what they do. Years of practice and learning to be the parasites that can not survive without a host to feed from. My view. My experience. Lesson is trust your intuition at all times. Never doubt it. They will "murder" you - killing you softly. Watch the physical illnesses caused by these dark entities. It is FACT. When God whispers, listen.
Yes So True & Sad ..I was with first Narssasist 16 years & Second will be 16years. Omg ...I Think About All the Years of Heart Break & Lies ..I say to myself when I finally get out of this ,I have to Build My Self Back Up & Will Be about Me & Have Health, Wealth,Peace Love & Happiness , And Live My Life with 💕 or without a Man " ❤ "
My narcissistic abusive mother is the reason I have been in abusive narcissistic relationships my entire life. I am now choosing to heal. Love and light everyone ❤
Have any of your partners told you you were being a covert narcissist? My ex had a narcissistic Mother and My girlfriend was covert and the discard was difficult, but so freeing once I managed to let go of my limerence towards her.
I hear you. My narcissistic father (who I cut off 5 years ago) and his abuse toward myself and my mum has cause SO much damage & I fully believe my 25 yr marriage to another narcissist was a direct consequence of how I was ‘parented’. I am free now and healing as best I can and I send you a big hug❤
He would stare at me and criticize me getting seconds when we had food gatherings with friends. After leaving him I gained 30 pounds. I was severely underweight. I feel sooo much better now.
Narcissists only get worse as the years go by. Narcissists can do a lot for you: Pay the rent, pay the mortgage; help you pay for your car; pay some of your bills; take you on expensive vacations. buy you nice things; tell you how much they love you all the time. Yet, narcissists tell you what to do with your own money; what to say; how to act; what to wear; how to look; and put all kinds of demands and restrictions on you that only get more controlling. You are not allowed to get angry with them or you are called ungrateful, crazy, stupid, mentally incompetent; and the worst person they have ever known. Talking to narcissists is a waste of time or dangerous; as it can lead to ugly and abusive fights where some narcissists can physically hurt you. Narcissists are secretive about what they do with their money and where they go. However, they want to know wherever you go. Narcissists are quick to accuse you of having an affair if you want time to yourself; or they are having an affair. God help you if you get sick or disabled. A narcissist may refuse to care for you or put you in a home or out in the street. You will need to leave before this happens. It is better to have less money and be alone than with a narcissist. If you spouse is not honest with you about money, he/she could leave you with nothing and cause you to remain in probate until the money runs out; or be planning to have you leave first. If you don't have a copy of a legally valid will and trust in your name that is really red flag. A good spouse won't do this to you.
@@WinterEvanesce Sleep? He wouldn't let me take naps. Even if I got off work early. He'd get drunk every night and keep me up until the weee hours arguing until he was ready to sleep. Then sleep in the car while I drove us to work in the morning. Every day. Something about sleep control with them.
I chose people who didn't respect me because I didn't have self-worth and never understood that I deserved better. My narcissistic mother made me feel unloved, and so I never learned to love myself, and because of this low self-esteem I made really bad choices for years and years. I realize now why it's so important for children to feel loved by their parents; otherwise, they don't learn to love themselves, and that's how many of us get sucked into these types of relationships. Without victim-shaming in any way, of course.
@@JL-ze5qm mentally I still heard the echoes of my mother. She passed on May 8. The sadness is that….a lifetime was wasted and many people hurt. I am starting to breathe deeper. I’m 55.
@@opossumdreams I hear you. I'm 46 now and, looking back, I can't believe what I used to put up with due to low self-esteem. I've come a long way, I guess.
Another sign of healing: you don't feel the need to know how they will react in a certain situation, or if they feel or will feel regrets at some point, it just doesn't matter for you anymore. You are also able to observe their predictable reactions with some sort of a feeling of pity for them. You realize they're stuck in their pattern and can not outgrow it, while you are not anymore the person from the past who would respond to that pattern like you have done in the past.
Yep, you are right. Everytime I would get into a relationship, my Narc Mom would have the most Demonic face possible, like I've done some thing wrong. Now as I'm older, I purely ignored her demonic face. Save it for your soul mate; THE DEVIL.
Barley,survived a 12 year marriage with 2 children with him,tried leaving him for years, he chased me, caused me sooo much horrifying pain, I finally got away, became a single mom, unfortunately my 2 children act a lot like him, I raised them with love and support, so I think it is in there genes!! Thank You, long recovery of love and understanding !!! I pray for all who had to meet Evil!!!
@@tinacastro8591No, it's not in their genes. You got to believe it. It's childhood trauma from having a Narcissistic father. Don't give up on them, even if they're showing narc traits. cPTSD can give rise to narc traits. Encourage them to be self aware, point out to them their destructive behaviour. Show them through your example as you heal your inner child and own your shadows
Praying for God to take me pealed off my outer layers, and I've never felt so raw. Several dark nights of the soul up until that point of the peeling brought me to that point of indifference. It felt like I had no skin. It was extremely painful, but it worked.
I say the same thing!!! I'm my own HERO!!! No more looking outside of myself for validation!!! The love I needed and looked to my ex husband (the narc) was right here inside of me!!! I'm so free and happy now!!!
@@vanamalaswathi5331 Richard has helped me a lot. Thank you Richard!! Also check out Chris Reece she has a biblical perspective...she has helped me out a lot as well.
Yes! I saw the lies and the truth, which gave me peace. Most therapist are more screwed up than we are, unfortunately.. there must be exceptions but it wasn't my experience .. the few months I went to therapy retarded my recovery rather than aid it!! 🙃
I went through that too, and as this video said, I was very damaged. The recognition function had deteriorated and I feel like I have to pay attention to people who I have no interests of inside honestly. I was wondering why I had to do this many times even though I KNOW that I am not honestly interested in specific someone yet I keep paying attention to. There is a counsellor who writes great blogs on this and he mentioned because of your malfunctions of the brain, you kept doing that. The reason of malfunction of the brain is because you are damaged from those psychological abuse and harrassment. It explained very well. So once you are healed, you no longer pay any attention to those who do not show any interests on you. Then you can naturally pay attention to those who treat you well with respect and love.
You lose your self identity. Your very foundation of who you are. The confusion and self doubt is overwhelming and the pain devastates you to your soul. See, most people that get into narcissist relationships are very caring and loving people. A lot of times they have very prestigious positions, are nice looking, have money, are very intelligent….something that the narcissist desires to have or be seen with. You go into the relationship having no clue that you are being set up by a con artist, a psychotic person which in reality despises you. They only want what you have to offer, not you. So they systematically set out to take what they want and dump the human soul that would have gladly given it to them. Leaving you devastated. As the narcissist first floods you with attention and unbelievable love bombing they are secretly disarming your defenses. Then once in they are like termites chewing away your very foundation, all your boundaries, self worth, love, compassion, career, social standing, family, money, whatever it is they were attracted to you to begin with. Secretly destroying every emotion and self respect you had. Then without you even knowing it everything collapses. And like the insects they are they move on to destroy someone else’s foundation. You have been lied to, taken advantage of gaslighted, humiliated and feel lower than you ever have in your life. You have been through so much cognitive dissonance you question everything, mostly yourself. You blame yourself at the same time the narcissist is blaming you. You have no idea who you are or have become. You no longer see the loving, successful person you once were. You are deeply traumatized without even knowing it. It takes time and self discovery to realize that the loving, successful person you once were, is still within you. The good news is that in reality the only thing that changed within you is you now see evil, you have been through hell and survived. Now you are on a mission, to not only be with and around non-toxic people, but to love and take care of yourself. You now know who you are: a wonderful, caring, sweet soul. Your spirit grows and flourishes like never before. Additionally, That feeling when your narc partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator MetaspyHub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
The feeling is of a stolen life, of having lived in captivity for years. At the same time you hate that the narcissist has subjected you to this torture, you need to recover and be able to enjoy the rest of your life. It is a confusing and painful time that requires a lot of willpower Everything is absolutely spot on! When you are undergoing constant stress because of narcissistic abuse, you are unable to express what is going on in a clear way. You are somehow paralyzed. It is better not to say anything. Covert narcissistic abuse is so terribly sadistic and diabolical that it is impossible to explain it to somebody who does not understand it. Thank you
I agree what you wrote too! I have felt exactly like my life had been wasted and stolen by the narcsisst. Then I have no other resources or close enough people other than my own original one (it is enough in a way but need more). Yet then I remind myself it doesn't mean that you need such an abuser in your life and rather the opposite. It is because you were not able to walk away from the abuser, you end up being in the same repetition of abuse and narcisstic people's game. I totally understand when you say, Covert Narcsisstic abuse is so terribly sadistic and diabolical that it is imppssible to explain it to somebody who does not understand it....I feel those people who haven't gone through such trauma is VERY lucky. I wish I was one of those who never knew what it was like. However it had happend. Never again. We will all heal completely!
Its times like this that make me feel lucky. That I didn't stick around to lose everything - but saw just enough to realise how much I had to fight for and return to
Ohhh ,Yes ti everything you said !!! Also when you said the word Paralyzed, oh I relate to that also & what I'm going through at this moment. I need to finish all my Journal of what happened & finish paperwork so I can start a process to end all of this .Family & Friends don't really get How Emotional it is and ask if I finished yet & I try & describe hiw I feel Paralyzed. I don't know how I stop that even know I know it will make me closer to trying to get out of this situation.& now on top of Emotional abuse ,he's Financially abusing me .I think I'm just so drained ???
My narcissist tried to tell me he had been asleep for 3 hours when in fact we had just finished dinner less than 30 minutes prior and had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to argue about it at 10:35pm...often tells me I have no sense of reality when in fact I know I do!!!🤷🏻♀️
This is the first time I’ve heard anyone mention the detective phase and it’s exactly what I’ve been through. Thank you for helping me see I’m not alone in this.
I agree as well, thought I was going crazy myself for doing this because I was being told up was down & down was up & I started writing it all down as it happened because if I brought up a point that was made even just hours prior by the other party, I was told that wasn't what was said / that's not what was meant. My memory became scrambled & now 4 years later - I am healing! Hope you all value yourselves as real people again ❤
Mee Too 😊 I am a better Detective then my present husband,who was a Detective 😂& I'm Great at Screenshots ,I can't wait til I don't( & Everyone Else who is going through a Hard & Emotional Time ) have to worry or care about that anymore & just Live My Beautiful Life "One Day "😊
I think I knew the whole time, but didn’t know the seriousness. She was a covert, so I really don’t think it bothered me as much as an overt narc would be. But she still took everything from me. I couldn’t laugh at something, because she wouldn’t laugh at what I thought was funny, but of course became part of her love bombing to come to me and show me things she found funny, and act like she loved me in doing this. That’s the lie that is obvious to miss. But I don’t hold myself responsible for putting up with it until the end of our marriage.
@@the_seanbarnes i know what you mean…but it’s kind of pointless and not very self-compassionate. I used to get so frustrated cos I thought, why didn’t I just leave sooner? A good therapist pointed out that I literally couldn’t leave sooner. I was too groomed…too abused. It took a decade of therapy for me to get to a point where I could leave. And even then it was very scary. Honestly, if I’d known how scary he would be I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. But it was like jumping off a cliff…no going back when it was done. Took all my nerve to leave, and support from several key people too. Anyways…the point being, you didn’t let them do it…they just did it. It took us time to wake up and stop it. It’s not a fault…it just is. Thank goodness we’re free now, eh?
@@christopherbrubaker2070 i didn’t realize he was a narc til after I left. I just kind of thought he was an as**ole. And I couldn’t stand being around him…was so happy when he was out of the house and away for weekends with his friends. I didn’t care that I was alone raising the kids…it was so much better for all of us when he wasn’t there. For most of our relationship I thought the problem was me. It Took therapy to make me look at my relationship and réalise it would never change because he was the one who needed to make changes for me to be happy in a relationship with him and you can’t change another person…that therapist told me to either put up with it or leave. So I decided to put up with it….lol…right?!…..But then one year later I broke and I left. Thank goodness for that therapist. She told me like it was. It was in the years that followed that I realized the seriousness of what had happened to me because he was completely covert and people seemed to really like him…only when I split did some close friends and family and coworkers tell me what they really thought of him. Plus, he really showed his true colors when I left…man oh man, narcissistic rage I’d never seen before…
Terrifyingly true. In a narcissistic relationship, you are being exploited, undermined and competed against in a game you never knew you were playing. People will look at you in a way that you are not, treat you in a way that you are not and the tides of these exploits will be determined by the vindictiveness and nastiness of the nature of the person playing games with you. The only thing a narcissist hates more the perceived weaknesses of those they see in others, is their own weakness... the truth. They constantly avoid the need to analyze and judge their own behaviors through hurting others. The truth is a terrifying thing for a narcissist b/c they refuse to confront the fallacies within themselves which justifies the need to protect a shallow ego and they do this via projection and emotional manipulation in a target to affirm themselves. It's a trap. Know the warning signs and avoid these people at all costs. It will save you years of hell.
very true, there is a blog of the counsellor I read and it is writing about what you said...for example, that they have no capacity to think of their defect yet they project that on you. Everything will be your fault because their brain capacity to perceive their shortage is not working...it seems very real. Then you start blaiming yourself that you are the one who is 'not enough' or 'do not deserve love or respect', so on. Then you start paying attention to those who do not always respect nor love you. It is your brain that's been damaged / hurt by the narcissist. It made clear for me that why they cannot accept their ugliness and nasty sides. No matter how many times and how you insist, they will not hear what you say. So It is crucial that you avoide those people when you see the pattern.
Agreed, not sure what to do in divorce situation with children who are still “under the influence”. They’re now adults and it is terrifying to think we may never be as close as I’d hoped to be.
I have little sympathy for a nurse who has a narcissistic personality disorder. She has taken psychology courses and has had every opportunity for self-reflection. Some of these nurses even pretend to be religious. Is the religion just a front to get people to trust them? I don't know what is going on in their brains but I don't have any use for them.
@@K-yd5pmOMG ..I Hear you ..15 years ago & the Hardest Time of my life being married to a Jekyll & Hyde (Didnt kniw at the time of that phrase Narssasist. Hardest Time in Divorce is because they want to Win ...They set out to Destroy what the Most Important thing in your Life.& Its My Kids & he knew it !!! I don't blame them because they were young ,he manipulated them & took them away from Me & broke My Heart My kids are adults & Hes # 1 in there eyes & his family & I'm number .....? My daughter gets part about the cheating that happened) but not the money part when I had my kids & was Struggle financially!!!! They say that's His Money. When they were teenagers they went to live with him .The Worst Time of My Life I did make mistakes during divorce because of the position I was in but No Where near the Ugly- ness of how he treated me & what he did . I explained things to my Daughter & told her when yor going through so m ething Traumatic, you cant think straight & do things wrong.She knew that was not me & if i had to do over I would do things differently. I got into another relationship ( not know he was Narssasist I was so Vunerable in coming out of a Toxic relationship & nit even looking for anyone but something happen & he came in to my life thinking this new guy was So Kind & Giving to me & my children . Look back now it was love bombing.I didnt get to Heal & Realize, what I went through b4 .& I married new guy years later to find out that he was a Narssasist through therapy & My Eyes could see the whole pucture of first marriage & second OMG. He took off his Mask & See All the Fake & Im trying to get out of All this Emotionally & Financially situation & "Here I Go Again" ..I don't have kids with him but know it's going to be a Battle.. to win & want to Destroy Me I Need to Find Me Again ❤
It was interesting to hear him clarify the idea that if you’re born into a narcissistic family, you don’t have the same visibility as people that didn’t. You can’t see it coming, the demons feel like home and good people make you nervous. Either way, all people, good and bad, make you feel anxious and interacting and communicating is always much harder than you see it is for everyone else.
Just like if you are raised in a family that has members of it with autistic spectrum disorder I should imagine. You might not even have it but it would have an affect socially on your presentation and choices, same as being raised around npd. You might confuse the two and have to learn the difference. Or be tripped and choose wrong once or twice. I suspect but don't know people who spend lots of time "scouring through narcissistic forums" Reading a lot, not watching a lot which is trackable activity might be doing that detective work. There's a corollary and there needs to be research done into the cross pollination. It's not either or. It's actually black and white thinking and a largely underdiagnosed group for what was 'aspergers' now autism is older professionals Despite being diagnosed as dyslexic at university years ago. Another non psychological disorder reason for a terrible memory btw. Neurodivergent people are different and different people are often missed, misunderstood and misdiagnosed. But plot twist by neishe interest (professionals) often wordy people who just have more money, who if working class would have some issues. Which is something people like Dr's and psychologists and anyone who has a obsessive tunnel vision /special interest doesn't do purposefully. But I bet you it's a thing. When you are a Dr, or professional nobody is going to tell you your on the autistic spectrum. Or suffering with something, anything rarely You may unwittingly medically gaslight people. Perhaps if you get into trouble with the authorities and then it's all iffy diagnosis to fit the perceived crime anyway in my opinion. Which is another can of worms So "if" I'm right, professionals and high profile people are under or over diagnosed, misunderstood themselves and not treated with total impartiality as a group. Perhaps if someone wants to derail them, they may face an audit. But not perpetual audit like the lower classes which causes other issues. Often health issues from incessant stress quite frankly. With the same outlook at getting the correct diagnosis and help for those. But what all that does is shift people around at the will of the middle who consume a lot but don't make a lot and talk a lot. But control a lot. They press like or scroll away it makes or breaks people but they are not scrutinised often, stuck behind a screen that costs the earth 'puzzled" a lot. If they are pressed they have sharp tongues and elbows and good lifeboats. It's online. It's offline. And they pay for whichever diagnosis fits their pockets. No scrutiny, just perpetually giving it. Up, down, left, right, left. Self autonomy and responsibility is very expensive Not understanding asd in any mental health capacity Is absolutely absolutely irresponsible It's like not understanding conductors and being an electrician There will be people getting labelled the wrong ways forever otherwise. That's not professional or maintainable. The young people get it. The Days are numbered of not getting it. These professionals need to take a short break Do a little taster to start, a low brow course free at the local college like most mums in the country had to when education changed and didn't accommodate their kids Many ironically with kids just like the professionals now actually were. Heave ho. Get off the Internet and learn about it. Communities know. A bit like npd it's a neiche topic you either do or don't understand. Kids do, more than most wordy psychologists. Little kids on scooters. They knew to learn about it all and fight back against negative choices adults made for a start. Literally little girls who live near me, know more about asd and its social implications than looking at psychologists online. I can't wait for them to take over. Frankly, especially the little mixed race one who's nan is fast on a till. Try to Keep up with her.
@@Beth-iv4lj I agree, young people are becoming much better versed in areas of mental health than a lot of older working professionals. That understanding without wisdom, though, is also very dangerous. I’m not sure if it’s more or less dangerous than the incompetence/ignorance of many working mental health experts. But for those young people that do continue their understanding and the open source of good information for those that pursue it, I believe it is going to be a great net positive and a lot of these working stiffs will be dethroned.
Wow you said my thoughts in words...Felt always growing up with my covert NPD mom...Thank god finally I am healing at 41..But the damage is done already..It seems everything I have to learn from start...Real struggle of life..Seems a new life to start off now
@@nandinigogoi2584 This to me is one of the hardest parts. I’m 36 and there are a number of aspects of my person I’ve had to rebuild from scratch. No childhood modeling, no parental guidance or feedback, etc. it’s like I’m just a boy in so many ways trying to fail forward. I’m grateful for progress but it’s still very hard.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I think the first step towards healing is to not have any emotional connection to the abuser. Also, understanding that the abuser has a serious mental condition and have low expectations of them changing. However, keep bonderies and enforce them.
With all my respect every word is true.I set bounderies he breaks them ,I was in court ,he dont afraid of judges ,called police couse he grabbed me on the way home beat me and rape me.We share custody ,very sick mindset ,I should call police every time he calls me on my phone.
My narcissist was so bad that she even had the nerve to seduce her therapists husband. Nothing had boundaries for her. Many decades of my life were lost and I suffered everyday for almost 60 years. I was lost in the abuse. Finally I had enough. Stay away from your abuser, you don't need them.
@@RebelsBestFrienddamn that hurts. 60 years? I'm not gonna blame you, we all know how it is to be stuck in there. Sounds like she's more like a mix of narcissist and more cluster B stuff. I'm sorry for you. How are you doing today?
yes, boundary and no emotional connection! thank you for reminder. As I feel little weak or sad, those boundaries and emotional connections can be broken easily then there comes a narcsisst. It has been the pattern for a decade and I am determined to change. so no contact, blocking and never look back!
Holy shit, this is me. I've been like a detective for years now, trying to figure out WHY. And the more I think about it, the more layers I uncover of my family's deception. There were a lot of memories I repressed in order to stay sane. But I have been starting to let go and find peace.
I'm starting to remember more and realize he had the same "scripts" he recited more and more often. I guess he thought these worked on me. "I realize you never loved me". If that was true, he should have left instead of staying and trying to manipulate me with such statements.
I feel some valuable parts of my healing journey from narcissistic abuse came from: 1.) Learning everything I could about narcissism. 2.) Getting back out there and reconnecting with beautiful friends and family (which reminded me how NORMAL people act). 3.) Really understanding the idea that, "hurt people, hurt people." 4.) Cultivating sincere compassion for my narcissistic ex because he wasn't born a narcissist ... he developed it as a defense mechanism to a horrible childhood. 5.) Fully embracing the fact that he will never change so therefore NO CONTACT is the only way forward. 6.) Learning more about my shadow and all the ways to love myself so that there is no way possible that this will ever happen to me again. I now know what boundaries are! And would never let someone treat me like this ever again. 7.) Allowing time to do the work. Each day, i become more and more indifferent to what happened. I have been out of that relationship 2 years now. It does get easier with time. IF you do the work of healing.
thank you for writing this, ive gone through the same process and it took many years to discover the truth. Ive almost healed, but its been a long road of understanding.
i agree i have gone very low contact with a family member and at the moment i can not leave my marriage But i have come to the same conclusions as you What helped me most was finding out about narcissistic people. I feel sad and still love these people but. i cannot change them
Thank you for this. Today was my first day of no contact with my husband (separated). I'm finding it difficult to ignore the guilt-inducing messages I'm getting...really makes one question if they are doing the right thing. I am set on sticking to my guns, but I can see it is going to be a "one day at a time" mentality. I'm thankful for communities like this. Thank you all.
@abbymckinney1337 Hey! I totally get it. When I left my ex, I got sucked into 9 months of caving to communication still, until one day it FINALLY clicked. He will never change. I changed my phone number and never looked back. He still emails me, but after 1.5 years of not responding, he is finally starting to get the message. NPD is a personality disorder. Unfortunately, there is no true help for these people. You need to come to terms with that.
The problem is not everybody can afford therapy, so you have to make the best of what you have. Following you has been incredibly helpful, thank you Richard!
Some companies offer EAP with like 8 free sessions... Like big companies too. So often usually broke jobs have free therapy at least in America. Like McDonald's target Walmart.... Like soooooooo many. No doubt many many cannot afford but that's just an fyi in case it could help!!!
It’s not therapy, but you can call the domestic abuse hotline and talk through everything. They will confirm types of abuse and just listen as well, it’s free and open 24/7.
I watched these videos for two years straight. It was a second half of my obsession with him. I thought I'd find an answer to pin point what the heck happened and why. I learned a lot and it helped me to get honest with myself and I eventually came to accept it for what it really was. I was so hurt for so long and my heart and my stomach literally ached while I was involved with them. It was a horrible way to live and a terrible place for me to be. I was dying. I'm so grateful to have found it in myself to muster up an ounce of strength and I made a move forward. Little by little I'd gain a bit more strength to make another move forward. It stopped hurting little by little and I started to actually feel good. I felt alive for once in so long! Things started to make me laugh and I became interested in my own hobbies and dreams again. It's truly a blessing and I'll forever be grateful. I appreciate myself now because I actually fuckin did it and it didn't kill me! I have a future now and a life!
@@willowway9552 I accidentally got my replies mixed up so I apologize for that. I'm very new to replying and even commenting on RUclips. It's really crucial for you to have hope when involved in a relationship with a highly toxic person. I'm happy that I was able to ignite that in you again. It's very possible to have a great life without them. It's not going to be easy but honestly one day all those months will pay off ten fold. You'll feel so much better and the whole mental gymnastics will be over!
I left my narcissist 5 months ago. I can say I felt immediate relief…… and 5 months later, I can say I finally feel real joy again. My physical body is healing and getting stronger and I see my skin brightening up again and I’m starting to feel alive! I felt like I entered my relationship shining like the sun and I left 4 years later, after living together, raising his 2 boys, I left feeling blacker than the night! It was a pain I had never experienced before and I wish upon no one! Your videos have helped me along the way as well as regular therapy…… and ever single thing I could do to find me again!
Same but backwards. I found out my narcissistic wife was having an affair. Like a fool I offered counseling but I said she had to choose me or him. She chose him. We were married 10 years and had two kids. To say it was hard would be an understatement. That was on July 1, 2023 and now I’m a single father but me and my kids are a lot happier. I’ve lost 50lb’s and I’m in much better shape than ever.
Yeah by one year out I felt better then suddenly felt bad not good enough and crying every day. I’m so glad I saved texts and read them a light went on in my head reading the rediculous bs. And suddenly I was like I DONT WANT TO BE GOID ENOUGH FOR THAT MONSTER!
I had a father who was a narcissist; and also a mean spirited step father who resented his step children. My mother was sort of a narcissist to cope. Dysfunction can be contagious.
I feel your pain. I didn't see she was a covert narcissist until my father, who was an overt narcissist, died. Right before he died, I started seeing it but thought it was a one-off. No, she's not who I thought she was and at least my overt narc dad was more honest and easy to spot. Coverts are the worst!
After a year of researching narcissism, seeing a counselor, accepting the truth that everything was a lie with the narcissist, letting go and focusing on the future, I've realized I am healing. However, I was so numb for almost two years and I finally cried last week while watching a TV show regarding a break up. I was glad to be crying and I just let it out because I needed it so I can keep healing. I never in my life thought I would be happy to cry but narcissistic abuse does that.
I had forgotten how to laugh… I envied those that could and could not imagine ever being able to. My 24 year old daughter is completely destroyed by her father. She still lives with him… her father kept her from me since she was 7 years old. I recently saw her for the first time in nearly 10 years. 😢. My heart and mind are such a mess… I don’t know how to help her.
something else that is crucial to overcome the effects of the narc, is to forgive yourself, that you fell victim to one.. that you didnt see it coming or understand their deceptions and abuse, that you were trying your best by giving love and attention, and wanted the same back. theres nothing wrong in wanting love back we all want love, but not that love, its not even love, its just a facade and deceptions etc as we know now after studying this type of person
im glad to hear that, because i know its not easy. i dont have peace, but i had to realize that i fell in love with the mask and the woman i loved never really existed. after i said that to myself, i had an easier time coping with the feelings and pain. what lingers is the guilt and embarrassment of being fooled to such depth. good luck.
So very true! Stop Telling The Story!! It keeps the fight or flight mindset alive, and leaves you unable to see the world the way it really is. The longer you tell the story, the longer you live in the past. The only thing that matters is now, and what you're building for the future - even if you're rebuilding from nothing... When people ask me about it now, I simple tell a better story. "I chose the wrong person and it's over now. I'm moving forward"... if the vampires persist I tell them "I don't want to talk about the past - what's the point?" They usually back off. 🙂
The feeling is of a stolen life, of having lived in captivity for years. At the same time you hate that the narcissist has subjected you to this torture, you need to recover and be able to enjoy the rest of your life. It is a confusing and painful time that requires a lot of willpower Everything is absolutely spot on! When you are undergoing constant stress because of narcissistic abuse, you are unable to express what is going on in a clear way. You are somehow paralyzed. It is better not to say anything. Covert narcissistic abuse is so terribly sadistic and diabolical that it is impossible to explain it to somebody who does not understand it. Thank you
I just want my life back. Realizing all my relationships that are toxic but the root is my covert narcissistic mother. People pleasing & trying too hard. Thank you for this video.
To S-H S-H, "Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth." - Mahatma Gandhi You are being used as a scapegoat.
@@zx81qwI need help! ASAP, I’m in a. Domestic abuse situation. My mum who’s a narcissist has complete control over my life and is abusing me. I need to get away but don’t know how. I now wanna die cause my life is going away everyday and it doesn’t get better just worse.
I’m happy that I went through this period of my life. I basically stripped myself and became real me. I’m not ashamed to be real me anymore ( narcissist always pushed this button, pointing out my flaws which I constantly tried to fix), not ashamed to tell the truth about my failures (that was the issue at the beginning, I was so afraid to admit that my marriage failed and I’m a loser). The narcissist was trying to destroy my real self but after all only helped me to accept myself.
I strongly relate to why you just said. Being yourself, free from constant criticism and judgment is the best feeling ever! I am very happy for you. I wish you all the best on your healing journey
I recovered from the nightmare without therapy, friends or family. RUclips and books and most importantly, time, healed me completely. So for anyone like me out there who cannot afford therapy, please do not despair. Work on yourself as best you can, with what you've got, and you will heal. In time. God bless and take care of yourselves.
How long did it take for you to feel healed? What was the most difficult part of your healing journey? What was most useful in your healing journey? What were some things you did prior to being healed that you're now able to easily not do?. For example, did you frequently try to call the narc, but now realize that you don't need to call at all?
Full healing was about 18 months divided into: first 6 months obsessing on understanding narcissism (videos) and then one year on understanding what got me into that awful situation in the first place ie: my codependency (videos and books). Plus once I made up my mind to escape, NO CONTACT was the single most important part of my recovery. Little story: I recently saw the narcissist at an event in Dublin and she saw me and quite honestly I could not, even if I wanted to, lower myself to walk the 10 yards to say hello. I would not wish a narcissist on my worst enemy and my genuine feeling of indifference was my reward for the work that I put in on myself. No therapist, no family, no friends. It was hard, no doubt about it, but EASILY the best thing I ever did in my life. And always remember that when you recover you will be the best version of yourself you ever knew. And also, you WILL recover. (In fact, you're recovering right now, it never stops). Take care and God bless x.
They are empty! No longer caring about my ex-husband, not in a sadistic way, but in a self-nurturing way, and sorry, not sorry! As an empath, I have to accept the fact that caring too much about some people is a sickness of its own.
It's taken me almost eight years to finally get things sorted out. Memory loss, brain fog, lack of motivation, anxiety, depression, guilt, and the endless questions. Your videos, and other's, are my support system. I'm not one to take their "medications". How are you becoming stronger if the "medications" are meant to suppress your emotions? The confusion, pain, and frustration has lead me to the answers that I was seeking. Some of us take a while because we were born into this life and we have a lot of sorting out to do. I'm fifty years old and undoing a lifetime of abuse isn't easy but I am getting there and the first thing that we must realize is the abuse was "normalized" for us from the beginning. It wasn't just my dad, we grew up around uncles who joined in with the abuse, always my brother and I, whilst our cousins were basically off limits to the same. Crazy the things that one realizes when everything is laid out and sorted.
Friend, i have a similar story. I'm 65 and I have recovered, it also took me 8 years but more intently over the last 3 and a half. Keep pushing forwards and do the work. I wish you strength and determination.
Well done doesn't cover it friend. You are a warrior, courageous, intelligent, determined and you should be so, so proud. 8 years for me too. Now 65. With credit to Richard and others from me. Enjoy your freedom friend, yes it's incredibly difficult when the abuse has surrounded you from childhood, but hey you're making it. Here's to freedom! I totally agree, no medication for me either! It just covers everything with a black blanket so you don't feel, and feelings/emotions as you so rightly say are necessary to humans. Yep, it's all so obvious with hindsight. Be free, be you friend. 😀👌👏
I actually am autistic but it wasn’t discovered until I started recognizing the narcissism in her. We are easy prey for these soulless persons, at least at first. Took me 24 years of marriage to figure both truths out and get the help I needed. When I was experiencing autistic burnout. I experienced all the stages you describe here and only recently felt the bitterness in me finally dissipate. When I started making dating profiles and reconnecting with old friends through social media, I felt good for the first time in many years. No more anger and anxiety. No more desire to get her to understand or acknowledge a damn thing. Just peace and hope.
I don't know if he is suffering from a disorder as some say, but I can confirm that he has saved at least 2 lives, mine's and my ex's so I really appreciate that he is out there talking , mentoring and helping people stay afloat, or reach the light. Richard your assistance to people suffering is of paramount importance . Thank you
Exactly. Have no idea what that gossip is about. But Richard has nailed narcissism so accurately with a sense of humor and seriousness. He has been the most sane person with all the information which I also needed. This channel literally showed me a way out.
You are absolutely correct when you say there is something in the person who is on the receiving end of narcissist abuse that needs to be addressed and healed too. It has nothing to do with the innocent super empath attracting narcissists; once I accepted there was something broken in me too, EVERYTHING became, slowly, easier to deal with.
True. If you're the only one willing to go to therapy, which is often the case, GO by yourself for your own sanity and healing. I can't and wouldn't force anyone to go, they'd only be resentful. All that ever happened the one or two times they grudgingly attended was pretty interesting to witness while having a witness there to simply state facts and ask valid questions. It was the last time that ever happened. In hindsight , I am sooo thankful they were NOT there so I could speak plainly and do some healing. It was me that needed to heal and I was more than glad to have gone when I did.
@@EmberAsh Yes. Twice in my life I sought therapy. The first time was in an attempt to save my marriage but he walked out on the third session. We got divorced. The second time was after I left a narcissist. I sought therapy and went for a little over a year and it was very helpful.
That's a milestone I had to deal with and after that my whole identity changed... no more magical thinking. Even personality changes because you are aware of the invisible maze you were conditioned into.
I had memory loss so badly that even within 5 minutes I had forgotten things that had happened. Only to be told I was a liar, snide, manipulative, selfish…..so I started recording arguments. What I listened back to horrified me. I wasn’t the one lying, being snide, being manipulative or selfish … HE WAS!!! It was absolutely crazy hearing myself being gaslit. I fessed up to the recordings and he went ballistic. I left the relationship that same day and never looked back.
Apologizing to the abuser for their abuse of me is one of the strangest symptoms of the narcissistic dynamic. In my case it was a foster parent and the power dynamic was so heavily skewed in his favor. To this day he remains a strange event from my past.
I was in Two Narcissistic relationships one lasted 10 years ! It was knowledge and understanding that Put me on the road to becoming my own Person ! Here’s what I learned ! Two siblings in the same household brought up by a Narcissistic ( Usually the Mother) Will Either turn Narcissist or Empathic ! Now as a Narcissist they develop the Philosophy that “ They Weren’t Given Love “ There Needs were Not Met ! So they then carry on their lives Taking and Never Giving ! Now the Empath learns to avoid the harsh trouble and isolation by powering up their senses of Feeling the other ( Mother) for senses of anger or upset by reading these feelings the Empath learns to cope by diffusing the Situation and avoiding conflict and burying there own feelings and believing they are Unworthy ! Here’s the clincher that’s Why Narcissists Need and look for Empaths ! Ironically Empaths subconsciously seek Narcissistic people ! Because it’s what both learned at a primal age ! One takes One Gives ! Wrong but it was the only way the children learned to “ Survive “ This Knowledge set me free I know it’s long winded ! But it’s the key to setting yourself free ! 🙏🏻❤️
When you heal enough to recognize the strengths you developed due to the abuse, is when you truly heal. It took me many years to do so and a lot of digging deep.
Some people say there are no coincidences. This was exactly the message I needed to experience at exactly this moment. Healing hurts; that's the irony. Letting people you love go is inexplicably hard, especially when you have blood ties. Giving up on your hopes for them won't happen in one day. But, I'm beginning the journey, again.
Looking hard at our "shadow" and what it was that we needed by allowing them into our lives... and letting them stay when they hurt us over and over, well truly, that is the "gift" they give us. They force us to discover the depths of our own psyche, our own insecurities and past traumas. I only wish it wasn't in the most painful of ways. I choose to take good and learn as much as I can about ME from the horrific abuse I endured... and ultimately heal and be wiser for the experience. It does hurt, but it's important hurting that we grow tremendously from! No coincidences. - I believe it!!
The only problem is that the amount of narcissistic predators grows at ever increasing rate. There just are not enough normal people out there, because they're got so fed up with the power games that they isolate.
There are lots of normal people. The problem is that most all of them are cowards, not fighters. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good to do nothing long enough. The good of the world has to stop being cowards and start taking evil on head-on with the intention that it will never let it have control over anyone ever again.
@@thecustodian1023 I don't consider cowards to be normal. I actually avoid them like a plague that you say they are. Courage is a muscle ,and the flesh is weak.
I was totally different in the beginning. but the woman i have grown to become is amazing. Through the fire i stand untouched. I don't even smell like smoke 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I’m laughing and crying, because I have the files, screenshots, and alllll the things. Thank you for this tremendous work and for helping those of us who’ve lived it, to make safe passage to the other side of it all. The giving up = surrender 🙏
Years ago no one talked about Narsassis!! It was a hidden Evil thing peole were afraid to talk about, wish i made better judgement , if a man doesnt love his mother or respect her, he cant possibly love another women, i have done much reading and healing from a trapped 15 years with a very scary Narsassis!! I pray for all who had to incounter Evil !!!🙏✌️❤️ You have to erase them from your mind and life!!
In my personal experience the reason it’s so difficult to let go and stop missing them is because you're probably still searching for his validation. During the relationship you went without a lot of things you deserved, like safety, love, support, compassion, and empathy to name a few. I'm guessing when things were good they were exceptional, the narcissist is a master at manipulation. By the end you've given more than you had to give ( leaving yourself depleted of strength, self esteem, ect) because you gave SO MUCH to him. That wasn't accidental, he was looking for a “partner” that has your attributes, loving and nurturing. During your entire relationship I'm sure you were wondering if he really loved you, and I'm sure you never felt like you got the answer to that question. His attention now puts you in the same mental place of wondering if he's back because he loves you and sees your worth. Blaming you for cheating is just another manipulating thing narcissists do… they can't accept they may be at fault, so they project that onto you. Its hard to let go when you're still looking for answers. Especially the big question… did he ever love me and they always confuse you because their words don't match their actions. Here is the very difficult thing you need to accept ( and it's way harder then people think)… He didn't ever love you, he never will, you'll never get the validation that you're seeking, he's just not capable. It has NOTHING to do with you and your worth, it's all about HIM! DO NOT allow him ( or yourself) to devalue yourself be abandoning your morals and values. Dont be the other woman or the side chick…. you deserve to be nothing but the absolute center of your partners life, plus think about her…. she's likely being treated just as you were… do u really want to add to her pain? You're still at the start of a long journey of self discovery and healing. You'll likely need to find a trauma therapist (one that has experience with NPD). You can do this. No contact AT ALL, block him everywhere and start healing!! Very best of luck! Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Metaspyhub@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you.
That's the hard part. The liars need to be exposed and held accountable at any cost. To not do so is to let the abuse you endured be transferred to the next persons who do not deserve it.
@@thecustodian1023 It's so hard when they lie... so much BS I confronted him about yelling at me. I had to wait till the next day because he was so angry about something so stupid.He is "concerned" because I've lost so much weight and yells at me while I'm having my dinner. He's done this enough times yelling about nothing and I said, No more! Then he denied yelling and was getting upset again. I taught children for 30 years and I honestly never had one like that. And I worked in inner city with many disadvantaged children and they all could learn.
A bad marriage and divorce put me in PTSD. One thing that really helped me was singles dances in my very large regional church once a week. I'd sit next to ladies and we would exchange stories of why we were there. This was with middle aged and older people some widowed, divorced, or never married. After sharing my horrific story for a year I didn't need to talk about it anymore. It was refreshing to hear others had gone through similar circumstances and we were healing one another. Some were well on their way to overcoming and could see where new people were, pick them up, point the way, and have fun dancing in between.
I deleted everything, blocked him on all social media. It's an experience that has made me stronger. I now recognise these kind of people in an instant and distance myself. Never had therapy but obsessed about learning about narcissists from experts like Dr Ramani which helped me understand the way I was feeling. I forgave myself and I let go. I've found someone amazing and I've learnt so much about myself. I no longer ruminate about what happened or why it happened.
I’m in my 3rd year of freedom after I divorced my narc ex husband.. narc therapy, lots of support from family/friends & I’m free, happy, healed.. I can’t believe how far I’ve come.. I was a wreck with PTSD who couldn’t stop shaking.. never give up! X
This gives me hope. 2 years after divorce and I still find myself having anxiety attacks literally when nothing is wrong. It's like my body was just used to the constant fight and stress. I found a amazing man and the way he treats me is helping my healing! I know I'll get through thid
I no longer feel like a victim, but believing my own memory is still a challenge at times. Your messages give me a reminder to be kind to myself, I have been through a tramatic experience. These things take time to get over
As being also a victim, I read that memory loss is a result of very high level of cortisol (stress hormone) that causes hippocampus shrinkage. There are ways to increase the size of the hippocampus again. One of them is EMDR therapy even you don't do the therapy you can do eyes movement everyday and it helps. Exercise, meditation and also eating healthy other tools help for hippocampus to recover.
Thankyou for this information. I didn't realise it causes shrinkage of the hippocampus...I have been feeling as though I am suffering from early dementia so I will try some of your ideas🌱🌟
@@selenajwallace294 Hippocampus is responsible for short memories if this is the case probably it is related! Give it a try in any case!! There is no harm just benefits!! :)
@@lauraantic1384 I am sorry to heat that! You need to find ways to cope with the stress. They put us into a trauma that can't be imagined by people who didn't go through it. They want to destroy us, break us into pieces. Talk to a trauma therapist to find ways to manage it!! You can even think of hiring a third party for the contact about your kid and go no contact!
I went through a period of repeating what I went through to anyone who would listen. Almost as if it would change the outcome, enforce validation, or help me by painting a picture of this demon. But it helped to finally just give it up and release it. Occasionally I have moments, but it’s not 24/7 365. Thank you and God bless everyone touched by these monsters.
After ending a 38 yr marriage to a covett narcissist with addictions, I feel like I'm finding myself again! Now, the reason why I was able to be in that relationship for so long, is that I was raised to accept it by a narcissistic mother! (Who still defends his behavior after fully exposed!) Once my therapist helped me to see and address that reality, I AM GOING ON TO HEAL AND WILL BE ALL I WAS MEANT TO BE! WHAT A SWEET RELEASE! Btw...by fully seeing my 89 yr old mother and setting boundaries, I can truly say I forgive her. Not TO HER because she doesn't see or care. Forgiving is for me! Not quite there YET with my "Ex" but working on it.😏
Left nine 15 mos ago after 29years. Its been a nightmare but i did get my daughter out as well and we are in counseling. My ex has a new supply and has ghosted us both sence he knows we see him under the mask now. I want to heal from it, just hard some days. I have been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD, my first narc was my Mom so at 54 im narc free for the 1st time!🎉
Forgiving her was good for me, I never said that to her, but seeing all this content after the narc abuse I experienced is freeing, but forgiving her is how I can forgive myself and move forward. I dated another narc and noticed that I saw her behavior as normal because I was so used to being abused by my ex. It's okay, though because it's her loss to lose someone as well intended as myself. I have a lot more prequisites now when it comes to considering a partner. The one that's absolutely necessary is honesty with everyone. Jeesh, I deserve so much better. I had to drop a narcissistic business partner also. 🙄😏🫤
Narcissistic abuse victims are the nicest and most supportive voices on the internet. These comment sections give me faith in humanity. This pattern aligns perfectly with the patterns of behavior by narcissists. We were made for each other; a match made in hell. I think self-discovery and therapeutic analyses of one's own behavior patterns is the most useful approach for me. Why did I allow this to happen to me? That is my current question.
I was asking myself that question too many many many times ... All what I discovered in myself - deep childhood trauma that I didn't even recognize till now . Stay strong ! Time will heal ❤
If you even need therapy for that, why isn't narcissim considered a crime? All the unnecessary suffering and damage they create is just unbelievable. Destroying people and their lives is a crime!!!!
The court system needs finished and well made case. Since the victim is the only witness and the witness has memory problems and usually would not testify then there is no case. And there is a good portion of volunteering in the victims behaviour too.
Signs that you aren't healing.....your still dealing with it because you have kids with the monster and she is still f**king up their lives. I started to insist on my rights as a father and now we are going to court 🙄 This crap is tiring.
thats not an easy battle. luckily my ex left me and the kids, and im trying to fix them along with myself. your childrens age has a lot to do with how much she uses and abuses them. the younger they are, the more they are manipulated. my 2 are teenagers now and see their mother for what she is a little more now, but there is a lot of damage. at some point your ex will stop using them as her source because they will stop supplying her, and once they stop and figure out what shes doing, she will abandon them too, but youll be there for them, and theyll see you always have been. good luck.
Richard, thank you for understanding the bewilderment, death spiral, why? why?why? You’re right I became a detective keeping journals. The memory loss that the journals reminded me of what I had experienced but forgot. I have given up but can’t say I’m calm, I’m empty and don’t care anymore. But that is better than reacting to him. I’m 34 years invested and 69 years old. Just waiting to see who blinks first as in who’s going to die first. Thank you for your reminders to be kind. I am healing, this has taken years because I can not get away, but I’m repairing with your insight. Can never express my gratitude to the fullest extent.
Thanks for reminding me that the emptiness is better than reacting to him, although I think I still do react to my late ex when I see how much his (most likely) intentional death has done to our daughter. Well done for getting out after all that time❤
Oh, major relief - I was born into a narcissistic family. However I knew something was wrong with me. But I never attributed how I felt to my parents. I knew my mom was not normal becoz she whined 24/7. It was so depressing. I thought my dad was pretty cool, until I started journaling. So I think I was always and already very mixed up. I would say I had distorted thinking about myself and my family of origin until I found these channels. Thanks for the help Richard, in unwinding all of this.
If you absolutely have to “deal” with a narc, I would recommend to keep firm bounderies, and keep your distance at the same time. As a second choose on how to deal with the narcissist I would recommend keeping firm boundaries and also to correct them every time they missteps, lie, manipulates etz. When your boundaries are not respected by the narcissist, you need to follow through with consequenses of bad behaviour. You will have your hands full going forward this way. When following through with consequenses to their “re”actions, you explain to the narc, that you are not one of the narc`s victims. You have no intentions of becoming one but will be a nuisance to the narcissist in a way that is irritating to him/her. This method is not risk free but narcissists will often choose the path of no or low resistance. This method is a time consuming path to chose. This route sometimes require more time than you would like to spend on these issues. You feel that distancing yourself all together would have been easier. That is however not always possible. Often there is no way to avoid him/her. You unfortunately have to deal with the narcissist because you are colleagues or close family. You must think through what you need the narcissist to respect and what arias of conflict you must pay extra attention to, to keep your integrity and to detect manipulative behavior. Be prepared and clear in your communication and stick to your guns. Try to stay under the radar as much as you can, even when this method is the best for you. A way that works as well is to play along with the narcissist and act like you agree with everything they do and say. This method works well until many people in the narcissists sphere do the same. When everyone agrees with the narcissist you are back on square one. The narcissist must have victims and this setting is no different. To go NO Contact is another good alternative and method, and is probably the best option when it is possible to cut all contact permanently. Additionally, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
I wish I would’ve read your comment seven years ago seven years ago when I had my son I realize that shit she might be a narcissist and seven years ago the nurse overheard the way he was talking to me. I’ll never forget he said you can’t even change a diaper right how are you going to be a good mother first day? I had my son when I was in huge postpartum depression And I sent him for that for ruining my childbirth of my son but if I read this seven years ago up to where I am now up to the phase where I’m no longer validation. It’s pretty much I have to give the greenlight to leave if I had just read this seven years ago this might help but maybe I needed to go I had to go through the seven years. I only pray that my son grows with a pure heart and that after pulling the trigger on what needs to be done , completely divorce him I pray that my son and I heal and I hate that he hast to do things in front of my son that I have to explain daddy‘s can’t handle his emotions, but I don’t wanna also bash him. Nobody believes me and for the people that no longer believe me I no longer give a shit because I don’t need them to begin with, but it was so much I had to go through my own That I never wish on anyone you can literally end up feeling like you would be better off, not living on this earth by the abuse if you don’t help, but by the grace of God, I had people around me in the time I needed them to tell me I’m not crazy. I’m OK I’m being abused.
My narc husband is always complaining about how" needy" other people are... Exhausting! Putting others down makes him feel good. He is so angry when he talks about what others have done to slight him. he is the needy one but will never see this
It took me exactly one year after the discard to reach the point of healing. Listening to you talk about all the signs makes me feel so proud, and so glad to be out of that darkness. To anyone in pain right now-this is the start of your awakening.
The nightmares of her returning are fewer but I still have them, its been 26 years. We had two kids together. She was successful on Parent Aliening our oldest daughter against me.
This video is so poignant. I finally realized at 59 my sister is a narcissist. I am now 60 and have been watching narc videos on RUclips about 6 months. It’s been so mind opening to get educated. I just started therapy and am very optimistic about healing. When its a sibling that’s been in my life since birth, it feels like a very different experience than a partner. My dad was also a narcissist, but not quite as sneaky and covert as my sister. Nobody fits nicely into a box. My sister is highly accomplished and adored and respected by many. This video helped me realize that I had/have a deep need for validation, even sympathy for a lifetime of cruelty and abuse - peppered with good times. But mostly cruelty. I have been doing exactly what is presented - ruminating, filing stories and offenses - trying to make sense of it. It’s a big step forward to learn it will never make sense and it is not serving me to focus on the past. My goal is certainly indifference towards my toxic sister and a peaceful heart for myself. Cheers to all of us in moving forward and living our best lives starting now.
I just turned 58, and I too have been listening to this subject matter regarding my mom for about 7 mths. I’ve realized this has been happening all my life, and my younger sister by 8 years cut me off 7 years ago because I moved away and she couldn’t use me any more. She is now an “adult” pastor, on RUclips, and her sermons are self serving and actually biblically incorrect and she twists everything to fit her meaning. She has actually lied about me, and her family about things that never happened. Thankful she cut me off, I couldn’t handle trying to be in a relationship with her, she makes me sick.
I have a similar story as yours. I realised my sister is a grandiose narc and she used me to put herself on the pedestal by throwing rubbish at me, manipulating, victimisation, silence treatment, love bombing and all this stuff over and over again. My biggest pain now is she started the smear campaign with my family and there will be sad consequences. But i am keeping peace in my life and never let her in my life again, ever.
That was the word I was always looking for. “Bewildering.” Best words I could come up with was that it fried my brain. Shorted my circuits. It’s also the utter shock of a horrible offender accusing me of what they did TO me-unbelievable-flipping the script and then spreading that around to others (many of which seemed to believe them). I also found my bearings with no longer needing the “drug” (highs, need for chaos, etc) or no longer looking for ways to escape my own life and real reality. It also evolved into being about me and my life and not them and all they did or whatever they get up to or me trying to control justice and their karma. And stopped worrying so much about what anyone thought of me (reputation smearing etc). I think for me it was being able to detach, depersonalize and learn that I actually DO have choices and agency and then giving up and realizing the futility of it. Pointless to bother with them or any of it anymore. Their control over me was an illusion. They only had power over me Bcuz I didn’t stop them from taking my own power from me. Whatever “power” they had, they stole from me or someone else. So the main thing was really just snatching that back for myself. The big lion I was so scared of…I realized it was toothless and clawless. Seems rather like they grow teeth and claws only when we “feed” them. Starve them and they shrivel up and you see how pathetic they really are if they have no more food. In the end seems like they were more scared of me than I ever was of them….I just didn’t know it. But once I knew, it was game over for them. Alas tho. Maybe this is just what I needed to hear. Something like “permission to get on with the rest of my life.” I guess for awhile I was worried that if I’m doing great, then the abusers will just say see. You’re fine. I didn’t do anything that bad. It’s a weird thing I guess but I guess they’re going to think that way no matter what I do so may as well cut the last little string of needing justice/closure…which I may never get to see. I just have to remember that just Bcuz I’m doing well, it doesn’t ever change how bad they really are. It only changes my life. So maybe it’s more like finalizing a complete severance with any connectedness with them. Such as they cannot control my feelings anymore. Doesn’t make them any less abusive. Just makes me see that I’ve grown and changed to the degree that they no longer get to me. Perhaps it’s just issues with me needing to give myself credit for that. The end of my well being having any kind of dependency on how they are or their behavior. They are them and I am me so it can always be someone being a psycho AND me still being ok and well despite what they are.
I love your lion analogy. It's so true. They spin their webs and commit their crimes because they are scared of you. They intimidate by fear to control you. The trust and blind love we give them, keeps us brain washed. Once the spell is broken, we think for ourselves and act in our best interests. To who ever is reading this, know the narcassist will you any contact with you to manipulate you. They are not to be trusted. The only way, the ONLY way to break free from the grooming and mind control is to completely go no contact. Get off social media. Change your number. If you move, use a po box, try to hide your where abouts. They will keep trying to come at you, but they will eventually loose interest. Some of them are dangerous, so have a plan for your safety.
Your description is spot on and so well articulated. It's an incredibly empowering point of view. Thank you! I'm going to reread it a few times now...😊
@@asuwish7640 Aw shucks. Thank you. I really hope I can stay strong but either way I could def say this is what I believe to be true. We got hooked by some really convoluted twilight zone shit. And it’s just a tricky process to find some way to unhook ourselves from it and heal. Then become whole and develop skills. I say that in a few paragraphs but I have narc parents also and have been at it for about 10 years. Maybe more like the long term Shawshank plan. Just kept digging my secret tunnel until there was no more dirt or rocks blocking my escape. I don’t think I’m immune or impervious totally to all things but I def think that I am just now better able to handle whatever life (or a psycho) tries to throw at me.
Been out for 1,5 year after 20 years with my childs mother. Going no contact and to group therapy have helped a lot. My daughter's reality is still screwed but have learned not to argue with her and just show her how you can also live your life. Maybe one day she will also wake up from the Matrix. My problem was people pleasing, lack of boundaries and not taking enough care of myself. Gotta do the work to heal and time will help. You got this.
Healing from physical point of view is somewhat similar to the healing from traumatic brain injury: the cognitive function of the brain restores slowly, memory loss diminishes, concentration returns.
Watching this helped me to understand that I’m doing pretty well, considering I’m not in therapy. I spent most of my childhood and much of my adulthood in therapy. While obviously, I’m not qualified to give myself therapy, I’ve been making a lot of progress as if I were in therapy. Mainly from journaling. Writing out my thoughts helps me make sense of them, and process them in positive ways. I recently discovered that I’ve endured a lifetime of abuse. Literally. I was born into a narcissistic “family”, and by that I mean I was born into my mother’s control. I’m not even resentful. I’m just glad I finally recognized it so that I can start healing and growing. It was a liberating realization. It was Painful, but it was like clicking the last piece of a puzzle that made everything come before make sense. I finally feel free to be myself and live my own life, without fear of how my mother would react. I’m not resentful because I’m grateful for my life. I wouldn’t have it without her. The liberating realization is that I don’t owe her my life, just because she gave it to me. I love her, despite everything. She’s a product of her own childhood, and seeing as how she’s a narcissist, she’s never even considered her disorder or how it affected her children. She’s never been one to be self aware. I refuse to have her in my life indefinitely. Not to punish her, but for my own well-being. She’s not a bad person. She just acts really badly because she doesn’t know any better. I have little hope that she’ll ever change. I’d be responsive to a letter or email, but I won’t be taking calls from her anytime soon. Feels good man. Feels bad too. I’m happy all the same.
Sounds very similar to my Mum and Dad Step …well I had four absent Parents tbh when I was young lol …yes she was put through so much herself at a very young age..not by her parents they were strict though… they were lovely but a bad marriage with my Dad she ran away with two of her 3 children took us 500 miles away from our entire family…but there was an abuser who was in the army in that house she took us to ….she was not in a good situation at all at that time bless her. Bless our Mothers and Fathers they’re only Human and have to struggle so hard at times …my Mum did her very best in the circumstances I know that now. Sending Blessings 💜🦢💜
They know when and where to turn on and off their manipulative games. Read that again. They know what they are doing 100 percent. Read “ healing from hidden abuse “ or another book like these. They are aware and enjoy the abuse
I couldn't give a toss if RG has a disorder or not. His work brought me back from the brink and enabled me to feel better about myself that I ever had before. Cheers, Richie lad!
CPTSD Richard is one of the most healthy of all of us. As Pete Walker says, when you overcome the developmental arrests that form your CPTSD you can become more emotionally literate than the ‘normals’. Richard is a lovely role model.
Yes, you are right There is something in us that attracts these evils, they are helping in the ways, triggering our denial of pain. For me it was Abandonment, rejection, people pleasing, proving myself, looking for attention, pride, believing I can do it all by myself
I can't even stomach telling the story anymore, but my narcissistic mother likes to throw it in my face about my narcissist ex. These narcissists are evil. I'm a shell of myself, and I choose not to have friends and isolate. I can't do people anymore.
Please don't shut yourself off to everyone. No man is an island, we all need someone. All people are flawed but not all people are narcissists. I'm not talking about looking for a romantic relationship, just someone you can talk to
Then guess what ? The narc won right? That’s what the devil wants , you isolated … you recognise it’s what your doing and identify the e reason why , that’s recovery … you will find someone out there you can trust that isn’t a narc soon , I swear it for you x
When you heal, you stop caring about learning about the narcissist and realize they are sick and you got conned. You move on.
I dunno. I’m healed and I’m still fascinated and interested in the constant learning and changing information as knowledge on narcissists become more prevalent! But yes this video and him doing on about “why this and why that” ya that not healed. ❤
This is so true💔
Sigh it truly feels that way...
As you experienced narsissistic treatment, you are more able to discribe it overall.
I'm learning more at this point about the pitfalls and how to avoid one of these demons going forward
"I don't want you watching narcissism videos until your dying day,"
That was a reality check I didn't think I needed.
Yes, it was… I do all the things he stated…saving screen shots, watching videos 24/7 etc…. Literally have no memory at all from the extreme exhaustion of trying to figure this out…
Me too.
I wish I was aware enough to do that while I was being abused.
😢
holy shit, that is me, the thing you said about don't ever remember anymore why I'm struggling for so long@@Shellybelly377
I enjoy my own company, I don't need validation, I don't need to be loved, I am love. Took 56 years but I'm here ❤❤❤❤
🙏
Yaaaaaay!! Took me 51 years. Congratulations to us both! ❤
Amazing. I'm turning 56 soon. This message came at the perfect time. Life begins again in a great way.
Took me 48 years to walk away.
Congrats!!!!
You’re going out more, you’re keeping regular checkup appointments with your dentist and doctor, you’re planning events again, you’re looking better and getting in shape, you’re cooking good foods for yourself and watching what you eat and exercising. You have a little bit of hope again, and your belief systems are blossoming in that you are able to get in touch with God again.
Amen🙏
I don't know how to get there
You will someday
@vrose6372 there’s no roadmap. Choose yourself everyday, whatever that means for you, and it happens organically.
And don’t forget to laugh! See humor. Make jokes! Elevate you soul and internal spirit. Lighten your life! ‘Happy’ in your life will make you available to happiness.
Losing the fear of being ridiculed gives you a lot of power.
Yes! Absolutely!
Omg you phrased it perfectly
David icke came to that realization many years ago
YESSSSSSSSSS
It is a joy.
All "they" did was mirror everything you said so that's why you hold onto so much hope, but in reality they prey on your empathy.
Wow, I needed to hear this
Yes... the discard by the narc, was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Also, one of the biggest periods of personal growth, and empowerment.❤
I feel that
True it hurts! Even when you expect it !
So happy to hear that. Im in the pain right now.
What about when you passionately wish for the discard, but the narc depends on you for survival? On the flip side, when moving on could kill the narc, almost literally, how to move on and deal with that guilt. 😢
Yes, it hurts but think of it as liberation. They have discarded you but it's not a loss, imagine stretching and growing without ridicule and abuse to keep you small. They control you to stop your growth just so they then criticize you for not reaching your potential. Be happy, be free.
"An illusion created by a lunatic." Narc abuse in 6 words. Great job describing
👀
Definitely this.
I shuddered violently reading that.
@@swedishgirl2506 It is true. By planned premeditation, by design. They hate themselves and so must hate you also. They are predators. They want to destroy you. Afflicted by the dark side that afflicts them at every turn. Especially the so called "shy" malignant who are very good at what they do. Years of practice and learning to be the parasites that can not survive without a host to feed from. My view. My experience. Lesson is trust your intuition at all times. Never doubt it. They will "murder" you - killing you softly. Watch the physical illnesses caused by these dark entities. It is FACT. When God whispers, listen.
Love this one. Especially the Lunatic part 😊
The really difficult reality is... *all those lost years* you can never get back.
True
💔
Yep. My first 36 years.
Yes So True & Sad ..I was with first Narssasist 16 years & Second will be 16years. Omg ...I Think About All the Years of Heart Break & Lies ..I say to myself when I finally get out of this ,I have to Build My Self Back Up & Will Be about Me & Have Health, Wealth,Peace Love & Happiness , And Live My Life with 💕 or without a Man " ❤ "
18 yrs
"People are out there who are very, very sick."
So true.
Yes, there is, but they don’t realise it.
@@Oceansgreen Crazy people probably think normal people are sick.
My narcissistic abusive mother is the reason I have been in abusive narcissistic relationships my entire life. I am now choosing to heal. Love and light everyone ❤
Have any of your partners told you you were being a covert narcissist? My ex had a narcissistic Mother and My girlfriend was covert and the discard was difficult, but so freeing once I managed to let go of my limerence towards her.
I hear you. My narcissistic father (who I cut off 5 years ago) and his abuse toward myself and my mum has cause SO much damage & I fully believe my 25 yr marriage to another narcissist was a direct consequence of how I was ‘parented’.
I am free now and healing as best I can and I send you a big hug❤
Me too. All the best in your healing journey.
❤
Me too. I've been in all abusive relationships because of my Narc Mom. How could that happen??
you're healing when you do not care about them at all... like totally!❤
Amén , it feels amazing ❤ you just stop caring about everything
It feels amazing to stop caring about their unsustainable lame life projects 😂
I relax daily it's nice to sit in a room and just be silent and being able to sleep
Still not sleep but silent yes.
Pain in head and stomach gone
Good for You Jill👍
No on high alert to serve the N. A little bit of peace after chaos.
That made me actually laugh out loud, but in agreeableness haha
I’m so grateful that I can now watch my own movies and choose my own foods. It’s not always about him anymore. I’m FREEE!
I feel this! The narcissist I knew would always try to control every single thing especially when it came to food.
He would stare at me and criticize me getting seconds when we had food gatherings with friends.
After leaving him I gained 30 pounds.
I was severely underweight.
I feel sooo much better now.
Narcissists only get worse as the years go by. Narcissists can do a lot for you: Pay the rent, pay the mortgage; help you pay for your car; pay some of your bills; take you on expensive vacations. buy you nice things; tell you how much they love you all the time. Yet, narcissists tell you what to do with your own money; what to say; how to act; what to wear; how to look; and put all kinds of demands and restrictions on you that only get more controlling. You are not allowed to get angry with them or you are called ungrateful, crazy, stupid, mentally incompetent; and the worst person they have ever known. Talking to narcissists is a waste of time or dangerous; as it can lead to ugly and abusive fights where some narcissists can physically hurt you. Narcissists are secretive about what they do with their money and where they go. However, they want to know wherever you go. Narcissists are quick to accuse you of having an affair if you want time to yourself; or they are having an affair. God help you if you get sick or disabled. A narcissist may refuse to care for you or put you in a home or out in the street. You will need to leave before this happens. It is better to have less money and be alone than with a narcissist. If you spouse is not honest with you about money, he/she could leave you with nothing and cause you to remain in probate until the money runs out; or be planning to have you leave first. If you don't have a copy of a legally valid will and trust in your name that is really red flag. A good spouse won't do this to you.
@@WinterEvanesce Sleep? He wouldn't let me take naps. Even if I got off work early. He'd get drunk every night and keep me up until the weee hours arguing until he was ready to sleep. Then sleep in the car while I drove us to work in the morning. Every day.
Something about sleep control with them.
@furymcmanus4986 OMG, the same thing happened to me. I weighed 105 lbs when I left the narcissist. I'm now at 135 lbs. And I feel so much better
I love the indifferent calmness. No longer arguing or worry what they do.
Yes!!!!🎉
I understand now that I chose people who didn’t respect me. I’m not that person anymore. ♥️🍃🕊
Oh yeah, this is a big one for me too
I chose people who didn't respect me because I didn't have self-worth and never understood that I deserved better. My narcissistic mother made me feel unloved, and so I never learned to love myself, and because of this low self-esteem I made really bad choices for years and years. I realize now why it's so important for children to feel loved by their parents; otherwise, they don't learn to love themselves, and that's how many of us get sucked into these types of relationships. Without victim-shaming in any way, of course.
@@JL-ze5qm mentally I still heard the echoes of my mother. She passed on May 8. The sadness is that….a lifetime was wasted and many people hurt. I am starting to breathe deeper. I’m 55.
@@JL-ze5qm self worth was low and the shame too heavy.
@@opossumdreams I hear you. I'm 46 now and, looking back, I can't believe what I used to put up with due to low self-esteem. I've come a long way, I guess.
Another sign of healing: you don't feel the need to know how they will react in a certain situation, or if they feel or will feel regrets at some point, it just doesn't matter for you anymore. You are also able to observe their predictable reactions with some sort of a feeling of pity for them. You realize they're stuck in their pattern and can not outgrow it, while you are not anymore the person from the past who would respond to that pattern like you have done in the past.
Yep, you are right. Everytime I would get into a relationship, my Narc Mom would have the most Demonic face possible, like I've done some thing wrong. Now as I'm older, I purely ignored her demonic face. Save it for your soul mate; THE DEVIL.
How come you're not NC? That's the only real way to completely heal.
Barley,survived a 12 year marriage with 2 children with him,tried leaving him for years, he chased me, caused me sooo much horrifying pain, I finally got away, became a single mom, unfortunately my 2 children act a lot like him, I raised them with love and support, so I think it is in there genes!! Thank You, long recovery of love and understanding !!! I pray for all who had to meet Evil!!!
@@tinacastro8591No, it's not in their genes. You got to believe it. It's childhood trauma from having a Narcissistic father. Don't give up on them, even if they're showing narc traits. cPTSD can give rise to narc traits. Encourage them to be self aware, point out to them their destructive behaviour. Show them through your example as you heal your inner child and own your shadows
you are lying, scientist already verified, Narcissists Gene to another generations.. It's change genes.@ArchAngel435
It comes down to the "indifference". It isn't love. It isn't hate. It's just indifference.
Praying for God to take me pealed off my outer layers, and I've never felt so raw. Several dark nights of the soul up until that point of the peeling brought me to that point of indifference. It felt like I had no skin. It was extremely painful, but it worked.
@@natasha_xxiii 💯
I had that as a child with my stepdad and continued throughout our lives till he died
It’s pure evil vs unsuspecting prey. I think “indifference” is a euphemism tbh
Emotional detachment.
I have healed myself for myself. I am free
I say the same thing!!! I'm my own HERO!!! No more looking outside of myself for validation!!! The love I needed and looked to my ex husband (the narc) was right here inside of me!!! I'm so free and happy now!!!
@@MsTeelove07❤ I hope I’ll be able to say the same soon. Wish me luck 🍀
@@vanamalaswathi5331 Richard has helped me a lot. Thank you Richard!! Also check out Chris Reece she has a biblical perspective...she has helped me out a lot as well.
I am on the path of the healing too! Great video, I am watching it several times so it sinks in.
Yes! I saw the lies and the truth, which gave me peace. Most therapist are more screwed up than we are, unfortunately.. there must be exceptions but it wasn't my experience .. the few months I went to therapy retarded my recovery rather than aid it!! 🙃
I stopped loving my partner. I tired of the emotional abuse. The shouting. The bickering. And the lack of any empathy. The gas lighting. I’m exhausted
So was I. But that's done now.
THIS. EXHAUSTED. SO TRUE.
Me tooo … just tired
I went through that too, and as this video said, I was very damaged. The recognition function had deteriorated and I feel like I have to pay attention to people who I have no interests of inside honestly. I was wondering why I had to do this many times even though I KNOW that I am not honestly interested in specific someone yet I keep paying attention to. There is a counsellor who writes great blogs on this and he mentioned because of your malfunctions of the brain, you kept doing that. The reason of malfunction of the brain is because you are damaged from those psychological abuse and harrassment. It explained very well. So once you are healed, you no longer pay any attention to those who do not show any interests on you. Then you can naturally pay attention to those who treat you well with respect and love.
Same bother
You lose your self identity. Your very foundation of who you are. The confusion and self doubt is overwhelming and the pain devastates you to your soul. See, most people that get into narcissist relationships are very caring and loving people. A lot of times they have very prestigious positions, are nice looking, have money, are very intelligent….something that the narcissist desires to have or be seen with. You go into the relationship having no clue that you are being set up by a con artist, a psychotic person which in reality despises you. They only want what you have to offer, not you. So they systematically set out to take what they want and dump the human soul that would have gladly given it to them. Leaving you devastated.
As the narcissist first floods you with attention and unbelievable love bombing they are secretly disarming your defenses. Then once in they are like termites chewing away your very foundation, all your boundaries, self worth, love, compassion, career, social standing, family, money, whatever it is they were attracted to you to begin with. Secretly destroying every emotion and self respect you had. Then without you even knowing it everything collapses. And like the insects they are they move on to destroy someone else’s foundation. You have been lied to, taken advantage of gaslighted, humiliated and feel lower than you ever have in your life.
You have been through so much cognitive dissonance you question everything, mostly yourself. You blame yourself at the same time the narcissist is blaming you. You have no idea who you are or have become. You no longer see the loving, successful person you once were. You are deeply traumatized without even knowing it. It takes time and self discovery to realize that the loving, successful person you once were, is still within you. The good news is that in reality the only thing that changed within you is you now see evil, you have been through hell and survived. Now you are on a mission, to not only be with and around non-toxic people, but to love and take care of yourself. You now know who you are: a wonderful, caring, sweet soul. Your spirit grows and flourishes like never before.
Additionally, That feeling when your narc partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator MetaspyHub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Thank you, so well put
This has been my reality with my husband. I left him and will be filing for divorce soon. You perfectly described the situation. Thank you.
Oh my gosh is this a bot 😮
Well, it was great and mostly relatable until the last sentences… like, what?! A bot/AI/spam?
The feeling is of a stolen life, of having lived in captivity for years. At the same time you hate that the narcissist has subjected you to this torture, you need to recover and be able to enjoy the rest of your life. It is a confusing and painful time that requires a lot of willpower Everything is absolutely spot on! When you are undergoing constant stress because of narcissistic abuse, you are unable to express what is going on in a clear way. You are somehow paralyzed. It is better not to say anything. Covert narcissistic abuse is so terribly sadistic and diabolical that it is impossible to explain it to somebody who does not understand it. Thank you
Yes! I’ve been dealing with it for 20 yrs.😢
I agree what you wrote too! I have felt exactly like my life had been wasted and stolen by the narcsisst. Then I have no other resources or close enough people other than my own original one (it is enough in a way but need more). Yet then I remind myself it doesn't mean that you need such an abuser in your life and rather the opposite. It is because you were not able to walk away from the abuser, you end up being in the same repetition of abuse and narcisstic people's game. I totally understand when you say, Covert Narcsisstic abuse is so terribly sadistic and diabolical that it is imppssible to explain it to somebody who does not understand it....I feel those people who haven't gone through such trauma is VERY lucky. I wish I was one of those who never knew what it was like. However it had happend. Never again. We will all heal completely!
Its times like this that make me feel lucky.
That I didn't stick around to lose everything - but saw just enough to realise how much I had to fight for and return to
The only ones who DON’T understand it, is the ones who are either the same or ones who simply do not care ..
Ohhh ,Yes ti everything you said !!! Also when you said the word Paralyzed, oh I relate to that also & what I'm going through at this moment. I need to finish all my Journal of what happened & finish paperwork so I can start a process to end all of this .Family & Friends don't really get How Emotional it is and ask if I finished yet & I try & describe hiw I feel Paralyzed. I don't know how I stop that even know I know it will make me closer to trying to get out of this situation.& now on top of Emotional abuse ,he's Financially abusing me .I think I'm just so drained ???
“Denying reality is a narcissistic trait.” Very telling right there.
My narcissist tried to tell me he had been asleep for 3 hours when in fact we had just finished dinner less than 30 minutes prior and had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to argue about it at 10:35pm...often tells me I have no sense of reality when in fact I know I do!!!🤷🏻♀️
This is the first time I’ve heard anyone mention the detective phase and it’s exactly what I’ve been through. Thank you for helping me see I’m not alone in this.
Me too x
Me too
I agree as well, thought I was going crazy myself for doing this because I was being told up was down & down was up & I started writing it all down as it happened because if I brought up a point that was made even just hours prior by the other party, I was told that wasn't what was said / that's not what was meant. My memory became scrambled & now 4 years later - I am healing! Hope you all value yourselves as real people again ❤
Mee Too 😊 I am a better Detective then my present husband,who was a Detective 😂& I'm Great at Screenshots ,I can't wait til I don't( & Everyone Else who is going through a Hard & Emotional Time ) have to worry or care about that anymore & just Live My Beautiful Life
"One Day "😊
@@chrispond5926❤
The realisation that there is no one there. Is spot on 😊
Getting over the anger was the hardest part for me.
Understanding my part helped. So did having a relationship with a good man.
Getting over the anger and confusion quite challenging. I still find that I'm disappointed in myself for allowing someone to do it to me.
I think I knew the whole time, but didn’t know the seriousness. She was a covert, so I really don’t think it bothered me as much as an overt narc would be. But she still took everything from me. I couldn’t laugh at something, because she wouldn’t laugh at what I thought was funny, but of course became part of her love bombing to come to me and show me things she found funny, and act like she loved me in doing this. That’s the lie that is obvious to miss. But I don’t hold myself responsible for putting up with it until the end of our marriage.
@@the_seanbarnes i know what you mean…but it’s kind of pointless and not very self-compassionate.
I used to get so frustrated cos I thought, why didn’t I just leave sooner? A good therapist pointed out that I literally couldn’t leave sooner. I was too groomed…too abused. It took a decade of therapy for me to get to a point where I could leave. And even then it was very scary. Honestly, if I’d known how scary he would be I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. But it was like jumping off a cliff…no going back when it was done.
Took all my nerve to leave, and support from several key people too.
Anyways…the point being, you didn’t let them do it…they just did it. It took us time to wake up and stop it. It’s not a fault…it just is.
Thank goodness we’re free now, eh?
@@christopherbrubaker2070 i didn’t realize he was a narc til after I left. I just kind of thought he was an as**ole. And I couldn’t stand being around him…was so happy when he was out of the house and away for weekends with his friends. I didn’t care that I was alone raising the kids…it was so much better for all of us when he wasn’t there.
For most of our relationship I thought the problem was me. It Took therapy to make me look at my relationship and réalise it would never change because he was the one who needed to make changes for me to be happy in a relationship with him and you can’t change another person…that therapist told me to either put up with it or leave. So I decided to put up with it….lol…right?!…..But then one year later I broke and I left.
Thank goodness for that therapist. She told me like it was.
It was in the years that followed that I realized the seriousness of what had happened to me because he was completely covert and people seemed to really like him…only when I split did some close friends and family and coworkers tell me what they really thought of him.
Plus, he really showed his true colors when I left…man oh man, narcissistic rage I’d never seen before…
Getting over thé anger towards your self and biding your time to get out with thé least damage to yourself and others.💔🍀🌄🌈
Terrifyingly true. In a narcissistic relationship, you are being exploited, undermined and competed against in a game you never knew you were playing. People will look at you in a way that you are not, treat you in a way that you are not and the tides of these exploits will be determined by the vindictiveness and nastiness of the nature of the person playing games with you. The only thing a narcissist hates more the perceived weaknesses of those they see in others, is their own weakness... the truth. They constantly avoid the need to analyze and judge their own behaviors through hurting others. The truth is a terrifying thing for a narcissist b/c they refuse to confront the fallacies within themselves which justifies the need to protect a shallow ego and they do this via projection and emotional manipulation in a target to affirm themselves. It's a trap. Know the warning signs and avoid these people at all costs. It will save you years of hell.
very true, there is a blog of the counsellor I read and it is writing about what you said...for example, that they have no capacity to think of their defect yet they project that on you. Everything will be your fault because their brain capacity to perceive their shortage is not working...it seems very real. Then you start blaiming yourself that you are the one who is 'not enough' or 'do not deserve love or respect', so on. Then you start paying attention to those who do not always respect nor love you. It is your brain that's been damaged / hurt by the narcissist. It made clear for me that why they cannot accept their ugliness and nasty sides. No matter how many times and how you insist, they will not hear what you say. So It is crucial that you avoide those people when you see the pattern.
Agreed, not sure what to do in divorce situation with children who are still “under the influence”. They’re now adults and it is terrifying to think we may never be as close as I’d hoped to be.
I have little sympathy for a nurse who has a narcissistic personality disorder. She has taken psychology courses and has had every opportunity for self-reflection. Some of these nurses even pretend to be religious. Is the religion just a front to get people to trust them? I don't know what is going on in their brains but I don't have any use for them.
@@K-yd5pmOMG ..I Hear you ..15 years ago & the Hardest Time of my life being married to a Jekyll & Hyde (Didnt kniw at the time of that phrase Narssasist. Hardest Time in Divorce is because they want to Win ...They set out to Destroy what the Most Important thing in your Life.& Its My Kids & he knew it !!! I don't blame them because they were young ,he manipulated them & took them away from Me & broke My Heart My kids are adults & Hes # 1 in there eyes & his family & I'm number .....?
My daughter gets part about the cheating that happened) but not the money part when I had my kids & was Struggle financially!!!! They say that's His Money. When they were teenagers they went to live with him .The Worst Time of My Life I did make mistakes during divorce because of the position I was in but No Where near the Ugly- ness of how he treated me & what he did . I explained things to my Daughter & told her when yor going through so m ething Traumatic, you cant think straight & do things wrong.She knew that was not me & if i had to do over I would do things differently. I got into another relationship ( not know he was Narssasist
I was so Vunerable in coming out of a Toxic relationship & nit even looking for anyone but something happen & he came in to my life thinking this new guy was So Kind & Giving to me & my children . Look back now it was love bombing.I didnt get to Heal & Realize, what I went through b4 .& I married new guy years later to find out that he was a Narssasist through therapy & My Eyes could see the whole pucture of first marriage & second OMG. He took off his Mask & See All the Fake & Im trying to get out of All this Emotionally & Financially situation & "Here I Go Again" ..I don't have kids with him but know it's going to be a Battle.. to win & want to Destroy Me I Need to Find Me Again ❤
Well said, I greatly agree with your sentiment 🙏🏾
Until I found out about Narcissism I could not understand how they operated. The confusion was real. Now I get it.
It was interesting to hear him clarify the idea that if you’re born into a narcissistic family, you don’t have the same visibility as people that didn’t. You can’t see it coming, the demons feel like home and good people make you nervous. Either way, all people, good and bad, make you feel anxious and interacting and communicating is always much harder than you see it is for everyone else.
Just like if you are raised in a family that has members of it with autistic spectrum disorder I should imagine.
You might not even have it but it would have an affect socially on your presentation and choices, same as being raised around npd.
You might confuse the two and have to learn the difference.
Or be tripped and choose wrong once or twice.
I suspect but don't know people who spend lots of time "scouring through narcissistic forums"
Reading a lot, not watching a lot which is trackable activity might be doing that detective work.
There's a corollary and there needs to be research done into the cross pollination.
It's not either or.
It's actually black and white thinking and a largely underdiagnosed group for what was 'aspergers' now autism is older professionals
Despite being diagnosed as dyslexic at university years ago.
Another non psychological disorder reason for a terrible memory btw. Neurodivergent people are different and different people are often missed, misunderstood and misdiagnosed.
But plot twist by neishe interest (professionals) often wordy people who just have more money, who if working class would have some issues.
Which is something people like Dr's and psychologists and anyone who has a obsessive tunnel vision /special interest doesn't do purposefully. But I bet you it's a thing.
When you are a Dr, or professional nobody is going to tell you your on the autistic spectrum.
Or suffering with something, anything rarely
You may unwittingly medically gaslight people.
Perhaps if you get into trouble with the authorities and then it's all iffy diagnosis to fit the perceived crime anyway in my opinion.
Which is another can of worms
So "if" I'm right, professionals and high profile people are under or over diagnosed, misunderstood themselves and not treated with total impartiality as a group.
Perhaps if someone wants to derail them, they may face an audit. But not perpetual audit like the lower classes which causes other issues.
Often health issues from incessant stress quite frankly.
With the same outlook at getting the correct diagnosis and help for those.
But what all that does is shift people around at the will of the middle who consume a lot but don't make a lot and talk a lot.
But control a lot.
They press like or scroll away it makes or breaks people but they are not scrutinised often, stuck behind a screen that costs the earth 'puzzled" a lot.
If they are pressed they have sharp tongues and elbows and good lifeboats.
It's online. It's offline. And they pay for whichever diagnosis fits their pockets. No scrutiny, just perpetually giving it.
Up, down, left, right, left.
Self autonomy and responsibility is very expensive
Not understanding asd in any mental health capacity Is absolutely absolutely irresponsible
It's like not understanding conductors and being an electrician
There will be people getting labelled the wrong ways forever otherwise.
That's not professional or maintainable.
The young people get it. The Days are numbered of not getting it.
These professionals need to take a short break
Do a little taster to start, a low brow course free at the local college like most mums in the country had to when education changed and didn't accommodate their kids
Many ironically with kids just like the professionals now actually were.
Heave ho.
Get off the Internet and learn about it.
Communities know. A bit like npd it's a neiche topic you either do or don't understand.
Kids do, more than most wordy psychologists.
Little kids on scooters.
They knew to learn about it all and fight back against negative choices adults made for a start.
Literally little girls who live near me, know more about asd and its social implications than looking at psychologists online.
I can't wait for them to take over. Frankly, especially the little mixed race one who's nan is fast on a till.
Try to Keep up with her.
@@Beth-iv4lj I agree, young people are becoming much better versed in areas of mental health than a lot of older working professionals. That understanding without wisdom, though, is also very dangerous. I’m not sure if it’s more or less dangerous than the incompetence/ignorance of many working mental health experts. But for those young people that do continue their understanding and the open source of good information for those that pursue it, I believe it is going to be a great net positive and a lot of these working stiffs will be dethroned.
@@sandialoser hopefully their knowledge becomes a profession and they don't get oppression by them.
That's their understanding right now
Wow you said my thoughts in words...Felt always growing up with my covert NPD mom...Thank god finally I am healing at 41..But the damage is done already..It seems everything I have to learn from start...Real struggle of life..Seems a new life to start off now
@@nandinigogoi2584 This to me is one of the hardest parts. I’m 36 and there are a number of aspects of my person I’ve had to rebuild from scratch. No childhood modeling, no parental guidance or feedback, etc. it’s like I’m just a boy in so many ways trying to fail forward. I’m grateful for progress but it’s still very hard.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
People need to realise that people with anxiety disorders have oversensitised nerves, it's not a simple case of manning up and getting over it.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Please, how do I reach doctor Greg?
Is he on the internet?
I think the first step towards healing is to not have any emotional connection to the abuser. Also, understanding that the abuser has a serious mental condition and have low expectations of them changing. However, keep bonderies and enforce them.
With all my respect every word is true.I set bounderies he breaks them ,I was in court ,he dont afraid of judges ,called police couse he grabbed me on the way home beat me and rape me.We share custody ,very sick mindset ,I should call police every time he calls me on my phone.
My narcissist was so bad that she even had the nerve to seduce her therapists husband. Nothing had boundaries for her. Many decades of my life were lost
and I suffered everyday for almost 60 years. I was lost in the abuse. Finally I had enough. Stay away from your abuser, you don't need them.
@@RebelsBestFrienddamn that hurts. 60 years? I'm not gonna blame you, we all know how it is to be stuck in there. Sounds like she's more like a mix of narcissist and more cluster B stuff. I'm sorry for you. How are you doing today?
They are sick
yes, boundary and no emotional connection! thank you for reminder. As I feel little weak or sad, those boundaries and emotional connections can be broken easily then there comes a narcsisst. It has been the pattern for a decade and I am determined to change. so no contact, blocking and never look back!
Holy shit, this is me. I've been like a detective for years now, trying to figure out WHY. And the more I think about it, the more layers I uncover of my family's deception. There were a lot of memories I repressed in order to stay sane. But I have been starting to let go and find peace.
Love your name and opening statement, @squidward187
I'm starting to remember more and realize he had the same "scripts" he recited more and more often. I guess he thought these worked on me. "I realize you never loved me". If that was true, he should have left instead of staying and trying to manipulate me with such statements.
❤
They take your innocence and joy for life. I was a strong person and now I can’t get them out of my head. Disturbing
I feel some valuable parts of my healing journey from narcissistic abuse came from:
1.) Learning everything I could about narcissism.
2.) Getting back out there and reconnecting with beautiful friends and family (which reminded me how NORMAL people act).
3.) Really understanding the idea that, "hurt people, hurt people."
4.) Cultivating sincere compassion for my narcissistic ex because he wasn't born a narcissist ... he developed it as a defense mechanism to a horrible childhood.
5.) Fully embracing the fact that he will never change so therefore NO CONTACT is the only way forward.
6.) Learning more about my shadow and all the ways to love myself so that there is no way possible that this will ever happen to me again. I now know what boundaries are! And would never let someone treat me like this ever again.
7.) Allowing time to do the work. Each day, i become more and more indifferent to what happened. I have been out of that relationship 2 years now. It does get easier with time. IF you do the work of healing.
thank you for writing this, ive gone through the same process and it took many years to discover the truth. Ive almost healed, but its been a long road of understanding.
i agree i have gone very low contact with a family member and at the moment i can not leave my marriage But i have come to the same conclusions as you What helped me most was finding out about narcissistic people. I feel sad and still love these people but. i cannot change them
Thank you for this. Today was my first day of no contact with my husband (separated). I'm finding it difficult to ignore the guilt-inducing messages I'm getting...really makes one question if they are doing the right thing. I am set on sticking to my guns, but I can see it is going to be a "one day at a time" mentality. I'm thankful for communities like this. Thank you all.
@abbymckinney1337 Hey! I totally get it. When I left my ex, I got sucked into 9 months of caving to communication still, until one day it FINALLY clicked. He will never change. I changed my phone number and never looked back. He still emails me, but after 1.5 years of not responding, he is finally starting to get the message. NPD is a personality disorder. Unfortunately, there is no true help for these people. You need to come to terms with that.
@@kanhdahar2 That is wonderful to hear!!! It's a very difficult journey, but it's worth it!
The problem is not everybody can afford therapy, so you have to make the best of what you have. Following you has been incredibly helpful, thank you Richard!
Some companies offer EAP with like 8 free sessions... Like big companies too. So often usually broke jobs have free therapy at least in America. Like McDonald's target Walmart.... Like soooooooo many. No doubt many many cannot afford but that's just an fyi in case it could help!!!
I think you can watch these videos and vent in the comments.
Therapy is overrated imo.
It's brutal if the therapist isn't familiar with dealing with NPD abuses and tactics.
.
It’s not therapy, but you can call the domestic abuse hotline and talk through everything. They will confirm types of abuse and just listen as well, it’s free and open 24/7.
At the end, after 25 years I felt unlovable. 3years clean of him I realize with so much therapy and self care I am very lovable.
Wow, such a strong and courageous response! Of course you are incredibly lovable- I love you just from reading it❣️
🩷
❤️
I watched these videos for two years straight. It was a second half of my obsession with him. I thought I'd find an answer to pin point what the heck happened and why. I learned a lot and it helped me to get honest with myself and I eventually came to accept it for what it really was. I was so hurt for so long and my heart and my stomach literally ached while I was involved with them. It was a horrible way to live and a terrible place for me to be. I was dying. I'm so grateful to have found it in myself to muster up an ounce of strength and I made a move forward. Little by little I'd gain a bit more strength to make another move forward. It stopped hurting little by little and I started to actually feel good. I felt alive for once in so long! Things started to make me laugh and I became interested in my own hobbies and dreams again. It's truly a blessing and I'll forever be grateful. I appreciate myself now because I actually fuckin did it and it didn't kill me! I have a future now and a life!
Good for you 🎉your freedom gives me hope
@@willowway9552 I accidentally got my replies mixed up so I apologize for that. I'm very new to replying and even commenting on RUclips. It's really crucial for you to have hope when involved in a relationship with a highly toxic person. I'm happy that I was able to ignite that in you again. It's very possible to have a great life without them. It's not going to be easy but honestly one day all those months will pay off ten fold. You'll feel so much better and the whole mental gymnastics will be over!
Same. Literally everything verbatim except the genders are reversed.
Wow! So relatable.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥳
I left my narcissist 5 months ago. I can say I felt immediate relief…… and 5 months later, I can say I finally feel real joy again. My physical body is healing and getting stronger and I see my skin brightening up again and I’m starting to feel alive! I felt like I entered my relationship shining like the sun and I left 4 years later, after living together, raising his 2 boys, I left feeling blacker than the night! It was a pain I had never experienced before and I wish upon no one! Your videos have helped me along the way as well as regular therapy…… and ever single thing I could do to find me again!
Thank you for your post.
5 days!
You give me hope ❤
Seems like he got away from you .. just from your response. Run run run
It’s been 4 months for me. I finally cried last night. First time I could cry. I just let it out. I have never felt so empty. 34 years of that abuse.
Same but backwards. I found out my narcissistic wife was having an affair. Like a fool I offered counseling but I said she had to choose me or him. She chose him. We were married 10 years and had two kids. To say it was hard would be an understatement. That was on July 1, 2023 and now I’m a single father but me and my kids are a lot happier. I’ve lost 50lb’s and I’m in much better shape than ever.
Yeah by one year out I felt better then suddenly felt bad not good enough and crying every day. I’m so glad I saved texts and read them a light went on in my head reading the rediculous bs. And suddenly I was like I DONT WANT TO BE GOID ENOUGH FOR THAT MONSTER!
So true.. the narcissistic is nothing, just a train wreck and evil. Getting to a place if indifference is peace and beautiful.
I have a narcissist mother - I pray no one has to go through such abuse with a parent
I did. 😢
Me too 😢
me too
I had a father who was a narcissist; and also a mean spirited step father who resented his step children. My mother was sort of a narcissist to cope. Dysfunction can be contagious.
I feel your pain. I didn't see she was a covert narcissist until my father, who was an overt narcissist, died. Right before he died, I started seeing it but thought it was a one-off. No, she's not who I thought she was and at least my overt narc dad was more honest and easy to spot. Coverts are the worst!
After a year of researching narcissism, seeing a counselor, accepting the truth that everything was a lie with the narcissist, letting go and focusing on the future, I've realized I am healing. However, I was so numb for almost two years and I finally cried last week while watching a TV show regarding a break up. I was glad to be crying and I just let it out because I needed it so I can keep healing. I never in my life thought I would be happy to cry but narcissistic abuse does that.
Imagine growing up into that numbness.
I had forgotten how to laugh… I envied those that could and could not imagine ever being able to. My 24 year old daughter is completely destroyed by her father. She still lives with him… her father kept her from me since she was 7 years old. I recently saw her for the first time in nearly 10 years. 😢. My heart and mind are such a mess… I don’t know how to help her.
I glad you doing better , hope you back to your own 100% version of yourself before the incident ❤
Feel you
As a cancer survivor, I must say, I'm happier now, when the relationship with narc is over, then when I was cured of cancer.
something else that is crucial to overcome the effects of the narc, is to forgive yourself, that you fell victim to one.. that you didnt see it coming or understand their deceptions and abuse, that you were trying your best by giving love and attention, and wanted the same back. theres nothing wrong in wanting love back we all want love, but not that love, its not even love, its just a facade and deceptions etc as we know now after studying this type of person
Loved what you wrote ,So True ❤
This really resonates with me ❤
I had to greive the person I thought I had but accepted it wasn't real and ive got peace now
im glad to hear that, because i know its not easy. i dont have peace, but i had to realize that i fell in love with the mask and the woman i loved never really existed. after i said that to myself, i had an easier time coping with the feelings and pain. what lingers is the guilt and embarrassment of being fooled to such depth. good luck.
So very true! Stop Telling The Story!! It keeps the fight or flight mindset alive, and leaves you unable to see the world the way it really is. The longer you tell the story, the longer you live in the past. The only thing that matters is now, and what you're building for the future - even if you're rebuilding from nothing... When people ask me about it now, I simple tell a better story. "I chose the wrong person and it's over now. I'm moving forward"... if the vampires persist I tell them "I don't want to talk about the past - what's the point?" They usually back off. 🙂
The feeling is of a stolen life, of having lived in captivity for years. At the same time you hate that the narcissist has subjected you to this torture, you need to recover and be able to enjoy the rest of your life. It is a confusing and painful time that requires a lot of willpower Everything is absolutely spot on! When you are undergoing constant stress because of narcissistic abuse, you are unable to express what is going on in a clear way. You are somehow paralyzed. It is better not to say anything. Covert narcissistic abuse is so terribly sadistic and diabolical that it is impossible to explain it to somebody who does not understand it. Thank you
I just want my life back. Realizing all my relationships that are toxic but the root is my covert narcissistic mother. People pleasing & trying too hard. Thank you for this video.
I am sure you will get back your life or more! It is good to realize the negative root cause so you don't have to repeat it over and over.
"Your emotional intelligence and intuition will offend everyone who cannot run game on you."
-- Anon
To S-H S-H, "Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth." - Mahatma Gandhi
You are being used as a scapegoat.
@@zx81qwI need help! ASAP, I’m in a. Domestic abuse situation. My mum who’s a narcissist has complete control over my life and is abusing me. I need to get away but don’t know how. I now wanna die cause my life is going away everyday and it doesn’t get better just worse.
@@SeshSesh-m6mHey you there! First of all: Where do you live? I escaped my toxic parents, too. Years ago. Love from Germany
@@SummerOf1987 uk. I need help asap
omg 100% true
I’m happy that I went through this period of my life. I basically stripped myself and became real me. I’m not ashamed to be real me anymore ( narcissist always pushed this button, pointing out my flaws which I constantly tried to fix), not ashamed to tell the truth about my failures (that was the issue at the beginning, I was so afraid to admit that my marriage failed and I’m a loser). The narcissist was trying to destroy my real self but after all only helped me to accept myself.
I strongly relate to why you just said. Being yourself, free from constant criticism and judgment is the best feeling ever! I am very happy for you. I wish you all the best on your healing journey
I understand what you’re saying. I’m loving me and discovering the new and improved me. I also know I am the one with the power. Whew….
Are you living inside my head? 🥺 not anymore though. Have to keep reminding myself how much I am growing. Sending lots of love and support
Yes.
I thinkk the society hasn't helped .We are under alot of pressure to be in a relationship
I have let go. You can't change the past. Only learn from it. ❤
I like 😊
I like that 😊
I recovered from the nightmare without therapy, friends or family. RUclips and books and most importantly, time, healed me completely. So for anyone like me out there who cannot afford therapy, please do not despair. Work on yourself as best you can, with what you've got, and you will heal. In time. God bless and take care of yourselves.
This is a beautifully supportive message for others who’ve gone through this and well done on your commitment and dedication to your healing.
How long did it take for you to feel healed? What was the most difficult part of your healing journey? What was most useful in your healing journey? What were some things you did prior to being healed that you're now able to easily not do?. For example, did you frequently try to call the narc, but now realize that you don't need to call at all?
Full healing was about 18 months divided into: first 6 months obsessing on understanding narcissism (videos) and then one year on understanding what got me into that awful situation in the first place ie: my codependency (videos and books). Plus once I made up my mind to escape, NO CONTACT was the single most important part of my recovery. Little story: I recently saw the narcissist at an event in Dublin and she saw me and quite honestly I could not, even if I wanted to, lower myself to walk the 10 yards to say hello. I would not wish a narcissist on my worst enemy and my genuine feeling of indifference was my reward for the work that I put in on myself. No therapist, no family, no friends. It was hard, no doubt about it, but EASILY the best thing I ever did in my life. And always remember that when you recover you will be the best version of yourself you ever knew. And also, you WILL recover. (In fact, you're recovering right now, it never stops). Take care and God bless x.
If there had to be a one last video to watch about narcissism, is this one!
Right and no more video’s anymore, let’s live on .
This is so dead on. And the farther away I get, the more it seems like an absurd dream.
“There is nothing there”.
Thank you for that one! ❤
Yes that really hit home for me. There is nothing there. The number of times I saw my mother's eyes and they were just kind of empty.
They are empty!
No longer caring about my ex-husband, not in a sadistic way, but in a self-nurturing way, and sorry, not sorry!
As an empath, I have to accept the fact that caring too much about some people is a sickness of its own.
It's taken me almost eight years to finally get things sorted out. Memory loss, brain fog, lack of motivation, anxiety, depression, guilt, and the endless questions. Your videos, and other's, are my support system. I'm not one to take their "medications". How are you becoming stronger if the "medications" are meant to suppress your emotions? The confusion, pain, and frustration has lead me to the answers that I was seeking. Some of us take a while because we were born into this life and we have a lot of sorting out to do. I'm fifty years old and undoing a lifetime of abuse isn't easy but I am getting there and the first thing that we must realize is the abuse was "normalized" for us from the beginning. It wasn't just my dad, we grew up around uncles who joined in with the abuse, always my brother and I, whilst our cousins were basically off limits to the same. Crazy the things that one realizes when everything is laid out and sorted.
I believe that my Lord, Jesus Christ, led me to the answers because, let's face it, these people are evil.
Friend, i have a similar story. I'm 65 and I have recovered, it also took me 8 years but more intently over the last 3 and a half. Keep pushing forwards and do the work. I wish you strength and determination.
@@SharkE747 Anything divine purifies.
❤
Well done doesn't cover it friend. You are a warrior, courageous, intelligent, determined and you should be so, so proud. 8 years for me too. Now 65. With credit to Richard and others from me. Enjoy your freedom friend, yes it's incredibly difficult when the abuse has surrounded you from childhood, but hey you're making it. Here's to freedom! I totally agree, no medication for me either! It just covers everything with a black blanket so you don't feel, and feelings/emotions as you so rightly say are necessary to humans. Yep, it's all so obvious with hindsight. Be free, be you friend. 😀👌👏
I actually am autistic but it wasn’t discovered until I started recognizing the narcissism in her. We are easy prey for these soulless persons, at least at first. Took me 24 years of marriage to figure both truths out and get the help I needed. When I was experiencing autistic burnout. I experienced all the stages you describe here and only recently felt the bitterness in me finally dissipate. When I started making dating profiles and reconnecting with old friends through social media, I felt good for the first time in many years. No more anger and anxiety. No more desire to get her to understand or acknowledge a damn thing. Just peace and hope.
I don't know if he is suffering from a disorder as some say, but I can confirm that he has saved at least 2 lives, mine's and my ex's so I really appreciate that he is out there talking , mentoring and helping people stay afloat, or reach the light. Richard your assistance to people suffering is of paramount importance . Thank you
he a coke head
Exactly. Have no idea what that gossip is about. But Richard has nailed narcissism so accurately with a sense of humor and seriousness. He has been the most sane person with all the information which I also needed. This channel literally showed me a way out.
@@JazzvanderKnoopwhat gossip?
@@JazzvanderKnoop he nails it because he is one. It’s not gossip it’s the truth.
@@JazzvanderKnoopWhere is this gossip coming from? 👀
You are absolutely correct when you say there is something in the person who is on the receiving end of narcissist abuse that needs to be addressed and healed too. It has nothing to do with the innocent super empath attracting narcissists; once I accepted there was something broken in me too, EVERYTHING became, slowly, easier to deal with.
Absolutely!
True. If you're the only one willing to go to therapy, which is often the case, GO by yourself for your own sanity and healing. I can't and wouldn't force anyone to go, they'd only be resentful. All that ever happened the one or two times they grudgingly attended was pretty interesting to witness while having a witness there to simply state facts and ask valid questions. It was the last time that ever happened. In hindsight , I am sooo thankful they were NOT there so I could speak plainly and do some healing. It was me that needed to heal and I was more than glad to have gone when I did.
@@EmberAsh Yes. Twice in my life I sought therapy. The first time was in an attempt to save my marriage but he walked out on the third session. We got divorced. The second time was after I left a narcissist. I sought therapy and went for a little over a year and it was very helpful.
That's a milestone I had to deal with and after that my whole identity changed... no more magical thinking. Even personality changes because you are aware of the invisible maze you were conditioned into.
I had memory loss so badly that even within 5 minutes I had forgotten things that had happened. Only to be told I was a liar, snide, manipulative, selfish…..so I started recording arguments. What I listened back to horrified me. I wasn’t the one lying, being snide, being manipulative or selfish … HE WAS!!! It was absolutely crazy hearing myself being gaslit.
I fessed up to the recordings and he went ballistic. I left the relationship that same day and never looked back.
Apologizing to the abuser for their abuse of me is one of the strangest symptoms of the narcissistic dynamic. In my case it was a foster parent and the power dynamic was so heavily skewed in his favor. To this day he remains a strange event from my past.
Healing is the best solution to get rid of narcissist. There is nothing what he or she can catch any more.
I was in Two Narcissistic relationships one lasted 10 years !
It was knowledge and understanding that Put me on the road to becoming my own Person !
Here’s what I learned !
Two siblings in the same household brought up by a Narcissistic ( Usually the Mother) Will Either turn Narcissist or Empathic !
Now as a Narcissist they develop the Philosophy that “ They Weren’t Given Love “ There Needs were Not Met !
So they then carry on their lives Taking and Never Giving !
Now the Empath learns to avoid the harsh trouble and isolation by powering up their senses of Feeling the other ( Mother) for senses of anger or upset by reading these feelings the Empath learns to cope by diffusing the Situation and avoiding conflict and burying there own feelings and believing they are Unworthy !
Here’s the clincher that’s Why Narcissists Need and look for Empaths !
Ironically Empaths subconsciously seek Narcissistic people !
Because it’s what both learned at a primal age !
One takes
One Gives !
Wrong but it was the only way the children learned to “ Survive “
This Knowledge set me free I know it’s long winded !
But it’s the key to setting yourself free !
🙏🏻❤️
❤
Peaceful acceptance... because now we have our energy back...our life back
Bewilderment that causes absolute exhaustion pre occupation and draining of vitality and joy
They are joy-suckers! Run!
When you heal enough to recognize the strengths you developed due to the abuse, is when you truly heal. It took me many years to do so and a lot of digging deep.
Some people say there are no coincidences. This was exactly the message I needed to experience at exactly this moment. Healing hurts; that's the irony. Letting people you love go is inexplicably hard, especially when you have blood ties. Giving up on your hopes for them won't happen in one day. But, I'm beginning the journey, again.
Synchronicity :) Same for me.
Looking hard at our "shadow" and what it was that we needed by allowing them into our lives... and letting them stay when they hurt us over and over, well truly, that is the "gift" they give us. They force us to discover the depths of our own psyche, our own insecurities and past traumas. I only wish it wasn't in the most painful of ways. I choose to take good and learn as much as I can about ME from the horrific abuse I endured... and ultimately heal and be wiser for the experience. It does hurt, but it's important hurting that we grow tremendously from! No coincidences. - I believe it!!
The only problem is that the amount of narcissistic predators grows at ever increasing rate.
There just are not enough normal people out there, because they're got so fed up with the power games that they isolate.
There are lots of normal people. The problem is that most all of them are cowards, not fighters.
All it takes for evil to flourish is for good to do nothing long enough. The good of the world has to stop being cowards and start taking evil on head-on with the intention that it will never let it have control over anyone ever again.
@@thecustodian1023 I don't consider cowards to be normal.
I actually avoid them like a plague that you say they are.
Courage is a muscle ,and the flesh is weak.
Nah. You just look for the narcs.
@@ruckusrevolution9475 maybe.ultimately they are more entertaining than the cowards could be .
I was totally different in the beginning. but the woman i have grown to become is amazing. Through the fire i stand untouched. I don't even smell like smoke 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I’m laughing and crying, because I have the files, screenshots, and alllll the things. Thank you for this tremendous work and for helping those of us who’ve lived it, to make safe passage to the other side of it all. The giving up = surrender 🙏
Years ago no one talked about Narsassis!! It was a hidden Evil thing peole were afraid to talk about, wish i made better judgement , if a man doesnt love his mother or respect her, he cant possibly love another women, i have done much reading and healing from a trapped 15 years with a very scary Narsassis!! I pray for all who had to incounter Evil !!!🙏✌️❤️ You have to erase them from your mind and life!!
I don’t love my narcissist mother. And can still love my woman.
Many don’t love their narcissist mothers. Millions and millions
No man should love his narcissist mother. You got that very wrong.
In my personal experience the reason it’s so difficult to let go and stop missing them is because you're probably still searching for his validation. During the relationship you went without a lot of things you deserved, like safety, love, support, compassion, and empathy to name a few. I'm guessing when things were good they were exceptional, the narcissist is a master at manipulation.
By the end you've given more than you had to give ( leaving yourself depleted of strength, self esteem, ect) because you gave SO MUCH to him. That wasn't accidental, he was looking for a “partner” that has your attributes, loving and nurturing. During your entire relationship I'm sure you were wondering if he really loved you, and I'm sure you never felt like you got the answer to that question. His attention now puts you in the same mental place of wondering if he's back because he loves you and sees your worth. Blaming you for cheating is just another manipulating thing narcissists do… they can't accept they may be at fault, so they project that onto you. Its hard to let go when you're still looking for answers.
Especially the big question… did he ever love me and they always confuse you because their words don't match their actions. Here is the very difficult thing you need to accept ( and it's way harder then people think)… He didn't ever love you, he never will, you'll never get the validation that you're seeking, he's just not capable. It has NOTHING to do with you and your worth, it's all about HIM! DO NOT allow him ( or yourself) to devalue yourself be abandoning your morals and values. Dont be the other woman or the side chick…. you deserve to be nothing but the absolute center of your partners life, plus think about her…. she's likely being treated just as you were… do u really want to add to her pain? You're still at the start of a long journey of self discovery and healing. You'll likely need to find a trauma therapist (one that has experience with NPD). You can do this. No contact AT ALL, block him everywhere and start healing!! Very best of luck!
Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Metaspyhub@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you.
#5 Setting boundaries and executing consequences if they are crossed. No more empty boundaries without consequences for offenders.
That's the hard part. The liars need to be exposed and held accountable at any cost. To not do so is to let the abuse you endured be transferred to the next persons who do not deserve it.
@@thecustodian1023 It's so hard when they lie... so much BS I confronted him about yelling at me. I had to wait till the next day because he was so angry about something so stupid.He is "concerned" because I've lost so much weight and yells at me while I'm having my dinner. He's done this enough times yelling about nothing and I said, No more! Then he denied yelling and was getting upset again. I taught children for 30 years and I honestly never had one like that. And I worked in inner city with many disadvantaged children and they all could learn.
A bad marriage and divorce put me in PTSD. One thing that really helped me was singles dances in my very large regional church once a week. I'd sit next to ladies and we would exchange stories of why we were there. This was with middle aged and older people some widowed, divorced, or never married. After sharing my horrific story for a year I didn't need to talk about it anymore. It was refreshing to hear others had gone through similar circumstances and we were healing one another. Some were well on their way to overcoming and could see where new people were, pick them up, point the way, and have fun dancing in between.
I deleted everything, blocked him on all social media. It's an experience that has made me stronger. I now recognise these kind of people in an instant and distance myself. Never had therapy but obsessed about learning about narcissists from experts like Dr Ramani which helped me understand the way I was feeling. I forgave myself and I let go.
I've found someone amazing and I've learnt so much about myself. I no longer ruminate about what happened or why it happened.
I’m in my 3rd year of freedom after I divorced my narc ex husband.. narc therapy, lots of support from family/friends & I’m free, happy, healed.. I can’t believe how far I’ve come.. I was a wreck with PTSD who couldn’t stop shaking.. never give up! X
This gives me hope. 2 years after divorce and I still find myself having anxiety attacks literally when nothing is wrong. It's like my body was just used to the constant fight and stress. I found a amazing man and the way he treats me is helping my healing! I know I'll get through thid
I no longer feel like a victim, but believing my own memory is still a challenge at times. Your messages give me a reminder to be kind to myself, I have been through a tramatic experience. These things take time to get over
As being also a victim, I read that memory loss is a result of very high level of cortisol (stress hormone) that causes hippocampus shrinkage. There are ways to increase the size of the hippocampus again. One of them is EMDR therapy even you don't do the therapy you can do eyes movement everyday and it helps. Exercise, meditation and also eating healthy other tools help for hippocampus to recover.
Thankyou for this information. I didn't realise it causes shrinkage of the hippocampus...I have been feeling as though I am suffering from early dementia so I will try some of your ideas🌱🌟
@@selenajwallace294 Hippocampus is responsible for short memories if this is the case probably it is related! Give it a try in any case!! There is no harm just benefits!! :)
I am not healing at all ,always under stress ,phone ringing ,share custody only to get me destroy and the baby
@@lauraantic1384 I am sorry to heat that! You need to find ways to cope with the stress. They put us into a trauma that can't be imagined by people who didn't go through it. They want to destroy us, break us into pieces. Talk to a trauma therapist to find ways to manage it!! You can even think of hiring a third party for the contact about your kid and go no contact!
Forget giving up you have to get away from them!
I went through a period of repeating what I went through to anyone who would listen. Almost as if it would change the outcome, enforce validation, or help me by painting a picture of this demon. But it helped to finally just give it up and release it. Occasionally I have moments, but it’s not 24/7 365. Thank you and God bless everyone touched by these monsters.
After ending a 38 yr marriage to a covett narcissist with addictions, I feel like I'm finding myself again! Now, the reason why I was able to be in that relationship for so long, is that I was raised to accept it by a narcissistic mother! (Who still defends his behavior after fully exposed!) Once my therapist helped me to see and address that reality, I AM GOING ON TO HEAL AND WILL BE ALL I WAS MEANT TO BE! WHAT A SWEET RELEASE! Btw...by fully seeing my 89 yr old mother and setting boundaries, I can truly say I forgive her. Not TO HER because she doesn't see or care. Forgiving is for me! Not quite there YET with my "Ex" but working on it.😏
Me too mom then 27 years husband . Glad to know you are out there !
Left nine 15 mos ago after 29years. Its been a nightmare but i did get my daughter out as well and we are in counseling. My ex has a new supply and has ghosted us both sence he knows we see him under the mask now. I want to heal from it, just hard some days. I have been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD, my first narc was my Mom so at 54 im narc free for the 1st time!🎉
You can forgive your ex without telling them. But first you have to forgive yourself.
Forgiving her was good for me, I never said that to her, but seeing all this content after the narc abuse I experienced is freeing, but forgiving her is how I can forgive myself and move forward. I dated another narc and noticed that I saw her behavior as normal because I was so used to being abused by my ex. It's okay, though because it's her loss to lose someone as well intended as myself. I have a lot more prequisites now when it comes to considering a partner. The one that's absolutely necessary is honesty with everyone. Jeesh, I deserve so much better. I had to drop a narcissistic business partner also. 🙄😏🫤
So right. All answers bring pain. Get to acceptance.Thank you.
Narcissistic abuse victims are the nicest and most supportive voices on the internet. These comment sections give me faith in humanity. This pattern aligns perfectly with the patterns of behavior by narcissists. We were made for each other; a match made in hell. I think self-discovery and therapeutic analyses of one's own behavior patterns is the most useful approach for me. Why did I allow this to happen to me? That is my current question.
I was asking myself that question too
many many many times ...
All what I discovered in myself - deep childhood trauma that I didn't even recognize till now .
Stay strong !
Time will heal ❤
If you even need therapy for that, why isn't narcissim considered a crime? All the unnecessary suffering and damage they create is just unbelievable. Destroying people and their lives is a crime!!!!
Right there with ya! These caged animals belong in jail truly
It ought to be!
The court system needs finished and well made case. Since the victim is the only witness and the witness has memory problems and usually would not testify then there is no case. And there is a good portion of volunteering in the victims behaviour too.
Hard to prove.
It's crime
Signs that you aren't healing.....your still dealing with it because you have kids with the monster and she is still f**king up their lives. I started to insist on my rights as a father and now we are going to court 🙄
This crap is tiring.
thats not an easy battle. luckily my ex left me and the kids, and im trying to fix them along with myself. your childrens age has a lot to do with how much she uses and abuses them. the younger they are, the more they are manipulated. my 2 are teenagers now and see their mother for what she is a little more now, but there is a lot of damage. at some point your ex will stop using them as her source because they will stop supplying her, and once they stop and figure out what shes doing, she will abandon them too, but youll be there for them, and theyll see you always have been. good luck.
Richard, thank you for understanding the bewilderment, death spiral, why? why?why? You’re right I became a detective keeping journals. The memory loss that the journals reminded me of what I had experienced but forgot. I have given up but can’t say I’m calm, I’m empty and don’t care anymore. But that is better than reacting to him. I’m 34 years invested and 69 years old. Just waiting to see who blinks first as in who’s going to die first. Thank you for your reminders to be kind. I am healing, this has taken years because I can not get away, but I’m repairing with your insight. Can never express my gratitude to the fullest extent.
Thanks for reminding me that the emptiness is better than reacting to him, although I think I still do react to my late ex when I see how much his (most likely) intentional death has done to our daughter. Well done for getting out after all that time❤
Oh, major relief - I was born into a narcissistic family. However I knew something was wrong with me. But I never attributed how I felt to my parents. I knew my mom was not normal becoz she whined 24/7. It was so depressing. I thought my dad was pretty cool, until I started journaling. So I think I was always and already very mixed up. I would say I had distorted thinking about myself and my family of origin until I found these channels. Thanks for the help Richard, in unwinding all of this.
discovering the other cop is always a hard pill to swallow.
If you absolutely have to “deal” with a narc, I would recommend to keep firm bounderies, and keep your distance at the same time. As a second choose on how to deal with the narcissist I would recommend keeping firm boundaries and also to correct them every time they missteps, lie, manipulates etz. When your boundaries are not respected by the narcissist, you need to follow through with consequenses of bad behaviour. You will have your hands full going forward this way. When following through with consequenses to their “re”actions, you explain to the narc, that you are not one of the narc`s victims. You have no intentions of becoming one but will be a nuisance to the narcissist in a way that is irritating to him/her. This method is not risk free but narcissists will often choose the path of no or low resistance. This method is a time consuming path to chose. This route sometimes require more time than you would like to spend on these issues. You feel that distancing yourself all together would have been easier. That is however not always possible. Often there is no way to avoid him/her. You unfortunately have to deal with the narcissist because you are colleagues or close family. You must think through what you need the narcissist to respect and what arias of conflict you must pay extra attention to, to keep your integrity and to detect manipulative behavior. Be prepared and clear in your communication and stick to your guns. Try to stay under the radar as much as you can, even when this method is the best for you. A way that works as well is to play along with the narcissist and act like you agree with everything they do and say. This method works well until many people in the narcissists sphere do the same. When everyone agrees with the narcissist you are back on square one. The narcissist must have victims and this setting is no different. To go NO Contact is another good alternative and method, and is probably the best option when it is possible to cut all contact permanently. Additionally, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
I wish I would’ve read your comment seven years ago seven years ago when I had my son I realize that shit she might be a narcissist and seven years ago the nurse overheard the way he was talking to me. I’ll never forget he said you can’t even change a diaper right how are you going to be a good mother first day? I had my son when I was in huge postpartum depression And I sent him for that for ruining my childbirth of my son but if I read this seven years ago up to where I am now up to the phase where I’m no longer validation. It’s pretty much I have to give the greenlight to leave if I had just read this seven years ago this might help but maybe I needed to go I had to go through the seven years. I only pray that my son grows with a pure heart and that after pulling the trigger on what needs to be done , completely divorce him I pray that my son and I heal and I hate that he hast to do things in front of my son that I have to explain daddy‘s can’t handle his emotions, but I don’t wanna also bash him. Nobody believes me and for the people that no longer believe me I no longer give a shit because I don’t need them to begin with, but it was so much I had to go through my own That I never wish on anyone you can literally end up feeling like you would be better off, not living on this earth by the abuse if you don’t help, but by the grace of God, I had people around me in the time I needed them to tell me I’m not crazy. I’m OK I’m being abused.
*he might be sorry I was using voice to text on my iPhone and it came out wrong lol
they're like a black hole: nothing can feel that emptiness, nothing satisfies their constant *need.*
My narc husband is always complaining about how" needy" other people are... Exhausting! Putting others down makes him feel good. He is so angry when he talks about what others have done to slight him. he is the needy one but will never see this
@@cynthiawhite1122 Pure projection!!
It took me exactly one year after the discard to reach the point of healing. Listening to you talk about all the signs makes me feel so proud, and so glad to be out of that darkness. To anyone in pain right now-this is the start of your awakening.
Yes. .....you stop saying ANYTHING about that person. The feeling of sanity !!!!!! When you are done with it, and it's all finished, is wonderful.
Listening to you, describe what my brain has gone through from the last decade when I thought I was the only one.
I wish I could erase his files from my mind, I know more about his life than I ever did my own. At least the nightmares stopped.
That’s very interesting that you knew more about him than yourself. I relate to this deeply as well because everything was always about him.
The nightmares of her returning are fewer but I still have them, its been 26 years. We had two kids together. She was successful on Parent Aliening our oldest daughter against me.
Richard- I am out of a NPD abusive relationship. I am healing - and I have you to thank. So, thank you.
Yay!
This video is so poignant. I finally realized at 59 my sister is a narcissist. I am now 60 and have been watching narc videos on RUclips about 6 months. It’s been so mind opening to get educated. I just started therapy and am very optimistic about healing. When its a sibling that’s been in my life since birth, it feels like a very different experience than a partner. My dad was also a narcissist, but not quite as sneaky and covert as my sister. Nobody fits nicely into a box. My sister is highly accomplished and adored and respected by many. This video helped me realize that I had/have a deep need for validation, even sympathy for a lifetime of cruelty and abuse - peppered with good times. But mostly cruelty. I have been doing exactly what is presented - ruminating, filing stories and offenses - trying to make sense of it. It’s a big step forward to learn it will never make sense and it is not serving me to focus on the past. My goal is certainly indifference towards my toxic sister and a peaceful heart for myself. Cheers to all of us in moving forward and living our best lives starting now.
I just turned 58, and I too have been listening to this subject matter regarding my mom for about 7 mths. I’ve realized this has been happening all my life, and my younger sister by 8 years cut me off 7 years ago because I moved away and she couldn’t use me any more. She is now an “adult” pastor, on RUclips, and her sermons are self serving and actually biblically incorrect and she twists everything to fit her meaning. She has actually lied about me, and her family about things that never happened. Thankful she cut me off, I couldn’t handle trying to be in a relationship with her, she makes me sick.
I have a similar story as yours. I realised my sister is a grandiose narc and she used me to put herself on the pedestal by throwing rubbish at me, manipulating, victimisation, silence treatment, love bombing and all this stuff over and over again. My biggest pain now is she started the smear campaign with my family and there will be sad consequences. But i am keeping peace in my life and never let her in my life again, ever.
That was the word I was always looking for. “Bewildering.” Best words I could come up with was that it fried my brain. Shorted my circuits. It’s also the utter shock of a horrible offender accusing me of what they did TO me-unbelievable-flipping the script and then spreading that around to others (many of which seemed to believe them). I also found my bearings with no longer needing the “drug” (highs, need for chaos, etc) or no longer looking for ways to escape my own life and real reality. It also evolved into being about me and my life and not them and all they did or whatever they get up to or me trying to control justice and their karma. And stopped worrying so much about what anyone thought of me (reputation smearing etc).
I think for me it was being able to detach, depersonalize and learn that I actually DO have choices and agency and then giving up and realizing the futility of it. Pointless to bother with them or any of it anymore. Their control over me was an illusion. They only had power over me Bcuz I didn’t stop them from taking my own power from me. Whatever “power” they had, they stole from me or someone else. So the main thing was really just snatching that back for myself. The big lion I was so scared of…I realized it was toothless and clawless. Seems rather like they grow teeth and claws only when we “feed” them. Starve them and they shrivel up and you see how pathetic they really are if they have no more food. In the end seems like they were more scared of me than I ever was of them….I just didn’t know it. But once I knew, it was game over for them.
Alas tho. Maybe this is just what I needed to hear. Something like “permission to get on with the rest of my life.” I guess for awhile I was worried that if I’m doing great, then the abusers will just say see. You’re fine. I didn’t do anything that bad. It’s a weird thing I guess but I guess they’re going to think that way no matter what I do so may as well cut the last little string of needing justice/closure…which I may never get to see. I just have to remember that just Bcuz I’m doing well, it doesn’t ever change how bad they really are. It only changes my life. So maybe it’s more like finalizing a complete severance with any connectedness with them. Such as they cannot control my feelings anymore. Doesn’t make them any less abusive. Just makes me see that I’ve grown and changed to the degree that they no longer get to me. Perhaps it’s just issues with me needing to give myself credit for that. The end of my well being having any kind of dependency on how they are or their behavior. They are them and I am me so it can always be someone being a psycho AND me still being ok and well despite what they are.
I love your lion analogy. It's so true. They spin their webs and commit their crimes because they are scared of you. They intimidate by fear to control you. The trust and blind love we give them, keeps us brain washed. Once the spell is broken, we think for ourselves and act in our best interests. To who ever is reading this, know the narcassist will you any contact with you to manipulate you. They are not to be trusted. The only way, the ONLY way to break free from the grooming and mind control is to completely go no contact. Get off social media. Change your number. If you move, use a po box, try to hide your where abouts. They will keep trying to come at you, but they will eventually loose interest. Some of them are dangerous, so have a plan for your safety.
Your description is spot on and so well articulated. It's an incredibly empowering point of view. Thank you! I'm going to reread it a few times now...😊
@@asuwish7640 Aw shucks. Thank you. I really hope I can stay strong but either way I could def say this is what I believe to be true. We got hooked by some really convoluted twilight zone shit. And it’s just a tricky process to find some way to unhook ourselves from it and heal. Then become whole and develop skills. I say that in a few paragraphs but I have narc parents also and have been at it for about 10 years. Maybe more like the long term Shawshank plan. Just kept digging my secret tunnel until there was no more dirt or rocks blocking my escape. I don’t think I’m immune or impervious totally to all things but I def think that I am just now better able to handle whatever life (or a psycho) tries to throw at me.
Been out for 1,5 year after 20 years with my childs mother. Going no contact and to group therapy have helped a lot. My daughter's reality is still screwed but have learned not to argue with her and just show her how you can also live your life. Maybe one day she will also wake up from the Matrix. My problem was people pleasing, lack of boundaries and not taking enough care of myself. Gotta do the work to heal and time will help. You got this.
Best of luck 🤞 I was once at your place of lack of boundaries lack of self care... But I have learnt how to do that so you will definitely.😊
Healing from physical point of view is somewhat similar to the healing from traumatic brain injury: the cognitive function of the brain restores slowly, memory loss diminishes, concentration returns.
Watching this helped me to understand that I’m doing pretty well, considering I’m not in therapy.
I spent most of my childhood and much of my adulthood in therapy. While obviously, I’m not qualified to give myself therapy, I’ve been making a lot of progress as if I were in therapy. Mainly from journaling. Writing out my thoughts helps me make sense of them, and process them in positive ways.
I recently discovered that I’ve endured a lifetime of abuse. Literally. I was born into a narcissistic “family”, and by that I mean I was born into my mother’s control.
I’m not even resentful. I’m just glad I finally recognized it so that I can start healing and growing.
It was a liberating realization. It was Painful, but it was like clicking the last piece of a puzzle that made everything come before make sense.
I finally feel free to be myself and live my own life, without fear of how my mother would react.
I’m not resentful because I’m grateful for my life. I wouldn’t have it without her. The liberating realization is that I don’t owe her my life, just because she gave it to me.
I love her, despite everything. She’s a product of her own childhood, and seeing as how she’s a narcissist, she’s never even considered her disorder or how it affected her children. She’s never been one to be self aware.
I refuse to have her in my life indefinitely. Not to punish her, but for my own well-being.
She’s not a bad person. She just acts really badly because she doesn’t know any better.
I have little hope that she’ll ever change. I’d be responsive to a letter or email, but I won’t be taking calls from her anytime soon.
Feels good man. Feels bad too. I’m happy all the same.
Same feelings for my father and narc brother. No remorse what so ever just staying away for my own sanity.
Sounds very similar to my Mum and Dad Step …well I had four absent Parents tbh when I was young lol …yes she was put through so much herself at a very young age..not by her parents they were strict though… they were lovely but a bad marriage with my Dad she ran away with two of her 3 children took us 500 miles away from our entire family…but there was an abuser who was in the army in that house she took us to ….she was not in a good situation at all at that time bless her.
Bless our Mothers and Fathers they’re only Human and have to struggle so hard at times …my Mum did her very best in the circumstances I know that now. Sending Blessings 💜🦢💜
Totally understand. My life also.
❣️❣️❣️ definitely can relate 🫂 god bless u
They know when and where to turn on and off their manipulative games. Read that again. They know what they are doing 100 percent. Read “ healing from hidden abuse “ or another book like these. They are aware and enjoy the abuse
I couldn't give a toss if RG has a disorder or not. His work brought me back from the brink and enabled me to feel better about myself that I ever had before. Cheers, Richie lad!
CPTSD Richard is one of the most healthy of all of us. As Pete Walker says, when you overcome the developmental arrests that form your CPTSD you can become more emotionally literate than the ‘normals’. Richard is a lovely role model.
Trying to figure this out… reading the latest comments… what kind of disease is he alleged to have?
He's brilliant and easy on the eyes too!!!😏
They have to argue all the time because they are not! This is very powerful! Another layer of healing just took place with this phrase.
Always right.never wrong, never apologise.
Yes, you are right
There is something in us that attracts these evils, they are helping in the ways, triggering our denial of pain. For me it was
Abandonment, rejection, people pleasing, proving myself, looking for attention, pride, believing I can do it all by myself
Im so glad I found this man. I was married to a NARC at 18 years old and I almost married another NARC at 41 years old.
I can't even stomach telling the story anymore, but my narcissistic mother likes to throw it in my face about my narcissist ex. These narcissists are evil. I'm a shell of myself, and I choose not to have friends and isolate. I can't do people anymore.
Please don't shut yourself off to everyone. No man is an island, we all need someone. All people are flawed but not all people are narcissists. I'm not talking about looking for a romantic relationship, just someone you can talk to
Then guess what ? The narc won right? That’s what the devil wants , you isolated … you recognise it’s what your doing and identify the e reason why , that’s recovery … you will find someone out there you can trust that isn’t a narc soon , I swear it for you x
This is so on point. I started telling myself it’s ok you’ve been through trauma. Started being kind to myself. Let go of anger. Care for others ❤