Surviving IBLP Training Center at 15 Years Old & 90 lbs
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 8 июн 2024
- Further shedding light on the Institute in Basic Life Principles run by Bill Gothard who was recently exposed for preying on young girls, is Oceana who grew up living by their rules. Extreme patriarchy, silencing and s*xualization of women and blaming those who are being hurt, are just a few things that create compounded trauma. Oceana fought through untreated eating d*sorders, because therapists were considered sinful, as well as the mental health struggles that came with the strict confines of the religious practices and IBLP training centers.
watch Pt 2 with Oceana here: • They tried to claim my...
Find and Support Oceana
RUclips: @oceana33 / @oceana333
Our C2C vacation where we can meet you in real life and go on adventures together has 6 spots left! Click here to go to the official booking page trovatrip.com/trip/central-am...
Support Shelise
Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast
Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here!
cults-to-consciousness-shop.f...
Patreon
/ cultstoconsciousness
Venmo @sheliseann
Find Shelise on Social media!
Instagram @cultstoconsciousness
/ cultstoconsiousness
Host Instagram @sheliseann
/ sheliseann
TikTok @cults.to.consciousness
/ cults.to.consciousness
Twitter @cultstocon
/ cultstocon
Chapter Markers
00:00:00 Intro
00:08:00 The IBLP patriarchal rules that affected Oceana growing up
00:11:13 Growing up with 6 siblings, the older ones having to parent
00:13:35 How to Train Up book was used in Oceana's house
00:19:19 The various p*nishments Oceana would receive
00:23:51 What it was like being home schooled under IBLP
00:26:29 The homeschool Wisdom booklets are inaccurate, filled with brainwash and teach v*ctim blaming
00:29:20 The case of JD and his pr*datory behavior
00:33:14 How Oceana received much unwanted attention from men growing up
00:42:00 TW: When her eating d*sorders started
00:46:52 Sent to the IBLP training center
00:49:37 TW: Eating d*sorder being a sin
00:51:27 Problematic conditions at the training center
00:56:09 TW: mentions of self h*rm & an eating d*sorder
Theme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara
*Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.*
My grandfather used to say God made doctors and scientists for a reason and it’s foolish of us to discount them.
Right! We were made and designed to create and thrive in the world…if not it would not exist !!!
I believe this wholeheartedly. I am a prime example of God’s hands used to guide my Surgeon ‘s hands. why else create Medical professionals?
Exactly! God gave us brains to use, not to check at the door of a church.
Yeah my grandfather was in the ifb so therefore my mother was but my mom was pretty much getting out of it by the time I was in 6th grade and when I did finally get to go to school I can't believe how far behind I was it's insane to know that I didn't know my times tables and I didn't feel that I could trust what I was seeing in a book as in I don't know if I was reading something correctly I know that sounds kind of strange. Doctors are there for a reason and because I was the bad egg my sister's got their eyes fixed and I didn't so I have grown up with seizures my entire life in my eyes my sisters have not because I was punished for a boy that pushed me and I turned around and I broke his nose
Very true!! :-) This is how I feel I did a lot of praying for relief for my anxiety and depression...and eventually, there was a medical solution.
I raised up my children without spanking. I was criticized for it but I just couldn’t hit my kids. They are good humans who are doing well in life and more importantly, we are close. I love them with all my heart!
Good on you for doing what was right even when others criticized you for it.
I cannot imagine physically inflicting pain on my babies. They are my heart and soul. I was spanked (a lot) as a child and I feel as though it's negatively impacted my relationship with my parents big time. They told me it was "because they loved me" ...like what? No child should have to experience that extreme cortisol spike in their brain as their parent (who claims they love them oh so much) beats the brakes off them with a spoon, spatulas, or glue sticks.
Yes. I didn’t spank mine. They both grew up to be kind people who are making a difference in other people’s lives. They have also given us four beautiful grandkids. All without church or spanking or fear.
Thank you for not being an unsafe parent. I was smacked hard with wooden spoons and I didn't care about the physical pain. I simply dissociated. But I never forgot the incredible rage on my father's face as he did it. That's terrible for a child. You were right to go with your instincts. They are your kids and you know them and are responsible for their safe development, their bodies. You were right and the naysayers were off the charts wrong. I'm glad they have you, it is healing to read that.
@@merulaamethyst2248 Yup. My dad spanked us, but my mother was an actual sadist. I know the smirk of which you speak. I'm so sorry you know that. It's been so hard. Solidarity!
“Your brain gets sick too. It would be weird if it didn’t, it’s part of your body”
😭❤I needed that. “It would be weird if it didn’t”
So insightful and perfectly said. Thank you, Oceana.
It's a very powerful statement isn't it!
I hope you found some healing in it.
I have never understood why wearing a skirt was more modest than pants, and I grew up when they finally allowed girls to wear pantsuits to school. It’s harder to assault someone in pants than a skirt
So you have the explanation! It makes them look more accessable.
It's all about what goes on in sick men's heads, and their need for control
I'm not saying the above comment is wrong but it is actually because pants show the curve of a woman's body and that's not allowed.
Your last sentence explains it. It's harder to assault someone in pants than in a skirt. Hence, no pants for women. You have explained it quite clearly for someone who doesn't understand it lol
@@lisapegg3595 That depends on how the pants are constructed and what one wears over them. But no matter what people wear, offenders offend. SA has to do with control and power and not actual lust.
My thoughts exactly . It's way easier to slip a hand under a dress
Oceana has a beautiful soul. I wish her peace and love💚
Me too!!! The creepy attention she was surrounded by is so disheartening…a stolen childhood to be innocent…
I was SA by my step father at six. My mom could have cared less when I told her. She blamed me, called me a liar, She deprived me of sleep until I said it didn't happen. She broke me. Sent me to school without sleep, the first grade. I remember as a little girl being out at stores, grown men winked at me a lot. I was triggered by that. Now I believe there are so many men in the world that SA. I believe it's a boys club attitude. They protect each other. Also it is in all walks of life. I won't go to a church, any church because they protect the perp. It's a boys club.You never know what's what's really going on behind all these perfectly mowed lawns. I never hit my kids either. Why not just talk to your kids? It worked for me.
How horrible. I am so sorry you had to go thru that. I grew up in a very small community and honestly it was sort of a Mayberry USA. I never knew these type of things could ever go on until I was grown and I am still shocked by all of these type of stories. And horrified by humanity. Hugs to you.
I'm so sorry you went through this. It wasn't okay! I hope you can find the healing you need ❤️
❤
I am so sorry, I know how that feels. My mom left me later with a cocaine dealer, an uncle?? I was there till 18. And thrown out. Everyone around me knew I wasn't loved. Loving others however was the light to my darkness. But it's never the same joy as one would have had in life. That's the work I think.
These comments... my ❤ breaks for you. Please know you are loveable, and plz seek good therapy to win over these... bastards.
From one woman to another I just want to say that that both these women project radiance through the screen and I hate that our culture ever made them feel like anything less than the radiant, beautiful, and powerful souls that they are!
Aren't they both just beautiful souls? ❤
We weren't in IBLP, but our little independent church was very much like it. My brother attempted to off himself and my parents still refused therapy and medication. He didn't actually get help until the next year when he turned 18 and could make his own medical decisions.
One of the things I greatly respect my grandmother for is she did NOT engage in parentification of her kids, and she had 7 in the 1940s-1960s.
Mine either on both sides, one had 12, one had 13, same years as you.
Just hearing “The Umbrella of Authority” doctrine gave me an actual physical dose of anxiety! Such a sick cult. My ex husband loved how much power it gave him! So our home became a cult in and of itself 🤢
My Father and Mother behaved in this way too.
good for you for leaving him!
@@silmuffin86 19 years this August! Best thing I ever did for my six children❤️👍🏼💯 I will say that the CPTSD has been a monster to wrestle with ever since. But my now adult children are doing so well! I am so grateful for that 💯👍🏼
@@silmuffin86 your comment to me and I’m sure to other survivors, means so much. Thank you 😊
Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Flop.. so many trauma responses..
Right and the one Bible scripture it receives is a consenting adult committing adultery … and one of the books in the apocrypha talks about ANY harm a man does to an innocent is punishable by death…probably why they removed it from our bibles ….
What is fawn and flop? I've heard of the flight fright freeze but the other two Ive never heard of.
@@littlemrs.fabulous9432 that’s the stupid YT AI … changing my text. … it’s been happening a lot lately…text, chat everything … Fight and Flight ;)
Fawn is like, trying to soothe/befriend the threat, playing along. Flop is like fainting or almost fainting.
I worked at a Starbucks in Hinsdale, IL when I was 19, so about 2004. This was near the IBLP headquarters. Every so often a group of the girls from “the headquarters” would come in. Always like 6 at a time and with an older woman as a chaperone. Always a different group of girls, but they all looked eerily the same. These girls were all dressed very modestly with skirts down to the floor and had looks on their faces as if they had never been inside a coffee shop before. Usually the chaperone would order for the girls because they either didn’t know how or were too shy to. The other people who had worked there for longer than I had referred to these girls as the “cult girls”. 2 of these coworkers were JWs and still thought this cult was weird. It always made me sad to see them, and now knowing what we all know, it makes me even sadder.
I knew a woman from Hinsdale(Red Devils). She's 54 and speaks of the cults that ruined her early life. She's a successful realtor in Florida now.
I was spanked by a spatula as a kid, but I never hit my kid, you never need to hit kids, it’s does not teach respect, only fear.
I was taught and told to spank. One child just got angrier. The other child became emotionally hurt. Ens result for both was distrust and loss of relationship. So I stopped and vowed no more. Behavior modification had to happen more creatively and naturally than me spanking. Growing up it did work for me... I absolutely feared being spanked and became a very compliant person. I still don't even know my own opinions on many things.
We tried to give church a chance up until the day when the pastors wife told me I needed to carry a wooden spoon in my purse to discipline my toddler with because he was acting like a regular toddler not a little robot. She was lucky I didn't bring that spoon to beat her with. We just never went back and made up our mind to not teach our son any specific religion and let him make up his own mind.
That same Sunday he came back from the Sunday school class with a red mark on his face from 'another student' but I swear the teacher did it.
So glad you weren't having it
I got lucky with this church I go to my pastor and his wife are amazing
👏👏👏👏
you are the few that seen the light. so many can't
Hello, being sick is not a sin. Mental health and addiction issues are biochemical illnesses. Having these issues is the same as any other medical condition.
My father, an Evangelical pastor, said the same thing. The cult I used to be in said the same thing. So many stories to tell... it was hell... cruelty and abuse rampant.
Sitting here literally rolling my eyes over the rules at the beginning. SO ridiculous! 🙄 I remember going out on a date once with a Baptist seminary student. He was offended because I wore pants on our date. I just laughed lat him! 😂 I found out later he allegedly tried to rape his fiance' who broke up with him prior to us meeting. 😱
Oceana, (that's a beautiful name) - glad you and your family made it out! The IBLT is quite a horror show! (For lack of a better term. )
My mom resisted my oldest sister going to therapy, bc it meant to her that she was a bad mom.
Eventually my sister fought to get therapy, as a csa survivor. She paved the way for me to get help at age 17 with my ED.
My mom initiated the help i received, so I'm very lucky to get the help i did, when i did.
Thank you for sharing about the cult you belonged to and how you survived.❤So much wisdom that you shared.
Let’s call corporal punishment and spanking what it is - assault. Any Book promoting that should be banned.
Corporate punishment? Isn’t that what Bernie Madoff got? 😂😂😂
You want to ban the Bible, just admit it.
@mariekatherine5238 🤭I truly hate autocorrect. 😩 fixed it. Now “corporal”
Blanket training is like training your kids to have learned helplessness. It’s so sick and against what’s natural. I think parents and especially mothers would only do this if they were angry and frustrated they have no power.
I am a SURVIVOR from LDS and was baptized in Palmyra NY my hometown.
Home of Joseph Smith founder of the Mormon Faith.
I was abused by my Grandfather as were all my cousins.
Today I am a retired THERAPUTIC FOSTER PARENT. I DID ADOPTED 20 OF THE CHILDREN PLACED IN MY CARE.
IT WASENT EASY AND FAR FROM ANYONE COULD HAVE PREPARED ME TO FACE!
NOW I AM BLESSED WITH 48 GRANDBLESSINGS. I LOVE THEM ALL. ❤️
TODAY I AM PERMENTLY DISABLED BECAUSE OF MANY AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES. MACULAR DEGENERATION WILL LEAD TO ME BEING BLIND. MY GRANDMA NELLIE HAD THE SAME DISEASE THAT MADE HER GO BLIND.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE A BLENDED FAMILY WITH ONLY LOVE IN OUR HEARTS!
Hope everyone is having a great day
Likewise 🎶🩰
She is articulate, intelligent, and lovely. Oceana is a name that really suits her, too: there's a very clear depth and resilience to her and I hope she continues healing and growing stronger every day.
Thank you for brining attention to the abuse women suffer at the hands of these twisted “ men of God“.
Shalise, you are beautiful and glowing! Oceana, I love you name and I'm just so sorry for what you've been through. You are part of the change that's happening and I just want to say _Thank You_ for speaking out!!
CtoC ~ thank you again for this channel and all the ways it's helping educate people and help survivors heal!❤
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
I was forced to go to three different IBLP schools growing up. I was sexually abused by THREE different WOMEN in those environments! It's taken years of therapy to work through my abuse.
I’m glad your exposing the fact that women can be abuser,too.
The more videos yall put out around IBLP and IFB the more similarities I see with Southern Baptist.
Especially as crochet was called out and I to this day crochet obsessively to deal with anxiety.
Wish I could go to Costa Rico with yall! It sounds like it is going to be healing and FUN
Thank you Oceana for sharing, I cannot wait for part 2!
PS not to be cliche but Shelise you are truly GLOWING
OCEANA IS A BEAUTIFUL SOUL
With a gorgeous name, too!
She’s incredible. Thank you for speaking your truth ❤
Thank you again for going through this testimony of your childhood. I hope and pray those still in it come across this video and have their eyes opened!!
Really excited to hear her story!!!! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for raising up voices who need support
I was hit often as a child. When I was 18, I nearly killed my father as revenge. He realized he could no longer dominate me. I avoided prison.
Caught her in Davey’s channel and am excited to learn more of her story with your interviewing skills
Shelise you are an amazing interviewer.
Thank your for your bravery in sharing your story!❤
i feel as if i need to do a deep dive on my own religious cultish life one day. this is a very intense video.. well done and thank you for the light you shine on cults and abuse
Anna, you’re so well articulated and smart… Glad you’re out living your best life!
Thank you for sharing your experience
Thank you both.❤ Sharing helps others.
I so hope you are home holding your new baby.❤
Beautiful soul. I feel connected to her story as a middle child and religion.
I can see that she loves and respects her parents, by making the excuse that the dad was stressed and overwhelmed with all the kids and the burden of financial responsibility. I was there too, I was not in a cult, but I am number 9 of 10, my dad was the only earner. He was emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive to my mom and older siblings. I made the same excuses for him. When I tried to speak out against his behavior, I was bullied by my siblings. I never had the space to speak against him until I married and was able to speak to my husband about it. Luckily, I was drawn to the complete opposite of my father. Now that my dad has passed, I still feel guilty speaking negatively about him.
You father was abusive and he assaulted you. Why are YOU feeling guilty.
@@dancingnature my father never physically assaulted me. He was verbally abusive, mostly to my mom. He was not affectionate. He worked long hours and non stop. Because of this, I excused his anger by saying he was stressed and overworked. He was a good provider, and in our culture, and at that time, decades ago, that was enough. Now I see that it was not. But, no I was never assaulted.
Would you consider removing the number from the title/thumbnail? Media guidelines from ED experts advise against prominently displaying "numbers" like weight or BMI when promoting content. If you're going to use trigger warnings, then disclosing an ED sufferer's weight should come after the warning rather than before.
Cite your sources.
@@tananario23 ED organisation public education materials:
National Eating Disorders Collaboration with Everymind (2021) Guidelines on reporting and portrayal of eating disorders
Eating Disorders Awareness Week (2023) Eating Disorders: Responsible Media Guide
Beat Eating Disorders UK (2020) Media Guidelines for Reporting on Eating Disorders
National Eating Disorders Association: Tips for Responsible Media Coverage
National Initiative for Eating Disorders (2020) Speaking About Your Lived Experience in a Public Setting
BodyWhys: The Eating Disorders Association of Ireland (2024) Media Guidelines
Academic articles:
Fardouly, J., & Vartanian, L. R. (2016). Social media and body image concerns: Current research and future directions. Current Opinion in Psychology, 9, 1-5.
Hogue JV, Mills JS. The effects of active social media engagement with peers on body image in young women. Body Image. 2019 Mar;28:1-5. doi: 10.1016/j.bodyim.2018.11.002. Epub 2018 Nov 12. PMID: 30439560.
Hope that helps!
@@tananario23 ED organisation guidelines:
• National Eating Disorders Collaboration with Everymind (2021) Guidelines on reporting and portrayal of eating disorders
• Eating Disorders Awareness Week Canada, supported by Body Brave, Bulimia Anorexia Nervosa Association, Eating Disorders Nova Scotia, Eating Disorder Support Network of Alberta, Jessie's Legacy Eating Disorders Prevention + Awareness, National Eating Disorder Information Centre, National Initiative for Eating Disorders, Sheena's Place Support for Eating Disorders, Waterloo-Wellington Eating Disorders Coalition, and Vancouver Island Voices for Eating disorders (2023) Eating Disorders: Responsible Media Guide
• BodyWhys: The Eating Disorders Association of Ireland Media Guidelines
• Beat Eating Disorders UK: Media Guidelines for Reporting on Eating Disorders
• National Eating Disorders Association USA: Guidelines for Media or Sharing Your Story
• National Initiative for Eating Disorders CA (2020) Speaking About Your Lived Experience in a Public Setting
Academic publications:
• Fardouly, J., & Vartanian, L. R. (2016). Social media and body image concerns: Current research and future directions. Current Opinion in Psychology, 9, 1-5. doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.09.005
• Hogue JV, Mills JS. The effects of active social media engagement with peers on body image in young women. Body Image. 2019 Mar;28:1-5. doi: 10.1016/j.bodyim.2018.11.002. Epub 2018 Nov 12. PMID: 30439560.
Hope that helps!
Oceania is a strong woman and very beautiful young lady. Thanks for speaking up about your story, there's so many parallels to so many different issues. I wish you all the health and happiness you deserve❤❤ how to suffer from an ed. It's horrendous and I hope things get better I have cut off all communication with my dad's side of the family and my sister's do not want to talk to me at all
I would totally love to hear more from Oceania you must have her back
Thank you 🌷👍💙❤️
Baby watching!!! So excited for you guys!!
Unfortunately, a "smaller dose" of this creepy behavior by men is part of secular society, too. I grew up in Bavaria with the idea that I shouldn't wear skirts that are too short and should avoid certain areas at night. Else something would likely happen to me. Me and many of my female friends fake being in phone calls and stuff when we walk alone at night. We finally need to normalize the fact that if someone is SAd, it's entirely the perpetrator's fault across all groups of society; no matter what the victim wore etc.
I was encouraged to blanket train with my children when they were young. I had read to train up a child and thought it was awful. But the point of blanket training was to get the child to stay on the blanket and the blanket could be taken and used anywhere. Thank goodemess I never tried it.
A beautiful young woman who has been traumatized by the cult church. I wish her happiness and joy and healing. 🌷🌷🌷🌷💕💕💕💕
I am gen x and I do not and have not spanked my children. I was absolutely beaten as a child. Whatever they could reach is what they hit me with.
Oceana is a beautiful lady. She’s so caring and loving. I wish her happiness, peace and lots of love.
Me too. I always tried to inform myself about child development and honored their path 🥰
Thank you for your channel and guests. I am a very religious woman, but I am also committed to making sure my children are not blamed, shamed, or pressured to be something they are not. The religion should help us love each other, not control each other.
I am also very religious and i think it’s also very important to not push your religion on someone who doesn’t want it
Following Christ is a free choice and forcing it on anyone goes completely against the gospel! ❤️
Thanks!
*Oceana*
THANK YOU FOR COMING ON!!! You are representing SO many voices of oppression and we ALL thank you for your courage and strength! 🖤 Can’t wait for the next video, you have a depth and clarity to your thoughts and emotions that I really enjoy hearing about. Reclaiming yourself is beautiful!!!
It’s very ironic that they warned your parents about the “middle child syndrome’ that occurs, yet the church still turns a blind eye to the skyrocketing statistics that follow their disgusting abuse. ☕️ 🐸 yikes.
I would also love to hear from any siblings as well if possible, exploring an upbringing like Oceana’s within this cult and emphasizing the MANY layers of abuse that are still very much present is really important!
Also, exploring the dynamic of siblings within a family and the way things resonate differently amongst them is always so interesting!
Much love and support as always!!!🖤
Eating orders can happen to people in all different backgrounds and cultures.
Oceana is so well spoken!
Oceana is so beautiful and would make a great motivational speaker on surviving IBLP. Best wishes to her.😊
I grew up in an IFB cult and it really messed me up. To this day, I struggle.
My parents had 5 kids they could t afford and this greatly affected me.😖
You are both so courageous
Oceana”s makeup is gorgeous!!!
20:04 my mom was a wooden spoon spanker 😢 it didn’t happen often but it happened enough. Usually I was spanked for being caught lying, which in hindsight, it didn’t make me stop lying. It just made me better at it
I admit I tried the spoon once as the willful defiance was was so BAD!!!!! I have what Dr. Sears calls a High Needs Child and after that I apologized and vowed to find a better way…and to understand my child better…
And had I not been educated and taught how to research and that there is always an answers and often a better way…I might have to just continued with that…
I’m so glad I didn’t but the conversations and apologies after in life were and are key to the good relationships we have now
@@Spmama444 I applaud you for working to find a better way to know and understand your child. Growth is what we hope for everyone!
@@raigenhuss7030 BTW that almost 12 years ago!!!! So yeah…the main point is we have to share our failures and admit our wrongs in order to help others! I love teachings like Positive Parenting Solutions …
@@Spmama444 conscious discipline is good too. It’s all about adults learning to discipline ourselves before acting on the children in our care
Oceana is so brave! Continue to be you! ❤
I am so heartbroken to hear what has happened to you. There is no way to not develope a complex PTSD. I am so proud of you that you have made your way out in your young age.
I had experienced exact the same. So I can really feel you from the bottom of my heart.
You are beautiful. So beautiful. Your life will be in freedom and wisdom, you are clever and life is full of possibilities for you. You will make it. Go for it ❤
My heart goes out to all of these young people. I will say my takeaway is that the parents in these kinds of groups have abdicated their power so much that to acknowledge a problem with their children is to accept they have failed in some way. I get the sense that that was too great of a pain to bare so instead they blame the children and ignore the warning signs. Sucks. It’s a miracle these children make it through their childhood. But that speaks to the power of the human spirit.
NOOOO! The “Blanket” Thing Sounds AWFUL!😢 The Poor Babies!😌
Oooh been waiting for this video! I was in a FBC that adopted IBLP doctrines.
38:35 I didn’t know I’d end up here this evening, but I’ve never felt so seen, possibly. Thanks for putting this out here. I didn’t know I needed it.
Let me re-phrase your mum's statement:
"Had the lustful old men tried to be a little bit more godly, you wouldn't have had the eating disorder." !
I am SOOOOO sorry you had this victim-blaming from your father.
I know how this staring feels, because I was very pretty & attractive as a little girl and felt for MANY, MANY YEARS highly embarrassed, unsettled and unsure.
I remember seeing the umbrella of authority in my main stream Mormon church when I was young 😅
Omg! I remember seeing you all in Knoxville, TN.
YOURE GLOWING
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this.
Realising just now that my mum probably had this book. 😅
Same
What a survivor!
Oceans and Shelise I was told that by a church member in a Apostolic church and it literally destroyed my health and now I am going to therapy and psychiatric help because without it I am not able to handle the pain of my past
I'm fascinated by cults, even though I've never been part of one, I seem to relate to much of what cult victims go through and I've realised it's because I was part of a cult, my family was very cult like with a controlling misogynistic narcissistic father at the head of the hierarchy, my codependent mother was his accomplice and personal assistant, reinforcing all of his arbitrary rules, claiming she had no choice. I especially relate to the blaming and shaming, whenever something bad happened to me, it was always my own fault because of something I did wrong.
This makes me sooo sad. I'm a serious Christian - no denomination. I'm not perfect in any way. I have cut myself from all "Cultural Christian beliefs". I follow Jesus. I so wish I could speak to so many of your guests.The things you, myself and all your guests have gone through grieves The Holy Spirit immensely......
As someone who was physically disciplined as a child. I cannot imagine ever training my child with physical pain. That is torture right? It physically hurts me to think about it. I couldn't imagine actually going through with it.
Even hearing the word "submit" makes my skin crawl!
So glad Oceana’s parents had progressive ways.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
More than harsh or gentle parenting, the big issue is whether parents listen to their kids or to an outside authority. Kids know when something is wrong or needs to be addressed. They don't cry or scream just for fun. They frequently don't know the exact source of the problem, and they frequently don't know how to express what the problem is, but they sincerely cry for help only when they need help, at least until we, the parents, get in the way.
Many times, we have to understand the problem and take corrective measures that our kids will not like, but the principle still is that we listen to our kids.
Honest question, have you guys ever read To Train Up a Child?
Thank you so much for sharing your story Oceana! I hope it’s not too forward, but have you thought about being tested for autism? I’m autistic and ADHD myself, late diagnosed in my thirties (last year) and many things from your story could indicate ASD (ED, shyness, not understanding social cues,…). 😊
As a shy former child, I hate it when people assume shy kids are neurodivergent. It's normal to be socially anxious and fearful of putting yourself forward when you're assaulted by your parents for taking up space. Shyness is a classic trauma response in these environments and women are actively encouraged, from babyhood, to be seen and unheard. This wreaks havoc on social involvement and expression.
@@emro164 her being shy is not the only reason I am suggesting her to be tested for ASD. did you read my entire comment? Being neurodivergent is not a bad thing or an insult.
I love watching your videos, they're beyond fascinating. Could you please do a video with Emily Harper? Her story is interesting
A friend of mine got hit with a wooden spoon when we were in elementary school and it left big bruises. It was really scary to me at the time. My guess is her parents switched to a rubber spatula bc it didn't leave marks the same.
As a mom of a daughter if I find men looking at my daughter in a suggestive way they will regret it as I have no problem calling them out publicly. Now the library porn thing I find odd having worked in libraries for years. To log on to our library computers or even the WiFi you have to agree to rules. I even had a couple times where I had to report people for looking at porn and one got banned from our library system for about 6 months.
Same here in Toronto Canada 🇨🇦
Certain sites are blocked at the library because there are children there 🥰
I'm pretty sure it was easier to access when the internet was newer...and I imagine some libraries got on top of it before others did. But it's certainly something I've heard of happening. I mean, you wouldn't have to agree to rules if it wasn't possible to break them.
I remember my father once grabbed my brother, like just grabbed him, and he was so distraught by it an apologized so much for that nonsense action done in such desperate frustration and exhaustion. I can't imagine being hit as a child by an adult. It makes. no. sense.
Porn on public library computers is a huge issue . My friend is a librarian
Your friend has witnessed this too? I have to admit that I was skeptical about that. I'm quite certain it is not accessible at my local public library as there are related subjects that I have not been able to search.
@@gghf357 - yes it is a huge issue on library computers :( She left the profession because it bothered her so much
So nasty wtf is wrong with ppl
What a heartbreaking yet empowering story! Oceana you’re a beautiful courageous woman. And you are 100% “right with God”. You are compassionate and authentic, you’re using your pain for good helping others to heal. Maybe I’m crazy but those qualities seem a lot more “Christ like” than abuse and misogyny to me!
I understand the whole looking at men’s eyes that’s how I grew up also
I will say, I had a lot of those Awareness of Creepy Men experiences in the secular world, just being intensely empathic, and walking everywhere I would go, from age 12 on, in a town where most people drove cars everywhere. I also got harassed on public transportation as well. BART (subway) stations, trains, and I very quickly learned to avoid buses, bc there’s nowhere to escape to; the options are only be harassed, or get off at the wrong stop and be stranded - and cell phones weren’t really a thing til I was 19, which is also when I belatedly got my drivers license. I tried to do without a car whenever I could but it was definitely a difficult trade off.
I just don’t want non-culty men to get a pass, bc SO many of them were really gross and scary. (I hate that I feel the need to clarify further, that although I was tall for my age, I dressed modestly specifically in an effort to reduce the amount of attention on me. It didn’t work though)
I do think it’s probably even worse in culty communities though, and I definitely don’t want to minimize that. No girl deserves to have to be so “on guard” out in the world, as though we owe men our attention, awareness, and caution.
I agree with this, things happened to me and I wasn't in any kind of cult. And I don't think it's a bad idea for young girls to be aware of the creepiness of some men. There are some men who are just nice and aren't being creepy. Everyone is different but I still think young girls should still be made aware of these things because that's how grooming starts, from a friendly man whether it's a known one or a stranger.
I bet they saw and new about the eating disorder, and the self harm you were doing at that place and thry just didn't bother to do anything because it was either over their heads or they figured it was in their job description. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. 😢
You have full on pregnancy glow in this video you look beautiful!
Oceana I myself have an eating disorder and I have to have a therapist and psychiatrist so without doctors and therapist you can’t get better
❤️❤️❤️
I'm so glad that my parents were not apart of this awful cult . My parents could have been the leaders of this cult, the last thing they needed was more people to encourage them to be they way they were.
I have heard, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" about a hundred times from my mother. She gets her kicks knowing she and my dad beat the shit out of us with the belt when we were kids.
It’s so sick to me that we tell women that their value is entirely in their beauty but also create a system where the world gets increasingly more dangerous the more beautiful you are
THIS
It wasn’t crochet- we smocked baby bonnets! I loved every moment. 😊 We got up at 6:30, not 5. They wouldn’t let you get up earlier than 6.
I think that no one said anything because at least the leaders were so young and innocent themselves! I had never heard of cutting at the time I was a leader. I wish I could give you a hug and go back and find you!
It wasn’t about helping people who were in trouble like this. I think parents might have thought that, but it wasn’t.
I could totally relate to the unwanted creepy interactions with older mean when you’re young… that mess you up!
When I was like 16 or 17 I had a (probably) 70+ year old man felt the need to comment on my chest and tell me I looked like Dolly Parton. I was wear a black and pink hello kitty t-shirt and jeans!
I saw Oceana on Davey's channel, IMMEDIATELY followed on Insta! An incredible story of STRENGTH and poise! 🖤🖤🖤