⏲ 1:41 1. Don't go DEEP 3:03 2. Don't talk about the good or bad stuff 5:53 3. Let the narcissist have the last word 6:52 4. Treat your conversations with them like a deposition or a legalish conversation 8:48 5. Don't share the evidence with them 9:55 6. Always have a plan B
Every single time I watch your session I wonder how my life would look like if I knew/discovered all this 5... 10... 15 years ago to be careful and at least partly avoid all this crazy stuff I've seen and experienced in the past. This is just unbelievable! Better late than never though. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🌷
@@nadirmilazzo5968 No you didn't waste them. You learned something valuable. To value yourself and live your best life moving forward is a good thing. None of us knowingly entered relationships with narcissists. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. I was with mine 30 years and 32 when I married him. Now I am a one and done and very content. I don't need anyone. And at this point do not want anyone. Its all about me and my dog now. Pure heaven not answering to anyone. Best wishes.
Couldn't agree more with what you're saying... I've endured 32 years of abuse. These vedios of Dr. Ramini have helped me so much. She's a Godsend to me
My narc ex used to deliberately say false things to me in an attempt to bait me into an argument. At some point he remarked that he would mispronounce words or use incorrect terms in purpose to see who would correct him. I realized that's how he fished for argumentative supply and it made him feel powerful, and vowed to stop falling for it.
This is so spot on. Anything, I repeat anything you share with a narcissist will be used against you at some point. It IS hard to not engage. It takes a while. A few practice runs may be needed but eventually you will be able to totally or partially disengage and enjoy the reward of peace and contentment. It was very hard for me but I did it.
It's funny that you mentioned this part about anything you share being potentially used against you, cause I started my disenganing process with repeating to myself before every conversation with my narcissists the literal pre-court wording "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court." A grim reminder, but it works, and yeah, the outcome of disengaging is surely worth it.
Yep. And despite their apparent bad memory they will pull out something from decades ago. Im my late 40s and my mom brought up something when I was 16! I laughed. Pathetic way to win.
I learned long ago that my narcissistic husband could not be counted on at all. Instead of having to have a plan B, I learned to lean on other family members who actual care about me. It's much less stressful if you completely bypass the narcissistic person.
I was recently ill and bedridden for a week.... my husband gave me one small bottle of water on the first day, closed the bedroom door and that was his level of "caring" for the rest of the week. They will definitely not take care of you when you need help.
@@Angela-tt5ik Wow.... no wonder he is now your ex. I am making plans for my own exit. It's daunting at my age but I know I have to do it for my own sanity. I'm glad you got out. Proud of you. 👏
I'm sorry you're being treated so terribly while you're sick. It is horrendous and I completely understand. I was in the hospital last week and he has completely ignored me. He dropped me off at the ER and then picked me up later. He never said a word. Never asked why I had severe stomach pain, fever and chills. What was the diagnosis? Acute gastritis. He is making me sick! Now he is giving me total silent treatment and making huge messes all over the house on purpose. I'm exhausted, so stressed out, full of anxiety. My life is a nightmare. Financially I cannot afford to move out. I cry constantly and feel like I am cracking up. Anyone reading this comment, prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
@@nodmblnd I'm so sad for you. Yes they do have a massive impact on you physically as well as emotionally. I wish you could get out. I'm using the "grey rock" strategy at the moment. He is totally confused as to what's going on which has actually made me laugh. It really seems to be shutting him down. A small win for me for the first time in 40 years. I wish I could be there to give you a hug. A real hug. 🤗🫂
Great video. I lived a lifetime of hacks, constantly trying to read my narcissistic partner's mood to ensure that my reaction wouldn't trigger a reaction from him. When I broke my leg, I had my son drive me to the doctor because my ex-husband didn't believe i broke my leg (I knew I did, I heard it pop). When my father died, my son came with me on the long 1500 mile road back home to my parents. Living life this way was necessary to keep the peace in my household. I left him almost 3 years ago, and I am happier now than I have ever been. No more hacks needed. I love my new life, free of negativity.
Be careful with the I don’t care phrase. They will use that too! They will answer:”You don’t care about anything, nothing I say is important , you’re so cold etc. etc. “ so I would say, OK, I hear you or some thing as benign is that. Saying you don’t care, has some emotion around it and they will seize on that. I have learned the hard way. Good luck.
@@chrisgreen2781 You are right. Choosing one's words is key. Sure is a lot of work! I quit engaging with my 2 narcissistic sisters and am very content now. Sad it has to be that way but necessary for my self preservation/health.
Why would anyone let another person treat them this way for 6 decades? I have a dear friend who can say the same about her narc husband of 48 years, it's hard to watch the way he controls her and abused her. Why stay?
@@darryllovett2291 I think if it's someone you are married to you feel committed and want things to work out. You live in hope that things will get better because they feed you breadcrumbs, they also make you believe that you are the problem not them. It can also be hard to leave if you don't have an independent income, health issues or children. It is also a matter of not having the sort of information regarding narcissism in the past that we now have thanks to people like Dr Ramani. 🙂
Thanks Dr. Ramani for not shaming people like me who have to stay in these situations with our narcissists. Giving tips to survive this without judgement is why you're my hero 💜
You are brave beyond words. May heaven grant you the strength to be wise and follow Dr. Ramani's advice(s). I was born to a grandiose narcissist, and my oldest sibling is a narcissist as well. I was TRAPPED in childhood by their gnawing hatred and 'we're BETTER than you are attitude.' Be strong.
I love nursing & healthcare, but the narcissistic abusers and flying monkeys wear me down. “Living in chronic preparedness in my heart” is a helpful way to understand and accept the reality in my work environment.
These might be labeled hacks by Dr Ramani but if you do them enough you’re retraining yourself in a positive way. Learning to not react (or under-react) and let him get the last word gives my ex the illusion that he’s in charge. I just have to keep reminding myself that he does not care.
I always said my late husband just thought he was in charge of me but no one is. I did the same thing...for the most part. I learned to not react. Worked well.
This is great advice that I had to learn the hard way. I used them all with my mother. We talked about gardening. It was like steering my little boat through the rapids. But it was exhausting. I also realized that she actually knew nothing about me because I couldn’t share anything. Then I had to accept that she didn’t really care about me. It took decades for me to accept that my mother didn’t love me.
It took me 40 years to learn that my mother didn't love me also. But God loves us! Psalm 27:10 says when your father & mother forsakes you I will take you up.
The no news thing makes a big difference!! I forgot the other day and said I finally finished something, the response was like, "...okay...?" Yet I had been rooting him on in a challenging project of his own. It made it very obvious he has no idea about my life, what is going on, what I'm working on, what my goals are, and if he does, he really doesn't care whether good or bad things happen in my day to day life. It doesn't matter at all to him, even though he interacts with me on an almost daily basis. It's so weird.
Any question I ask is serious and genuine. I'm trying to help someone in a very similar situation. I would be so grateful for any advice that may help. Thank you so much
@@darryllovett2291 Sometimes, people work or sign a lease or have a child with someone they later realize is narcissistic. They're "still there" because leaving would have unacceptably negative consequences for them or someone else. This is the basis for Dr. Ramani's presentation. Your question, without context or explanation, could be interpreted as passive-aggressive criticism or challenge rather than a search for information.
@@eurokay4755 interpret my question however you would like, it's a free country where I live. When someone you care about is in danger you look for help anywhere you can find it! Have a nice day!
My oldest adult child (a narc) tried to bait me into a heated argument but after studying narcissism for years now I just said, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” I congratulated myself on not wasting precious time in a no win situation. Videos like this help so much. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Good for you. Takes a while to learn not to respond. I always let my narcissistic sisters have the last word, when I have to engage. After our 97 yr old mother passes there will thankfully be no reason at all to talk to them ever again and I look forward to not engaging at all for any reason.
I totally agree but what do I do if the narcissist mother in law puts her claws in my daughter and makes my daughter into her flying monkey? Please help. Tell me what to do.
@@stupensardi2783 I'm so sorry that is happening to you. Its a tough one. I hope someone with personal experience in that regard responds. I only have a step daughter and she was 29 when I met her....
One of the most devastating things about living with a narcissist is that you know how worthy and wonderful you are, and you’d walk on coals for the person, if they were available and made you feel safe. But, they are hell bent on proving you wrong, making you feel worthless. And no matter what you do they seem to want to lose you rather than say… what can I do to make this better? It’s heartbreaking 💔 right fighters are exhausting😢
Let’s face it, there are so many detrimental issues with a narcissist. One of the worst things, is that you lose yourself, you simply cannot be yourself. Why would anyone be worth losing yourself? LEAVE
I totally agree. I just got out of a toxic situation last week that had my mind spinning. I celebrated 12.7 yrs of being narc free, and the consequence of my sharing was NOT what I expected. IGNORE the people who don't congratulate you, or drop a friendly comment your way. I believe "some" rooms are full of cliques, and THEY are toxic. Dr Ramani is terrific. Take care, and once again I agree with you. 👍
My brother too and I am so fed up with some situations that I was thinking today to go no contact.. It's so painful to witness how she is treating him and he just acts like her behaviour is nothing at all.. I'm so sad!
@@Chrisy0850 codependent and an enabler. I get it. My brother is the same. Luckily, he understands my distance from her. I do for him, not her. I stopped that. She’s not happy about it but I am. He’s your brother, don’t give up on him.
I remember when I started carrying out my exit plan, I considered it crucial that he thought he still "had the power," so I used to engage in the most banal and superficial conversations to keep the beast entertained while I gathered all my stuff and my lawyer was preparing the demand of divorce.
I think the success of all these hacks depends on the narcissist too. Some narcissists are easier to deal with than others. A narcissistic colleague is easier to gray rock than a parent. Etc.
Pearls of wisdom on surviving a narcissistic relationship." Don't go DEEP and Always have a plan B" indeed. These really work. Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!🌹🙏🏻
Each video I watched is helping me through the narcissistic relationship I am in right now. I am one of those that just can't leave. We share a child who is disabled and I am the only thing that stands in the way of my narc emotionally and psychological hurting our child. I wish I would have known then what I know now and I've been grieving that but thanks to your videos, I can get through another day. I will get out, just not right now. Thank you Dr. Ramani!!
My heart goes out to you and your child. I'm in a marriage I cannot leave because of financial reasons. I just cannot afford to move. My dog and cats are my lifeline. It is a lonely and incredibly stressful situation. My narc is acting worse than ever. I send prayers to you.I understand your pain.
Your advice and insight are amazing. I really got a lot from this video and can only say I wish I'd known these hacks sooner. Unfortunately it took me 26 years to understand what I was dealing with and get out of a narcissistic marriage. Your hacks would have saved me a lot of pain and suffering! I will be passing this on to my daughters. Thank you!
Sharing a communal garden with a "vulnerable" Narc neighbor. I mowed the lawn twice this year - and mowed around the piles of his dog's faeces. He failed to get the hint. The grass is now super long and badly needs to be cut. But I am not doing it. Nope. The authorities refuse to do anything about it. So I'm just following suit. And I genuinely don't care what others think/say. Thank you for that gift, Dr. Ramani.
We have a seniors group for dog lovers. We are in our 60's but a 24 year old girl rented a room on our street and ...." she hates people under 60 and won't even speak to them." Then she told us about Foster Care abuse, grandma didn't like her, the mail man threw mail at her and said she was a monster ?? Then she needed our truck for groceries and took it 14 days in a row. Then I set boundries so she called in her girlfriends for attention and she had 15 young 20 somethings just enough to start a cheerleading group ? THEN, I studied the Behavioural Science of ..." Narcisism " and ignore the lying little BBBBBITCH. lol
Dear Dr. RAMANI I wish I had you or someone like you earlier in my marriage ( 1985_ 2016) . When he died. Now I'm 60 years damaged soul and body, who that I don't know myself anymore. YOUR INFORMATION & GUIDANCE IS THE BEST GIFT IN UNIVERSE TO SAVE LIVES ❤👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏❤
All are very good hacks, I’ve learnt all of them from dr. Ramani’s videos and interviews, and upon having been implementing them (with intermittent success, heh) for the last 2 months, I can say that all of them are hard to do at first, but totally worth the effort of learning - they save a tonne of nerve cells and time. I particularly struggle with letting my narcissists have the last word, but ironically, this one is a real game changer when you are being baited. I can’t thank you enough, dr. Ramani, for the knowledge and experience that you’re sharing with us! It’s life-changing.
Its easier to let them have the last word when exchanging texts. I just don't respond. At all. No response is a response. Learned that one from my best friend of 46 years.
@@jokendrick2124 True. It's often hard for me to sit with 'no response is a response' after being stonewalled multiple times myself, but when someone is being toxic, abusive or manipulative with you, no response is probably the best response one can come up with 👍
These are all spot on and what I've been actively working on for nearly 2 years now. It's a long, lonely, barren existence and way of living. I'm just buying my time at this point and these videos significantly help with that ❤
I'm at the point where I want to completely walk away and never talk to my family again. I've gone no contact in the past but have always let them back into my life because "we're family" just to be put through overbearing amounts of mental and emotional abuse. These have all been methods I have interpreted into my life unconsciously just to try to keep my own sanity intact, but this last year has been unbelievable to say the least.... I'm just done and want to get away from it all....
Dr.Ramani you are spot on again! I am living my "plan B" and am so grateful for not going along with my Narc partner. In some ways they become even angry about "plan B" because they were not involved in it...hence their loss of control over you. It never ends, and you come to realize that's all they care about.
Yes Dr Ramani I have learned so much from you and feel like it’s so hard to just be myself around them 😢 I try to only trust people with empathy 🙏 ❤️❤️❤️
Ohmg, Doctor Ramani made me shed a tear again,listeningtohiw accurate you are. Yes, he did all that to me for years. Since I was 19 years old, i thought it was love. He was my first bf. I would cry in silence ,and still think of ways to make him happy evey mins, but no matter what i give, s.x,care,gift etc, he would somehow spot the thing i did wrong,and boom,he starts the silent treatment again. I can't believe it's now too late for me to find love again, who would take on a 40-year-old with 4 kids. I'm thankful I'm free from him, but what a waste of my years
I left when I was 55, my kids were already out of the house. I am with a wonderful man now. Either way, I knew it was better for me to be alone for the rest of my life than to be with a narc who ruined my health. You have your kids too! Don't let your ex turn them against you.
Trust me, I learned the hard way…. They WILL use all evidence against you. I’m having a hard time with one of my abusers. He falls into all the narcissistic stuff, but he also falls into psychopathic stuff. Either way he made sure to systematically destroy my life. My dad is still definitely a narcissist, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate new narcissists in my life… and enforce my own boundaries (and also be respectful of others’ boundaries).
My mother and 2 sisters are narcissists. My father and brother were not but they were taken too early. I ended up marrying one and until he died it was difficult but I found joy in other things. My dog, gardening, shopping, road trips and a couple really good friends. The universe fixed part of my problem. I've had to go little to no contact with the others. It was a hard thing to implement but I had to do so out of self preservation. I am very content now. Takes time....
This video has helped to more than any other video. You understand my life with your examples spot on in my life. Thanks for these hacks while I navigate what I can do
Boy Dr. Ramani .. it is so true .. being in any type of narcissistic relationship is a master class in contingency planning. Most of us probably have plans A-Z available at all times. No wonder it is so exhausting!
Thank you Dr. Ramani. 🎉 I'm learning to celebrate life on my own again. May sound silly -- but I took me for a walk the other day? And felt empowered 😊
Dr Ramani your the best! It’s so funny now how I have control around my children’s narc mon. The room is so quiet when I have to be around her. Once a year usually a holiday at my oldest sons house. I can hear her breathing and sighing across the room. I have to laugh! She gets no information even when she asks. Hahaha 🤣 Yes you’re the best! 😊
I'm beginning to think/see that narcissism is a genetic disease... I'm like my Mum, an empath... my 3 sibs inherited the N gene from my father... I've got material for a best seller... it will read like a fictional thriller. I have my weak moments but I'm getting good at gray... thanks Dr R 💌
I believe you could write a best seller. I recently told my adult daughter that I have so many stories regarding the narc in my life I could write a book.🤣
Before I started watching Dr Ramani's videos, I had already made the decision to go no contact with my husband's brother and his wife. I realized after many disappointments, and all of the other craziness, that they added nothing positive to my life. After watching these videos and learning about narcissism, I realized that his brother and his brother's wife are both narcissistic. It all started making sense! I'm so glad that I made that decision a couple of years ago. No more drama, confusion, and hurt feelings. No more getting angry and wasting time discussing the latest thing they said or did with my husband or anyone else who would listen . Thank you Dr. Ramani! I am so grateful for your insight and suggestions!
Dr. Ramani, you are so point on with your advice! This is unfortunately what I have to do with my husband on a daily base. I almost always have to have a plan B. I even taught our children the same, that they can never rely on his word or plans. If it does not benefit him, he will change his mind so quick and blame it on me giving me the fault. It’s a nightmare that I ever got involved with a person like him. I am constantly trying to warn my kids about red flags and to avoid getting into a relationship like mine. ThNk you for these videos they help to make the situation tolerable. I pray that one day that my kids and I can get away from my husband( the demon).
So much truth in this video. I know someone who will even find something about a coffee shop to disagree about and try and bait me with. It really would not matter what the topic was they will go out their way to find something. I used to help out an elderly person with chores at her home as I was unemployed so had some time. I met her while volunteering at the local library, she would pick me up once a week drive me to hers as it was more than walking distance and I would help out cleaning her windows and garden maintenance etc. One day she picked me up and then when I was there painting her fence she told me that could not and would not be giving me a lift home that day. I lost it and just walked out and left her fence half painted. I felt bad but why tell me that once I am there why not tell me prior? I had to call someone else and ask them to pick me up as I had no money on me for a taxi or bus. Which meant that I also took time out of their day.
I don't know any narcissists like my husband. Once I worked out various aspects like if he is tired or if he is triggered, I could work with it and he does too. He is very kind and wise. I don't understand how he is able to recognise his behavours but he does and he works on being better😃
I had a narcissist for a friend from high school....I was shattered to the point to which i questioned my existence.....i felt so unworthy....my studies got ruined.....i sacrificed my time and effort just to make things running....i had depression...each day passed by as if i am in jail....with a lump in my throat because of anxiety...4 years of my life got wasted....later i learnt i had insecurities from my childhood which lead me to this trap....i was in my recovery time i stumbled upon dr ramani's videos now i feel much lighter and whole within me.....i just want to thank you aunty.....you are Durga prsonified.....may you have a long prosperous life.....namastey🙏
this one is so good thank you it just makes so much sense instead of being all flustered just know you have a backup plan because they're not trustworthy but you don't want to let them know you just have a backup plan
THANK YOU so much Dr. Ramani!! I’ve been watching your vids since last Dec 2022. Healing started then for me and other family members. It’s been a looooong road but I’m truly thankful for you and Dr. Les Carter for caring and sharing!! 🥰
Thats Deep ...Don't defend, engage, explain, personalize. Keep it superficial, keep it light, stay neutral and disconnected. Keep them at Arm's length to preserve your inner strength ~
i have used all these hacks and yes they do make life easier when dealing with narcissists. I think it is sad. But it is even sadder that when you try to gift them a more open relationship it is used against you and makes neither one of you better off or happier .
ehhh yeah i used to tell people around that im sick/feeble expecting them to treat me slightly better but they never did... back then I didnt understand what a narcissist was
Recently I made the mistake of letting my Narc know that I had recently gotten into a popular and funny TV show. Now it's the Narc's latest obsession and they're getting the Side Piece into it, too. Definitely going to be sticking to the weather from now on!
THANK YOU SO MUCH you are SO VERY Talking about my life of over 54 years of suffering, its like you are talking about my life with my very cruel Husband . Thank you. You have really helped me.
Dr. Ramani, your videos are always SO helpful! I look after my elderly covert narcissist mother and have to see her daily as her health deteriorates. I am the only one left who she hasn't pushed away and the fact remains that she needs regular care. Her narcissism has gotten worse over the years. I have mourned the loss of the typical mother-daughter relationship I wanted to have with her and now spend time changing my communication styles, as I know she will never change. These hacks (grey rock, not sharing, letting them have the last word) have changed our existence for the better and have kept me far more sane than I was in the days before learning of this personality disorder. Thank you SO much for giving me clarity, compassion, and very sound advice on a regular basis.
Like being left in a strange city at a strangers home, after my mother forgot I was returning from church camp, at age 13. (My dad was away at summer camp for Nat Guard) 🕊️
@@lennie1703it's usually shit they have done their whole lives too, in many relationships. They have zero ego fortitude. Everything is about them and their inner vulnerability. They can change, maybe, but I haven't seen anything close to change be possible. These people don't have the ability to see their problems and deal with them. If they did, they wouldn't be grown adults with zero self control or awareness. It's their shit.
Yep. Andrew Tate has been giving that advice to millions of young boys for a few years now. He’s going to prison in Romania for sex trafficking while claiming he’s the victim.
Another good one I use w contemptuous narc comments that r insulting my intelligence (seemingly showing me that they r smarter and my thoughts are idiotic) is an enthusiastic and cheerful “ok” followed by a stoic, slack-jawed face and no other comment - the whole energy of it is like speaking to a dog with “that’s a good boy”. This actually is very gratifying if you have reached the acceptance and grief phase and no longer have any need to feel seen or heard by the Narc.
I feel like I'm finally progressing on the healing path. I don't ruminate as much as in the past and I'm practicing the tips on communicating with "difficult" people (which is truly hard) sometimes I feel guilty for being so straight forward. But watching these videos has really helped me understand and move forward.
Dear Dr Ramani, this is perfect advice for people stuck in the relationship..my husband is a kind person but narcissistic too..he seems to know he is and always tries to apologise when he hurts me. I can not have any deep and meaningful conversations about feelings or psychology with my husband. I had to accept this, but my husband is a very strange narcissist in that he is kind and tries to be not narcissistic. A rare exception to the rule. He is an amazing study in my mind. We have been together for 25 years. He is very wise and his narcissism is like a mood swing when he is under pressure or very tired. He knows when he hurts me if I end up crying, and he feels guilt and empathy. I am very fortunate he is who he is.🤗
It reminds me of some of the phrases of Jesus Christ in the Bible: "I never knew you", "Depart from me" and "The world has nothing in me". Remembering that I never really knew the narcissist (and that was one of the narcissist's goals) , I need to make distance not argument, and no part of me belongs to or is really controlled by the narcissist--that helps a lot!
I remember you had spoken on med circle about academia and colleagues and narcissism. I would love to see you discuss about grad students and professors and narcissism. Because grad students and undergrads we are suffering from faculty who are weilding their power in terrible ways and the school enables it. Also has ties to racism and elitism as well. :..(
Great advice, Dr. Ramani. I needed this reminder for the upcoming holiday season which is always tough for me to get through with the difficult people in my life.
Wow ! I'm amazed at how good you are at explaining all this ! So accurate, detailed and productive. THANK YOU ! It is so validating. I've gone through many of these processes and have stepped away from narcississts in my life but have always had a niggling self doubt about my doing that. I feel a powerful validation that I have needed for several years.
The children, in-laws, and grandchildren still praise and adulate my narcissistic husband. I just returned from a grandchild's event, and the excitement of seeing him still rings in my ears. Instead, I receive lukewarm greetings. My husband and I separated six years ago after enduring 45 years of abuse, on top of the narcissistic parents and siblings (on top of surviving poliomyelitis at 6 months old in 1949 and dozens of childhood surgeries and hospitalizations and endured 74 years of pain and silent suffering) and after he choked me. My therapist helped me separate, and now I am coping on my own, in a mobility scooter. Then I got rid of all the one-way people in my life. Yes, I am attracted to charismatic narcissists. Understand I am very smart and spunky. When out in the public, I enjoy myself and my surroundings. But when I am with my narcissistic family, I grit my teeth and bite my tongue. Why am I invisible, and my husband and family can talk about themselves, constantly! Honestly, I prefer being alone than being among family who quit listening to me the second I open my mouth. What do I, and others in this situation, do to navigate such heart and soul-piercing experiences?
Ok, I'm going out for errands again and I feel myself getting anxious and like I have to 'rush', so doing some deep breathing before my friend arrives and telling myself there is no rush. We are so used and programmed to give our time TO the Narc that it feels foreign, and anxiety inducing, when it's time to give ourselves the time we freely and unlimit-ly gave the Narc. Deep breaths, deep breaths, please take your time, please take your time....there is no rush.
I stayed longer than I should of and went back too many times after leaving because I fell for the 'not apology apology' and the false promises but then I learnt about narcissistic people and that's thanks to you because your videos were the start of my education and gave me the tools to get through... thank you so much, you truly saved my sanity and more
I have read and seen a lot on narcissists, but this video really brought it home for me. I have been married to one for 30 years. He is getting worse, not better. The last 10 we have simply became roommates. He has always been inattentive, forgetful, irritated when there is a problem, and never cared about my wellbeing. Although, I believe he is showing early signs of dementia, his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's early. This makes a hard situation, worse by 10 fold because I cannot approach him, because then I am the crazy one--he never said that, I never said that, that never happened and so on, and he is getting more angry by the day. If I could live under a rock, I might be able to save myself, because I sure can't save him. In sickness and in health just isn't going to matter.
Wow. You just described what my life is like. they DO get worse with age! Much worse! 30 years together. We've been roommates for years, too. He is constantly angry, absolutely miserable. And I also see signs of mental changes. Nothing can be discussed. It is a horrible existence. Financially I can't afford to leave. I'm 65 years old, he is 69. I've ended up in the ER twice in the past 6 months with severe stomach pain. I know the stress of living with this toxic person is affecting my health. Every day is awful/ I'm sorry you are going through this too.
And the narc will still get mad that you told others first, AND that you didn't consult & defer to them for problem solving after someone else helps you solve your problem. They get wind of another person getting credit for saving the day and that creates an instant injury in them. It's a kind of self-centeredness that has 1,000 legs.
The narcs in my family love to start pointing out your faults and blame and shame you for them all. I find that so hard to deal with when they start doing that and I'm usually their easiest and favourite target.
Everything gets better when you decide you don't care.
You are so right.
I wish I was there where I don’t care 😢
Not everything in my opinion
Youngblood, youre right. Indifference is the antidote. .
Truth.
We dont walk away from people to teach them a lesson, we walk away because we finally learned ours!
Amen
Exactly! ❤
Exactly right
Perfectly said.
Absolutely!!
Your second life starts when you realize you only have one.
Inhale courage and exhale fear.
Wow... you took the words right out of my mouth.
I realized we have one shot at this lifetime a long time ago. It puts things into perspective.
Psychological Duct Tape!😅
I just imagine that we are both on stage improvising in front of a live audience & camera man. It's all an act and we are all players.
I'm letting him have a few good feelings.😊
⏲
1:41 1. Don't go DEEP
3:03 2. Don't talk about the good or bad stuff
5:53 3. Let the narcissist have the last word
6:52 4. Treat your conversations with them like a deposition or a legalish conversation
8:48 5. Don't share the evidence with them
9:55 6. Always have a plan B
I hope this helps you 😊
🙏🏼
@@yukio_saitoBless you.
Thank you!!!
Thank you!
A “friend” who can’t celebrate the good things in life with you or commiserate the bad things, is no friend at all.
Absolutely 👍
Every single time I watch your session I wonder how my life would look like if I knew/discovered all this 5... 10... 15 years ago to be careful and at least partly avoid all this crazy stuff I've seen and experienced in the past. This is just unbelievable! Better late than never though. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🌷
Oh boy, yeah. If only I had seen this 20 years ago.
6 decades wasted. At least now it's my turn. ❤
@@nadirmilazzo5968 No you didn't waste them. You learned something valuable. To value yourself and live your best life moving forward is a good thing. None of us knowingly entered relationships with narcissists. They are wolves in sheep's clothing. I was with mine 30 years and 32 when I married him. Now I am a one and done and very content. I don't need anyone. And at this point do not want anyone. Its all about me and my dog now. Pure heaven not answering to anyone. Best wishes.
Couldn't agree more with what you're saying... I've endured 32 years of abuse. These vedios of Dr. Ramini have helped me so much. She's a Godsend to me
@@nadirmilazzo5968 Wishing you joyful days 🦋
My narc ex used to deliberately say false things to me in an attempt to bait me into an argument. At some point he remarked that he would mispronounce words or use incorrect terms in purpose to see who would correct him. I realized that's how he fished for argumentative supply and it made him feel powerful, and vowed to stop falling for it.
This is so spot on. Anything, I repeat anything you share with a narcissist will be used against you at some point. It IS hard to not engage. It takes a while. A few practice runs may be needed but eventually you will be able to totally or partially disengage and enjoy the reward of peace and contentment. It was very hard for me but I did it.
It's funny that you mentioned this part about anything you share being potentially used against you, cause I started my disenganing process with repeating to myself before every conversation with my narcissists the literal pre-court wording "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court." A grim reminder, but it works, and yeah, the outcome of disengaging is surely worth it.
Yes, anything you say to them will be used against you. Spot on.
Yep. And despite their apparent bad memory they will pull out something from decades ago.
Im my late 40s and my mom brought up something when I was 16! I laughed. Pathetic way to win.
I learned long ago that my narcissistic husband could not be counted on at all. Instead of having to have a plan B, I learned to lean on other family members who actual care about me. It's much less stressful if you completely bypass the narcissistic person.
He is probably happy that you are dealing with stuff without bothering him. 👀
@@cb9825 Yup! He can't stand being held accountable.
It's sort of a plan B!
@@cb9825
It's a win / win 😉
I just let my husband talk about himself. It’s his favorite topic and it keeps him happy.
How sad
I do the same 😊
I was recently ill and bedridden for a week.... my husband gave me one small bottle of water on the first day, closed the bedroom door and that was his level of "caring" for the rest of the week.
They will definitely not take care of you when you need help.
I had health issues when we got married. I spent 18.5 years in what you described.
I was in the hospital and my now ex husband asked how much is this going to cost?
@@Angela-tt5ik Wow.... no wonder he is now your ex. I am making plans for my own exit. It's daunting at my age but I know I have to do it for my own sanity. I'm glad you got out. Proud of you. 👏
I'm sorry you're being treated so terribly while you're sick. It is horrendous and I completely understand. I was in the hospital last week and he has completely ignored me. He dropped me off at the ER and then picked me up later. He never said a word. Never asked why I had severe stomach pain, fever and chills. What was the diagnosis? Acute gastritis. He is making me sick! Now he is giving me total silent treatment and making huge messes all over the house on purpose. I'm exhausted, so stressed out, full of anxiety. My life is a nightmare. Financially I cannot afford to move out. I cry constantly and feel like I am cracking up. Anyone reading this comment, prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
@@nodmblnd I'm so sad for you. Yes they do have a massive impact on you physically as well as emotionally. I wish you could get out.
I'm using the "grey rock" strategy at the moment. He is totally confused as to what's going on which has actually made me laugh. It really seems to be shutting him down.
A small win for me for the first time in 40 years.
I wish I could be there to give you a hug.
A real hug.
🤗🫂
Great video. I lived a lifetime of hacks, constantly trying to read my narcissistic partner's mood to ensure that my reaction wouldn't trigger a reaction from him. When I broke my leg, I had my son drive me to the doctor because my ex-husband didn't believe i broke my leg (I knew I did, I heard it pop). When my father died, my son came with me on the long 1500 mile road back home to my parents. Living life this way was necessary to keep the peace in my household. I left him almost 3 years ago, and I am happier now than I have ever been. No more hacks needed. I love my new life, free of negativity.
Isn't it wonderful to be free... I'm happy for you❤
I feel you here, and for the son that had two jobs
Glad you are free. ❤
I love the grey rock method because it lowers my stress. When
they try to shift blame, I just say "So what? I don't care." And I don't.
I would say "whatever" or nothing at all.
Be careful with the I don’t care phrase. They will use that too! They will answer:”You don’t care about anything, nothing I say is important , you’re so cold etc. etc. “ so I would say, OK, I hear you or some thing as benign is that. Saying you don’t care, has some emotion around it and they will seize on that. I have learned the hard way. Good luck.
@@chrisgreen2781 You are right. Choosing one's words is key. Sure is a lot of work! I quit engaging with my 2 narcissistic sisters and am very content now. Sad it has to be that way but necessary for my self preservation/health.
6 decades wasted in narc abuse. At last it is my turn. Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤
Why would anyone let another person treat them this way for 6 decades? I have a dear friend who can say the same about her narc husband of 48 years, it's hard to watch the way he controls her and abused her. Why stay?
@@darryllovett2291 I think if it's someone you are married to you feel committed and want things to work out.
You live in hope that things will get better because they feed you breadcrumbs, they also make you believe that you are the problem not them.
It can also be hard to leave if you don't have an independent income, health issues or children.
It is also a matter of not having the sort of information regarding narcissism in the past that we now have thanks to people like Dr Ramani.
🙂
Very hard lessons learned! Eventually I got it!
The fight isn't worth it, no matter who it is.
Thanks Dr. Ramani for not shaming people like me who have to stay in these situations with our narcissists. Giving tips to survive this without judgement is why you're my hero 💜
Well said. I cannot financially afford to leave, and many times have been told to "just leave" "Why the H are you staying?". It makes me feel worse!
You are brave beyond words. May heaven grant you the strength to be wise and follow Dr. Ramani's advice(s). I was born to a grandiose narcissist, and my oldest sibling is a narcissist as well. I was TRAPPED in childhood by their gnawing hatred and 'we're BETTER than you are attitude.' Be strong.
I love nursing & healthcare, but the narcissistic abusers and flying monkeys wear me down. “Living in chronic preparedness in my heart” is a helpful way to understand and accept the reality in my work environment.
These might be labeled hacks by Dr Ramani but if you do them enough you’re retraining yourself in a positive way. Learning to not react (or under-react) and let him get the last word gives my ex the illusion that he’s in charge. I just have to keep reminding myself that he does not care.
I always said my late husband just thought he was in charge of me but no one is. I did the same thing...for the most part. I learned to not react. Worked well.
This is great advice that I had to learn the hard way. I used them all with my mother. We talked about gardening. It was like steering my little boat through the rapids. But it was exhausting. I also realized that she actually knew nothing about me because I couldn’t share anything. Then I had to accept that she didn’t really care about me. It took decades for me to accept that my mother didn’t love me.
It took me 40 years to learn that my mother didn't love me also.
But God loves us!
Psalm 27:10 says when your father & mother forsakes you I will take you up.
((HUG)) I'm so sorry that that is your reality. It was mine, too.
Thanks for the advice Dr R. Gosh I’d love to have a loving relationship where I don’t have to worry about survival hacks. Maybe one day...
Here, here! I’m with you on that 😊.
The no news thing makes a big difference!! I forgot the other day and said I finally finished something, the response was like, "...okay...?" Yet I had been rooting him on in a challenging project of his own. It made it very obvious he has no idea about my life, what is going on, what I'm working on, what my goals are, and if he does, he really doesn't care whether good or bad things happen in my day to day life. It doesn't matter at all to him, even though he interacts with me on an almost daily basis. It's so weird.
Why are you still there?
@@darryllovett2291 is this a sincere question that you want an answer to, or something else?
Any question I ask is serious and genuine. I'm trying to help someone in a very similar situation. I would be so grateful for any advice that may help. Thank you so much
@@darryllovett2291 Sometimes, people work or sign a lease or have a child with someone they later realize is narcissistic. They're "still there" because leaving would have unacceptably negative consequences for them or someone else. This is the basis for Dr. Ramani's presentation. Your question, without context or explanation, could be interpreted as passive-aggressive criticism or challenge rather than a search for information.
@@eurokay4755 interpret my question however you would like, it's a free country where I live. When someone you care about is in danger you look for help anywhere you can find it! Have a nice day!
My oldest adult child (a narc) tried to bait me into a heated argument but after studying narcissism for years now I just said, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” I congratulated myself on not wasting precious time in a no win situation. Videos like this help so much. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Good for you. Takes a while to learn not to respond. I always let my narcissistic sisters have the last word, when I have to engage. After our 97 yr old mother passes there will thankfully be no reason at all to talk to them ever again and I look forward to not engaging at all for any reason.
I just settle with a You’re right & walk away. I absolutely refuse to apologize.
I totally agree but what do I do if the narcissist mother in law puts her claws in my daughter and makes my daughter into her flying monkey? Please help. Tell me what to do.
@@stupensardi2783 I'm so sorry that is happening to you. Its a tough one. I hope someone with personal experience in that regard responds. I only have a step daughter and she was 29 when I met her....
I work with Sales Reps which is short for narcissist lol. Any less time spent with them in there Narclandia is a win!
One of the most devastating things about living with a narcissist is that you know how worthy and wonderful you are, and you’d walk on coals for the person, if they were available and made you feel safe. But, they are hell bent on proving you wrong, making you feel worthless. And no matter what you do they seem to want to lose you rather than say… what can I do to make this better? It’s heartbreaking 💔 right fighters are exhausting😢
You nailed it Maggie, they just don't care the way we do. Took forever for me to realize this. Best of luck! ❤
@@rcomyns4664 ❤️❤️thank you
Let’s face it, there are so many detrimental issues with a narcissist. One of the worst things, is that you lose yourself, you simply cannot be yourself. Why would anyone be worth losing yourself? LEAVE
Dont let people around you decide what is best for you. If you want to leave them its up to you alone to decide.
I totally agree. I just got out of a toxic situation last week that had my mind spinning. I celebrated 12.7 yrs of being narc free, and the consequence of my sharing was NOT what I expected. IGNORE the people who don't congratulate you, or drop a friendly comment your way. I believe "some" rooms are full of cliques, and THEY are toxic.
Dr Ramani is terrific. Take care, and once again I agree with you. 👍
You ARE winning as long as you are limiting your time with them.
1. Ignore
2. Avoid
3.
4.
5. Leave
Fantastic advice. Wish I knew this many years ago. Narcissistic people have no soul. Thank you.
I love this. My brother is married to a narcissist and I’ve gone thru 30+ of this behavior. And I’ve just learned to detach from this.
My brother too and I am so fed up with some situations that I was thinking today to go no contact.. It's so painful to witness how she is treating him and he just acts like her behaviour is nothing at all.. I'm so sad!
@@Chrisy0850 codependent and an enabler. I get it. My brother is the same. Luckily, he understands my distance from her. I do for him, not her. I stopped that. She’s not happy about it but I am. He’s your brother, don’t give up on him.
@@eugeniamccarthy8 thanks for your advice, I never told him how I feel about his wife, only hints.. But he feels that I avoid them
I remember when I started carrying out my exit plan, I considered it crucial that he thought he still "had the power," so I used to engage in the most banal and superficial conversations to keep the beast entertained while I gathered all my stuff and my lawyer was preparing the demand of divorce.
Hello all wonderful empathetic people of light. Stay wonderful and don't fall for the bait!!
Thank you! Right back at you ❤
I think the success of all these hacks depends on the narcissist too. Some narcissists are easier to deal with than others. A narcissistic colleague is easier to gray rock than a parent. Etc.
Pearls of wisdom on surviving a narcissistic relationship." Don't go DEEP and Always have a plan B" indeed. These really work. Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!🌹🙏🏻
Each video I watched is helping me through the narcissistic relationship I am in right now. I am one of those that just can't leave. We share a child who is disabled and I am the only thing that stands in the way of my narc emotionally and psychological hurting our child. I wish I would have known then what I know now and I've been grieving that but thanks to your videos, I can get through another day. I will get out, just not right now. Thank you Dr. Ramani!!
Thoughts & prayers
My heart goes out to you and your child. I'm in a marriage I cannot leave because of financial reasons. I just cannot afford to move. My dog and cats are my lifeline. It is a lonely and incredibly stressful situation. My narc is acting worse than ever. I send prayers to you.I understand your pain.
@@nodmblndThank you so much! Sending strength and prayers to you also. Hang in there. You are not alone!
Best wishes ❤❤❤
Your advice and insight are amazing. I really got a lot from this video and can only say I wish I'd known these hacks sooner. Unfortunately it took me 26 years to understand what I was dealing with and get out of a narcissistic marriage. Your hacks would have saved me a lot of pain and suffering! I will be passing this on to my daughters. Thank you!
Sharing a communal garden with a "vulnerable" Narc neighbor. I mowed the lawn twice this year - and mowed around the piles of his dog's faeces. He failed to get the hint. The grass is now super long and badly needs to be cut. But I am not doing it. Nope. The authorities refuse to do anything about it. So I'm just following suit. And I genuinely don't care what others think/say. Thank you for that gift, Dr. Ramani.
We have a seniors group for dog lovers.
We are in our 60's but a 24 year old girl rented a room on our street and ...." she hates people under 60 and won't even speak to them."
Then she told us about Foster Care abuse, grandma didn't like her, the mail man threw mail at her and said she was a monster ??
Then she needed our truck for groceries and took it 14 days in a row.
Then I set boundries so she called in her girlfriends for attention and she had 15 young 20 somethings just enough to start a cheerleading group ?
THEN, I studied the Behavioural Science of ..." Narcisism " and ignore the lying little BBBBBITCH. lol
So, you are passive aggressive and don't think you're a narcissist?
Yes I have the same problem with cats in our communal grass .it's hard to look at and not just mow but it gets easier.
?????@@Jettatura-yn8ss
Update: he mowed the grass today
Dear Dr. RAMANI I wish I had you or someone like you earlier in my marriage ( 1985_ 2016) .
When he died.
Now I'm 60 years damaged soul and body, who that I don't know myself anymore.
YOUR INFORMATION & GUIDANCE IS THE BEST GIFT IN UNIVERSE TO SAVE LIVES ❤👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌🙏🙏🙏❤
All are very good hacks, I’ve learnt all of them from dr. Ramani’s videos and interviews, and upon having been implementing them (with intermittent success, heh) for the last 2 months, I can say that all of them are hard to do at first, but totally worth the effort of learning - they save a tonne of nerve cells and time. I particularly struggle with letting my narcissists have the last word, but ironically, this one is a real game changer when you are being baited.
I can’t thank you enough, dr. Ramani, for the knowledge and experience that you’re sharing with us! It’s life-changing.
Its easier to let them have the last word when exchanging texts. I just don't respond. At all. No response is a response. Learned that one from my best friend of 46 years.
@@jokendrick2124 True. It's often hard for me to sit with 'no response is a response' after being stonewalled multiple times myself, but when someone is being toxic, abusive or manipulative with you, no response is probably the best response one can come up with 👍
My Mom used to say, “Let it hang in the air.” Let that be your mantra 💔
Techniques for leaving can be more valuable than hacks for survival, though survival while you are planning your exit is important. Thanks.
you nailed it Doc. I used them hacks .They worked. Now 63 ...........I 'm free
These are all spot on and what I've been actively working on for nearly 2 years now. It's a long, lonely, barren existence and way of living. I'm just buying my time at this point and these videos significantly help with that ❤
I'm at the point where I want to completely walk away and never talk to my family again. I've gone no contact in the past but have always let them back into my life because "we're family" just to be put through overbearing amounts of mental and emotional abuse. These have all been methods I have interpreted into my life unconsciously just to try to keep my own sanity intact, but this last year has been unbelievable to say the least.... I'm just done and want to get away from it all....
Dr.Ramani you are spot on again! I am living my "plan B" and am so grateful for
not going along with my Narc partner. In some ways they become even angry about "plan B" because they were not involved in it...hence their loss of control over you. It never ends,
and you come to realize that's all they care about.
My ex hated anything good happening to anyone else. The jealousy was incredible.
Yes Dr Ramani I have learned so much from you and feel like it’s so hard to just be myself around them 😢 I try to only trust people with empathy 🙏 ❤️❤️❤️
On point!!!
Ohmg, Doctor Ramani made me shed a tear again,listeningtohiw accurate you are. Yes, he did all that to me for years. Since I was 19 years old, i thought it was love. He was my first bf. I would cry in silence ,and still think of ways to make him happy evey mins, but no matter what i give, s.x,care,gift etc, he would somehow spot the thing i did wrong,and boom,he starts the silent treatment again. I can't believe it's now too late for me to find love again, who would take on a 40-year-old with 4 kids. I'm thankful I'm free from him, but what a waste of my years
Omg you are young and the right person will love your kids.
I left when I was 55, my kids were already out of the house. I am with a wonderful man now. Either way, I knew it was better for me to be alone for the rest of my life than to be with a narc who ruined my health. You have your kids too! Don't let your ex turn them against you.
It's never too late to start over, never too late to be happy. Keep your head up and work on your life, god will take care of the rest. All the best
I really needed this… thank you
Everything is a power game for them.
Trust me, I learned the hard way…. They WILL use all evidence against you.
I’m having a hard time with one of my abusers. He falls into all the narcissistic stuff, but he also falls into psychopathic stuff. Either way he made sure to systematically destroy my life.
My dad is still definitely a narcissist, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate new narcissists in my life… and enforce my own boundaries (and also be respectful of others’ boundaries).
My mother and 2 sisters are narcissists. My father and brother were not but they were taken too early. I ended up marrying one and until he died it was difficult but I found joy in other things. My dog, gardening, shopping, road trips and a couple really good friends. The universe fixed part of my problem. I've had to go little to no contact with the others. It was a hard thing to implement but I had to do so out of self preservation. I am very content now. Takes time....
This video has helped to more than any other video. You understand my life with your examples spot on in my life. Thanks for these hacks while I navigate what I can do
Boy Dr. Ramani .. it is so true .. being in any type of narcissistic relationship is a master class in contingency planning. Most of us probably have plans A-Z available at all times. No wonder it is so exhausting!
Thank you Dr. Ramani. 🎉 I'm learning to celebrate life on my own again. May sound silly -- but I took me for a walk the other day? And felt empowered 😊
Phenomenal. I immediately had to go back and listen/study the deposition analogy again. You are wonderful, Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
Dr Ramani your the best! It’s so funny now how I have control around my children’s narc mon. The room is so quiet when I have to be around her. Once a year usually a holiday at my oldest sons house. I can hear her breathing and sighing across the room. I have to laugh! She gets no information even when she asks. Hahaha 🤣 Yes you’re the best! 😊
I'm beginning to think/see that narcissism is a genetic disease... I'm like my Mum, an empath... my 3 sibs inherited the N gene from my father... I've got material for a best seller... it will read like a fictional thriller.
I have my weak moments but I'm getting good at gray... thanks Dr R 💌
I believe you could write a best seller. I recently told my adult daughter that I have so many stories regarding the narc in my life I could write a book.🤣
@@alexastirling4385 campfire nightmares ... 🤣
Before I started watching Dr Ramani's videos, I had already made the decision to go no contact with my husband's brother and his wife. I realized after many disappointments, and all of the other craziness, that they added nothing positive to my life. After watching these videos and learning about narcissism, I realized that his brother and his brother's wife are both narcissistic. It all started making sense! I'm so glad that I made that decision a couple of years ago. No more drama, confusion, and hurt feelings. No more getting angry and wasting time discussing the latest thing they said or did with my husband or anyone else who would listen . Thank you Dr. Ramani! I am so grateful for your insight and suggestions!
Dr. Ramani, you are so point on with your advice! This is unfortunately what I have to do with my husband on a daily base. I almost always have to have a plan B. I even taught our children the same, that they can never rely on his word or plans. If it does not benefit him, he will change his mind so quick and blame it on me giving me the fault. It’s a nightmare that I ever got involved with a person like him. I am constantly trying to warn my kids about red flags and to avoid getting into a relationship like mine. ThNk you for these videos they help to make the situation tolerable. I pray that one day that my kids and I can get away from my husband( the demon).
So much truth in this video. I know someone who will even find something about a coffee shop to disagree about and try and bait me with. It really would not matter what the topic was they will go out their way to find something. I used to help out an elderly person with chores at her home as I was unemployed so had some time. I met her while volunteering at the local library, she would pick me up once a week drive me to hers as it was more than walking distance and I would help out cleaning her windows and garden maintenance etc. One day she picked me up and then when I was there painting her fence she told me that could not and would not be giving me a lift home that day. I lost it and just walked out and left her fence half painted. I felt bad but why tell me that once I am there why not tell me prior? I had to call someone else and ask them to pick me up as I had no money on me for a taxi or bus. Which meant that I also took time out of their day.
So right Dr Ramani. Thanks for sharing. Blessings and peace to everyone. ✨🙏✨
I don't know any narcissists like my husband. Once I worked out various aspects like if he is tired or if he is triggered, I could work with it and he does too. He is very kind and wise. I don't understand how he is able to recognise his behavours but he does and he works on being better😃
I had a narcissist for a friend from high school....I was shattered to the point to which i questioned my existence.....i felt so unworthy....my studies got ruined.....i sacrificed my time and effort just to make things running....i had depression...each day passed by as if i am in jail....with a lump in my throat because of anxiety...4 years of my life got wasted....later i learnt i had insecurities from my childhood which lead me to this trap....i was in my recovery time i stumbled upon dr ramani's videos now i feel much lighter and whole within me.....i just want to thank you aunty.....you are Durga prsonified.....may you have a long prosperous life.....namastey🙏
this one is so good thank you it just makes so much sense instead of being all flustered just know you have a backup plan because they're not trustworthy but you don't want to let them know you just have a backup plan
This is the video I needed to walk away. I can’t teach my boys to tolerate that. Thank you DR.
Yes, yes and yes! 10:00 to 11:43 one single reason to get out and stay out of a narcissistic relationship.
THANK YOU so much Dr. Ramani!! I’ve been watching your vids since last Dec 2022. Healing started then for me and other family members. It’s been a looooong road but I’m truly thankful for you and Dr. Les Carter for caring and sharing!! 🥰
I thought I grieved the relationship but it shows me I didn’t accept. Thank you.
Thats Deep ...Don't defend, engage, explain, personalize.
Keep it superficial, keep it light, stay neutral and disconnected.
Keep them at Arm's length to preserve your inner strength ~
i have used all these hacks and yes they do make life easier when dealing with narcissists. I think it is sad. But it is even sadder that when you try to gift them a more open relationship it is used against you and makes neither one of you better off or happier .
ehhh yeah i used to tell people around that im sick/feeble expecting them to treat me slightly better but they never did... back then I didnt understand what a narcissist was
Recently I made the mistake of letting my Narc know that I had recently gotten into a popular and funny TV show. Now it's the Narc's latest obsession and they're getting the Side Piece into it, too. Definitely going to be sticking to the weather from now on!
My malignant did do all u said during the divorce, the vindictiveness was stunning - and had the nerve to say, "Nothing personal."
THANK YOU SO MUCH you are SO VERY Talking about my life of over 54 years of suffering, its like you are talking about my life with my very cruel Husband . Thank you. You have really helped me.
Dr. Ramani, your videos are always SO helpful! I look after my elderly covert narcissist mother and have to see her daily as her health deteriorates. I am the only one left who she hasn't pushed away and the fact remains that she needs regular care. Her narcissism has gotten worse over the years. I have mourned the loss of the typical mother-daughter relationship I wanted to have with her and now spend time changing my communication styles, as I know she will never change. These hacks (grey rock, not sharing, letting them have the last word) have changed our existence for the better and have kept me far more sane than I was in the days before learning of this personality disorder. Thank you SO much for giving me clarity, compassion, and very sound advice on a regular basis.
You rock Lady. I've been listening to you for some time now, and today's message was so on time. Thank you!!! Once again.
Like being left in a strange city at a strangers home, after my mother forgot I was returning from church camp, at age 13. (My dad was away at summer camp for Nat Guard) 🕊️
Thank you Dr. Ramani 💐 It is exhausting to always have plan b, c and d 😢 but it saves the day when the narc is again not interested and "forgot"
And the narcissist is probably looking up hacks on how to trap and manipulate their supply.
@Julius389 They don't need to. It's innate, an intrinsic personality trait. Their skills are more like a natural aptitude, talents. Beware!
@@lennie1703it's usually shit they have done their whole lives too, in many relationships. They have zero ego fortitude. Everything is about them and their inner vulnerability. They can change, maybe, but I haven't seen anything close to change be possible.
These people don't have the ability to see their problems and deal with them. If they did, they wouldn't be grown adults with zero self control or awareness. It's their shit.
Yep. Andrew Tate has been giving that advice to millions of young boys for a few years now. He’s going to prison in Romania for sex trafficking while claiming he’s the victim.
😂yes sadly!
I’m looking forward to your book!
Another good one I use w contemptuous narc comments that r insulting my intelligence (seemingly showing me that they r smarter and my thoughts are idiotic) is an enthusiastic and cheerful “ok” followed by a stoic, slack-jawed face and no other comment - the whole energy of it is like speaking to a dog with “that’s a good boy”. This actually is very gratifying if you have reached the acceptance and grief phase and no longer have any need to feel seen or heard by the Narc.
I feel like I'm finally progressing on the healing path. I don't ruminate as much as in the past and I'm practicing the tips on communicating with "difficult" people (which is truly hard) sometimes I feel guilty for being so straight forward. But watching these videos has really helped me understand and move forward.
Dear Dr Ramani, this is perfect advice for people stuck in the relationship..my husband is a kind person but narcissistic too..he seems to know he is and always tries to apologise when he hurts me. I can not have any deep and meaningful conversations about feelings or psychology with my husband. I had to accept this, but my husband is a very strange narcissist in that he is kind and tries to be not narcissistic. A rare exception to the rule. He is an amazing study in my mind. We have been together for 25 years. He is very wise and his narcissism is like a mood swing when he is under pressure or very tired. He knows when he hurts me if I end up crying, and he feels guilt and empathy. I am very fortunate he is who he is.🤗
He is not a narcissist. They could give a rats a.,..
Maybe he's just got BPD instead of classic malignant narc.
It reminds me of some of the phrases of Jesus Christ in the Bible: "I never knew you", "Depart from me" and "The world has nothing in me". Remembering that I never really knew the narcissist (and that was one of the narcissist's goals) , I need to make distance not argument, and no part of me belongs to or is really controlled by the narcissist--that helps a lot!
Thank you. I needed this!!
I remember you had spoken on med circle about academia and colleagues and narcissism. I would love to see you discuss about grad students and professors and narcissism. Because grad students and undergrads we are suffering from faculty who are weilding their power in terrible ways and the school enables it. Also has ties to racism and elitism as well. :..(
Great advice, Dr. Ramani. I needed this reminder for the upcoming holiday season which is always tough for me to get through with the difficult people in my life.
I had view that “me talking to myself” I’m not playing his little mind games any more, I’m done. It was so empowering. Just when I needed it.
‘Chronic conditions of preparedness’: perfect description
You are a Gift to us!!!!!!!! I’m going to pre order your book!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for your brilliant advice dr Ramani❤ Spot on!
Wow ! I'm amazed at how good you are at explaining all this ! So accurate, detailed and productive. THANK YOU !
It is so validating. I've gone through many of these processes and have stepped away from narcississts in my life but have always had a niggling self doubt about my doing that. I feel a powerful validation that I have needed for several years.
The children, in-laws, and grandchildren still praise and adulate my narcissistic husband. I just returned from a grandchild's event, and the excitement of seeing him still rings in my ears. Instead, I receive lukewarm greetings. My husband and I separated six years ago after enduring 45 years of abuse, on top of the narcissistic parents and siblings (on top of surviving poliomyelitis at 6 months old in 1949 and dozens of childhood surgeries and hospitalizations and endured 74 years of pain and silent suffering) and after he choked me. My therapist helped me separate, and now I am coping on my own, in a mobility scooter. Then I got rid of all the one-way people in my life. Yes, I am attracted to charismatic narcissists. Understand I am very smart and spunky. When out in the public, I enjoy myself and my surroundings. But when I am with my narcissistic family, I grit my teeth and bite my tongue. Why am I invisible, and my husband and family can talk about themselves, constantly! Honestly, I prefer being alone than being among family who quit listening to me the second I open my mouth. What do I, and others in this situation, do to navigate such heart and soul-piercing experiences?
Ok, I'm going out for errands again and I feel myself getting anxious and like I have to 'rush', so doing some deep breathing before my friend arrives and telling myself there is no rush. We are so used and programmed to give our time TO the Narc that it feels foreign, and anxiety inducing, when it's time to give ourselves the time we freely and unlimit-ly gave the Narc. Deep breaths, deep breaths, please take your time, please take your time....there is no rush.
I just discovered this channel and it's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!
I stayed longer than I should of and went back too many times after leaving because I fell for the 'not apology apology' and the false promises but then I learnt about narcissistic people and that's thanks to you because your videos were the start of my education and gave me the tools to get through... thank you so much, you truly saved my sanity and more
Be strong enough to be honest and kind
Then may peace be with you a marvel gaze *
I have read and seen a lot on narcissists, but this video really brought it home for me. I have been married to one for 30 years. He is getting worse, not better. The last 10 we have simply became roommates. He has always been inattentive, forgetful, irritated when there is a problem, and never cared about my wellbeing. Although, I believe he is showing early signs of dementia, his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's early. This makes a hard situation, worse by 10 fold because I cannot approach him, because then I am the crazy one--he never said that, I never said that, that never happened and so on, and he is getting more angry by the day. If I could live under a rock, I might be able to save myself, because I sure can't save him. In sickness and in health just isn't going to matter.
Wow. You just described what my life is like. they DO get worse with age! Much worse! 30 years together. We've been roommates for years, too. He is constantly angry, absolutely miserable. And I also see signs of mental changes. Nothing can be discussed. It is a horrible existence. Financially I can't afford to leave. I'm 65 years old, he is 69. I've ended up in the ER twice in the past 6 months with severe stomach pain. I know the stress of living with this toxic person is affecting my health. Every day is awful/ I'm sorry you are going through this too.
@@nodmblnd I am so sorry for you. I get it. I wish there was a better answer than simply leaving.
And the narc will still get mad that you told others first, AND that you didn't consult & defer to them for problem solving after someone else helps you solve your problem. They get wind of another person getting credit for saving the day and that creates an instant injury in them. It's a kind of self-centeredness that has 1,000 legs.
I just pre-ordered your book Dr. Ramani 😊! Can't wait for it!!!
Beware of the people you meet in these rooms. After 12.7 years narc free, protect your Heart..❤ Words of Wisdom.
The narcs in my family love to start pointing out your faults and blame and shame you for them all. I find that so hard to deal with when they start doing that and I'm usually their easiest and favourite target.