Shame | Hard Feelings with Jennette McCurdy
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- Опубликовано: 20 авг 2024
- This past year has been crazy. with the success of my book, i thought the shame i felt about my past would finally wash away. surprise ! it didn’t. listen to the episode to hear more about it, i don’t want to spoil it all here. why are you still reading this ? please go listen now.
I was heartbroken when I heard about what a difficult time you had. I feel ashamed of how much joy I got watching from watching a character that it gave you so much pain to perform. I wish you continued strength on the journey and best wishes for your healing.
you dont need to feel ashamed by that
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on your new Podcast Jennette. I hope you have a lot of success with it. Also sorry you feel shame in playing Sam on iCarly. For what it's worth you were great on the show, incredibly talented and beautiful. I wish you success moving forward and look forward to future Podcasts All the best.
You’re sending out positive and powerful energies surrounding yourself.
I’m 24, grew up watching you and I always enjoyed your genuine acting
I watched the first show that you were known for with my niece and then actually started watching it bye myself when I would see that it was on. Even though it brings up trauma for you and perhaps judgement , it also brought joy and laughter to the world. So thank you for that! So I think that’s the real reason why people still bring it up and I understand your frustration because you are so much more than just a character on a tv show. I thank you for being open and honest about your feelings about your mom. My mom just didn’t need to have kids, if you catch my drift and it took a long time with no therapy to realize that most of her decisions were fear based mixed with trauma and anxiety. So eventually I was able to see some of the reasons why she was did some of the horrible stuff and don’t blame her anymore. I feel like you will eventually come to a place where things will get easier and feel more comfortable for you. Thank you for strength and courage to be you!!
In hearing this, I just want to say that first of all, JEANETTE SHOULD NOT ASHAMED OF PLAYING A CHARACTER THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE FOND OF. In my opinion, I believe a lot of people were saying that they remember her from Sam and cat because she as the character of Sam, was actually very relatable to a lot of people. I believe a lot of people thought Sam was a very cool character and actually I believe a lot of people wanted to be more Sam. That's why I believe a bunch of people, I would say to Jeanette I remember you as Sam on Sam & Cat, NOT BECAUSE THEY WANTED HER TO FEEL ASHAMED OF IT. Sam was an endearing character to them. So she should feel a sense of comfort from y'all know what I mean? I'm not talking about her being pushed into acting though she never really wanted to act, I'm just talking about her character being seen as endearing to a lot of people. I LOVE THAT I THINK IT'S ABSOLUTELY COOL!😎
Nobody cares about your relatability, nostalgia and your comment is awful.You're saying you heard this but you payed no attention at all. I imagine you never read the book "I'm Glad my Mom died", because if you did you wouldn't be saying any of this. Jennette has expressed she doesn't want to be recognized for her past characters and doesn't want anyone to mention the name "Sam" or anything to do with the shows to her or when speaking about her. Please don't assume what she should or should not feel specially about shame. Your hypothetical situation of saying what you want to her face is insanely rude, she literally said she hates that and described her trauma around it and how it makes her feel worse. You should read her book/hear her audiobook and refrain from speaking your mind so carelessly. And if you already read and you still feel like that your comment is ok i pity you, you need help, you're very insensitive.
I'm too old to know those shows, but after reading those parts of the book I get it. I think people struggle to understand that just because a person is really talented at a thing doesn't mean that it's actually healthy or positive for them. You did a great job... doing something you hated... in an abusive environment. Please be kind to yourself. I totally get it though.
I used to have a horrible stressful job, and I have shame I'm working through from that. I was good at the job even though the workload was too much. I was "needed" and "what would we do without you"... but really it was just BS to keep the productivity coming. I have a lot of regrets and shame for not standing up for myself and protecting my health. I'm embarrassed. "You're a rock star at this" and off I'd go... dance monkey, dance... I'd make sure we met quota even though we were down 3 people. My coworker had a heart attack on the job from the stress. I feel sick to my stomach when I see ads or billboards for that company. Why did I sacrifice my health for that stupid job? Why didn't I quit sooner?
Ugh... I need to be kind to myself too. F**k shame.
Dear Jeanette- I have very minimal experience on the negative stuff compared to what you went through in your chilhood. Not to mention you went through all of this publicly. One thing I can relate to your experience ( I am no psychologist) is that I had a short stint at a job which caused me an insane amount of stress, shame , resulted in a miscarriage and a changed person. Everytime anyone speaks about anything from that time period, my stomach hurts because I now equate every experience I have had during that time (even the ones unrelated to my job ) to a negative one. I have lost many memories of my kids toddler phase because all I remember was every single day at my job where I was humilated , abused and stressed. I have had fights with people in my circle saying ok it wasnt ALL bad right? Or conversely when my mom says but remember you were hired so you must be good !! Trying to change the memory associated with it . There is so much shame because I was an adult in their 30s and still did not know how to deal. You were a mere child with zero support. PTSD comes to mind and hope you find peace and these triggers reduce.
I'm so sorry for what you went through your whole life.
I'm not gunnu lie I've cried just listening to the story's I'm so sorry Jennette you deserve so much better than that just know we all love u so much
People like to match a character with face. Not enough of those people have the awareness that's often rude
Also one more thing I would to add. Jeanette says that when she did Sam and cat she was 13 years old. However she was not 13, at the time that Sam and Cat was airing. She was 20. Sam & Cat debuted in 2013. She said she's 31 now, so at the time of Sam and Cat, she was 20 years old an adult. She may have just forgotten.
Um no she was 14/15 when it first aired and 13 when they started shooting. She was born in 1992 and iCarly first aired in 2007.
@@josephnicholas9152 you mentioned, when she mentioned, when she started filming at 13. When she said she was filming at 13 she was talking about iCarly. She wasn’t talking about Sam and Cat. She mentioned Sam and Cat separately but not in context of when she started filming at 13, that was about Icarly. You’re the one who got what she said incorrect.
Jennette, I don't know if you'll ever read this comment, but I want to share my thoughts with you here, in case you do and can glean anything helpful from my experience. I finished listening to your book recently. I feel for you and your experience. I never watched the shows you were in, so, I had no idea who you were in them prior to your book. What drew me to your book was its title and a brief short of you doing an interview, in which you defended the title of the book. I really related to the title of your book, not because my mom is dead, but because I anticipate great relief when she passes.
Listening to your book, I related a lot to your experience of an emotionally volatile mother, whom everyone tiptoed around in order to keep appeased. Mom says she was sexually abused by her father and threatened into silence by her mother, although I'm not sure any of her siblings are willing to confirm it. She was passed through school with D's in her classes, and she would brag to me about being a bully in high school. My father dated her in high school and married her soon afterward. They had me and my younger brother in the next few years. My earliest childhood memory is of her mocking my crying in response to her bullying by sticking out her lip, scowling at me, and mocking me sobbing. She did this whenever I would cry at how she treated me. Mom could snap on a dime over nothing at all and go into a rage, and she often did at restaurants and department stores, either getting herself banned from them or getting free meals out of her outbursts. We kept church hopping, because she would stop going after melting down over someone, and my father would find us a new church to attend. We never had a real community in church as a result, and my parents never had any friends. I didn't realize it until I was much older, but mom made me be her surrogate friend and told me about all of her experiences of abuse from grandfather (he died of cancer while I was young). I remember Mom killing my father's new pet rabbit by putting the house cat into the wood and wire hutch my father had so carefully constructed for his pet, and afterward, she cried like a child, claiming she didn't mean for it to happen. My father's response to my mother's abuse was to bury himself in his work (he was the only income earner for the four of us). He enabled her every outburst and punished my brother and I based solely on her complaints, no matter if what she claimed was true. My brother became socially withdrawn and later very socially toxic as an adult. I never learned to stop trying to engage my parents rationally, wrongly assuming that they were simply mistaken and could be reasoned into a healthier relationship with me. But mom would never have it.
I remember when I was a couple of years into college, living at home between semesters, and Mom was ranting at me about how I don't love her or care about her (common accusations despite my tearful insistence that I loved her), because I had my first real girlfriend and enjoyed spending time with her. Dad sat on the couch dissociating as he usually did, while she dressed me down. About a month later, six days before Christmas that year, she made me homeless, abandoning me in front of a Wal-Mart despite my not having anywhere to go. Dad didn't even come home to stop her after she called him to rant at him, and I sobbed into the phone how scared I was. My girlfriend's family wound up taking me in, giving me a safe place to be. My parents tracked me down to my workplace where they hand delivered a letter to me in which they called me the Prodigal Son. I couldn't believe it. Within months, my mother was desperately trying to find where I was living, going door to door to all my friends' homes, including my girlfriend's. No one told them where I was.
However, over the next decade, I wound up in a cycle of going back to my parents, seeking catharsis, only to be verbally abused, rejected, and cut off. Then mom would regret it, reach back out to me tearfully, and I would go back, hoping for something healthier and happier. When I lost my faith and became an atheist, it worsened considerably, as being an atheist was the worst thing I could ever be. It didn't matter if I was abstinent, never drank or did drugs, or generally treated people well. My atheism became a target of scorn, pressure, manipulation, and repetitive disrespect for years, despite it being borne out of moral and intellectual growth that has revolutionized my life for the better.
I finally found the emotional strength to cut my parents off last year, and I have known a peace I never had in all the years of knowing them. I've been able to begin confronting their abuse as abuse and no longer feel conflicted over the labelling of their behavior as such. I felt such shame for years whenever I would take a break from them or mom would cut me off (If I told her over the phone that things weren't working between us and that I didn't want to relate with her or Dad anymore, she would call me back in a rage and vengefully tear into me and be the one to cut me off). I felt like a terrible son and a failure for having been unable to earn their love and their respect. I felt shame for being something they despised (an atheist). Deeper still, my mother made me feel shame for not living up to her every mad whim (she told me I didn't really love her when I begged her to believe me that I did), and my mother made me feel shame for crying in response to her cruelty. My father demonstrated how to codependently enable her monstrous behavior, even in public.
I have spent so much of my life in a dissociative stupor, not planning for my future or pursuing life and a career, because my mother emotionally dysregulated me through her abuse. I worked, sure, but I dropped out of college and had no clear plan in life, because my parents never taught me how to live. Mom's mental illnesses mixed with her religion, so she often spoke of wishing for the world to end and even spoke of her suicidal thoughts and attempted it once the year she threw me out. She has willfully ruined her body by not treating her diabetes seriously, and she expects to die in the coming years.
They live in Tennessee, and I finally moved out of state to the West Coast in 2020, and I haven't regretted it. She pressured me to visit her ever since. I almost did, but then she caught Covid, putting her in and out of the hospital the week prior to my flight. I canceled, because my parents were both denying it as a serious problem, even though she had been in the ER coughing up blood. And when I didn't go, she told me that she went out to eat, while contagious, and gave the restaurant staff grief for poor service. Her entitlement knows no bounds.
I wrote my parents a 13 page letter, explaining that I cannot do this anymore and that I will not respond to any calls or letters. My mother attempted to call me numerous times since, and I held my boundary for the first time in my life. Now, I am finally healing. I am learning about myself and facing my traumas, breaking out of dissociative behaviors and trying to look forward to my future by freeing myself of the trauma of my past. And this shame my mother and father filled me with for so long is difficult to let go of and cleanse myself of. But I have hope.
Jennette, thank you for sharing your story. You are more than what you did when you were 13.
Those shows are a part of you. They will never go away! It’s part of you, your history, and it will always be part of your fans memory. As time goes by and as long the show still airs, people will watch it and love it. Acceptance is key!
I listened to the entire podcast and the question i have is why the Shame .. You were fantastic on those shows ..You brought joy to so many people .I love the episode where your in the beauty pageant .My kids and I clap at the end when you win ... Your chemistry with the other actors and comedic performance was fantastic ... its hard to forget you were amazing !!! Maybe thats why we cant forget .its hard to forget greatness and a beautiful woman who touched our hearts ..Thats ll i wanted to say ,Be Well Happy Holidays
She literally explains why she feels shame 🫠
Abuse and trauma always comes with shame
joyous is a terrible word. i don't even think it is a real word ❤
Your mom should I took a dog acting classes if she wanted to be an actress instead of putting you through the tournament. You should have quit the show at 18 instead of listening to your mother. Since you didn't like it my grandchildren watched their show