Can Your Narcissistic Relationship Ever Get Better? The Hard Truth
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- Опубликовано: 15 май 2024
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There's nothing sweeter than waking up with peace and joy🎉🎉🎉
What’s that feel like😢
Hopefully one day I can experience that too
I will never forget that free feeling when I broke away I no longer left him or cared about his silly little abuse tactics he had no power over me it felt so good
Hurt me with the truth
but don’t comfort me with a lie
Thank you !! 👍🏻
I think the hardest part is accepting that person doesn't love you. A diagnosis doesn't change that. We can endure all sorts of pain to prove to ourselves that we are lovable, but that's not the way to do it. When you stop trying and start loving yourself, you realize that person doesn't deserve you. Then it becomes easier to walk away.
good one
That person doesn’t and never did exist!!!! Once you come to grips with that, you are on the path to healing.
You’re so right ….That’s the way !!💜
Understanding it all, and acceptance, unfortunately doesn’t make it any less painful or sickening.
But what about the loneliness and feelings of intense grief/loss? When and how do they go away?!?!
My son recently said one of the wisest things I've heard him say so far:
Mum, i don't care - narcissism, no narcissism, borderline, autism, whatever - i care about how they behave. If they behave bad, that's all i need to know - not a diagnosis."
He was so correct.
Sometimes, people use diagnoses as an excuse. That's what i was doing and i needed to stopped.
KEEP TELLING US THE TRUTH RICHARD!! So what if it hirts out feelings? Hurt our feelings for a moment to save us from a lifetime of pain and abuse ❤
"The truth will set you free."
😃👍
Depending who you tell it to. Silence is golden in certain situations. Don't tell everyone, everything you think. True or not😊
The disrepect is your closure set yourself free❤
Discovering the truth was really the best thing that happened to me
Absolutely,, & getting past the denial of truth
People need to understand that if the "red flags" of narcissistic behavior in a person is ignored that person will "DESTROY" You. I was in such a relationship for years not knowing why this person was exhibiting theses behaviors toward me and not everybody else. I was dying inside. I made it stop- he had to go. I am now free - free to heal from all the BS I endured.
@@gandawesley5870 you want to know something about red flags 🚩..the narcissist is saying the same things regarding red flags about their targets. Breathtakingly delusional people. Lie thru their teeth to themselves
They’re also saying the same things about red flags against their targets. Deeply delusional people who lie thru their teeth to themselves
Knowing their abuse is the start of loving yourself again and making an escape easier. And it is ESCAPE.
As some who returned multiple times to the same pattern of horrific abuse before I realized this and it sunk in and I left, this the most important message in the narcissistic abuse RUclips content sphere. If you're out there contemplating whether or not to keep trying, for yourself, or for the dreams to tried to build with that person, or for the kids.......DONT. it won't change, there is no treatment, no cure, it will likely get worse..... get out.
it will either get worse or you will be discarded with nothing.
@@Expose_bankers_and_auctioneersDiscarded with nothing is most likely worse my dude
I love that you are so damn brutally honest!!!! I appreciate all the work you do as well!!!
I'm trying not to look back and when I do I now remember all of the horrific things he has done while blaming me for the decay of the relationship. I ALLOWED the behavior and I take responsibility for my part. Thank you for your content 🙏✨
Yep. Until we know better. Then we do better.
Exactly... we ALLOW it because hope springs eternal and we are still subscribing and wanting a healthy dynamic. They are incapable of providing it!
@@LaFlammeMusic Yes! We want to love and be loved. Why does it have to be so difficult? The healthier we become the healthier our circle and the more we heal the more we heal the collective.
I second what you have said. I've spent too much of my life trying to get certain people to love me, see me, change, learn how to communicate better, respect me etc etc. Eventually I went no contact and it wasn't easy. These days I have a well-working radar system which keeps me away from people who I instinctively know aren't going to want a healthy relationship with me. Listen to your instincts - really listen and test people out before you give of yourself. I now have some great people around me - good, honest people - but it took a long time to get here.
If you hear alarm bells (even if you don't know why), it's a good idea to step back and assess.
I'm almost 3 weeks no communication (almost no contact) with my former partner. I've had a couple moments of weakness where I sent a message but they did not reply. WHY is this so emotionally difficult when mentally/rationally I know it's the best thing for both of us?!? So much cognitive dissonance accompanied by vivid flashbacks and reminders of the so-called "good times" in the relationship. Ugh!
@@LaFlammeMusicHope. We hope that this time will be different, that our love will be enough to pull them through, that we’re stronger than any problems the relationship has. I’m in that phase myself. I see the good in him, and stubbornly think I can help him bring that out, so the good side “wins”. But I know he was like this long before he met me, and will be like this long after I’m gone. But HOPE won’t shut up, and tells me to keep trying. Hope lives in the heart, not the brain. The brain knows better. But the heart has sooo much trouble letting go!
Thank you for your honest WAKE-UP call
👍
They never stop they get worse break free
It will only keep getting worse until you leave.
Even if u physically leave; they may keep u emotionally hooked just so they can benefit by gaining more "narcissistic supply". It's crazy making behaviour if you're the victm/target.
@@LaFlammeMusic that is exactly right. Zero contact, zero participation, working towards zero f@cks. 2,816 days of summit county ohio criminally abusing my kids along with their clinically diagnosed cluster b mother who bragged to the court her intentions to abuse them. Private schools do not need to report abuse in ohio, and Our Lady of the Elms is happy to facilitate their abuse.
@@LaFlammeMusicthat's why you go no contact..it's on you a that point!
Was hard to leave but my soon to be ex husband is dating my ex best friend now. We aren't even divorced yet and he is with her already. But let me tell you, I wake up in peace now. It was hard but when they showed me I was worth more than them it made it clear that I'm better off without the both of them 😊
PAINFUL YES....BUT SO SO TRUE....FINALLY YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ...
The truth maybe painful, but you must get to it and escape! The world is always pretty much the world. So you have a much better chance of succeeding out in the swim of the world. The narcissist will never change except to use you and disrespect you more!
Self doubt getting bigger everyday, false guilt,confusion and some unexplainable hope and compassion for person hurting you..that’s another level of manipulation and mindfuck,
Love them from a distance..
And pray for them..
Yes dead right,,get out have a plan,, 🤗
This is such a difficult concept to believe. My narc is a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. He lies about things that don't even matter, and he NEVER promises to stop. He knows he will never stop.
🙏🏼 i’m always grateful for your insights Mr. Richard …. I don’t know how many people you have helped but I am at least one. 🖤🖤🖤🖤
100% Run as fast as you can. They will not change. Period.
Once I stopped trying solve some grand puzzle of them, and realized that his idea of love, fidelity, the way he treated other people and me, and his world view in general was simply something I couldn’t live with, it became so much easier to just leave. It’s so nice to live in peace and figure out who I am again. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out the why because I think I was delaying the inevitable. Leaving was hard but my life now is SO much better.
Very true. Thanks to you and many who are opening up about this, gives us all a new look in life! Thank you!!!!
it really helps, doesnt it!
Radical acceptance, one of the things I learned in a course from you, has made all the difference to my healing.
HURT my feelings, by telling the truth about abusers?!!
Considering the hurt my father and the ex-partner inflicted upon me, by their abusive behaviors, your truth is a welcome GIFT!!!
I need it to hear that today thank you. ❤
I'm so close, SO CLOSE, to finalizing my exit plan. And I've been planning this for more than a year. Still, last week I caught myself wondering if he might have changed. Or at least tried to. After 13+ years not seeing ANY effort and constant daily abuse one way or another.
Thank you, Richard, for reminding me. Your videos have helped me TREMENDOUSLY!!!
Hi, I am in the exact same situation as you. I have been married for 18 years. My husband is a narcissist. He lies about absolutely everything. He emotionally abuses me on a daily basis and I feel like I'm going crazy. I found out he has a 1 Yr old baby down the road from me with a 25 Yr old girl and he is 52. He forced his way back home by using my 7 and 5 Yr old to come against me . He is getting worse daily. I am planning my escape but still battling with will he change? Knowing the truth inside. I keep watching videos like this to try and stick to my escape plan. Be strong x
@@CharlieC1234 sadly, he won't. Nor will mine. But they're such sweet talkers, we keep falling into the same trap. Stay strong. Stay focused. YOU are your no 1 priority. Remember, your children need you. And they need you sane.
Just now I thought about what it would be like living alone here. I'm Asian, living in France, and I don't speak French fluently. Yet. No job at the moment, although planning on starting my own business. Got scared. But then I look back at my life today, and these past 13 years. Then ask myself "Is this worth living for?"
Talk to me if you've got nobody to talk to. Even if it's just to empty your chest. I'm here and I'll hold your hand.
Hugs 🤗
@southernpearl Thank you. I am here for you too. We have to make this escape. Life is precious and we have the right to be happy and peaceful. I have lived in such a toxic environment for so long I am trying to stop my kids from seeing it as normal, and I also do not want them to think it is normal for anyone to abuse them as they see their dad treating me like a door mat all day , every day. Step out and start your business. It will be successful. x
@@CharlieC1234 thank you 🙏 We get desensitized. Makes me think of what I heard of boiling frogs. If you put them in hot water they'll jump out right away. But if you put them in normal water and slowly heat it up, they won't. We are the frogs.
You have anyone that can help you make your escape plan? I do.
I'm also sleeping in another bedroom. I find it relieving (and crucial) to be able to "breathe" regularly and analyze the situation objectively.
I also get what I call "messages" every now and then, normally right before I wake up. No woo-woo 😄 They are simply profound understandings. One of them was "Integrity, love and honesty". I knew it was for me, because at that time I was wondering about what to do in order for me to stay aligned with myself. But it made me realize I need to be surrounded by people who live by the same moral standards as well. Right now, as I'm writing this, that's all I remember, so maybe the message is for you, too 😊
Big hugs to you 🤗 and to your kids, too 🤗🤗
Me too..if I wasn't married w/home to sell I would have already left, doesn't matter if he had an aneurysm he was this before and I'm over what ppl think, especially his flying monkeys!
The truth always hurts when you dont want to hear it
If they enjoy being mean or they dismissed you when you tell them not to bring up subjects that hurt you, then they are narcissistic. ...
Absolutely whatever we do need the truth because the chances are if were in a abusive relationship were already hurting quite badly.
That is so sad but 100% true.
Crazy is crazy run 🏃♀️ ❤
Let me say this nothing hurts my heart in dealing with some one that is so freaking evil. My God will destroy all wickedness.
Walk away - I just have - let them think he/ she is ending the relationship too is even sweeter 🙏✨️❤️
And I want to escape so damn badly. I have plans to end it this coming weekend. I just hope and pray that when that time comes, I will have the strength to do so.
So true!! Seven months out from leaving a long standing friendship. There’s good days and bad. It hurt/s like hell but I’m thankful the lies, static and drama are gone. There’s a quiet peace now.
It saves your Life!!! Literally!!! Begore he kills you…even accidentally!!! Protect yourself! Protect your children! Make new friends, new “family” it’s heartbreaking, but not as bad as losing your life or your sanity!!!
Thsnk you Richard! Thank you !🌻🧸🌻
Facts !
Hard life lessons learned- I won't be fooled again !
Damn. RUclips only lets me give it one thumbs up. It needs 💯👍
He promised me it would get better but his actions made it worse everytime. It doesn’t get better
This is great advice. Regardless of the labels, certain relationships are toxic and should be ended.
Ya I think you’re totally here to hurt my feelings 🥴😋😂😂😂🤟
Thanks for your time and thoughts
❤️💪🔥☯️🖖🦋
Some of us need it …😋 get it through our thick skulls that it wasn’t real and they never loved us ..was only ever a long con …we were played for fools..just swallow it already ..so it can pass…never going to pass as long as we are still chewing on it 🥴
Rich, Thank you. I dodged one relationship bullet because of you. Love was destructive to me from birth. I wish somehow I could've learned from you sooner.
Brutal BEAUTIFUL HONESTY 🤍🕊️🙏🏼💯❤️🔥🐦🔥🐦🔥🐦🔥
Glad someone said the truth.
Thank you
Gosh it’s great to have this internet support!!! Hope this helps others not stay as long as I did
Dude! Where was you 6 months ago. Could used this knowledge.
At least I now know I am doing the right thing by walking away. Should've done it sooner.
he's absolutely right
Although the labels are different in colors and shapes.. They all boiled down to the same basic mentality of same types of abuses such as DISRESPECTFUL, LIES, MANIPULATIING, CONTROLLING, DECEIVING, THIEVES and much more..Dropped them as hot potatoes and kept on walking with a big 😄..Period..
Right on the money! Thank you, crystal clear now...
Jesus Christ has freed me from a narcissistic husband. Bible says;"He heals the brokenhearted, he binds up their wounds."
😢You are right......if you have no chance to escape ...what will you do?
B/c I have no chance now to escape .
Wise words once again from Richard.
The truth is bad enough; no need for embellishments or lies. 🙌
💯 truth
This is spot on!
Truth hurts but liberates. So lets serch for the truth and nothing but the truth. How can someone have free will when his decissions are based on lyes and missperceptions? They are going to keep making the wrong decitions and same mistakes...
Always leave! And never think you can fix it. The longer they are around you, they have more evil methods. Coverts are soooo mean, they never ever will be honest to you
No feelings hurt lol ❤
the truth is that its gonna get worse. if they arent willing to put the work in for you the relationship has been over and its time to go.
Don’t date people who are “even willing to put the work in for you” ..if they aren’t already working on them selves for them selves, odds are they never will and you don’t have enough time in your life time to do it for them like it will ultimately come down to so they don’t drag you down into an early grave with them. Up your standards to someone you don’t need to be a mother to, and is already grown, already doing the work for themselves. That’s just my opinion though …and probably why I’ll die alone 🥴🤷🏻♀️😋😂😂😂
You are right. I'M fortunate to be alive.
I wish I lived closer to you so I could attend any of your events
Its all about actions. If their actions makes you feel you lost your soul, then it is a toxic relationship. It is not going to better. They will makes themselves the victim at some point and smear.
Don't worry about smearing. They are masters at it when you start keeping boundaries. I'm coming to terms of it as well 3yrs into this. I knew I wasn't married to one person but two, her mother and she gangs upon me, smear behind my back and then plays the victim for the problem they created.
It's simple outlook for me now, you don't respect my boundaries and values, then you are going to get back, even if people are going to label me or call me names because actions speaks louder than words.
They will never change. Then once you start keeping boundaries they will start the lovebombing and lies.
So don't bother, you managed it for over 2 decades, that's more than enough, so let them smear more. Just stay true to yourself! Pray and keep faith!
👏👏❤️💪🔥☯️🖖
It still hurts. I look for the best in people. Oh well.
your videos are gold to me. Yes it still hurts. It's the coldness from them that's the worst
You cant walk away from your children. My 13yr old daughter is displaying bpd. Its so hard. Im someone who calls out my children bad behaviour so we can work on it. Shes something else. Every day its a battle. Im constantly cleaning up her messes. She doesn't care who she hurts to get what she wants. I cry most days because i do not know how to help her. I wont give up on her.
I've finally came to terms that THIS HORRIBLE SITUATION-SHIP WILL 100% be the death of me .. I'm EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY, Strong mentally and emotionally. But after 3 1/2 years of enduring this f*ckery & abuse, AND having no where else to go bc we live together, If the pain from the mental, emotional and psychological don't literally kill me, ONE way or another I can't endure another day of this insanity ...3 1/2 years is ALL I have in me.. I know I have a beautiful soul so I know I'll be okay... I will be at peace...... If I had somewhere to go I would've left months ago
Thank you 🙏🏾
It's super hard when it is one's 16 yr old daughter displaying all her narc father's characteristics
Agreed
Thank you 🙏
You cannot love them through it
“… so you have a chance of escape.”
Sounds like a horror flick 😮
it IS
Thank you, Richard!
The people who have it can't help it, which is a shame for them but defo protect yrself
Thank you Richard. x
Richard I know but I guess you want to believe they can be a better human when they promise .
That was quite a mouthful of diagnostic material lol x
!! You Are Correct !!
Nowhere to escape to. But it helps to know I am not coo coo and I am not alone in what I am experiencing. ❤
The problem with your breakdown here, is that people who have CPTSD do not know abuse from normal.
That is why they need the confirmation that he/she is a narcissist, so they can leave on blind faith, that they are not the problem.
And as Dr Ramani said too: "Leave, grieve, have sympathy for them but you're not their therapist, get out"
Um, you just described 90% of the population.
For me, its my previous manager, whos still in a higher position than me ( albeit incompetently so; not one original thought). Ive now resigned, working my notice. I'm jubilant! I tell her exactky how I see things, respectfully and truthfully. They do not like truth ,but what can they do to me now? Sack me? I've already sacked myself.
Excellent advice.
No, it gets worse 😮
My answer is a big NO. I tried for 45 years to reason with my mother, I spent 27 years trying to reason with my ex-wife. I'll never get those wasted years back.
It's so funny looking at me walking poster for medical
The truth es 💯
Before you go calling someone a narcissist of which I have done. I urge people to educate themselves on attachment styles. This important information to understand
I agree. Learn as much as you can before it is too late. A person that is displaying consistent narc behavior will DESTRIY you.
So so so hard!! Going in 3 years and it still hurts so much. I stayed too long and knew too much detail by going in his phone and physically catching him in the middle of the night. Don't snoop, you cannot get those images and sounds out of your head 😢 I want to be better 😢 we were married 20 years and he was a serial cheater npd as well
My god, 💔😢 I’m sorry that he did that to you. I’ve been there wishing I didn’t snoop. Stay strong and in therapy focused on healing your heart. . Someone with some dignity and self respect will come along when the time is right, and love you like you always deserved. Sneaky pieces of two faced trash that live double lives don’t deserve our tears..and never will because they weren’t real and only a projection of someone they couldn’t live up to being 🤷🏻♀️a mirage of what they thought we wanted ..that’s all they will ever be able to be sadly. Their karma and Dharma is their own, as is all ours to live with. 💪🔥❤️☯️🖖
No promises to stop. Just ignored when told that’s crossing a border that I am comfortable with and let’s avoid those conversations. Nope. Not even a 29 yr estrangement would allow her to appreciate a second chance with her only daughter & grandkids. Pride is very powerful over keeping the mouth shut
My own parents try to manipulate me. They fail but they keep trying
At some point you stop appreciating being stuck in quicksand
2 or 3 times???...ive been dealing wth this every damn day for the passed 15 yrs!!!...
I moved 2 hours away and tried to start my life again and build my independence only to walk back into more toxic situations. How can we heal if it been all toxic and independence is next to impossible due to the gaslighting and constant sabotage? How do we finally break free if the current status quote makes it virtually impossible ?
Thank you for sharing this video! 💜
Mother and only sibling. I'm TWO DAYS past them, and i'm 60--i'll NEVER GO BACK. I've reached the point of preferring to be dead. Can't do that.
yup!
Thankyou
I believe that I have some of my own qualities.
But I am also realizing some of us are just better off staying alone. It is too complicated to date and I think I'm either an easy target or I just can't handle the way relationships are.
Why does somebody always have to compromise so much!?