SURVIVING A PARENT WITH BORDERLINE: CHAPTER 1 (BOOK CLUB | DR. KIM SAGE)
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- Опубликовано: 10 апр 2023
- *****FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:
www.drsagehelp.com
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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.
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As long as I cater to my mom's emotions and needs, I am the wonderful child, so long as I don't ever push back.
My dad was very clearly undiagnosed borderline. His low lows were followed by physical abuse, and his highs were followed by se*ual abuse. His impulsivity was characterized by drag racing and motorcycle riding, giving way to the death of one of his only friends when they were driving way too fast. He blamed his now dead friend for the accident. I'm in grad school now and have gone no contact with him, but it's a constant fight to reinstate that boundary.
It took me about an hour to get through this video. I had to stop multiple times just to keep myself from panicking. I really appreciate your videos and they help me through my healing. Thank you so much! I will be continuing with this book club ❤
If I may share my own experience, classical martial arts classes have quickly & sustainedly helped me with my anxiety, from having been raised by an unpredictably extremely violent, verbally abusive, gaslighting & sabotaging, and infantilizing mother.
I never fight; I am rarely physically helpless, now (but still easily moral, by nature & by choice). My understanding of space, timing, the body & psychology helps me summon the courage to step into my life, for myself & others: It's helped me more accurately discern what is safe & unsafe. (I still stay well clear of dangerous areas & people.)
The perception of relief began around six months into my ~2x/week practice.
If I may, I highly recommend kobudo or FMA, from a quality instructor & club.
This has been my experience, which I hope may bring further relief to you, in addition to your current personal development work.
*bows*
Black belt (20+ years' experience)
Senior instructor rank (in good standing)
❤
So sorry you went thru that Touko
I recommend that you see good videos from these 3 people
Byron Katie - the work
Dr David Hawkins Power vs Force
Spiritual Unfoldment by John Butler
My mom is also a borderliner and is always lying about everything. She is always thinking everyone is against her. Two years ago my mother sent me a message where she accused me I would to "to children the same my father did to her" and she wishes she had an abortion. She did not give me the opportunity to respond or anything else. That made me break up contact with her. Although she always says I could not survive without her and "every son needs her mother" and "I would lie every time". However, I couldn't cope with what she said and I am saying the lies my mother said to me very often on my head.
I don't really know is it fun or sad that all the bad things happened in my childhood turned out to be such a well-described typical thing 😂 I used to think that all of that was just an unexplainable chain of unhappy coincidences and, because nobody else of my mates had never faced such treatment from their family, I thought that my situation was unique, that it was all about me - just a bad luck of mine or something like that. But here it is, described in a book with explanations, examples and so. I don't know what to think now. Right now I'm hysterically laughing 😂😂😂
UPD. I forgot to thank you for your videos. You do really, really important job, which is really helpful. Thank you😌
This is helping me sooo much I can’t even express it in words. Along with therapy. No contact. My life has been a complete mess and I had no idea it was trauma. Thank you thank you a million times over. Started the free course and will do the others.
I feel so lucky to have a better understanding of my childhood. At the same time, I'm afraid I've partially become this in my own parenting. 😢
Thank you for these new series!! I listened to this book in audiobook format a month ago, and here you are making videos on it! That’s so nice to see, very useful, thank you :))
I did exactly the same, audiobook, about a month ago!! So happy for this series to appear right now too. Happy healing!!
Rereading this book now is very helpful. The take-away section of each symptom is now more meaningful to me. Instead of focusing on details of my early years, it seems better to focus on the effects regardless of my circumstances. Responsibility to stay with a parent haunted me till my forties. My mom died when I was 18 and my father, an alcoholic who probably had bpd, completely rejected me. A relative invited me to live with him in another state when I was 19, which was wonderful for me, but it meant leaving behind my younger sister, who had taken on the role of caretaker, also rejecting me. I realized eventually that the parenting responsibility had been his, not mine.
I love my mother so much i just wish she could just be happy
this is hilariously accurate and incredibly validating, thank you and please keep going !
I should say this on every one of your videos… THANK YOU thank you for helping me in my journey of healing. This explained my childhood so much!
Thank u Dr. Kim, I'm leaning more and more towards my mom being borderline to better understand myself and my disorganized attachment. I believe it's an inherited condition caused by passed down trauma over generations.
The more I’m listening to the vids on borderline parenting the more terrified I feel realizing this is and was my situation for both parents. It’s somewhat shocking and hurts my heart but it helps to know why I’ve struggled as much as I have. That I don’t have trust issues and self esteem issues because I’m broken and something is wrong with me. I responded exactly how any kid would.
Finding your channel has been an incredibly insightful. I lived parenting my brother and then my children since i was 6 years old. Thank-you for the opportunity to understand and unlock ways to heal.
Kim, thank you for recommending this book. I love it. It’s helped me grow.
Thank You Kim, 😊 very Nice.
Very Helpful..
My poor mommy i am happy to have loved her"i am understanding so much" part of inner self healing is understanding.💝💝💝💝💝💝
So how do you deal with this if they dont want to go to therapy
❤
Thank you for your explanations of things but you shouldn’t push estrangement. Rather, help families! All of you councilors that push this cause family issues. Maybe guide others to get help or pull back slightly if being harmed. Estranged families hurt all involved. Even extended families. Please be carful advocating for this. Our world needs more love not hate or estrangement. When the younger generation reaches out for help this is what they are being told. Families need to stick together sometimes even when it’s hard unless there is terrible abuse!
Respectfully, you don't get to decide how much abuse anyone should have to tolerate from another person just because they are "family." Most of us who have cut off contact with family members have not made the decision lightly, and we know the cost. It's just that this one precious life is too short to spend with anyone who is abusive, even (especially) if they are family. We all deserve to heal and have the chance to live a joyful life.
@@djer05010401 where did I decide that in my statement?
@@dawnmarie09 the last sentence - who gets to decide when abuse is "terrible" enough to cut ties with an abuser?
@@djer05010401 I believe my statement doesn’t state what or how much that is at all. That would be totally up to the individual. As you can see in your response your assumptions are that I or a councilor makes that decision. I believe that is up to the person. Not even a councilor to guide in that direction. It’s done way too much these days when it should be up to the person. Someone looking for help should be guided correctly. It’s not the only answer!
@@djer05010401 btw I was told by a counselor to go no contact with my mother and then my children 2 out of 4 went no contact with me for doing it. I am speaking from experience. I think there were much better ways to handle even my situation. It is too late now. I think we all need to be mindful of all the areas before we act. Just my thoughts not trying to push them on anyone just trying to make some statements.