Red Flags 1. Betrayal 2. Public put downs 3. Negative attitude towards your career/hobbies 4. Blame 5. Cruelty 7. Greed Phrases “I was just joking/you’re too sensitive” “You always want something/too much” “You deserve/don’t deserve this” “No one else but me would love you” “If you don’t like ___ you don’t have to be with me”
So basically any man holding a woman to a standard. I you're career is so important to you then stay single. And those red flags are all stuff that women do.
What if they’re always complaining about shit and don’t do anything about it? And you eventually after months and months of trying to find a solution they don’t want to take it - and you eventually get fed up? Trying to make this person happy and it’s the same shit over and over…
@@whatthefkiswrongwithyoutube thank you for that. We broke up and my life is peaceful again! It hurt a lot because he said he wanted to marry me and created this fantasy - he wanted us to live together and when I told him I wasn’t ready he would keep bringing it up “it’s you that’s not ready” bla bla And then, when I asked him if we can talk about what the expectations were etc he said it wasn’t romantic and that I was killing the passion. ??! I was like well I just want to know what I’m getting into and we should be able to discuss money, household duties and preferences but he did not want to talk about it. He said I was “too mature” and “too logical” 🤯 and I was like yes I am. I’m not going to blindly get into a situation that involves a lease, and living in close proximity with someone. That’s not very smart… in my eyes. And what did he do? Abandone me! He turned around and said he didn’t see a future with me anymore that the passion was gone LOL 😂 stupid ass guy - he wasn’t complaining when we slept together!! Ha 😅 All and all, he was right, we are not on the same page & thank you for taking the time to read my previous message. It’s so hard to go through this stuff alone and for this guy to just leave over a petty argument I am so glad I wasn’t in my 20s lol I probably wouldn’t have asked those questions and I’d be stuck living with an idiot, who’s always complaining and doesn’t take responsibility or action towards living a peaceful life!
Amén. Thank you so much for another heart touching video, Margarita. Hope that you and your family are family are doing well and adjusting smoothly to the new little one in the house 🎉💖
I have experienced the highest form of love by knowing Jesus Christ. He loves you too and wants to have a relationship with you. He sacrificed himself on the cross and rose again, so he could pay the punishment for your sins and bring you peace with God. Jesus loves you.
The "faking it till you make it" thing is so reallll. I used to get so uneasy whenever I didn't hear from my partner for a few hours but I think I'm getting more secure by actually pretending as if I'm not so bothered.
Pretending to be secure isn't what's making you more secure. It's the time you spend alone introspecting. It's when you ask yourself if how you approach someone is working for you or needs work or if the relationship is really worth it. We feel stronger because we spend this time asking ourselves if we're doing too much or maybe we should be allowing them to come to us instead. Even asking ourselves if the relationship is worth it or if we deserve better makes us stronger. If we only pretend to be secure without doing any of the important work, it probably wouldn't do us any good. 😊
nobody deserves shit - that's female entitlement for you. Only women, children, and puppies are loved unconditionally. Men are only loved for what they can produce.
That's different she said “No one else is gonna love you." and "Lucky you got me, no one else is going to love you.", adding "Like I Do" changes everything, and truth be told as a man, we would deeply appreciate it if a women who truly love us love us like nobody else will do, that would be high praise for that women, and then she can claim that statement once she has shown that year in and year out consistently
I needed to hear this because my dad does this to me. I just started seeing it and have created distance because of it. I don’t allow anyone to disrespect me, especially not a man and not just because it’s family. I love myself too much. Getting put down by your own dad is a special kind of cruelty. Sending love & light to all survivors ❤
And why would you be more willing to accept disrespect from a woman? Don't make men the enemy. Don't accept disrespect from no one. Take care of yourself. Much love
@@TheDianaJCWho you get these red flags from will depend on your experiences. I've never had a man do this more than once because I would give them the look of death. 💀 After that they'll just avoid you because they know they can't bring you down. It's definitely harder with women because you also rely on friends to be there for you when you go through relationship crisis. But yes, definitely don't take it from women either.
Thank you Margarita for such amazing advice as always. When I was 24, my ex-fiancé called my career and hobbies many negative things (boring, stupid, useles s, etc..). He would also not tell me happy birthday to "show me that birthdays are a waste of time". I’m glad I called that wedding off and never looked back, because now I’m 100x stronger than I ever was ❤
“Protect yourself like a fortress or a castle protecting a princess.” I love that. Doing that for yourself as opposed to having NO boundaries at all and then expecting MEN to when the average man is in the mindset of EXPLOITING women, if not for their body, then their domestic labor and use of their money. Even if the relationship is a 50/50 relationships, statistics show women spend more on “thoughtful gifts, groceries, and other family needs, cards for the holidays, interior decorating, comfort, etc.” It adds up. Have boundaries on every area of your life, your time, your money, your mental chatter over a person, every area!
Yes I once let my guard down and instantly attracted a dangerous psycho who was making me do the driving, spending, the communication, give him everything I had, change for him, in a very short amount of time. Some men are so dangerous and manipulative that they slip through the mazes. It's scary how it's the worst men who can get through the boundaries. They love bomb in a very psychopathic sneaky way that not even your intelligence and experience is going to protect you from. This is the abuse that turns women into man haters. This is why you should never give to men. You risk attracting psychopaths.
reality check lady - the average man breaks his back, makes sacrifices, and risks his life for women. Look at divorce law and statistics in the United States. Safe to say it's mostly women doing the exploitation. Most modern western women are parasites that contribute very little to a relationship.
The average man is NOT in the mindset of exploiting women. And as for "exploitation", doing what you were put on this earth to do is not "domestic labor", it is your job as a wife. A man who does his job as a husband should not be expected tovdo your job as well. You lot certainly have no problem demanding all the perks from us. We have every right to expect something in return. You certainly have no right to attack and shame us for doing so. Stop projecting your behavior onto men and take a seat.
The mental chatter over a person is REALLY hard to stop especially because I have ptsd/cptsd and am super neurodivergent. So obsessive thinking, ruminating, catastrophizing and deep thinking never stops and can be very tormenting. Especially if its over my past abusers ib my life whether family or exes
It took me a very long time to learn these lessons and distance myself from a toxic pattern of relationships. I'm still a work in progress, but one thing I know is I will no longer accept less than I deserve. i also feel much more confident and comfortable with myself...more than ever before...and that has made ALL the difference.
Thank you so much. Wishing everyone who reads to feel lighter and most light full you could be. Never forget, you got this, whatever you’re going through🙏🏽✨🦋
"The Importance of Recognizing Red Flags, Setting Boundaries, and Valuing Self-Worth in Relationships: A Discussion on Warning Signs, Betrayal, and Toxic Behaviors" 💔 The video discusses the importance of self-worth, boundaries, and healing from anxious attachment in relationships. 00:25 Self-worth and cherishing oneself attracts positive treatment from others. 00:25 Cherishing oneself is crucial before attempting to get back with an ex. 00:57 Having strong boundaries is important, especially for women, to maintain self-respect. 01:43 Recognizing red flags and phrases in relationships is crucial for self-preservation. 02:23 Healing from anxious attachment style is possible through rewiring the brain and understanding secure attachment. 03:58 Training the brain and letting go of those who don't cherish or respect you are essential for healing. 04:16 💔 The video discusses the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing betrayal in relationships, especially for women. 04:24 Women often feel the impact of success in their personal relationships more than men do. 04:24 Betrayal can take many forms, but it ultimately comes down to a breach of honesty and trust. 05:33 It's important to communicate non-negotiable boundaries in a relationship. 06:22 Constantly monitoring or controlling a partner can lead to increased anxiety and a negative impact on the relationship. 07:05 Signs of betrayal in a relationship can include changes in behavior, treatment, and time spent together. 08:12 ⚠ The video discusses red flags in relationships and emphasizes the importance of respecting each other's individuality and avoiding negative behaviors. 08:33 Lack of love and happiness in a relationship 08:33 Avoiding public put downs 09:03 Negative attitude towards partner's career or hobbies 10:01 Respecting each other's individuality and freedom 11:26 Avoiding blame and corrosive behavior 12:03 Emphasizing the importance of adoration in the relationship 12:20 ⚠ The video discusses warning signs in relationships and the importance of feeling valued and respected. 12:41 Feeling valued and respected in a relationship is crucial, and warning signs should not be ignored. 12:41 Cruelty towards animals, children, or anyone smaller should not be tolerated in a partner. 13:05 Greed and lack of investment in the relationship are red flags, as men should feel a sense of ownership through investment. 13:32 A true apology involves acknowledging the hurt caused, admitting the impact, and committing to change. 15:14 Phrases like 'you always want something' or 'you always don't have enough' indicate a lack of joy in the partner's happiness. 15:35 Constant criticism and a parental tone can kill the playful and youthful spirit of the sexual connection in a relationship. 16:22 💔 The video discusses toxic behaviors in long-term relationships and emphasizes the importance of self-worth and the willingness to walk away from toxic traits. 16:47 Toxic behaviors in long-term relationships 16:47 Importance of allowing people to express their desires and joys 17:00 Avoiding a judicial stance on what someone deserves 17:07 Manipulative phrases that can be damaging 17:32 The importance of willingness to adjust and compromise 17:59 Reframing the mindset to prioritize self-worth 18:29 The option to walk away from toxic traits 19:01
I appreciate this gal so much. She tells things how they are and doesn't beat around the bush. It's made me realise that my partner and I AREN'T good for each other and that we should work on things TOGETHER or simply part ways.
"That person doesn't get JOY from your joy!" Yes!! I love watching your videos because you have so many great insights. And that statement was very deep. I've experienced a lot of people, unfortunately family members, that are even put off by me being in a state of joy or contentment. They immediately try to shift me out of my happiness. I've had to go no contact with most of them but I'm still slowly building myself up after 75% of these negative interactions, being my life. I guess I'd ask, any advice on getting a final push toward getting out of a toxic system. I've done a lot of work, but I still feel like the system has power over me. I still am co-dependent with these negative relationships and the idea of being completely outside of it, still seems scary to me.
Hi, I’ve recently been in the situation where I had done a substantial amount of work to become more self-aware and was feeling ready to leave the toxic situation but still couldn’t seem to. I continued to chase, beg, over-explain and gaslight myself. What finally did it for me (the final push) was, very simply, fatigue. I literally just woke up and realized I was too tired to carry on in this rat race of a relationship. I do wish I could have burned out and reached exhaustion sooner, but it finally did happen. I hope you are able to get your final push also, whatever that may be.
One phrase that I also realized is a red flag to not be ignored is “oh you would never do that because you’re too sweet” “oh you would never treat me that way” it is them putting you on a pedestal. I’m a human and don’t want to be seen as “too sweet to do something” bc I’m bound to fall off of the pedestal.
I love you and your message. Thank you. I am healing from anxious attachment and a trauma bond and super grieving the death of my husband 5 years ago and negotiating my new life. Got hooked on a walking red flag.
Agreed, and to add to this list: *People who don't say sorry for awful shit they have done and/or have trouble saying thank you, especially for small things. Walk away. When they wake up, they can find you and apologize. *Do not entertain "No one ever helps me." and "I don't owe you anything." This is especially true for people who like the chip on their shoulder narratives. Anyone who claims to be entirely self-made is arrogant and oblivious, be it consciously or unconsciously, of the support that they have received, assuming you have been kind and generous with your time, energy, knowledge, attention, affection, and presence. Simply walk away. They sober up real fast. *Someone who calls you a mooch when you contribute financially to your dynamic. Refund them any money they have spent on you, and watch their jaws drop.
I wished I had seen this video a few years ago and save myself some grief. Thank you so much . he said to me , this is the way I’ve always been. I said just because it’s the way you are, doesn’t mean it’s right. that should’ve been a huge red flag, but naivety always plays a part when you deeply cared for someone.
Thank you. I tried so hard making it work by ignoring these red flags. It ended up in me being abused emotionally and physically. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to be the best woman you can be, or how much love you have to give. You can’t change them.
Thank you Margarita! I resonate a lot about having an anxious attachment style! I used to fall into victimhood and blame myself as an adult because of my childhood abandonment wound. It's wild how as adults we have to go through hardships to learn this! I am grateful for your content because it raises my consciousness and gives me the gift to make wiser decisions and take responsibility! Wishing you well!
I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I let go of the anxiety of the man cheating on me. Like it’s finally, finally sunk in I can’t control it so why worry? What you can control is how your relationship is - does he make me feel good? Do we communicate well? Are we growing together? Margarita you’re absolutely right - other things go wrong first that the cheating isn’t even something to care about. So you have to create daily practices to listen and notice how you’re feeling in the relationship as well as regularly communicate with your partner. If he doesn’t work on it and meet you where you’re at, walk away. It’s so freeing to let go of the control. Took me 10 years to get here.
I’ve been binge watching you since I found you a couple of weeks ago THANK YOU !! I’ve been through a break up , I had completely lost myself , with your help I am back but better ❤
Research into "attachment style" has demonstrated that it can change over your lifespan. Did an essay on it for a graduate psych class. Primary research reports - more informative than most people realise
I don’t know how I can express how lucky I feel that I came across your channel!! It’s my first relationship and that too long distance and I truly find your content to be super helpful!! Thank you really
❤love this video! To add to the point at the very end. I feel a red flag is also if someone bypasses behavioral accountability by saying: “Well you picked/choose/married me” This is also psychologically and esteem damaging because it shifts all the responsibility/accountability and, in my case, almost made me feel like I deserved it.
Whe things end, move on. That's why I like to stay grounded, and not to get too attached. External influences should not be overly important. Healthy self-love is the answer. Unfortunately, many people are utterly untrustworthy these days, and will harm you somehow.
I wake up to your videos to start my days off STRONG 😘❤ Love you! Thank you so much for giving a piece of yourself to us. And for always being so honest and vulnerable.
Attachment styles are one of my special interests right now, and my personal belief is yes, you can absolutely change it through rewiring your brain. Attachment styles are learned, and therefore, can, and have, been unlearned via healing.
I have fallen in love so much with you, your content, your aura, how you deliver your content that you could wake up tomorrow and decide you're going to talk about basket ball (I say basket ball because I know nothing about that sport, nor do I have any interest in it) and I will watch! 😍 Your videos have helped me so much🎉
100% agree on the humiliation in public part. And i think it applies not just in relationships but overall life in general. I had a situation where i lived with an uncle for six months who i before that didn't know really well. And the guy is a total control freak. From the very beginning we didn't get along. And one thing he started doing is telling openly how he regretted taking me in and other smack. Tries to get along with him because hes my uncle but 10 years later he hasn't changed
Agreed.... No harsh feelings, but please go find the people who floats your boat, & leave me alone for all of eternity, please, and thank you." ❤ Very nice video....❤
Just clarifying, attachment styles are capable of changing. Some techniques are thorough Therapy or being exposed to individuals that re-enforce a positive and healthy figure, that's because anxious individuals want to bond and form relationships but are so scared of losing them that they start to behave in ways , sometimes even going against their welfare, just to keep their relationship going. Therefore being exposed to care and love , understanding, comprehension etc , can eventually teach you what you like and what you want to aim for. 😊
true! I'm doing just that. Once you start your healing process, you also begin getting to understand if your partner is truly into you (because now you're not trying to aggressively control your relationship).
Thank you for making this video. I really needed to hear this as someone who has been in a long term relationship and has felt lost and confused and doubted myself, especially the last few years. So much of what you said resonates with me.
Love all your videos so far. Binge watching them atm and cant believe ive never came across anyone like you. You have such a unique and logical, straight forward way to put things into perspective ❤
I'm a professional singer. My ex would put down my singing or cut me off whenever I would sing and be like "Nope. Not right now. The singing is too much". And one time she made a point to tell me to my face that I'm "not as versatile of a singer or musician that i think i am" and purposely planted doubt in my head. I barely sang at all for the 2 years I was with her (I lived with her). I broke up with her in September. I'm still trying to recover my confidence in the craft I've literally dedicated my life to. I literally have a degree in music. Folks, at the first sign of them putting down your craft, hobbies, or talent- leave. The only reason I couldn't was because of financial constraints that forced me to cohabitate with her. They're jealous and/or out of touch with their own craft/hobbies and are lashing out because they feel insecure. They will destroy your self esteem & drive a wedge between yourself and the thing you're best at. Don't let them.
I just need to know… I have anxious attachment and I am very self conscious I’m trying really hard to focus on what’s important and taking care of myself. I have trouble talking, I often freeze, and I’m with someone I truly truly love who has been there for me thick and thin. Being anxious takes my true emotions away and I forget what I’m doing what I’m feeling and how to cherish the one I love because it too self focused. I’m overridden with guilt that I failed to engage in conversation. I’m overthinking I know but sometimes i make a conversation then I get swept by the anxiety despite everything we’ve been through. It’s really disrespectful to someone that has done so much for me. It’s off and on. Have you ever lost someone you loved so much because of these personal issues? I am going to therapy I’m reminding myself everything is okay and I’m trying to figure out ways to actively listen. I’m terrified but I know he will find someone who will love him even better if we happen to split up. My anxiety turns me into someone I don’t know. I’m scared of losing people I love and connection with my friends because of this kind of distress. He’s told me it’s stressful talking to me. Have you ever been this bad??
I love your content. Try learning this in your mid 60s. It’s not fun. Although I will say I have realized I’m happier alone at this point. I do everything myself and I’m OK with that. It beats disappointment.
7:35 the problem isnt them betraying you and you finding out. It's them betraying you and you never finding out for years and years and you wasting all that time.
My last sp often made little comments indirectly regarding my weight and/or my eating even when I was making healthy choices and when I finally addressed it instead of apologizing she claimed she never meant it “that way”. Also went on to make herself the victim by blaming me for never saying anything. Never an apology or commitment to change the behavior. I got sick of it and all of the other issues and ended the relationship. Now I’m on my self concept journey and there’s nothing anyone can say to make me not value myself.
@@shaylack77 that must've been really difficult. But im glad u made it through. Some people end up spending their entire lives with such partners, it takes true courage to get through such tough situations.
Withholding of affection and intimacy. A lot of times this appears after you are secured in your relationship and commitment. If it shows up before you are married - walk away.
Hello Margarita, this is a very good video. This was very eye opening forsure!! Im slowly learning how to set boundaries, and stand up for myself. Respecting others freedoms is very important. Communication and mutual respect is very important. I will respect your hobbies and interests as long as you respect mines!
2 things you talked about happened to me: 1. I was in a situation where I made a joke and the woman I was talking to got upset. I apologized and told her I won't make jokes about that topic/ situation anymore. The VERY NEXT DAY she said something very strange that kind of upset me and I told her I didn't like that. She said "it was just a joke" but made no apologies or acknowledgement or anything 2. You mentioned "Like me" vs. are you good for me. I was at this place in my life during the aforementioned scenario and rejected this same woman later that night after a "you up" text. I'm not going to give myself to someone who can't reciprocate respect, especially after the scenario was flipped the very next day and she couldn't model it. No effing way
The thought of getting an ex back is so overwhelming and daunting I’d rather put the energy into something far more beneficial. Life is too short for this kind of thing. If a relationship is unhealthy, toxic and at a dead end, just walk away. You’d be surprised how quickly you become happy once you don’t see them. If you have the time and effort to waste then go ahead but trust me it ended for a reason.
He didn’t cherish me. He was also poor and an alcoholic and never chose better for himself, and found himself another woman at his own level. The next one I let into my life will cherish me or I won’t let him be part of my life. If you don’t want to be here then go.
He has all the red flags you listed. I want to get out of this thing. Buf like you said the longing for belonging, connecting. Its just so hard. I need more friends. People who cares about me. I am addicted to a person instead of a drug. And this person is as bad as the drug.
Betrayal is hard even with the advice you gave. The guy I dated was still talking/meeting his ex wife (no kids) I set my boundary immediately was told it had hall stopped then a few months later I find it never stopped, no accountability taken I ended it. Now I think it’s better to walk at the first red flag and not give people that show red flags immediately a second chance. Betrayal can be not keeping your word, telling lies, refusing to admit mistakes and take accountability.
❤❤❤❤ this video is what I am processing. The jealousy, insecure of the man and his interests and hobbies, his job, etc. Damn! That is surreal. So I see that I apparently have the anxious attachment-no surprise there, but can you make videos on how not to be. Could you make a video on how to be secure because I would rather know how to be that than how not to be what I am, if that makes any sense. I’m new to the videos so I don’t know you may already have one. You are such a inspiration. Thank you.❤❤ 17:34
you said people start treating you badly when they betray you so they can justify their behavior. that’s very interesting because it makes a lot of sense in a way. could you explain that more or do you know where i can read about that behavior?
Whenever I try to bring up my triggers & how hurt I feel by certain things he says when he's frustrated, he tells me it's because my "ego" can't handle criticism & he needs the space to express himself that way without me responding emotionally. The blame red flag is prominent in our relationship & this goes both ways which makes it hard to know if one of us is responding to the other or if we both have this as a trait. I've also been guilty of the last phrase... usually triggered by words like "I'm sick to death of it" or something that makes me feel like a burden to be with...
😢 my m9m does all these red flags. It's so sad. She's judge/jury and doesn't care in the least if she causes pain to me my deceased father or any of the family except my sister who fawns to her fascist tyrannical stance. It heart breaking that she is solidified into this and never questioned whether it was healthy.
This has nothing to do with anything but I LOVE how you do your make-up. (I especially love that lipstick colour on you!) If you did a make-up tutorial video I would so watch it just saying 😳
Thank you for the interesting video! What if we notice we are the negative partner in some moments? What if we realize we use some of the phrases you named in the video? Does anyone know if Margarita has a video on that topic, when we are the 'toxic partner'? All the best!
Red Flags
1. Betrayal
2. Public put downs
3. Negative attitude towards your career/hobbies
4. Blame
5. Cruelty
7. Greed
Phrases
“I was just joking/you’re too sensitive”
“You always want something/too much”
“You deserve/don’t deserve this”
“No one else but me would love you”
“If you don’t like ___ you don’t have to be with me”
So basically any man holding a woman to a standard. I you're career is so important to you then stay single. And those red flags are all stuff that women do.
My ex use to always say “do you deserve”
What if they’re always complaining about shit and don’t do anything about it? And you eventually after months and months of trying to find a solution they don’t want to take it - and you eventually get fed up? Trying to make this person happy and it’s the same shit over and over…
@@Dragonfly_magictarot Leave. They don't deserve your energy.
@@whatthefkiswrongwithyoutube thank you for that. We broke up and my life is peaceful again! It hurt a lot because he said he wanted to marry me and created this fantasy - he wanted us to live together and when I told him I wasn’t ready he would keep bringing it up “it’s you that’s not ready” bla bla
And then, when I asked him if we can talk about what the expectations were etc he said it wasn’t romantic and that I was killing the passion.
??!
I was like well I just want to know what I’m getting into and we should be able to discuss money, household duties and preferences but he did not want to talk about it. He said I was “too mature” and “too logical” 🤯 and I was like yes I am. I’m not going to blindly get into a situation that involves a lease, and living in close proximity with someone. That’s not very smart… in my eyes. And what did he do? Abandone me! He turned around and said he didn’t see a future with me anymore that the passion was gone LOL 😂 stupid ass guy - he wasn’t complaining when we slept together!! Ha 😅
All and all, he was right, we are not on the same page & thank you for taking the time to read my previous message. It’s so hard to go through this stuff alone and for this guy to just leave over a petty argument
I am so glad I wasn’t in my 20s lol I probably wouldn’t have asked those questions and I’d be stuck living with an idiot, who’s always complaining and doesn’t take responsibility or action towards living a peaceful life!
You are worthy and deserving of the highest form of love. If you’re reading this I pray you receive it.💗🙏🏼
Amén. Thank you so much for another heart touching video, Margarita. Hope that you and your family are family are doing well and adjusting smoothly to the new little one in the house 🎉💖
Indeed. As are you. Thank you! ✨️
I have experienced the highest form of love by knowing Jesus Christ. He loves you too and wants to have a relationship with you. He sacrificed himself on the cross and rose again, so he could pay the punishment for your sins and bring you peace with God. Jesus loves you.
@@somethinggood9267🙏🏼
Highest form of love is actually God - we seek perfection not knowing we are seeking God himself in another…
Emotional affairs - calling you jealous or controlling when you set a boundary and standards 🚩
The "faking it till you make it" thing is so reallll. I used to get so uneasy whenever I didn't hear from my partner for a few hours but I think I'm getting more secure by actually pretending as if I'm not so bothered.
Me too!
Pretending to be secure isn't what's making you more secure. It's the time you spend alone introspecting. It's when you ask yourself if how you approach someone is working for you or needs work or if the relationship is really worth it. We feel stronger because we spend this time asking ourselves if we're doing too much or maybe we should be allowing them to come to us instead. Even asking ourselves if the relationship is worth it or if we deserve better makes us stronger. If we only pretend to be secure without doing any of the important work, it probably wouldn't do us any good. 😊
But what if it goes days without texting?
Thank you for confirming this. I will definitely start actively being aware of this now.
@@MsUnknown007 that’s definitely not a good sign.
My ex always told me “no one else is gonna love you like I do” as if i dont deserve to be loved…
nobody deserves shit - that's female entitlement for you. Only women, children, and puppies are loved unconditionally. Men are only loved for what they can produce.
That's different she said “No one else is gonna love you." and "Lucky you got me, no one else is going to love you.", adding "Like I Do" changes everything, and truth be told as a man, we would deeply appreciate it if a women who truly love us love us like nobody else will do, that would be high praise for that women, and then she can claim that statement once she has shown that year in and year out consistently
I needed to hear this because my dad does this to me. I just started seeing it and have created distance because of it. I don’t allow anyone to disrespect me, especially not a man and not just because it’s family. I love myself too much. Getting put down by your own dad is a special kind of cruelty. Sending love & light to all survivors ❤
Respectfully, he can suck it. We don't need men in our lives like that 😤
💛 sending love back
And why would you be more willing to accept disrespect from a woman? Don't make men the enemy. Don't accept disrespect from no one. Take care of yourself. Much love
@@TheDianaJCI specifically said that I don’t accept disrespect from anyone. Men are certainly not the enemy. Love & Light ❤
@@TheDianaJCWho you get these red flags from will depend on your experiences. I've never had a man do this more than once because I would give them the look of death. 💀 After that they'll just avoid you because they know they can't bring you down. It's definitely harder with women because you also rely on friends to be there for you when you go through relationship crisis. But yes, definitely don't take it from women either.
Thank you Margarita for such amazing advice as always. When I was 24, my ex-fiancé called my career and hobbies many negative things (boring, stupid, useles s, etc..). He would also not tell me happy birthday to "show me that birthdays are a waste of time". I’m glad I called that wedding off and never looked back, because now I’m 100x stronger than I ever was ❤
He sounds terrible 😔 glad you saw it and got out x
what kind of partner is that guy?!?!?!??!?!?!?! Thank Heavens you're not marrried to him
“If you don’t like it you don’t have to be with me” oof I got that a lot with my ex. Terrible to say to someone. So one day I just finally said ok bye
Please please do a video on how to not lose yourself in a relationship/early dating stage and how to prioritise self love whilst dating x
I get butterflies in my stomach when I think of the man God has in store for me ✨💕🌸😃💕✨
ur queen girl and thats y u deserve no less than king, so butterflies r natural😂
I can see why not having boundaries has really hurt me. I’m working on that starting now.😊
Yes, YOU don’t do that to YOU so others cannot either
You did this video 5 months ago yet magically it appeared today. When I opened RUclips & I saw need it . Going on a blind date x
“Protect yourself like a fortress or a castle protecting a princess.” I love that. Doing that for yourself as opposed to having NO boundaries at all and then expecting MEN to when the average man is in the mindset of EXPLOITING women, if not for their body, then their domestic labor and use of their money.
Even if the relationship is a 50/50 relationships, statistics show women spend more on “thoughtful gifts, groceries, and other family needs, cards for the holidays, interior decorating, comfort, etc.” It adds up. Have boundaries on every area of your life, your time, your money, your mental chatter over a person, every area!
Yes I once let my guard down and instantly attracted a dangerous psycho who was making me do the driving, spending, the communication, give him everything I had, change for him, in a very short amount of time. Some men are so dangerous and manipulative that they slip through the mazes. It's scary how it's the worst men who can get through the boundaries. They love bomb in a very psychopathic sneaky way that not even your intelligence and experience is going to protect you from. This is the abuse that turns women into man haters. This is why you should never give to men. You risk attracting psychopaths.
reality check lady - the average man breaks his back, makes sacrifices, and risks his life for women. Look at divorce law and statistics in the United States. Safe to say it's mostly women doing the exploitation. Most modern western women are parasites that contribute very little to a relationship.
The average man is NOT in the mindset of exploiting women. And as for "exploitation", doing what you were put on this earth to do is not "domestic labor", it is your job as a wife. A man who does his job as a husband should not be expected tovdo your job as well. You lot certainly have no problem demanding all the perks from us. We have every right to expect something in return. You certainly have no right to attack and shame us for doing so. Stop projecting your behavior onto men and take a seat.
The mental chatter over a person is REALLY hard to stop especially because I have ptsd/cptsd and am super neurodivergent. So obsessive thinking, ruminating, catastrophizing and deep thinking never stops and can be very tormenting. Especially if its over my past abusers ib my life whether family or exes
It took me a very long time to learn these lessons and distance myself from a toxic pattern of relationships. I'm still a work in progress, but one thing I know is I will no longer accept less than I deserve. i also feel much more confident and comfortable with myself...more than ever before...and that has made ALL the difference.
Thank you so much. Wishing everyone who reads to feel lighter and most light full you could be. Never forget, you got this, whatever you’re going through🙏🏽✨🦋
"The Importance of Recognizing Red Flags, Setting Boundaries, and Valuing Self-Worth in Relationships: A Discussion on Warning Signs, Betrayal, and Toxic Behaviors"
💔 The video discusses the importance of self-worth, boundaries, and healing from anxious attachment in relationships.
00:25
Self-worth and cherishing oneself attracts positive treatment from others.
00:25
Cherishing oneself is crucial before attempting to get back with an ex.
00:57
Having strong boundaries is important, especially for women, to maintain self-respect.
01:43
Recognizing red flags and phrases in relationships is crucial for self-preservation.
02:23
Healing from anxious attachment style is possible through rewiring the brain and understanding secure attachment.
03:58
Training the brain and letting go of those who don't cherish or respect you are essential for healing.
04:16
💔 The video discusses the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing betrayal in relationships, especially for women.
04:24
Women often feel the impact of success in their personal relationships more than men do.
04:24
Betrayal can take many forms, but it ultimately comes down to a breach of honesty and trust.
05:33
It's important to communicate non-negotiable boundaries in a relationship.
06:22
Constantly monitoring or controlling a partner can lead to increased anxiety and a negative impact on the relationship.
07:05
Signs of betrayal in a relationship can include changes in behavior, treatment, and time spent together.
08:12
⚠ The video discusses red flags in relationships and emphasizes the importance of respecting each other's individuality and avoiding negative behaviors.
08:33
Lack of love and happiness in a relationship
08:33
Avoiding public put downs
09:03
Negative attitude towards partner's career or hobbies
10:01
Respecting each other's individuality and freedom
11:26
Avoiding blame and corrosive behavior
12:03
Emphasizing the importance of adoration in the relationship
12:20
⚠ The video discusses warning signs in relationships and the importance of feeling valued and respected.
12:41
Feeling valued and respected in a relationship is crucial, and warning signs should not be ignored.
12:41
Cruelty towards animals, children, or anyone smaller should not be tolerated in a partner.
13:05
Greed and lack of investment in the relationship are red flags, as men should feel a sense of ownership through investment.
13:32
A true apology involves acknowledging the hurt caused, admitting the impact, and committing to change.
15:14
Phrases like 'you always want something' or 'you always don't have enough' indicate a lack of joy in the partner's happiness.
15:35
Constant criticism and a parental tone can kill the playful and youthful spirit of the sexual connection in a relationship.
16:22
💔 The video discusses toxic behaviors in long-term relationships and emphasizes the importance of self-worth and the willingness to walk away from toxic traits.
16:47
Toxic behaviors in long-term relationships
16:47
Importance of allowing people to express their desires and joys
17:00
Avoiding a judicial stance on what someone deserves
17:07
Manipulative phrases that can be damaging
17:32
The importance of willingness to adjust and compromise
17:59
Reframing the mindset to prioritize self-worth
18:29
The option to walk away from toxic traits
19:01
I appreciate this gal so much. She tells things how they are and doesn't beat around the bush. It's made me realise that my partner and I AREN'T good for each other and that we should work on things TOGETHER or simply part ways.
"That person doesn't get JOY from your joy!" Yes!! I love watching your videos because you have so many great insights. And that statement was very deep. I've experienced a lot of people, unfortunately family members, that are even put off by me being in a state of joy or contentment. They immediately try to shift me out of my happiness. I've had to go no contact with most of them but I'm still slowly building myself up after 75% of these negative interactions, being my life. I guess I'd ask, any advice on getting a final push toward getting out of a toxic system. I've done a lot of work, but I still feel like the system has power over me. I still am co-dependent with these negative relationships and the idea of being completely outside of it, still seems scary to me.
Hi, I’ve recently been in the situation where I had done a substantial amount of work to become more self-aware and was feeling ready to leave the toxic situation but still couldn’t seem to. I continued to chase, beg, over-explain and gaslight myself. What finally did it for me (the final push) was, very simply, fatigue. I literally just woke up and realized I was too tired to carry on in this rat race of a relationship. I do wish I could have burned out and reached exhaustion sooner, but it finally did happen. I hope you are able to get your final push also, whatever that may be.
One phrase that I also realized is a red flag to not be ignored is “oh you would never do that because you’re too sweet” “oh you would never treat me that way” it is them putting you on a pedestal. I’m a human and don’t want to be seen as “too sweet to do something” bc I’m bound to fall off of the pedestal.
I love you and your message. Thank you. I am healing from anxious attachment and a trauma bond and super grieving the death of my husband 5 years ago and negotiating my new life. Got hooked on a walking red flag.
Agreed, and to add to this list:
*People who don't say sorry for awful shit they have done and/or have trouble saying thank you, especially for small things. Walk away. When they wake up, they can find you and apologize.
*Do not entertain "No one ever helps me." and "I don't owe you anything." This is especially true for people who like the chip on their shoulder narratives. Anyone who claims to be entirely self-made is arrogant and oblivious, be it consciously or unconsciously, of the support that they have received, assuming you have been kind and generous with your time, energy, knowledge, attention, affection, and presence. Simply walk away. They sober up real fast.
*Someone who calls you a mooch when you contribute financially to your dynamic. Refund them any money they have spent on you, and watch their jaws drop.
I loved this video because it allowed me to self reflect and see the red flags I am guilty of, always good to learn and grow.
I wished I had seen this video a few years ago and save myself some grief. Thank you so much . he said to me , this is the way I’ve always been. I said just because it’s the way you are, doesn’t mean it’s right. that should’ve been a huge red flag, but naivety always plays a part when you deeply cared for someone.
Appreciate you dont beat around the bush...straightforward
Thank you. I tried so hard making it work by ignoring these red flags. It ended up in me being abused emotionally and physically. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to be the best woman you can be, or how much love you have to give. You can’t change them.
Thank you Margarita! I resonate a lot about having an anxious attachment style! I used to fall into victimhood and blame myself as an adult because of my childhood abandonment wound. It's wild how as adults we have to go through hardships to learn this! I am grateful for your content because it raises my consciousness and gives me the gift to make wiser decisions and take responsibility! Wishing you well!
I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I let go of the anxiety of the man cheating on me. Like it’s finally, finally sunk in I can’t control it so why worry? What you can control is how your relationship is - does he make me feel good? Do we communicate well? Are we growing together? Margarita you’re absolutely right - other things go wrong first that the cheating isn’t even something to care about. So you have to create daily practices to listen and notice how you’re feeling in the relationship as well as regularly communicate with your partner. If he doesn’t work on it and meet you where you’re at, walk away. It’s so freeing to let go of the control. Took me 10 years to get here.
I’ve been binge watching you since I found you a couple of weeks ago
THANK YOU !!
I’ve been through a break up , I had completely lost myself , with your help I am back but better ❤
I learnt so many things through this video. Thank you for a beautiful guide to us dear sister ❤️
Research into "attachment style" has demonstrated that it can change over your lifespan.
Did an essay on it for a graduate psych class.
Primary research reports - more informative than most people realise
I don’t know how I can express how lucky I feel that I came across your channel!! It’s my first relationship and that too long distance and I truly find your content to be super helpful!! Thank you really
❤love this video! To add to the point at the very end. I feel a red flag is also if someone bypasses behavioral accountability by saying:
“Well you picked/choose/married me”
This is also psychologically and esteem damaging because it shifts all the responsibility/accountability and, in my case, almost made me feel like I deserved it.
Whe things end, move on. That's why I like to stay grounded, and not to get too attached. External influences should not be overly important. Healthy self-love is the answer. Unfortunately, many people are utterly untrustworthy these days, and will harm you somehow.
I wake up to your videos to start my days off STRONG 😘❤ Love you! Thank you so much for giving a piece of yourself to us. And for always being so honest and vulnerable.
You had under 100K this year and now you’re nearly at 300K subscribers wow! So proud of you
Attachment styles are one of my special interests right now, and my personal belief is yes, you can absolutely change it through rewiring your brain. Attachment styles are learned, and therefore, can, and have, been unlearned via healing.
Wow. Dropping truth bombs here. Great video!
I have fallen in love so much with you, your content, your aura, how you deliver your content that you could wake up tomorrow and decide you're going to talk about basket ball (I say basket ball because I know nothing about that sport, nor do I have any interest in it) and I will watch! 😍 Your videos have helped me so much🎉
thank you so much for the reminders
100% agree on the humiliation in public part. And i think it applies not just in relationships but overall life in general.
I had a situation where i lived with an uncle for six months who i before that didn't know really well. And the guy is a total control freak. From the very beginning we didn't get along. And one thing he started doing is telling openly how he regretted taking me in and other smack. Tries to get along with him because hes my uncle but 10 years later he hasn't changed
Thank you. So many of these red flags were in my last relationship. Never again!
I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS! You are so insightful, wise, and articulate. This is better than any therapy! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Agreed.... No harsh feelings, but please go find the people who floats your boat, & leave me alone for all of eternity, please, and thank you." ❤ Very nice video....❤
Just clarifying, attachment styles are capable of changing. Some techniques are thorough Therapy or being exposed to individuals that re-enforce a positive and healthy figure, that's because anxious individuals want to bond and form relationships but are so scared of losing them that they start to behave in ways , sometimes even going against their welfare, just to keep their relationship going. Therefore being exposed to care and love , understanding, comprehension etc , can eventually teach you what you like and what you want to aim for. 😊
true! I'm doing just that. Once you start your healing process, you also begin getting to understand if your partner is truly into you (because now you're not trying to aggressively control your relationship).
Thank you for making this video. I really needed to hear this as someone who has been in a long term relationship and has felt lost and confused and doubted myself, especially the last few years. So much of what you said resonates with me.
This was so good I watched it twice.
Margarita omg!!!! This was great from beginning to end number #1 definitely was a word!
Love all your videos so far. Binge watching them atm and cant believe ive never came across anyone like you. You have such a unique and logical, straight forward way to put things into perspective ❤
I'm a professional singer. My ex would put down my singing or cut me off whenever I would sing and be like "Nope. Not right now. The singing is too much". And one time she made a point to tell me to my face that I'm "not as versatile of a singer or musician that i think i am" and purposely planted doubt in my head. I barely sang at all for the 2 years I was with her (I lived with her). I broke up with her in September. I'm still trying to recover my confidence in the craft I've literally dedicated my life to. I literally have a degree in music.
Folks, at the first sign of them putting down your craft, hobbies, or talent- leave. The only reason I couldn't was because of financial constraints that forced me to cohabitate with her. They're jealous and/or out of touch with their own craft/hobbies and are lashing out because they feel insecure. They will destroy your self esteem & drive a wedge between yourself and the thing you're best at. Don't let them.
I just need to know… I have anxious attachment and I am very self conscious I’m trying really hard to focus on what’s important and taking care of myself. I have trouble talking, I often freeze, and I’m with someone I truly truly love who has been there for me thick and thin. Being anxious takes my true emotions away and I forget what I’m doing what I’m feeling and how to cherish the one I love because it too self focused. I’m overridden with guilt that I failed to engage in conversation. I’m overthinking I know but sometimes i make a conversation then I get swept by the anxiety despite everything we’ve been through. It’s really disrespectful to someone that has done so much for me. It’s off and on. Have you ever lost someone you loved so much because of these personal issues? I am going to therapy I’m reminding myself everything is okay and I’m trying to figure out ways to actively listen. I’m terrified but I know he will find someone who will love him even better if we happen to split up. My anxiety turns me into someone I don’t know. I’m scared of losing people I love and connection with my friends because of this kind of distress. He’s told me it’s stressful talking to me. Have you ever been this bad??
Margarita Thank you so much for making life easier to deal with your beautiful teachings ❤️
Guilty! Waw... I must admit that I have been down the path of being judgy in my past relationship. 😅 Very refreshing reminder. ✨️
Thanks...you explained really good...!!
Love you, love this. I don’t know them anymore.
Love you 👑 exactly the video I needed today.
I love your content. Try learning this in your mid 60s. It’s not fun. Although I will say I have realized I’m happier alone at this point. I do everything myself and I’m OK with that. It beats disappointment.
You're not alone! I'm right there, too.
You’re literally the big sister we all need
7:35 the problem isnt them betraying you and you finding out. It's them betraying you and you never finding out for years and years and you wasting all that time.
You’re right. Finding out is a devastating heartbreak. Not finding out is tragic.
Thanks for This Video ! Everyone needs to Watch it!🌹
My last sp often made little comments indirectly regarding my weight and/or my eating even when I was making healthy choices and when I finally addressed it instead of apologizing she claimed she never meant it “that way”. Also went on to make herself the victim by blaming me for never saying anything. Never an apology or commitment to change the behavior. I got sick of it and all of the other issues and ended the relationship. Now I’m on my self concept journey and there’s nothing anyone can say to make me not value myself.
That takes a lot of courage i hope you are doing better now
@@inairaadil7902 thank you…by the time I ended it I was tired and had basically grieved it before leaving. 16 yr cycle ended and I feel free.
@@shaylack77 that must've been really difficult. But im glad u made it through. Some people end up spending their entire lives with such partners, it takes true courage to get through such tough situations.
Withholding of affection and intimacy. A lot of times this appears after you are secured in your relationship and commitment. If it shows up before you are married - walk away.
This was an excellent list. I would also put on the list someone who is manipulative
Oh Maegarita the betrayal part. No trust. ❤Much love❤
Thank you for this! You really shared your heart & wisdom!
Hello Margarita, this is a very good video. This was very eye opening forsure!! Im slowly learning how to set boundaries, and stand up for myself.
Respecting others freedoms is very important. Communication and mutual respect is very important. I will respect your hobbies and interests as long as you respect mines!
Always looking forward to your content ❤ my life has changed so much ever since I found your channel. You are a blessing. Thank you for all you do.
2 things you talked about happened to me:
1. I was in a situation where I made a joke and the woman I was talking to got upset. I apologized and told her I won't make jokes about that topic/ situation anymore. The VERY NEXT DAY she said something very strange that kind of upset me and I told her I didn't like that. She said "it was just a joke" but made no apologies or acknowledgement or anything
2. You mentioned "Like me" vs. are you good for me. I was at this place in my life during the aforementioned scenario and rejected this same woman later that night after a "you up" text.
I'm not going to give myself to someone who can't reciprocate respect, especially after the scenario was flipped the very next day and she couldn't model it. No effing way
The thought of getting an ex back is so overwhelming and daunting I’d rather put the energy into something far more beneficial. Life is too short for this kind of thing. If a relationship is unhealthy, toxic and at a dead end, just walk away. You’d be surprised how quickly you become happy once you don’t see them. If you have the time and effort to waste then go ahead but trust me it ended for a reason.
Damn, I've done the "you deserve it" or "if you don't like it, you can leave me" 😕 thank you for pointing out how red flaggy that is
Realizing that I have a lot of these red flags and I really need to work on that.
Excellent video once again. You never miss ❤
thank you for always reminding me loves,
love from Taiwan 💜
needed this video. such perfecting timing.
❤❤❤❤ you are light, thank you for this video
He didn’t cherish me. He was also poor and an alcoholic and never chose better for himself, and found himself another woman at his own level. The next one I let into my life will cherish me or I won’t let him be part of my life. If you don’t want to be here then go.
That is my current situation 100000%%%%% omg I'm in the first week of no contact 💔💔💔💔💔
He has all the red flags you listed. I want to get out of this thing. Buf like you said the longing for belonging, connecting. Its just so hard. I need more friends. People who cares about me. I am addicted to a person instead of a drug. And this person is as bad as the drug.
You’re helping find my words ty⭐️💚
I loved what you shared. Thank you so much for making these videos and letting us know what you really think. I love the truth you give us.❤
A Huge Thank you! ❤❤❤❤
Betrayal is hard even with the advice you gave. The guy I dated was still talking/meeting his ex wife (no kids) I set my boundary immediately was told it had hall stopped then a few months later I find it never stopped, no accountability taken I ended it. Now I think it’s better to walk at the first red flag and not give people that show red flags immediately a second chance.
Betrayal can be not keeping your word, telling lies, refusing to admit mistakes and take accountability.
You always know exactly what to say !❤
WOW… amazing points! Just amazing! Thank you! 😊
I needed to hear this when I first met my husband😢 about to be filing for divorce in the new year
I needed to hear this. Thank you ❤
Saving our lives out here
Thank you for your content🙏💛
❤❤❤❤ this video is what I am processing. The jealousy, insecure of the man and his interests and hobbies, his job, etc. Damn! That is surreal.
So I see that I apparently have the anxious attachment-no surprise there, but can you make videos on how not to be. Could you make a video on how to be secure because I would rather know how to be that than how not to be what I am, if that makes any sense. I’m new to the videos so I don’t know you may already have one. You are such a inspiration. Thank you.❤❤ 17:34
This is excellent.
im a gay 40 yr old guy. i have been heartbroken for 2 years. A handsome man shattered my soul. i love your channel. Thank you Ładna.
My best friend is here 💕
Can you make a video on how to reach secure attachment from either the anxious of avoidant side.I love your content.Grateful for you.
you said people start treating you badly when they betray you so they can justify their behavior. that’s very interesting because it makes a lot of sense in a way. could you explain that more or do you know where i can read about that behavior?
Whenever I try to bring up my triggers & how hurt I feel by certain things he says when he's frustrated, he tells me it's because my "ego" can't handle criticism & he needs the space to express himself that way without me responding emotionally.
The blame red flag is prominent in our relationship & this goes both ways which makes it hard to know if one of us is responding to the other or if we both have this as a trait.
I've also been guilty of the last phrase... usually triggered by words like "I'm sick to death of it" or something that makes me feel like a burden to be with...
😢 my m9m does all these red flags. It's so sad. She's judge/jury and doesn't care in the least if she causes pain to me my deceased father or any of the family except my sister who fawns to her fascist tyrannical stance. It heart breaking that she is solidified into this and never questioned whether it was healthy.
This has nothing to do with anything but I LOVE how you do your make-up. (I especially love that lipstick colour on you!) If you did a make-up tutorial video I would so watch it just saying 😳
I love you ❤🎉 " This is not build a bear "
never accept somebody even joking that you are not worthy, or that only they could love you, nobody else would etc,
Thank you for the interesting video!
What if we notice we are the negative partner in some moments? What if we realize we use some of the phrases you named in the video?
Does anyone know if Margarita has a video on that topic, when we are the 'toxic partner'?
All the best!
Family are the worst they been using their own people most of the time
You give great advice. :)