I wasted no less than 7 years of my life with a guy just like that. It was the worst period of my life. Thank goodness I managed to get free onr day. Met a decent man, a good man who showed me what is like to treat a woman with respect. Am happily married and have 2 wonderful daughters.
Dude she.. I wasted 7 years of my life with a guy just like that😓..the last time he came back and was telling me so many stories of how he never changed etc.. and I tell "I can clearly see that you have not changed and are still the same but I HAVE CHANGED AND NOT TYE SAME ANYMORE" ..he never texts me again till this day😊
@@estefania1858 I'll keep your advice in mind. I really need the courage to say goodbye. I am like you I give him excuses after excuses but I feel I'm losing my self esteem and I'm on the point where I can't trust my gut. Thank you for your reply. 8 really needed it.
If he is hot and cold, he is not interested. Its the truth that is hard to face but nonetheless it is the truth. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and you will find that person!
Yes. I have been dealing with such a guy. Irritating behaviour. Hope he stops texting me☺. We are just an option. Nothing more. It was some kind of addiction
Ladies if a man treats you in this way. It means one thing only and its this. HE DOESN'T WANT YOU! He is only still seeing you because he has no one else when he evenaully finds someone who he wants. It's bye bye but here's the thing he won't even be bothered to tell you bye you just won't see or hear from him again. Its as cold and as calculating as that. STOP ALLOWING YOUR SELFS TO BE USED!!! peace and love
I thought God made men to be strong...I came to realize us woman are the strong ones. We’ve gone and go through so much. I do believe though for each whom finds their true-self through self love will find your life partner. ❤️ to you all. Thank you for this video.
I was in this type of relationship for a year and it really was like I was addicted. I was so in love with him I put up with wishy-washy noncommittal behavior. When he texted me to make plans (because everything was on his terms) I would get this surge of happy positive feelings, but literally as our date wound to a close and we had to say goodbye I would feel depressed and deeply melancholic because I knew I had two weeks of spotty communication and excuses ahead of me. I started asking myself why I want to spend time with him when that feeling does not seem to be reciprocated. I ended up bumping into him while he was on a date - kissing and holding hands with another girl. That experience really broke me for a while and I am just now feeling confident and trusting again. That kind of "relationship" will mess with your sense of self worth, waste your time, and leave you asking why you were not good enough. I will never let myself be in that kind of situation again. This was such a great video and I wish I had seen it earlier!
"Everything was on his terms" This is what I hated the most about the situation I was in and what made me say "it's better to just be friends" cuz it's so selfish and convenient and if you ever complain your are needy cuz you knew the whole situation right?Vou shoudnt complain.Thats how it works.So it's better to not complain and instead simply leave.
Blowing hot and cold is the oldest form of control, so if he shows you this, jog on, before he potentially ruins you. I love all these videos, helping women to know their worth. The right guy being predictable is the key.
And emotionally unavailable people too. One comment I read on another site said, " It doesn't matter what label we give this type of person it's abusive behaviour. It affects the other person in deep emotional and mental ways which can have a lasting effect, sometimes for the rest of their lives."
"in reality, he knows very well what he wants; someone else!" This is SO true and hurts more like nothing else. I have been wasting my time and losing dignity for all these past months. The worst is that deep inside we do get what's going on we just don't want to assume it and keep fooling our own selves by remaining playing the game.
I once dated a quality guy who was a bit indecisive after 2-3 months of dating me (was loving his bachelor life). I broke it off and didn't see him for a couple of weeks, told him that I wasn't about to waste my time again (I learned the hard way). That did it, he figured it out and well... Here we are about to celebrate 19 years married. And I concur, true love IS predictable, and you've nailed it in this video. We are still madly deeply in love. I really like your videos, if more women would listen to you there'd be less of us learning the hard way!
It's best to always keep your options open and don't offer any guy commitment until HE has committed. When you have options the trash takes itself out. Don't give childish men your time and energy and do not beg for their attention. My favorite advice Brian has ever given is that if a mean disappears it's GOOD because you know he was not the one.
@@HeatherAnne It’s definitely over, I was confused as to what I wanted at first. Then I got used to the “hit” of having him and being in his company but I knew it would have to end. I agree with you. It’s definitely his fears with intimacy. I’m not trying to hang on.
@@crownedmelaninqueen that's such a good way of saying it. Getting used to the hit of being with him. That's what happens with those toxic guys. They're amazing when you're with them and you want that again but the in between sucks!
What he is saying is exactly true.. When a guy loves you, there is no day that you will miss his message even if it is just a "good morning". Love always finds a way to reach hearts no matter how busy a day could be. There is no busy day in "love". It just does not exist truly.
Female: “my life is going good I’m happy, good career, friends, fit and healthy.” La la la 🌸 🤸🏻♂️ 💃🏼 Male: “wow she looks happy..lemme go mess that up.”
I needed this message today. I’m getting very mixed messages from a guy. Two nights ago it’s all ‘you’re amazing, bring some toiletries to leave at my place’ and now it’s been over 24 hours with nothing. He’s been hot and cold the past 5 days and my head is spinning trying to figure it out. His actions definitely don’t match his words. Time to move on.
@@melanie.vallejo wow thank you for sharing Well I was talking to this guy about a year ago and he said he was really interested in me and wanted me to be his girlfriend,I wasn't ready at the time because I just got out of a serious relationship, so basically about two days later of me telling me him this he does something with one of my close friend so dumb me forgives him after a while and he comes back and then after a while now I was just learning to gain his trust back and he left for 2 months and just messaged me yesterday saying he wants me back in his life
@@pikachudemsy9751 I found out a month ago that the same religious ex i had and my ex friend that set me up with him, are engaged to eachother. My suspicisions were right all along. I wish you the best and there’s better guys out there for you. Just limit out the bad ones and see both the red and green flags ❤️
@@BabyBearSings I’m bringing up the chinese lady is because my point that I was trying to make across was that my ex made excuses to not be with me. He literally said “he doesn’t know this chinese lady that lives in China, but someone from our church knows this lady, and my ex said if that chinese lady is still single by december 2020 then that meant I wasn’t “the one” for him”. I’m basically saying his excuses had nothing to do with our relationship at the time. That’s all I was basically saying. He specifically said chinese lady. I didn’t. Also don’t be rude and read my message again to understand, otherwise if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all🤷🏼♀️
@@BabyBearSings I never said I was better but I was simply referring to my situation. What so you think you’re better than me? just because I was explaining my situation and you’re judging me acting like I’m messed up for something my ex literally told me. Did I say I was better than the chinese lady? No I didn’t. I never said I was better than anyone😂 I know I deserved better than what my ex put me through. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else but what I do think is I do care for people and I know I’m nice. I just wished people reciprocated the same energy that I give back.
Gaslighting. I'm a 50 year old child of an alcoholic. I have had to learn that peace and inner peace are not feelings of boringness. It is calm, joy and normalcy. Thanks Brian for articulating that in this video.
"It's not a romantic relationship, you get hooked" this got me. This video is exactly what happened to me 7monthes ago. Thanks Brian Nox, your videos makes me hooked on your channel
I fell for this trap with someone I adored for 10 years we both went on different paths, never dated, had other relationships. We came full circle and met up out the blue by bumping into each other and he opened up about his feelings. So I took the same gamble, said all of what I felt he needed to know. His feelings were as deep as mine so I thought. However after he pulled me towards opening up, by requesting how I felt as did not want to be hurt. I opened up and I can say it was the BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life. He pulled right back and made excuses, had cold feet, I felt used for his ego. I was so, so, so embarrassed as I really opened up after years of avoiding this. I was glad when I self healed and walked away. Head F. Not what I need or want. Be careful with your feelings ladies. Don't give it all.
@@samahamara8543 unfortunately he was trash unbeknownst to me. I regret ever opening up like this and will NEVER ever do it again unless their is a ring on it. I learnt from that day, not to give it all. We tend too when we as ladies think and believe men are invested. BE CAREFUL. It took me a very long time to get over the humiliation and embarrassment I felt with him as felt completely violated and a idiot for being that vulnerable with real emotions that we contained and bottled up for years. I felt like a complete dim wit. Used for his pathetic self ego. The most pathetic thing is about 3 months later he saw me locally in a crowd of random people walking somewhere. I was in one of my head dreams walking as I did not see him nor was he in my thoughts. I had moved on. Well He text me to say I walked straight past him and ignored him. I told him point blank that I was not searching for him in a crowd of people, he was no longer my aim and neither did I see him. I made it clear that if he saw me he should of engaged with a hello if that is what he was seeking not for me to brush his ego any further. I tell you lovely this did nothing but confirm how full of his self he really was and I was 100% better off without him. I have healed but the memories of how he abused my trust with my openness will never be forgotten. Nor would I do it again with another man and that's why I advise don't give and say it all. Protect yourself.
October 2020 i was seeing a very hardcore Christian guy that my close friend introduced me to, keep in mind i was very hesitant on giving a new guy a chance because i’ve been hurt in the past by confusing guys who weren’t ready to commit to me prior before to meeting this Christian religious immature boy. My friend at the time kept convincing me to take a chance on him and even promised me that he wasn’t going to hurt me but he did at the end. Long story short i took my friend’s word for it and i took a chance on her guy friend. Obviously me and this new guy i was seeing were pretty great in the beginning but a month or two later he told me he was waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him since he was hurt in the past and wants to find his wife. I was started to lose hope relationship wise. I was a new Christian and still am but i was kinda caught off guard with the guy waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him. I was honest with him and told him how come he doesn’t make his own personal choice since God gives us that free choice. He still was persistent on doing the sign bullshit thing. I left it alone for awhile and had low expectations from that and tried to keep things as a friendship. Well months went by I was building resentment towards my guy and in January 2021, he basically said he had big good news to say which really wasn’t tbh, basically he said that he wanted to postpone dating for a year. At that point i clearly felt more discouraged and frusterated with him more and more as time went on. I even told him i was upset about it and again he was persistent on waiting on God (i shouldn’t have ignored the red flags). Just recently which was two weeks ago, i asked him if we could hangout one-on-one as FRIENDS to get to know eachother better since we’ve all hungout in groups, we should also hangout one-on-one to see where our friendship grows into. He didn’t think it was a good idea because he didn’t want our feelings to be more invested than we already are, i told him that we needed to separate our feelings versus a friendship to get to know eachother as people and as friends since we’ve only hungout in groups. He still didn’t think it was a good idea and says he will ask God when and where we could hangout. At that point i was fed up with him, and said if that’s how he feels then i guess do it. At that point i vented to our mutual friend and asked her how come she introduced me to this complicated guy because relationship and friendship wise it was all too much. I basically needed space from both of them but mostly him and my friend took my words to heart and didn’t wanna be friends anymore after that. That guy i was seeing ended up telling me i wasn’t the “one” for him and that God gave him 6 signs that prove i wasn’t the “one”. Keep in mind that this guy was so immature and caused me nothing but pain and stress within these 6 months for nothing. One of his signs from God was complete bullcrap, he then says there’s this chinese lady (keep in mind that he doesn’t know this lady personally) but someone from our church knows this lady, my guy asked God if this chinese lady is still single by december 2020, then that was the first sign that means I wasn’t the “one” for him. All these consistent stupid excuses one after another, i even asked him why did you even pursue me in the first place and clearly it showed you weren’t ready. I knew in my gut feeling that he was too much for me and he wasn’t my type to begin with either but i cared about him and took a real chance on someone. I bet you that nobody would’ve waited as much as i did for a guy to be this complicated and immature. I understand God is a big part of our lives but this guy took it to the extreme. Relationship wise, i kept my expectations low as he was showing his true colors, friendship wise i couldn’t believe that he felt the need to ask God when and where we could hangout when i sincerely want to at least be his friend. He did some other shit i didn’t like and it costed me and my friend’s friendship to end. Me and my friend never had issues or fought prior to her introducing me to this immature religious freak. I knew in my gut that was the main thing i was afraid of, taking a chance on her guy friend and what if things went wrong and could destroy my friendship which it did. But it comes to show how people show their true colors. I never went off on this religious dude i was seeing, he went off on me a few times, showed so many red flags, clearly wasn’t ready for anything serious, he would call me twice a day and text me everyday too, my friend always being put in the middle because she introduced me to him, my friend did shady shit too like whenever i would vent to her about stuff or about the guy... she would send him my personal messages that was only for her to read. I felt betrayed, depressed, angry and irritated all in one by those two. They would play the victim card also. I haven’t gone back to church since that situation a few weeks ago. I know im not perfect and i’ve made mistakes but it was no where close to them doing me dirty at the end especially mostly the guy i dated. Even after all of that i went to bible study a week ago to return my ex friend’s mask that she left in my car awhile back ago, i wanted to be a good person despite them doing me wrong. I think that will be my last bible study session for me to go to since now i don’t feel comfortable going back again. I know i should worship God despite what happened but in all honesty, i would rather preach alone than to go somewhere where i feel uncomfortable seeing my “ex” and my ex friend. That guy truly lost me because no girl probably would’ve wasted that much time and bullshit on someone that is too radical and always asking for God on every little thing to the extreme. Keep in mind, I’m a Christian, I believe in signs but when i received signs from God (which i have received signs from God personally) i never once asked God to send me a sign on a specific deadline or anything. You can’t force God for your own benefits. God gives us what He can give us, and again He also gives us a free choice in our lives. There’s a fine line between being reasonable and being too radical. I learned a valuable lesson from all this bullshit from guys and im still healing from this. Honestly i don’t know if i’ll ever want to date again since its alot harder for me to give a new person a chance if the opportunity ever presented itself again A few weeks ago he apologized but i never responded and i’ve kept ignoring him and kept my distance from him at bible studies. I haven’t gone back to my church for a month now because of this situation that made it uncomfortable for me to want to go back to my church. My ex friend that introduced me to him was rude to me and said some harsh things that didn’t even make sense even after the fact she did me dirty and i even tried making amends in the relationship and put her in her place after receiving that shady rude message of hers. Definitely a lesson learned
You nailed it! Thank you. Depression sufferers always feel like it's their fault when someone does this to them. They are doing us a favor when they show their true colors but it still hurts!
It's sad because, a lot of normal guys see that this kind of "hot/cold" behaviour works and start to act this way, even if they're intrested in a woman, long term. It's sad...
Always live as if you are single: A man knows if you are "not" relying on him A man knows if you are financially able to live without him A man knows if you are able to walk away at anytime A man knows if you value you as a the woman you are When he knows the above, he will move the earth to keep you
True, But there is a fine line between self reliance and keeping at arms length. Men can feel the distance or resistance also, and if there isn't room for them in your life, they won't make room for you either.
Weak men are generally intimidated by strong independent women and can’t handle her. I’ve weeded out a lot of weak insecure boys like that. I got no time for them.
I didn't realise that I'm an addict. I just want to get off this hideous emotional rollercoaster - so sick of the ride. I'm exhausted and I feel as though I've lost myself in the process. I'm worth so much more!
@@skinney9542 That's kind of you to ask - thank you. I'm actually good - and getting better! I walked away from him - and he was angry and upset which was difficult to deal with. That was almost 4 months ago - I've had days when I was comfortable with the decision and days when I've ached to pick up the phone because I missed him and I was alone and afraid I would never move on. But the last few weeks has suddenly become a bit easier. My biggest top tip is to immediately stop looking at your ex's social media. They will post things to hurt you. They will flirt with others to make you jealous. They do it from a place of anger and pain but it's hideous. So stop looking. Make yourself go cold-turkey because it really DOES help to keep perspective. Again, thanks for your concern SK x
@@LazyDaisyDay88 that's good to hear x Sorry RUclips didn't notify me of your reply! I just got a notification because someone else replied to your comment! Anyway I'm glad you're doing alot better and yes it takes time but with time it does get easier and your mind also becomes clearer as the emotions settle down. I hope you continue to heal 😊🙏 xx.
After watching this video I sent a message to my boyfriend and it says "I could love you forever but goodbye." I decided to let go than be addicted to him. I love myself and I know I deserve deserve better. But he just replied to me "I'll talk to you later." I don't understand him anymore. But I had enough. No more waiting. Time to move on.
Relate were the same situation. 1 week so sweet after a day arguements then suddendly gone. After a day comeback im sick of tired . I think this is the sign to full stop to end my relation with him 😌
Thankyou i needed too hear this! He pulls this... Reminded me we are not in a relationship is what he tells me as he calls 2 days later 2 hook up again.aq
Literally every guy I date. They’ve never told me straight up that they’re not interested but keep going on and off. It took me a long time to realise they’re not worth your time. If you’re not interested in someone, do them a favour and tell them.
Great Advice! That anxious feeling is Not love; it's dangerous. Your brain is trying to warn you that this is a dangerous situation. If you can't trust that he will call you on a reliable basis, why would you sleep with him....ever?
This is typical behavior for a dismissive-avoidant partner. If this happens to you constantly, believe me, you have to assess your own attachment style. It is not about "poor behavior", it goes deeper than that. And no, he does not want someone else, he doesn't want anyone basically since he is afraid of intimacy and commitment and cannot communicate his needs. He does not even want himself. Most ghosters today are dismissive-avoidant, just a tiny percentage is really a "mean person" or wants to do you harm intentionally. The biggest part in this is on you, and why you are attracted to unavailable people :-) Brian, can you go in depth regarding attachment styles? Bedankt!!!
This just happened to me. For the "50th" time, with the same person. I always wait for him to come back, believing that in time he will become more mature and the thing is, he always comes back but is that same immature, inconsistent, flaky guy he's always been.. He comes back all sweet, kind and loving, hooks me back, only to ghost me a week later, and the vicious cycle goes on. And I realise now, it will continue to happen as long as I continue to allow it..
My good friend is fond of saying that behavior is a sign from the universe to cut him loose and be happy from within completely single, and that attitude will eventually attract a man of value.
I fell in this trap and I took me one long year to realize that it was a trap. I thought he was the right guy but this “on and off” thing drove me nuts. I fell into depression and anxiety and had to seek medical help. It’s been over 1.5 years that this fake relationship ended but I still feel the consequences (and still get treatment for depression and anxiety).
I experience this and actually it was a big turn off for me, and a sign of lack of maturity/commitment. I withdrew my time, efforts, and energy as it was not being reciprocated. ✌🏽
October 2020 i was seeing a very hardcore Christian guy that my close friend introduced me to, keep in mind i was very hesitant on giving a new guy a chance because i’ve been hurt in the past by confusing guys who weren’t ready to commit to me prior before to meeting this Christian religious immature boy. My friend at the time kept convincing me to take a chance on him and even promised me that he wasn’t going to hurt me but he did at the end. Long story short i took my friend’s word for it and i took a chance on her guy friend. Obviously me and this new guy i was seeing were pretty great in the beginning but a month or two later he told me he was waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him since he was hurt in the past and wants to find his wife. I was started to lose hope relationship wise. I was a new Christian and still am but i was kinda caught off guard with the guy waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him. I was honest with him and told him how come he doesn’t make his own personal choice since God gives us that free choice. He still was persistent on doing the sign bullshit thing. I left it alone for awhile and had low expectations from that and tried to keep things as a friendship. Well months went by I was building resentment towards my guy and in January 2021, he basically said he had big good news to say which really wasn’t tbh, basically he said that he wanted to postpone dating for a year. At that point i clearly felt more discouraged and frusterated with him more and more as time went on. I even told him i was upset about it and again he was persistent on waiting on God (i shouldn’t have ignored the red flags). Just recently which was two weeks ago, i asked him if we could hangout one-on-one as FRIENDS to get to know eachother better since we’ve all hungout in groups, we should also hangout one-on-one to see where our friendship grows into. He didn’t think it was a good idea because he didn’t want our feelings to be more invested than we already are, i told him that we needed to separate our feelings versus a friendship to get to know eachother as people and as friends since we’ve only hungout in groups. He still didn’t think it was a good idea and says he will ask God when and where we could hangout. At that point i was fed up with him, and said if that’s how he feels then i guess do it. At that point i vented to our mutual friend and asked her how come she introduced me to this complicated guy because relationship and friendship wise it was all too much. I basically needed space from both of them but mostly him and my friend took my words to heart and didn’t wanna be friends anymore after that. That guy i was seeing ended up telling me i wasn’t the “one” for him and that God gave him 6 signs that prove i wasn’t the “one”. Keep in mind that this guy was so immature and caused me nothing but pain and stress within these 6 months for nothing. One of his signs from God was complete bullcrap, he then says there’s this chinese lady (keep in mind that he doesn’t know this lady personally) but someone from our church knows this lady, my guy asked God if this chinese lady is still single by december 2020, then that was the first sign that means I wasn’t the “one” for him. All these consistent stupid excuses one after another, i even asked him why did you even pursue me in the first place and clearly it showed you weren’t ready. I knew in my gut feeling that he was too much for me and he wasn’t my type to begin with either but i cared about him and took a real chance on someone. I bet you that nobody would’ve waited as much as i did for a guy to be this complicated and immature. I understand God is a big part of our lives but this guy took it to the extreme. Relationship wise, i kept my expectations low as he was showing his true colors, friendship wise i couldn’t believe that he felt the need to ask God when and where we could hangout when i sincerely want to at least be his friend. He did some other shit i didn’t like and it costed me and my friend’s friendship to end. Me and my friend never had issues or fought prior to her introducing me to this immature religious freak. I knew in my gut that was the main thing i was afraid of, taking a chance on her guy friend and what if things went wrong and could destroy my friendship which it did. But it comes to show how people show their true colors. I never went off on this religious dude i was seeing, he went off on me a few times, showed so many red flags, clearly wasn’t ready for anything serious, he would call me twice a day and text me everyday too, my friend always being put in the middle because she introduced me to him, my friend did shady shit too like whenever i would vent to her about stuff or about the guy... she would send him my personal messages that was only for her to read. I felt betrayed, depressed, angry and irritated all in one by those two. They would play the victim card also. I haven’t gone back to church since that situation a few weeks ago. I know im not perfect and i’ve made mistakes but it was no where close to them doing me dirty at the end especially mostly the guy i dated. Even after all of that i went to bible study a week ago to return my ex friend’s mask that she left in my car awhile back ago, i wanted to be a good person despite them doing me wrong. I think that will be my last bible study session for me to go to since now i don’t feel comfortable going back again. I know i should worship God despite what happened but in all honesty, i would rather preach alone than to go somewhere where i feel uncomfortable seeing my “ex” and my ex friend. That guy truly lost me because no girl probably would’ve wasted that much time and bullshit on someone that is too radical and always asking for God on every little thing to the extreme. Keep in mind, I’m a Christian, I believe in signs but when i received signs from God (which i have received signs from God personally) i never once asked God to send me a sign on a specific deadline or anything. You can’t force God for your own benefits. God gives us what He can give us, and again He also gives us a free choice in our lives. There’s a fine line between being reasonable and being too radical. I learned a valuable lesson from all this bullshit from guys and im still healing from this. Honestly i don’t know if i’ll ever want to date again since its alot harder for me to give a new person a chance if the opportunity ever presented itself again A few weeks ago he apologized but i never responded and i’ve kept ignoring him and kept my distance from him at bible studies. I haven’t gone back to my church for a month now because of this situation that made it uncomfortable for me to want to go back to my church. My ex friend that introduced me to him was rude to me and said some harsh things that didn’t even make sense even after the fact she did me dirty and i even tried making amends in the relationship and put her in her place after receiving that shady rude message of hers. Definitely a lesson learned My “ex” was definitely immature and not committed after seeing the red flags and all the things he did to me. Even my friends asked if my ex friend was in love with him because she dropped me as a friend even when he did shit to me and ruined our friendship
@@melanie.vallejo it’s been as of March 2020 1 full year no contact. Whooohooo! 🎉 I was in a different space at that. I single and happy. I wish you well my friend.. ps. That chick who introduced you to the guy was never your friend to being with. I would drop them both off where I’m met them, find a new church home and keep it move.
Angelique, good for you. May I ask, did you speak to the person before or did you just withdraw slowly? I'm going through this too. I'm loosing interest due to this hot and cold problem.
You hit the nail on the head. Someone who comes in and out ends up seeming a lot more precious than they really are. In my case we started off on a great footing for the first couple of months and then his ex got in touch and started messing him around. He's been in and out now for a while on a 'friends' basis until I finally called bullshit and told him I deserve better and I haven't got time for it anymore. I feel liberated. I got really hooked and as the days go on, I realise that his grip on me is lessening. We should never allow this behaviour ladies!
Well said, routine is not boring. Safety and love is not boring. There are other ways to make true romance and relationship exiting :) Thank you Brian and good luck you are the best. Some woman have to have this reminder everyday. 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, I too have had this exact thing happen and it lasted for quite a long time 😶 I learned the hard way. Wish I had seen your videos back then. If a real loving relationship can become boring - I'll take boring over being hooked. Thanks Brian!
happened to me! I said 'I've never felt this way about anyone' 'he could hurt me deeply', kept hoping the relationship would be everlasting. WOW, you have just recorded the entirety of that relationship in a short 5 minutes and I thank you for it. I've never experienced anything like this, always knew whether he liked me or he didn't. Thanks to your other videos, I had been tapering off but this one cemented it for me. It still hurts but I will continue to distance for as long as I need for closure.
I'm coming from such a relationship,it's been two years but I still ask myself why,he broke, made me feel insecure, now I'm learning to let go and to love me
I think these guys objectify women, and to some degree are misogynists. Mr. hot and cold thinks of you as a treat on the side or even his prize. He has not learned to open his heart and enjoy romantic intimacy due to either not getting over an emotional wound or he could have a personality disorder. If the latter then he's like a cat and you are the mouse, which means he has zero empathy for your feelings and how his actions affect your life as the fake addictive relationship slowly rips you apart. I just finished with one and I'm pretty sure it helped me get in touch with buried pain from childhood, mirroring a parent who was hot and cold as well with a personality disorder. As I pick up the pieces there is no question in my mind of how I was treated as a child, I never really understood before....was I loved or not loved, am I too sensitive etc..?. And I must say Brian Nox articulates this manipulative dynamic beautifully, he is definitely talented! Thanks Brian!
Check out the book "Attached" by Amir Levine its available on audible or Amazon It teaches us about the different styles of Attachment in relationships that comes from our childhood
I have such similar story. I realized that the guy I was dating resembled my mom a lot. She was dismissive. Passive, emotionally unavailable, no validation, so on and so forth. So it was so superficial it was nothing
Suzy I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! You basically told my story with a few men in my past & I finally dealt with the LAST ONE! I too had to dig way down to find the trauma inside of me that was recreating this scenario in my life. Now, I’m thankful for the experience as without the horrid pain I may have just kept repeating the same destructive pattern. Your advice is stellar to all people, women & men alike! I’ve learned that people can only meet us as far as they’re willing to meet themselves. The greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world is to KNOW ourselves, and what we want & deserve & honor that above all else. “To thine own self be true” and we’d be unable to bring our baggage to hurt someone else, or ourselves since we would’ve done the work to know ourselves! Bravo to you!!! ;))))
This is a really important message for women (like myself) who seem to find themselves on those roller coaster relationships far too often. True love is predictable, and cyclical (up and down) relationships are by default not true love.
Exactly what happened to me just recently!!! After 9 years on my own I can’t believe I fell for it 😑🤦♀️ perhaps he was too immature although he appeared switched on and together????? Owned his own home and had money !!! Wow what a fool I have been. I wasn’t aware of this behaviour at least I made the decision to walk away from him and I have the strength of my self esteem too.
Tracey Scott I think most of women have experienced this. It is a leason to learn and it makes you appreciate a real man when you meet him, cause there are decent men out there.
It is happening to me at this very moment! He told me 1,5 year ago that he felt we had a connection but said he was not into a serious relationship, so I stepped back because I was working on my self steem and love and I wouldn´t accept that. Since then he was always flirtatious with me, kisses, hugs and stares and I loved that feeling and I lost interest in meeting other guys! Nowadays, with this virus isolation he is charming me again, whatsapp asking if I have thought about him and telling me the things I want to hear (like We should go out). I got trapped in this for sure! I use to tell my therapist that I don´t like him per se but how he makes me feel (the hooked feeling!!!). Oh my, what a video! I got an epiphany!
Oh no. This is happening to me at this very moment. Whenever he ghosted me, I would asked him to be honest and told me if he wanted to end things with me. Then he said he still wants me. And I fell for it every single time! I wish I could have the strength to walk away. I hate myself. This is totally not me. I used to be able to say no. 😢
@@andreacosta1597 yep, that hooked feeling. I 'rejected' mine in the beginning so he kept on and on until he hooked me then keeps me on that hook, feeding me crumbs, while he looks around for what he really wants. It's amazing how 'Brian' describes the actions perfectly. Maybe these guys are reading books on 'how to'
Gosh i wish i knew better back in the days.. i was 21 when i met this amazing guy who would treat me like a queen when we're together but once we separate.. no sign of life.. 2 weeks goes by then he calls and wanna meet again... it was like that for a while.. I wish i stopped it right at the beginning, but like he explained.. i was hooked ! The worst part is that 2 years after he called .. i was with my husband and i told him that he cannot call me anymore because I'm married now.. and he just said that he felt so guilty for not keeping me next to his side and that he actually called to give us a fresh start... at that moment i realized that probably he was just taking pleasure in telling lies over and over again and he really wasn't worthy of my time ...anyways a year after he added me on fb and sent me his wedding video... his wife really looked like me.. and we even have the same name..it was soo weird.
Hey Brian i just step by to tell you that i think you’re doing a great job in general. Unlike other who say to woman they need to act in particular way to make man be with her/ stay with her and all that stupid jazz, you just say as it is - just LET IT GO. He is not into you. Period. Live your life :) anyways why the hell you would like to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you in the first place really. Be yourself 100% and do not be ashamed of it , accept that not every felling of yours will be responded in the same way and if so that there is nothing wrong with you . Its just how it is. Live your life, be your own friend, love yourself as priority and just relax. You will know when a guy/girl is a right one :)
Omg if I had told you my story I'd say you just narrated my story perfectly. I just blocked a guy I was dating who behaves exactly like this. I am so happy to come across this video. This is the closure I needed. I am so at peace now. Been hooked on the wrong guy gor so long
Thank you for making this video, I believe this has happened to me. And I can totally relate to the ‘hooked’ part. It’s awful that someone would WANT to play with people’s souls just because they feel lonely or the ‘One’ they want is not there yet or rejects them. -keeps me aware so I don’t ever do this to someone.
Brian you're a star... such a useful message delivered and so well explained. Thank you so much.😍🙌 The best thing you said is "true love is predictable" 😊 can't agree any more on this!
Me too. These type of guys don't fair too well with me. And I just love being the one who ghosts them. They always act so incredulous that they're the one who has to pay the piper with their, oh, so wounded ego.
Same here, I like it much more when Brian says "F*ck him" while MH says "Get the guy" - which sounds very desperate to me. I only watch 1 MH video and decided to unsubcribe after subcribed a while ago only because he is famous
Wow , some ppl are just cruel . Continue to be the good person that you are . Guys like that deserves a woman of their kind too. You didn’t lose anything . You deserve someone with integrity . Trust your destiny ❤️
Thank you for this. It hurts to hear it but I think I needed this. I've been thinking nonstop about this one guy that showed me really strong signs of attraction yet ignores my texts and makes no effort to try to meet up. Just when I decided that I had enough of thinking about him, he texts me saying we have to meet up sometime. Not a specific day, just sometime. I see that my mind wants to go back to the old "oh but maybe it's just something else, I know he likes me", but I know better. If he was interested I would know, PERIOD.
I cannot thank you enough for your videos. I didn't have a father who taught me how men think and what they truly need. Nor did I have a mother who taught me how to have self respect or how to truly love a man. I've never understood the mind of a man nor his heart nor seen myself as having any real value to a man. At 51, I've taken myself "off the market" for good, but it has been a tremendous comfort to me to finally know what I was doing wrong all those years. Thank you for stepping up and being a "father-type" to those women who sorely lack parental wisdom and love. God bless you!
I can relate to your life. I'm so sorry that you too had no healthy mirroring as a child. I'm not sure I will ever give my heart to another man. It's too badly broken.
Excellent and very true. Thanks to you Brian I have learned much quicker to cut these guys out when i see them act flaky. Now I am dating one who is consistent and sweet. We talk every day and he says good night and good morning via text. I appreciate his straight, direct behaviour. Thank you Brian for your consistency in your great advice💗
If I had known this when I was in the same situation years before I wouldn't have wasted 5 years of my life. I lost my precious time thinking, anticipating and ruminating day in and day out even through sleeping time I was wide awake. No one's to blame but me. I finally got over him when I met my husband whose true love is predictable.
I was in that situation a month ago... I know im slowly falling for him... But ,now he comes , next week his gone...and same routine for 3 weeks... What i did , i avoid him and block him in social media....his sending me messages tru our common friends , but i pretend i heard none... I have peace of mind again...💖💖🙏
You did the best by walking away. Not the easiest path but the very best. Going through the same. I get depressed some days but time and prayers are healing me. Those users do not deserve our precious time.
This video saved me from getting hurt again. Thanks from the bottom of my heart! Appreciate it much! I love all of your videos. So true, inspiring, convincing and very helpful for us women.. Keep it up!!!..God bless!.. 👍👍👍😉
What a great analogy thank you. 10 yr relationship, March he decided no more. I moved from our family home, with a likely legal battle ahead, 3 wks later he came racing back with a changed mind made a mistake, much of my belongings are still in our home. Now hot and cold after a big chase back and some beautiful rekindling, dates, outings obviously he wants the best of every world. I’m furious as I feel sucked in just when I was trying to move on from my tears, immense hurt, the split wasn’t mutual. I’ve been sick recently and he’s been completely absent, nothing. Am at a cross-road standing.
Very necessary reminder. It is a power and control tactic that many cluster b disordered men know too well. The problem is even "nice" guys play this game. Are there still men who want a long term relationship in this time? Online dating and apps have really ruined it.
I feel like these apps mess with everyone in many ways though. Like it’s become normalized to always be looking and trying to trade in one person that’s not for you for another BEFORE we’ve matured and come to know ourselves. We’d all be better off focusing on ourselves and our interests so that we can love ourselves and be physically, psychologically self-sufficient before deciding on a partner.
This is so common!!! I watched my dad do this in his relationships for years and hated it. I Swore I would NEVER get into a situation like that but have several times despite my best efforts. Its very difficult at times.
I needed to hear this. It was explained better than anyone else has explained it I think. I have allowed this to happen to me for the first time in my life and I’m in my 50’s so now I’m feeling regretful and ashamed that I allowed this and it wasn’t like I didn’t see the red flags, I followed my emotions instead. This explanation has made me feel better for some reason though. I wish I could afford therapy. I really need it. 😞
Wow! TY for clarifying. Your analogy was great. He chased me over a year. In February, he said I love you then ghosted me. Saw him next day at work but I ignored him so he stayed away for awhile then would appear around just say hi but has completely disappeared now two months. He did me a favor. I'm over it. Don't want someone imbalanced who doesn't know what he wants. It was very cond I don't but I accepted I wasn't the one he just didn't have the courage to say it. There will be someone for me who will love and respect me and mean it, who Values me and sees my worth.
i been in the situation that im so depressed. heart broken is not a joke specially for me im so weak to face that feeling .when i saw this channel & watched all the videos i slowly gain may ability to think more positive .im single but im happy & i know my value & what i deserve for myself .now i work earned good money . pay may bills, make videos in my youtube. without stress 😊 love this channel thank you Sir brian its take me only 5 months of recovery for that nightmare of heart broken . 💝 more power from the 🇵🇭🇰🇷
God. All of us women are going through the same bullshit with these men. I have this in my life. So do you. And all these other women. I have to end it. It's making me crazy. And now I can clearly see that my response (being crazy) is completly normal to this low value male behaviour.
That is eye-opening, thank you! We can deceive ourselves that addiction is love, when it is not. Realizing the psychology behind the addiction is very liberating.
Thank you for taking away his power 🙏 I hadn’t even thought of it like that, now the rest is up to me. May have to watch this a few times a day until I’m over the withdrawal
I was led back to this four years later and now we are married. Thank you for posting this originally and allowing me to pause and reflect and take a deep breath. He has lost his last parent, his mother so death takes a different toll I guess. Regardless, this popped in my feed. Many blessings.
Omg this is the hell ive been living in for the last 5 years!! I thought I was loosing my mind and I lost myself!! I wondered why I couldn’t let go?? Thank you so much Brian!!
Time for counseling. go to church pastor as it is typically free and spiritual. When they are not even willing to do the work, focus on God and self love and believe me you will be gone and stronger than you have ever been. Good luck.
I had a very hard time overcoming this addiction. You give one clue though, that I think is very important: not only recognizing the dynamics of what is going on but also truly paying attention to it not even feeling good. I heard somewhere the other day that great progress is made in using mindfulness in the treatment of addictions. I think this can be of great use here to: when you’re suffering and longing the most getting into a mindful mode and experiencing deeply: it does not even feel good. Experiencing this over and over again helps loosening the grip on our drug. Whoever is interested in the addiction/meditation solution: I heard this first from Dr. Jud Brewer on the Rich Roll Podcast.
Thanks Brian! I just experienced this and my heart is devasted. It's comforting to know that it's not me, it's just a result of being manipulated. I will stay away from that guy to save myself.
Addiction is a brilliant explanation of a woman's experience with these guys. Knowing that she's just only trapped in an addiction would help her immensely to get away from him. An Amazing video, thank you.
E X C E L L E N T content!!! Thank you sooo much!! This explains this last guy--cuz WHY wld he bother reeling me back in each time after I bowed out? Nowww I get it (intentional or unintentional, it's unhealthy)! AND, this explains many toxic relationships I saw between people who had many other addictions too--including addicted to the illusions of social media too. Thank you for the insight!!--thank you, TRULY, TRULY!!
Needed this. I am torn between a solid future and "feel good in the moment" You helped me open my eyes. I know that I deserve a solid everyday effort love. I want that so bad. Thank you for helping me see the light.
Brian. Thank you so much!! This is the best explanation I’ve ever heard. I’m such a sucker. I always give the benefit of the doubt. And I deserve to be treated with love and respect all of the time. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I wasted no less than 7 years of my life with a guy just like that. It was the worst period of my life. Thank goodness I managed to get free onr day. Met a decent man, a good man who showed me what is like to treat a woman with respect. Am happily married and have 2 wonderful daughters.
Dude she.. I wasted 7 years of my life with a guy just like that😓..the last time he came back and was telling me so many stories of how he never changed etc.. and I tell "I can clearly see that you have not changed and are still the same but I HAVE CHANGED AND NOT TYE SAME ANYMORE" ..he never texts me again till this day😊
Same here... wasted 5 years. I was a game he would play. No one's to blame but me.
Happy for you. Can you tell how you get rid of the relationship? I am in the same boat but I can't get over it. I feel addicted to him.
@@estefania1858 I'll keep your advice in mind. I really need the courage to say goodbye. I am like you I give him excuses after excuses but I feel I'm losing my self esteem and I'm on the point where I can't trust my gut. Thank you for your reply. 8 really needed it.
@@benedict5396 yeah but who thi nks people are games. 😳
If he is hot and cold, he is not interested. Its the truth that is hard to face but nonetheless it is the truth. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and you will find that person!
Yes. I have been dealing with such a guy. Irritating behaviour. Hope he stops texting me☺. We are just an option. Nothing more. It was some kind of addiction
Coesenbest Foods
Hopefully ☺
I would rather say, if he's hot & cold, then he has proven himself to be UNRELIABLE. Period. Dump him & faster faster ( Singlish) MOVE ON!
He might be just scared of being hurt again
"True love is predictable; there is no rollercoaster." That hits home. Thank you for this message, I needed to hear that.
That is not true. Me and my true love have been on and of. True love is not easy but it is not super hard.
That is a lie look at every walt disney princess they all had challenges come on true love is defiantly not predictable 😏
@@giftlarry9037 what is the cost though ??
Unless you are dating a Gemini. Then ure screwed.
False. True love might should be predictable but it’s never easy. Life is a rollercoaster, so is Love.
Ladies if a man treats you in this way. It means one thing only and its this. HE DOESN'T WANT YOU! He is only still seeing you because he has no one else when he evenaully finds someone who he wants. It's bye bye but here's the thing he won't even be bothered to tell you bye you just won't see or hear from him again. Its as cold and as calculating as that. STOP ALLOWING YOUR SELFS TO BE USED!!! peace and love
Bitter truth, couldn't have said it better. Thank you
@@queenjudeofficial thank you for your reply.yes I know that it's true.peace and love
Charisse ‼️‼️‼️
I have been there, I completely agree with you, word to word!
@@__rmk__9360 thank you I appreciate your reply. Unfortunately I know what I wrote two months is sadly true! Peace and love
This is honestly the best explanation of 'ghosting' or 'hot' and 'cold' behavior. Thank you.
Yes!!!! 🤦🏾♀️
Yesss! Simple, but factual!!
It’s like finally understanding why we respond to the hot and cold
I agree!!!
I agree. Basically saying he's just not that into you. He's fos!
This guy is really on our side, girls!
Yeah.. His wife must be so lucky!
He is so blessed!
😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣 yes he is
Yea 😂😂
the worst is when they discard you then expect you to chase them and then when you don’t, they come back around...
They don't want you, they want you sometimes, when it suits them. The best kind of love is self love.
@@elanabethfariss117 i love this comment section 😭🙌🏽
Narcissism. It’s important to educate oneself about this very real problem in this era, where narcissism is compared to high self esteem.
Sounds like a narcissist to me.
He’s got to really be gone especially since he’s physically moving away.
I thought God made men to be strong...I came to realize us woman are the strong ones. We’ve gone and go through so much.
I do believe though for each whom finds their true-self through self love will find your life partner.
❤️ to you all. Thank you for this video.
I don't like generalizing, but I see men as strong, but stiff. Women, resilient. That's just my 2 cents tho:)
Well, God made Adam out of dirty soil ( haha) but He made Eve out of a rib bone. We know how strong BONES are! That explains.
If Adam had had everything he needed to live... God wouldn't have made Eve.
Men are strong. Women are strong. Our roles in society have been corrupted and it isn't built for men to thrive for what they were built for.
I was in this type of relationship for a year and it really was like I was addicted. I was so in love with him I put up with wishy-washy noncommittal behavior. When he texted me to make plans (because everything was on his terms) I would get this surge of happy positive feelings, but literally as our date wound to a close and we had to say goodbye I would feel depressed and deeply melancholic because I knew I had two weeks of spotty communication and excuses ahead of me. I started asking myself why I want to spend time with him when that feeling does not seem to be reciprocated. I ended up bumping into him while he was on a date - kissing and holding hands with another girl. That experience really broke me for a while and I am just now feeling confident and trusting again. That kind of "relationship" will mess with your sense of self worth, waste your time, and leave you asking why you were not good enough. I will never let myself be in that kind of situation again. This was such a great video and I wish I had seen it earlier!
❤️
on so glad u finally moved on. You value you and your sanity more. your self esteem mattered more.
Oh my god! I feel you, u just described the situation I’ve had. And I spent with this 4 years. Im glad that I quit from this “relationship” too
"Everything was on his terms" This is what I hated the most about the situation I was in and what made me say "it's better to just be friends" cuz it's so selfish and convenient and if you ever complain your are needy cuz you knew the whole situation right?Vou shoudnt complain.Thats how it works.So it's better to not complain and instead simply leave.
Sorry, but I don’t think It messed up your self worth when you didn’t have any to begin with.
Blowing hot and cold is the oldest form of control, so if he shows you this, jog on, before he potentially ruins you.
I love all these videos, helping women to know their worth. The right guy being predictable is the key.
What he's describing is intermittent reinforcement. A trait of Narcissists.
And emotionally unavailable people too. One comment I read on another site said, " It doesn't matter what label we give this type of person it's abusive behaviour. It affects the other person in deep emotional and mental ways which can have a lasting effect, sometimes for the rest of their lives."
Yes I agree
So should i just ghost the guy
@@user-ji8ll1qn6o No, but make a decision then let him know about it and what led to it.
@@user-ji8ll1qn6o No, but make a decision then let him know about it and what led to it.
"in reality, he knows very well what he wants; someone else!" This is SO true and hurts more like nothing else. I have been wasting my time and losing dignity for all these past months. The worst is that deep inside we do get what's going on we just don't want to assume it and keep fooling our own selves by remaining playing the game.
The worst part of it All...we start questioning ourselves...
I hope you're ok now
I once dated a quality guy who was a bit indecisive after 2-3 months of dating me (was loving his bachelor life). I broke it off and didn't see him for a couple of weeks, told him that I wasn't about to waste my time again (I learned the hard way). That did it, he figured it out and well... Here we are about to celebrate 19 years married. And I concur, true love IS predictable, and you've nailed it in this video. We are still madly deeply in love. I really like your videos, if more women would listen to you there'd be less of us learning the hard way!
@lucy what do you mean, he comes back to you after a couple of weeks?
It's best to always keep your options open and don't offer any guy commitment until HE has committed. When you have options the trash takes itself out. Don't give childish men your time and energy and do not beg for their attention. My favorite advice Brian has ever given is that if a mean disappears it's GOOD because you know he was not the one.
Amen
10 months of this casual dating relationship... I just want to end on good terms , I am fine with it being over.
@@crownedmelaninqueen after 10 months it should be past casual. I would dump him.
@@HeatherAnne It’s definitely over, I was confused as to what I wanted at first. Then I got used to the “hit” of having him and being in his company but I knew it would have to end. I agree with you. It’s definitely his fears with intimacy. I’m not trying to hang on.
@@crownedmelaninqueen that's such a good way of saying it. Getting used to the hit of being with him. That's what happens with those toxic guys. They're amazing when you're with them and you want that again but the in between sucks!
What he is saying is exactly true..
When a guy loves you, there is no day that you will miss his message even if it is just a "good morning".
Love always finds a way to reach hearts no matter how busy a day could be. There is no busy day in "love". It just does not exist truly.
Sooooo true 👏👏. 💯✅✅
Female: “my life is going good I’m happy, good career, friends, fit and healthy.” La la la 🌸 🤸🏻♂️ 💃🏼
Male: “wow she looks happy..lemme go mess that up.”
Totally
The scorned man so sad
Isn’t this the truth
So true
I need a screenshot of this.....for my facebook page.
I needed this message today. I’m getting very mixed messages from a guy. Two nights ago it’s all ‘you’re amazing, bring some toiletries to leave at my place’ and now it’s been over 24 hours with nothing. He’s been hot and cold the past 5 days and my head is spinning trying to figure it out. His actions definitely don’t match his words. Time to move on.
@@melanie.vallejo wow thank you for sharing
Well I was talking to this guy about a year ago and he said he was really interested in me and wanted me to be his girlfriend,I wasn't ready at the time because I just got out of a serious relationship, so basically about two days later of me telling me him this he does something with one of my close friend so dumb me forgives him after a while and he comes back and then after a while now I was just learning to gain his trust back and he left for 2 months and just messaged me yesterday saying he wants me back in his life
@@pikachudemsy9751 I found out a month ago that the same religious ex i had and my ex friend that set me up with him, are engaged to eachother. My suspicisions were right all along. I wish you the best and there’s better guys out there for you. Just limit out the bad ones and see both the red and green flags ❤️
@@melanie.vallejo wow you are a hot mess. The fact you bring up a "Chinese Lady" as if you are better makes me pray for you. Get help.
@@BabyBearSings I’m bringing up the chinese lady is because my point that I was trying to make across was that my ex made excuses to not be with me. He literally said “he doesn’t know this chinese lady that lives in China, but someone from our church knows this lady, and my ex said if that chinese lady is still single by december 2020 then that meant I wasn’t “the one” for him”. I’m basically saying his excuses had nothing to do with our relationship at the time. That’s all I was basically saying. He specifically said chinese lady. I didn’t. Also don’t be rude and read my message again to understand, otherwise if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all🤷🏼♀️
@@BabyBearSings I never said I was better but I was simply referring to my situation. What so you think you’re better than me? just because I was explaining my situation and you’re judging me acting like I’m messed up for something my ex literally told me. Did I say I was better than the chinese lady? No I didn’t. I never said I was better than anyone😂
I know I deserved better than what my ex put me through. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else but what I do think is I do care for people and I know I’m nice. I just wished people reciprocated the same energy that I give back.
Wish I'd realised this 30 years ago, it's a form of trauma bonding not love.
"Trauma bonding" holy shit. Yis.
Lee H Thank you for the term. Makes soo much sense. Blessings
Gaslighting. I'm a 50 year old child of an alcoholic. I have had to learn that peace and inner peace are not feelings of boringness. It is calm, joy and normalcy. Thanks Brian for articulating that in this video.
Trueee🥲
Yes i agree 💯 trauma bonding
"It's not a romantic relationship, you get hooked" this got me. This video is exactly what happened to me 7monthes ago. Thanks Brian Nox, your videos makes me hooked on your channel
I fell for this trap with someone I adored for 10 years we both went on different paths, never dated, had other relationships. We came full circle and met up out the blue by bumping into each other and he opened up about his feelings. So I took the same gamble, said all of what I felt he needed to know. His feelings were as deep as mine so I thought. However after he pulled me towards opening up, by requesting how I felt as did not want to be hurt. I opened up and I can say it was the BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life. He pulled right back and made excuses, had cold feet, I felt used for his ego. I was so, so, so embarrassed as I really opened up after years of avoiding this. I was glad when I self healed and walked away. Head F. Not what I need or want. Be careful with your feelings ladies. Don't give it all.
He's trash, I'm sorry ..u can get over him just cause of this
Thank for sharing your personal life. I truely feel for you. The feeling of being used for a man's ego is just terrible.
@@samahamara8543 unfortunately he was trash unbeknownst to me. I regret ever opening up like this and will NEVER ever do it again unless their is a ring on it.
I learnt from that day, not to give it all. We tend too when we as ladies think and believe men are invested. BE CAREFUL.
It took me a very long time to get over the humiliation and embarrassment I felt with him as felt completely violated and a idiot for being that vulnerable with real emotions that we contained and bottled up for years. I felt like a complete dim wit. Used for his pathetic self ego. The most pathetic thing is about 3 months later he saw me locally in a crowd of random people walking somewhere. I was in one of my head dreams walking as I did not see him nor was he in my thoughts. I had moved on.
Well He text me to say I walked straight past him and ignored him. I told him point blank that I was not searching for him in a crowd of people, he was no longer my aim and neither did I see him. I made it clear that if he saw me he should of engaged with a hello if that is what he was seeking not for me to brush his ego any further.
I tell you lovely this did nothing but confirm how full of his self he really was and I was 100% better off without him. I have healed but the memories of how he abused my trust with my openness will never be forgotten. Nor would I do it again with another man and that's why I advise don't give and say it all. Protect yourself.
October 2020 i was seeing a very hardcore Christian guy that my close friend introduced me to, keep in mind i was very hesitant on giving a new guy a chance because i’ve been hurt in the past by confusing guys who weren’t ready to commit to me prior before to meeting this Christian religious immature boy. My friend at the time kept convincing me to take a chance on him and even promised me that he wasn’t going to hurt me but he did at the end. Long story short i took my friend’s word for it and i took a chance on her guy friend. Obviously me and this new guy i was seeing were pretty great in the beginning but a month or two later he told me he was waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him since he was hurt in the past and wants to find his wife. I was started to lose hope relationship wise. I was a new Christian and still am but i was kinda caught off guard with the guy waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him. I was honest with him and told him how come he doesn’t make his own personal choice since God gives us that free choice. He still was persistent on doing the sign bullshit thing. I left it alone for awhile and had low expectations from that and tried to keep things as a friendship. Well months went by I was building resentment towards my guy and in January 2021, he basically said he had big good news to say which really wasn’t tbh, basically he said that he wanted to postpone dating for a year. At that point i clearly felt more discouraged and frusterated with him more and more as time went on. I even told him i was upset about it and again he was persistent on waiting on God (i shouldn’t have ignored the red flags). Just recently which was two weeks ago, i asked him if we could hangout one-on-one as FRIENDS to get to know eachother better since we’ve all hungout in groups, we should also hangout one-on-one to see where our friendship grows into. He didn’t think it was a good idea because he didn’t want our feelings to be more invested than we already are, i told him that we needed to separate our feelings versus a friendship to get to know eachother as people and as friends since we’ve only hungout in groups. He still didn’t think it was a good idea and says he will ask God when and where we could hangout. At that point i was fed up with him, and said if that’s how he feels then i guess do it. At that point i vented to our mutual friend and asked her how come she introduced me to this complicated guy because relationship and friendship wise it was all too much. I basically needed space from both of them but mostly him and my friend took my words to heart and didn’t wanna be friends anymore after that. That guy i was seeing ended up telling me i wasn’t the “one” for him and that God gave him 6 signs that prove i wasn’t the “one”. Keep in mind that this guy was so immature and caused me nothing but pain and stress within these 6 months for nothing. One of his signs from God was complete bullcrap, he then says there’s this chinese lady (keep in mind that he doesn’t know this lady personally) but someone from our church knows this lady, my guy asked God if this chinese lady is still single by december 2020, then that was the first sign that means I wasn’t the “one” for him. All these consistent stupid excuses one after another, i even asked him why did you even pursue me in the first place and clearly it showed you weren’t ready. I knew in my gut feeling that he was too much for me and he wasn’t my type to begin with either but i cared about him and took a real chance on someone. I bet you that nobody would’ve waited as much as i did for a guy to be this complicated and immature. I understand God is a big part of our lives but this guy took it to the extreme. Relationship wise, i kept my expectations low as he was showing his true colors, friendship wise i couldn’t believe that he felt the need to ask God when and where we could hangout when i sincerely want to at least be his friend. He did some other shit i didn’t like and it costed me and my friend’s friendship to end. Me and my friend never had issues or fought prior to her introducing me to this immature religious freak. I knew in my gut that was the main thing i was afraid of, taking a chance on her guy friend and what if things went wrong and could destroy my friendship which it did. But it comes to show how people show their true colors. I never went off on this religious dude i was seeing, he went off on me a few times, showed so many red flags, clearly wasn’t ready for anything serious, he would call me twice a day and text me everyday too, my friend always being put in the middle because she introduced me to him, my friend did shady shit too like whenever i would vent to her about stuff or about the guy... she would send him my personal messages that was only for her to read. I felt betrayed, depressed, angry and irritated all in one by those two. They would play the victim card also. I haven’t gone back to church since that situation a few weeks ago. I know im not perfect and i’ve made mistakes but it was no where close to them doing me dirty at the end especially mostly the guy i dated. Even after all of that i went to bible study a week ago to return my ex friend’s mask that she left in my car awhile back ago, i wanted to be a good person despite them doing me wrong. I think that will be my last bible study session for me to go to since now i don’t feel comfortable going back again. I know i should worship God despite what happened but in all honesty, i would rather preach alone than to go somewhere where i feel uncomfortable seeing my “ex” and my ex friend. That guy truly lost me because no girl probably would’ve wasted that much time and bullshit on someone that is too radical and always asking for God on every little thing to the extreme. Keep in mind, I’m a Christian, I believe in signs but when i received signs from God (which i have received signs from God personally) i never once asked God to send me a sign on a specific deadline or anything. You can’t force God for your own benefits. God gives us what He can give us, and again He also gives us a free choice in our lives. There’s a fine line between being reasonable and being too radical. I learned a valuable lesson from all this bullshit from guys and im still healing from this. Honestly i don’t know if i’ll ever want to date again since its alot harder for me to give a new person a chance if the opportunity ever presented itself again
A few weeks ago he apologized but i never responded and i’ve kept ignoring him and kept my distance from him at bible studies. I haven’t gone back to my church for a month now because of this situation that made it uncomfortable for me to want to go back to my church.
My ex friend that introduced me to him was rude to me and said some harsh things that didn’t even make sense even after the fact she did me dirty and i even tried making amends in the relationship and put her in her place after receiving that shady rude message of hers. Definitely a lesson learned
God will just punish them in his own way. I wonder why some guys play with our feelings when there are already a lot of games to play.
You nailed it! Thank you. Depression sufferers always feel like it's their fault when someone does this to them. They are doing us a favor when they show their true colors but it still hurts!
Flakier than a croissant - perfect way to describe many out there :)
I wouldn't compare flaky men to croissants. One is tasty and delicious. The other has no value.
Paula Meninato the queen has spoken
Lol
It's sad because, a lot of normal guys see that this kind of "hot/cold" behaviour works and start to act this way, even if they're intrested in a woman, long term. It's sad...
Yaa 😪💯 idk why
Always live as if you are single:
A man knows if you are "not" relying on him
A man knows if you are financially able to live without him
A man knows if you are able to walk away at anytime
A man knows if you value you as a the woman you are
When he knows the above, he will move the earth to keep you
True,
But there is a fine line between self reliance and keeping at arms length. Men can feel the distance or resistance also, and if there isn't room for them in your life, they won't make room for you either.
Or they realise they are too weak for you. Either way, better off without them 😊
Weak men are generally intimidated by strong independent women and can’t handle her. I’ve weeded out a lot of weak insecure boys like that. I got no time for them.
So true
But then you have dating experts say that men want to feel needed...
I didn't realise that I'm an addict. I just want to get off this hideous emotional rollercoaster - so sick of the ride. I'm exhausted and I feel as though I've lost myself in the process. I'm worth so much more!
How are you doing now? X
@@skinney9542 That's kind of you to ask - thank you. I'm actually good - and getting better! I walked away from him - and he was angry and upset which was difficult to deal with. That was almost 4 months ago - I've had days when I was comfortable with the decision and days when I've ached to pick up the phone because I missed him and I was alone and afraid I would never move on. But the last few weeks has suddenly become a bit easier.
My biggest top tip is to immediately stop looking at your ex's social media. They will post things to hurt you. They will flirt with others to make you jealous. They do it from a place of anger and pain but it's hideous. So stop looking. Make yourself go cold-turkey because it really DOES help to keep perspective.
Again, thanks for your concern SK x
Good for you 😊 iv cut contact and it's very difficult for me.
@@LazyDaisyDay88 that's good to hear x Sorry RUclips didn't notify me of your reply! I just got a notification because someone else replied to your comment! Anyway I'm glad you're doing alot better and yes it takes time but with time it does get easier and your mind also becomes clearer as the emotions settle down. I hope you continue to heal 😊🙏 xx.
After watching this video I sent a message to my boyfriend and it says "I could love you forever but goodbye." I decided to let go than be addicted to him. I love myself and I know I deserve deserve better. But he just replied to me "I'll talk to you later."
I don't understand him anymore. But I had enough. No more waiting. Time to move on.
Meb Wanderlust good luck 🍀
And how’s it going?
I'll talk to you later? WOW! He's not even intrested in what you're saying! That's a bad one!
Relate were the same situation. 1 week so sweet after a day arguements then suddendly gone. After a day comeback im sick of tired . I think this is the sign to full stop to end my relation with him 😌
Thankyou i needed too hear this! He pulls this...
Reminded me we are not in a relationship is what he tells me as he calls 2 days later 2 hook up again.aq
Literally every guy I date. They’ve never told me straight up that they’re not interested but keep going on and off. It took me a long time to realise they’re not worth your time. If you’re not interested in someone, do them a favour and tell them.
Great Advice! That anxious feeling is Not love; it's dangerous. Your brain is trying to warn you that this is a dangerous situation. If you can't trust that he will call you on a reliable basis, why would you sleep with him....ever?
This is typical behavior for a dismissive-avoidant partner. If this happens to you constantly, believe me, you have to assess your own attachment style. It is not about "poor behavior", it goes deeper than that. And no, he does not want someone else, he doesn't want anyone basically since he is afraid of intimacy and commitment and cannot communicate his needs. He does not even want himself. Most ghosters today are dismissive-avoidant, just a tiny percentage is really a "mean person" or wants to do you harm intentionally. The biggest part in this is on you, and why you are attracted to unavailable people :-) Brian, can you go in depth regarding attachment styles? Bedankt!!!
I agree with you! He just might not want anyone for relations, he doesn't want any woman in his life in future, afraid of intimacy
Nike H true ! Avoidant attachment style ! If you check Craig Kenneth videos , he fully explains this characteristic! He is a good psychotherapist!
Exactly. You have the key. You have to find the real love for yourself. Not tolerating ghosting. Not living in a fantasy land. No.
This just happened to me. For the "50th" time, with the same person. I always wait for him to come back, believing that in time he will become more mature and the thing is, he always comes back but is that same immature, inconsistent, flaky guy he's always been.. He comes back all sweet, kind and loving, hooks me back, only to ghost me a week later, and the vicious cycle goes on. And I realise now, it will continue to happen as long as I continue to allow it..
Don't waste your time trying to figure out their attachment style, if they treat you in a callous way or with disrespect, they are not good for you..
My good friend is fond of saying that behavior is a sign from the universe to cut him loose and be happy from within completely single, and that attitude will eventually attract a man of value.
I fell in this trap and I took me one long year to realize that it was a trap. I thought he was the right guy but this “on and off” thing drove me nuts. I fell into depression and anxiety and had to seek medical help. It’s been over 1.5 years that this fake relationship ended but I still feel the consequences (and still get treatment for depression and anxiety).
I lived through this, and it’s very hard on your mental health. 😢 I feel like I’m in ruin.
Literally had tears at the end of this video. I get it now. And you put it so simply. There is nothing to question or interpret. Thank you so much.
I experience this and actually it was a big turn off for me, and a sign of lack of maturity/commitment. I withdrew my time, efforts, and energy as it was not being reciprocated. ✌🏽
You’re so right! Just been through the same... I’m too good for that😀😀😀
October 2020 i was seeing a very hardcore Christian guy that my close friend introduced me to, keep in mind i was very hesitant on giving a new guy a chance because i’ve been hurt in the past by confusing guys who weren’t ready to commit to me prior before to meeting this Christian religious immature boy. My friend at the time kept convincing me to take a chance on him and even promised me that he wasn’t going to hurt me but he did at the end. Long story short i took my friend’s word for it and i took a chance on her guy friend. Obviously me and this new guy i was seeing were pretty great in the beginning but a month or two later he told me he was waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him since he was hurt in the past and wants to find his wife. I was started to lose hope relationship wise. I was a new Christian and still am but i was kinda caught off guard with the guy waiting on specific signs and deadlines from God to see if i was the one or not for him. I was honest with him and told him how come he doesn’t make his own personal choice since God gives us that free choice. He still was persistent on doing the sign bullshit thing. I left it alone for awhile and had low expectations from that and tried to keep things as a friendship. Well months went by I was building resentment towards my guy and in January 2021, he basically said he had big good news to say which really wasn’t tbh, basically he said that he wanted to postpone dating for a year. At that point i clearly felt more discouraged and frusterated with him more and more as time went on. I even told him i was upset about it and again he was persistent on waiting on God (i shouldn’t have ignored the red flags). Just recently which was two weeks ago, i asked him if we could hangout one-on-one as FRIENDS to get to know eachother better since we’ve all hungout in groups, we should also hangout one-on-one to see where our friendship grows into. He didn’t think it was a good idea because he didn’t want our feelings to be more invested than we already are, i told him that we needed to separate our feelings versus a friendship to get to know eachother as people and as friends since we’ve only hungout in groups. He still didn’t think it was a good idea and says he will ask God when and where we could hangout. At that point i was fed up with him, and said if that’s how he feels then i guess do it. At that point i vented to our mutual friend and asked her how come she introduced me to this complicated guy because relationship and friendship wise it was all too much. I basically needed space from both of them but mostly him and my friend took my words to heart and didn’t wanna be friends anymore after that. That guy i was seeing ended up telling me i wasn’t the “one” for him and that God gave him 6 signs that prove i wasn’t the “one”. Keep in mind that this guy was so immature and caused me nothing but pain and stress within these 6 months for nothing. One of his signs from God was complete bullcrap, he then says there’s this chinese lady (keep in mind that he doesn’t know this lady personally) but someone from our church knows this lady, my guy asked God if this chinese lady is still single by december 2020, then that was the first sign that means I wasn’t the “one” for him. All these consistent stupid excuses one after another, i even asked him why did you even pursue me in the first place and clearly it showed you weren’t ready. I knew in my gut feeling that he was too much for me and he wasn’t my type to begin with either but i cared about him and took a real chance on someone. I bet you that nobody would’ve waited as much as i did for a guy to be this complicated and immature. I understand God is a big part of our lives but this guy took it to the extreme. Relationship wise, i kept my expectations low as he was showing his true colors, friendship wise i couldn’t believe that he felt the need to ask God when and where we could hangout when i sincerely want to at least be his friend. He did some other shit i didn’t like and it costed me and my friend’s friendship to end. Me and my friend never had issues or fought prior to her introducing me to this immature religious freak. I knew in my gut that was the main thing i was afraid of, taking a chance on her guy friend and what if things went wrong and could destroy my friendship which it did. But it comes to show how people show their true colors. I never went off on this religious dude i was seeing, he went off on me a few times, showed so many red flags, clearly wasn’t ready for anything serious, he would call me twice a day and text me everyday too, my friend always being put in the middle because she introduced me to him, my friend did shady shit too like whenever i would vent to her about stuff or about the guy... she would send him my personal messages that was only for her to read. I felt betrayed, depressed, angry and irritated all in one by those two. They would play the victim card also. I haven’t gone back to church since that situation a few weeks ago. I know im not perfect and i’ve made mistakes but it was no where close to them doing me dirty at the end especially mostly the guy i dated. Even after all of that i went to bible study a week ago to return my ex friend’s mask that she left in my car awhile back ago, i wanted to be a good person despite them doing me wrong. I think that will be my last bible study session for me to go to since now i don’t feel comfortable going back again. I know i should worship God despite what happened but in all honesty, i would rather preach alone than to go somewhere where i feel uncomfortable seeing my “ex” and my ex friend. That guy truly lost me because no girl probably would’ve wasted that much time and bullshit on someone that is too radical and always asking for God on every little thing to the extreme. Keep in mind, I’m a Christian, I believe in signs but when i received signs from God (which i have received signs from God personally) i never once asked God to send me a sign on a specific deadline or anything. You can’t force God for your own benefits. God gives us what He can give us, and again He also gives us a free choice in our lives. There’s a fine line between being reasonable and being too radical. I learned a valuable lesson from all this bullshit from guys and im still healing from this. Honestly i don’t know if i’ll ever want to date again since its alot harder for me to give a new person a chance if the opportunity ever presented itself again
A few weeks ago he apologized but i never responded and i’ve kept ignoring him and kept my distance from him at bible studies. I haven’t gone back to my church for a month now because of this situation that made it uncomfortable for me to want to go back to my church.
My ex friend that introduced me to him was rude to me and said some harsh things that didn’t even make sense even after the fact she did me dirty and i even tried making amends in the relationship and put her in her place after receiving that shady rude message of hers. Definitely a lesson learned
My “ex” was definitely immature and not committed after seeing the red flags and all the things he did to me. Even my friends asked if my ex friend was in love with him because she dropped me as a friend even when he did shit to me and ruined our friendship
@@melanie.vallejo it’s been as of March 2020 1 full year no contact. Whooohooo! 🎉 I was in a different space at that. I single and happy. I wish you well my friend.. ps. That chick who introduced you to the guy was never your friend to being with. I would drop them both off where I’m met them, find a new church home and keep it move.
@@missvegan1967 Thank you girl, its just been super hard 😪💔
Angelique, good for you. May I ask, did you speak to the person before or did you just withdraw slowly? I'm going through this too. I'm loosing interest due to this hot and cold problem.
Ugh!!! It's called intermittent reenforcement. I'm glad you're talking about this!!!
You hit the nail on the head. Someone who comes in and out ends up seeming a lot more precious than they really are. In my case we started off on a great footing for the first couple of months and then his ex got in touch and started messing him around. He's been in and out now for a while on a 'friends' basis until I finally called bullshit and told him I deserve better and I haven't got time for it anymore. I feel liberated. I got really hooked and as the days go on, I realise that his grip on me is lessening. We should never allow this behaviour ladies!
You are really like a brother protecting your sisters
Tnq Soo much
Absolutely true...true love is not roller coster...its a cozy happy journey of a lifetime 🙂
Well said, routine is not boring. Safety and love is not boring. There are other ways to make true romance and relationship exiting :) Thank you Brian and good luck you are the best. Some woman have to have this reminder everyday. 🤷🏼♀️
I really love when Brian says, "Fleaky croissant," so calm yet hilarious 😂😂😂
If he won’t leave you alone after you tell him you moved on you might have to block him. As hard as this might be.
Yes, I too have had this exact thing happen and it lasted for quite a long time 😶 I learned the hard way. Wish I had seen your videos back then. If a real loving relationship can become boring - I'll take boring over being hooked. Thanks Brian!
happened to me! I said 'I've never felt this way about anyone' 'he could hurt me deeply', kept hoping the relationship would be everlasting. WOW, you have just recorded the entirety of that relationship in a short 5 minutes and I thank you for it. I've never experienced anything like this, always knew whether he liked me or he didn't. Thanks to your other videos, I had been tapering off but this one cemented it for me. It still hurts but I will continue to distance for as long as I need for closure.
I'm in this type of relationship, it's too hard to let go but now I'm sure that I have to... Thank you for showing me the right path to me.
You are so right! I call this irresponsibility and manpoulation and for me those guys do not belong to the "man" category anymore.
I'm coming from such a relationship,it's been two years but I still ask myself why,he broke, made me feel insecure, now I'm learning to let go and to love me
This is the most important principle to understand in dating. Thank you, Brian!
I think these guys objectify women, and to some degree are misogynists. Mr. hot and cold thinks of you as a treat on the side or even his prize. He has not learned to open his heart and enjoy romantic intimacy due to either not getting over an emotional wound or he could have a personality disorder. If the latter then he's like a cat and you are the mouse, which means he has zero empathy for your feelings and how his actions affect your life as the fake addictive relationship slowly rips you apart.
I just finished with one and I'm pretty sure it helped me get in touch with buried pain from childhood, mirroring a parent who was hot and cold as well with a personality disorder. As I pick up the pieces there is no question in my mind of how I was treated as a child, I never really understood before....was I loved or not loved, am I too sensitive etc..?. And I must say Brian Nox articulates this manipulative dynamic beautifully, he is definitely talented! Thanks Brian!
Check out the book "Attached" by Amir Levine its available on audible or Amazon
It teaches us about the different styles of Attachment in relationships that comes from our childhood
I have such similar story. I realized that the guy I was dating resembled my mom a lot. She was dismissive. Passive, emotionally unavailable, no validation, so on and so forth. So it was so superficial it was nothing
Suzy I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! You basically told my story with a few men in my past & I finally dealt with the LAST ONE! I too had to dig way down to find the trauma inside of me that was recreating this scenario in my life. Now, I’m thankful for the experience as without the horrid pain I may have just kept repeating the same destructive pattern.
Your advice is stellar to all people, women & men alike! I’ve learned that people can only meet us as far as they’re willing to meet themselves. The greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world is to KNOW ourselves, and what we want & deserve & honor that above all else. “To thine own self be true” and we’d be unable to bring our baggage to hurt someone else, or ourselves since we would’ve done the work to know ourselves! Bravo to you!!! ;))))
I think my one had zero empathy and a mental disorder. Either narcissism or asperger's but I could never decide.
@@theresam2940 Thank you and may I say your life experiences have produced profound compassion in your character...BRAVO!
I didn't realize these red flags in a 'situationship' I was in a few years back. This is great info. Now I know what to look for.😁
This is a really important message for women (like myself) who seem to find themselves on those roller coaster relationships far too often. True love is predictable, and cyclical (up and down) relationships are by default not true love.
Exactly what happened to me just recently!!! After 9 years on my own I can’t believe I fell for it 😑🤦♀️ perhaps he was too immature although he appeared switched on and together????? Owned his own home and had money !!! Wow what a fool I have been. I wasn’t aware of this behaviour at least I made the decision to walk away from him and I have the strength of my self esteem too.
Tracey Scott I think most of women have experienced this. It is a leason to learn and it makes you appreciate a real man when you meet him, cause there are decent men out there.
It is happening to me at this very moment! He told me 1,5 year ago that he felt we had a connection but said he was not into a serious relationship, so I stepped back because I was working on my self steem and love and I wouldn´t accept that. Since then he was always flirtatious with me, kisses, hugs and stares and I loved that feeling and I lost interest in meeting other guys! Nowadays, with this virus isolation he is charming me again, whatsapp asking if I have thought about him and telling me the things I want to hear (like We should go out). I got trapped in this for sure! I use to tell my therapist that I don´t like him per se but how he makes me feel (the hooked feeling!!!). Oh my, what a video! I got an epiphany!
Oh no. This is happening to me at this very moment. Whenever he ghosted me, I would asked him to be honest and told me if he wanted to end things with me. Then he said he still wants me. And I fell for it every single time! I wish I could have the strength to walk away. I hate myself. This is totally not me. I used to be able to say no. 😢
@@andreacosta1597 yep, that hooked feeling. I 'rejected' mine in the beginning so he kept on and on until he hooked me then keeps me on that hook, feeding me crumbs, while he looks around for what he really wants. It's amazing how 'Brian' describes the actions perfectly. Maybe these guys are reading books on 'how to'
@@RJ-wz9lt Don't hate yourself, just block him.
Gosh i wish i knew better back in the days.. i was 21 when i met this amazing guy who would treat me like a queen when we're together but once we separate.. no sign of life.. 2 weeks goes by then he calls and wanna meet again... it was like that for a while.. I wish i stopped it right at the beginning, but like he explained.. i was hooked ! The worst part is that 2 years after he called .. i was with my husband and i told him that he cannot call me anymore because I'm married now.. and he just said that he felt so guilty for not keeping me next to his side and that he actually called to give us a fresh start... at that moment i realized that probably he was just taking pleasure in telling lies over and over again and he really wasn't worthy of my time ...anyways a year after he added me on fb and sent me his wedding video... his wife really looked like me.. and we even have the same name..it was soo weird.
Hey Brian i just step by to tell you that i think you’re doing a great job in general. Unlike other who say to woman they need to act in particular way to make man be with her/ stay with her and all that stupid jazz, you just say as it is - just LET IT GO. He is not into you. Period. Live your life :) anyways why the hell you would like to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you in the first place really. Be yourself 100% and do not be ashamed of it , accept that not every felling of yours will be responded in the same way and if so that there is nothing wrong with you . Its just how it is. Live your life, be your own friend, love yourself as priority and just relax. You will know when a guy/girl is a right one :)
Thank you
This video is literally therapy. It's helped me realize a lot of things in a short video. Thank you Brian.
Omg if I had told you my story I'd say you just narrated my story perfectly. I just blocked a guy I was dating who behaves exactly like this. I am so happy to come across this video. This is the closure I needed. I am so at peace now. Been hooked on the wrong guy gor so long
Thank you for making this video, I believe this has happened to me. And I can totally relate to the ‘hooked’ part. It’s awful that someone would WANT to play with people’s souls just because they feel lonely or the ‘One’ they want is not there yet or rejects them. -keeps me aware so I don’t ever do this to someone.
Brian you're a star... such a useful message delivered and so well explained. Thank you so much.😍🙌 The best thing you said is "true love is predictable" 😊 can't agree any more on this!
Luckily it results in me getting bored and looking for another guy who is giving me consistent attention.
Ms. Nunna Yabizness me too. Can’t drag me for long.
Me too. These type of guys don't fair too well with me. And I just love being the one who ghosts them. They always act so incredulous that they're the one who has to pay the piper with their, oh, so wounded ego.
I like this guy much more than Mathew Hussey
Same here, I like it much more when Brian says "F*ck him" while MH says "Get the guy" - which sounds very desperate to me. I only watch 1 MH video and decided to unsubcribe after subcribed a while ago only because he is famous
I agree I don't like what MH says. This guy is better
omg! same thought ladies. Brian Nox clearly explain.
They have different Niches
Agreed, there's no comparison in the value of their content. Brian is simply the best
Wow , some ppl are just cruel . Continue to be the good person that you are . Guys like that deserves a woman of their kind too. You didn’t lose anything . You deserve someone with integrity . Trust your destiny ❤️
Thank you for this. It hurts to hear it but I think I needed this. I've been thinking nonstop about this one guy that showed me really strong signs of attraction yet ignores my texts and makes no effort to try to meet up. Just when I decided that I had enough of thinking about him, he texts me saying we have to meet up sometime. Not a specific day, just sometime. I see that my mind wants to go back to the old "oh but maybe it's just something else, I know he likes me", but I know better. If he was interested I would know, PERIOD.
I cannot thank you enough for your videos. I didn't have a father who taught me how men think and what they truly need. Nor did I have a mother who taught me how to have self respect or how to truly love a man. I've never understood the mind of a man nor his heart nor seen myself as having any real value to a man. At 51, I've taken myself "off the market" for good, but it has been a tremendous comfort to me to finally know what I was doing wrong all those years. Thank you for stepping up and being a "father-type" to those women who sorely lack parental wisdom and love. God bless you!
I can relate to your life. I'm so sorry that you too had no healthy mirroring as a child. I'm not sure I will ever give my heart to another man. It's too badly broken.
Excellent and very true. Thanks to you Brian I have learned much quicker to cut these guys out when i see them act flaky. Now I am dating one who is consistent and sweet. We talk every day and he says good night and good morning via text. I appreciate his straight, direct behaviour. Thank you Brian for your consistency in your great advice💗
👏🎯👏🎯so true...ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR is NOT love, but the opposite!!! Once you learn it from experience...NEVER misundertands anymore....
If I had known this when I was in the same situation years before I wouldn't have wasted 5 years of my life. I lost my precious time thinking, anticipating and ruminating day in and day out even through sleeping time I was wide awake. No one's to blame but me. I finally got over him when I met my husband whose true love is predictable.
Meaning, most men have no emotional responsibility.
I was in that situation a month ago...
I know im slowly falling for him...
But ,now he comes , next week his gone...and same routine for 3 weeks...
What i did , i avoid him and block him in social media....his sending me messages tru our common friends , but i pretend i heard none...
I have peace of mind again...💖💖🙏
so glad i found the “good” in goodbye!
blocked for good!!!! 💪🏾💪🏾
I was in such relations recently. Now happy that I'm free though it's a little bit hard path to recover myself!
Анастасия Гуслякова ✨🙏🌈
It's hard I agree but tell yourself you can do it.
@@queenjudeofficial yes thank you! I'm on my way and already feel good results for my soul
@@ng_rainbow am happy to hear that that. Keep it up 👍
You did the best by walking away. Not the easiest path but the very best. Going through the same. I get depressed some days but time and prayers are healing me. Those users do not deserve our precious time.
He wants somebody else! But only you are available. Very well explained ❤
This video saved me from getting hurt again. Thanks from the bottom of my heart! Appreciate it much! I love all of your videos. So true, inspiring, convincing and very helpful for us women.. Keep it up!!!..God bless!..
👍👍👍😉
What a great analogy thank you. 10 yr relationship, March he decided no more. I moved from our family home, with a likely legal battle ahead, 3 wks later he came racing back with a changed mind made a mistake, much of my belongings are still in our home. Now hot and cold after a big chase back and some beautiful rekindling, dates, outings obviously he wants the best of every world. I’m furious as I feel sucked in just when I was trying to move on from my tears, immense hurt, the split wasn’t mutual. I’ve been sick recently and he’s been completely absent, nothing. Am at a cross-road standing.
Very necessary reminder. It is a power and control tactic that many cluster b disordered men know too well. The problem is even "nice" guys play this game. Are there still men who want a long term relationship in this time? Online dating and apps have really ruined it.
I feel like these apps mess with everyone in many ways though. Like it’s become normalized to always be looking and trying to trade in one person that’s not for you for another BEFORE we’ve matured and come to know ourselves. We’d all be better off focusing on ourselves and our interests so that we can love ourselves and be physically, psychologically self-sufficient before deciding on a partner.
So obvious when you explain it … thank you so much x
This is so common!!! I watched my dad do this in his relationships for years and hated it. I Swore I would NEVER get into a situation like that but have several times despite my best efforts. Its very difficult at times.
You just answered my question I've been asking myself for years, thankyou
I needed to hear this. It was explained better than anyone else has explained it I think.
I have allowed this to happen to me for the first time in my life and I’m in my 50’s so now I’m feeling regretful and ashamed that I allowed this and it wasn’t like I didn’t see the red flags, I followed my emotions instead.
This explanation has made me feel better for some reason though.
I wish I could afford therapy. I really need it. 😞
Wow! TY for clarifying. Your analogy was great.
He chased me over a year. In February, he said I love you then ghosted me. Saw him next day at work but I ignored him so he stayed away for awhile then would appear around just say hi but has completely disappeared now two months. He did me a favor. I'm over it. Don't want someone imbalanced who doesn't know what he wants. It was very cond I don't but I accepted I wasn't the one he just didn't have the courage to say it.
There will be someone for me who will love and respect me and mean it, who Values me and sees my worth.
I have to say... This video is amazing. Really made me see the light!
Its like living for the next "high".
But the low is pure hell.
Thank you
i been in the situation that im so depressed. heart broken is not a joke specially for me im so weak to face that feeling .when i saw this channel & watched all the videos i slowly gain may ability to think more positive .im single but im happy & i know my value & what i deserve for myself .now i work earned good money . pay may bills, make videos in my youtube. without stress 😊 love this channel thank you Sir brian its take me only 5 months of recovery for that nightmare of heart broken . 💝 more power from the 🇵🇭🇰🇷
Wow ... incredible ... Just the right message I needed to hear today . And it helps me so much ! Thank you 🙏
Same as me I have been ghosted for 4 years
God. All of us women are going through the same bullshit with these men. I have this in my life. So do you. And all these other women. I have to end it. It's making me crazy. And now I can clearly see that my response (being crazy) is completly normal to this low value male behaviour.
Me too
Oh my god.... What a wake up call for me... I didn't realise that at all.. and yet, you're absolutely right. THANK YOU 🙏🏻👏🏻
4 narcissistic men dislike this video 😂
Now 157 narcisstic men
160 as of today
182😢
191 😁
That is eye-opening, thank you! We can deceive ourselves that addiction is love, when it is not. Realizing the psychology behind the addiction is very liberating.
Thank you for taking away his power 🙏 I hadn’t even thought of it like that, now the rest is up to me. May have to watch this a few times a day until I’m over the withdrawal
I was led back to this four years later and now we are married. Thank you for posting this originally and allowing me to pause and reflect and take a deep breath. He has lost his last parent, his mother so death takes a different toll I guess. Regardless, this popped in my feed. Many blessings.
"Flakier than a croissant" 😂😍
Omg this is the hell ive been living in for the last 5 years!! I thought I was loosing my mind and I lost myself!! I wondered why I couldn’t let go?? Thank you so much Brian!!
This is especially difficult to overcome when your husband does it to you.
Time for counseling. go to church pastor as it is typically free and spiritual. When they are not even willing to do the work, focus on God and self love and believe me you will be gone and stronger than you have ever been. Good luck.
Divorce the bastard.
It's not love. It's intermittent reinforcement. No bueno!
It’s been so hard to accept their behavior. Thank you for this closure Nox! #ThisIsntLove!!
I had a very hard time overcoming this addiction. You give one clue though, that I think is very important: not only recognizing the dynamics of what is going on but also truly paying attention to it not even feeling good. I heard somewhere the other day that great progress is made in using mindfulness in the treatment of addictions. I think this can be of great use here to: when you’re suffering and longing the most getting into a mindful mode and experiencing deeply: it does not even feel good. Experiencing this over and over again helps loosening the grip on our drug.
Whoever is interested in the addiction/meditation solution: I heard this first from Dr. Jud Brewer on the Rich Roll Podcast.
This is the best relationship video I have ever seen! Thank you!
Thanks Brian! I just experienced this and my heart is devasted. It's comforting to know that it's not me, it's just a result of being manipulated. I will stay away from that guy to save myself.
This is my favorite video of yours so far! Thank you for explaining the psychology behind this phenomenon!
Addiction is a brilliant explanation of a woman's experience with these guys. Knowing that she's just only trapped in an addiction would help her immensely to get away from him. An Amazing video, thank you.
E X C E L L E N T content!!! Thank you sooo much!! This explains this last guy--cuz WHY wld he bother reeling me back in each time after I bowed out? Nowww I get it (intentional or unintentional, it's unhealthy)!
AND, this explains many toxic relationships I saw between people who had many other addictions too--including addicted to the illusions of social media too.
Thank you for the insight!!--thank you, TRULY, TRULY!!
Needed this. I am torn between a solid future and "feel good in the moment"
You helped me open my eyes. I know that I deserve a solid everyday effort love. I want that so bad. Thank you for helping me see the light.
Brian. Thank you so much!! This is the best explanation I’ve ever heard. I’m such a sucker. I always give the benefit of the doubt. And I deserve to be treated with love and respect all of the time. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
As always you make such sense... I just have to stay strong and not let ourselves get hooked on a man who's making us an option and not a choice 🤗 x