HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND | DR. KIM SAGE
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- *****FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:
www.drsagehelp...
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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.
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I spent 24 hours with this woman "Elinor" l was four years old. She was my first foster mother. She gave me the only hug with love and security as a child as she tucked me in bed that night. The next day she took me to what I thought was a store, it was a brick building. I saw no door or window. When we pulled in, she got out of the car and came around and opened my door. I got out, it was cold out, l remember snow on the ground. She came up to me and opened her coat and wrapped me in it. I am still in Elinors coat emotionally. I told a counselor that we never got back in her car and we didn't go into the brick building. I am 71 years old now, but l'm still inside Elinor's coat. My parents were broken adult children having children. When the court took us away for good, l was fourteen. I was third out of ten. I have C-PTSD, but l believe without that hug and her black coat wrapped around me, l would not have survived childhood much less adulthood.
Been there-when I was 16 a psychiatrist told me I had lived the life of a 65 yr old person-Jesus does wonders! He will wrap you in His coat.
❤
@@clairejahnke5024 Yes He did!!! Thank you for sharing your testimony!!!
That's so beautiful. I hope you always have a wrapped coat feeling...
@@marygavin3203 Thank you, l have been wrapped in "Elinor coat" for 68 years now. God bless you, Mary Gavin!
There is a difference in being hurt by a parent as a kid but for it to continue and get worse as an adult is a whole other hurt
Yep!
So true..
Absolutely 💯
That’s exactly what has brought me here. I feel it’s worse as an adult.
@@stepbrown2000 hi
I wrote this a year ago since then I lost my dad to colon cancer and after not seeing my mom for about 6 years I have reconciled! My mindset is this: we can’t pick our parents and they are who they are! I took on that mindset to accept my mom for who she is and I find myself “ok” with that decision! I still have a hard time with accepting my dad passed away 6 months ago :( love the parents you have
I simply try to relax. No longer working all the time or pleasing others. Self care! A walk in nature, sitting in the sun with a cup of tea and a book…. I have so much tension in my body and it needs to be released.
Sitting in nature with sunshine, a cuppa and a book sounds like heaven! ❤
I’ve been no contact since before the pandemic. It’s crushing to be around someone that loves/hates you. Mostly hate in my case. Incredibly, she was a NP that specialized in mental health. Talk about confusing! She gave me “advice” and “treatment”. I have prayed for death and wished for it (hers and mine). Recently found a new definition for forgiveness. 1. I will not harm you. 2. I will not wish harm on you 3. I will not let you harm me 💕✨🌟✨💕
💗💗💗💗🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋💗💗💗💗
"I have prayed for death and wished for it (hers and mine)." Thank you for saying the words that many survivors think but don't have the courage to say "out loud" because guilt and shame keep us silenced. I feel for you and can relate. ❤
I love this definition of forgiveness. Thank you for sharing.
Oddly so NP’s and many disordered people especially narcissists and sociopaths end up in the medical field where they can wield power over those in a weakened state. It’s all they crave. Power, subjugation from others and massive control. The longer you stay nc the more your mental health will improve. You’ll become stronger and be able to see how truly evil these people are. Cain and Abel, Joseph and his brothers. Forget the blood relationship and look at the behavior. It’s demonic. You’re a bright light and that light highlights their evil dysfunction and enrages them. We unwittingly unintentionally point out their evil right to their faces by just being our kind empathic selves. They must destroy you in order to not see who they truly are. Your empathy highlights their lack. If one is a successful beautiful movie star for example and the envious are slovenly and don’t know God, they will despise you. It’s rooted in envy. Stay strong you beautiful soul. You are here to heal, help others heal. Start a channel or write a book. The word on this evil must be spread in order to educate and bring awareness so people can put on the armor of God and not let the daggers hit their intended target.
Angela I know exactly how You feel ! It’s mind blowing that the Person that brought you into this World could hate You ! I was perfect as a child and happy and She hated the light that is in Me ! She’s 85 and still as Evil as ever ! She hates the fact that I’m so happy despite Her trying to destroy Me My whole life ! She is Demon Possessed, I can feel the Demons and I see Her change ! She’s got a Jezebel Spirit 👺I moved out of State and closed on a New Home last Summer, I text Her a couple times a week and that’s it! It will be such a relief to Me when She dies !
struggling because still living at home with her. so hard to heal from someone you have around you 24/7 buzzing and snapping on you constantly. its just a lot.
1. Get health insurance if you do not have any currently either through the state or county or your work.
2. Find a source of income independent of her control, no matter how small, find some way of generating revenue if you aren't able to get a traditional job and try to save what you can.
3. Join a support group and attend weekly.
4. Find ways to entertain yourself that you don't depend on her for.
5. Find inexpensive hobbies to do alone and find people you can share a mutual hobby with inexpensively.
6. Save up for your own place or save up for transportation or save up for a lifestyle that gets you out of the house and away from her for longer and longer periods of time that you get some enjoyment out of
7. Find people to socialize with (having more money gives you the gift of discernment, you can find higher quality friends with more particular interests that you resonate with when you have the financial freedom to seek out the right friends group. I'm not saying to buy people's loyalty. I'm saying having more money gives you more flexibility to be choosier with who you want to be friends with. Beggars can't be choosers when it cones to a social life. You don't ha e to be rolling in the dough buying out the bar to impress shallow social climbing socialites. But when you have money for a phone, internet, a car, access to plane travel, etc. You can find considerably higher quality friendships than just Timmy the stoner who lives down the street or Janet the single mom who has a kid and a dead beat baby daddy and she still smokes cigarettes but she lives next to your neighborhood grocery store and you used to be part of a club together 10 years ago.
For years I've made excuses for my abusive mother. I won't do it anymore. She takes "0" accountability for anything. She doesn't apologize, and I "deserved " all of the abuse that I got. After a lifetime of trying to have a relationship with my mother... I give up. I've gone no contact with her (again) this year. Hopefully it sticks.
It's never as easy as it should be, or as you hope. I realized recently that I have never once in my life heard anyone in my family say they were sorry or apologize for anything. Not one person, not once. That's bonkers. It's like that family is emotionally stunted. My grandfather was an alcoholic and I think they all just shut down. I sympathize but there's a limit when they resist warmth or growth with every fiber of their being.
Begin with forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Forgive her (to free yourself)
We might be siblings. LOL ❤. I went no contact but the child in me still feels terrible and I thought I had moved past this, but it came over me when I wasn't even at my lowest. So, Water is purer than blood
Religious fanaticism was my personal hell as a kid. That's a tough one to work out of.
Childhood was where our faulty foundation was build but we didn't know it as kids. We couldn't. Adulthood is when we begin to realize something was/is really wrong in us and our relationships with others, especially our families. A house can't stand against the stresses of the environment (life) for very long without a solid foundation.
Very few therapists understand this and know how to guide, support, educate a client through this so that a solid foundation can be build. Therapists that do understand childhood trauma waste the patients time because they don't tell patients the truth. RUclips therapists tell us the truth. We can read the comments of others in similar situations that confirm the truth that therapists like Dr. Sage are sharing. I do believe learning the truth is necessary to begin healing, but I do not know how full healing finally occurs. Has anyone an answer?
Inner child healing, reparenting, knowing what healthy relationships look like, boundaries, emotional regulation can help you on your path. Its not easy to heal from. And it is a life long process..
@@aml8760 thanks
Wow very great thoughts! I agree with you on many of them. I can say healing starts with you recognizing and honestly wanting change. Then baby steps moving forward. It really is lifelong because there's always something new to discover. Its like shedding layers.
Maybe it can help to not view your parent as your superior anymore but, depending on the case, as an idiot or something?
Energetic healing. Clearing stuck energy, purifying the stagnant energy through forgiveness, acceptance, through light and love.
As someone who is adopted, my mother wound has impacted me profusely. 🦋
Unfortunately my mother wounded me quite a lot as a child, from shouting at me because I reminded her of my father, to deliberately excluding me from doing what my brothers were doing. I left home at an early age, and we had become estranged, I rarely went to visit her, and when I did I was often either turned away or ignored, when I was coming up to the age of 21 she was murdered. so I have never had the chance to bury the hatchet, and try and work things out, that was denied me. Living without her has made me realise a few things though, she was a drinker, and often quite depressed, drunk she used to come home, and cry and wail on the end of my bed, but would never say why she was so upset, I would assume these days she would have been diagnosed with bipolar or bpd, due to the fact she was self medicating, her death has left me with many questions, and I can't get closure. My closure is acceptance of the fact that I have none, that goes into healing me to a degree.
I know that you think you always felt like this and you always will, but I promise one day the pain will slowly start to fade away. Trust that you are healing and that one day you will find joy and peace! Stay strong ❤
@@Rwissam1987 I appreciate the sentiment, it was over 30 years ago now, my life went on without her and without knowing, but my healing came from forgiving her, I have no bitterness towards her, I don’t blame her for my lot in life, I just wish I had the time for her when she was around, not wrapped up in my trauma, maybe I could have helped her, or at least understood her better. Was never meant to be.
Sending you hugs and l pray you heal and find peace.
@@jilianemmy2654 I have and still am healing, and peace came from forgiveness, if it never happened the way it did, I may have been a completely different person, and tbh, I like who I am today, and that I can look myself in the eye.
I am so sorry you had to experience that , I send you my love as well. ❤ I hope you have a good life going forwards dear one
Yup, I have been a fawner. I am becoming more aware of when I am doing it and working to change my intention when I am speaking to people. The fawning is beyond icky.
I have also been hyper-vigilant, and that is exhausting.
I was forever attuning to the woman who gave birth to me. That poor child [me].
The only chance to start healing from my abusive mother is completely breaking up contact with her. My mother hit me in the past and has emotional abusive character traits. No matter what I said, she will not change. However, my wounds and my behavior still remain. E. G. when I read reports about people struggling with a crisis I get anxious or depressed. I start panicking for approximately a week.
Same. My mother just took all of her wounding traits covert when we got older.
I’m so sorry, and I sympathize. Mine (who didn’t raise me by the way), when as a young adult I couldn’t devote all of my non-working, non-school life to her, finally threw down the gauntlet and lamented how she should have kept her abortion appointment for me. After a lifetime of having to mother a mother who couldn’t be bothered to help raise me, I had enough. I learned to accept a lot of abuse and abandonment. Accepting having to listen to how she wished she had eliminated me before birth? Done. The wounds are deep though. I hope you are able to find the path to love and contentment.
@@Ban22s Yes. I also sacrificed my whole personality for a person who wished me dead. It's horrible because I also have posttraumatic flashbacks.
@RichL I agree with you 💯. People like us are more than survivors,we are Warriors. The battle never stops but we have to Let go and let God. We can't keep on being resentful. Resentment keeps us in a mind prison and those moms have no clues what we are going through. Treat yourself better than they treated you and let go .
How do I buy your courses ?
Healing here is a miracle, never happened in my life, it still hurts
Thank you so much! This is an affirmation that I'm on the right track. Between yoga, Internal Family System work, somatic exercises, meditation, being in nature, investing in healthy relationships, and journaling (yes, I need all that and I'm not ashamed) I'm thriving while still dealing with the debris of my childhood and my present relationships. It's an on-going worthwhile journey.
Not only should you not be ashamed, those are some of the best tools for healing and it's great to keep sharing that so more people do the same. Hypnotherapy has been great for me as well as the things you mentioned. But breath work and yoga, priceless. I have done yoga for 35 years, and taught for 20, and love it all, but for deep healing Kundalini yoga is my most powerful ally. ❤
Well done you! I’m also learning to not feel shame for all the self-care/ self-healing I need.
Girl! I’m on almost the exact same journey right now! Part work, somatic exercises, meditations, journaling etc. have you heard of Dr. Gabor Maté’s compassion inquiry?
@@pay7183 Yes! I love him and Peter Levine.
We all need all of that. I hate that people try to shame us for saying we need more to heal. My family's favorite one is you are not trusting God enough. What they are really saying is we don't want you talking about all the stuff you need healing from because of them.
I would really appreciate more content on dealing with these issues when your mother has passed.. Thank you so much for your videos! I am learning so much. 💕
And I would, please!
Me too please
Me too
My mother died when I was just 19 and she was borderline/ over protective
Me too!
Me too
I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m just at the place in my life where I expect my mother to be present and having new experiences. She’s just been the type of adult parent that expects you to visit her and she never comes to visit. At this point I can no longer be apart of a one sided relationship.
I’m so intrigued with how right on you are dr Kim. I am the person that internalizes everything I’m told. I always look up to my mother. It’s very hard to feel like I don’t matter to her. My sister younger than me gets the texts phone calls from my mother, not me. I am the black sheep, the failure, the daughter who she never probably wanted. So, in response to the thing I am choosing to work on this week for healing is setting new boundaries of a no contact because it’s very toxic every time she chooses to write me back usually only once every six months. I need time to feel worth something again without her input of feeling yuk inside. I think also a journal couldn’t hurt to write my feelings down when I feel something. To validate myself. Thank you.
good for you, you are so loved and worthy. you dont need anyones validation but your own.
My mother was damaged by her mother & she passed that damage on to me, unknowingly i believe, she passed over last year, i cared for her in the last couple of years & i did finally get admittance & apology’s, its hard in many ways but emotionally im improving in leaps, i think because i dont have the constant feeling of disapproval tapping on my shoulder, im 60 soon so I write this to give hope to those still suffering under a damaged mothers love. Stay strong, you are beautiful in every way & deserve all the happiness life has to offer my friends 🙏🏻❤
Thank you so much for writing this. It touches my soul. 🙏🤍
I love my mom so much. She had such a limited belief from her mother and then she was hurt for so long when she divorce from my dad. I dnt think she ever really healed. Now that I am older I see why I am the way I am in a lot of ways. I’ve worked hard to break cycles and go beyond those limited beliefs. There is still so much to unpack! Thank you for this
Lately I've been working on giving myself the space to feel emotions inside and outside. There was a very touching moment when i reconnected with my inner child and she told me that she was scared of showing emorions because of the repercussions (this comes straight from when i was yelled at or mocked by my parents when i cried or was in anger when i was a child). I told her that my love for her was unconditional and there was always space for her and her emotions and from now on she would not have to shrink anymore cause i would build a safe space for us. I particularly have an hard time with anger, since it was the most policed in my childhood.
But it's such an amazing tool to set my boundaries and stand up for oneself.
So even if i don't know how to regulate it properly, I'm giving myself the space to feel my anger and let it out. And more importantly (bit this is super hard) to not feel ashamed about letting it out, or guilty for some reason. I catched myself policing myself intead of my parents and respinding to my showing of anger in the same way. I'm trying to stop policing myself and my inner kid (and my inner teenager).
Thanks so much dor your videos, they are being such a big help for me . ❤
I must say: It's peculiar to be a transitioned trans man and deal with an inner child that is a little blonde blue eyed curly haired 4 year old girl (like i was) 😅. Not dissonant, i actually feel like i can really work as an adult on my inner child better. (My teen is a tomboy 14 year old with no gender already)
Anyone else with the same experience?
😢 I woke up this morning asking for God to show me something that can help me.....
I'm ready to give up, again!
A few minutes into this video, I hear a golf cart as it's coming around again, it's a woman working at a park I do my walking exercises in.
She passed me the first time and I know she noticed me crying (I do not like showing my weakness and being vulnerable to anyone)
I was crying with tissue to my face as I glanced to see why she was slowing down.
I saw her turn to me as she was slowing and then continued on.
The second time I saw her I was back in my Tahoe wondering if I should leave or just rest to walk again.
This is when I sat quietly and asked again for some guidance, please to let me hear what I need to hear, as I'm scrolling through my feed on RUclips.
I stumbled upon, I say I stumbled, but I mean gifted your video from God, because I had asked.
As I'm in awe over your words not far into the video, I hear the golf cart coming around for the third time.
But to my surprise I heard it turn off....thinking she was doing her job, I paid no mind.
Until I hear her voice ask me, how are you doing?
I said I'm here trying.....
She went on to say, God wanted me to stop and talk to you, she was getting emotional which made me more emotional.
I'm about to cry as she is holding back her tears.... this has never happened to me before, but God told me to stop and talk to you.
Through her tears, she told God no, I don't know her. I don't want to be in her business, and such.
She continued her rounds arguing with God, why she needed to do this!
God told her, because you will be obedient to me.
God said to her, if she's there when you go back by, you need to stop!
Of course I started crying because I had asked God....
This sort of intervention from God has happened to me at least 4 times in the last 10 years or so.
Complete strangers to me, but not to God.
They've come to me telling me they heard God say, for me to hang in there, you're strong, and I have the support from God.... And others. They all see you and here you!
That God knows my struggles, my needs and my wants.
God is watching he's making it happen for me.
To keep my faith, and trust in him, to speak to God for my answers.
Just ask God Laura!
I know I need to stop this fight or flight syndrome condition, kind of hard to do with my broken body literally going on 5 years.
There is nowhere I can go, but to go inward.
That's a scary place to go for me.
I kid around, with this saying, but it is true I know it is, to my core!
God had to put me in bed and keeps putting me in bed so I can heal myself PERIOD!!!
As I was being reminded through my conversation with Edna.... she could literally see God talking to me (as she said, God's talking to you isn't he?!) As I am processing how far I've come....through our tears we hugged, truly a well needed hug.
Edna my angel 😇 standing before me hand-in-hand.
I'm being shown just how far.....I've had 4 surgeries in 4 years (I have my fifth surgery coming up in a few months 🙏) indeed this brought me this far.
I am driving short distances now, able to do some sort of grocery market shopping with a store scooter.
SSI has given me a little bit more money per month.
I am staying in a safe place, where I have my own room now. And can stay as long as I want.
I do see many blessings in my life today, your video.... Edna listening to God.... And me I'm a blessing!
On to many other videos of yours, seeking desperately the help that will save my life.
I appreciate you my new friend 😌
My Hope here with your videos, is to grow, and to be mentally stronger then ever
🙌🪘💃🪇
I hope your are doing well ❤ Your post reminded how direct God can be at times. Peace and blessings to you. 🙏🏽
@@ABB14-11 very kind of you to say, thank you so much. I am doing soooo much better these days now that I have God back in my life. My body hasn't changed much actually I'm dealing with another health problem, my circumstances and my financials and such have not changed either.... funny thing is I'm at peace 🙏🏽
I got so much out of this. I'm in therapy (EMDR) which has been brilliant, and only today we uncovered my second mother wound. ( birth mother, now step mother) Have been working through abuse neglect and abandonment, never realised how a lack of love and validation also hurts.
Thank you for what you said about generational trauma. I lost nearly 10 years of life with my mother because we were both in so much pain and this lead to confusion and lots of misunderstandings. Thankfully, my mom and I have both done a lot of work on ourselves and are in a better place now. As I learn more about how her choices affected my life as a child and an adult, I am so fortunate to be able to talk to her about her own childhood, which was one of not feeling seen, being disregarded and dismissed, and lead to her staying in an abusive relationship for most of my childhood. While she was emotionally neglected, and felt unwanted, I, in turn, was smothered (an effort by a very young mom to ensure I felt seen and loved).
I am fascinated with how often people become (mis)diagnosed with several disorders to "name" their symptoms when it sometimes simply comes down to unhealed trauma. The people who wrote the DSM has a lot of work to do.
I'm so grateful I have been able to mend my relationship with my mom and have started creating boundaries. Thank you, Dr. Sage, for these videos. They really do help!
as listening to this video i heard you speak about exactly what’s happened in my life and how i function now and i just cried. i wasn’t crying for me today, i was crying for younger me. she didn’t deserve any of it and she deserved to be loved unconditionally and taught how to live with no fear or shame. thank you for seeing us
Through watching these videos in the past few days, I've learned it's likely that I have CPTSD. I'm discovering that my trauma responses and dysfunctional beliefs are so impossibly ingrained into who I am. I don't even know where to start. As soon as I try to think anything contrary to these belief systems, everything in me destroys the thought before it can finish. As much as I despise asking for help and practicing self-care, this is probably too big and intense for me to handle on my own. If I have the spoons for it tonight, I'll try to get in touch with a therapist. If not, I'll see what I can do in the next couple of days. Wish me luck
Be kinder to myself and really give myself the time I deserve to unlearn these things about myself and replace them with kind loving feelings. It is my birthright ❤
I have been really trying to speak to myself with kindness and compassion. I have been experiencing a lot of grief lately and feel like my functioning has gone downhill hill in terms of managing the house, sleeping at the right times and being there for my husband. I tell myself I'm trying my best and if I've only got 10% to give then that's what I've got. My mind keeps telling me I'm bad because I behaved in certain ways and I respond with well that's all I knew and I've apologised for it. Shaming myself isn't going to help anyone. I'm trying so hard and I'm exhausted. I've been napping a lot.
@@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry sending you strength and love. I'm glad you can validate that you had a different experience to your siblings. You're experience is valid. I'm so sorry you went through that. Doing new things like setting boundaries feels uncomfortable because our body remembers all the times we may have stood up for ourselves previously and got hurt because of it. Keep going. We have to feel the uncomfortable feeling of doing things differently. It has set off anxiety for me. I've been trying to use some somatic techniques and music and getting outside in my garden to help me through. I have to consciously slow down and be with my uncomfortable feeling which is difficult when your bodies alarm is going off. Get curious, like this is something I could never have done as a kid which is why it feels wrong but I consciously know it is the better choice for my long-term wellbeing.
@@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry sorry you've experienced all the grief you have. Your walks sound great. Yeah don't take the bait. Protect yourself. People can be cruel but when they do that they're telling on themselves. We have to refuse to take on their projections 💚
@@bloominbean i love what you st about our bodies remembering when we got hurt standing up for ourselves. God bless you on your journey. I see you and hear you. You are loved.
@@lillygandar844 thank you 💚 much love and strength for your journey too
Also, single moms may have a "style" that simply reflects the circumstances she finds herself in, her behavior may be the result of exhaustion and lack of resources, not a style or mental health issue.
thank you so much for filming this! much needed! sending love and support to all! you are helping me so much as I heal. xx
My mother refuses to talk about the emotional neglect and trauma she caused me. The other day she yelled at me saying “go see a therapist so you can forget about it!” I’m getting tired of her denial and roadblocks, thinking of walking away from her.
I’m new to your channel and getting so much help from your videos.
Thank you!💛
P.S. I just LOVE your wallpaper, so peaceful and calming, where can I buy it? 😊
horrifc to feel like you arre so trapped with this hurtful person who will never look at you and just say I'm so sorry this must have been so hard for you I really fucked up your child hood plus failed you... you deserved better I cant imgaine what it must have beenn like .... what did it feel like?
Imagine hearing this .... ohhh man would fill my heart with love plus safety ... it sucks to be gaslit it sucks to be hurt by people that should keep us safe plus be there to help us feel seen plus heard fuck it hurts so bad it really hurts fuck it REALLY HURTS ... it feels like being trapped with this bullshit forever it feels like why cant we just love eachother why do you have to be like this? why do you have to say these things why cnt you just be there to love me like I deserved ? WHY???~?!?!? It crushes me so bad We deserve it .... we deserve to be taught how to keep healthy plus keep safe plus care for ourself to feel such lvoe it hurts
She means it wit love I think my mom said that I wish I did sooner
@@nickandrews2255 Yes it hurts and still makes me very angry, I’m working on trying to let the anger go, so “I” can heal. 😔
@@Gogoro7 Do we really have to let it go? Why are we not allowed to feel angry about it? It makes sense really we were so hard done by how can we not be angry I feel like we deserve to be plus have the right to be angry ..... I feel so angry about it too I feel like I want to be angry I do not want to let it go I wat it to consume me to be super angry I really do I Feel like we need to explore it fully before it naturally exits our system I feel like that's the healthiest way for me
@@nickandrews2255 😮
You do an amazing job 🌟 I am really going to focus on the future and in particular how I can be the best parent by breaking the cycle of generational trauma and being more aware of when I go into that dreamy isolating state that may feel confusing to my children. Thank you for another insightful series Dr Sage. Have a lovely Easter ❤
The video series on Borderline Mother's and healing is helping a lot.Appreciated 🙏💗
So incredibly helpful for me today. Thank you for creating this video!
The overarching thing from a hypervigilance recovery standpoint right now is me looking at my relationship roles (almost all of which I like!) and saying, "I'm doing this because I WANT to, not because they strictly NEED me to." Hopefully that changes some things.
This series has been great. I've been waiting 6 weeks for my aunt to tell me if my parents are interested in talking stuff out after 4 years of no contact. They've said I could come to them with anything despite acts to the contrary, so I'm testing with a once-for-all-time letter. So who knows? But until whatever happens, you are doing valiant work for me, and I am grateful.
💗 Whoa, that's huge. You, writing them a letter! I think you're very brave. I hope things will work out positively, if not, remain positive. Some things take time, every one has their own time (and stubbornness 😉). I think it's important to fill your time with positive things after you sent that letter for the rest of your life! Much love, care, peace and blessings ☝🏽💖🌌💫
@@bbdn5123 Aw, thank you! I mostly wrote it to crystallize my own thoughts (and not infinitely rephrase/rework them), while I also wanted it in my back pocket in case something came up.
My aunt/uncle are vacationing with my parents around now. I told her the letter existed and shared it. To my complete surprise, she thought the letter was even-handed and nonconfrontational (especially surprising since it filled her in on a half-dozen traumas we'd never come close to discussing).
So I didn't expect any of this, and maybe it amounts to them never seeing it - or somehow being *more* upset at me? But it beats the alternatives. :-)
I fixed my mother wound by reintegration with my mother. But the occasion was definitely divinely guided! It was during a horrible conflict that was going on in my marriage. That conflict was a blessing in disguise. And just one conversation with my mother on why I expect my husband to understand me and he fails to do that. That one conversation was so divinely guided. Filled that void that I was trying to fill through my husband. We both decided to be there for each other’s emotional understanding. Always staying at a distance from my mother all my life, at the age of 36, today we’re the closest two people on Earth. And suddenly I don’t feel the need for attunement and emotional understanding from my husband that much. But mind you, you can’t do integration with the mother, if you’re still bitter at her, it can only be done from the place of total empathy. I was already doing the healing for years but it just clicked that day with her, during my own conflict.
I’m inspired to resume my journaling and look more closely at the connection between my childhood relationships and my adult relationship patterns.
Looking for coping skills dealing with a narcissist mother with dementia, I’m pretty sure I’ll need to beef up my therapy for this!!!
Me too...
I’m going to rewatch and rewatch until something clicks if that makes sense. just watching your videos in the first place is me trying to find guidance and how I can heal and change for the better… I Really like the series❤❤❤
She poisoned my dog in 1999 & my dog died. I was 3,000 miles away visiting my brother-in-law & my dog was in her care. Ruined my trip of course & came home to my dogs ashes in a box. I could write a novel. I’m 55 & no contact for the final time
I'm so happy...
I'm so sorry...misprint
@@marygavin3203 thank you 😊
Forgiveness is the only true way to healing ❤
❤
How do you do that , i eagerly want that but i dont know how , tried but still get bk to being mad
What we first need to understand is that forgiveness is not a natural thing it is a spiritual thing, in the bible only God has the power to forgive sins but he has also commanded us to forgive those who have sinned against us , no human on this planet has that kind of love , so the first thing you need to do is receive God's forgiveness for your life , than if there is any judgement that you are holding against God you need ask him for help to release it , than forgive yourself with the forgiveness you received from God , than forgive other people it will be effortless because that grace to forgive someone only comes from the lord jesus no one else , when you receive God's forgiveness it will empower you in love to forgive with all your heart not your mind emphasis on "heart" sometimes people find it hard to forgive because they are wounded in there emotions but if ask the lord jesus into your heart and for him to fill you with his spirit ,love will flow out of you to even the people who hurt you the most but this is only possible through the lord jesus no one else
Let God decide if they deserve forgiveness. For some of us the best we can do is feel nothing toward them. At least we're no longer consumed by hate and resentment. And forgiveness means nothing if the subconscious damage they inflicted continues to harm us.
I plan to use a 3-minute meditation app that I have more regularly. It has a section to reflect on a strong emotion that I felt that day, which often gives me a clue about some habit or belief I hold that isn’t working well, or that opens a wound, e.g., something in a person’s tone that made me feel angry when I recalled what we said, because there seemed something dismissive about it. Not sensing that immediately was what made me feel angry at myself later. As a child I had to keep under the radar and so learned to suppress my emotions. I’m getting better at sensing in the moment, but still have trouble when the response would require confrontation.
Thank you for your videos. They are helping me immensely & I’m sending some of them to my grown children in hopes of mending their broken childhoods as well. Bless you & yours.
Thank you a million times for making this crucial problem for many women comprehensible.
Should I boycott mothers day this year for the first time? I think Im done with keeping up the pretense, what would the fall out be? Im sure mothers day is a challenge for all people who were made the family scapegoat and psychologically abused by their mother.
That is such a good question. You know you had genuine trauma when something like Mother's Day becomes something you dread.
Mother's Day is deeply traumatic for me. It is the worst day of the year. Hands down.
@@sarayates1010 I didnt observe Mothers day this for the first time. Nothing has been said, but the "cold shoulder" has definitely been served, so to speak. Dont let them hold the promise of inheritance over your head for any reason.
Wow so many parts to healing. Thank you for setting it out so clearly, it does take a lot of effort. One thing I'll do is rewatch this clip and write out the framework to look at. I'll try not to beat myself up when i go into freeze or fight.
The invalidating environment is the big one for me to get through.
As much as I know about all this, finding you and your wisdom is a balm to my soul. Lucky day for me, finding you, thank you1
Dr. Sage thank you very much for making these videos 😊🌻❤I found the recent videos very helpful and informative. Looking forward to seeing more videos of this series.
Ong you are describing my life with my mother
Best talk on this I have liatend to
Described my childhood 100 %
If only I had leaned this in younger years ..
Thank you for your work.
This series was extremely helpful. Thank you 🙏🏼
It's a lot of information about the problem. Thank you very much. I was struggling a bit with a speed of talk, maybe it was on purpose to put as much as possible information in a short videa, but I had problem to catch everything.
Put playback speed slower
What’s crazy is how much work we have to do ontop of the work we already have to do just existing as humans. I’m tired.
I found you this week and have already shared you with my Therapist, Doctor 👩⚕️, thank you 🙏🏽
My profound gratitude for your work and the videos posted. It gives hope that there is a better life to be lived. Many thanks
I am 48 years old and i can't even think about what my mother did to me without being full of rage.. I keep trying to write to her and I can't.. it's so much so evil and so sick..
More Compassion ❤️ towards me,
ThankYou Kim, your delightful to listen to, Very thoroughly done, so that I think I'm starting to understand ,they truly are doing the best they know to do..
😢found this video at a time whff where iam contemplating putting me and my moms relationship on pause for a while so I can heal properly,she is the biggest trigger of them all when it comes to my healing,iam scared to cut her off and remember the good times too but I feel suffocated and confused around her,like I have always felt as a child,I had no where to go then.....I can separate with her now,my body,inner child and spirit wants to separate from her,
😢iam even collecting YT links to send with the text of me asking for space to show her what iam going through,since I know she can't listen.this video is the top of the list
I was 3 years old and my mother promised to be there for me after an operation. She left the hospital and wasn’t. I always remember. I’am now almost 50 years old and I still life with the fear of people left me, to lose my kids or other relatives. She had more of those strange actions.
I feel like I used a combination of hyper vigilance, shutting down and fawning in my childhood.
When my mother crosses a boundary I tend to feel obligated to sugar coat my hurt feelings or dismiss them in fear that expressing my own feelings would hurt her. When she redirects her actions with excuses and gaslights you saying I couldn’t tell you then because you were xyz … making herself the victim and reinforcing me to feel like I need to protect her from my truth. This behavior still hurts and is keeping me small. When this happens I will use “I” statements and set CLEAR boundaries based off of how certain behavior like this makes me feel. Constant reassurance that I am worthy and a supportive wife will help me see through the bullshit sorry’s and take more responsibility in what I am allowing in my life.
Thx so much dr Kim! Much appreciated and its funny I was just thinking of going back into therapy to cope with new relationship in my life. This must be heaven sent 😊
I love your wonderful information on your channel. I have been trying to find this info explained in such a great understandable way. Thank you!!
My mother ran away from home when she was 13, ended up on the streets and to shorten this, she became a Madame, to survive, she got married and along came me, my dad left when I was 5, so I became a pawn in her life, she used to basically rent me out for sexual pleasure, and started grooming me to be a Madame 😢
I can understand your pain. God bless you pure soul 💓 .
😢❤
Sorry
,I will just commit to keep learning about this! This is pretty new stuff…but I know it’s time to open the door that it has all been hidden behind.I have just started seeing a councillor
Thanks Dr Kim, shared this gem and looking forward to doing some of your courses! ❤🎉🙏
Haahahahaaaa! I remember when I completed explaining my childhood experiences to a psychologist. She broke character and with much bewilderment said; 'I don't know why you are not on a roof top shooting people'. I responded; 'I choose not to do that'. For me.....coping mechanisms are the best I can hope for.
Thank you for your generosity to share your knowledge 🙏❤️
My mother is probably the most narcisstic person I know. She is in her 80s now and we just lost my Dad in March. Now it is all about her 24/7. How she has no one to help her, how she has no one living around her (she lives in a wonderful neighborhood with neighbors who have helped her and Dad a lot thru the years). She is one of the most unhappy people I have ever known. She complains about everyone and everything and is grateful for nothing. She says she is scared to live alone especially at night. I do feel for her but she can NEVER live with me. I lost my husband to Covid in 2021 and moved back home to be near family (long story but actually the best and most economical decision for me). I have my own home and I am actually very happy and content where I live. I refuse to ever have my peace destroyed again by someone who only wants to control and demean. So that is what it is. I really do not know what to do with her, but I hope she finds some sort of peace within herself before she leaves this earth. I doubt she ever will, but that is what I pray for her. Your videos are very helpful and I want to thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom in these areas.
People like my mom around the community, however, was Hell growing up. And then people find that as just.
I just discovered your videos today and I cannot wait to view more. You really have me hooked thinking and reflecting on my childhood in a new light which I never thought was possible because I thought I exhausted myself with these thoughts. I wonder though what think what happens to a child when they lose their mother at a young age and the father is almost non present after?
So good! Thank you! I sent it to a friend
I decided to ask my parents for help this week knowing it was a long shot... It was a total joke of a conversation 😂 One of the things my covert/social narcissist mother said to me, was "I think you might over intellectualise..." I was stumped. These are people that have spent a life time telling me I'm overly emotional and too sensitive, but also, 'you are too smart for your own good!'
It was hilarious to see my mother try and gaslight me by saying this (based on the fact I'm highly educated and an ASD special interest SME in intergenerational trauma.) Clearly trying to get an emotional reaction from me, seeing as that it is much easier to validate and dismiss my perspective and experiences when I'm being emotional and appealing to (non existant) empathy from them!
I'm now so used to people being intimidated by either my emotional capacity or my gifted intelligence, which depends on their own lens and which is more triggering for them at the time...
I felt like saying, "oh! You think I'm avoiding my feelings, by over reliance on fact and reason!? Interesting!..." 😂 You just can't win with a narcissist mother and codependant borderline father... 😢
God Bless u Kimberly.
I think you caught a bit of the ol narcissism yourself
Eeesh
@@BlueRidgeBubble narcissism is not confidence. Huge difference.
Hi Kimberley. I am from India. I just want to say that I could really relate with your comment. I have been surrounded by family members and people who get overwhelmed by my emotional intelligence, sensitive demeanour and articulation. It's like a huge paradox of my being, I am good at my work, have been good in studies too, but the traits that make me excellent at my job, make people around me uncomfortable. Whenever I try to share something which my mother, she dismisses it by saying that I am overthinking and need to learn to let go in order to lead a peaceful life. This is the reason why I sometimes feel confused and debased and don't know whether to be cognizant of my emotions or ignore them as musings of my mind.
I completely relate.
Damn, the "over-intellectualizing" accusation is ridiculous. It's exhausting fucking explaining yourself and the very well-thought out conclusions for them to be rejected or dismissed.
Thank you. Your content is so helpful.
Thank you for your videos could you please talk about mothers , Step - fathers and half brothers military kids growing up on bases.
Yes I am working on healing from mother issues. I know its bad to say for some but I am glad my mom is dead now My elementary secretary saw her beat me in front yard called DFS I lied for her though So yep Thank you for this
I wish i could talk to someone like you or someone who understands these things as both my parents hurt me and damaged me and i tried to hard to give them so many chances and it only hurt me more and more. And i feel their parents hurt them but i never knew them. It's scary as I'm 38 and undeveloped and afraid, disabled both physically and mentally which is awful and of course judged and not something i want or enjoy but im lost and alone, I'd give anything for proper care but that takes money and proper medical professionals and those are so hard to find. I feel lost and now have a child of my own who's in such a tough spot and i gave all i am to protect her from what I've been though, but alone wnd against the abusive other party it's been impossible and like a constant rotation of confusion and abuse throughout generations and a cycle. It hurts :( and im so isolated and lost now.
excellent content, thanks
Hi Dr..Kim, just discovered your channel and appreciate the insights.
Just a lil feedback based on what you shared in closing. Maybe I misunderstood, but did you say post 5 videos a week, Mon through Fri?
Personally, I can't keep up with that many, and I would prefer to watch one really well-thought out video that dives deep. Just me.
Thank you!
Thank you for such a wonderful content. Any advice for the mother, with CPTSD who has undoubtedly wounded her children?
I want to be fully aware of what I believe about myself.
Thank you so much Dr Kim. 🤗🤍
Great vid, dr kim
0:40 1:57 3:25 5:40 6:15 8:40 9:40 nervous system regulation 12:30 14:20 armour 😢
Fantastic video thank you. Can you buy the journal you are holding in the video somewhere? ❤️
I’m in my 40s and don’t think my mother wound would ever healZ I can only work towards not being like her.
Gratitude!!!
Excellent content
I've come from a narcissist mother and I was too the scape goat.
The cathair is healing 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Hi, great stuff. CAn I ask do you see this pattern for unmarried people going to work for environments that replicate the dysfunctional childhood? Thank you!❤
I'm having trouble with my aging mom. I feel so guilty like I'm not doing anything but actually I'm doing it all. This woman smoked marijuana with me before school in the morning and discouraged me from college. I'm smart. I'm going to try and notice when I'm worried about what she thinks of me. I'm going to start there. Just noticing when I worry about her judgement
I don't care what my female parent's problem is. She ruined my life. From giving me drugs at 3 years to committing suicide twice in front of me before 6 to burning down the house at 5, sexually abusing me at 10, disowning me at 19, I'm 58 and it hasn't stopped. I found safety in no-contact until I found out she has been stalking me and I'm gutted. I can't get away from her no matter what I do, she has made it VERY clear she will NOT give it up. I threatened her with a restraining order and she laughed and said THAT WONT STOP ME. At this point it's either HER or ME and I'm not winning this battle...
Thank you, you're so right about everything. It's so true. My mother is Narcissist and so is My Dad Narcissist.I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. I am a 47 female who is Empath , I am the oldest out of five children my parents had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I been a Christian for over ten years. I know my worth and values. My peace come from God. God is great all the time. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists are liars
Narcissists don't love us at all.
Narcissists don't even care about you at all.
Narcissists always act like they are the victim
Narcissists are broken people
Narcissists are insecure people
Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil
Narcissists are fake and phony people
excellent video
I just came across this video and have a question. My mom is good but her mom was narcissistic. I felt that throughout my childhood. I didn’t have the words to describe. Could I still take the course on healing mother wounds.
Thank you ❤
Yes 100%. And in some cases, when the child is born with an innate more integrated Essence than the parents, and they are deeply wounded, they will project all their fears and pathologies onto the Child, it can cause to d ë str 0y her. Because for them, being weak means being a good person. They are damaging the potential and essence of the child. Very serious stuff.
I said some really really hurtful words to my mother and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself
I did too last year and she was hurt and stopped talking to me for a year. I stand by what I said, but wish it could have come out less hurtful
❤ i am in healing from CPTSD please see this as recognizing my issues ❤
Hi, you guys must be out for the day. Andrew, I've been trying to talk with you for 6 hours for some advice about something happening in my life but not sure if you went to the beach or you both decided to hang out at your place for the day. I know that can turn nto a little fun fest so I won't take anymore of your time. Whatever, no big deal. I did check to see if you were by the flower earlier. Not a hoover but you both must have been in a hurry to leave and get on the road. Can't blame you. Anyway, see you around sometime I guess. 💯💯
3:52 is it possible for trauma to happen but not blame the mother ...I didn't realize the damage I experienced was from my mother that I worshipped😊