"Why Does My ADHD Kid Always Forget?"
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 7 июн 2024
- Use code HEALTHYGAMER50 to get 50% OFF First Box and free wellness shots for life with any active subscription at bit.ly/3THCWbt! #ad
▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────
00:00 - Introduction
03:13 - Understanding the kid’s experience
05:35 - Dysregulated limbic system
07:29 - Attentional Problems
09:19 - When is the timing of the request?
11:26 - Leverage their understanding
13:53 - Habit circuitry
15:17 - Questions
───────────
Grab our Guide to ADHD bit.ly/4a90rPX
Check out Dr.K's book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer bit.ly/4c8BNkr
Get 1:1 Parent Coaching here bit.ly/3TsMEhH
Follow our Parenting channel for more content / @healthygamerfamilies @HealthyGamerFamilies
Find us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and more here: wlo.link/@healthygamer
DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counselling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
Use code HEALTHYGAMER50 to get 50% OFF First Box and free wellness shots for life with any active subscription at bit.ly/3THCWbt! #ad
Wife doesn't cook?
@healthygamergg I used your code to give Factor a try and reduce the mental load for healthy work from home lunches.
One question: Would you review the Mendi headset at some point? It seems like it would align well with meditation but would love to know your thoughts.
@@matix676 💀
Having ADHD myself, it’s like forgetting things have become my daily way of life. It’s almost like playing a game where my memory is the opponent, and I’m always losing.
It’s not memory, it’s just that our brains are on automatic mode which means our attention aren’t always 100% which is why we seem to forget stupid things like peoples names/or where we lay down things.
I feel that. I refused promotion at work because I knew I couldn't handle it at the time because of my memory issues with this.
Did you even watch the video?
Afterwhile it feels like the only decision is to accept the defeat, and move on with life. When I miss a few key details in a conversation, or forget to do something important there's nothing to be done about that once it isn't relevant anymore. So it seems the only thing to do is move on and try to do something and talk to someone without thinking too hard about the situation whatever it may be.
I used to think the same way but I’ve been trying to rephrase it as “my brain doesn’t register stuff often, especially when I’m tired” instead of “oh I’m just very forgetful”. I’m not actually forgetful, I have a pretty good memory, when I play cards I can count cards without trouble even when I’m tired (to a lesser degree) in part because I made a habit of it.
My memory is not my opponent, it is my ally, my attention is my opponent but I’m getting better at managing it as a limited resource
My parents refused to accept I have ADHD (still do) and thought they could punish it out of me. As an adult, I'm so anxious about forgetting that I rarely do, but it causes me a great deal of stress.
Same 🤔
I experienced this too. Also in the 80's girls didn't get diagnosed with ADHD. My childhood lacked structure and homework consisted of being forced to solder on even though my daydreaming indicated I was already burnt out and needed a break. No wonder I have such difficulty with executive function. Any task was torture.
I feel that 🥲
My authoritarian father royally fucked my psyche for years through this approach. I've mostly healed, but I don't know if it's possible to undo all the damage. Sad. I do feel sorry for myself. But I'm still able to have a relatively fulfilling life, and to not let it dictate my happiness.
Congrats that you were able to do that. Was it primarily therapy or did you white knuckle it on your own?
I'm closing in on 40 and am still spinning my wheels. That kind of parenting sets a child up for disaster in their adult life. The older a person gets without healing it, the worse it gets. This also reminds me of how my dad used to shame me so heavily because I'd get excited about small things (something ADHD people do). As an adult, it's hard to get excited about anything because I feel like I should be excited about nothing.@@phillystevesteak6982
I think that we live in an era where there is treatment of psychological issues, but culturally there is no understanding of these issues
Right. It's culturally understood that we're increasingly using therapy and coaching to manage our issues, but there is no understanding of what that looks like in our day to day lives, work, school, etc.
That's such a good explanation of modern over-diagnosis. It's not that self diagnosed people are just fishing for something to be "wrong" with them, it's that we have no idea what's going on in out head so when we hear a diagnosis that explains the problems we face we use it as a lens to solve the problem.
I learned the phrase "sub-clinical" from Dr.K and it really helped me understand where a lot of people are coming from, struggling with a problem that isn't big enough to be a diagnosis
Because alot of these "issues" are made up or stupidly enlarged.
Yeah especially Asia. If you're ADHD kid you're just a dumb kid in their POV, adults don't even aware of ADHD.
doesn’t help that you need like a fourth of your life dedicated to be able to get a degree to be able to afford a living job off of psychology
In regard to the "I told them two seconds ago, how could they forget??" issue, the example I've come up with to relate to this is when you meet new people. How often does someone introduce themself and then a few minutes later you absolutely have no idea what their name is? It happens to everyone.
On the other hand, its also possible that they really are "ignoring requests," but not intentionally out of malice. Someone with ADHD can blank out or lose track of what is being said, or someone with autism may have been tunneling down on something in the given moment they are being addressed. So I'd work on simplifying the request.
"a few minutes" ≠ "literally just finished telling them"
In your example, it would be the next sentence or two
Sometimes my boss will give me a list of instructions. I'll nod along, trying to listen. Then I'll say "okay, lemme get a paper" and then I come back, she tells me again, and I jot em all down.
I'll spend the next hour or 2 working on the tasks given, but looking at the paper over and over.
The list will be like
- print job 1
- print job 2
- cut paper, new roll
- print jobs 3-6
@@michaelsorensen7567 it does happen to me that i forget their name right after, because i struggle to actually retain information when someone is talking to me directly and i don't really care about the information.
It goes in one ear out the other, once i realized this i tried to just put it in my head to just focus on their name for a bit to keep it to memory, the problem is it not only didn't led me to remember the name, it also leads me to not listen to what they say for a few minutes cause j'm focusing too much on remembering their name.
@@5Demona5this is what scares me about the working world, i find it impossible to remember a list of instructions and i'm afraid my boss/higher up won't be understanding of that issue, leading me to do a shit job and getting fired.
As someone with ADHD, stressing about forgetting things makes it easier to forget things.
i love when im like alright ill do that before i do this. 5 minutes later im out the door and completely forgot what i was telling myself i needed to do the whole time.
Tell me about it. Yesterday, my supervisor was mad at me because we had a meeting with an external person downstairs. He gave me an instruction, and as soon as my supervisor and I went up.... I had forgotten said instruction and went back to my habitual work.
She says "I know you're brilliant, it's impossible you could forget that instruction so quickly."
Absolutely. I long ago learned that positive self reinforcement worked so much better on changing my ADHD habits than negative reinforcement. If I beat myself up over things, it just made things worse. But if i forgave myself and let go of the little things, focused on the good, and took my victories as they came, things got easier and easier.
Moving in with an abusive roommate who would constantly verbally punish me, even for things that weren't my fault, has done a lot to undo that progress. It's so hard.
sucks fr
I WISH my parents had taught me how to put things away when I was a kid instead of either nagging me about it, or just letting me suffer the consequences.
Same goes for breaking big projects down into small chunks. Adults always talked about doing this, but no one ever taught me HOW to do this.... Which led to becoming a chronic procrastinator in high school and college. I didn't learn this skill until I was 30, because I needed someone else to show me how to do it, and be my accountability system as I practiced. Now I'm a much better at it, and I don't procrastinate anymore. I hope to pay it forward and teach others how to manage their projects.
Was there anything that really stuck with you when it came to learning this skill? I dropped out of college because I didn't have these skills and it made schoolwork hell for me. I want to go back and get a degree but I don't want to deal with the constant stress of needing to get stuff done and feeling overwhelmed by it.
I wish I could get rid of my procrastination habits
For me, trying to learn to break down projects led to me having anxiety about the amount of tasks, and each small task seeming MONUMENTALLY GIGANTIC. Yes, like this big, so huge I had to put it in caps lock. What helped was... Trying to group small tasks into clusters, like not "wipe the stovetop - put the detergent on - let rest - wash off with a clean cloth - repeat - put the metal thingy back on (the one you put stuff on with gas cookers" and just go like "clean the stove".
I learned how to do this initially with fun personal projects (I love to do crafts.... that i never finish lol, 55000 adhd "I wanna do that" hobbies. Then organizing things related to the fun thing. It was easier to think about cos it became the thing I'd daydream about when I didn't want to do what I was actually supposed to do.
The skills transfered! At least for me. Especially with household tasks. Less effective with horrible things (phonecall tag with insurance companies, long term important but not super urgent things like car registration etc). But those things get 500 duplicate to-do lists on the walls, on my phone homescreen, top of the pile of crap on my desk etc. Just have the reminders in enough physical locations that you'll probably see it a few times a day lol. It is less horrible when broken down into tasks at the size of being able to do one or two of them with the option of doing one or two more later, over and over until it's done. I gave up EVER trying to do a task that needs more than 2 or 3 steps at a time at once. Instead I gained confidence from the habit of knowing it'll get done eventually if I chip away at it.
Example! Emptying trash and recycling: If the bag is full I'll replace it (make sure bags are located as closely as possible to the bin!) If I dont have enough gas to take it all the way downstairs and outside, then the bag makes a slow journey one room at a time every time I walk past it. That works especially well for me because on a typical day I will walk past the reminder trashbag enough times to get it outside. I don't know how effective it would be if the trash's journey didn't overlap my usual paths around the house well. :P
I have... a strategy like this for EVERY chore lol. If I go to the kitchen sink to wash my hands and there's dishes in there I'll wash at least one dish. I think the key is making the tasks small enough that they can become small habits that add up to the encompassing "tidiness" habit. But I might be a dweeb who does like to strategize everything I do...
I went back to school since I never finished degree, so I discovered none of that skills I've developed works for studying AAAAUGH. Slowly trying out the 50000 bits of advice to see what sticks. This part of the process SUCKS. I had FOUR chemistry quizzes last week so naturally I forgot one (but not 3! I remembered it was more than two. URGH!) The sheer size of the mountain of assignments is just one of the most hostile class experiences I've had so basically I just ask myself "do I have schoolwork due tonight or tomorrow?" I can just assume the answer is yes....
Dude, reading your comment is like looking at a mirror. Though I'm 25, I still struggling to make progress on the whole procrastinating and managing projects. Meanwhile my friends are landing good jobs, some are married.
When parents don't know how to do parenting, we're the one who suffers.
I have ADHD and I remember really well being cognitively exhausted after homework
Shit was serious
I really felt with the poor child who also had to do these all these extra tasks after homework 🥹
Bro homework in school was actually the most useless thing ever
I always thought there was something seriously wrong with me that I had no energy to really do anything afterwards.
Y'all did your homework!!??
I've often described myself as "Having the memory of a goldfish trapped in an elephant" because I find my long term memory can be amazing. Things from school others my age have forgotten I can often remember like it was only a couple years ago (I graduated in '07), I can remember random childhood things my parents have forgotten including just random things etc. But ask me where I put set down my glasses, or my phone etc.? We're going on a scavenger hunt! Though I know now it's an attention thing, it still feels like goldfish memory XD
This gave me a mental image of an elephant shaped fish tank with a goldfish inside and I had to draw it
@@exceptionallyriso I love that!
@@exceptionallyrisoADHD in action
@@stampandscrap7494 very real
Even from early on in the video, a lot of things clicked. Like, I am officially diagnosed with ADHD, but the process of "put it in folder" -> "put folder in bag" just sent me straight to "the end goal is for the homework to be in the bag" and shortcut right there. I find myself double, triple, and quadruple checking instructions CONSTANTLY. Like I'll read through a full list of instructions, recite it to myself, know exactly what to do... and then I do step one, and forget step two. I have to keep checking every step.
Literally did this with dinner last night, followed instructions to a T up until step 5, which I combined with step 6 and 7 missing half of all of it. Fortunately it was just a stew so its hard to realy mess up and turned out ok...mostly.
I know sometimes I don't like to hear this about my own diagnosis (Autism), but this is very common for neurotypical people too. Particularly with recipes it's perfectly normal to need to check every step, because they are so complicated sure, but even if the steps are one sentence only. Even more true for directions on the road, which are the simplest instructions you can get "turn left on blank street."
I'm not officially diagnosed, but based on multiple tests online I could have autism and some ADHD traits, and I can't tell you how accurate it feels. I'm actually a pretty good cook, but there's only one recipe where I followed every instruction (or almost every one). The rest... I don't even bother cooking with recipes, I just go with the flow and like "okay, I've seen that this dish contains this this and that, so, yeah, that's it, let's wing it", or just straight up invent food combos. Recipes are the worst, video recipes are somehow both better and worse than written recipes, but I generally only look at recipea when I want to make sure how to process an ingredient for best results, or just to check what goes into a dish
I hate having to read the same instructions over and over cause they just don't stick!
This is why Chemistry lab both in high school and college was a nightmare for me. Reading the procedure, each step over and over and over because I couldn’t risk relying on my working memory. It never clicked that adhd was another reason labs were so hard for me until now…😅
This is so important on so many levels. This misunderstanding is literally how you get misdiagnosed with defiance. Bruh most ADHD kids have basically no reason to be openly defiant, it has to do with some mental problem like this.
This is definitely not exclusive to ADHD kids though. You know what I always see in Japanese learners? The way Japanese often gets taught leads to people calling it the “but wait there’s more” language because that’s how it’s taught. Teachers are afraid if they tell students how much there is all at the beginning they’ll be scared off. So they just teach the basic things and then the student is like “I’m done learning all of this topic!” and the teacher THINKS they’re now ready to be told there’s more - but instead the student is like “there’s MORE??? I thought I was done! This language is so hard!” and they give up then instead.
My theory to solve this is to do exactly what Dr. K said - introduce the full outline from starting to end goal at the start so the student can calibrate their expectations to that, and know when they are and aren’t done.
I think it’s partially fear of the unknown that makes “but wait there’s more” so scary. If that wasn’t the end, then is THIS the end? The teacher probably won’t specify that, so it ends up sounding like there could be any amount more than this, like this dark hallway you can’t see the ending of, and haphazardly crawling though it never knowing when you’ll be done. So instead, you show the full floor plan and let them know, this is the end, and here’s every step along the way. This is when you’re done.
I was learning German for about 8 years. When we finally reached the many series of verb conjugation (nom/acc/dat) I quit. I wasn't forewarned about it and I couldn't wrap my head around it. One day I might try again but man I wish someone had at least told me "hey these get a bit crazier and more intense later on"
@@MrsLana92 I find the best way to understand those things is typically to find the specific situation and/or sentence used in English to convey that meaning. Typically if the conjugation exists that means the sentence is a sentence people use to mean something specifically, and we often have to say that in other languages too, just without a dedicated conjugation. Typically this can end up meaning you can say more for less, so it ends up very elegant.
So maybe you could try approaching from that angle, if you ever do try again. Good luck, if you do. Learning language to a high degrees is extremely valuable both professionally and personally if you ask me
Would not work for me . Just give me a sentance at a time, anything after that not going in.
I honed in on it the moment she said "after finishing his homework I told him he needs to-". I experience this myself frequently. You're giving me a task after I JUST finished one?? Can my mind settle from the task I just completed? Can I have ONE moment before you request something else of me? 😩
1000% and I’ve been trying to figure out why this bothers me so much as an Adult because I know it shouldn’t. I think your comment might’ve cracked the code finally, thanks.
Edit: typed this before Dr.K explained it lol
Honed*
@@Caketurtle7 Yes...that. xD
You feel like a slave to your parent
Yes! That parent thing of “you’re not done when you finish with the task I gave you, you’re done when I don’t have any more tasks to give” thing seriously sucks, especially for ADHDers. Just tell me everything I’m expected to do and I’ll do them, don’t blindside me with a new task when I think I’m already done
Kids aren't small kids but adults seem to be big kids sometimes
Another thing is that different people have different organizational styles that work for them. My mom never understood why I was always ripping paper out of my 3 ring binder for class. It wasn't until high school that I realized that because I'm left-handed I can't actually write in a 3 ring binder because the rings are in the way. Once I switched to a top style spiral notebook I never lost my homework again. But my mom who is right handed never noticed this deficiency. So that's another thing to try is figuring out which organizational style works for your kids as opposed to forcing them into the style you use.
I simply replace "I forgot" with "I wasn't thinking" one day, with no real thought put into why (which is funny to me) and it actually helped me to "think" instead of "remember". Of course, theres many other variables that helped me. But realizing that it helped me made me try smaller things in steps instead of attempts at completely changing who i am all at once.
I never did homework in school. No one really understood that by the end of the school day I was truly spent. Which leads to fights, which end up just being about how much I was failing. Which made it even harder to care at all even during the day. Constantly distracted and seeking escape. Which made my in class work worse. Which made my time at school during the day harder and worse, which more negatively burdened my capacity. I usually did well on my tests though, as long as the teacher explained it out loud, or the reading was interesting enough. I’d often read ahead. I hated vocab. Though I usually understood it.
You hear about the kid passed on because he’s smart but doesn’t apply himself? Well this was the opposite. They had no idea what I was, but they made sure I knew I was a failure. Not because stupid. Because I failed to cope. I hated my time at school. Still remember it in that achey regretful and loathing way.
I kept failing, but I showed up everyday. Way longer than I needed too. But I don’t regret that. The places I went had decent curriculum, and I learned plenty of it. I loved Science and History. Found English to hold a lot of treasures. Art was great. I drew on everything. Some Electives were really good. I wasn’t bad at math.
I wish I had found a way to deal with it better. Like how you explain the issue here.
I went through nearly the same thing in school. Never did any homework because I had enough on my plate at home. I always passed my tests but it didn't matter because HW made up like 60% of my grade. I was always good at English because I liked reading, and I liked reading because it was an escape for me. Honestly, school in itself was an escape for me. That's probably why I got good grades in the first place. I really liked school up until one year I started getting bullied. Kind of a b*tch excuse but whatever it's the truth. Anyways I hated being in school after that, I failed that year and started applying myself less and less over time. I eventually stopped caring altogether. Similar to you, it led to fights with my mom who I already didn't have a good relationship with. To put it into perspective, I never really told her I got bullied in school. I especially couldn't tell her that it was the reason my grades were so poor. I fell even deeper into the escapist tendencies that I already started to develop. It's led to a lot of problems for me outside of school over the years. Even though the world doesn't really care much for people like us I hope you do okay in life man.
I think this is why my niece listened to me more when she was younger than she did with anyone else. I would ask her, where do the shoes belong? Okay where are they now? Can you fix the problem? And she would put her shoes away. She would leave stuff in the hall a lot but not when she was with me.
Likely because you were addressing what she needed. Which is very cool.
While adult me knows better, it's nice for child me to know that someone out there knew I wasn't being intentionally defiant. That I did care and was aware of the consequences of my lapses of attention and fatigue.
I've been trying to get a diagnosis to why I've been having depression and anxiety all my life. My hospital referred me to an outside therapist who, after 18 sessions including three assessments across three sessions, concluded that I could have been undiagnosed ADHD. I'm 38 this year coping with life. When I got the report from the outside therapist, my hospital ignored the report and sent me an in house specialist whose first questions was "Tell me why you think you have ADHD" and "Why does your therapist think you have ADHD?" I was completely unprepared because I was informed that I did not have to prepare anything for this assessment.
The whole 45 minutes with the in house psychiatrist felt very dismissive and I felt my anxiety rising because I was having to defend my feelings all the while the answers I knew I had worked with felt like they were slipping out of my hands before I could articulate them. After a string of "I think everyone feels that sometimes" responses from him, I was told I did not have ADHD but that he did not know what I had as his task there was only to give the ADHD assessment.
Sorry for the slightly off-topic post. The topic and substance of the video just struck a chord with me as it's only recently happened. I just can't help but wonder if I had been better at remembering things, I could have done more in this life, or at the very least, been better at getting my own diagnosis. This is so difficult to do.
Why do doctors never believe the patients. Im so sorry you had to get interrogated so much. That must have been hard after basically being interrogated by your therapist for so long. If you can relate the the feeling of having adhd, in my opinion you shouldnt have to feel like you can't get care for it until they deem you worthy of the diagnosis. I hope you can get even a little bit of resolution and growth from Dr. K's resources.
Sadly many psychiatrists do not know how to recognize ADHD in adults. I had a similar experience at age 50. The doctor kept insisting that I couldn’t have ADHD because I appeared organized, had raised 3 kids, etc. But the coping mechanisms I had to put in place were essential or I would have constantly been forgetting little and big stuff! Lots of it were good habits like always putting my car keys in the same place, setting timers as reminders, faithfully emptying the washer or dryer as soon as they beeped, pretending appointments were twenty minutes earlier or else I would be late, etc. But lots still slipped through the cracks.
Having ADHD reminds me of being a swan or duck, appearing to sail along but paddling furiously beneath the water.
These videos have helped me a lot, more than a therapist did.
That was either an HMO or someone who has no goddamn idea what ADHD is and is just reading from a symptoms sheet.
That opening question you mention ... I had the same assessment situation last year and it was my first time talking with a psychiatrist and I felt so intimidated while trying to articulate myself and trying to summarize this broad question on the spot, too.
So he only got a very shallow view of my experience and added his stereotypical interpretations.
The only good thing that came out of it, was me rediscovering afterwards, how much self hatred I had all those years [I quivered everytime I did a mistake during the assessment tests and that unlocked some relevant memories].
alright bro, drop the name, just so people can avoid them at all cost
Doc, I just realized it took the *US Army's* training methods to get me past this hump with my own ADHD. They quite literally perform rote memory tasks numerous times until they become muscle memory, so to speak. They have to drill this into the least cognitively present soldiers, or the consequences may be the death of the whole element.
No wonder I was an awful student growing up--and also I was a 4.0 student in my 30's, post military service.
The repetitive training of tasks into habit is precisely how I managed success as an adult, where I was very much unable to cope as a child.
Thanks, Doc. I think I can help this work with my two ADHD kids!
Can we understand why a parent thinks that punishing a child is correct behavior? if you want to teach a child about consequences , explain to them why an action is important. The more you punish a child the more you encourage production of cortisol in your child and the more that child is likely to develop anxiety/anger related problems later on that seemingly come out of nowhere.
True. Punishing a child without explaining why something is not the right thing to do, just produces sneaky kids that learn to hide their mistakes instead of actually striving to do better.
This makes it sound like you are not a parent or otherwise don't have to deal with kids on a regular basis. Contrary to popular belief kids are very resistant to learning in general.
Their short to mid term memories are absolutely awful on average and they will struggle (on average) to apply something you try to teach over time.
If for whatever reason they like the information, this resistance is lessened, but don't think it's not there. You don't remember everything about your favourite things either and you're a grown ass adult.
If you manage to teach them something they also have a much smaller number of things you can teach them before they shut off the learning function, so to speak.
Punishment is the golden standard of teaching throughout history. If you get burned by touching a hot stove you won't do it again. No one punished you but you received hurt in exchange for an action. It is still punishment.
As people we don't like when other people punish us though. So called acts of god, we can sort of understand, but if a person, especially a parent does something we think harmful (particularly so as children!), we don't know how to deal with it, and development small trauma.
If we learn, that's it. Over and done, next. But if we don't... that becomes a trauma that shapes your actions, cause it sure as hell will happen again.
Other methods of learning are much less effective, period.
More humane? Up for debate, but sure, I prefer other means personally.
They're also very dependent on the child. A child that understands but doesn't want to do it because they just wanna have fun, doesn't have the same problem as one that zones out when you speak. So if you try talking to both of these problem types, you'll get nowhere. There is no amount of empathy that'll get them to develop intrinsic will to repeat something over time, which is the objective of teaching something, whatever that something is.
Being a good example and doing things together is better for these types of children.
But it is extremely, very, very soul crushing. Because these children just don't wanna do it.
That's the jist of it. Children are not angels, not saints, and worst of all they don't even know what they're doing, and if they were adults they'd get no mercy for it. But being children we do whatever we know to get them to do something even if it's wrong because that's all we know.
It's life and It sucks.
@@BygoneT You make a series of wrong assumptions not only about me but about kids overall.
Kids are actually very receptive to learning , they are curious by nature , its only when their curiosity gets inhibited and yelling at them promotes more production of cortisol that they become "resistant to learning", its simple neurology.
You talk like someone who abused his kids mentally or physically and assumes the product of that abuse is in their nature. (forgetfulness because they are too preoccupied with being afraid and they are afraid because ,again, their body produces high cortisol levels) .
Educating kids is not easy and requires a lot of patience but punishment is bad : both because the kid doesn't understand why what they did was wrong and because long term it helps promote bad habits.
@@oriconceptarts3233 The assumptions are not assumptions and they're not wrong, I'm a teacher, I'm telling you how it works. Try teaching kids regularly, you'll see how fast they stop learning.
Curious by nature depends on the child. And even if you satisfy their curiosity they probably won't remember.
No dude. You don't need to stress out a kid for them not to remember. Their life doesn't depend on them remembering things you tell them and they know that. Kids forget and that's ok. That's just how it is. They'll remember what they like and forget the rest over time.
Oh boy here we go "You don't chastise the things I think are bad 50 times in your comment, and speak on impersonal voice so you must be bad and doing the bad things", the 21st century moralist special who will still give their child a phone or tablet during their developing period.
I could have called you names because you don't show any experience with kids but I didn't.
Bifurcation fallacy much? Don't make it seem like kids WILL remember if you don't stress them. It's not "stress=not remember" and "no stress=remember". Absolutely not. 1000 children overall are similar but every child is unique when you're 1 on 1 with them. You don't control their memory and they don't either. They don't remember what you tell them very often.
Punishment is bad is the modern zeitgest. Sure. I agree. But don't think all children respond well to the alternatives.
As a teacher I get to do different learning with regular kids (not special needs) from all kinds of ages because I'm forced to school hop.
I have absolutely 0 need to punish the kids except when they get very rowdy, and that's rare. Like lmao I don't even punish the violent autistic kids let alone some regular kid who has neglectful parents and acts out to have some measure of attention.
@@BygoneTwe get it you hate children and think you know everything about them based on what you see of them in one specific context. Have you ever considered that they're living things?
Thanks for this, its been hard raising my 9yo adhd little sister. My parents doesnt believe that we have adhd and just doesnt care. Im the oldest and ive struggled alot, im a college dropout and i really hope i can help my little sister get thru education better than i did
3:45 What this means is the child is exhausted - holy shit man, I've never let out a more resolute YUP THAT WAS ME
Dr.K literally described my experience as a child with adhd. I still have to have these struggles with how my parents "deal" even though I am an adult. The amount of arguments i would have with my parents about these was astronomical. It's created shame, guilt and low self confidence for me as an adult. Im not gonna lie when Dr. K was talking about this stuff it brought tears to my eyes.
Seriously if you're a parent to a kid with adhd, listen to this guy. Otherwise you get a kid who end up like me as an adult. It's not worth creating a child who will grow up feeling like a worthless piece crap. Dont let pride get in the way of your kid's happiness and success
My father doesn't seem to be neurodivergent in any way, my mother has... something going on, not sure what but it's not normal. I am likely autistic/ ADHD woman who grew up in anti-scientific, anti-psychiatry family where they think ADHD isn't real and vaccines cause autism. I was never diagnosed with shit, my family gave me the exact same stiff, simplistic "advice" my whole life no matter how many times it didn't do shit for me. Lack of results was blamed on me being lazy or not caring (both 100% untrue). I could never remember anything like at all and I would just be accused of pretending in order to avoid chores or any responsibility. Absolute hell of a childhood...
I can totally relate. I have a theory that we have learned how to a few tasks and became proficient at them for generations. Hello Industrial Revolution. Thus, fast forwarding, we all, all of the sudden are surprised and shocked by diagnoses. My family was good at fishing, and clam digging. Also knitting. All very mundane, rote tasks. Repetitive-working memory/habit circuitry like he was discussing.
@@monicasmadeinmaine1114 Vast majority of my relatives are artists, either painters or musicians and it has been like this fr several generations now.
Very helpful for thinking about how to manage my own ADHD habits. I need to think about and plan out habits before the emergency. Thanks Dr. K!
ADHD parent of an ADHD child here. Thank you. Just thank you.
I've been dealing with hits and misses in this area of parenting already, and my son is only 6, so we have soooo much time to tackle this in better ways now.
I've been struggling with breaking down what exactly I'm doing wrong and what methods work better, and I've been getting close to narrowing it down, but this made it soooo much easier.
It's basically the same stuff making me frustrated that frustrates him as well. Like listening to lengthy explanations. I feel physical pain when listening then, and I often forget that my son will feel the same way whenever I forget to do the knowledge/habit building through questions.
I need to build a habit of questioning rather than telling.
And I need to help him with habit building, like I've done for myself too, like putting stuff away immediately after finishing something, or what to make sure I have on me before I leave the house etc.
I always feel like checklists, especially selfmade, simple ones helped me with this. Like “Ugh, let me put this here before I pass out” or “Crap, why didn’t I finish my list of 10 second tasks” regret it and feel a little more motivated to do it next time. Besides that if it’s a matter of cleaning stuff up it was usually motivated when I had to make myself halfway presentable to non-family
"I need to write this down before I - "
*gets distracted*
What was I doing again?
I have adhd, diagnosed as an adult. I always struggled with memory. I find non adhd people lack empathy, as seen in my own parents.
Once I forgot to do one chore from a long list of them, I was the family scapegoat. My mother’s charming response was to drag down the stairs, after kicking in my bedroom door, by my hair and throwing me out of the house. She then told everyone I ran away.
When I learned the statistics about how people like me are more likely than anyone else to face abuse, and that non spectrum people can tell you aren’t like them, it all made sense and I changed my opinions drastically about non spectrum people.
I was frequently punished for forgetting things.
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Great, now I just have to go back and teach this to my teenaged self.
You and me both. I always got my homework done but I sure as shit never did chores
in the kids defense, i had to rewind & listen again when the parent started complaining, to figure out what their problem was (about the “book bag”).
ADD diagnosed in 2000 along with Major depressive disorder and generalize anxiety.. I still got yelled at and told I’m lazy and not doing enough like the other kids as a diagnosed child… now I have major issues.. yay.. 😢
It’s like if I’m not paying attention things that I do will not even be recorded in my memory.
A video on overstimulation would be so, so helpful. I get so tired, angry, and upset when I get overstimulated, and it gets in the way of everyday life.
As someone with ADHD, I developed a habit for homework when I was in school. I would take my homework and leave it in the book I worked out of. The homework was protected inside the book, the book was already labled by subject, and the homework worked as a bookmark. The habit just deceloped narurally from my laziness. "I'm done with this homework, stuff it in the book and close the damned thing."
Want to say for a kid, you cant just say Im too tired or Im done with all I have to do so I should be free to do fun stuff now or speak up for yourself in general so its better to say I forgot or just not respond instead of outright refusing to do the extra work cause kids need free time but dont really have the freedom to get it so they find ways to get around it or else they always have to do work for one thing after the next.
Trying to read this long sentence without breaks is a task in itself.
@@Hawkenwhacker You have a Goldfish's Attention Span.
@@Lawlz4Dayzz no, they are right. this could easily be split into 2 or 3 sentences.
Yeah definitely understand that, especially if you grow up with parents as authority figures instead of parental figures.
Like, what do you mean you're tired? Youre young, you don't get to be tired, I walked to school in the snow for 2 miles uphill blah blah blah.
Like I would rather get yelled at for "forgetting"something then lectured for being a smartass
This is amazing, Dr. K, because it's exactly what I needed for my long term project: a book series on reframing discpline for children and reparenting for traumatised adults.
Consistency is one of the words in my acronym for discipline, and as an AuDHD person with an authoritarian step parent and a laissez faire bio parent with obvious neurodivergence, this is not only helpful for myself, to utilise the habit circuitry, but also helpful for parents to be and parents struggling in the throes of raising grade school kids. Gotta add it to my notes now.
This sounds phenomenal! Hope you do a reading a your local library to promote it :)
im the person with adhd, but as a 31 year old adult. (regarding step 2) i can intellectually understand why i need to be organized and the benefits of it, but i cannot still bring myself to do it. that being said its not like absolutely nothing is organized, but a lot of things often arent in my life/home.
As one with autism and other neurological problems, I can understand this and wish to thank you for it.
I was taught to power through difficulties and told anything other than success with focus, detail, and memory was because I did not care. I saw others punished for disregulated behavior and was often yelled at for giving answers that made no sense. Powering through it can work for, but as I've grown I've realized it's from having the fight-or-flight mechanism engaged and artificially revved... which leads to a whole host of coping mechanisms the child is often blamed for not being able to regulate, and the individual eventually crashes from.
My mom and I had a lot of trouble when I was growing up due to my ADHD. It was pretty awful at times. I wish this kind of information was readily available when I was a child, can't imagine what help it could have been
This is one of the things i’ve been waiting for you to talk about for a while because I dealt with adhd/ an mild intellectual disability my whole life throughout school and my daily life. Which makes it difficult to remember conversations i’ve had, birthdays, reading, speech impediment, literally anything from school, and etc.
It’s funny too because majority of people will look at me and won’t even know I have a disability until I open my mouth. But regardless I’ll never quit trying to learn to test my mind and i’m grateful that i’m at least aware of my situation to fix it and not too bad off like others I saw in my classes.
I've never experienced the "This video came out exactly when I need it" that I see people talking about, until today 😂 I feel like the kid in the story, who needs planning *ahead of doing stuff* instead of planning at the same time as doing stuff, which is what I've always done, and I'm exhausted at the end of every day.
Man, could you go back in time to the early 90s and teach my parents how to parent an ADHD kid? This fits perfectly to my experience as an ADHD kid. And reflects the stuff I am still dealing with years later. Rote pratice is exactly how I learned my way into practices I never thought I could do. Probably explains a lot of my attractiong to buddhist meditation practices and martial arts.
So far my daughter seems either only mildly ADHD or normal, but I'm keeping this in mind for my sons for when they start school.
This is the reason why i hate doing chores from my dad, as soon as i finish a chore he adds another on top. I can do every chore in the house and im happy to do said chores when asked to but when i think im done then i have much more it drains me emotionally.
I hate structure but i need structure. I have recently got an app to help keep on task. Basically a bullet journal on my tablet that will go with me everywhere. Starting off slow and looking to build routines. I toggle between tasks and breaks equal tomes for each. And just go one task at a time. The bets featurbof the app is the timer. It doesn't stop till i stop it.
For me as a kid, „I forgot“ and „Yeah“ were just default reactions to my parents. Sometimes true, but other tines I just couldn't express that it didn't sink kn the first time, barely heard they said, or the kicker, that thought didn't come back to me in the right moment.
When my parent put on the pressure in those kinds of situations, I immediately shut down and evaded. „I forgot“ was the closest thing to the truth then.
Now, when I catch my attention running off, I ask people to repeat things, saying that my mind wandered when I didn't want it to. When I miss things in my calendar and show up late, I explain as honestly as I can. „… my media addiction consumed almost my whole day, and my calendar just reminded me about this event…“
Honesty is so important. It doesn't just help other people understand, but it also helps you stay upright and true.
Being honest, and creating spaces where people can be honest is very difficult, and needs to be constantly trained!
Okay this makes sense now, as a kid I had a routine built up by somebody else. Then that somebody else left, and my life broke down, why? I’m not sure if it was adhd, but now I keep forgetting things and I am defiant towards doing things. I know I need structure but in the calm time I need to practice I just don’t, so this feels like repare ting in a way. Thank you Dr K, this video helps more than just little kids 🥺
I have severe adhd, I literally had to rewind the same 4 minutes of this video 3 times so far because I keep randomly doing something else and I don’t think this’ll be the last time, my attention span is nonexistent, genuinely forgetting what an argument is about mid argument is something I’ve done many times and my neurotypical mother doesn’t understand how I can possibly do that (she also doesn’t even consider ADHD a disorder)
Thats a shame, I like this channel because his cadence keeps me more engaged naturally this would be so much harder for me if I couldn't binge these videos. As to your mother, thats hard. Sounds like she has already made up your mind and hasn't/can't come to terms with you being an entity seperate and unique from her. My tactic would be 'shock awake' first, but I don't know your mother. Shock awake meaning give her the worst stat first, ADHD and its correllation to suicide and substance abuse, really drive home the worst possible scenario. I'm talking pull studies from various sources she may recognize or with impressive names, whole 9-yards.
One way or another I wish you the best and hope everything works out well. You have at least one internet stranger cheering for you.
I'm not officially diagnosed but I went through this exact scenario so many times as a kid, sometimes I wouldn't even be paying attention when stuffing homework in my bag and I wouldn't realize that I missed the bag and I'd have to turn my assignment in the next school day.
I love that this channel and more importantly this video popped up in my yt feed because I actually relate to all of the ADHD advice that you give. A lot of the advice is super helpful all around, not just for ND individuals, but the specifics of how ADHD works does help me understand what could be the reason why I generally have the worst short term memory, and why habit building and even just getting any kind of work done without a checklist is incredibly difficult for me. The neuroscience explanations are also some of the most interesting parts of what would otherwise just be another surface level psych explanation of ADHD that you would hear on the news 100 times when I was growing up because the increase in ADHD diagnoses were a huge talking point when I was in middle school
I know i definitely feel i have some sort of processing delay at times. Not auditory processing issue - I’ll understand the words and their meaning just fine but theres lag time between that isolated understanding and attaching it to the wider context. And sometimes it never makes it. I think its the main problem i have with math for example. I was definitely present and putting a ton of effort into my notes the day they explained the derivative. And yet i had to withdraw from calc because i had such an incomplete understanding of that concept that i didnt even realize i misunderstood it. (Figured it out on round 2 tho thankfully). The folder thing is definitely the kind of thing where id be like “oh shoot you did just say that didnt you”. In the moment i might be so busy processing that request that ive already put the paper in the bag on autopilot. it feels super similar to forgetfulness and its probably what youre gonna say if you dont have a better explanation. But its subtly different, i cant quite explain it. Because like, it did end up in my mind and in my memory but it got mucked up somewhere in the gears. But thats just my experience.
You've just blown my mind. I've been so confused recently as I've been actually doing my dishes. The rest of my place is an absolute mess, but suddenly, im doing my doing my dishes. I couldn't work out why on earth im now managing to do my dishes regularly, but not the rest of the cleaning and tidying. Now i know! I managed to form the habi, and the habit part of my brain is working fine! This gives me so much hope. Thank you.
My dad thought just punishing me and taking away all my hobbies/'luxuries' would improve my grades in highschool and make me keep my room tidy. It got to the point where the only books I could read while grounded were text books, and I wasn't even allowed to draw for fun, I kept a composition notebook I hid to doodle in. I lost my bedroom priviledges for about two years(meaning 2/3 of my room was converted into his work from home office and my bed just happened to be in it) until my mom put her foot down and said I was a 16yr old girl and was old enough that I needed privacy. As you can imagine, none of this did anything to improve my grades, organization, or concentration.
I was originally diagnosed with ADD in 1989. That was before the H was added to the default. I was tested because of my short term memory issues. If be told to do something, walk into the room to do it, and forget why I walked into the room.
❤ thank you very much for your work here on RUclips!
When she got to the second part about putting it in the backpack, the kid's attention shifted to that and away from the first thing about putting it in the folder. What she could have done was to ask him to put in in the folder. Then, once they do that, ask them to put the folder in the backpack.
So when I was about 5 my parents took me for an adhd assesment and was told that if I did have it, was a mild case and i would "grow out of it". Since I was 5 I never knew it was even a possiblity. Well 30 years later i now have a diagnoses, medication and a realization that almost all of my major issues growing up. Ive always been incredibly good with memory of facts but my working memory is horrible. If i would forget to do tasks that were asked of me but could remember many other things especially if they were of personal interest to me. I was constantly accussed by adults of simpky not caring. I cant tell you how much it hurts to truly care about something. To not want to be a disapointent. And then to still be looked at like you just dont care.
its genuinely so nice to hear someone recite my experience to me like this. its like, yes. this is what it felt like. feels like. it fucking sucks. i am seen
This was an awesome video!!! I need this as a kid. Structure.
Wait wait wait... I'm 15 seconds into this, and this guy said he has a 9 year old with ADHD who actually did his homework?!?
"i forgot" is child speak for "i wasnt paying attention" because the child probably learned that when they forget things mommy doesnt yell at them for not listening.
Precisely. I still say it because of the shame I felt as I kid when this happened and because it’s still slightly shameful to say, “I’m having a hard time and tired” even though they know I have ADHD
@@thomaspeterson5745 Yeah and also because "I wasn't paying attention" for a normal person is almost entirely their fault and many people treat ADHD kids the same when our brains are screwed up
the homework folder scenario sounded so familiar. I think my dad has masked adhd. he grew up poor and there wasn't an abundance of compassion in his life, and even though he consciously didn't pass on a lot of the bad patterns from his upbringing there are some things that still don't make sense to him.
love you dad.
"one more thing.." that reminds me of Jackie Chan's Uncle from Jackie Chan adventures 😂
But I totally get it that's exactly what my parents were like and how I felt when I was in school.
Another tip not mentioned: do not give compound instructions. Instead of “put your homework in your folder and put your folder in your backpack” give the instruction “put your homework in your folder” wait for them to do this then give the instruction “put your folder in your backpack”
when I was in elementary school, I often forgot to do my homework and then I was asked the reason why I didn't do it, then I answered "forgot" but my teacher answered "you're just making excuses". I didn't even know there was homework
My husband has ADHD and though he has developed some habits to circumvent his inattention, there are many other little things he still struggles to form habits for.
The one that bothers me the most is leaving doors open or unlocked, especially the front door of our house. I know he doesn’t do it intentionally and he has tried very hard to fix it, but he leaves for work much earlier than me in the mornings and it is so scary to wake up and find the front door unlocked or, even worse, flung open by the wind because it was left slightly open and unlocked. 😭
We thankfully live in a smaller and relatively safe community, but any thief, rapist, murderer, or other evil-intentioned person in the area could take that unsecured door as an open and easy invitation to do me harm.
Thankfully, my husband has gotten much better at drilling this into his head, but there are still much rarer occasions he “forgets.” Guess it’s not a habit quite yet.
Well he's getting there. From experience, even my best habbits fail somewhere between 5 and 10% of the time. I get around that by overlaying habbits so if I forget one I wont forget another and it reminds me of the one I forgot. This has the downside of occassionaly collapsing like a house of cards and there are days I forget to pay a bill because I didn't make coffee because I forgot to take a shower because I didn't brush my teeth.
After a childhood of being forgetful, disorganized, absent-minded, and having parents who had no patience for this, it's a struggle not to hate myself and my adhd brain for not keeping up with the demands placed on me when I don't even feel like I could control it
"I worked so hard! And thought I was done, and then there's one more thing! And it *feels* like being asked to sort n put away a hundred papers in a hundred folders!"
This resonated so hard I took 10d10 thunder damage
OMG THAT FACTOR SPONSORSHIP GOOD JOB DR. K!!
I'm ADHD and I always like to say I lucked out on how good my mother was with me. she has some neurodivergence as well and when she was raising me she was excellent at handling my attention span and emotional dysregulation. but above all else she was really good at teaching me the basics growing up.
usually if she saw me pulling some bullshit to cut corners due to spoons she would grab my attention and ask what I thought I was doing wrong. sounds a lil weird but it really did force me to stop and take the time to gather myself and properly consider the actions I was taking. that helped me stay on track of schoolwork for all of high school.
and to this day, anytime I lose track of what I'm doing, I'll stop, breathe slowly, and retrace my steps to figure out the reasonings for my actions. it also helps me recall/record muscle memory when searching stock rooms lol
I have ADHD and I have to push back on the memory think a little. There are times that I am fully listening and trying as hard as I can to keep a list of instructions in my head and I still can’t do it for more than a couple. It’s RAM issue. Like I just don’t have enough working memory slots to hold everything even if I am really really trying. I would guess that the kid’s brain is full of all of the possibilities of what he’s going to do now that he’s free to remember anything new.
This is relevant to every elementary school (and probably high school, too) teacher. Thank you
I was thinking having him lay out the correct folder at the beginning so he sees the folder next to the backpack and it becomes easier to remember when he sees it.
Dr. K, could you explain more about the different between an attentional deficit and a memory deficit? I have always associated forgetfulness with memory deficits and not attentional. Thank you for everything you do!
This reminds me of a Montessori method. We observe the child and their behavior, and almost never intervene in the moment unless there is something dangerous, distracting, disrespectful, or damaging going on. Then, we plan our next lesson, and find the child when they are in a state they are ready for it! In this case, a grace and courtesy lesson on an organization skill! Maybe even a group lesson depending on the child! We base all the lessons we do and when we do it on observation of the child first.
yeah from experience i can say this actually works, good video
The real struggle is when youre the neurodivergent child and your parent is NOT neural divergent.
Its a constant struggle. And they always resort to trying to make me normal with drugs.
We don't forget the thing, we just forget to remember the thing.
The way people straight up go with some variation of "you can't forget that quickly" when you tell them you literally cannot remember something from just a moment ago, even nearing 30, I will never get used to. Might as well tell me "your ankle can't buckle and trip you" expecting it to solve that exact problem.
Genuinely, it's not just attention, the moment my focus changes from one thing to another my short term memory will flush itself. I have to work with whatever is left. It's incredibly demoralising when doing your level best, even paying full attention and pushing yourself into burnout from exhaustion, is still treated as though you just weren't trying hard enough.
Very very helpful, I hope there will be more topic about kids.
09:45 you cannot create structure on the fly, that's not structure, that's mess.
Uuuu a sponsor! And for healthy food!
Good one, helps all of us funding this amazing thing 💚
Can’t tell you what a huge sigh of relief it is to hear it’s not a memory issue. 😮💨
As someone with ADHD and has been on record comparing their mind to a goldfish, something Ive been doing recently that has been helping is vocally telling myself what I need to remember. Something like "Mental note, remember to do x tomorrow" and its helped me remember to do it.
As someone parenting my stepson with ADHD, I’m the complete opposite and so is his dad. Apparently he go this trait from his mom who left when he was young. I saw this video and thought it might help with understanding, which it did. I didn’t understand why I could ask a question straight in front of him without him hearing it. He just seemed blatantly ignore everything I said. It’s good to know it’s “normal” for him at least. I had a feeling he was hearing me but just not comprehending the words because he was overwhelmed.
I'm someone who has a strong suspicion I have ADHD, though no diagnosis because my mom apparently thinks she knows better than a doctor would that I don't have it and getting me tested would be a waste of time, etc.
But I've always related to people who have ADHD, and the scenario you explain in this video is a familiar one to me
One of my issues I'm still struggling with years after the fact is that I struggled in high school from being extremely overwhelmed with much more schoolwork and homework than I was capable of dealing with (especially considering my mom put me through advanced-placement classes hoping I could earn college credits), and so I was constantly burnt out and would very often forget what homework I had for what classes
I had a planner, and was expected to write what I needed to do in that, but it wasn't designed for anything more than small notes like one would write on a calendar, which certainly wasn't enough to write down the many things I needed to do daily, and I didn't ever have the space in my brain at the time to remember to ask for a planner with enough room to write all the stuff I needed to do, or to get a spare journal myself for that purpose
My parents were the "if you only applied yourself, you would do so well" type, who didn't understand that even though I was intellectually capable of everything that was asked of me, there was only so much my brain could do per day before burning out and needing rest, which caused me to temporarily become a compulsive liar for a few years to find opportunities to have time to let my brain rest and to kinda have an opportunity to try, fail, and learn with social interaction, which itself was a struggle because I think I'm on the autism spectrum as well
Very long story short, I'm pretty sure I have ADHD, and both my parents and myself could have used this video back when I was in school, and while I obviously can't go back in time to use your info and advice, I can at least make use of it now
The idea of literally practicing everyday things until they're habits sounds like it would help me a lot; I'll put it my reminders to think about ways I can use that idea
(Thank the stars smartphones are so convenient for notes and reminders these days; I'm not sure how I'd function if I still had to write everything down, and therefore had to think about pencil sharpeners or mechanical pencil lead or whatever on top of the actual note-taking and reminder-writing)
Growing up, it went more like
"do it this way"
*does it other way*
"why"
"I forgot"
"well then, fix it"
As someone who has officially diagnosed adhd since I was like 5 I can definitely relate (you can work on it but takes alot of time)
Amazing! ADHD content and I am on time this time😂
Love this video!
There are many reasons why ADHD symptoms show up for so many people. As someone who has lived with ADHD all my life as well as being an ADHD therapist and a parent with ADHD children, I help people understand why we think, feel and behave the way we do. There is an answer!
There are many more ways to treat ADHD other than being diagnosed and given medication. Other ways to help understand who you are and how to nurture those qualities.
More importantly, there is nothing wrong with us! In fact no two people in the world are alike. We are all unique individuals and that is why my mission is to help people discover their unique gifts.
Go discover your gifts!
Hi Dr. K! Always love your videos! This video really spoke to me as I am currently in the process of getting assessed for ADHD among other things. I’m 23 by the way so one thing I am worried about is the fact that I am aware of these symptoms and how I feel about my mental health. I’m not sure if my symptoms are real though because I never took note of them before and thus can’t really remember when my symptoms started. I was wondering if you know other mental health problems that could display as symptoms of ADHD and/or depression. Most of what I see online just says that general stress causes them. Anyways thank you!
I'm not diagnosed, but I had an issue at a job were I was told to do something, and I had to ask again immediately as I couldn't remember it.
But I was listening to it the first time.
I probably would have said that I forgot too in that situation, and I almost certainly would have been lying. Small defiances were the way I tried to defend myself from transgressions against my autonomy when I didn’t have anything left that I could afford to give up, but I also knew I wouldn’t be able to argue my case. It was pure desperation. Discipline was an absolute disaster if it was attempted, because I was literally unable to do better. I know now that I did that kind of thing because I was exhausted and overwhelmed to the point where I was approaching a meltdown and was trying to keep people from taking so much control away from me that I wouldn’t be able to reduce my stress.
I couldn’t have told the truth about that as a kid because I didn’t know at the time. I had no answer at all, let alone one that was likely to be considered satisfactory by someone who was already angry with me. And if I knew one particular answer that would at least be accepted instead of taken for escalation, I’m not sure if I would have told the truth even if I had known. I was generally a very truthful kid, but I was also very aware that by being truthful I was often not giving people the kinds of things they expected to hear, and that sometimes it’s just a better idea to humor someone.
This kid sounds just like me when I was a lil boy, i became really shy and withdrawn over time.
I hate how relateable this is
Yeah It's accurate way to explain I have so many moments of doing one thing then getting told what to do then forgetting what I was just about to do
I find what irks me most is when I’m given requests to do things -while- I’m already doing something. I feel like I’m expected to immediately find a spot for that on my mental stack and not forget it. In reality, Im almost always focused on something at any given time, and asking me to shift my entire focus onto something else feels like an brutal attack on my brain (and it really feels like that when im forced to).
The big dilemma for me is, even if im asked to do something later, if the request comes at a time when im focused, it’s like an attack on my brain as I’ve mentioned already. This is because the act of planning is itself an act, and shifting my focus is excruciating if I haven’t prepared for it in advance.
Im in my mid 20s and though I’ve never been diagnosed, I am fairly certain I have ADHD or perhaps something similar. Maybe I should allocate a part of my day to asking people if I have to do things? I’m not so sure
I didn't think I had ADHD until this video. I was constantly getting goosebumps because this was and is me. I'm 24 and I'm dumbfounded at how all these solutions have been seemingly on the tip of my tongue my whole life.
As a 24 year old with autism and adhd this video gives me a massive feeling of "it all makes sense now"
Most households have such tight schedules that stress is a part of daily life. A kid that is required by an already hectic life to do unnecessary repeated exercises will probably be as exasperated as the parent who tries this. I picture a full out angry response by both.
Fast paced society. Now, now, now, NOW!!!!🔥😡😡🔥😡😡😡😡😡🔥🔥
@@freedomdude5420 and yet so much of the fast paced now now now is entirely unnecessary. We spent 50 years making it so mundane things like washing clothes and dishes and making food took less time and somehow with all that time freed from houshold chores we have less time.