As an INFP, sometimes I want to open up and in fact I do, but I feel misunderstood or I feel that I overshared my thoughts and emotions and others are not interested in(((
This is my dilemma too. People say I should "open up and be vulnerable" until I do. Then they say I "overshared" or ignore me as I'm trying to explain something important to me. It's a double bind. Whichever choice you make, you get put at the disadvantage. My choice is to stop wasting effort on people who are not trustworthy. They still call me aloof, but at least I'm not wasting my effort, or revealing vulnerabilities for them to exploit. I hope you find a few trustworthy people. There are some who simply seem safe to me. I do my best not to take a deep dive into raw emotion. Instead, I tell them open-ended stories about things that are noteworthy to me. Then they say "I love how weird you are" and we both feel good. PS: The open-ended stories are only for people I trust. I don't reveal anything I value to people I can't trust. If necessary, I will lie to conceal personal information. I will let them believe I like sports, food, pop music, etc. if it protects my closest feelings from abuse.
@@nathanwood4762 I understand you, I've chosen not to talk about things important to me too. They say the most valuable memories are the ones you haven't shared with anyone. But from time to time I want to talk to someone like I talk to myself and not be condemned for being vulnerable. Sometimes it happens that I see and recognize "my" people from the first sight like I've known them for years, but unfortunately I never get the chance to befriend with them.
Yes, Catch-22 black or white. Can’t have it both ways. Don’t tell us to open up yet complain about what we have to say. You asked about telling and now it’s a problem? I’m kind of tired of that.
Job interview today. I was asked if I valued independence more or working with others. I choked up an awkward answer. Then spent the rest of the afternoon alone in the woods to relieve the built up stress about the interview.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that. I too had an interview on 8th March and found myself acting more chirpy than my real self based on how the questions were going. I feel like interviews are the one place where we all know we're over-emphasizing (I don't want to say lying), but we are forced/encouraged to give answers that interviewers will like vs giving answers that are true to who we are. I definitely understand taking time to decompress afterwards. I do hope you feel better and find the role that makes you feel whole. Take care ok?
I have an upcoming interview, but am dreading it I don't want to go, because I feel like a loser & I don't want to be humiliated & judged by others. I also have nothing to sell about myself or share about myself that is of good use for work
@@hyacinthdibley2420Thank you! :) Wow, and I got 22 likes. Good luck to you as well! And, yea! 😂 I actually practiced for my interview by crying and telling my true story of loss and injustice. Followed by watching fake funny interviews by this guy on youtube. One where he is wearing an appropriate business suit shirt but says hold on let me get my resume, and proceed to show his rear end across the bed wearing leopard speedos. 😂 I did jumping Jacks and splashed cold water on my face...put peppermint in the diffusers. Then acted super chirpy.
😮 how can someone call an aloof person narcissistic, when narcissists are the ones who die for spotlight and attention. We are not just aloof, we are awkwardly peculiarly aloof!
See it as a trait, not as a diagnosis. Self hatred is narcissistic in nature as it turns inwards in an attempt to self correct. Depression also has clear narcissistic… nuances, in lack of a better word. Still, this person would probably not be diagnosed as a narcissist.
You know what's really hard? Being an INFP and nearsighted, and walking around with your glasses on your head, in a story in that same head. People think you've ignored them, you think you're too good for them, they get mad, or you're completely unapproachable....when the whole time you were just trying to get from point A to point B without getting a headache from your strong prescription, meant for driving.
Who could hate an INFP? We have our flaws and idiosyncrasies like anyone else, but we're not malicious, not unless someone pushes us much too far, and we care so deeply about everyone and everything. People have accused me of being too distant and aloof, and maybe I am with people I don't know yet, but once I get to know someone, I become more warm toward them and one of their strongest allies.
@@julieolson1402 I am an INFP! Totally agree on we are honest, and can't be controlled. I just don't understand why it scare people? I believe as an INFP we would appreciate people who are honest and we don't like to controlled anyone. We just want them to be themselves. I would be so happy to have honest people and people who dare to be themselves as my close friends
I don't dislike all INFPs but the person I hate most in the world is an INFP. Needy, overly dependant, infantile, immature, over sensitive, self-pitying, playing the victim while being the perpetrator, a burden, a taker, irrational, vindictive, hypocritical, entitled, delusional, self-absorbed, feeling sorry for self while lacking empathy for others all describe an adult INFP male I know. Some INFPs are great but this particular one and many others see themselves as these poor innocent little lambs when they're really not. It's interesting because as a non-INFP I'm also not a malicious person unless someone pushes me too far, but an INFP will justify the mean things they do while condemning others for doing the same things. In their heads others do mean things because they're evil but when an INFP does the same mean thing it's because they're a poor little angel that was just pushed too far.
INTJ here dating an INFP for 8 years now and sometimes it's hard to deal with. To me emotions are an effect of some cause, if I dislike how I feel, then I resolve what made me feel that way and then I don't need to concern myself with how I felt. To her it's important to experience every feeling to it's fullest. It causes problems to drag on, often feels like a mountain out of a molehill moment, and worse yet, sometimes she just wants to vent her feelings. (My personal thoughts are very hard to repress, "if you have a problem, why waste the time being upset when you could resolve it and not "feel" at all" Of course you can't say that, but it is exhausting at times.) This would be less of an issue if she didn't fabricate an imaginary problem to be upset over because she "knows someone won't listen to her" as example. Just do or say what you want, as long as it's consistent with your personal values, to hell with whoever disagrees. Not worth your time, you can curate the people you share your time with. Never give people the power over how you feel and nothing they do could ever bother you beyond a minor inconvenience and frustration. That said she's an incredible person. She's capable of so much more than she believes she is and truly is just a lovable person, but sometimes things would be so much easier if she could learn to solve the problem instead of trying to process how she feels.
Even now at age 60, I recall clearly my high expectations dashed on the first day of Kindergarten when I saw the other kids and thought, holy crap, am I going to be stuck with these noisy brats? I quickly learned the value of being aloof and keeping my distance. At recess instead of playing with the others, I played with the globe and dreamt of going somewhere else. So little has changed.
I cut ties with another person recently. It was a loyalty issue, something I viewed as a betrayal. The first time I remember cutting someone out was in junior high, someone who was a very close friend-- my best friend, or so I thought. I told him the closest secret to my heart, about my mother's death (suicide). I caught him talking to others about it and making light of it. The hurt was indescribable. I said nothing then, nor at any time afterwards. Instantly cut off. I wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. If I cut someone out, it's usually because they've violated a core value and there's no point, I feel, even discussing it.
Good for you. I think you did the right thing. And I also think what you did is it better than the alternative of mistreated and not doing anything about it. And it’s your choice if you want to make amends or not.
i cut off a person whom i thought my bestfriend too, for 12 years. she treated me like a her punching bag, at first i empathize with her, always there for her even if she is draining me with her negativity, but i found out she was badmouthing me behind my back, never stood for me when people are misunderstood my gender, i mean i am straight and here she was laughing with other people talking about that i am a lesbian. gaslighted me also with things i never do, i ended up doubting myself. i am traumatized.
@@sushinoodles8036 I'm sorry your friend hurt you in that way. Sometimes really empathetic, fixer-types can be magnets for abusive people. I have been learning about narcissistic personality disorder; how to recognize them, and how to have better boundaries. As we get hurt, we learn and grow, however painful it may be at the time. I hope you find healing and peace from this hurt you have experienced.
Ah yes! Which reminds me of a song: "It's wonderful It's wonderful It's wonderful Good luck my baby It's wonderful It's wonderful It's wonderful I dream of you"
I stopped sharing of my thoughts & emotions & what is going on internally or my different opinions, and just keep them to myself. Whoever genuinely wants to know or hear them will. I just keep all the good energy to myself because ppl can't handle others being dreamy or optimistic, they want to burst your bubble just for you to confirm to their misery. I've been there many times as well, thinking it was too much when someone was cheerful when i was moody or sulking, i got afraid of that person & stayed away from them, because i couldn't believe my eyes i met someone similar to myself....that i just ran away instead. Been praying yo be with my own kind. Whenever it happens, i get so shocked i don't know what to say or do, that i just leave never come back. It's as if i am looking for the bad, because that is all ive ever known. When someone or something good shows up i get very suspicious because it is so unfamiliar. I rhink i will just be myself when im with myself. And i treat ppl accordingly to how they treat me or how they want to be treated
Do you think that it’s possible that you’re bringing some of those preconceptions into new interactions or relationships? I appreciate the good energy, and I think there may be some ways to be expanded so that you are happier and you have more positive interactions. I know it’s an uphill battle sometimes, but I really believe that INFPs have an endless well of curiosity and joy- but we don’t always allow ourselves to experience it.
I don’t think people have a hard time connecting with me as much as I have a hard time connecting with people, because it takes SO MUCH for me to feel connected to others. I remember in college I unintentionally offended someone because he said we were friends but I just casually said that we weren’t, even though we interacted a lot because we had several classes together. In my head we weren’t friends because I do have high standards of what determines friendship.
For me I have acquaintances, sorta friends (like friends that only talk to you at class or at work), friends (talk to you at or outside of work, you have their personal number and have shared intrest and have shared your personal lives with eachother) and good friend (someone who is alwaus there for you and you are friends at all times, can hang out together and pick up where you left off, can talk about most anything).
@@ashlieperez3755 I relate so bad to having high expectations, but whenever I think of that, I always think about myself and what I could bring to the table aswell. Like I like to see things in that bigger picture. It's like we have this idealization and perfectionism trait we can't let go.
100% I hate that I can come off judgmental. Truthfully, however, I expect so much more from myself than anyone else, so in my head it seems logical to expect so much from everyone else even though, to everyone else, it comes off as idealistic or judgmental.
INFP here, this girl I met in college said to me “when I first met you, I thought you were gonna punch me in the face” & that is the best compliment I have ever received
@@macmckissack not in the exact same words, but I get that a lot too lol. People tend to perceive me as intimidating and unfriendly, but once they know me more personally they say the opposite. One friend once said "you're actually incredibly cute!" When she found out that I didn't have the heart to kill a cockroach. I would consider "intimidating" a compliment too though 😆
I loved when you said we avoid conflict, and corrected that it might depend on enneagram. I know I do not avoid conflict because I know conflict = growth and opportunity to learn. I know this is not the mentality of all INFP'S. I am a 4w5, Turbulent, with Avoidant attachment style and I wish conflict was more fearful. It would help if I was afraid of people and worldly consequences
Your way of communicating is so soothing and clear, and more like me than I usually see. Makes me feel happy to be INFP :) Thank you for the good tips.
When u said rub the people wrong way it made sense. I am always told that. And it makes me sad like maybe I shouldn't say anything at all and then I can't upset nobody. I'm like what i do or say that was so bad? I still don't know lol. 😊
Your description of the struggles of an INFP is so accurate. I appreciate your willingness to share your experience and insights as to how to tap into our potential. Thank you.
@5:35 you mention how we are private and guarded. In 2001 I lost my brother, I was 17 he was 18. (Not a drug overdose he was an angel). In 2002 I found myself in a mental ward with all these strangers and boy was I guarded. No one could help me. So a few of the very down to earth patients were very patient and sweet to me. One night after over a week of being there I finally shared. I had never shared in group before. After I got done all of them stood up and cheered and clapped for me just for sharing. I’m tearing up even now just thinking about it. I’m 41 now and well, that feels like yesterday.
Fellow INFPer here 😅 People tell me i come across as a b*tchy mean girl. Once they get to know me, they realize I’m super nice, almost too nice in a toxic way lmao 🤣
@@brynax170 no, I just know I’ve spent 10 years of my life in 5 year close friendships with INFPs and they both ended the exact same way. They were definitely the exact same passive people.
Sameeeee ppl tell me that before they met me I look pist off so they felt scared but once they talked to me it’s a whole different person compared to their judgment of me 😂😂😂 I’m also an infp I tend to struggle to believe if im actually one 😂😂
Matt, this is fantastic! So comprehensive and in depth about INFP. From this INTP’s standpoint two things. 1)Something both INTP and INFP may not be too aware of that is off-putting to others, we can both come across as Goody-Two-Shoes, being just ‘nice’ when everyone else is “acting out and being a bit irresponsible, really!” This, as Leon of Type Talks (another incredible INFP) explains, is our 3rd function Si and the immature way we express it, making us look just lame and exaggerated in appearing ‘good’. I know we’re not TRYING, but that’s what it looks like to others. I think our difference is; we INTPs appear to be be Goody TwoShoes about being ‘nice!’ to people (inferior/ aspirational Fe), and you guys about ‘ALWAYS helping to get the work done!’ (Inferior/ aspirational Te). Resonate, anyone? 2)our Fi or Ti makes what comes OUT OF OUR MOUTHS seem more stubborn and dug-in than what we genuinely feel on the inside. And THAT is hugely off-putting to most people.
i love sharing any ideas to my brother and talked about it. but in school i cannot open my mouth. i saw the gladness of my classmate's face when i started to talk.
Once on a job I wrote a line of code that caused my boss to threaten to KILL ME if I set foot on his property ... Needless to say I left that job in the next month 😢.
Good stuff; I resonate! As an INFP, I generally do not share the same level of enthusiasm for much of what is popular, normal or conventionally appreciated by the average person. On top of this, I also struggle to adapt my expression to match outward, social expectations whenever I'm not feeling it. I think this is often misinterpreted as me judging others, but it's mostly just a result of me being ruthlessly true to myself. I assume this aspect of my personality is what's most often grating to the average person; especially extroverts.
I find it weird that INFPs actually think that they need to be sad in order to be creative or do something. I'm the exact opposite. If I am not happy, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm the most productive and skillful when I am happy.
I think I could relate to this. When I'm sad, I feel depressed. Like I've lost my purpose and spark. When I'm at peace or happy, I'm suddenly a bundle of creativity.
That's an interesting comment. I have never thought about it in that way. I know that I know my interests and values and life experiences and purpose. Yet, do I connect with myself? What would that mean? Sometimes I think.... would I as an outsider want to connect with me? And yikes. I honestly would feel intimidated by myself. Even when I'm warm and friendly there is something secretive. A coworker told me many years ago that I scared people. Another one made a comment once that she thought I was afraid to be myself. What did that mean? I was professional. This would be some great topic for @geekpsychology on here.
@@GeekPsychologyCopy and pasting my comment for you. Ideas for a video? That's an interesting comment. I have never thought about it in that way. I know that I know my interests and values and life experiences and purpose. Yet, do I connect with myself? What would that mean? Sometimes I think.... would I as an outsider want to connect with me? And yikes. I honestly would feel intimidated by myself. Even when I'm warm and friendly there is something secretive. A coworker told me many years ago that I scared people. Another one made a comment once that she thought I was afraid to be myself. What did that mean? I was professional. This would be some great topic for @geekpsychology on here.
@@danab172I agree this is a great topic . I got the same comment from my mgr, that I need to be myself more and that I am acting professional all the time. But I am being myself, they just don't see it for some secret reason.
@@vc6218 if people you are opening up to find you weird than that's on them and not you. Because if someone were to open up to you how would you react? You would be kind, no? That shows me that the person/s you are opening up to, do not have as much empathy or kindess as you do and aren't worth your time. You have to find the people who don't find you weird, who will accept you for who you are. There are alot of empaths (INFJ, INFP, ENFP, ENFJ, ISFJ) who wouldn't find you weird but be understanding with you. I also have ENTP and INTP friends who are very understanding. You just haven't met the right people. Keep on trying and you will eventually find someone but just incase you don't, people rejecting you is not a sign of how worthy you are of friendship or anything else. It just means that people have their own ideas and unfortunately can't help with what you're going through.
💖 INFP HSP Girl here ~ I felt so related to all these. The distance thing is definitely one of my biggest social crutches, oh and the daydreaming 🌈✨☁️ Thank you so much for this video 🙃
Thank you so much for these heart to heart talks. I admittedly struggle to find time to just sit and listen through all of it at once with all these internet stimuli nowadays, but when I do, you really put me at peace 🥰
Thank you so much for making this video. It explains a lot. I was raised by a mother who constantly criticised me for being “the way you are”. She’d constantly tell me how it made me such an awkward, difficult person who wasn’t easy to get along with and how it was going to trip me up in life and that I need to “change your tune.” Well, I don’t mind being this way. I quite enjoy living in my airy, fairy private little bubble. It’s safe and cozy for me and my emotions. I don’t really need to rely on anyone else. In fact, I’m quite happy by myself. I don’t bother anyone and don’t need to be bothered by anyone. Oh boy, but my mother still hates me so much for it. She can’t stand me 🤷🏽♀️. I think I’ll stick with my cute cozy bubble 🫧 protects me from the hate 🥰
Emotion follows your choices. If you choose to look at things with optimism, you will be happy. It isn't a matter of becoming unauthentic to be optimisitc, it is something worse! It means being realistic in your idealisms!!
My daughter is an INFP, and I'm an INFJ. We are like two hands on one belly. I enjoy her pace but even more her insights and ability to reflect on herself. She has grown so much the last decade with lots of pain. I've always told her she's the most important person in her life. When life was tough my words kept her on her feet. ❤😊🥹
I don’t know where I got it from, but I’ve always been a “work on my weaknesses” kinda guy. I’ve found over the decades, when I choose to focus on something I suck at, everything I’m good at immediately improves. I don’t know if it’s fostering humility by going all in on something I will fail at but time after time I suck alittle less at the thing? There is quite a bit of discipline and structure that goes into this, otherwise I’d never do it. I can easily imagine that if I didn’t do this, there would be fertile ground for arrogant ignorance to flourish, that possibility scares the hell out of me.
Wow... A lot of trigger points here but a great video as always, Matt. Thank you for being brave to say all these points, now I can see clearly on why I being and have been misunderstood by a lot of people.
Hi Matt. I wanted to let you know that this video compelled me to comment for the first time, ever. After 20ish minutes(make that 30ish) of writing and revision, inner debate as to the validity of my comment. This, of course, led me down the path of exploring potential strategies for dealing with the(in my mind) inevitable criticism. My punctuation sucks and I have already decided, before i have even posted the comment, that it's unworthy of any serious consideration 😉 As a full on INFP I chuckled a little when you spoke of, "embracing structure and deadlines". Felt to me like your heart didn't align with your words. The incredulous grin on your face tells me your trying to convince yourself that this is somehow a good thing. We both know that adhering to such structure is going to leave us in doubt as to the quality of our work 😎 My desire for perfectionism requires much thought and preparation. Just hearing the words gives me the heebie geebies. In my mind, Structure and Deadlines = Second rate results Thanks for the great videos - I find your insights reassuring and motivational.
The way you break it down is admirable.I avoid conflict if possible & people say that I‘m very closed / introverted.Always thought that I may be an ISFP but I feel seen after watching this video.Thank you very much 😊
Hello! I am an INFP, and I feel 100% identified with everything. Does anyone know how to deliver work on time? I’m always late, and it’s a big problem for me in my studies.
What might be my biggest struggle right now is opening up. Truly opening up. Not just… a version of me, but the inwards version of me (aka authentic me). Add autistic masking to that and I realise I’ve just really not been myself as much as I thought I was. I probably think I seem more approachable than I truly am. When I’m on my own, I’m stoic and don’t let anything shine through. When I’m with friends, we have so much of a unique subculture that I think it would be hard to try and understand that. I’ve definitely scared my ENFP friend sometimes by going completely offline/kind of shutting down. Quite often, I’m the one to initiate things with my friends. But other times it’s just radio silence on my part. He definitely gets worried when I do that. It’s often a sign I’m not doing too well. Wanting to do everything alone… Yes. Relatable. Even the things I suck at. I hated working together in high school. Also hated in in uni while I was there. But being this completely solo artist… who doesn’t really share much, makes it hard to receive feedback and improve more. I struggle with high standards. Especially since I hold my older brother (probably ENTP) to a rather high esteem. I did VWO/gymnasium (highest ‘level’ of the Dutch high/middelbare school system). But… my brother did too. I passed, but he passed with flying colours. It’s best to really not compare myself to him. We both have different strengths. And there are probably a couple things I could help him with. But still… I do feel like my brother and my friends seem to have life figured out better than me. Even though my rationality knows they’re diving in the deep and seeking in the dark just as much as I am. SE blindness and TE inferiority is really difficult. The mundane sort of tasks are so difficult. Add to that… autism, which has the characteristic of being (hyper)focused on one thing, creating ‘spiky profiles’… It’s difficult. Every sort of mundane thing like… checking and sending my mail, or something, feels very needlessly convoluted and illogical to me. There’s this paradox of feeling misunderstood, but kind of choosing to linger there, rather than making active steps to try and actually be understood.
I'm an infp in relationship with an infj, and with an estp. It is really amazing to see how I function and my loved ones. I learned to communicate and be direct and honest though. And I try to be unconditional, and to mirror that. That the differences are ok. Yeah I feel deeply, for others too, and it is ok, even if others don't feel that. I learned a lot, and happy with it, and being an infp ❤
Organisation can be an issue 🙈 8:29 I don't know about the cutting ties bit, I've noticed that quite a bit with other people groups though, I think like alot of people, infp's have a certain level of disrespect we put up with and then 'no more', cross the line and then maybe cut the tie, but that's usually because of someone hurting or disrespecting me first...🤔
Thank you! I’m curious what my transition looks like from the outside. I’m always trying to think of the best way to make the next step without alienating anybody. It’s not easy.
@@GeekPsychology You went from someone that was very reluctant to reveal himself on camera (but had the brevity and compassion to do it) to someone who is self-assured but has retained humility despite incredible growth in maturity, knowledge and intelligence by breaking out of his comfort zones continuously. Thank you.
Not sure if this related to INFP: Some days when I have a happy general mood, small/minor thing happens and the sadness and disappointment lingers for the rest of the day, where eventually I need to retroactively figure out what it was that spoiled my mood and eventually I realising it was nothing that important. An example I could give is that a picture frame is crooked, someone looked at you the wrong way, or just procrastination on something.
Hey Matt, great video… thanks! I guess I’m what you’d call ‘loosely organised’ now I no longer have the responsibilities of kids to care for. I’m very nocturnal but everyday, no matter what time) I go for a bike ride and keep up with the necessities. I’m not what you’d describe as ‘normal’… often hanging out clothes at night or vacuuming and cleaning at night but I’m ok with that. I’ve found over the years what absolutely HAS to happen in order for me to feel in control and I do it regardless of the time or day. The same with money… I pay the bills first, regardless of what I do with the rest. I’ve discovered over the years a little organisation goes a long way to reduce overall stress.
As an INFP male, I have noticed that I have had the most relationships with INFJs. Not sure if they have more understanding and connection with us or what.
@@truthtransistorradio6716 yes! I am an INFP female and one of my best friends was an INFJ that I encountered in an online group. I could talk to her comfortably about things that I could not with anyone else, including family and supposed friends who
They are adorable , my sons a infpand friends and they care, my only thing they can be really emotional. But they are real.. as a entp, they are literally cute people
I like an open heart and an abundant, deep, intimate, and intelligent life within my relationships. The INFPs naturally make me suffer just by being themselves. Terrible. ♥️
This makes me think I’m not an INFP. I’m approachable. I don’t avoid conflict. I do open up emotionally. But the rest of the characteristics fit perfectly. So I’m confused. I have tested as ENFP ( in the past, now I’m more introverted) and also ISFP.
SO true. Often I’m so caught up in my own thoughts 💭 and daydreams, and I’m pretty sure that no one in my family understands me My mother said I would never get a boyfriend if I am this disorganised lol
That’s her perception. I’m sure there are plenty of other people that are not her that would be happy to have a free spirited, curious, and authentic person in their life.
Thanks for the video. I completely agree with everything in the first part of the video, naturally, completely skipped the second (advices) and enjoyed the ending :) Only true INFPs will understand ;)
I just assumed I was crazy until i researched this. Wow this is so me! Finally someone understands me 😮 (edited this comment like 5 times and im still not happy with it... fuck it)
Conflict avoidance is strong in me to be sure. But there have been two (very traumatic) occasions where I couldn’t avoid it (“wouldn’t” avoid is more accurate) and I shocked both myself and my “conflictors” with my forceful resolve, firm communication, and air tight control over the situations. These were matters of principle about things and people I cared about. Fortunately each was short term- becoming what appeared to be a ESTJ or ENTJ was terrifying, painful, and exhausting! I’m secretly gratified I successfully went through it 🙃
8:19 i do this so much and its so sad. my friend has been calling me for 2 years and i have not answered and he have not stopped. i would die for him, but i aint answering that call
Do you understand yourself fully? I don’t. So I’ve realized that other people (who only know 2% of what’s going on in my head) shouldn’t be expected to understand me as much as I hope ☺️ But the more I share, the more they can understand.
I am INFP and was diagnosed with adhd or am I simply a frustrated INFP because I am also co dependent and always put others first? Great advice all around and about breaking things into smaller goals so you get a boost.
I was wondering how many INFPs have Innatentive ADHD. I do also. I always knew something was different about me. I really struggled in school. I was so shy and was often in an ADD fog. It wasn't until I was 50 that I was diagnosed. I am now 63
I wish more people would focus on themselves. It would be a great talking point. I get bored having deep conversations with myself. Thankfully as an INFP, i have a creative outlet i can hermit with.
My dreams got me through an abusive childhood with two narcissist parents. Now I'm sort of stuck in my stories. I'll put a book down just to be in my own head--then never finish the book.
it is funny when usually quiet types like us "explode" a bit. today in a meeting I raised my voice a bit cause I was angry and apologized, but later actually got respect, but I do t hink some people genuinely do not like iNFJ or INFPs... I had some people told me they do not l ike me cause t hey can not read me... other people even reward my unconscious, no crap attitude. short story time: when i was still bartending (not the smartest thing as an introvert, cause you get stressed out with so much people in one space usually after a while and just beg innerly for the shift to end while you obviously maintain composure and friendliness on the outside) some of my colleagues were really flirty and active with customers, Id just be really aloof, sort of side-stepped and just doing my job, not paying much attention to t hem. A lot of them did not like it, so I was not really their favorite go-to person, however others liked it I even got gifted vouchers one time out random or people wanting to give me drinks, which being on t he job respectfully declined. But it is funny, I think there are personality types who can vibe with us and others who absolutely can not stand this sort of behaviour. goes the other wayaround t oo, I naturally vibe really good with some people whereas I try reallly hard with some I might find interesting but it never works out.
Yes, unapproachable and detached are my thoughts for the INFP. I feel a little frustration relating to them. Right now I am establishing that the INFP will have to come toward me not otherwise. I have nothing to do with their “high” standards because I have my own as an INXJ. The emotionalism and stubbornness of the INFPs just get me out of patience.
So many of these hit home, but I always blamed most on my ADHD, I'm surprised to find how many stem simply from being an INFP.. Wondering if you could do a video on the correlation between the two. How many other INFP have also been diagnosed with ADHD? The struggle of this combo is Real!
It’s not OK to abruptly stop speaking to somebody without an explanation because that is harmful and you have to put yourself in their shoes. I have been at discarded and Extremely hard time believing one of us would do that to a romantic partner. Unless we are very much does stressed or depressed or really mentally unable, but I hope there’s accountability
The thing I have a hard time changing is the disappearing. I tell people how I'm feeling, I tell people what I think, I tell people how what they're doing is affecting me. If after I have done that they still try to manipulate me, or gaslight me, or minimize what I'm feeling, I'm not explaining shit. I say okay and they never have access to me again. Like all infps I've met, I can be in a group having a conversation, and someone I've cut off can be in the group and it's fine with me, I just don't address them. I even have a parent that just doesn't exist for me anymore. I don't see a problem with that FOR ME. But I can see why others might want to change that, maybe in a work setting or family.
My mom is INFP (mom at home), I am INTJ. We clashed on basically two things while under the same roof: 1) I found her overly sensitive to "blunt words" (getting hung over the words instead of the intent, or lack thereof, behind the words) 2) Her lower Si-Te for organising things, which I judged as a waste of time and irrelevant to my Te, and she was super annoyed with me I would not follow her "rules" on ordering and cleaning, and when to do it. I also had to learn to discuss with a Ne person who always leaves the main point of the conversation in a very short time, and interrupts the flow to go in a completely unexpected direction without warning lol. I became very good at having "mind post-its" of unfinished conversations I wanted a conclusion on, to be continued at a later time, sometimes weeks later. :)
@@matcha-mooon did you ever have to live with someone else that did not follow your organizzation scheme? Just curious. My point was that it was where I clashed with my INFP mom: the way she was obsessive about HOW to clean up the space we shared.
@ interesting. you said they didnt follow your scheme and you were fine with it (but I feel like, you meant "clutter"), but then if they touched YOUR arranged things, it FORCED you to arrange them back the way they were. Sounds like my mom lol. Thats the "scheme" I meant. The object has to be put "there" where you make up an arbitrary reason for "there" and "why it has to be there" (usually, efficiency reasons, because of Te).
BTW my comments are not a critic or anything, it's just figuring out "how it works" - like the operating system of my INFP mom works this way. When I understand that, I accept it more easily for forego the clashing comments that often inevitably follow.
After watching your video.. I have a bit of understanding of my Infp personality.. I'm struggling with negativity.. I feel empty and useless most of the time.. Tbh, I'm thinking, is this life too hard for me or is it just my head that's too crowded with negativity. I'm mostly alone and locked myself in my house .. I never reached out to neighbours or friends. I know they're trying to reach out to help like you said. But I'm so afraid of my own thoughts and locked myself up.. I was thinking about ending my life soon.. I hate this personality.. but this who I am.. How do you guys manage all this time? I really wanna live.. but I don't see the point of living in this world.
I am sorry that you are feeling like this, I don't know what made you come to experience what seems to be a severe depression, but I wish I could take your pain away, make it disappear forever...It pains me to read how bad you seem to be feeling. I understand how hard it must be for you and I believe that a lot of infps have experienced the same feeling of misery, despair and hopelessness that you do at one point of their lives, but please hang in there, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Take it one day at a time. I strongly suggest you seek help from a therapist or from family and friends; Don't isolate yourself, it makes it worse and it feeds the negativity till it becomes a very vicious cycle difficult to get out of on your own. You need help to get out of the negative cycle. I am sure that there are people around you who love you, care about you and sincerely wish the best for you. Think about how they would be devastated if you decided to stop fighting and give up on yourself and on your life. The best is yet to come for you. After the storm comes the calm, always. I know it probably seems hard to believe right now but if you manage to find the will to keep battling within yourself, to keep fighting those bad thoughts, day after day, you will eventually one day be able to free yourself from the chains of your mind and take control of it. Things do get better with time even though we feel that they won't. Don't loose hope. You are stronger than you think you are. We INFPs are so strong inside, our biggest ennemy is our mind but if we keep going forward and we don't give up, our mind can become our biggest strenght. Please, keep fighting, never give up !
As an INFP, sometimes I want to open up and in fact I do, but I feel misunderstood or I feel that I overshared my thoughts and emotions and others are not interested in(((
This is my dilemma too. People say I should "open up and be vulnerable" until I do. Then they say I "overshared" or ignore me as I'm trying to explain something important to me.
It's a double bind. Whichever choice you make, you get put at the disadvantage. My choice is to stop wasting effort on people who are not trustworthy. They still call me aloof, but at least I'm not wasting my effort, or revealing vulnerabilities for them to exploit.
I hope you find a few trustworthy people. There are some who simply seem safe to me. I do my best not to take a deep dive into raw emotion. Instead, I tell them open-ended stories about things that are noteworthy to me. Then they say "I love how weird you are" and we both feel good.
PS: The open-ended stories are only for people I trust. I don't reveal anything I value to people I can't trust. If necessary, I will lie to conceal personal information. I will let them believe I like sports, food, pop music, etc. if it protects my closest feelings from abuse.
@@nathanwood4762 I understand you, I've chosen not to talk about things important to me too. They say the most valuable memories are the ones you haven't shared with anyone. But from time to time I want to talk to someone like I talk to myself and not be condemned for being vulnerable. Sometimes it happens that I see and recognize "my" people from the first sight like I've known them for years, but unfortunately I never get the chance to befriend with them.
Same bro.
Yes, Catch-22 black or white. Can’t have it both ways. Don’t tell us to open up yet complain about what we have to say. You asked about telling and now it’s a problem? I’m kind of tired of that.
Job interview today. I was asked if I valued independence more or working with others. I choked up an awkward answer. Then spent the rest of the afternoon alone in the woods to relieve the built up stress about the interview.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that. I too had an interview on 8th March and found myself acting more chirpy than my real self based on how the questions were going. I feel like interviews are the one place where we all know we're over-emphasizing (I don't want to say lying), but we are forced/encouraged to give answers that interviewers will like vs giving answers that are true to who we are. I definitely understand taking time to decompress afterwards. I do hope you feel better and find the role that makes you feel whole. Take care ok?
I have an upcoming interview, but am dreading it
I don't want to go, because I feel like a loser & I don't want to be humiliated & judged by others.
I also have nothing to sell about myself or share about myself that is of good use for work
Aw babe 😢
Nothing quite like being alone in nature. Take that sentence however you want to.
I wish there were woods and forests here in Tokyo.
@@hyacinthdibley2420Thank you! :) Wow, and I got 22 likes. Good luck to you as well! And, yea! 😂 I actually practiced for my interview by crying and telling my true story of loss and injustice. Followed by watching fake funny interviews by this guy on youtube. One where he is wearing an appropriate business suit shirt but says hold on let me get my resume, and proceed to show his rear end across the bed wearing leopard speedos. 😂 I did jumping Jacks and splashed cold water on my face...put peppermint in the diffusers. Then acted super chirpy.
😮 how can someone call an aloof person narcissistic, when narcissists are the ones who die for spotlight and attention.
We are not just aloof, we are awkwardly peculiarly aloof!
People say and do the strangest things. Me included.
i agree. Not likely to be narcissistic
See it as a trait, not as a diagnosis. Self hatred is narcissistic in nature as it turns inwards in an attempt to self correct. Depression also has clear narcissistic… nuances, in lack of a better word. Still, this person would probably not be diagnosed as a narcissist.
I'm guessing it's the assumption that you are alone because you think you are better than anyone else and not because you're deep in your inner world
You know what's really hard? Being an INFP and nearsighted, and walking around with your glasses on your head, in a story in that same head. People think you've ignored them, you think you're too good for them, they get mad, or you're completely unapproachable....when the whole time you were just trying to get from point A to point B without getting a headache from your strong prescription, meant for driving.
Who could hate an INFP? We have our flaws and idiosyncrasies like anyone else, but we're not malicious, not unless someone pushes us much too far, and we care so deeply about everyone and everything. People have accused me of being too distant and aloof, and maybe I am with people I don't know yet, but once I get to know someone, I become more warm toward them and one of their strongest allies.
"Honest, and can't be controlled," scares the he'll out of most people, especially when couched in a seemingly mild mannered, Clark Kent type.
@@julieolson1402 I am an INFP! Totally agree on we are honest, and can't be controlled. I just don't understand why it scare people? I believe as an INFP we would appreciate people who are honest and we don't like to controlled anyone. We just want them to be themselves. I would be so happy to have honest people and people who dare to be themselves as my close friends
I don't dislike all INFPs but the person I hate most in the world is an INFP. Needy, overly dependant, infantile, immature, over sensitive, self-pitying, playing the victim while being the perpetrator, a burden, a taker, irrational, vindictive, hypocritical, entitled, delusional, self-absorbed, feeling sorry for self while lacking empathy for others all describe an adult INFP male I know. Some INFPs are great but this particular one and many others see themselves as these poor innocent little lambs when they're really not. It's interesting because as a non-INFP I'm also not a malicious person unless someone pushes me too far, but an INFP will justify the mean things they do while condemning others for doing the same things. In their heads others do mean things because they're evil but when an INFP does the same mean thing it's because they're a poor little angel that was just pushed too far.
I think the haters know they sold their souls
INTJ here dating an INFP for 8 years now and sometimes it's hard to deal with.
To me emotions are an effect of some cause, if I dislike how I feel, then I resolve what made me feel that way and then I don't need to concern myself with how I felt. To her it's important to experience every feeling to it's fullest. It causes problems to drag on, often feels like a mountain out of a molehill moment, and worse yet, sometimes she just wants to vent her feelings. (My personal thoughts are very hard to repress, "if you have a problem, why waste the time being upset when you could resolve it and not "feel" at all" Of course you can't say that, but it is exhausting at times.)
This would be less of an issue if she didn't fabricate an imaginary problem to be upset over because she "knows someone won't listen to her" as example. Just do or say what you want, as long as it's consistent with your personal values, to hell with whoever disagrees. Not worth your time, you can curate the people you share your time with.
Never give people the power over how you feel and nothing they do could ever bother you beyond a minor inconvenience and frustration.
That said she's an incredible person. She's capable of so much more than she believes she is and truly is just a lovable person, but sometimes things would be so much easier if she could learn to solve the problem instead of trying to process how she feels.
Narcissistic people do not sit alone in a corner.
covert narcissists would
Momentarily for manipulation purposes. However, they will be on their phone with 6 people 😂
@@Chris-tg3qy 🙏⚡️💙💜❤️⚡️
@@LoveIsEternal9 yeah I think they're saying that anyone can be "sitting in a corner" not just narcissists
Even now at age 60, I recall clearly my high expectations dashed on the first day of Kindergarten when I saw the other kids and thought, holy crap, am I going to be stuck with these noisy brats? I quickly learned the value of being aloof and keeping my distance. At recess instead of playing with the others, I played with the globe and dreamt of going somewhere else. So little has changed.
Same, now at age 36, peopel are so annoyingly noisy 😂
Nothing needs to change stay as you are
@bakarka I am a 38 year old INFP, and I share your sentiments.
@@bakarka I wish I understood myself back then. Instead I pouted alone bc I never wanted to interact but watched others interact.
I cut ties with another person recently. It was a loyalty issue, something I viewed as a betrayal. The first time I remember cutting someone out was in junior high, someone who was a very close friend-- my best friend, or so I thought. I told him the closest secret to my heart, about my mother's death (suicide). I caught him talking to others about it and making light of it. The hurt was indescribable. I said nothing then, nor at any time afterwards. Instantly cut off. I wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. If I cut someone out, it's usually because they've violated a core value and there's no point, I feel, even discussing it.
Good for you. I think you did the right thing. And I also think what you did is it better than the alternative of mistreated and not doing anything about it.
And it’s your choice if you want to make amends or not.
I can't imagine that betrayal. I'm so sorry that happened.
That is complete betrayal and understandable.
i cut off a person whom i thought my bestfriend too, for 12 years. she treated me like a her punching bag, at first i empathize with her, always there for her even if she is draining me with her negativity, but i found out she was badmouthing me behind my back, never stood for me when people are misunderstood my gender, i mean i am straight and here she was laughing with other people talking about that i am a lesbian. gaslighted me also with things i never do, i ended up doubting myself. i am traumatized.
@@sushinoodles8036 I'm sorry your friend hurt you in that way. Sometimes really empathetic, fixer-types can be magnets for abusive people. I have been learning about narcissistic personality disorder; how to recognize them, and how to have better boundaries. As we get hurt, we learn and grow, however painful it may be at the time. I hope you find healing and peace from this hurt you have experienced.
I love us INFPs we’re wonderful 💗
💯
you truly are! from fellow intp here .d
@GeekPsychology love your videos ❤️
Ah yes! Which reminds me of a song:
"It's wonderful
It's wonderful
It's wonderful
Good luck my baby
It's wonderful
It's wonderful
It's wonderful
I dream of you"
I hate myself
i can't believe you're 39 man, you look so young!
Thank you! I’m starting to get some grey hairs!! So scary
@@GeekPsychology Don't be. Grey hairs are less ominous than health issues - stay healthy and wise :)
Looking young is an INFP trait! It’s that dreamy idealism shining through. 👶
The late great Jack Benny had a running joke that he was 39… for years 😁. You can start now!
I stopped sharing of my thoughts & emotions & what is going on internally or my different opinions, and just keep them to myself.
Whoever genuinely wants to know or hear them will.
I just keep all the good energy to myself because ppl can't handle others being dreamy or optimistic, they want to burst your bubble just for you to confirm to their misery.
I've been there many times as well, thinking it was too much when someone was cheerful when i was moody or sulking, i got afraid of that person & stayed away from them, because i couldn't believe my eyes i met someone similar to myself....that i just ran away instead.
Been praying yo be with my own kind.
Whenever it happens, i get so shocked i don't know what to say or do, that i just leave never come back.
It's as if i am looking for the bad, because that is all ive ever known. When someone or something good shows up i get very suspicious because it is so unfamiliar.
I rhink i will just be myself when im with myself.
And i treat ppl accordingly to how they treat me or how they want to be treated
Do you think that it’s possible that you’re bringing some of those preconceptions into new interactions or relationships?
I appreciate the good energy, and I think there may be some ways to be expanded so that you are happier and you have more positive interactions.
I know it’s an uphill battle sometimes, but I really believe that INFPs have an endless well of curiosity and joy- but we don’t always allow ourselves to experience it.
I don’t think people have a hard time connecting with me as much as I have a hard time connecting with people, because it takes SO MUCH for me to feel connected to others. I remember in college I unintentionally offended someone because he said we were friends but I just casually said that we weren’t, even though we interacted a lot because we had several classes together. In my head we weren’t friends because I do have high standards of what determines friendship.
For me I have acquaintances, sorta friends (like friends that only talk to you at class or at work), friends (talk to you at or outside of work, you have their personal number and have shared intrest and have shared your personal lives with eachother) and good friend (someone who is alwaus there for you and you are friends at all times, can hang out together and pick up where you left off, can talk about most anything).
@@ashlieperez3755 I relate so bad to having high expectations, but whenever I think of that, I always think about myself and what I could bring to the table aswell. Like I like to see things in that bigger picture. It's like we have this idealization and perfectionism trait we can't let go.
100%
I hate that I can come off judgmental. Truthfully, however, I expect so much more from myself than anyone else, so in my head it seems logical to expect so much from everyone else even though, to everyone else, it comes off as idealistic or judgmental.
INFP here, this girl I met in college said to me “when I first met you, I thought you were gonna punch me in the face” & that is the best compliment I have ever received
@@macmckissack not in the exact same words, but I get that a lot too lol. People tend to perceive me as intimidating and unfriendly, but once they know me more personally they say the opposite. One friend once said "you're actually incredibly cute!" When she found out that I didn't have the heart to kill a cockroach. I would consider "intimidating" a compliment too though 😆
I loved when you said we avoid conflict, and corrected that it might depend on enneagram.
I know I do not avoid conflict because I know conflict = growth and opportunity to learn. I know this is not the mentality of all INFP'S.
I am a 4w5, Turbulent, with Avoidant attachment style and I wish conflict was more fearful. It would help if I was afraid of people and worldly consequences
Your way of communicating is so soothing and clear, and more like me than I usually see. Makes me feel happy to be INFP :)
Thank you for the good tips.
I'm so glad! Feeling happy about your personality type is very important.
When u said rub the people wrong way it made sense. I am always told that. And it makes me sad like maybe I shouldn't say anything at all and then I can't upset nobody. I'm like what i do or say that was so bad? I still don't know lol. 😊
Maybe upsetting people is not the worst in the world and is the potential cause for positive change
People don't like the truth that's why.
Your description of the struggles of an INFP is so accurate. I appreciate your willingness to share your experience and insights as to how to tap into our potential. Thank you.
You’re very welcome ^^ thank you for commenting and telling me
As an INFP I really appreciate ur vids, pls keep up the good work
Thanks ^^
What would make it even better?
@5:35 you mention how we are private and guarded. In 2001 I lost my brother, I was 17 he was 18. (Not a drug overdose he was an angel). In 2002 I found myself in a mental ward with all these strangers and boy was I guarded. No one could help me. So a few of the very down to earth patients were very patient and sweet to me. One night after over a week of being there I finally shared. I had never shared in group before. After I got done all of them stood up and cheered and clapped for me just for sharing. I’m tearing up even now just thinking about it. I’m 41 now and well, that feels like yesterday.
Fellow INFPer here 😅 People tell me i come across as a b*tchy mean girl. Once they get to know me, they realize I’m super nice, almost too nice in a toxic way lmao 🤣
? As an INTP, i think that you are very selfish... It's digusting.
@@nikolqyoh, thats rude man. That is ironic as an INTP, and you dont know her and havent walk in her shoes and just judged her on her one comment! 😂
@@brynax170 no, I just know I’ve spent 10 years of my life in 5 year close friendships with INFPs and they both ended the exact same way. They were definitely the exact same passive people.
@@nikolqy very strange to personally attack one person because of a generalization you have on a personality type lol
Sameeeee ppl tell me that before they met me I look pist off so they felt scared but once they talked to me it’s a whole different person compared to their judgment of me 😂😂😂 I’m also an infp I tend to struggle to believe if im actually one 😂😂
Matt, this is fantastic! So comprehensive and in depth about INFP.
From this INTP’s standpoint two things. 1)Something both INTP and INFP may not be too aware of that is off-putting to others, we can both come across as Goody-Two-Shoes, being just ‘nice’ when everyone else is “acting out and being a bit irresponsible, really!” This, as Leon of Type Talks (another incredible INFP) explains, is our 3rd function Si and the immature way we express it, making us look just lame and exaggerated in appearing ‘good’. I know we’re not TRYING, but that’s what it looks like to others.
I think our difference is; we INTPs appear to be be Goody TwoShoes about being ‘nice!’ to people (inferior/ aspirational Fe), and you guys about ‘ALWAYS helping to get the work done!’ (Inferior/ aspirational Te).
Resonate, anyone?
2)our Fi or Ti makes what comes OUT OF OUR MOUTHS seem more stubborn and dug-in than what we genuinely feel on the inside. And THAT is hugely off-putting to most people.
@@borderedge6465 So true. So very true 👍
I find it very hard meeting new people as an INFP but your videos have helped me understand more of myself !
Happy to hear that it helped. Keep at it!
I stopped opening up to people after seeing to many looks of bewilderment on their faces. It's like: "Damn, did I just open a can of worms?"
Too much, too soon. I know that one very well.
i love sharing any ideas to my brother and talked about it. but in school i cannot open my mouth. i saw the gladness of my classmate's face when i started to talk.
Once on a job I wrote a line of code that caused my boss to threaten to KILL ME if I set foot on his property ... Needless to say I left that job in the next month 😢.
Good stuff; I resonate! As an INFP, I generally do not share the same level of enthusiasm for much of what is popular, normal or conventionally appreciated by the average person. On top of this, I also struggle to adapt my expression to match outward, social expectations whenever I'm not feeling it. I think this is often misinterpreted as me judging others, but it's mostly just a result of me being ruthlessly true to myself. I assume this aspect of my personality is what's most often grating to the average person; especially extroverts.
I find it weird that INFPs actually think that they need to be sad in order to be creative or do something. I'm the exact opposite. If I am not happy, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm the most productive and skillful when I am happy.
I think I could relate to this. When I'm sad, I feel depressed. Like I've lost my purpose and spark. When I'm at peace or happy, I'm suddenly a bundle of creativity.
This channel is an INFP gold mine 😍
Bro... This advice... Is helping me man..
i cant even connect to myself, so i understand why people would not be able to connect to me
Good point. I guess you know where to start if that’s the goal ^^
That's an interesting comment. I have never thought about it in that way. I know that I know my interests and values and life experiences and purpose. Yet, do I connect with myself? What would that mean? Sometimes I think.... would I as an outsider want to connect with me? And yikes. I honestly would feel intimidated by myself. Even when I'm warm and friendly there is something secretive. A coworker told me many years ago that I scared people. Another one made a comment once that she thought I was afraid to be myself. What did that mean? I was professional. This would be some great topic for @geekpsychology on here.
@@GeekPsychologyCopy and pasting my comment for you. Ideas for a video? That's an interesting comment. I have never thought about it in that way. I know that I know my interests and values and life experiences and purpose. Yet, do I connect with myself? What would that mean? Sometimes I think.... would I as an outsider want to connect with me? And yikes. I honestly would feel intimidated by myself. Even when I'm warm and friendly there is something secretive. A coworker told me many years ago that I scared people. Another one made a comment once that she thought I was afraid to be myself. What did that mean? I was professional. This would be some great topic for @geekpsychology on here.
@@danab172I agree this is a great topic . I got the same comment from my mgr, that I need to be myself more and that I am acting professional all the time. But I am being myself, they just don't see it for some secret reason.
@danab172 what is the topic? “What does it mean to be yourself?” ?
How can I be more open when every-time I am people think I’m weird and leave or tell me I’m too much. This is the number one reason I isolate now.
@@vc6218 same here. I share something then by the looks I get I tell myself , don't share.
@@vc6218 if people you are opening up to find you weird than that's on them and not you. Because if someone were to open up to you how would you react? You would be kind, no? That shows me that the person/s you are opening up to, do not have as much empathy or kindess as you do and aren't worth your time. You have to find the people who don't find you weird, who will accept you for who you are. There are alot of empaths (INFJ, INFP, ENFP, ENFJ, ISFJ) who wouldn't find you weird but be understanding with you. I also have ENTP and INTP friends who are very understanding. You just haven't met the right people. Keep on trying and you will eventually find someone but just incase you don't, people rejecting you is not a sign of how worthy you are of friendship or anything else. It just means that people have their own ideas and unfortunately can't help with what you're going through.
💖 INFP HSP Girl here ~ I felt so related to all these. The distance thing is definitely one of my biggest social crutches, oh and the daydreaming 🌈✨☁️ Thank you so much for this video 🙃
7:55 That sigh.... I can feel that😢
Thank you so much for these heart to heart talks. I admittedly struggle to find time to just sit and listen through all of it at once with all these internet stimuli nowadays, but when I do, you really put me at peace 🥰
You’re welcome.
It’s a long video, too.
As a female INTJ-A, I find INFPs very reliable. We compliment each other well
I like INTJs. You guys are super creative and interesting. And definitely helpful for wrangling in my Ne.
Thank you so much for making this video. It explains a lot. I was raised by a mother who constantly criticised me for being “the way you are”. She’d constantly tell me how it made me such an awkward, difficult person who wasn’t easy to get along with and how it was going to trip me up in life and that I need to “change your tune.” Well, I don’t mind being this way. I quite enjoy living in my airy, fairy private little bubble. It’s safe and cozy for me and my emotions. I don’t really need to rely on anyone else. In fact, I’m quite happy by myself. I don’t bother anyone and don’t need to be bothered by anyone. Oh boy, but my mother still hates me so much for it. She can’t stand me 🤷🏽♀️. I think I’ll stick with my cute cozy bubble 🫧 protects me from the hate 🥰
Emotion follows your choices. If you choose to look at things with optimism, you will be happy. It isn't a matter of becoming unauthentic to be optimisitc, it is something worse! It means being realistic in your idealisms!!
My daughter is an INFP, and I'm an INFJ.
We are like two hands on one belly.
I enjoy her pace but even more her insights and ability to reflect on herself.
She has grown so much the last decade with lots of pain.
I've always told her she's the most important person in her life.
When life was tough my words kept her on her feet. ❤😊🥹
INFP + Enneagram 9 here. This place feels good. ❤
Thank you
Thank you very much Paul, it helps out a lot!
I don’t know where I got it from, but I’ve always been a “work on my weaknesses” kinda guy. I’ve found over the decades, when I choose to focus on something I suck at, everything I’m good at immediately improves. I don’t know if it’s fostering humility by going all in on something I will fail at but time after time I suck alittle less at the thing? There is quite a bit of discipline and structure that goes into this, otherwise I’d never do it. I can easily imagine that if I didn’t do this, there would be fertile ground for arrogant ignorance to flourish, that possibility scares the hell out of me.
Wow... A lot of trigger points here but a great video as always, Matt. Thank you for being brave to say all these points, now I can see clearly on why I being and have been misunderstood by a lot of people.
True many ppl are conflict making 'naturally' nowadays. So it gets hard to on purpose put yourself in a confrontational place
I debated making the video. Then debated releasing it. Lots of touchy subjects, but I did my best to deliver them in a way that is still supportive.
Hi Matt. I wanted to let you know that this video compelled me to comment for the first time, ever. After 20ish minutes(make that 30ish) of writing and revision, inner debate as to the validity of my comment. This, of course, led me down the path of exploring potential strategies for dealing with the(in my mind) inevitable criticism. My punctuation sucks and I have already decided, before i have even posted the comment, that it's unworthy of any serious consideration 😉
As a full on INFP I chuckled a little when you spoke of, "embracing structure and deadlines". Felt to me like your heart didn't align with your words. The incredulous grin on your face tells me your trying to convince yourself that this is somehow a good thing. We both know that adhering to such structure is going to leave us in doubt as to the quality of our work 😎 My desire for perfectionism requires much thought and preparation. Just hearing the words gives me the heebie geebies. In my mind, Structure and Deadlines = Second rate results
Thanks for the great videos - I find your insights reassuring and motivational.
"There is a cost to specialization." Most succinct encapsulation of this idea I've seen short of, "You gonna pay!"
thanks! its a very important concept that has helped me a lot
The way you break it down is admirable.I avoid conflict if possible & people say that I‘m very closed / introverted.Always thought that I may be an ISFP but I feel seen after watching this video.Thank you very much 😊
I want the table organized, I just really struggle to organize it
other people can't help. they just want to suck up your energy and talk in circles with no solution.
Hello! I am an INFP, and I feel 100% identified with everything. Does anyone know how to deliver work on time? I’m always late, and it’s a big problem for me in my studies.
What might be my biggest struggle right now is opening up. Truly opening up. Not just… a version of me, but the inwards version of me (aka authentic me). Add autistic masking to that and I realise I’ve just really not been myself as much as I thought I was.
I probably think I seem more approachable than I truly am. When I’m on my own, I’m stoic and don’t let anything shine through. When I’m with friends, we have so much of a unique subculture that I think it would be hard to try and understand that.
I’ve definitely scared my ENFP friend sometimes by going completely offline/kind of shutting down. Quite often, I’m the one to initiate things with my friends. But other times it’s just radio silence on my part. He definitely gets worried when I do that. It’s often a sign I’m not doing too well.
Wanting to do everything alone… Yes. Relatable. Even the things I suck at. I hated working together in high school. Also hated in in uni while I was there. But being this completely solo artist… who doesn’t really share much, makes it hard to receive feedback and improve more.
I struggle with high standards. Especially since I hold my older brother (probably ENTP) to a rather high esteem. I did VWO/gymnasium (highest ‘level’ of the Dutch high/middelbare school system). But… my brother did too. I passed, but he passed with flying colours. It’s best to really not compare myself to him. We both have different strengths. And there are probably a couple things I could help him with. But still… I do feel like my brother and my friends seem to have life figured out better than me. Even though my rationality knows they’re diving in the deep and seeking in the dark just as much as I am.
SE blindness and TE inferiority is really difficult. The mundane sort of tasks are so difficult. Add to that… autism, which has the characteristic of being (hyper)focused on one thing, creating ‘spiky profiles’… It’s difficult. Every sort of mundane thing like… checking and sending my mail, or something, feels very needlessly convoluted and illogical to me.
There’s this paradox of feeling misunderstood, but kind of choosing to linger there, rather than making active steps to try and actually be understood.
I'm an infp in relationship with an infj, and with an estp. It is really amazing to see how I function and my loved ones. I learned to communicate and be direct and honest though. And I try to be unconditional, and to mirror that. That the differences are ok. Yeah I feel deeply, for others too, and it is ok, even if others don't feel that. I learned a lot, and happy with it, and being an infp ❤
Great lessons to learn ^^
Aw 39 but still looking 17...❤
lol
Organisation can be an issue 🙈
8:29 I don't know about the cutting ties bit, I've noticed that quite a bit with other people groups though, I think like alot of people, infp's have a certain level of disrespect we put up with and then 'no more', cross the line and then maybe cut the tie, but that's usually because of someone hurting or disrespecting me first...🤔
I recognise the high expectation standard bit though..😞
This is the first video of yours that I have watched. I look forward to watching many more!
Thanks ^^ there are like 1,600+ more lol
I have loved Matt's transition over the years. Thank you for the valuable content you deliver.
Thank you! I’m curious what my transition looks like from the outside.
I’m always trying to think of the best way to make the next step without alienating anybody.
It’s not easy.
@@GeekPsychology You went from someone that was very reluctant to reveal himself on camera (but had the brevity and compassion to do it) to someone who is self-assured but has retained humility despite incredible growth in maturity, knowledge and intelligence by breaking out of his comfort zones continuously. Thank you.
Cool setup in the back btw
Not sure if this related to INFP: Some days when I have a happy general mood, small/minor thing happens and the sadness and disappointment lingers for the rest of the day, where eventually I need to retroactively figure out what it was that spoiled my mood and eventually I realising it was nothing that important. An example I could give is that a picture frame is crooked, someone looked at you the wrong way, or just procrastination on something.
Also, you look and sound so young. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us
Hey Matt, great video… thanks! I guess I’m what you’d call ‘loosely organised’ now I no longer have the responsibilities of kids to care for. I’m very nocturnal but everyday, no matter what time) I go for a bike ride and keep up with the necessities. I’m not what you’d describe as ‘normal’… often hanging out clothes at night or vacuuming and cleaning at night but I’m ok with that. I’ve found over the years what absolutely HAS to happen in order for me to feel in control and I do it regardless of the time or day. The same with money… I pay the bills first, regardless of what I do with the rest. I’ve discovered over the years a little organisation goes a long way to reduce overall stress.
I needed this talk. Thanks, Matt!
You’re welcome. Thank you for listening and commenting and taking it to heart.
As an INFP male, I have noticed that I have had the most relationships with INFJs. Not sure if they have more understanding and connection with us or what.
The cognitive functions are complementary
@@truthtransistorradio6716 yes! I am an INFP female and one of my best friends was an INFJ that I encountered in an online group. I could talk to her comfortably about things that I could not with anyone else, including family and supposed friends who
They are adorable , my sons a infpand friends and they care, my only thing they can be really emotional. But they are real.. as a entp, they are literally cute people
Emotional especially in the younger years.
I like ENTP and INFP dynamics
As a person, and an infp, I despise these things too 😂
lol
I like an open heart and an abundant, deep, intimate, and intelligent life within my relationships. The INFPs naturally make me suffer just by being themselves. Terrible. ♥️
This makes me think I’m not an INFP. I’m approachable. I don’t avoid conflict. I do open up emotionally. But the rest of the characteristics fit perfectly. So I’m confused. I have tested as ENFP ( in the past, now I’m more introverted) and also ISFP.
When people are put on a pedestal they usually end up falling
Falling on their own or falling in the eyes of the admirer?
@@nikolqy both I suppose
Cracked up at "Lowered expectations..." 🤣
SO true. Often I’m so caught up in my own thoughts 💭 and daydreams, and I’m pretty sure that no one in my family understands me
My mother said I would never get a boyfriend if I am this disorganised lol
That’s her perception. I’m sure there are plenty of other people that are not her that would be happy to have a free spirited, curious, and authentic person in their life.
It's so funny how INFJs and INFPs are vastly different on the cognitive function stack but we often end up outwardly in the same places.
In socionics aren't infp and infj the fake twins where from the outside we seem very similar but our approaches are radically different internally
Thanks for the video. I completely agree with everything in the first part of the video, naturally, completely skipped the second (advices) and enjoyed the ending :) Only true INFPs will understand ;)
INFP male here. I've been told Im intimidating but have kind eyes. I dont even know what that means.
Thank you, this was really helpful (:
Glad it was helpful!
Short answer because we're awesome. 😊
I just assumed I was crazy until i researched this. Wow this is so me! Finally someone understands me 😮 (edited this comment like 5 times and im still not happy with it... fuck it)
Conflict avoidance is strong in me to be sure. But there have been two (very traumatic) occasions where I couldn’t avoid it (“wouldn’t” avoid is more accurate) and I shocked both myself and my “conflictors” with my forceful resolve, firm communication, and air tight control over the situations. These were matters of principle about things and people I cared about. Fortunately each was short term- becoming what appeared to be a ESTJ or ENTJ was terrifying, painful, and exhausting! I’m secretly gratified I successfully went through it 🙃
8:19 i do this so much and its so sad. my friend has been calling me for 2 years and i have not answered and he have not stopped. i would die for him, but i aint answering that call
Nice video. So true about this personality type.
8:28 is it like door slammed
“Seal the wall so that the zombies don’t get in”
Matt Sherman, 2024
lol. Gotta watch out for the zombies.
Exactly. 👾
Me, an ISFP, identifying with 70% o these issues👀
^^
I’m 29 yet i’m still struggling in being understood.. but thanks i’m happy i discovered your channel..
Do you understand yourself fully?
I don’t. So I’ve realized that other people (who only know 2% of what’s going on in my head) shouldn’t be expected to understand me as much as I hope ☺️
But the more I share, the more they can understand.
I am INFP and was diagnosed with adhd or am I simply a frustrated INFP because I am also co dependent and always put others first? Great advice all around and about breaking things into smaller goals so you get a boost.
I was wondering how many INFPs have Innatentive ADHD. I do also. I always knew something was different about me. I really struggled in school. I was so shy and was often in an ADD fog. It wasn't until I was 50 that I was diagnosed. I am now 63
I wish more people would focus on themselves. It would be a great talking point. I get bored having deep conversations with myself. Thankfully as an INFP, i have a creative outlet i can hermit with.
My dreams got me through an abusive childhood with two narcissist parents. Now I'm sort of stuck in my stories. I'll put a book down just to be in my own head--then never finish the book.
Nice set of Katanas
I think conflict resolution and compromise are healthy but I’d rather not just issues come up
Lost myself for a while and now that I'm back and cut off all the negativity I feel great
Welcome back! The world was waiting!
it is funny when usually quiet types like us "explode" a bit. today in a meeting I raised my voice a bit cause I was angry and apologized, but later actually got respect, but I do t hink some people genuinely do not like iNFJ or INFPs... I had some people told me they do not l ike me cause t hey can not read me... other people even reward my unconscious, no crap attitude. short story time: when i was still bartending (not the smartest thing as an introvert, cause you get stressed out with so much people in one space usually after a while and just beg innerly for the shift to end while you obviously maintain composure and friendliness on the outside) some of my colleagues were really flirty and active with customers, Id just be really aloof, sort of side-stepped and just doing my job, not paying much attention to t hem. A lot of them did not like it, so I was not really their favorite go-to person, however others liked it I even got gifted vouchers one time out random or people wanting to give me drinks, which being on t he job respectfully declined. But it is funny, I think there are personality types who can vibe with us and others who absolutely can not stand this sort of behaviour. goes the other wayaround t oo, I naturally vibe really good with some people whereas I try reallly hard with some I might find interesting but it never works out.
Going into a negative emotion and coming back out fits the model for Katabasis/Anabasis, in my clinical opinion. Jung wrote about it, I believe.
Yes, unapproachable and detached are my thoughts for the INFP. I feel a little frustration relating to them. Right now I am establishing that the INFP will have to come toward me not otherwise. I have nothing to do with their “high” standards because I have my own as an INXJ.
The emotionalism and stubbornness of the INFPs just get me out of patience.
So many of these hit home, but I always blamed most on my ADHD, I'm surprised to find how many stem simply from being an INFP.. Wondering if you could do a video on the correlation between the two. How many other INFP have also been diagnosed with ADHD? The struggle of this combo is Real!
Meeeeeeee
I have ADHD to and I suspect some autism and of course high sensitivity. I wonder what astrological signs, I’m a Capricorn cusp
Me too
Me too.
Bro where has your channel been my whole life? XD
I don’t know. I’ve been making videos for like 10 years. I have literally made over 1000 videos.
It’s not OK to abruptly stop speaking to somebody without an explanation because that is harmful and you have to put yourself in their shoes. I have been at discarded and
Extremely hard time believing one of us would do that to a romantic partner. Unless we are very much does stressed or depressed or really mentally unable, but I hope there’s accountability
5:41 I'm exter good at getting in. I see you very happy an hopping others pick up on your decor. Look like you have a 🍯honey close by.
The thing I have a hard time changing is the disappearing. I tell people how I'm feeling, I tell people what I think, I tell people how what they're doing is affecting me. If after I have done that they still try to manipulate me, or gaslight me, or minimize what I'm feeling, I'm not explaining shit. I say okay and they never have access to me again. Like all infps I've met, I can be in a group having a conversation, and someone I've cut off can be in the group and it's fine with me, I just don't address them. I even have a parent that just doesn't exist for me anymore. I don't see a problem with that FOR ME. But I can see why others might want to change that, maybe in a work setting or family.
intro music reminds me of maple story kerning square music
^^ I sent the guy a bunch of songs that I liked and he made what he thought was fitting of the vibe.
How many times i go alone into a restaurant and am sit in a corner back table.
My mom is INFP (mom at home), I am INTJ. We clashed on basically two things while under the same roof:
1) I found her overly sensitive to "blunt words" (getting hung over the words instead of the intent, or lack thereof, behind the words)
2) Her lower Si-Te for organising things, which I judged as a waste of time and irrelevant to my Te, and she was super annoyed with me I would not follow her "rules" on ordering and cleaning, and when to do it.
I also had to learn to discuss with a Ne person who always leaves the main point of the conversation in a very short time, and interrupts the flow to go in a completely unexpected direction without warning lol. I became very good at having "mind post-its" of unfinished conversations I wanted a conclusion on, to be continued at a later time, sometimes weeks later. :)
Actually, I'm an infp and I'm pretty organised. Clutter stresses me out.
@@matcha-mooon did you ever have to live with someone else that did not follow your organizzation scheme? Just curious. My point was that it was where I clashed with my INFP mom: the way she was obsessive about HOW to clean up the space we shared.
@ interesting. you said they didnt follow your scheme and you were fine with it (but I feel like, you meant "clutter"), but then if they touched YOUR arranged things, it FORCED you to arrange them back the way they were.
Sounds like my mom lol. Thats the "scheme" I meant. The object has to be put "there" where you make up an arbitrary reason for "there" and "why it has to be there" (usually, efficiency reasons, because of Te).
BTW my comments are not a critic or anything, it's just figuring out "how it works" - like the operating system of my INFP mom works this way. When I understand that, I accept it more easily for forego the clashing comments that often inevitably follow.
My goodness, this was me to a T.
Schrodinger’s finances!! That made me laugh!! ❤️
After watching your video.. I have a bit of understanding of my Infp personality..
I'm struggling with negativity.. I feel empty and useless most of the time.. Tbh, I'm thinking, is this life too hard for me or is it just my head that's too crowded with negativity.
I'm mostly alone and locked myself in my house .. I never reached out to neighbours or friends. I know they're trying to reach out to help like you said. But I'm so afraid of my own thoughts and locked myself up..
I was thinking about ending my life soon.. I hate this personality.. but this who I am.. How do you guys manage all this time?
I really wanna live.. but I don't see the point of living in this world.
I am sorry that you are feeling like this, I don't know what made you come to experience what seems to be a severe depression, but I wish I could take your pain away, make it disappear forever...It pains me to read how bad you seem to be feeling.
I understand how hard it must be for you and I believe that a lot of infps have experienced the same feeling of misery, despair and hopelessness that you do at one point of their lives, but please hang in there, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Take it one day at a time. I strongly suggest you seek help from a therapist or from family and friends; Don't isolate yourself, it makes it worse and it feeds the negativity till it becomes a very vicious cycle difficult to get out of on your own.
You need help to get out of the negative cycle. I am sure that there are people around you who love you, care about you and sincerely wish the best for you. Think about how they would be devastated if you decided to stop fighting and give up on yourself and on your life.
The best is yet to come for you. After the storm comes the calm, always. I know it probably seems hard to believe right now but if you manage to find the will to keep battling within yourself, to keep fighting those bad thoughts, day after day, you will eventually one day be able to free yourself from the chains of your mind and take control of it.
Things do get better with time even though we feel that they won't. Don't loose hope. You are stronger than you think you are. We INFPs are so strong inside, our biggest ennemy is our mind but if we keep going forward and we don't give up, our mind can become our biggest strenght. Please, keep fighting, never give up !
Hope you are fine bro.. Just keep fighting. You got it
I’m infp 9 too … ugh wish I weren’t a 9