Can a Married Woman Have Male Friends? | Paul Friedman
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- Опубликовано: 6 июл 2024
- This is a deep marriage topic, can a married woman have male friends the way Paul Friedman who founded The Marriage Foundation addresses it, for both husbands and wives, men and women.
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While I don’t think married people should have FRIENDS of the opposite sex, I understand your point. People don’t know how to be married so they revert back to their primal nature and seek attention from others, instead of focusing on how to improve happiness inside of their marriage. I think if you’re going to have friends of the opposite sex, it can be done, under really specific conditions. Can you do a video on that? Thanks!
It is best to not tempt oneself. Naturally there are no absolutes in this world but my message is to explain what is going on within our mind rather than talk about how that will play out for "everyone" or talk about the exceptions, which are so individual. Each person is endowed with wisdom-based discrimination and so must address their challenges individually. It is how we evolve.
Honestly....neither party should get married if they cant settled down and just enjoy eachothers company. Her male friends are not wanting to just be friends, their sticking around in hopes that her husband will mess up one day, her running off to lean on their shoulders is exactly what they're hoping for. Trust me, they are not legitimately her friend!
Although her friends may not be sinister the biology that controls human beings is.
so agree with you
I can answer this with a resounding “No”. My ex couldn’t keep her pants on at work. All that just friends B.S.
One has nothing to do with the other. Of course having friends of the opposite sex is stupid but if your marriage was operating how it is meant to be, and society does not teach, then she would have stayed true to you, anyway.
Really informative.
Thank you and God bless you!
GOD Bless you, too 🙏
It’s all about boundaries. Of course, if you are in a traditional, monogamous marriage it’s wrong to go out on dates or spend time with anyone else (male or female) if it detracts from the relationship with your spouse. On the other hand, married people have varied interests, hobbies and activities away from home. When a married person is playing a sport, on a community committee or has a hobby when they interact with others there nothing wrong with that as long as your partner trusts you and will be home when they need you.
The question is about making friends with a potential other while married and the answer is don't do it. Put all your energy into your spouse and expect happiness, love, and harmony to be off the charts
👏👏👏👏
This is how affairs starts its in appropriate for either sex to have friends of the opposite it's called having a back door!
Put all your attention on learning how to love
This is an excellent video and a very informative video with great advice. I definitely 100% agree how people need to be extremely careful when it comes to opposite sex friends when married. I don't think it's a sin for a married person to have opposite sex friends, and I don't think it's a sin for a married person to have close friends of the opposite sex, but married people shouldn't have friendships of the opposite sex that are "too close", and married people shouldn't put themselves in tempting situations with opposite sex friends that can easily lead to an affair. A lot of times when people have affairs, they say things like "I didn't mean for it to happen; it just happened". Those kinds of things happen when people put themselves in tempting situations that can easily lead to an affair.
It's very important to have reasonable safeguards in marriage to help prevent things like adultery from occurring. Without reasonable safeguards in marriage, it's extremely easy for an affair to take place. Examples of good reasonable safeguards to have in marriage are avoiding having opposite friendships that are "too close", not spending too much time alone with someone of the opposite sex, not having an opposite sex friend over your house when you're home alone, and not going over an opposite sex friend's house when they are home alone.
If a married man has a female friend who is having marriage problems, and the female friend wants to talk to the married man about her marriage problems, it's best for the female friend to talk to the married man and his wife together or a married man and a trusted friend together about the marriage problems instead of the female friend and married man together alone talking about the marriage problems because when a woman is having marriage problems, she's extremely vulnerable for committing adultery. When a married man and female friend are alone together talking about marriage problems, it can easily cause the female friend to feel like she's falling in love with another man, it can easily lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment, etc, which can cause an affair to occur.
I do think if a man has a platonic female best friend and the man gets married, the man can still be friends with that woman, but their friendship won't be the same as it was before due to being married, and the man can't be best friends with that woman anymore since when a man gets married, the man's wife is the man's best friend.
You have really thought about this and I have seen so much and is why I suggest completely avoiding opposite gender friends. There is no need to split hairs about this. Your best friend should be your spouse and risking temptation is just not worth it.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I definitely 100% agree with you how it's a sin to commit adultery, and I definitely 100% agree with you how when someone is married, their best friend needs to be their spouse. You're correct in how risking temptation isn't worth it. I definitely understand why you and other people are against having opposite sex friends when married. Everyone I've met that doesn't believe in married people having opposite sex friends has valid and understandable reasons for why they're against married people having opposite sex friends. I do respect your belief in completely avoiding opposite sex friends when married.
I've never committed adultery in my life, but I know a lot of people who have committed adultery. Based on my experience living in this world, knowing a lot of people who have committed adultery, etc, I think opposite sex friendships doesn't cause adultery to occur; it's not having safeguards in your opposite sex friendships that causes adultery to occur. Based on my experience living in this world, I think having reasonable safeguards in opposite sex friendships makes it very unlikely an affair will occur in your marriage.
I believe great safeguards to have in opposite sex friendships when you're married are not having opposite sex friendships that are "too close" (what I mean by "too close" is talking on the phone every day for personal reasons, going out to lunch together just the 2 of you 3-5 times a week, spending too much time alone together, etc), never being alone behind closed doors with someone of the opposite sex that isn't your spouse or a relative, never engage in marriage counseling with an opposite sex friend or anyone for that matter of the opposite sex for the matter unless a 3rd person is with the 2 of you, and never going on vacation alone with someone of the opposite sex that isn't your spouse or a relative.
I know a lot of people who have committed adultery (People who go to church, people at my church, and people who don't go to church). A lot of the people I know that have committed adultery never intentionally planned on committing adultery. What caused them to commit adultery was not having safeguards in their life to help prevent themselves from committing adultery. If they had safeguards, adultery likely wouldn't have occurred.
I know lots of strong Christian couples with excellent marriages that have never experienced adultery in their marriage, and those couples have had excellent marriages where no adultery occurred due to having reasonable safeguards in their marriage. Those couples have opposite sex friendships, but those couples don't put themselves in tempting, risky, etc situations with opposite sex friends that could easily lead to an affair. They never go to restaurants, ball games, the movies, concerts, etc with someone of the opposite sex that isn't their spouse or a relative unless a 3rd person is with them. They never go on vacations with people of the opposite sex alone that aren't their spouse or a relative. When they hang out with opposite sex friends, it's generally in public kinds of settings such as birthday parties, church dinners, church fellowship events, bible studies, cookouts, group events, etc. They never engage in marriage counseling with people of the opposite sex that are having marriage problems unless a 3rd person is with them. They're never behind closed doors alone with someone of the opposite sex that isn't their spouse or a relative.
I don't know of any kind of situation where adultery occurred due to having an opposite sex friend when married, but lots of cases of adultery situations of people I know that have committed adultery occurred due to not having reasonable safeguards in their marriage, which is why I believe there's nothing wrong with opposite sex friendships when you're married, but it's extremely important to have safeguards in opposite sex friendships because without safeguards in opposite sex friendships, it's extremely easy for an affair to occur in your marriage even if you don't intentionally plan on having an affair.
This makes too much sense i ain’t hearing it 😂i want you to tell me what i want to hear 😂.
Ha!
I agree in some points, there are standards. Either it’s right or wrong. There are somethings that compromise will not solve. Seems shallow
In today's world of "what feels good is alreight" we are lead to believe that depth and shallowness are of the mind's perceptions rather than taught that soul and bliss of God are what we should strive for. Marriage is a great vehicle for happiness and love and the rules are based in morality and spirituality. Make no mistake, when you apply those rules your happiness will grow and grow.
@@TheMarriageFoundation
In a Godly marriage, or a relationship with The Lord, is it based on happiness? Meaning something has to happen to keep the faith, or should we just follow The Lord’s Word? Seems simple and if anyone can just dust off their Bible, it would be visible. There are big differences speaking to a believer and a non-believer. Let’s keep that line in the sand drawn
Yes, and no. One doen't have to be a believer to find joy and love, just has to follow the rules of life.
NO
I am glad you agree that it almost always creates a big mess
Once a cheater..always a cheater! PERIOD!😊
You have pretty much condemned the whole world, I am sure you will soften as you live longer
the risk is very hgh if you have friends of the opposite sex, set a clear boundaries if not avoid it completely
Disagree wtf
Sometimes we learn the easy way and sometimes we learn the hard way.
@@TheMarriageFoundation agreed but I disagree that your ways or mine should make any one react a certain way. That's just a weak person or idk what to call them. Women are very responsible for this, if your husband does not show you enough love according to you.... it should not cause any woman to seek it from a male friend. That's just bs I'm sorry. And as a woman you're crossing boundaries!!!
People who come to me for marriage help should expect their confining boundaries to be crossed. How else will you learn what you need to hear? If you already knew everything you would be in joy and love and would not be seeking help. It is time to challenge your own thinking. What I teach is freeing and uplifting. The "rules" I share are protective for marriage.
If you’re bisexual, would that mean the only friend you can have is your spouse?
I have always have had friends of both sexes. I wouldn't want to give them up. Hubby and I have been together a long time, and we love each other, but we don't always share the same hobbies. Hubby's not interested in fish keeping, and I have no interest in fishing. None of my female friends is into fish, or Sci-Fi. Is it wrong to have platonic friends?
There are no absolutes in this world of ours. I hope I wasn't too strong. I only wanted to describe the possible problems, which can be pretty big.
why do you really need male friend? If you are married, you should not have opposite sex friend. Read Gene 2 and 3. You and your husband become one. It is not wrong but the reality is, if you are good looking, flity, available to opposite sex, it is unwise. Ask a question yourself. Is it wise for a man and woman watch movie alone , as a friend even if there is attraction? It not wrong what it is UNWISE. You lock your door evenif there is no house broken into your surrounding. You can lie or choose not to listen to your heart, MAN DOES NOT SHARE HIS WOMAN with any man.
@@TheMarriageFoundation The idea of women talking to other men and going out on little dates and all this is new age bullshit, has no place in a real marriage.
I think in very limited situations where there is a hobby being shared, it may be acceptable. I had two mutual friends where my friend would go golfing sometimes with another friend's wife. It was totally acceptable because my one friend really enjoyed golf and so did my other friend's wife, while her husband would golf sometimes but really was not good at it, nor really into it, nor able to make as much time to partake.
I think some exceptions can be made if it really involves a recreational activity, and if the husband knows the guy well enough.
@@TwanDeezy yes, and no. I had friends from way before I met my husband. Hubby also had friends from before our marriage. Neither of us married young. I wouldn't say we did a lot of activities with said friends, but going out for lunch and all that yes. Incidentally, when my husband passed away, hubby's friends really turned up in force to support me. He had a female friend from the time they were teenagers, and she said that she was always grateful my husband had found someone who loved him as he deserved. 😊