" i waited 40 minutes, got called in, told my story and 5 minutes later he said we cant help you ". that one went under the skin, had an experience just like it and it was the day i gave up. i feel incredibly sorry for her.
I'm sorry that happened to you. No one including you deserves to be treated that way. It's hard enough to reach out for help so it's doubly devastating to be dismissed like that. I hope you've found other resources to help you!
I've had that happen to me too many times to count. In my mind it's because they are just a bunch of chickens, and lazy ones at that. They just want the easy cases so they can have a easy day at work.
Seeing people rate her looks on any level, positive or negative, totally missed the point of this episode and didn't even pay attention to the first ten minutes. Most of chat seemed understanding though.
It does miss the main point, but it's also useful data for anyone going through something similar - to see someone so genuinely beautiful still struggle with this. It proves you don't have to actually be ugly to believe yourself ugly.
Case in point is FloydRix8... totally oblivious to what her mental issues is about and sounds like a know it all lol. Scary part is that he is apparently a life coach.
Agreed. I do worry that our societies obsession with beauty might be the root of the problem. That said- even praising her looks might be feeding into the problem. idk...
@@turolretar Same. I even got offered to model for a certain brand one time and I assumed the person was trying to f with me because I feel like the most horrible looking human being ever all the time. But at the same time I noticed that women show a lot of interest in me despite my social anxiety. So much so that I know that as soon as a new woman starts at my workplace, I will have to deal with flirting.
I usually try to watch all of Dr.Ks sessions and I missed this one unfortunately. There is something reassuring in knowing that the guest on stream is more important than anything else.
What's really scary is to be pretty only _some_ of the times, or only pretty to _some_ people. The mind craves the safety of certainty and predictability. If you believe that you're ugly and never attempt to make yourself pretty, then you expect yourself to be ugly 100% of times--that's certainty. But if you do dress up and allow the possibility that you might be pretty, other people still won't think you're pretty 100% of times (because people have different preferences), and that uncertainty can be terrifying.
I didn't really ever think about that but that happened to me I wasn't standard ugly if such a thing exists but I was the cute kid who got awkward during puberty then got tall and skinnier so people said oh you look nice but then my skin got worse dermatitis and I felt like a leper I got skin meds and skin is clear and in my 20s some people said I'm pretty, it was a total mind F for me and I did get rejected more than once so yeah I give up
@@leahflower9924 hey, I just want to pop and say my thing. The fact that you got rejected multiple times is sad, but is not a hint to give up. I got rejected many times, I'm overweight and have a weird brain. But eventually I found a person who loves me the way I am, and it was a handsome french guy, who treats me like a goddess. We have common interests, fluid communication, common values, and we're just vibing. My hubby initially didn't have physical interest in me when we met, but just 3 days later when we've spent some time together due to circumstances, he already knew I would be his future wife(which came true). It was totally random encounter which changed my life. I live in french Alps now on the border with Switzerland. Life is unpredictable. You never know who you might meet next week, month or year. And in fact, finding love to yourself also might happen somewhat randomly, out of the process of looking for it or not. Your task now is just to try to make your days enjoyable, to make your future days even more enjoyable, and to try to learn this person who you will live with forever - yourself. I bet you can discover plenty of beauty in yourself, if you take a non-judgemental friendly look at yourself. Cheers.
She's afraid of this: "If I dress up, and find myself looking good, then if someone would even look like they don't think so would be too much to handle". So she decides it's better to not try to avoid that situation.
Or maybe she feels like if she dressed up again, she would get more unwanted attention and so she subconsciously hides herself to try to protect herself from another assault 😢
@@unionunicorn6776 this screams of projection from your own insecurities by the way. Not an attack, just alerting you to the external appearance of this.
@@monehget Yes, it is true I am projecting, because what I said was based on my own personal experience. That's why I said she "maybe" feels this way, not that she absolutely does (not that any of us would actually know how someone else feels unless they specifically told us). So it's only my personal guess as to what might cause someone to act that way (because again, based on my own personal experience, this *could* be one *potential* explanation for her behavior, which is similar to my own).
is it bad that I see myself in literally almost every one of Dr. K's guests? It's either I have every problem in the world or modern problems are just that common...or I'm just also in need of a therapist :)
Its the internet man. It pokes at every insecurity and every possible thing in your life. Dr. K talks about how over pathologized we are and he is right. Its normal to feel anxiety, have insecurities, low points in life, but a lot of times people have one of those things that cross the line of being an emotion into being a problem. So, everyone should see a therapist for checks ups because you always want to make sure you're healthy. Take care of yourself and make sure you're always putting your health first!
@@NoThing-wc3cs How much is it actually solving?, maybe you need to stay away from the internet, it's like your teeth rotting from eating candy and you say, well you can just fix them, or stopping the cause of it.
Though I am older than this young lady, I feel the same way she does. No one has ever found me beautiful. My mother told me I was ugly. The boys I went to school with called me ugly too. I had two friends in high school. I am so sick of how often people are judged on looks before ANYTHING else. Trust me when I tell you this.
I love how he has to stop and think. His brain scanning through all he’s learnt, putting it all together and finding out what to ask next, all in a few seconds. This shows that he’s not just spouting the first thing that comes into his mind. But just watching him search through his knowledge is amazing.
I guess if I was speaking to him the first time he does that I would feel like he is distracted, but after seeing how he responds to what I have said I would feel he really listens and respects what I have said, and I would say "yeah, please take all your time thinking about it"
My psychotherapists does the same. Sometimes he just stops for 30 seconds and he's looking at the wall. Then he asks so sophisticated question, that I'm almost entertained by his intelligence. I don't know if you know what I mean haha.
@@Web-Slinger42 I don't think you buy them , you apply for them in his discord I believe , there's a screening process but he's been working on a way for more people to have access to this kind of thing. Also he's very insistant on the fact that this isn't actual therapy and he can't diagnose you through 1 discord call , it's more of a friendly chat.
@@Web-Slinger42 He mentioned that he sees private clients still, and one guy he had on mentioned Dr. K was $500/hr, to which Dr. K said something like 'my prices change every quarter so I don't promote them anywhere'. It sounded like most of his in person clients are very wealthy, and if anything he has the problem of too many clients and too little time, and this is part of his decision to try to impact more lives in a mindful way through technology.
I'm 33 and I've dealt with this my whole life.. I fantasize about being totally open about it.. But the only issue with that is it's kind of like once the cats out of the bag you can't put it back in.. it's like my own private hell I put myself through..
@@igot5onit423 Well, you can talk about it anonymously here is you want to practice writing out some of what has bothered you. I'm a 36 year old dude, FYI, and we'll never meet in real life, and if it matters to you that others know your problems believe me that it won't be a big deal to me, lol.
man, i gotta say one thing that’s more important about all of these interview streams than anything else - every guest deserves a fucking medal for participating in these events, mad respect for bringing up the most disturbing parts of yourselves to the public domain. while i watch them sometimes the conversations happen to dig so deep into the human psyche, that my empathetic part goes like “daaamn, this hurts” for the guest, so if that’s how those moments come across to me as a viewer in the safety of my chair, i can’t imagine what is the weight of uncovering something like that is like for the person in the stream. it’s just so intense, and yet a gem for the people watching as a source for self reflecting and discovery that wouldn’t be possible for us to get if these people weren’t brave enough to bring it to a public stream. that alone is already something for us all to learn from them. so again, thanks Ingrid and y’all who come to these streams, the universe should protect you at all costs. another compound that’s enabling us to be part of it - is obviously Dr.K’s impressive professional skills and overall human decency. the fact that all these compounds happened to meet each other and materialise as these interviews for us to learn from - is fascinating af😵💫
Not knowing how to identify feelings and then on top of that - talk - about them was something I had to work on in therapy. I thought I didn't experience anger at all - wow, was I wrong! Therapy came with long uncomfortable pauses while we waited for me to calm down and to form new patterns in my brain. Ingrid needed time to calm down and then once she was calm and realized her opportunity for help was going to end, her need for this to be resolved was stronger than the fear. It took me 3 years of therapy but I got there. Watching this years later makes me realize that my anger was directed at my body, the safest place for me to express anger at that time.
It's creepy how much I can relate with Ingrid, even if I am not a teen, but a grown woman. I don't suffer from body dysmorphya, but I feel like not having a bit of sexy in my bones, so badly, I don't even know how being sexy might apply to me. I feel like an outsider and fully identify as a woman, but don't feel feminine at all. All I wear and ever wore is jeans and t shirt and can't imagine wearing a dress, that's totally not me. I also was kind of a tomboy as a teen and probably still am. My menopause was premature and I wasn't even slightly sad about not being abled to have kids or being less feminine, I was glad it happened for not having my period anymore and maybe even because that made me being more conneced to being not very feminine. I also feel like an outsider that was never part of an in group. I have friends and had some in school, but I always felt different. The 'not like other girls' stance doesn't apply to me, because I am not like other people. I am 46 and just recently met a woman, I can really, really relate with and talk to as a friend. I also visited a therapist years ago, but she was terrible. The only therapist, I liked and who helped me was the head therapist of the ADHD support group. She understood who I was and helped me to finish my studies at university.
Femininity as of now is pretty distorted picture far from reality anyway. So.. it's no surprise that a lot of us women doesn't like that cursed cage. So.. do not be discouraged I guess.
An older person here. I have never felt part of any group. My likes have never been mainstream (music, food, fashion...), but I'm not eccentric either. I always see things differently than the majority; I raise questions. and I'm astonished that people do not see the things I see immediately, because they are so obvious. I'm not a genius, but the mainstream crowd seems like retarded, to me. I'm not autistic or anything. I have aphantasia, though - which is a trait (not a disorder!) that about 2-3% of people have. About always being an outsider...I think that in my case I got it from my family environment. I was the only girl and my siblings were almost 10 years older, so we did not share our experiences. Nobody validated my observations and thoughts. There is no way of knowing if I had this "being different" in my nature, too, or if it developed because of the social setting. Not unhappy about it. I guess the world needs people who think differently and who question things.
Out of all twitch streamers Dr.K provides the most value. He's directly helping people. You could tell that it was really hurting Ingrid to keep the assault bottled up inside. She said she felt relieved after telling Dr.K. Really does show how sharing your deepest hurts with others helps you heal. I really felt for Ingrid and hope she can find a caring therapist to help her to explore her emotions 🙏❤️. Also she should probably tell her parent as well. It sounds like they would support her and help her heal.
@@kb_799 Sure, but making someone chuckle a bit has the same value as a funny meme you scroll by on twitter. I would argue that helping someone to unravel and process their trauma/past experiences probably has a higher long term impact in regards to helping them. But funny streamers have their place and I'm not saying that everyone should be armchair therapists for their audiences or anything.
@@punjatti101 Absolutely. I watch Dr.K because it keeps me motivated to confront my own demons but also because he makes it entertaining and provides the right atmosphere to explore those internal feelings. Adding humour (appropriately) to the situation is absolutely part of why this works as well.
I don't think there is any need to compare what Dr K does with what any other streamer provides. We can just say that he is providing an incredible value to this world. I am so thankful for the amazing work he is doing :)
Very early in this talk it struck me as an odd juxtaposition when she told how people said things about her in school “that hurt, but I didn’t care“. Incredible how that came full circle. I’m in awe with Dr. K.
17:39 "i was into, like, more boy stuff." "sure, like what?" "gaming" "right onnnn😁👍" lmao this clip is so wholesome and happy, i'm beaming over here. on REPEAT
When he asked what she wants to hear and said I don’t know I felt that so much and started crying, you don’t know what you want to hear because there not much that will convince you or can change your mind
Someone in chat called her a, “raid boss,” and I thought that was funny because this whole thing was a rollercoaster. The answers we thought might me obvious, weren’t the answers at all and it really reinforced how Dr.K is at his job. She was truly an iceberg of history and emotion. Wow.
sometimes we watch episodes and its like *snap* Dr. K knows it all. but then its so interesting to see, how he has moments where he has to work himself and his streaming partner inch for inch closer to the "solution". nice talk, nice job by ingrid!
Im only 1:19:00 in, and I dont disagree with sometimes Doctor K has to work with the interviewee, but I do think that he knows the general "path" to the solution within the first 20 minutes or so. Depending on how willing the guest is to acknowledge certain things and open up, they can arrive to a beautiful realization quickly. There was quite the struggle in this episode with the guest shutting down when Dr.K started sharing the things he noticed about her and tried to pry to have her arrive at her own solution.
To be fair, high school starts at 14-15 in the US, and that's still fairly late for a first period. I got a slight impression he was trying to probe and see if maybe she had delayed puberty which factored into her lack of attraction toward people. It was still a very amusing exchange, though :)
Okay first of all, Ingrid you are so brave for doing this, and this has helped so many other girls who struggle with body dysmorphia. Secondly, so many of the phrases she uses are word for word the SAME things I say to my therapist (i also struggle with body dysmorphia). It’s crazy how similar our experiences are but also so different
This topics really helpful as many of my friends may not have Body Dysmorphia but to some degree hate the way they look and it opens up my eyes a bit to comfort them. Thanks Dr. K!
The way she talked, and struggled with words and emotion is exactly how I feel when I am dissociated. The PTSD hypo numbness stops me processing thoughts and finding my words. Then when the numbness goes the feelings come back and then I got all these rules to avoid it. She was really brave! I just got to the trigger bit, now I think she is even braver and understand even more why I identified with her. I'm so sorry to her for what that guy did. The only thing that helped me was a bible verse about it's not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of his heart. I know it's a 'religious' thing, but it helped me see that what someone else does to me isn't a reflection on me but it came from their heart. Helped me put down the shame, but I'm still working on the disgust of having a body.
Ingrid, thank you for making yourself so vulnerable to us. Dr. K - thank you too. I'm scared about my job search and this is bringing me so much clarity.
I think I have the exact same thing as Ingrid. When she mentioned the word "unproportional" chills went down my spine. I just felt like commenting how it feels to me (26, male): To me the things that bug me about my appearance are very specific. Like 3 or 4 main things that I not even only notice in myself, but also when other people have the same "deformation" it bugs me. I just constantly notice these details in pictures and even just on the street and like for her, in mirrors. I think for me this comes from making so much art and paying so much attention to details and wanting to fix everything that I just can't help but think "Damn this and that about my body shouldn't be like that". It sometimes feels like I don't look "how I was supposed to turn out". But there are also times when I like pictures of myself and it's only when these exact points I mentioned before - look fine. There are other points I have noticed which don't bug me too much in my daily life, that I have found out after examining myself in front of a mirror for like half an hour. Like I noticed one of my ears is a bit lower than the other, the center of my teeth is offcenter to my face (I even mesured these things and analyzed them in pictures). But like I said, these I only think about like once or twice a year. My conclusion to all of this was the realization that I judge EVERYTHING very harshly AND I NEED TO! Because life to me is about finding the better - and you can only make a distinction between things if you judge them. So essentially I learned to accept and embrace my "inner judge"...
I consider myself highly motivated by aesthetics so I feel you on this one. I had BDD for a couple years but have grown to love myself independent from my appearance (which I still sometimes have qualms with). Now I channel my love for details into art, games like the sims, and building my house in ESO. I gotta tell you that scrutinizing your appearance (and that inner critic seeping out to attack others) isn't ok. Hope you're less harsh on yourself in the future, your face isn't art that is meant to be critiqued, it's just a vessel you use to better the world around you. Be nice to yourself and let yourself be the one thing you love unconditionally, you're the only one who will ever fully know all the pain you've experienced. I love you too, if that helps at all haha.
Ohhhhhhhhh!! When she mentioned the discomfort of all eyes on her when she enters a room, THAT resonated with me! I had the EXACT same experience when I was in school. Once I'd reached junior high, I became more and more tardy. Everyone blamed it on me being "lazy" and "sleeping in" - and while I WAS tired and would have preferred to sleep, that was NOT the reason. The reason was, I simply did NOT want to go to or be at school. So I dragged my feet, putting it off as long as possible. By the time I got school, I was late - REAL late. And often, even if I arrived at school ON TIME or even EARLY, I would hang back, wait for the rest of the kids to file in and get to class, THEN I'd come strolling in. Why? Cos I did not want to have to deal with anyone (especially my tormentors). Once IN school, with the teacher supervision, it was tolerable to deal with the rest of the students. But I'd come in, and depending on the protocol, I'd either go get a late slip and go to the late room, or if I were late enough where classes had begun, I'd still get a late slip and then head to class... but I would not GO to the late room or to class. I'd hide out in the boys room or the phys-ed change room until the bell chimed for class change, then I'd file out and merge with the kids moving to their next class. Why? Cos I did not want to WALK IN to any room where class-in-session or other late kids were quietly sitting, and have the loud "Ka-CHUNK!" of the door opening get their attention and have ALL those eyes turn and look at me! However, if it were ONLY that, I might have been okay with it and adapted, but initially, when I entered, the teacher would start in on me and the spotlight would remain for much longer, with an added heaping helping of humiliation as I got grilled about being late, and whatever else I did wrong (i.e. homework not completed/submitted). As a result, I even got "scared" of mere heads turning to glance at me for a split -second, even if the teacher said nothing. So, rather than risk enduring any prolonged attention, I just avoided the whole thing outright, cos that was the BEST way to remain INVISIBLE, and I waited til the bell rang, when I could blend in with the migrating students in the hallways, and commence my school day. I've since overcome that fear of heads turning and eyes on me for a split-second. I just don't care anymore. But it was definitely a thing back in the day. However, any progress I made has been undone over recent years. I developed more anxiety and insecurity over my appearance and just wished not to be seen - I have developed chronic "wish I was invisible" syndrome. That resulted in me being a shut-in, diagnosed with the body dysmorphia, agoraphobia, and other anxiety conditions where I refuse and/or am too terrified to venture away from my home. I live alone, and I wait til 2 or 3 in the morning to go down and collect mail or take out trash, so I do not have to encounter or be seen by anyone. I really really despise what I see in the mirror now (and for the past couple of decades). Anyway, my point was, I can totally relate to that fear and aversion to entering a room and people looking up/back at you, even if it's only for a moment. It's not just the looks, it's all the paranoid fear over "what must they be thinking now they know it's me".
I admire Dr.K so much for giving her a chance to speak, not pushing an answer onto her and not judging whatever she says. I've gone through a few therapists and I still haven't found this combo in any of them.
I have body dysmorphic disorder and it's completely horrible to live with. It obviously has complex beginnings and its good that people can talk about it on a stream like this and try to address these issues. It obviously takes a lot to unwind this disorder and hopefully this stream can help others address and work through the issues, at least a little bit. I was wondering if there would ever be a BDD stream, or whether I should contact doctor k and try to arrange one; but there is one! so that's good. Hope Ingrid can make progress and I hope others watching can make progress too! It's a debilitating illness and really affects people's lives greatly, but through work, accessing professionals, talking to loved ones and practice, people can improve.
As someone with BDD, I would be triggered and shut down (focus on my my flaws) every time he says something along the lines of "I'm not going to say you're not ugly." I understand he isn't saying she's ugly (she's not ugly), but I would definitely overthink it and feel like he thinks I'm ugly, and therefore, everyone thinks I'm ugly.
@@EmmanouelaMwhat hes saying is that its counterproductive to argue against that belief because its so deeply held,he cannot win that game.The key to managing BDD is toletating the distress of therapy,you cannot try to avoid or reduce those emotions and sensations or you will never get better.
I'm pretty sure my sister has body dysmorphia. This was so insightful and educational. It helps me a lot in understanding her feelings about herself. I think it might be easier to talk to her about her appearance now.
I’m so late to the party, but wanted to say that Dr K is SO IMPRESSIVE. This concept around the beast and it feeling great to take photos she hates is just 🤯
I'm 43. Selfies are still strange to me. I grew up when people almost never took selfies unless they were with other people and that was still rare. It was considered very vain and cringy. I would love to see the selfie fad die down to pre- Facebook levels. That would help too I think.
I feel similar way but what I ended up noticing, is that humans are ugly and awkward looking in general. It's not just me, most people are ugly. And it's okay. As long as you don't bully people about it.
Her story resonates with me so much. Listening to this helped me realize that I also resisted being feminine, because I saw that women were treated poorly in my family’s religion & in their families of origin. Like, any child with sense would look at the people in my family and want to be one of the guys. Do I have every mental illness, like why are all your videos relatable
Agreed. I have a similar experience, my family are strangly sexist and I grew up on a more sexist time. I saw being physical and assertive as "masculine " so I became a tomboy. The pink and blue boxes society put us in do so much damage.
Dr. K is a fucking genius. I'm sitting here thinking these are two people just casually talking. But he is playing 3D Neuron chess with a raidboss. Thank you for your work Dr. K. This is important. Thank you Ingrid for sharing. I hope you get through this.
She began to really piss me off, but then I remembered when I first started therapy and I used to communicate my emotions in grunts- until my therapist began to coach me in developing my own emotional language by putting that grunt into words. It’s exactly what Dr. K is doing! He’s coaching her to develop her own internal labeling system to put internal chaos into some cohesive order. (Like the Dewey Decimal System but for feelings lmao)
Surprises me how much I realise about his techniques and thought patterns are skills I also learnt while studying counselling. It makes me want to try it again and really help people
This episode hits home for me 💯. I often wish I were more feminine but when I dress more feminine, I feel hella awkward. Not only that, but I fear that dressing feminine will garner attention and I’m terrified of people noticing me for some reason. Even compliments make me uncomfortable. I’d much rather fade into the background, but then I hate myself for being too “plain”
I have really admired Dr K in recent weeks, having seen how he handled this so sensitively and intelligently restores my faith in psychotherapy and in humans. Ingrid was amazingly courageous. Made a 50 year old cry a little bit but in a good way in hard circumstances.
My solution to my own self-diagnosed body dismorphia is fuck it, *what matters mostly is how you treat others, treat yourself and overall behave.* This has helped me immensely and I hope it can help somebody else too. I've been called extremely attractive and I've been told I look like the back of someone's boot (not a good looking boot) 🤷🏻♂️
For me it does that too but it's only temporary it's like reading a self-help book you get really motivated and then you go back to your Baseline.. Any tips on how to not go back to your base line have you figured something out. 🤝
I've had body dysmorphia for years and I have some thoughts to share. In my opinion, this disease is fairly random and seems to effect a range of different people in a range of ways. My body dysmorphia started around the age of 15 (this seems to be the typical onset age which is worth noting). my personal theory is that the body dysmorphia develops as a result of dysfunctional social interaction in your adolescence, either not going out often with friends / not getting enough positive social interaction. So then your brain tries to come up with logical solutions as to why your social needs aren't being satisfied and then body dysmorphia develops. From my experience, I get a tiny dopamine hit every time I check my flaw which is counterintuitive because you would think that you would feel bad during the time of checking but you don't which is what makes this disorder so destructive, so basically you need to stop giving into your brains demands. I would say its like a bad habit with very bad consequences because after you check your flaw you are never satisfied and for the rest of the day you are thinking about it. It is so annoying because you take photos of yourself and you look good, but your brain convinces you that you don't actually look like that and your brain makes you take more and more pictures until you look bad. terrible disorder... Today my body dysmorphia is a shadow of what it was. heres some tips: 1. Try to get rid of all mirrors in your house OR at least limit the use of them (for example if there is a designated room with a long standing mirror just avoid that room entirely and use a small mirror) 2. avoid using apps with camera such as snapchat, or if you use snapchat set it so it opens facing outwards 3.get yourself out of the habit of 'checking' your body flaw (this sneaks up on you when you feel low but if you can rewire yourself to not check your flaw then you win), 4. train yourself to not look at reflective surfaces both in private and public. for example lets say you are walking past a car, personally I would look in the reflection of the car window to check my percieved flaw but I've trained myself out of that. 4. have cold showers (makes you feel alive and gets you out of your own mind) 5. exercise helps as well
@@Victor-ji1rz nothing makes the problem go away magically. studies have shown that the brain of a person suffering from body dysmorphia is physically different to a normal person. Little research has done about this disorder and the only medication which exists is the same medicine which treats depression which is useless. Idk if therapy / counselling would be effective (doubt it tho) but ive never tried it
Bryce i would never recommend exposure therapy, its horrible and unreliable, but cutting yourself off from the triggers is far far more dangerous. the longer you go without a trigger, the bigger the response can be. panic attacks and pain, maybe even loss of consciousness... dealing with a mental illness should never be a battle, it should be a learning experience, they are created by learning after all... I tried to ignore my anxiety triggers, over 5 years of denial and avoidance to anything that could cause panic. that only allowed my anxiety to get a stronger grip on my life, making each significant trigger 10* worse. learning to live with it and to accept it is the only way i have been able to recover, and is the true way to get past the vast majority of mental illnesses. its just the hardest because it requires the one suffering to do all the work. CBT is incredible, they are basically a smart mirror for your thought process. learning how you think and how to think basically allows you to rewrite those corrupted parts of your mind. obviously there are some caused by chemical imbalance, but the workable ones are the self taught ones.
Serena Tsukino you are correct, other than the chemical imbalance cases, mental conditions are formed as we learn. environmental factors can be more meaningful to some which is how these conditions develop. its our personality traits that make us more susceptible to the environment.
I didn't realize I would relate to any of this until 20 minutes in. I was never boyish enough to be a tomboy but I've never been very feminine either. When I was younger I felt it was very important to not be overly feminine because somewhere along the way I internalized the message that women were silly, emotional, and not to be taken seriously. By extension, femininity was a bad trait. I never learned how to use makeup and by the time I realized I didn't have to hate it, I felt it was too late to learn how. The fear of people commenting on me when I try new things is a fear that keeps me from making some of those changes. Puberty gave me a body that was far more feminine than I've ever felt comfortable with. I identify as a woman and I've never wanted to be a man, but I've always imagined that I would be happier with my body if I were androgynous enough to pass as either depending on how I feel on any given day.
Wow, thank you so much for this video! I also have body dysmorphia, and resonate with a lot of what was said here. In Animal Crossing New Horizons I went through phases where if I visited other peoples islands, I saw my character as being fatter and uglier than other characters. Even though I objectively know they’re all the same somehow mine was worse. It was weird and eye opening about how messed up my head really is. Irl beauty is subjective and there will always be someone or something that validates my thoughts about myself and my self image. But in a game where everyone is basically the same body with little variation it really showed me that those thoughts weren’t based in facts in a way that simply talking about it doesn’t.
Dr. K is like a magician. He always drills doen to the surface of the problem. Great job. These video really help me understand my own thinking process and the anxiety i have.
One of the best convos ive ever seen. Hope ingrid is doing well and feeling better. I relate so much, i also have this disorder and i was also a tomboy and went through similar
I am a male and can relate to this strongly and there are 3 things that significantly helped me overcome this. 1. exercerise seems to regulate my emotions and im to physically exhausted to think about my looks, the increased physical activty slows down my thinking to the point where i dont care. This is more prominent with cardio as opposed to lifting weights which can sometimes have the reverse affect. 2. Meditation and wim hoff breathing - helps me disidentify from my thoughts about myself and watch them from a different persepctive, the breathing also connects me to my body more. 3. The most important, Psilocybin mushrooms. They have helped me look at myself objectively without egoic bias and past perceptions blocking the way, mdma has also been extremely beneficial for this. Books such as "How to change your mind" by Michael Pollen goes into more detail about the science of this!
The feeling of not being like everyone else growing up makes you feel like you can not be fixed like everyone else. I think that’s a good way of putting it into words
One thing I wanna say about myself is that I have always had small traces of body dysmorphia but as I started workouts out and building a lot of muscle and started looking way more like the person I imagined myself looking like, there was a shift at some point which I cannot exactly pinpoint where I were from feeling a weird disconnect between my mind and my body to feeling like the two were more in sync with one another. I still have the stereotypical bodybuilder body dysmorphia where I cherry pick things about my physique that I think they need improvement, but it falls more in the category of fine tuning rather than being something major and core thing about my appearance. This feeling of my body and mind being in sync with one another is a very powerful feeling which is hard to describe to someone who doesn’t have that experience. But it definitely made me feel way better about myself, way more in tune with who I really am, my ability to talk to others and have casual dialogue is way better, I feel more extroverted than introverted etc. I know that lifting weights did that for me, I’m not sure what it would take for someone else to get that, but it feels very good to feel like you actually belong in your body and feel like a freaking video game action character.
It can be considered a form of ocd. People with body dismorphia can manifest in eating disorders but also skin picking. Just adding to your list of maybe I have this to look at. Good luck.
This is the best thing… excruciating to watch… to learn about why / how I do what I do… when she shuts down… I want to say I’m tired!! Because I don’t want to feel those emotions. I so get her.
Low self-esteem is huge here. She was fine with being a tomboy because it was cool. An important question would have been: What if being a tomboy was the worst thing in the world? What if during that stage where you were a tomboy and you were in that bubble thinking it was the cool thing, things would have changed, and everyone around you (boys and girls) treated boy-things as horrible, would you have still gravitated toward being a tom-boy? My thought is no. My thought is she was chasing acceptance, and fell into a tomboy role. Then outgrew that role, because it never quite fit, desired to try a feminine role, but now she was seen by society as one way, and a change would involve ridicule/scrutiny, so she suppressed her true desire, and THAT created fertile ground for body dysmorphia and other issues to rise. I don't see signs that she hates femininity just because she doesn't like twilight, because she seems fully aware that girls can like twilight or hate it and still be feminine. Similarly, I'm sure if you would have asked her about "masculine" things, she could point out a myriad of boy-things she dislikes, and yet that wouldn't cancel the fact that she identifies with some. So I don't believe her issue is judgement towards boy-things or girl-things. It's more her feeling judged based on what choices she makes, and to avoid judgement, she will "become" something (ie. a tomboy) or suppress something (ie. not be feminine) but both are being done to gain approval, because she needs others to love her, because she can't love herself.
I can extremely relate to Ingrid in some ways. Wanted to be a tomboy when I was little. I rarely if ever dressed feminine in school, and only really did it when there were formal events. Never learned to do makeup. But I kind of stab in my chest when Dr K said not having a crush during puberty isn’t normal 🥲. I have never had a celebrity crush EVER in my life. I don’t know how people do it, it seems weird/creepy to me. Technically im not like Ingrid where she had no romantic feelings at all, but even with me the only thing I felt towards boys during high school were “this guy looks kind of okay and we get along so I should imagine liking him”. But also even now I think most men aren’t immediately attractive, and it kind of felt insulting that girls are expected to like guys, especially in high school where they’re so immature and nasty 😭. I guess I just feel spiteful since same as her I felt like I was smarter/above other people in some ways, but differently from her I also had self esteem issues about the worth of my work and what I provide, and the worries about my body only started briefly in college. Funnily enough I also compared myself to something very fantasy-like and felt like I was an “Ogre”. I saw my reflection in sliding doors and thought I was unproportional- that my hips were too big for my body, that my face was deformed, even if it wasn’t true. But it’s all weird because same as her I currently have a boyfriend who I love and find super attractive, but I wasn’t even attracted to his appearance when I first saw him. I don’t know if this fits the term “demi sexual” or whatever but it’s very interesting to be able to relate to people in some ways yet be completely different in others. I’m wishing her the best 💙
As headshot photographers, it’s a good shoot if 10% are good images! - so that’s a good hit rate! Also … we are moving images in light in the everyday - frozen or still images are a very specific set of points on a single plane that is representative only of a tiny slice of “what we look like” - try freeze framing a video of someone that you think looks amazing - watch the video first and enjoy how gorgeous the person is and then go back and freeze frame randomly - you’ll see that everybody - every single person looks like a goblin when they’re in motion, in a still shot.
Btw - I had BD for 15+ years and took pics to “try and “see” myself - for me, it was like I could only see one part of my body or face at a time, so I oils never form and overall picture of myself, even when looking at a 6’ x 4’ photograph - it still fragmented!! I too could not wear dresses and felt female but unfeminine.
I hope you see this, Ingrid -- I know it's been two years so likely you won't, but I hope you do. I completely understand your feelings. I've struggled with body dysmorphia most of my life. At 35, I finally came to realize that I was agender: I never felt comfortable in my body so long as I prescribed to "this is a female body" or "this is a male body." It was just a body, and it was my body, and it started to help me feel "normal" because I stopped comparing my body to other bodies. The dysmorphia is still there, but it's less "mean-spirited." Also, it's completely okay to dress however you want regardless of the prescribed gender on the clothes. I always felt like feminine clothing was extremely revealing, while masculine clothing covered more. I wish there was something more in the middle. There's been better attempts at that nowadays, but a lot of it is "designer" and therefore expensive. Keep trying things out until it feels natural to you.
I think it's also worth investigating your symptoms with a Neuropsychologist rather than just a regular psych doctor. I'm not a doctor, but I felt like my neurodivergent diagnosis helped.
This hit me harder than anything ever should have. Sometimes, interacting with other humans is literally hell. They don't know how much they hurt another permanently.
I want to know how shes doing and feeling today. It's been three years and I felt terrible about my appearance when I was in highschool and middle school, and in my early 20s, I'm 24 now and I felt pretty good about myself at 23, things changed for me physically though. I was a tomboy, wore only baggy clothes from boy and men sections. I hated my body and wanted to hide it. I felt absolutely gross in girls clothing, especially girly clothing like dresses and skirts. Now I LOVE dresses amd skirts. It felt like I was getting a new identity because I was scared to dress girly around my family who had known me as tom boy, and even strangers I felt like I was an inposter around. Things are much better now and I am comfortable in my skin and what I wear. I hope things got better for her.
I can slightly understand her feelings and i relate on many things she said For example "girly talk" i couldnt care less about that but i came to accept the fact that everyone and even girls have different interest. I used to feel akward dressing "feminine" or doing makeup in puberty even tho i love femine clothes/makeup but once i came to accept the fact that my personality and interest has nothing to do with the way i want to dress i started feeling more comfortable wearing femine clothes without having the "traditional femine interests" for example like idk gettin their nails done
It's funny seeing this when your mother is one of the few experts in the world on this field, because it's her job and studies being recognized in some sense
Dr. K. did a good job here, but for her specific issues a female therapist might be better. He missed some things like when she said she didn't want to be noticed for wearing makeup, it's more like she wants to be treated like any other woman where wearing makeup is normal and people don't really comment on it. Or that stuff about feminine things being shallow was tough too. Femininity and women's issues are anything but shallow.
I think one thing that got overlooked by both parties here was that this consensus of "Ingrid is not feminine" / "Ingrid cannot wear dresses" wasn't just from people at school but also her friend. I feel that when that happens it feels like a more believable or truthful thing because why would your friend, someone who cares for you, say this? Now as adults we realise that friends as children aren't equipped to consider our feelings completely. But we as children internalise a lot of stuff regardless. It's such a huge disruptive force to have your friend continually project a "truth" on your personality. I hope that the friend that Ingrid isn't close with any more is that friend. I just feel that it is easier to move on from a destructive mind set when you break away from the people who caused it or perpetuated. Not that the friend was being malicious but just that Ingrid seems like the type of person who cannot easily reframe her thoughts on her own.
I've always hated the way my face looks. I never take pictures of myself and if I do they're highly filtered. I don't let anyone take pictures of me because ew. I feel like no one could ever possibly think I'm attractive and when someone somehow does I feel gross because like.. ew why...
"How do you know your body is distorted?" I see a different reflection in the mirror everyday. I have not seen me as me in the mirror in 12 years. Everyday it looks like someone played with the slider of the of my body proportions over night. I sometimes can't recognize my face in photos or mirrors since my perception of my face changes constantly.
I watched this yesterday and something I still think about is whether or not Ingrid wants to be more feminine because she genuinely desires that or whether it’s because she feels like she’s has to be more feminine in order to be “acceptable” or attractive or because she feels like being tomboyish is a bad thing now when it used to be okay..!
It breaks my heart as the father of a daughter that she can't accept she's an awsome person and beautiful. It makes me conscious of what I need to be to my daughter.
Hi Dr.k. its my 1st watching u and i absolutely loved it . I am a transexual lesbian with PTSD and ADHD.(but i cant dress up feminine even if i want to , i dont think im dressed up "masculen" either, i think i just dress up "my style" ; i dont knoe its kinda complicated)So i have body dismorphia. Im also a recovering alcoholic and a sex& love addict. I want to be in ur show.cuz my life feels kinda like hell! Thanks
I really hate when chat tries to diagnose things like aspergers on a guest out of nowhere. Even mild aspergers is a severe disorder when contrasted to a normal person, it is more than just a personality type. Just by thinking that people are having shallow conversations at a party does not make you have aspergers FFS. And no, just saying: "not diagnosing just ringing a bell" does not excuse you.
I think the key dr k never addressed was the numbness. Most of his interviews do a good job of exploring what people feel, he stops to make them listen to their feeling, explore it, accept it, THEN move on. This time he took the approach of trying to solve the body dismorphia, where he focuses on thought patterns, but I'd bet money the root of tbe dismorphia, the not fitting in, is numbness to the negative emotions due to a constant low level anxiety.
43:30: I never could have guessed I would relate so much to something said in this conversation. For me it was wearing my hair a different way though, not makeup.
" i waited 40 minutes, got called in, told my story and 5 minutes later he said we cant help you ". that one went under the skin, had an experience just like it and it was the day i gave up. i feel incredibly sorry for her.
I was hoping for more help on this. BDD is devastating.
I'm sorry that happened to you. No one including you deserves to be treated that way. It's hard enough to reach out for help so it's doubly devastating to be dismissed like that. I hope you've found other resources to help you!
I've had that happen to me too many times to count. In my mind it's because they are just a bunch of chickens, and lazy ones at that. They just want the easy cases so they can have a easy day at work.
Seeing people rate her looks on any level, positive or negative, totally missed the point of this episode and didn't even pay attention to the first ten minutes. Most of chat seemed understanding though.
It does miss the main point, but it's also useful data for anyone going through something similar - to see someone so genuinely beautiful still struggle with this. It proves you don't have to actually be ugly to believe yourself ugly.
@@johannhowitzer ikr, like I’m pretty much 9/10, but on some days I just feel like I’m as ugly as a troll
Case in point is FloydRix8... totally oblivious to what her mental issues is about and sounds like a know it all lol. Scary part is that he is apparently a life coach.
Agreed. I do worry that our societies obsession with beauty might be the root of the problem. That said- even praising her looks might be feeding into the problem. idk...
@@turolretar Same. I even got offered to model for a certain brand one time and I assumed the person was trying to f with me because I feel like the most horrible looking human being ever all the time. But at the same time I noticed that women show a lot of interest in me despite my social anxiety. So much so that I know that as soon as a new woman starts at my workplace, I will have to deal with flirting.
I appreciate dr k did not put Ingrid’s face in the thumbnail
I usually try to watch all of Dr.Ks sessions and I missed this one unfortunately. There is something reassuring in knowing that the guest on stream is more important than anything else.
Dr.k has nothing to do with the thumbnails.
Why? You wouldn't have watched otherwise?
@@shimaalcarrim7949 Ingrid has body dysmorphia, so she probably would rather not be on the thumbnail.
@@kamizwr2082 maybe they ask if the people want to be in the thumbnail and my guess is she would say no
What's really scary is to be pretty only _some_ of the times, or only pretty to _some_ people. The mind craves the safety of certainty and predictability. If you believe that you're ugly and never attempt to make yourself pretty, then you expect yourself to be ugly 100% of times--that's certainty. But if you do dress up and allow the possibility that you might be pretty, other people still won't think you're pretty 100% of times (because people have different preferences), and that uncertainty can be terrifying.
That’s me when with my hair. If I get a shitty cut I turn into a different person lol
I didn't really ever think about that but that happened to me I wasn't standard ugly if such a thing exists but I was the cute kid who got awkward during puberty then got tall and skinnier so people said oh you look nice but then my skin got worse dermatitis and I felt like a leper I got skin meds and skin is clear and in my 20s some people said I'm pretty, it was a total mind F for me and I did get rejected more than once so yeah I give up
@@leahflower9924 hey, I just want to pop and say my thing. The fact that you got rejected multiple times is sad, but is not a hint to give up. I got rejected many times, I'm overweight and have a weird brain. But eventually I found a person who loves me the way I am, and it was a handsome french guy, who treats me like a goddess. We have common interests, fluid communication, common values, and we're just vibing. My hubby initially didn't have physical interest in me when we met, but just 3 days later when we've spent some time together due to circumstances, he already knew I would be his future wife(which came true). It was totally random encounter which changed my life. I live in french Alps now on the border with Switzerland.
Life is unpredictable. You never know who you might meet next week, month or year. And in fact, finding love to yourself also might happen somewhat randomly, out of the process of looking for it or not. Your task now is just to try to make your days enjoyable, to make your future days even more enjoyable, and to try to learn this person who you will live with forever - yourself. I bet you can discover plenty of beauty in yourself, if you take a non-judgemental friendly look at yourself. Cheers.
This 💯💯💯
@@XxyGoddam ma bucur ca a functionat ptr tine
She's afraid of this: "If I dress up, and find myself looking good, then if someone would even look like they don't think so would be too much to handle". So she decides it's better to not try to avoid that situation.
Oh, I know this thought process far too well.
Or she simply wants to feel comfortable in her own body and clothes. Dressed up or not.
Or maybe she feels like if she dressed up again, she would get more unwanted attention and so she subconsciously hides herself to try to protect herself from another assault 😢
@@unionunicorn6776 this screams of projection from your own insecurities by the way. Not an attack, just alerting you to the external appearance of this.
@@monehget Yes, it is true I am projecting, because what I said was based on my own personal experience. That's why I said she "maybe" feels this way, not that she absolutely does (not that any of us would actually know how someone else feels unless they specifically told us). So it's only my personal guess as to what might cause someone to act that way (because again, based on my own personal experience, this *could* be one *potential* explanation for her behavior, which is similar to my own).
is it bad that I see myself in literally almost every one of Dr. K's guests? It's either I have every problem in the world or modern problems are just that common...or I'm just also in need of a therapist :)
Its the internet man. It pokes at every insecurity and every possible thing in your life. Dr. K talks about how over pathologized we are and he is right. Its normal to feel anxiety, have insecurities, low points in life, but a lot of times people have one of those things that cross the line of being an emotion into being a problem. So, everyone should see a therapist for checks ups because you always want to make sure you're healthy. Take care of yourself and make sure you're always putting your health first!
lol ive had this exact thought, it kinda makes me hopeful though, like yeah i might be fucked up but it looks like we're all in it together
@@awkwardsaurus love that. totally same
Same. But for me, I’m glad it’s talked about so that I can solve my problems.
@@NoThing-wc3cs How much is it actually solving?, maybe you need to stay away from the internet, it's like your teeth rotting from eating candy and you say, well you can just fix them, or stopping the cause of it.
Though I am older than this young lady, I feel the same way she does. No one has ever found me beautiful. My mother told me I was ugly. The boys I went to school with called me ugly too. I had two friends in high school. I am so sick of how often people are judged on looks before ANYTHING else. Trust me when I tell you this.
I'm certain you have a gorgeous soul, especially for posting such a genuine comment.
Yeah I always say pretty people say looks aren't that important and rich people say money isn't that important
I'm ugly and I'm proud. SpongeBob literally gave you your solution
@@leahflower9924so are they wrong or right
I love how he has to stop and think. His brain scanning through all he’s learnt, putting it all together and finding out what to ask next, all in a few seconds. This shows that he’s not just spouting the first thing that comes into his mind. But just watching him search through his knowledge is amazing.
I guess if I was speaking to him the first time he does that I would feel like he is distracted, but after seeing how he responds to what I have said I would feel he really listens and respects what I have said, and I would say "yeah, please take all your time thinking about it"
My psychotherapists does the same. Sometimes he just stops for 30 seconds and he's looking at the wall. Then he asks so sophisticated question, that I'm almost entertained by his intelligence. I don't know if you know what I mean haha.
Damn, how brave are all these people who come on here and talk about this stuff. Mad respect.
How does someone buy a theraphy session with dr k?
@@Web-Slinger42 I don't think you buy them , you apply for them in his discord I believe , there's a screening process but he's been working on a way for more people to have access to this kind of thing.
Also he's very insistant on the fact that this isn't actual therapy and he can't diagnose you through 1 discord call , it's more of a friendly chat.
@@Web-Slinger42 He mentioned that he sees private clients still, and one guy he had on mentioned Dr. K was $500/hr, to which Dr. K said something like 'my prices change every quarter so I don't promote them anywhere'. It sounded like most of his in person clients are very wealthy, and if anything he has the problem of too many clients and too little time, and this is part of his decision to try to impact more lives in a mindful way through technology.
I'm 33 and I've dealt with this my whole life.. I fantasize about being totally open about it..
But the only issue with that is it's kind of like once the cats out of the bag you can't put it back in..
it's like my own private hell I put myself through..
@@igot5onit423 Well, you can talk about it anonymously here is you want to practice writing out some of what has bothered you. I'm a 36 year old dude, FYI, and we'll never meet in real life, and if it matters to you that others know your problems believe me that it won't be a big deal to me, lol.
man, i gotta say one thing that’s more important about all of these interview streams than anything else - every guest deserves a fucking medal for participating in these events, mad respect for bringing up the most disturbing parts of yourselves to the public domain.
while i watch them sometimes the conversations happen to dig so deep into the human psyche, that my empathetic part goes like “daaamn, this hurts” for the guest, so if that’s how those moments come across to me as a viewer in the safety of my chair, i can’t imagine what is the weight of uncovering something like that is like for the person in the stream. it’s just so intense, and yet a gem for the people watching as a source for self reflecting and discovery that wouldn’t be possible for us to get if these people weren’t brave enough to bring it to a public stream. that alone is already something for us all to learn from them. so again, thanks Ingrid and y’all who come to these streams, the universe should protect you at all costs.
another compound that’s enabling us to be part of it - is obviously Dr.K’s impressive professional skills and overall human decency.
the fact that all these compounds happened to meet each other and materialise as these interviews for us to learn from - is fascinating af😵💫
Not knowing how to identify feelings and then on top of that - talk - about them was something I had to work on in therapy. I thought I didn't experience anger at all - wow, was I wrong! Therapy came with long uncomfortable pauses while we waited for me to calm down and to form new patterns in my brain. Ingrid needed time to calm down and then once she was calm and realized her opportunity for help was going to end, her need for this to be resolved was stronger than the fear. It took me 3 years of therapy but I got there. Watching this years later makes me realize that my anger was directed at my body, the safest place for me to express anger at that time.
i know this is an old comment, but how did you do it? i suspect logically i must feel anger sometimes but i don’t know how to tell.
It's creepy how much I can relate with Ingrid, even if I am not a teen, but a grown woman. I don't suffer from body dysmorphya, but I feel like not having a bit of sexy in my bones, so badly, I don't even know how being sexy might apply to me. I feel like an outsider and fully identify as a woman, but don't feel feminine at all. All I wear and ever wore is jeans and t shirt and can't imagine wearing a dress, that's totally not me. I also was kind of a tomboy as a teen and probably still am. My menopause was premature and I wasn't even slightly sad about not being abled to have kids or being less feminine, I was glad it happened for not having my period anymore and maybe even because that made me being more conneced to being not very feminine.
I also feel like an outsider that was never part of an in group. I have friends and had some in school, but I always felt different. The 'not like other girls' stance doesn't apply to me, because I am not like other people. I am 46 and just recently met a woman, I can really, really relate with and talk to as a friend. I also visited a therapist years ago, but she was terrible. The only therapist, I liked and who helped me was the head therapist of the ADHD support group. She understood who I was and helped me to finish my studies at university.
Femininity as of now is pretty distorted picture far from reality anyway. So.. it's no surprise that a lot of us women doesn't like that cursed cage. So.. do not be discouraged I guess.
An older person here. I have never felt part of any group. My likes have never been mainstream (music, food, fashion...), but I'm not eccentric either. I always see things differently than the majority; I raise questions. and I'm astonished that people do not see the things I see immediately, because they are so obvious. I'm not a genius, but the mainstream crowd seems like retarded, to me. I'm not autistic or anything. I have aphantasia, though - which is a trait (not a disorder!) that about 2-3% of people have.
About always being an outsider...I think that in my case I got it from my family environment. I was the only girl and my siblings were almost 10 years older, so we did not share our experiences. Nobody validated my observations and thoughts. There is no way of knowing if I had this "being different" in my nature, too, or if it developed because of the social setting. Not unhappy about it. I guess the world needs people who think differently and who question things.
Lemme smash
There is a real sense of fear and hopelessness in her eyes. This one broke my heart a little bit.
Out of all twitch streamers Dr.K provides the most value. He's directly helping people.
You could tell that it was really hurting Ingrid to keep the assault bottled up inside. She said she felt relieved after telling Dr.K. Really does show how sharing your deepest hurts with others helps you heal.
I really felt for Ingrid and hope she can find a caring therapist to help her to explore her emotions 🙏❤️.
Also she should probably tell her parent as well. It sounds like they would support her and help her heal.
What about forsen
Isn't making someone laugh for 4-8 hours directly helping someone?
@@kb_799 Sure, but making someone chuckle a bit has the same value as a funny meme you scroll by on twitter. I would argue that helping someone to unravel and process their trauma/past experiences probably has a higher long term impact in regards to helping them. But funny streamers have their place and I'm not saying that everyone should be armchair therapists for their audiences or anything.
@@punjatti101 Absolutely. I watch Dr.K because it keeps me motivated to confront my own demons but also because he makes it entertaining and provides the right atmosphere to explore those internal feelings. Adding humour (appropriately) to the situation is absolutely part of why this works as well.
I don't think there is any need to compare what Dr K does with what any other streamer provides. We can just say that he is providing an incredible value to this world. I am so thankful for the amazing work he is doing :)
Thank you Ingrid!! ❤️
Very early in this talk it struck me as an odd juxtaposition when she told how people said things about her in school “that hurt, but I didn’t care“. Incredible how that came full circle. I’m in awe with Dr. K.
It is classic avoidant behavior, it’s their cope in life and is broad reaching to other areas of their life like love and job
17:39 "i was into, like, more boy stuff." "sure, like what?" "gaming" "right onnnn😁👍"
lmao this clip is so wholesome and happy, i'm beaming over here. on REPEAT
When he asked what she wants to hear and said I don’t know I felt that so much and started crying, you don’t know what you want to hear because there not much that will convince you or can change your mind
Someone in chat called her a, “raid boss,” and I thought that was funny because this whole thing was a rollercoaster. The answers we thought might me obvious, weren’t the answers at all and it really reinforced how Dr.K is at his job. She was truly an iceberg of history and emotion. Wow.
sometimes we watch episodes and its like *snap* Dr. K knows it all. but then its so interesting to see, how he has moments where he has to work himself and his streaming partner inch for inch closer to the "solution". nice talk, nice job by ingrid!
Im only 1:19:00 in, and I dont disagree with sometimes Doctor K has to work with the interviewee, but I do think that he knows the general "path" to the solution within the first 20 minutes or so. Depending on how willing the guest is to acknowledge certain things and open up, they can arrive to a beautiful realization quickly. There was quite the struggle in this episode with the guest shutting down when Dr.K started sharing the things he noticed about her and tried to pry to have her arrive at her own solution.
Ingrid to medical doctor: do you know when girls get their period? This made me chuckle so hard 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
To be fair, high school starts at 14-15 in the US, and that's still fairly late for a first period.
I got a slight impression he was trying to probe and see if maybe she had delayed puberty which factored into her lack of attraction toward people.
It was still a very amusing exchange, though :)
@@hardgay7537 I don't understand this because I remember knowing what attraction felt like long before the onset of puberty
Okay first of all, Ingrid you are so brave for doing this, and this has helped so many other girls who struggle with body dysmorphia. Secondly, so many of the phrases she uses are word for word the SAME things I say to my therapist (i also struggle with body dysmorphia). It’s crazy how similar our experiences are but also so different
From "No, not eally and idc" to "Well yeah, yeah and I care" It's like watching caterpie evolved into butterfree.
Caterpie to a butterfree?
Caterpillar to a butterfly?
@@LinusE they were referencing pokemon
This topics really helpful as many of my friends may not have Body Dysmorphia but to some degree hate the way they look and it opens up my eyes a bit to comfort them.
Thanks Dr. K!
what are friends?
So you r the pretty one?
many of my friends dont have bodies too
You seem like a good friend.
The way she talked, and struggled with words and emotion is exactly how I feel when I am dissociated. The PTSD hypo numbness stops me processing thoughts and finding my words. Then when the numbness goes the feelings come back and then I got all these rules to avoid it. She was really brave! I just got to the trigger bit, now I think she is even braver and understand even more why I identified with her. I'm so sorry to her for what that guy did. The only thing that helped me was a bible verse about it's not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of his heart. I know it's a 'religious' thing, but it helped me see that what someone else does to me isn't a reflection on me but it came from their heart. Helped me put down the shame, but I'm still working on the disgust of having a body.
Ingrid, thank you for making yourself so vulnerable to us. Dr. K - thank you too. I'm scared about my job search and this is bringing me so much clarity.
I think I have the exact same thing as Ingrid. When she mentioned the word "unproportional" chills went down my spine. I just felt like commenting how it feels to me (26, male):
To me the things that bug me about my appearance are very specific. Like 3 or 4 main things that I not even only notice in myself, but also when other people have the same "deformation" it bugs me. I just constantly notice these details in pictures and even just on the street and like for her, in mirrors.
I think for me this comes from making so much art and paying so much attention to details and wanting to fix everything that I just can't help but think "Damn this and that about my body shouldn't be like that". It sometimes feels like I don't look "how I was supposed to turn out". But there are also times when I like pictures of myself and it's only when these exact points I mentioned before - look fine.
There are other points I have noticed which don't bug me too much in my daily life, that I have found out after examining myself in front of a mirror for like half an hour. Like I noticed one of my ears is a bit lower than the other, the center of my teeth is offcenter to my face (I even mesured these things and analyzed them in pictures). But like I said, these I only think about like once or twice a year.
My conclusion to all of this was the realization that I judge EVERYTHING very harshly AND I NEED TO! Because life to me is about finding the better - and you can only make a distinction between things if you judge them. So essentially I learned to accept and embrace my "inner judge"...
I consider myself highly motivated by aesthetics so I feel you on this one. I had BDD for a couple years but have grown to love myself independent from my appearance (which I still sometimes have qualms with). Now I channel my love for details into art, games like the sims, and building my house in ESO. I gotta tell you that scrutinizing your appearance (and that inner critic seeping out to attack others) isn't ok. Hope you're less harsh on yourself in the future, your face isn't art that is meant to be critiqued, it's just a vessel you use to better the world around you. Be nice to yourself and let yourself be the one thing you love unconditionally, you're the only one who will ever fully know all the pain you've experienced. I love you too, if that helps at all haha.
you only need to judge things harshly that you can actually change
Ohhhhhhhhh!! When she mentioned the discomfort of all eyes on her when she enters a room, THAT resonated with me! I had the EXACT same experience when I was in school.
Once I'd reached junior high, I became more and more tardy. Everyone blamed it on me being "lazy" and "sleeping in" - and while I WAS tired and would have preferred to sleep, that was NOT the reason. The reason was, I simply did NOT want to go to or be at school.
So I dragged my feet, putting it off as long as possible. By the time I got school, I was late - REAL late. And often, even if I arrived at school ON TIME or even EARLY, I would hang back, wait for the rest of the kids to file in and get to class, THEN I'd come strolling in. Why? Cos I did not want to have to deal with anyone (especially my tormentors).
Once IN school, with the teacher supervision, it was tolerable to deal with the rest of the students. But I'd come in, and depending on the protocol, I'd either go get a late slip and go to the late room, or if I were late enough where classes had begun, I'd still get a late slip and then head to class... but I would not GO to the late room or to class. I'd hide out in the boys room or the phys-ed change room until the bell chimed for class change, then I'd file out and merge with the kids moving to their next class.
Why? Cos I did not want to WALK IN to any room where class-in-session or other late kids were quietly sitting, and have the loud "Ka-CHUNK!" of the door opening get their attention and have ALL those eyes turn and look at me!
However, if it were ONLY that, I might have been okay with it and adapted, but initially, when I entered, the teacher would start in on me and the spotlight would remain for much longer, with an added heaping helping of humiliation as I got grilled about being late, and whatever else I did wrong (i.e. homework not completed/submitted). As a result, I even got "scared" of mere heads turning to glance at me for a split -second, even if the teacher said nothing. So, rather than risk enduring any prolonged attention, I just avoided the whole thing outright, cos that was the BEST way to remain INVISIBLE, and I waited til the bell rang, when I could blend in with the migrating students in the hallways, and commence my school day.
I've since overcome that fear of heads turning and eyes on me for a split-second. I just don't care anymore. But it was definitely a thing back in the day. However, any progress I made has been undone over recent years. I developed more anxiety and insecurity over my appearance and just wished not to be seen - I have developed chronic "wish I was invisible" syndrome. That resulted in me being a shut-in, diagnosed with the body dysmorphia, agoraphobia, and other anxiety conditions where I refuse and/or am too terrified to venture away from my home. I live alone, and I wait til 2 or 3 in the morning to go down and collect mail or take out trash, so I do not have to encounter or be seen by anyone. I really really despise what I see in the mirror now (and for the past couple of decades).
Anyway, my point was, I can totally relate to that fear and aversion to entering a room and people looking up/back at you, even if it's only for a moment. It's not just the looks, it's all the paranoid fear over "what must they be thinking now they know it's me".
I admire Dr.K so much for giving her a chance to speak, not pushing an answer onto her and not judging whatever she says. I've gone through a few therapists and I still haven't found this combo in any of them.
I have body dysmorphic disorder and it's completely horrible to live with. It obviously has complex beginnings and its good that people can talk about it on a stream like this and try to address these issues. It obviously takes a lot to unwind this disorder and hopefully this stream can help others address and work through the issues, at least a little bit. I was wondering if there would ever be a BDD stream, or whether I should contact doctor k and try to arrange one; but there is one! so that's good. Hope Ingrid can make progress and I hope others watching can make progress too! It's a debilitating illness and really affects people's lives greatly, but through work, accessing professionals, talking to loved ones and practice, people can improve.
I respect you a lot. I also think Ingrid was super courageous, telling everything she did. I hope she will be able to get over this.
her story is literally what i have been experiencing for many years now. i’m glad i came upon this video.
As someone with BDD, I would be triggered and shut down (focus on my my flaws) every time he says something along the lines of "I'm not going to say you're not ugly." I understand he isn't saying she's ugly (she's not ugly), but I would definitely overthink it and feel like he thinks I'm ugly, and therefore, everyone thinks I'm ugly.
Omg, me too. You may feel ugly but this is not the answer you expect. It just confirms your initial beliefs.
@@EmmanouelaMwhat hes saying is that its counterproductive to argue against that belief because its so deeply held,he cannot win that game.The key to managing BDD is toletating the distress of therapy,you cannot try to avoid or reduce those emotions and sensations or you will never get better.
Well, those thought are actually meant to be challenged in some way
can we talk about the sick time stamps?
They're dope
oh yeah, i didnt notice at all, those are actually great
Finally, youtube added a feature that people actually like!
@@TheSpiritof76 We are truly in the weirdest timeline.
Noone asked, but fun fact - pornhub added this feature as well
I'm pretty sure my sister has body dysmorphia. This was so insightful and educational. It helps me a lot in understanding her feelings about herself. I think it might be easier to talk to her about her appearance now.
1:44:10 the whack-a-mole / inner beast analogy was really relatable, playing games to distract from it. Great session
wow I think I got a glimpse on how i can escape my issues with body dysmorphia, this is isnpiring me to change.
I’m so late to the party, but wanted to say that Dr K is SO IMPRESSIVE. This concept around the beast and it feeling great to take photos she hates is just 🤯
I'm 43. Selfies are still strange to me. I grew up when people almost never took selfies unless they were with other people and that was still rare. It was considered very vain and cringy. I would love to see the selfie fad die down to pre- Facebook levels. That would help too I think.
I absolutely hate how taking pictures has become as normal as breathing.
Thank you Ingrid for coming on, this hits so close to home, FUCK goddamn. Thanks Dr. K for this.
I feel similar way but what I ended up noticing, is that humans are ugly and awkward looking in general. It's not just me, most people are ugly. And it's okay. As long as you don't bully people about it.
Her story resonates with me so much. Listening to this helped me realize that I also resisted being feminine, because I saw that women were treated poorly in my family’s religion & in their families of origin. Like, any child with sense would look at the people in my family and want to be one of the guys.
Do I have every mental illness, like why are all your videos relatable
Agreed. I have a similar experience, my family are strangly sexist and I grew up on a more sexist time. I saw being physical and assertive as "masculine " so I became a tomboy. The pink and blue boxes society put us in do so much damage.
Dr. K is a fucking genius. I'm sitting here thinking these are two people just casually talking. But he is playing 3D Neuron chess with a raidboss.
Thank you for your work Dr. K. This is important.
Thank you Ingrid for sharing. I hope you get through this.
She began to really piss me off, but then I remembered when I first started therapy and I used to communicate my emotions in grunts- until my therapist began to coach me in developing my own emotional language by putting that grunt into words.
It’s exactly what Dr. K is doing!
He’s coaching her to develop her own internal labeling system to put internal chaos into some cohesive order. (Like the Dewey Decimal System but for feelings lmao)
Surprises me how much I realise about his techniques and thought patterns are skills I also learnt while studying counselling. It makes me want to try it again and really help people
This episode hits home for me 💯. I often wish I were more feminine but when I dress more feminine, I feel hella awkward. Not only that, but I fear that dressing feminine will garner attention and I’m terrified of people noticing me for some reason. Even compliments make me uncomfortable. I’d much rather fade into the background, but then I hate myself for being too “plain”
I have really admired Dr K in recent weeks, having seen how he handled this so sensitively and intelligently restores my faith in psychotherapy and in humans. Ingrid was amazingly courageous. Made a 50 year old cry a little bit but in a good way in hard circumstances.
My solution to my own self-diagnosed body dismorphia is fuck it, *what matters mostly is how you treat others, treat yourself and overall behave.* This has helped me immensely and I hope it can help somebody else too. I've been called extremely attractive and I've been told I look like the back of someone's boot (not a good looking boot)
🤷🏻♂️
Could we get a follow up on Ingrid? This seemed to be a very tough case
"it doesn't really matter" this just changed my life around completely I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.
For me it does that too but it's only temporary it's like reading a self-help book you get really motivated and then you go back to your Baseline..
Any tips on how to not go back to your base line have you figured something out. 🤝
I've had body dysmorphia for years and I have some thoughts to share. In my opinion, this disease is fairly random and seems to effect a range of different people in a range of ways. My body dysmorphia started around the age of 15 (this seems to be the typical onset age which is worth noting).
my personal theory is that the body dysmorphia develops as a result of dysfunctional social interaction in your adolescence, either not going out often with friends / not getting enough positive social interaction. So then your brain tries to come up with logical solutions as to why your social needs aren't being satisfied and then body dysmorphia develops.
From my experience, I get a tiny dopamine hit every time I check my flaw which is counterintuitive because you would think that you would feel bad during the time of checking but you don't which is what makes this disorder so destructive, so basically you need to stop giving into your brains demands. I would say its like a bad habit with very bad consequences because after you check your flaw you are never satisfied and for the rest of the day you are thinking about it. It is so annoying because you take photos of yourself and you look good, but your brain convinces you that you don't actually look like that and your brain makes you take more and more pictures until you look bad. terrible disorder...
Today my body dysmorphia is a shadow of what it was. heres some tips:
1. Try to get rid of all mirrors in your house OR at least limit the use of them (for example if there is a designated room with a long standing mirror just avoid that room entirely and use a small mirror)
2. avoid using apps with camera such as snapchat, or if you use snapchat set it so it opens facing outwards
3.get yourself out of the habit of 'checking' your body flaw (this sneaks up on you when you feel low but if you can rewire yourself to not check your flaw then you win),
4. train yourself to not look at reflective surfaces both in private and public. for example lets say you are walking past a car, personally I would look in the reflection of the car window to check my percieved flaw but I've trained myself out of that.
4. have cold showers (makes you feel alive and gets you out of your own mind)
5. exercise helps as well
I do the same, haven't really looked at myself in years but how does that help ? Just ignoring the problem won't make it go away magically.
@@Victor-ji1rz nothing makes the problem go away magically.
studies have shown that the brain of a person suffering from body dysmorphia is physically different to a normal person.
Little research has done about this disorder and the only medication which exists is the same medicine which treats depression which is useless. Idk if therapy / counselling would be effective (doubt it tho) but ive never tried it
i dont think its genetic, i think its society n ur environment
Bryce i would never recommend exposure therapy, its horrible and unreliable, but cutting yourself off from the triggers is far far more dangerous. the longer you go without a trigger, the bigger the response can be. panic attacks and pain, maybe even loss of consciousness...
dealing with a mental illness should never be a battle, it should be a learning experience, they are created by learning after all...
I tried to ignore my anxiety triggers, over 5 years of denial and avoidance to anything that could cause panic. that only allowed my anxiety to get a stronger grip on my life, making each significant trigger 10* worse. learning to live with it and to accept it is the only way i have been able to recover, and is the true way to get past the vast majority of mental illnesses. its just the hardest because it requires the one suffering to do all the work.
CBT is incredible, they are basically a smart mirror for your thought process. learning how you think and how to think basically allows you to rewrite those corrupted parts of your mind.
obviously there are some caused by chemical imbalance, but the workable ones are the self taught ones.
Serena Tsukino you are correct, other than the chemical imbalance cases, mental conditions are formed as we learn. environmental factors can be more meaningful to some which is how these conditions develop. its our personality traits that make us more susceptible to the environment.
I didn't realize I would relate to any of this until 20 minutes in. I was never boyish enough to be a tomboy but I've never been very feminine either. When I was younger I felt it was very important to not be overly feminine because somewhere along the way I internalized the message that women were silly, emotional, and not to be taken seriously. By extension, femininity was a bad trait. I never learned how to use makeup and by the time I realized I didn't have to hate it, I felt it was too late to learn how.
The fear of people commenting on me when I try new things is a fear that keeps me from making some of those changes.
Puberty gave me a body that was far more feminine than I've ever felt comfortable with. I identify as a woman and I've never wanted to be a man, but I've always imagined that I would be happier with my body if I were androgynous enough to pass as either depending on how I feel on any given day.
50 minutes in and it's only gotten more relatable
*before the stream starts* "This is gonna be a walk in the park!"
*2 minutes in* "..why do I hear boss music?"
When the game leaves you extra health potions before the next room. You know something is coming.
Wow, thank you so much for this video! I also have body dysmorphia, and resonate with a lot of what was said here. In Animal Crossing New Horizons I went through phases where if I visited other peoples islands, I saw my character as being fatter and uglier than other characters. Even though I objectively know they’re all the same somehow mine was worse. It was weird and eye opening about how messed up my head really is. Irl beauty is subjective and there will always be someone or something that validates my thoughts about myself and my self image. But in a game where everyone is basically the same body with little variation it really showed me that those thoughts weren’t based in facts in a way that simply talking about it doesn’t.
This was such a great talk. I think it will help people.
Dr. K is like a magician. He always drills doen to the surface of the problem. Great job. These video really help me understand my own thinking process and the anxiety i have.
Shes so cool and brave, props
Also to dr.k, man has so much patience
Not just patient, he is interested in her problems, feelings and struggle, which is what sometimes we all need.
One of the best convos ive ever seen. Hope ingrid is doing well and feeling better. I relate so much, i also have this disorder and i was also a tomboy and went through similar
I am a male and can relate to this strongly and there are 3 things that significantly helped me overcome this.
1. exercerise seems to regulate my emotions and im to physically exhausted to think about my looks, the increased physical activty slows down my thinking to the point where i dont care. This is more prominent with cardio as opposed to lifting weights which can sometimes have the reverse affect.
2. Meditation and wim hoff breathing - helps me disidentify from my thoughts about myself and watch them from a different persepctive, the breathing also connects me to my body more.
3. The most important, Psilocybin mushrooms. They have helped me look at myself objectively without egoic bias and past perceptions blocking the way, mdma has also been extremely beneficial for this. Books such as "How to change your mind" by Michael Pollen goes into more detail about the science of this!
YES
The feeling of not being like everyone else growing up makes you feel like you can not be fixed like everyone else. I think that’s a good way of putting it into words
Thank you for your bravery Ingrid!
As someone who went through something similar, it’s incredible how much just playing around with different hair and clothing styles can do
This show's how much patience fishing truly needs.
One thing I wanna say about myself is that I have always had small traces of body dysmorphia but as I started workouts out and building a lot of muscle and started looking way more like the person I imagined myself looking like, there was a shift at some point which I cannot exactly pinpoint where I were from feeling a weird disconnect between my mind and my body to feeling like the two were more in sync with one another.
I still have the stereotypical bodybuilder body dysmorphia where I cherry pick things about my physique that I think they need improvement, but it falls more in the category of fine tuning rather than being something major and core thing about my appearance.
This feeling of my body and mind being in sync with one another is a very powerful feeling which is hard to describe to someone who doesn’t have that experience. But it definitely made me feel way better about myself, way more in tune with who I really am, my ability to talk to others and have casual dialogue is way better, I feel more extroverted than introverted etc.
I know that lifting weights did that for me, I’m not sure what it would take for someone else to get that, but it feels very good to feel like you actually belong in your body and feel like a freaking video game action character.
i hate self diagnosing my self but i actually think im body dismorphic now bc i relate to everything she says and it totally makes sence to me
It can be considered a form of ocd. People with body dismorphia can manifest in eating disorders but also skin picking. Just adding to your list of maybe I have this to look at. Good luck.
This is the best thing… excruciating to watch… to learn about why / how I do what I do… when she shuts down… I want to say I’m tired!! Because I don’t want to feel those emotions. I so get her.
Low self-esteem is huge here. She was fine with being a tomboy because it was cool. An important question would have been: What if being a tomboy was the worst thing in the world? What if during that stage where you were a tomboy and you were in that bubble thinking it was the cool thing, things would have changed, and everyone around you (boys and girls) treated boy-things as horrible, would you have still gravitated toward being a tom-boy? My thought is no. My thought is she was chasing acceptance, and fell into a tomboy role. Then outgrew that role, because it never quite fit, desired to try a feminine role, but now she was seen by society as one way, and a change would involve ridicule/scrutiny, so she suppressed her true desire, and THAT created fertile ground for body dysmorphia and other issues to rise. I don't see signs that she hates femininity just because she doesn't like twilight, because she seems fully aware that girls can like twilight or hate it and still be feminine. Similarly, I'm sure if you would have asked her about "masculine" things, she could point out a myriad of boy-things she dislikes, and yet that wouldn't cancel the fact that she identifies with some. So I don't believe her issue is judgement towards boy-things or girl-things. It's more her feeling judged based on what choices she makes, and to avoid judgement, she will "become" something (ie. a tomboy) or suppress something (ie. not be feminine) but both are being done to gain approval, because she needs others to love her, because she can't love herself.
I can extremely relate to Ingrid in some ways. Wanted to be a tomboy when I was little. I rarely if ever dressed feminine in school, and only really did it when there were formal events. Never learned to do makeup. But I kind of stab in my chest when Dr K said not having a crush during puberty isn’t normal 🥲. I have never had a celebrity crush EVER in my life. I don’t know how people do it, it seems weird/creepy to me. Technically im not like Ingrid where she had no romantic feelings at all, but even with me the only thing I felt towards boys during high school were “this guy looks kind of okay and we get along so I should imagine liking him”. But also even now I think most men aren’t immediately attractive, and it kind of felt insulting that girls are expected to like guys, especially in high school where they’re so immature and nasty 😭. I guess I just feel spiteful since same as her I felt like I was smarter/above other people in some ways, but differently from her I also had self esteem issues about the worth of my work and what I provide, and the worries about my body only started briefly in college. Funnily enough I also compared myself to something very fantasy-like and felt like I was an “Ogre”. I saw my reflection in sliding doors and thought I was unproportional- that my hips were too big for my body, that my face was deformed, even if it wasn’t true. But it’s all weird because same as her I currently have a boyfriend who I love and find super attractive, but I wasn’t even attracted to his appearance when I first saw him. I don’t know if this fits the term “demi sexual” or whatever but it’s very interesting to be able to relate to people in some ways yet be completely different in others. I’m wishing her the best 💙
As headshot photographers, it’s a good shoot if 10% are good images! - so that’s a good hit rate!
Also … we are moving images in light in the everyday - frozen or still images are a very specific set of points on a single plane that is representative only of a tiny slice of “what we look like” - try freeze framing a video of someone that you think looks amazing - watch the video first and enjoy how gorgeous the person is and then go back and freeze frame randomly - you’ll see that everybody - every single person looks like a goblin when they’re in motion, in a still shot.
Btw - I had BD for 15+ years and took pics to “try and “see” myself - for me, it was like I could only see one part of my body or face at a time, so I oils never form and overall picture of myself, even when looking at a 6’ x 4’ photograph - it still fragmented!!
I too could not wear dresses and felt female but unfeminine.
I would really like to see more follow-ups with people like her, like you did with lilypichu
Thank you Ingrid, very inspiring talk.
I hope you see this, Ingrid -- I know it's been two years so likely you won't, but I hope you do.
I completely understand your feelings. I've struggled with body dysmorphia most of my life. At 35, I finally came to realize that I was agender: I never felt comfortable in my body so long as I prescribed to "this is a female body" or "this is a male body." It was just a body, and it was my body, and it started to help me feel "normal" because I stopped comparing my body to other bodies.
The dysmorphia is still there, but it's less "mean-spirited." Also, it's completely okay to dress however you want regardless of the prescribed gender on the clothes. I always felt like feminine clothing was extremely revealing, while masculine clothing covered more. I wish there was something more in the middle. There's been better attempts at that nowadays, but a lot of it is "designer" and therefore expensive. Keep trying things out until it feels natural to you.
I think it's also worth investigating your symptoms with a Neuropsychologist rather than just a regular psych doctor. I'm not a doctor, but I felt like my neurodivergent diagnosis helped.
Thank you for sharing Ingrid, you are beautiful in more ways than one. AOE healing
Thank you for talking about this! I feel like it's a very misunderstood or just not talked about issue, that a lot of people deal with.
Ironically enough I started getting body dysmorphia after I started working out. Whod've thunk
I have a friend in a similar position, I think it’s oddly common
it makes a lot of sense honestly- it’s so easy to get caught up in it, especially if you were doing it for the wrong reasons in the first place
This hit me harder than anything ever should have. Sometimes, interacting with other humans is literally hell. They don't know how much they hurt another permanently.
I like the re-addition of chat
She's not uncomfortable - she's just Scandinavian
I relate so much on taking pics randomly and deleting most of them
God I relate to her so hard. This is really helpful to see. I’ve thought these things, I think this way
I want to know how shes doing and feeling today. It's been three years and I felt terrible about my appearance when I was in highschool and middle school, and in my early 20s, I'm 24 now and I felt pretty good about myself at 23, things changed for me physically though. I was a tomboy, wore only baggy clothes from boy and men sections. I hated my body and wanted to hide it. I felt absolutely gross in girls clothing, especially girly clothing like dresses and skirts. Now I LOVE dresses amd skirts. It felt like I was getting a new identity because I was scared to dress girly around my family who had known me as tom boy, and even strangers I felt like I was an inposter around. Things are much better now and I am comfortable in my skin and what I wear. I hope things got better for her.
Man this woman is in such a trouble, I admire her bravery to come out here and talk about this.
Just realized the possibility, that i struggle with bodydismorphia as well. I feel exactly the same way as she does
I can slightly understand her feelings and i relate on many things she said
For example "girly talk" i couldnt care less about that but i came to accept the fact that everyone and even girls have different interest.
I used to feel akward dressing "feminine" or doing makeup in puberty even tho i love femine clothes/makeup but once i came to accept the fact that my personality and interest has nothing to do with the way i want to dress i started feeling more comfortable wearing femine clothes without having the "traditional femine interests" for example like idk gettin their nails done
It's funny seeing this when your mother is one of the few experts in the world on this field, because it's her job and studies being recognized in some sense
Dr. K. did a good job here, but for her specific issues a female therapist might be better. He missed some things like when she said she didn't want to be noticed for wearing makeup, it's more like she wants to be treated like any other woman where wearing makeup is normal and people don't really comment on it. Or that stuff about feminine things being shallow was tough too. Femininity and women's issues are anything but shallow.
I think one thing that got overlooked by both parties here was that this consensus of "Ingrid is not feminine" / "Ingrid cannot wear dresses" wasn't just from people at school but also her friend. I feel that when that happens it feels like a more believable or truthful thing because why would your friend, someone who cares for you, say this? Now as adults we realise that friends as children aren't equipped to consider our feelings completely. But we as children internalise a lot of stuff regardless. It's such a huge disruptive force to have your friend continually project a "truth" on your personality.
I hope that the friend that Ingrid isn't close with any more is that friend. I just feel that it is easier to move on from a destructive mind set when you break away from the people who caused it or perpetuated. Not that the friend was being malicious but just that Ingrid seems like the type of person who cannot easily reframe her thoughts on her own.
I've always hated the way my face looks. I never take pictures of myself and if I do they're highly filtered. I don't let anyone take pictures of me because ew. I feel like no one could ever possibly think I'm attractive and when someone somehow does I feel gross because like.. ew why...
"How do you know your body is distorted?"
I see a different reflection in the mirror everyday.
I have not seen me as me in the mirror in 12 years. Everyday it looks like someone played with the slider of the of my body proportions over night. I sometimes can't recognize my face in photos or mirrors since my perception of my face changes constantly.
I watched this yesterday and something I still think about is whether or not Ingrid wants to be more feminine because she genuinely desires that or whether it’s because she feels like she’s has to be more feminine in order to be “acceptable” or attractive or because she feels like being tomboyish is a bad thing now when it used to be okay..!
There needs to be an emote for when dr.k says "can i think for a second" something like 5Head
PepeHmm
😑🤔
It breaks my heart as the father of a daughter that she can't accept she's an awsome person and beautiful. It makes me conscious of what I need to be to my daughter.
you always cover questions i wanna ask but i'm afraid to do so, thank you!
Breaks my heart
Hi Dr.k. its my 1st watching u and i absolutely loved it . I am a transexual lesbian with PTSD and ADHD.(but i cant dress up feminine even if i want to , i dont think im dressed up "masculen" either, i think i just dress up "my style" ; i dont knoe its kinda complicated)So i have body dismorphia. Im also a recovering alcoholic and a sex& love addict. I want to be in ur show.cuz my life feels kinda like hell! Thanks
I really hate when chat tries to diagnose things like aspergers on a guest out of nowhere. Even mild aspergers is a severe disorder when contrasted to a normal person, it is more than just a personality type. Just by thinking that people are having shallow conversations at a party does not make you have aspergers FFS. And no, just saying: "not diagnosing just ringing a bell" does not excuse you.
This comment sounds on the spectrum to me. Have you ever been diagnosed?
@@deleted01 haha
a lot of it aligns with the dsm5, although it's just autism now. aspergers has been lumped into that spectrum.
Yeah it sounds like emotional suppression to me
I think the key dr k never addressed was the numbness. Most of his interviews do a good job of exploring what people feel, he stops to make them listen to their feeling, explore it, accept it, THEN move on. This time he took the approach of trying to solve the body dismorphia, where he focuses on thought patterns, but I'd bet money the root of tbe dismorphia, the not fitting in, is numbness to the negative emotions due to a constant low level anxiety.
43:30: I never could have guessed I would relate so much to something said in this conversation. For me it was wearing my hair a different way though, not makeup.
this girl is a hero
The timestamps are extremely helpful