Barbara Kelly yes! And as the group Go West once crooned (and is applicable to people stuck in a narcissistic relationship): “I’ll get over you, I know I will, I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking... And I tell myself I’m over you, Cause I’m the King of wishful thinking”.
Aphasia, I have problems expressing myself, I stumble over words when I speak; high cortisol caused by years of exposure to narc abuse is affecting my memory, my cognitive capabilities, my brain feels like it is swathed in a huge cotton ball. And I work with language for a living, how ironic is that.
I am in the same boat. The day I got free from him I was born again. So I decided to celebrate my birthday on that day. Its a new life, so we have to learn to take baby steps again.
I am stuck it hurts so much, I have childhood narc abuse. This is paralyzing me . It seems like I am crying all the time. I dont think I can do it. He has pubched me kidnapped me police came . He slaps grabbes my skin like I am a rag doll
Accusations. That’s the big A. Always putting you on the spot, revelling in making you answerable,getting pleasure from your discomfort. And you always Answer, cause you’re Answerable and take responsibility. They do the opposite. Never Answerable. Avoiding Answers. God, I’m loving this A theme.
I process slowly, so I was never able to defend myself and they were always able to gaslight me and accuse me while avoided any responsibility for their actions.
true the problem with always being guilt tripped and in trouble is that i believe we internalize it and will actually mess up because it becomes like a comfort thing like that's what i know that's what I'm good at is messing up
This is EXACTLY what my bf did to me. He would treat me like absolute dog crap & act like i didn’t exist for days, weeks, months and then ask me if I had any conversations w any male friends about our problems, which by then I had and the ppl were strictly friends. He would then get me to admit or notice I had deleted said messages and then treat me like a horrible person and liar, which then gave him more fuel to treat me worse or go out every day without me
Narcissists appear to be hateful and angry with you. But they are actually hateful and angry towards themselves. That is the root cause of their behaviour. They can’t stand themselves.
Anorexia, I believed I wasn’t skinny enough. Antisocial, I was fear to be around people. Abnormality, I felt like no one understood. Alone, I was afraid that empathize. Afraid, the manipulation made me afraid of what they would do.
These videos are a form of therapy. When you can name what you're experiencing and know that it's not all in your mind or your fault you can start to heal. This knowledge has a protective affect, at least for me. My narcissist is no longer in stealth mode, and I see a shift in my favor.
Antagonistic!! Everything becomes an issue and every issue becomes an attack. Its like they walk around collecting negativity all day to spew all over you whenever you're with them. If they haven't been able to collect enough negativity themselves they will then antagonise the hell out of you....everything you love....and everything about life in general. It. Is. Constant. Antagonism. It is exhausting and painful to live with. You nailed it with all the other A's.
Makes me feel not so crazy...lately it's like everyday there's a laundry list of things I'm picked at about. Hell yesterday I took her son to a game he had so she didn't have to jump out of bed and returned home to an argument over nothing where I was getting belittled, threatened and baited. But somehow she is a victim....
That antagonisim can often manifest in false caring too. For example: I am a sailor. I've been sailing for 10 years and, while I am not the most experienced, I have sailed down the pacific coast over 1200 miles, so I am not "new" either. Recently she went sailing with me and my husband. The seas were confused and I expressed displeasure at the conditions. Immediately my mother sighed deeply and said "I wish so much that you had the opportunity to take sailing lessons. It would be so good for you to develop confidence." But when I said that I didn't like how big the swells were and the wave period she snapped "Well, you will have to get used to them because that is all there is on the open ocean!". My mother has been a passenger on a sailboat before, but she is not a sailor. In both cases I simply felt dimminished. My experience and knowledge counted for nothing. Somehow she came across as having more experience and being more knowedgable than me about sailing. But I live on a sailboat. I've made sailing my life! And yet...
oh yes... big time! my narc ex spent 24/7 hanging at my house and making me regret every word I said, every step I took, everything and anything I did ... I'm still suffering now from the whole relationship but: Once it was over, the first couple of days felt just so peaceful!
I can think of another A word... Alone! I know you've discussed this many times in different ways in your videos. They can turn people against you very easily. They use their charms to "win over" the people in your inner circle. When you try and find comfort with those who has never experienced or studied what narcissism is, they gaslight you and make you doubt yourself even more. My single mother has narcissistic tendencies and I felt very alone growing up in her household.
We are not alone. Also this is so prevalent that I think, some of those people that dont understand or turn against you may unfortunately be in stages of denial or are unaware and may in fact be in their own narcissistic relationships.
@@jaydavids6485 I left my narc for a couple of weeks and was all by myself in a different town, working not doing anything special, but b/c I was not being abused day in and day out I was so freaking happy! It was shocking. I am now working on going back there permanently.
It's very difficult if not impossible explaining narcissistic abuse to people that have never experienced it especially when a pathological lying narcissist has programmed all the people around them telling them that you're the problem by the way the more you try to explain yourself some more happier than narcissist is I remember once saying hello to one of my ex-wife friends and she did not respond to a few minutes later I said hello again she then snapped at me and said what you're so insecure I have to say hello to you maybe two months later I saw her again and she said hello to me and I did not respond so she said hello again and I told her what you're so insecure I have to say hello to you stop walking on eggshells and started fighting back I did not care if I hurt someone's feelings who did not care if they hurt mine they rely on your Humanity but they show you none I was walking on eggshells for too long and decided to regain who I was big wake-up call to all her flying monkeys
Same with me. Everytime I travel ,things seems to get better, then As soon as I get back to my town,where my family lives, I feel terribly desperately lonely. It took me ages of therapy to understand the problem wasn't the town, nor me, but the abuse and total lack of love and affection in my family of origin
Apologetic - sorry for my very existence. Nothing I did was ever enough and I was never enough. I am working on it though. I'm not sorry anymore. It's a long hard journey.
Cristina González I agree. I didn’t even know these people existed and it was “astonishing” to me to discover my ex was absolutely a textbook case. It helped me so much to learn about narcissistic abuse. It explained so much, otherwise I think I would’ve have believed I was just losing my mind. Still struggling, but getting to a good place.
When you are with a narcissist, you spend the whole of your time Appeasing them, and Atoning for the smallest slights and even perceived and/or imaginary slights.
I was afraid for his safety, for his health, because now I found myself feeling responsible for him! I was also afraid of what others would say of me if I left him. I was afraid of his anger if I stayed away too long. I was afraid to be 'displeasing'. I was afraid of losing who I was.
ANTHISESIS Your Narc becomes the antithesis of the person you met & fell in love with & you yourself become the antithesis of the person U thought U were
OMG... right around 11 minutes..."it feels like the Narcissist's house and you're just living in it." My heart stopped, I can't tell you how much of my life I have spent feeling this way. So sad. But that's over now. Done. On my way to finding healing and setting boundaries. Looking out for myself for a change. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Actually, that's what my mom's been reminding me of daily since we got quarantined together. She basically doesn't want me living in any corner of it, she finds issue. Even just being in my childhood bedroom is too much.
Oh yes I was told ..."I (narissist) own this house and everything in it". My son asked me..."Mommy does daddy own all my toys?". This made me sick. I told my son no... I told the narcissist you don't own me..
For years i felt like the house was my narcs trophy.... But who was the slave to the trophy? Me! I hated it! For years - i just felt like i was my narcs roommate. Guesss what i live in now and am sooooooooo gloriously happy? A 5th wheel RV.
Agony....the pain of having a narcissistic mom.😢 I love Dr. Ramani! She speaks from the depth of my heart. It's relieving to know that someone really gets it! I feel really really grateful for the work she does in connection with narcissism. Thank you thank you so much! Please don't stop posting these helpful videos!
It really will, I dated one for 5 months recently and my god. I was becoming a shell of myself- I have no idea how some do it for years and still come back from it
I'm 55 was raised by 2 different Narcissists, I have dated and married Narcissists and never knew this was how it was affecting me.. never understood why I felt so unmotivated.. thanks so much for bringing this to light for me
55 is great age to start all over and put finally you on the pedestal. Good luck and self love for your hungry soul. We been deprived and lied to. Recovery from narcs is your way to go.
Also i am in no contact zone from my own malignant covert vulnerable psychotic mother and i am also taking out trash from work and friends zones and let me say: feels so good and it is pure fresh air i am on and i am loving it. No one is in my head or in my body anymore. The freeze has left my body and self esteem is growing and i am falling in love wirh myself.
I'm so sorry you've been through so many abusive relationships💕Sending hugs your way for staying strong and recognizing their toxic patterns. It's not fair to you and you deserve better🐥🌷
ALONE i feel alone...married 50 yrs yet im alone. i have been alone while he went off to do whatever he wanted. i have been alone in my wants...they were negated. i have been alone in my needs...they were negated. i was alone in rearing the children...he turned his back on parenting. i was alone in moving forward in life...because he wanted nothing that i wanted. i feel alone in making everything important in life happen because he wants no part in responsibility. but when i tried to accomplish all these things he fought me tooth and nail to keep them from happening. i also feel alone in my world because no one else knows what ive endured behind closed doors. Yes...ALONE. And now im alone in caring for an invalid husband who thinks only of himself.
So sorry you had to go through this. It is devastating. Please dont loose yourself. I was also alone and lost and confused. But these videos really made me understand for ME. I just look at the narc as a hairless ape wearing socks. Pay back time for you now. Make rules that suit you. Be safe. Be well. Praying for the restoration of your soul. Your fellow narc survivor.
Dr Ramani, you won’t believe what I’m going to tell you now. I work with customer service and I’ve just encountered a very narcissistic client who tried to punch me on the face after realising his complain wasn’t accepted. Instead of playing his game, I thought: “remember what Dr Ramani always says... don’t engage!”, so I followed your recommendations throughly. It could’ve been so much worse than it was. Dear doctor, your words are tools for battle. Thanks.
Next time: take the same course of action...but then when you're far from that person, calln them up anonymously from a pay phone and threaten them and their own family. That'll fuck em up for awhile. I've done that a few times!! Feels amazing:)
being 'berated and insulted' (12:20). . . these are not relationships that replenish or encourage us, but rather feel like something we have to endure . . .
Antagonistic. I have really never put antagonism together with narcissists in my life. I’ve been in therapy over half a dozen times and not one therapist has ever pointed out that I had such a narcissistic family and I’m the only one who has empathy. It’s like I’m an island. I really appreciate these videos!! (You knew I thought this as going to be about them taking you to A-Hole Town.)
Made the mistake of sharing my goals / aspirations with the narcissist ex. One time I was expressing frustration in my progress, he told me to "stop complaining". When I was trying to process the challenges ahead of me, he said, "but you don't want to be the top / the boss, right? You don't even want it." And in that moment I found myself agreeing with him. Yet, months later, when I repeat those thoughts to my friends / other supportive individuals in the field, they helped me reframe my mind and encouraged me to see my own potential. Now, I am only all too grateful that I held on through his dismissiveness and lack of support and still went through with my plans, despite having all the insecurities stirred up in me. Don't share you goals / concerns / worries / aspirations with a narcissist. Get out of the A-Town, folks.
Had the same but I left my aspirations for good... now I'm too old for many things I could achieve 10 years ago. I feel like a looser, bc I abandoned my dreams and let someone put me down... and I can only blame myself for being so weak. And the same time I learned inside to be ashamed for my dreams. I wish I could feel passionate about them not hiding myself like I was doing sth wrong. We have to hide all our best from them - to protect our precious feelings and dreams - and they accuse us later of being false...
@@Izabela-ek5nh I know this probably doesn't do much but I just wanna say so long as you are distancing yourself from the narcissist, it's a good time to start again. It's never too late to go after your aspirations! And, most importantly, even if you don't choose to do so, that doesn't make you a loser.
@@Sam-uk3qn thanks. Rationally I know I am not a looser. I just have that feeling of loosing sth... I wish someone comes and just takes me away from here... so I can be me... childish dream perhaps :)
My nex always used to tell me that I should have my own goals and dreams. He told me that I was ALWAYS making his dreams and goals mine. (which I was, I was trying to wrap mine around him because I knew we won't compromise on anything. For example, moving to a different country. He wouldn't want that so I chose I'll stay. And like this, many more. He would never encourage me. Whenever I told him about my interests, he would instantly dissociate. It had nothing to do with him so why wouldn't he dissociate. I saw all of it and always questioned myself. But now I see things much more clearly. The lack of support has really taken a toll.
My dads over/under hammer didn’t work or the bullet was a dud and I’m still hear thanks to my daughter and the lord 🙏 Narcissisticac people are so dangerous Even after she found out she said I wish you hadn’t failed, treated that same lady like an angel
Dr. Ramani, as a survivor, you got me to thinking about where I wanna be: Awareness, adaptability, active, alive, affirming and filled with abundance! Thank you for giving me hope! You are truly an ANGEL!
As·phyx·i·a·tion : suffocation .... walking on eggshells, control, criticism Addicted : to you, to control, to spying on you (they're miserable and live through your life)
Same. Therapie, self help etc. Etc. Dr Ramani is a saving grace! Do you also recomend her to everyone (everyone who is dealing with difficult peeps/narcs)?
I just left a relationship with a narcissist and was beating myself up, wondering how I could have walked away. I felt so worthless. This video showed me how my apathy, anxiety, anger were a function of the relationship. Thank you for this video.
And it’s so hard to rediscover what and who I am after leaving the relationship. Maybe it’s because my son, who I get in the weekends is a burgeoning narc too! I wish I knew what to do!
@@ckl5801 Studying Narcissism is what you do. STUDY STUDY STUDY non-stop. Day and Night/Night and Day. Study like you're going for a clinical Psychology Degree. And What the hell, might as well become one. Instead of loosing your life to narcissism make it your SAVIOR ! Even if it's something that you don't turn into a career, maybe just own the knowledge. Meanwhile Gray Rock like a pro..
@@ckl5801 I start to see that in my grand-daughter here and there but I just use it as a learning tool. Also, when she shares, I ask her how someone made her feel by what they said or did. I ask what she thinks would be a good way any of us should be to each other in these examples. It really helps specially if she feels hurt about how her mom treats her. Plus, another good help is a relationship with Jesus. I found the only hope. Not just religion. There is a difference because God promises help and healing. He isn't failing. I'm seeing things change for the better and waiting for some others but some take more time. You have to have faith and patience. Pray diligently for your son and ex too. God gives me what to do and answers. He helped me to know to carefully ask my grand daughter how she would think someone would feel, with whatever negative action or word that would come up. That is the wisdom you get if you trust Him. It helps her process niceness and to be aware of others feelings too. It is an easy education on learning how to treat people and treat ourselves too. Seems to be working. Just what has worked for me. God will give you answers for yours too. Blessings to you and yours.
My mom is a narcissist and I’ve decided to not speak to her for a while. Might not even go home for Thanksgiving. My mental health would do better to not see her.
Try it out , be prepared for other family members not understanding or even thinking badly about you. As long as you are priortizing your mental health and happiness, maybe you will be able to approach the relationship in the future from a position of strength and really knowing that you have a right to live happily without manipulation and narcissism. I wish you so much good luck and strength.
CeZe G thank you! Fortunately she’s the only person from her side of the family I speak to (nothing against the rest were just not close) but I have great friends and my other family 😊
Rock on, you got this, she'll slander and revenge, get out, get back to yourself, mine was finally committed 82 yrs and forced into detox, I'm healing, she ruined 2 of her 3 children, it's a thing, she out to destroy you, believe it, no contact no problems, "See you never Mom, enjoy your cell's ceiling view, karma equals accountability" 🎠
Oh yes, fact that their is a words for this shows it's happened to others as well. No wonder during narc abuse we stop doing the things we once loved to do and that once bought us joy. We lose interests in our interests.
Akron, Ohio. Lol I took notes with pen and paper from this talk. Thanks a lot for the help. It's taken me 32 years to finally see that my mom is a narcissist! I never even really knew what a narcissist was. Now that I am watching these videos and looking into being raised as the child of a narcissist parent, holy cow. Textbook. I can't believe how textbook they are. I am struggling so bad with how to accept this. Now, for the first time I see them for who they really are as people and not as my infallible, unquestionable parents. I am thinking now I am becomingthe truth teller. And now that I'm an adult, I feel like more of the parent and they feel like the children. I see the family dynamic with clarity and I have 3 children. I will NOT have my children grow up like that. I want them to feel safe and trust me. I will change the generational anger and narcissism. Thank you for your videos
Wow!!! I experience so much of what you have expressed here. No wonder this abuse has affected so much of my life. Apathy especially because I was so often told how little I was doing by the narcissist in my life. I in turn started feeling so hopeless that depression set in and why bother or apathy began to manifest in so many areas of my life. Why reach out, why try harder, why fight for what I knew should be in my experience. This has been so validating and I'm only half way through. I have been watching your videos non stop the last few days and I just thank you so much for this content. I need more therapy to heal fully, but this paired with writing music to release emotions linked to my trauma, I am healing more and more everyday :)
I so needed to see this today. I had the worst day yesterday. Couldn’t get anything done, crying, feeling anxious, guilty, useless, helpless and hopeless. To know this is so common, makes me feel so much better. Thank god for the good days where I have the energy and drive to climb back out of the darkness. I blamed my pregnancy for my low energy, lack of interest in doing anything, crying spells, etc. But the reality is it was happening long before then.
Although I’m low contact and don’t feel these often anymore, I do notice when I do have to interact with the narc, I feel ALL of these for 2-3 days after...almost like a hangover.
I used to tell him all the time "do you know how alienating it can be to be in a relationship and to be in love but feel so alone? All the time? " Not like he listened or gave a shit but I felt that wag for a long time.
And the best part is when you do get angry from time to time, they invalidate you even more by asking : why are you so angry all the time? And by listening to that, you may also start to believe you are such an angry and resentful person and you lash out easily while in reality, you know you aren’t really like that. It’s scary. Is this what they called gaslighting?
but wouldnt a narc try to justify it by saying what you wrote and wouldnt only narcs answer with yes because of victim role___once you are in the gaslight shit its hard to find back out again...
This somehow popped up for me today even though I actually watched it several months ago before I moved back in with my narcissistic father due to the pandemic. Just wanted to say thank you so much for making this. Your advice to never share your dreams with a narcissist stayed in my mind even though it was the beginning of my journey to understanding him, and I really believed it saved me and enabled me to keep my connection to my self/dreams/happiness, despite being around him. You have helped so many, Dr. Ramani!
Dr. Ramani, Thank for your continued professional content. You make this community a very comfortable place to come. No one else is like you. You don’t scream your knowledge at us, your not angry or aggressive you have a flow and presence that’s really delightful yet powerful. I’m able to absorb and understand and learn what your presenting. Very Grateful. My Kindest Regards💜
Addiction (alcohol/drugs/gambling/shopping/overeating/sex/anything to numb the pain and shock of post - narcissistic abuse life). Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your thoughtful, expert advice and excellent content!
After accepting that my father was a narcissist, I moved back to my hometown, eager to discuss it with my sister. She rejected me, and I realized that she was a narcissist too. It was such a shock that I became frozen, apathetic, and have had anhedonia for years. Thank you for your videos. They are so, so valuable.
Awful sums up the experience and their behaviors. My ex moved in with me and totally took up my living space. Just about everything was about and evolved around him. Once he was gone the energy in my home became much lighter and brighter. Thanks 🙏🏽 as always for sharing your knowledge.🥰
Alexithymia: personal trait characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions experienced by one's self or others. Being around a narc, it's not safe or relevant to think about your feelings.
Approval-seeking is one of my biggest problems. Seems almost impossible to change this bad habit. Took me years to remember not to share any of my dreams/plans with my narcissistic mother, because there would be no approval forthcoming from her. Dr. Ramani, I appreciate how you have generously shared your knowledge of narcissism through these videos. They are a great resource for understanding and healing from the damage of narcissistic abuse.
today , I took good care of myself , made a colouring shampoo, put on some make-up , visited a lonely neighbour , we had a nice chat over a cup of tea, played cards with him , then took a rather long and brisk walk ( well it needn't have been a marathon either ... ) I did simple, unexpensive and pleasurable things . My narc was ever so jaded and blasé , so lifeless, glued to television . Narcs are lifeless , they pass their lifelessness on to you . They are the less creative of beings . Istill think about him , I left him or rather he discarded me only a fortnight ago . The pain , the anger , the confusion were atrocious . Tomorrow , I plan to work out and walk again . Something as simple as dancing to your favourite tune can help . Love to all narc survivors and thank you, Doctor Ramani for your complete insight into this predicament and for your compassionate advice
Where do you live? I'd love to spend some time with you, fellow survivor. But alas, I'm pretty sure we're far apart. I wish you the very best and continue to do what's the most healing for you!!
I like 'arachnid'. In my last two relationships with 'narcs', I felt them strategizing to pull me in. Both used the same tactic of creating an enlarged 'we' to which I would feel more bonded/ loyal/ obligated. With my ex it was his kids. Very early on he made me a part of their lives, and this pulled me into more time and activities with him, and gave him leverage to pressure me. With my 'next narc' (I like the alliteration of this!), he encouraged a sense of 'we' with other women in his life, so that then there would be more pressure for me to agree to an activity "because ____ and ___ will be there". Was this manipulation? A cynical 'reading' would say 'yes'.
God bless Dr. Ramani🙏🏼! My mom is a covert narcissist and my ex-husband was a neglectful one. You have taught me so much. Thank you for being a savior to so many of us who thought we were going crazy by the tactics narcissists use to manipulate us.
Dr. Ramani, finding your videos, I can honestly say, you have helped to save my life. I’ve been dealing with my narcissistic family and their abuse for almost three decades and I just am reaching the end of the line. I plan on watching this video and others with my therapist this week to help her understand, to help better express my pain and hopefully find a way out and a way to heal. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Thank you Doctor. I needed to hear this. You have helped me to understand so much. I no longer feel so lost. I am slowly accepting my situation and able to deal with it much better. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone.
Anhedonia... I didn’t know it was a thing. My son once said to me, “ Mom, you and I have a hard time enjoying things- I know it’s tough to have fun, but it’s your birthday and I want you to try.” He and I were never allowed to enjoy ourselves so we quit trying. Now I know why.
I could never have afforded the peace and contentment I have in my life now if it wasn’t for you and your generosity with the truth you share. Every step forward in my healing has been with your help. God bless !!😊🙏
@@fatchiefstudios over 30 years for me. My husband's ex was/is an extreme narcissist. I tried helping their daughter for years get through life with her mothers narc behaviors. Turns out his daughter is more damaged than I ever knew. I always had hope for her. She's more toxic than her mom ever was. I finally realized she gaslighted me since she was a child. Now, she's just a self centered toxic hot mess. 😥
I wonder the same .. it’s sad that my life experience over the past 5 years was written in textbooks and talked on RUclips videos (precisely) .. only if I knew! 🤷🏻♀️ but I’m grateful that I know now!
@@dennish3962 Because most of the DSM disorders have the criteria that the person has to be struggling with the symptoms / that the symptoms negatively impact their life. Narcissism negatively impacts the people around the narcissist more than the person itself so it's tough to define an 'objective' diagnostic criteria. + asking someone who's subjectively doing great to get help or make efforts so that others aren't hurt is almost an ethical dilemma
Dr. Ramani, you have yet again hit the nail on the head. I've gone through all of A-Town throughout my life . I still deal with some of them currently . Another A-Town symptom from narcissistic the abuse I still am dealing with is Avoidance. I avoid being around people . Being around people completely drains any energy I've built up to do day to day necessary things.
Same here! I once was full of energy and life! Have some friends and going to the gym often... after an extremely brutal gas lighting, guilt trips, and deceiving by contacting those friends and only God knows what he told them, now I have no friends... not even one that I can trust and be comfortable with. I'm extremely lonely, and have gained 30 pounds without any motivation to go back to where I was three years ago! 😔
youtube 'how to strengthen your aura and protect it' and practice every day. It sounds as if you're not well at protecting your own life energy so you are unwittingly feeding those around you. It's exceptionally draining. xxx ruclips.net/video/M939DQu2Ck0/видео.html
Adding Addict as well. My mother started giving me alcohol when I was 14 and every narc I got tangled up with were also heavy drinkers. A lot of the rage came out while drinking so basically my whole life has been built around "they were just drunk" and a whole lot of brushing under the rug because of it
I'm the Alien because she pushed me out of my own family. I am no longer Angry or Anxious. She is the one going to therapy so she can rage about me. Somehow I've ruined her life even though I haven't been in her life.
Abuse: hurting you in any way they can. They interrogate you until you’re in tears. They throw your fears and insecurity right back in your face. They yell, they curse, they silent treatment, they abandon
I've been living in A _ town all my life wondering why i'm feeling like this ,why i'm different ,anger ,anxiety,fight,quarrels,getting disappointed ,having no interest,no aim,depression,hoplessness,helplessness,insults ,,.....have all been inseprable part of my all life now i realise what's exactly wrong.thanks.
Be in upside down position for 15 minutes twice daily. Blood will rush towards your head and it will be full of blood. That's the secret to grow hair back. Minoxidil is not a magic, that also increases huge blood circulation in the scalp but have to use forever. If you do upside down position for more than twice daily results would get better. Use lemon juice for removing fungus infection on the scalp. Massage reduces the scalp tension. All combined would have great result.
@@MiguelEnriqueCVeluz Sorry man. Mine fell out at the corners too. Widows peak. I finally got over the narc but it took years - too bad my hair didn’t grow back.
Oh yes! My god, that's a devastating one. We women struggle w recovery n many of us lose our hair. Hugs of compassion to all you beautiful women who lost their hair.
Addiction always searching for an unknown antidote, I can't breathe feels like asthma, afraid of the lack of acceptance, trying any and every alley to escape, amnesia... always ahead of me. Thank you, am all out A's, except the one in my name, As always, lots of love to your shining grace. Will listen again and again. Ramani's lovely verses, and my amazement at all the A's. Good Luck Everyone !
Being in a Narcissistic relationship qualifies me for all of the above. I compare it to being in water, with someone holding your legs, and slowly drowning and you can't do anything about it to save yourself. I do have physical health issues that contribute to my inertia, but I am positive that a lot of this is still remnants of 45 years, actually my lifetime, with Narcissists. First with my mother, the a bit with my father, and second with my husband. Quite the legacy. My father's family is from Allentown. 🙂
Aspen, Colorado, hilariously the capital of narcissism. The Aspen Police often call dispatch saying: "I am here with a man/woman who doesn't know who he/she is." You know the "don't you know who I am?" syndrome. LOL
My mother has been like a cancer in my life. Little by little digging the ground from under my feet while pretending that she „cares“. Oh shit, I start to see everything!
yes- I CONTINUALLY felt agitated, because I always felt PRESSURE to respond to his next request/ desire/ agenda/ communication. I would open my inbox and there would be all his messages, like he was sitting in my personal space just WAITING for my attention. I felt agitated when we were together (and would try to numb this, usually dropping into automatic pleasing), and I felt agitated when I wasn't seeing him because that feeling of his wanting of me never stopped!
Therapy is so critical because even after you grow up and escape parental narcissists, you are likely continuing these patterns and even inwardly enforce them on yourself with a critical inner voice. Everyone subconsciously incorporates the parental voice as an inner "superego," the critical inner judge. Reprogramming on every level will be needed.
I was thinking auto pilot as well, but for myself. When he goes into his monologue tirades about how he does more than anyone, suffers more than anyone, smarter than everyone I shutoff and just go about the rest of my day/night quietly with little to no emotion.
Autopilot: that’s it exactly. How we cope with the confusion, the despair and the loneliness. We just can’t make sense of it all. Shutting down and operating on autopilot allows us to survive.
ADHD. As someone with the disorder and family members as well, this disorder seems to play a part in some traits displayed by narcissism. I personally have become much more aware and ashamed of my own narcissistic behaviors by joining this Channel, and others like it. The Golden Rule is my cornerstone principle out of my narcissist fortress. It is difficult to see one's own faults, so it is good to have this information, to self reflect, and mature into an adult.
It is not uncommon for a person raised by a narcissist to show narcissistic traits I know this because I was raised by a malignant narcissist the worst of the worst literally on the verge of being a sociopath in my youth I was chaotic very insensitive sometimes aloof distance unreliable I was self sabotaging all the years of deregulation and gaslighting made me literally insane and now that I am older I feel shame and embarrassment and just wish that I had these videos 30 years ago then I would have realized that all I had to do was just stopped think about what I'm doing understand that my mother was in a constant state of survival mode so she had to make me and my brother into that state also literally living like everyday was my last not to mention finally marrying a narcissist because I believe that that was normal behavior I wish that I could have just developed my boundaries and developed a sense of self and got out of that survival mode a long time ago I know that I am not a narcissist I know what a narcissist is
I am so proud that I found you - you give me so much information to handle this difficult matter. I can only shake with my head that you can define the cause of fatigue, anxietety, depression aso. to narcissistic abuse so directly - my physician was until now not able to count everything together and come to this conclusion. Since a set up a boundary between my emotions and my narcissistic partner I start to gain more inside energy .... and I am sure that I will pile up so much of this until I kick him off .... but ppssssttt don‘t tell him 😂😂😘😘😘 Thank you for your work and information - it saves lifes 💕🌺
Amnesia. When we get away for a while and forget how bad it really was.
thank you. thats what happened to me!
True.. we forgot when we were away, but then a return is devastating and even worse
Good one
It's a good start.. on the way out
There's a great Song, that fits for me so much: Amnesia from James LaBrie...
Here’s another A word:
Aversion -to the truth, to accountability, to reality
Yes.....I see aversion to reality as a combination of denial and wishful thinking .
Barbara Kelly yes! And as the group Go West once crooned (and is applicable to people stuck in a narcissistic relationship):
“I’ll get over you, I know I will,
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking...
And I tell myself I’m over you,
Cause I’m the King of wishful thinking”.
ruclips.net/video/XBZUz4C6kqk/видео.html
Yes, but those are about the N. Dr Ramani was talking about terms that apply to us, the victims.
Sharon Bolton aversion to the reality of how you’re being abused by the Narc IS a common.trait among the victims.
Aphasia, I have problems expressing myself, I stumble over words when I speak; high cortisol caused by years of exposure to narc abuse is affecting my memory, my cognitive capabilities, my brain feels like it is swathed in a huge cotton ball. And I work with language for a living, how ironic is that.
I read (somewhere) that cortisol also signals the body to deposit fat internally instead of externally, so there's also that.
I’m an SLP too!
I am in the same boat. The day I got free from him I was born again. So I decided to celebrate my birthday on that day. Its a new life, so we have to learn to take baby steps again.
Bindu I love this!!!! Ty for giving me some hope ❤️
I am stuck it hurts so much, I have childhood narc abuse. This is paralyzing me . It seems like I am crying all the time. I dont think I can do it. He has pubched me kidnapped me police came . He slaps grabbes my skin like I am a rag doll
Accusations. That’s the big A. Always putting you on the spot, revelling in making you answerable,getting pleasure from your discomfort. And you always Answer, cause you’re Answerable and take responsibility. They do the opposite. Never Answerable. Avoiding Answers. God, I’m loving this A theme.
I process slowly, so I was never able to defend myself and they were always able to gaslight me and accuse me while avoided any responsibility for their actions.
YES!
true the problem with always being guilt tripped and in trouble is that i believe we internalize it and will actually mess up because it becomes like a comfort thing like that's what i know that's what I'm good at is messing up
Boy have you explained that 100%. Correct
This is EXACTLY what my bf did to me. He would treat me like absolute dog crap & act like i didn’t exist for days, weeks, months and then ask me if I had any conversations w any male friends about our problems, which by then I had and the ppl were strictly friends. He would then get me to admit or notice I had deleted said messages and then treat me like a horrible person and liar, which then gave him more fuel to treat me worse or go out every day without me
Narcissists appear to be hateful and angry with you. But they are actually hateful and angry towards themselves. That is the root cause of their behaviour. They can’t stand themselves.
Thank you for saying that. I’m going through that right now.
They HATE themselves.
Yup life could be worse, we could be 'them'!
What difference does that make? They are taking it out on you.
I can see why.
Anyone who’s lived with a narc knows how painful it is, it’s like living in hell 24/7
retrogamer82 I would rather be homeless than live with one.
Yes indeed!
And when he’s nice to you, all you do is standby for the next attack coz it will come and you cannot enjoy the current pleasantries.
But they are perfect in everyway and help you by magnifying all of you endless faults. You are lucky they tolerate you.
Lorna Yuen 👍
Anorexia, I believed I wasn’t skinny enough.
Antisocial, I was fear to be around people.
Abnormality, I felt like no one understood.
Alone, I was afraid that empathize.
Afraid, the manipulation made me afraid of what they would do.
Same here. Much courage to you for trying to love yourself a little more each day🙏
Staying away from ppl is asocial, not antisocial
These videos are a form of therapy. When you can name what you're experiencing and know that it's not all in your mind or your fault you can start to heal. This knowledge has a protective affect, at least for me. My narcissist is no longer in stealth mode, and I see a shift in my favor.
Antagonistic!! Everything becomes an issue and every issue becomes an attack. Its like they walk around collecting negativity all day to spew all over you whenever you're with them. If they haven't been able to collect enough negativity themselves they will then antagonise the hell out of you....everything you love....and everything about life in general.
It. Is. Constant. Antagonism. It is exhausting and painful to live with.
You nailed it with all the other A's.
Makes me feel not so crazy...lately it's like everyday there's a laundry list of things I'm picked at about. Hell yesterday I took her son to a game he had so she didn't have to jump out of bed and returned home to an argument over nothing where I was getting belittled, threatened and baited. But somehow she is a victim....
That antagonisim can often manifest in false caring too. For example: I am a sailor. I've been sailing for 10 years and, while I am not the most experienced, I have sailed down the pacific coast over 1200 miles, so I am not "new" either. Recently she went sailing with me and my husband. The seas were confused and I expressed displeasure at the conditions. Immediately my mother sighed deeply and said "I wish so much that you had the opportunity to take sailing lessons. It would be so good for you to develop confidence." But when I said that I didn't like how big the swells were and the wave period she snapped "Well, you will have to get used to them because that is all there is on the open ocean!". My mother has been a passenger on a sailboat before, but she is not a sailor.
In both cases I simply felt dimminished. My experience and knowledge counted for nothing. Somehow she came across as having more experience and being more knowedgable than me about sailing. But I live on a sailboat. I've made sailing my life! And yet...
Described my life. A-wful.
So often I get attacked for things that remotely do not relate to me in any shape or form, it's the things that make you go hmmmmm. Good one!
oh yes... big time! my narc ex spent 24/7 hanging at my house and making me regret every word I said, every step I took, everything and anything I did ... I'm still suffering now from the whole relationship but: Once it was over, the first couple of days felt just so peaceful!
I can think of another A word... Alone! I know you've discussed this many times in different ways in your videos. They can turn people against you very easily. They use their charms to "win over" the people in your inner circle. When you try and find comfort with those who has never experienced or studied what narcissism is, they gaslight you and make you doubt yourself even more. My single mother has narcissistic tendencies and I felt very alone growing up in her household.
We are not alone. Also this is so prevalent that I think, some of those people that dont understand or turn against you may unfortunately be in stages of denial or are unaware and may in fact be in their own narcissistic relationships.
That's ok w me. I've been alone mostly thru covid and have decided I prefer to not be around people anymore. Its so much more peaceful 🤣🤣
@@jaydavids6485 I left my narc for a couple of weeks and was all by myself in a different town, working not doing anything special, but b/c I was not being abused day in and day out I was so freaking happy! It was shocking. I am now working on going back there permanently.
It's very difficult if not impossible explaining narcissistic abuse to people that have never experienced it especially when a pathological lying narcissist has programmed all the people around them telling them that you're the problem by the way the more you try to explain yourself some more happier than narcissist is I remember once saying hello to one of my ex-wife friends and she did not respond to a few minutes later I said hello again she then snapped at me and said what you're so insecure I have to say hello to you maybe two months later I saw her again and she said hello to me and I did not respond so she said hello again and I told her what you're so insecure I have to say hello to you stop walking on eggshells and started fighting back I did not care if I hurt someone's feelings who did not care if they hurt mine they rely on your Humanity but they show you none I was walking on eggshells for too long and decided to regain who I was big wake-up call to all her flying monkeys
Same with me. Everytime I travel ,things seems to get better, then As soon as I get back to my town,where my family lives, I feel terribly desperately lonely.
It took me ages of therapy to understand the problem wasn't the town, nor me, but the abuse and total lack of love and affection in my family of origin
Your videos are truly like free therapy or chatting with an old friend who just gets it. So grateful for this community.
I love the comments!
Dr. Ramani gets the Nobel of Gratitude from my heart, which she has helped mend.
I feel the same way ~ like I have a really good friend who understands how I feel and what I've experienced
"Addict".... To making others suffer. Narcissists adore this.
Apologetic - sorry for my very existence. Nothing I did was ever enough and I was never enough. I am working on it though. I'm not sorry anymore. It's a long hard journey.
Astonishment. When you see the whole reality of narcissistic abuse, you feel Astonished!
Not really. I just see a pathetic coward who lives in a losers fantasy.
Cristina González I agree. I didn’t even know these people existed and it was “astonishing” to me to discover my ex was absolutely a textbook case. It helped me so much to learn about narcissistic abuse. It explained so much, otherwise I think I would’ve have believed I was just losing my mind. Still struggling, but getting to a good place.
It is when you've been telling yourself the abuser was just having a lot of bad days.
This is the “A” word comment that hits me the most. Perfect one. ASTONISHED.
Some magic trick!!
When you are with a narcissist, you spend the whole of your time Appeasing them, and Atoning for the smallest slights and even perceived and/or imaginary slights.
Afraid: of everything and my senses are on high alert that I can't sleep, until they do
They love to see you afraid :(
I was afraid for his safety, for his health, because now I found myself feeling responsible for him! I was also afraid of what others would say of me if I left him. I was afraid of his anger if I stayed away too long. I was afraid to be 'displeasing'. I was afraid of losing who I was.
Thought I only had that Thought.
That's when I can relax and be myself, move around freely...
When the Spider's asleep.
@@devidaughter7782 you just described me In my marriage 😥
¹sept: dol: called chronic Hypervigilance, not healthy comes with other medical side-effects esp. Anxiety disorder
I'd like to Add: ARTIFICIAL, because I can't AFFORD to be AUTHENTIC.
Yeah, I get this. It feels like I’ve had to wear a mask for the past six years, and it isn’t fun
Right!
Good one
Aggression. They show Aggressive behaviour to bait us to respond and pound us down with Anger.
Yes!!
So true. So much of aggression while we have only love and care to give
The best reaction to a Narcissistic relationship is Abscense, meaning leave the relationship safely!
I live in an M-town, so a few words that come to mind are: Mental illness, Malaise, Memory loss, Melancholy, Madness, Misery, and more!
ANTHISESIS
Your Narc becomes the antithesis of the person you met & fell in love with & you yourself become the antithesis of the person U thought U were
Your happiness had to be destroyed.
Finding my way back to me.
Yes this is it. I wasn’t an angry person until I met him.
The survivor’s A-town: Awakening, Awareness and Affection such as insight, understanding, knowledge, wisdom, empathy and emotional intelligence 😊
Beautiful that you listed the positive side 🌞
I love your witness of survivors' health and wisdom! Thank you!
❤️💯
Thank you elegantly said.
I'm in the process of taking a time out to find that in myself today.
Quiet gentle day.
Amorality is something that characterizes them in my experience.
So true! A lack of integrity.
OMG... right around 11 minutes..."it feels like the Narcissist's house and you're just living in it." My heart stopped, I can't tell you how much of my life I have spent feeling this way. So sad. But that's over now. Done. On my way to finding healing and setting boundaries. Looking out for myself for a change. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
He's been gone six months and I still have that feeling of it being "his" house! It's MY house!!
Actually, that's what my mom's been reminding me of daily since we got quarantined together. She basically doesn't want me living in any corner of it, she finds issue. Even just being in my childhood bedroom is too much.
Oh yes I was told ..."I (narissist) own this house and everything in it". My son asked me..."Mommy does daddy own all my toys?". This made me sick. I told my son no... I told the narcissist you don't own me..
For years i felt like the house was my narcs trophy.... But who was the slave to the trophy? Me!
I hated it!
For years - i just felt like i was my narcs roommate.
Guesss what i live in now and am sooooooooo gloriously happy? A 5th wheel RV.
Yes...I felt like my narcissistic husband's slave. The more I gave the less I got and the more he took.
“When your life is characterized by confusion, uncertainty and unkindness, anxiety seems almost logical”
So does depression and hopelessness.
ugh, but yeah...
So true,
So enlightening as always! Another A-word: Avoidance ...of the truth, of reality, of doing anything that will cause waves, etc.
Alone. One way or another, it absolution not abominable... 😉😪
Avoidance totally must be included!
@@goodenergy11 like a headbutt in the face. Virtual signalling.
yes I've become avoidant since this occurred
True.
Agony....the pain of having a narcissistic mom.😢 I love Dr. Ramani! She speaks from the depth of my heart. It's relieving to know that someone really gets it! I feel really really grateful for the work she does in connection with narcissism. Thank you thank you so much! Please don't stop posting these helpful videos!
❤
I never knew my depression and anxiety was a symptom of my narcissist marriage ... wow 🤦♀️
Right.. they want you to think something is wrong with you.
@@izi.z2384 Exactly.
Alienation of children, family, friends, goals, support system.
my guess would be 90% of womens health issues comes from stress inducing partner abuse
Mock you , shut you down and sabotage you
Agonizing....it's agonizing to be around them. It slowly kills your spirit. 😔
It really will, I dated one for 5 months recently and my god. I was becoming a shell of myself- I have no idea how some do it for years and still come back from it
Also their agony of disappointment in others that they will use on you.
Authoritarian. They fancy themselves as the dictator of your life.
Yeah. It's like a totalitarian government.
My roommate never liked it when I didn't do what he wanted to do in my own apartment
(The A-words were descriptive of ways in which victims of Narcissistic abuse suffer, so not about the abusers, but the abused. )
Agreed, if we Allow them to do so 😊
Definitely!!!! So true!!!!!
I'm 55 was raised by 2 different Narcissists, I have dated and married Narcissists and never knew this was how it was affecting me.. never understood why I felt so unmotivated.. thanks so much for bringing this to light for me
55 is great age to start all over and put finally you on the pedestal. Good luck and self love for your hungry soul. We been deprived and lied to. Recovery from narcs is your way to go.
Dig up ur self from the pile over your head. Find potential. And expand. My pro advice go cold turkey and dont look back.
Also i am in no contact zone from my own malignant covert vulnerable psychotic mother and i am also taking out trash from work and friends zones and let me say: feels so good and it is pure fresh air i am on and i am loving it. No one is in my head or in my body anymore. The freeze has left my body and self esteem is growing and i am falling in love wirh myself.
I'm so sorry you've been through so many abusive relationships💕Sending hugs your way for staying strong and recognizing their toxic patterns. It's not fair to you and you deserve better🐥🌷
@@madisonimogen1028 I love your positivity comments.
I will remember these words in my healing, my way up and out.
Thank you!
ALONE i feel alone...married 50 yrs yet im alone. i have been alone while he went off to do whatever he wanted. i have been alone in my wants...they were negated. i have been alone in my needs...they were negated. i was alone in rearing the children...he turned his back on parenting. i was alone in moving forward in life...because he wanted nothing that i wanted. i feel alone in making everything important in life happen because he wants no part in responsibility. but when i tried to accomplish all these things he fought me tooth and nail to keep them from happening. i also feel alone in my world because no one else knows what ive endured behind closed doors. Yes...ALONE. And now im alone in caring for an invalid husband who thinks only of himself.
So sorry you had to go through this. It is devastating. Please dont loose yourself. I was also alone and lost and confused. But these videos really made me understand for ME. I just look at the narc as a hairless ape wearing socks. Pay back time for you now. Make rules that suit you. Be safe. Be well. Praying for the restoration of your soul. Your fellow narc survivor.
😢
I'm old and you are young and beautiful and everything.. But somehow I still feel like you are my mum. You are kind and caring. Thank you ❤️.
Dr Ramani, you won’t believe what I’m going to tell you now. I work with customer service and I’ve just encountered a very narcissistic client who tried to punch me on the face after realising his complain wasn’t accepted. Instead of playing his game, I thought: “remember what Dr Ramani always says... don’t engage!”, so I followed your recommendations throughly. It could’ve been so much worse than it was.
Dear doctor, your words are tools for battle. Thanks.
Glad you were able to handle such a bad situation. Stay safe.
So proud of you for handling the situation like that
@@melinoexanthia4463 Use this as an opportunity for inner growth
Next time: take the same course of action...but then when you're far from that person, calln them up anonymously from a pay phone and threaten them and their own family. That'll fuck em up for awhile. I've done that a few times!! Feels amazing:)
Self Help Champion bit of a pointless comment don’t you think?
being 'berated and insulted' (12:20). . . these are not relationships that replenish or encourage us, but rather feel like something we have to endure . . .
Antagonistic. I have really never put antagonism together with narcissists in my life. I’ve been in therapy over half a dozen times and not one therapist has ever pointed out that I had such a narcissistic family and I’m the only one who has empathy. It’s like I’m an island. I really appreciate these videos!! (You knew I thought this as going to be about them taking you to A-Hole Town.)
Made the mistake of sharing my goals / aspirations with the narcissist ex. One time I was expressing frustration in my progress, he told me to "stop complaining". When I was trying to process the challenges ahead of me, he said, "but you don't want to be the top / the boss, right? You don't even want it."
And in that moment I found myself agreeing with him. Yet, months later, when I repeat those thoughts to my friends / other supportive individuals in the field, they helped me reframe my mind and encouraged me to see my own potential. Now, I am only all too grateful that I held on through his dismissiveness and lack of support and still went through with my plans, despite having all the insecurities stirred up in me.
Don't share you goals / concerns / worries / aspirations with a narcissist. Get out of the A-Town, folks.
Had the same but I left my aspirations for good... now I'm too old for many things I could achieve 10 years ago. I feel like a looser, bc I abandoned my dreams and let someone put me down... and I can only blame myself for being so weak. And the same time I learned inside to be ashamed for my dreams. I wish I could feel passionate about them not hiding myself like I was doing sth wrong. We have to hide all our best from them - to protect our precious feelings and dreams - and they accuse us later of being false...
@@Izabela-ek5nh I know this probably doesn't do much but I just wanna say so long as you are distancing yourself from the narcissist, it's a good time to start again. It's never too late to go after your aspirations! And, most importantly, even if you don't choose to do so, that doesn't make you a loser.
@@Sam-uk3qn thanks. Rationally I know I am not a looser. I just have that feeling of loosing sth... I wish someone comes and just takes me away from here... so I can be me... childish dream perhaps :)
My nex always used to tell me that I should have my own goals and dreams. He told me that I was ALWAYS making his dreams and goals mine. (which I was, I was trying to wrap mine around him because I knew we won't compromise on anything. For example, moving to a different country. He wouldn't want that so I chose I'll stay. And like this, many more. He would never encourage me. Whenever I told him about my interests, he would instantly dissociate. It had nothing to do with him so why wouldn't he dissociate. I saw all of it and always questioned myself. But now I see things much more clearly. The lack of support has really taken a toll.
Thats my problem..I am too honest about my own thoughts, faults, etc.
Annihilation? In the end I felt annihilated and came close to being literally so.
I’m glad you made it out💜
Yes, Anihilation! That was my experience, but I got out in time and saved my life with God's Help 🙏
My dads over/under hammer didn’t work or the bullet was a dud and I’m still hear thanks to my daughter and the lord 🙏
Narcissisticac people are so dangerous
Even after she found out she said I wish you hadn’t failed, treated that same lady like an angel
@@Outta_Tyme Yes, dangerous and cruel. I'm glad you're still here. God bless
Annihilation of dreams, self esteem, affection, peace.
How about "A" for AGING, which I did, staying so LONG with a Narcissist!!😱
Dr. Ramani, as a survivor, you got me to thinking about where I wanna be: Awareness, adaptability, active, alive, affirming and filled with abundance! Thank you for giving me hope! You are truly an ANGEL!
As·phyx·i·a·tion : suffocation .... walking on eggshells, control, criticism
Addicted : to you, to control, to spying on you (they're miserable and live through your life)
I have gone to my therapist for three years and have found more help in the past few months of watching your videos. Thank you.
Same. Therapie, self help etc. Etc. Dr Ramani is a saving grace! Do you also recomend her to everyone (everyone who is dealing with difficult peeps/narcs)?
I just left a relationship with a narcissist and was beating myself up, wondering how I could have walked away. I felt so worthless. This video showed me how my apathy, anxiety, anger were a function of the relationship. Thank you for this video.
And it’s so hard to rediscover what and who I am after leaving the relationship. Maybe it’s because my son, who I get in the weekends is a burgeoning narc too! I wish I knew what to do!
@@ckl5801
Studying Narcissism is what you do.
STUDY STUDY STUDY
non-stop. Day and Night/Night and Day.
Study like you're going for a clinical Psychology Degree.
And
What the hell, might as well become one.
Instead of loosing your life to narcissism make it your SAVIOR !
Even if it's something that you don't turn into a career, maybe just own the knowledge.
Meanwhile
Gray Rock like a pro..
@@ckl5801 I start to see that in my grand-daughter here and there but I just use it as a learning tool. Also, when she shares, I ask her how someone made her feel by what they said or did. I ask what she thinks would be a good way any of us should be to each other in these examples. It really helps specially if she feels hurt about how her mom treats her.
Plus, another good help is a relationship with Jesus. I found the only hope. Not just religion. There is a difference because God promises help and healing. He isn't failing. I'm seeing things change for the better and waiting for some others but some take more time. You have to have faith and patience. Pray diligently for your son and ex too. God gives me what to do and answers. He helped me to know to carefully ask my grand daughter how she would think someone would feel, with whatever negative action or word that would come up. That is the wisdom you get if you trust Him. It helps her process niceness and to be aware of others feelings too. It is an easy education on learning how to treat people and treat ourselves too. Seems to be working. Just what has worked for me. God will give you answers for yours too. Blessings to you and yours.
My mom is a narcissist and I’ve decided to not speak to her for a while. Might not even go home for Thanksgiving. My mental health would do better to not see her.
It's better to stay away if it effects you badly to be around her.
I'm always me interacting with her at all is often negative. I just don’t have the time or energy anymore I’m putting myself through college.
Try it out , be prepared for other family members not understanding or even thinking badly about you. As long as you are priortizing your mental health and happiness, maybe you will be able to approach the relationship in the future from a position of strength and really knowing that you have a right to live happily without manipulation and narcissism. I wish you so much good luck and strength.
CeZe G thank you! Fortunately she’s the only person from her side of the family I speak to (nothing against the rest were just not close) but I have great friends and my other family 😊
Rock on, you got this, she'll slander and revenge, get out, get back to yourself, mine was finally committed 82 yrs and forced into detox, I'm healing, she ruined 2 of her 3 children, it's a thing, she out to destroy you, believe it, no contact no problems, "See you never Mom, enjoy your cell's ceiling view, karma equals accountability"
🎠
arrogance, antithesis, abysmal, aggressive, aloof, adverse, awful, alarming, appalling ... atrocious ... I can keep going ...
Anti socail while being loud mouths.
Arrogance. Totally!!
ALONE is what comes to mind for me.
I'm starting to realize that I'm surrounded my narcissists and have been for most of my life!
Avarice: extreme greed for wealth or material gain.
PREACH!!
my ex stole everything from me .
100%
@@rubysantoyo796 i won't tell u how much my ex stole from me---ill give u a clue--6 figures .
Abandonment, anger, ambivalence, apathy (dissociation), anhedonia, alone, alienated, anxious, alarmed, anorexic, afraid
Oh yes, fact that their is a words for this shows it's happened to others as well. No wonder during narc abuse we stop doing the things we once loved to do and that once bought us joy. We lose interests in our interests.
Akron, Ohio. Lol
I took notes with pen and paper from this talk. Thanks a lot for the help. It's taken me 32 years to finally see that my mom is a narcissist! I never even really knew what a narcissist was. Now that I am watching these videos and looking into being raised as the child of a narcissist parent, holy cow. Textbook. I can't believe how textbook they are. I am struggling so bad with how to accept this. Now, for the first time I see them for who they really are as people and not as my infallible, unquestionable parents. I am thinking now I am becomingthe truth teller. And now that I'm an adult, I feel like more of the parent and they feel like the children. I see the family dynamic with clarity and I have 3 children. I will NOT have my children grow up like that. I want them to feel safe and trust me. I will change the generational anger and narcissism. Thank you for your videos
I just exhaled big time after reading this. Thankyou.
Wow!!! I experience so much of what you have expressed here. No wonder this abuse has affected so much of my life. Apathy especially because I was so often told how little I was doing by the narcissist in my life. I in turn started feeling so hopeless that depression set in and why bother or apathy began to manifest in so many areas of my life. Why reach out, why try harder, why fight for what I knew should be in my experience. This has been so validating and I'm only half way through. I have been watching your videos non stop the last few days and I just thank you so much for this content. I need more therapy to heal fully, but this paired with writing music to release emotions linked to my trauma, I am healing more and more everyday :)
Acknowledge all the A’s but don’t let yourself drop anchor in A-Town
Thanks so much!!! You're exactly right!!!
Tonya Sullivan although it can often feel like shoveling against the tide, right?
@@NoBaloneyPlease Yep!!! But once you realize you've been living in A-Town for much too long, its time to get the hell out A S A P!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Aggravated is what they make me . :)
I so needed to see this today. I had the worst day yesterday. Couldn’t get anything done, crying, feeling anxious, guilty, useless, helpless and hopeless. To know this is so common, makes me feel so much better. Thank god for the good days where I have the energy and drive to climb back out of the darkness. I blamed my pregnancy for my low energy, lack of interest in doing anything, crying spells, etc. But the reality is it was happening long before then.
Although I’m low contact and don’t feel these often anymore, I do notice when I do have to interact with the narc, I feel ALL of these for 2-3 days after...almost like a hangover.
Yup. It is called ruminating
Yes me too
Yuup
amen on the hang over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ashamed. That you were stuck in their sick web for so long.
Alone. While you are with them. You are, in fact, alone.
@Yes that's the Sad Truth!
Very lonely... I was more lonely married than I when I was single
I used to tell him all the time "do you know how alienating it can be to be in a relationship and to be in love but feel so alone? All the time? " Not like he listened or gave a shit but I felt that wag for a long time.
Ishrat Sharmin and you think less of yourself for even QUESTIONING the status quo.. like “suck it up sweet cheeks”
And the best part is when you do get angry from time to time, they invalidate you even more by asking : why are you so angry all the time? And by listening to that, you may also start to believe you are such an angry and resentful person and you lash out easily while in reality, you know you aren’t really like that. It’s scary. Is this what they called gaslighting?
Yes!
It is also called baiting.
Exactly. I know what u speak of.
but wouldnt a narc try to justify it by saying what you wrote and wouldnt only narcs answer with yes because of victim role___once you are in the gaslight shit its hard to find back out again...
Yep, this was a constant in my last relationship with a narcissist.
So much apathy; so frustrated, so over trying. OMG "the bleeding out of joy" nailed it
This somehow popped up for me today even though I actually watched it several months ago before I moved back in with my narcissistic father due to the pandemic. Just wanted to say thank you so much for making this. Your advice to never share your dreams with a narcissist stayed in my mind even though it was the beginning of my journey to understanding him, and I really believed it saved me and enabled me to keep my connection to my self/dreams/happiness, despite being around him. You have helped so many, Dr. Ramani!
Dr. Ramani, Thank for your continued professional content. You make this community a very comfortable place to come. No one else is like you. You don’t scream your knowledge at us, your not angry or aggressive you have a flow and presence that’s really delightful yet powerful. I’m able to absorb and understand and learn what your presenting. Very Grateful.
My Kindest Regards💜
@Vasiliki so beautifully expressed. ❣️
She's the best channel on this subject 4 sure 💛
Addiction (alcohol/drugs/gambling/shopping/overeating/sex/anything to numb the pain and shock of post - narcissistic abuse life). Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your thoughtful, expert advice and excellent content!
After accepting that my father was a narcissist, I moved back to my hometown, eager to discuss it with my sister. She rejected me, and I realized that she was a narcissist too. It was such a shock that I became frozen, apathetic, and have had anhedonia for years. Thank you for your videos. They are so, so valuable.
Awful sums up the experience and their behaviors. My ex moved in with me and totally took up my living space. Just about everything was about and evolved around him. Once he was gone the energy in my home became much lighter and brighter. Thanks 🙏🏽 as always for sharing your knowledge.🥰
That was my experience too!
Alexithymia: personal trait characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions experienced by one's self or others. Being around a narc, it's not safe or relevant to think about your feelings.
So true.. to push your emotions down so far that you have mo feelings or cant locate them... a survival from treading on egg shells
That's me in a nutshell
I just discovered this symptom few days ago
Your comment is spot on
Thank you
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 wow nice one! That's so accurate
Approval-seeking is one of my biggest problems. Seems almost impossible to change this bad habit. Took me years to remember not to share any of my dreams/plans with my narcissistic mother, because there would be no approval forthcoming from her. Dr. Ramani, I appreciate how you have generously shared your knowledge of narcissism through these videos. They are a great resource for understanding and healing from the damage of narcissistic abuse.
Hell, they weaponize everything you tell them against you.
Bill J , awesome original comment. 👍😃
today , I took good care of myself , made a colouring shampoo, put on some make-up , visited a lonely neighbour , we had a nice chat over a cup of tea, played cards with him , then took a rather long and brisk walk ( well it needn't have been a marathon either ... ) I did simple, unexpensive and pleasurable things . My narc was ever so jaded and blasé , so lifeless, glued to television . Narcs are lifeless , they pass their lifelessness on to you . They are the less creative of beings . Istill think about him , I left him or rather he discarded me only a fortnight ago . The pain , the anger , the confusion were atrocious . Tomorrow , I plan to work out and walk again . Something as simple as dancing to your favourite tune can help . Love to all narc survivors and thank you, Doctor Ramani for your complete insight into this predicament and for your compassionate advice
Where do you live? I'd love to spend some time with you, fellow survivor. But alas, I'm pretty sure we're far apart. I wish you the very best and continue to do what's the most healing for you!!
Aloof - from every emotion, Alright - to do just anything I please. Arachnid - slowly pulling you into his web.
I like 'arachnid'. In my last two relationships with 'narcs', I felt them strategizing to pull me in. Both used the same tactic of creating an enlarged 'we' to which I would feel more bonded/ loyal/ obligated. With my ex it was his kids. Very early on he made me a part of their lives, and this pulled me into more time and activities with him, and gave him leverage to pressure me. With my 'next narc' (I like the alliteration of this!), he encouraged a sense of 'we' with other women in his life, so that then there would be more pressure for me to agree to an activity "because ____ and ___ will be there". Was this manipulation? A cynical 'reading' would say 'yes'.
Arguments the constant arguments, he would start arguments to just extract narcissistic supply. Yes they also feed on negative energy.
God bless Dr. Ramani🙏🏼! My mom is a covert narcissist and my ex-husband was a neglectful one. You have taught me so much. Thank you for being a savior to so many of us who thought we were going crazy by the tactics narcissists use to manipulate us.
E Calero I agree... she has saved me.
Dr. Ramani, finding your videos, I can honestly say, you have helped to save my life. I’ve been dealing with my narcissistic family and their abuse for almost three decades and I just am reaching the end of the line. I plan on watching this video and others with my therapist this week to help her understand, to help better express my pain and hopefully find a way out and a way to heal. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Thank you Doctor. I needed to hear this. You have helped me to understand so much. I no longer feel so lost. I am slowly accepting my situation and able to deal with it much better. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone.
ANHEDONIA!!!!!!!!!! I knew I had it. Now I know I’m not crazy. Thank you thank you thank you thank you
Thanks for writing it! I couldn't work it out how to spell it!
Caroline Sylla 😂😘
Anhedonia... I didn’t know it was a thing. My son once said to me, “ Mom, you and I have a hard time enjoying things- I know it’s tough to have fun, but it’s your birthday and I want you to try.” He and I were never allowed to enjoy ourselves so we quit trying. Now I know why.
😔I get it. My narcissists dont do happiness. Somehow I think I gave up being happy because of my environment
Me too, me too!!!
I could never have afforded the peace and contentment I have in my life now if it wasn’t for you and your generosity with the truth you share. Every step forward in my healing has been with your help. God bless !!😊🙏
I wish I found the dear doctor sooner. It would have made my life easier! 💜
lori schwartz me too.. 19 years of confusion. On the road to life again. 🥰
@@fatchiefstudios over 30 years for me. My husband's ex was/is an extreme narcissist. I tried helping their daughter for years get through life with her mothers narc behaviors. Turns out his daughter is more damaged than I ever knew. I always had hope for her. She's more toxic than her mom ever was. I finally realized she gaslighted me since she was a child. Now, she's just a self centered toxic hot mess. 😥
Me too! Moving out in 2 days. Sweet freedom.
Thank you so much Dr Ramani! You have helped me understand what I’ve endured for my 47 years of marriage
Jesus, how does she know this stuff? She explains my life experience over the last 3 years to a freaking T
I wonder the same .. it’s sad that my life experience over the past 5 years was written in textbooks and talked on RUclips videos (precisely) .. only if I knew! 🤷🏻♀️ but I’m grateful that I know now!
Red flags are not red flags when it feels home ..
Same 😔
Because ALL narcs are the same. How this isn't a mental disorder in the DSM is beyond me.
@@dennish3962 Because most of the DSM disorders have the criteria that the person has to be struggling with the symptoms / that the symptoms negatively impact their life. Narcissism negatively impacts the people around the narcissist more than the person itself so it's tough to define an 'objective' diagnostic criteria. + asking someone who's subjectively doing great to get help or make efforts so that others aren't hurt is almost an ethical dilemma
Dr. Ramani, you have yet again hit the nail on the head. I've gone through all of A-Town throughout my life . I still deal with some of them currently .
Another A-Town symptom from narcissistic the abuse I still am dealing with is Avoidance. I avoid being around people . Being around people completely drains any energy I've built up to do day to day necessary things.
Same here! I once was full of energy and life! Have some friends and going to the gym often... after an extremely brutal gas lighting, guilt trips, and deceiving by contacting those friends and only God knows what he told them, now I have no friends... not even one that I can trust and be comfortable with. I'm extremely lonely, and have gained 30 pounds without any motivation to go back to where I was three years ago! 😔
youtube 'how to strengthen your aura and protect it' and practice every day. It sounds as if you're not well at protecting your own life energy so you are unwittingly feeding those around you. It's exceptionally draining. xxx ruclips.net/video/M939DQu2Ck0/видео.html
Abandonment issues
Huge issue
Ambivalence: product of confusion,uncertainty,gaslighting,lack of clear sense of self,denial by narcissist.
Adding Addict as well. My mother started giving me alcohol when I was 14 and every narc I got tangled up with were also heavy drinkers. A lot of the rage came out while drinking so basically my whole life has been built around "they were just drunk" and a whole lot of brushing under the rug because of it
"Alien" would be my word. Thank you Dr.Ramani.
I'm the Alien because she pushed me out of my own family. I am no longer Angry or Anxious. She is the one going to therapy so she can rage about me. Somehow I've ruined her life even though I haven't been in her life.
Afterthought. The victims needs/feelings are always always an afterthought. If at all.
Good thought but you're giving them more credit than they deserve, an "afterthought" to the hurt they cause is nothing they will have!
Wow this is spot on and amazing, thanks for sharing. 💖
Yes this is what we experience
High2palmistryIG you have hit the nail on the head.. in my case, even my existence was unacknowledged. TG for this channel... it’s SO therapeutic!
Altoona FL
Abuse: hurting you in any way they can. They interrogate you until you’re in tears. They throw your fears and insecurity right back in your face. They yell, they curse, they silent treatment, they abandon
I've been living in A _ town all my life wondering why i'm feeling like this ,why i'm different ,anger ,anxiety,fight,quarrels,getting disappointed ,having no interest,no aim,depression,hoplessness,helplessness,insults ,,.....have all been inseprable part of my all life now i realise what's exactly wrong.thanks.
Alopecia? Seriously my hair started falling out.
Be in upside down position for 15 minutes twice daily. Blood will rush towards your head and it will be full of blood. That's the secret to grow hair back.
Minoxidil is not a magic, that also increases huge blood circulation in the scalp but have to use forever.
If you do upside down position for more than twice daily results would get better.
Use lemon juice for removing fungus infection on the scalp.
Massage reduces the scalp tension.
All combined would have great result.
Same!!! I started balding at the corners after meeting my narc.
@@MiguelEnriqueCVeluz Sorry man. Mine fell out at the corners too. Widows peak.
I finally got over the narc but it took years - too bad my hair didn’t grow back.
Oh yes! My god, that's a devastating one. We women struggle w recovery n many of us lose our hair. Hugs of compassion to all you beautiful women who lost their hair.
🤣🤣🤣true😭
Addiction always searching for an unknown antidote, I can't breathe feels like asthma, afraid of the lack of acceptance, trying any and every alley to escape, amnesia... always ahead of me. Thank you, am all out A's, except the one in my name, As always, lots of love to your shining grace. Will listen again and again. Ramani's lovely verses, and my amazement at all the A's. Good Luck Everyone !
You need to start a narcissist boot camp. I will gladly send my 21 yr old daughter. First class, priority mail, whatever I need to do.
Being in a Narcissistic relationship qualifies me for all of the above.
I compare it to being in water, with someone holding your legs, and slowly drowning and you can't do anything about it to save yourself. I do have physical health issues that contribute to my inertia, but I am positive that a lot of this is still remnants of 45 years, actually my lifetime, with Narcissists. First with my mother, the a bit with my father, and second with my husband. Quite the legacy. My father's family is from Allentown. 🙂
Aspen, Colorado, hilariously the capital of narcissism. The Aspen Police often call dispatch saying: "I am here with a man/woman who doesn't know who he/she is." You know the "don't you know who I am?" syndrome. LOL
Hilarious.
Hahaha
Guys let’s do the “A-town stomp” gain back our authentic self
😂🤣 Yes. I love this.
My mother has been like a cancer in my life. Little by little digging the ground from under my feet while pretending that she „cares“. Oh shit, I start to see everything!
“Agitated “a lot of unrest ready for something to happen all the time , so tired 😓 time to cut the Cords!!!
yes- I CONTINUALLY felt agitated, because I always felt PRESSURE to respond to his next request/ desire/ agenda/ communication. I would open my inbox and there would be all his messages, like he was sitting in my personal space just WAITING for my attention. I felt agitated when we were together (and would try to numb this, usually dropping into automatic pleasing), and I felt agitated when I wasn't seeing him because that feeling of his wanting of me never stopped!
I really appreciate the validation here. Good to know that anger is a normal part of this.
Accusatory is definitely one accusation and blaming
Therapy is so critical because even after you grow up and escape parental narcissists, you are likely continuing these patterns and even inwardly enforce them on yourself with a critical inner voice. Everyone subconsciously incorporates the parental voice as an inner "superego," the critical inner judge. Reprogramming on every level will be needed.
Alienation: they separate you from people who might support you, and who see them for what they are.
Auto pilot... Feels like his excuses come so easily he doesn't even have to think about what he's saying.
Lies/deflection/gaslighting spew out automatically..it is his default response...never thought out, never truth. Pure B.S. ugh
wow yes good one
I was thinking auto pilot as well, but for myself. When he goes into his monologue tirades about how he does more than anyone, suffers more than anyone, smarter than everyone I shutoff and just go about the rest of my day/night quietly with little to no emotion.
Autopilot: that’s it exactly. How we cope with the confusion, the despair and the loneliness. We just can’t make sense of it all. Shutting down and operating on autopilot allows us to survive.
@@freeasabird7564 I was referring to the way the B acts as if he's on auto pilot... But yes I've noticed I too do it when I go gray rock
ADHD. As someone with the disorder and family members as well, this disorder seems to play a part in some traits displayed by narcissism. I personally have become much more aware and ashamed of my own narcissistic behaviors by joining this Channel, and others like it. The Golden Rule is my cornerstone principle out of my narcissist fortress. It is difficult to see one's own faults, so it is good to have this information, to self reflect, and mature into an adult.
This channel helped me stop too. Don't wanna hail from A town.
It is not uncommon for a person raised by a narcissist to show narcissistic traits I know this because I was raised by a malignant narcissist the worst of the worst literally on the verge of being a sociopath in my youth I was chaotic very insensitive sometimes aloof distance unreliable I was self sabotaging all the years of deregulation and gaslighting made me literally insane and now that I am older I feel shame and embarrassment and just wish that I had these videos 30 years ago then I would have realized that all I had to do was just stopped think about what I'm doing understand that my mother was in a constant state of survival mode so she had to make me and my brother into that state also literally living like everyday was my last not to mention finally marrying a narcissist because I believe that that was normal behavior I wish that I could have just developed my boundaries and developed a sense of self and got out of that survival mode a long time ago I know that I am not a narcissist I know what a narcissist is
I am so proud that I found you - you give me so much information to handle this difficult matter. I can only shake with my head that you can define the cause of fatigue, anxietety, depression aso. to narcissistic abuse so directly - my physician was until now not able to count everything together and come to this conclusion. Since a set up a boundary between my emotions and my narcissistic partner I start to gain more inside energy .... and I am sure that I will pile up so much of this until I kick him off .... but ppssssttt don‘t tell him 😂😂😘😘😘 Thank you for your work and information - it saves lifes 💕🌺
Dr. Ramani, your understanding of this subject is remarkable.