How To Deal With Child With ODD
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- Опубликовано: 26 июн 2024
- Oppositional defiant disorder is a real mental disorder in children. In this video, I share with you criteria of someone who is diagnosed with the disorder and how you can deal with it.
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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God bless each and every one of you who has a child with ODD. It is debilitating, life changing and an absolutely terrible thing to go through. My daughter is 11 and its about to break me. You are not alone.
Steven Jones, it can be so difficult to deal with every day.
Steven Jones same, my son, I never knew of odd til now. People don’t get it, I want to run away more than a mother should ever want to. All I can think of is to send him to military school , maybe they can “ fix” his behavior:(
@@micmo6169 plz dont feel bad about that, I can relate bc I literally just said that today. Mine is 6yrs and I was so super serious when I said it! Of course, I'm not going to, but sometimes I just want to hand him over to someone who specializes in making him behave and then give him back or I would even go with him to learn how to make him too! Lol, just... need...a break!! 🤦🏻♀️😭 and now we are home bound and it feels like it's getting even worse!! I'm watching all this parenting stuff now to try to fix it!
My daughter is also 11. On top of that I have MDD. Its a horrible mix and I’m at my wit's end.
I have a neice with ODD, she's turning 13 this month. Her mother has never done her part to help her childs behavior improve and now she's been arrested twice and her mom is currently waiting for a space to open up for her at a facility for troubled kids. She's been taking her to counselors and therapists since she was 5 and I know she has been given this sort of advice from them. Unfortunately, it requires more effort than she was willing to put in so now it's only getting worse and time is running out. I don't know if there is much hope left for change. I love my niece but I don't like her at all. I don't think her mom does either. It's sad
Living with a child who is ODD is absolutely miserable. Everything is a trigger it's like living with a ticking time bomb.
KL M, it is exhausting and time consuming. You need lots of self-care and support.
It really is SOOO HARD!
As the mother of a child diagnosed with ODD, I have to disagree with you that this should not be a thing. It is very much real and walking on eggshells around your child is not fun. Especially when they get to an age where they are taller than you.
April Phister, your problems are very real and that is not what I meant. It is the diagnosing and labelling. I hope you were able to get some ideas of how to handle the situation with your child.
April Phister absolutely. My step daughter was diagnosed around 8, finally. It’s been years ago now but I believe I have PTSD from it.
They’re often dangerous to themselves and others around them. It’s hard for most people to be empathetic because it’s something they likely won’t come close to experiencing. 😕
You are right, there is not a lot of awareness about what some parents are going through.
April Phister, you misunderstood what he meant. To some parents, this is a strange diagnosis. I only heard of it when I was in school to be a teacher. If he didn't believe there issue amthing, he wouldn't have made a video giving tips,how to prevent a d de-escalate situations. Listen again, this time with the ears of someone who never heard of this until now. Peace, love, and JC.
My daughter was diagnosed in elementary school. People do not have empathy regarding this disorder.
The family rules:
1. respect self and others
2. respect property
3. cooperate and obey
GK 20412, that sums it up well.
Your first issue is putting the word obey in there, we’re not dealing with dogs here.
"Obey" should not be a word we even associate with children. A parent's goal is to raise children who grow into independent adults who can think critically and make good choices on their own. Obedience training in childhood does not influence that.
I am sobbing right now. I am just exhausted. I can only keep calm for so long before I hit my breaking point. My son is 7 years old with ODD and ADHD and I have to deal with this alone because my husband committed suicide 2 years ago. I also have a 5 year old daughter. My son is impossible to deal with most of the time. He doesn't listen AT ALL. He's aggressive, impulsive, destructive, mean, and spiteful. He talks back to me all day everyday, he hits his sister everyday, he uses foul language, screams at the top of his lungs, slams doors, throws furniture, breaks electronics and toys, and even does self-harm like punching himself or scratching his face with his fingernails. When I discipline him he doesn't care. He walks away from me when I'm talking to him and tells me to leave him alone and he locks himself in a room. When I try to do homework with him he scribbles all over the papers and sometimes crumbles them. When I try to get him to do everyday things like brushing his teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, and eating his food, his answer is always "NO!" While driving him to school he fights with his sister and hits her and kicks her. At school he breaks the other kids crayons and property when they don't want to play with him or he hits them. He got kicked out of first grade for stabbing a student in the face with a pencil. One day I found a puppy and brought it home, on the 3rd day the puppy peed on the couch and my son impulsively threw the puppy off of a second story and she died from internal bleeding. Then we did psych evaluation and he was diagnosed. Now he's medicated but some days it has no effect on him. People do not understand my situation, they say he's not so bad that many kids are like this. I know that if most kids were like this, nobody would ever want to have kids. When I break down sometimes I want to give him away to his grandmother or send him to military school. But something in my head tells me only the love of a mother could tolerate this. So I hang on one day at a time.
I am so sorry. You are amazing. I hope your son is still in counseling. There are therapies that can help and he may need some changes to his medication.
Hello. I'm sorry that you're going through all of that 😞😣😔 My (now) six year olf stepdaughter is very the same way, in every sense to a point where she has physically assaulted my stepson / her older brother _and_ she had also assaulted me, besides the cussing, swearing + giving me the middle finger, several times smh! I HOPE your situation gets better. Please, be strong okay? I am / have been trying my best, but I am tired of the literal heartaches that my stepdaughter often gives me to no end 😔
My heart breaks for you. Please don’t give up on him. Stay positive and believe that he will overcome his defiance and anger.
Stay strong mom! It’s hard very hard and sometimes it feels like we are alone and nobody can understand. Just know that you are not alone. Do you have other forms of social media? Maybe we can connect? Stay strong.
his dad committed suicide - thats a pretty clear reason for anger
I'm at my wits end. I've been begging for help for 5 years. My son is 7 and displays all the things you talk about. He is the only child out of my 5 children with these problems. We live in the UK where these things are thought of as myths with a culture of parent/victim blaming so I'm frustrated as hell (as you can imagine) 🙄. You are the only person that I've discovered that talks some sense about these issues. I don't even know if my son has any diagnosis but these tips will help us regardless. I will be using everything you have suggested and utilising it to try and create a better environment of positivity like you say. Nobody has put it this simply before. We have been fobbed off by so called professionals and blamed for years. Thank you and God bless you 🙏❤
Linzianna, thank you for watching and commenting. Honored to be on your team.
my 7 year old daughter is the same she has all the symptoms she has not been diagnosed with anything because the school refuses to acknowledge that there might be something wrong with her and has labelled her a trouble causer and call her a liar to her face if she tells that another child has done something to her saying "you're a liar you are always naughty it must of been you who did it"
I feel everyone's pain, It is so hard. My son is 13 now and I can tell you it does get better. Needless to say it gets hard as hell but it takes everyone to be on the same team, school counselor, teachers, principal, family. It truly takes a village.. it helped me so much being able to get into contact with the teacher to give them a heads-up before he even got to school. I would know how his day would be when I woke him up for school in the morning. Having direct contact with teachers was awesome because they could help turn his mood by the way they greeted him for the day. These kids are hurting and a constant fight deep in there souls. Don't give up, there is light
I love how you partnered with the school and helped to give your son the best possible daily experience.
It definitely was a challenge, everyday getting called to the school. Thank God there are people in the school system that could see my son's heart and can see that he is battling something inside him that they may truly never understand. But willing to work with us because they want to see him succeed just as much as I do!
I really needed to read this today. My grandson is almost 7, and he's SO difficult. EVERYTHING is a battleground. Putting on shoes, picking up toys, all of it. And now he has taken to running away from us when we try to corral him in the house or car. I'ts scary because we can't catch him. It's such a thief of joy for us. We love him, but he's SO much trouble to manage and care for. :-) I keep reading he will outgrow this, and that gives me hope.
Your said these kids are hurting inside and that there is a constant fight deep inside. Could you shed more light on this? Why are they hurting? What are they battling? If I know more about what's going on inside of my 8 year old, it would definitely help.
How are you and your son doing now? Any tips for me when i am in your situation?
I am absolutely floored by all of the criticism and negative comments on this thread. I found the information in this video to be a Godsend! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the wonderful content you put out here for FREE to try to HELP us parents who may be struggling. Thank you so much for all you do! 💕
Glad it was helpful! People have different experiences and we just try to be a place where they can vent or help one another.
My eldest son is currently facing this issue, but he is getting better now.
I started noticing him having ODD symptoms early 2022.
He did a lot of things in school which had annoyed friends, teachers and principle.
And other parents started to complaint due to his behaviour towards their kids.
He never listen, loves to argue, , he always want to win, always annoys others, easily annoyed by others and environment, frequent temper tantrums, and many more.
He hated school, teachers, friends, everything about school.
And everyday was a nightmare , waking him up for school was a real struggle, never without tears.😢
School asked me to take him for therapy after series of events involving him with other kids, teachers, unable to listen to orders and giving disturbance during classes.
I was lost, kept asking why this thing happens, and what went wrong.
Until there was this incident where he had caused injury to one of his teacher. And when the teacher asked him to say sorry, he kept himself silent. And when the teacher calmly said, "If you love your mother, then ask for forgiveness" .
Nothing happened. He acted like nothing happened and I was shocked since it happened right before my eyes. Didn't he love me?? That seemed like a red signal to me.
At home later that day, I asked him whether he loves me, and he said NO😭😭😭 with the look in the eyes full of revenge and hatred.😭
I prayed to Allah to show me the solution in Dec 2022 last year during my pilgrimage to Mekah.
After listening to Dr's recommendations , sharings and comments from social medias, I changed my way of advising him.
No more hanger, no more rattan, no more raising voice to him, always hug him, listen to him and makes him feel important. Always ask how was his day at school, etc.
On April 2023, his school teacher informed me that they were shocked to see his changes.
And of course I feel embarrassed, realizing that I was the one whom triggers this from the very beginning.😢 it wasn't his fault. It was me😢
Now I understand things slowly happened when I started having another baby and he felt neglected.
He used to take all the blame even it was his younger brother's misbehaviour and I changed this behaviour as well. No more bias, be it you are older or younger. Has to be fair among sibling.
I'm happy now that he sincerely confesses to me that he loves the new me and when I asked him why he recently behaved in school, he answered " I behave because I love you". He hugged me closely.
I cried that day the moment I saw him as if I was looking an innocent baby whom I had 8 years ago. My bad, sayang. I am so sorry... 😔
In conclusion, violence never a solution to any misbehaviour/misconduct.
Treat our children with love and respect.
I have learnt the hard way.
I hope others may give it a try too.
Good job, mom. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Love this guy❤️. I am a grandmother of one ODD child and I am a dog trainer. These tips work for both🥴
Shasta Fog, I am finding this out with our newly acquired dog. Who is getting trained, me or the dog? It's me.
Hahaha..so true..
I agree , in fact I think the dog responds better .
And x husbands..lol
Awesome. I have ODD and I'm compared to a dog. I love it. 😬
I have to keep watching this over and over. I’m crying again because I can’t do this anymore!! Every day. Every single day. My seven year old fights w me. I am at my wits end. I’m so tired and sad and broken. NOTHING works. I’m exhausted, mentally. He pushes past my limits. I don’t even know what do anymore. I seriously don’t know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have six kids and none of them have ever treated me the way my 7/yr old son does. Im crying right now because nothing is working and beyond stressed. I literally end up cussing and screaming and throwing things, that’s how far he pushes me. When all I ask is he gets up for school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me.
Sonya Blade, you need to get some help, someone to give you a break and deal with the situation. Who can you hire or lean on to deal with him at least a couple of mornings a week? Is he in counseling? How about you? Make an appointment with your pediatrician and go from there.
Omg!!! The exact same with my 8yo daughter im losing my mind everyday it’s an argument for no reason
I used to work with children age 6-12 who had ODD and other mental health challenges who lived in a therapeutic home/school. One thing that worked really well was to have a concrete “win” each day. They earned a win through the structure of the day program. And each day was a brand new day to earn a win whether they had a win the previous day or not.
I like it, Sara M. Looking for something good to notice instead of something bad to correct. When children feel they have a :win", they are less likely to get oppositional.
Hi, I am currently dealing with a student Exhibiting ODD. Can you please tell me more about this strategy you have?
can you also please give more tips
Ty so much
Here because my 5 year old is beginning to crush my soul. She’s been profoundly difficult since she turned 3. No rules, no amount of taking things, grounding, motivation, reward, guiding changes anything. We’ve had several behavioral appointments with our pediatrician and are still waiting on a referral for an evaluation. I’m in tears writing this. Her little brother is often the victim of her outbursts. I just feel so broken. Thank you for making this video. I feel seen here. I have worked with preschool and elementary children for years and have met few more difficult than my own daughter.
Rakka, that is so heartbreaking to here. You are a good mother and the one this child needs. I am glad you are getting a referral and help. Continue fighting for her.
I have the same going on… I don’t know what to do with her.. It’s so difficult 😥
I have done it! Nothing is working with her!!!! But I refuse to give up! She is only 7!!! I will learn everything I need to in order to keep my sanity and help her!!!
I think you have hit the nail on the head with this one.
As a teenager I went from a very compliant people pleaser to actually hating the way my mother breathed. I couldn’t help it! And it shocked me.I kept that memory and decided that when I was a mother of teenagers I would respect their personal space as much as was humanly possible.
At the same time as minimizing points of conflict I nevertheless made sure to always win, especially by not being side tracked by behaviors meant to distract me from the issue at hand. Oftentimes kids, and adults too, act out of control in order to control, it’s just a tactic, don’t fall for it.
Angela Cross, glad you learned from your experience. Avoiding conflict is so helpful.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I'm a residential youth care worker for children suffering from severe mental illness and my current client has ODD, trauma, and extremely violent tendencies. I want to connect with her so badly but she flies off the handle at the drop of a dime (daily). She will punch, kick, spit, break things, threaten/attempt suicide, take off her seatbelt and try to jump out of a moving car, etc. She's the most challenging client I've ever come across. The system is failing her and I really want to help but I can't get her into a routine. She refuses to open up with her child psychiatrist and we had to remove everything out of her room, other than her bed and dresser because she was eating random objects and using others as weapons. It's nearly impossible to identify her triggers. Any advice on how to de-escalate those moments of rage? I try to ignore and avoid drastic attention seeking behavior but it only seems to further fuel her anger.
As a single mom with social anxiety my 4 year old is driving me crazy. He screams in public, even hits me, doesn’t listen to a word I say. I’ve reached the point where I just don’t want to take him out in public or around people. I’m so stressed out, it’s a battle
Just Joi, you may have to limit taking him out. Perhaps you could do quiet places like a park or outdoors somewhere.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank u
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I as a single mom of a 2 kids 1 girl 1 boy. Boy diagnosed with O.D.D, ADHD would always take my kids to trips to open areas where they could run. Places like the beach, lake, river, Yosemite, hiking, biking etc... hardly anything in enclosed quarters. It relieved a lot of stress on my part and it allowed them to not only burn energy but learn about nature. In doing this I also build life long memories with them that they still remember to this day.
My daughter will be 4 in 2 months and is VERY oppositional and difficult to deal with.
Today, we were told not to bring her back to StoryTime at the library 📚 because she was aggressive towards the other kids and did not want to share.
She refuses to clean up, spits, screams, and forces me to pick up her toys even when they are right in front of her.
She shouldn't be forcing you to do anything. Get her some help now. The younger this is dealt with the better for everyone.
I feel like I’m loosing my mind my 9 year old is always mad and loosing her shit over every single thing 🥲🥲
Kathy, hang in there. Time to see what resources you can access. Consider a therapist or coach to help you or her, or both.
I'm an odd child and I say all you gotta do is show who's boss(in my opinion) because it works with me and I have it badd man.
1. I'm 13
2.how old is your kid.
3.that sounds more like an anger issue than odd.
4.i won't attack my parents because they both don't do enough to make me to the bring of attacking, I have attacked a lot but I'm not that bad but if it were kids my age or teachers the yes ( I am taller then most of them)
5.why do you let or kid have a knife in a car??
This is really a thing. Especially for those with Fetal Alcohol syndrome. I have siblings as grown adults who haven't been diagnosed and just have no boundaries but are trying to gain control. Its just really hard to watch them struggle through life. But all things are possible with God. Prayers for patients, and endurance for all the parents struggling to love their kids through this.
Thank you for your support of others. It is so difficult and requires lots of patience.
Did you ever wonder why "God" let you have a child with ODD?
Holy sh*t I fit almost every criteria, this is why school sucked
Most people do figure out an adaptation as they get older.
Haha same. Now I know why I was the way I was...
Taking away the game system causes my daughter's fit to escalate. Damaging property, hurting me, suicide threats. My sister has had enough and us kicking us out.
I am very sorry to hear that, Jenelle T. Your daughter may need some counseling to help her work out her issues. We are offering a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. They can direct you to additional resources we have as well. In the meantime, we also have these videos:
"Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ruclips.net/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/видео.html
"How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder" - ruclips.net/video/5EckUtwkfo8/видео.html
Best wishes to you and your daughter.
@supercalifragilisticexpialidocious mine does the same 😭 , I hate you , your a B , now she's doing it to her teachers. She's gotten bad and I'm scared and she's only about to be 9 😭😭😭
Working so hard to create this culture. It throws some extra challenges in with a blended family. Going to keep working on what we can.
Lyndsie Jones, yes, stay focused on what you can do and the rest will work out.
Excellent content. Thank you Dr.
You are welcome, thanks for commenting, Linards Berzins.
I love Dr. Pauls calm voice.
Thank you.
Simple explanation BRAT!! My girlfriend can NEVER say no!! Is this ok? Her son thinks the world of his dad who never wants him more than every other weekend is whole life! He speaks respectfully to his dad cause he makes good money and accepts no the first time! He degrades his mom says that she is poor and nags, disrespects her, begs and nags till she gives in! He makes her cry and has 0 remorse! He destroys anything he gets his hands on! Totally self centered! What is this?
Travel Guy, We need to be able to say no. Children need to learn boundaries and how to make good choices by experiencing consequences.
My grand daughter is very defiant. Her mother was too. I always regretted not indulging more in her mother when she was being a pain in the backside. I thought that discipline was needed, but the battles are not worth it and eventually they were just counter productive. My child could not self-regulate, but she did learn to eventually and is now a very responsible adult. Now I try to go along with my grand-daughter's nonsense, even if it is driving me nuts. It really helps, a few annoying and often boring hours spent doing her silly stuff, rather than the chores, errands etc. that should be happening, brings us closer and helps her self-regulate. She is always much better behaved afterwards. Do it if you can!
Thanks for the advice. I am sure this could help some people. Thank you for letting people know that their children can grow up and be productive.
Thank you so much. This gives me hope and also gives me some relief because i have this feeling that i should do so much with my son but sometimes i feel i should just go alone with his stuff - building lego, playing with cars, etc. because then he feels much happier.
Sir, you are doing truly good work. I am an ODD child who went undiagnosed for nearly 25 years. And your videos are helping me to heal and correct my behaviors
You are most welcome
Goddess bless you mate well done
My 6-year-old son who has ADHD and ODD is always an ongoing journey. we watched part of this video today and hopefully he understands about the three principles period for now we'll work on respect :-) I have respect for every parent who is challenged with these neurological situations. Yes I know some say disorders.
Wonderful! Thanks.
I needed this information in 1986 🥺 I am however very thankful that parents today have it 💫
Me too! Please share with anyone you think can benefit.
Thank you! I really needed to watch this video! I took notes and hope I can reinforce! I love the 3 family rules!
Keep it simple, Nia Gomez. Thanks for watching.
I also love the family rules.
These videos are gold!!! I say this with tears in my eyes, thank you thank you thank you!!! God bless you for sharing all this with us!
You are so welcome!
I have two adhd children. The oldest is so defiant he breaks a rule just because . . Then lies about it or blames a convenient person. Now I am having to lock up my sewing tools with padlocks. . . He got safety pins to pick those locks. It’s driving me nuts. One day, after five times upstairs to get him up for school. After he was gone on the bus I sat down and cried-for him and me.
I'm sorry. This is tough. Is he in counseling? How about you? This is going to take some consistent effort and you need to be supported.
This is really helpful. I don't have kids but I had a strange encounter with a kid during a kids camp. She was, at some point of the day, completely out of the blue hostile towards me. I tried nice small talk, referencing something she had said to me earlier that day and she just told me that she never said that - all while starring angrily away from me. Obviously she was trying to annoy me and I was the only adult near her at that time. After that I kept my distance because quite honestly, I got angry and so confused. Other counselors then told me that she has "an attitude" and that her aunt said that you need to be really strict with her. I kept an eye on her from a distance and she was a lot on her own, pouting. Well, I decided to google and look this up here on RUclips because the whole thing was just so strange: That was not just a pre-teen pushing boundaries, that was something else and I couldn't believe how a random child's behavior could derail my emotions for the rest of the day. Thanks for your videos!
Thank you for watching and being concerned about her. Sounds like she has had some things happen in her life.
I'm not a huge fan of diagnoses, because I think they pathologize people. But my 5-year-old has met all of the criteria for ODD since he was 3. He doesn't have an issue with authority. He has an issue with authoritative adults who try to impose their own will on him and don't validate his concerns.
Our home rules are "Respect, responsibility, safety" and we use kid speak about what those mean. They apply everywhere. I like the idea of adding cooperation to that. I'm not sure blind obedience is necessarily a value. Expecting a "how high?" when we say "jump" isn't realistic. They don't have to like it, but I still need them to comply. My son is twice exceptional (gifted and adhd/odd/ocd), and is writing in cursive and doing multiplication already. But the school doesn't get him and it's heartbreaking. He's not lacking will to do well, he's lacking the skills to be proficient in effectively managing life's social/emotional challenges. POSITIVE CULTURE IS SO IMPORTANT!! As parents, we need to lead by example.
I couldn't have said it better, Chelsea Campbell. We need to lead out as parents, that is our role, not enforcers. Continue looking for the positive and showing others how to do the same.
Your words were beautiful and really spoke to my heart thank you for sharing your experiences.
Your advise is gold. The tips in this video are spot on and I will be viewing all of your material. Thank you so much!!
Nadi B, Welcome to Live On Purpose. Glad you are part of our positive community.
My son was diagnosed with ODD today after long drawn out process, I never heard of ODD until today and oh boy does it fit now that I have watched this video.
Tara Power, I hope the video is helpful. Good luck.
Thank you so muchhhh . I'm homeschooling my son and currently have him doing qEEG adhd therapy because I'm trying to do everything I can to just avoid medication. Thank you for these tips!
C Price, happy to help.
I've only seen one person fix this. My mother. She put the child in an area with nothing in it and let them scream the the anger out. No matter what said my mother said nothing. The moment she calmed down and said,"I'm sorry ". She let her join the family. She released my mother wasn't going to play the game with her.
Anjelica Sanders, it takes a very strong person to do this. Keep calm during the storm. Even a tornado.
My son has ODD... Swearing a big issue, and I think I've been handling it poorly. Thank you for this insightful video!
You are so welcome! Good luck!
I suspect my younger brother was ODD. I remember asking my dad to send him to military school, if not send me so I could get away from the chaos.
I hope it has turned out well for your family.
Thank you so much for this video. Prayers for your success and breakthroughs in parenting strategies. I'm that parent that needs instructions..
Naomi305, Thank you, I appreciate that.
When the eleven year old has been urinating on their bedroom floor for two weeks because they took the new rule of “stay in your bedroom until it’s time to wake up for school” very literally and suddenly decide after 11 years that they now need to use the bathroom 16 times for night - and they’re sitting there for two hours LYING about having done absolutely nothing wrong.
How do you keep calm it this? Is this a battle to avoid because there’s no way to have a positive culture about it?
I believe you have good intentions with these tips, but they’re so far away from the reality that I can’t take them seriously.
Candace Hiles, these behaviors would wear out the best of parents. It is tough to keep calm, and the child needs to know that these behaviors will not be tolerated. There are a wide range of behaviors and I hope you are getting help with your child. Hang in there.
Maybe consider telling him that you are going to be taking him for a doctor's appointment, then if nothing is found wrong with his bladder, he can wear diapers, or have a small potty in his room, along with being responsible for cleaning the mess, as well as chores sufficient to pay for the co-pay for the unnecessary doctor's appointment. Privileges taken away until sufficient chores are complete and the mess has been cleaned. Maybe change the rule to find a compromise, or make sure he uses the toilet before bed, along with not allowing drinks in his room at night, and explain the difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law, if you think that would get you anywhere. If you watch the other videos...he gets five freebies, right? Love, air, water, food, shelter (to include clothing). Everything else is fair game.
Although I get it, it is often very difficult not to get angry and frustrated with kids with ODD, it is not impossible to be relatively calm. The consequence can speak for itself. You don’t need to yell or act out of rage. You can give yourself time to calm down and have a calm discussion about the consequences. The above commenter has some great ideas for consequences. You could even sign a contract and maybe this would help you to be calm, writing it out ahead of time and then explaining it to the child.
Rule out medical issues first like IC.
God bless you. My child has odd i know what your going through. I wish you all the luck and love in the world.
Nobody would diagnose my daughter with ODD and I know that's exactly what she has and her grandmother. It's like a curse
Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV, Blanca Salinas. I trust your motherly instincts about your own daughter. It's tough, I know, but you can do it. We have another video on the subject called "How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder" - ruclips.net/video/5EckUtwkfo8/видео.html. Please also browse through our Positive Parenting Playlist for further help on a variety of subjects: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
Wonderful thank you
Rafah Alsahlani, best of luck to you.
I think the Main problem here is that it`s very difficult for children with this condition to come out their`s world, to really listen and understand what and why those rules etc. I think it has something to do with a frontal brain and working memory.. and that`s why they just dont really learn stuff, which they dont find motivating. And yet seeking for the stimulation from argueing, stealing things etc.
jkainulainen, you make a good point, thanks for being here.
The problem with my (self diagnosed) odd child is, that there isn't a break from the bad behavior. He goes from one thing to the next without a break. It's so exhausting and I am not patient enough and never learned to self-regulate.
He will get on your nerves and at the end of the day, in my mind I really want to beat his ass. His behavior is getting worse. It's a slippery slope also for his siblings, there isn't a break.
You might want to get some counseling.
I came here to ” calm down”, while our 8-y screams, argues and having a melt down over ”rules and circumstances”. According to comments ODD goes usually with ADHD and other neurological disorders. As in our son`s case probably. And ITS SO DRAINING to parent such kid! As in comments, on the other hand such talented, sensitive and smart guy, but my god if there` s a rule or negative comment or duties or homework (that MUST be done)..... It`s like watching a Civil war inside this little head over and over again. SO frustrated.
jkainulainen, it is frustrating, hang in there. I like the comparison. You are the parent your child needs.
Well said. I don’t want to laugh. I don’t want to cry. I can just relate and it sucks. You are NOT alone. I know it’s very easy to feel so alone in this and that makes it even worse I feel. I’m trying to learn that I am not alone. I’ve isolated myself since I got pregnant and had my son but in the end it did more harm then good I think. This is very difficult. ADHD and ODD are no joke and now I am a parent with terrible ptsd n anxiety lol I hate labeling things but… lord if there is a will there is a way! Help us! Help them. Let them know they are loved and cared for. So much.
Thank you I need it this.
Dj Rollie, honored to be on your team.
Having been in therapy with my child for going on 4 years, I still have one huge struggle. Finding consequences that she doesn’t want. She is okay with “dealing with consequences” in order to do whatever it is she wants to do. I take things away she likes and I add things she does not want, yet still she does whatever it is I’m trying to stop. I have sat down and made lists so when I am overwhelmed I have a visual of ideas instead of trying to come up with meaningful consequences in the moment. There must be something I am doing and not realizing that reinforcing her behavior because “anything goes” and she doesn’t care what consequence I give if she wants something to be her way bad enough.
I like the idea of thinking it out ahead of time and your patience with counseling and her maturing. Things will get better.
So what do you do when a child I'd diagnosed with ADHD and ODD and constantly talks to you like a 40 year old narcissist trying to gaslight you and make you question your own memory, now makes comments about poisoning you and talking about you getting into a car accident
I would get him evaluated and into therapy.
OMG. My husband has ODD because not just 6 months but at least 30 years! Whaaaaaattttt? I'm so ignorant! Thank you doctor! He keeps blaming me for being an angry person. I didn't know about ODD. I'm so relieved. Thank you God for leading me to this video.
Glad you found value in the video, Virgie Mata!
Oh My husband too and so are my kids 😭. How am I going to deal with this... Noooooooo.
If you have figured out how to live with him in peace, please let me know!!!!!
@@Me-lb8nd i decided to move out. I cannot stand it anymore because it's an everyday annoyance. Not a healthy way to live.
Thank you!
You are welcome!
Thank u for explaining this so well...my niece has ODD & ADHD...this really helps..
Glad it was helpful!
His sources of frustration : not allowed to be on video games 24/7(he is limited to FIVE hours a day on school days!), Not being allowed to punch his desk or walls, not being allowed to watch rated R or MA tv or movies, asked to do normal tasks like cleaning up after himself or basic human hygiene. You can't even ask him to put the milk back into the fridge or not to get in people's faces and yell.
I would tell him to put the milk away. It is expected in our home if you got it out, you put it away.
My child is just the same
Thank you so much for teaching me the skills I need as the father of a 16 year old daughter. Your presentation is so effective. Thank you.
Can you please make a video on how to deal with jealously between kids
Nour, check out the parenting playlist, I think you will find a couple on sibling rivalry now.
But if you end up with toxic positivity, it can actually trigger ODD behavior.
We don't teach toxic positivity.
My brother has ODD and my mom refuses to work with it - she expected a therapist to completely fix the problem and she pulled him out when she was told she has to work on the problem at home too:( it’s frustrating because his behavior is getting continually worse and not much is being done.
Seraya Granger, can you suggest that it is worse and it might be better if you worked with the therapist?
You think dealing with a kid with ODD is tough - you should try living with an adult with it. It's a living hell.
Me, so sorry. I hope some of these things help.
Excellent
Thank you.
My foster son is getting adopted tomorrow and he has ODD and ADHD and his behaviors are unreal right now :/ hopefully out chills back out after the adoption
Thank you for watching, Laoinator. I hope the adoptive parents are working with social services to get their son any assistance he needs. If you are in contact with them and are comfortable doing so, please consider informing them about this channel as a resource for positive parenting. Thank you for your vital work as a foster parent.
Thank you! I have been waiting for this video!!!! I found it really helpful and it reminded me of things I overlook or forget in daily life with an ODD child. You should make shirts or mugs with sayings on them! Lol
Also, I really appreciate the way you present the information in your videos and how you respond to comments. I’ve told you this (I think 🤔) in a previous comment; when I was working in mental health I would have so enjoyed working with a psychologist like you. You have a gift of making the tough stuff, the really emotional hard stuff easier and manageable. Thank you for your videos and encouragement.
We all need reminders, Hilda wbeeler. Glad you are showing up for your child everyday.
Yeah... Pretty sure nothing of this works.
My daughter goes into a sort of alternate state, where she will do anything to annoy her surroundings : swearing, hitting, stealing her brothers toys, jumping up and down on every furniture, refusing to do anything we ask of her. There is absolutely no communication possible. After a while she calms down and apologizes for her behaviour, then it comes back the next hour or day.
No amount of communication, calmness, game deprivation works. There is nothing going through. She behaves like a wild animal: crawling on the floor, making weird faces and noises, throwing stuff at us, kicking us etc.... If we avoid confrontation, she hits her brother, breaks stuff etc.... It's like trying to reason with a wild cat.
You probably already have, but if not, check with your doctor and get an evaluation. Not sure of your daughter's age, but there are resources through the schools and maybe privately.
My youngest adopted daughter who is now 22 years old, has ODD and Conduct Disorder. I've put up with my adopted daughter's often destructive and manipulative behavior for years, UNTIL I finally decided to go NO contact from her: NO more phone calls, no more text messages, no more letters- nothing! I also blocked my adopted daughrer from calling / texting me + even changed my phone number. Life gets easier when you cut off the Toxic people in your life!
RUclips viewer, that is an option. Thanks for sharing.
Gosh I need this so much , I grew up in chaos and dysfunction I didn't get out of it until I was 27 years old when my mom died I never had anyone model a good example for me so I am learning on my own and it has been so hard honestly odd and adhdand autism have stumped me to my core I have been the way my mom was yelling and screaming I'm trying to have immediate resolutions now I realize none of those work
Life is a journey and not an event. Keep at it and you will overcome.
My lil cousin has this. It's hard. I didn't want her mother to be with the man she ended up having children with, but now her children are both defiant (the younger one is influenced by the oldest with ODD, I think).... It's just REALLY HARD.
Thank you for watching, Jesus is the Way the Truth the LIFE. You are right, it is very difficult. Please feel free to share this video with your cousin, as well as this one: "How To Discipline A Child With Oppositional Defiant Disorder" - ruclips.net/video/5EckUtwkfo8/видео.html. If she likes those, we have a Positive Parenting playlist with lots of different topics: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
Thank you. My son got recently diagnosed. This gives some insight.
Our pleasure!
Beware of taking away the game system. If you take it away you have to come up with something to take away next. I suggest starting off with the rest of the night at first so you have the option of taking it away tomorrow.
Very good, I don't want a channel I'm just commenting. Love your name, also.
yes, i learned this the hard way
I Have 4 sons and the 3 oldest are really well behaved. Our youngest has diagnosed with ODD and so far nothing we have tried has worked. It's so hard because I think he feels like I hate him because I'm always on him about his behavior. It breaks my heart to think he feels that I hate him. I'm so frustrated with him and I can honestly understand why he feels that way. I need to change the way I parent with him and if anyone else has any tips please share. I do love him very much but I know that soon as get home from work and see him my frustration with him is showing right away. I'm ashamed to admit that but I already know I'm going to have messages from teachers ,the bus driver, his mother about his behavior almost every day. He's failing school and he is currently on in-school suspension for acting up in class. This has been my relationship with my son for the 8 years. He is now 13 and I'm scared that his defiance of any authority will eventually lead him to jail or death.
David Willis, start a gratitude list for your son and also look for the good. Let him overhear you say something positive about him to someone else.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you. I definitely will
I feel the same about my child I'm worried he's going to get into trouble when he becomes a teenager
Thank you! A lot of people don’t understand.
You really can't, until you are in the middle of it.
I have a child with ODD, ADHD, SPD and Adjustment Disorder. It is very difficult to navigate. These tips do NOT work unfortunately. We have tried all of it before hearing this. The last point is accurate though...we have to stay calm and keep your voice gentle until they can respond the same way. Yiu have yo let them work theough everything before they can come down. As someone who lives with a child with this it is inaccurate to say this shouldnt be a diagnosis. This is a VERY real thing and the diagnostics you read off was inaccurate. It is more severe than what you described and happens almost daily if not multiple times a day and its not just disobedience, etc. It is a real neurological disorder that the child hates having and is devastating for them. My kid cries often because of it and tries so hard to not have his freakouts.
Thank you for sharing your experience. There are levels and it sounds like you are the parent your child needs. Good job.
My child gets angry whenever I praise him for good things he's done. 😒
Leilani Pena, just ask your child what he or she thinks about the work. Getting their opinion should lessen that.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you Dr. Paul, I have a very hard time with him accepting my compliments. He says is not that big of a deal. Ex: He always gets 100% on his spelling tests &I praise him for it or reward him..he wants me to stop doing that 😐
I have two siblings with ODD and they both have other disorders. We are in the custody of my oldest brother. My oldest brother acts like a parent and a brother. When my siblings with ODD start getting aggressive then my oldest brother usually holds them down and sometimes is aggressive back but then he puts them in their rooms and holds the door shut and they become destructive but at least they aren’t hurting anyone and they eventually calm down. Also my oldest brother and my other brothers have stated that they aren’t going to walk around on eggshells because of them. My brothers are strong and strict and aren’t scared of my siblings with ODD.
Ava Streeter, I hope they are getting help to understand how to deal with their emotions and make better choices.
If obey is a family rule… how does that make sense , I have to obey my child???
Obey authority. You are the authority when it is your child. You also have authorities you need to obey, the law, etc.
this only works if both parents agree to do it. my husband has odd that was never corrected. my 8 yr old has adhd, odd, anxiety, ptsd..dealing with her is hell on earth
Isaac's mom, I am sorry, I hope you have some resources helping you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV not in the way i need. its such a difficult situation that nobody knows what to do
What happens when someone carries this into adulthood? How do you love an adult who’s overwhelmed by frustration and can’t seem to put the onus for resolution on themselves? How do you incentivize cooperation and compassion?
I am not sure what the relationship here is. Try to get in therapy together to work this out.
Hi Dr. Paul - Do you have a video for disciplining children who seek proprioceptive input? My child expresses all his feelings and communicates through touch... most of those feelings are happy and excitement, but this is getting him into such trouble at school. He hugs when he's happy, he likes to rough-house and usually cannot control his strength when he gets worked up, playing tag can end up with him "tapping" a kid with force unintentionally... he also fidgets and has issues sitting still once his work is completed (he sits perfectly still when engaged in work or duties), taps his pencil and plays "the drums" with his hands while concentrating or thinking. It's not deliberate to irritate others (most times), its a mindless activity... bringing him to awareness is something we have been working on daily for the past two years. However, the school does not care to work with us on these issues, and continues to just send him to the office or write him up. He has started to express sadness and is ashamed when he wants to hug someone whos done a good job or after a game. We've practiced high fiving and other ways of showing affection, as well as consistent practice of respecting others space. I'm just at the end of ideas of what to do continue these practices at school...
I am surprised the school is not being more proactive, Kelli Deloach. I find that schools often won't offer help or services until there is a diagnosis so you might have to take him to his doctor if this is not in place. If you are in the US, there are child/parent advocacy groups such as PAVE that work with parents to resolve conflicts with schools to get what the child needs. Consider talking to someone. Continue to work with him on appropriate touch, it will take a lot of time to get through to him.
I am a mother of a child with ODD who also has ADD. I plan to take your advice ok this…I only want to best for my child… love the simplified rules!! I’ll try this and let you know how it goes!
Please do!
Oooohhhhh its most definitely a thing. Im raising a boy whos mother introduced him too drugs and alcohol while in utero. I'm grateful that he doesn't have more severe issues and limitations. However this one's a doozy. I worry about the future.
David The Mechanic, It is a tough job and I wish you success.
I think these are good tips my son is 8 and has what I would call Severe odd but I know he is a good kid it’s just his illnesses effecting him I will definitely try these
Ellie Hernandez, thank you for giving them a try.
I didn't believe in this until my son got older. He was diagnosed with autism and ODD at age 5. He is 9 now. He LOVES to get me mad. He LOVES to do the opposite of what I ask him to do. he LOVES to ignore me. And then when he pushes past my limits, he wonders why tf I am so mad at him. I swear I hate my kid. I love him. But I hate him. I feel bad. But I can't do this anymore. My daughter just wants to please me and she listens so well. She has her tough days but she is so much easier and well behaved! I can't do this anymore. I'm a single mom with NO HELP. I want to just die sometimes.
Chrissy Meri, I am so sorry you are going through this. Talk to your doctor and see if there are any programs that could help you get some resources.
I took in a family members child about 3yrs ago. She's now 7 & now diagnosed with odd PTSD & severe ADHD. I've never saw a child as bad as her. Nothing works.. Meds, discipline, taking things away. She hits herself, she's had fist fights with us at 4yrs old. We are at our wits end with this child. She's over sexualized & already asking when she can have a boyfriend & wants to wear a bra. I've tried counseling but she turns it on for them & acts like a perfect angel. Walks in the door acting like the devil. How do you let a 7yr old talk to you like she's 25 & treats me like a dog with her smart sassy mouth?
deana Cantrell, first I want to thank you for taking in your relative's daughter - situations like that are usually pretty tough. I also thank you for being here on the channel - I hope you were able to find some useful tips. I encourage you to keep watching the videos, especially from the Positive Parenting playlist - ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU. In addition, I invite you to try a parenting breakthrough call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. It's hard to address the issues you mentioned here in the comments; we could be more detailed in a call. You may or may not get me, so be prepared to restate everything you mentioned here. If you wish to schedule, please go here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall. I have helped parents with foster / kindred placement children before, and know that the issues you are dealing with can be extra hard. Best wishes.
deana Cantrell, here are some specific videos you might want to start out with, in addition to others on the Positive Parenting playlist:
"How To Help A Child With Reactive Attachment Disorder" - ruclips.net/video/z42r3e6rTVw/видео.html
"How To Help Someone With PTSD" - ruclips.net/video/YGsYc5IekF4/видео.html (not specifically for children, but may be helpful)
"How To Help Kids With ADHD" - ruclips.net/video/wNqziiKyigY/видео.html
"How To Get A Kid With ADHD To Focus" - ruclips.net/video/KbB2y0rYvk4/видео.html
"How To Parent A Child With ADHD" - ruclips.net/video/Fgu-_me7TE4/видео.html
"Proven Natural Remedies For ADHD In Children" - ruclips.net/video/5IbWguzqgWo/видео.html
"How To Help A Child With ADHD Without Medication" - ruclips.net/video/z8T5rIWqRvA/видео.html
And what about when the child has already had all the electrical devices taken away and doesn’t care and has figured out she can just say “NO” to whatever she’s asked and there will be no consequences cause these days you can’t spank your kid ???
Spanking isn't the only consequence. Have you tried rewarding positive behavior, no matter how small?
Too much processed sugar and carb heavy foods makes moods WORSE
What we put into our bodies really does affect what comes out.
My husband & I are going through this with my 13 year old son, thank's for sharing
paul Clothing Lots, you are welcome!
MY WIFE HAS ODD...HOW DO YOU FIX THAT...She bitches about stuff and yells and barks orders all day long every day..and NEVER admits she is wrong..
Have you tried counseling? You will just have to decide what you will put up with. It is an individual choice.
Can someone point me to a resource for handling ODD in a friends child. I don’t want to drop them as friends but their kid has yelled directly in my ear to the point of burning and attacked me telling me to shut up. Defiance is an understatement… Lies and telling me how it works despite boundaries being boldly broken (TV, ice cream, etc) when l am alone with them. I don’t want to be abused…all focus is on kid health….l am supposed to take it and stay cool. They don’t believe in apologizing, fine…but there is no follow up with person abused. I need tools to navigate so l don’t feel like my only safe response is abandonment.
takeflight, why are you alone with the child? Start there.
thank you...its help me much to treat my boy better
Honored to be on your team.
My younger step sister has ODD and I’m struggling with getting along with her. She’s a really sweet kid but she tends to get on my nerves so I’m doing my research.
Egga Town, I am glad you are being proactive. You are an awesome sibling.
Sir, you have my subscription.
Derek Solomon, thank you so much.
Mine too
You can’t control the game’s system either! Bc they just hound you every min until you give in or they self harm and end up in the hospital.. then they blame you bc they just wanted to play a game.. it’s always a full circle! I’m always wrong and I’m always the blame!
That is what they want you to believe, don't believe it.
My 11yr old son is becoming too dependent on watching RUclips gaming shows or gaming itself. we try to limit his screen time but he is now getting to the stage of exerting him self and now very demanding. He gets defiant. There are times he gets violent when he doesn't get what he wants. Also doesn't help during this covid lockdowns and tension in the house. Any good approach to this stress scenario?
Champ Eight, get clear on what you control and one of those things is the wifi. Try an electronics fast, nothing for a few days and see if the behavior changes.
Try doing this with an ODD kid and a partner who enables it. I regret my life choices:(
John K, so sorry. It is very difficult.
Everyone in the home suffers! Everyone! Bc they control everything, dinner is an argument, bedtime.. well we never sleep, getting in the car this is a death trap they always want to cause an argument here, and they grab seat belts to strangle you or punch windows out while driving down the hwy.. in public well they are obnoxious and disrespectful, to strangers causing disruption every where you go! So the other kids always loose out! It’s awful
Stephanie Palazzo, it can be so difficult. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
Everything ticks my son off getting dressed doing anything playing with friends and so on
Sounds like you have some challenges. I hope the video is helpful.
How many bad parents are here trying to justify their failed selfish parenting styles to blame their own children to avoid taking responsibility. Smh.
Usually if parents are reaching out, they are trying to do their best.
I see what you’re saying about the 3 rules, but also feel like you’ve never been placed in a situation where “avoiding” the conflict is even a viable option.
It has been my experience that the impulsive component of this disorder requires structure. Clear lines have to be drawn so they can see when they’ve gone too far. Being lenient sometimes and strict other times doesn’t allow for that structure that’s needed.
No matter how hard you try you can’t reason with unreasonable people.
Well said, Candice Hiles. These children do need structure and clear boundaries. You are on the right track.
He did mention consistency and structure in the video also.
These ideas and tips work on training ODD or as you would think about a aggressive 🐕 dog. Calm is always the game. Clear calm rules, positive relationship and pick the power piece to a argument.
My God Daughter is 13, and has ODD, ASD, ADD, Infantile trauma, and more. She also lost both her mother and grandmother in a terrible accident last year... everything you could possibly imagine. I encourage every parent to look into the Teaching Self Government parenting method by Nicholene Peck. It has changed our way of life! And it is very much in line with the suggestions given in this video, but it fills in all of the gaps.
Something very important I learned, be honest to yourself about your own mental health before having kids, if yer messed up get fixed and never have children the world will be better off we are too populated anyway.its too late for me and my offspring I feel guilty everyday .
Sick Phil, it is never too late to get help and learn from our past.
Sadly I strongly suspect my 8 yr old nephew has this. I've tried to talk to his grandma (his guardian) about this to get him therapy because he's been through some terrible things in his short life and I believe that's part of his problem but nobody is taking me seriously. I fear it'll be too late when they eventually open their eyes.
I would hope if he has been through terrible things that he would be getting counseling and help. Love him no matter what, and even if...
I think it’s harder for step parents. The ODD child likes to use power struggles with them more because the parent is more lax and willing to deal with the bad behavior and disrespect. I have been dealing with this and it has caused such a problem I am going to have to remove myself from my relationship and it’s not fair to my child (half brother) of child with ODD. It is to the point, I cannot keep my child around him anymore because the parents are procrastinating,
Sounds like a real struggle for you. We are here for you.