BOATING LIKE A TSAR PART 5 - Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
- #ultimateadmiraldreadnoughts #ultimateadmiral #blackpantslegion
This is not a serious take on naval history, but more a shitpost thereof. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I'm sorry, Elmo Zumwalt.
The game is Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts: store.steampow...
In Ultimate Admiral: Dreadnoughts you play as the head of a navy doing what the head of navies do best - spend entirely too much money on holes in the water, or, in laymans terms, ships. You can design very stupid things. I do this.
Music from Epidemic Sound - www.epidemicso...
"Our engines are 300% efficient! For every ton of coal burned, we get two back!"
On long journeys they're throwing coal overboard as the bunkers overspill xD
@@vermiworm They frequently burn down due to coal flash fires.
"Mr. Data, it is possible to do nothing wrong and still lose. That is not called failure; that is simply called life."
Ahh... Remember when Star Trek was good? I remember... I'd even take Voyager Levels now...
As a buddy of mine and Marine said " The Art of War and On War are full of great advice, but nobody reads the right sections when they need to."
I throw my hat into the "Spain" camp for the next Admiral campaign. Tex either has to stop the Spanish Civil War from happening or, perhaps, Tex must somehow build and run the world's only Anarchist Navy.
I throw my hat in for Anarchist Navy! Id love to hear tex tell stories about the MYRIAD of strange and wonderful characters in that conflict, and the delicious infighting/fracturing of everybody involved
Hear hear for the anarchist navy. Free State of Van Iberia navy must fly the black pants proudly.
Which one? Not that I'm an expert, but I hear they've had more civil wars than Luigi Cadorna had battles of the Isonzo River...
Spain is the one nation I have not been able to survive a 1890-1950 run with. It is a really tough play through.
You shall not pass by sea
"Wars are rarely won by the side that gets everything right - they're usually won by the side that makes the fewest mistakes" - I read that 35 years ago, in a book by military historian James F. Dunnigan, and as you said, it landed like a cinder block in my brain, and stayed there ever since.
I'm retired USN enlisted, from 1977 to 97. I was one of Rickover's little minions, running nuclear propulsion plants on ballistic missile submarines.
I remember when Tom Clancy was all the rage, in the 80's and 90's. I watched a lecture he gave once, where he was pontificating about how the US military was this shining example of meritocracy and efficiency. My reaction was "I wonder which military he's talking about, because he's sure as hell not talking about the one I'm serving in".
I think the overall point of James Dunnigan's book, was that people in the military and in charge of the military, are just as human as anyone else, suffer from the same faults, and often make mistakes - and sometimes those mistakes have catastrophic results.
Bet your glad you don't have to take a 2 hour exam every month any more, I sure as hell am.
@@Cowboycomando54 Amen to that. I've got an old Navy friend, who decided to drop out of Nuclear Power School, because in his words, he didn't want to spend his entire naval career being a professional student.
He ended up being on the recommissioning crews for the Iowa and the Wisconsin, and spent the entire First Gulf War in the Gulf on the Wisconsin. He was sitting on the mess decks eating, watching the CCTV footage live, when Iraqi soldiers tried surrendering to their recon drone, after getting a bunch of Volkswagens dropped on them.
@@mitchelloates9406 I always tell people, I don't regret joining the Navy, I regret being a nuke.
I mean if you look at it from a historical scale it's pretty meritacritic just don't linquistics for just about any military you will be disapointed
While Clancy was wasn't right, he wasn't entirely wrong either. Our military was and is a "shining example of meritocracy and efficiency" - but only when you compare it to the forces they would be fighting. The PLA, old Soviet (and current Russian) Red Army, the various Mid-east forces, were so bloody inefficient and based on the OPPOSITE of meritocracy, that they are. Sometimes there's value in being the least-fucked-up of a bad lot. There's a number of small militaries that are better at efficiency and meritocracy than the US, but for the most part they aren't designed to fight a prolonged fight, just a holding action until their bigger allies with their inefficient forces get off their asses and show up. One of the best examples of efficiency and promotion on merit is currently fighting for its life, being falsely accused of genocide against actual genocidal maniacs, and the reason for some of the cries against them is that they are so effective at trying to limit damage to the real assholes.
Going back to the first Gulf War, a lot of people were talking about how inefficient and ineffective the US was, and talking about the size of the Iraqi forces (but not their nepotism, their low maintenance, the actual quality of their equipment and their training, and lack of leadership).
The doomsayers were claiming the US would be massacred. The people saying our equipment and training are better, can you at least wait until we see some of it used, before accepting the USSR's statements on how comparable their export equipment in Iraq was to the US gear as gospel?
The resulting flattening of Iraq's military proved that too many of the doomsayers were too willing to jump aboard the "the US Sucks compares to the Red Army and anyone using Soviet gear" train (after all the KGB was still cutting checks to people in the Western Press to say that in 1990-1991 - which was admitted by the post-coup-attempt Russian government).
However, it ALSO filled too many gung-ho idiots that the US was far better than it was, because we had done the equivalent of dropping anvils on puppies, not actually fought a competent foe.
The Kopeks ridicolous amount of smokestacks meant, that the soviet navy could simply reuse their stacks and didn't build a new smokestacks until 1986
Every decade long military quagmire is always preceded by the words "we will have this military operation wrapped up in a week."
I cannot think of a single instance where that was said.
The only one that comes to mind is "We will have this war done before Christmas." Which if you look at the context with which that was said it makes sense. As the war had a very clear winner at that time. It wouldnt be until a few more players joined the mix that things clearly became complicated.
"The end is right around the corner. We just need 18 months!"
@@irontemplar6222 Did you already forget that Putin was certain that he would roll over Kiev and that the Ukraine government would immediately capitulate, leading to the current quagmire threatening to destroy the entire russian economy?
I did a massive wargame using Harpoon rules with a friend after a think tank guy on the news claimed that any conflict with North Korea would be wrapped up "within 4 hours."
At the four hour mark, one US carrier was on fire, one trapped in a minefield, two destroyers sunk, a cruiser on fire, and the US had no anti-air defense left with ammunition... and North Korea was preparing their third wave of attacks.
@downix mind you we predicted over 100k casualties in the Gulf War so take it with a grain of salt.
Love that Russian Tex makes amazingly seaworthy vessels by accident. Seriously, this is the first play through of this game where I don’t see red or yellow at the top of the ship design screen.
And then scraps it before it's off the drawing board.
Tex: oh cool I can build dreadnoughts
Also Tex: builds a pre-dreadnought on a dreadnought hull
"We are out numbered three to one and they've got us beat on tonnage. We shall drive directly into the middle of their formation and stop."
*Proceeds to sink entire enemy fleet with no loss of ships.*
What kind of dark sorcery is Tex using???
Picric Acid
I definately think that a Japan big dumb boat series is needed. Ive binged Italy and Austria and it seems that the moral of the story is little boat go burr. which while absolutely true, would be fun to see you full send in the opposite direction.
Fast- boats are absolutely cracked, and until you get into mid-late game targeting, that absolutely remains the case. Once the big scary boats start one shotting destroyers from 10 klicks out (mkIII+ rangefinders), they need to swap roles to serve as transport raiders, "other little boat go away" forces or (in the late game) you build fuck-truck torpedo cruisers to dump 30+ tops apiece into the enemy formation from 20k out.
Then your big scary boats sheep-dog the formation while the sea boils around them.
@@prelude2tube The big boats are pretty nice early game, too, when your average torpedo has no more than a two or three klick range. No, you're not sniping them at twenty klicks out with the big guns, but you'll still kill enemy torp boats with your secondaries (and the occasional lucky hit from the big guns) before they reach torpedo range.
"there is no kd ratio in war that matters, if all you inherit is dirt"
-Tex, not* a war philosopher
I think the age of 'war as conquest' is over, and is now the age of 'war as a method to make sure your opponent is no longer going to be a problem in the future'
As a retired mil cop, one of the issues for the US of late is, we have 2 kinds of MPs. Garrison home ones & wartime ones. 2 very different skills sets & trainings. The war time ones, which I did more of, was always "plusses up" by regular combat grunts (for better or worse) but the higher up wants us to police the locals as if they were "our own citizens in the US" and not the former & current war time army/combatants....because the higher up WANTES or were told to "win hearts & minds" & not "END THE DAMN WAR BY WINNING". We litteraly worked against ourselves with delusional hopes & ideas.
This completely. It will be sadly a long time before we will ever know completely just how many of our people died because of "Hearts and Minds".
I've heard very much the same thing from other MOS' within. Seems our nation has forgotten the purpose of a military and war.
@@relishcakes4525 The political leaders want a kinder gentler war with no one ever getting hurt. They have forgotten the army/navy is a HAMMER to SMASH an enemy, a LAST resort option. That the arrow, once loosed, can NOT be called back till it hits the target. Put a ROPE on your arrow won't make it a magic grappling hook, just an arrow that never hits the right target or gets anything done.
@@Hybris51129 Well, they'll have to STOP dying for "hearts and minds" first. But if losing Vietnam by trying to fight for the hearts and minds of people who don't want the northerners much less Americans on their soil dictating their lives didn't teach them, and then the other times haven't yet... I can't imagine something that will.
That final battle
THE KINGDOM OF MADNESS
If you destroy the opposing side by setting all their ships on fire, is that a picric victory?
@@CloudWallace STEP INTO THE SQUARED CIRCLE, SON
@@blackops555OUUUHHHH YEAAAH
Tex deleted the Fast Boat design right before using some of the remaining ships to steamroll a fleet that had him out numbered and out gunned. It's the Exporto all over again!
I appreciate how Tex’s focuses for military conquest relies on, to some degree, his stomach! 🤣 fair enough!
Tex as Spain: "Hey, who feels like Mongolian Barbecue?"
I still think that the best Theme Song for this Video Series would be a Parody of Deep Purple "Highway Star" called "Highway Tsar"!
Nobody gonna take my boat, gonna race it to the end!
Nobody gonna sink my fleet, gonna beat you in the end!
Ooh, its a killing machine, its got everything.
I love it! I need it! I fleet her!
According to my father who served in iraq/afghanistan before finally retiring they knew the mission was screwed before they finished their first deployment. My dad weirdly nostradomus'd the whole thing saying it'd end in nothing after 20 years
YUP, it was the general consensus we had on first deployment in 07, except we underestimated the duration by 10 years...
I remember leaving Kandahar, flipping it the double bird and saying "good riddance, I'll never see you again" only to sulk my way back 2 years later
"So is white phosphorus." Truth.
I think the first quarter of this century taught my generation anything, is that don't get tied up in something called 'Mission Creep'
While in any conflict it pays to be flexible and highly skilled, someone needs to put in some kind of parameters for how long, doing what and when it ends- then holding those responsible to those parameters. There's also the lesson we seem to forget about looking after those who come back more than just on memorial days because being at war is a completely shit pastime that no amount of free coffee and thanks will fix for some of them.
Keep in mind that 'mission creep' is less a military thing and more a bureaucracy thing. Yes, militaries have bureaucracies, but the civilian ones are more numerous and just as prone to the phenomenon.
I cannot believe that last battle. Sheer aggressive belligerence, broke their line, broke their back. Out numbered, out tonned, out gunned, but not out crazied.
That's the thing: not outgunned. These things have an obscene amount of secondaries and casemate guns, and being little they have a fairly rapid rate of fire; combined with HE munitions, the DPS of these little murderboats means they have local superiority in pretty much any engagement. I expect their hard counter is the fast sniper boat, with big, long range guns on the front and the ability to fire from the next county and dictate long range engagements. Tex had some of those in the end of the Habsburgs run, but I don't think the AI on this game is able to reach this conclusion and implement the strategy.
We need more smonk stacks! The Tsar demands it!
Smonk Smonk SMONK
Let our battleships make Jacky Fisher and Greta Tunberg cry!!1
The thing about Clausewitz is that he had his eye on the project of making an actual science of military strategy - he didn't actually *have* that project because he knew it wasn't fully possible, but for all that he's making some moves toward it. And he gives loads and loads of caveats right up front in the book that are meant to give you a hint as to the right way to try to use what he'd written. It is not a manual. A lot of it is suggestive, giving you ways to conceptualize relations between various factors that are theoretical but always somewhat tentative, with other portions that are intended to flesh things out with straight matters of fact and insights into human nature. He makes mistakes, especially (I think) when he gets too deep into the theoretical end and starts moving toward universal principles. But I feel like criticisms made by people like the instructor in this story are made by people who skipped that part and are trying to treat it as the kind of book it's not meant to be. The idea, at least as I take it, is that if you took his ideas and put them into a coherent enough conceptual framework to make a good criticism of those ideas, he'd be perfectly happy with that result because *that* is what he wants you to get out of the process.
That said if I'm going to try to be sympathetic, sometimes when you teach a subject if you are continually confronted with people who treat a particular book as a sort of dogmatic scripture, you start responding to everyone who mentions that book as if they too intend to use it that way. This is a sad way that age and experience can actually make us worse as teachers.
Ahhh. Glorious Shipposting.
Glorious!
And why can't we have your boats?
I prefer the old intro more, but great work none the less.
When I was in the Navy, our ship was doing the whole deck plate leadership thing. They kept trying to say that any one can be a leader, I could never buy into this mind set.
Anyone can be assigned to middle management...
Only born or experience grown leaders can do it good, and the key traits of good leaders is humility and perception, the key skills are communication, applied psychology, delegating and confidence without ego.
@@SonsOfLorgarPerception had better include a vranyo detector. 😊
@@SonsOfLorgarGoddamn, well said
God bless. Love these videos, brother. Absolute shame I didn't watch your Ultimate Admiral videos sooner. I look forward to these every doggone week.
Hey Spices drove the British to India and the Far East....it's just too bad they never learned how to cook with them. Of course they opted for the other side of that coin, which was..."We can't cook with them, but all these people that we conquered can...lets just import the people to cook with them at home." And then complain about all the foreigners.
Thank you for your insight and stories about modern-day tactical thinking, I often find I'm in a similar position just without the armament of the amount of study and knowledge you have accumulated.
Modern-day jingoistic ego always ends up overriding any possibility for reasoned rational discussion and I end up leaving frustrated.
I'm pretty sure this is one of the reasons why I tend to gravitate towards reading learning and discussing topics that are farther in the past, like the age of piracy.
Love how most of Tex's navy strat is the charge of the horde. The DCMS would be proud
I know what you mean about a book sometimes being foundational... My own experience with that was nothing related to the military, but with psychology: The Science of Fear.
It's colored my thinking about how I approach things, and how I see other people approach things. And while there's no particular line from the book stands out to me, the broad strokes of how you can think of your own thinking, and noticing the subtle patterns and habits that might have been useful millenia ago (but now are traps that will make you act irrationally), have stayed with me for over a decade without fading.
" We got rid of the Romanovs even though they were kinda cool" how very Russian of you Tex, seems to be inevitable.
I thought that was Katyusha in the opening.
Yep, thats what it is
Opening sequence... the stuff of Legend
Oopah! Das bootzens go uber-boomen. Unterhaltsam!
Someone give the creator of that intro a cookie! Damn that was cool.
By the end of this video; Tex became more insane than Tzar!
Even good military leaders often forget two very important adages, "The best laid plans don't survive contact with the enemy" and this true because "the enemy also makes plans".
31:45 Point of order: it wasn't just Greek soldiers on Crete that gave the Germans such a hard time but also the Australians and New Zealanders. Look up the Battle of 42nd Street, where Australian and New Zealand troops launched a bayonet charge on German mountain troops that drove them back about 1.5 kilometres and inflicted ~280 casualties in return for ~50 in exchange.
Gods I love the production quality in every intro on this channel. Utterly delightful!
58:30 i once had a monthly naval budget as the US of over 2 billion in 1910. That was a scary day. That was also with a 200+ boat fleet and no torpedo boats or destroyers
Ah yes, Tsar Nikolas' well known love of smoke stacks and secondary armaments on ships.
Tex I always appreciate your commentary on military history, and would honestly eat up a whole channel devoted to it. Fireside military history and whiskey with Tex! But, that aside, having historically relevant info overlaid onto the backdrop of hilariously designed boats that win is incredibly entertaining.
Of all the things I didn't know I needed, a version of Katyusha ending with 'Shave-and-a-haircut' is one of them
Spain and Japan are FANTASTIC playthroughs!
Japan is a little cash strapped through about midgame (realistically until you start taking some of the Cambodian peninsula from France) but you DO get to eat Russia and China for breakfast - as a treat - because your boats are CONSISTENTLY way better. Just be aware that attrition is your enemy. Late game Japan's boats are fuckin' DOPE, though. They are incredibly pretty and tend to max out all three corners of the angy boat triangle (firepower, speed, and armor)
Spain is WILD because they're HILARIOUSLY cash strapped at all times, and also the US, France, and Britain all just hate you by default. It's a pugilist's peril, for sure, and you'll spend the forest 30 years or so trying desperately to stagger your inevitable conflicts so as not to get overwhelmed, much less a death by 1,000 cuts.
No idea what their late stage builds are like, but I'll let you know when I get there.
Not a fan of Japan's DD hulls, but I like guns on my destroyers, so...
Seems like a good campaign to build 6 large nelson-likes and just sail them straight ahead line abreast into the enemy fleet
Yamato run sounds hilarious
Ironically, the desire of many to commit fully to war prolongs the war and the suffering in many instances. So does the lack of a clear objective.
Glad too hear from you again:)
I really want to see sequels to the Kopek class. Sandblasting the enemy with massed 2-inch guns is funny, and will only get funnier with autoloaders.
the way you said "what is this!?" lol, i died laughing a little .
The dracula flow reference is unexpected but very appreciated
Banger rendition of Katyusha
It always does seem that, no matter how strong a military is, they always are undone just by simple pride, arrogance, and disdain for whatever force they are fighting that proceeds to remind them, never underestimate your opponent
Dam, i had high hopes for the Bad enough class. Sweet vid as always Mr Tex, cheers.
It'd be a safe bet to just make nelsons out of your early dreadnoughts to compensate for weight and turret restrictions.
@03:44 Tex really waking up and choosing violence already; this might be a spicy episode
I was in Military History at NC State when 9/11 happened. I was one of 2 in that class who wasn't ROTC. The professor had a fantastic come to Jesus lecture Wednesday morning. And it was scary as all hell.
We study war in hopes of avoiding war.
Coming up through the Army at the height of the surge until now, very interesting to see the tectonic shift in focus on what is it we’re supposed to be doing and how do we organize ourselves to fight
Came for the gameplay. Stayed for Tex's fascinating incites into military philosophy.
Hey Tex, at 5:00 when you are adding crew to your ships. If you click "Add Crew" on the bottom left then it will fill your ship with crew automatically.
WHEEE SHOOTENBOATEN!
Baby elephant walk mentioned, now I hear that damn song. Thanks Tex
Baddenov Class, built from strongk Pottsylvanian Steel!
"Hail to Pottsylvania! Hail to the Black and the Blue! Hail! Hail! HAIL!!"
Exporto must live on!
Always a good video when Dracula Flow is quoted.
Trying to work out which intro I prefer, content is entertaining as always.
That cruiser though....With so many funnels it's a wonder the pressure of the smoke doesn't drive it under...
In my experience in the Corps and out, the Air Force tends to indoctrinate theur personnel that their job is to annoy people on the ground, and it remains a lifelong priority in all they do.
The ones I know also tended to overestimate their tactial and strategic acumen. It's a kind of funny.
Personally because I grew up in the 2000's -2010's I have never assumed that a war is just going to blow over quickly because of what we were involved in, of anything I do hope that that mentality is preserved for at least a good few generations because not planning far enough ahead can actually cause a worse outcome than just failing in a war to even begin with.
But yeah I do hope that we find a way to solve at least something here on the homefront to where we don't need a forever war to keep from tearing ourselves apart
Ah yes, the marvellous misadventures of Rear Admiral Rex. Time traveling historian, naval architect and leader of neck-beards.
Honestly, as much as it's partly for the lulz, I do feel really bad for any torpedo boats trying to attack the Badinov. They're gonna have a bad day.
18:46 Mr. Tex, in reference to your story about the wisdom of Clausewitz, stating an army doesn’t function well as a occupying police force, this is something I think that people are coming to notice more and more from a historical perspective, and should be common sense: forcing a tool into a role it wasn’t built to handle will result in failure of the task and/or damage of the tool.
Force a screwdriver into the role of a claw hammer, it may be able to drive nails…but it won’t do it as effectively as a hammer. Eventually it may even break, or hurt the person using it.
Furthermore, it seems that though we are a century past the stuffed shirt generals of WWI, we still have politicians, leaders and generals who have no stake or understanding of the power they wield making decisions that get a lot of their troops unnecessarily wounded or killed.
I'm currently obsessed with 7' secondarys recently made a battleship with so many 7' guns by the time the last gun had fired the first was reloaded creating a 50,000 tonne Gatling gun 😅 much fun was had
I was looking at the Badinov and thinking that twin forward turrets and a single superfiring turret, front and rear would permit quad turret arcs across anything not immediately fore or aft, with the secondary forward and rear turrets becoming occuded around the same time the superfiring turrets are cleared. Which for an early dreadnaught would have been hilarious.
i dont know if anyones mentioned it yet but Leningrad cowboys support company went bankrupt in 2023 and the guy in charge of the band Sakke Järvenpää isnt entirely clear on continuing the band and whole Covid thing, large chunk of the red army choir dying in a plane crash in 2016 and russia invading ukraine did not help their situation at all on top of that.
So, it sounds like you're saying, hammers tend not to make for the best screw drivers and minute of angle as a concept is applicable to more than just marksmanship.
I thought the accordion at the beginning was a nice touch. They should make them standard kit for all ships. Going into battle? break out the accordion and play some muzak! LETS GOOOOO! Hawkmen! DIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Leningrad Cowboys reference! Boats! Time to cue up their cover of "Proud Mary".
"My unrest went up! That's not good!"
Yeah, I've learned that land armies _successfully_ taking territory is around +10 unrest. If you're an absolute monarchy like, say, pre-revolution Imperial Russia or China, there's a +75% modifier to that so you get +17.5 unrest.
Ask me how my late-game Imperial Chinese campaign with an active land army is going.
Do you think a possible mini documentary on Felix Von Luckner could be a reality?
All I can see is “Tex but his hands on his hips throws his head back and laughs like a Romanov
"Da... Bu.... is this about Alaska???" Keep it up, hilarious cuz im Russian to XD lol
My current playthrough with Britain i've elected to make everything obscenly fast, mostly as a joke, but as the rest of the world starts catching up and my older fleets keep getting curb stomped i'm starting to realize that was actually the right idea. my older ships hit NOTHING and get hit constantly, this war with Austria-Hungary has been an abject bastard so far.
Can’t wait wait for your Japan play through
1:01:15 Opps wanted some initiative. Blew up their entire quadrant
8:30 before the first massive naval pileup disguised as maneuvering? What happened?
Oh my God, that poor battleship! You did all but arm it with nothing but machine guns!
This is why I love this series. 😂😂😂
By the way, funny idea: make a ship version of the Charger mech: a heavily armored scout unit. Limited to 5 secondary guns. 😂
I vote Japan for next playthrough, with all high no low naval doctrine! Keep sailing tex and thank you for just being you.
"Tsar Randolph the Savage" sounds kinda bad ass tbh
Play as Japan, make the Yamato the light cruiser of your fleet. Get overthrown by 1920. Worth it.
The concept of "Overestimated success, either due to Ego or otherwise, leads to disappointing results" is also applicable in non-military areas, I've seen my bosses do it & I bet even Doctors/Scientists do it... heck I've done it myself during board games
You can do everything right & still fail, no result is 100% guaranteed
if you ever have the opportunity to conquer southern Brazil in this playthrough mothball one of the Kopek class in Rio...
and name it the Kopek Cabana
BOTES!!
Wooooo I have been missing this
In Tzar Russia, Ships sail you.
Nice addition!
I gotta respect Tex for his ability to call out the truth. Yeah. America knows how to get into a conflict and stay in a conflict.
Too much munitions and not enough State Department.
Ahhhahahhah. The Badinov class!
New non-profit
Owwies for Enemys
You need to release some of these in audio book format.
Asking questions and the professors not liking it. Yeah sounds about right. Good to know college wasn't much different shortly before I was there and hasn't gotten any better since I got the hell away from it.
16:00 nothing beats the good old trench view. lets instigate some discomfort! clausewitz vs professors opinion. that aged well.
professors have a bad habit of speaking out of there *sses and pretending it's academic fact