Seeing people rate her looks on any level, positive or negative, totally missed the point of this episode and didn't even pay attention to the first ten minutes. Most of chat seemed understanding though.
It does miss the main point, but it's also useful data for anyone going through something similar - to see someone so genuinely beautiful still struggle with this. It proves you don't have to actually be ugly to believe yourself ugly.
Case in point is FloydRix8... totally oblivious to what her mental issues is about and sounds like a know it all lol. Scary part is that he is apparently a life coach.
Agreed. I do worry that our societies obsession with beauty might be the root of the problem. That said- even praising her looks might be feeding into the problem. idk...
@@turolretar Same. I even got offered to model for a certain brand one time and I assumed the person was trying to f with me because I feel like the most horrible looking human being ever all the time. But at the same time I noticed that women show a lot of interest in me despite my social anxiety. So much so that I know that as soon as a new woman starts at my workplace, I will have to deal with flirting.
@@Web-Slinger42 I don't think you buy them , you apply for them in his discord I believe , there's a screening process but he's been working on a way for more people to have access to this kind of thing. Also he's very insistant on the fact that this isn't actual therapy and he can't diagnose you through 1 discord call , it's more of a friendly chat.
@@Web-Slinger42 He mentioned that he sees private clients still, and one guy he had on mentioned Dr. K was $500/hr, to which Dr. K said something like 'my prices change every quarter so I don't promote them anywhere'. It sounded like most of his in person clients are very wealthy, and if anything he has the problem of too many clients and too little time, and this is part of his decision to try to impact more lives in a mindful way through technology.
I'm 33 and I've dealt with this my whole life.. I fantasize about being totally open about it.. But the only issue with that is it's kind of like once the cats out of the bag you can't put it back in.. it's like my own private hell I put myself through..
@@igot5onit423 Well, you can talk about it anonymously here is you want to practice writing out some of what has bothered you. I'm a 36 year old dude, FYI, and we'll never meet in real life, and if it matters to you that others know your problems believe me that it won't be a big deal to me, lol.
" i waited 40 minutes, got called in, told my story and 5 minutes later he said we cant help you ". that one went under the skin, had an experience just like it and it was the day i gave up. i feel incredibly sorry for her.
I'm sorry that happened to you. No one including you deserves to be treated that way. It's hard enough to reach out for help so it's doubly devastating to be dismissed like that. I hope you've found other resources to help you!
I've had that happen to me too many times to count. In my mind it's because they are just a bunch of chickens, and lazy ones at that. They just want the easy cases so they can have a easy day at work.
I relate so much to her on so many levels. I wish there was a way to let her know how much I appreciated this stream. If she reads this: You did really awesome. So thanks for doing this!
I've listened to many of these in full length and gotten a moderate amount of understanding from them- but never have I fully understood and appreciated anyone as much as this one. I didn't realize there are people going through as uncertain, confusing, yet precise difficulties like this. I hope only that she reads these comments and understands how much it has helped me and many others with her bravery and honesty. I've not been emotional in any positive way for about a decade, and listening to this almost broke that pattern. Many, many thanks.
Thank you Ingrid and dr. K, this interview helped me connect some stray dots and reach a conclusion I've recently struggled to articulate for myself. The timing could not have been better :)
Hey I just want you to know. I've been seeing a therapist for a year. It's the longest I've ever seen a therapist. I had kind of become disillusioned with this therapist because nothing was really happening. But watching you in this video inspired me so today I went and was bold! I said what I thought. And it was one of the best sessions we've had. So thank you for inspiring me. I have social anxiety disorder and some other stuff and could see a lot of similarities between us. All the best :)
I usually try to watch all of Dr.Ks sessions and I missed this one unfortunately. There is something reassuring in knowing that the guest on stream is more important than anything else.
The stuffing her emotions down to the point where she cant even know what shes feeling and just gives a "idk" instead of trying to feel it (stereotypical masculine trait), is written in bright neon colours across her face.
Yeah! I didn't even think of it as stuffing diwn emotions but youre right. Before I started therapy, I was like this too. Being with myself was too painful for much of my life so I just pushed all of my emotions inside. I didnt know myself, I didnt know what I was feeling, I had no distance from my thoughts. It took working with a therapist for a year to be in touch with my emotions and actually be able to answer questions like this without being hit with the "wall".
I’ve been there before, where emotions are so painful to feel that you physically can’t let yourself feel anything beyond very surface level emotions. It’s taken me years in therapy to start feeling my emotions and coping with them in healthy ways. And my therapy journeys just started.
when he says can i think, he just fucking checks his phone. and he used the word queer to entertain the chat cause they were questioning her sexuality yet he used the word in a different definition such as odd or peculiar. is this a joke to him? like damn.
I don't know is what I would say too as a female and I didn't know I was splitting and dissociating all the time so idk can be a sign of detachment from yourself
@@sylverstars635 not sure if this is a problem or meant to be serious but hopefully this can clarify a little (based on how I read the situation): checking the phone may be to connect information (medical information) like whether one thing is a probable symptom or common issue to another. he could be trying to reference something. likewise, for the word queer, that is a phrase with multiple use contexts. queer in the sense of sex and sexuality means LGBTQ and has a range of connotations. but thats also not the primary and most common usage so I think as an older gen x person he probably just means statistically unusual lol
What's really scary is to be pretty only _some_ of the times, or only pretty to _some_ people. The mind craves the safety of certainty and predictability. If you believe that you're ugly and never attempt to make yourself pretty, then you expect yourself to be ugly 100% of times--that's certainty. But if you do dress up and allow the possibility that you might be pretty, other people still won't think you're pretty 100% of times (because people have different preferences), and that uncertainty can be terrifying.
I didn't really ever think about that but that happened to me I wasn't standard ugly if such a thing exists but I was the cute kid who got awkward during puberty then got tall and skinnier so people said oh you look nice but then my skin got worse dermatitis and I felt like a leper I got skin meds and skin is clear and in my 20s some people said I'm pretty, it was a total mind F for me and I did get rejected more than once so yeah I give up
@@leahflower9924 hey, I just want to pop and say my thing. The fact that you got rejected multiple times is sad, but is not a hint to give up. I got rejected many times, I'm overweight and have a weird brain. But eventually I found a person who loves me the way I am, and it was a handsome french guy, who treats me like a goddess. We have common interests, fluid communication, common values, and we're just vibing. My hubby initially didn't have physical interest in me when we met, but just 3 days later when we've spent some time together due to circumstances, he already knew I would be his future wife(which came true). It was totally random encounter which changed my life. I live in french Alps now on the border with Switzerland. Life is unpredictable. You never know who you might meet next week, month or year. And in fact, finding love to yourself also might happen somewhat randomly, out of the process of looking for it or not. Your task now is just to try to make your days enjoyable, to make your future days even more enjoyable, and to try to learn this person who you will live with forever - yourself. I bet you can discover plenty of beauty in yourself, if you take a non-judgemental friendly look at yourself. Cheers.
I love how he has to stop and think. His brain scanning through all he’s learnt, putting it all together and finding out what to ask next, all in a few seconds. This shows that he’s not just spouting the first thing that comes into his mind. But just watching him search through his knowledge is amazing.
I guess if I was speaking to him the first time he does that I would feel like he is distracted, but after seeing how he responds to what I have said I would feel he really listens and respects what I have said, and I would say "yeah, please take all your time thinking about it"
My psychotherapists does the same. Sometimes he just stops for 30 seconds and he's looking at the wall. Then he asks so sophisticated question, that I'm almost entertained by his intelligence. I don't know if you know what I mean haha.
I relate so much to Ingrid, especially how people though how she was homosexual and how she didn't feel feminine enough. I'm a man, but her feelings line up perfectly with mine and my experiences. I'm only 20 minutes in but I am so grateful for this content, and I am looking forward to finish this video later.
@@testytester8303 How do you know nnarcus didn't go through something similar? Just because someone's male doesn't mean he's never experienced sexual assault. That sort of thing happens to men and boys a LOT more than people think. I narrowly escaped it myself, thanks to a good samaritan.
There's a song like that by the band sloppy seconds I'm not gonna say song title lol but the guy can't get a girl to like him so people start thinking he's gay
Sometimes I started watching one of these interview like "Huh lets see This. This is probably not too interesting" and then I picked up so many things.
@@snaili6679 before interviews many people think they coud never be an incel, or suffer from body dismorphia, or have a waifu, etc. Dureing the interviews you realise people having these issues/ beliefs are just regular people. And that if you had experienced similar life you coud very well be in the exact situation. When you thought you woud have nothing in common initially.
Honestly when I first saw these videos I was highly sceptical if having therapy-like conversations in such a public setting like youtube and twitch is really in the best interest of the guests since it's much more condensed and "full on" than what you would normally see in therapy (in my experience). Also I thought the audience could make the guest very vulnerable, and maybe overcompensating for their insecurities. Also there's no reliable way to check up on them afterwards if they're feeling okay or if the conversation triggered something negatively. I now have seen a good amount of the videos and I'm really impressed how Dr. K is handling all this and for the most part I've changed my mind. He seems very competent and I trust him to be able to evaluate the situation and the guests very well and to not push too far. I now really have another issue - and that is that I'm super curious what it would be like to be his patient. I've done a lot of therapy and never had a therapist that picked up on what's being said and can draw conclusions this quickly and clearly. I'm at a point where it really starts bothering me, since it always reminds me of how unsuccessful my attempts at getting help were. On the other hand it sparks the thought in me to go out and start the long search for another therapist, but honestly I'm way too depressed to do it. It starts becoming hard to watch these.
I feel the same way, someone else commented that Dr. K is like Sherlock Holmes in his skill of deducing people's struggles. After watching him work I find it difficult to continue therapy because it doesn't feel like it's going anywhere. I'm getting more from one of Dr. K's streams than I've gotten within a year of therapy. I feel like watching these videos may give people a false sense of hope on what to expect therapy will be like because in reality not every therapist is this competent. it's challenging. I hope he continues with his work because he has a really special talent or skill and this is something a lot of people can benefit from.
@@kpsandwich I think another key difference is that Dr. K is very outspoken about what he thinks about the patients issues. With my therapists I was always under the impression that they were always just saying what they thought was "influencing me in a good way" instead of being upfront and honest and helping me to understand myself fully.
Just put in a request to chat with Dr.K . I assume there's a line, I'm not entirely sure but if there isn't, then great. It's always nice to talk to someone in the meantime while you're searching for another therapist.
@@CrazyFanaticMan I did fill out the chat request form a couple of days ago. I also would like to add that I don't wish to discourage people that are thinking about getting therapy. I learned a lot about myself in therapy for sure and I also started searching for a therapist again. I'm pretty depressed atm so I tend to see things in a very negative way. There are very competent people out there and you need to make sure you find someone that suits you.
Though I am older than this young lady, I feel the same way she does. No one has ever found me beautiful. My mother told me I was ugly. The boys I went to school with called me ugly too. I had two friends in high school. I am so sick of how often people are judged on looks before ANYTHING else. Trust me when I tell you this.
is it bad that I see myself in literally almost every one of Dr. K's guests? It's either I have every problem in the world or modern problems are just that common...or I'm just also in need of a therapist :)
Its the internet man. It pokes at every insecurity and every possible thing in your life. Dr. K talks about how over pathologized we are and he is right. Its normal to feel anxiety, have insecurities, low points in life, but a lot of times people have one of those things that cross the line of being an emotion into being a problem. So, everyone should see a therapist for checks ups because you always want to make sure you're healthy. Take care of yourself and make sure you're always putting your health first!
@@NoThing-wc3cs How much is it actually solving?, maybe you need to stay away from the internet, it's like your teeth rotting from eating candy and you say, well you can just fix them, or stopping the cause of it.
She's afraid of this: "If I dress up, and find myself looking good, then if someone would even look like they don't think so would be too much to handle". So she decides it's better to not try to avoid that situation.
Or maybe she feels like if she dressed up again, she would get more unwanted attention and so she subconsciously hides herself to try to protect herself from another assault 😢
@@unionunicorn6776 this screams of projection from your own insecurities by the way. Not an attack, just alerting you to the external appearance of this.
@@monehget Yes, it is true I am projecting, because what I said was based on my own personal experience. That's why I said she "maybe" feels this way, not that she absolutely does (not that any of us would actually know how someone else feels unless they specifically told us). So it's only my personal guess as to what might cause someone to act that way (because again, based on my own personal experience, this *could* be one *potential* explanation for her behavior, which is similar to my own).
I am late to this party, but I can give my 2 cents. I also have body dysmorphia and the reason it's tough is because we realize we aren't inherently ugly, but in my case and maybe her as well, we are on the lower side of average looking. But that doesn't make us ugly, nor does it make us pretty, not even mediocre. It feels like an uncanny valley for looks. Sometimes we appear to look good to some people, sometimes we appear to look ugly. So there's a clash between 2 beliefs. And we can't just accept it because we constantly get mixed reactions from ourselves and from outside as well. And I think those mixed reactions confuse us. That's why it would be so much easier if everyone just said "yeah, you're ugly". It's because it reaches a point of understanding and a conclusion, like "yeah, ok, finally, I am ugly and we can all agree on that". But we don't all agree on that! Idk what the solution is tbh, but I hope this helps somehow
she's in no fucking way on the lower side of average, unless you have an incredibly skewed view of what average is. she's a cute girl and she's not even wearing makeup. and dude... you're also not bad looking at all. i know body dysmorphia is hard to deal with as i have it myself but a lot of the times we misinterpret normal interactions with people as them thinking we are ugly.
@@lg7855 I see what you mean and I appreciate the compliment, but we haven't seen her body below the shoulders and you haven't seen mine ;< which is my primary insecurity when it comes to looks.
@@davedoublee-indiegamedev8633 I am not very good at rating man, but you look OK to me, not at all at the lower end. But I think I get you, people tells me I am like at the higher end and I see myself as a distorted zombie, my mind always tries to find a way of telling me they are either wrong or lying to me. And yet some part of me is always doubting if they are telling the truth and if there is some kind of hope I can cling to and I think that is the part you are referring to that tortures us.
@@ElMeach I know, right? In response, I wanna keep trying to prove that I really look bad, but that's against the point haha Maybe we'll find a fix, bud
man, i gotta say one thing that’s more important about all of these interview streams than anything else - every guest deserves a fucking medal for participating in these events, mad respect for bringing up the most disturbing parts of yourselves to the public domain. while i watch them sometimes the conversations happen to dig so deep into the human psyche, that my empathetic part goes like “daaamn, this hurts” for the guest, so if that’s how those moments come across to me as a viewer in the safety of my chair, i can’t imagine what is the weight of uncovering something like that is like for the person in the stream. it’s just so intense, and yet a gem for the people watching as a source for self reflecting and discovery that wouldn’t be possible for us to get if these people weren’t brave enough to bring it to a public stream. that alone is already something for us all to learn from them. so again, thanks Ingrid and y’all who come to these streams, the universe should protect you at all costs. another compound that’s enabling us to be part of it - is obviously Dr.K’s impressive professional skills and overall human decency. the fact that all these compounds happened to meet each other and materialise as these interviews for us to learn from - is fascinating af😵💫
Not knowing how to identify feelings and then on top of that - talk - about them was something I had to work on in therapy. I thought I didn't experience anger at all - wow, was I wrong! Therapy came with long uncomfortable pauses while we waited for me to calm down and to form new patterns in my brain. Ingrid needed time to calm down and then once she was calm and realized her opportunity for help was going to end, her need for this to be resolved was stronger than the fear. It took me 3 years of therapy but I got there. Watching this years later makes me realize that my anger was directed at my body, the safest place for me to express anger at that time.
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that. Never had body image issues until I started getting more muscular, and now it's just a given for me that I'm always going to be too fat and not muscular enough. At this point, I don't even care, it's not like it really matters.
I totally relate but then there is this whole issue of why did we want to get into shape in the first place etc..you know where I'm going with this. ;) Like, its super easy to tell yourself that it was "simply for health reasons" when that may not be all of it right
ingrid's story is very very powerful, especcially with someone else who has body dysmorphia, it goes to show how little it actually has to do with looks. Even if ingrid had the ability to change her looks however she wanted, her body dysmorphia would not change at all. Great interview
Its scary because. Plenty of people who are naturally gorgeous will still go out of their way to get cosmetic surgery done. Only to make themselves look worse
Very early in this talk it struck me as an odd juxtaposition when she told how people said things about her in school “that hurt, but I didn’t care“. Incredible how that came full circle. I’m in awe with Dr. K.
It's creepy how much I can relate with Ingrid, even if I am not a teen, but a grown woman. I don't suffer from body dysmorphya, but I feel like not having a bit of sexy in my bones, so badly, I don't even know how being sexy might apply to me. I feel like an outsider and fully identify as a woman, but don't feel feminine at all. All I wear and ever wore is jeans and t shirt and can't imagine wearing a dress, that's totally not me. I also was kind of a tomboy as a teen and probably still am. My menopause was premature and I wasn't even slightly sad about not being abled to have kids or being less feminine, I was glad it happened for not having my period anymore and maybe even because that made me being more conneced to being not very feminine. I also feel like an outsider that was never part of an in group. I have friends and had some in school, but I always felt different. The 'not like other girls' stance doesn't apply to me, because I am not like other people. I am 46 and just recently met a woman, I can really, really relate with and talk to as a friend. I also visited a therapist years ago, but she was terrible. The only therapist, I liked and who helped me was the head therapist of the ADHD support group. She understood who I was and helped me to finish my studies at university.
Femininity as of now is pretty distorted picture far from reality anyway. So.. it's no surprise that a lot of us women doesn't like that cursed cage. So.. do not be discouraged I guess.
An older person here. I have never felt part of any group. My likes have never been mainstream (music, food, fashion...), but I'm not eccentric either. I always see things differently than the majority; I raise questions. and I'm astonished that people do not see the things I see immediately, because they are so obvious. I'm not a genius, but the mainstream crowd seems like retarded, to me. I'm not autistic or anything. I have aphantasia, though - which is a trait (not a disorder!) that about 2-3% of people have. About always being an outsider...I think that in my case I got it from my family environment. I was the only girl and my siblings were almost 10 years older, so we did not share our experiences. Nobody validated my observations and thoughts. There is no way of knowing if I had this "being different" in my nature, too, or if it developed because of the social setting. Not unhappy about it. I guess the world needs people who think differently and who question things.
Out of all twitch streamers Dr.K provides the most value. He's directly helping people. You could tell that it was really hurting Ingrid to keep the assault bottled up inside. She said she felt relieved after telling Dr.K. Really does show how sharing your deepest hurts with others helps you heal. I really felt for Ingrid and hope she can find a caring therapist to help her to explore her emotions 🙏❤️. Also she should probably tell her parent as well. It sounds like they would support her and help her heal.
@@kb_799 Sure, but making someone chuckle a bit has the same value as a funny meme you scroll by on twitter. I would argue that helping someone to unravel and process their trauma/past experiences probably has a higher long term impact in regards to helping them. But funny streamers have their place and I'm not saying that everyone should be armchair therapists for their audiences or anything.
@@Neo_Destiny Absolutely. I watch Dr.K because it keeps me motivated to confront my own demons but also because he makes it entertaining and provides the right atmosphere to explore those internal feelings. Adding humour (appropriately) to the situation is absolutely part of why this works as well.
I don't think there is any need to compare what Dr K does with what any other streamer provides. We can just say that he is providing an incredible value to this world. I am so thankful for the amazing work he is doing :)
We are (both men and women) bombarded constantly with images and ideals about what we should look like and act like to be considered someone who is likable, desirable, worthy of attention and love. Somehow images and the meanings we ascribe to them have become equated as being the thing. A woman can feel like she's soft, feminine, romantic, and want to be treated like a woman who loves romantic attention and chivalry, but when her appearance doesn't match the 'agreed' image of that kind of woman, that's when she feels at angst with her appearance, and starts to question her womanliness. We live in a world where the cover has become the book, and we judge ourselves (and others) on it.
In my experience when someone has body dysmorphia there are typically legitimate reasons for that. People notice their own imperfections and shortcomings a lot more than others do. Usually they aren’t delusional or lack confidence, it’s something very real about their body that to them stick out like a sore thumb, but because others don’t pay attention to us too closely they don’t notice it as much as we think they do. So I totally agree that trying to invalidate their concerns is the wrong approach. Without being a professional psychologist or therapist myself, one approach I would try is ask the person to point out what are the specific body parts they feel they have a problem with and then ask them what they would do to change them or how they wish they were different. Then proceed to ask them if they could change all their body parts to their ideal looking replacement body parts, how would that affect their self confidence and self image. I feel like in the case of this girl, it’s way deeper than just her disliking her appearance and not finding herself attractive, it’s more of a case of identity crisis and a disconnect between her conscious self and her material self.
I think an important thing about BDD that many people keep missing is that it’s categorised as an *obsessive-compulsive disorder.* All people have something they aren’t fully happy with themselves but those thoughts tend to come and go and they can forgot those things when they focus on something else. But with BDD those negative thoughts don’t go away, they go on a loop and then they become very distressing and important. Then there is compulsive action to try to mitigate the distress from the perceived issue (mirror checking, selfie analysing, grooming…) It’s not just a “body image issues” you can rationalise away but also a problem in how the brain works. This is also evident in how notoriously unsatisfied people with BDD are with cosmetic surgery. We often just switch the compulsive thoughts to another part. I hope people struggling with BDD can see the obsessive compulsive side of this disorder and not think it’s just about the body or body image.
Someone in chat called her a, “raid boss,” and I thought that was funny because this whole thing was a rollercoaster. The answers we thought might me obvious, weren’t the answers at all and it really reinforced how Dr.K is at his job. She was truly an iceberg of history and emotion. Wow.
As a person who has had this almost sixty years I am surprised no one seems to see this is a variant of toxic shame. To avoid hating myself I blame my body for life’s disappointments. My unloving stepfather, and father. Not being loved… I think understanding this would help treat it.
Yes. We come to determine who and what we are by the feedback we receive from others . There are so many studies that demonstrate how social feedback affects black students; they do not perform well academically based on the fact that they do not believe they are capable of achievement based on how they were treated or what was expected of them. However, when they are treated as if they are capable and held to higher standards, they performed well. I feel this is the same principle; we are what we believe others think we are. .
sometimes we watch episodes and its like *snap* Dr. K knows it all. but then its so interesting to see, how he has moments where he has to work himself and his streaming partner inch for inch closer to the "solution". nice talk, nice job by ingrid!
Im only 1:19:00 in, and I dont disagree with sometimes Doctor K has to work with the interviewee, but I do think that he knows the general "path" to the solution within the first 20 minutes or so. Depending on how willing the guest is to acknowledge certain things and open up, they can arrive to a beautiful realization quickly. There was quite the struggle in this episode with the guest shutting down when Dr.K started sharing the things he noticed about her and tried to pry to have her arrive at her own solution.
When he asked what she wants to hear and said I don’t know I felt that so much and started crying, you don’t know what you want to hear because there not much that will convince you or can change your mind
This topics really helpful as many of my friends may not have Body Dysmorphia but to some degree hate the way they look and it opens up my eyes a bit to comfort them. Thanks Dr. K!
Ingrid, thank you for making yourself so vulnerable to us. Dr. K - thank you too. I'm scared about my job search and this is bringing me so much clarity.
Okay first of all, Ingrid you are so brave for doing this, and this has helped so many other girls who struggle with body dysmorphia. Secondly, so many of the phrases she uses are word for word the SAME things I say to my therapist (i also struggle with body dysmorphia). It’s crazy how similar our experiences are but also so different
Thank you for sharing your story, Ingrid. I can't imagine how much courage that took. I too feel ugly and dirty after sexual assault. People can be so fucking disgusting, but we are not the ugly ones. People who do that have ugly souls, they're the dirty ones. Not us.
Samsies. I always felt like shit about my appearance but after I was assaulted it became an obsession. And it's kind of a mind fuck because, I wanted to be ugly, so that no one would ever do that to me again, but I was so disgusted by the body that held the trauma I wanted to fix it and make it better. It's a really wild thing.
Thank you for doing this Dr K. There is so little information and conversation about this disorder, it's often misunderstood as something superficial or not severe. I've struggled with it for many years now and it can be crippling at the best and dangerous at worst. I've done damaging things to try and "fix" my flaws and I avoided the camera for years, which means I don't have memories with so many loved ones captured. Sorry if this has nothing to do with anything, I've only just started watching. But again, thank you for this.
It may be an overstatement that I wholeheartedly agree with how Ingrid feels, but I have the same mindset that I am not worthy of positive emotion, my existence is pointless. And to deal with that I have suppress every emotion, both negative and positive. I was emotionally numb for many years since high school too. I'm still working on getting over this 'coping mechanism' by remembering to be honest to myself emotionally. Currently I still have problem allowing myself being happy sometimes, but it's been a lot better than before.
The way she talked, and struggled with words and emotion is exactly how I feel when I am dissociated. The PTSD hypo numbness stops me processing thoughts and finding my words. Then when the numbness goes the feelings come back and then I got all these rules to avoid it. She was really brave! I just got to the trigger bit, now I think she is even braver and understand even more why I identified with her. I'm so sorry to her for what that guy did. The only thing that helped me was a bible verse about it's not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of his heart. I know it's a 'religious' thing, but it helped me see that what someone else does to me isn't a reflection on me but it came from their heart. Helped me put down the shame, but I'm still working on the disgust of having a body.
I have a friend who is exactly like her, down to even playing football (soccer) and feeling like she can’t wear makeup. Dresses are a bit extreme but just feminine t shirt cuts, feminine blouses, yoga pants, etc can all be used to transition into the feminine realm of clothing without feeling too much of a cold water shock of wearing a dress.
Yes, for example i feel valid in sports cloths even sexy ones and slim dresses from sportsbrands. I wonder if it feels like sportswear have some kind of masculinity on it and feels like its for me then
Thank you for coming on Ingrid. The feeling of doing something new and being noticed is so terrifying. I want to get a new haircut or whatever and I just want no one to look at me.
I admire Dr.K so much for giving her a chance to speak, not pushing an answer onto her and not judging whatever she says. I've gone through a few therapists and I still haven't found this combo in any of them.
I understand wanting to change something (putting on a dress) and just wanting people to NOT comment on it. I 100% relate. But I also know they will say something once, maybe twice, and get over it. I'd say "Yeah, I'm trying something different." And move on with my life. And so will they. After a few times of wearing a dress, it will be old news.
Yeah, that is pretty healthy. The problem exactly is when something on your mind doesn't let you think it will pass after 1-2 times and you think there is something so strange about you that people that doesn't know you will think something is really off.
I'm kind of surprised Dr.K didn't notice that she kept glancing at her monitor looking at chat. Feel like this would have gone quite differently if that wasn't the case. Look at her reaction at 27:50 for example, she gets distracted then has a negative self conscious reaction to something she read.
Well she is adult and this is a willingly done conversation. Dr K can not tell her what to do. She also will look for validation other time and place of not today, because this is the part of body dismorphia. So please chill folks.
Ohhhhhhhhh!! When she mentioned the discomfort of all eyes on her when she enters a room, THAT resonated with me! I had the EXACT same experience when I was in school. Once I'd reached junior high, I became more and more tardy. Everyone blamed it on me being "lazy" and "sleeping in" - and while I WAS tired and would have preferred to sleep, that was NOT the reason. The reason was, I simply did NOT want to go to or be at school. So I dragged my feet, putting it off as long as possible. By the time I got school, I was late - REAL late. And often, even if I arrived at school ON TIME or even EARLY, I would hang back, wait for the rest of the kids to file in and get to class, THEN I'd come strolling in. Why? Cos I did not want to have to deal with anyone (especially my tormentors). Once IN school, with the teacher supervision, it was tolerable to deal with the rest of the students. But I'd come in, and depending on the protocol, I'd either go get a late slip and go to the late room, or if I were late enough where classes had begun, I'd still get a late slip and then head to class... but I would not GO to the late room or to class. I'd hide out in the boys room or the phys-ed change room until the bell chimed for class change, then I'd file out and merge with the kids moving to their next class. Why? Cos I did not want to WALK IN to any room where class-in-session or other late kids were quietly sitting, and have the loud "Ka-CHUNK!" of the door opening get their attention and have ALL those eyes turn and look at me! However, if it were ONLY that, I might have been okay with it and adapted, but initially, when I entered, the teacher would start in on me and the spotlight would remain for much longer, with an added heaping helping of humiliation as I got grilled about being late, and whatever else I did wrong (i.e. homework not completed/submitted). As a result, I even got "scared" of mere heads turning to glance at me for a split -second, even if the teacher said nothing. So, rather than risk enduring any prolonged attention, I just avoided the whole thing outright, cos that was the BEST way to remain INVISIBLE, and I waited til the bell rang, when I could blend in with the migrating students in the hallways, and commence my school day. I've since overcome that fear of heads turning and eyes on me for a split-second. I just don't care anymore. But it was definitely a thing back in the day. However, any progress I made has been undone over recent years. I developed more anxiety and insecurity over my appearance and just wished not to be seen - I have developed chronic "wish I was invisible" syndrome. That resulted in me being a shut-in, diagnosed with the body dysmorphia, agoraphobia, and other anxiety conditions where I refuse and/or am too terrified to venture away from my home. I live alone, and I wait til 2 or 3 in the morning to go down and collect mail or take out trash, so I do not have to encounter or be seen by anyone. I really really despise what I see in the mirror now (and for the past couple of decades). Anyway, my point was, I can totally relate to that fear and aversion to entering a room and people looking up/back at you, even if it's only for a moment. It's not just the looks, it's all the paranoid fear over "what must they be thinking now they know it's me".
That moment at the end when she talked about the incident from a year ago made me cry. No one should ever go through that situation. I hope she's feeling better.
I think I have the exact same thing as Ingrid. When she mentioned the word "unproportional" chills went down my spine. I just felt like commenting how it feels to me (26, male): To me the things that bug me about my appearance are very specific. Like 3 or 4 main things that I not even only notice in myself, but also when other people have the same "deformation" it bugs me. I just constantly notice these details in pictures and even just on the street and like for her, in mirrors. I think for me this comes from making so much art and paying so much attention to details and wanting to fix everything that I just can't help but think "Damn this and that about my body shouldn't be like that". It sometimes feels like I don't look "how I was supposed to turn out". But there are also times when I like pictures of myself and it's only when these exact points I mentioned before - look fine. There are other points I have noticed which don't bug me too much in my daily life, that I have found out after examining myself in front of a mirror for like half an hour. Like I noticed one of my ears is a bit lower than the other, the center of my teeth is offcenter to my face (I even mesured these things and analyzed them in pictures). But like I said, these I only think about like once or twice a year. My conclusion to all of this was the realization that I judge EVERYTHING very harshly AND I NEED TO! Because life to me is about finding the better - and you can only make a distinction between things if you judge them. So essentially I learned to accept and embrace my "inner judge"...
I consider myself highly motivated by aesthetics so I feel you on this one. I had BDD for a couple years but have grown to love myself independent from my appearance (which I still sometimes have qualms with). Now I channel my love for details into art, games like the sims, and building my house in ESO. I gotta tell you that scrutinizing your appearance (and that inner critic seeping out to attack others) isn't ok. Hope you're less harsh on yourself in the future, your face isn't art that is meant to be critiqued, it's just a vessel you use to better the world around you. Be nice to yourself and let yourself be the one thing you love unconditionally, you're the only one who will ever fully know all the pain you've experienced. I love you too, if that helps at all haha.
17:39 "i was into, like, more boy stuff." "sure, like what?" "gaming" "right onnnn😁👍" lmao this clip is so wholesome and happy, i'm beaming over here. on REPEAT
I have body dysmorphic disorder and it's completely horrible to live with. It obviously has complex beginnings and its good that people can talk about it on a stream like this and try to address these issues. It obviously takes a lot to unwind this disorder and hopefully this stream can help others address and work through the issues, at least a little bit. I was wondering if there would ever be a BDD stream, or whether I should contact doctor k and try to arrange one; but there is one! so that's good. Hope Ingrid can make progress and I hope others watching can make progress too! It's a debilitating illness and really affects people's lives greatly, but through work, accessing professionals, talking to loved ones and practice, people can improve.
I couldn't stop crying. Idk how Dr. K can get to the bottom of these things without shedding a single tear. And I'm about to study psychology, wish me luck
Being able to control your emotions to help others is a whole skill but it comes at a price. It's best to regularly let all these feelings out later in a healthy manner so you don't blow up.
Well, it's hard to tell but I think he does that sometimes. Or like in that interview that was titled why you feel unloveable, I'm sure he wiped his face a few times. I should say that it is widely believed that therapist shouldn't show much emotion and always come from a higher place; but that's just one of many approaches. Some think it's totally fine to show a little bit of you own emotions. Just that it shouldn't be about you, unless you're like, sharing you experience to help the patient or something like that
@@Kriliska that usually has to do with family of origin and then you could add on peers and institutions your stuck being a part of, usually it's the parents that actually shut down your authentic self or tell you you need to be something so you end up internalizing and turning on yourself your family needs to allow you to navigate your feelings in order to be healthy it's not the kids job
As a straight girl crossdresser it's so fucking nice to hear a mental health professional acknowledge that I exist. I've had so many people tell me that I "must" be trans to the point that it became an anxiety for me. If you're still teaching at Harvard or interacting with colleagues much, don't let them forget it; r/detransitioners has like a gazillion subs for a reason.
People are WAY too quick to tell others they are trans, it's kind of scary because it makes you wonder how many people who were not may have actually gone through with transitioning due to other people pressuring them
I totally agree with you and recently people started to for some dumb reson connect beahviors and personallity with gender identity, which is just bs, wearing a dress doesnt make you a girl and so on. But I want to note that r/detrans is a terrible sub flooded with transphobes and a lot of fake stories from them. I still totally agree with you and hate this "new wave" of "trans allies" which tell everoyne they are trans too through, just tried to say that Iam really not a fan of this subreddit
@@otozinclus3593 kinda funny because as a very young kid (3-5) in a house full of sisters, I wore dresses and had my nails painted a few times. My dad thought I was gonna be gay lol, mom didn't think anything of it. But I turned out to be straight, masculine, and never questioned my identity even once. I'll just chalk stuff like that up to kids being curious *shrug*
why would a trans person tell you that you're trans when you dont feel like a man and you only crossdress? makes no sense. unless you're presenting the situation in untruthful manner.
Seriously, the amount of topics that I can feel I can relate to on this channel makes me very happy that I found it on one hand, but on the other hand it terrifies me that there are seemingly so many people who have similar issues to me. I'm starting to properly understand where Dr K got the idea for AoE Healing from. There's SO much good stuff here.
I'm pretty sure my sister has body dysmorphia. This was so insightful and educational. It helps me a lot in understanding her feelings about herself. I think it might be easier to talk to her about her appearance now.
This session really resonates with me as i struggle with similar thoughts. One thing that helped me a lot is the notion that we (I) don’t owe anyone beauty. I don’t have to be beautiful. I also don’t owe anyone intelligence, or success, or fill-in-the-blank. I have the right to be, as I am, however I am, simply because I exist, and it’s no one’s business. I dont know exactly why, but this phrase helps me.
I’m so late to the party, but wanted to say that Dr K is SO IMPRESSIVE. This concept around the beast and it feeling great to take photos she hates is just 🤯
She began to really piss me off, but then I remembered when I first started therapy and I used to communicate my emotions in grunts- until my therapist began to coach me in developing my own emotional language by putting that grunt into words. It’s exactly what Dr. K is doing! He’s coaching her to develop her own internal labeling system to put internal chaos into some cohesive order. (Like the Dewey Decimal System but for feelings lmao)
I relate to this so much. I didn't stay exploring my feminine side until well after college. I didn't feel at all attractive, and if I did randomly feel like dressing up, feeling that everyone in my daily routine (family, friends, school) would definitely notice and those who were closer to me would point it out or give me shit about it stopped me every time. I didn't want the attention, and I did NOT want to feel embarrassed by teasing siblings and friends. Now I dress according to my mood. Sometimes I roll into work in full on glamor mode, and sometimes I'm in a t-shirt and the yoga pants with the hole in the crotch. Truth be told, I would have killed to look like her in school.
To be fair, high school starts at 14-15 in the US, and that's still fairly late for a first period. I got a slight impression he was trying to probe and see if maybe she had delayed puberty which factored into her lack of attraction toward people. It was still a very amusing exchange, though :)
This was one of the most extreme things I’ve seen on RUclips. Ingrid, you are so brave and charming! To have the courage to even speak about your feelings, let alone in front of so many others, to such a degree takes serious guts that I feel like not many people have. You deserve to find peace in yourself and in your life and feel fulfilled. Dr. K that was absolutely insane how you gave Ingrid a place to talk and feel totally comfortable with you and the audience to speak on such a personal level. This was seriously such an incredible video I’m blown away by it all.
Jesus Christ, I found this guy recently and he should be the most popular channel on RUclips. The way he can analyze people and get to the issue is unreal.
Dr. K - I Really enjoyed watching this video! am impressed to see how attentive and responsive you are. Add in the wisdom, intelligence, certainly rare. You appear to have sat at the "smart table group" in school. (how I describe levels of innate intelligence that were apparent in early grade school) I am hopeful there are more like you - some I may meet. I cannot thank you enough for posting your videos which are deeply insightful. They have encouraged and helped me a lot! 😊
I think if I went and did something like trying on a dress when ppl know me as a tomboy and they then make fun of me for it saying it doesnt fit me.. I'd feel soo much pain and hurt opposed to "i didn't care"
She definitely cared. She may not care presently because she's looking back into the past, however, she was definitely emotionally affected by it considering how fucked up her gender identity is now.
I'm 3 years late, I hope she's doing well ❤ One thing that blew my mind about this interview is how much my brother talks just like her, though it's about his personality instead of his body. This helped me understand his way of thinking a little more. Thanks for coming on Ingrid ❤
User in chat when she says she can't wear feminine clothes: "Girl, mix it up. Wear a tee with a cute skirt! Rock some sweet kicks with a dress." Ah thanks, I'm cured! I just had to do it instead of not doing it!
To be fair, she was doing a horrible job explaining herself due to the language barrier. It's not her fault, but she was contradicting herself and restating the same exact point over and over only to then, minutes later, say she felt differently.
@@JohnDoe-sp3dc Maybe it wasn't language barrier. It's sometimes like that when you go in to explain the inner workings of your problems. especially things like body dysmorphia probably isn't going to be straight forward logical but complicated and vague and difficult to characterize. I think she did an ok job
@@et5600 that's what I meant by language barrier. It's difficult enough to talk those sorts of things as it is, like you mentioned, and that only gets compounded by a language barrier.
It's not terrible advice though, sounds like the chat member was saying baby steps instead of giant leaps. Don't try to wear a dress in public all at once, but maybe put on a subtle necklace. Next time, maybe capris instead of sweatpants. Work your way up to it, let yourself adjust. I think that was the "mix it up" there.
Yet another amazing episode, kudos to you, Ingrid, thank you for showing me what it looks like for someone else. I resonate so much with this, and I've never had the opportunity to dig this deep into my own issue with the help of such an insightful master of psychology. I see so many of the strategies I used, and still use, to avoid the real issue. It's deep. It's painful and scary. It's a process. Thank you Dr K
At my lowest weight,110 lbs, I could look in the mirror and think I was fat and just monstrous. Now, I occasionally can think that way, but I weigh about ten pounds more than that atm and don't constantly struggle with thinking I'm fat since I've been getting better. Body dysmorphia has such a powerful grasp on the mind, and I am really glad this was talked about.
Diagnosed with body dysmoprphia (chronic "ugly" perceptions of the self) in the late 90s, and it's gotten no better - with age and the passage of time, it's actually gotten worse, only NOW it's a lot less "dysmorphic", meaning perceptions have become reality.
I can relate to Ingrid a lot. I was in a mental hospital for a few months and constantly had the feeling that people were just telling me things that I already knew and I didnt know what to do with that. I also had (and still have) a hard time feeling something or allowing emotion. I came to the conclusion that I don't need to do anything with it, I just needed to get more aware of it and realize that I don't have to adhere to a standard of anyone (not even myself). I just need to be me. And if being be includes something thats not normal that is not bad. Actually being not completely normal is normal.
Her story resonates with me so much. Listening to this helped me realize that I also resisted being feminine, because I saw that women were treated poorly in my family’s religion & in their families of origin. Like, any child with sense would look at the people in my family and want to be one of the guys. Do I have every mental illness, like why are all your videos relatable
Agreed. I have a similar experience, my family are strangly sexist and I grew up on a more sexist time. I saw being physical and assertive as "masculine " so I became a tomboy. The pink and blue boxes society put us in do so much damage.
I relate to Ingrid to a T here. Down to age too. I'm still struggling but I can tell bit by bit, It does and will get better. Listen to that pinch of hope you have in your spirit, I know you have it. I wish only the best to you, thank you both for speaking on this!
Hoo boy so much of this resonates with my life experiences too. I hope she can chew on this and make some progress towards feeling better about herself. Self hate is a fucking hard thing to fight. Lots of respect, for both of them!
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Seeing people rate her looks on any level, positive or negative, totally missed the point of this episode and didn't even pay attention to the first ten minutes. Most of chat seemed understanding though.
It does miss the main point, but it's also useful data for anyone going through something similar - to see someone so genuinely beautiful still struggle with this. It proves you don't have to actually be ugly to believe yourself ugly.
@@johannhowitzer ikr, like I’m pretty much 9/10, but on some days I just feel like I’m as ugly as a troll
Case in point is FloydRix8... totally oblivious to what her mental issues is about and sounds like a know it all lol. Scary part is that he is apparently a life coach.
Agreed. I do worry that our societies obsession with beauty might be the root of the problem. That said- even praising her looks might be feeding into the problem. idk...
@@turolretar Same. I even got offered to model for a certain brand one time and I assumed the person was trying to f with me because I feel like the most horrible looking human being ever all the time. But at the same time I noticed that women show a lot of interest in me despite my social anxiety. So much so that I know that as soon as a new woman starts at my workplace, I will have to deal with flirting.
Damn, how brave are all these people who come on here and talk about this stuff. Mad respect.
How does someone buy a theraphy session with dr k?
@@Web-Slinger42 I don't think you buy them , you apply for them in his discord I believe , there's a screening process but he's been working on a way for more people to have access to this kind of thing.
Also he's very insistant on the fact that this isn't actual therapy and he can't diagnose you through 1 discord call , it's more of a friendly chat.
@@Web-Slinger42 He mentioned that he sees private clients still, and one guy he had on mentioned Dr. K was $500/hr, to which Dr. K said something like 'my prices change every quarter so I don't promote them anywhere'. It sounded like most of his in person clients are very wealthy, and if anything he has the problem of too many clients and too little time, and this is part of his decision to try to impact more lives in a mindful way through technology.
I'm 33 and I've dealt with this my whole life.. I fantasize about being totally open about it..
But the only issue with that is it's kind of like once the cats out of the bag you can't put it back in..
it's like my own private hell I put myself through..
@@igot5onit423 Well, you can talk about it anonymously here is you want to practice writing out some of what has bothered you. I'm a 36 year old dude, FYI, and we'll never meet in real life, and if it matters to you that others know your problems believe me that it won't be a big deal to me, lol.
" i waited 40 minutes, got called in, told my story and 5 minutes later he said we cant help you ". that one went under the skin, had an experience just like it and it was the day i gave up. i feel incredibly sorry for her.
I was hoping for more help on this. BDD is devastating.
I'm sorry that happened to you. No one including you deserves to be treated that way. It's hard enough to reach out for help so it's doubly devastating to be dismissed like that. I hope you've found other resources to help you!
I've had that happen to me too many times to count. In my mind it's because they are just a bunch of chickens, and lazy ones at that. They just want the easy cases so they can have a easy day at work.
I relate so much to her on so many levels. I wish there was a way to let her know how much I appreciated this stream. If she reads this: You did really awesome. So thanks for doing this!
I've listened to many of these in full length and gotten a moderate amount of understanding from them- but never have I fully understood and appreciated anyone as much as this one. I didn't realize there are people going through as uncertain, confusing, yet precise difficulties like this.
I hope only that she reads these comments and understands how much it has helped me and many others with her bravery and honesty.
I've not been emotional in any positive way for about a decade, and listening to this almost broke that pattern.
Many, many thanks.
Same
Same here, I can not describe how grateful I am for this interview!
Thank you Ingrid and dr. K, this interview helped me connect some stray dots and reach a conclusion I've recently struggled to articulate for myself. The timing could not have been better :)
Nothing better but to find someone who you can relate to :)
Hey I just want you to know. I've been seeing a therapist for a year. It's the longest I've ever seen a therapist. I had kind of become disillusioned with this therapist because nothing was really happening. But watching you in this video inspired me so today I went and was bold! I said what I thought. And it was one of the best sessions we've had. So thank you for inspiring me. I have social anxiety disorder and some other stuff and could see a lot of similarities between us. All the best :)
I appreciate dr k did not put Ingrid’s face in the thumbnail
I usually try to watch all of Dr.Ks sessions and I missed this one unfortunately. There is something reassuring in knowing that the guest on stream is more important than anything else.
Dr.k has nothing to do with the thumbnails.
Why? You wouldn't have watched otherwise?
@@shimaalcarrim7949 Ingrid has body dysmorphia, so she probably would rather not be on the thumbnail.
@@kamizwr2082 maybe they ask if the people want to be in the thumbnail and my guess is she would say no
The stuffing her emotions down to the point where she cant even know what shes feeling and just gives a "idk" instead of trying to feel it (stereotypical masculine trait), is written in bright neon colours across her face.
Yeah! I didn't even think of it as stuffing diwn emotions but youre right. Before I started therapy, I was like this too. Being with myself was too painful for much of my life so I just pushed all of my emotions inside. I didnt know myself, I didnt know what I was feeling, I had no distance from my thoughts. It took working with a therapist for a year to be in touch with my emotions and actually be able to answer questions like this without being hit with the "wall".
I’ve been there before, where emotions are so painful to feel that you physically can’t let yourself feel anything beyond very surface level emotions. It’s taken me years in therapy to start feeling my emotions and coping with them in healthy ways. And my therapy journeys just started.
when he says can i think, he just fucking checks his phone. and he used the word queer to entertain the chat cause they were questioning her sexuality yet he used the word in a different definition such as odd or peculiar. is this a joke to him? like damn.
I don't know is what I would say too as a female and I didn't know I was splitting and dissociating all the time so idk can be a sign of detachment from yourself
@@sylverstars635 not sure if this is a problem or meant to be serious but hopefully this can clarify a little (based on how I read the situation): checking the phone may be to connect information (medical information) like whether one thing is a probable symptom or common issue to another. he could be trying to reference something. likewise, for the word queer, that is a phrase with multiple use contexts. queer in the sense of sex and sexuality means LGBTQ and has a range of connotations. but thats also not the primary and most common usage so I think as an older gen x person he probably just means statistically unusual lol
What's really scary is to be pretty only _some_ of the times, or only pretty to _some_ people. The mind craves the safety of certainty and predictability. If you believe that you're ugly and never attempt to make yourself pretty, then you expect yourself to be ugly 100% of times--that's certainty. But if you do dress up and allow the possibility that you might be pretty, other people still won't think you're pretty 100% of times (because people have different preferences), and that uncertainty can be terrifying.
That’s me when with my hair. If I get a shitty cut I turn into a different person lol
I didn't really ever think about that but that happened to me I wasn't standard ugly if such a thing exists but I was the cute kid who got awkward during puberty then got tall and skinnier so people said oh you look nice but then my skin got worse dermatitis and I felt like a leper I got skin meds and skin is clear and in my 20s some people said I'm pretty, it was a total mind F for me and I did get rejected more than once so yeah I give up
@@leahflower9924 hey, I just want to pop and say my thing. The fact that you got rejected multiple times is sad, but is not a hint to give up. I got rejected many times, I'm overweight and have a weird brain. But eventually I found a person who loves me the way I am, and it was a handsome french guy, who treats me like a goddess. We have common interests, fluid communication, common values, and we're just vibing. My hubby initially didn't have physical interest in me when we met, but just 3 days later when we've spent some time together due to circumstances, he already knew I would be his future wife(which came true). It was totally random encounter which changed my life. I live in french Alps now on the border with Switzerland.
Life is unpredictable. You never know who you might meet next week, month or year. And in fact, finding love to yourself also might happen somewhat randomly, out of the process of looking for it or not. Your task now is just to try to make your days enjoyable, to make your future days even more enjoyable, and to try to learn this person who you will live with forever - yourself. I bet you can discover plenty of beauty in yourself, if you take a non-judgemental friendly look at yourself. Cheers.
This 💯💯💯
@@XxyGoddam ma bucur ca a functionat ptr tine
I love how he has to stop and think. His brain scanning through all he’s learnt, putting it all together and finding out what to ask next, all in a few seconds. This shows that he’s not just spouting the first thing that comes into his mind. But just watching him search through his knowledge is amazing.
I guess if I was speaking to him the first time he does that I would feel like he is distracted, but after seeing how he responds to what I have said I would feel he really listens and respects what I have said, and I would say "yeah, please take all your time thinking about it"
My psychotherapists does the same. Sometimes he just stops for 30 seconds and he's looking at the wall. Then he asks so sophisticated question, that I'm almost entertained by his intelligence. I don't know if you know what I mean haha.
"I didn't want to be exceptional or the best. I just wanted to be normal" - That hit HARD. Hello Samaskara.
I relate so much to Ingrid, especially how people though how she was homosexual and how she didn't feel feminine enough. I'm a man, but her feelings line up perfectly with mine and my experiences. I'm only 20 minutes in but I am so grateful for this content, and I am looking forward to finish this video later.
Same man, I wasn't overly masculine during middle/high school and people assumed I was gay.
Thats the AOE Crit Heal!
@@testytester8303 How do you know nnarcus didn't go through something similar? Just because someone's male doesn't mean he's never experienced sexual assault. That sort of thing happens to men and boys a LOT more than people think. I narrowly escaped it myself, thanks to a good samaritan.
There's a song like that by the band sloppy seconds I'm not gonna say song title lol but the guy can't get a girl to like him so people start thinking he's gay
@@leahflower9924 this is kinda true because when girls started giving me more attention the anti gay bullying vanished over night
It's so amazing that there is something to relate to in each and every interview.
Sometimes I started watching one of these interview like "Huh lets see This. This is probably not too interesting" and then I picked up so many things.
@@snaili6679 I see it as a good thing insofar that now I can notice it and work on it.
@@thejakobistable yeah, every time
@@snaili6679 before interviews many people think they coud never be an incel, or suffer from body dismorphia, or have a waifu, etc. Dureing the interviews you realise people having these issues/ beliefs are just regular people. And that if you had experienced similar life you coud very well be in the exact situation. When you thought you woud have nothing in common initially.
Mato Stanić everything is connected it seems
Honestly when I first saw these videos I was highly sceptical if having therapy-like conversations in such a public setting like youtube and twitch is really in the best interest of the guests since it's much more condensed and "full on" than what you would normally see in therapy (in my experience). Also I thought the audience could make the guest very vulnerable, and maybe overcompensating for their insecurities. Also there's no reliable way to check up on them afterwards if they're feeling okay or if the conversation triggered something negatively.
I now have seen a good amount of the videos and I'm really impressed how Dr. K is handling all this and for the most part I've changed my mind. He seems very competent and I trust him to be able to evaluate the situation and the guests very well and to not push too far.
I now really have another issue - and that is that I'm super curious what it would be like to be his patient. I've done a lot of therapy and never had a therapist that picked up on what's being said and can draw conclusions this quickly and clearly. I'm at a point where it really starts bothering me, since it always reminds me of how unsuccessful my attempts at getting help were. On the other hand it sparks the thought in me to go out and start the long search for another therapist, but honestly I'm way too depressed to do it. It starts becoming hard to watch these.
I feel the same way, someone else commented that Dr. K is like Sherlock Holmes in his skill of deducing people's struggles. After watching him work I find it difficult to continue therapy because it doesn't feel like it's going anywhere. I'm getting more from one of Dr. K's streams than I've gotten within a year of therapy. I feel like watching these videos may give people a false sense of hope on what to expect therapy will be like because in reality not every therapist is this competent. it's challenging. I hope he continues with his work because he has a really special talent or skill and this is something a lot of people can benefit from.
@@kpsandwich I think another key difference is that Dr. K is very outspoken about what he thinks about the patients issues. With my therapists I was always under the impression that they were always just saying what they thought was "influencing me in a good way" instead of being upfront and honest and helping me to understand myself fully.
Skriban hold onto the hope. Find a therapist.
Just put in a request to chat with Dr.K . I assume there's a line, I'm not entirely sure but if there isn't, then great. It's always nice to talk to someone in the meantime while you're searching for another therapist.
@@CrazyFanaticMan I did fill out the chat request form a couple of days ago.
I also would like to add that I don't wish to discourage people that are thinking about getting therapy. I learned a lot about myself in therapy for sure and I also started searching for a therapist again. I'm pretty depressed atm so I tend to see things in a very negative way. There are very competent people out there and you need to make sure you find someone that suits you.
Though I am older than this young lady, I feel the same way she does. No one has ever found me beautiful. My mother told me I was ugly. The boys I went to school with called me ugly too. I had two friends in high school. I am so sick of how often people are judged on looks before ANYTHING else. Trust me when I tell you this.
I'm certain you have a gorgeous soul, especially for posting such a genuine comment.
Yeah I always say pretty people say looks aren't that important and rich people say money isn't that important
I'm ugly and I'm proud. SpongeBob literally gave you your solution
@@leahflower9924so are they wrong or right
is it bad that I see myself in literally almost every one of Dr. K's guests? It's either I have every problem in the world or modern problems are just that common...or I'm just also in need of a therapist :)
Its the internet man. It pokes at every insecurity and every possible thing in your life. Dr. K talks about how over pathologized we are and he is right. Its normal to feel anxiety, have insecurities, low points in life, but a lot of times people have one of those things that cross the line of being an emotion into being a problem. So, everyone should see a therapist for checks ups because you always want to make sure you're healthy. Take care of yourself and make sure you're always putting your health first!
lol ive had this exact thought, it kinda makes me hopeful though, like yeah i might be fucked up but it looks like we're all in it together
@@awkwardsaurus love that. totally same
Same. But for me, I’m glad it’s talked about so that I can solve my problems.
@@NoThing-wc3cs How much is it actually solving?, maybe you need to stay away from the internet, it's like your teeth rotting from eating candy and you say, well you can just fix them, or stopping the cause of it.
She's afraid of this: "If I dress up, and find myself looking good, then if someone would even look like they don't think so would be too much to handle". So she decides it's better to not try to avoid that situation.
Oh, I know this thought process far too well.
Or she simply wants to feel comfortable in her own body and clothes. Dressed up or not.
Or maybe she feels like if she dressed up again, she would get more unwanted attention and so she subconsciously hides herself to try to protect herself from another assault 😢
@@unionunicorn6776 this screams of projection from your own insecurities by the way. Not an attack, just alerting you to the external appearance of this.
@@monehget Yes, it is true I am projecting, because what I said was based on my own personal experience. That's why I said she "maybe" feels this way, not that she absolutely does (not that any of us would actually know how someone else feels unless they specifically told us). So it's only my personal guess as to what might cause someone to act that way (because again, based on my own personal experience, this *could* be one *potential* explanation for her behavior, which is similar to my own).
I am late to this party, but I can give my 2 cents. I also have body dysmorphia and the reason it's tough is because we realize we aren't inherently ugly, but in my case and maybe her as well, we are on the lower side of average looking. But that doesn't make us ugly, nor does it make us pretty, not even mediocre. It feels like an uncanny valley for looks. Sometimes we appear to look good to some people, sometimes we appear to look ugly. So there's a clash between 2 beliefs. And we can't just accept it because we constantly get mixed reactions from ourselves and from outside as well. And I think those mixed reactions confuse us.
That's why it would be so much easier if everyone just said "yeah, you're ugly". It's because it reaches a point of understanding and a conclusion, like "yeah, ok, finally, I am ugly and we can all agree on that". But we don't all agree on that!
Idk what the solution is tbh, but I hope this helps somehow
Hm yeah that kinda fits..
she's in no fucking way on the lower side of average, unless you have an incredibly skewed view of what average is. she's a cute girl and she's not even wearing makeup. and dude... you're also not bad looking at all. i know body dysmorphia is hard to deal with as i have it myself but a lot of the times we misinterpret normal interactions with people as them thinking we are ugly.
@@lg7855 I see what you mean and I appreciate the compliment, but we haven't seen her body below the shoulders and you haven't seen mine ;< which is my primary insecurity when it comes to looks.
@@davedoublee-indiegamedev8633 I am not very good at rating man, but you look OK to me, not at all at the lower end. But I think I get you, people tells me I am like at the higher end and I see myself as a distorted zombie, my mind always tries to find a way of telling me they are either wrong or lying to me. And yet some part of me is always doubting if they are telling the truth and if there is some kind of hope I can cling to and I think that is the part you are referring to that tortures us.
@@ElMeach I know, right?
In response, I wanna keep trying to prove that I really look bad, but that's against the point haha
Maybe we'll find a fix, bud
man, i gotta say one thing that’s more important about all of these interview streams than anything else - every guest deserves a fucking medal for participating in these events, mad respect for bringing up the most disturbing parts of yourselves to the public domain.
while i watch them sometimes the conversations happen to dig so deep into the human psyche, that my empathetic part goes like “daaamn, this hurts” for the guest, so if that’s how those moments come across to me as a viewer in the safety of my chair, i can’t imagine what is the weight of uncovering something like that is like for the person in the stream. it’s just so intense, and yet a gem for the people watching as a source for self reflecting and discovery that wouldn’t be possible for us to get if these people weren’t brave enough to bring it to a public stream. that alone is already something for us all to learn from them. so again, thanks Ingrid and y’all who come to these streams, the universe should protect you at all costs.
another compound that’s enabling us to be part of it - is obviously Dr.K’s impressive professional skills and overall human decency.
the fact that all these compounds happened to meet each other and materialise as these interviews for us to learn from - is fascinating af😵💫
Not knowing how to identify feelings and then on top of that - talk - about them was something I had to work on in therapy. I thought I didn't experience anger at all - wow, was I wrong! Therapy came with long uncomfortable pauses while we waited for me to calm down and to form new patterns in my brain. Ingrid needed time to calm down and then once she was calm and realized her opportunity for help was going to end, her need for this to be resolved was stronger than the fear. It took me 3 years of therapy but I got there. Watching this years later makes me realize that my anger was directed at my body, the safest place for me to express anger at that time.
i know this is an old comment, but how did you do it? i suspect logically i must feel anger sometimes but i don’t know how to tell.
I never had body dysmorphia whatsoever until i got into shape weirdly. Now I never look good enough, common in bodybuilding.
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that. Never had body image issues until I started getting more muscular, and now it's just a given for me that I'm always going to be too fat and not muscular enough. At this point, I don't even care, it's not like it really matters.
@Socrates doubt that
I totally relate but then there is this whole issue of why did we want to get into shape in the first place etc..you know where I'm going with this. ;) Like, its super easy to tell yourself that it was "simply for health reasons" when that may not be all of it right
@Socrates sure
The day you start lifting is the day you will forever be too small.
Thank you Ingrid!! ❤️
There is a real sense of fear and hopelessness in her eyes. This one broke my heart a little bit.
ingrid's story is very very powerful, especcially with someone else who has body dysmorphia, it goes to show how little it actually has to do with looks. Even if ingrid had the ability to change her looks however she wanted, her body dysmorphia would not change at all. Great interview
Its scary because. Plenty of people who are naturally gorgeous will still go out of their way to get cosmetic surgery done. Only to make themselves look worse
Very early in this talk it struck me as an odd juxtaposition when she told how people said things about her in school “that hurt, but I didn’t care“. Incredible how that came full circle. I’m in awe with Dr. K.
It is classic avoidant behavior, it’s their cope in life and is broad reaching to other areas of their life like love and job
It's creepy how much I can relate with Ingrid, even if I am not a teen, but a grown woman. I don't suffer from body dysmorphya, but I feel like not having a bit of sexy in my bones, so badly, I don't even know how being sexy might apply to me. I feel like an outsider and fully identify as a woman, but don't feel feminine at all. All I wear and ever wore is jeans and t shirt and can't imagine wearing a dress, that's totally not me. I also was kind of a tomboy as a teen and probably still am. My menopause was premature and I wasn't even slightly sad about not being abled to have kids or being less feminine, I was glad it happened for not having my period anymore and maybe even because that made me being more conneced to being not very feminine.
I also feel like an outsider that was never part of an in group. I have friends and had some in school, but I always felt different. The 'not like other girls' stance doesn't apply to me, because I am not like other people. I am 46 and just recently met a woman, I can really, really relate with and talk to as a friend. I also visited a therapist years ago, but she was terrible. The only therapist, I liked and who helped me was the head therapist of the ADHD support group. She understood who I was and helped me to finish my studies at university.
Femininity as of now is pretty distorted picture far from reality anyway. So.. it's no surprise that a lot of us women doesn't like that cursed cage. So.. do not be discouraged I guess.
An older person here. I have never felt part of any group. My likes have never been mainstream (music, food, fashion...), but I'm not eccentric either. I always see things differently than the majority; I raise questions. and I'm astonished that people do not see the things I see immediately, because they are so obvious. I'm not a genius, but the mainstream crowd seems like retarded, to me. I'm not autistic or anything. I have aphantasia, though - which is a trait (not a disorder!) that about 2-3% of people have.
About always being an outsider...I think that in my case I got it from my family environment. I was the only girl and my siblings were almost 10 years older, so we did not share our experiences. Nobody validated my observations and thoughts. There is no way of knowing if I had this "being different" in my nature, too, or if it developed because of the social setting. Not unhappy about it. I guess the world needs people who think differently and who question things.
Lemme smash
Out of all twitch streamers Dr.K provides the most value. He's directly helping people.
You could tell that it was really hurting Ingrid to keep the assault bottled up inside. She said she felt relieved after telling Dr.K. Really does show how sharing your deepest hurts with others helps you heal.
I really felt for Ingrid and hope she can find a caring therapist to help her to explore her emotions 🙏❤️.
Also she should probably tell her parent as well. It sounds like they would support her and help her heal.
What about forsen
Isn't making someone laugh for 4-8 hours directly helping someone?
@@kb_799 Sure, but making someone chuckle a bit has the same value as a funny meme you scroll by on twitter. I would argue that helping someone to unravel and process their trauma/past experiences probably has a higher long term impact in regards to helping them. But funny streamers have their place and I'm not saying that everyone should be armchair therapists for their audiences or anything.
@@Neo_Destiny Absolutely. I watch Dr.K because it keeps me motivated to confront my own demons but also because he makes it entertaining and provides the right atmosphere to explore those internal feelings. Adding humour (appropriately) to the situation is absolutely part of why this works as well.
I don't think there is any need to compare what Dr K does with what any other streamer provides. We can just say that he is providing an incredible value to this world. I am so thankful for the amazing work he is doing :)
We are (both men and women) bombarded constantly with images and ideals about what we should look like and act like to be considered someone who is likable, desirable, worthy of attention and love. Somehow images and the meanings we ascribe to them have become equated as being the thing. A woman can feel like she's soft, feminine, romantic, and want to be treated like a woman who loves romantic attention and chivalry, but when her appearance doesn't match the 'agreed' image of that kind of woman, that's when she feels at angst with her appearance, and starts to question her womanliness. We live in a world where the cover has become the book, and we judge ourselves (and others) on it.
Are people supposed to mind read
@@Tofuu1311are people supposed to mind read
Seriously, everyone deserves a Dr. K in their life. The world would honestly be a better place
Until you get evil Dr.K forced to help evil people become thier best self
Licensed therapists should watch your sessions to learn how best to help their patients. You do great work.
In my experience when someone has body dysmorphia there are typically legitimate reasons for that. People notice their own imperfections and shortcomings a lot more than others do. Usually they aren’t delusional or lack confidence, it’s something very real about their body that to them stick out like a sore thumb, but because others don’t pay attention to us too closely they don’t notice it as much as we think they do.
So I totally agree that trying to invalidate their concerns is the wrong approach.
Without being a professional psychologist or therapist myself, one approach I would try is ask the person to point out what are the specific body parts they feel they have a problem with and then ask them what they would do to change them or how they wish they were different. Then proceed to ask them if they could change all their body parts to their ideal looking replacement body parts, how would that affect their self confidence and self image.
I feel like in the case of this girl, it’s way deeper than just her disliking her appearance and not finding herself attractive, it’s more of a case of identity crisis and a disconnect between her conscious self and her material self.
I think an important thing about BDD that many people keep missing is that it’s categorised as an *obsessive-compulsive disorder.*
All people have something they aren’t fully happy with themselves but those thoughts tend to come and go and they can forgot those things when they focus on something else. But with BDD those negative thoughts don’t go away, they go on a loop and then they become very distressing and important.
Then there is compulsive action to try to mitigate the distress from the perceived issue (mirror checking, selfie analysing, grooming…) It’s not just a “body image issues” you can rationalise away but also a problem in how the brain works. This is also evident in how notoriously unsatisfied people with BDD are with cosmetic surgery. We often just switch the compulsive thoughts to another part.
I hope people struggling with BDD can see the obsessive compulsive side of this disorder and not think it’s just about the body or body image.
Wow! This is so helpful. Thank you so much for sharing this information
That makes so much sense! Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you ! ❤️
Someone in chat called her a, “raid boss,” and I thought that was funny because this whole thing was a rollercoaster. The answers we thought might me obvious, weren’t the answers at all and it really reinforced how Dr.K is at his job. She was truly an iceberg of history and emotion. Wow.
I am so thankful that ingrid decided to go on. This was so helpful to watch & learn alongside her.
As a person who has had this almost sixty years I am surprised no one seems to see this is a variant of toxic shame. To avoid hating myself I blame my body for life’s disappointments. My unloving stepfather, and father. Not being loved… I think understanding this would help treat it.
Yes.
We come to determine who and what we are by the feedback we receive from others .
There are so many studies that demonstrate how social feedback affects black students; they do not perform well academically based on the fact that they do not believe they are capable of achievement based on how they were treated or what was expected of them. However, when they are treated as if they are capable and held to higher standards, they performed well.
I feel this is the same principle; we are what we believe others think we are. .
sometimes we watch episodes and its like *snap* Dr. K knows it all. but then its so interesting to see, how he has moments where he has to work himself and his streaming partner inch for inch closer to the "solution". nice talk, nice job by ingrid!
Im only 1:19:00 in, and I dont disagree with sometimes Doctor K has to work with the interviewee, but I do think that he knows the general "path" to the solution within the first 20 minutes or so. Depending on how willing the guest is to acknowledge certain things and open up, they can arrive to a beautiful realization quickly. There was quite the struggle in this episode with the guest shutting down when Dr.K started sharing the things he noticed about her and tried to pry to have her arrive at her own solution.
When he asked what she wants to hear and said I don’t know I felt that so much and started crying, you don’t know what you want to hear because there not much that will convince you or can change your mind
This topics really helpful as many of my friends may not have Body Dysmorphia but to some degree hate the way they look and it opens up my eyes a bit to comfort them.
Thanks Dr. K!
what are friends?
So you r the pretty one?
many of my friends dont have bodies too
You seem like a good friend.
her story is literally what i have been experiencing for many years now. i’m glad i came upon this video.
Ingrid, thank you for making yourself so vulnerable to us. Dr. K - thank you too. I'm scared about my job search and this is bringing me so much clarity.
Okay first of all, Ingrid you are so brave for doing this, and this has helped so many other girls who struggle with body dysmorphia. Secondly, so many of the phrases she uses are word for word the SAME things I say to my therapist (i also struggle with body dysmorphia). It’s crazy how similar our experiences are but also so different
Thank you for sharing your story, Ingrid. I can't imagine how much courage that took. I too feel ugly and dirty after sexual assault. People can be so fucking disgusting, but we are not the ugly ones. People who do that have ugly souls, they're the dirty ones. Not us.
❤❤❤
Samsies. I always felt like shit about my appearance but after I was assaulted it became an obsession. And it's kind of a mind fuck because, I wanted to be ugly, so that no one would ever do that to me again, but I was so disgusted by the body that held the trauma I wanted to fix it and make it better. It's a really wild thing.
@@eloramolano8038 this! yes I can so relate! 💯💯💯 (I’m sorry you had to deal with that btw, I hope you are healing ❤️)
❤
@@eloramolano8038spin the block on em
Thank you for doing this Dr K. There is so little information and conversation about this disorder, it's often misunderstood as something superficial or not severe. I've struggled with it for many years now and it can be crippling at the best and dangerous at worst. I've done damaging things to try and "fix" my flaws and I avoided the camera for years, which means I don't have memories with so many loved ones captured. Sorry if this has nothing to do with anything, I've only just started watching. But again, thank you for this.
It may be an overstatement that I wholeheartedly agree with how Ingrid feels, but I have the same mindset that I am not worthy of positive emotion, my existence is pointless. And to deal with that I have suppress every emotion, both negative and positive. I was emotionally numb for many years since high school too. I'm still working on getting over this 'coping mechanism' by remembering to be honest to myself emotionally. Currently I still have problem allowing myself being happy sometimes, but it's been a lot better than before.
The way she talked, and struggled with words and emotion is exactly how I feel when I am dissociated. The PTSD hypo numbness stops me processing thoughts and finding my words. Then when the numbness goes the feelings come back and then I got all these rules to avoid it. She was really brave! I just got to the trigger bit, now I think she is even braver and understand even more why I identified with her. I'm so sorry to her for what that guy did. The only thing that helped me was a bible verse about it's not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of his heart. I know it's a 'religious' thing, but it helped me see that what someone else does to me isn't a reflection on me but it came from their heart. Helped me put down the shame, but I'm still working on the disgust of having a body.
I have a friend who is exactly like her, down to even playing football (soccer) and feeling like she can’t wear makeup. Dresses are a bit extreme but just feminine t shirt cuts, feminine blouses, yoga pants, etc can all be used to transition into the feminine realm of clothing without feeling too much of a cold water shock of wearing a dress.
I tried that and didn’t work, it just made me feel worse and now I feel uglier than before.
Yes, for example i feel valid in sports cloths even sexy ones and slim dresses from sportsbrands. I wonder if it feels like sportswear have some kind of masculinity on it and feels like its for me then
This interview makes me feel so uncomfortable...because it's so relatable! So much courage, Ingrid!
She is an amazing, courageous young woman. Impressed by Dr. K as well.
Thank you for coming on Ingrid. The feeling of doing something new and being noticed is so terrifying. I want to get a new haircut or whatever and I just want no one to look at me.
I admire Dr.K so much for giving her a chance to speak, not pushing an answer onto her and not judging whatever she says. I've gone through a few therapists and I still haven't found this combo in any of them.
I understand wanting to change something (putting on a dress) and just wanting people to NOT comment on it. I 100% relate. But I also know they will say something once, maybe twice, and get over it. I'd say "Yeah, I'm trying something different." And move on with my life. And so will they. After a few times of wearing a dress, it will be old news.
Yeah, that is pretty healthy. The problem exactly is when something on your mind doesn't let you think it will pass after 1-2 times and you think there is something so strange about you that people that doesn't know you will think something is really off.
I'm kind of surprised Dr.K didn't notice that she kept glancing at her monitor looking at chat. Feel like this would have gone quite differently if that wasn't the case. Look at her reaction at 27:50 for example, she gets distracted then has a negative self conscious reaction to something she read.
perhaps he realised that but didn't mention it bc it might have been comforting to have it for her.
@@Br0ccolini It looked the opposite of comforting to me.
@@sean919191 when did you become telepathic?
@@JohnDoe-sp3dc Just intuition, I might be wrong.
Well she is adult and this is a willingly done conversation. Dr K can not tell her what to do. She also will look for validation other time and place of not today, because this is the part of body dismorphia. So please chill folks.
This was super tense to watch. I could definitely relate to her bottling up her feelings.
Ohhhhhhhhh!! When she mentioned the discomfort of all eyes on her when she enters a room, THAT resonated with me! I had the EXACT same experience when I was in school.
Once I'd reached junior high, I became more and more tardy. Everyone blamed it on me being "lazy" and "sleeping in" - and while I WAS tired and would have preferred to sleep, that was NOT the reason. The reason was, I simply did NOT want to go to or be at school.
So I dragged my feet, putting it off as long as possible. By the time I got school, I was late - REAL late. And often, even if I arrived at school ON TIME or even EARLY, I would hang back, wait for the rest of the kids to file in and get to class, THEN I'd come strolling in. Why? Cos I did not want to have to deal with anyone (especially my tormentors).
Once IN school, with the teacher supervision, it was tolerable to deal with the rest of the students. But I'd come in, and depending on the protocol, I'd either go get a late slip and go to the late room, or if I were late enough where classes had begun, I'd still get a late slip and then head to class... but I would not GO to the late room or to class. I'd hide out in the boys room or the phys-ed change room until the bell chimed for class change, then I'd file out and merge with the kids moving to their next class.
Why? Cos I did not want to WALK IN to any room where class-in-session or other late kids were quietly sitting, and have the loud "Ka-CHUNK!" of the door opening get their attention and have ALL those eyes turn and look at me!
However, if it were ONLY that, I might have been okay with it and adapted, but initially, when I entered, the teacher would start in on me and the spotlight would remain for much longer, with an added heaping helping of humiliation as I got grilled about being late, and whatever else I did wrong (i.e. homework not completed/submitted). As a result, I even got "scared" of mere heads turning to glance at me for a split -second, even if the teacher said nothing. So, rather than risk enduring any prolonged attention, I just avoided the whole thing outright, cos that was the BEST way to remain INVISIBLE, and I waited til the bell rang, when I could blend in with the migrating students in the hallways, and commence my school day.
I've since overcome that fear of heads turning and eyes on me for a split-second. I just don't care anymore. But it was definitely a thing back in the day. However, any progress I made has been undone over recent years. I developed more anxiety and insecurity over my appearance and just wished not to be seen - I have developed chronic "wish I was invisible" syndrome. That resulted in me being a shut-in, diagnosed with the body dysmorphia, agoraphobia, and other anxiety conditions where I refuse and/or am too terrified to venture away from my home. I live alone, and I wait til 2 or 3 in the morning to go down and collect mail or take out trash, so I do not have to encounter or be seen by anyone. I really really despise what I see in the mirror now (and for the past couple of decades).
Anyway, my point was, I can totally relate to that fear and aversion to entering a room and people looking up/back at you, even if it's only for a moment. It's not just the looks, it's all the paranoid fear over "what must they be thinking now they know it's me".
That moment at the end when she talked about the incident from a year ago made me cry. No one should ever go through that situation. I hope she's feeling better.
I am so grateful for her for coming onto stream, this has helped me so much.
Finally! I was looking for a vid about body dysmorphia from Dr. K a few days ago with no results
I think I have the exact same thing as Ingrid. When she mentioned the word "unproportional" chills went down my spine. I just felt like commenting how it feels to me (26, male):
To me the things that bug me about my appearance are very specific. Like 3 or 4 main things that I not even only notice in myself, but also when other people have the same "deformation" it bugs me. I just constantly notice these details in pictures and even just on the street and like for her, in mirrors.
I think for me this comes from making so much art and paying so much attention to details and wanting to fix everything that I just can't help but think "Damn this and that about my body shouldn't be like that". It sometimes feels like I don't look "how I was supposed to turn out". But there are also times when I like pictures of myself and it's only when these exact points I mentioned before - look fine.
There are other points I have noticed which don't bug me too much in my daily life, that I have found out after examining myself in front of a mirror for like half an hour. Like I noticed one of my ears is a bit lower than the other, the center of my teeth is offcenter to my face (I even mesured these things and analyzed them in pictures). But like I said, these I only think about like once or twice a year.
My conclusion to all of this was the realization that I judge EVERYTHING very harshly AND I NEED TO! Because life to me is about finding the better - and you can only make a distinction between things if you judge them. So essentially I learned to accept and embrace my "inner judge"...
I consider myself highly motivated by aesthetics so I feel you on this one. I had BDD for a couple years but have grown to love myself independent from my appearance (which I still sometimes have qualms with). Now I channel my love for details into art, games like the sims, and building my house in ESO. I gotta tell you that scrutinizing your appearance (and that inner critic seeping out to attack others) isn't ok. Hope you're less harsh on yourself in the future, your face isn't art that is meant to be critiqued, it's just a vessel you use to better the world around you. Be nice to yourself and let yourself be the one thing you love unconditionally, you're the only one who will ever fully know all the pain you've experienced. I love you too, if that helps at all haha.
you only need to judge things harshly that you can actually change
17:39 "i was into, like, more boy stuff." "sure, like what?" "gaming" "right onnnn😁👍"
lmao this clip is so wholesome and happy, i'm beaming over here. on REPEAT
I have body dysmorphic disorder and it's completely horrible to live with. It obviously has complex beginnings and its good that people can talk about it on a stream like this and try to address these issues. It obviously takes a lot to unwind this disorder and hopefully this stream can help others address and work through the issues, at least a little bit. I was wondering if there would ever be a BDD stream, or whether I should contact doctor k and try to arrange one; but there is one! so that's good. Hope Ingrid can make progress and I hope others watching can make progress too! It's a debilitating illness and really affects people's lives greatly, but through work, accessing professionals, talking to loved ones and practice, people can improve.
I couldn't stop crying. Idk how Dr. K can get to the bottom of these things without shedding a single tear. And I'm about to study psychology, wish me luck
Being able to control your emotions to help others is a whole skill but it comes at a price. It's best to regularly let all these feelings out later in a healthy manner so you don't blow up.
Well, it's hard to tell but I think he does that sometimes. Or like in that interview that was titled why you feel unloveable, I'm sure he wiped his face a few times.
I should say that it is widely believed that therapist shouldn't show much emotion and always come from a higher place; but that's just one of many approaches. Some think it's totally fine to show a little bit of you own emotions. Just that it shouldn't be about you, unless you're like, sharing you experience to help the patient or something like that
@@Kriliska I think that's why therapist should have their own therapist and see them from time to time.
@@Kriliska that usually has to do with family of origin and then you could add on peers and institutions your stuck being a part of, usually it's the parents that actually shut down your authentic self or tell you you need to be something so you end up internalizing and turning on yourself your family needs to allow you to navigate your feelings in order to be healthy it's not the kids job
He’s such a great doctor. I love the way he takes you on an emotional journey. I know many people don’t like him but it works for me
she is so brave and adorable, i really hope she gets the help she needs
I respect you a lot. I also think Ingrid was super courageous, telling everything she did. I hope she will be able to get over this.
From "No, not eally and idc" to "Well yeah, yeah and I care" It's like watching caterpie evolved into butterfree.
Caterpie to a butterfree?
Caterpillar to a butterfly?
@@LinusE they were referencing pokemon
As a straight girl crossdresser it's so fucking nice to hear a mental health professional acknowledge that I exist. I've had so many people tell me that I "must" be trans to the point that it became an anxiety for me. If you're still teaching at Harvard or interacting with colleagues much, don't let them forget it; r/detransitioners has like a gazillion subs for a reason.
The sad thing is that many people would call you a TERF for saying this. :/
People are WAY too quick to tell others they are trans, it's kind of scary because it makes you wonder how many people who were not may have actually gone through with transitioning due to other people pressuring them
I totally agree with you and recently people started to for some dumb reson connect beahviors and personallity with gender identity, which is just bs, wearing a dress doesnt make you a girl and so on. But I want to note that r/detrans is a terrible sub flooded with transphobes and a lot of fake stories from them. I still totally agree with you and hate this "new wave" of "trans allies" which tell everoyne they are trans too through, just tried to say that Iam really not a fan of this subreddit
@@otozinclus3593 kinda funny because as a very young kid (3-5) in a house full of sisters, I wore dresses and had my nails painted a few times. My dad thought I was gonna be gay lol, mom didn't think anything of it. But I turned out to be straight, masculine, and never questioned my identity even once. I'll just chalk stuff like that up to kids being curious *shrug*
why would a trans person tell you that you're trans when you dont feel like a man and you only crossdress? makes no sense. unless you're presenting the situation in untruthful manner.
Seriously, the amount of topics that I can feel I can relate to on this channel makes me very happy that I found it on one hand, but on the other hand it terrifies me that there are seemingly so many people who have similar issues to me. I'm starting to properly understand where Dr K got the idea for AoE Healing from. There's SO much good stuff here.
I'm pretty sure my sister has body dysmorphia. This was so insightful and educational. It helps me a lot in understanding her feelings about herself. I think it might be easier to talk to her about her appearance now.
This session really resonates with me as i struggle with similar thoughts. One thing that helped me a lot is the notion that we (I) don’t owe anyone beauty. I don’t have to be beautiful. I also don’t owe anyone intelligence, or success, or fill-in-the-blank. I have the right to be, as I am, however I am, simply because I exist, and it’s no one’s business. I dont know exactly why, but this phrase helps me.
Once again thanks for uploading the whole thing and not a shorter version
I’m so late to the party, but wanted to say that Dr K is SO IMPRESSIVE. This concept around the beast and it feeling great to take photos she hates is just 🤯
What a really great and intelligent guest. Very interesting topic as well
She began to really piss me off, but then I remembered when I first started therapy and I used to communicate my emotions in grunts- until my therapist began to coach me in developing my own emotional language by putting that grunt into words.
It’s exactly what Dr. K is doing!
He’s coaching her to develop her own internal labeling system to put internal chaos into some cohesive order. (Like the Dewey Decimal System but for feelings lmao)
I relate to this so much. I didn't stay exploring my feminine side until well after college. I didn't feel at all attractive, and if I did randomly feel like dressing up, feeling that everyone in my daily routine (family, friends, school) would definitely notice and those who were closer to me would point it out or give me shit about it stopped me every time. I didn't want the attention, and I did NOT want to feel embarrassed by teasing siblings and friends.
Now I dress according to my mood. Sometimes I roll into work in full on glamor mode, and sometimes I'm in a t-shirt and the yoga pants with the hole in the crotch. Truth be told, I would have killed to look like her in school.
Ingrid to medical doctor: do you know when girls get their period? This made me chuckle so hard 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
To be fair, high school starts at 14-15 in the US, and that's still fairly late for a first period.
I got a slight impression he was trying to probe and see if maybe she had delayed puberty which factored into her lack of attraction toward people.
It was still a very amusing exchange, though :)
@@hardgay7537 I don't understand this because I remember knowing what attraction felt like long before the onset of puberty
1:44:10 the whack-a-mole / inner beast analogy was really relatable, playing games to distract from it. Great session
Well that was a real “oh shit” ending.
Man I cried in the end. She was so strong for sharing that.
So relatable to the point it truly hurts. Thank you, Ingrid. And thank you, Dr. K.
I'm amazed that she had the courage to open up to 5000+ viewers at the time. I hope Ingrid can find some resolution with her past.
wow I think I got a glimpse on how i can escape my issues with body dysmorphia, this is isnpiring me to change.
can we talk about the sick time stamps?
They're dope
oh yeah, i didnt notice at all, those are actually great
Finally, youtube added a feature that people actually like!
@@TheSpiritof76 We are truly in the weirdest timeline.
Noone asked, but fun fact - pornhub added this feature as well
This was one of the most extreme things I’ve seen on RUclips. Ingrid, you are so brave and charming! To have the courage to even speak about your feelings, let alone in front of so many others, to such a degree takes serious guts that I feel like not many people have. You deserve to find peace in yourself and in your life and feel fulfilled. Dr. K that was absolutely insane how you gave Ingrid a place to talk and feel totally comfortable with you and the audience to speak on such a personal level. This was seriously such an incredible video I’m blown away by it all.
Thank you Ingrid for coming on, this hits so close to home, FUCK goddamn. Thanks Dr. K for this.
Jesus Christ, I found this guy recently and he should be the most popular channel on RUclips. The way he can analyze people and get to the issue is unreal.
Why do i relate to almost every problem his patients have lmao
I think it just kinda shows that these problems are common. And people arent alone with their problems.
Chris Hekman same I believe everyone is fucked up but to different degrees all over the board
Because these feelings and problems people deal with. But theirs are magnified on a particular one. Which is why they are on doctor k
You can relate to a lot of peoples things without having that theyre having
Dr. K - I Really enjoyed watching this video! am impressed to see how attentive and responsive you are. Add in the wisdom, intelligence, certainly rare. You appear to have sat at the "smart table group" in school. (how I describe levels of innate intelligence that were apparent in early grade school)
I am hopeful there are more like you - some I may meet.
I cannot thank you enough for posting your videos which are deeply insightful. They have encouraged and helped me a lot! 😊
I think if I went and did something like trying on a dress when ppl know me as a tomboy and they then make fun of me for it saying it doesnt fit me.. I'd feel soo much pain and hurt opposed to "i didn't care"
She definitely cared. She may not care presently because she's looking back into the past, however, she was definitely emotionally affected by it considering how fucked up her gender identity is now.
I'm 3 years late, I hope she's doing well ❤
One thing that blew my mind about this interview is how much my brother talks just like her, though it's about his personality instead of his body. This helped me understand his way of thinking a little more. Thanks for coming on Ingrid ❤
User in chat when she says she can't wear feminine clothes: "Girl, mix it up. Wear a tee with a cute skirt! Rock some sweet kicks with a dress."
Ah thanks, I'm cured! I just had to do it instead of not doing it!
To be fair, she was doing a horrible job explaining herself due to the language barrier. It's not her fault, but she was contradicting herself and restating the same exact point over and over only to then, minutes later, say she felt differently.
@@JohnDoe-sp3dc Maybe it wasn't language barrier. It's sometimes like that when you go in to explain the inner workings of your problems. especially things like body dysmorphia probably isn't going to be straight forward logical but complicated and vague and difficult to characterize. I think she did an ok job
@@et5600 that's what I meant by language barrier. It's difficult enough to talk those sorts of things as it is, like you mentioned, and that only gets compounded by a language barrier.
@@JohnDoe-sp3dc I'm not native myself but I think language barrier wouldn't be an issue. It doesn't affect every non native speaker
It's not terrible advice though, sounds like the chat member was saying baby steps instead of giant leaps. Don't try to wear a dress in public all at once, but maybe put on a subtle necklace. Next time, maybe capris instead of sweatpants. Work your way up to it, let yourself adjust. I think that was the "mix it up" there.
Yet another amazing episode, kudos to you, Ingrid, thank you for showing me what it looks like for someone else. I resonate so much with this, and I've never had the opportunity to dig this deep into my own issue with the help of such an insightful master of psychology. I see so many of the strategies I used, and still use, to avoid the real issue. It's deep. It's painful and scary. It's a process. Thank you Dr K
wow the time stamps are awesome
At my lowest weight,110 lbs, I could look in the mirror and think I was fat and just monstrous. Now, I occasionally can think that way, but I weigh about ten pounds more than that atm and don't constantly struggle with thinking I'm fat since I've been getting better. Body dysmorphia has such a powerful grasp on the mind, and I am really glad this was talked about.
Omfg same, I'm on the 'tall and slim' side but often feel fat because I judge every single imperfection on myself sometimes >< ugh
Diagnosed with body dysmoprphia (chronic "ugly" perceptions of the self) in the late 90s, and it's gotten no better - with age and the passage of time, it's actually gotten worse, only NOW it's a lot less "dysmorphic", meaning perceptions have become reality.
❤️❤️
I can relate to Ingrid a lot. I was in a mental hospital for a few months and constantly had the feeling that people were just telling me things that I already knew and I didnt know what to do with that. I also had (and still have) a hard time feeling something or allowing emotion.
I came to the conclusion that I don't need to do anything with it, I just needed to get more aware of it and realize that I don't have to adhere to a standard of anyone (not even myself). I just need to be me. And if being be includes something thats not normal that is not bad. Actually being not completely normal is normal.
Assuming English isn’t her first language she’s done a great job communicating and describing her experience
keep up the great streams Dr. K!
Her story resonates with me so much. Listening to this helped me realize that I also resisted being feminine, because I saw that women were treated poorly in my family’s religion & in their families of origin. Like, any child with sense would look at the people in my family and want to be one of the guys.
Do I have every mental illness, like why are all your videos relatable
Agreed. I have a similar experience, my family are strangly sexist and I grew up on a more sexist time. I saw being physical and assertive as "masculine " so I became a tomboy. The pink and blue boxes society put us in do so much damage.
I relate to Ingrid to a T here. Down to age too. I'm still struggling but I can tell bit by bit, It does and will get better. Listen to that pinch of hope you have in your spirit, I know you have it. I wish only the best to you, thank you both for speaking on this!
Hoo boy so much of this resonates with my life experiences too. I hope she can chew on this and make some progress towards feeling better about herself. Self hate is a fucking hard thing to fight. Lots of respect, for both of them!
One of my favourite episodes. It’s rough when you don’t get to see the real image of yourself when looking through the mirror