How Our Parenting Affects Our Relationships ft. SaintVicious
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- Опубликовано: 24 июл 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00:00 Intro
00:00:22 Dr. K’s Monk Journey
00:05:03 Growing Up, Addictive Personality
00:14:22 Difference Between Inner Monologue and the Mind
00:28:00 Trouble with Relationships and Friendships
00:32:00 Growing Up at His Household, Feelings Towards Father
00:48:23 Not Being Parented Enough
00:57:00 Gamers, Social Anxiety, and Autism Spectrum
01:06:55 Experience in the Navy
01:17:41 Esports and Focus
01:35:42 Wanting to Have Close Relationships
01:44:25 Self-Blame
01:55:04 Keeping People at Arm’s Length
02:06:18 Closing Thoughts
Check out Brandon's channel and thank him for coming on the show: / saintvicious
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
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#Relationships #Addiction #Focus
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2:07:34
"It's hard to give people the opportunity to care about you, when you've learned over and over again, that people don't give a shit."
i always appreciate how careful doc is. He never puts words in peoples mouths and when he does say something that might be harsh he always says "this might be a little inflammatory" or "let me know if im crossing the line" or something else to soften the curiosity or critique that may otherwise lead to hurt.
I'm new to this channel, but absolutely fascinated by the long-form, open conversations. Seeing people uncover the root cause of many of their "issues" live is very cool to see.
Cheers.
Josh
It's really one of the very best things on RUclips.
Never even heard of this guy but I relate to him at a dangerous level
I was just about to comment something like this... it's astoundingly scary how much of his story matches mine
SaintVicious, CLG's jungler during League of Legends's early years. HotshotGG -- who was also featured on Dr. K's interviews -- played on the same team as him.
I feel that
This was another great interview, I especially related to the part about "protecting others from your deficiency".
I definitely censor a lot of things that I could say otherwise, but I feel are "too much" or just not something other people want to hear. When he got his "quest" in the end of the stream, I instantly had four people in mind who I could contact.
Damn the part with wanting close relationships to the end was great. Needed to hear all that myself. This helping me.
I really respect the way he engages with people. If he teaches that in his coaching courses it's definitely worth every penny.
Agree, it's an integral part of his career but Dr. K is such a great communicator. Lot's to learn from watching his sessions about communication skills.
be careful, with that mindset you could be sucked into any charismatic self-help guru's paid content. I agree that Dr. K is great at engaging with people, but be careful what you choose to spend your money on
My God I haven't seen Saint Vicious in forever, the ol League days ; W;
boxed wine and rating other streamers 😎
He was in jail for murdering Elementz
I felt that not wanting to overload people with what you're feeling. I have been going through a rough patch with corona and reached out for some professional help a couple months ago. Telling people about my road to recovery felt weird because it wasnt going to come up naturally in meetings with people, except for the question how are you doing? It felt weird to tell friends, who i know will accept me and listen without a problem, about my problems, especially because i solved a big part with professional help.
Also the part about not putting in the effort and not feeling close enough with people resonated more that i would like. On the other side im still young and have plenty of time left to grow into someone who i would want to be.
Thanks for the vid and keep up the great work Dr K!
The way you have dialogue with people is very direct and also comforting. Makes you unpack your unconscious habits and confront them in a way that’s honoring to the shadow.
Literally checked the page today for something to watch because when I’m anxious it helps to listen to this while working. Checked back around lunch break and boom! Literally exactly what I’m currently dealing with. I needed this today, thanks DrK and The HealthyGamerGG team
I really love your content. You seem like such a good listener with a really good understanding of people. I also feel like I can relate and see myself in a lot of these people you talk to, really makes me understand myself and other people a lot more.
Really relate to the parent situation. Parents weren't divorced but they own a business and 90% of their time was there or when they were home it was "im too tired" to do anything. I still struggle hard with emotional queues and processing emotions. I also have been told throughout my life I lack empathy which is something I just dont understand easily and really have to think around it.
Feel 💜 not think 💭
Fellow empath here! I feel too much! 😅
losing that ability to access the flo state and then chasing after it is actually one of the scariest most frustrating things ive gone through in my life. I thought I accepted it too but then when things got bad in the real world again after working hard every day to find my place back in it. I went back to old habits, gaming a lot and couldn't perform exactly how I did or knew I could, it added so much stress and anxiety to how I was already feeling. Also the part about feeling deficient is spot on too. "i dont want to bother people" im not worth bothering over. im not worth caring about. etc. This interview inspired me tbh, Keep at it Saint. Better every day
I WISH I had the presence of mind and confidence to be assertive and tell people ...
"can I think for a minute?"
New to your channel and these videos have already helped me soo much, I really needed to hear the piece on self-blame, Thanks for a new perspective and opening up my eyes to things I've overlooked. Please keep up the amazing work
1:52:39 Was a really great moment, especially with that butterfly analogy.
It really shows the power dynamic we can have in our heads over relationships, how much control and responsibility we take instead of making a mutual and equal effort. It's such a hard defense mechanism to dismantle though!
But "You can't have a friendship where one person has all the power." (1:56:29) is a good way to sum it up.
my parents treated pretty much the same as his and i had a similar early life so alot of this resonated with me. im in my mid twenties and im just now getting a grip on how friendships and relationships should be, it was very tough having bad friendships and thinking to myself "well thats just how friendships are" because i never learned what a good friendships can look like
1:57:30 - Aww the kitty felt his emotions and comfort kneading him
I really liked this one. I feel Brandon had a way of explaining his thoughts that I see in myself sometimes
It's really a shame you don't upload the full VOD. There was so much good extra helpful insight that Dr. K gives when the interview is done and he's just talking to chat. Please upload full VODs.
I think a lot of the times they upload them as separate vids but I’m not sure if this is the case here
You can see the whole video on his twitch
@@LazyJosh2 they disappear after 2 weeks
@@hyuqoh is right. The twitch VODs only go up to about a month. I wish you could access full VODs all the time.
@@kevdayao I wish it too. Definitely wish they would upload the full things here
So wholesome, it helped me a lot
No one here yet. Feeling like fastest man alive
The problem with being faster than light is that you can only live in darkness.
@@barackobama768 problem of feeling like ugly mess most of your life is what keeps people only at arm’s length for me. that’s what I took away from this video
@@barackobama768 thanks obama!
It's not a race.
@@BlaximilianD00d can I think for a second?
Interesting how Saint doesn’t ever really answer the question about what his dad said when they talked about the dad’s decision to leave and start a company
he can't accept his dad is shit.
I couldn't either. until it was too late.
cause neglectful narcissists...
emotionally absent fathers..
it's not the same as getting beaten or sworn at. it's not obvious.
I related so hard to what Saint said about achieving hyper focus. Getting into the flow state when I was younger just happened naturally. Now my attention span rivals a squirrel 😔
The world is less new.
if "everything is your fault"
then you are comforted by the idea that you are in complete control, and can fix it.
realizing that others can mess you up, and you can't fix it... is scary.
Good interview! Thanks :D
arm's length....
predicability is control
control is safety
safety means no emotional pain
14:15 I totally understand what he meant when he said he just woke up one day and didn’t need it. Every time I’ve been sober from weed it’s been a situation like this. If I plan on quitting I fail but if I make the snap decision I’m good to go….at least for a little while
Thank you both for this conversation.
man i feel that last part, every being of me imagining talking about stuf the voice in my head tells me not to makes me feel uncomfortable, its like i learned what most people don't wanna hear and keep it to myself. And i dont think its wrong, you are not firneds with everyone of each part of your being. Some parts of your being is vibed with some over others
2:06:30 onwards, enough to make a grown man cry. Incredible work as always
Dr K is such a great guy. I dream of talking to him.
yeaa same omg
At 1:49:27 Dr. K mentions that he is textbook for one or two videos in the guide. I'd really like to know, what videos those are.I struggle with quite similiar issues as SaintVicious and I'd guess it's textbook for childhood emotional neglect.
You can't give up life that you don't have. I'm thinking about ordaining and this was beyond helpfull. Thank you dr. K. Metta 🙏🙏🙏
"it's fine to have the butt, I'm not disputing that the butt has value"
I think you you are leaning a little too much on the butt
Ive been paying so much attention to the "butt" that im not even interested in whats behind it anymore.
"I'm really into the butt, alot."
fuck 20 seconds in I know this is gonna hit deep...
I love this session topic. But I couldn’t help but notice him repeating “like” over and over again.
excellent episode
@1:44:37 cat looks like she has a life changing enlightenment over what he is saying :D
You could tell the cat is a female because of three-colored "calico" fur, right 😁 ?
omg you're right hahaha...also love your channel, awesome music! :)
Jesus, i havent seen saintvicious in forever. The last thing i remember from him is the baron smite miss that turned him into a meme. Man time flew.
Damn that’s nuts. Made me realize.
This is a goldmine for out of context clips.
I am a trainee therapist and watching you work has helped me enormously. I am so grateful that you share this stuff for free as I am sure it helps so many of us.
This story was so similar to my own regarding emotional neglect and wanting connection with others but afraid to show up.
You helped me cry today, mate and help me to see some blind spots that I couldn’t quite articulate until now.
I cannot thank you enough for all that you do. Huge love, my brother. 🙌❤️
Seeing saintvicious on Dr k's fuses my interests as a teenager (league) and a current Interest :0
There's a few times saint or Brandon in referring to himself says "we" and I think that's easy to write off as "it's just chat he's talking about" as this is a common tactic to make viewers feel included, when "we" might refer to a split personality, and in specific chat being an extension of a split personality. To me this is reminiscent of people being asked a question about themselves and then instead of using an "I" phrase they will use "you" to both incorporate others as well as make themself feel included by adding an assumption or bias. This creates an echo chamber that increases the likelihood they will be able to derive the results that they're looking for as a deflection/ survival mechanic/ resistance to change/ boundary et cetera. I would love to hear the answer to question "Who is we, Brandon?".
1:41:59, I often do the explaining too, and I think I do that because at some point I realized or experienced that that it's a potential source of pain. So I am preemptively trying to apply the damage mitigation buff, but doing so drains me of mana, like Medusa's mana shield in DotA.
I love saint man, I've always followed him since his LOL days and the dude is super chill and straight fwd I'm really happy that he is trying really hard to get his thing straight. I hope he can connect with his dudes, as someone who has a parasocial relation with him I wish I just could chill and have a beer with him. I wish him the best always.
Saint!! Finally a TFT streamer on here Pog
55:46 the face of being confronted with the full burden of being told to re-roll warrior
I have BPD and I've related to a lot of this. I think sometimes BPD can come across as autism but BPD is a bit different
Greenville, SC! I went to a high-school in Greenville's rival town :')
Saint ripping Elementz a new one was peak Sanit.. Blast from the past for sure.
2:01:05 "When you think about friends,
friends are made through
repeated unplanned interactions and common cause."
Dr. K : "aware it"
i was wondering if i should comment that or not loool glad im not the only one
When you just finish watching a older Dr K stream to finish it and get suggested this newly uploaded Dr K stream. Awesome day!
Could we get the reference for the 12k kid study, teaching them social/emotional skills?
Yes it helped someone out there Saint
1:52:13
"You're protecting them from yourself."
ive been a saint fan for years now, super glad you decided to have him on 🔥
I feel like being a young person with a lot of life experience puts you at a social disadvantage. If you're 20 but you've got as much life experience as a 30 year old you're not going to act like a 20 year old and because of that people will make a lot of assumptions about you which can do a lot of damage mentally.
Dude is epic. A true gamer.
Army veteran myself, listening to him talk about military is so funny. Cuz even though he's was a different branch, the bullshit is the same across the board 😂
RIP Thank you for going through that for US ;w;
@@SavageNami lol i appreciate. Through all the bs, id do it all over again. Some of my best memories and my best friends are from those days. Again though, thanks for the support.
1:58:00
it's me. I never let it all out.
just leaked the ugly hate.
I did it in arrogance and contempt.
never in pain for what I went through
I demanded sympathy...
instead of being open and vulnerable.. and allowing them to give it or not.
This helped so much!!!! I’ve been trying to go pro at this game for a while and although my skill is way better I can’t “hyper focus” as well as I used too. I was way worse for a long time. I wonder what causes that 🤔
DR K!!!! I know there was a study recently about video games decreasing gray matter. I wonder if after a while if u don’t consciously remind yourself to focus games will lull you into being unconscious and not using ur short term memory or focus very well.
Lets goo!
13:27 Awwww WidePeepoHappy
It's weird Saint here, I knew him from so long ago, like from a different life, and now I see him pop up with Dr. K. Hey Saint! I learned jungling from you and the OddOne
When he in 1:26:00 said sports organizations will do hot tubs I just think of Twitch and couldnt stop laughing.
When he said he didn’t drink anymore, I thought he meant he was sober. I had this misunderstanding with my girlfriend who had a drinking problem before we were together. Because of some past trauma, I get very anxious when my partner drinks whether around me or not, so when she said she didn’t drink I was relieved. Yet every time she hung out with friends she would drink and that felt like a breach of trust, because I was under the impression she was sober.
Interesting how much context matters
My dad quit drinking and he literally doesn't drink at all because it is just too much while I quit drinking and what that means for me is that I drink significantly less and when I do it is because I want to not because I am compelled to. Better looks different for everyone.
Dr. K is 38? He looks like hes 28
honestly hes so beautiful
I can already tell this interview is going to hit me
wow 💖
Damn he got Saint on here? Wild
Damn, I need to do that meditation practice too
51:48: ragnaros ain't gonna..... down himself
How longs it been since saint missed smite in pro?
01:06:55 Experience in the Navy / Military
saint smites
I just realized...
I drove to NJ to hangout with my friend. but his distant dad was there. so I was the 3rd wheel. and they fixed his car. and I hungout with his wife. and then I felt slimey... like I'm hitting on her, or it's inappropriate, or that I'm feminine...
but I had to drive him and his dad to a car parts store..
and I just ... why was I even there?
and I didn't express myself.
1:36:00 on I felt to my core.
Kind of scary hearing that people in charge at the military aren't the best and brightest
All the smart people realize they can do better and usually get out after a contract or so. At least that's my experience. The best I could ever do was try to learn from both the positive and negative aspects of the people above me. Many times there were no positive aspects, just people in places they didn't really deserve to be. The military has a weird idea of what the qualifications for leadership should be. Shoot well, run fast, take a few classes and you'll rise. It's pretty much that simple.
For the self-blame part, if it's not his fault, whose is it? Is it just a faultless situation?
The people who didn't give a shit about him in the earlier part in his life, conditioning him to become the deficient person he is today.
@@knightdtd Thank you for the reply.
life experiences
parents
personal choices
I learned that I'm an arrogant prick too
me too
The crossover I didnt know I wanted.
2:16 can you do a skincare routine
Smitevicious KEKW
I really find these talks interresting but… when I start focusong on the person language and saying « like, you know, it’s like, like you know, you know like » every two words I really can’t continu listening after that
saint is a beast, those door background streams were goat. Tier lists of e girl, saint being more drunk than erobb on stream, elementz fight
3:35 "The real work of a monk has nothing to do with the outside world;
It has everything to do with the INTERNAL world."
0:22 Dr. K's Monk Journey
Is it just me or does he remind anyone of Jessie from breaking bad if he was good at games
Really interesting conversation, but damn this guy says «like» a lot
Saint !!
how long have you felt lonely
_insert name here_ ?
*tears if I could
This guy smites
Noise vid.
Internally focused ressentiment
I was a knowledge narcissist.
I didn't know I hated myself. or wasn't a person. very strange.
Oh god this again. Please remember, being on autistic spectrum doesn't mean you lack empathy. People get your own non-verbal signals much worse than you get theirs. Does that mean they lack empathy? No, it doesn't. If you feel the lack empathy, it is not an indication of you being on spectrum. It's something else. You have hard time reading cues from people, but once you understand them, the empathy is very much there and oftenly quite intense. I'm confident to say that autistic people tend to be a lot more empathic than others.
Dr K can I have a session with you?
This mans story is similar to mine. Drinking first 6 years of my 20’s. Getting high everyday afterwards. Always using a video game in combination. I’ve also smoked two bowls watching this entire video then played a game of Dota 2 after finishing it 🙄😘
Team Curse forever.