The problem is, people want to seem like they’re not interested, and men are no exception. We are all acting like showing feelings is bad, but this is so messed up. Love shouldn’t be a game where we are always hiding all of our cards and playing them when we want. Love is saying “I’m not going to play this game because you and I aren’t pawns in a game”
Agree! And my guy and I discussed this (we called it a 2 way street). I was crystal clear I don’t play games. Guess something changed. It just hurts…. it’s getting a little less ea day….
My ex came back pretending he's changed but his behaviour was: ignoring my messages and hanging up on me all the time finding excuses. I told him straightforward that I didn't understand why he was acting this way, that it wsnt normal and that I will not tolerate this attitude. My friends and family don't do that to me, why would you? He said sorry and that he would put some effort. Next thing you know, he does it again. For me: Game over 🎮 I literally dumped him. He keeps calling and sending messages 📞 Funny how suddenly he has time to chat and can give me attention. Unfortunately for him, I will never accept his BS anymore. He did not change, I did. NEXT ➡️
He's a narcissist. Trying to suck you back in, but he can't help pushing the envelope to see how much you'll tolerate. The more you tolerate, the more he'll treat you badly. Guys like that need to be kicked to the curb asap.
He showed you who he was the first time. Personally I don’t believe in second chances because you’re seeing him for who he truly is if you take him back he may behave himself for a little while until he’s comfortable again then fall back into his usual behaviour - it’s a waste of time, upset and effort. Better of just dump and move on the first time!
I've realised long ago that you can't force someone to like you. You only have control over your own actions. If someone is interested they'll show it consistently with actions. Not just with words!!!
You are right. I changed the “game” too. I mean, if someone is consistently taking hours or days to respond then I will not be available when he’s convenient. And really, when someone is interested, man or woman, they’ll be consistently trying. I draw the line at CONSISTENCY. If you are not consistent, boy I am out. This takes practice tho, because it’s easier said than done but mindfulness helps.
Agree in principle- harder to back off when down the path because there are good things too! But I’m working on it now by reminding myself I want a fun life- with or without him.
i never understood about this shit of taking days haha shit... more than 24h? I double text and if dont get a good answer with some explanation for free will in less than 24h is bye bye
He replied me after 12 hrs on a Saturday. I responded 20 hrs later Sunday. He then called to apologize & that he feels bad bc he’s been less responsive bc of being occupied the past few days. He is always responsive but I needed to set the boundary that I too can go silent bc all it takes is communicating to your other that you’ll be busy for xyz amount of time.
My guy ALWAYS replies. And fairly quickly. What’s funny though is waiting 10 minutes for him can seem like an eternity. Yet waiting for hours for a friend or family member to reply seems like nothing. Lol. Very thankful for someone who’s actually reliable. Always early. Never cancels. And always calls right on time. I recognize I have a good one.😊
My Dad told me if a man wants to talk to you, he will make the time for you.. period.. so when you see these red flags start to present themselves don't ignore it.. besides we all have a phone on us now days.. it's easy to call your person.. so simple
When someone ignores me I always seem to lose interest. Probably because I realised at some point that if someone isn't interested in me, it's a waste of my time to chase them. You can't make people like you and if they don't, that's OK too 🙂 Years ago I thought I should take more initiative to ask a man on a date but I realised that if a man is interested he will usually ask. And if you ask him, he might say yes out of politeness or to see what he can get from you, even though he isn't interested in a relationship 🤣
Totally the wake up call I need with a guy whose generally nice and communicative with messages and chats, but takes too long to reply sometimes, and although he usually apologizes for it, something feels off and some of his answers are coming across immature and low value with low effort, and he’s not progressing anything forward, so I’m not interested in him anymore. I wish him well but moving on. Thank you 🙏 😊
I wish, whether men or women, no one should entertain the person playing mind games with them. And may everyone be enough for themselves, seeking no validation, and loving the ones who love them.
@@nijaheva1511 well when he replies (after 42 hours) he said he was so busy so I did leave him alone I don’t worry about anything now every time we broke up he’s always coming back to me so clearly I’m not the problem I am the one who’s over the control I am the prize
@@nijaheva1511 well he did come back after 42 hours and said he was so busy like girl I’m not stupid so I just leave him alone for him to stay busy cause I know that he always come back to me and that’s made me realize I’m not the problem and I am over control I can decide whether I want him or not there’s plenty fish in the sea and I am the prize I don’t wanna get up in the next 5 years and cry over this thing my future husband will never ever gonna treat me like that period xoxo
Woman:Let a man chase you.Dont beg for love.Dont make it easy for them.Let him fight for you.You dont give your body away so easily,do you?YOU are valuable,so invest in yourself.Love yourself first.
nitaka Is there any men (who you like) who chase you? Especially after you not make it easy? None for me. In my experience, the ones who chase me relentlessly are the ones I don't like.
ALL of this is 100% FACTS!! I have been dealing with this since September.. and doing everything you said the person being ignored would do. He's been doing everything to a "T" with what you said the person doing the ignoring does. For months I've been going out of my mind trying to figure out WTH is going on with him. His lackadaisical replies if I get one. And the messed up part is that NO RELATIONSHIP was ever intended!! Just a "friendship". I'd get all the reassuring responses when I'd ask him why he takes forever to reply.. "I'm just really busy...don't take it personal...I reply when I get a chance...You're not bothering me.." blah blah blah.. it's all been a game to him and I repeatedly fell for it! I tried many times to just end it too by telling him I'm done with being ignored. He'd come out of the shadows and pull me back in. You'd think I'd be smarter than this seeing that I'm almost 50yrs old... nope, he got me, he played me and is still playing me. So many times I tried to make it work and explain myself and why I got so upset and he'd respond with "all good". Damn I've been such a fool!!!! Seeking his validation because I doubt myself so much and he knows it. The power I gave to him willingly blows my mind. I allowed him to make me feel like I'm worthless, nothing and like I didn't matter at all. I'm so mad at myself for this. But THIS was the video I NEEDED to watch! THANK YOU!!!!!
Oh, I needed to hear this! It's been 2 years of being strung along!! It's hard to even be his "friend" with his inconsistent hot and cold behavior! This has helped me so much. If my needs aren't being met...then I know he won't ever be able to meet them! I deserve the best 👌 not the leftovers
This is Great & confirmation! I VERY recently had a guy (that I've known 5yrs) tell me he "wants to have a deeper relationship." He went on to tell me this elaborate "plan" HE had in HIS mind for the future.(sounded like I was just a "Good idea" to add to his "plan") After only 3x seeing each other, he EXPECTED more. When I didn't give in to what HE had wanted/ "planned" .. .. now I haven't heard from him in a week & 1/2. NO BIGGIE here! I thank God that He removed the wrong man for me out of my life!
That's called "love bombing" and that is narcissistic behavior. If you value your sanity and your life, don't get involved with him or anyone like this.Trust me...a real narcissist is constantly fishing for multiple partners and they gather people for future use. Just for USE. There is no love involved, and there never will be. A narcissist will try to kill your Spirit. They suck energy from people any chance they get, and very much so through sex.
I was definitely meant to see this! The boy I was interested in has been doing this for weeks where he’ll ignore me or “forget” to text me. Every-time it’s some excuse as to why he didn’t text. I’m ready to move on and stop putting effort in.
Men who have options don’t need to reply right away. That’s prob why your chasing him to begin with. But good choice, I’d say focus on getting better so that he starts chasing you. It’s a game of cat and mouse at the end of the day. Seems you are the cat
💙 Yes! I completely agree with everything you said. It’s my biggest pet peeve in any relationship. I understand that life gets busy but it comes to a certain point where it’s not worth my time to invest in a person who I feel is not matching my efforts…whether it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a family dynamic
He was a narcissist. Glad I saw it through after a few months. He's a grown man with a kindergarten mind. Were still in the talking-getting-to-know stage and I'm so glad I'm out of it all. I don't need a Man Child in my life. I always watch your videos till the end, Brian. Your videos helped me in my dating life rn. Thank you ❤
Mine too! It took me 8-9months to realize it and I am glad I did! A little too much but thanks for these videos you put 2+2 together. How could people be so cold right?
Mine is a toddler trapped in a grown up man body 😃 i walked away from him already ,we're on a talking stage everything's seems cool the chemistry is great but he got a Peter pan syndrome so im out... Don't need something that's not going anywhere...
So helpful . My time and effort is valuable. To all partners of dismissive Avoidant attachment style, please leave them asap. They don't deserve us. They might be nice ppl and they probably don't intend to give us silent treatment, but the thing is, they will never prioritise you. You will keep waiting for their text and they will takes days to reply, or worse, not even reply. LEAVE Edited : DAs never change. I gave one more chance after 100 chances seeing change in him since he loves so much, but he ghosted & no reply. He is absolutely wonderful and a kind man, but ghosting & silent treatment & not priortizing me is not ok
That guys a narcissist not an avoidant. Or could be an overlap. I for example get a da on tests but I don't usually give people the silent treatment that regularly
This is a good example of the need to match his effort. Dont continue to send frequent or lond msgs if he's not. This is a 'tell'. When he remains brief or inconsistent he is showing you, he's establishing, who he is... *Believe him!!*
So great Brian ! You just confirmed what i did recently. I blocked and deleted 3 inconcistend Guys. It feels si good not to be in this Drama anymore 😅 Thank you Brian 🤩🤩🤩
Mee too. He even said he was looking for me and looking me for my name on facebook but I didnt add him cuz I dont know him. We slept on first date. It was sooo bad and too quick and I was hesitating and not replying to him. He stop texting me 3 days ago. I really liked him
When I got into smth like that, I straight up asked if they were still interested in contact. And they said yes but kept the low energy reply, I would tell them that I don’t feel the connection and have a nice day. Move on 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
Yes, i sent numerous texts! No reply. What a fool i was. Finally "awakened". WTF was i thinking?! He was always emotionally unavailable anyway. I was in an illusion.
Its intresting because I just experienced this recently. I used to overthink and maybe sometimes send another text when they didnt respond. Thankfully I’ve stopped doing that now. No more giving the benefit of the doubt to guys that give me the bare minimum. I just move on. And if he wants my attention again, he better make it worth my time.
@Ava …wow I like the way you said “ no more giving benefit of the doubt”. no effort is not ok and doesn’t meet my standard! So this week I’ve been focusing more on “advancing my life” and hopefully he’ll fade to the background
Thank you!!! This was what I needed to hear. Pffft such a relief, now I really can let it go. Thank you so much!!! ( I already concluded that he probably" wasn't that into me" but was busy thinking for him, making excuses etc. ) You my dear sir, just set me free🙏👌👊✌️
I agree with this soooo much…. If I’m feeling this stressed out now couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with such a man… sounds narcissistic to me.
Dear Brian, for me (as with many others) this is your best video yet. So hard when things start off so nicely with common interests, morals, values, etc. and then your "Love" doesn't reply or if he does, it's too late or too short or just a waste of time. I really hate "How are you doing?" and you reply with a little of this and that (not an essay) and he makes NO comment whatsoever. I've been very patient but like you said, imagining a life with this fellow would most definitely be an uphill road. I think it's better to get hurt and sad now rather than later when I imagine it could be even worse. Thank you for your insight and humor. You do a magnificent job! Warmest wishes from California :)
Exactly my situation! It's been 2 days since I asked what he felt for me. Thank you so much for sharing this! You are Heaven sent! God bless you always🙏
Yes! You have to look at the people and the relationship you have with them and see if you receiving the time, energy and respect you are receiving if this is what you are giving...if not remove what doesn't serve you!
Ohhhh my Lord Brian, That was an AWESOME analogy about that song you mentioned. And you made me laugh. You're spot on. This is probably one of your best videos I've seen yet. Clear, concise, to the point and funny!!!!! You make it easy to understand and you get your message accross. Thank you
Why are people so bothered in waiting for reply and texting. It’s simple if he was not calling you, he is not into you! Text is only for setting plans or sharing links and photos, duh!!!
Totally agreed! Recently, one guy doing the same thing to me for couple of months. When I stop contacting him, he starts to initiatively message me; if I respond to him, he continues ignoring my messages or giving me a quiet short answer.
Your time is precious love. Give it to someone who deserve it. I hope you all find happiness I’ve been through this so much.I just reply to fast abs get really anxious.😌I love you and God loves you. Hope you angels all find love♥️♥️
I regret not seeing this earlier, it would be extremely beneficial 4years ago!!! 💗 Thanks Brian, thank you for your insightful videos and great newsletter where you share your knowledge and help many to create "the sculpture we want" :)
Thank you for this! I’ve come across so many men who do this when online dating and I’ve become jaded. It’s shocking if I talk to someone that is actually genuine!
Oh... It really sound easier said than done. When feelings and deep emotions are involved, it'd surely take a whole lot of courage to move on. Anyway, this is helpful so I'm taking notes for future reference.
As mentioned here as well…. Not just romantic relationships but most people. Days later they respond, maybe weeks. I’ve come to accept that you’re just not a priority, and take it from there.
Simple but Powerful Points. Thank You 💜 I enjoy the way you explain your reasons. You paint a clear picture. ( jokes are funny too) It's funny how you know these things, but when they occur your confused of what may be the reasons. Yes, I'm wasting my mental time & energy. This was totally meant 4 me to see. I know what has to be done 😁
Brian, thnx for great content! I enjoyed watching this video a lot. You really brought to the point that what was happening to me with a guy for 1,5 years, all the things/scenarios you described I‘ve been through and it feels amazing to know that this emotional and never satisfying rollercoaster will not happen again because I finally understood it🙂.
Thank you so much for this! It was what I really needed to hear. I know this guy really likes me, so I was being patient. But I realize he's the 2nd kind, the guy who will be an emotional rollercoaster. I really don't want that.
We're an LDR 4 years, the last 2 years pummeled us with travel bans, lockdowns, etc., S. Africa was harsh. He became prickly, would shut down for short periods (better than me listening to him rant). Once he gets boostered this month he'll fly to me in NYC -- unless another variant appears and the surreal barriers keeping us apart continue. He also has power outages, weak wifi, so I can't always blame him. It's just really hard but hey, until we spend more time in person I won't know if it's good or bad. These are not ordinary times and require extraordinary patience. Thank you.
4 years is far too long without some sort of committment. A long-distance relationship really isn't a relationship at all, unless you're already married to him. I'm sorry to see so many women fooling themselves into thinking they have a relationship with a man they've either never met (come on, get real) or have only met once or twice. It's called desperation. If a man is interested he will want to be with you, no matter what the difficulties. Please, ladies, PLEASE stop this wishful thinking about so-called LDRs. It will only end in tears, and they won't be his.
@@Challenger2A7 Especially if the original commenter is young and wants children, then 4 years is really a waste. I want to know if they even met eachother, hope she answers.
@@adday. One awesome week in late 2019 (after talking 2 years). He was coming to see me early 2020 but Covid screwed us. Again and again. Travel bans, lockdowns.
@@Challenger2A7 Nothing is set in stone. People like you think you know everything. We are committed in heart. My therapist understands. Many marriages have developed from LDRs. In fact I'm closer to him than my 3 husbands. Because we can't be together we talk more and go deeper. Plus I'm more mature now. Too bad you're so narrow minded. He's in Cape Town and S. Africans were banned. He was to fly to me 12/14/21 (4th flight). Again a ban was imposed. We were devastated. He went into depression. You know nothing and should STFU!
This is a good time to recall the serenity prayer, it saved me out of a previous long term relationship like this, glad this relationship hasn't progressed into a one sided miserable mess. Delete a number, before letting someone bring out the worst in you. There's someone for everyone. You have to find being rated as a 10 from one person, and a 3 from another, as more preferable then being rated a 7 or 8 from everyone. We don't need the stress of trying to live like a celebrity, that comes with difficulties in finding someone 💯 true and genuine. Especially if we don't look like a celebrity anymore.
Your videos are about working on one’s self, valuing yourself. It seems simple, but when our emotions are involved, and we do not have a strong sense of self to begin with, then this concept of self-esteem seems like a herculean feat.
My therapist once said you cannot tell your mind what not to think about. If you say "I shouldn't be thinking of them" Neurons are fast as hell, so by the time you said that, you already remembered that time when they were nice to you, their faces and thoughts are bombarding your mind. When I notice I'm thinking about him I say out loud any random though or some affirmations. I know I am not his priority, so I stop justifying his actions. I haven talked with him for a month when I used to send him messages everyday. I am struggling but I am fighting back. Wish you the best, you're an amazing person, you are valuable and deserve better ❤
people just like what they can;'t have and they value people who seem disinterested. In the same way, you don't like people who are overly desperate, and needy., which is why it's so hard to find anything mutual! And some people genuinely like the 'chase' aspect.
WOAH. 😱Goodness, I kinda wish I had seen this very pragmatic advice about a decade ago. Then again, I'm sure I probably wouldn't have listened. I just want to say that you are 100% correct. If the guy consistently ignores messages in the beginning, no matter what the excuse, it WILL stay the same.
He gets upset if I don't answer at once or listen with total attention, but when I say something he don't hear it and I have to say it multiple times. He don't listen if I talk too long and he says I speak too much. When I am happy, he gets upset abouit something and shouts, then when I get sad, he becomes nice to me in a way he was not before. Now I listen to this and I told him he is not interested in me, using me, and maybe we should not be together any more. Then he reacted and started to become better, but it was like this for so long so I don't care any more what happens. He can work on himself and I don't cook for him now when he is off and can do it himself. He did many good things in my house but he likes doing such things. He is very helpful but te communication bertween us is often terrible. He has a heart of gold and he does not use me on purpose so now I wake him up to the fact.
This also applies to other relationships, even worse, professionally at work! It's funny that in the time we live in, when we have ALL the technology and means to connect to others, we are growing more inefficient in communication. All these ghosting, "seenzoning" and mind games shows we don't even know how to be decent with one another.
So funny how i am finding all of his relevant videos relating to my situation right now. This is happening to me currently as i type this message and at first it really affected me and i was so hung up over the fact that he replied so inconsistently even after promising to communicate regularly. He had been busy i get it but so busy that he can’t take out 5 mins to reply to a text? Baffles me. I wish I would’ve found this video sooner. Bc it took me hard days to finally change my mentality and not let it affect me. I do text with him and he stills loves ‘forgetting’ to reply to me. Now i just don’t care and i also reply back whenever i actually feel like replying. Not forcing myself to reply faster so that he will do that too. And u know the funniest part. Whenever I reply late to his super-late replies (one week late) he replies late too out of spite. Which just shows how bad of an ego he has. Well due to some reasons i cant remove him completely from my life bc its just a matter of some months. So i just dont care now.
Things get really bad when someone says they love you, want to marry you and have kids with you and then starts playing hot and cold with replies and efforts. The crazy thing is I did not ask for this man to say he loved me or feels anything for me. I was playing it cool. Then when I start to get feelings. And start to want to build a life or share my life with him, he pulls back. I just said “clearly you need time and space, let’s revisit this in a few months after we both discover what we truly want” All I can do now is walk away leaving this man with all his empty promises. What kind of life is this man planning to have leading on people this way? Clearly he doesn’t really get to be the father or person he wants to be. And every woman will give him the same treatment eventually with his mind games. I guess you have to let some people learn valuable lessons on how to treat others.
thank you for this advise ! I really needed it. Guess we can also use it with friends who do not take time to reply. Or reply days later, always having excuses.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
The problem is, people want to seem like they’re not interested, and men are no exception. We are all acting like showing feelings is bad, but this is so messed up. Love shouldn’t be a game where we are always hiding all of our cards and playing them when we want. Love is saying “I’m not going to play this game because you and I aren’t pawns in a game”
Most people are just not brave..
Agree! And my guy and I discussed this (we called it a 2 way street). I was crystal clear I don’t play games. Guess something changed. It just hurts…. it’s getting a little less ea day….
So well said and so true of this generation!
Amen
Sooo true. It’s so unfortunate that we can’t be honest with each other.
My ex came back pretending he's changed but his behaviour was: ignoring my messages and hanging up on me all the time finding excuses. I told him straightforward that I didn't understand why he was acting this way, that it wsnt normal and that I will not tolerate this attitude. My friends and family don't do that to me, why would you? He said sorry and that he would put some effort. Next thing you know, he does it again. For me: Game over 🎮 I literally dumped him. He keeps calling and sending messages 📞 Funny how suddenly he has time to chat and can give me attention. Unfortunately for him, I will never accept his BS anymore. He did not change, I did. NEXT ➡️
Just like my ex from Japan, he was also acted like that.. don't take him back again
He's a narcissist. Trying to suck you back in, but he can't help pushing the envelope to see how much you'll tolerate. The more you tolerate, the more he'll treat you badly. Guys like that need to be kicked to the curb asap.
They never change I won’t give other chances
He showed you who he was the first time. Personally I don’t believe in second chances because you’re seeing him for who he truly is if you take him back he may behave himself for a little while until he’s comfortable again then fall back into his usual behaviour - it’s a waste of time, upset and effort. Better of just dump and move on the first time!
🥳🥳🥳
I never want love to feel like I have to be strategic.
I've realised long ago that you can't force someone to like you. You only have control over your own actions. If someone is interested they'll show it consistently with actions. Not just with words!!!
WORD
Well said!!! 💯👏👏👏
Too true
Sometimes you can have control over others as well
Yesssssss 👏👏👏
You are right. I changed the “game” too. I mean, if someone is consistently taking hours or days to respond then I will not be available when he’s convenient. And really, when someone is interested, man or woman, they’ll be consistently trying. I draw the line at CONSISTENCY. If you are not consistent, boy I am out. This takes practice tho, because it’s easier said than done but mindfulness helps.
Agree in principle- harder to back off when down the path because there are good things too!
But I’m working on it now by reminding myself I want a fun life- with or without him.
Perfectly said.
How do you do out precisely? Do u just ghost him or..?
How did you cut the contact? Did you block them? Or did you not reply anymore? Or did you tell them what's up before you left?
i never understood about this shit of taking days haha shit... more than 24h? I double text and if dont get a good answer with some explanation for free will in less than 24h is bye bye
He replied me after 12 hrs on a Saturday. I responded 20 hrs later Sunday. He then called to apologize & that he feels bad bc he’s been less responsive bc of being occupied the past few days.
He is always responsive but I needed to set the boundary that I too can go silent bc all it takes is communicating to your other that you’ll be busy for xyz amount of time.
My guy ALWAYS replies. And fairly quickly. What’s funny though is waiting 10 minutes for him can seem like an eternity. Yet waiting for hours for a friend or family member to reply seems like nothing. Lol. Very thankful for someone who’s actually reliable. Always early. Never cancels. And always calls right on time. I recognize I have a good one.😊
Hopefully it will remain consistent over time.
@@BrendaBaBoom 9 months so far :)
That’s great 😃
Happy for you. Hope I can find the same 🤞
or they acting they didnt understand message after month and a half, or they are far. They change decision after emotins, they cant.commit. move on
This hits hard with the “friendships” in my life. It sucks but if people don’t value me I’d rather be alone than taken advantage of. Same with family.
YES yes and yes- this is so important in order to not waste precious time and warmth... Go for the right people
Very, very true!!!
they changed they mind and cant commit
My Dad told me if a man wants to talk to you, he will make the time for you.. period.. so when you see these red flags start to present themselves don't ignore it.. besides we all have a phone on us now days.. it's easy to call your person.. so simple
This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. It applies to every relationship. Best to go with the flow so that your life is easy and calm!
Elisa Tseng- You are right. These video's have opened my eyes.
Just follow the wind... text once, if no reply, you move on. No need to block him or her.
When someone ignores me I always seem to lose interest. Probably because I realised at some point that if someone isn't interested in me, it's a waste of my time to chase them. You can't make people like you and if they don't, that's OK too 🙂
Years ago I thought I should take more initiative to ask a man on a date but I realised that if a man is interested he will usually ask. And if you ask him, he might say yes out of politeness or to see what he can get from you, even though he isn't interested in a relationship 🤣
Totally the wake up call I need with a guy whose generally nice and communicative with messages and chats, but takes too long to reply sometimes, and although he usually apologizes for it, something feels off and some of his answers are coming across immature and low value with low effort, and he’s not progressing anything forward, so I’m not interested in him anymore. I wish him well but moving on. Thank you 🙏 😊
What have you done to progress things
I wish, whether men or women, no one should entertain the person playing mind games with them. And may everyone be enough for themselves, seeking no validation, and loving the ones who love them.
If he says he’ll call and he doesn’t. .. I’m gone 😜
I love it when you empower us to value ourselves more when we are struggling with dating unavailable men.
He left me on delivered for over 20 hours!!! But I will choose my self respect more than my feelings
how is it going now dude?! i'm going through a similar thing and am asking for another perspective lol
@@nijaheva1511 well when he replies (after 42 hours) he said he was so busy so I did leave him alone I don’t worry about anything now every time we broke up he’s always coming back to me so clearly I’m not the problem I am the one who’s over the control I am the prize
@@nijaheva1511 well he did come back after 42 hours and said he was so busy like girl I’m not stupid so I just leave him alone for him to stay busy cause I know that he always come back to me and that’s made me realize I’m not the problem and I am over control I can decide whether I want him or not there’s plenty fish in the sea and I am the prize I don’t wanna get up in the next 5 years and cry over this thing my future husband will never ever gonna treat me like that period xoxo
I wish I had your strength😓 I suffer from cptsd so it’s so hard to break free
Woman:Let a man chase you.Dont beg for love.Dont make it easy for them.Let him fight for you.You dont give your body away so easily,do you?YOU are valuable,so invest in yourself.Love yourself first.
Yeah. Same applies to men.
nitaka Is there any men (who you like) who chase you? Especially after you not make it easy?
None for me.
In my experience, the ones who chase me relentlessly are the ones I don't like.
ALL of this is 100% FACTS!! I have been dealing with this since September.. and doing everything you said the person being ignored would do. He's been doing everything to a "T" with what you said the person doing the ignoring does. For months I've been going out of my mind trying to figure out WTH is going on with him. His lackadaisical replies if I get one. And the messed up part is that NO RELATIONSHIP was ever intended!! Just a "friendship". I'd get all the reassuring responses when I'd ask him why he takes forever to reply.. "I'm just really busy...don't take it personal...I reply when I get a chance...You're not bothering me.." blah blah blah.. it's all been a game to him and I repeatedly fell for it! I tried many times to just end it too by telling him I'm done with being ignored. He'd come out of the shadows and pull me back in. You'd think I'd be smarter than this seeing that I'm almost 50yrs old... nope, he got me, he played me and is still playing me. So many times I tried to make it work and explain myself and why I got so upset and he'd respond with "all good". Damn I've been such a fool!!!! Seeking his validation because I doubt myself so much and he knows it. The power I gave to him willingly blows my mind. I allowed him to make me feel like I'm worthless, nothing and like I didn't matter at all. I'm so mad at myself for this. But THIS was the video I NEEDED to watch! THANK YOU!!!!!
Oh, I needed to hear this! It's been 2 years of being strung along!! It's hard to even be his "friend" with his inconsistent hot and cold behavior! This has helped me so much. If my needs aren't being met...then I know he won't ever be able to meet them! I deserve the best 👌 not the leftovers
You go gurl ✌️✌️❤️
Clasic dismisive avoidant attachment style behavior, run dont walk!!!!
what to do if u try to breakup with him and he just won't let u go..!!
i need help 😭
@@UPSC_Unlock he is a player girl. Value your self and dismiss him
@@MetaPhysStore0770 more like a narcissist. I'm a da. Yet don't ignore people like that
This is Great & confirmation! I VERY recently had a guy (that I've known 5yrs) tell me he "wants to have a deeper relationship." He went on to tell me this elaborate "plan" HE had in HIS mind for the future.(sounded like I was just a "Good idea" to add to his "plan") After only 3x seeing each other, he EXPECTED more. When I didn't give in to what HE had wanted/ "planned" .. .. now I haven't heard from him in a week & 1/2. NO BIGGIE here! I thank God that He removed the wrong man for me out of my life!
That's called "love bombing" and that is narcissistic behavior. If you value your sanity and your life, don't get involved with him or anyone like this.Trust me...a real narcissist is constantly fishing for multiple partners and they gather people for future use. Just for USE. There is no love involved, and there never will be. A narcissist will try to kill your Spirit. They suck energy from people any chance they get, and very much so through sex.
I was definitely meant to see this! The boy I was interested in has been doing this for weeks where he’ll ignore me or “forget” to text me. Every-time it’s some excuse as to why he didn’t text. I’m ready to move on and stop putting effort in.
I know. And he even said he doesn't play games Lol.
You don't need this nonsense. This is a child at play. Mind games - they end up draining you.
Keep us updated ladies
Men who have options don’t need to reply right away. That’s prob why your chasing him to begin with. But good choice, I’d say focus on getting better so that he starts chasing you. It’s a game of cat and mouse at the end of the day. Seems you are the cat
How did you move on exactly? Like..did you text him before you left, or ghosted him, or just blocked him?
💙 Yes! I completely agree with everything you said.
It’s my biggest pet peeve in any relationship. I understand that life gets busy but it comes to a certain point where it’s not worth my time to invest in a person who I feel is not matching my efforts…whether it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a family dynamic
🙂❤️👍💯💯
💙
Yes, I've experienced this in friendships too!
He was a narcissist. Glad I saw it through after a few months. He's a grown man with a kindergarten mind. Were still in the talking-getting-to-know stage and I'm so glad I'm out of it all. I don't need a Man Child in my life.
I always watch your videos till the end, Brian. Your videos helped me in my dating life rn. Thank you ❤
Mine too! It took me 8-9months to realize it and I am glad I did! A little too much but thanks for these videos you put 2+2 together. How could people be so cold right?
@@cucar8363 isn't it waste of time spend 8-9months 😌
Mine is a toddler trapped in a grown up man body 😃 i walked away from him already ,we're on a talking stage everything's seems cool the chemistry is great but he got a Peter pan syndrome so im out... Don't need something that's not going anywhere...
@@marylcampbell2409 Hi, how did you figure it out please? I think mine too...
@@starsdance98 no. It’s a lesson.
So helpful . My time and effort is valuable. To all partners of dismissive Avoidant attachment style, please leave them asap. They don't deserve us. They might be nice ppl and they probably don't intend to give us silent treatment, but the thing is, they will never prioritise you. You will keep waiting for their text and they will takes days to reply, or worse, not even reply. LEAVE
Edited : DAs never change. I gave one more chance after 100 chances seeing change in him since he loves so much, but he ghosted & no reply. He is absolutely wonderful and a kind man, but ghosting & silent treatment & not priortizing me is not ok
I can esp relate to your sentence number 5…
Yep 👍
I feel you… i gave him for 2nd chances and ask him what is his intentions.. still its like a childish act. Blah blah.
That guys a narcissist not an avoidant. Or could be an overlap. I for example get a da on tests but I don't usually give people the silent treatment that regularly
You dont accidentally ignore someone. It's intentional.
This is a good example of the need to match his effort. Dont continue to send frequent or lond msgs if he's not. This is a 'tell'. When he remains brief or inconsistent he is showing you, he's establishing, who he is... *Believe him!!*
It's so nice to hear some basic common sense! Sometimes we lose this in the craziness of love and emotions.
So great Brian ! You just confirmed what i did recently. I blocked and deleted 3 inconcistend Guys. It feels si good not to be in this Drama anymore 😅
Thank you Brian 🤩🤩🤩
wow..I soon needed to hear this! I've been tortured by a guy who wants me but doesn't want me...I'm taking back control at last! Thank YOU
Mee too. He even said he was looking for me and looking me for my name on facebook but I didnt add him cuz I dont know him. We slept on first date. It was sooo bad and too quick and I was hesitating and not replying to him. He stop texting me 3 days ago. I really liked him
When I got into smth like that, I straight up asked if they were still interested in contact. And they said yes but kept the low energy reply, I would tell them that I don’t feel the connection and have a nice day. Move on 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
@Blessing Sound Why would i? I dont need it. I was just telling personal experiences
Yes, i sent numerous texts! No reply. What a fool i was. Finally "awakened". WTF was i thinking?! He was always emotionally unavailable anyway. I was in an illusion.
Its intresting because I just experienced this recently. I used to overthink and maybe sometimes send another text when they didnt respond. Thankfully I’ve stopped doing that now. No more giving the benefit of the doubt to guys that give me the bare minimum. I just move on. And if he wants my attention again, he better make it worth my time.
@Ava …wow I like the way you said “ no more giving benefit of the doubt”.
no effort is not ok and doesn’t meet my standard!
So this week I’ve been focusing more on “advancing my life” and hopefully he’ll fade to the background
This is exactly what was happening to me! I am so glad it is over now. The trash takes itself out. Thank you for this video!!
I loved this video! We should never fight for his attention and value ourselves!
Hi 👋 Janet, how are you?
Thank you!!! This was what I needed to hear. Pffft such a relief, now I really can let it go. Thank you so much!!! ( I already concluded that he probably" wasn't that into me" but was busy thinking for him, making excuses etc. ) You my dear sir, just set me free🙏👌👊✌️
I agree with this soooo much…. If I’m feeling this stressed out now couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with such a man… sounds narcissistic to me.
Dear Brian, for me (as with many others) this is your best video yet. So hard when things start off so nicely with common interests, morals, values, etc. and then your "Love" doesn't reply or if he does, it's too late or too short or just a waste of time. I really hate "How are you doing?" and you reply with a little of this and that (not an essay) and he makes NO comment whatsoever. I've been very patient but like you said, imagining a life with this fellow would most definitely be an uphill road. I think it's better to get hurt and sad now rather than later when I imagine it could be even worse. Thank you for your insight and humor. You do a magnificent job! Warmest wishes from California :)
Exactly my situation! It's been 2 days since I asked what he felt for me. Thank you so much for sharing this! You are Heaven sent! God bless you always🙏
This is literally my situation right now! It's like you knew I needed these answers 😀
Yes! You have to look at the people and the relationship you have with them and see if you receiving the time, energy and respect you are receiving if this is what you are giving...if not remove what doesn't serve you!
Ohhhh my Lord Brian,
That was an AWESOME analogy about that song you mentioned. And you made me laugh. You're spot on.
This is probably one of your best videos I've seen yet. Clear, concise, to the point and funny!!!!! You make it easy to understand and you get your message accross.
Thank you
Thank you I just keep replaying this to encourage myself to keep moving on and not accept less.
you are absolutely right , dating someone like him is a nightmare !
Wow you made this video just in time. Thank you. My value isn’t determined by who replies and doesn’t reply to me. 🥰
Dmn i needed this!!!It was/is like a God sent message a message like GIRL WAKE UP!Thank you coach!❤️
You make me laugh, and I am grateful for your message ! Crazy how I know all these things but your reminders keep me on point ♥️
Experiencing this rn.Thanks for the advice 🙂
Why are people so bothered in waiting for reply and texting. It’s simple if he was not calling you, he is not into you! Text is only for setting plans or sharing links and photos, duh!!!
This!!!
First part is true , second half is not true for everyone
Totally agreed!
Recently, one guy doing the same thing to me for couple of months. When I stop contacting him, he starts to initiatively message me; if I respond to him, he continues ignoring my messages or giving me a quiet short answer.
Narcist
Your time is precious love. Give it to someone who deserve it. I hope you all find happiness I’ve been through this so much.I just reply to fast abs get really anxious.😌I love you and God loves you. Hope you angels all find love♥️♥️
I regret not seeing this earlier, it would be extremely beneficial 4years ago!!! 💗 Thanks Brian, thank you for your insightful videos and great newsletter where you share your knowledge and help many to create "the sculpture we want" :)
Thank you, this was PERFECT timing & now have 2 to drop that I'm not waiting on anyway!! 🥰
Thank you for this! I’ve come across so many men who do this when online dating and I’ve become jaded. It’s shocking if I talk to someone that is actually genuine!
I wish I had saw this earlier..right on!… a story like this almost cost me everything…but certainly my health , physically emotionally mentally !
Oh...
It really sound easier said than done. When feelings and deep emotions are involved, it'd surely take a whole lot of courage to move on. Anyway, this is helpful so I'm taking notes for future reference.
As mentioned here as well…. Not just romantic relationships but most people. Days later they respond, maybe weeks. I’ve come to accept that you’re just not a priority, and take it from there.
Simple but Powerful Points. Thank You 💜 I enjoy the way you explain your reasons. You paint a clear picture. ( jokes are funny too)
It's funny how you know these things, but when they occur your confused of what may be the reasons. Yes, I'm wasting my mental time & energy.
This was totally meant 4 me to see.
I know what has to be done 😁
Loved this. You tell it in a charming and funny way but your message is serious and clear. Great job.
Brian, thnx for great content! I enjoyed watching this video a lot. You really brought to the point that what was happening to me with a guy for 1,5 years, all the things/scenarios you described I‘ve been through and it feels amazing to know that this emotional and never satisfying rollercoaster will not happen again because I finally understood it🙂.
Thank you so much for this! It was what I really needed to hear. I know this guy really likes me, so I was being patient. But I realize he's the 2nd kind, the guy who will be an emotional rollercoaster. I really don't want that.
Hello.. how are you?
You are intelligent and so humble at the same time. 💜
Thank you for posting videos. 📫 I love it when you do that.
Rejection is God's protection.
Congratulations Brian! You are SOOO ON POINT in THIS VIDEO.... actually in all your videos...I love them all!!!
thank you. i knew i needed to finish this relationship, it's just emotional rollercoaster, and it feels bad
Amazing! So helpful! Thank you so much Brian! ❤️
We're an LDR 4 years, the last 2 years pummeled us with travel bans, lockdowns, etc., S. Africa was harsh. He became prickly, would shut down for short periods (better than me listening to him rant). Once he gets boostered this month he'll fly to me in NYC -- unless another variant appears and the surreal barriers keeping us apart continue. He also has power outages, weak wifi, so I can't always blame him. It's just really hard but hey, until we spend more time in person I won't know if it's good or bad. These are not ordinary times and require extraordinary patience. Thank you.
How much time did you already spend together face to face?
4 years is far too long without some sort of committment. A long-distance relationship really isn't a relationship at all, unless you're already married to him. I'm sorry to see so many women fooling themselves into thinking they have a relationship with a man they've either never met (come on, get real) or have only met once or twice. It's called desperation. If a man is interested he will want to be with you, no matter what the difficulties. Please, ladies, PLEASE stop this wishful thinking about so-called LDRs. It will only end in tears, and they won't be his.
@@Challenger2A7 Especially if the original commenter is young and wants children, then 4 years is really a waste. I want to know if they even met eachother, hope she answers.
@@adday. One awesome week in late 2019 (after talking 2 years). He was coming to see me early 2020 but Covid screwed us. Again and again. Travel bans, lockdowns.
@@Challenger2A7 Nothing is set in stone. People like you think you know everything. We are committed in heart. My therapist understands. Many marriages have developed from LDRs. In fact I'm closer to him than my 3 husbands. Because we can't be together we talk more and go deeper. Plus I'm more mature now. Too bad you're so narrow minded. He's in Cape Town and S. Africans were banned. He was to fly to me 12/14/21 (4th flight). Again a ban was imposed. We were devastated. He went into depression. You know nothing and should STFU!
I thank God for all the help you are giving in getting people on the right track with relationships.
I thank you from Buffalo New York ☃️❄️☺️
This is a good time to recall the serenity prayer, it saved me out of a previous long term relationship like this, glad this relationship hasn't progressed into a one sided miserable mess. Delete a number, before letting someone bring out the worst in you. There's someone for everyone. You have to find being rated as a 10 from one person, and a 3 from another, as more preferable then being rated a 7 or 8 from everyone. We don't need the stress of trying to live like a celebrity, that comes with difficulties in finding someone 💯 true and genuine. Especially if we don't look like a celebrity anymore.
Your videos are about working on one’s self, valuing yourself. It seems simple, but when our emotions are involved, and we do not have a strong sense of self to begin with, then this concept of self-esteem seems like a herculean feat.
Tremendous content! This has been golddust for me today, thank you truly 🙏 💗
I felt this...thanks for your amazing insight and on point humor. You are so astute and lovable.
So true ! Thank you, Brian
If I am that easily to forget he’s not the man for me. I completely understand getting busy or own dying but forget OK forget my number
I know you're so right it just hurts so badly
But how do I get my mind to stop doing this? How to actually stop the mind from wondering off into putting so much importance to them?
My therapist once said you cannot tell your mind what not to think about. If you say "I shouldn't be thinking of them" Neurons are fast as hell, so by the time you said that, you already remembered that time when they were nice to you, their faces and thoughts are bombarding your mind. When I notice I'm thinking about him I say out loud any random though or some affirmations. I know I am not his priority, so I stop justifying his actions. I haven talked with him for a month when I used to send him messages everyday. I am struggling but I am fighting back. Wish you the best, you're an amazing person, you are valuable and deserve better ❤
You made me lough sooooo much ! So true ! So well said, so much attached to the ground !
..... on the dark side of the moon ....😅
I saw this video at the perfect time! Thank you!
So right on.
I love your videos and the time you take to educate us, thank you so much and May God bless you 💕❤️
This video is sooooooo timely and insightful. Thanks a lot for the video.
people just like what they can;'t have and they value people who seem disinterested. In the same way, you don't like people who are overly desperate, and needy., which is why it's so hard to find anything mutual! And some people genuinely like the 'chase' aspect.
WOAH. 😱Goodness, I kinda wish I had seen this very pragmatic advice about a decade ago. Then again, I'm sure I probably wouldn't have listened. I just want to say that you are 100% correct. If the guy consistently ignores messages in the beginning, no matter what the excuse, it WILL stay the same.
He gets upset if I don't answer at once or listen with total attention, but when I say something he don't hear it and I have to say it multiple times. He don't listen if I talk too long and he says I speak too much. When I am happy, he gets upset abouit something and shouts, then when I get sad, he becomes nice to me in a way he was not before. Now I listen to this and I told him he is not interested in me, using me, and maybe we should not be together any more. Then he reacted and started to become better, but it was like this for so long so I don't care any more what happens. He can work on himself and I don't cook for him now when he is off and can do it himself. He did many good things in my house but he likes doing such things. He is very helpful but te communication bertween us is often terrible. He has a heart of gold and he does not use me on purpose so now I wake him up to the fact.
This also applies to other relationships, even worse, professionally at work! It's funny that in the time we live in, when we have ALL the technology and means to connect to others, we are growing more inefficient in communication. All these ghosting, "seenzoning" and mind games shows we don't even know how to be decent with one another.
Thank you for your time and effort! 💚🤗🌴😎
THANKS for all of your valuable advise!!
**advice**
I think we rely too much on texting and DMs. Pick up the phone or go see them.
What difference will that make if they don't even want to text lol
Not only are your videos helpful, they're so entertaining... thank you!
For a young man you have a great deal of wisdom
So funny how i am finding all of his relevant videos relating to my situation right now. This is happening to me currently as i type this message and at first it really affected me and i was so hung up over the fact that he replied so inconsistently even after promising to communicate regularly. He had been busy i get it but so busy that he can’t take out 5 mins to reply to a text? Baffles me. I wish I would’ve found this video sooner. Bc it took me hard days to finally change my mentality and not let it affect me. I do text with him and he stills loves ‘forgetting’ to reply to me. Now i just don’t care and i also reply back whenever i actually feel like replying. Not forcing myself to reply faster so that he will do that too. And u know the funniest part. Whenever I reply late to his super-late replies (one week late) he replies late too out of spite. Which just shows how bad of an ego he has. Well due to some reasons i cant remove him completely from my life bc its just a matter of some months. So i just dont care now.
Things get really bad when someone says they love you, want to marry you and have kids with you and then starts playing hot and cold with replies and efforts.
The crazy thing is I did not ask for this man to say he loved me or feels anything for me. I was playing it cool.
Then when I start to get feelings. And start to want to build a life or share my life with him, he pulls back.
I just said “clearly you need time and space, let’s revisit this in a few months after we both discover what we truly want”
All I can do now is walk away leaving this man with all his empty promises.
What kind of life is this man planning to have leading on people this way? Clearly he doesn’t really get to be the father or person he wants to be. And every woman will give him the same treatment eventually with his mind games.
I guess you have to let some people learn valuable lessons on how to treat others.
this was amazing, thank you for being so real
I’ve been doing this for almost 5 years and just when I think things get better they don’t. He starts all over again …
thank you for this advise ! I really needed it. Guess we can also use it with friends who do not take time to reply. Or reply days later, always having excuses.
Sad but we all in the same situation,life is so short live it for yrself
Super👍 well said, Brian.
I just want to listen to u all my life…. Cos it seems like Ure talking to me. Thank u so much, I really need to get my value back 😢
This is gold 💯
Thanks for the enlightenment ❤️
"Let me tell you....lots of fun!" Priceless.