How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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- Опубликовано: 19 июн 2024
- What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and how do I know if my child needs help? First off, let's clarify what this means. In this video, I'm going to explain to you what Oppositional Defiant Disorder is and how to manage it. You might be surprised that it's easier than expected. Watch on to learn how to discipline a child with this disorder.
00:17 The diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder
01:02 Consider that it's not a thing that you can just give a pill for
01:31 It's disciplining a child
02:00 Stage 1 - Oppositional
02:25 Stage 2 - Cooperation
02:44 Stage 3 - Responsibility
03:29 Please remain calm
04:23 3 Rules for the Power Struggle
05:29 Stay in control of timing, content, and emotion
05:44 Timing
07:52 Content
09:40 Emotion
10:57 Give them 2 choices
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Dr. Paul Jenkins
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Idk if anyone will end up reading this but as someone who was diagnosed with ODD around 13/14 (I’m 22 now), I often needed someone to tell me when I was doing the right thing. Idk if this is the case with anyone else who suffers from ODD but I never came crazy at people who acknowledged the good things about me alongside the things that needed work. Try being willing to work with them. Also, I really like the “give them time to think” because when I had the time to do that, I always recognized where I went wrong before needing to hear it.
Amber Ruggiero, thank you for your perspective and experience. That could be extremely helpful for parents and other to hear.
Thank you for your help
Hey, thanks for putting your lived experience out here. My daughter is about to turn 9, and is textbook ODD, along with a few other diagnosis tags. Its hard to remember that one day she will be a teen or an
yes! I try to praise that with all my students but especially with my ODD students.
THANK YOU
It feels a relief to know that I'm not the only parent going through this
You are definitely not alone.
ODD is the worst disorder ever invented! Thanks for the tips to help me stay sane.
Good luck!
Ny brother has ADHD and ODD, and I honestly think my parents have completely failed in disciplining him. He screams, cries, kicks, pulls *my* hair, kicks the dog, ect. They try to stay calm, I’ll give them that, but my parents almost always end up yelling at him. At this point it’s hard to feel bad for him, he makes my life a living hell, but he’d corporate so much better if they didn’t scream, because once he starts doing it, they leave. My brother usually does his homework in our kitchen, while I eat dinner, he’s walked over and pulled my hair, and kicked me before, because he’s so upset. My parents pull me aside and tell me “He can’t help it, he’s having a hard time right now.” *He’s been having a hard time for all nine years of his life at this point.* I really don’t know what to do, if i’m mean to him, I don’t have any excuses. Nothing. Meaning it’s my fault if he attacks me. It sucks.
Also, they are always focused on him, his negatives *and positives*. With me, they’ve already used up all their energy on keeping him calm, so by the time I need help with my homework they’re either busy helping him, or still angry from helping him. I failed a few algebra homeworks last year, my mom got so f*cking mad. The moment I explained that my dad was helping my brother every time I needed help, she started screaming, going on about how he couldn’t have possibly been busy every time I needed help, but I need help when I’m doing my homework after school, not when I’ve finished it and failed it at 6pm. (my mom teaches 4th grade, and can’t help me with the math i’m doing now, my dad’s job requires him to know the algebra i’m doing.)
i dont think they’e ever though about if *I* need help, just if my brother does. Please, if you have two children, make sure you meet their needs when it comes to attention and 1 on 1 time, it sounds stupid, but it’s the main reason I’ve been at rock bottom for so long, I don’t want someone else feeling like this.
*(oh god, sorry about the entire essay, I haven’t ranted like this in a while)*
That is fine, it can be cathartic to get things out. Thank you for the reminder. Hopefully your parents can see that you have needs also.
Awwww! I hope it got better!
This hurts bc I have 2 kids and one I’m sure has ODD and my other doesn’t but I fight everyday to give my angel as much time as I can.
….but I know I could do better.
As a parent of a kid with severe adhd and odd, I hear you and I understand your perspective. I dont know how old you are but my advise for you would be turn to a grown up who are able to see you. It can be a grandma, teacher, councelor, naibor, whatever it is your choice. Hopefully that person can be a solution for your struggle, give you some piece and quite. Give you some air to breathe. And maybe you and one of your parents can do something special each week only the two of you. Go out to eat breakfast or dinner, watch a movie or go for walk. Something that only focouse on you and your relationship between one another.
Sending you ❤
I don’t even interact with my kids until I have first prayed and listened to your Positive Parenting Playlist, I listen in all my free time and it is really helping me internalize the concepts! Thank you so much, Dr. Paul and Vicki💯✅✝️
We are honored to be on your team.
Love this ! I thought I was the only one who needed a prayer before interacting with my kids 😂
It can be rough, we've got generations of problems to fix but we have help 🙏
What is the playlist please?
I clicked on this so fast
Hope it helped, Camille Naar, honored to be on your team.
What did you learn cami
Meee tooo!
Same 😂
Me too :-( .
I need to binge watch your channel. My son has adhd with ODD and boy is it a challenge. When he’s on his medication for adhd, he is the most amazing, loving, kind ,helpful, talented person you’ll ever meet, but when he’s not everything is a negotiation, he’s confrontational and an instigator. It’s so exhausting.
Kay Mack, it is exhausting. Take time to care for you.
I'm having the same situation with my son; He's 14 he has ADHD and ODD I been going through this since he was 7 years old. I have to say that he is much better now, before It was a nightmare 24/7 . I still going through things with him specially at school, teachers, counselor, the Dean etc calling me often because of his behavior. Sometimes I get frustrated I don't how to deal with his defiant behavior . He's is really intelligent, loving and caring. I do believe that It's going to grow up to be something wonderful in life that God has a plan for him.
Then, keen him on his meds until he see how loved and safe he can feel.
What medication is working? We have been thru 4 medications in 3 years. still not working. my son is 9
@@amandaovado5846 I’m so sorry to hear that. He is now on Guanfacine for his adhd. It turns out he also has DMDD which is a mood disorder that can later lead to a bi-polar diagnosis. I know for us that we needed to do some more diagnostic testing to find out what else was going on when things started going badly again. It can feel like such a lonely journey when you have a nuero-atypical child. You aren’t alone though. Good luck and keep trying.
Lately, I've looked at raising my son differently and it has helped me with the burden of being a single stay at home mom (while I'm going through a divorce). I tell myself that my child belongs to Jesus and I am here babysitting him since His Father hired me to raise him right. Thus, I am seeking wisdom through prayers or videos like these to help me raise God's son better. Our child(ren) doesn't belong to us. Once I changed my view of this, I don't feel exhausted, frustrated and burden anymore.
Edited: Remember you are a Queen and you are an asset to your child(ren)and you are doing the best as a mom.
Blessin Nusraty, perspective is real.
Blessin Nusraty thank you soo much! I needed the reminder. God bless!
Kingdom Mindset: I also think that my children belong to our God first and that our God blessed and entrusted me with their care. That’s why I feel so guilty for my shortcomings. I believe them acting out is them showing me that I’m not parenting them correctly. I just want them happy, whole, and healed from any hurt. 😔
Great wisdom I never thought of it that way...Our children do belong to God....thanks for the input. God bless
@@xoxo-vp7ww I feel the same way.
God, this is GOLD!!!! My child is 5 and I'm actually bruised by his violent outbursts. I'm a complete mess from it. This is REALLY good advice. I'm SO grateful. I love my boy SO much, I don't know how we got so far away from one another. This makes me feel somewhat secure about how to handle the next round!!! What an amazing person.
Queen of the Butterflies, you sound like an amazing mom and the one your child needs.
Violence is a learned behaviour so you might consider weeding out elements of it from your childs life, no matter what it takes. The guy in the video is just telling you what you want to hear so that you'll buy his merchandise, but the reality is that trying to control your disobedient child will only make them less obedient. The suggestions in this video are merely to abuse your authority more which will only keep it from being a problem until your child is old enough to kick out of the house. The correct path forward is to make changes to the childs environment which are causing them to not be able to be obedient to you. Always be looking inward instead of outward when you are the person in charge.
@@uuscorpuo3577 So, what do you mean by changes to the environment?
Look into PANDAS brain inflammation disorder
I was defiant at age 5 to 9 and i was told not to do stuff when i miss behaved i was put in time out if i kept being disrespectful i was again put in time out if I then hit i was spanked and put in time out if I got out of time out and hit again i was spanked and put in my room till i was calm and apologized but listen to this i learned quick and I'm fine now it's discipline not abuse
My son mostly wakes up in a bad mood most days, he’s constantly being negative on life & everything. He rarely wants to go anywhere! He’s constantly argumentative & if you try to ignore the situation he will definitely make his presence known for hours. He constantly messing/destroying his siblings personal things, or things in the home. You can’t have a regular conversation when he’s upset cause no one’s ever right but him, he will take you in circles for hours of why he got something taken away! And yes I do try to give options on receiving something back or recognition for good behavior. He’s about to be 16... HOPING FOR ANY STRATEGIES PLEASE!
Valerie Ramirez, it sounds like your son could greatly benefit from coaching or counseling. Sometimes kids hear better when someone other than their parent speaks or explains things. Please consider that as an option. I'd like to offer a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches to jump-start the process. It can be just you, just him, or the both of you on the call. If you would like to take advantage of this offer, please go here to schedule a call: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. In the meantime, make a list of what your son controls (ie. his behavior), and what you control (internet service, phone, transportation, bedroom, etc.), and allow him privileges based on his good behavior. Here is another video on ODD for more ideas: "How To Deal With Child With ODD" - ruclips.net/video/wwJvM0sWsBg/видео.html. You can also browse our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU I hope these resources can help you - honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
Hello Valerie Ramirez, I responded to one of Dr. Paul's subscriber earlier. I have a son with the same behavior as yours. We had to take him to ER twice in a weekend and fight with our insurance that he needs to be in a residential facility. He has been doing his destructive behavior for awhile now, going through puberty, pandemic, ADHD, Anxiety, Mood Disorder, and Depression diagnoses. He always wants our attention, never letting up, vulgarity towards us, damaging property. Now that he is in residential, he getting the help as well as, us through DBT and CBT. Sad but, also we are getting a little relief while he is there. You are not alone. If you can ask, push, demand help from insurance.
@@fatmaja5030 Good points, my wife and I adopted two kids from our local foster care system, they are half siblings, the older one, the sister was in residential care for a while and it really helped us out. And we are thinking her younger brother might be headed there too. He can't seem to do well in school, and I don't mean just grades but behaviorally. So if he screws up there, by which I mean actually hits a teacher or something to that level, that's the next step for him probably.
He needs a father in his life to lay down the law. No offense but if you're a single mom raising a boy this is quite common
@Scott-got-caught I remember when I thought like you! What you have to understand is that some people have serious mental disorders... like physical problems in their brains. "Laying down the law" works with normal functioning brains.. but it actually doesn't work with brains broken in this way. Trust me I tried it!
Gladly you are addressing this topic. With the help of your videos and the 'stage model' I think in 80% of the critical situations we are acting positivily. Sadly there is still plenty of time left through the day, where teachers and after school advisors might act differently. If kids are not fitting into the norm it is always difficult. Thankfully after your help more for others than for us :)
Thanks for the continuing video uploads!
jui79, education on a topic never hurts. Thank you for commenting.
Oh my gosh. First time looking at RUclips for this type of content. I have a book from another author that is currently locked in my car at the repair shop and needed this type of resource now. Glad I found you! So good. I am loving this channel. Your delivery is succinct, chock full of gems and lighthearted for a "heavy" topic causing me all sorts of worry. Not only does this apply to my tween, but it applies to my NPD husband who is stuck in stage I. Fighting everyone and everything all the time, not willing to compromise, jumping topics, does the opposite of anything I say, defies all rules...I am going to apply the technique to both of them. Thank you!!! I am so glad i found your channel. There is so much to learn here.
I am glad you found us, welcome! I hope you come back often.
This video makes me feel so much better. I can relate to the scenarios you shared and fortunately I have responded the way you suggested. Makes me feel more confident knowing that my parenting style is being validated. I’ve had to reparent myself as well so I’m not always sure that I’m doing things the ‘right’ way.
I'm so glad!
What I wouldn’t give to have you sit down with me and my child! I stumbled on your videos last year when all of this started and have tried to apply your techniques but sometimes I struggle with how to do them for every situation. And now it’s morphed into an ODD situation. She is almost 15 and quite honestly sometimes I worry that she will lose her temper and seriously harm me. She has gotten physical in the past and really really struggles to control herself. I find myself afraid of my child sometimes.
Kara Bear, that is so sad, if you want individual coaching make an appointment for a call today at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
Great advise. I have a 17 old who is extremely defiant. It helps to wait.I’m often triggered and lose my temper
Margit Ramsey, I hope things get better for you soon.
I like you. I’m a grandparent, glad to listen to someone who doesn’t talk over heads but makes sense. Can tell you’re sincere! Thank you!
Wendell St, It is what I did to raise my four children. Thanks for being a part of our community.
I love how you get excited talking about these confrontations. Almost like you’re looking forward to it, and it makes me think I can handle this. Maybe with a new perspective.
Fingers crossed! You got this.
Thank you Dr Paul for inspiring me to be a better parent. It's so hard but I realised it is not much to do with the child it's about having the right tools and information as a parent.
My mommy's journal, glad to have you at Live On Purpose TV, thank you for viewing.
Thank you, Dr. Paul. I appreciate your advice and guidance. My son is four and a half, and I do wonder if he has ODD. I find my son struggles with: anger management, attention-seeking behaviour, impulsivity, ODD, and control issues. I don’t know how much of his behaviour is age-appropriate and how much is not. I know my reaction to his behaviour affects his behaviour. I hear your voice telling me, “Calm voice, calm body, calm mind,” when I am trying to deal with a situation. His behaviour often continues to be toddler-like. His language acquisition is advanced, so it is easy for me to forget that he doesn’t always respond to reason. Thank you for your videos. They do help me make it through the day. I also would by that t-shirt in a heartbeat.
75mingle, a calm demeanor does help and what a valuable lesson for your son to be learning at such a young age.
My Son was 3+ when I suspect he had ODD, sent him to see a psychologist and they said he is acting age appropriate. I though nothing and continued to be frustrated with his defiant and non compliance and purposely annoying the heck out of everyone! He’s now 7 years old and he got into so much trouble in elementary school. I got a call from his Teachers like every other day that he was involved in a fight and hitting his classmate. He’s diagnosed with ODD and will be going through CBT PPP and the works!! Moral of the story, keep calm and parent on. I highly recommend a book “The Explosive Child” by Dr Greene. By far the best book I’ve read to help me understand my son’s behaviour and how to discipline him ! All the best and be strong !!
@@lizacraft7232 ordering this book now. My situation with my daughter is similar. First suspected around 3, now she’s 6 and it’s at an all time high. Worst it’s ever been. Very angry, aggressive, violent with me, tries to tear the house down, will purposefully do things to annoy and aggravate others. She laughs about it like it’s funny to do these things. I’m having a very hard time and desperately seeking answers. This is a daily occurrence and has put so much strain on our household. She won’t listen to anything so all I can do is monitor her, try to stop her from breaking things or hurting herself/someone else. She’s currently seeing a therapist but doesn’t have a diagnosis at this point. I don’t see how though because I swear it’s ODD. nothing I’ve tried works.
Thank you for these videos. I can’t tell how much this information has changed some dynamics in the household
Thank you for sharing.
I’m 26 with a 5 year old. I subscribed due to this video. Thank you man. Thank you so much.
Glad to have you in our positive group of people and parents who want to know better and do better.
I recently binge listened to Whole Brain Child book on my audible. As I listened, many times I wished Dr. Paul Jenkins went over the 12 strategies on his channel. I love how clear and positive he is!
Thank you, I will have to check that one out.
Hello Dr. Paul. Thank you for your generosity in sharing your knowledge with us, parents.
So nice of you
Awesome video... I just don't know how to handle some of the things though... example. This morning my 8yr old would not get dressed for school. It's below freezing here, she threw a fit to wear warm clothes. She picked out her sweatshirt and I said "Okay, good, now lets finish getting dressed, she then decides since that didn't get a rile out of me she said she doesn't like that sweatshirt and threw it into a pile to get rid of! Then I had to argue about putting something else on. Then she wouldn't eat breakfast before school, so I just let her go without it then. But I did end up loosing my temper this morning and I hate it! This is a daily DAILY thing! She argues with me over eating, going to the bathroom, brushing her teeth, doing her homework! Basically anything I ask or tell her to do. I try to stay calm and she keeps pushing until I just snap! :( I will take things away... no playing with the neighbor or no watching tv, etc. I am just lost and so exhausted and also soooo worried about my daughter!!
n jrf Vassar, she does sound oppositional. I am not sure how old she is, the more you can make it routine, the easier it might become. Give her two choices and if she doesn't choose, you make the choice. Watch some other videos on the channel and let me know if you need more guidance and we can consider another video.
n jrf Vassar Sounds like my daughters. I have two like this. One more extreme than the other. Together they’re like oil and water. So much tougher to wrangle two than one since they set each other off. So I feel your pain!
Humor might help. 😊 If you can find a book called Mrs. Piggle Wiggle your daughter is a great age for those stories. It’s all about different kids who don’t think they need parenting. They don’t listen or behave. So their parents call in the expert, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. She has some unorthodox but funny ways of curing the kids if their poor behavior. Really the kids cure themselves. It’s silly, hilarious, heartwarming and a great way to bond with your daughter.
When my kids were getting out of hand I’d get my phone and tell them I was dialing Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. “She’ll be here after dinner tonight. Get ready!” They’d be so freaked out that the idea would pop them into line. 🤗 I hope things turn around for your daughter!
I absolutely cried when saw this you have just no idea I spent all Sunday afternoon looking for help on this Thank you. One of my daycare kids has this he’s 5. so sweet and intelligent and then flips ODD
I want that shirt. Already chief chaos organizer
Glad it helps, Mary.
Oh my goodness, this content gave me back the hope! Thank you infinitely!
I am so glad. Thanks for letting me know.
This was an incredibly helpful video. Thank you so much for creating it.
Glad it was helpful!
I'd get that shirt! I start Common Sense Parenting today. I am fortunate enough to live in Omaha Nebraska, so I'm actually taking these classes AT Boystown! Between your videos and these classes, I really feel like I will be prepared to handle anything my 6 year old can throw at me this year 💖💖💖
Side note, I literally used your advice while I was watching this video. Thank you for everything that you do!!
Amanda Gray, honored to be on your team. Love the positivity! You CAN do this.
Good for you Anasta
I totally agree, I also want the keep calm t-shirt. I love all your videos they help me so much.
Please also give us tips and more examples on the fees.
Thank you, Marta Loaisa, honored to be on your team.
Hi Dr. Jenkins! Thank you for all your videos, God bless you! ♧
moniuxmoniux, honored to be on your team.
Love all your insights and advice. My daughter defiant behaviour is coming from her past traumatic experience and our family issues , we are learning to be a family over again, and we have child services traumatizing her when they is it her school and she is in fear all the time of being taken from me again. She don't want to go to school know thinks I have no parental control over her because of child services. It's a fear in me and it trickles off to her fears
Thank you for watching and commenting, Freedom Maher. I am sorry to hear this about your daughter. While you cannot promise her that social services will never take her away from you again (we can't predict the future), try to practice with her staying in the present, the now. Do the best you can to improve circumstances so the chance of her being taken away is reduced. We have lots of videos on the channel, I hope you can find some of them useful. Please check out any of the following playlists or videos:
Positive Personal Development playlist - ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV
Positive Parenting playlist - ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
Just for kids and teens playlist - ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV
"The Power Of Being Present" - ruclips.net/video/JOMkRJa5N24/видео.html
"How To Heal From A Traumatic Experience" - ruclips.net/video/wZmfA2VYTrU/видео.html
So helpful- even for children who don't have ODD. I shared on social media☺ thanks Dr. Paul!
Thank you for sharing, Gina McGrew. It means a lot.
Thank God I found this! I'm one of the many Grandparents who is again raising a child due to an addiction issue in the family. I feel like my nerves are shot from trying to manage a 10 year old w/ODD & PTSD. I'm going into my 5th year. It has been very hard, even w/the support of Therapists & family. I'm feeling more hopeful since listening to a few of your videos. I'm also thinking I need to find someone to do DBT w/my granddaughter as her behaviours have gotten extreme the past year. Any thoughts? My goal is a more peaceful home and to be able to continue to raise her. Thank you. You have some really great ideas.
Patti M, I have never seen your granddaughter so I can't advise if it is right for her, but it has been helpful with many. Check into it with someone in your area.
Me too, I'm in a very similar situation with my 12-year-old.
Respect the pickle and pickle will respect you again.Disrespect the pickle and raise the kids by yourself .If you didn't raise the first gen right what makes you think you helping me by destroying the second gen as well.Thanks for screwing the planet.
Haven't been following yoyr videos like i used to because I am preparing for an exam. Will binge watch them all after my exam. Thanks for your help always
Binge away, Irene Ifere Ohia. Good luck on your exam.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Many thanks Dr Paul
This is heavy, having parents that always fought and reacted and never even listened to what I had to say, I feel gut wrenched by these concepts. As an adoptive mom trying to navigate parenting, this is different than anything I could ever come up with.
Parenting is the hardest thing we will ever do and the best personal development program. Hang in there.
I'm not a parent but boy this was some good advice for the future... let me go back and study lol
Naii E, study away.
Yes! Always give credit where credit is due. Also, adults should acknowledge when they make a mistake and apologize. They can't disrespect me, but also no "lording" over the child.
Yes, we need to give respect to earn respect.
This video helped me to understand and analyze myself rather than my 5 year old.
Understood that what I'm doing wrong
Thank you
Parenting is the best personal development program out there.
I don't know why but I really like your body language. A lot of the time, more animated body languages can look really forced and really artificial, but yours looks so natural!
Thank you, I am expressive.
I used to babysit for a family of five. The three children were too much for me at the age I was at, so I stopped so someone more equipt could come in. The youngest had ODD, the middle child had a sensory disorder that caused any fabric but cotton to be unbearable, and the oldest had ADD and ADHD. It was frustrating, but also heartbreaking to see them struggle so much.
Ariel M, some families do have more challenges than others, thanks for being understanding.
You just described my two daughters!! Same combo of diagnoses. It’s exhausting. Only other parents of kids with similar challenges truly get it. I hope they didn’t sour you on babysitting!! You sound like you’d be a tuned in and wonderful caregiver. 💗
I have watched your videos addressing ODD and ADHD over and over again because I know something I am doing isn’t quite right. I learned in behavioral therapy how to do what is called “job card grounded”. So when my child breaks one of our 2 house rules she gets a job card. Or if she is given a direct command, she gets ONE warning that a job card will be given if the command is not obeyed. She is to be grounded until she chooses to do the job card. But this requires COOPERATION that you don’t get from a stage 1 child. She would hurt people, destroy property, and the list goes on because she knew she could only have a maximum of 2 job cards at a time and then it was fair game to do whatever she wanted because “mom has to ignore me until I do my job cards” It finally clicked!! So I will no longer being job cards with her. I will be making a list of stage 1 consequences so in the moment it becomes easier to deliver a consequence without having to think about how I can keep myself in control. Thank you so very much, Dr. Paul for all you do to help us parents!!
You are welcome. Good luck, remember you are the mom your child needs.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Crystal Petterson, I appreciate that.
Viewing your video in 2023. Needed some guidance on autism and defiance disorder. Thank you for this video
Our pleasure.
This is great advice! I love it!
Thank you, Malee M. Honored to be on your team!
Ty for sharing your work, advise and ministry Ty god bless
My pleasure, Mary.
"Priceless Information"
Thank you for explaining this content so well. ~
Ronda Norris, you are welcome.
I’m so glad I found your channel! I’ve been struggling with parenting a child who’s showing similar characteristics of ODD and ADHD. I’m not sure which doctor I should take her to😢.
J M, start with one and hopefully you get some results. If not, go to the other. So much in parenting is trial and error.
Did u see a psychologist? That the dr that diagnosed my son with ODD,.
Hope your okay ?
Your videos teach me so much, I am so grateful! Thank you !! :)
Honored to be on your team. You are welcome.
Thank you I needed this today you are awesome sir!!!
Simply Jen, honored to be on your team.
Thank you so much for your informative videos!
You are welcome, Benjamin.
Thank you so much for these videos. My boyfriend has a 5 year old son that we are co-parenting. He was diagnosed as ODD 5 months ago and due to the coronavirus we are only able to video chat his therapist once a week which doesn’t seem to be as effective for the little man as speaking to her in person. These are definitely teaching me some new techniques to work with him.
You are welcome, Dani Vicious. Glad this video is helping. Parenting is a tough job, but it sounds like you and your boyfriend are doing awesome! We have more videos on a variety of subjects in our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
It's an honor for me to be on your team!
Step mum to a 7 year old boy with ODD, his mum can’t cope so now I’m a full time step mum. It’s all so new to me. I need all the help I can get. I appreciate these videos so much.
I came here for help with my 4 year old and this literally is more helpful for my husband omg I need prayer
Lol! The whole reason I started watching this video was because my 6 year old keeps telling me “You’re mean!” So when Dr. Paul used this same phrase, I thought, “Yep! This is exactly what I need to hear right now.” Thanks Dr. Paul!
Love that! Jeanie Delaney, remember kids need two things, love and discipline. You got this!
My daughter now 19 who was diagnosed at 6 yrs old. Tells me "I'm mean". It's a hard road and my sister says I've never been able to do nothing with my daughter, yet her 22 yr. Old daughter left her to come live with my daughter and I. She refused to even get her daughter some help let along her own self for her drug abuse. So who can't control their child?
My 5 year old daughter deliberately does the wrong things. Like she’s not disrespectful or aggressive. She’s not rude or unpleasant. She simple deliberately does the opposite of what she knows.
Putting on her shoes wrong.
Moving around when told to sit still.
Delaying any and everything ... if told to put on her clothes... she will play with her clothes.
When reading... she will act like she doesn’t know anything.
She can sit and write her name on her own at home, even on walls, yet her teacher wrote that she can’t write her name on her report card. She leaves a letter out or writes the letters incorrectly.
I don’t understand why she does this and I don’t know how to deal with it. Sometimes she asks the most obvious questions about things she knows very well... and yet still do it wrong... “mummy should I wear my pants this way?” And yet still put them the wrong way.
If we sit and read or go through letters and numbers she acts like she’s gone blank. It really frustrates me because I don’t know why she is doing this and how to work on it.
Any advice is welcome because its driving me crazy now.
Nompumelelo Mdluli, I am not sure what is is after. Maybe a reaction. Try to be calm when you respond or don't respond. Tell her you have every confidence in her that she knows how to put her clothes on correctly and that she can figure it out. Give her lots of attention when she is doing things correctly.
Sounds like Infantalism, perhaps the desire to not grow up. Attention
@@offercut7047 my daughter. It’s really hurtful
It does sounds challenging.
I really hope both of you could find help and thrive through the situations. May happiness and bless surround your family.
Dr. Paul, I really like your style of teaching and your sense of humour and it's also very refreshing to see you and your wife interact so harmoniously when teaching together. God bless you and your family!
Many thanks!
Thank you, techniques have been very effective.
Thank you for letting me know.
Wait I just realized this method works in adults as well. 😗🙌
Lillian Aguilera, yep, once you identify the principle how you apply it will vary depending on the age and stage. Great catch.
So true!
😹
@@LiveOnPurposeTV how you guys apply technique
I got out of an abusive 7 year marriege with an alcoholic. I suffer from PTSD myself
Staying calm is so hard because the screams and cries trigger fight or flight for me almost instantly. I am completely starting over and having to stay with my parents and the times when I have to wait a second to calm down to deal with her behavior, they do not appreciate and often try to step in and threaten her to discipline her themselves instead. So lately I’m finding myself completely freezing up when she’s acting out
Megan Enriquez, ask your parents to please let you handle the situation. Tell them you are very grateful for everything these have and continue to do for you and your daughter, but this is a difficult time and you and your daughter need some compassion and a moment to think about your response. Hopefully they will listen.
Thank you for this video!!!!
Our pleasure, Lydia.
I would love an in depth video of how to charge fees. Thank you for this helpful video!
Samantha Stanley, glad you enjoyed the video.
What
This one is a must-watch definitely! Thank you Dr. Paul!
Thanks, S P.
You mentioned it at the end of the video, but have you done any videos about how to enforce "fees" or consequences or limits? Especially if they throw a fit? Thanks!
Tyler Strodtman, each circumstance is so different, I will think on how to do a video.
My little brother is exactly this kind of a pain in the ass. Thank god you are here.
Honored to be on your team.
Thanks so much for the video
You are welcome, Marie Jean. Honored to be on your team.
I think this is just good parenting advice period. I have kids with ASD, and I think I will use some of these ideas.
Go for it! Let us know how it works.
Great video! Thank you so much for posting. :)
T C, you are welcome.
Thanks Dr Paul, parenting is in fact the biggest job that never ends, different responsibilities in different stages. Is it a possibility that children sometimes act defiantly to get their job done or are they testing their parents patience. I try to remain calm but sometimes I lose my mind. Will definitely try to take your valuable advice. Thank you
Zohra Imran, it is possible for children to act out just to see what will happen. They may see how many times they need to do it to get you to lose your mind. They are persistent and strong, just remain calm, see how many times it takes for them to finally give up. Turn it around.
Thanks Dr. Paul
Twigs of Life, honored to be on your team.
my daughter aged 9, drive me nuts at times. my son aged 4 is very sweet but due to her sister he also do the same. thank you for the video, i am learning.
Love 2 cook, love them no matter what and even if... Honored to be on your team.
WOW! Thank you so much.
You are so welcome!
Mindbuildingsolutions approved!
Excellent content and video.
Present owner, thank.
My daughter has this and I'm up to my knees with fed up...ness. Thank you for this!
You are so welcome!
I started using his techniques and read murcerys child as well. Both very helpful but you've got to stick with it.
@@farmerchick3040 she is a really tough girl. Just the other week she threw a fit over cleaning her room and got in her mom's face. Been threatening to run away, etc.
Thank you so much
Tai Gooden, you are welcome.
Yes ! Do the keep calm shirt! I’ll buy it :)
Julie Tran, one of these days we will have some bandwidth to get going on that project.
Awesome advice!!!
Thanks for watching!
Thanks for this helpful video 🙏 My son has ODD. He is 5 & a half yrs old. Everyday is a struggle
Thank you!
You're welcome!
This is good advice, thank you sir! I appreciate the PPP influence in your coaching. May I add some PD-based ideas for consideration?
Re 10:10 In my opinion, this part of the discussion regarding consequences is generally most effective (and less combative, we hope) when the consequences have been frontloaded in a recent family agreement- ie, the kiddo has made this decision w knowledge of the imminent, predetermined consequences and therefore our main job today is to remind kiddo of the agreement and to see it through. No new negotiation! It also allows for calm discussion about how this mistake has made YOU feel (ie, very concerned about their safety, because you love them so much). We want to develop empathy and consideration rather than selfishness and rudeness, yes? It could be a good time to introduce the notion that maybe it'll be smart to discuss possible next-level consequences together, in case this behavior escalates... All of this stuff takes some bite out of the inevitable YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR retort in these moments. Also this all provides the child w real, tangible practice in weighing actions v consequences, an area in which this kiddo will need lots of guidance moving forward. This is a really good time to remind kids that it's human to make mistakes and of course that we truly love them and all their feral humanness.
Yes, we love them no matter what and even if....
THANK YOU
Pip Scholl, You are welcome.
Hi Dr Paul, Thank you for this. My situation is so much more and I would love to speak with you. I respect your guidelines helpful, but different dynamics. I would like to speak to you and do hope you are well.
Carol Harvey, I am doing great! Hope you are well also. If you want individual coaching you can make an appointment by going to www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall to speak with one of our Client Experience Guides.
Thank you
You're welcome
I'd buy the stay calm and parent on t-shirt! Great video today Dr. Paul, more like these please :).
whatever it takes, glad to have you at Live On Purpose TV, I may get an order going.
Me too!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Heck yeah! And if you can, put the "Live On Purpose TV" logo on it! 👌
Awww!!! Thank you so much!!!
My pleasure.
“Think, not fight”
Writing it down! Lol
You can do this.
Hi Dr Paul - if my child has odd (elementary age) and is oppositional and defiant toward teachers, coaches, etc. So the issues aren't always in my control. Do you have tips to get o-d kids to listen to other authority figures?
Cortni Merritt, It takes a lot of training others on what works with your child or what not to do. Education is key and important.
You are doing wonderful job. Thank you for your wisdom. I am feeling down because i am having my 5year old son at my house for longer period than usual (he lives with his father) and i feel happy and hopeless, sar at the same time. My son has ODD and being together can be nightmare. I don't know hot to interact with him. Some moments we are fine and then again constant refusing to brush his teeth, going outside, etc.
I have tried different approaches but nothing seems to work and he is gets angry, aggressive and mean to me. When i take
him from his dad he is happy, cheerful
child. What is wrong with me and what i am doing wrong? Crying writing this but i do feel a little bit better after binge watching your videos.
Focus on love right now. Try not to make anything a big deal and ignore as much behavior as you can. Love your child no matter what...
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you. Today is rough day, i even started yelling which i didn't do before. What is wrong with me? Does he hate me?
I have been teaching ECE in the public school system for 12 years and this “thing” the world labeled, ODD is just another label to slap on to very very poor parenting and the work not wanting to really LOVE and teach their children. We are the adults, let’s support and really Be the Adult and not let babies, toddlers, and young children run the house or the situation….do the work, it’s hard, but DO THE WORK!
Thank you for your work with kids.
Scary
It can also happen due to trauma at an early age and be mixed with other psych issues like dyslexia etc which makes it difficult. Bad parenting is one thing but trauma is something else.
Yes, please come onto a forum where people are seeking help to deal with incredibly difficult ongoing situations and tell everyone in a lumped group what very very poor parents we are. Super. Helpful.
Love this !!!
SL, honored to be on your team.
Love your channel!!!
USA Gal, thank you.
I value this video & so so much of your logical positive parenting insight.
However, this addresses a scenario in which the parent(s) aren't completely and utterly worn down by their child's (or 17yr old, in my case) pathologically defiant behavior, though. We've been struggling literally for years. What advice would you give to help put all parent-child interactions into "pause" mode so that things can reset a bit? No body is perfect and in the past 4 or 5 years I've definitely fallen into "negative-Nancy mom mode". Is there a video you've made on restoring a damaged parent-teen relationship? Thanks so much.
I don't have a video just specifically for that. I will put the topic on the development list. Thank you for the suggestion. If you can get a break away from each other for a time, that would be ideal. You want to break the cycle and that can only be done by taking a break, then decide how you will proceed.
What you really need is just some counselling for each member of your family. For your child to be suffering from behavioural problems there must be problems in the childs environment. Typically for disobedience it's because the parents are egotistical, or even narcissistic sometimes and are unable to accept their part of the blame in things, and likely abuse their authority even in other areas of their lives.
The environment in your household is what you should be trying to control, not your children directly. If you want them to be making the right choices for the right reasons then you need to be showing them how to do that. If you are hurting your childs ability to be obedient that will affect the rest of their lives, so please start with introspection, and do not do the things the video suggests which are merely more sadism and more narcissistic controlling and manipulation.
Thank you, this will help a lot. I will try to apply it in the classroom. Though, as my student is always wanting to pick a fight and disrupt the peace in the classroom.
charo carrandi, my hat is off to you and the work you do.
I have a 17 year old Student who is OD and I was wondering why he paid attention to me a little more but not his parents. I’ve been naturally doing this all along. This is creepy. It’s still not easy, though. It’s still a hard road for myself and the parents. We’ve been working as a team to get this child to graduate.
girliegirl615, thank you for the work you have done with this student. You are making a difference.
Thanks 😊
Carolina Salazar, you are very welcome.
I like that leave off the diagnosis and see the child
Best way to develop a relationship and have influence.
My 17 year old son has this. Well ''pda'' he used to be ok if you left him alone, so I tiptoed around him. That kind of worked briefly when he was old enough to go to the toilet and play on his own, but as soon as he reached puberty, he seemed to be battling with me for dominance in the household. he lives with my brother now but I want to try and open up a connection, for communication. I was at the end of my tether when the police took him away (he had broken down a door and he had been threatening and abusive to me, i was scared, I didn't do it lightly)
Let him know you want to talk and when he is ready to let you know. That gives him some control.
I have a 5yr old boy ...who is going through a diagnosis phase... has been partially diagnosed, adhd for one, they feel he is on spectrum and now looking at odd as well. We have tried one medication that had an adverse reaction too and was discontinued and not replaced yet.
Are there more specific ideas for younger kids that can't handle a lot of words at them and doesn't retain the "incident and doesn't understand or know how to verbalize what and why he does things?
Consistency and love are two things that I usually recommend.
THANK YOU- honestly.. Ques: Is this disorder hereditary?
Not necessarily, glad the video was helpful.
"Nevertheless" I like it too.
I'll use it today 😁
Perfect!
How can I remain calm Dr Paul if I can’t control the timing. My son usually starts being Oppositional/Defiant at the WORST times, like when he’s getting ready for school and I have to be at work, what could I do in that situation. Emotions always run high for both of us if his acting up will cause me to be late to work. It’s not easy to keep calm.
Rachel Dawson, Is there are pattern that you can see would raise your stress level? Try to get ahead of the deadlines by having yourself ready early and then giving yourself additional time to handle the behavior. Your child will pick up on your anxiety.
Live On Purpose TV that’s something I’m desperately trying to get Into doing. Setting my alarm for 5.30. It’s worked well on the times I got up I guess I just need to go to bed at 8:30 on a night. Which is hard when I don’t get home while 6 some days. God bless you Dr Paul, and your wonderful Vicky x
@@RachelBuxton Losing sleep is the hardest thing to cope with, so don't let him steal your time. The morning routine has to be done fast and efficiently. Second: he has to do sll things for himself, not for you. I let them go flat on their face. It's not my problem. Don't want to eat? Fine. Don't eat. I don't care. I am not the one who is hungry. Next day, he will eat.
If he acts out and doesn't want to get dressed, you take him to school in his pyama's. If he doesn't want to eat, take him to school on an empty stomach. If he refuses to brush his teeth, go without. (Take an overnight bag to school. With his clothes and his toothbrush, that you had already packed in advance. )
If he can't get his books and stuff together, bring him to school without them. His teacher will scold him and next time, he WILL make sure to bring his books.
Seems like he is sabotaging you by refusing amd going slow. Just to bother you. So don't bother. He is not sabotaging you, he is sabotaging himself. His choices have his consequences. It's not your problem. Stop caring so much. You can't live his life for him. Let him fail. He will learn from it. One F and next time, he WILL do his homework.
carolineleiden do you have a child with this? Just curious.
Rachel Dawson I’ve experienced this with a new job and I’ve felt the pressure and sabotage of my kids delaying my departure. Especially my oppositional child.
Extra time helps to give you the stability to be non-reactive. Tight timelines “add to the juice” and I swear that’s like a pac man energy hit for my daughter. She seems to thrive on getting a reaction and amping things up even though she later feels bad about it.
It was so bad recently that I’ve posted for a sitter to help a couple of mornings a week. So I can safely get out the door and my children will have to break out of habits with a new a person while I’m happily on the road. I’ll let you know if it works!
A lot of times I feel like kids rebel because parents don’t know how to parent. I witnessed this growing up with my brother who suffered from ODD and parents who didn’t know how to parent. They totally egged on my brother when he rebelled, they gave totally unreasonable punishments. They would embarrass him in front of his friends, They would also say things like “you’re a disappointment” or “why can’t you be more like your siblings” it started when he was probably around five, by the time he was 15 he was out of control.
G H, Parenting has lots to do with it and you have given us an example of parenting that needs to be improved. I am glad you are doing ok.
I agree, this is not a good way to do it either. What would you suggest instead?
My son is 10 years old and diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. He is on medication to help him focus. It all started when he was 5 , he didn’t want to study that he comes up with lies just so he can delay the studies. He pinched himself and say mosquito bit him. Things went downhill since then. He steals money in school , he lies to get what he wants. We have tried reward chart , taking away his privileges , explaining , talKing to him nicely , counselling. I’m out of ideas and this is bringing a lot of unhappiness and frustration at home.
Sher Chen, see if the medication needs to be changed to something else and get some counselling.