I Feel Like A Child in an Adult's body
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- Опубликовано: 9 июл 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Reddit post
02:53 - Falling behind in life
07:33 - Legally designated adult
12:55 - Cut yourself some slack
18:36 - Being saved
22:38 - So what do you do?
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I swear I'm in a simulation. This is the third time his vids have been recommended to me EXACTLY when I'm just thinking about the topics and I haven't said or looked anything up. Uncanny timing I swear💀
Happens to me with a lot of his videos. Except this one for me. I've actually been thinking this since I was 18 now 21 💀
RUclips algorithms know you better than you know yourself. Be afraid. Be *very* afraid.
Same!
True
same
I felt this way my entire life and somehow 10 years ago it made me feel really weird, now that I am almost 30 years old, I look around me and yes I sometimes envy the "super adults" with their big houses, high paying jobs and families with pets. But especially when u see some of them break down into a huge spiral of depression, alcoholism, cheating and other things, u realize that really everyone is a little child deep inside.
Yea dude. The way I see it, you never truly outgrow your inner self.
The carefree baby, the fun loving child, the hardheaded teenager, the hopeful young adult; they are still there. At 30, yea it feels weird seeing people and family have kids, move to other cities, buy or rent houses, and all that cool stuff. But a long time ago I realized that it's pointless to compare myself to other people because they are not me. As long as I am comfortable with myself, that's all that matters. If I'm not comfortable, I'll wallow in it for a bit, then pull myself up and plan my next step. I think ultimately being an adult means being able to struggle against unfavorable conditions and realizing you have the power to change your own destiny.
Also, I literally feel younger than when I was early 20s lmao. And yet I feel healthier and happier.
My definition of success has shifted greatly since I was a kid. I sometimes feel like that’s a cope, but I think I’m more realistic now.
People with happy families, with kids that love them are super successful. Not everyone can achieve that too. I know that my parents were good at making money to buy houses and pets and trips and everything but what I needed was love and understanding. Things they couldn’t provide.
Don’t let anyone fool you, we’re all just little kids figuring things out. We always will be.
I don’t think that was his message lol
Yeah i know people in my age who are married or having the plan to marry this or next year and i think like: "hoooooly shit. Already!?"
But i guess people are different in setting goals.
Yup that's the big lie everyone tells themselves, no one really grows up they just assume the role of an 'adult' and its somewhat different for everyone what that adult role is.
I can 1000% believe that frontal lobe development is being stunted these days. And i feel like it can be explained by the simple idea that parents aren't doing a good job of raising teenagers to be responsible these days. It's pretty much like the self-fulfilling prophecy explained in the video. Parents expect teens to be immature and irresponsible, so they're not given opportunities to practice being mature and responsible, and then suddenly when they turn 18 they're expected to be perfectly competent and functional upon reaching adulthood. And it leaves so many of us just feeling lost as adults.
My family's biggest issue is that they shame instead of teach. Various times I asked them to teach me to balance my checkbook, or do my taxes, or open a retirement account. They'd always look at me wide eyed and go "(my full name) what do you mean you don't know how to do (task)?! You're a grown woman! You should know that by now!"
To which I'd say "Yeah, but no one has ever taught me, so I'd like to learn"
They'd scoff and mutter, offended by my ignorance but unwilling to fix it.
Oh but if I tried on my own, I was gonna mess it up. So basically they wanted me stupid
my parents never let me see my friends outside of school growing up, i have now graduated from highschool and they still are very reluctant. You feel like you're in a cage feeling very dependent of them.
@@alec2979 a lot of this is to do with media scaremongering around crime and abductions. Crime is at historic lows but people are deeply afraid and perceive crime to be rampant. They keep their kids inside rather than letting them out to learn and grow.
@@alec2979 I literally had the same issue growing up, my mom would guilt trip me sooo terribly bad throughout my grade school years and by middle school I started to drift from all friends cause I always got yelled at for trying to have close relationships with friends .... I stayed home a lot, became very lonely, and my parents where never home due to working to make ends meet and I was discouraged from doing any extracurricular activities ... because they were afraid I would go do drugs or get pregnant or something .... so I literally made no close connections with people just surface lvl, I have a hard time talking to people older than me/ more mature and I don't really understand all the responsibilities on my plate as a 26 yr old.... I feel like crap honestly.
Stunted is a value judgement. Your explanation is entirely possible but it's all an assumption on your part. Sure, it seems like a big factor but it could go both ways or even be the direction the brains evolve in, regardless of the parenting.
I am 35. Got married at 19, divorced by 25. I still feel like I am 15, I don't think that will ever change.
I'm curious, what aspects make you feel 15? Is it when you interact with others and find differences in opinion, your habits and lifestyle, being overwhelmed with your actual age and the responsibilities that come with it when reminded of it or is it more like you _want_ to be 15 again or what exactly are we talking about?
@@kappaprimus Maybe it's that big life events like "marriage" and "divorce", don't make one feel any more "adult" just by experiencing them?
@@mnkeymasta hmm, yeah, a single event wouldn't make it so, but this person still says they are 35 and feel 15. What I want to understand is that what circumstances make them feel this way, how regularly and what exactly does the age 15 experience imply in their statement.
I feel the same way kinda. basically I feel as though other people see me as less serious, more childish and naive and i feel like that when compared to people my age as well. People dont take me seriously. And I still feel in many ways like I did back then. I have mostly the same dreams, likes/dislikes, fashion sense etc. So its hard to feel like my age has changed much.
damn
Remember: Falling behind doesn't make you less of a person, whether it's in your career, school, dating or otherwise
You should treat yourself, NOW 🌩
And, you can only "fall behind" if you see yourself as participating in the ol' rat race with everyone else. You could, instead, totally decide to wander off into the woods and hike through the mountains for a bit if you feel like it.
Amen
Nice reference in that last line
Dunno. It's not helping with the objective debt some of my relatives are in. Had I started working five years ago, I could've helped with that mortgage.
As a 28 year old woman who has never been in a relationship and has a dead end job i feel this. But doing the dishes is still hard, maybe frontal lobe hasn't developed yet lol
At least you have a sense o humour lol
@@BHBalast Childish one😉
@@SummerJane01 That's the best part ;p
hey at least you have a job. i dread the idea of getting out there to get paid pennies and lose more than 50% of my day.
I do love housework though,and im taking care of my parents,both physically and mentally. but im dead broke. any fellow househusbands in this chat section?
Also 28 and can relate to the dead end job. Currently studying to get a better one and even if that sounds great the negative thoughts about being a child in an adult's body never goes away. Especially after getting dumped after 6 years, it really reinforces that thought about being useless and not enough.
Atleast I can do my dishes still, I do them straight away tho so that they disappear instantly. Maybe that's the trick :)
I was this guy at 19/20. The leap to adulthood imo is realizing that reaching an impasse does not mean you have no options.
What do you mean by impasse?
I want to know what you mean exactly too
@@m888-w5q An impasse is basically like hitting a wall or reaching a plateau in progression.
@@m888-w5q a feeling like you're stuck and can't move on in life
@@grillmaster95 wow that resonates with me. Just turned 22 and I’m living such a boring life right now. I’m determined to change that around asap
Tumblr has a phrase: "adultier adult." There is always someone wiser and more experienced than you in any given aspect, even if they are technically younger in years. But the secret is even these apparently more "adult" adults still have all sorts of crap going on, they just don't talk about it with people they don't trust.
So when you see someone who appears to be so much further ahead of you, you're not seeing all their hidden flaws and problems and ways they are behind you, too. Many of us still have an inner child, something that never quite reached adulthood, and perhaps never will.
"Even if you've fallen behind that doesn't mean that you're going to stay behind"
So simple but sometimes you just need to hear it. Thanks Dr. K!
when i was 15, i felt like an Adult stuck in a Child's body
when i'm 35 i feel like a 23 year old stuck in a 35 year old's body LOL
same
bet you had a narcissistic parent
You are still young and 23 is still very sticky age
I'm 29 and I used to feel bad for being behind in life and basicly still a child while everyone else was already "adults". Nowadays I don't mind being behind education wise, don't feel like a child at all and am happy with the trajectory of my life. I'm still behind, second semester of university, finishing my education. What i do mind though is that everyone else treats me weirdly because everywhere I go I'm the odd one out. Other students don't really interact with me more than they have to because I'm way older than them. People my age think I'm childish because I never learned to interact with peers my age since I was 16. Superiors have very high expectations of me because of my age. Meanwhile my family treats me like an actual child. And here I am, feeling completely isolated from my peers, pressured to perform by my superiors and not taken seriously as an adult by my peers and family... I'm okay with the fact that I'm behind but the loneliness that comes with that is soulcrushing...
Same situation and age. This channel & community has been a blessing. We got this, little by little.
I'm 24 and these are my biggest fears for starting education 😭
Identical sitch, 25. It doesn’t get better with age- you learn to accept yourself more, bit by painful bit.
turning 27 today and i'm like this too
My father is almost 75 and he's acted like an entitled child my entire life, probably his entire life too. I'm 34 and sometimes I feel like a child, or like I'm behind - but I also know how many people I've talked to who have told me (quietly) they wish they were more like me, or had what I have. I can only conclude that this sentiment is common in a brain that adapted comparison as a survival mechanism, so if you feel that way, you're normal. And really, if you're self-aware enough to even entertain the question - congrats, you're more mature than some 75-year-olds! Just sayin'
You become less negative about something about yourself when you realize that you have that
he's a narcissist and you're a victim of his abuse
This topic relates to both myself and my partner... though when I saw the OP was 19 years old not in their 20's-30's+ I was a bit surprised. At 19, you are still so young with so much to discover, learn, and so much *time*. Just don't let yourself get 35 and be in this same situation because I promise it feels 100x worse and the judgement cast on you by those around you can be absolutely crushing. It's very normal to not attend college immediately out of high school and take time to find yourself, for instance, rushing into a major in college could be a mistake and giving yourself time to explore and "find your passion" degree could 100% be the right move. When it starts to cripple me is when I realize I am over 30 and am still switching majors and constantly trying to prove myself to everyone around me. I feel invalidated as a human so often and try so hard to prove to those around me that I really am competent and can handle life (even when I feel unsure of that last statement myself). My partner suffers even worse, was not taught simple things as a kid like how to do chores and basic household tasks, what being an adult even means, and has adopted a very apathetic view of life and what he is capable of. Can we talk about this issue for people who are not teenagers and are in their late 20s or mid 30's? I would find that so helpful.
Too young
yes there should be more talk about people tht are 23+ about this
19 isn't adult yet, really, other than for legal purposes.. developmentally, it's solidly still youth.
personally, i kinda felt like the constant "18 is adult, you're a grown up now" is a horrible pressure from society which is unfair at that moment.. I'd say the cognitive development IS still real, because in various cultures AND even ancient societies THIRTY WAS CONSIDERED ADULT. we haven't changed in milllenia across the whole planet.. :O
Which cultures? AFAIK in most 'primitive cultures', adolescence was adulthood. They usually have some rite of passage ritual where you become a man.
In ancient Arabic cultures (which is the only one I'm qualified to speak about since I don't know many about others) thirty was considered the 'ripe' age (for men mostly) where they are at their best physically and mentally but I don't think it was considered the threshold for adulthood.
People usually lived shorter and harder lives back then so the pressure for becoming an adult faster was even bigger.
@FuckOuttaHere
Right. No pressure! Don't be in a hurry for that adulthood status just progress at your own pace.
I personally think it might have to do with the difference in sets of responsibilities associated with adulthood. All you had to be an adult back then was work and get married (as a man) or get married and have a baby (as a woman). We have to do infinitely more complex things nowadays due to the nature of our 'civilized' world, so no wonder we feel like kids in our twenties even.
That's just conjecture though idk.
Just to give perspective from my own background, I come from a village whose customs have not changed (or very slowly changed) for hundreds of years. I grew up in the city so compared to my cousins I always felt behind while they were already married at 17, have 5 kids at 25 and a house or a farm or a trade of their own, etc... While I barely got independent at 24. But they didn't have to fill their heads with school and college crap for years like I did. Their finances were simpler since they lived in the middle of nowhere and land was literally as cheap as the dirt it was on, and so on. Their expectations of an adult life were clear from the start and laid out by their tribal lifestyle: labor, marriage, kids. A routine passed down in traditions for hundreds of years. My dad is one of the few to actually get out of that village because he wasn't satisfied with a simple life like that and wanted more. He actually only married at 30 out of pressure from his parents as he cared more about his career as an academic. But with more comfort come more responsibilities and different expectations for survival.
Hope that made sense. Just thinking out loud don't know if I'm correct or not.
The brain hasn't fully developed before 25.
most of my life since age 8 was ruined by mental illness. im 25 now and am barely starting to see myself as a person that deserves love and respect. i want to be alive for the first time since 3rd grade! my parents messed me up majorly, and i still have no support from them other than financial (which i am grateful for.) ive noticed that they are mentally/emotionally stuck in a childish mentality as well. im never gonna get what i need from them... and now i have to figure out basic human things all by myself. what love is, what respect is, how to establish boundaries, how to know if i can trust someone, how to interact with others honestly, how to be myself and accept myself. then i also have EVERYTHING else an adult is supposed to do. college, full-time job, rent/house, cooking, cleaning, taxes, saving for retirement, owning a car, etc. on top of that, caring for my own severe mental health issues with professionals, which ive been doing all by myself since 14.
its all so overwhelming, especially in this economy... im more better off with emotional maturity and mental health stability than my siblings, so i know im making progress, but its so slow. i feel like i wasted so much time already. but i was delayed by unfair circumstances that were outside of my control. im proud of how far ive come all by myself, especially since my mental health disorders almost destroyed me multiple, literally countless times in my life. i was able to advocate for my mental health from a young age, with no help from the people in my life that were supposed to be involved. and if i hadnt, i dont think id be here now. ive come so far when i reflect on that. this journey to becoming an "adult" is so daunting, but i had the power to save myself (with help from finding genuine friends the last 4 years) from deeply ingrained mental ruin, so i know itll be worth it eventually, and im excited to see who i really am.
this is almost exactly my experience too, just a little bit behind you. I'm glad you can see your progress. Proud of you.
o.o
this is p much the same as my experience, except ive been depressed since i was 9 p much as soon as i was able to understand that im severely traumatized and abused. im 24 now, good to know theres some hope for people like us. Good luck to you
I've learned it's okay to be honest with other people about the things you're still learning. Asking questions is great, like, "what's the difference between margaritas and liquor?" Because then people will be eager to show you what they know, if they like you a lot. People love to talk about themselves and what they know, so asking questions is great.
that's the thing that I kinda like about people. It's so consistent how people tend to want to give their knowledge, whether out of sharing interest, proving their intellect for self gain, or just being kind, ect. people dont tend to try to sabotage another person's potential learning experience if you know what I mean. And I just think that's great yknow
This made me realize that I’ve been around lowkey judgemental people all my life; that includes my family. I’ve gotten used to expecting mockery for not knowing things “I should know” because its what I experienced the most.
@@REChronic54 Honestly, it is literally impossible for it to be your fault to not know something. Things "You should know" is translated into "things I should have said".
I always ask random questions that pop up in my head, even though I can probably just look it up on google which is what I do if the people around me don’t have the answer either
@@colbyjackcheeser yeah, bc it's like, not only are you probably getting the answer to a question you have, you are also connecting with another person, even if its for a short time and over a minuscule thing
I'm 37 and I feel like this. It also doesn't help I look like I'm in my early 20s. It's like I have been stuck for 15 years or something. The more I approach 40 having accomplished absolutely nothing, the more I get depressed just thinking about this.
I'm 32 and regularly get mistaken for an old teenager. It fucks me up sometimes when I'm feeling particularly down, and it can feel like this youthful appearance is a curse.
There are like 100 million spermcells in one ml of ejaculate. You already outcompeted aproximately 200-500 million potential humans. Pretty sure you did some good stuff afterwards . If not, start now ?
@@t.k.5972 Thats the kind of inspirational commentary I am here for
it will be okay
I feel ya . I'm two years from 40 I feel depressed I haven't accomplished anything except having a child.
i feel like a child in an adult's body not because i feel like i'm behind in life (although that's certainly part of it) but because of my CPTSD and how much it causes me to regress into literally feeling like a scared and helpless little child when even the smallest of things go wrong. this obviously causes issues when it comes to doing "adult" things like keeping up with responsibilities or being productive in an adult sense. i'm scared of the world and i'm scared of what it and its people are capable of because i've been betrayed by them time and time again, when i was *actually* a child, and that's left my brain with a neural pattern that it falls back into any time it's activated by something that reminds me of that time in my life. there's literally nothing i want more than to hide away and escape from everything and everyone, simply because my brain never learned to emotionally or mentally function past the age of maybe 7 years old. it's exhausting
I'm 23 I feel like a kid who felt like a adult all my childhood
Bro. Your choice whether to believe me. I’m 23M who felt the EXACT SAME WAY as you ages 6 thru 19. 2 solutions worked for me: (1) develop top 1% discipline (including being entirely sober), which if done correctly will result in great job, pay, physique, and mental clarity/focus in as little as 6 months. (2) practice assertiveness with others AND yourself. This will be necessary to overcome any fears, bad habits, and pushover tendencies you have that cause others to view you as a “child” (or anything bad in their eyes).
There is this really powerful scene in the third part of Harry Potter where he sees his father at the opposite side of the Great Lake saving him from the Dementors. He then travels back in time and goes to the other side of the lake to wait for his father to arrive because there is no way he could conjure such a powerful Patronus himself. And then, at some point, he realizes that his father isn't coming and he goes and does it himself.
The symbolism of this scene always gives me goosebumps.
@Lepus Lunaris Hey man , would you mind share what symbolism you are trying to explain ? Like how it relates in real life ? Thanks! 😅
@@teanager3544 It's basically what Dr K explained at the end of the video: You will have to be your own savior. And you will do things you never thought you could do.
oh yeah, i remember reading the book at that time and getting shivers from that scene.
Foster kid taken from my addicted jaillived mother until I was 18 then booted out on my own with no money, guidance, help, or a plan. Tried to go back to live with mom but she overdosed three months on parole. Homeless and living with high school friends for two years while working at a dollar store and trying to get my drivers license and car which didn't finally happen until I was 24. Met a girl at a bar, moved in with her cause I saw the opportunity and she was attending community college - she helped me get setup and being a foster kid I got all kinds of loans which I wasted and didn't think of the future.
Stayed at CC for 5 years and transferred to a college in an attempt to get an actual degree - was 26 in a class of 18 year olds. GF kicked me out because she found someone better, so lived in a hovel shared ghetto with 6 others until I finished college and from advisors and such knew that I needed a job, couldnt find one to fit my degree, worked in a garage parking cars while my default time kept counting down.
Ran away to another country - married at 35 daughter at 39 and am a teacher (though my degree is not teaching, i just learned on my own)
45 now and still struggling, but thinking of way back when the day I got booted out on my own. What a rise.
You can do it, DO IT.
I was the scapegoat/ brother golden child because he’s a boy. I left at 18 and moved to a youth hostel and continued college at that time. I went low contact for 3 years and when I visited it was to see the dynamic of the family as narc mother would say when you leave this house I would be happier… Well when I visited my golden child brother was being shouted at, told to do chores (as I was Cinderella from 7-18) that he got told he does not have to do whilst I was living there. It’s like he took my place and the narc mother was being normal and nice to me.
I went complete no contact from 21 but due to living in a single parent household with a enabler stepdad and no other family due to narc mother cutting ties with her family and growing up I wasn’t allowed a mobile phone until I left at 18. Once I left the abusive immediate family I have no one else. Narc mother would tell her partner’s family lies about me so they saw me as a problem child and they don’t know the real version of my narc mother as she puts on a nice act.
I’ve been in the system ever since I’ve left (youth hostels, “supported shared housing”, temporary accommodations, b & b’s as I’ve got no home and no family. After college finished I’ve became a recluse and barely go out. Because I’m in the system if I work 40 hours or more than 16 hours a week my rent would increase and be unaffordable to live off. E.g I make £1000 take home pay my rent would be £800 a month… I’ve got stuck in the system and have developed social anxiety, chronic bloating and digestive issues.
I’ve been on one date at 18 and feel like the narc mother won because she said she wanted to mess my life up and at 27 I’m still in another temporary hostel😭
I’m panicking and don’t know a way out the system and feel like I had no 20’s
@C. Reese Holy shit what a story man! You really rised from the ashes! That's very inspirational!
@@cakepudding3220 Jesus, sounds like you've had a really rough upbringing. Where do they even have systems like this that lock you in like that? :(
@@BIZaGoten Well the “system” is basically if under 18 Care or foster care, youth hostels, homeless shelters, Bed & Breakfasts, benefits or the US say Welfare. Due to no family and I found out who my “real friends” are when I’m going through all this I find myself “stuck” in this cycle. If that makes sense like getting a full time job would mean I take home after tax £1000 for example. My rent alone would be £800 so I don’t work or have to work part time to get housing benefit to top up the remaining so I never get disposable income or be able to save money…
As for feeling like I’ve risen I don’t feel like I have due to where I am at the age I am.
I feel like my 20’s are ruined like my childhood 😭
@@BIZaGoten When you have zero options and are feeling hopeless, it's either live with the suffering, opt out of life altogether, or take a wild leap into the unknown, I got to this country through a scholarship program that I would not have even been aware of if it wasn't for the CC advisor and his letter of recommendation.
I sold everything I had which amounted to 2000 bucks and bought a one way ticket.
Life is still hard, but life is life and at least I don't have to make choices on what to eat or to have running water.
It could have gone the other way as well or I could have chosen from the other two, but fight for you and your happiness and well being!
I'm a 40yo gamer. Felt like a child my whole life. I had to grow up quickly to survive and missed out on typical childhood experiences. I grew up in a super religious family. Wasn't allowed to participate in "normal" mile stone activities like dating. I've figured out how to be a great worker, because I was expected to get a job after graduation, and all my jobs came with training. I am highly sought for my professional abilities, but outside of work I'm completely lost. I was actually married for 10 years, but have no idea how that happened or why she filed for divorce. I found healthy gamer about 2 years ago. Tried therapy with marginal success. I know it's ultimately up to me to save myself but I have no idea how. The life I was building has been destroyed thru divorce and I'm left standing in a field of rubble. I've never felt so hopeless and have reverted to the only thing I know outside of work. Gaming. The nuances of my life are difficult to fully explain without resorting to writing an autobiography and I'm sure it would only be read by academics in psychology, as it would be rather boring for the average Joe that's too busy living their fast paced, enjoyable, life.
how is it bad if your writing would be red by academics? how does it matter who you express yourself to? it's cool you could write a book, i think if you're able you should do it - it could end up being therapeutic for yourself too
Sounds epic bro - write that autobiography!
@@vivvy_0 Red is a color. He said read.
Your gaming addiction isn't helping you.
I do not think that ever changes. No matter who I asked, at least until 60, people feel in their 20s inside most of the time
@@joeyondakeys I mean more like the "feeling". Most people identify with their 20-30 old selves much more than with older or younger "versions" - the outer "attitude" is rather secondary to that
@@joeyondakeys That sounds like they are just forcing themselves to play a role of what they think an adult is, but deep inside they are just the same person they were all those days ago and would probably go back to it if they could.
I didn't feel like an adult until my early to mid thirties. Not many folks willing to help someone at my age like they usually do for someone ten to fifteen years younger. I ride on a razor-thin edge, trying to not fall into complete hopelessness. Slowly, but steadily, getting stronger, thanks to resources like this channel.
4:50 disorder: impairment of function, mh evaluation
7:40 difference at 17 & 364 days vs 18? 9:10 maturity
11:40 development, independence different at 18 from 100s of years ago
19:40 feels like u cant save yourself, since u've only been investing energy in others 20:40
20:00 ego
21:05 perception is false
24:00 why cant u invest in yourself?
why do u believe you're not worth investing in? explore that.
24:35 its U, who does the saving
u have the power, & help along the way is good
25:15 move at your own pace
25:35 in terms of mmorpg: we catch up!
I know exactly what that teenager is talking about. I felt the same at his age. And yes, I had to push myself to enter society and leave behind or harden those parts of myself that dreamed of being saved. I like to think that with time, we will build a society which no longer requires such sacrifices and isolation in order to participate. I am now 38 and have not become one of those people who believes that this is reality and everyone needs to cut their whining and get on with it. I believe we all have a duty to make a better world for ourselves and for all others. So I became a coach and support others this way. What I am trying to say is this: Keep your hope up! Protect your truth. Forgive yourself and others, and work for a better world. You will make it.
19 is a child in a child's body mate. Enjoy your youth because adulthood will come trampling everything else, with no regards for your feelings
???
Very true
I more or less gave up on the idea of becoming "an adult"
In past generations, you might have someone drop out of school at age 15, start working full time and start a family by age 19. I could also add in all the "old timey" stories about how someone got their first job at age 17, made 80 cents an hour, was able to buy clothes, have a girlfriend and save up for a car on that kind of wage. Yeah, economics is a trip.
I feel as if there is no hurry much less need to grow up.
Why go to college? It will only put you in debt.
Why even think about buying a house, most of us will never be able to afford one.
Why even aim to have a career, we are the side gig generation?
Why get married, there is a high divorce rate? Also, even if you got married, could you afford to move out on your own and support a family, before age 30?
I moved out of my parents house at age 20, I was the first among my friends to move out (I choose to go directly into the job market, no college, no college debt). I remember one of my relatives asking me at the time "But why do you want to live on your own"? I said, it is a normal stage in life (I though that was an obvious question, doesn't everyone want a bit of privacy)?
I worked hard _ no debt _ was never fired from a job _ never skipped out on rent _ yet despite making all the right moves _ I still ended up moving back home. There was not even a "what went wrong" kind of conversation. I think working hard, but not getting ahead is the new normal.
I think this underlines some key issues we're all facing here.
The infrastructure that helped to define our current ideal of "adulthood" for the last century or so is crumbling faster than ever, but instead of trying to rebuild it or redefine what "adulthood" is, the "powers that be" just tell us to keep going through the motions, striving for that ideal even though it's now nothing more than an empty husk. Even when you do everything right, you can't win, and then you get dumped on for it by those who burned down the ladder and sold the ashes.
Somethings got to give, and soon...
@@hestiathena4917 Yes, something is going to give. There is going to be a generation of young adults, coming out of high school. They will be given some advice, but will find out the hard way that they will have a harder time making it, then previous generations. That leads to disillusionment.
I'm 30. Been living in my mom's basement for the last 2 years after getting divorced. Always felt like a helpless child on the inside. This helps. Thanks Dr. K!
I wish i had the balls to talk about my problems to someone irl just like other people do, I've been living the past 3 years repressing my feelings and hopes for doing something actually useful with my life, i dropped out college when the pandemic started and since I've been trying to escape reality by playing videogames obviously this gave me a lot of problems with my parents since they want me to study and have a work, but they always word it horribly and make it feel like im obligated to do it and it always ends up demotivating me and stop thinking on going back to college or even getting a work.
I'm currently thinking of what if i just dissapear and never be seen again by anyone.
dude you got the balls rn to leave this comment so big Ups man 💪🏽
Well put it that way. You need money to live. If your parents are in disagreement with your life choices ( which is not inherently a bad thing) they might not provide for you any longer. Or they might have already done it idk. So you definetly need some sort of income. So the job : you can find a decent job with what you own as an education. You may enjoy it or not. You may go back to your studies, graduate and find a better paying job. You might like it or not. Either way, you are progressing in life. You just need to find an equilibrium between what you want and what you need, and pick a path. But you cant stay in that position forever (i mean staying jobless, not studying). I hope i helped you in any way my friend, everyone has his cross to bear dont be ashamed of it, nor to ask help !
You'll find the way my guy. It'll be ok in the end. Keep going
Just want to say I relate 100% and I too want to disappear from this world. Hate myself and my family. They dont believe in mental health and just think my problems are my fault. Fuck my life
you shouldn't work to please your nagging parents, you should work for your own sake. maybe try out those gig economy delivery apps (doordash, instacart, etc) if you have transportation. they have issues, but it's low-stakes part-time work, with no bosses or coworkers to be anxious about, that you can always take some time away from if it gets too stressful. it'll get you out of the house and away from your parents' judgement while making some of that money needed to exist in **Society** as it stands. you also get to have some chill social interactions in passing
Im 17 and feel like my parents haven't prepared me for anything. I pretty much taught everything myself and because of that I'm really mentally behind. Learning about life just by yourself takes a lot longer than being taught about it. I feel 14 and so lost, because I can't get everything done just by myself. I wish my parents gave me guidance, they pretty much gave up on parenting
You're only 17 and if you already thinking that you're on the right path. I'm fucking 30 and just starting having these thoughts. Trust me g. You're gonna be fine
Parents rarely prepare teens,myself included. That being said, in a few years their influence won't be as strong. Yes, life is a journey that has up's and downs but you will be ok in the end. I moved on my own at 19 and that matured me quickly to deal with life. Believe me, life is nothing compared to high school and university
I’m ten years older than OP and I feel exactly the same. Lol
RIGHT
Same :(
the title alone told me it's gonna be about me lmao
Same 😂 clicked immediately __Sadge__
Same lol
I'm turning 35 this year, have a mortgage, a cat, a car, and have taken more responsibility for various parts of my professional life (new job, big pay increase) and I still feel like a teenager a lot of the time. I work with people ten years younger that me that see more mature than me, my younger brother is getting married, and I'm still single, spend most of my free time playing video games, and most of my social time is spent with my own parents. My personal life has basically been in stasis for nearly twenty years, lol.
I blinked and am now 34, and still feel this way. Thank you ever so much for making this video, and to they who posted. It makes me feel more grounded. Trouble is, I understand intellectually that it is myself that must save Me, and I've gone over the traumas that may have influenced my thoughts of worthlessness, but still feel like I am lagging to near paralysis. Why, with all this awareness, am I still not moving faster, more effectively, to pull myself up?
Im 31, not far behind you and feel the same way. After lockdown and leaving my 20's the stress of falling behind filled me very quickly, but I have realised the inner child in us is not something we can let die - but its someone we need to listen to. The negative emotions that anchor us are a crying child asking us for attention, but we feel like we're too old to experience these emotions so we run and run, and just exhaust ourselves. As Dr K mentions our ego gets involved and picks a few reasons why we feel these apparently negative things, and we get to work trying to fix them - but eventually realise none of it seems to be working. its such a frustrating feeling, not sure if you experience the same thing.
I recommend you watch "Where Social Anxiety Begins", it may not be the problem you're facing, but I think it'll give you valuable insight as to why even though you know intelectually what needs to be done you still can't bring yourself to do it.
Also recommend watching "Eastern vs Western Perspectives of the Mind"(or something like that).
Hope you the best!
same, friend. let's just keep trying...
Feel like my frontal lobe is regressing tbh based on your description. It's like as my depression worsens my fear of consequences goes down so responsibilities become extremely difficult.
This made me think about how ever since school, all of my friends have been younger than me, throughout all of my friend groups. I am turning 30 this year, whereas most of my friends range from 20 - 25.
I've been told throughout my life that I'm mature for my age, but I've never felt that at all. I'm just good at projecting that appearence, because I keep my head down and get on with stuff, and can rustle up a decent work ethic when the stakes are high enough. Deep down, 'life' stuff terrifies me: travelling, romantic relationships, even living by myself are things I just can't seem to face up to. I get incredibly irritable and pout like a child when things come up like taking my car to be fixed, making appointments, and general 'adulty' stuff.
Sometimes I become kinda angry about how can he be so right and/or the way I relate to what he's talking about, hahahahaha. I'm so thankful to him and whoever else is involved in the project and also the public which participates!! I hope you know how helpful this is ❤️
I’m 18 and I’m like this as well. I can’t do things most people my age should be able to do on there own. I feel like my I haven’t changed at all since middle school but now I have all these adult things I should be able to/expected to do. Sometimes this makes me feel like I’m not built for this world.
Maybe that's the case at the moment but that doesn't mean you won't ever be able to reach that point. It takes effort on your part to get there. That's the difficult part. That's the confusing part. That's the frustrating part. Sometimes that the horrifying part. But at the same time that's where the learning and growing takes place. You have to take it one step at a time and do what's right for you. You might feel like you aren't built for this world but you can grow into it if you start making the effort.
@@oolongwanger4563 I hear you, thank you for the reply ❤️
19 here and similarly inexperienced for his age. Most of my growth has been mental, but physically I've basically just been sleepwalking through my entire life, totally stagnant and uninterested in doing anything like extracurriculars, dating, succeeding in school, getting a drivers license, whatever. COVID hit when I was 16, that gave me a nice little break where I just stayed home all the time, and then BOOM. COVID's over, I'm a legal adult now, and I have a lot of pressure to build up responsibilities that I was in no way prepared for. Most of that is my fault, some of it is just the way the system works. I feel like instead of a gradual climb, adulthood hit me like a train after years of the exact same thing.
He is 19. He is a child in a child's body.
Thats me. And im 30. My resume is spotty at best.
So yeah. Fuck me. Im not good at being a "socially accepible and functioning" human.
Fucked up so much the last 3 years and still cant change shit because i dont see a sense/reason in doing so.
This resonates so much w me. I have adhd, anxiety, and depression. I'm still in the process of trying to get medication. Its just taking forever. I always felt like I barely had the will to actually live my life the way I should. Like I have no grit and I don't know what to do or how to start and life is passing me by. I'm 22 and I have barely even lived my life yet.
Does he reply to comments?
dont think he replies here lol. but you are very young still. do things. figure out who you are
he doesn't
Same boat, same age. I'm with you. Stay strong.
i'm 23, with pretty much the same mental illnesses - medication helps a lot once you can get that figured out, it can be a pretty slow process so try not to get discouraged if it takes a while, just keep at it. i understand the feeling of life passing you by, but it's gonna be ok. if you don't figure out what you want to do with your life until you're 30, or even 40, that doesn't make your life a waste - as far as i know, it's actually pretty normal. take your time, you're gonna be alright.
@@mossling5512 I'm 34 and can't help but feel that it is a waste.
The problem is, you don't get the wasted time back (spent a good 10 years being completely computer addicted). You don't get your youth back. You will never be 22 again and everything gets harder because everyone understands that young people make mistakes and don't know shit. Much less so when you're a truly proper adult.
If you wasted all that time, it will forever haunt you. Which is why I think it's dangerous that people are so blasé about it.
I don't understand it when people talk as if age is nothing more than a number.
I understand that maybe my perspective on this is too bleak. Maybe I'm obsessed with returning to my younger self. It's a tough thing to shake.
Problem is so many people believe what their minds tell them 'oh I'm worthless' 'oh I'm ugly' 'oh I'm not going to have a good job'. It's hard but sometimes you just gotta step back and tell your brain to shutup.
"Depressed ? Don't be 👍"
@@unintelligiblewhispersofwi6616 I'm not saying that at all
@FuckOuttaHere correct, but your thoughts are
I feel like I need someone to save me because I'm suffocated by my parent(s) where mother fights me for every bit of control and keeps me from as much independence as possible mocks for if I need external or medical help, like when I recently(ish) got glasses at the age of 20 for the first time.
That sounds tough.. I'm so sorry to hear that :(
It really sounds like your current environment (e.g. your mother) is not doing you any good so that means you have to leave this situation! Somehow.. even if it's hard (I'm assuming talking to her does not really help so I skipped this part and see no other option than distancing yourself from these harming circumstances)
Maybe if you can't do it alone get some outside help like support of friends or contact organisations that specialise in helping young adults in need (I had a friend that got abusive parents and one day she couldn't hold it anymore and ran away. First she stayed at her friends' place and then moved into an homeless hostel later on so that her parents understood that this was serious and they are actually in contact again and have a better relationship right now after several months. But she also didn't go back to living at her parents house. She has her own apartment now)
I hope you'll be in a better situation soon and wish you all the best!
This is exactly why I’m trying to go to university asap. It’s the only way I can leave and get some freedom
@@FrostieDemon I got overwhelmed and flunked out because I'd never had freedom before.
Mom still holds it over my head: "We gave you freedom once and look what happened!" I mean, that's what happens when it's only one time. =/
Further, for some advice from me, I got overwhelmed by different classes and materials being scattered across the internet and different applications. I'd suggest getting your organizational and social skills together so you don't miss assignments and have study groups.
I didn't have either, so I kept getting lost or missing assignments until I mentally shut down and stopped leaving my room or eating. They did a wellness check on me and I withdrew from the semester after that since none of my grades were salvageable (had to get A's for my scholarship).
I feel that now with her making excuses for not teaching me how to drive. I don't want to keep relying on her to drive me everywhere.
This is exactly how I felt at 19 but a year later I was already feeling a lot more confident and I experienced a lot of new things in such a short span of time. I still carry child-like energy with me but I can manage most of the "adult things." I'm trying to improve every day, especially when it comes to my social anxiety.
I'm jealous lol. i didn't even feel like tht at 20
I always thought this feeling was because i went through puberty very early and quickly and have always felt older than my peers until it caught up to me
same
When I was a teenager, people considered me very wise. Now that I'm 40, I still feel like that teenager somehow, as if I'm not growing beyond that, even though I know I have.
In my book , it's paradise to live like child , don't strive to act like an adult , most adults like people are miserable
paradise living in your parents basement playing video games with no job or aspirations
@@anotherhairlessapewithanop7455 I'm pretty sure they (hopefully) mean not living your life on other people's expectations and find things that have always inspired or motivated you, which gives you more incentive to live or challenge you. The majority of adults give up on creating ideas and instead work for someone else's.
As I've gotten well into my 30s, I've realized that no one, and I mean NO ONE, really knows what they're doing with their life.
I'm almost 30 and I still feel this way sometimes. The reason I feel I'm behind life is that I have a knack for leaving everything when I get super upset. I left college bec my advisor laughed at my grades, I stop coming to work for various reasons, same with relationships, I leave or make them leave by acting like an ahole. So effectively I'm not as accomplished as most my peers are. It all came to a head when the pandemic hit and I suddenly had the perfect excuse to hide in a hole and reflect on my life thus far. A year passed, and then two, and now I think I've sorted out most things I've historically had trouble with. I still feel like a child sometimes, but I've also learned to recognize the fact that I'm not really starting from scratch either. There are things that remain out of my league, but I recognize that there also things that I've outgrown. It's not a switch I had to flip, but a journey I have to make with one foot in front of the other.
It’s always comforting to know that many other people share my problems and that people like Dr. K are here to help us get through
I basically fell into what I thought was depression around that age. I graduated from high school, but saw how friends and acquaintances, family seemed to have it all figured out. Meanwhile I had no earthly idea of what to do. I felt like I was the only person that went through that. Since I had no idea what to do, I had zero motivation to do well in school. I went to class but was completely disinterested.
I then began to use video games as my escape, so by then when it was at its peak I didn't do any school work whatsoever. I felt like a total loser that was going nowhere, which is exactly where I was. But video games would make it go away at least momentarily. Of course when I'd step into the real world those beliefs would slap me right in the face. Instead of getting better it got worse. This lasted two years and by then I had no social skills, I was overly anxious and couldn't hold eye contact let alone have a conversation.
Luckily I tried to get my life back on track and was able to do it little by little. After a few years it had been like nothing happened, but that lingering feeling of inferiority never really went away. I'm still dealing with it to a lesser extent in my 30s, but now I'm realizing a lot of the issues I had back then was stuff that many people go through. I'm just thankful to not have completely let myself go.
This video is so awesome... Information in it is so important to understand, and so valuable... It just the thing that I needed to hear, to know, that everything is OK, whatever is happening in our lives with us is just normal, just a life... Unlimited count of "thank you!" for such awesome video, thoughts and words, Dr. K!
This guy reminds me so much of me. I have autism and struggled a bit on education, so I only got a job at 19 and started university a few months later. Best thing I ever did was start supporting myself, take a job program, and through it start meeting new people and making friends. Been a hectic road but im 22 now and its starting to get better.
Jim Henson didn't create the muppet show until he was 40
Hayao Miyazaki didn't direct his first animated film until he was 39 and didn't direct Spirited Away until he was 60
Don Bluth didn't create his own animation company until 42 and didn't direct secret of NIMH until he was 45 or american tail until he was 49
There's no rush
Nurture yourself focus on your growth
Develop your passions and let them guide you
Build discipline to improve your craft and follow your skills so one day you can make the work you were destined for
I also feel like Im a child in a an adult body and I'm okay with that. There's a couple things I struggle with like staying productive when I still wanna play but there's also good things. Im learning to adapt with that "condition" while I wait for my maturity to grow.
feeling incompetent can happen at any stage in your life... its quite normal and also can make you healthier. we tend to overdramatize things that are not as dramatic.
This is probably the video that resonated the most with me and I've watched a bunch of your videos. Was great to get some understanding and advice on what to do
thank you so much for this, I've felt EXACTLY like this for all of my adult life, hearing all of this is something i needed badly
These videos always come when I need them most, thank you.
I just 22 years old and Jesus Christ this relates to me. Haven’t done much in my life, I’ll be 30 in 8 years. It feels like I’m screwed and wasted what’s supposed to be my best years
also 22 and feeling this
Yea man I'm 22 and the last few years have been questionable. I'm fucking mentally ill, but I never have understood in what way. Some days I think I am too far gone, and that the only thing left to do is apply for mental disability..
Yep. I’m 22 and I feel railroaded, utterly alone while everyone else gives off “adultness.” Meanwhile I’m over here on my floor feeling like how I’ve always felt since preschool, anxious, and scared.
Dude 22 is extremely young. Chill, you are in the process of growing.
NOT in the moment in which you should have already grown.
Im almost 26 and I should be more mature. But at 22 you are still in late teenhood (brain fully desvelops at 25).
I'd say that you shouldnt either be ashamed or too comfortable.
These are the years where you dont have anything figured out yet you should work so someday you do.
This was an important realization I had the the other day. Perfect timing as always, thank you
I can relate to this in a way. I hope my own journey may be helpful to someone who takes a minute to read.
One day this feeling hit me when I was playing wow. Like I suddenly felt all 14 years I had been playing hit me all at once. I no longer felt like I was “playing a game,” I felt like I was alone in a chair at a desk while the outside world carried on without me. Most people didn’t need me or care about what I was doing because in many ways I had abandoned them for a “virtual place“ and “virtual people.” I truly felt alone, even when I was around other people - because I felt like I was just visiting them, not like I was really a part of their life. I felt immature and weak and unwanted.
So here’s what I did.
Ironically, I started to think about my days as a kid, before I got so sucked into gaming. What did I do? What did I enjoy? Why did I feel happier?
I remember playing soccer, having a family dog, exploring nature, playing board games, going on adventures and doing things with my friends. I had less responsibilities back then, but I realized deep in my heart I really missed those things even now.
So I massively cut back on games. At first it felt strange. I was extremely bored and sat around watching RUclips a lot. I had quit my life as a gamer, but was at a loss for what I could do with my time after being cut off from the world for so long. I really needed new things to do. So I started slowly reintroducing those things I used to enjoy as a kid back into my life. I went on a lot of walks and hikes. I started playing soccer again with a couple friends and eventually joined a team once I was in better shape. My old landlord didn’t allow pets, so I progressed in my career until I could afford to move to my own place and care for a dog. I started my own weekly board game night at local a bar and met new people - people who were there because of something I created. I dated more and got better at talking to people, even though it was freaky and uncomfortable for a while. I finally understood that I had the power to fix my life - not overnight, but over time.
I have not solved the puzzle. A lot of things are still hard and my life isn’t totally where I’d like to be. I have 14 years‘ worth of damage to repair - mentally, emotionally, and socially. It is hard but I have improved a lot. And still, I am happy about some of the changes I’ve made vs. where I was a few years ago. There are still more changes to be made, and sometimes they happen very slowly, other times they happen faster than you’d think.
At the end of the day, you just have to reconcile with the simple fact that you are who you are. It isn’t necessarily your fault, but it is your responsibility and within your power to make your life better. If you try, you just might surprise yourself. Also, get a therapist if you can. They can help you much better than a bunch of articles and opinions from internet strangers IMO.
Good luck my friends. :)
Ok I feel like the universe is putting out too many signs with these eerily apt Dr. K videos lol
TIme to take action, no matter how small! 💪
At 19, I don't really see the issue. I'm 33 and my freetime is just video games and anime and I'm about as far away from living an adult's life as possible. Other people in my age around me are married with kids and I've never even had a proper relationship. So yeah, kinda envious of OP actually. At 19 you actually AREN'T an adult yet.
I relate to OP so deeply (almost 32 years old). They are very brave to have shared these thoughts with us!
This is so helpful, thank you!
The pandemic and lockdown was the saving grace I needed. I was in a similar cycle of caring wasaaay to much for people, especially my circle of friends. It made me happy to see them happy and I’d given up so much for them.
However, once they were gone I was left alone with my thoughts and feelings. I was able to dig deep and figure out the Whys behind my actions. I needed to give to myself in order to begin to turn a corner.
I still will do nice things for others, but I am more conscious of it and make sure not to give overwhelming.
I once saw someone comment on a video saying "Give from your fruits not your roots." and it stuck with me. I figured I'd share that. I too sometimes neglect myself in favor of giving to others. It's good to remember that we must sustain and care for ourselves adequately or else there will be nothing left to give to anyone.
I really needed this thank you so much , making me cry .
This channel is really awesome! Thank you!
This is such a struggle, it's so hard not to base your self-worth on your state of life when that was how I was taught by the adults around me
I’m glad that these videos always like define exactly my situation. And that I’m not alone in feeling the same feelings.
Thank you for this info. You’re a great help.
literally everything about his post besides the relationship part i can 100% relate to
I was looking for this topic earlier this morning, but you just hadn't made the video yet😭 tysm!
Thank you Dr K.. I'll replay this video everytime i feel anxious about this situation
I rarely comment but this video left me speechless and that rarely happens. Thank you for everything man. I can never repay you.
i feel like a lot of us feel like this because our boomer parents never taught us anything and leaving it up to the terrible public school system to basically parent/teach us as children all our basic life skills while our parents sit and watch fox news 8 hours a day after work. i grew up beaing yelled at for things i didnt know and feeling stupid for even asking how to do things i should already know.
i spent 10 years with severe diagnosed depression, and attempted suiced twice and spent 4 years of that time as an alcoholic, it was only after all that when i began to wake from how much my parents held me back and stunted my growth. now that I've realised how much i dont know am i only begining to grow up. as a grown ass 25 year old man i have to play catch up here and learn how to properly make a living, get an education, learn how taxes work, home repair, learn how healthy relationships work, what healthy relationships are.
boomers will l iterally not teach you anything and then get mad at you for not know what they didnt teach you. like bruh YOU RAISED ME I WAS A CHILD THAT WASNT TAUGHT ANYTHING! i feel like the first step to getting out of this situation is realising what you don't know and seek help for it. throw away your pride and ask for help either from therapy or self help groups with people in the same situation if you 0 money for professional therapists.
Thank you Dr. K, for this eye opening topic and in depth explanation and thank you to the person who put out the question.. This has really helped me to see one of the side of my personality and thinking process as who am I ! All of a sudden you’ve given me light in the darkness of my own unaware spectrum of understanding. Thank you so so much.
Woah and this is a 19 yearold kid and here I am a 30 yearold with a successful career feeling the same.
Thanks for everything you do, Dr. K!
Totally relate to this, thanks Doc
Maybe this isn't the same but I am 21 and I can't seem to get past the middle of a semester without falling off (on my third). It feels like shit keeps happening, people passing, having to move home to take care of family, etc. My mental health has been rocky but its gradually getting better. I can hold down a full time job now, but I thought I could do both this semester (full time student as well) and I might be kicked out of school. It feels like a vicious cycle. I went from having a Choice of 10 great colleges to failing out of my second (now community college) and I kinda feel lost.
I had the same issue with college and am about to try again. Wish you the best
I was the scapegoat/ brother golden child because he’s a boy. I left at 18 and moved to a youth hostel and continued college at that time. I went low contact for 3 years and when I visited it was to see the dynamic of the family as narc mother would say when you leave this house I would be happier… Well when I visited my golden child brother was being shouted at, told to do chores (as I was Cinderella from 7-18) that he got told he does not have to do whilst I was living there. It’s like he took my place and the narc mother was being normal and nice to me.
I went complete no contact from 21 but due to living in a single parent household with a enabler stepdad and no other family due to narc mother cutting ties with her family and growing up I wasn’t allowed a mobile phone until I left at 18. Once I left the abusive immediate family I have no one else. Narc mother would tell her partner’s family lies about me so they saw me as a problem child and they don’t know the real version of my narc mother as she puts on a nice act.
I’ve been in the system ever since I’ve left (youth hostels, “supported shared housing”, temporary accommodations, b & b’s as I’ve got no home and no family. After college finished I’ve became a recluse and barely go out. Because I’m in the system if I work 40 hours or more than 16 hours a week my rent would increase and be unaffordable to live off. E.g I make £1000 take home pay my rent would be £800 a month… I’ve got stuck in the system and have developed social anxiety, chronic bloating and digestive issues.
I’ve been on one date at 18 and feel like the narc mother won because she said she wanted to mess my life up and at 27 I’m still in another temporary hostel😭
Holy shit, I needed this video. It's strange how these videos always seem to appear when you feel like you need them.
you are a gem dr k
“End game grind”, that was a really good one.
Thus was really useful, thank you.
What they don't tell you about changing from a child to an adult is just how gradual that change is. I've come a long way, but I don't really notice that change unless I sit and actually think about how far much I've changed. My advice is to anyone going through this is to periodically re-evaluate how you're living your life to make adjustments, but not to drown yourself in worrying about it. You will 'grow up' in your own way in your own time, and you've probably come a lot further than you think you have.
Holy shit the timing of this video is insane. Yesterday was my 19th birthday and the entire day was just filled with dread ad anxiety because I didn’t ‘feel’ 19, I feel 16, and I was afraid of feeling like this forever until this video. Thanks Dr K :)
Holy shit dude.
3 years of difference are nothing.
19 year olds are kids.
Just make sure to not get too confortable to not keep being one in following years (even tho you wont reach full adulthood in a very long time).
Taking on responsibility and doing work is precisely how you get out of this kind of situation. Facing fear is how you conquer fear. I have OCD and sometimes anxiety of dealing with new issues becomes a problem. When I was younger, I would avoid the things that caused me a great deal of anxiety. Of course this just caused a lot more problems. As bad as it is to deal with sleeplessness or panic attacks, it's still better than completely shutting down and cutting off all contact to avoid doing the things that cause the anxiety. Plus, the more you deal with them, the easier they can be to work with. Explaining exactly your symptoms that you are dealing with is much easier than explaining why you are completely avoiding something.
This video made me feel better, thank you.
Love the new setup, did you get a new camera as well? You're a gem😌
I'm 17 and I'm scared of this happening to me in the future. Even now I feel like I'm still 14/15 and playing pretend most of the time and the thought of turning 18 soon and being on my own overwhelmes me a lot. I think the pandemic and other stuff fucked me up so bad that I just became the worst version of myself and I'll just stay that way
You got this bro, I believe in you!
god this is so relatable. coincidentally, today marks me being on this earth for 17years and 365days, but swear i'm still 13. while i've felt a lot of happiness, that sense of impending doom has also been put on blast. i think the pandemic definitely affected our generation's development, but in ways i and others probably can't *properly* explain yet. ig there is this life pre covid era exists in stark contrast of two+ years of basically nothingness and shitty world/life events when we should just be experiencing the world... at least for me, my ability to perceive time is absolutely fuuuccked
So true, I will turn 18 after 4 months and I feel like I'm still in 2018-2020 pre COVID era when I was happy and had no tension of studying. This 2 years (March 2020 to March 2022) I literally did nothing other than feeling depressed and guilt for not studying and failing my exams and not doing anything productive, just randomly scrolling through social media seeing extrovert friends of my age going to night clubs with their gf and I am at my home and have to study for the fucking exam.
@@igu4443 happy birthday, hope you become happy again and successful in whatever thing you do.
@@igu4443 Trust, feels like I'm mentally stuck at 10 sometimes. Nearing 30 now and right now I wish I experienced more things rather than do almost nothing. Staying with the same job for 7 years that I don't like is probably the worst way to ruin your 20s. Should've seeked out more jobs and done more things, gotten more experience and such. Should've also went out more and met and talked to more people to gain social experience. I should've had hardships 10 years ago rather than now when I'm old to gain valuable life lessons. My tip is don't do my mistakes of doing nothing or too little.
I’m glad you talked about this because I feel the same way as OP. I’m same age as them, too. It’s tough.
Thank you Dr. k, I appreciate you a lot
What to do when you have ADHD though? Past one point your frontal lobe ain't getting any better and you know it, and it is rarely good enough
I feel like this but it’s because I am 5’3 and have a baby face
why do these keep getting more and more relatable
It took me 11 years to "save myself" ever since I first was worried about it when I was 16. Once I breached that gap and truly had faith in my capacity to learn and take responsibility over my actions and remember that I am me, not a "You" (I used to refer to myself in second person in my thoughts), I've been calmer and just done things my younger self would not expect I'd be able to confidently do unless I was 35 or something.
On one hand I'm glad it really feels like that time was so long ago even though it was almost 7 months back I first took those crucial steps, on the other I worry I'll forget it and not pass on what I've learned properly when it's needed.
i think you grow with your progress you make in life. If you start a job, have new responsibilities, you automatically develop these "adult" thoughts and behaviour, but nonetheless there will always stay a child part inside. That's the way you can enjoy simple things and have a good time with friends or on your own.