The Not-So-Known Secret To Parenting Success (Full Class)
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- Опубликовано: 20 июн 2024
- So many parents struggle with trying to find the best parenting style, but there is really only one thing they need to understand! In this full class, I'll let you in on the not-so-known secret to parenting success that will truly be life-changing for your family!
Watch and Enjoy!
Nicholeen Peck
Teaching Self-Government
Key Moments in this Episode
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00:00 Intro & Summary
01:28 My Experience With Successful Parenting
04:29 What Is Self-Government?
09:36 How To Create A Good Family Government
12:49 How Personality Types Affect Parenting Styles
16:06 Key Tone Elements For Family Unity
28:48 Key Structural Elements For Family Unity
35:45 4 Basic Skills For Success
42:26 Importance Of Consistency & Corrections
44:33 Benefits Of Conducting Family Meetings
47:32 Learn More About Calmness
What To Watch Next
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4 Skills To Transform Your Parenting
• 4 Skills To Transform ...
Resources
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Get our Calm Parenting Toolkit here:
teachselfgov.com/toolkit
Learn more about us here:
teachingselfgovernment.com/about
Check out our upcoming events here:
teachingselfgovernment.com/ev...
About Nicholeen Peck
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Despite your best efforts at raising children, is your family dysfunctional? Do your children set the rules and have control of your home instead of you? Are you looking for parenting skills that will help you create a united, happy family?
Then meet Nicholeen Peck, one of the world’s most effective parenting experts. Whether you want to fix child behavioral issues, create more unity in the home, or simply strengthen your family relationships, her proven system - Teaching Self-Government - can help you turn chaos into calm.
"People are starving for help to save their families," says Nicholeen.
Since 1999, her seminars, workshops, one-on-one training sessions, parenting videos and books have helped thousands of families worldwide regain peace, be happy and maintain unity in their home. The secret? Learning how to use effective family systems based on parenting that’s deliberate and pro-active (instead of reactive). It all starts with the principles of self-government. If you’re a family of faith, you’ll especially love how your faith and values can be woven into her parenting system.
In 2009, Nicholeen and her husband starred in the BBC reality TV show, “The World’s Strictest Parents” (watch here: bit.do/StrictestParents). She became an overnight sensation by turning around two out-of-control teenagers from England after just one week - without shouting, threats or manipulation. Her amazing success comes from the positive parenting techniques of using calmness, effective communication and principles of self-government.
Nicholeen Peck’s Accomplishments
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* Author of “Parenting: A House United,” “Popular Parenting Methods: Are They Really Working?,” “Roles: The Secret to Family, Business, and Social Success” and many other books and magazine articles.
* President of The Worldwide Organization for Women (WOW).
* Nicholeen regularly speaks at the United Nations and other congresses around the world as an advocate for strengthening families and motherhood.
* In 2009 her family was featured on the BBC reality show, “The World’s Strictest Parents.
* Trained as a foster parent for Utah Youth Village.
* Has parented many troubled foster children.
* Successfully raised (and raising) four children of her own.
Testimonials
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“Her loving parenting techniques work with ALL children.”
Kristi, www.thankfulme.blogspot.com
“Thank you for your insights and solutions. They have helped my family so much.”
Michelle
“My husband and I have started implementing some of your techniques, and our house has been so different!”
Julianne
“I feel that my children respect me more. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned from Nicholeen Peck.”
Michelle Baker
“If you want to forge the strongest family bonds possible, to repair damaged relationships, and redeem a child that seems completely lost, then this program IS for you.”
Sandra
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Nate Woodbury - RUclips Producer
/ natewoodbury
#Parenting
#SelfGovernment
#FamilyUnity
I just listened to the first few segments of your course- I have literally been praying for this exact help because I am habitually not calm. He is so good and kind and merciful for leading our family to your practical teaching. This is going to change my life and our whole family for good. I'm so incredibly thankful.
I'm so glad you found my channel! I love your personal analysis and your determination to change yourself and do better!
The same happened to me 🙌🏼 this last week I've been praying for God to help, and then I came across her channel. God is good 🙂✝️🕊💕
I'm challenged with my 18 yr old daughter. Can we email you personally, please. Thank you. God bless you Mightily.
@@stacyanninaz5181 me too! Amazing!
I’ve been praying too 🙏🏾 the Lord hears and answers out prayers. Bow it’s time for us to put in the work and rely on God to help us through
I can't believe that no one else is articulating this message. It is exactly what we, as parents need to hear. I can't believe more churches are not speaking about this. This is so good.
I can't tell you how comforting it is to hear an expert speak so openly about the negative feelings that parents can experience- without judging us for experiencing them. I am sometimes filled with a sense of dislike / anger / aggression / resentment towards my child. I always love him and would never physically hurt him but I know that I am sometimes overcome by those emotional extremes and lose my logical clarity. I wish it was otherwise....I know it means I'm just complicit in the same behaviours I'm seeking to steer my son away from. Thank you for speaking so honestly about these things. This video will greatly change the way I deal with our family governance and economy. 🙏 accept that the change must cone from me.
🩷
Thank you for NOT keeping all this good info to yourself. It may seem like this is all common sense parenting, but evidenced by the dysfunction we have today in society stemming from dysfunctional home & family lives, these teachings are desperately needed. Thank you for taking the time & effort to organize & communicate all this information effectively. ❤
You're so welcome! And I definitely agree.
How generous you are with this wisdom. I am learning so much.
"Manipulative pendulum swing" you just described our home scarily perfectly. You are a God send I'm so glad I found your videos. Today I was chanting "I'm her model of calm, I'm her model of calm" and yes I blew it a little later but hopefully with practice I'll be able to model it more and more consistently. Thank you so much 🌻🕊🌈
Yes! Work on that mindset! It sounds like you're at a great starting point. I'm so glad I could be of help!
What about my 21 old son not work for 2 years and suffer with medical issues but don’t want help because he don’t trust doctors
Thank you so much. Could you try and give a talk on parenting as a single parent as well please? Thanks in anticipation
Thanks for the suggestion! I've added it to my list of topics for future videos.
Listened in the morning and it TOTALLY changed our entire morning 🙌🏽Good to know my tone and structure are the main drivers for ALLL the morning struggles ❤
Look at you! You're analyzing how you can change and become better. That's the first step to ANY important change of heart! You've got this!
What Peck teaches is solid, universal wisdom. It's--fundamentally--love. And, love is the only...real? thing ? I don't know the words for it, only that it's tangible and recognizable by all living things. Thx for this.
If all good marriages are the same, then all good parents are the same. There must be some secret rules behind those marriages and parenting. Maybe you are helping us find those rules. We used to think parenting is a daunting job. Some even try to dodge it. But we actually can raise good kids and enjoy the process. I hope more people get educated about your parenting system. Keep up good job!
I'm feeling very grateful for finding this, this morning. I feel very led by the holy ghost to have found this channel. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you!
I'm so glad you found me! I wish you all the best in your learning and growth.
This is the foundation of the parenting book
Merciful justice, modeling, connection, strict freedom and routines based in family wellness for all members. I will buy your book.
Love it! I hope you learn even more from it!
My goodness, this needs *so* many more likes....this video speaks such truth...with a second child on the way, this speaks gold to my family...keep it up please Nicholeen^-^
Feel free to share it! I'm so glad you've found some things to help you and your family. That's the whole goal! I definitely plan on doing more.
All I can say is “THANK YOU” I am 50% on this path… my husband is 10% so im raising 2 people 😆
You're welcome!
It happens. I had a similar experience for a while. But he came around, so give it time. :)
This really worked!!!
I can't say thank you enough!!!!!!
You are a gem!!!!
Yay! That's fantastic! You're welcome!
I am applying your lessons to my situation, which is trying to remain calm while taking care of my husband who has Alzheimer's. He is turning into a child. I've never been as upset and frustrated as I am now. I successfully raised four great children, with only slight problems. This is very different. I have found your Toolkit to be very helpful. My husband is not so far gone yet, that some of your tools can be used by both of us, to help the house to be calm again. He is aware that he has brought a new level of contention into the home. I'm hoping that by working on this together, and helping him to identify his feelings (as well as my finding my triggers and regaining my calm), that we'll be able to make this journey together successful as well. Thank you immensely!
Sorry for the late response. You're most welcome! I'm glad it was helpful for you. I love hearing how you're overcoming a trying situation by applying skills and working on becoming a better version of you. Well done!
You are amazing Nicholeen!! I continue to learn so much from your content. ❤️
This is so beneficial for me and taught me so much. I will keep coming back here to learn more thank you. Where do I get these books from?
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you! As far as getting materials, here is the link for the store on my website:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/
I hope this helps!
...”and they get married. And then they have a child.” So true! 😂 I feel like these personality traits didn’t even reveal itself until children became part of our family. My husband and I were both spontaneous and “easy going” at home (before kids) because the decision making was less frequent, low stress, and/or we just didn’t resolve things.
You’ve helped our family so so much! My husband and I are currently reading your books but I would for you to make a video about teaching your eldest child the importance of setting a good example. I feel like a broken recorder and it’s very discouraging daily
I'm grabbing my pen and notebook! Thsnk you!
Love it! You're very welcome!
So glad I found you! Thank you algorithm🙌🏻 I love your approach and style.
I'm glad you're here! Thank you! I've seen this style and system be very effective and such a blessing for so many people!
Wow. Yep wow. Some of us really need this. Blessings
I'm so glad you found it helpful!
I’m just now seeing your videos, and someone may have commented already, or you may have already spoken on the subject, but are there any extra ideas or ways I could get a better handle on my teenage daughter with adhd,DMDD, depression, etc … When you have a mental illness yourself (Depression, anxiety, ptsd)? It’s a HUGE struggle in my household 😬.
Sorry for the late response! That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I've also added your situation to my list of video topic ideas, so perhaps there will a video on it in the future!
I hope this helps!
1000 thanks to you Nicholeen. I am a first time homeschooling, mother of four aged 10-1yr. I am on a budget that keeps me from purchasing your courses but I have listened to Roles and moving on to house Untied. Watching/listening to as much public content of yours that I can. I think your parenting methods compliment the Robinson Curriculum, have you heard of this?
Thank you so much for sharing! You are so helpful and true
Nicholeen, you are a blessing with wisdom and compassion. Thank you so much ❤
I love your videos. How do i get my partner (very permissive parent) on board? His 2 teens run our home and i am so frustrated im just about ready to give up. I know im not perfect and that is why i came here for some insight and to learn how i can do things better for my 2 children.
It can be so hard to have a permissive parent in the home. The first thing to remember is that each person has their agency and have to choose for themselves to change. The best thing you can do is choose to change yourself, then lovingly invite your partner to change alongside you.
I have been struggling within my home on how to make things better and I find your approach to be extremely helpful. Now I just need to figure out to effective establish it in our household. Thank you so much for sharing :)
What a great comment! Something that could really help you with that is my online TSG Parenting Course. It guides you through the steps you need to take to make what you're describing a reality. Here's the link to it, if you'd like more information on it: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope that helps!
Hey Nicholeen, first of all thanks for sharing your knowledge and helping parents to be better with something that maybe is one of our most important things in life, being a good/healthy/functional family.
I've been following your channel for a couple of months now and I noticed that even though this is a much longer video compared to your usual ones, it has more views than the others. I believe that if you could bring more videos with practical examples of what you faced and how you dealt with the situation/person and the results you achieved and learnt would be really interesting for your followers. Thanks again and have a nice day!
Thank you for the suggestion! I'll take that into consideration and see if it fits with our vision for our content.
Thank you for all of your content. I need this help for myself and my family of 4 kids.
You're most welcome! We have all the support you need to be successful!
You've got this!
Thank you Nicholeen, for the helpful summary ❤😊
You're most welcome!
You are amazing!!!!!
Great video and tips, thank you!
You are so welcome!
Thank you for this helpgul class. :)
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you for this video
You're welcome!
Thank you 🙏 you ❤
You're most welcome!
Thanks.
Wow! you couldnt have described me better! i def fall into the structure side, but my tone ohh god needs to improve a lot, thank you for this class!
Glad it was helpful! You're very welcome!
Thank you so much! I love your videos. I had a terrible childhood and learned to block most of it out. I was hyper and rebellious but had to be the middle woman or messenger when my parents separated. My dads a narcissist and knew exactly how to make me feel bad for him or manipulate me to doing his housework. I started being forced to clean my dads and his parents place at 9. My homework started suffering a lot. Mine and my husbands parenting styles are hugely different because I can remember how much it bothered me when I was yelled at, starting at a young age. I’m so glad I found your channel and I can’t wait to learn more from you! My life has been going down hill it seems for years and teetering on the edge of divorce. My own children only listen maybe half of the time and I can’t get them to do hardly anything. Charts or not I usually end up doing everything. If my husband does leave Idk what I’m gonna do. I’ll have to go back to work and nothing will get moved at home. I’ve tried chore charts nagging, begging and last resort yelling and threatening. I really need to stop thinking about my children reliving my childhood and learn how to parent correctly ❤️ and my husband they usually do what he tells them to immediately and he tells me it’s my fault. He’ll get the belt out the minute they don’t do it but I despise spanking and time out and taking things away doesn’t change much. He says I don’t mean it because I don’t follow through I try to. He says they know daddy means it.
Why can't I find the books to buy?
There is lots of great self-analysis going on here! Love it! That's the first step to creating a change of heart, which changes behavior. I love that you're wanting to create a better environment for your children and restore your marriage relationship. I would recommend a couple of things. First, I'd recommend the Calm Parenting Toolkit (which is free!) to help you gain the skills you need to stay calm. Second, I would recommend the online TSG Parenting Course to help you learn and teach the Four Basic Skills and the 5 teaching styles that every home needs. These will help you be consistent and follow through. Here are the links to those:
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
You've got this!
Here you go!
teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/
So my husband was the huggy lovey tone and I am the type a personality we didn’t really argue with herself at all. What happened was we adopted our granddaughter in 2019 and then all of a sudden due to a reaction to Covid prevention my husband passed away unexpectedly in March 2022, and now I am left having had no biological children of my own but the type a personality. The parent to child biologically isn’t mine that comes from some biology and mental health drug issues that aren’t becoming at all and trying to fix it is a nightmare. It’s beyond a nightmare. I’ve tried everything and the I forgot I don’t know is ridiculous.
That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
I have so much emotion right now watching your videos. You are describing my home to the highest degree of perfection. I will be in contact with you in time. Im watching all I can watch to get the full picture of what you're teaching here. Thank you. Thank you.
Not to mention that we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints and we're supposed to be very well versed in Family right? Right:(
You're welcome! I'm so glad you're diving in and soaking up the information!
That's wonderful! Religious sects tend to teach a lot about and put a lot of emphasis on the family. You would think that most religious people would be well-versed in The Family. Despite that, sometimes they aren't, but we're not ones to judge, right? :)
21:00 I feel attacked… but you’re so nice about it 😅
Sorry for the late response! My friend, don't take it personally. :) You've got this!
I love the concept of cause and effect and have been trying constantly teach the principle of cause and effect to our 12yo ASD boy. A few things are getting in the way of progress, and I’d love your thoughts on these two issues. 1. He has yet to grasp Cause and Effect - he seems unable to connect events in any way (this is a key characteristic of his academic learning style too). Without this concept lots of self-Ma management simply founders. 2. On the issue of Knowing Self, he is unable to assimilate external ‘data’ to form a growingly accurate view of himself. Hence he overestimates his positive skills and undervalues (and completely avoids) the need to grow and improve. It is almost like the classic example of the Dunning Kruger effect. It seems that cause and effect, and some sort of self-appraisal process are key to your entirely valid points and strategy. What do do if these two foundations are missing?
I love having meals at the table as a family, but my husband doesn't like the kids to speak or talk much because they goof off and don't eat their meal when it's hot. He also feels it's disruptive when he's trying to eat yet listening to the kids talk about their day, etc. So as a result, meal time is frequently quiet. I've tried to speak to my husband while eating, but he will protest and put his plate up on the counter or say he's not hungry anymore to have a discussion with me. And frankly, I hate this. I grew up having meals and talking around the table, but I feel we can't do that because he overreacts, in my opinion. Any advice?
This is a great question! I actually JUST did a podcast on this very thing. Here's the link!
teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-93-the-magic-fix-for-family-life/
Hopefully this helps!
Oh my goodness this is a gift from God I believe for me because I've been in tears pretty much everyday for 8-9 years because I have a kiddo that is so difficult to parent and I have not known how to parent her because, in part, I went through trauma as a child and I am triggered when she does things to me ( I get triggered in my trauma). I'm looking forward to learning about this and really hope that I can capture it in my heart too.👍
Love you 😍💗
Thank you!
I really like your white board stand.
Oh I wish I had learned/applied this years ago. Now we’ll be applying it. Unfortunately, our 15 yo son is completely disrespectful, and defiant. He won’t look at us when we speak. Oh I miss my loving son. Lord help us. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾😭🙏🏾
I'm so sorry to hear that! Just know that there is hope. The skills and principles of self-government have brought many a stubborn and defiant teen calmness and understanding and back to their family. If you're not sure where to start, perhaps this could help:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
You've got this!
I've watched several of your videos, and I agree so much and would love this to be my family culture. It would be hard for me to make the changes of course but it would be great. But my husband isn't into it. He doesn't care to do the work, he'd rather sort of understand and hope that in the moment something changes but not to study it or practice it and make it happen with me as a partner. This isn't a complaint, but rather a question if is it even possible if you aren't both in it? Do you have Amy videos that would help a parent who's partner isn't fully on board?
I can so get this!! I am loving teaching and it takes a lot of hard word and strength to do this structure. I am in the beginning of implementing this structure! Also to gather/ discover our family principles to start with has been really challenging! I’ve had to do a lot of this stuff on my own without my husband. As he is very uninterested in this process.
I’ve been disappointed, frustrated with by this. But I have found that I must move forward in this and have asked him to just agree and stand in unity with it all.
When he has seen the difference and change that I’ve implemented.. it has gotten his attention and participated along the way.
It’s been so encouraging! I am seeing really good results. As long as you stay steadfast everyday and give yourself a lot of encouragement and kindness and also take time off for yourself to, is important!
Your husband will come on board eventually.
Hi there! Could a teacher apply the four skills in a classroom even if the families don't follow the same structure?
Yes, absolutely! For the time they're in your classroom, you're in charge, right? So, it's as easy as pre-teaching the parents and the students what you intend to do in your classroom, then doing it and being consistent. There are some schools that exclusively use these skills for their children and it's been very successful!
Will this approach work with an ADHD/ODD child?
Where can we purchase those books? Also what's the name of them I didn't hear that.
Hi there! All of my books can be purchased here: teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/
I hope that helps!
I have been watching you for a week and trying to apply some of the things but I’m having such a difficult time understanding a lot of it, just don’t understand some of the language and talking fast :( will it click after awhile?? I want to be a better mom for my son
It does take a little bit of time, but you tend to understand more if you dive a little deeper into the system. Here are a couple of ways you could do that:
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-mastery/
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope that helps! And sorry for the late response.
So, did you stay in touch with Hannah & James? What happened with them? How did each one do with their new perspectives?
How help a teenager with conduct disorder
Would it be totally inappropriate to use the 4 children’s books to teach these skills to my tween/teens? Where were you when my kids were little??
social media has complicated parenting 5 fold these days.
And I feel like she unfolding roots
Working my best to do so!
Amen to that!
How help a teenager with anxiety attack
How to help a teenager with bipolar disorder
The calm kit link doesn’t work 😢
I'm so sorry! Try this link:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
What happens when your child earns a chore but they don't do the chore fully or purposely do a crappy job to try and get out of having to do it? Or outright refuse to do it?
I'm in love lol. Jk. But your a plethora of knowledge. Can you observe my house and tell me where I need improvements
I wish I could help everyone by coming to their home! Hopefully you'll find resources that speak to you and will tell you exactly what you need to do.
Or....... you can join my Support Group and submit all of your questions to be answered on my weekly live call! It's almost just as good. :) Here's the link with more information about the Support Group: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you there!
Unfortunately in Australia, the government has declared that 15 year kids are "mature minors" and have subsequently hamstrung parents. Those kids are increasingly defianr and care less about even the mildest rules and communal expectations (chores) etc.
Never mind the total addiction to tech. It's soul destroying.
I know! I have multiple friends who live there and they've told me what the government has done. It's so sad!
How help a teenager with Extreme aggression
I hope u make them shorter . They would be amazing
This video was a whole class. Most of my videos are shorter than this one. :)
I need help
I don't know enough about your situation (family culture, social culture, etc.) to give you specific advice, but I can tell you one thing: the only person you can control is yourself, which means you can choose calmness and maturity. You can choose to show love for someone, even if they are choosing not to show it to you. You can decide that you aren't going to continue with the same behaviors that you're surrounded with if they don't match what you feel is best for you and your family. You can choose to improve yourself by deliberately learning skills and principles that will help you become a better, more well-rounded person. There are lots of options, even if it seems like there aren't. This option that I offer for free has been a huge blessing for many people, whether they have children or not:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope that helps some!
You are so beautiful dear
How help a suicidel teenager
One it comes eye contact, it depends on the culture. Some country they don’t practice eye contact at all.
Saying we are robots is misleading we are not ribotic
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.