Surviving / Survival of the Fittest || Father Knows Something Podcast || Dad Advice
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Jerry, Morgan, & Justin discussing write-ins that fall under the surviving category. How do you move forward with in-laws that don't like you? How do you deal with parents declining health? Or becoming a caregiver for your partner and just feeling like your glass has run empty? We're going to need your thoughts on these ones family!
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Ozempic is not a weight loss drug, it's purpose is to cure diabetes but the side affects is weight loss. Currently because ozempic is being pushed so heavily (particularly by influencers) for weight loss because it is easier to attain than real weight loss drugs that have requirements for their prescription, there is a shortage of ozempic in America which is causing major physical harm to the people who need it.
It's not just America. It's all over I'm in Ireland and it's so stressful going in every month not knowing if it will be there or not. Having to ring every few days to see if it came in. Being off it for weeks watching my sugars raise higher and then getting it and having awful side effects from restarting. I'm a diabetic after having gestational on my daughter. I was diagnosed 6 months after I gave birth. It is so frustrating that it's everyone's answer to loose weight. And to be honest the fact even that Morgan has admitted to using it while I can't get it for my medical needs, and she has a PT background most likely seeing the effects poor blood sugar control can have on people has turned me right off these pod casts. I loved that and fks but I don't think I could honestly listen anymore and just not feel angered by the flippancy she said the line when I'm on ozempic that food chatter goes away. That's nice when I'm on it my eyesight and organs are at less a risk of irreversible damage. I feel disgusted and they have lost a listener. Not that they really care or will effect them
It's not a cure
Story 4 - Overworked caregiver: I'm going to give OP some tough love. You have gone above and beyond to do the role you were shoved into, and you deserve better. I will however say that by you doing everything for your ex, you are his enabler and he is taking advantage of that. I am willing to bet that the moment you leave him and his parents to deal with it all, they will be forced to sink or swim.
Story 3 also why do thy live 6 hours away from his work? Maybe think about relocation. That´s just awful.
If a person accuses you of cheating, it is usally them who are cheatinf.
Absolutelyyy!!!! Every time.
that’s been my experience. I agree
She's way to committed to someone who she is not married to and the family is mean. Nah. Leave
16:23 your mom absolutely has a binge eating disorder. Coming from someone who has a form of it myself. Maybe she would benefit from attending an Over Eaters Anonymous Meeting? (Like AA, but you obviously can’t quit food)
Food can be an addiction like anything else, it’s just one of the hardest to control because we need it to survive
Story 2 mom has all the hallmarks of Type 2 Diabetes. Weak bladder, frequent urination, increased thirst, food comas after carbs and pastas, lethargy and energy crashes, feeling a need to lay down every few hours, decrease ability for skin repair (unhealing zits and boils), foot fungus, etc. Blood sugar spiking and crashing could be the culprit.
I’m sorry story 4 is ridiculous. You’re basically a care giver for free with no breaks and the parents are just taking advantage. I’m a blunt person and I would just tell his family please take your son. I have no obligation to keep caring for him since he broke up with me. I would not go back to him for the simple fact that he tried to do manipulation tactics on you just like his parents. Leave that family behind and I know that’s hard and selfish but I honestly think it’s the best thing for you.
My first impression with the dad questioning if the baby is his at 8 months- I think he knows deep down the baby’s his so that’s why he pushes off getting a dna test. Why would he want the uncertainty- he sees it as an out to a hard situation he doesn’t know how to handle. Or a way to deal with stress for him-to try to find a “logical” solution etc. He needs counseling after what happened to him (being told one of his parents wasn’t biological in that way) if he never received it.
34:33 if he didn’t have this history and was questioning if the baby was his, I’d tell him to go to hell.
But personally, I think she should make the DNA test appointment and just inform them that they’re doing it. “I’m tired of being doubted, but I understand you have trauma about this. We’re getting the test done and ending this.”
I think with ozempic, on top of everything you mentioned, the problem is that no one knows the long term effects yet. So you're essentially a test subject. Not everyone is ok with that. I personally would be too scared due to how certain things affected my health in the long run.
and so many people who just want to use it to be skinny take it that actual diabetics don`t get it anymore
Right, it’s only been out for 7ish years. We know the immediate and relatively short term effects but certainly not the 20+ years in the future effects.
@@stephjovi Yeah, I don't think it works the same for people who do not have diabetes or insulin resistance. To just take it for weight loss will always be more risky.
Yeah, not the best advice… Most people that stop with Ozempic gain the weight right back.
This!!!! So many people are coming forward now who have used it for weight loss who aren't diabetic saying they have complications....... this can be dangerous for some people. I'm sure it won't affect some people, but there are a lot of people who have negative results. Sure, they lost weight but also gained other issues....
Story 3. He's a prick. I don't care about what happened to his dad. He does not take it out on his partner. I could never forgive him
I think it's weird and gross that people in the comments are making vague comments about weight loss drugs being "dangerous", etc. If you have concerns, please be specific. If you have evidence, please share it. Otherwise all you are doing is passing judgement on people, like Morgan and probably many others in the comments, who are using these drugs *as prescribed by their doctor*.
Story number 2 really resonates with me. I’m 21 my mom is 57. I’m an only child and my mom has Rheumatoid arthritis. I have often wondered what we would do in the future if things deteriorated. My mom doesn’t take the best care of herself and I’m away at school so I can’t always check in on her. When I was 17 in the middle of Covid she got her knee replaced and I was the only one to help. Luckily it went well and she was walking in no time. She doesn’t manage stress well at all and it worries me because it makes her RA flare. I have discussed this with her and she has gone to therapy in the past. For a while she was into running and it ruined her body because that’s so rough on your joints and she’s not very active anymore. I have encouraged her to swim because ik that’s better for your joints and I even found an arthritis swim class near our house. I don’t think she’s gone but at least she knows it exists.
My mom has struggled with diabetes and high blood pressure since I can remember. In 2019 she was diagnosed with Gastroparesis and a hiatal hernia. Recently her blood pressure has skyrocketed and they suspected an aortic aneurism earlier this year, but an ultrasound at a recent ER visit didn't show any aneurism... so yayy. But she doesn't slow down. She works at a law firm, her boss has her doing side work for an independent attorney, she works with a community theater that rehearsal on weekdays and perform on weekends, and she volunteers cleaning up parks on some weekends. She comes home and is constantly stressed about work and stuff around the house. The other day she checked her blood pressure and said "oh my God I'm on all this new medication and we still can't get it down." And I said "mom it needs to be a lifestyle change as well. Look at all the stuff you're doing." And she said "what do you want me to do? Sit down and do nothing?" I was like "YES sit down and watch a show or take a bath and relax. You're overworking yourself"
Perfect timing to relax for bed ily guys!!
Story 2 is the first time I really strongly disagree with the advice given. The kind of approach OP suggested and what you guys were saying won’t work. I would really encourage you, and anyone really, to listen to the podcast maintenance phase which will explain in more detail and with evidence why dieting and programmes like weight watchers don’t work and only lead to more weight gain.
My advice - dont focus on the weight or make health a big deal. I promise you that your mum knows she’s fat - you don’t need to tell her. I’m sure she is aware of it every time she goes outside and feels the looks, stares and judgement of others. Incorporate healthy meals into your weekly rotation sure, but don’t make it a big deal. I would say “hey, I saw this recipe on tiktok I wanna make” and start there. Encourage your mum to be more active but again - don’t be patronising. Don’t make it about the exercise or weight loss. Make it enjoyable by making it about spending quality time together. As a fat person, gyms and swimming pools can be terrifying places. Restricting foods will only lead to secret eating and binging - if she really wants ice cream, let her have the damn ice cream. Don’t judge her for it - it won’t get either of you anywhere.
Also - hell no to weight loss drugs. Again, maintence phase podcast will explain the dangers better than I can (I’m currently typing this while holding a 4 week old baby so I can’t get into details)
yesss, thanks girl!! I strongly agree with you, it will most likely just make things worse for the mom mentally if you focus too much on it. Also weight loss drugs are veeeeery dangerous and I think long term they do more harm than good. so please OP and everyone else take care of yourself and your loved ones!
"don't make a big deal out of the weight" - as it is not the main problem 💀
I love in the third story how Justin brought up how it will also be hard for OP to get over a DNA test being an accusation of cheating. Given the boyfriends past I agree the best course of action includes a DNA test.
SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW EPISODE!!!! HELLO EVERYONEEE I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EPISODES 🤍🤍
Story 1: If your husband can't set boundaries for his family, do you really want to continue to be in a relationship where his family treats you like this? Will you be having children? If you are, he will want his parents involved with your children. They are controlling, and they may try and turn your children against you. Is this how you want to raise your family? You need to have a conversation with your husband. I recommend couples counselling, and you two need to talk about your future. This relationship will not be happy and healthy. You shouldn't be feeling the way you are right now.
for story 3… i think the way that husband felt about his dad is totally valid, and his fears and anxieties surrounding that are totally justified. HOWEVER, the way he is treating his wife is not justified. it is not fair to withhold love and affection based on something that is not reality. He needs to communicate his anxieties and insecurities about their son’s biology, and take the steps necessary (in this case a paternity test) to either confirm or deny his fears. but taking these feelings out on his wife, and treating her poorly because of it is totally not fair. ESPECIALLY when she has offered a paternity test on the past.
I definitely would be wary of dieting with the mom who is overweight. She possibly could have a binge eating disorder & cutting out food or starting a diet can cause more binge eating. I would look into a specialist for ED’s & depression while showing some compassion. Very difficult but it’s worth it if she gets some answers for herself & feel better.
Please put an eating disorder trigger warning on this
Wait, Holly with a puppy cut???? I need pics, please!!!
2nd story. She has kidney failure. Get her the help before it's too late
lol!!!! 59:43 omgggg not calling out Lindsey!! 😂🤣🤣
On the 2nd story because I work with people with a history or disordered eating, broken relationships with food and a negative body image (as a health coach not a therapist to be clear) i wanted to share some input both for this person and anyone else in a similar situation.
If you have someone in your life dealing with this, showing them and reminding them of facts about their health and bloodwork usually doesn't help simply because they already know. And reminding them can trigger a sense of guilt over not acting on that. Because guilt is such a common trigger for disordered eating, we want to avoid causing guilt.
Instead, when they affirm or call attention to the problem, in this case, the "i know I'm fat" comment, a good response is
"Ok, and is that something you're unhappy about and want to change?" They might snap here because their answer is likely obvious, but them saying it out loud is important. Once they confirm they do in fact want to change if it feels appropriate based on their response you can take a moment to validate their struggle by saying something like "ok that's great, and i know changing this is hard, the entire world is designed to make it easier to NOT prioritize health, so of course it's hard" then go on to ASK what feels like a realistic first step. They likely won't have any suggestions at first and might instead vent frustration and may even get emotional. Just continue to gently push them, and offer your support. It's ok to offer suggestions in the form of a question, but make sure they're smal like "ok does walking feel realistic?" Or "ok do you feel better starting with food, or movement or something else?" This may take a bit of back and forth, but keep offering support asking them how you can help or ask if you think they need to work with someone for support. If they say they do want to work with someone just be sure it's a coach that is experienced and educated in behavior change psychology and disordered eating.
Last note if they offer a suggestion that requires a bunch of steps before they can start like "i really just need to get back on track will meal prep but i need to get new containers, and a new blender and find new recipes" it's too big. They need to choose something small enough that they can start within 24hrs, the sooner the better. If it's something they can do right then at the end of the conversation, that's great and help them do it if you can.
I know that's a lot, and honestly, these conversations are even more complex than this. When I work with clients, this same conversation often happens many times over several months. But i hope this can be a good starting point for people struggling to get through to their loved ones. ❤
For story 2 - I see a lot of depression as well, and think the mom could benefit from Wellbutrin! It helps a lot with depression and used primarily for that, but also stops food chatter like ozempic does. Maybe that’s a good solution? A pill that’s more focused on your mental health, but also has the benefits of silencing your binge disorder
Thank you for saying ut differently this time. I watched a fks (or maybe tht) episode recently and they said that "Holly isn't with us anymore." very sadly. I got VERY worried, but I am very glad I misunderstood. Holly 4evah!
For story 2 my mom is the exact same. Like exactly. What helped her was she started water aerobics because it's easier on the joints when you weigh 300+ she lost a lot that way. But it is hard because the other thing that happened was she was moved out on her own and got older(70s) she was close to 400 my whole life and it doesn't always kill a person from what I've seen. If she won't help herself and won't let u help sometimes you just have to let them be. My mom ate herself through depression and sometimes there's nothing that can help it especially if there is mental health issue that's preventing them from thinking that they even need help
Story 5: Make sure he pays for the ticket. If he refuses, sell it. Then break up! He is going to continue to treat you badly. Gaslighting you is not good. He is not a good person.
This is a good theme! I also am just trying to survive 🥲 This surviving shit's hard fr
Yes Morgan! You call out Lindsay!
For some people who who are obese or struggle with eating disorders ozempic is life changing i agree celebraties who use it to lose a few pounds is ridiculous but not if you have a serious problem
Story 4: Ouch. That hit home. I was also a caregiver to a significant other and I did become the bad guy. I had no help and my mental health paid the price. Took many years of healing to really move past it. And in the end he didn’t want me anymore because I saw him “weak.” Just an excuse to throw me in the trash since I was always anxious and depressed. Get out before you pay the price for it all. You deserve peace.
Re: The child worried about having to care for their mom.
No matter what happens, you don’t have to be your mom’s carer. Being a full time carer is insanely stressful and honestly, not something I think a child should have to do unless it is something they want to do and it will make them happy.
It seems she does have a medical issues, she is likely an addict and she is addicted to food. Which is a medical issue. Which goes beyond dieting for a year. Just like a drug addict she needs to choose to get better herself and that will include treatment beyond weight loss.
The number one thing is it’s not your responsibility, but if you choose to help her then all you can do is make suggestions & give encouragement. It’s not up to you to save her.
Any medication or diet needs to have mental health treatment along side it. Some people are just fat and that’s that, they are happy & healthy and will live long healthy lives just like SOME thin people. Some people are fat and it is because of mental health and addiction issues, which needs a lot more work than weight loss. Just like some people are thin & they need mental health help along side weight gain. You wouldn’t tell an under weight an0rexic to just eat & expect them to be cured.
HELLA EARLY TODAYYYY☺️
Super excited for this episode! Hope everyone has a good night 💗
Morgan messing with her ring the whole episode is so relatable
Second OP: he didn’t need to lay out all of her personal medical information. That’s just so wrong
It’s anonymous, no? I think they were just giving context to their situation so they could get the best advice possible
For story #2: Sadly, as an only-child member of the 'Dead Mom Club' since age 21, I've got a story and some advice... I was away for uni when I found out that my mom was in end stage liver disease as a complication of obesity (NAFLD). I transferred to a nearby university so that I could be with her, take care of her, and be her advocate, etc. It was the scariest and hardest thing I ever had to do. Multiple hospital stays, rides in ambulances, organizing a transplant charity fund/fundraisers, showering her, toileting her, begging her to please stay alive because I needed her, meetings with doctors, meetings with family, meetings with the dean, failing classes, almost getting fired from work, watching her lay there in a coma, and finally having to make the decision in front of family and doctors to pull the plug because she was too sick to receive a new liver. There was a long time where I was angry to have to be put in that position that young, how dare she make me make those hard decisions. But now that she's gone, I'd give anything to do it all again.
I wish I could go back and have a serious conversation with her to please put her shame and hurt aside and to please help me help her. For my mom, I think therapy could have helped because I'm sure it all stemmed from depression. Once we found out she was sick but still able to do things, we started going to the YMCA together to get in the pool (really good for her joints bc of her weight) and do a little bit of exercises at the gym. If you have a YMCA near you, they have personal trainers who can help come up with a plan for your mom's fitness level. Please, please don't give up on your mom. This is her first time living too. It's probably also scary and stressful for her. But please, have a serious discussion. You can even share my story with her, I don't mind. I don't want anyone have to experience the heartbreak I had to at such a young age when it could be avoided. Good luck and if you need anything, just let me know.
Oh my goodness I love Morgan throwing Lindsay's name out there for the vultures lmaoo. LINDSAY PAY MORGAN BACK FOR THE LOVE OF STEVE
“Should I just pay for the ticket?”
“No!”
“How big of a red flag is this?”
“Huge!”
Couldn’t agree more 😂
thanks for the movie recommendation jerry, i know my mom will watch it with me too cuz it's andy garcia 😂
My mother is70 years old And she looks like she's 100She doesn't want the help She has actually told She has acted all of the people She has cared for Are dead. She is told us that she wants to die. She doesn't want to walk,, get better Any of it. So maybe this is going on with this lady as well. She doesn't have anything to live for I can only speak for my mother, She said don't be sad And please don't make me do these things. She just wants to Rest in peace It's a hard thing to swallow. But you can't drag a horse to water I am a Nurse as well, So I know how these people end up. And I don't wanna be the person that takes care of her when she's in that state. And she does not want anyone to take care of her when she's in that state. You have to Abide by what they wishes are. You just have to lay the cards on the table and tell your mother if you get to this point I'm not taking care of you ,so she is aware Just continue to daughter/friend and abide by her wishes.. If you try to make her do something she's gonna do the opposite Just give her all the facts Be there as a daughter
2nd story:
Get the cpap controlled that is is fitting right at the doctors.
And maybe tell her you are worried she will not be around for your wedding and to be a grandma. Maybe she needs a wakeup call.
I use wegovy, way less hunger, no low bloodsugar. Tiny needle.
Please , please, please do an episode with the updates from stories from this one. That will make my day!
To my knowledge, there isn’t a way to do a DNA test without him knowing because he has to do the swab as well. Both the mother and the potential father plus the child I’ll have to get swabbed. Unless there is some new technology I’m not aware of.
Nice
Iv been waiting!!! I love you guys ❤ and maybe one day I’ll send in my own story. I think you would “enjoy” it per say
Perfect timing for bed 😂
Story #1 1:37
Maybe that guy with the c section wife has postpartum?
Just what I needed after a long day😪 Hello from California 👋🏼
You sped up the intro... not going to lie, threw me off..
I thiught ozempic was not that great of a medicine and causing harm smh
25:50 story three
LINNNNDZEYYYY 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Morgan you need to do your research on ozempic
You're assuming she hasn't?
story 2: this is what the body positivity movement does to people and yall r wondering why is the usa always on the top positions for overweight 🤦🏻♀️
For anyone who are fear-mongering about the use of ozempic please read about how much work it takes for pharmaceutical drugs to get approved by the FDA and the amount of people that work on the process of developing these drugs. Also, doctors have been using different pharmaceutical drugs off-label for weight loss for half a century.
This drug is not for weight loss. If you're just using it for weight loss you are the reason why people who genuinely need it cannot get it.