They tried to claim my sexuality, I fought back
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- Опубликовано: 7 июн 2024
- In this follow up episode we’re going to continue with Oceana’s story growing up under the strict Institute in Basic Life Principles run by Bill Gothard who was recently exposed for preying on young girls. She opens up about coming home from the IBLP training camps, her parents’ reaction, how it led to further untreated eating d*sorders, how all of the programming and IBLP culture permeated into her adult life, and how it’s still affecting her now. Oceana discussing becoming an exotic dancer, how she uncovered her s*xuality, understanding that she was gay, and how she was able to ultimately deprogram from the IBLP.
TW: Eating d*sorders, mentions of Homoph*bia
Watch PT 1 with Oceana here: • Surviving IBLP Trainin...
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Chapter Markers
00:00:00 Intro
00:02:45 Young Oceana holding everything in and having night terrors
00:04:56 TW: Self h*rm. Did Oceana's parents notice what she was going through?
00:05:49 TW: Ocean struggled with eating d*sorders
00:07:57 Oceana battling with eating d*sorders in her twenties
00:11:56 Bill Gothard's Red Flags cause Oceana's family to leave the IBLP
00:16:59 Oceana's life after IBLP
00:17:44 Oceana started exotic dancing part time
00:20:26 Therapy and meditation has helped Oceana since leaving the IBLP
00:26:32 Oceana coming into her s*xuality
00:40:39 What brings Oceana peace now
00:46:36 Linda, listen
Theme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara
*Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.*
"Use your voice, even if it shakes!"
Can this be a shirt please!!
Great request!! I’ll add it to the list
I think this is actually a modified quote from Ruth Bader Ginsberg
Remember that meditation isn’t just sitting on the floor. You can meditate while cleaning, taking a walk, singing… meditation can be active and inactive. The point is to focus your mind so that all the inner voices stfu.
My coach said that stuff like shadowboxing is meditation in movement. That way of seeing it has helped me improve in training and feel better in other aspects of life. What matters is being present, feeling your body, being conscious of your breathing.
Depends what kind of meditation. The only kind of meditation shown to physically change brain wave forms is TM (transcendental meditation) which does require an absence of taking in any additional or ongoing stimuli, or as close as possible to this. Not safe to close eyes while performing most tasks. IMO, better to set a timer for even just 5 minutes, and then to focus on tasks, while doing tasks, w/ all the energy you gained by abstaining from taking in new info (including even basic proprioceptive info, such as, how your hand is gripping a broom, the amount of pressure you’re applying to the broom, visually, where is your dirt pile moving, etc)
There are other kinds of meditation that are fine to combine w/ other tasks, just not TM. I am very results-oriented, so I would prefer 5min of full attention on meditating, rather than hours worth of partial attention, bc you never get to fully let go and flip the switch to go No-Thoughts but Breath. For me, only TM allows for this. I am autistic and have ADD, anxiety, and depression, so even 5min of meditating produces changes I can really feel and benefit from, in my brain. For people whose main goal is increasing mindfulness or other spiritual development, meditating while doing tasks may be especially optimal. For those seeking to activate striking changes in our neurochemistry, I suggest TM.
Hope this is useful 💜⚡️
@@sarahissersohn5495 could you cite your sources because that’s not what I’m finding.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK180092/
For me it's about being fully present in the moment. Petting my dog, taking care of my plants, kneading bread. And sometimes just breathing. It's grounding, life giving, and it has taught me to take control of intrusive thoughts.
💓
"Use your voice, even if it shakes." absolutely love that.
I'm 36 and didn't come out until I was 33, thanks to the fundamental Christianity I grew up in. When I was 20 I got into a relationship with a woman, and I got blackmailed by my friend who found out. From there I went into Christian counseling, which I now realize was conversion therapy.
I married a man, who I actually came out to and he supported me. We divorced, but we're still friends (his family hates me, though. They're deep in conservative beliefs). I'm now happily married to the woman I fell in love with when I was 20. So glad I got out, but still unpacking lots of trauma.
❤🙏❤️
omg im so happy for u that it turned out that way. i hope you and your sweetheart live a wonderful life together.
Omg despite the trauma this couldn't have turned out any better for you. I'm so happy you have the support of your ex. Maybe over time his family will get over their fear and grow to love you again.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all that- how Beautiful, that you are triumphing by living a good life now!
I saw a documentary years ago, (I so wish I could remember the name, but it must’ve been like 20yrs ago, which is 1/2 my life thusfar) where a woman in her 90’s was interviewed and she related that she had her first orgasm EVER in her life, while she was in her 80’s!! She seemed pretty happy and well-adjusted in the interview, and I reflect back on it, periodically.
Not sure what’s making me mention it now, but intuition can be vague in these instances 💜⚡️
Anyway, so happy to read of your joyful Happily Ever After- blessings on your path, dear friend I have not met!
That makes me cry but I'm glad that you're in a better place now ❤
Not me crying at my phone saying "YOU HELPED MEEEE"
After last week's episode I looked harder at myself and I'm looking into getting help with what I suspect is an ED. Oceana your story sounds so similar to my own. Hearing you speak was so validating to my own experience growing up.
I’m elated to hear this was helpful! Thank you for sharing. All the best in your healing journey ❤️
I am SO proud of you for looking into yourself and for getting help. I’ve been there. It’s a long road, but you’re gonna make it
I'm so sorry you feel like this. I too am gay. I didn't came out until I was in my 30s. I'm 64. So things were totally different then. I was never in a cult. That being said the time period I grew up in might as well have been. I was told you grow up you get married you have kids I was miserable then I met my wife a few years ago she sadly passed away in October it was the best years of my life don't let anybody tell you who to love
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Your time line takes me back to when I worked in a "alterative" bookstore in the 90s. Every week there would be several people who came into the store as their first step into living their truth. Some came in with support and others came in like helpless confused newborns. We were a safe place before their were actual safe places. None of us were educated, licensed counselors, but we would listen and help as much as we could. Every year, at Easter, July 4th, Thanksgiving and Xmas, we had a meal or party for those that could not go "home." In central NC, we did not have PRIDE celebrations at that time. When we did start having a small public gathering, people would hide their children...LOL! I am so happy that we are all able to live our truths in a more open, but still not perfect, world.
I am happy to hear you found your happiness in your wife and I am sad that you lost her so soon. I hope you find that joy again 💓
@@ReleaseTheQuackers
I really really love your comment. Thank you so much for your important work. I happen to be cis-het, but I am neurodivergent, and it gets me in the feels any time I read of, or observe, humans showing other humans unconditional welcoming acceptance. Beautiful and so necessary, on this strange, dense planet we seem to have chosen, as our classroom.
The being straight yet not feeling safe with a man hits hard.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Yes, that was a very profound part of the conversation to me as well. I gave up all relationships with the opposite sex and many other's about 15 year's ago after being fucked over one too many times. It's not a sad thing though. I've got more peace, time, and money than I ever did when I had a man in it.
I had a similar experience. After I finally got out of an abusive relationship, I found dancing was very freeing. I kept going out to clubs, not even drinking, but wanting to dance. Early on I looked at myself dancing in a mirror at a club and I realized I was pretty damn hot. I spent years being yelled at that I was a "fat cow" by my ex and after being told that so many times, I believed it. I liked celebrating my body and my freedom by dancing. I actually ended up going dancing every weekend, sometimes on both Friday and Saturday. I was so good, and dressed so boldly, that people thought I was of the paid go-go dancers, which I took as a huge complement. I even got a tip from someone once, lol.
Oceana, hearing you talk about how you began to heal your eating disorder has given me so much hope. Thank you for sharing ❤
She nailed exactly what I was going through through High School exactly how ED
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
"I will not cater to homophobia" - I LOVE it being said like that.
Homophobia is a social disease
If you have a panic attack. Stop and take three deep conscious breaths. Look around you and count five things while continuing deep breathing. If you still aren’t calm then try tapping your fingers and focusing on the pattern.
Thank you.
This is exact how it works. Thanks.
I was raised very similarly and I danced for 11 years and the life lessons, social exposure, and normality of sex and sensuality empowered me greatly. I always say that dancing was the best time of my life. Very healing ❤ I understand that 100%
I like that she does say she doesn’t blame her dad about the eating disorder because parents are human. We don’t always do the right thing or know the right way to support.
Being in therapy for a year made me realize that I ”should" blame my parents, they did eff me up, was it their fault entirely?! No !
So you'd ask why is it necessary to point blame?
Because inevitably they did eff me up,
Only through that recognition i was finally able to get through it and without justifying their actions accept that they truly love me, and we built a better bond, do they fully understand me ? No,! And it's ok,
So to conclude, I do blame my parents,
However do i hold it against them? Absolutely not, They didn't know any better
I agree with both of your points - I think sometimes we have to assign blame as part of our healing process, but I also believe it depends on the nature of what was done to you, and whether it came from a place of ignorance or malice. Personally I don't blame my dad for how he reacted to my ED, because his "bad" reaction was limited to helplessness and uneducated comments like "then just eat more"... But if he had weighed or body shamed me, maybe I would feel differently.
If the parents are able to admit to the child that they made mistakes, it makes a huge difference in the healing process
Yeah on point, All i wanted was for them to recognize what they did or lack there off, and I'm actually super proud of them how they did recognize it, and became better parents to my younger siblings
I was surprised how much this resonated with me, I actually had to write some stuff down to bring up to my therapist or write it out. I was also raised with a childhood of shame that lead to eating disorders and questioning my sexuality. Wishing you further healing Oceana and thank you Shelise for your safe space where we can all come together to talk and learn together.
I’m so happy it’s been helpful! Thanks for sharing that ❤️
Ana, my daughter is gay. She is almost 27. She also had an eating disorder (anorexia/orthorexia) for a long time (diagnosed at 16) and was sexually assaulted by a 17 year old boy when she was also 17. She grew up in a family that wasn't really religious. She has quite a few friends from the ED community, who have all been in recovery for almost 5 years who have also come out as gay in their 20s. She and her best friend consider themselves "trauma gays." Not to take away from those who are born gay. I think there are multiple ways to come to your own reality. Both of them are in long term healthy relationships. I didn't know about the assault until she was 23. She never told me. I love her so much, I'm a solo parent. My husband died suddenly when she was nearly nine and my son was just 2 so she has been brought up by me, my mother for as long as she was able and my Dad. Our priority has always been that my kids are happy. I was gutted when I found out about the assault. I would never have judged her. I would have called the police and maybe she didn't want that. Her way out of her ED was a recovery coach. Therapy wasn't great for her. We live in New Zealand and there is not really access to a lot of therapists that specialise in EDs. The therapist she ended up with was trying to teach her to manage living with anorexia for the rest of her life. By the time she had been unwell for 6 years she was invested in recovery so we sacked the therapist and invested in the recovery coach and that was so good.
Loved hearing her story, she is such a neat person and has come so far. It's lovely to hear that she's gained back her intuition and her spark. I myself did not grow up in a cult, but my family of origin has been trying to extinguish my spark/my light for a long time, and makes me feel like my experiences and feelings don't matter. In the past few years I've put up high, high boundaries and I finally feel like I'm beginning to heal.
Sometimes you can grow up not in an official 'cult' at all but feel like you were, in some way part of a group with that sort of mentality. There's one leader whose beliefs/feelings matter, and everyone else's feelings and beliefs don't matter and/or are wrong. I very much connected to and found peace in her story and I hope her healing process just continues on!!
absolutely..there is so much shame and physical discomfort in the binging that it is probably less talked about than the starving. I was often complimented for "looking like a model" while I was starving....but when much fuller( heavier) due to binges after starvation.. there was alot of shame from the people around me. Cheers to healing..it is a Journey:) our bodies are beautiful and deserve to be loved and nourished in the most delicious way:)
"Use your voice even though it shakes" that hits home and is a wonderful quote.
I loved hearing Oceana talk about her mental health journey. Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed by all that I have to process and work through, but hearing her talk about taking it one step at a time helped me a lot. Thank you for being vulnerable - I know it's scary.
The first video to ever make me tear up because it hits directly to my soul and is so relatable. I loved this
❤️❤️❤️
"Just pursue what gives you joy" is such a motto. Amazing. Thank you.
Wow, this was a beautiful, meaningful interview, and I am so inspired. Sending lots of love to you both (and the little one!)
While listening to this video, the *Tori Amos* song *"Silent All These Years"* kept playing in my head.
*Oceana* Thank you for sharing your story 😍I hope you continue to thrive and keep finding peace.
Thank you for continuing to give a platform to survivors and expose the darkness.
You go girl!! So proud of Oceana's bravery and perseverance ❤❤❤
Perfect timing, I literally watched your first video with Oceana an hour ago lol
Perfect!
I appreciate how Oceana does not blame her parents - they were under a spell themselves in the church / cult. You can tell Oceana is very empathetic. And she is healing slowly but surely. Love and hugs!
I really appreciated everything Oceana shared. As a bisexual who’s still feeling fear of the unknowns holding me back from putting myself out there more, I really felt comforted by how she expressed the experience of being with a woman for the first time. Thanks for another great episode.
Oceana, you’re doing so amazing. I love that you emphasize the Boundaries-Setting element inherent in sexwork. I have worked as a professional dominatrix in the past, and I still remember one of my favorite colleagues saying, “we are professional boundaries-setters”, and that practice, that I honed in that supportive environment, continues to help me immensely, in my day-to-day life, nowadays! I think anyone socialized as female-presenting in our society could powerfully benefit from practicing boundaries-setting. Everything shifts!
Thank you for speaking on your experiences, and please know that you are achieving SO MUCH, in sharing with a noble objective (when we free ourselves, we invite others to also free themselves)
Blessed be, and if it doesn’t sound patronizing, I’m very proud of your progress, in your life
So much of what you're saying about your sexuality resonates with me, Oceana!!! The internalized hemophilia and the self-doubt! I felt that 100%
It's nice to listen to a person's story who has found their voice and is flowering.
Aggressive heteronormatization through religion is terrible weight on many people. Her experiences are a really good example of how hard it is to recover from it.
Thank you for sharing your story with us Oceana - I relate to so much of what you shared. I am going to take your advice and recommendation of remembering to do the things that the cult stole from you and do the things that I've always wanted to do. Take good care of yourself and thank you again!
What an amazing human being you are, Oceana. Thank you for sharing yourself and your wisdom.
When you have a channel where folx can speak their truth, it lets others know they’re not alone.
Thank you for this share 😍 I resonate so much with your story, the eating disorder and being gay and being controlled and abused…. I really appreciate this talk and I hope to be able to share too. I can see how much it helps 💜
I hear you on the small talk thing! Even growing up surrounded by it, it took me a while to learn how to do it myself.
You both are such an inspiration to me. I can relate so much to this. Being gay and struggling with an eating disorder. It brought me to tears. I also went to work as a dancer at a gay bar. It's been 7 years since that. I am sending you so much love and was glad to see you back on the channel. Just remember you are beautiful just being you❤ 🌈🌈
Shelise, I totally resonate with what you said about finding your "person." I realized I was bi pretty young, but I didn't meet my person until I was 30, and wow! My body responded in ways I didn't know were possible ❤❤❤❤
Oceana, I’m inspired by your story and your story telling. This has been a very interesting interview to watch. I don’t identify with the circumstances of your childhood cult, ED, S shaming, orientation shaming, I’m atheist, and I do feel relatively healthy in my body for a mid-sixty year old single woman. I’m saying all of this because I want to tell you that you finding your truth and being strong enough to continue to grow and stick up for yourself feels validating to me in the ways that girls and women just generally are shamed for in the six decades I’ve been alive. You help me feel validated and justified to be me, choose me, and continue to learn, reach out for new experiences, and continue to grow as a person. I’m more than a mom and grandmom in these later years of life. I don’t know yet what ‘more’ looks like but I’m excited to carry you on my shoulder to remind me that I can be brave and strong and continue to be open and adventurous in my life. Thank you to you and Shelise for providing a platform for me to ponder new opportunities. Hugs if you’re open to them!😊
I love everything about this ❤️
I wasn’t in a cult as a child but taught many of the similar teachings. And I watch a lot of these and I just felt so drawn to her. So much love sent.
Thank you , Oceana (sp? Also love your name) for having the strength to do this interview.
You're a freaking movement. Thank you for being so vulnerable, brave, and inspirational! I bet you're a solid friend 🖤
I admire your grown-up, clear-minded attitude towards your parents. Having grown up with a mother, who suffered from mental health issues since I can remember, I've been having struggles to this day to not be mad - even though I can at least remotely try to understand where the bad moments came from. You sound like a great person, Oceana.
Oceana, I'm so inspired by you and I'm also blown away seeing how self-conscious person you became. Hearing to your story was truly cathartic to me. I cannot even count, on how many parts of your story I felt as if somebody was describing me and my life. Even though I was born and raised catholic in Poland it was so relatable... Thank you so much for sharing your story and I'm sending lots of love from Poland to you Oceana, and to Shelise, Jonatan and baby Rhea as well ❤️ I love what you guys all do to help us - religious trauma survivors - finally find our voice and our true selves.
I have never been this early. I want wish you and your new fam. All the love an light in the world your baby daughter is such a cute beautiful baby she look so much like her daddy.
Best Wishes from The Netherlands
Please have Oceana back again whenever possible
11:02 marijuana helped me to overcome my anorexia as well. Unfortunately it then led me down a dark road of addiction of harder substances, but now I’ve been clean 3 years!
Wishing you the best Oceana and Shelise and family
❤️❤️❤️
Hearing comments like, "if you were skinnier you would be sexy" "if you look more like this or that model/actress you would get more attention/love from me" caused me to have a eating disorder which then turned into an addiction to drugs to go numb from the self-hate.
I’m so sorry❤️ you are definitely not alone and you are worthy of love no matter what size or shape you embody
@@CultstoConsciousness i still to this day fight those feelings of being not good enough. But today most days, 20+ years later, I feel ... I'm not fat I'm fluffy and at 54 I really don't care if I become the crazy cat lady....I am a little witchy 😊
@@holeikalol. I'm 55 and a bit fluffy too.
Thank you Oceana for sharing this with us. Though I did not grow up in a cult or any religion, I really identify with many aspects of your story. Thank you for your courage and strength it must take to speak up about things like this.
Beautiful 💕 Thank you for sharing your story, Oceana!
Thank you Oceana for sharing...all us late discovery lgbtq folks have to stick together! Sending ❤️
I've recently fallen in love with your podcast, and this particular interview touched me so deeply..... You're an amazingly resilient human Oceana. I find it so interesting how deeply emotional these episodes effect me... I'm a 45 year old man with literally zero religious upbringing whatsoever in my life, yet somehow your podcast, and the stories of your guests, resonate so deeply with me. Thank you
Congratulations on your new baby 🫶🏻
I appreciate you sharing your story so honestly. You have had quite a journey. You gave many helpful ways to heal and grow and thrive. The world is our oyster!
I related to so many elements of Oceana's story, despite bit growing up in religion at all. Particularly the experience of eating disorders and recovery, including a parent shaming me when I gained weight "too fast" in recovery. My mum suggested I go to Weight Watchers. When recovering! II also agree that blaming parents isn't really productive, and it was only once I found help that didn't involve me trying to resolve all my trauma that I fully recovered. I just wanted to suggest an alternative perspective on the "it's something I will always struggle with". I know this is a view in the ED community, but I think it's incredibly harmful. It attaches your identity to your ED, and makes it like a shadow that follows you around (at best) or a core part of who you are (at worst). It's that view that prevents moving on and true recovery for a lifetime. I spent 15 years with the view that I would always struggle with EDs. I still devoted too much intellectual energy to it, and it still affected me despite being largely recovered. Once I let the idea that I would always struggle with EDs go, I was finally able to let them go because it wasn't part of me anymore. So just a point to ponder: is 'accepting' that recovery will never be full helpful, or is it the thing that is preventing full recovery? It doesn't need to be a struggle forever, and i assure you it is possible for it to not be.
This is a beautiful video. Oceana is very inspiring. Thanks to both of you.
I can accept that people may be born gay, but I also accept that sexuality could be more fluid, so that Oceana could have been straight when she believed she was straight, and later meet someone who let her explore same sex connections.
I would like to point out, though, that Oceana’s view of men may be skewed by her experiences in life. She was sexualized as a child by this religious cult, and today, she works in an industry that exists precisely for predatory men. There are also men who actually love women and see all women as moms, wives, sisters and daughters. These men don’t go to “gentlemen’s clubs” because it’s really not a turn-on for them. Unfortunately we live in a culture at large (outside religious groups) that can shame and pressure men, especially young ones, to see women as objects, but there are men who don’t enjoy that. And they are not ACE or whatever. They have families, love sex, but just prefer to connect with women differently, more respectfully, than predators do.
I agree, she gets to see the worse in men unfortunately. But I think she has a point.
I don't want to put words in Oceana's mouth, but I think she said in her job, she can see what they're really like beneath the surface when social norms don't force them to behave. I believe she is right, this is a tendency in men, just like probably women have a certain way of being when they give in to evil (I'm too biased as a woman to tell you what that might look like for us, maybe manipulation?).
I believe there are patterns humans follow when they don't actively choose good. A lot of people follow the rules to be accepted by society but deep down, they don't believe in these rules, they don't uphold them. That's the men she's come in contact with.
But all the same, there are good men who are committed to doing good and who aren't even interested in those deviations she has witnessed. It's sad that she has lost confidence in men in general, but I totally get why. I can see why she would feel safer and more connected to women, even though I'm straight and have a great husband. I looked for a long time before I found him and I know many men who, despite being generally good people, do selfish and immature things that hurt their significant others (and get away with it because society backs them up).
It makes me sad that her career in dancing, which has done so much good for her, her confidence, her relationship with her body, exists for the gratification of dirty minded men. Imagine if she could do the same thing and feel absolutely certain that every person watching was there for the art and to appreciate her talent. I'd love to live in that world...
@@abigaelmacritchie1365 I agree there’s a darker side to some men. And I think our culture really pushes young men in that direction. But I also think there are men who genuinely don’t like that stuff. They fantasize about sex, enjoy looking at beautiful women, etc., but they don’t want to prey on them, exploit or degrade them. Unfortunately in our culture (Puritan roots go deep) we don’t teach healthy sexuality. Way too many grown adults don’t know what that even looks like.
That’s part of the tragedy. I personally have never met someone of the opposite gender who doesn’t have a crush on me. And when you reject them, sometimes you can end up in a dangerous situation. I’m always told “not all men are like that,” and really it feels like a leap of faith till I’ll finally meet a guy I feel safe around.
@@thisisausername.595 Agreed. When I was young and cute, I was stalked more than once, SA’d (but I didn’t understand it to be that even tho I didn’t like it or want it) more than once. I had bosses who either talked down to me or harassed me (I told one that if he touched me like that again he’d draw back a stump-was fired a few days later, LOL). But fortunately my stepdad was not that kind of guy, totally a one man woman and respectful of women (he was difficult for me in other ways but it was never about sex). And I did meet and date other men who respected me as an equal, and I felt safe, respected and valued with them.
There’s another side to this as well: when you stop being young and cute, some men won’t see or hear you. You no longer are relevant to them, or you’re an annoyance. Somewhere in their piggy little minds women who don’t appeal to them sexually aren’t worthy of attention. So if you surround yourself with predatory men, you will one day find yourself very alone and unwanted. Much better to seek out and relate to men who actually respect and enjoy women on all levels as companions and equals, so that when your hair gets gray and you get fat and have whiskers, they still like being around. When you find one, he’s a keeper.
Seeing women as "moms", "sisters", "daughters" is viewing them through the lens of "what they can do for me as a man"... Just as sexist as men who go to strip clubs, just more covert. Women are human beings and individuals.
Also, most women have the same experiences just walking on the street or existing in a group or family. You don't have to work as a dancer for it. I got more catcalls from around age 10 to 18 than as a legal adult. So are we biased too?
Thank you for sharing your story. You made so many important points.
Literally her first words connected with me. I am exactly the same. I feel inhibited and not free in my own body. I feel restricted. And I didn't think anyone else could understand what I mean when I say that.
Great! I was waiting for this second part 🙏🏾
YESSS QUEEN!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story; so raw and vulnerable. This has been life changing for me. Thank you so so much.
@vegathesol
On X, I think just requested to follow you on IG ❤
I am always amazed by the strength and fortitude all the guests have found within themselves in oredr to go through all the horrific things they have experienced. I have nothing to do with cults myself but I come from a culture with many taboos (especially sex-related). I sympathize with all the guests and I wish they haven't gone through these traumatic events. But I am happy to see them rise from the ashes and build the lives they want and deserve! You are ALL an inspiration for the rest of the world! ❤ I send you love and positivity.
Shelise, thank you for this podcast that sheds light on these difficult topics and inspires and brings hope to all of us! Good luck with your pregnancy - may the birth be easy and magical! ❤
No blame, no shame & no guilting. As always, thank you so much for being vulnerable and honest. I think the part that hurts my heart the most is the drive we to give excuses to the adults, the parents who perpetrated the crimes. Whether one grew up with "punishments" gone too far, or the most heinous abuses, the combination of biology and conditioning forcing us to protect the people who were supposed to protect us, but didn't.
What an amazing young woman Oceana is! This was an amazing pair of videos. Thank you, Ladies
This is the most relatable thing I’ve listened to for a long time.
Oceana thank you for sharing your story ❤ I have struggled with eating issues myself, its so hard to explain to others when you simply can't handle the thoght of eating. You are such a beautiful person, and I wish you the best on your journey ❤
Oceana, your coming out story makes me think of something I heard recently: for some gay people, being with someone of the opposite sex is like eating rotten food. They are repulsed by it. But for others, it's like eating unseasoned food, not repulsing but incredibly bland.
I'm a lesbian and for me, being with men wasn't horrible, but it left me wondering if that's all that love was.
I'm so happy you could discover your true self, thank you for sharing your story ❤
I adore Oceana! It was so helpful for me to hear about her eating disorder and recovery; I could relate to that for went through a similar experience.
Liked. Commented. Shared.
Thank you for sharing your story. Yours parallels very much with mine. I feel very validated.
I have a cousin you should talk to. We all grew up in the same cult but her branch was so much crazier. Everything was so much more extreme. She was so scared of showing her upper thighs to a doctor that she essentially gave herself surgery to remove a mole she thought was cancerous. She was a pastor's daughter for awhile until they went to live in a very extreme version of our religion where they wore skirts to the floor, long sleeved shirts and could only show "two fingertips from the collar bone" of cleavage. Like us they also couldn't cut their hair, wear makeup or jewelry. Her dad built the church for free and her whole family would be literally foodless due to how much they constantly gave. My religion was Oneness Pentecostalism / Apostolic and some branches arte really scary.
Also, like me, they were homeschooled with religious curriculum.
She's also just a hilarious person with loud beliefs who is quite funny and really fun to listen to. She was military for awhile and now she's a tattoed married momma. I think you would enjoy the conversation with her a lot.
Keep mentioning this in future videos!
@@jeannerountree952 okay I will 😊
I had a very similar queer experience. I only recently came out to my family last year and have just started dating a woman 💗 it feels so natural and not a big deal. But I was raised super fundy and thought I was asexual, straight and then bi/pan. It's a journey and you're so seen and adored. All the mutual love and support to you both. These episodes were so affirming ❤
Love you both and thank you for living your lives authentically ❤
I loved her parting words of encouragement around min 45!
I love seeing strong women supporting each other. Oceana, you have more than a spark of light to find inside yourself. You’re a blazing star!
Btw, a lot of women are essentially “facultative homosexuals”. Female orientations are more likely to be flexible than male. Not all women are like that, but it isn’t surprising that your orientation makes up its own rules 😊
Live your life on purpose!!! What an amazing mantra. Will carry that with me! ❤
its amazing, how many of these people are just trading in one kind of colt for another.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Wow I have so many of your videos to catch up on. Keep up the good work with giving these victims voices.
Brave young woman💜💜 bless her there's nothing wrong with her sexuality....if she did try to hide it it would make her miserable💜
I,wish oceana healing and peace such a lovely human being😊
Mantra meditation helped me so much. I learned about it in the book Meditation for Dummies. I suffered depression off and on from the age of 7 to 30. Found mantra meditation when I was around 30 years old. After using mantra meditation 45 minutes 5 days a week for 18 months, I rarely suffer from depression and I am now 52 years old. Mantra meditation helped me live a much more joyful life.
Really. I also suffer from depression as well as anxiety. Maybe I'll try Mantra Meditation. Thank you. 🪻💕
I would write out my negative thoughts and choose a positive mantra that contradicted one of my negative thoughts. I would change my positive mantra every week during the 18 months. Also, I would choose a positive mantra that didn't have a no, not or other negative because when you say don't picture a purple elephant in your mind you picture just that in your mind.
@@michelep.7249 I just read your advice 3 times to have it sink in. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this to me. I'm actually going to try this. I like the purple elephant image...and I won't include the negatives. Thank you my internet friend.
Peace and light. 🙏🩵
@@michelep.7249 ok, great advice. Take a negative thought and replace it with a contradictory positive thought and don't use negatives. Yeah, you're right about the purple elephant. Lol
Thank you so much for explaining this to me. Peace and light to you.
So inspiring!
As someone who struggled with bingeing especially at night because of insomnia (like Oceana said this is just my experience) weed really helped me control it, because of my insomnia I'd be up all night, everyone was asleep so I couldn't distract myself I would wander around constantly ending up at the fridge and grabbing something else to eat all through the night hours, then feeling shame about that and fasting the next day and repeating the cycle, weed helped me get to sleep and stay asleep which organised my sleeping routine therefore my bingeing and therefore I carried less guilt about eating normally the next day, again just my experience but if you struggle with cravings/bingeing I recommend looking into it and seeing if it's right for you ❤
12:02 thank you for sharing you struggles with eating disorders. I was raised in a different cult that instilled deeply that girls and women had to look a certain way so that a man would choose them to marry (but you know, hot but not slutty 🙄.) I developed my eating disorders the same way you did and it's a struggle to this day. My dad played a big role in all of my disordered eating too. I still won't eat much in front of people, but as soon as I'm alone I'm so hungry that I shame eat fast food I'm my car. Thanks, Dad? *sob/laugh* 🙃
Meditation and thoughts stopping has helped me. I use many tricks. Thank goodness for therapy. Learning to embrace my gender identity and sexuality was huge to my healing process.
I believe I was born a lesbian but I didn't 'Know' until I was 57!! I put it down to my restrictive religious upbringing. So I rejoice that you have been able to explore your sexuality much earlier than me!!
“Use your voice, even if it shakes” Legit made me bawl. My partner is looking at me weird. 😅
"Live your life on purpose! " Live that quote!
2 beautiful powerful women!
I think i grew up in the precursor to IBLP or one of them...back in the 70s called The Move of Christ and it was started by Sam Fife. Still going strong too. But it was the off grid, secluded version.
I am about to be 51 yrs old and am just now beginning to feel comfortable in my own body. Sending both of you beautiful ladies love! And congrats Momma!!!
I developed eating disorders at a young age too, and similar pattern of started out as a way of controlling something because so much was out of my control, then it became a physical body dismorphia issue later on. People always focus on the physical aspect but don't think about the mental reasoning that triggered it in the first place. It's been almost 20 years now since it first developed and I'm managing it. I'm at a healthy weight, eat fairly regularly, and don't need it monitored. But the thoughts never really go away, whenever I get anxious or depressed or cptsd flare ups, my mind immediately goes to wanting to perform those self harmful behaviours and over-criticism of myself. Healing is all about trying to manage those thoughts so they don't overtake your life, not necessarily never having those thoughts ever again
You are amazing and gorgeous 😍 Don't let anyone make you feel less than! ❤😊
Nothing wrong with weed! It helps many people, my mom has a condition called graves and it helps her eat and feel more comfortable in her changing body, as well as allow her good sleep and rest.
Id love to hear you interview Candi Carpenter. She was a part of The Carpenter Family gospel group. Shes releasing her new album "Demonology" and the whole thing is about her experience in a cult.
Great suggestion! Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video I suffer from an eating disorder I have one called Compulsive overeating disorder where I can’t stop eating even when full I do have help but my past is a huge part of it
❤️❤️❤️
My parents are very similar to Oceana’s although my parents continue to insist that they aren’t homophobic they just “don’t get why everything has to be gay” and “they don’t need to see that” they refuse to acknowledge mine or any of my siblings same sex attractions and repeatedly tell us that we will grow out of it and eventually settle down and marry men. It is so frustrating because my sisters and I are ALL queer in some form. Literally no one is straight and even with the three of us trying to hold our ground against their homophobia, they just keep pushing back. It is just exhausting…
Thank you for explaining about being in a safe place to explore uour sexually. I have a friend who came out, and I never understood. She was married with kids then she was gay, what the hell? Now looking back I can see she to was in this safe place for heart and brain to explore who she is. While I always hopefully supported her, I was left wondering how could she not know. Thank you for explaining how it is so different lots of people to have a safe place to find them selfs. I hope you find peace in your future!
"I could never go back and date a man at this point." I relate to that so much. I dated men for many years, and always said I'm straight, had my first experience with a woman in my 30ies and the thought of ever being with a man again is horrifying.
Comphet is a powerful thing. And it's such a relief to break out of it.
If two people are consenting adults and not harming each other, that's not a pervert, don't worry! A pervert to me is someone who preys on anyone who does not consent.