Tex Ruins history as the Italian Navy (Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts) Part 1
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
- #ultimateadmiraldreadnoughts #ultimateadmiral #blackpantslegion
This is not a serious take on naval history, but more a shitpost thereof. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I'm sorry, Elmo Zumwalt.
The game is Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts: store.steampow...
In Ultimate Admiral: Dreadnoughts you play as the head of a navy doing what the head of navies do best - spend entirely too much money on holes in the water, or, in laymans terms, ships. You can design very stupid things. I do this.
Music from Epidemic Sound - www.epidemicso...
Britannia ruled the waves, once. But everything changed when an Italian bookkeeper accidentally added an extra zero to a naval requisition order. No one thought 500 torpedo boats would sink the Royal Navy, but, well, that didn't stop them.
In the real world there was Taffy 3, in this one there was Pasta Five.
@@vali6717holy shit I love that comparison.
The Popeye's Spinach Fleet
We need a Discount Dan commercial for the Boyardee class now
We all just witnessed Tex build an entire host of seafaring Urbies. What a time to be alive.
More like wasps, too fast to be regular urbies.
@@tanith117best nation for maritime urbie spam is either China, Spain, or USA with their derpy turret cruisers/battleships
@@operkoi8954the Chinese turret battleships are absolutely amazing. In 1890 at the start of the game I can have a 10-gun broadside with 3 twin centerline turrets and 2 on each wing
@@nickthenuker7916 at the cost of pitiful speed and range, almost no armour, and few 2 inch secondaries. Add in the tiny displacement and they are maritime urbies.
@@operkoi8954
Get rid of the secondaries and add a bit of armor while putting your entire research into targeting systems and you get slow, longrange AC20 sea urbies.
it is absolutely hilarious that you beat the British Navy so bad it caused a revolution by playing Italy and spamming cheap torpedo boats.
Oh yeh if you're Italy and playing "normal" you don't want to fight the Royal Navy at that stage
Sounds like jeune Ecole on roids
Well, put it this way, you are a well to do british gentleman. You see in the paper the royal navy is going to tell those silly eye-ties what for.
You are happy.
But then the next day, you pick up the paper, ans the head line 'royal navy sunk, italy victorious'.
Now you are mad. Sad. And even worse... AFFRONTED.
Now it cant have been the italians fault, they couldnt have ACTUALLY won. So clearly it was TREACHERY. The high command, the politicians must all go! So you and 2.5 million of your mates walk into the admiralty and parliament with your rolled up newspaper and start murdering people with your tea cups.
Well, this is honestly optimal this early
Battleships can't hit shit unless they are point-blank, and in BEST of conditions you MIGHT get 10% accuracy on your 40 second reload guns
You have better chance with light / heavy cruiser designs as far as cannon fire goes so they are your go-to anti-torpedo boat chassis, and they have decent naval supremacy score so few in each fleet won't hurt
Aaaaand then you get torpedo boats, they provide little to no naval supremacy score, they die in few hits, but you can have shit ton of them and 1 or 2 torpedoes can sink battleship, anything less usually drops after 1 so spam away
But you are saying, but what about big boy, the Battleship? Well, ditch that shit until AT LEAST Hull Strenghtening 5 when dreadnought chassis unlocks, tho don't rush it and try to get shit like Induced boilers, mk3 guns and krupp armor to decrease amount of tonage you need to spend on utilities and increase amount of GUN and making sure that shit you fling actually hits something
@@soldiersPL i dunno. The sheer ASSRAPING that the Wunderwaffen BB EXPORTO gave the americans was kinda hilarious. One unbeatable megaship.
After an entire fleet just disappears and only a single ship returns from another battle, the British Empire gets very spooked and sues for peace.
I just imagine the Admiralty reading the treaty and collectively say "Wait?! That worked?!"
Jesus, tex is insanely well read
Got a book list? I would like a list of titles that Tex referenced please.
I think he has a degree/doctorate/phd in history as well something like that.
He has several degrees he mentioned it
He reads good too.
if you want to learn a lot of this and have a commute, I highly recommend Drachinifel.
Great Britain: "We'll fight the Italians; what's the worst that could happen?". 1 Day and 10.000 casualties later: "We've had to cede Gibraltar to the Italians; they now control our access to the Suez canal and the shortest routes to our main supply of tea."
1 hour in: Ah, just a chilled and relaxed video of Tex bantering on naval history while going for an extreme doctrine, what could be better than that!
Then the battle started…
In an alternate universe, the London Naval Treaty limits warships to a minimum of 1,000 tons.
Tex: Gonna build 100 of these torpedo boats
[The Kamchatka has left the chat.]
Do you see torpedo boats?
Russia would like to purchase your entire binocular inventory
Because a certain admiral threw all of his overboard
Somewhere Drachinifel is rolling in laughter
Tex: "I'm calling this one the Gepetto class because..."
Me: "The first time it goes into open waters, it gets swallowed by a whale?"
Tex: "... one day it will be a real boy."
Me: "Oh."
I like your version a lot more. Sounds like a lot of fun for sure.
Porphyrios returns to terrorise the Mediterranean once again
this was what i follow the legion for.
the history
the madness
the glorious shitpost
"Do you see torpedo boats?" - SS Kamchatka
Gotta love any quote from somebody aboard the lecherous slut!
Bonus points for actual relevancy! 😂
And then it got worse....
*binocular throwing intensifies*
"I am not a clever man" says the genius who sunk half the Royal Navy.
We Italians aren't mad about jokes on Italy.
We laugh at it so to not cry.
Could you imagine the reaction the British public would have to that first battle. They’d be pissed
And then the second, 7 BBs lost along with a couple dozen other capital ships in the course of a month, like holy shit the documentaries on these battles would be hilarious :D
@@KleverKilvanya Documentary: "The core strategy for the Italian navy was swimming lessons and how to float good. The plan was as long as Italy won they could pick their sailors back up after the war."
Hey Tex, an Italian guy here i absolutely love your videos and format,i absolutely love that you chose Italy for this playthrough and i Hope the designs come as cursed and fun as possible, thanks for always making fun videos
British Navy "please let us go!"
Italian Navy " I didn't hear no bell!"
The Boyardee is the embodiment of the Master of Orion 1 strategy of designing a small ship with big engines, a shield, and a kinetic weapon and then manufacturing them everywhere so you show up to the fight with a stack of a thousand.
I was hoping for Tex to come back to this game with his batshit insane designs.
He has made this into a series... and then has done 2 more. It is SCARY how brutal they get. I would love when they allow to play multiplay, because I seriously want to see how this goes against a human.
1:19:10 "Don't-a worry! Be-a happy!" *Immediately takes over 6000 damage on the lead torpedo boat* "That's not good." That could not have had better comedic timing! Kudos, Admiral Tex. Viva Italia!
Am I the only one imagining the Torpedo Boats filled with clones of Crowind yelling “spaghett!!!” “Transport!!!”
"Hey! Transport!"
*BRITISH NAVY EXPLODES FOR A FULL THREE MINUTES*
"And so, the Italian navy was forced to live in Sicily. The Italian mainland feared them as one would a hungry tiger."
Aaaaaaand now I can imagine nothing else. How could you do this to me?
I didn't until now. Cant't unthink. Well delivered. Transporto!
We should get Drackefel to do the commentary along side tex for one of these. Tex: lets put some 16 inch guns on this.... Drac: That doesnt work.
That would be awesome
@@Gordon519 that would mean Part 3
@@Bitterman5868 it would be amazing...
The internet would break
Ah the greatest naval advice ever. "Water is bad, and you should keep it on the outside of the boat usually."
Watching Italian Naval planning like "Oh god no..."
Then eventually watching Italian Naval Operations like "Oh God yes!"
Horde of torpedoes!!!!!!!
Tex just murdered THE PHONE COMPANY with a legion of urbanmechs and stingers....
Epic display of EARTH SHATTERING STYLE!!!!!
Italy: We're here for the pizza
England: What pizza?
Italy: Pizza DAT FLEET!
I first read this as... "Tex Ruins the Italian Navy" lol
In classic Tex fashion, the Boyardee class is the Urbanmech of naval warfare.
This is just the logical conclusion to the Jeune Ecole. I love it.
Well, the logical conclusion to the _jeune ecole_ is that the British build a shitload of torpedo boat destroyers before getting into a war with a fleet composed of mostly torpedo boats, at which point they roflstomp the navy with the more limited budget.
Jeune École is primarily about avoiding pitch battles, and attriting an enemy through small scale raiding action. It still calls for a battleline to both prevent the enemy from just blockading your cruisers doing the raiding, and to win the decisive battle once the enemy battlefleet is ragged and ill supplied from all the raiding. In reality it doesnt quiet work out, unless you have a significant material advantage.
“See, I am contributing to world peace, I sell weapons.”
Lord Admiral of the Regina Tex - 1896
The one thing that had me rolling was the first battle, where the big scary british battleships witht heir heavy guns were just wiffing their shots against the tiny little torp boats xD. Small size is a defense all to itself apparently xD
In theory, the reason a battleship of the era has lots of guns in different calibers was so that they had a gun for every situation, the bigger guns firing too slowly to deal with things like torpedo boats, but having enough smaller guns to deal with any that made it through their escorts.
But that would involve not having the escorts more-or-less buried under a tsunami of enemy torpedo boats.
@@boobah5643 I am actually aware of this, it was just the spectacle of seeing it play out in that battle that had me laughing out loud.
I've seen a similar approach used in Stellaris, before they updated the game to make corvette spamming unviable, good times.
@@boobah5643 also that's why the fleet screen exists, to screen the capital ships. It's just that no fleet screen can hope to deal with that many torpedo boats
The Boyardee torpedo boat, ItaliTex's Okayest Product.
In this episode Tex makes the naval equivalent of the urban mech and deploys them with the exact expected results.
From that opening shit posting, I'm reminded of when my old gaming group played "Full Thrust", and one of them decided to break the game with swarms of the cheapest ship possible. I can't but help but feel the fleets are going to be like the old Goon Swarms from the taking of Fortress Delve.
Zergling rush
"My attitude was im-pasta-ble" was a great joke! I very nearly spit out my drink laughing when I heard it!
ive watched a couple streamers play this game but none of them would try the meme TB fleets because "there's no way it would work" so I'm super happy to be validated ^,^
ty for the video and merry xmas, I hope the rest of the month is peaceful and enjoyable.
Even historically it would work (hence the "jeune echole" french doctrine that Tex mentions at one point) until the "rapid fire gun" got invented and TBs would simply be shredded by rapid 5 inch fire. Japan kind of brought it back during WW2 with the longlance torpedo and the night fighting doctrine (until radar became common on ships).
@@gusty9053 The Japanese doctrine was nothing like _jeune ecole;_ the _Yamato_ class battleships (and their planned successors) are the exact opposite, being giant ships designed to take on their opponents' capital ships at a 50% disadvantage in numbers. That is, _Yamato_ and _Musashi,_ together, were designed to come out ahead against any three of the US treaty battleships.
The Japanese reliance on their smaller ships was more a result of limited fuel supplies than anything intentional.
@@boobah5643 Check Drach's video on the "decisive battle doctrine". Japan planned for a "decisive battle" where the big capital ships would indeed fight american BB and outmatch them in a 2 on 3 fight but... in the night previous to this supposed battle the destroyers, submarines and cruisers would engage the american fleet in an all night running battle designed to cause as much damage as possible: ie: large numbers of light vessels using torpedo attacks (incidentally that is why the focus on torpedo launchers and torpedo reloads for the lighter fleet units and the development of the Longlance) to bring down the numbers of a conventional fleet. Sounds a lot like "jeune ecole" don't you think ?
Now granted that envisioned "decisive battle" never happened like Japan planed but the doctrine was there.
It's kino for italy given how well they used them in ww1. Also how many they built after a single succesful operation against the austrohungarians
I feel that if challenged at sea the radioman should respond "Hey, I'm projectin' power over here!"
Ah! The IJN Mikasa... built in... Barrow In Furness. There's a Mikasa Street there as they used to name the streets after ships they built. The shipyard is still there, still making warships.
Whitehead torpedoes worked Great on the Blucher in 1940 !
Probably the last time Austrian Torpedoes was used in anger.
The Roman Empire is back, and they brought Torpedo Triremes.
Anyone who thinks that numerous small navies are crap doesn't know the history of the destroyer (or Torpedo Boat Destroyer as they were originally known). A literal whole ship class came into existence because of the threat torpedo boats represented to larger capital ships, and the national embarrassment that could be caused by having your most expensive warships demolished by a motorized bathtub with torpedoes stuck to the sides.
Is this the Kamchatka timeline? Toperdo boats lurk at every corner?
Probably.
How can the Italian navy be mighty and Italian at the same time?
The italian navy was absolutely a force to be reckoned with. In the allied planning for WW2, it was assumed that it'd take basically the whole french navy with its most modern battleships to hold down the Med against them while the royal navy would deal with the Atlantic.
In the end it was let down mostly by logistics (lack of fuel) and a mixture of really bad luck and their opponents doing batshit crazy things on those occasions where they did manage to scrape together enough fuel to sortie.
@@GaldirEonai Jokes don't always translate over the internet.
@@BigRed40TECH No but they sometimes inadvertantly invite lore dumps that are very interesting to read! xD
@@Musabre Out of the Axis navies, the Italian one wasn't wiped out and after the war ended they wanted to sail through the Suez for some UN mission and the British were freaking out because... well it hurt Britain's pride the Italian Navy weren't wiped out.
Pre ww1, I have no idea
My knowledge of boats is pretty much limited to the fact that they typically go in water.
But this video absolutely brilliant XD
I laughed so hard so many times :D
Just what I needed to this kid-free weekend
I always played Spain for the challenge; trying to retake the West Indies while holding the East Indies is quite a challenge. You need long-range shipsand it dictates your designs.
Just a point on long range, I often play the US and due to the lack of bases you need the range. Reducing the beam really increases that range substantially. 😳
@@philswift791 Oh yeah, skinny Spanish ships are the result for me. Its interesting how those strategic considerations play into the design of your ship, unlike most build-and-fight games which are pure min/max oriented.
“Give them the gabagool”
So me and some friends are working on a sci-fi rpg with a fair chunk of naval combat... Seing this made me wanna add a new class of ship: tex class ultra light torpedo boat. All major systems are stripped away in favour of as many banks of torpedoes as physically possible. The only sensors available on the whole vessle is the targeting computer meaning the vessle navigates based on what the targeting radar picks up.
A sound design for a light utility combatant. Remember to add a little extra equipment for repairing e.g. navigational buoys, since they'll often get treated like over-glorified row boats and e.g. get sent out to repaint the local space docks.
Sounds like the "Naked Corvette" that dominated the Stellaris meta for a while
Bonus points if there's no IFF systems... XD
@@geoffreyentwistle8176 Oooh Good Idea lol Clearly the crew needed that space for an extra 3 torps
I waited over an hour to see a battle and the Regia Marina did not dissapoint!
Those poor poor british bastards
As a historian and a recently retired Airman, I love this stuff. Thanks for what you do brother!
the high/low reminds me of what i read about the british empire with a wartime [battle line] and peace time [patrol etc] navy
It is essentially the same doctrine.
In the US, destroyers and carriers make up the battle groups. On the other side, we built frigates for patrol and show the flag operations. Carrier groups will be used for up front confrontations. The frigate are there to keep regional powers from feeling opportunistic around international shipping and to keep supply ships safe.
It’s a real pity that there’s no good simulator of the early ironclad to modern warship period. There’s some absolutely wild design concepts (torpedo rams)
The earliest stage of the game would have battles that no one can win because it's just cannon balls bouncing off heavy armor on both sides. :V
Rule the waves?
@@MarktheRudenah, RTW starts in the same time as Ultimate Admirals
YEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!! MORE DREADNOUGHTS!!!
A MOST welcome gift from the Christmas Dump 🌲🎁
I am one happy Mechwarrior 🤘
The game went through a big update lately, did a German & Russian playthrough; currently on a 'Murican campaign - gunna do a Japanese campaign after that.
In my Russian campaign I actually prevented the rise of the Soviet Union.
Excellent. Kaiser forever.
@DixonsCider My German playthrough is still my favorite. Maintained a good standing with the UK and eventually became allies, so that was a fun little change. Prevented the rise of the Nazi party, so I did technically stay as the German Empire. America was the most persistent enemy, they tried to send a fleet up the English Channel but I had my own task force waiting for them; Brits were quite happy I defended the channel.
honestly, this just reaffirms to me that tex would probably enjoy playing starsector
also i wholeheartedly agree with more of these videos
55:40 hey look its the okhotnik school of building a ship, make it longer and fit more weapons
1-month naval war, buried the royal navy in a pile of torpedoes to build a new island and still running net positive of the naval budget and improving the GDP. a glorious not quite a decade of service from Tex. I'm excited to see part 2.
Was going say do a video on Mahon, No Balls. Started watching and you opened with him. I love your stuff, never fail to impress.
Love it Tex! Thank you for running the BPL youtube and helping make it as full of amazing crazy good content as you have.
ALL ABOARD THE ITS BOYARDEE
This is awesome. I was a Submariner for 12 years so I love Navy stuff. You mentioning Rickover reminds me of the time the Chop(supply officer) was in the Wardroom and the CO asked him a question about Admiral Rickover. The Chop not being a part of the Nuclear cult said "Hymen G. Rickover? Never heard of her." Funniest shit ever.
Looks like Discount Dan's Naval Stockyard and Whalegun Emporium is a go
a new definition to unlimited breadsticks
Britsh fleet: we shall teach these Italians their place. How dare they say our food is bad. Our perfectly balanced fleet is the greatest in the world.
Tex: Pizza Time!
Tex talks Navy
Behold Mikasa, Defender of Land.
Watching those torpedo boats wobble is amazing. They have the seakeeping quality of the boot from Monopoly.
Tex gleefully singing the "Italy Song" is the best
Oh sweet, another Admirals vid.
edit: I now have Funiculi Funicula stuck in my head for the next EVER
Trust me. I'm Italian and learned about this song only a couple years ago.
It hasn't left my head yet.
But, if there's a song that could raise a horde of angry Italian soldiers to fight the enemy, that would be "La Leggenda del Piave". And trust me. It works
Tex is the sort of person who, if he says "don't worry about it", I believe him... The time where worrying will do anything has long since passed, and now you can either panic, or enjoy the show. XD
Have to call their battle doctrine, the spaghetti method, as he just gets in there, and weaves noodles of TB through their fleets, and gives them the sauce.
Reminds me of (early-modern) hussar theory. Lightly armored but armed to the absolute teeth, and you can have a lot more of them for the cost of a heavy cavalryman. The casualties are ferocious, but so is the damage.
55:40, sweet Jesus Tex, that's the sort of deathtrap you send undesireables out on to ensure their demise far from land.
Either the boat takes an HE shell to the anywhere and goes up like Mount Vesuvius, or you just wait for a modest sea swell to roll the whole damned thing over like a cigar because of the hilariously heavy torpedo ordinance sitting on deck at all times.
Si cazzo! The BPL playing UAD is truly the peak of entertainment for a study session and I can't wait for the next part in this saga.
haha, my ears thought you said Alfred Fair man...
Watching these again and realizing that Tex has become that which he dislikes in Battletech, a Kuritan using the tactics of Mercer Ravannion
Oh god you're right.
So you built the 1800’s Italian equivalent of a water going urbanmech …. Brilliant!!
Tex talks history light
nice
TB/DD spam is always so chaotic xD
also imo CLs and CAs are way too bad cost-wise in 1890/1900/1910 campaigns. The CLs are fragile like TBs but less agile (and less disposable) while the CAs are slow like BBs but without the armor or firepower of BBs.
WE NEED MORE OF THIS GAME i love you bpl only been here a short while but plan to stay for a while
I enjoy paying enough to buy him a coffee once in a while, while watching him break the game. PS, after 6 episodes of this, he made 2 more playthoughs so far.
Tex should be kicked off the internet for this monstrosity. How dare people learn anything about how silly their elders were. ;D
Well done Italy. The Goons would be proud.
Missed opportunity for the Boyardeez Nuts.
Please upload at least 5000 more hours of these videos. Thanks.
Actual radio (or semaphore?) transcript of the Italian torpedo boat fleet approaching the British dreadnoughts:
"Alla wings reporta inna!"
"This izza Marinara ten, standing by!"
"Mario! You'va turned offa your targetting computa, what'sa th' deal?!"
"Stay'a on target!"
"He'sa behind me! I can'ta shake him!"
Actually, I'm Italian, and this is what they actually signaled:
Boat 1: "Va bene, ragazzi! ADDOSSO!"
Other boats: "DAGLI ALL'INGLESE!!!!! RIEMPIAMOLI DI SILURI! " *charge right in and then fuck up the British Fleet*
great content, the lack of overly hyper energy helped me pass out while learning some naval history
I imagine the papers and naval analysts of the time waking up one morning to a fuck of a news story and need to rapidly re-evaluate their naval doctrines.
Also the jeune ecole proponents in france probably sporting what can only be described as full masts for the week as all their theories got validated overnight.
Also the sheer "Wat" factor. Like ... an aide walks into the office of the fleet admiral of any major power of the day going "sir, the pride of the british navy the grand fleet has been sunk, no ships survived the engagement! It was such a humiliation the british rose up in response and deposed their government!"
"Good lord! How did this happen?! Who did this? The french? The spanish? The germans? Are the americans taking revenge?"
"No sir. It was the Regia Marina"
"... The ... Italians? Wat?"
yeeessssssss, i love 1890 starts and Tex is a fantastic driver for this bus ride
Fun in the Sun doctrine: AKA Kamchatka of the 2nd Pacific squadron's nightmare.
Admiral Boyardee.... the master
Ah, yes, Lo Sconto Daniele's ship shack: Only the finest in gently-used war machines.
I very much like the idea of very good wine and a cheese platter for supporting the navy. I suspect I would need to don a good fine wool blazer and consume said bounty in some form of picnic.
Ho dare you having a Ferrari class and not painting those ships red?!
I mean if you weaved spaghetti in layers and encased it in resin you make a sea worthy vessel. I wouldn't want to take it down to the titanic or have people shoot at it but you could float. Spagit-fiber boat.
My god that first engagement was utterly devastating!! Your madness has paid off this time Tex!
I tune in for the BPL shenanigans, but always enjoy Tex being Professor Tex just as much or more.
Beware the "Charge of the Hoard". The Dragon is pleased
Tex, could you please post a reading list of the books and papers you referenced?
Thank you for your time.
When the accordion music starts, the shit is about to hit the fan.
This is like playing Battleship by filling up your side of the board with nothing but PT boats without any open space
'The first casualty of war is often the framerate.' ~ Admiral Tex of the Italian Navy, 1898, prolly
Awesome video, was not expecting Tex to give me a Naval history lesson, and then give us two hilarious battles.
I'm actually slightly surprised you somehow didn't find a way to turn the actual ship into a torpedo for when the other ammo runs out :D