5 Things NOT To Say When Your Spouse Is Leaving You

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  • Опубликовано: 25 июн 2024
  • It’s very common- searching for exact words to say (and exact words not to say) in order to keep your spouse from leaving- or to win your spouse back. In fact, many things out there claim there is “one word,” or there is “one phrase” you can use to win your spouse back...
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    Here’s the hard truth: there is no exact word or phrase. But here’s the good news: there are things you can do if you’re in this situation, there is hope!
    We know the situation you are currently in is extremely difficult. Wherever you find yourself, you may want to focus on the fact that your spouse is gone, or is leaving. However, it's important to shift your focus to the “why.” Is your spouse feeling pulled out of the relationship by something else? Is there something pushing your spouse away from you, from the relationship?
    Whatever it may be, here are five things you should avoid saying if your spouse is thinking about leaving (or has already left.)
    First, avoid doing behaviors that actively “push” your spouse away. Crying, yelling, and begging are natural reactions when we feel like we’re losing someone we love. However, these are not the best reactions for the long term. Showing them the levels of our emotional pain doesn’t “guilt” them toward coming back. What can you do? Be strong, calm, and gentle. This is NOT easy, but is invaluable.
    Second, don't threaten your spouse, or give ultimatums.
    Third, don't make empty promises. Do not say “I’ve decided, all of the sudden, to make changes,” in order to keep them to stay. Rather consider these questions: Do you agree that you need to make these changes? Are these changes against your beliefs? Are you going to actually make the changes? Focus on long-term changes.
    Fourth, do not bring up an emotional situation or what they’ve done in the past in order to change the current circumstances. It won’t work.
    Fifth, do NOT (and do not hire someone to) snoop, track, or follow, your spouse. If you focus on what your spouse is doing/where your spouse is, you are focusing on the WRONG thing. What’s happening right now is not what led to him/her leaving, it’s what happened in the weeks, months, and years up to now.
    We aren’t saying you are the one to blame. There are many reasons a person may want to leave a marriage. However, it’s wise to admit that no marriage is perfect and there is no “perfect spouse.” We are not perfect. We still correct our own wrongs. This is why it’s important to focus on what you can do to become a better person, husband, wife.
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    If your spouse is leaving, or has left, and you don’t know what to do, we do. Here at Marriage Helper, this is the EXACT situation we see day to day. If you feel like there is no hope, there is, we KNOW! We’ve seen it thousands of times.
    We have workshops, online courses, and coaching that can make lasting changes in your marriage.
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    *SMART Contact™ is a registered trademark of Marriage Helper.
    0:00 Introduction
    0:03 5 THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS LEAVING
    0:42 THERE ARE NO MAGIC WORDS
    1:28 WHAT ARE THE UNDERLYING PROBLEMS?
    1:38 ARE THEY BEING PULLED?
    1:47 ARE THEY BEING PUSHED?
    3:36 THESE BEHAVIORS PUSH THEM AWAY
    4:49 STRONG, CALM AND GENTLE
    5:32 PUSHES THEM AWAY FASTER
    6:07 THINK, BEFORE YOU SPEAK
    6:19 FOCUS ON THE LONG-TERM
    6:37 1. PUSH 2. THREATEN OR GIVE ULTIMATUMS 3. MAKE EMPTY PROMISES
    7:45 1. DO YOU AGREE WITH THE CHANGES? 2. ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO CHANGE?
    8:10 SHOW THEM YOU ARE CHANGING
    9:45 DON'T FOCUS ON THE WRONG THINGS
    10:51 VIOLATION OF THEIR PRIVACY
    11:10 MITIGATE ANY FURTHER DAMAGE
    11:47 WE UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION

Комментарии • 472

  • @MarriageHelper
    @MarriageHelper  2 года назад +1

    Learn HOW to get your spouse back with our FREE Mini Course here:
    bit.ly/3NvXs9w

  • @melissa5844
    @melissa5844 3 года назад +146

    you can't force someone to love you . people have to let go.

    • @DA-jw4lx
      @DA-jw4lx 3 года назад +5

      Exactly. Very wise advice.

    • @gigilamoore2656
      @gigilamoore2656 2 года назад +3

      @Phillip HickmanGod is not in the details of many marriages from the beginning and not everyone is a Christian anyway, so what is your point?

    • @gigilamoore2656
      @gigilamoore2656 2 года назад +1

      @Phillip Hickman Move along and worry about your own life and marriage.

  • @jvhamby5
    @jvhamby5 2 года назад +104

    Generally if your spouse is leaving you. They are already checked out. The AP has a hold of them. They were never loyal to begin with. Let them go and don’t look back.

    • @DaniReneeMarquette
      @DaniReneeMarquette 2 года назад +5

      Exactly the man that was addicted already checked out years ago

    • @roberttruman8444
      @roberttruman8444 2 года назад +3

      I have numerous female friends who were beaten up and humiliated by their husbands for years before leaving them. A couple of whom had by that time met someone else who genuinely cared for their wellbeing and helped give them the strength to do the right thing and leave their abusive spouse. I don't think they'd accept your suggestion that they had never been loyal. In fact I think they'd tell you where to put it.

    • @franziskani
      @franziskani 6 месяцев назад

      @@roberttruman8444 they always recommend to leave (and also divorce) if there is emotional or physical abuse. Safety first.

    • @incognitoriaanonymousita
      @incognitoriaanonymousita Месяц назад

      AP????

  • @rowdeo8968
    @rowdeo8968 3 года назад +148

    No let them go. No way have some pride. Married three times: first betrayal and head injury, second bad fit and drugs and third wonderful marriage going on forty seven years. There is hope and the reasons and actions and all that goes with being left are timeless and universal. You will find love again. Been happy for forty plus years with my now hubby.

    • @christopherneumann5082
      @christopherneumann5082 3 года назад +1

      Have two kids just met someone who engaged me and he's now cheating on me when I confronted him he said ldr is very hard for him but from the beginning he knew we were going to be in ldr, I feel like moving out of this relationship but thinking about what people will say, am really really hurt,am Dicta pls I need your advice

    • @rowdeo8968
      @rowdeo8968 3 года назад +3

      @@christopherneumann5082 one thing about life: don’t worry abt other peoples opinion! That made me miserable as a kid and that is not love from them! It’s them worrying about themselves! Move away! Examine your selection of men/women look at the patterns. Don’t feel sorry for them. If someone cheats that signals the end and they want a mother or father not a mate!

    • @belsadventurechannel
      @belsadventurechannel 3 года назад +3

      Congratulations!!

    • @SwAiLoVeMoDz
      @SwAiLoVeMoDz 2 года назад

      @@rowdeo8968 Your advice is so true but HOW???? HOW can you simply just not let the stuff bother you??? I get so pissed off or defensive because WHY do they feel the need to talk crap to or about me. I have such low self esteem :(

    • @rowdeo8968
      @rowdeo8968 2 года назад

      @@SwAiLoVeMoDz no you don’t have low self esteem anger represents a plea f help! Yes that means you are a rose whose petals will be opened! You have to work on it. I try the ten second hold my emotions trick and walk away. That doesn’t mean I’m a sap I t means I can think thru: money plays a role. Good judgement plays a role. Women always want to fix people and learning that you cannot means take a good look at choices. It’s not just u we all feel the anger but anger can motivate.

  • @david-lt9wj
    @david-lt9wj 3 года назад +31

    They sometimes come back if they get dumped by their new relationship...
    But by then you might have appraised them differently....

    • @polariszene8542
      @polariszene8542 Год назад +2

      This happened to me, she came crawling back trying to get me to forgive her lol it was too late the trust was gone I told her that she was unwanted and to get off my property

  • @shilpisaini7467
    @shilpisaini7467 Год назад +17

    Main thing is, the moment they decide to leave you is the end of trust n relationship. Why would you even want them to come back when you won't be able to trust and respect that person who left you in the first place. I think even after em coming back relationship will become even more miserable for you, thinking to workout with the person who already left you once, After all we are all human. Better find someone else who is 100% sure living with you, instead of living with someone who wasn't sure. People come back to their convenience, not bcs they love you. If they really loved you ever, they never leave you in the first place instead they will try to work it out while living together.

  • @rebelqueen3875
    @rebelqueen3875 3 года назад +188

    Really when someone wants to leave there's nothing going to keep them...let them go!

    • @davidmarcus3145
      @davidmarcus3145 3 года назад +9

      No matter how hard you think you can try

    • @carolinacalderonalonso6264
      @carolinacalderonalonso6264 2 года назад +3

      Yup.

    • @Lawrence_of_Asia
      @Lawrence_of_Asia 2 года назад +2

      Not True’

    • @honey-feeney9800
      @honey-feeney9800 Год назад +5

      I agree. The spouse isn’t worth it . My ex divorced me because he felt taken advantage . Of course , it was another woman . It was humiliating asking him not to divorce.

    • @aktnilabrado7399
      @aktnilabrado7399 Год назад +4

      I agree! Even if they will reunite in the future again, just let them go. Any kind of force will result in a toxic relationship

  • @nickdiaz3737
    @nickdiaz3737 2 года назад +8

    Why in the world would you want anyone who doesn't want you...

  • @CarolDudeck-bl7kz
    @CarolDudeck-bl7kz 4 года назад +26

    That’s very difficult at first to remain calm under severe Adultery conditions

    • @The_Stubborn_Christian
      @The_Stubborn_Christian 4 года назад +6

      You have no idea.. lol my husband wanted to swing. To watch me with another man. Thankfully it never happened. But one of the guys that my husband pushed for..he and I became just friends. We got to know each other and he knew I didn't want this. It broke my heart that my husband wanted this.. now he's accusing me of being unfaithful, vilifying me, and is now in a relationship with someone 22 yrs younger than him. Hes in love. I haven't seen him since July 19. His girlfriend was facebooking me. Bragging that he's just another sugar daddy. I even showed him the messages. He said I faked them..now I haven't heard his voice since I told him..that was in Oct. He has cut me out of his life
      I just got some of my 401k to get this marriage helper. He is the love of my life. I'm fighting for my marriage

    • @Revert2017
      @Revert2017 4 года назад +1

      @@The_Stubborn_Christian wow

    • @muchlove9781
      @muchlove9781 3 года назад +1

      @@The_Stubborn_Christian your comment has an ending that i never saw coming. It made me spin as if I had been slapped on the face 😆😬

  • @PucciNYC
    @PucciNYC 2 года назад +28

    I told my Ex make sure you know what you doing before walking out the door cause there is no coming back. I said what I mean. Divorced and living a peaceful life.

  • @istvanbartha7985
    @istvanbartha7985 Год назад +9

    First of all, If your spouse leaves.....then the trust is broken and the team is split up. Put your own economical interests in the first place.....soften your own landing in the first place....your spouse has become a stranger to you, who doesn't care about you or your feelings any longer, so no need to be the bigger person. Look forward instead.

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Год назад +1

      Hey Istvan Bartha, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,

    • @benalexander2104
      @benalexander2104 Год назад

      @@MarriageHelper you're not doing your job very well are you? He said the trust is broken - seems like he's seeing things pretty clearly. Doesn't sound like he's looking for hope and your disagreement just seems completely lacking in emotional intelligence. Or perhaps you're just being good salesmen?

  • @nishantb80
    @nishantb80 2 года назад +36

    Some times we have to accept that everyone is different, if things don't work out, it's best to part ways rather than making lives miserable for both. It's best to walk away with dignity and respect instead of leaving hate and anger in heart.🙏

    • @Ryan-ln3st
      @Ryan-ln3st 2 года назад +1

      As much as I hate what you wrote, but your right. Lol. So hard to do though. Ughhhh. It’s all good.

    • @nishantb80
      @nishantb80 2 года назад +1

      @@Ryan-ln3st We have emotional connect, that's why it's painful. As time goes by and eventually you continue with daily tasks, things fade away. In the end, there's no point spoiling your life and someone else's. It's important to differentiate between emotional need and what's best for future.🙏

    • @Ryan-ln3st
      @Ryan-ln3st 2 года назад

      @@nishantb80 It seems almost like it’s only based on needs. Like what we’ve been so use to and it’s going to be gone. Crazy…I actually thought I knew more than anyone when it came to woman. Ok wait!!!! That didn’t come out right….lol. Meaning, just knowing what they attract to, lime to do, emotional support,

    • @Ryan-ln3st
      @Ryan-ln3st 2 года назад

      @@nishantb80 oops, not done. Hold on

    • @danielw.8356
      @danielw.8356 Месяц назад

      That is mainstream radical individualism. What defines being miserable? Or sad? or unhappy? Lol
      about 90% of the time the person just needs to stop projecting, and have accountability for themselves.

  • @queen_of_domination
    @queen_of_domination 3 года назад +115

    There are no right or wrong answers, especially if you are the one being abandoned.

    • @DA-jw4lx
      @DA-jw4lx 3 года назад +16

      But there is a right answer...Don't say a word, let them go. I've been there, done that.

    • @porcelli5566
      @porcelli5566 3 года назад +8

      So dam painful, and so true

    • @laurenfox2923
      @laurenfox2923 2 года назад +8

      Hurts very hard … Feels like someone ripped your heart out the stumps all over it and then some it’s over and just feeling I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone

    • @user-wl2rb3rh5c
      @user-wl2rb3rh5c 2 года назад +2

      @@DA-jw4lx
      On the contrary, closing up not caring can be an open doorway to leaving you nihilistic, empty inside and bitter.
      Its not so cut and dry...

    • @DA-jw4lx
      @DA-jw4lx 2 года назад

      @@user-wl2rb3rh5c In some cases I believe it does have to be so cut and dry.

  • @EarlGuyton425
    @EarlGuyton425 2 года назад +39

    The problem with nearly all people is their state of mind. No adult human has to have another human to be with them or to be with someone. My EX told me back in 2006 as I was sitting in my recliner, that she thought she was going to be leaving me. I felt a stab in my heart, but I stayed calm and just looked at her and said, well Jackie if thats what you want it is your right, so when you leave good luck. I showed no emotion at all, but showed a calm face and even my voice was like oh well, do what you think is best for you Jackie.. I handled it this way, because when anyone tells me something of the nature of I dont want you or im going else where, let them. Here is how I am as a person. I care for myself and I love my pets and I love my creator Jesus Christ and already feel love inside of me, and based on this no human can cause me hurt by saying get away from me or im leaving. She did leave several months later and went to stay with some lady friend and she would keep calling and saying im coming back but I need time, so my response to that was this, Jackie you left because you didnt want to be around me, so why come back? Go ahead and do what makes you happy. Then angry calls starting happening, and heres how I handled that. I would say Jackie youre not being nice so I have to hang up, now go enjoy your day. Of course I already had a divorce lawyer, but I just talked to her as though so what, do what you want dear. I have to admit after she was gone the house was much calmer and I slept better and did feel better. I do not need for some other person to be with me.

    • @Frank1life2live
      @Frank1life2live 2 года назад +3

      Very good responses.....

    • @dundeetherapy
      @dundeetherapy Год назад +8

      I wish I acted like that when I found out that my wife is "in love" with someone else. Looking back I should have let her go immediately with no questions, tears etc.. Well done to you buddy.

    • @EarlGuyton425
      @EarlGuyton425 Год назад +3

      @@dundeetherapy Its all because of human dependency. When a person becomes there own person and loves themself, they have a better ability to take them or leave them regardless if its business associate or friend or mate. No human on this earth can take love from me, because love is already in me. I have never said in my 16 years of being single, im looking for someone to love me, but instead I say im looking for someone to share my love with. If apdersons looking for love its because they have no love for themselves, so regardlesif any person discards me, and i am still with myself. It never makes any sense what im saying until your mind set is realistic rather than emotional

    • @dundeetherapy
      @dundeetherapy Год назад +1

      @@EarlGuyton425 Absolutely! Thank you for your comment. It would be great to learn these things at school. I didn't realise how bad codependency can get. I saw myself as a stron and pretty independent individual until I experienced infidelity. It was a great lesson for sure. Unpleasant, challenging but I am grateful for it.

    • @EarlGuyton425
      @EarlGuyton425 Год назад +3

      @@dundeetherapy School never actually taught us the right things at all. Speech and spelling and handwriting and basic math was good at least in my school years from 1962 to 1968 in elementary school. But from sixth grade to HS nothing was useful as far as real life. Humans need to assist one another in life, but we cannot own another human. Even peoples kids in time move on to college or military or get owned by the money workforce. People need to learn all things are temporary and for a season, then that part moves on, but we still remain. No matter what life or marriage or gender a person is, they will move on as a single human even if it means after 60 years of marriage their 80 year old wife or hubby croaks, they too will be single. HS friends I loved, had to move on and we got branched off and lived seperate lives a mile away or 2000 miles away, but we never stay around and with each other at all in life. So its matter of learning this reality.

  • @dominabussinessalex1856
    @dominabussinessalex1856 3 года назад +20

    If it takes me to cry, begging or pursuing . i don't need that person in the first place then.

  • @AthleticMachine
    @AthleticMachine 3 года назад +35

    After being married for 3 and half years and 6 years total. My wife is not in love with me. We are going to couples counseling and she doesn’t think it’s working and we just started going for a month now. She doesn’t want to fight for the relationship and am doing everything I can to make this work

    • @Lexilea68
      @Lexilea68 3 года назад +2

      Are you a Christian? Is your wife? Brother where are you in this unfortunate situation?

    • @dreaarc1
      @dreaarc1 3 года назад +9

      Aww, honey it’s a blessing in disguise! This time is meant for you to find yourself and learn to love yourself then the right person will come:)

    • @rebeccatailor2727
      @rebeccatailor2727 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.......

    • @rebeccatailor2727
      @rebeccatailor2727 2 года назад

      Whats""app him👇

    • @rebeccatailor2727
      @rebeccatailor2727 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️??????????♠️💖💔👶

  • @djscottymaxx
    @djscottymaxx 11 месяцев назад +3

    8:37.... My wife lived in the past, that is one of the reasons she couldnt stand to stay. I'm better off anyway, not getting reminded of every mistake I made on a daily is the biggest weight off of anyones shoulders. I will say though being single in todays world really sucks, financially, physically, and emotionally.

  • @jofelux7359
    @jofelux7359 4 года назад +7

    I wonder how many people make all those communication mistakes like pushing, begging or even threatening and only after watch this video and realise "Man, I screwed it up". Something tells me that it is the majority...what helped me was to reach out to people, my friends, my family. Although I have never really been open and outspoken about my relationship to other people I just felt that I needed to vent or simply find support cause I felt extremely empty once he said the romantic relationship was over.
    Indeed changing of focus is crucial here and repeating to yourself I can't control what he does, and be at peace with it.
    A BIG THANK to the whole Marriage helper team, you're doing a great job in helping people.

  • @kellysuzanne976
    @kellysuzanne976 2 года назад +7

    He left me for a woman who he just met yesterday she flew down here from another state and she's moving here in June . I still love him but it's over . He won't ever hurt me again he's done this for years , cheated with tons of other women. Maybe he did me a favor cause I probably would've never left him. And I did beg him to stay what's it gonna hurt he's leaving me anyways ..He's being pulled away because of his own selfish needs. He got tons of love from me sex ect . He just wasn't into anymore. 23 years and like that he left me for a complete stranger. He will have regret one day or years from now maybe . But that's bed he has to lay in cause this time I am gone for good.

  • @rebeccalavanture9741
    @rebeccalavanture9741 3 года назад +1

    Your words don't matter as much as the meaning behind them... what is in your heart towards them.
    Good point!

  • @alitalazer2222
    @alitalazer2222 3 года назад +6

    This is actually amazing advice

  • @jeniambay1124
    @jeniambay1124 3 года назад +10

    I love you Kimberly! My daughter and I are grateful for keeping our family together

  • @Letitgo1975
    @Letitgo1975 3 месяца назад +1

    If your spouse wants to leave then let them GO!! Celebrate it !!

  • @Teutoburg09
    @Teutoburg09 4 года назад +8

    All my wife has to say is she's sorry and that she wants to try. But she never will.

    • @LaCrux
      @LaCrux 3 года назад +7

      A lot of women have a hard time apologizing when they are wrong. I’m not sure why. And people say men have a pride issue.

  • @FreeTruly
    @FreeTruly 2 месяца назад +1

    Never change, be yourself & just let her go fellas 😂😂😂

  • @joaquinmojado
    @joaquinmojado 2 года назад +12

    One thing not to say to a spouse that is leaving you. "Please don't leave"

    • @joyjohn6478
      @joyjohn6478 2 года назад +1

      He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship ... .......

    • @joyjohn6478
      @joyjohn6478 2 года назад

      ViawhatsApp ... ........

    • @lauralea328
      @lauralea328 2 года назад +3

      Wish I didn’t say that now

  • @brianroling3912
    @brianroling3912 4 года назад +3

    I just want to thank u for all the videos that u offer. They give hope to start to be a better communicator and to better rounded. I can’t thank u enough thank u 🙏

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  4 года назад

      Hi Brian! We are so glad to hear that our videos have given you HOPE! 😊 You can do this!!

    • @brianroling3912
      @brianroling3912 4 года назад +1

      Hello again thank u for the reply Me and my been married for 25 yrs my wife has a lot of abuse in her childhood and myself have made poor choices in my marriage it’s a lot of thing she doesn’t want to work on anything she has moved out. I don’t know to give it time it been a month again I’ve been watching your video’s looking for comfort I don’t know if I should move on. I’m in a deep fog. Or should I walk away ????? Thanks again.

  • @Jerusalem83
    @Jerusalem83 4 года назад +19

    I wish I'd seen your videos earlier. I did all the don'ts so now I am going to change the way I react and ensure I am more mature with the situations. Thanks

    • @positivelyangelicvegan6768
      @positivelyangelicvegan6768 4 года назад

      Me too. 😩 I literally kicked my husband out of the house last week thinking he would come running back to me and explain why he didn't contact me for three days over Thanksgiving. I can't believe I did that, but I have to believe I can do something to get him to return.

    • @Revert2017
      @Revert2017 4 года назад +1

      @@positivelyangelicvegan6768 - I never kicked him out but I left him. Now I am acting like "why does he not want me?'

  • @dennispeet8543
    @dennispeet8543 3 года назад +12

    I think if you lost your trust in them because they have been cheating and they keep cheating why would you want them to go through life like they’ve done nothing wrong. And playing you like a fool. And then they come home bringing that venereal disease to you marriage is not worth it anymore there’s no commitment

  • @mams1701
    @mams1701 4 месяца назад +1

    I remember when my ex wife left I had the EXACT right words: "THANK YOU! GET OUT!"
    Greatest day of my life... I smile every time I think about it.. 👍 😂

  • @tgtech570
    @tgtech570 3 года назад +2

    This is really good. I’m glad I came across it

  • @alexwhite5724
    @alexwhite5724 4 года назад +1

    Honest and to the point

  • @christophermckee7092
    @christophermckee7092 Месяц назад

    This is good advice. I made these mistakes and it did really not good except push her further away. Let it be. Take care of yourself and your interests. It takes two to make a problem, especially of this sort. The last thing one wants to be seen as is needy, desperate, etc. Easy to say, I get it. But it's really the only way. If you have to cry and vent, Do it alone or with someone your trust. This also about preparing for the next stage in life and it will be better because you have learned so much.

  • @Revert2017
    @Revert2017 4 года назад +14

    I love this. Most of the people I know believe there is no hope. This is giving me hope as I am a DUMBASS in relationships. I am a pusher and controller- with the best of intentions- I am a crier and a beggar. Man! No wonder he left. Thank you, Kimberly and Joe.

    • @rebeccatailor2727
      @rebeccatailor2727 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.......

    • @rebeccatailor2727
      @rebeccatailor2727 2 года назад

      Whats""app him👇

    • @rebeccatailor2727
      @rebeccatailor2727 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️??????????♠️💖💔👶

  • @The_Stubborn_Christian
    @The_Stubborn_Christian 4 года назад +4

    I want to say thank you so much. I called marriage helper 2 days ago, left a message with ALL my contact information, filled out the form online... THANK YOU FOR NOT CONTACTING ME, other than a bot.. it warms my heart to see you ignore people. If you don’t have time or don’t want to truly help, grow a set and tell them to move on..or is the money worth it.

  • @jaivocals
    @jaivocals 3 года назад +13

    You hit home with this one. You are speaking to me.

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you....

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      Whats""app him👇👇

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️??????♠️💖💔👶

  • @highupred1
    @highupred1 2 года назад

    Very good information. Thank you for what you do.

  • @gigilamoore2656
    @gigilamoore2656 2 года назад +14

    If they want to leave, just like them go. Screw them.

    • @cincinnatifunk
      @cincinnatifunk 2 года назад +4

      I have to agree. Let them go that's what they want and prob what started it in the first place

  • @bigcountrymountainman9740
    @bigcountrymountainman9740 2 года назад +6

    What happens when you're Married to a narcissist that doesn't know that they are anarchists but they think that you are a narcissist?? I feel like I'm going insane

    • @pimaggot
      @pimaggot 2 года назад +1

      Run mountain man!

    • @magicj599
      @magicj599 2 года назад +3

      Get yourself a great therapist and work out your shit. Trust me, you do not want to follow the bouncing ball or you will go insane.....and if you have children, so will they. Trust me.

  • @Dave-mz9qp
    @Dave-mz9qp 2 года назад

    Than you for those tips, I needed this 😊

  • @frankpeter9714
    @frankpeter9714 4 года назад +25

    If she wants to leave let her go

    • @majordanger8348
      @majordanger8348 4 года назад +5

      Frank Peter some time Easier said then done in Certain situations.

    • @robertthomas761
      @robertthomas761 3 года назад +1

      @@2driverpls652 don’t think this is going to work if you don’t want them to leave.

    • @Cosmicoo82
      @Cosmicoo82 3 года назад +1

      I AGREE‼️

  • @oscarm.1417
    @oscarm.1417 3 года назад +14

    Here are the right words ladies: "please help me understand why you feel the need to leave so I can learn from my mistakes"... of course that requires a level of personal accountability the vast majority of you are simply incapable of.

    • @blueseptember2174
      @blueseptember2174 2 года назад +1

      Say to your husband "please help me understand why you are choosing porn/sex addiction over your family?"

  • @landscapingbestfast7029
    @landscapingbestfast7029 Год назад

    You have such great advice.

  • @Enchantedgrl
    @Enchantedgrl 2 года назад

    Thank you this was the best video ive seen

  • @evan8002
    @evan8002 4 месяца назад

    Good video!

  • @victoriaapril1596
    @victoriaapril1596 3 года назад +13

    I think people who say they want to leave have a self-esteem issue. My husband has threatened twice and each time I’ve shown him each and every exit we have in our home.

    • @gigilamoore2656
      @gigilamoore2656 2 года назад +5

      If he threatens again, make it a reality for him. There is also a self esteem issue with someone allowing their spouse to keep issuing this threat.

    • @4-real950
      @4-real950 Год назад

      😄😄😄😄

    • @CaiJoreds
      @CaiJoreds 5 месяцев назад

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @benb6631
    @benb6631 4 года назад +3

    What if wife doesn’t want to be together anymore but for the next 6months we decide to live together for financial reasons etc. can I work on myself and use this to my advantage and she will see this or will it not work?

  • @bonyadiru7026
    @bonyadiru7026 4 года назад +1

    Right..

  • @evaavi9990
    @evaavi9990 3 года назад

    Thanks for this information

  • @garybell7257
    @garybell7257 3 года назад +2

    Calmness .and its out of your contro . And expect it will get worse before it gets better .like a new friend or friends .its along ride filled with more downs then ups .how far will you put up with the pain that that sure to come ..its better to end it .leaving is just the beginning of a longer
    Night mare .lot of hurt .
    You decide calmly .

  • @xxlazypeepsxx3076
    @xxlazypeepsxx3076 4 года назад +8

    #1 Don't push = the issue or them away.
    # takes to long to get to the point

  • @michaelmoran6405
    @michaelmoran6405 Год назад +1

    You have given me great advise and hope thank You!

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Год назад

      Thank you so much Michael Moran. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on RUclips. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
      Blessings,

  • @gypsydoll8
    @gypsydoll8 2 года назад +3

    I feel like I have done EVERYTHING you said I shouldn't. How do I tell my husband I am a work in progress, too? How do I tell him I am trying but I will make mistakes, but now that I know its wrong, I am consciously trying to stop?

  • @joshuabyrum9388
    @joshuabyrum9388 2 года назад +8

    My wife left me five months ago, I made sure to stay in touch with her but give her space. I think doing that was the worst thing I could’ve done. I should have been bugging her and I regret it now. I swear I have never had my heart broken so badly it’s so bad that the piece of my heart could go through a strainer.

    • @bosedeolorunfemi1543
      @bosedeolorunfemi1543 2 года назад

      Hello, I can refer you to someone who helped me out in getting back with my ex lover. He's the best when it come to recovery of broken relationships.

    • @blueseptember2174
      @blueseptember2174 2 года назад +11

      My husband abandoned me twice. One time I gave space and one time I didn't. It doesn't matter. They will do what they want to in the end regardless. There is something they need to fix in their own character.

    • @nafsuzzakiyyakabiru9991
      @nafsuzzakiyyakabiru9991 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.......

    • @nafsuzzakiyyakabiru9991
      @nafsuzzakiyyakabiru9991 2 года назад

      Whats""app him👇

    • @nafsuzzakiyyakabiru9991
      @nafsuzzakiyyakabiru9991 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️??????????♠️💔💖👶

  • @carlel121
    @carlel121 Месяц назад

    I left my husband because he wasn’t willing to work on our marriage, when he saw me determined he started doing all promises that he knows he won’t keep, I needed to see actions and he didn’t take them.

  • @stephenpoole9142
    @stephenpoole9142 4 года назад +10

    Hi I've just been told to leave my marriatal home and watching this has made me see that I'm doing the push things to try and get her to let me stay even the "i will change stuff", I really don't want us to break up its had walking away from my marriage and my children but I suppose if I want us back I have to let us breath and recover and if its not so then thats that

    • @_skiin
      @_skiin 3 года назад

      😞

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you....

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      Whats""app him👇

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️??????????♠️💖💔👶

  • @Mylifewithmags
    @Mylifewithmags 3 года назад

    Have you ever thought of doing a series like this but consider personality types at the same time? The advise is great but some types are probably going to find this advise impossible to do and sustain.

  • @DigitalBrain22
    @DigitalBrain22 2 года назад

    My spouse’s ex used ultimatums all the time and kept him from leaving for 15 years until she decided to dump him. Now he is giving me ultimatums all the time and keeps saying “why was it ok that you do that and it’s not ok when I do it?” And I keep saying that that was her not me.

  • @GangsterGumbo
    @GangsterGumbo Год назад +1

    I understand how banging your head on the concrete would turn someone away, but when my wife cried, it broke me. I couldn't handle seeing her in pain. I mean, she's now leaving me, but... when the tables were reversed, showing pain snapped me out of anger and softened me. Idk... just a comment from a broken man.

  • @Bear-ju3rr
    @Bear-ju3rr 2 года назад

    Just get to it already!

  • @woezacardoza5659
    @woezacardoza5659 4 года назад +1

    New sub here great content thank you

  • @computerdocter711
    @computerdocter711 2 года назад

    Thank you

  • @emartinezr
    @emartinezr 3 года назад +3

    EXCELLENT. This is truly good. 👍

  • @elizabethalfonso6008
    @elizabethalfonso6008 3 года назад +24

    Wonderful information, i did the right things when my husband decided to leave me, I’m a better person now and happy😊❤️

    • @davidmarcus3145
      @davidmarcus3145 3 года назад +2

      Happiness is the key to a successful living

    • @elizabethalfonso6008
      @elizabethalfonso6008 3 года назад

      @@davidmarcus3145 true, thanks and God bless😊😇🙏

    • @davidmarcus3145
      @davidmarcus3145 3 года назад +1

      Shouldn't have your whole life ruined for nothing, you are the best you can be

    • @elizabethalfonso6008
      @elizabethalfonso6008 3 года назад +3

      @@davidmarcus3145 yes, I’m on my best now..God lead me on the better way, his plan is beautiful than before, i have a peaceful and wonderful life now ..without him in my life..I’m thankful and I forgive him too👍😊😇🙏

    • @davidmarcus3145
      @davidmarcus3145 3 года назад +1

      Forgiveness actually cleanses the soul

  • @bayouboy8744
    @bayouboy8744 2 года назад +5

    When my spouse announced that he was leaving me for another man I just said oh go right ahead. By the way I got my gun license renewed the other day. And just left it at that.

    • @joyjohn6478
      @joyjohn6478 2 года назад

      He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship ... .......

    • @joyjohn6478
      @joyjohn6478 2 года назад

      ViawhatsApp ... ... .....

  • @ivanrabbath3864
    @ivanrabbath3864 2 года назад

    Why Is this the first thing I see when I search up “the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on”

  • @DigitalBrain22
    @DigitalBrain22 2 года назад +5

    If your spouse does all the things he told you his ex did to him and hurt him with, if he keeps punishing you for what she did. What do you do?

    • @cmac2256
      @cmac2256 2 года назад

      I know exactly how this feels

  • @Michaelscissorhands
    @Michaelscissorhands 2 года назад

    Is there anything you can do after making several of these mistakes?

  • @jesserp23
    @jesserp23 4 года назад +1

    Per my soon ex wife. She wants a divorce and can now do nothing else but support her choice. She feels the need for space and healing. We have separated before but I think we came back too early. How can I regain her attraction for me after my divorce? We have two kids together and I want to keep the family intact or bring it back together. I see signs that she still loves me but I still have been trying to overcome my fears. Divorce is inevitible so how can I find a way to reconcile?

  • @aivan1996
    @aivan1996 4 года назад +13

    this helped me get through some of my dilemmas... i thank you very much... i just cant afford the coaching sessions but these videos really helped. controlling my emotions is the hardest... how can I improve my emotional situation?

  • @OreyBorey
    @OreyBorey 3 года назад

    yoooooo i have done evrything you have said holy cow...... thank GOD i found the perfect video

  • @GiovanniGirelli1104
    @GiovanniGirelli1104 3 года назад +12

    Crazy. I really believe Jesus has made me stumble upon this video. I was just gonna relax and watch an episode of Howard Stern's radio show when all of a sudden one of your videos appeared in my feed, which then led me to watch this one. The mother of my children and (legally still) wife left me at the beginning of this year to move in with another person of the male gender (to me he's not a man but a fool, anyway...) and just left me after 12 years. I just watched some of your videos...amazing. I guess it's really what I needed to hear. And everything you mentioned applies to me hahaha. Thanks for your videos. God bless.

    • @xmg5688
      @xmg5688 2 года назад +1

      me to bro let me know how it worked out for you.

    • @GiovanniGirelli1104
      @GiovanniGirelli1104 2 года назад

      @@xmg5688 Trusting that God will let everything work out for good. This is a though trial, though.

    • @therealone8628
      @therealone8628 Год назад

      @@GiovanniGirelli1104 hi Gianni, did your estranged wife come back to you or not? How do you feel now?

  • @stephenholland3801
    @stephenholland3801 4 года назад +26

    Thanks for your videos. I don’t know if there is any hope for my marriage, but my prayer life is my life now. So are my two little boys. Maybe there’s hope for me, if not “us.”

    • @davidmarcus3145
      @davidmarcus3145 3 года назад

      You really need not to loose focus ryt now

    • @Lexilea68
      @Lexilea68 3 года назад +1

      You are never alone. Grow near to God and he will grow here to you. May your husband see the proverbs 31 woman in you. Creating you a new creation. Amen

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.....

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      Whats""app him👇👇

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️????????♠️💖💔👶

  • @chancerobinson6165
    @chancerobinson6165 2 года назад +4

    I cant stand these videos that place the responsibility on the hurt partner to fix everything. Screw that

  • @fulldeckjoker3372
    @fulldeckjoker3372 3 года назад

    I must say your way actually does make the situation better

    • @rolandjames6281
      @rolandjames6281 3 года назад

      Let me introduce to you Dr Kim he help me bring back my marriage after many months of separation

    • @rolandjames6281
      @rolandjames6281 3 года назад

      Whatsspp him

    • @rolandjames6281
      @rolandjames6281 3 года назад

      +2348140610301

  • @roberttruman8444
    @roberttruman8444 2 года назад +4

    I'm not currently going through a breakup and I watched this merely out of curiosity and considered how I acted in the past when I did go through this kind of experience. The advice given here is spot on and I can't fault any of it. However I feel that the content producers have let on far more about their on agenda than they should have. When discussing whether or not you should offer to change in order to save the relationship you bring up two examples of situations where the rejected partner would be justified in refusing, namely swinging and open relationships. How many breakups that you know of, where due to the couple disagreeing on whether they should start swinging? I knew of one couple in my life that broke up for reasons to do with their open relationship, just one! So I don't think that swinging/open relationships are very typical scenarios to reference in this video. Also they are so similar that many people probably think they are the same, so why not reference just one of them and juxtapose it with a completely different example of an "unreasonable change". Swinging and open relationships are very niche, so hardly any of your viewers will relate.
    For the record I am neither a swinger nor am I in an Open relationship, but I think they were included in your video deliberately to support your own agenda, and it's abundantly clear that you're coming from an evangelical place. I have no problem with people practising their faith but no God dictates how and who people love, and it's not wise to use videos designed to help people as a vehicle for propaganda. You knew exactly what you were doing by singling out those two examples, and unfortunately this makes you appear like you're not trying to help people to heal, be happy and compassionate, but that you want to protect the concept of marriage above all else. Shame!

    • @joyjohn6478
      @joyjohn6478 2 года назад

      He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship ... ... ,....

    • @joyjohn6478
      @joyjohn6478 2 года назад

      He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship ... ... ,....

    • @user-wl2rb3rh5c
      @user-wl2rb3rh5c 2 года назад +2

      While I do very much agree with your stance, and was happy to read your input :) I think that religious/people with "faith" do rely on it as a source of power while in this difficult position, so while having a biased view point is problematic, maybe it just "speaks" to some people in a very helpful manner, what do you think?🙂

    • @rohitmadashri7250
      @rohitmadashri7250 Год назад +1

      It was just an example meant to illustrate the point, and most sensible people will understand that. Obviously she didn't mean thats the main reason for divorces, that much is pretty clear, no point belaboring it.

  • @vladimirpazur1344
    @vladimirpazur1344 4 года назад +1

    are there women at all who blame them self later if they cheated (because they been emotionally unsatisfied by partner..because, if I understand this is their reason to cheat on)?...Is blame for them related with emotions?

  • @elindigeno1215
    @elindigeno1215 3 года назад +12

    I left my wife. I was tired of living with my in laws and now she's seeing another person. I pray i didn't make a mistake. 😭

    • @kokoniqueful
      @kokoniqueful 2 года назад +4

      You probably made a mistake. Why didn't you find another place for you both to move?

    • @elindigeno1215
      @elindigeno1215 2 года назад

      @J B Oh she is! She even told me.

    • @elindigeno1215
      @elindigeno1215 2 года назад +1

      @@kokoniqueful I asked many times for us to move, but she wanted to stay with her parents.

    • @justinclark1182
      @justinclark1182 Год назад +1

      This happened to me!!!!

    • @elindigeno1215
      @elindigeno1215 Год назад

      @@justinclark1182 Then what happened?

  • @fulldeckjoker3372
    @fulldeckjoker3372 3 года назад +4

    Wished I found you earlier, lol, thank you

  • @andybell6915
    @andybell6915 2 месяца назад

    I don’t want to make them stay, but how can they leave you, and expect you to leave the house and kids?

  • @williamwhitejr153
    @williamwhitejr153 3 года назад +1

    Thank you for keeping real.

  • @bethestandardallday
    @bethestandardallday 2 года назад

    So good. So wise. So true. Thank you.

    • @bubaumar5052
      @bubaumar5052 2 года назад

      Hi friend, do you need help to get your ex back to you?????????

    • @bubaumar5052
      @bubaumar5052 2 года назад

      Let me recommend you to dr Eseohe that helped me get my ex back to me, he can definitely help you also

    • @bubaumar5052
      @bubaumar5052 2 года назад

      Watzap him now………………

  • @Mcbevhills
    @Mcbevhills 2 года назад

    Once they are gone it’s over. Let ‘em go

  • @genosic1732
    @genosic1732 4 года назад +6

    Thank you for this. I will do my absolute best to bring her back home again. ♥️

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you.....

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      Whats""app him👇👇

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️????????♠️💖💔👶

  • @reisanghormashangva
    @reisanghormashangva 3 года назад

    m not here to save my marriage m here to ask divorce paper which still pending
    what would I do with her now?

  • @Rob-bu8gg
    @Rob-bu8gg 24 дня назад

    You Don’t want to be come known as a person who's not going to fallow through with what they say..... hmmm but its ok to break a vow

  • @gleasonsimpson3310
    @gleasonsimpson3310 4 года назад +1

    You just can’t get advise from a video because it’s not tailored to your specific situation.
    If you was the problem the. You should have changed to make them want to stay. If they were the problem and the didn’t care for you enough to change to stay with you the. You didn’t need them to begin with.
    That pretty much sums it up.
    Good luck in your relationships.

  • @kennyplay5982
    @kennyplay5982 4 года назад +7

    And when you do the changes, sometime the spouse says, oh you're just doing that to get me back..

    • @alexwhite5724
      @alexwhite5724 4 года назад +2

      kenny play you say yes because i love you ... and i know my over jealousy is wrong and i might do it again but i will try to fix it but but be gentle with me and remind me with a hug ... for example

    • @gigilamoore2656
      @gigilamoore2656 2 года назад +2

      That's why you should let them go and just change for you.

    • @dpar9891
      @dpar9891 2 года назад +2

      Change for yourself not anyone else. If your spouse wants the changed you in their life they will. If not you will still have come out the other end a better person then you were.

  • @overit818
    @overit818 11 месяцев назад +1

    LET THEM GO! They don’t stop cheating! They are sickos!

  • @acampbell4737
    @acampbell4737 2 года назад +1

    God bless all marriage that are still strong

    • @maureen.k9527
      @maureen.k9527 2 года назад

      ±2349029353859⏯️⏯️

    • @maureen.k9527
      @maureen.k9527 2 года назад

      The love specialist offers the best solution in restoring and fixing broken relationships.

  • @MandyGood
    @MandyGood 4 года назад +2

    I want to leave my spouse...

  • @johnwalsh518
    @johnwalsh518 10 месяцев назад

    If a woman doesn't want me as I am then she can leave as I really wouldn't be bothered about her.

  • @lisadaubenmerkl464
    @lisadaubenmerkl464 Год назад

    I’ve done everything wrong!

  • @akrambaig2689
    @akrambaig2689 3 года назад +1

    What about those spouse who gets married from different countries. Im from England she from Pakistan. 2 years ago she was fine and this year she left and insulted my brother and my family with her family. Don't know if she came because of indefinite stay.

  • @ursulaemmilyanngovender9396
    @ursulaemmilyanngovender9396 3 года назад

    If i said all this things already what should I do.

  • @lotsaluck721
    @lotsaluck721 3 года назад

    Both need to want to work at it...or it’s empty...sad

  • @Zundopolis
    @Zundopolis 2 месяца назад

    These guys don't get masculine/feminine dynamics very well. Loss of these are the number one reason for marriage trouble.

  • @patrickdoherty4527
    @patrickdoherty4527 5 месяцев назад

    What do you do if you still live together and your partner tells. You they don't love you anymore and wants to break up but live together as parents?

    • @user-te5ro1yl1l
      @user-te5ro1yl1l 4 месяца назад

      My wife doesnt want to be with me anymore but wants me to stay as friends for the kids

  • @jacquihida8618
    @jacquihida8618 3 года назад

    Such good advice!

    • @bailynewcity2069
      @bailynewcity2069 3 года назад

      ___
      I recommend you to someone who helped me attract my love back to me after separation can also help you
      ..

    • @bailynewcity2069
      @bailynewcity2069 3 года назад

      What.sApp him...

    • @bailynewcity2069
      @bailynewcity2069 3 года назад

      Thanks__ +2348119132200..

    • @rolandjames6281
      @rolandjames6281 3 года назад

      @@bailynewcity2069 +2348140610301

  • @kelseymccartney4986
    @kelseymccartney4986 3 года назад +3

    But what do you do if you’ve been doing these things unknowingly to a spouse who left and asked for a divorce?

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanent he can also help you....

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      Whats""app him 👇👇

    • @asmaumuazu1676
      @asmaumuazu1676 2 года назад

      ±2348170575769⏯️⏯️???????♠️💔💖👶