I was told all through my teenage years that "you're addicted to video games" and "you couldn't even go a week without screens". I was gaslighted so much about my alleged "addictions", that I felt the need to "test" them. I went a full week without games, told my friends I couldn't play, and found other stuff to do, but was very bored. After an entire week, I hop on games for less than 30 minutes, then my mom comes into my room and says "why are you always on these games?? You're so addicted". My brother knew about this, and just looked at me blankly when she said this. It's not that my mom doesn't care, it's that she misinterprets the issues, and thinks a hobby is going to cause all the other issues (which I didn't really have, regardless).
My parents were the same. They at first limited me to hardly any time to Game, Then I and only I of My 4 other siblings i Lived with had to For several Hours iN the day after school write The alphabet in Cursive to "better My penmanship" instead of wasting my time on games. Now cursive isnt even taught in school and Many cant even read My writing cause its damn near permanent Cursive. later in Life due to all the "you cant go even a day without playing games" challenge even though i often did and just didnt interact with them much choosing to stay away from them in the comfort and safety of my room. i went days to weeks but it didnt phase me at all cause i wasnt a so called addict. i just looked for an escape from being blamed for everything wrong in the house.
The worst nagging that my parents did: I would sit down at the piano and play/practice for 10-15 minutes. Then I get up to do something else and immediately hear "that wasn't 30 minutes, we agreed that you would practice for 30 minutes every day!" So guess what, instead of practicing 30 minutes each day, I practiced 0 minutes every day.
sounds like you didn't agree, they just told you how long to play, no discussion and I'm guessing there wasn't any discussion on why you stopped either, just yelling and blaming
@@jaimebibelot4398 in retrospect, there were a lot of times when I felt punished for doing the right thing. I didn't hate piano, but I did hate that just playing a few notes would remind my parents that I should practice and they'd nag me to finish a full 30 minutes. Plenty of times too when I would be moping in my room and then come down for dinner only to hear a gloating "well, well, so good of you to join us." I just hope that people learn to reward their kids for good behavior, instead of nagging or gloating when the kid starts to comply with your wishes.
@@Sammysapphira Parents should also learn when not to ask the question. Growing up, I'd probably have been more willing to answer it with more than a shrug if I hadn't been asked it constantly.
I never got the forcing music on your kids thing. I love doing music but it really shouldn't be forced, and if someone doesn't want to or doesn't like to do it then they shouldn't.
I was a video game addict as a kid. When people would object and ask my mother why she allowed it, she replied "Better being addicted at home to the games than out and about getting addicted to booze and drugs." Pretty much everyone in my family had a booze and/or drug problem, so she felt pretty fortunate it was games in my case, which is kind of sad, but makes sense. I did get over the addiction eventually when it became impossible to be a completionist in games due to how game monetization shifted.
Its strange to hear somebody get over their videogames addiction when the monetisation has become more and more vicious over the years (to the point that some european countries had to bad lootboxes and the like)
Guess what i was a bit addicted to games, a lot less now cause of work taking time from it, but now I got the bonus of alcohol on top, i like abuse it a bit while gaming and i should really stop... Good luck to you all with your addictions, stay strong.
Kinda doubt it was due to monetization my friend... if you're poor you can get a lifetime worth of games for next to nothing on GOG if you are willing to go a few years back. Hard to say why just from this, but I would bet you just grew out of it, and found more satisfaction through developing other parts of your life? Maybe frustration with monetization was the trigger, but I doubt it's the root cause. If you were determined enough, you wouldn't let a silly thing like monetization keep you from your passion. For me personally, I know the way I have consumed games has changed a lot. When I was a kid I was a completionist because I didn't have many options for games and they were all shiny and new. Nowadays, if I don't get significant enjoyment from a game, I drop it faster than a hot potato, because I know there are other things I could be doing.
Honestly, I feel like the worst part of this was when the dad *explicitly states* that their son has always loved gaming, but still somehow decides that gaming is the cause of these *new* problems that have come up. If he's been playing games for years and the problems haven't arisen until now, then it's pretty fucking obvious that gaming *didn't* cause those issues.
The entire education system prioritzes grades over health and as soon as you're out of school nobody cares about those numbers/letters on a piece of paper anymore
So true man. Back in high school and even now in college. Every time the school year starts, I want to be excited for school and looking forward to “learn” but instead I get anxiety. My mom was like the typical tiger mom that would monitor how I’m doing academically back in high school. Every time she gets an email from school, it’s always under the assumption that I did something bad and she didn’t even read the contents lol. I’m glad that in college she became less restrictive but man college or school in general has made me less creative and more concerned with my grades. I’m doing fine academically but at the expense of my mental health. For now my part time job is the only thing that gives me a purpose to keep pushing and I love my coworkers (most of them are around my age and we resonate with each other when it comes to struggles). On the bright side, I’m a senior now and I’m about to be ready to graduate. I know I still have a lot ahead of me and I hope the world will still allow me to learn and make myself a more well rounded person.
@Diamond Frieza W h a t. Learning how to do basic maths is more important than learning how to do martial arts, because you most likely WONT become a master. Bring down your expectation jesus christ.
@kshamwhizzle I'm so glad I go to a genuinely good high school because we have 10x the freedom here compared to my middle school (although there is still a degree of control because yeah we have to be orderly).
Dude, your kid isn't a game addict, he's DEPRESSED, and your solution is to take away his comfort/coping mechanisms instead of deal with the fact that he's depressed. I wouldn't wanna do therapy either with someone who refused to talk to ME about my behavior and just took the word of my dad and tried to force me to admit that my coping mechanisms are the problem. This really hits home with me because I was severely depressed through childhood, and my dad also tried to blame it on "videogames", and to this day he blames all my health problems and migraines and other stress-related problems on how much sleep him IMAGINES i get or how much games he IMAGINES i play. He never cared to ask what was wrong, and even when I said I was depressed, he straight up told me i WASN'T, and told me I was lying to get out of chores. The only therapy my family EVER suggested was "anger management".
Maybe if the child were to do his schoolwork like hes told, he would get his games back. You seem to be under the impression the literal child has an authority.
@@dannypatrick9361 People like you are the problem. Children may have a weaker judgement, but they should have a level of authority. Children are not just slaves or robots to be thrown around and told what to do. This guy is clearly depressed and using gaming as a way to cope. Taking that away and not addressing the core issue is negligent, ignorant, and flat out bad parenting. God forbid you have or have had children. By far the worst take I've seen today.
@@dannypatrick9361 "oh, you're depressed? Well get over it and do your homework Jimmy I'm tired of hearing these excuses" -you to your child in 15 years Do you not know what depression is
Was super depressed and then in the bathroom before school I felt this increasingly amount of pain in the center of my chest. Had to lay down. Then I started to salivate a whole bunch and mouth tasted like salt. Went to urgent care, nothing medically wrong. Psycho somatic isn’t a word for a lie a kid tells, it’s a very literal feeling that the body has
I hate when people refuse to believe mental health and physical health are very connected when you have the catalouge of all of humanities knowledge at your fingertips
my mother would tell me that psycho-somatic stuff is real. but the problem was that she would use it against me... she would tell me that "its because you are so lazy that you feel sick all the time" :|
if a child's first concern when they screw up or fail to meet expectations is "my parents are gonna kill me" or "i can't tell my parents about this", you have failed as a parent
And the "fun" part is that sometimes parents aren't that strict. I'm in my ear... who am I lying to? I'm in mid 20s. By russian standards I'm still a kid, most people of my age still live with parents, I'm not a black sheep in that sense. I really struggle with my university. I kinda lost interest to what I study (electronic engineering) and I don't even know what else I wanna learn. Higher education is a must here. My parents never grounded me badly, they did beat me as a kid but the last time was probably over 15 years ago and it never was for failing school. I actually used to be very smart, I even was 6th on the regional physics competition. Recently I was expelled for the third time (I study for free because I did great on school exams) and long before that, when I struggled with university exams, I almost completely moved to my girlfriend's place because I knew my mom would ask about exams, ask why I don't do my homework, etc. And I would not have answers. I'm not a kid, I know she can not take my phone away or something. And she never even did that except for a couple minor cases like 10 years ago that didn't last lond. But I'm still scared to tell her about my fails.
Ok, I know I would like to learn automotive journalism but 1. I will never pass history/literature/social studies exam required to enroll. 2. I'm just 1 year from getting bachelor's at engineering. Just enough time to drink some tea by my standards (I mean it's like nothing, I count time in tens of years) 3. I'm 25 and my best paid job was at Burger King's cash register. I can not wait another 5 to 6 years to get a correct degree. 4. In Russia it doesn't matter that much what you studied for, you basically need just any degree + skills in what you're applying for. 5. My girlfriend... No, f**k her. I'll break up with her if feel I need it
@@ldmtag But you could be that just as Vlogger. It's 2021 - you don't need a diploma for some jobs at all ;-) Get a "real" job and be an automobile vlogger as a hobby. If it will pay well - drop your main job.
I remember in 8th grade, I corrected my health teacher about what the function of the appendix was, because he said it was "completely useless" (anatomy and physiology has always been a special interest of mine) and he told me "if you think you can teach this lesson better than me, get up here and teach the class" so I called him on it and started drawing diagrams of an appendix and intestines on the board. He got really angry about that and started sabotaging my tests, erasing answers I put down and saying that I didn't answer the questions at all. My grade eventually dropped to a D+, and my parents grounded me for the entire rest of the year (9 months total) by not letting me talk on the phone, play games, use the internet or visit my best friend because of that. She was pretty much my only friend and I'm still extremely bitter about the entire ordeal. I remember them saying "only an idiot would fail HEALTH class, how could you manage that?" and that's always stuck with me. I tried to tell them he was treating me unfairly, but since my mom is a teacher she decided that teachers were incapable of doing bad things to their students and dismissed it as me lying or making excuses. I still don't like spending time around her.
I'll be honest. If I were you. I would outright have told my mom. "If you're too lazy to actually acknowledge your children's issues, when I leave, I'm gone. No text. No phone calls. No holidays. Don't expect anything. And you will have be the one to force me to make that decision for my mental health."
What a disgusting story, that teacher was abusive for you being knowledgeable? And your parents sound like the kind I would not keep in my life. They just buried teacher abuse of a student because of their ignorance and cruelty. I would not tolerate that. And I was in an abusive house as a kid. I didn't tolerate it, got out at 17 and never looked back.
As a child video games were demonized by my parents and eventually completely banned from the household. Even the knowledge that I had played with a friend's gameboy at school would come with swift consequences. Every time I got any video game time, it was like having a manic episode. Nothing in life made me feel more excited. My relationship with friends was strained because they accused me of hanging out only so I could play with their video games. When I finally got to college, I found my self for the first time actually having unrestrained video game access in my own bedroom (via my roommate). It was a complete and unmitigated disaster; I had never learned any sense of self-control or even gone through any kind of processing or therapy on why I was addicted in the first place. I eventually learned how to be moderate on my own, but the college years were not the ideal time to pick up those skills. I still have trust and shame issues associated with my parents, and our communication remains poor as a result.
I agree about having the lack of understanding how to control video game time. I almost flunked out of college. and its not that my parents were necessarily anti video game, I gamed at friends houses, they just didn't want to buy one for our house. I eventually developed my own self control as I aged out of a lot of that, but its something I had to teach my self.
I agree, college is not the time to learn that. I was very restricted, just an hour or two, which was simply not enough time for me to enjoy the time with friends. As a result, in college, I only studied for an hour, maybe two, and used the rest of the time on games. I felt happier not having someone over my shoulder telling me my grades were lowering "because of video games". But the neat part was my grades were better in college when I was enjoying my free time and able to study in my own way. Btw, if my grades ever went lower than a "B" I would lose electronics. Not just games, btw. Music too.
Yup, Me in 1995, "Dad, I want to program computers when I grow up!" "That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard of, what you gonna make fucking video games like a loser?". Well....
Fucking read my mind, I got a lecture about me being controlling and uncompromising (when I'm not) when I told her that when I talk about my Misophonia, I get nothing but shit. All after she learned that I have mild depression. The first thing she said during the car ride home was "Mild Depression, huh? Guess you need to spend some time away from you're computer." In a very pissy tone. I suffer in silence daily because I have little to no outlets to vent about this shit.
@@grey_xoid they call us names about our behavior but that does nothing for anyone besides piss us off and sometimes causes low self esteem for example my parents call me lazy,hardheaded,loud mouth,and my moms brother that she didn't like that much and I mean yeah sure I am lazy but what do I care? Like I'm just gonna stop being lazy how many times you point out and say shit
That awkward moment when this kid is suddenly 25 and doesn't understand why he always has a bit of anxiety while gaming and realizes that he had just grown accustomed to always being at the risk of getting caught.
Bro I've gotten my heart checked for this exact reason. It's psychosomatic like Dr. K said, the docs didn't find shit in my chest. The only moments I feel comfortable at home is when I know that no one will come bother me, I can breathe. That situation was years ago but my body learned to be jumpy like that, I still struggle working with it. Good to hear I am not the only one.
This is spot on, the anxiety of getting caught ended up combining with my social anxiety and now I can't play online games like I used to so easily. Also my overall enjoyment of gaming isn't the same.
Now that you all mention that. It’s funny, I’m a grown ass man and stuff from past still hunting me. I can only relax if I’m alone in my apartment without anyone monitoring or restricting me. Don’t know if you guys can relate.
"My kid is suddenly living in isolation, showing lack of motivation and has unexpected mood swings. Also, I just divorced his mother and COVID just hit. How do I fix his problem with video games?"
My parents were like this too when they divorced. Its mind-boggling how many parents just assume splitting their household is going to have no effect on their kids. Granted its better to have divorced parents than parents with a toxic marriage but these things still effect your kids, you can't just ignore that reality and pretend that its completely inconsequential to their lives.
Honestly yeah, I'm kinda going through the same thing, I basically gave up on school because I wasn't doing that well in the first place eventhough I revise about 4 times a week for an hour for 4 years (Asian family, but honestly not that strict.) My parents haven't had the best time during the pandemic aswell(close to divorce), I also grew too far away from my friends so video games was a way of escape for me. Thankfully my parents are the best, they put away their differences so that they can put me and my brother first and spent time trying to help me out (they also took time to work on their relationship aswell.) I'm still not doing well in school and I will be going to college soon so I've got lots of exams to study for. It's really stressful but I'm able to stay hopeful now and am most of the time happy.
How do i teach him to not be manipulative when every single thing I do arises from my mindset being to manipulate people into doing what I want? Every single thing that dad said is manipulative and childish. What a great role model.
As someone who’s entire body **BROKE DOWN TO POINT I WAS IN HOSPITAL** in sophomore year of high school but they couldn’t find anything “medically wrong”, that line hit SO HARD. The nothing “medically wrong” especially. It turns out, all of that was from my horrible horrible anxiety that my parents didn’t treat seriously. Sure enough, when we transfered out of that high school I got SO much better. My body is still feeling the effects from that time period, and I’m 22. Take! Mental! Health! Seriously!!!
@@rodolfo9876a I’m doing a LOT better. I won’t say everything is sunshine and roses but I’m in better place. The effects my body still feels aren’t too serious: just things like my stomach being worse than normal etc
@@farawayxgalaxyoster care years back caused me to have severe stomach problems for years. Stress causes high levels of cortisol and your seratonin plummets. 80% of your seratonin is in your stomach. Honestly I started microdosing with psilocybin mushrooms in the mornings, (very small amount) and that's increased my body's production of seratonin and my stomach tends to work much better now. Either that or maybe Celiac's disease?
Gives me the same vibe as "sociology isn't real science". Somehow, many people think it stops being real once it affects the mind. They also often think that "social constructs" aren't real.
This is like "The more you know that your parent knowing your secret, the better you hiding it too". This also goes a same to me when I was sneaking and watch RUclips past a bedtime.
70% agree, but this is not considering how they feel about their options in response to strict attitude. If you are strictly supposed to handle something a certain way and you feel capable of doing it you might instead strictly ignore the reason for doing things another way. For example if you strictly have to deal with boredom with homework you will ignore the fact that there's something homework isn't doing for you, and it may set you up for failure that way. If you can only deal with an issue a way you're not allowed to, then yes you have to be more commited to hiding it
To be honest, this sounds like me when I was in Grade 9. Except my parents gave me 100% freedom and never took anything away. My 'bare minimum' at school was still the honor roll, but I didn't do homework or study at all. I slept horrible hours, didn't have a social life that I liked, played halo 3 / reach until 2am, went to school late almost everyday, was sick a lot, and had anorexia/bulimia (6'3, 127 lbs). I don't know if there's anything my parents could've done, because I wasn't even quite sure what the problem was at the time. But as it turns out, I just hated my social life and how my body looked. As soon as the summer came around, my dad had a stroke that left him fully paralyzed, and that kind of 'jolted' me to wake up and not waste my life... try new things, change, improve, learn, because you never know when that can all be taken away. I started eating more, working out for the first time, played games with friends, and by grade 10 I had put on about 30 pounds and was in great shape. I was way more confident and started playing games less. I never put in effort into school even afterwards, but life was much better. And the moral of this, is that the video games were not the problem for me. They were a symptom.
I had the same revelation except it was grade 10 and my parents were threatening divorce and my mom had choked me in anger after seeing me fail most of my courses the sophomore fall semester
@@ethanspicer3471 Good grief! Please tell me your mom had a wake up call due to that and went to therapy for her anger management issues at the very least! Or that you stayed with your dad after that!
Both my brothers dropped out of school and just game all day. Nothing else. That's what they've been doing their entire lives and both are in their 20's. They haven't ever had a job, they have to ask my family to pay hundreds of dollars for their games and consoles. I honestly feel like sometimes it's an addiction, and there needs to be something to intervene. Nothing huge even happened in their lives they were just lazy and didn't want to do schoolwork and would rather game. Edit: Nothing big happened in their lives to start this. They've been gaming since they were 8 years old or younger. My parents don't stop them. They sleep during the day and game all hours of the night. They have TOO much freedom honestly. Don't do chores or anything, just play video games. I'm a gamer myself but play at a healthy level (a few hours a week). I think it can be a huge problem for some people and they won't change it because they're too comfortable to. I'm glad that you managed to turn your life around and hope others in your situation can too.
I had a similar problem/story, with an abusive father and hardcore depression/anxiety, but the video games was actually my way to cope and keep me sane from the constant struggle in my social life. Without video games for me, I would’ve been dead by 17. Without staying up late at night keeping myself occupied or actually talking to people I met online playing halo that actually listened to my problems, I would’ve done something stupid that night. Feeling like I was actually in control of something loading up the sims or firing up RuneScape to grind away on coin. Video games taught me how to manage my emotions, process, and learn to play in real life.
My parents in a nutshell: "Why are you always hiding in your room and never come talk to us?" Also them whenever they talk at me: *Judge me, critsize me, guilt shame me, make me feel like crap just because I dont behave according to their expectations*
I think it's possible that the bad sleep schedule may be caused in part by the antagonistic relationship between the child and the dad. I used to stay up late because that's when my parents weren't awake and I felt like I had more breathing room. (Also relate so much to the example about martial arts-I love my martial arts practice but when my mom tries to force me to go it feels like I'm losing control and I end up pushing back harder)
I have the same but with chess. Man u have no idea how it feels to finally win a game after a few hours of hard work. Frankly it's the only thing that gives me fulfilment at this point
I wish parents could experience life being stripped of power and agency like they do to their kids. And then when they go "okay, I get it, this isn't funny anymore," it doesn't stop. Because they have no power and agency here. How soon do you think they'd call the cops because they're being held hostage? How soon they'd cry "this is abuse!"? Also I 100% relate to staying up late to avoid my parents. My personality and interests were always satanic. Not good enough. Not welcome. I didn't like them and what they were about, didn't like their attitude, didn't like their creepy beliefs and pressuring ways. I wanted freedom. And I got that when they were unconscious.
@@alexia3552 seriously i dont understand why parents lack so much empathy and are unable to put themselves in their kids shoes, how would they feel being demonized for doing something they enjoy and then having that thing be taken away from them and never getting a say in any of it, i swear most of them are just narcissists that love to power trip and take their anger out on their kids
Exactly! It LITERALLY feels SO relaxing to be awake when everyone else is asleep. I've never felt such peace before. I LOVE staying up late. I stayed up all night a few nights ago until I heard my brothers morning alarms go off. In my room of course, I'm not supposed to leave my room past bedtime unless for the bathroom or medicine (if sick).
I remember my parents enforcing a “screen time” as a kid I just snuck time and found ways around it, this led to me being very secretive with my parents and didn’t help me stay off screens at all.
parents before them, it was sadly the norm because they "turned out well enough" humanity in general is stupid and shortsighted a lot, and although it has its moments it is generally hard to be even an ok person because of billions of reasons, and with this world being so varied it's so hard to resolve all these problems
Because parents think “being their friend” spoils the kid somehow… They don’t realize a good friend isn’t just a constant enabler, a good friend sets boundaries and limits.
Because the parent doesn't see the solution as a collaborative effort. The parent "knows" the problem and they "know" how to fix it. Why ask the kid's input if they already know how to solve the problem? All the parent has left to do is force the kid to implement their solution. The parent never even considers that they might be wrong. And they can't even comprehend that they might be the problem or they might be making things worse.
as a parent that tries to be self aware, it's a combination of being extremely tired from working and raising that kid, combined with wanting a quick solution to things. idiot parents love scapegoats, because it requires no actual work to get to know the kid, their issues and what they need. that would be work and they sure as fuck dont want to work more.
For some parents it's about power, winning or just being right. Some magically expect their kids to just "act like adults" - like they should just know this automatically some how. The ignorance I've seen is astounding.
Something I heard a therapist talk about in relation to Narcs is "the Narc sees a child as a selfish adult." I will never forget that. And it's so true.
“His brother has better grades and extra curriculars” is such a dumb argument imo. Yes, it shows extra responsibility, but at the same time it’s also damaging to the other kid. I always felt bad when my parents brought up my grades to my siblings and how I was performing better in school- it really doesn’t matter, grades don’t necessarily measure how smart or responsible you are.
@@TheOfficalAndI Grades aren't just "not everything", they're actively nothing. You get good grades by regurgitating arbitrary information. The education system is a joke.
The education system is a complete farce, grades are meaningless. It was invented to churn out a diligent work force, not make people more intelligent, there is nothing valuable In school.
Hes angry because this parent isnt letting go of his child, as progressives usually want so they can indoctrinate and molest them without fear of parental reprisal.
I’m jealous that your parent actually gave you the tools you need to be a good parent in the future. I don’t think I’ll ever have kids because I turned out too much like my dad, but at least I’m aware of those flaws unlike him.
@@beyondviolet I honestly think that the final year of high school should include a mandatory parenting class. Not only just knowing how to look after a baby, but also learning how to treat a kid, and how to help them deal with issues. Because it's honestly really saddening to see so many kids being mistreated, but slightly reassuring that there are also so many tales of people trying to be better than their parents.
@@rohankishibe6433 I agree completely. I know my dad never should’ve been a parent, in fact he’s told me several times that having kids is a mistake lol. Unfortunately having kids is often seen as “the next step” for the older generations, regardless of whether or not one is emotionally equipped for it. Luckily we seem to be growing out of that mindset, so I’m grateful for that at least.
yeah i also want to make sure i’m a good parent when the time comes, will forever be grateful for my parents even with their mistakes, i’ll just try my best not to repeat them
My video game limit was a half hour every day. When i was young and only played Minecraft, this was fine with me. When i started playing more games and wanted more time to play, i asked my parents and they talked about it with me and increased my time limit. Im happy with my time limit now, and i know that i can always talk to my parents and they will be understanding. Thanks mum and dad for being supportive (:
Parents need to understand that kids need some sort if engagement they like, if they take away games, they can't be absent, they should be actively bonding during that time, even then, its better not to keep them away from their hobbies and passions, you should join them in theirs. If they like soccer play soccer with them. If they like boardgames, play boardgames with them, if they like a certain TV show, keep an open mind and watch with them. If they like games play with them. Parents I think too often only want their child to end up the way they envision them, when kids are their own people. Some parents don't want their kids to play games but their kids do, restricting them from it isn't going to make them better, it'll just make them do it in secrecy. I don't think some parents actually care about life but appearances. They want their kids to appear a certain way, in front of them or others, they even admit they can't control them 24 7 so they should know its futile. Of all things taught in school, I'm surprised, parenting classes aren't required.
My dad legit loves gaming so that's nice, but I need to do a shit ton of stuff to do video games and I've gotten extreme nausea 2 times both I went to the toilet and hung out for a few minutes in case I vomited. It was fine but I'm scared that will happen more often
I only take away the video games when my son starts neglecting reality (ie disassociation); because after doing it myself as a teen and young adult; I learned there are better ways to cope when life is overwhelming than just tuning it out for hours on end. And we teach him these skills. A few hours of gaming is fine, but if you skip meals for the game, its not going to end well. Especially when you're the one who's supposed to cook.
"It's a game you're not going to win." Very potent words. That was basically what I experienced at 13ish. I realized my parents weren't going to engage with me. They had a totalitarian rule over the house. There was never any ground to be made. They would lie, falsely offer rewards or exceptions, and do lots of things to try and control me. But when I realized at that really age that they only wanted to be pleased, I realized I had no power but to strike. So that's what I did. I did enough work to graduate, to stay healthy, to set myself up for after I moved away. But that was for my own sake. Everything else was just enough to keep the belt at bay. Any "goals" of "rewards" were never met. I never, for nearly 9 years, did anything to satisfy them. Because I had already been too burned. I was never going to stick my hand in the fire again.
I realized a while ago that my dad's parents are very controlling. When I don't do anyihmg they agree with, even listening to music I like, (mostly electronic) they always say 'no' and 'this music suck' and such, and My grandpa asked last year I look up gaming addiction, 'cause i played games every Day. Maybe it has something to do With the fact that I finally had time?
Yeah i had this same story happen to me with my mom, and she would be mean self-destructive. Taking me to a doctor to tell me my issues and give me meds that helps me wake up good and go to sleep fast. Yet it doesnt help me with my relationship with my mom, as she has been yelling at me more times that i can count, and having problems at school made all of this way worse. I had to graduate from highschool and tell my mom that im living with my dad as that makes me happy. And i been living a life of peace ever since.
@@lordbanetheplayer8844 doing good, having my own peace and enjoyment away from my mom. Yet she tries to add me in her life after all she has done. Taking me to church and getting me dinner.
Reminds me of my mothers hatred for my gaming when I was a teen. Honors student, active and healthy, didn't drink or do drugs, yet she couldn't stand I spent my time playing video games or even watching anime on the weekends because she thought these things were for much younger children so automatically there must be something wrong with me. She didn't understand these things were actually created for people in my age group lol. I remember just feeling uneasy anytime I heard her walk by my room because I just knew she would try to belittle me for it. She was also convinced playing video games would give me a mental illness, make me violent or ruin my life lol. As an adult I questioned a lot of her paranental logic but I've come to realize her controlling habits probably came from a lack of control in her own life.
@@celestec.6480 she won’t get it don’t let her get to you. I graduated college and have a career and she still makes comments. Literally can’t win no matter what we do so might as well enjoy ourselves.
my parents tell me gaming is for kids then I tell them about 30 year Olds still gaming and M rated games and they literally can't come up with anything else besides "you aren't them". Then they also make comments comparing me to friends who do afterschool activities, loads of AP classes or sports. Wanted to compare them so long with other parents who actually support their child's hobbies so they can see how demeaning it feels.
Definitely something similar with my dad. Nothing I do really pleases him, and he expects me to be like him and go above and beyond. He hates that I’m into stuff he isn’t, and says the amount of time I play Video Games and read fantasy books is truly “disgusting”. It’s gotten to the point that I’m afraid to talk to him over the phone or even text, because I finally feel like I have a good balance between my new job, exercising, and even video games, and talking to him might just destroy all of that. It’s not like I hate him either. My Dad made a lot of mistakes, but he was still my Dad and I know he loved me, just like I love him. But… I guess I wish his love didn’t make me feel like I’m disappointing him with what I enjoy, and what I love. Anyway, thanks for the place to vent, I actually feel a lot better. XD. Hope you guys are ok, and live your live the way you want to live them.
I was going through a very, very strong depression due to so many problems at school and at home when I was 16. I was suspected (now confirmed) of being on the spectrum. Videogames were the only thing I could do to distract me from everything and one of the few interests I had. Despite my parents being the root cause of many of my problems, they still found a way to make truce temporarily just to agree to take away my videogame consoles and not allow me to use the computer for anything other than school work. They then wondered why I started having meltdowns and shutdowns every day of my life until they finally gave up and realized they had made a terrible choice.
"Wow, my kid has a poor coping mechanism, what do I do about this? How about make them unable to cope whatsoever!" - an unfortunately large number of parents
"Even if the parents wins the parent loses" is a great quote. The kid will always win because the kid can't be expected to be rational or to be the mature adult because they are a child. They aren't going to be rational or care about consequences, they are going to do whatever they can to just cope and get through the day by whatever means necessary. If that means setting a fire or hurting themselves, they will do it, because you made them feel like they have to do something that drastic for you to listen to them or for you to notice that they are hurting.
@@SimonWoodburyForget They are, but they are the ones that have had the time growth and experience, children dont. They are the ones that made the choice to have kids. The kids got no choice in the matter. Adults have the ability to understand consequences. Whether or not they choose to act like it is a matter of coping skills or character. But adults should and HAVE TO be held to higher standards. Children's brains aren't done developing, they don't have the same capacity to reason or control impulses as adults do. Adults can choose to be reasonable and patient, kids are still learning that, and it needs to be modeled by their caregivers.
"You made them feel they had to do something drastic for you to listen to them or for you to notice they are hurting" is a line I strongly resonate with. Just to be clear, I've never set fires or hurt myself. But what I do resonate with is a general demonstration to indicate pain. I've frequently resisted this demonstration, at most just being angry or unhappy in the same room, but that was me containing myself as much as possible. I'm supposedly at the age of maturity, but really I'm at a crossroads for learning consequences and basic social cues and learning challenges (I mean for all people, not just those on the spectrum) and appealing to an angry child in me who hardly understands the world and its pressures, but knows its angry and probably has good reason to which gets difficult for me to decipher because I'm expected to just know the problem and resolve it in the same moment, or at least that's how I feel a lot of the time.
@@dontseemyprofilepic3157 I feel like that's a very natural thing to do, especially for those who have had dismissive or neglectful parents. I know my parents wouldn't pick up on my pain unless I was literally bursting into tears. And it gets even more difficult when we grow up, having never had caregivers who took the time to teach us how to manage emotions and communicate our needs in a healthy/effective way. I know I still have a lot of resentment, and my siblings do too. On the one hand, one doesn't wanna throw a tantrum at a mature age, but we also don't have the tools to communicate distress in more productive ways and it leads to a bubbling cycle of resentment under the surface. And thats horrible to have to deal with. I hope you are doing well on your journey of navigating your emotions and communicating those feelings.
@@koolkel00 thank you for your concerns. I hope you're on your way to better managing and treating these complex emotions yourself. I'll say I'm extremely lucky to have my siblings who are older than me and have had enough experience in life, seeing it for what it is. If it wasn't for my brother, I would've still been ignorant about the need to articulate my emotions. There is an incredible RUclipsr who works at a professional therapist called 'TheraminTrees'. He largely deals with criticising dogmatic ideologies in the fields of religion and politics, but at the core of his content is helping people navigate complex psychological abuse. I know, I kinda sound like an ad, but while I have been watching his content less recently, his videos have been an absolute help, especially in taking my brothers advice with one particular video about 'faking emotions' which tackles the subject of how our model of our own emotions may change and morph to abuse, sometimes to where happiness may be embedded in guilt or even to where emotions nullify altogether. Again, I don't mean to plug the channel (though I definitely understand if it seems that way), I just wanted to share my more recent experiences, which that RUclipsr has played a large role in where I largely live with my parents who make it impossible to have deeper conversations about emotions and the complexities of problems even just at the academic level (not out of deliberate abuse by the way, just more out of genuine ignorance and simplistic responses which happen to dismiss my problems far more than they seem capable of understanding with regards to another person)
The comments on this video are odd. Kids aren't expected to be rational or understand consequences? Why not? How do you teach someone about consequences? By giving them consequences for their actions. Every kid is a little different and you have to adjust your parenting to a degree, but by the time my kids were 10, I expected to be able to sit down and have a pretty reasonably intelligent conversation. I can explain myself and what I see, and allow them the same. I can set expectations and know they are able to understand what I expect, and the consequences for not meeting my expectations. Kids are a lot smarter and more tricksy than what people seem to give credit. There is a healthy amount of narcisism in teens. In order to grow out from under your parents you have to be selfish, think about, and prioritize yourself a lot, and for some reason kids think parents don't understand them. My dudes, we went through something very similar, we have a pretty good idea. The internal focus teens have make it hard for them to identify with their parents and have empathy because.. as it turns out, parents are just people too. My oldest son has come back to me now that he is an adult and apologized because he looked back critically on how he acted as a teenager and realized, we weren't mean and evil for removing some of his benefits when he was doing poorly. He understands that we were trying to push him to be better, and to achieve his goals, that HE told us he wanted to achieve. He even admitted to trying to turn his mother and I against each other for his benefit. Not to say his feelings at the time were not valid, but feeling bad doesn't get you out of consequences. How can you learn to handle emotions and how to control yourself if you don't have any push back on your behavior? When and who else is going to teach them these things before they venture out on their own? You HAVE to teach your kids consequences for their actions, even if those consequences make them angry or sad, this is the only time in their life they have to practice this in a situation with someone who truly loves them unconditionally. I would love for my kids to like me, but it is far more important to me that I teach them the lessons they need before they get out on their own. If that requires me to take their game systems away until they start doing their school work or ground them from getting to do things they want to do, so be it. Life sometimes means you don't get to do what you want, and while they are with me I will do my best to get them what they want as long as they do the right thing. The consequences of not doing what you need to do are much more unforgiving in the real world, and it is my job to prepare them for that, not just let them do whatever so they can be "happy".
I was raised in this strict "fixing you with a side of punishment" household my whole life and it really fucked me up socially. I now have a daughter (7yo) that I strictly refuse to take that same approach with. I make every effort to talk with her, understand her feelings and encourage or support as appropriate. My family still judges me and claims I am giving her what she wants or being to easy on her. I just tell them they were never the best example of parenting and their opinions are not welcome.
"Restrain instead of restriction" is so important because the parent's influence and control will only decrease over time. You have to help your kid develop the ability to regulate themselves because you can't possibly do it for them forever.
Teach your children responsibility, and that the lack of responsibility has real world consequenses, not just household consequenses. Is also very good.
Parenting is hard. My son is 7. Doing it right is exhausting. I am a tutor as well. I had a 7th grader who was so sweet, so sociable. He used video games to interact with friends and cousins. Then he took his tablet to school and got grounded from it. His grades went up, but his demeanor was heartbreaking to see. He was the youngest of three children of immigrants. He was doing well to earn his stuff back, I think. IDK...he really did need to improve academically, but the cost seemed so high. I missed his smile. He just stopped smiling. I felt like a torturer or the instrument of punishment.
“The kids are going to win that game” Yup. I haven’t spoken a word to my parents in four years and I have no intentions of ever speaking to them again.
Yeah. My parents divorced when I was 10, & my parents had a lot of ups & downs about who I spent more time with. Recently, my father decided to stop picking me up with my brother because I would only spend the weekend with him, instead of the whole week. The reason for this? _It's a waste of his time & gas to go back & forth so frequently._ God forbid I spend some extra money to spend time with my child. *_I don't talk to him anymore._*
My father also divorced when I was like 2. We used to meet yearly but for the past 3 years we havent met due to his job problems and pandemic. Now we text every once in a while. Whenever he asks what I do I say gaming. And he starts ranting about how its bad for me. Im like.. ?? Wtf do you know about whats good for my life if you arent here?
@@CaptainCFalcon I don’t understand how you can agree to split up when you have kids, but complain about the consequences of visitation schedules. It’s like unnecessarily cutting off your health insurance plan and then whining about how much money the medical bills are. Very surreal.
@@layonduff I’m just confused about why it even matters to him what’s bad for you. You’d think if he was concerned about your well being, he would have made different decisions up till now, no? LOL
honestly the story at the start hit me hard. i was exactly that kid... but it wasn't because i was "lazy" or "addicted to videogames". i had undiagnosed autism and severe adhd on top of anxiety and ptsd. i literally *physically* could not make myself fall asleep at night thanks to the adhd and anxiety, and even when i slept, i got woken up by horrific nightmares because of the ptsd. i couldn't focus on my schoolwork because of the adhd. anxiety and autism made being in a school environment incredibly stressful - i was a lonely and isolated kid. videogames were an escape and actually provided me with the stimulation i needed to focus, and helped me make friends. i am now in a much better place - medication, therapy, all that good stuff. but my mom's response was punishment, not getting me help/understanding.
I always heard that I was lazy or addicted to video games, and I believed them. I had undiagnosed depression :p thankfully they aren't asses and they understand now
@@drdesten would you go to therapy if they told you "admit that your in the wrong and then you decide what punishment you deserve for being a bad person!" who in their right mind would fucking go to therapy
"I tried punishment, it didn't help! What should I try next? I know: more punishment!" Reminds me of my experience growing up, particularly in high school, I was extremely depressed, struggling with school, my stepdad's solution was to ground me from all video games and computer for the entire duration of every school year. Literally, however many months that adds up to be - no video games, no computer, nothing. I did the same as this kid - played on school computers or at friends' houses, sneaked my sister's gameboy - my parents tried taking me to a therapist exactly once, and specifically wanted it to be a therapist who would "be hard on me" so wasn't someone I felt comfortable talking to at all, big surprise that didn't last long and nothing improved. Years later as an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD. After a certain point you'd think there would be a realization that "what I'm doing now isn't helping, I need to try something else instead of intensifying the same thing" - and parents need to see their kids as people who are struggling with problems, not the kids AS problems to be solved.
Thank you I have depression and have played video games that did not stop for years, I finally realized why when I got diagnosed with ADHD. I needed the video games to spike my dopamine to normal levels so I wouldn't feel as crappy.
@@rusi6219 Not just lazy, many don't have time, energy, or the practice at being aware and considerate, sometimes they're underequipped to even communicate properly because they too were treated like this... Many don't see kids as people who are growing, they're something to be molded into an extension of parents' will.
One thing: I don't think the kid was actually playing on a Gameboy. I think the parent is just calling the Switch a Gameboy. They just kept switching up their terminology.
He specifically says he took away his PS and Switch, and THEN the kid was playing a Game Boy he had forgotten about. Could've been any handheld maybe but not the Switch.
Actually, the Gameboy became so popular that the name became synonymous with video games and, hence, a generic term used by parents worldwide for any handheld.
From my memories of being a teenager and my dealings with teenagers as a young adult, I have two significant philosophies regarding teenagers. 1) Teenagers are almost adults and should be treated as such. They deserve respect, they are capable of reasoning, and they feel like they're pretty smart. 2) A teen who wants their independence will get their independence,. The question is whether they do it with your help, in open defiance, or behind your back.
The tricky thing about being a teenager is that your rational faculties are pretty well matured and your sense of right and wrong, but they find it more difficult to inhibit behavior for neurological reasons and they are also just barely beginning to gain personal experience in adult matters (though they've probably learned about it online for some time, which is a mixed bag). In a sense, this makes adolescence the most dramatic/epic years, in that it takes a lot less to throw them off. What an adult can shrug off without hardly a thought will hit a teen hard. This I think is one of the biggest reasons for adolescent rebellion: they get talked down to for not agreeing with adults and/or not being able to resist impulses that adults genuinely think shouldn't be hard to resist.
Yeah but to play devil's advocate, the human brain doesn't fully mature until one is in their early to mid 20s (some neurologists claim late 20s or even early 30s, but that's just absurd)
@@youtubeshadowbannedme to be completely honest, I think the significance of a fully matured brain is a bit over-rated. Obviously it does matter to treat young people in a developmentally appropriate way, but remembering my teen years, as well as interacting with teens now as a 25 year old (and thus theoretically fully matured brain), their ability to reason and make decisions based on that is pretty good. They lack life experience to inform their reasoning, and likely order their priorities a bit different than adults would, but that's where a good trusting relationship with parents comes in, so it can be explained to them WHY a decision may be a bad one. Though perhaps my experience with teens is a bit skewed since I've mostly dealt with kids from fairly stable families.
The realization that your kid is his own human being and not an extension you can make do whatever you want is something that every parent needs, preferably before they get a kid. Though I suppose I'll have to see if I learned that lesson myself when I do get one.
Parent here. The problem is kids are really fucking stupid. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean it as a matter of fact. They know very little about the world and at the same time have a massive sense that they know more than anyone else. The other day, it was a school morning and my kids were getting ready as they usually do. The younger one (7 yo) was getting spun up crying and frustrated on the floor. I asked what the problem was? She tells me shes going to have a bad day. I ask why will you have a bad day? "Because my shoes don't fit!" I can see that she picked a pair of shoes that we bought just last week and in fact fit perfectly but they are also the ones with shoe ties and not velcro. She can tie her shoes but its a challenge and today she forgot. So I offer to help her and she says to me "You can't help me! The shoes don't fit!" So, Imagine dealing with this kind of person for year after year. It's easy to develop a sense of superiority to your children because you are indeed superior to them. I think the challenge is that over time your kid grows and as a parent you have to have a strategy to slowly unwind that sense. It's not easy though and its not a sudden realization either.
@@pussnuts Yeah you're right. It seems like it comes down to parents needing to recognize and accept their children's maturity instead of just micromanaging them forever
@@pussnuts Word! And many parents wont ever be able to unwind that sense completely, even if they know they should. Nice awareness tho always great to read about thoughtful parents
@@pussnuts I mean, they are inexperienced, not stupid. That's why we should guide them with questions. If you actually ask them questions and help them figure it out themselves you'll see that they're probably not that stupid at all.
@@pussnuts Dr. K said that problems of kids were easier so parenting was easier in the past. But maybe that worked because people didn't go to school. Think, in the past you would probably just working with your children so you could observe how much progress they do in the job that you yourself where good at doing. Eventually you would see that they are almost as good as you, and you would trust them more. Eventually they would be as good as you or better and then you KNOW that they don't need supervision. And be aureola effect maybe you would think about them that way in other areas. But now they go to school and you don't see the progress that they make. Only grades ... and they don't change... Like: B+ in 1st grade doesn't look different than B+ in 8th grade even though it is harder to get it. In fact the grades probably gets worst over time. So anyway, probably the only way to protect yourself from that is to somehow do something together with your child... which ... will be harder when they will become teenagers :/
@@nitroneonicman to be fair, age really doesn’t matter in terms of doing wrong things, everyone makes mistakes and screw ups regardless of age And to be fair maybe there are times of where the parents might be in the right but the father ain’t doing the best job here
@@nitroneonicman we are talking about bad parents, they can be from ANY generation. Most of the kid that are the subjects in this Reddit are gen Z anyway
@@cantthinkofaname5046 The premise that restricting video games is a byproduct is bad parenting is directly correlated to a) millenial mentality (since we are the first generation to grow up playing video games) and b) victim mentality.
@@nitroneonicman first, it’s not really victim mentality if it can be backed up by evidence. Secondly, gen Z is here too. Calling out bad parenting is progress, not a victim mentality
I think the media skews how parents look at videogames as well. I was told consistently that I was addicted to videogames and that it was causing me problems, so I went to the numbers. My Steam account recorded 50 hours total playtime in 2 weeks, around 3 hours a day on average. That's not addiction, that's having a hobby I enjoy in my downtime from 9 pm to midnight.
you have a point about media. my mum was more of a gamer than myself when i was younger, she'd play our PS2 games while i was at school, and her name was on all the record/leaderboards, her account would be like close to 100% completed for every level, if my bro or i were stuck in a game, we had to ask her for help... She complains whenever she sees media ads, articles, or just in tv shows, older women being game-dense, or if media starts being negative towards games... Her thinking from like 20yrs ago had been "videogames are training future skills anyway".. so she's annoyed with how games are portrayed and complains every time lol
You know the stupidest part about the Columbine movie? When the shooters were playing games with each other and one of them said, "If only this was Columbine." Keep in mind this is a Christian movie, where most of parents' experience with school is what the media or pastor says because they don't go to school with their kids.
Same, it's like a trauma I have, every time my dad gets behind me while I game, I get anxious, I can't play good, I stop typing on the keyboard and turn to RUclips
"The kid is gonna win this game" Of effing course he's gonna win. I've seen a lot of parents like this and the kids just fucking go the Sasuke route; become really successful and powerful and spite their parents to the grave. It's a very sad thing to watch.
Does that mean I can strive to be the video game artist I want to be in collage when my parents kept telling me each time "It's up to you but you'll most likely not be able to find a job in that field" which unintentionally scared me away from doing it to begin with.
@@darthestar8791 yes, it's possible. If it's your passion and you see and feel something special when it's the topic then go for it. I have a lot of hobbies and interest and I kinda envy my younger self for having only a few interests but is willing to do it with passion and master the craft Of course you need to be realistic and find out what kind of world you're entering but don't lose hope. And just in case, have a back up plan Muhammad Ali said that becoming a boxer was his best decision but that doesn't mean everyone should strive for it juts because he did the impossible. He told people to finish school first and get a job because the chances of becoming a boxer that gets paid well is 1 in a million, so have a back-up plan You're passionate about it but remember that other people are also passionate about it which means you have competition. I suggest looking up some things about it before you go to it but if you're already in it and you're feeling confident, have no second thoughts, go full ape shit on it and work your ass off to get to the top
Kids are actually one of the most talkative and open kind of people but because they’re kids and their opinions aren’t as valued, they are ignored instead of being listened to. Parents need to understand that at that age, they need to be more loose and guide them instead of forcefully shoving them in a direction. In high school I was heavy gamer.Freshman and sophomore year I was overweight 5’8 180 and no muscle bc growing up I had no opportunity to go do sports or anything. I came home did homework and played games after and repeated. High school came and I still played games, still got good grades, but I noticed my physique and ended up wanting to change. Usually games aren’t the problem themselves…. It’s the situation they’re in and gaming is their coping mechanism until something changes and which it’s possible. That summer I lose 40 something lbs and put on some more muscle that summer, played football, did track, played basketball, and guess what? I still play my fucking video games lol and I still get my shit DONE. Games are rarely the reason for failure. Games are just seen in a negative light.
Absolutely not. I’m thankful I learned discipline as a child despite hating it as I grew up. Too many kids today resort to whining and protesting INSTEAD of solving problems themselves.
This entire video hits so close I used to be the exact same child you kept talking about in this video, my parents would always nag me every hour of the day about studying to the point I have gotten sick of it and going into the mindset where I was thinking "They don't care about me, all they want of me is to study even if I was on my death bed", which resulted in me trying to push my parents as away as possible, I didn't care if I needed their help because if I asked for help I would just admit defeat, and whenever they'd try to restrict something, I would just have another thing/console to do what would get me away from studying And they always acted so confused towards me whenever I tell them that I feel suffocated, but they would always antagonize me of being too "sensitive" or "Not being a man" which would make me get away from them more and try to get them out of my life, even if it meant ending it Right now I am better, but those times are a nightmare, and I would GLADLY, not do the same thing to my kids, I don't want them to go through all of that
Same thing I’m going through rn, I honestly dont know what to do, and they don’t think gaming is a real sport (I’m on the esports team for my school district) and they don’t care, they want me to Study until my eyes fall out, they want me to never have an opinion or share any constructive criticism of their ways, they’re so controlling. I have to deal with this while my biological father is trying to force manipulate me into forgiving him for for pushing me around, ruining my confidence, PHYSICALLY, pushing me into walls and down talking me, and PHYSICALLY hitting me thinking it’s a joke but it seriously hurts even though I tell him to stop. And after all of this I can’t just play a damn video game when I want to. I’m 15 btw
I want to try to help you but i’ve never tried any of what I am about to say so please don’t think these are flawless ideas, they might even have harmful side effects or something I really don’t know Some ideas could be: Trying to convince your parents to get you therapy (I’m currently in one and it’s definitely helped me out especially with finally getting out all of what had been building up over the years) Showing them this video (though it also sounds risky because I don’t know how rational your parents are…) Calling a support line like childline for example or whatever is locally available (though this does need a phone, if desperate maybe try to use your parents phone or something) Once again these are just ideas and please make sure to try to be safe i’m not really experienced with helping people out with this kind of stuff.
This hits home. As a kid I moved 15 times by the time I was 15. Had no opportunities to visit friends, because no one was living near me and my mom restricted my gaming access, eventhough it was the only thing I enjoyed while living in nomans land. I'm 26 now and neither me nor my siblings will ever talk to her again. She has no empathy for our lives. Anyways, I turned out to become a Game Developer and am working in the industry for 5 years now.
Power to you dude. It's dope that you became a game developer when it got taken away from you. Just one thing though. Sometimes parents and people in general do scummy things but when it comes to their kid... even if it's in their own messed up way they try to do their best (in most cases). I don't really know your story and I don't have to know. I just hope you won't regret it later on. Just talking, well listening really, to what the other person thinks and feels without you saying anything, just listening and swap roles after that, goes a long way. My parents loved the living sht out of me, they did (and still do)... but their parenting just sucked ass. Like my dad used to say stuff like "do you want to stay dumb" or "you're never going to get there like this" (there's alot more to it, just an example). And in his mind it's a way of motivation, he thinks: if I beat my kid down (with words) he'll get stronger by fighting back to get up. So when I call him dumb, he'll study more so I'll stop saying it. And even though this is through and through fucked up, he didn't mean it badly. It's the way he was raised so he didn't know anything else. On the other hand he took his time everyday to help me study even when he was home late. Does that mean he did a good job or can he use that as an excuse. FUCK NO! But you know... I used to be in your boots and right now I'm glad we took the time to talk it out. My relationship with my parents is actually pretty great right now. This vid did indeed hit the nail on the head. Well maybe this doesn't apply to you. Wanted to share a little anyway :D
Congrats dude! i hope life is good for you. I don't know much about your relationship with your mother (or what other abusive behaviour she displayed) but I really hope you can mend that bond at some stage in your life. Do you think she was restricting your gaming access to spite you? Anyway, im glad to hear you've moved past this
I feel like I’m the only one in this sea of people who had parents like this, and I can say fervently that the other option - talking to the kid - works wonders. I was diagnosed with ADHD two weeks before my freshman year of high school, and my parents tried to help me. They talked to me. The pandemic hit halfway through the school year, and my parents correctly figured out that video games were the only way for me to interact with my friends. How? By asking me. They let me talk to friends. The pandemic still hit me hard as hell, being recently diagnosed with ADHD with nothing figured out. I didn’t know what ADHD was, so when I talked to them, they told me and helped me figure things out. Now, two years later, I can successfully do stuff that everyone else can like read a textbook. I’ve mostly got through that dark time of my life where I almost failed every class due to missing homework. That’s another thing: they let me fail. They actually let me fail hard. I got Cs and Bs, I had mountains of homework, etc. eventually, I got tired of having bad grades. My motivation was back, but this time it was from within. They stopped reminding me when I told them not to. Because they didn’t need to. It wasn’t easy. It’s still ongoing. But, as a Junior in high school, I’m back on the right track. Thanks Mom and Dad for actually being there for me.
I am kind of in the same situation, but even after I've been diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and more, my parents still make stupid excuses for why video games are ruining my life, and when I try to use facts on how video games are the only thing I enjoy and understand in life, they just disregard it as an excuse, and take them away. I am glad that you got the good ending of parents.
TL:DR: Dont treat your child like a slave. Long version: Its funny seeing parents act like their God over their child, and that they are the most superior being in their life. As a parent, YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOUR SLAVE. Just because they are a child does NOT mean you get to disrespect them and turn them into your mindless robotic slave. When I was 15, I had asked my parents for even a LITTLE bit of free time. I was severly stressed out with school, work, and home drama that I got virtually no free time where I could just be by myself and enjoy my time alone. But their response? "Children dont deserve free time, you are the child, we are the adults. You do what we say". Advice to EVERY parent and future parents. DO NOT undermine your kid because they are below the age of 18 and you are their parent. A child deserves as much respect as any other damn human being, and it infuriates me to even bring that up. If you cant do that, dont bother becoming a parent, cause I guarantee you your child will spite the hell out of you when their older. Sorry for the rant. This subject just pisses me off, which I am also passionate about raising awareness for.
I was the same, stress throught the roof, school, afterschool activities, everything was too much, adding to my preexisting problems. My parents woke up after I started seeking our school psychologist to deal with my issues.
Sadly enough, all the major religions encourage this sort of toxic behavior. The bible, for example, has several mentions of parent superiority. I know because I've heard them from my mom.
@@thorvaldspear She was manipulating scripture to get away with treating you unfairly. The full quote is "Honor thy father and thy mother, and provoke not your children to wrath." She probably only ever used the first part, didn't she? I've seen it happen a lot.
The thing about the nagging, too, is sometime you're just tired and need a bit of a break to collect yourself. Bugging someone every few minutes about something they already know they need to do can in some cases be like waking someone up every few minutes, all night long, and then calling them lazy when they're too tired to get out of bed. It can actually unintentionally sabotage someone.
please, please this. genuinely i love doing little things like taking out the trash, putting boxes in the recycling outside, and unloading the dishwasher (music helpsss.) but when i get reminded of it a bunch i literally stop wanting to do it !! 😔
@@Mikinaak2023 suppose you came after a 12h shift, tired af, fell on the bed asleep within 5 minutes of coming home, couldn't do anything at all. Now every 10 minutes someone wakes you up and reminds you of all the stuff you need to do right now. But you do not have strength to do it since your body yearns for sleep. Now calculate how many times that will happen throughout even a 6h sleep. 36. I'd be mad at them after like 8th or so.
OH GOD my mom is a "fixer", this hits home for me. She kicked me out of the house because she couldn't handle my depression & didn't communicate with me.
Try to find someone who understands you. Sadly, parents are not always those people, so you should find someone else (as sad as it's sounds) You may even post your thoughts here: some people would joke around (ignore them) but others would try to help you ;-)
Dude, if you can't handle your kid's depression you find them help with someone who can help them manage their depression and teach you how to help them manage it. The choices some parents make are insane, I hope you're in a better place now.
Oh man, I remember when my mother used to punish me with all sorts of things and accuse me of god knows what, because I've had headaches for weeks, literally 24/7, and "obviously" that must have been my own fault. She didn't allow me to stay home from school because "she has headaches too and also has to work". Well, turned out I had a nerve infection in my freakin' head. My doctor was not amused about the fact I was running around like this for weeks without treatment and it constantly getting worse.
fr fr, I was missing school over just general social anxiety and depression from dysphoria, parents took my phone, games, internet access, etc away, I ended up just shutting down and sleeping for the entire day at home and still missing school.
Sighs what I got most of the time from my parents were lectures.. Sometimes they lasted up to like 2 hours. Even after finding out I had ADHD, still got lectured. They wanted to help, aka pay for a psychiatrist and medication, and then for some reason they used that as ammo against me for why I'm not getting better? Like I just found out I had ADHD after 20+ years of my life and you're already expecting me to get better and then get mad when I don't. Like where's the emotional support? The empathy? Even now I feel like I can't talk to my parents about how I really feel.. They're not abusive. But they're also not supportive in the way I want them to be. And it's so hard to talk to them about things like this..
They want to win. That's it. They feel like they're being disrespected if they don't get their way. Like Dr k said. "oh YoU CanY buLlY mE" Parent always confuse obedience with respect.
As someone with narcissistic and strict parents this is too relatable it's painful to watch. Sadly there are plenty of similar parents out there and surely more ruined children. Jesus I'm 30+ now my dad is still not approval of me playing videogames.
@@eyadmosleh09 nah it's alright, I grew out of it (for the most part). Just hope there are more ppl like our good doctor here so more parents learn the correct way to educate their kids.
This is exactly what my parents did to me as a kid. I was really good in elementary school, but started struggling hard in middle/high school. I played a lot if video games during that time, so of course my parents assumed that was the sole issue. I told them multiple times that I was extremely anxious all the time and found it very hard to make friends, and that playing video games made me feel like I could be anything I wanted. I could do everything I'm not able to do in real life. I was struggling with basic things, but when I beat the final boss in a game, I felt accomplished. I had achieved something. I still vividly remember the time i beat Starfy on the DS for the first time. The last fight with mashtooth was exhausting but after many attempts I finally succeeded. I cried watching the cutscene at the end because it shows Starfy saying goodbye to his friends. MY friends. The people(?) I had just gone on a fantastic adventure with and had grown to love. It was bittersweet, because I was happy that I completed the game, but sad that there wasn't any more to be done with with same characters. In the real word, I was strange. I didnt have many friends, didn't really talk, and I still wore shoes without laces. In video games, I was the hero. I had friends I could count on, I didn't have to worry about what I was going to say because it was all written out for me. I could wear whatever shoes I wanted because shoes with better stats are objectively better than shoes with low stats. I played video games more because I felt so disconnected from the rest of the world, but to my parents- I was disconnected from the world because I played too many video games. So they took them away when I started to struggle. If I missed an assignment I was grounded for a week, of course it just made it harder to succeed because I had lost my only coping mechanism, so then it was "You just dont care enough" and grounding for even longer. Eventually they made me get a job to force me to get out of house. That was quite literally one of the worst times of my life. I was working incredibly late hours on school nights at an extraordinarily fast paced job. It was rare that I didnt have a breakdown when I got to my car after my shift ended. Of course, I wasnt allowed to quit, because obviously I was exaggerating or something. Finally, after 6 years of begging my parents to listen to me, they took me to a psychiatrist. At 18 years old I was diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. My parents acted like this was something they had already suspected, but I question the validity of that due to the fact that I was constantly told that I was exaggerating or being dramatic. I barely graduated high school in 2019. I had spent the last few years of my life just trying to make it through the day and wondering what was wrong with me that I had no idea what to do next. I looked at different careers and colleges but I wasn't interested in anything. My anxiety was so bad that I couldnt even answer phone calls. And there was definetly no way i was going to be able to afford college (I have to pay my own college fees). So whatever I pick has to be the right one otherwise I'm thousands of dollars in debt just to start over again. I never got any kind of help with my mental health or any kind of specialized learning plan and my only coping mechanisms were taken away from me whenever I wasnt meeting expectations so I never learned how to deal with my emotions. I never learned social skills or how to make friends. But I'm damn good at catching pokemon. I turned 21 last month, and I'm pretty much in the exact same place. I dont know what I want to do or where I want to go and i dont even know what my interests are. I have a counselor now, but we bounced between a few because my parents thought they weren't fixing me fast enough, and I'm getting tired of explaining this over and over again, especially since I'm awful at explaining things. I'm on several medications to manage my anxiety and depression, but I still lack any kind of social competency. I have very few friends that I barely see, and I'm finding it harder and harder to make friends online because I can often come off as rude or uninterested because of the way I naturally talk. Trying to fix it results in me sounding sarcastic so people just assume I don't like them and move on. I'm miserable. I have no job, no friends, and the social literacy of a dead beetle and I am trying very hard to figure it out but for so long I was made to believe that that's just how it's supposed to be and I need to stop being dramatic. My state has basically no services for people my age so I'm running out of options very quickly. My counselor has introduced me to some individuals who might be able to help but I have no idea how to explain anything to them if I can even get over the barrier of opening up my mouth to speak. I'm at a point of hoplessness and desperation and I'm giving it my everything just to hang on for one more day. My point with this comment is to explain that if you are a parent, please listen to your child. Don't make assumptions and then try to "fix" you kid based on those assumptions. If they have a certain hobby or habit that you think they do excessively, ask them what they like about it. Don't take it from them when they mess up. Trust me, we know when we mess up and we feel bad about it. It doesnt help to take away the things that, even if its temporary, make us feel a little better about ourselves. When your child asks for help please help them. It can be very hard to admit you need help so please don't shrug it off as drama. I don't want any child, neurodivergent or not, to end up in my position. I don't want any kid laying in bed at night unable to sleep because they're desperately trying to figure out what's wrong with them and why they can't fix it. I dont want any kid to still be jobless and friendless at 21 years old. Please please please treat your kids better than your parents treated you. Teach them how to talk about their struggles and be patient with them. Never assume you have the answers. Ask what you can do for them and consult a professional. Teach them that they arent alone and they arent broken. Dont leave them to fend for themselves because all that they learn from that is that they dont fit anywhere and just being alive isnt worth the exhaustion. To those of you reading this with a similar experience, first off, thanks for sticking through it to the end, and secondly, I believe in you. Sometimes it feels like you're walking backwards up mount everest just by existing but I'm so proud of you for doing it. Not everyone can walk up a mountain backwards but you sure as hell can, and that's something to be proud of. You might not be able to see how close you are to the summit, but there is a summit there somewhere. Keep holding on to that ice pick and make sure to ask the sherpa if you're unsure of anything, and you'll make it to the top.
I don't know if this could help, but I would humbly advice you to save this comment and use it as a tool to explain your situation to doctors, councelors or those important to you I feel like you just gave a pretty great explanation of what you have to go through and why you may struggle socially. I think it may help, at least with those people that care enough to seriously read it. Thank you for sharing this and for your words of encouragement
I cut both my parents out and it was the best decision i ever made. I only have a younger sister now who I cherrish. I slept in my car many times, and my brother, if you make that decision you will too. But its okay. You have to be your own biggest fan sometimes, do it for yourself! It sucks they aren’t giving you the tools you need to succeed, but stop counting on them…. Go out there and go get it yourself! You can do it!! Even if you have to pop a blanket in your trunk for a week, lots of jobs can’t hire people fast enough right now. Just remember you are helping yourself and take comfort in that. This is what has helped me anyway. I got a wonderful girlfriend now who has helped me more than i even deserve. I have faith in you champ
During my darkest, most damaging years in school, playing text-based RPG online was one of the very few things that saved me from suicide. It let me know that somewhere out there are good people.
My father actually sold everything game related whenever i didn't do well in school. He would also always say some religious BS saying games are evil, which is weird because he's the one who introduced me to gaming in the first place. I got out of that household 3-4 years later. But because of my upbringing in the long run, i don't enjoy gaming as much as i want to. I had a passion for gaming, and I want to stream as a career, but I spend most of my time at work. Purposely. To temporarily forget these memories. I've been taught all my life that if you're not working you're lazy. I have a twicth channel, but i rarely post, mainly cause I'm always depressed. Nowadays I look at my webcam and think "I should just throw this away. Along with my games." I'm not sure what to do by this point, but I understand this video to the fullest. If you've read this far, thanks for reading this mini rant. I just had to get this off my chest for once.
Don't do that. Don't tarnish your stuff you spent money on because of your dad. Screw him. Screw his rules. You do what you want. Don't waste money on the stuff you earned yourself. Please, start out with a tiny stream. Maybe minecraft or something that won't get spoiled for you. Maybe you could get some steam games, like tf2, raft, void train. You can do what you like. But please, don't feel like you should throw everything you spent your money on away. I don't know how much your setup cost, but if it's over 500, then no, it's not a great idea to scrap or sell it. There's no guarantee you'll get anything back if you sell, and most places don't use electronic scrap anymore. You do what you want to, what you're comfortable with. Start out small as a test. If it's not for you, then, well..just know you shouldn't give up.
One day, you will be dead. Everyone you know will be dead. Everyone they know will be dead. We have, apparently, already passed the halfway point of our species life expectancy which is a blip on the cosmic scale, so chasing things like fame, etc, and worrying about things like "how I got my money" and "how I lived my life" really don't matter as long as you can live with yourself. Find your happiness however you can and don't worry about what other peoples expectations tell you about being happy. One day, they'll all be dead and so will you, and even the records of us, and the most famous folks of all time will inevitably vanish as our entire species ceases to exist.
As someone who went through this punishment a lot, times where I deserved it, times where it went too far, and times when it was taken away from me for a "better cause", and has a lot of PTSD from it because of how depressed it made me feel when I was younger, I could tell you this is very damaging. I just think you can't be one to give someone every and every reason to say bad things about you, but get upset when they actually do, parent or not. It just felt like years and years of my life was taken away from me because of this parental dynamic alone. It just feels like they can't accept how little it takes to make you happy, or they just aren't one bit satisfied with your existence alone when they do all of this. It hurts.
Strict parents raise pathological liars and cause unhealthy family dynamics. Abusive parents “raise” mental cases of all sorts and almost always leads to cut ties. I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with *some* of this, and it sucks. It sucks having to lie on an almost constant basis because your parents believe, expect, and demand you to be someone you are not. I swear I had a point when i started typing, but honestly i forgot. Just feels nice to put this out somewhere.
Especially feel that last bit. Upon me coming out my mother literally called me brainwashed. Her head is so far up her ass that she can't fathom the fact that I am just like this. No, I must be being puppeted by some mythical boogeyman online. As if I'd intentionally throw myself out on the road like that, just because someone told me to. What I especially hate is that my family knows I have a seething hatred for them due to this, but they still won't do anything to change themselves. They won't listen to a word I'll say. Literally watching some fat stuck up pigs rip my life away from me and I basically can't do shit to stop it. She deems herself to not be transphobic and up until that point I largely agreed, in reality she was just happy to throw trans people a bone so long as she didn't have to deal with them.
I remember my parents would "help" me with essays and school projects by looking over my shoulder and making sure I did everything right and occasionally doing things for me so I didn't mess it up. I grew up feeling like I couldn't do anything right and if anything goes wrong I can just wait for someone else to fix it. And if they said anything like "if you get this bad grade we will take away your phone" I reacted with more of a "guess I'm losing my phone" rather than "better not get that bad grade "
When I was writing essays for boarding schools, my family(especially my brother) would constantly either overestimate my abilities, or say that everything I've written is trash, and how I'm "not putting enough effort into it." They ended up locking screentime behind the essays, and for a few weeks, I looked forward to anytime I wasn't with my family. I had to adjust to getting screen time more than halved even after submitting essays.
I let my dad read this comment. He said in his day you wouldn't have gotten one bad grade. Said he failed a test his daddy told him not to and got a horse whip used on him. Needless to say he never failed another test or really anything.
Well that's relatable. As a kid if my parents ever threatened to take away my computers or prevent me from going to d&d that week (my two main ways I coped with depression) I just thought oh well, and changed nothing.
For me It wasnt my parents helping with anything. They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade. this might sound really good BUT because my parents work at banks they and because im the middle child the "They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade" part sounded like they wont pay attention to me unless i get a bad grade .And i think you can see how that can go wrong. That was the FIRST problem that wasnt fixed just became less of a problem (i still am loud and weird just to get attention). Onto to the second problem. because i was "Gifted", in the early years of school i just passed time not learning how to learn just doing everything because it was so easy that i didnt need to learn. This became a problem in 7 grade because things started to get difficult and i had the studying capabilities of a 4th grader. The problem became even bigger because i felt like trash (the same feeling you get when youre the best at something from your group for a couple of years and then suddenly you start failing hard going from a top dog to a average in a matter of months)and parents had a "Video game bad" mentality. And since before 7 grade everything was so boring video games were the only thing keeping me intact and not going into a full depression. So parents took away video games so my grades fell even lower and lower until they realized that video games werent a cause for the falling grades but my mental health and the constant need for attention that was only suppressed by video games. Very glad that they actually helped. Im currently in 12th grade and doing fine.
@@memedowner8057 I've heard that. When I struggled with deep depression in the past, one of the key elements was that it effected my desires. I did not want to work out. I did not want to improve myself. I looked at things like working out and I thought to myself: "that's so much effort and I'd just fail at that too." Then I judged myself for that. No-one despised my apathetic behavior more than myself. My confidence in my lack of self worth was constantly reinforced by my introspection, which led me to behave the way I despised. I'm very blessed that I finally encountered something that broke me out of the cycle. I wound up falling in love, and though the relationship fell apart 7 years in, I treasure it still. It taught me to hope again. It made me able to believe in my dreams again. Even the depression I had when it ended wasn't enough to extinguish my ambition again. I did work out after I accepted the relationship was over and moved on. I considered my goals in life and how to achieve them. I wanted to better myself, and working out was nice in that there was a tangible metric by which I could measure my increasing capability. I hired a physical trainer, hit the gym 5 days a week. I lost over a hundred pounds. Gained lots of muscle. I don't know that the exercise itself did anything for my emotions, but setting and achieving goals definitely did. Then my house burned down. My whole town actually, aside from a few inexplicably 'lucky' buildings. So I couldn't go to that gym anymore, and my physical trainer moved away, since he had lived there too. The whole thing was pretty upsetting. So I had to rise again. When I got back on the horse, I approached it from a different angle. I decided to work on my job qualifications. I went back to school. Passed a High School Equivalency Test and went for full time college. I'm not done with it yet, but I'm sitting at a bit over 3.9 for my GPA a few years in so I feel pretty good about it. So I'm not working out right now, but I'm good. Anyways, I don't think it's about the particular thing you do, as long as you are doing something to progress. I think to conquer depression you just need to have goals you believe are worth the price of failure. Easy to say, but if you don't have it then it's pretty difficult to come by.
it’s almost like taking away one of the last forms of socialization during a pandemic from a kid who’s already very clearly depressed is a horrible idea I would know. During the pandemic, when I was 16, my motivation disappeared, my grades dropped to almost straight F’s for two years, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep every day and play video games. It’s a miracle I passed HS. I’m in college now, pursuing music, thanks in part to my parents getting me help; though very late it’s better than never I guess. Strict parenting only leads to kids getting crafty in terms of hiding their rebellious nature very well.
Interesting how dad could have flipped this to be a bonding experience for him and his child. Some of my favorite memories are my father staying up late with me to play counter strike source. I remember people in our lobby being shocked when I referred to him as “dad” telling me how cool that is. As a 13 year old that made me feel so cool and empowered. I played that game so much until I was damn good at it, and that’s because I wanted to make my dad proud. Instead of punishing the kid by taking it away, maybe turn it into a system where if the child can have some success with a tutor or something, they can run fortnight duo lobbies after every night before bed.
I had foster parents that just took away everything repeatedly. It was almost entirely over school grades. I spent so much of my life after 12 with just nothing. There were times when the "grounding" was so severe that I only ate PB&J for months and all that was in my room was next day's clothes and bedding. I lost complete interest in earning anything back, and everything I earned I understood was just another thing I could lose. Every once in a while they'd be like "Okay, let's reset, maybe you just need a taste of what you lost" and I'd have a videogame for a week. Now I'm an adult and I know now that I'm autistic, have ADHD, with type 2 bipolar depression.
Yeah pretty much the same for me. They just took and took from me until i had nothing. Eventually i stopped caring. Couldn't see friends, Couldn't keep myself entertained and Couldn't grow up and mature in life. Everything sucked. Left when i turned 18 and never looked back.
Jesus that’s neglect and abuse. My parents hounded me over school and I had multiple breakdowns- damn I was gonna say “At least they didn’t take my stuff” but my parents weren’t super helpful either
So fitting! It refers to how Shifu must stop trying to turn Po into another Shifu, and instead turn him into the dragon warrior. He needs to work WITH Po and work from his strengths, not try to control him by constantly reminding him of his weaknesses
This is helping not only the children but also the children of future generations because a lot of parents don't realize how important it is to establish trust with their child which then leads the child to trust what their parent teaches them (hopefully good principles and basic good parenting) and an overall good relationship, but unfortunately a lot of parents today realize this too late and try to repair a relationship when their child is already a young adult which can work but will take a lot longer to build that trust again
As a 15 year old child, the accuracy of some of these things you're saying is actually insane and how I'm finding myself in so many of these situations
30 something here, still relatable. Gaming was my escape, just like reading a good book. Eventually you're guilted/punished into giving up and fall in on yourself.
I wanted to game a lot as a kid, it was my hobby, got good grades and stuff but I had to sneak it. My parents got the idea from some ADHD doctor that I should only play an hour a day. It felt so unfair and restrictive, especially as games got more complex, you could hardly do anything in an hour. And yeah all it did was make me bored af. I got in to trouble instead of playing online games with friends.
My son at least appears noticeably happier and more social (better interactions with the whole family) when he is restricted to smaller game periods. We'll continue to see through time.
Any sort of screen can give you headaches, even school work, which is why the thing about video gaming is so strange. Sure, they're different concepts but both are screens.
@@tracktician6510 Every child and parent is different, but try to ask him if he really is happy about it or not and make a decision to be a bit more lenient or keep the same screen time off of that because he may feel like he has to interact with family to regain that screentime if it was reduced in the first place and it is much better for him to interact with family naturally in the long run (but again I'm just saying this as a possibility which is why it's important to communicate with them) but if he really is happy that way then that's perfectly fine, but try to be open to change if it is necessary
BRO, I FEEL YOU. Games like Sniper Elite 4, Grand Theft Auto 4, Fallout: New Vegas, the original Red Dead Redemption, or basically any expansive game, 1 mission takes the better part of an hour. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and autism, (both, not at the time) and it was hard to stay focused in school. Because of this, I got in trouble often. My parents thought that this was because I was playing video games often, and restricted them to an hour a day. Because of this, my grades plummeted even further, and it became even harder to focus. Because of this, I had to resort to playing games on the SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. And they still chalked it up to “video game addiction”. (Mind you, this is when schools pretty much never blocked web or flash games, and only focused on the play store.) Eventually they realized that they were being stupid, once I got diagnosed with ADHD and autism.
@@reachlol1 damn, this hits home. They all talk about how hard they had it but isn't that the point of technology, politics, and shit? To make our lives better and easier? It's like that one Ellen DeGeneres activity where they let teens fix a clock or use the old telephone and laugh at them for not knowing how to use it but at the same time, they're clueless about how to turn on a computer lmao 💀💀💀
A child's parents breaking up is already a big stressor, why isn't that treated like a valid factor? it really stands out that the dad latched onto the one thing he could control, instead of acknowledging that the divorce and pandemic and possible psychological issues and god knows what else could be problems that are leading to these negative outcomes for the kid. Because only what you can fight against and control are real, right? It's uncomfortable to feel helpless but it's so often the reality, you can't respond in an effective way to the situation if you don't acknowledge that life is big and chaotic and you can't control everything.
@@alexia3552 dad seems like a narcissistic control freak that thinks everything should go his way and abuses the only power he has in his life on his kid
@@imnotusingmyrealname4566 nothing wrong with it, i usually watch dr k videos during my meals across days XD and is specially useful to better digest parts of the video (no pun intended XD) and really understand them
My mom used to try to hide the power cable to my xbox (this was early 2000s) and would get livid when I played too much. I was a private school kid who made B's, was in AP science classes, played on 2 soccer teams, did track and cross country. My videogaming came from a mixture of being bored at school, seasonal depression, having ADHD (undiagnosed then), and wanting a competitive outlet that scaled with my speed of learning(competitive Halo player, MLG etc).
Fun fact, the Xbox cable is a standard figure 8 connector that tons of electronics use. I would of jacked one from their DVD player. (Or in my case when I was a kid: the VHS player)
Sounds like narcissistic controlling parents. I swear that even if this kid found something else constructive to do; they would still attack him. He "can't have his way" because his parents just don't care about his needs or feelings. I grew up like this; and I had to cut contact with my parents in adulthood as all they ever do is attack me no matter what decisions I make in life.
You're right. This was basically me at 12. Grounded for 6 months. No TV no games. So I found my new escape in books. Can ya guess what happened? Yep, grounded from books. I've left my family since 18, and see them very rarely. I love them, I know they meant well, but I will not give them more time than they deserve, and I'm the one that decides that.
My dad was so strict when I was 15-16 to the point if I had one missing assignment everything I own (gaming consoles, Legos, even books) was taken from my room and put in a toolbox with a padlock. He would even pick the worst foods from the fridge and leave it out for me to eat while he was at work. He put a chain around the fridge and locked that as well. If I still didn't "behave", he would punch me in the gut and then kick me in the head. Attempting to call child protective services or 911 only added to my beatings. I am 17 now and I live with my grandparents. I am grateful that I have such caring grandparents. Because of him, I now suffer from PTSD. I go to therapy every week and take medicine to calm me down. I wouldn't wish even my greatest foes to have an experience like this. The only thing that got me through it was thinking that it could've been a lot worse.
I'm very sorry you have to go through this hellhole... You don't deserve this abuse at all. your dad is a evil shithead. I really hope you recover from PTSD. god bless your soul and I hope you have a nice wonderful day.
i grew up with my parents only allowing games on: -Weekends (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) -Days when school is cancelled (Holidays or Parent-Teacher Conference Days) -Long Trips -When Friends Carpooled Over i lived with these rules from like before 1st Grade through Highschool. it was immensely hard to focus on schoolwork when my mind was on the game and waiting for Friday to come. you can't get a weeks worth of gaming down in less than 2 days. i tried calculating how much playing time i'd get and it was something like: (12 hours of daylight on Friday - hours at school) + (12 hours of daylight on Saturday - (x) hours spent on chores) + (12 hours of daylight on Sunday - Church hours) and it was less than a day compared myself to my best friend who could get gaming out of his system with no restrictions and made high honor role, even becoming valedictorian. it sucked.
I even made a PowerPoint Presentation to tell ny parents one day after my mom raged at me. Why? For asking for some more time before doing dishes. I was in a Competitve Overwatch Game and its not like i could pause it. She didn't get it. Dad didn't get it. So the PowerPoint was made. It worked. Only problem was, i made it too late. Literally made it after graduating highschool. They understood where i was coming from as i explained all the points previously mentioned AND the downsides to having me leave mid game to do something (i used a joke like "why was Hawkeye not in Inifinity War? Because he was AKF") . I now can game whenever i like. I have gone days, weeks and even entire semesters without gaming on my own volition now.
That’s really not unreasonable at all IMO. An entire day of your life spent gaming per week wasn’t good enough for you as s kid? Did you expect to just be allowed to play 24/7 or something?
This was standard for me for all of elementary. It was lifted in high school, but was largely a non-factor as sleep requirements and the threat of work eating away at free time kept me from getting myself to play.
@@bluecannibaleyes i think it's more of the gaming being the stress reliever, and not getting enough of it. I kinda see how much OP is being stressed on with his 'approximately' time chart. it's not healthy at all.
I can whole heartily agree that games and internet was and still is my copium, i feel like it helped me avoiding depression. I think parents need to go through some kind of class (like with a driver license) so they would know what's beneficial and whats damaging, what to do and what not to do. It's like the saying: Every child deserves parents, but not every parent deserves a child.
I get your point about a parenting class but if you look at some of the parenting books of the past, that would be scary. In the last 100 years parenting styles have changed many times. Then think about how quickly schools have adapted to the internet (they haven't) and I think it would be more harm than good. Good idea, but it dies in practice. Instead, recommend channels like this. If Dr. K and a couple others made a "new parent playlist" I could get behind that.
@@thomas.thomas I can't speak on behalf of the OP but I can speak on my own experiences, I hope that's okay! I've always been more of an introverted person with really bad social anxiety and depression. Talking to people, even in a voice chat online, is extremely exhausting. I don't really have many friends and feel lonely as a result very often. Video games are one way I cope with these issues. It's not foolproof, of course. Sometimes I get far too depressed to even pick up my phone or a controller, or maybe I can't do that due to circumstances (ie. need to save battery, not a good time socially, or the tv is being used). However, when I'm focused on a game, usually I can distance myself from the problems in reality. Instead of my brain overthinking how I could have handled a situation 10 months ago that I literally cannot change now, it instead becomes "How can I improve my score" or "How do I handle that one tricky part, let's try it again". It's a distraction. And sometimes that distraction can carry on for longer than the game time lasts. If a particularly memorable moment happened, I'll think about that instead of how it's been a while since a person's talked to me. It gets my mind to finally stop thinking about things I cannot control and focus on what I can. I hope this helps you understand a little! Apologies if this is a little long!
@@zachg3908 psychology is a relatively new field when we compare it to any other sciences and you’re totally right to bring up this point. Only recently has psychology had strict empirical rules. A lot of the theories on parenthood we used were based off unethical and poorly designed studies that were so widely accepted that no one bothered to check them. Psychology has definitely come a really long way since it first started but I think the reason we should have a “parent permit” is simply because we haven’t been able to test the longevity of the most current parenting recommendations.
@@ezkm1m1x late reply but I see an issue with this having a coping mechanism is helpful but what you described is escapism. Imo neither are bad but one is a healthy way of handling difficult situations and the other is ignoring the problem. Which can be useful if you don't have the proper tools to deal with the issue at the moment and doing so doesn't negatively impact things that you value. Using video games to not focus on something you said 10 months ago is not the same as trying to figure out why you're worried about something ten months ago. Hence I agree with the questioning of the comment you replied to. It's strange to say escapism helped with depression, when escapism doesn't actually solve anything. That being said I was the same way as a teen, played video games every second I could to not deal with life. Argument could be made for teens/children since most of their life is not controlled by them but by their parents and social expectations.
This style of parenting where the parent “fixes” the child’s problems, or where they are “doing what is in the best interest of the child” is what happened to a family friend, and the exact same thing Doctor K said would happen happened. Daughter was 13, she was adopted and family friends both work 7 am - 7 pm and forced her to sleep at 9:30 so she saw them for at most 3 hours each day. This caused her to turn to the internet. They got a device called circle, which tracks your time on the internet and limits it. She was only allowed 1 hour a day. She started hanging out with the wrong people at school, started sneaking morphine from her father and drinking with friends at school. She was sent to a mental institution for a couple months and it didn’t help at all. She lit a fire in their garage a few months after the therapy. She openly told them how much she hated them for what she was going through because they were so uninvolved it was like they didn’t even care about her problems. Their response to this? They sent her to an all girls boarding school where she got worse over time. Fast forward to now, and she’s been in and out of jail ever since she was 18 and still on drugs. She’s almost 30. It’s so extremely important for the parent to work with the child instead of against them. There were so many obvious signs that she just wanted to feel loved. But obviously under this circumstance they just were not giving her that and even worse she was punished for it. Just heartbreaking. 💔😭😔
My daughter had a brain tumor when she was 13 years old. She had headaches and a stiff neck for awhile. My husband and I did take her to the doctor for each thing, and she was diagnosed with eating too much sugar, acid reflux, or in need of a new pillow and visit to a chiropractor. We gave her medications and changed her diet. When things were not helping, we didn't believe my daughter any longer. It wasn't until she was throwing up after every single meal, that we finally did get her a proper diagnosis. I carry the guilt and shame of the world for not believing my daughter right away, that something was seriously wrong. She knew and no one listened. That guilt feels like it wont ever go away. I agree with Dr. K. Listen to your kids. Always, no matter what.
@@Aaa-vp6ug If you think you have symptoms of a brain tumor, you need to go get a MRI. The results of not getting it taken care of could be catastrophic. My daughter was on the verge of going completely blind and losing her ability to speak. I care, and I want you to get a MRI.
@@sleeper6548 Yes, my daughter is ok. Thanks to an amazing team of doctors at Children’s Hospital. It was five years ago and the tumor hasn’t grown back and shows zero signs of developing again. Thanks for asking. And for your prayers.
@@reneenyberg4832 I would, but my parents only ever brought me to the hospital out of obligation, when the school demanded I go because my arm was broken and I was writhing in pain so hard that I started seeing with weird lines over my vision like those old VSH sets.
I really like the "let your kid fail" I swear, my mother is great but I feel like 70% of the stuff I learned about studying and time management was from failing, getting not great grades, and improving
That is a legitimate way to learn. It's a brutal way to learn, but it only shows the truth. As a matter of fact, when my parents tried to make me get good grades every year. It was only when I got bad grades when I actually tried to take care of things by myself.
If you ever wonder who's up there in the A territory, it's 2 groups of people: Majority: Future high-paid slaves that'll have 80-hour work weeks and an expense column that could fund a small military. Minority: People who want the good grades because it's a game and they want the high score. Micro-empire founders like me who will wind up retiring in their 30s, and building more net worth in a month doing almost nothing, than an entire family builds their entire lives. Also, you won't find us in general education. That one's almost purely for the slaves. Ever notice how it's all the same stuff you already learned in high school? It's a test, to see how obedient you are. College has some good classes, but they're almost always going to be elective. Gen ed is a massive social-engineering experiment and nothing more.
That's just how learning should be. Children, and people in general, are allowed to make mistakes. That's how we grow as individuals. An environment where failure isn't accepted does not produce self-assured and confident people. Quite the opposite.
Oh god. This was almost the same relationship I had with my mother growing up. Found out later in life that I had ADHD, which is why I felt like high school was a hopeless endeavor. Spending all day at school almost felt physically painful and I playing video games at the end of the day brought me a sense of relief. She had it all wrong. A big part of growing up for me has been realizing that my mom is just another person with some bad opinions. My mom hid the entire router bruh. On top of taking my phone/laptop/family pc. She tried so hard but I ended up dropping out in 11th grade anyways. This video is so spot on. Restricting video games does not work. I ran away from home and that was the moment she "gave up" and let me make my own decisions, I improved. I'm getting my bachelor's degree this December, only 1 semester behind the HS class I was supposed to graduate with.
As a 26 year old who took a gap year to work at a convenience store, didn’t travel or do anything worthwhile, then went to uni out of a sense of obligation, spent about 3 years making about 1.5 years of progress (switching degrees and failing subjects) before dropping out and has worked as some form of delivery driver ever since, please let me tell you how happy I am to hear that you understand “only 6 months behind schedule” is actually a really good thing. I love that you have the perspective that you’re fine to have taken whatever slightly unorthodox path. Even I technically can appreciate the idea that my time wasting, shit kicking journey is all a process that hopefully culminates in a satisfying comeback, but too often I see kids graduate University 1 year later than everyone else and think their life is over. I’m glad to hear you seem to have direction and purpose and passion!
What tips would you give if a kid is in your shoes? I heard exercise and socializing really helps, once they are physically and socially "satisfied" then doing low-feedback stuff like studying is easier?
@@sharp7j are you the kid or the parent. If you’re the parent, be careful imposing anything. If you want your kid to exercise, because yes, it will probably improve their mood, then you need to make sure you don’t force them because that will tend to backfire. As dr k often says, just talk to your kid. If your kid seems “off” talk to them about why, and support them to fix the things pulling them down, without being too much of a complete saviour. But if your kid says “I’m overweight and too embarrassed to run” suggest other exercises they could do, and if they’re like “but I’m never motivated” ask them, “this sounds like something you want to do but have anxiety about, would you appreciate me pushing you to exercise sometimes to get you out of your head?” and most importantly, LISTEN to their answer
@@sharp7j Ask them why they play and what they like in videogames. Are they happy at school? Do they have any difficulty. Then don't offer solution "I know what's best for you", just give emotional support. Just listen without talking maybe. The child is not that dumb he knows his behavior is excessive, it's like an adult who is achoholic, don't be like "I will remove all the alcohol and you will exercise and study so it's easier for me and I don't have to parent you". Explain to your child why school is important if he doesn't care about studying, calmly. Try putting yourself in their shoes, imagine your life is their life. But if my parents did that I wouldn't have told them about my emotional life because I would feel vulnerable and I didn't want to feel vulnerable in front of my authoritarian parents which I hated. I just wanted to be left alone which would have been healthier for me than them screaming at me all the time.
Also around that age, his body is SUPPOSED to work that way, to stay up late and wake up late, that's just teenage circadian rhythm. There's actually a deep rabbit hole here, about how the school's start time system is flawed all because of a change in the 70's where instead of multiple buses taking students to school at around the same time, we now have one bus that takes different students to school at different times, this change completely ignored our circadian clock resulting in teens that needed more sleep has to wake early and kids that can wake early start school at the latest time. From that point on our culture and media have portrayed teens staying up late and snoozing in the morning as being lazy and rebellious youth. Another overlooked factor is how this change in the 70's affected the world as well and not just the U.S, I'm not living in the U.S and my country pretty much has the same school start time, and I've always struggled so hard with my sleep schedule and always hated waking up early, I just didn't understand why and for the longest time I thought I was just a bad student until I came across this info about my circadian rhythm realizing it wasn't me that's messing up my academic performance, it's the time the school demanded me to wake up on, really hate the fact my country straight copied a system that is flawed. If anyone reading this are struggling with their sleep schedule for school just know it is not your fault, you are right and the entire system is indeed against you.
Not only that, but the change in circadian rhythm fucked with the development of the brain associated with critical thinking that is supposed to happen in adolescence
@@XiELEd4377 Yup, thanks, I didn't go too in depth into what circadian rhythm is and the consequences of messing with it because i didn't want my comment to be an essay, people can feel free to learn more on the net, plus the vid is mainly about video games and bad parenting.
@@eldrielle6327 it's also incredibly frustrating. When you have a circadian rhythm disorder Just absolutely UGH Because people don't believe That's real
My parents were like this. It basically turned screentime into forbidden fruit and I didn't learn to self-regulate my impulses until well into adulthood, because I had always had overbearing parents deciding (literally) how every minute of my day was scheduled and exactly how much of anything from TV to cookies I was allowed. The first year (or three) of college was *rough*.
The whole earning privileges back from parents is a complete lie in my case. Had all video games taken for 3 years because of my grades. I got five B's and an A after that. Basically got told nope when I asked about it. Then they acted shocked when the next year I got all D's and one C. And got told "we won't give it to you with grades like that". The only winner in this game is parents. Fun fact: video games was one of the only things keeping me motivated. Having motivation taken away for 3 years and hearing "well at least you graduated." Is one of the most irritating things.
They dont give it back because they think "oh, taking away the games worked, they'll get over those stupid games eventually, they'll thank us when they are rich and give us all their money"
I listen to these videos on parenting to try to be a better older brother. My brother is much younger than me and I know that he looks up to me since our Dad isn't around a lot because of work. I want to do my best but this video has taught me that I also have to let him learn how to fail. It's a long road.
I wish I had these when I was growing up as well since I was trying to raise my younger sister when our single mom was having a mid-life crisis. Just don't forget to make sure that your needs are being met as well and don't take all the burden onto yourself. It's a struggle but good job on trying.
@@Kaori57 oof sorry you had to take on that responsibility. I can somewhat relate, its pretty scary watching a parent suddenly no longer become a viable guardian for you anymore. For me it made me overly independent out of necessity which unfortunately hasnt stopped
Been that to my younger bro too, kinda. Realised it way later and made a lot of mistakes as an older brother, but as we are now 26 and 20 - totally different tempers, I gotta say we love each other more than anything else. And all the mistakes during the time and all the work on this relationship created a relationship now, that is the biggest gem in my life right now. Cheers to you and your bro!
This is very insightful. I am one of those ppl that always thought games were bad for you seeing my younger brother-in-laws go through “laziness” so didn’t want to have any video games at home. Once I became a parent, I do restrict to only weekends but I think I might need to readjust after watching this. Thank you so much for posting this. Parenting is so hard and these videos help guide me to be a better one.
Dr. K went on an absolute rampage from 25:30 onwards, and I just cannot stop laughing at how accurate the mimicry is (being an Indian I can relate). This was extremely hilarious and sad at the same time gg
@c4blec it's very very common from many families of different cultures that come from poverty and made great sacrifices to try and give their children a better chance than they had. Not trying to excuse their actions just trying to understand where they are coming from. They know how bad the world is and are fearful of their children being a victim of the world.
@@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy I hypothesize that - if they are 'fixers' - then they might be afraid to find out that they cant fix it. And therfore end up not asking to avoid that chance.
@@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy because adults have lived longer, we tend to think we have more information and we are more likely to be able to solve problems, compared to kids who we tend to see as a blank state. This hubris is going to repeat as long as parents are unable to see their children as humans capable of growth.
Asking people how they really are, is a good start. It's a start. That's all it is. In the big scheme of things, it really isn't much. But, if you can't even do that, forget about the rest.
My parents thought I was addicted to my PlayStation 4 when I was in high school. In reality my hometown was boring af and I hated school cause of how miserable I felt there. At the time it was one of the only things I could do to relieve stress because everyone around me was so aggravating whether they be in my own family or someone from school. People need to let others have their outlets.
Dude same, before I got a car my mom would get pissed at me for playing video games instead of being outside. What am I going to do outside by myself when I can play with my friends on my computer? And school was hell until junior year.
I think some people dont understand that video games are just something to do during free time or as a hobby; Instead of the usual. Apparently they decide there's something wrong with you if you aren't doing the norm like partying, competitive sports or arts. And then there's the parents that just watch TV all evening (Nothing wrong with that.) or alcoholics. I'm at least still doing something intellectually stimulating and not taking drugs.
My dad has a pet peeve of me using the phone while he is driving. “Put that phone down and look outside!” Me: “Dad, we’ve lived in this town for literally since the day I was born and know every interested point of this tow. For top to bottom. What else is there for me to see here? You can literally blindfold me and drop me whatever part of the town and I’ll still find my way home!”
Also as a parent who wants to do better for his kid, thank you! I think we all know so much of this information, but hearing it explained like this is an amazing resource that I hope will help me, and other parents, to better help their child to succeed
I’m currently struggling with school, and my parents installed a form of WiFi limiter and when I lose games, I genuinely get stressed because they are the only thing that really calms me down (I am on the autism spectrum, and hate loud noises so I don’t talk to my family who shout a lot) and when I play, it really calms me down a lot. Edit: wow, didn’t expect a vent about my autism to get any amount of likes (or to get back in my day’d) I also forgot to mention without WiFi I can’t talk to my girlfriend or contact my therapist so that’s very fun
Had the same issue and high functioning autism,Parents do not get anything to even answer or question politely or intellectually me and my life…Loud family and depressing ? Impossible to do anything.
@@kaloyan1498 Problem is most games these days require an internet connection, even if it shouldn't be necessary in terms of the gameplay itself. Also, what if this person enjoys playing PVP or playing with their friends? I think more than anything if you can't stand the family you're in and they keep imposing restrictions, then it's going to gradually break you down. My parents didn't like that I play games but they've always loved and respected me. I feel for this person. There's probably a lot of things that are going on as well. It's not always so simple.
@@Jza-GZa40k Story of my life, here. My family never figured out how to live with an autistic kid, and spent all of their time thinking that everything I did was either intentional misbehaviour or something that they needed to train me out of so that I could be Successful. It did not end well, and it took another autistic friend, a pile of internet tutorials, and years of hard work for me to start turning things around.
Whoever pays for WiFi has a right to control it. Say thanks to your parents for having WiFi at all. You get stressed over loosing games? B.S. You are just spoiled. In the past, when there were no computer games, kids did not get stressed over not having them.
i was only allowed to game for half an hour a day, this was when runescape was massive. it actually lead to me not being as close to friends, they were all doing stuff on it and i couldn't. all because my mom doesn't like using computers, naturally that means i shouldnt use one. when i had my own freedom i went through a phase of gaming WAY too much, i just wanted to play the games i missed out on, only then, none of my friends played them anymore.
Yea, restricting videogames is like pulling a rubberband back. It won't hold forever and when it finally releases, you'll be flung too far in the other direction. Playing videogames way too much with no self-restraint. Because you've been trained to play as much as possible because you don't have much time to play. It's like how making a product more rare(like diamonds) can actually increase its value. Or how a limited time sale makes people more likely to buy a product. Limiting gaming time makes it seem more valuable, so you end up wanting to jump at it the first chance you get. Whereas if you have all the time in the world to play, you don't feel so desperate to play it.
My mother was strict with me too. The biggest negative impact I still feel as strongly as ever, 10 years after leaving home, is that the period of time around 11pm-3am feels like "me time"; some kind of illicit opportunity to indulge. Even when I could easily just go to sleep and start again in the morning if I want!
It's truly sad that this resonates with me and so many other people, so many parents ruin lives and create unstable emotions through their illusion of "fixing" people who are in immense emotional pain
So parents have been parenting more or less the same way for centuries. Parenting changes in the 90s. Mental health outcomes have demonstrably worsened since then. Not just more reporting, but observable outcomes like suicides and suicide attempts. Personal opinion here, but I think a return to stricter parenting is probably a good idea.
@@michaeltorrisi7289 as long as the line between strictness and abuse isn’t crossed I guess it might be ok. However theres also many new things that could also have worsened peoples mental health since then
Holy hell, that question is strong. "Do you want me to listen to you later, or now? Because I can see conflicting answers from you. If that DOES happen, what do you want me to do?" It gives the parent a card for enforcing structure of some sort AND in a way where the child can feel like they had a voice. I love this. I'm not a parent myself, but I've been a child and I KNOW how much it sucks to get "because I said so", "because I'm the parent", "I'm the benevolent dictator" (And yes, that was ACTUALLY said)
Upon that moment, it just makes me think: “Holy shit! That’s a thing?!” Even as a child now, it’d be so great to hear something like that. I’d probably wouldn’t cry for sadness but just joy.
@@amiiboguy7288 it basically is a trigger word for me of sorts, when me and my dad are arguing, as soon as he says "because I said so" the table flips, cause I've heard that my whole life, how about if you get arrested because "I said so", but "I'm your parent". So? yes you need to discipline, but if you take away my PC, PS3, laptop, Xbox, and phone for 3 weeks for GETTING IN THE SHOWER NO MORE THAN 3 MINUTES LATE because I'm not looking at the clock 24/7, and you say "just dont play games" I try to explain stuff to him even the simplest things and he goes off on me for being disrespectful, I've always been respectful as long as I am respected back, I try to talk it out the next day to resolve it, no yelling, all calm, he starts getting mad, swearing, then leads to yelling, then we start arguing. it's just chaotic, it's been 2 months since this incident, I've gotten my PS3 and phone back, but, my PC is sitting in the garage with the glass panel UNDER A PILE OF HEAVY STUFF which scares me since I did pitch in and pay for a bit of my pc, it wasn't all my dad.
Barbarism begins at home. The whole story of civilisation has been the story of turning the rulers with the nasty "because I said so" instinct into people who have to earn it, and to ask. The totalitarian instinct is the enemy.
As I grow older I realise four things: - How lucky I am to have well educated and open minded parents - How lucky I was to have gone to a good school and made good friends - How 70% of people out there weren't as lucky yet no one tries to help them - How over half of the parents of the world are terrible and don't deserve to have children and are the root of social problems. Look at all the terrible people. Hitler. He had an abusive father. I remember reading somewhere that said, no one is born evil or problematic. They grow to become it.
@@knasiotis1 It's a youtube comment. I can write whatever I want even if you didn't ask. The world doesn't revolve around you. No one needs your permission to express themselves. Get a grip on reality.
@@Izukachan implying it's not condescending to appear in a video where everyone discusses instances of disruptive parental behavior like the special snowflake "hey guys i'm not like you i'm so lucky haha, most of you are unfortunate and most people shouldn't be parents"
As someone who experienced this as the child, I had struggles in school and it was exacerbated by a turbulent home life. I had not only my video games and tv taken away, but it got to the point where I lost my stereo and all of my music and instruments (cds, cassettes, vinyls, guitars) If you can’t guess, it didn’t work. And I dropped out of high school and got my GED the same year (a year before my graduation was supposed to happen) and even lost my bedroom door for a time. Some people aren’t going to finish school. All of these potential problems aside, from my own experience, I had undiagnosed ADHD and potentially more. I have treatment resistant depression as well. It makes focusing and studying for school extremely difficult. And instead of having motivation to do better in school to get my privileges back, I was instead despondent and wanted to rebel more and do less in school. I had lost a lot of my emotional outlets and felt like I was trapped in a cyclical problem. Where I would struggle in school but wouldn’t get understanding because I’m apparently “too smart to keep failing” and would continue to be punished no matter the effort I tried to put forth.
I was told all through my teenage years that "you're addicted to video games" and "you couldn't even go a week without screens". I was gaslighted so much about my alleged "addictions", that I felt the need to "test" them. I went a full week without games, told my friends I couldn't play, and found other stuff to do, but was very bored. After an entire week, I hop on games for less than 30 minutes, then my mom comes into my room and says "why are you always on these games?? You're so addicted". My brother knew about this, and just looked at me blankly when she said this. It's not that my mom doesn't care, it's that she misinterprets the issues, and thinks a hobby is going to cause all the other issues (which I didn't really have, regardless).
If you read books for hours they don't care, but if you play games for hours they act like you're a drug addict.
My parents were the same. They at first limited me to hardly any time to Game, Then I and only I of My 4 other siblings i Lived with had to For several Hours iN the day after school write The alphabet in Cursive to "better My penmanship" instead of wasting my time on games. Now cursive isnt even taught in school and Many cant even read My writing cause its damn near permanent Cursive. later in Life due to all the "you cant go even a day without playing games" challenge even though i often did and just didnt interact with them much choosing to stay away from them in the comfort and safety of my room. i went days to weeks but it didnt phase me at all cause i wasnt a so called addict. i just looked for an escape from being blamed for everything wrong in the house.
That’s gas lighting? Well know I know
I think you're lying. Your mother knows best, hence why she says you're addicted to games.
@@grindsauce3017 doubt it
The worst nagging that my parents did: I would sit down at the piano and play/practice for 10-15 minutes. Then I get up to do something else and immediately hear "that wasn't 30 minutes, we agreed that you would practice for 30 minutes every day!" So guess what, instead of practicing 30 minutes each day, I practiced 0 minutes every day.
sounds like you didn't agree, they just told you how long to play, no discussion and I'm guessing there wasn't any discussion on why you stopped either, just yelling and blaming
@@jaimebibelot4398 in retrospect, there were a lot of times when I felt punished for doing the right thing. I didn't hate piano, but I did hate that just playing a few notes would remind my parents that I should practice and they'd nag me to finish a full 30 minutes. Plenty of times too when I would be moping in my room and then come down for dinner only to hear a gloating "well, well, so good of you to join us."
I just hope that people learn to reward their kids for good behavior, instead of nagging or gloating when the kid starts to comply with your wishes.
@@jeremyc4811 I hate gloating like that. Is a "Are you feeling better tonight?" or a "How are you feeling today?" too hard?
@@Sammysapphira Parents should also learn when not to ask the question. Growing up, I'd probably have been more willing to answer it with more than a shrug if I hadn't been asked it constantly.
I never got the forcing music on your kids thing. I love doing music but it really shouldn't be forced, and if someone doesn't want to or doesn't like to do it then they shouldn't.
"My son is depressed so we isolated him from his friends and it got worse. How do we exorcise this demon?"
BASICALLY, YEAH.
Exorcise by giving everything back and admitting your mistakes
@@ГонщикНелегальный-з1б and try to ask him
thats how my parrents do
“My son needs a therapist so I threw out everything that gives him joy. Why is he not fixed?”
@@DeathnoteBB "fixed" LMAO, such a bitter truth that many parents thinks their child is not a human being.
I was a video game addict as a kid. When people would object and ask my mother why she allowed it, she replied "Better being addicted at home to the games than out and about getting addicted to booze and drugs." Pretty much everyone in my family had a booze and/or drug problem, so she felt pretty fortunate it was games in my case, which is kind of sad, but makes sense. I did get over the addiction eventually when it became impossible to be a completionist in games due to how game monetization shifted.
Its strange to hear somebody get over their videogames addiction when the monetisation has become more and more vicious over the years (to the point that some european countries had to bad lootboxes and the like)
Guess what i was a bit addicted to games, a lot less now cause of work taking time from it, but now I got the bonus of alcohol on top, i like abuse it a bit while gaming and i should really stop...
Good luck to you all with your addictions, stay strong.
Kinda doubt it was due to monetization my friend... if you're poor you can get a lifetime worth of games for next to nothing on GOG if you are willing to go a few years back. Hard to say why just from this, but I would bet you just grew out of it, and found more satisfaction through developing other parts of your life? Maybe frustration with monetization was the trigger, but I doubt it's the root cause. If you were determined enough, you wouldn't let a silly thing like monetization keep you from your passion.
For me personally, I know the way I have consumed games has changed a lot. When I was a kid I was a completionist because I didn't have many options for games and they were all shiny and new. Nowadays, if I don't get significant enjoyment from a game, I drop it faster than a hot potato, because I know there are other things I could be doing.
Just don't play badly monetised games. Play single player games like Persona 5 etc that are FANTASTIC and require NO additional payments.
A'least video games don't massacre your liver.
Honestly, I feel like the worst part of this was when the dad *explicitly states* that their son has always loved gaming, but still somehow decides that gaming is the cause of these *new* problems that have come up. If he's been playing games for years and the problems haven't arisen until now, then it's pretty fucking obvious that gaming *didn't* cause those issues.
Exactly!
@@xxraptorsc0pezxx Bot.
@@prime_optimus Not.
@@xxraptorsc0pezxx Then how much are you getting paid to advertise religion?
And the dad knows that by taking away video games he's taking away the one thing his child loves doing
Many parents nowadays prioritize grades over health, and I don’t need to be the one to say that it doesn’t work like that.
The entire education system prioritzes grades over health and as soon as you're out of school nobody cares about those numbers/letters on a piece of paper anymore
Parents prioritize grades while schools prioritize standardized test scores.
So true man. Back in high school and even now in college. Every time the school year starts, I want to be excited for school and looking forward to “learn” but instead I get anxiety. My mom was like the typical tiger mom that would monitor how I’m doing academically back in high school. Every time she gets an email from school, it’s always under the assumption that I did something bad and she didn’t even read the contents lol. I’m glad that in college she became less restrictive but man college or school in general has made me less creative and more concerned with my grades. I’m doing fine academically but at the expense of my mental health. For now my part time job is the only thing that gives me a purpose to keep pushing and I love my coworkers (most of them are around my age and we resonate with each other when it comes to struggles). On the bright side, I’m a senior now and I’m about to be ready to graduate. I know I still have a lot ahead of me and I hope the world will still allow me to learn and make myself a more well rounded person.
@Diamond Frieza W h a t. Learning how to do basic maths is more important than learning how to do martial arts, because you most likely WONT become a master. Bring down your expectation jesus christ.
@kshamwhizzle I'm so glad I go to a genuinely good high school because we have 10x the freedom here compared to my middle school (although there is still a degree of control because yeah we have to be orderly).
Dude, your kid isn't a game addict, he's DEPRESSED, and your solution is to take away his comfort/coping mechanisms instead of deal with the fact that he's depressed.
I wouldn't wanna do therapy either with someone who refused to talk to ME about my behavior and just took the word of my dad and tried to force me to admit that my coping mechanisms are the problem.
This really hits home with me because I was severely depressed through childhood, and my dad also tried to blame it on "videogames", and to this day he blames all my health problems and migraines and other stress-related problems on how much sleep him IMAGINES i get or how much games he IMAGINES i play.
He never cared to ask what was wrong, and even when I said I was depressed, he straight up told me i WASN'T, and told me I was lying to get out of chores. The only therapy my family EVER suggested was "anger management".
Maybe if the child were to do his schoolwork like hes told, he would get his games back. You seem to be under the impression the literal child has an authority.
😢😭
@@dannypatrick9361 People like you are the problem. Children may have a weaker judgement, but they should have a level of authority. Children are not just slaves or robots to be thrown around and told what to do. This guy is clearly depressed and using gaming as a way to cope. Taking that away and not addressing the core issue is negligent, ignorant, and flat out bad parenting. God forbid you have or have had children. By far the worst take I've seen today.
Truth has been spoken
@@dannypatrick9361 "oh, you're depressed? Well get over it and do your homework Jimmy I'm tired of hearing these excuses" -you to your child in 15 years
Do you not know what depression is
Was super depressed and then in the bathroom before school I felt this increasingly amount of pain in the center of my chest. Had to lay down. Then I started to salivate a whole bunch and mouth tasted like salt. Went to urgent care, nothing medically wrong. Psycho somatic isn’t a word for a lie a kid tells, it’s a very literal feeling that the body has
I hate when people refuse to believe mental health and physical health are very connected when you have the catalouge of all of humanities knowledge at your fingertips
my mother would tell me that psycho-somatic stuff is real. but the problem was that she would use it against me... she would tell me that "its because you are so lazy that you feel sick all the time" :|
But it still has to do with the mind hence the term psychosomatic
if a child's first concern when they screw up or fail to meet expectations is "my parents are gonna kill me" or "i can't tell my parents about this", you have failed as a parent
100% true!
0% understanding and 100% punishment
Why does this shit hit 🗿
And the "fun" part is that sometimes parents aren't that strict. I'm in my ear... who am I lying to? I'm in mid 20s. By russian standards I'm still a kid, most people of my age still live with parents, I'm not a black sheep in that sense. I really struggle with my university. I kinda lost interest to what I study (electronic engineering) and I don't even know what else I wanna learn. Higher education is a must here. My parents never grounded me badly, they did beat me as a kid but the last time was probably over 15 years ago and it never was for failing school. I actually used to be very smart, I even was 6th on the regional physics competition. Recently I was expelled for the third time (I study for free because I did great on school exams) and long before that, when I struggled with university exams, I almost completely moved to my girlfriend's place because I knew my mom would ask about exams, ask why I don't do my homework, etc. And I would not have answers. I'm not a kid, I know she can not take my phone away or something. And she never even did that except for a couple minor cases like 10 years ago that didn't last lond. But I'm still scared to tell her about my fails.
Ok, I know I would like to learn automotive journalism but
1. I will never pass history/literature/social studies exam required to enroll.
2. I'm just 1 year from getting bachelor's at engineering. Just enough time to drink some tea by my standards (I mean it's like nothing, I count time in tens of years)
3. I'm 25 and my best paid job was at Burger King's cash register. I can not wait another 5 to 6 years to get a correct degree.
4. In Russia it doesn't matter that much what you studied for, you basically need just any degree + skills in what you're applying for.
5. My girlfriend... No, f**k her. I'll break up with her if feel I need it
@@ldmtag But you could be that just as Vlogger.
It's 2021 - you don't need a diploma for some jobs at all ;-)
Get a "real" job and be an automobile vlogger as a hobby. If it will pay well - drop your main job.
He probably doesn't want to tell the dad about his problems because when he does he's chastised about the main thing he's passionate about
Even if they have a dialogue, the father maybe not listen and still blame the vgames
what is the main thing he is passionate about?
@@joaop3268 apparently gaming according to the dad's post. Seems to be the only thing the dad knows about him
Is my kid going through some bad stuff?
No, the video games are the problem.
this is really relatable yeah
I remember in 8th grade, I corrected my health teacher about what the function of the appendix was, because he said it was "completely useless" (anatomy and physiology has always been a special interest of mine) and he told me "if you think you can teach this lesson better than me, get up here and teach the class" so I called him on it and started drawing diagrams of an appendix and intestines on the board. He got really angry about that and started sabotaging my tests, erasing answers I put down and saying that I didn't answer the questions at all. My grade eventually dropped to a D+, and my parents grounded me for the entire rest of the year (9 months total) by not letting me talk on the phone, play games, use the internet or visit my best friend because of that. She was pretty much my only friend and I'm still extremely bitter about the entire ordeal. I remember them saying "only an idiot would fail HEALTH class, how could you manage that?" and that's always stuck with me. I tried to tell them he was treating me unfairly, but since my mom is a teacher she decided that teachers were incapable of doing bad things to their students and dismissed it as me lying or making excuses. I still don't like spending time around her.
I'll be honest. If I were you. I would outright have told my mom.
"If you're too lazy to actually acknowledge your children's issues, when I leave, I'm gone. No text. No phone calls. No holidays. Don't expect anything. And you will have be the one to force me to make that decision for my mental health."
@@cherrycoyote55 yea same tbh
Glad I can relate to someone, I fucking hate my parents man.
Entirely made up story because you want to cry
What a disgusting story, that teacher was abusive for you being knowledgeable? And your parents sound like the kind I would not keep in my life. They just buried teacher abuse of a student because of their ignorance and cruelty. I would not tolerate that. And I was in an abusive house as a kid. I didn't tolerate it, got out at 17 and never looked back.
As a child video games were demonized by my parents and eventually completely banned from the household. Even the knowledge that I had played with a friend's gameboy at school would come with swift consequences. Every time I got any video game time, it was like having a manic episode. Nothing in life made me feel more excited. My relationship with friends was strained because they accused me of hanging out only so I could play with their video games.
When I finally got to college, I found my self for the first time actually having unrestrained video game access in my own bedroom (via my roommate). It was a complete and unmitigated disaster; I had never learned any sense of self-control or even gone through any kind of processing or therapy on why I was addicted in the first place. I eventually learned how to be moderate on my own, but the college years were not the ideal time to pick up those skills. I still have trust and shame issues associated with my parents, and our communication remains poor as a result.
I agree about having the lack of understanding how to control video game time. I almost flunked out of college. and its not that my parents were necessarily anti video game, I gamed at friends houses, they just didn't want to buy one for our house. I eventually developed my own self control as I aged out of a lot of that, but its something I had to teach my self.
Every kid deserves parents, but not every parent deserves kids
I agree, college is not the time to learn that. I was very restricted, just an hour or two, which was simply not enough time for me to enjoy the time with friends. As a result, in college, I only studied for an hour, maybe two, and used the rest of the time on games. I felt happier not having someone over my shoulder telling me my grades were lowering "because of video games". But the neat part was my grades were better in college when I was enjoying my free time and able to study in my own way.
Btw, if my grades ever went lower than a "B" I would lose electronics. Not just games, btw. Music too.
exact same with me.
Yup, Me in 1995, "Dad, I want to program computers when I grow up!"
"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard of, what you gonna make fucking video games like a loser?".
Well....
I feel like a lot of us can relate. Our parents don't talk to us, they talk *at* us.
yep
Fucking read my mind, I got a lecture about me being controlling and uncompromising (when I'm not) when I told her that when I talk about my Misophonia, I get nothing but shit. All after she learned that I have mild depression. The first thing she said during the car ride home was "Mild Depression, huh? Guess you need to spend some time away from you're computer." In a very pissy tone. I suffer in silence daily because I have little to no outlets to vent about this shit.
along with talking down on us
@@jacklamborn8810 if you want to vent im down bro
@@grey_xoid they call us names about our behavior but that does nothing for anyone besides piss us off and sometimes causes low self esteem for example my parents call me lazy,hardheaded,loud mouth,and my moms brother that she didn't like that much and I mean yeah sure I am lazy but what do I care? Like I'm just gonna stop being lazy how many times you point out and say shit
That awkward moment when this kid is suddenly 25 and doesn't understand why he always has a bit of anxiety while gaming and realizes that he had just grown accustomed to always being at the risk of getting caught.
Bro I've gotten my heart checked for this exact reason. It's psychosomatic like Dr. K said, the docs didn't find shit in my chest. The only moments I feel comfortable at home is when I know that no one will come bother me, I can breathe. That situation was years ago but my body learned to be jumpy like that, I still struggle working with it. Good to hear I am not the only one.
This is spot on, the anxiety of getting caught ended up combining with my social anxiety and now I can't play online games like I used to so easily. Also my overall enjoyment of gaming isn't the same.
Now that you all mention that. It’s funny, I’m a grown ass man and stuff from past still hunting me. I can only relax if I’m alone in my apartment without anyone monitoring or restricting me. Don’t know if you guys can relate.
@@averagegymenjoyer absolutely. You're not alone.
absolutely, feeling guilty when gaming to much, because someone used to judge you for it. Not being able to enjoy what you love sucks.
"My kid is suddenly living in isolation, showing lack of motivation and has unexpected mood swings. Also, I just divorced his mother and COVID just hit.
How do I fix his problem with video games?"
My parents were like this too when they divorced. Its mind-boggling how many parents just assume splitting their household is going to have no effect on their kids.
Granted its better to have divorced parents than parents with a toxic marriage but these things still effect your kids, you can't just ignore that reality and pretend that its completely inconsequential to their lives.
Honestly yeah, I'm kinda going through the same thing, I basically gave up on school because I wasn't doing that well in the first place eventhough I revise about 4 times a week for an hour for 4 years (Asian family, but honestly not that strict.) My parents haven't had the best time during the pandemic aswell(close to divorce), I also grew too far away from my friends so video games was a way of escape for me. Thankfully my parents are the best, they put away their differences so that they can put me and my brother first and spent time trying to help me out (they also took time to work on their relationship aswell.) I'm still not doing well in school and I will be going to college soon so I've got lots of exams to study for. It's really stressful but I'm able to stay hopeful now and am most of the time happy.
How do i teach him to not be manipulative when every single thing I do arises from my mindset being to manipulate people into doing what I want? Every single thing that dad said is manipulative and childish. What a great role model.
@@danielpar4850 best of wishes to you
"all kids deserves parents, but not all parents deserves kids"
As someone who’s entire body **BROKE DOWN TO POINT I WAS IN HOSPITAL** in sophomore year of high school but they couldn’t find anything “medically wrong”, that line hit SO HARD.
The nothing “medically wrong” especially. It turns out, all of that was from my horrible horrible anxiety that my parents didn’t treat seriously. Sure enough, when we transfered out of that high school I got SO much better.
My body is still feeling the effects from that time period, and I’m 22. Take! Mental! Health! Seriously!!!
I hope that you're doing better
@@rodolfo9876a I’m doing a LOT better. I won’t say everything is sunshine and roses but I’m in better place. The effects my body still feels aren’t too serious: just things like my stomach being worse than normal etc
@@farawayxgalaxy Good to know
@@farawayxgalaxyoster care years back caused me to have severe stomach problems for years. Stress causes high levels of cortisol and your seratonin plummets. 80% of your seratonin is in your stomach. Honestly I started microdosing with psilocybin mushrooms in the mornings, (very small amount) and that's increased my body's production of seratonin and my stomach tends to work much better now. Either that or maybe Celiac's disease?
Gives me the same vibe as "sociology isn't real science".
Somehow, many people think it stops being real once it affects the mind.
They also often think that "social constructs" aren't real.
"Being strict with your child doesn't stop unwanted behavior. It just makes them better at hiding it."
Strict parents make sneaky kids.
This is like "The more you know that your parent knowing your secret, the better you hiding it too". This also goes a same to me when I was sneaking and watch RUclips past a bedtime.
Yoo I got to give this comment it's 69th like (I have screenshot)
Where there’s a will there’s a way
70% agree, but this is not considering how they feel about their options in response to strict attitude. If you are strictly supposed to handle something a certain way and you feel capable of doing it you might instead strictly ignore the reason for doing things another way. For example if you strictly have to deal with boredom with homework you will ignore the fact that there's something homework isn't doing for you, and it may set you up for failure that way. If you can only deal with an issue a way you're not allowed to, then yes you have to be more commited to hiding it
To be honest, this sounds like me when I was in Grade 9. Except my parents gave me 100% freedom and never took anything away. My 'bare minimum' at school was still the honor roll, but I didn't do homework or study at all. I slept horrible hours, didn't have a social life that I liked, played halo 3 / reach until 2am, went to school late almost everyday, was sick a lot, and had anorexia/bulimia (6'3, 127 lbs).
I don't know if there's anything my parents could've done, because I wasn't even quite sure what the problem was at the time. But as it turns out, I just hated my social life and how my body looked. As soon as the summer came around, my dad had a stroke that left him fully paralyzed, and that kind of 'jolted' me to wake up and not waste my life... try new things, change, improve, learn, because you never know when that can all be taken away.
I started eating more, working out for the first time, played games with friends, and by grade 10 I had put on about 30 pounds and was in great shape. I was way more confident and started playing games less. I never put in effort into school even afterwards, but life was much better.
And the moral of this, is that the video games were not the problem for me. They were a symptom.
I had the same revelation except it was grade 10 and my parents were threatening divorce and my mom had choked me in anger after seeing me fail most of my courses the sophomore fall semester
@@ethanspicer3471 Good grief! Please tell me your mom had a wake up call due to that and went to therapy for her anger management issues at the very least! Or that you stayed with your dad after that!
@@ethanspicer3471 Literal child abuse. Hope you got that resolved and are living your best life.
Both my brothers dropped out of school and just game all day. Nothing else. That's what they've been doing their entire lives and both are in their 20's. They haven't ever had a job, they have to ask my family to pay hundreds of dollars for their games and consoles. I honestly feel like sometimes it's an addiction, and there needs to be something to intervene. Nothing huge even happened in their lives they were just lazy and didn't want to do schoolwork and would rather game.
Edit: Nothing big happened in their lives to start this. They've been gaming since they were 8 years old or younger. My parents don't stop them. They sleep during the day and game all hours of the night. They have TOO much freedom honestly. Don't do chores or anything, just play video games.
I'm a gamer myself but play at a healthy level (a few hours a week). I think it can be a huge problem for some people and they won't change it because they're too comfortable to. I'm glad that you managed to turn your life around and hope others in your situation can too.
I had a similar problem/story, with an abusive father and hardcore depression/anxiety, but the video games was actually my way to cope and keep me sane from the constant struggle in my social life. Without video games for me, I would’ve been dead by 17. Without staying up late at night keeping myself occupied or actually talking to people I met online playing halo that actually listened to my problems, I would’ve done something stupid that night. Feeling like I was actually in control of something loading up the sims or firing up RuneScape to grind away on coin. Video games taught me how to manage my emotions, process, and learn to play in real life.
My parents in a nutshell:
"Why are you always hiding in your room and never come talk to us?"
Also them whenever they talk at me: *Judge me, critsize me, guilt shame me, make me feel like crap just because I dont behave according to their expectations*
“You don’t understand, you have to LET them do that to you because they care about and love you and only want what’s best for you!”
@@jomaq9233 I agree, you have to really let them do that to you. Perhaps you're the problem, kid.
@@grindsauce3017 wtf
@@grindsauce3017 i hope you're being sarcastic...
@@alivingdagger9915 i dont think he is
I think it's possible that the bad sleep schedule may be caused in part by the antagonistic relationship between the child and the dad. I used to stay up late because that's when my parents weren't awake and I felt like I had more breathing room. (Also relate so much to the example about martial arts-I love my martial arts practice but when my mom tries to force me to go it feels like I'm losing control and I end up pushing back harder)
I have the same but with chess. Man u have no idea how it feels to finally win a game after a few hours of hard work. Frankly it's the only thing that gives me fulfilment at this point
I wish parents could experience life being stripped of power and agency like they do to their kids. And then when they go "okay, I get it, this isn't funny anymore," it doesn't stop. Because they have no power and agency here. How soon do you think they'd call the cops because they're being held hostage? How soon they'd cry "this is abuse!"?
Also I 100% relate to staying up late to avoid my parents. My personality and interests were always satanic. Not good enough. Not welcome. I didn't like them and what they were about, didn't like their attitude, didn't like their creepy beliefs and pressuring ways. I wanted freedom. And I got that when they were unconscious.
Don't forget the circadian rhythm. Forcing a late sleeper to go to bed early and wake up early isn't going to help anybody.
@@alexia3552 seriously i dont understand why parents lack so much empathy and are unable to put themselves in their kids shoes, how would they feel being demonized for doing something they enjoy and then having that thing be taken away from them and never getting a say in any of it, i swear most of them are just narcissists that love to power trip and take their anger out on their kids
Exactly! It LITERALLY feels SO relaxing to be awake when everyone else is asleep. I've never felt such peace before. I LOVE staying up late. I stayed up all night a few nights ago until I heard my brothers morning alarms go off. In my room of course, I'm not supposed to leave my room past bedtime unless for the bathroom or medicine (if sick).
I remember my parents enforcing a “screen time” as a kid I just snuck time and found ways around it, this led to me being very secretive with my parents and didn’t help me stay off screens at all.
Hello me
It was the exact same, I managed to figure out their hiding places and just hiding that I figured them out.
literally me lmao
Oh hey I didn’t know I had a clone! :0
I literally guessed the password to my parents safe and became a mostly good liar for this EXACT reason
Yeah same.. Those times waking up at 3-5 am just to play games silently without them noticing......
Its sad that "build an allience with your kid" actually needs to be said. How is it not normal. How are parents so stupid.
parents before them, it was sadly the norm because they "turned out well enough"
humanity in general is stupid and shortsighted a lot, and although it has its moments it is generally hard to be even an ok person because of billions of reasons, and with this world being so varied it's so hard to resolve all these problems
Because parents think “being their friend” spoils the kid somehow… They don’t realize a good friend isn’t just a constant enabler, a good friend sets boundaries and limits.
Because the parent doesn't see the solution as a collaborative effort. The parent "knows" the problem and they "know" how to fix it. Why ask the kid's input if they already know how to solve the problem? All the parent has left to do is force the kid to implement their solution.
The parent never even considers that they might be wrong. And they can't even comprehend that they might be the problem or they might be making things worse.
as a parent that tries to be self aware, it's a combination of being extremely tired from working and raising that kid, combined with wanting a quick solution to things. idiot parents love scapegoats, because it requires no actual work to get to know the kid, their issues and what they need. that would be work and they sure as fuck dont want to work more.
I try to treat kids like tiny adults. I physicaly can not do baby talk and talk down to kids. I have to talk to them like I would talk to anyone else.
sometimes i want to grab parents by the shoulders and tell them
"your childs symptoms still exist even if its inconvenient for you"
For some parents it's about power, winning or just being right.
Some magically expect their kids to just "act like adults" - like they should just know this automatically some how.
The ignorance I've seen is astounding.
Something I heard a therapist talk about in relation to Narcs is "the Narc sees a child as a selfish adult." I will never forget that. And it's so true.
My dad treats me like a child but expects me to act like an adult lol
@@BingusLover45 My parents treat me as that as well, while expecting me to act like an adult
@@ryantherabbid7832 at least you know you're not the only one going through it
This made me remember a quote I saw “The problem with being a teen is everyone treats you like a kid and expects you to act like an adult.”
“His brother has better grades and extra curriculars” is such a dumb argument imo. Yes, it shows extra responsibility, but at the same time it’s also damaging to the other kid. I always felt bad when my parents brought up my grades to my siblings and how I was performing better in school- it really doesn’t matter, grades don’t necessarily measure how smart or responsible you are.
A friend of mine always had the best grades and he always told me that grades aren't a reflection of intelligence or responsibility, just effort.
Grades aren't everything anyways
@@TheOfficalAndI Grades aren't just "not everything", they're actively nothing.
You get good grades by regurgitating arbitrary information.
The education system is a joke.
Nothing hurt me more than my parents comparing me to my brothers. I never understood why they thought that would be a good way to parent
The education system is a complete farce, grades are meaningless.
It was invented to churn out a diligent work force, not make people more intelligent, there is nothing valuable In school.
Rare undercurrent of actual anger from Dr.K running through this one and I'm here for it.
Its Shaun Spalding!
Yeah, first time I've heard it like this.
Hes angry because this parent isnt letting go of his child, as progressives usually want so they can indoctrinate and molest them without fear of parental reprisal.
@@dannypatrick9361 ?
@@dannypatrick9361 lmao ok bud
As a teenager I am both appreciating how well my parents handled issues like this, and also mentally bookmarking this video for when I get a family.
I’m jealous that your parent actually gave you the tools you need to be a good parent in the future. I don’t think I’ll ever have kids because I turned out too much like my dad, but at least I’m aware of those flaws unlike him.
@@beyondviolet I honestly think that the final year of high school should include a mandatory parenting class. Not only just knowing how to look after a baby, but also learning how to treat a kid, and how to help them deal with issues. Because it's honestly really saddening to see so many kids being mistreated, but slightly reassuring that there are also so many tales of people trying to be better than their parents.
@@rohankishibe6433 I agree completely. I know my dad never should’ve been a parent, in fact he’s told me several times that having kids is a mistake lol. Unfortunately having kids is often seen as “the next step” for the older generations, regardless of whether or not one is emotionally equipped for it. Luckily we seem to be growing out of that mindset, so I’m grateful for that at least.
yeah i also want to make sure i’m a good parent when the time comes, will forever be grateful for my parents even with their mistakes, i’ll just try my best not to repeat them
Can we trade pardnts, please?
My video game limit was a half hour every day. When i was young and only played Minecraft, this was fine with me. When i started playing more games and wanted more time to play, i asked my parents and they talked about it with me and increased my time limit. Im happy with my time limit now, and i know that i can always talk to my parents and they will be understanding. Thanks mum and dad for being supportive (:
the good ending
Parents need to understand that kids need some sort if engagement they like, if they take away games, they can't be absent, they should be actively bonding during that time, even then, its better not to keep them away from their hobbies and passions, you should join them in theirs. If they like soccer play soccer with them. If they like boardgames, play boardgames with them, if they like a certain TV show, keep an open mind and watch with them. If they like games play with them.
Parents I think too often only want their child to end up the way they envision them, when kids are their own people. Some parents don't want their kids to play games but their kids do, restricting them from it isn't going to make them better, it'll just make them do it in secrecy.
I don't think some parents actually care about life but appearances. They want their kids to appear a certain way, in front of them or others, they even admit they can't control them 24 7 so they should know its futile.
Of all things taught in school, I'm surprised, parenting classes aren't required.
Honestly setting a reasonable limit is so much better than a hard ban.
My dad legit loves gaming so that's nice, but I need to do a shit ton of stuff to do video games and I've gotten extreme nausea 2 times both I went to the toilet and hung out for a few minutes in case I vomited. It was fine but I'm scared that will happen more often
I only take away the video games when my son starts neglecting reality (ie disassociation); because after doing it myself as a teen and young adult; I learned there are better ways to cope when life is overwhelming than just tuning it out for hours on end. And we teach him these skills. A few hours of gaming is fine, but if you skip meals for the game, its not going to end well. Especially when you're the one who's supposed to cook.
"It's a game you're not going to win."
Very potent words. That was basically what I experienced at 13ish. I realized my parents weren't going to engage with me. They had a totalitarian rule over the house. There was never any ground to be made.
They would lie, falsely offer rewards or exceptions, and do lots of things to try and control me. But when I realized at that really age that they only wanted to be pleased, I realized I had no power but to strike.
So that's what I did. I did enough work to graduate, to stay healthy, to set myself up for after I moved away. But that was for my own sake. Everything else was just enough to keep the belt at bay. Any "goals" of "rewards" were never met. I never, for nearly 9 years, did anything to satisfy them. Because I had already been too burned. I was never going to stick my hand in the fire again.
I realized a while ago that my dad's parents are very controlling. When I don't do anyihmg they agree with, even listening to music I like, (mostly electronic) they always say 'no' and 'this music suck' and such, and My grandpa asked last year I look up gaming addiction, 'cause i played games every Day. Maybe it has something to do With the fact that I finally had time?
Yeah i had this same story happen to me with my mom, and she would be mean self-destructive. Taking me to a doctor to tell me my issues and give me meds that helps me wake up good and go to sleep fast. Yet it doesnt help me with my relationship with my mom, as she has been yelling at me more times that i can count, and having problems at school made all of this way worse. I had to graduate from highschool and tell my mom that im living with my dad as that makes me happy.
And i been living a life of peace ever since.
@@thebruteforce125 I'm glad you're outta there. How are you now? I know problems don't go away immediately...
@@lordbanetheplayer8844 doing good, having my own peace and enjoyment away from my mom. Yet she tries to add me in her life after all she has done. Taking me to church and getting me dinner.
You are wise.
Reminds me of my mothers hatred for my gaming when I was a teen. Honors student, active and healthy, didn't drink or do drugs, yet she couldn't stand I spent my time playing video games or even watching anime on the weekends because she thought these things were for much younger children so automatically there must be something wrong with me. She didn't understand these things were actually created for people in my age group lol. I remember just feeling uneasy anytime I heard her walk by my room because I just knew she would try to belittle me for it. She was also convinced playing video games would give me a mental illness, make me violent or ruin my life lol. As an adult I questioned a lot of her paranental logic but I've come to realize her controlling habits probably came from a lack of control in her own life.
i feel for ya
That hits a little too close to home; my mom belittles my gaming hobby too. I feel for you, dude.
@@celestec.6480 she won’t get it don’t let her get to you. I graduated college and have a career and she still makes comments. Literally can’t win no matter what we do so might as well enjoy ourselves.
my parents tell me gaming is for kids then I tell them about 30 year Olds still gaming and M rated games and they literally can't come up with anything else besides "you aren't them". Then they also make comments comparing me to friends who do afterschool activities, loads of AP classes or sports. Wanted to compare them so long with other parents who actually support their child's hobbies so they can see how demeaning it feels.
Definitely something similar with my dad. Nothing I do really pleases him, and he expects me to be like him and go above and beyond. He hates that I’m into stuff he isn’t, and says the amount of time I play Video Games and read fantasy books is truly “disgusting”. It’s gotten to the point that I’m afraid to talk to him over the phone or even text, because I finally feel like I have a good balance between my new job, exercising, and even video games, and talking to him might just destroy all of that.
It’s not like I hate him either. My Dad made a lot of mistakes, but he was still my Dad and I know he loved me, just like I love him. But… I guess I wish his love didn’t make me feel like I’m disappointing him with what I enjoy, and what I love.
Anyway, thanks for the place to vent, I actually feel a lot better. XD. Hope you guys are ok, and live your live the way you want to live them.
I was going through a very, very strong depression due to so many problems at school and at home when I was 16. I was suspected (now confirmed) of being on the spectrum. Videogames were the only thing I could do to distract me from everything and one of the few interests I had. Despite my parents being the root cause of many of my problems, they still found a way to make truce temporarily just to agree to take away my videogame consoles and not allow me to use the computer for anything other than school work.
They then wondered why I started having meltdowns and shutdowns every day of my life until they finally gave up and realized they had made a terrible choice.
Damn… this hit home fucking hard, wow.
I'm also on the spectrum. My mom yelled at me like a few days after I'd gotten out of a mental hospital
"Wow, my kid has a poor coping mechanism, what do I do about this? How about make them unable to cope whatsoever!" - an unfortunately large number of parents
You can't blame your parents for everything dog.
@@chef4025 okay but sometimes it is their fault lmao
"Even if the parents wins the parent loses" is a great quote. The kid will always win because the kid can't be expected to be rational or to be the mature adult because they are a child. They aren't going to be rational or care about consequences, they are going to do whatever they can to just cope and get through the day by whatever means necessary. If that means setting a fire or hurting themselves, they will do it, because you made them feel like they have to do something that drastic for you to listen to them or for you to notice that they are hurting.
@@SimonWoodburyForget They are, but they are the ones that have had the time growth and experience, children dont. They are the ones that made the choice to have kids. The kids got no choice in the matter. Adults have the ability to understand consequences. Whether or not they choose to act like it is a matter of coping skills or character. But adults should and HAVE TO be held to higher standards. Children's brains aren't done developing, they don't have the same capacity to reason or control impulses as adults do. Adults can choose to be reasonable and patient, kids are still learning that, and it needs to be modeled by their caregivers.
"You made them feel they had to do something drastic for you to listen to them or for you to notice they are hurting" is a line I strongly resonate with. Just to be clear, I've never set fires or hurt myself. But what I do resonate with is a general demonstration to indicate pain. I've frequently resisted this demonstration, at most just being angry or unhappy in the same room, but that was me containing myself as much as possible. I'm supposedly at the age of maturity, but really I'm at a crossroads for learning consequences and basic social cues and learning challenges (I mean for all people, not just those on the spectrum) and appealing to an angry child in me who hardly understands the world and its pressures, but knows its angry and probably has good reason to which gets difficult for me to decipher because I'm expected to just know the problem and resolve it in the same moment, or at least that's how I feel a lot of the time.
@@dontseemyprofilepic3157 I feel like that's a very natural thing to do, especially for those who have had dismissive or neglectful parents. I know my parents wouldn't pick up on my pain unless I was literally bursting into tears. And it gets even more difficult when we grow up, having never had caregivers who took the time to teach us how to manage emotions and communicate our needs in a healthy/effective way. I know I still have a lot of resentment, and my siblings do too. On the one hand, one doesn't wanna throw a tantrum at a mature age, but we also don't have the tools to communicate distress in more productive ways and it leads to a bubbling cycle of resentment under the surface. And thats horrible to have to deal with.
I hope you are doing well on your journey of navigating your emotions and communicating those feelings.
@@koolkel00 thank you for your concerns. I hope you're on your way to better managing and treating these complex emotions yourself. I'll say I'm extremely lucky to have my siblings who are older than me and have had enough experience in life, seeing it for what it is. If it wasn't for my brother, I would've still been ignorant about the need to articulate my emotions. There is an incredible RUclipsr who works at a professional therapist called 'TheraminTrees'. He largely deals with criticising dogmatic ideologies in the fields of religion and politics, but at the core of his content is helping people navigate complex psychological abuse. I know, I kinda sound like an ad, but while I have been watching his content less recently, his videos have been an absolute help, especially in taking my brothers advice with one particular video about 'faking emotions' which tackles the subject of how our model of our own emotions may change and morph to abuse, sometimes to where happiness may be embedded in guilt or even to where emotions nullify altogether. Again, I don't mean to plug the channel (though I definitely understand if it seems that way), I just wanted to share my more recent experiences, which that RUclipsr has played a large role in where I largely live with my parents who make it impossible to have deeper conversations about emotions and the complexities of problems even just at the academic level (not out of deliberate abuse by the way, just more out of genuine ignorance and simplistic responses which happen to dismiss my problems far more than they seem capable of understanding with regards to another person)
The comments on this video are odd. Kids aren't expected to be rational or understand consequences? Why not? How do you teach someone about consequences? By giving them consequences for their actions. Every kid is a little different and you have to adjust your parenting to a degree, but by the time my kids were 10, I expected to be able to sit down and have a pretty reasonably intelligent conversation. I can explain myself and what I see, and allow them the same. I can set expectations and know they are able to understand what I expect, and the consequences for not meeting my expectations.
Kids are a lot smarter and more tricksy than what people seem to give credit. There is a healthy amount of narcisism in teens. In order to grow out from under your parents you have to be selfish, think about, and prioritize yourself a lot, and for some reason kids think parents don't understand them. My dudes, we went through something very similar, we have a pretty good idea. The internal focus teens have make it hard for them to identify with their parents and have empathy because.. as it turns out, parents are just people too.
My oldest son has come back to me now that he is an adult and apologized because he looked back critically on how he acted as a teenager and realized, we weren't mean and evil for removing some of his benefits when he was doing poorly. He understands that we were trying to push him to be better, and to achieve his goals, that HE told us he wanted to achieve. He even admitted to trying to turn his mother and I against each other for his benefit. Not to say his feelings at the time were not valid, but feeling bad doesn't get you out of consequences. How can you learn to handle emotions and how to control yourself if you don't have any push back on your behavior? When and who else is going to teach them these things before they venture out on their own? You HAVE to teach your kids consequences for their actions, even if those consequences make them angry or sad, this is the only time in their life they have to practice this in a situation with someone who truly loves them unconditionally.
I would love for my kids to like me, but it is far more important to me that I teach them the lessons they need before they get out on their own. If that requires me to take their game systems away until they start doing their school work or ground them from getting to do things they want to do, so be it. Life sometimes means you don't get to do what you want, and while they are with me I will do my best to get them what they want as long as they do the right thing. The consequences of not doing what you need to do are much more unforgiving in the real world, and it is my job to prepare them for that, not just let them do whatever so they can be "happy".
I was raised in this strict "fixing you with a side of punishment" household my whole life and it really fucked me up socially. I now have a daughter (7yo) that I strictly refuse to take that same approach with. I make every effort to talk with her, understand her feelings and encourage or support as appropriate. My family still judges me and claims I am giving her what she wants or being to easy on her. I just tell them they were never the best example of parenting and their opinions are not welcome.
Your doing the right thing please don’t stop your parents clearly haven’t learned anything
HA that response is perfect. their parenting was NOT a good example and you are doing an amazing job
Their parenting was a good example of what not to do
good job on breaking that cycle!! you’re doing great :)
(A very late comment) Keep breaking the cycle! You are doing right by your family ❤
"Restrain instead of restriction" is so important because the parent's influence and control will only decrease over time. You have to help your kid develop the ability to regulate themselves because you can't possibly do it for them forever.
Teach your children responsibility, and that the lack of responsibility has real world consequenses, not just household consequenses. Is also very good.
Parenting is hard. My son is 7. Doing it right is exhausting. I am a tutor as well. I had a 7th grader who was so sweet, so sociable. He used video games to interact with friends and cousins. Then he took his tablet to school and got grounded from it. His grades went up, but his demeanor was heartbreaking to see. He was the youngest of three children of immigrants. He was doing well to earn his stuff back, I think.
IDK...he really did need to improve academically, but the cost seemed so high. I missed his smile. He just stopped smiling. I felt like a torturer or the instrument of punishment.
“The kids are going to win that game”
Yup. I haven’t spoken a word to my parents in four years and I have no intentions of ever speaking to them again.
Yeah. My parents divorced when I was 10, & my parents had a lot of ups & downs about who I spent more time with. Recently, my father decided to stop picking me up with my brother because I would only spend the weekend with him, instead of the whole week. The reason for this? _It's a waste of his time & gas to go back & forth so frequently._
God forbid I spend some extra money to spend time with my child. *_I don't talk to him anymore._*
Smart move you guys
My father also divorced when I was like 2. We used to meet yearly but for the past 3 years we havent met due to his job problems and pandemic. Now we text every once in a while. Whenever he asks what I do I say gaming. And he starts ranting about how its bad for me. Im like.. ?? Wtf do you know about whats good for my life if you arent here?
@@CaptainCFalcon I don’t understand how you can agree to split up when you have kids, but complain about the consequences of visitation schedules. It’s like unnecessarily cutting off your health insurance plan and then whining about how much money the medical bills are. Very surreal.
@@layonduff I’m just confused about why it even matters to him what’s bad for you. You’d think if he was concerned about your well being, he would have made different decisions up till now, no? LOL
honestly the story at the start hit me hard. i was exactly that kid... but it wasn't because i was "lazy" or "addicted to videogames". i had undiagnosed autism and severe adhd on top of anxiety and ptsd. i literally *physically* could not make myself fall asleep at night thanks to the adhd and anxiety, and even when i slept, i got woken up by horrific nightmares because of the ptsd. i couldn't focus on my schoolwork because of the adhd. anxiety and autism made being in a school environment incredibly stressful - i was a lonely and isolated kid. videogames were an escape and actually provided me with the stimulation i needed to focus, and helped me make friends. i am now in a much better place - medication, therapy, all that good stuff. but my mom's response was punishment, not getting me help/understanding.
I always heard that I was lazy or addicted to video games, and I believed them. I had undiagnosed depression :p thankfully they aren't asses and they understand now
Well I mean they did offer him therapy... but he refused.
They tell us "oh go do an activity! go interact with people!" and then we do that, and they go "no not like that"
What was the trauma?
@@drdesten would you go to therapy if they told you "admit that your in the wrong and then you decide what punishment you deserve for being a bad person!" who in their right mind would fucking go to therapy
This is a very familiar situation. The terms "screen time", "privilege" and "manipulation" are super super memorable lol.
Oh this hits home to me too.
The funny part is that my English is very good thanks to videogames, Minecraft to be exact. And English is my third language lol.
Yessir
@@Bearical same but with final fantasy and its my second language
@@Bearical I also made many friends because of Minecraft being something we could bond over
"I tried punishment, it didn't help! What should I try next? I know: more punishment!"
Reminds me of my experience growing up, particularly in high school, I was extremely depressed, struggling with school, my stepdad's solution was to ground me from all video games and computer for the entire duration of every school year. Literally, however many months that adds up to be - no video games, no computer, nothing. I did the same as this kid - played on school computers or at friends' houses, sneaked my sister's gameboy - my parents tried taking me to a therapist exactly once, and specifically wanted it to be a therapist who would "be hard on me" so wasn't someone I felt comfortable talking to at all, big surprise that didn't last long and nothing improved. Years later as an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD.
After a certain point you'd think there would be a realization that "what I'm doing now isn't helping, I need to try something else instead of intensifying the same thing" - and parents need to see their kids as people who are struggling with problems, not the kids AS problems to be solved.
This 😔
Thank you I have depression and have played video games that did not stop for years, I finally realized why when I got diagnosed with ADHD. I needed the video games to spike my dopamine to normal levels so I wouldn't feel as crappy.
We should have like a standardized test for people who want to be adults to ensure they actually know wtf they're doing.
It's because most parents are lazy
@@rusi6219
Not just lazy, many don't have time, energy, or the practice at being aware and considerate, sometimes they're underequipped to even communicate properly because they too were treated like this...
Many don't see kids as people who are growing, they're something to be molded into an extension of parents' will.
One thing: I don't think the kid was actually playing on a Gameboy. I think the parent is just calling the Switch a Gameboy. They just kept switching up their terminology.
People will call anythimg the beeps a gameboy
@@dashhhh8228 (Honks car horn)
He specifically says he took away his PS and Switch, and THEN the kid was playing a Game Boy he had forgotten about. Could've been any handheld maybe but not the Switch.
@@dashhhh8228 "get off the damn payphone+
Actually, the Gameboy became so popular that the name became synonymous with video games and, hence, a generic term used by parents worldwide for any handheld.
From my memories of being a teenager and my dealings with teenagers as a young adult, I have two significant philosophies regarding teenagers.
1) Teenagers are almost adults and should be treated as such. They deserve respect, they are capable of reasoning, and they feel like they're pretty smart.
2) A teen who wants their independence will get their independence,. The question is whether they do it with your help, in open defiance, or behind your back.
The tricky thing about being a teenager is that your rational faculties are pretty well matured and your sense of right and wrong, but they find it more difficult to inhibit behavior for neurological reasons and they are also just barely beginning to gain personal experience in adult matters (though they've probably learned about it online for some time, which is a mixed bag).
In a sense, this makes adolescence the most dramatic/epic years, in that it takes a lot less to throw them off. What an adult can shrug off without hardly a thought will hit a teen hard. This I think is one of the biggest reasons for adolescent rebellion: they get talked down to for not agreeing with adults and/or not being able to resist impulses that adults genuinely think shouldn't be hard to resist.
I want independence but I'm so tired of fighting for it. I've honestly given up on it
Yeah but to play devil's advocate, the human brain doesn't fully mature until one is in their early to mid 20s (some neurologists claim late 20s or even early 30s, but that's just absurd)
@@youtubeshadowbannedme to be completely honest, I think the significance of a fully matured brain is a bit over-rated. Obviously it does matter to treat young people in a developmentally appropriate way, but remembering my teen years, as well as interacting with teens now as a 25 year old (and thus theoretically fully matured brain), their ability to reason and make decisions based on that is pretty good. They lack life experience to inform their reasoning, and likely order their priorities a bit different than adults would, but that's where a good trusting relationship with parents comes in, so it can be explained to them WHY a decision may be a bad one. Though perhaps my experience with teens is a bit skewed since I've mostly dealt with kids from fairly stable families.
@@youtubeshadowbannedme right but you need to practice being an adult before you actually become one. You won't get anywhere being babied
The realization that your kid is his own human being and not an extension you can make do whatever you want is something that every parent needs, preferably before they get a kid. Though I suppose I'll have to see if I learned that lesson myself when I do get one.
Parent here. The problem is kids are really fucking stupid. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean it as a matter of fact. They know very little about the world and at the same time have a massive sense that they know more than anyone else.
The other day, it was a school morning and my kids were getting ready as they usually do. The younger one (7 yo) was getting spun up crying and frustrated on the floor. I asked what the problem was? She tells me shes going to have a bad day. I ask why will you have a bad day? "Because my shoes don't fit!" I can see that she picked a pair of shoes that we bought just last week and in fact fit perfectly but they are also the ones with shoe ties and not velcro. She can tie her shoes but its a challenge and today she forgot. So I offer to help her and she says to me "You can't help me! The shoes don't fit!"
So, Imagine dealing with this kind of person for year after year. It's easy to develop a sense of superiority to your children because you are indeed superior to them. I think the challenge is that over time your kid grows and as a parent you have to have a strategy to slowly unwind that sense.
It's not easy though and its not a sudden realization either.
@@pussnuts Yeah you're right. It seems like it comes down to parents needing to recognize and accept their children's maturity instead of just micromanaging them forever
@@pussnuts Word! And many parents wont ever be able to unwind that sense completely, even if they know they should. Nice awareness tho always great to read about thoughtful parents
@@pussnuts I mean, they are inexperienced, not stupid. That's why we should guide them with questions. If you actually ask them questions and help them figure it out themselves you'll see that they're probably not that stupid at all.
@@pussnuts Dr. K said that problems of kids were easier so parenting was easier in the past. But maybe that worked because people didn't go to school. Think, in the past you would probably just working with your children so you could observe how much progress they do in the job that you yourself where good at doing. Eventually you would see that they are almost as good as you, and you would trust them more. Eventually they would be as good as you or better and then you KNOW that they don't need supervision. And be aureola effect maybe you would think about them that way in other areas. But now they go to school and you don't see the progress that they make. Only grades ... and they don't change... Like: B+ in 1st grade doesn't look different than B+ in 8th grade even though it is harder to get it. In fact the grades probably gets worst over time.
So anyway, probably the only way to protect yourself from that is to somehow do something together with your child... which ... will be harder when they will become teenagers :/
“The son has a headache that never went away”
The headache is the father, obviously
Literally millenials: I have never done anything wrong, everything wrong was done to me.
@@nitroneonicman to be fair, age really doesn’t matter in terms of doing wrong things, everyone makes mistakes and screw ups regardless of age
And to be fair maybe there are times of where the parents might be in the right but the father ain’t doing the best job here
@@nitroneonicman we are talking about bad parents, they can be from ANY generation. Most of the kid that are the subjects in this Reddit are gen Z anyway
@@cantthinkofaname5046 The premise that restricting video games is a byproduct is bad parenting is directly correlated to a) millenial mentality (since we are the first generation to grow up playing video games) and b) victim mentality.
@@nitroneonicman first, it’s not really victim mentality if it can be backed up by evidence. Secondly, gen Z is here too. Calling out bad parenting is progress, not a victim mentality
I think the media skews how parents look at videogames as well. I was told consistently that I was addicted to videogames and that it was causing me problems, so I went to the numbers.
My Steam account recorded 50 hours total playtime in 2 weeks, around 3 hours a day on average. That's not addiction, that's having a hobby I enjoy in my downtime from 9 pm to midnight.
you have a point about media. my mum was more of a gamer than myself when i was younger, she'd play our PS2 games while i was at school, and her name was on all the record/leaderboards, her account would be like close to 100% completed for every level, if my bro or i were stuck in a game, we had to ask her for help...
She complains whenever she sees media ads, articles, or just in tv shows, older women being game-dense, or if media starts being negative towards games...
Her thinking from like 20yrs ago had been "videogames are training future skills anyway".. so she's annoyed with how games are portrayed and complains every time lol
@@Nezumi-- oh my.... I think this is the perfect parent ! 😍
@@Nezumi--
Your mum sounds so cool!!
You know the stupidest part about the Columbine movie?
When the shooters were playing games with each other and one of them said, "If only this was Columbine."
Keep in mind this is a Christian movie, where most of parents' experience with school is what the media or pastor says because they don't go to school with their kids.
@@Nezumi-- Please don't take this the wrong way but you're mom is kinda hot.
this hurts me. it's awful when parents do the same their parents did to them. they seem to forget what it's like being a child
And then they pull the “I was also your age, I know what’s best”
This was literally me and my dad when I was 14 holy shit.
It really cuts deep.
Same
same
too true
Same
Same, it's like a trauma I have, every time my dad gets behind me while I game, I get anxious, I can't play good, I stop typing on the keyboard and turn to RUclips
"The kid is gonna win this game"
Of effing course he's gonna win. I've seen a lot of parents like this and the kids just fucking go the Sasuke route; become really successful and powerful and spite their parents to the grave. It's a very sad thing to watch.
They deserve it though
He's a gamer, his dad isn't. The victor here is obvious
Does that mean I can strive to be the video game artist I want to be in collage when my parents kept telling me each time "It's up to you but you'll most likely not be able to find a job in that field" which unintentionally scared me away from doing it to begin with.
@@darthestar8791 yes, it's possible. If it's your passion and you see and feel something special when it's the topic then go for it. I have a lot of hobbies and interest and I kinda envy my younger self for having only a few interests but is willing to do it with passion and master the craft
Of course you need to be realistic and find out what kind of world you're entering but don't lose hope. And just in case, have a back up plan
Muhammad Ali said that becoming a boxer was his best decision but that doesn't mean everyone should strive for it juts because he did the impossible. He told people to finish school first and get a job because the chances of becoming a boxer that gets paid well is 1 in a million, so have a back-up plan
You're passionate about it but remember that other people are also passionate about it which means you have competition. I suggest looking up some things about it before you go to it but if you're already in it and you're feeling confident, have no second thoughts, go full ape shit on it and work your ass off to get to the top
Or the itachi route, break, and throw out the whole clan.
Kids are actually one of the most talkative and open kind of people but because they’re kids and their opinions aren’t as valued, they are ignored instead of being listened to. Parents need to understand that at that age, they need to be more loose and guide them instead of forcefully shoving them in a direction. In high school I was heavy gamer.Freshman and sophomore year I was overweight 5’8 180 and no muscle bc growing up I had no opportunity to go do sports or anything. I came home did homework and played games after and repeated. High school came and I still played games, still got good grades, but I noticed my physique and ended up wanting to change. Usually games aren’t the problem themselves…. It’s the situation they’re in and gaming is their coping mechanism until something changes and which it’s possible. That summer I lose 40 something lbs and put on some more muscle that summer, played football, did track, played basketball, and guess what? I still play my fucking video games lol and I still get my shit DONE. Games are rarely the reason for failure. Games are just seen in a negative light.
Absolutely not.
I’m thankful I learned discipline as a child despite hating it as I grew up. Too many kids today resort to whining and protesting INSTEAD of solving problems themselves.
This entire video hits so close
I used to be the exact same child you kept talking about in this video, my parents would always nag me every hour of the day about studying to the point I have gotten sick of it and going into the mindset where I was thinking "They don't care about me, all they want of me is to study even if I was on my death bed",
which resulted in me trying to push my parents as away as possible, I didn't care if I needed their help because if I asked for help I would just admit defeat, and whenever they'd try to restrict something, I would just have another thing/console to do what would get me away from studying
And they always acted so confused towards me whenever I tell them that I feel suffocated, but they would always antagonize me of being too "sensitive" or "Not being a man" which would make me get away from them more and try to get them out of my life, even if it meant ending it
Right now I am better, but those times are a nightmare, and I would GLADLY, not do the same thing to my kids, I don't want them to go through all of that
Same thing I’m going through rn, I honestly dont know what to do, and they don’t think gaming is a real sport (I’m on the esports team for my school district) and they don’t care, they want me to Study until my eyes fall out, they want me to never have an opinion or share any constructive criticism of their ways, they’re so controlling. I have to deal with this while my biological father is trying to force manipulate me into forgiving him for for pushing me around, ruining my confidence, PHYSICALLY, pushing me into walls and down talking me, and PHYSICALLY hitting me thinking it’s a joke but it seriously hurts even though I tell him to stop. And after all of this I can’t just play a damn video game when I want to. I’m 15 btw
I want to try to help you but i’ve never tried any of what I am about to say so please don’t think these are flawless ideas, they might even have harmful side effects or something I really don’t know
Some ideas could be:
Trying to convince your parents to get you therapy (I’m currently in one and it’s definitely helped me out especially with finally getting out all of what had been building up over the years)
Showing them this video (though it also sounds risky because I don’t know how rational your parents are…)
Calling a support line like childline for example or whatever is locally available (though this does need a phone, if desperate maybe try to use your parents phone or something)
Once again these are just ideas and please make sure to try to be safe i’m not really experienced with helping people out with this kind of stuff.
@@HyperNova808 Thanks I'll definitely try these out one day, but when it comes to games they aren't very rational about them
They don’t exactly sound like they even parented you.
This sounds like my life with some small twists…
@@ilikedragons6710 I'm older, and I had no idea that schools had eSports teams now! What games do you guys compete in?
This hits home. As a kid I moved 15 times by the time I was 15. Had no opportunities to visit friends, because no one was living near me and my mom restricted my gaming access, eventhough it was the only thing I enjoyed while living in nomans land. I'm 26 now and neither me nor my siblings will ever talk to her again. She has no empathy for our lives.
Anyways, I turned out to become a Game Developer and am working in the industry for 5 years now.
hope youre doing well homie
We got your back mate!
Power to you dude. It's dope that you became a game developer when it got taken away from you. Just one thing though.
Sometimes parents and people in general do scummy things but when it comes to their kid... even if it's in their own messed up way they try to do their best (in most cases). I don't really know your story and I don't have to know. I just hope you won't regret it later on. Just talking, well listening really, to what the other person thinks and feels without you saying anything, just listening and swap roles after that, goes a long way. My parents loved the living sht out of me, they did (and still do)... but their parenting just sucked ass. Like my dad used to say stuff like "do you want to stay dumb" or "you're never going to get there like this" (there's alot more to it, just an example). And in his mind it's a way of motivation, he thinks: if I beat my kid down (with words) he'll get stronger by fighting back to get up. So when I call him dumb, he'll study more so I'll stop saying it. And even though this is through and through fucked up, he didn't mean it badly. It's the way he was raised so he didn't know anything else. On the other hand he took his time everyday to help me study even when he was home late. Does that mean he did a good job or can he use that as an excuse. FUCK NO! But you know... I used to be in your boots and right now I'm glad we took the time to talk it out. My relationship with my parents is actually pretty great right now. This vid did indeed hit the nail on the head.
Well maybe this doesn't apply to you. Wanted to share a little anyway :D
Congrats dude! i hope life is good for you. I don't know much about your relationship with your mother (or what other abusive behaviour she displayed) but I really hope you can mend that bond at some stage in your life. Do you think she was restricting your gaming access to spite you? Anyway, im glad to hear you've moved past this
I really hope that you have a nice life and a better chance for your dreams. I'm 28, and thinking to get into the game industry myself.
I feel like I’m the only one in this sea of people who had parents like this, and I can say fervently that the other option - talking to the kid - works wonders. I was diagnosed with ADHD two weeks before my freshman year of high school, and my parents tried to help me. They talked to me. The pandemic hit halfway through the school year, and my parents correctly figured out that video games were the only way for me to interact with my friends. How? By asking me. They let me talk to friends. The pandemic still hit me hard as hell, being recently diagnosed with ADHD with nothing figured out. I didn’t know what ADHD was, so when I talked to them, they told me and helped me figure things out. Now, two years later, I can successfully do stuff that everyone else can like read a textbook. I’ve mostly got through that dark time of my life where I almost failed every class due to missing homework. That’s another thing: they let me fail. They actually let me fail hard. I got Cs and Bs, I had mountains of homework, etc. eventually, I got tired of having bad grades. My motivation was back, but this time it was from within. They stopped reminding me when I told them not to. Because they didn’t need to. It wasn’t easy. It’s still ongoing. But, as a Junior in high school, I’m back on the right track. Thanks Mom and Dad for actually being there for me.
I'm so happy for you💖I really wish all parents were like this.
I am kind of in the same situation, but even after I've been diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and more, my parents still make stupid excuses for why video games are ruining my life, and when I try to use facts on how video games are the only thing I enjoy and understand in life, they just disregard it as an excuse, and take them away. I am glad that you got the good ending of parents.
on hi Danny Devito
That's really amazing and I want to be this kind of parent to my kid one day 🥰❤️
I also have parents like this, and I feel so left out when everyone has parent issues. Thank you to my parents for always being there for me.
TL:DR: Dont treat your child like a slave.
Long version: Its funny seeing parents act like their God over their child, and that they are the most superior being in their life. As a parent, YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOUR SLAVE. Just because they are a child does NOT mean you get to disrespect them and turn them into your mindless robotic slave.
When I was 15, I had asked my parents for even a LITTLE bit of free time. I was severly stressed out with school, work, and home drama that I got virtually no free time where I could just be by myself and enjoy my time alone. But their response? "Children dont deserve free time, you are the child, we are the adults. You do what we say".
Advice to EVERY parent and future parents. DO NOT undermine your kid because they are below the age of 18 and you are their parent. A child deserves as much respect as any other damn human being, and it infuriates me to even bring that up. If you cant do that, dont bother becoming a parent, cause I guarantee you your child will spite the hell out of you when their older.
Sorry for the rant. This subject just pisses me off, which I am also passionate about raising awareness for.
I was the same, stress throught the roof, school, afterschool activities, everything was too much, adding to my preexisting problems. My parents woke up after I started seeking our school psychologist to deal with my issues.
Sadly enough, all the major religions encourage this sort of toxic behavior. The bible, for example, has several mentions of parent superiority. I know because I've heard them from my mom.
@@thorvaldspear She was manipulating scripture to get away with treating you unfairly. The full quote is "Honor thy father and thy mother, and provoke not your children to wrath." She probably only ever used the first part, didn't she? I've seen it happen a lot.
@@NarutoOrganisation13 Well, now I have a biblical weapon of my own. Thanks! And yes she did only use the first part, which is concerning.
I could feel the weight of your emotions. It's good to get it out some times. Wish you the best.
The thing about the nagging, too, is sometime you're just tired and need a bit of a break to collect yourself. Bugging someone every few minutes about something they already know they need to do can in some cases be like waking someone up every few minutes, all night long, and then calling them lazy when they're too tired to get out of bed. It can actually unintentionally sabotage someone.
please, please this. genuinely i love doing little things like taking out the trash, putting boxes in the recycling outside, and unloading the dishwasher (music helpsss.) but when i get reminded of it a bunch i literally stop wanting to do it !! 😔
offtopic THERES A JELLYFISH EMOJI 🪼 AAHAJSHAKH I LOVE IT
@@twotruckslyricsyes, it's annoying but you could of just done it and got it over it.
@@Mikinaak2023 since my old comment ive found out im autistic 🤷its annoying so i dont do it for a bit but then i forget and its a cycle
@@Mikinaak2023 suppose you came after a 12h shift, tired af, fell on the bed asleep within 5 minutes of coming home, couldn't do anything at all. Now every 10 minutes someone wakes you up and reminds you of all the stuff you need to do right now. But you do not have strength to do it since your body yearns for sleep. Now calculate how many times that will happen throughout even a 6h sleep. 36. I'd be mad at them after like 8th or so.
OH GOD my mom is a "fixer", this hits home for me. She kicked me out of the house because she couldn't handle my depression & didn't communicate with me.
Try to find someone who understands you.
Sadly, parents are not always those people, so you should find someone else (as sad as it's sounds)
You may even post your thoughts here: some people would joke around (ignore them) but others would try to help you ;-)
Dude, if you can't handle your kid's depression you find them help with someone who can help them manage their depression and teach you how to help them manage it. The choices some parents make are insane, I hope you're in a better place now.
She kicked you out for being depressed? That's terrible.
Oh man, I remember when my mother used to punish me with all sorts of things and accuse me of god knows what, because I've had headaches for weeks, literally 24/7, and "obviously" that must have been my own fault. She didn't allow me to stay home from school because "she has headaches too and also has to work".
Well, turned out I had a nerve infection in my freakin' head. My doctor was not amused about the fact I was running around like this for weeks without treatment and it constantly getting worse.
Holy crap, did you get better?
Need an update on this, OP, even if you're a demon. Your health is very important to us here.
it's been 9 months, are you still here?
@@cloudian975 he's gone bois
he is already gone
Gonna be real when parents want you to “admit the problem” all that really means is they want you to admit what ^they^ think is the problem .
nice pfp very good flag same here
EXACTLY
fr fr, I was missing school over just general social anxiety and depression from dysphoria, parents took my phone, games, internet access, etc away, I ended up just shutting down and sleeping for the entire day at home and still missing school.
Sighs what I got most of the time from my parents were lectures.. Sometimes they lasted up to like 2 hours. Even after finding out I had ADHD, still got lectured. They wanted to help, aka pay for a psychiatrist and medication, and then for some reason they used that as ammo against me for why I'm not getting better? Like I just found out I had ADHD after 20+ years of my life and you're already expecting me to get better and then get mad when I don't. Like where's the emotional support? The empathy? Even now I feel like I can't talk to my parents about how I really feel.. They're not abusive. But they're also not supportive in the way I want them to be. And it's so hard to talk to them about things like this..
They want to win. That's it. They feel like they're being disrespected if they don't get their way.
Like Dr k said. "oh YoU CanY buLlY mE"
Parent always confuse obedience with respect.
As someone with narcissistic and strict parents this is too relatable it's painful to watch. Sadly there are plenty of similar parents out there and surely more ruined children.
Jesus I'm 30+ now my dad is still not approval of me playing videogames.
@@eyadmosleh09 nah it's alright, I grew out of it (for the most part). Just hope there are more ppl like our good doctor here so more parents learn the correct way to educate their kids.
This is exactly what my parents did to me as a kid. I was really good in elementary school, but started struggling hard in middle/high school. I played a lot if video games during that time, so of course my parents assumed that was the sole issue. I told them multiple times that I was extremely anxious all the time and found it very hard to make friends, and that playing video games made me feel like I could be anything I wanted. I could do everything I'm not able to do in real life. I was struggling with basic things, but when I beat the final boss in a game, I felt accomplished. I had achieved something. I still vividly remember the time i beat Starfy on the DS for the first time. The last fight with mashtooth was exhausting but after many attempts I finally succeeded. I cried watching the cutscene at the end because it shows Starfy saying goodbye to his friends. MY friends. The people(?) I had just gone on a fantastic adventure with and had grown to love. It was bittersweet, because I was happy that I completed the game, but sad that there wasn't any more to be done with with same characters.
In the real word, I was strange. I didnt have many friends, didn't really talk, and I still wore shoes without laces. In video games, I was the hero. I had friends I could count on, I didn't have to worry about what I was going to say because it was all written out for me. I could wear whatever shoes I wanted because shoes with better stats are objectively better than shoes with low stats. I played video games more because I felt so disconnected from the rest of the world, but to my parents- I was disconnected from the world because I played too many video games. So they took them away when I started to struggle. If I missed an assignment I was grounded for a week, of course it just made it harder to succeed because I had lost my only coping mechanism, so then it was "You just dont care enough" and grounding for even longer.
Eventually they made me get a job to force me to get out of house. That was quite literally one of the worst times of my life. I was working incredibly late hours on school nights at an extraordinarily fast paced job. It was rare that I didnt have a breakdown when I got to my car after my shift ended. Of course, I wasnt allowed to quit, because obviously I was exaggerating or something. Finally, after 6 years of begging my parents to listen to me, they took me to a psychiatrist. At 18 years old I was diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. My parents acted like this was something they had already suspected, but I question the validity of that due to the fact that I was constantly told that I was exaggerating or being dramatic. I barely graduated high school in 2019. I had spent the last few years of my life just trying to make it through the day and wondering what was wrong with me that I had no idea what to do next. I looked at different careers and colleges but I wasn't interested in anything. My anxiety was so bad that I couldnt even answer phone calls. And there was definetly no way i was going to be able to afford college (I have to pay my own college fees). So whatever I pick has to be the right one otherwise I'm thousands of dollars in debt just to start over again. I never got any kind of help with my mental health or any kind of specialized learning plan and my only coping mechanisms were taken away from me whenever I wasnt meeting expectations so I never learned how to deal with my emotions. I never learned social skills or how to make friends. But I'm damn good at catching pokemon.
I turned 21 last month, and I'm pretty much in the exact same place. I dont know what I want to do or where I want to go and i dont even know what my interests are. I have a counselor now, but we bounced between a few because my parents thought they weren't fixing me fast enough, and I'm getting tired of explaining this over and over again, especially since I'm awful at explaining things. I'm on several medications to manage my anxiety and depression, but I still lack any kind of social competency. I have very few friends that I barely see, and I'm finding it harder and harder to make friends online because I can often come off as rude or uninterested because of the way I naturally talk. Trying to fix it results in me sounding sarcastic so people just assume I don't like them and move on.
I'm miserable. I have no job, no friends, and the social literacy of a dead beetle and I am trying very hard to figure it out but for so long I was made to believe that that's just how it's supposed to be and I need to stop being dramatic. My state has basically no services for people my age so I'm running out of options very quickly. My counselor has introduced me to some individuals who might be able to help but I have no idea how to explain anything to them if I can even get over the barrier of opening up my mouth to speak. I'm at a point of hoplessness and desperation and I'm giving it my everything just to hang on for one more day.
My point with this comment is to explain that if you are a parent, please listen to your child. Don't make assumptions and then try to "fix" you kid based on those assumptions. If they have a certain hobby or habit that you think they do excessively, ask them what they like about it. Don't take it from them when they mess up. Trust me, we know when we mess up and we feel bad about it. It doesnt help to take away the things that, even if its temporary, make us feel a little better about ourselves. When your child asks for help please help them. It can be very hard to admit you need help so please don't shrug it off as drama. I don't want any child, neurodivergent or not, to end up in my position. I don't want any kid laying in bed at night unable to sleep because they're desperately trying to figure out what's wrong with them and why they can't fix it. I dont want any kid to still be jobless and friendless at 21 years old. Please please please treat your kids better than your parents treated you. Teach them how to talk about their struggles and be patient with them. Never assume you have the answers. Ask what you can do for them and consult a professional. Teach them that they arent alone and they arent broken. Dont leave them to fend for themselves because all that they learn from that is that they dont fit anywhere and just being alive isnt worth the exhaustion.
To those of you reading this with a similar experience, first off, thanks for sticking through it to the end, and secondly, I believe in you. Sometimes it feels like you're walking backwards up mount everest just by existing but I'm so proud of you for doing it. Not everyone can walk up a mountain backwards but you sure as hell can, and that's something to be proud of. You might not be able to see how close you are to the summit, but there is a summit there somewhere. Keep holding on to that ice pick and make sure to ask the sherpa if you're unsure of anything, and you'll make it to the top.
I don't know if this could help, but I would humbly advice you to save this comment and use it as a tool to explain your situation to doctors, councelors or those important to you
I feel like you just gave a pretty great explanation of what you have to go through and why you may struggle socially. I think it may help, at least with those people that care enough to seriously read it.
Thank you for sharing this and for your words of encouragement
I cut both my parents out and it was the best decision i ever made. I only have a younger sister now who I cherrish. I slept in my car many times, and my brother, if you make that decision you will too. But its okay. You have to be your own biggest fan sometimes, do it for yourself! It sucks they aren’t giving you the tools you need to succeed, but stop counting on them…. Go out there and go get it yourself! You can do it!! Even if you have to pop a blanket in your trunk for a week, lots of jobs can’t hire people fast enough right now. Just remember you are helping yourself and take comfort in that. This is what has helped me anyway. I got a wonderful girlfriend now who has helped me more than i even deserve. I have faith in you champ
Please, leave your parents
*sending virtual hug*
But for real though I hope it will get better for you i know how hard it is to have such parents
Hey man do you have discord?
During my darkest, most damaging years in school, playing text-based RPG online was one of the very few things that saved me from suicide. It let me know that somewhere out there are good people.
I hope you live a decent life now, friend.
Not to mention how much you can learn from certain games.
Can you recommend me some games?
@@wombot2188 you ok man?
@@blueso5351 oh I'm fine, thanks. I'm just interested in text based rpg, also a bit lonely so some online game might help
My father actually sold everything game related whenever i didn't do well in school. He would also always say some religious BS saying games are evil, which is weird because he's the one who introduced me to gaming in the first place. I got out of that household 3-4 years later. But because of my upbringing in the long run, i don't enjoy gaming as much as i want to. I had a passion for gaming, and I want to stream as a career, but I spend most of my time at work. Purposely. To temporarily forget these memories. I've been taught all my life that if you're not working you're lazy. I have a twicth channel, but i rarely post, mainly cause I'm always depressed. Nowadays I look at my webcam and think "I should just throw this away. Along with my games." I'm not sure what to do by this point, but I understand this video to the fullest. If you've read this far, thanks for reading this mini rant. I just had to get this off my chest for once.
Don't do that. Don't tarnish your stuff you spent money on because of your dad. Screw him. Screw his rules. You do what you want. Don't waste money on the stuff you earned yourself. Please, start out with a tiny stream. Maybe minecraft or something that won't get spoiled for you. Maybe you could get some steam games, like tf2, raft, void train. You can do what you like. But please, don't feel like you should throw everything you spent your money on away. I don't know how much your setup cost, but if it's over 500, then no, it's not a great idea to scrap or sell it. There's no guarantee you'll get anything back if you sell, and most places don't use electronic scrap anymore. You do what you want to, what you're comfortable with. Start out small as a test. If it's not for you, then, well..just know you shouldn't give up.
My bro, this soubds like something you go to therapy for. Not being able to enjoy something you know you like sounds like some sorta mental block
If someone can make you don't enjoy games someone can make you enjoy them again, therapy
One day, you will be dead. Everyone you know will be dead. Everyone they know will be dead. We have, apparently, already passed the halfway point of our species life expectancy which is a blip on the cosmic scale, so chasing things like fame, etc, and worrying about things like "how I got my money" and "how I lived my life" really don't matter as long as you can live with yourself. Find your happiness however you can and don't worry about what other peoples expectations tell you about being happy. One day, they'll all be dead and so will you, and even the records of us, and the most famous folks of all time will inevitably vanish as our entire species ceases to exist.
What's your Twitch Channel name? I''m always interested in finding new streamers!
As someone who went through this punishment a lot, times where I deserved it, times where it went too far, and times when it was taken away from me for a "better cause", and has a lot of PTSD from it because of how depressed it made me feel when I was younger, I could tell you this is very damaging. I just think you can't be one to give someone every and every reason to say bad things about you, but get upset when they actually do, parent or not. It just felt like years and years of my life was taken away from me because of this parental dynamic alone. It just feels like they can't accept how little it takes to make you happy, or they just aren't one bit satisfied with your existence alone when they do all of this. It hurts.
Strict parents raise pathological liars and cause unhealthy family dynamics.
Abusive parents “raise” mental cases of all sorts and almost always leads to cut ties.
I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with *some* of this, and it sucks. It sucks having to lie on an almost constant basis because your parents believe, expect, and demand you to be someone you are not.
I swear I had a point when i started typing, but honestly i forgot. Just feels nice to put this out somewhere.
Glad you feel good about putting this out! It's good to be thoughtful and get things out of our systems from time to time :)
Point is, stupid parents shoot themselves in the foot.
Especially feel that last bit. Upon me coming out my mother literally called me brainwashed. Her head is so far up her ass that she can't fathom the fact that I am just like this. No, I must be being puppeted by some mythical boogeyman online. As if I'd intentionally throw myself out on the road like that, just because someone told me to.
What I especially hate is that my family knows I have a seething hatred for them due to this, but they still won't do anything to change themselves. They won't listen to a word I'll say. Literally watching some fat stuck up pigs rip my life away from me and I basically can't do shit to stop it.
She deems herself to not be transphobic and up until that point I largely agreed, in reality she was just happy to throw trans people a bone so long as she didn't have to deal with them.
lax parents raise failures.
@@the-man-who-bites-his-tongue sure they do lmao
It's clearly not as if being strict helps either so im glad to hear your proposal
I remember my parents would "help" me with essays and school projects by looking over my shoulder and making sure I did everything right and occasionally doing things for me so I didn't mess it up. I grew up feeling like I couldn't do anything right and if anything goes wrong I can just wait for someone else to fix it.
And if they said anything like "if you get this bad grade we will take away your phone" I reacted with more of a "guess I'm losing my phone" rather than "better not get that bad grade "
When I was writing essays for boarding schools, my family(especially my brother) would constantly either overestimate my abilities, or say that everything I've written is trash, and how I'm "not putting enough effort into it." They ended up locking screentime behind the essays, and for a few weeks, I looked forward to anytime I wasn't with my family. I had to adjust to getting screen time more than halved even after submitting essays.
I let my dad read this comment. He said in his day you wouldn't have gotten one bad grade. Said he failed a test his daddy told him not to and got a horse whip used on him. Needless to say he never failed another test or really anything.
Well that's relatable. As a kid if my parents ever threatened to take away my computers or prevent me from going to d&d that week (my two main ways I coped with depression) I just thought oh well, and changed nothing.
For me It wasnt my parents helping with anything. They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade. this might sound really good BUT because my parents work at banks they and because im the middle child the "They just let me do what i want unless i get a bad grade" part sounded like they wont pay attention to me unless i get a bad grade .And i think you can see how that can go wrong. That was the FIRST problem that wasnt fixed just became less of a problem (i still am loud and weird just to get attention). Onto to the second problem. because i was "Gifted", in the early years of school i just passed time not learning how to learn just doing everything because it was so easy that i didnt need to learn. This became a problem in 7 grade because things started to get difficult and i had the studying capabilities of a 4th grader. The problem became even bigger because i felt like trash (the same feeling you get when youre the best at something from your group for a couple of years and then suddenly you start failing hard going from a top dog to a average in a matter of months)and parents had a "Video game bad" mentality. And since before 7 grade everything was so boring video games were the only thing keeping me intact and not going into a full depression. So parents took away video games so my grades fell even lower and lower until they realized that video games werent a cause for the falling grades but my mental health and the constant need for attention that was only suppressed by video games. Very glad that they actually helped. Im currently in 12th grade and doing fine.
Related to this a FUCK ton
I'm crying. How different my life would be if my parents had understood this perspective. I hope you reach as many parents as possible.
Are you okay bro
@@memedowner8057 Yes. Thank you. This video was really meaningful to me.
@@MarSprite mi amigo fun fact weight lifting can help fight depression
@@memedowner8057 I've heard that. When I struggled with deep depression in the past, one of the key elements was that it effected my desires. I did not want to work out. I did not want to improve myself. I looked at things like working out and I thought to myself: "that's so much effort and I'd just fail at that too." Then I judged myself for that. No-one despised my apathetic behavior more than myself. My confidence in my lack of self worth was constantly reinforced by my introspection, which led me to behave the way I despised.
I'm very blessed that I finally encountered something that broke me out of the cycle. I wound up falling in love, and though the relationship fell apart 7 years in, I treasure it still. It taught me to hope again. It made me able to believe in my dreams again. Even the depression I had when it ended wasn't enough to extinguish my ambition again.
I did work out after I accepted the relationship was over and moved on. I considered my goals in life and how to achieve them. I wanted to better myself, and working out was nice in that there was a tangible metric by which I could measure my increasing capability. I hired a physical trainer, hit the gym 5 days a week. I lost over a hundred pounds. Gained lots of muscle. I don't know that the exercise itself did anything for my emotions, but setting and achieving goals definitely did.
Then my house burned down. My whole town actually, aside from a few inexplicably 'lucky' buildings. So I couldn't go to that gym anymore, and my physical trainer moved away, since he had lived there too. The whole thing was pretty upsetting. So I had to rise again.
When I got back on the horse, I approached it from a different angle. I decided to work on my job qualifications. I went back to school. Passed a High School Equivalency Test and went for full time college. I'm not done with it yet, but I'm sitting at a bit over 3.9 for my GPA a few years in so I feel pretty good about it.
So I'm not working out right now, but I'm good.
Anyways, I don't think it's about the particular thing you do, as long as you are doing something to progress. I think to conquer depression you just need to have goals you believe are worth the price of failure. Easy to say, but if you don't have it then it's pretty difficult to come by.
@@MarSprite Драго ми је друже, само напред, поздрав из Републике Србије
it’s almost like taking away one of the last forms of socialization during a pandemic from a kid who’s already very clearly depressed is a horrible idea
I would know. During the pandemic, when I was 16, my motivation disappeared, my grades dropped to almost straight F’s for two years, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep every day and play video games.
It’s a miracle I passed HS. I’m in college now, pursuing music, thanks in part to my parents getting me help; though very late it’s better than never I guess. Strict parenting only leads to kids getting crafty in terms of hiding their rebellious nature very well.
Interesting how dad could have flipped this to be a bonding experience for him and his child. Some of my favorite memories are my father staying up late with me to play counter strike source. I remember people in our lobby being shocked when I referred to him as “dad” telling me how cool that is. As a 13 year old that made me feel so cool and empowered. I played that game so much until I was damn good at it, and that’s because I wanted to make my dad proud. Instead of punishing the kid by taking it away, maybe turn it into a system where if the child can have some success with a tutor or something, they can run fortnight duo lobbies after every night before bed.
you probably had the coolest dad in town.
Thats wholesome af
Kiss your dad noe
thats so nice dude wish mine was like that
Fuck you man, that's way too fucking adorable bro. I just feel like having a even shitier dad :(
I had foster parents that just took away everything repeatedly. It was almost entirely over school grades. I spent so much of my life after 12 with just nothing. There were times when the "grounding" was so severe that I only ate PB&J for months and all that was in my room was next day's clothes and bedding. I lost complete interest in earning anything back, and everything I earned I understood was just another thing I could lose. Every once in a while they'd be like "Okay, let's reset, maybe you just need a taste of what you lost" and I'd have a videogame for a week.
Now I'm an adult and I know now that I'm autistic, have ADHD, with type 2 bipolar depression.
Holy fuck I've seen drill sergeants kinder than what you've just described
@@specimenx4139 A drill sergeant has to know when to not push too hard, after all
Yeah pretty much the same for me. They just took and took from me until i had nothing. Eventually i stopped caring. Couldn't see friends, Couldn't keep myself entertained and Couldn't grow up and mature in life. Everything sucked. Left when i turned 18 and never looked back.
Jesus that’s neglect and abuse. My parents hounded me over school and I had multiple breakdowns- damn I was gonna say “At least they didn’t take my stuff” but my parents weren’t super helpful either
this sounds like it meets the criteria of torture.
"you have to let go of the illusion of control"
-Master Oogway
So fitting! It refers to how Shifu must stop trying to turn Po into another Shifu, and instead turn him into the dragon warrior. He needs to work WITH Po and work from his strengths, not try to control him by constantly reminding him of his weaknesses
@@mr.s6661 Po’s impression of him: “Work hard panda , and one day, you’ll have ears like mine!”
Did he ever said that I don't remember 👀
This is helping not only the children but also the children of future generations because a lot of parents don't realize how important it is to establish trust with their child which then leads the child to trust what their parent teaches them (hopefully good principles and basic good parenting) and an overall good relationship, but unfortunately a lot of parents today realize this too late and try to repair a relationship when their child is already a young adult which can work but will take a lot longer to build that trust again
Best comment, I have a great relationship with my family being also the youngest. Really I think it’s a literal skill issue with the parent of today.
As a 15 year old child, the accuracy of some of these things you're saying is actually insane and how I'm finding myself in so many of these situations
I am 22~ and am reminded of how accurate some is for 15yrs me. I'm glad for you that you'r here now and not years later. Take care :- )
Yeah I'm 17 rn having a similar experience to this kid in the vid. I mean, the pandemic is prolly to blame for this not the videogame addiction
My father is a carbon copy as this guy except he's 100% worse
Same
30 something here, still relatable. Gaming was my escape, just like reading a good book. Eventually you're guilted/punished into giving up and fall in on yourself.
I wanted to game a lot as a kid, it was my hobby, got good grades and stuff but I had to sneak it. My parents got the idea from some ADHD doctor that I should only play an hour a day. It felt so unfair and restrictive, especially as games got more complex, you could hardly do anything in an hour. And yeah all it did was make me bored af. I got in to trouble instead of playing online games with friends.
My son at least appears noticeably happier and more social (better interactions with the whole family) when he is restricted to smaller game periods. We'll continue to see through time.
Any sort of screen can give you headaches, even school work, which is why the thing about video gaming is so strange. Sure, they're different concepts but both are screens.
@@tracktician6510 Every child and parent is different, but try to ask him if he really is happy about it or not and make a decision to be a bit more lenient or keep the same screen time off of that because he may feel like he has to interact with family to regain that screentime if it was reduced in the first place and it is much better for him to interact with family naturally in the long run (but again I'm just saying this as a possibility which is why it's important to communicate with them) but if he really is happy that way then that's perfectly fine, but try to be open to change if it is necessary
BRO, I FEEL YOU. Games like Sniper Elite 4, Grand Theft Auto 4, Fallout: New Vegas, the original Red Dead Redemption, or basically any expansive game, 1 mission takes the better part of an hour. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and autism, (both, not at the time) and it was hard to stay focused in school. Because of this, I got in trouble often. My parents thought that this was because I was playing video games often, and restricted them to an hour a day. Because of this, my grades plummeted even further, and it became even harder to focus. Because of this, I had to resort to playing games on the SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. And they still chalked it up to “video game addiction”. (Mind you, this is when schools pretty much never blocked web or flash games, and only focused on the play store.) Eventually they realized that they were being stupid, once I got diagnosed with ADHD and autism.
Jokes on you I was able to do both
I hate when parents think nothing can be wrong in your life because they’re your parent.
Aah yes.... blind arrogance
"How can you possibly be sad? You had everything I told you to want as a child!"
@@swine13 "how can you be sad? I only Half traumatized you and obsessed about my own wants and needs"
Why are you troubled? You haven't lived as long as I have or have as much issues as I have, therefore you can never have any issues.
@@reachlol1 damn, this hits home. They all talk about how hard they had it but isn't that the point of technology, politics, and shit? To make our lives better and easier?
It's like that one Ellen DeGeneres activity where they let teens fix a clock or use the old telephone and laugh at them for not knowing how to use it but at the same time, they're clueless about how to turn on a computer lmao 💀💀💀
The very first thing that jumped out at me was the divorce, and parents couldn't agree on a consistent approach.
A child's parents breaking up is already a big stressor, why isn't that treated like a valid factor? it really stands out that the dad latched onto the one thing he could control, instead of acknowledging that the divorce and pandemic and possible psychological issues and god knows what else could be problems that are leading to these negative outcomes for the kid. Because only what you can fight against and control are real, right? It's uncomfortable to feel helpless but it's so often the reality, you can't respond in an effective way to the situation if you don't acknowledge that life is big and chaotic and you can't control everything.
@@alexia3552 dad seems like a narcissistic control freak that thinks everything should go his way and abuses the only power he has in his life on his kid
I love you all and none of us are alone. True AoE healing, didn't realizing how many kids lived this childhood.
AoE?
@@imnotusingmyrealname4566 area of effect. We heal ourselves and each other.
@@Elegyforthend Ah ok. I have not enough motivation to watch this video right now though.
@@imnotusingmyrealname4566 nothing wrong with it, i usually watch dr k videos during my meals across days XD and is specially useful to better digest parts of the video (no pun intended XD) and really understand them
I needed this today lol its me
My mom used to try to hide the power cable to my xbox (this was early 2000s) and would get livid when I played too much. I was a private school kid who made B's, was in AP science classes, played on 2 soccer teams, did track and cross country. My videogaming came from a mixture of being bored at school, seasonal depression, having ADHD (undiagnosed then), and wanting a competitive outlet that scaled with my speed of learning(competitive Halo player, MLG etc).
Bruh my grandmother did the same to my psp charger but mainly it was under guise of “it’ll damage my eyes”
Thats how i got into lockpicking.
Fun fact, the Xbox cable is a standard figure 8 connector that tons of electronics use. I would of jacked one from their DVD player. (Or in my case when I was a kid: the VHS player)
@@brkbtjunkie it's called a VCR not a VHS player
@@scratchos9816 joke on you its vhs is in other counties like australia
Sounds like narcissistic controlling parents. I swear that even if this kid found something else constructive to do; they would still attack him. He "can't have his way" because his parents just don't care about his needs or feelings. I grew up like this; and I had to cut contact with my parents in adulthood as all they ever do is attack me no matter what decisions I make in life.
You decide who's family.
Blood means they are related, trust, respect and love going both ways makes them family
Absolutely!
On a side note, people tend to forget that the actual phrase is
Blood of the bond is thicker than water of the womb
*edit autocorrect
Dang the Zombie Farm profile pic is giving me nostalgia. I totally forgot about that game😂
My main coping mechanisms are gaming (my parents are restricting it) and Jujitsu (they’re gonna sign me out of it if I’m failing end of the week)
You're right. This was basically me at 12. Grounded for 6 months. No TV no games. So I found my new escape in books. Can ya guess what happened?
Yep, grounded from books.
I've left my family since 18, and see them very rarely. I love them, I know they meant well, but I will not give them more time than they deserve, and I'm the one that decides that.
My dad was so strict when I was 15-16 to the point if I had one missing assignment everything I own (gaming consoles, Legos, even books) was taken from my room and put in a toolbox with a padlock. He would even pick the worst foods from the fridge and leave it out for me to eat while he was at work. He put a chain around the fridge and locked that as well. If I still didn't "behave", he would punch me in the gut and then kick me in the head. Attempting to call child protective services or 911 only added to my beatings. I am 17 now and I live with my grandparents. I am grateful that I have such caring grandparents. Because of him, I now suffer from PTSD. I go to therapy every week and take medicine to calm me down. I wouldn't wish even my greatest foes to have an experience like this. The only thing that got me through it was thinking that it could've been a lot worse.
I'm very sorry you have to go through this hellhole... You don't deserve this abuse at all. your dad is a evil shithead. I really hope you recover from PTSD. god bless your soul and I hope you have a nice wonderful day.
That's so awful, I'm happy that you are now doing better friend.
i grew up with my parents only allowing games on:
-Weekends (Friday, Saturday and Sunday)
-Days when school is cancelled (Holidays or Parent-Teacher Conference Days)
-Long Trips
-When Friends Carpooled Over
i lived with these rules from like before 1st Grade through Highschool. it was immensely hard to focus on schoolwork when my mind was on the game and waiting for Friday to come. you can't get a weeks worth of gaming down in less than 2 days. i tried calculating how much playing time i'd get and it was something like:
(12 hours of daylight on Friday - hours at school) + (12 hours of daylight on Saturday - (x) hours spent on chores) + (12 hours of daylight on Sunday - Church hours) and it was less than a day
compared myself to my best friend who could get gaming out of his system with no restrictions and made high honor role, even becoming valedictorian.
it sucked.
I even made a PowerPoint Presentation to tell ny parents one day after my mom raged at me. Why? For asking for some more time before doing dishes. I was in a Competitve Overwatch Game and its not like i could pause it. She didn't get it. Dad didn't get it. So the PowerPoint was made.
It worked. Only problem was, i made it too late. Literally made it after graduating highschool. They understood where i was coming from as i explained all the points previously mentioned AND the downsides to having me leave mid game to do something (i used a joke like "why was Hawkeye not in Inifinity War? Because he was AKF") . I now can game whenever i like. I have gone days, weeks and even entire semesters without gaming on my own volition now.
That’s really not unreasonable at all IMO. An entire day of your life spent gaming per week wasn’t good enough for you as s kid? Did you expect to just be allowed to play 24/7 or something?
This was standard for me for all of elementary.
It was lifted in high school, but was largely a non-factor as sleep requirements and the threat of work eating away at free time kept me from getting myself to play.
@@bluecannibaleyes i think it's more of the gaming being the stress reliever, and not getting enough of it.
I kinda see how much OP is being stressed on with his 'approximately' time chart. it's not healthy at all.
@@VantasticJackson My parents are exactly the same. Do you still have that PowerPoint? I'd need it.
I can whole heartily agree that games and internet was and still is my copium, i feel like it helped me avoiding depression. I think parents need to go through some kind of class (like with a driver license) so they would know what's beneficial and whats damaging, what to do and what not to do.
It's like the saying: Every child deserves parents, but not every parent deserves a child.
Huh interesting to hear, how exactly has escapism and playing video games helped to not get depressed?
I get your point about a parenting class but if you look at some of the parenting books of the past, that would be scary. In the last 100 years parenting styles have changed many times. Then think about how quickly schools have adapted to the internet (they haven't) and I think it would be more harm than good. Good idea, but it dies in practice.
Instead, recommend channels like this. If Dr. K and a couple others made a "new parent playlist" I could get behind that.
@@thomas.thomas I can't speak on behalf of the OP but I can speak on my own experiences, I hope that's okay!
I've always been more of an introverted person with really bad social anxiety and depression. Talking to people, even in a voice chat online, is extremely exhausting. I don't really have many friends and feel lonely as a result very often.
Video games are one way I cope with these issues. It's not foolproof, of course. Sometimes I get far too depressed to even pick up my phone or a controller, or maybe I can't do that due to circumstances (ie. need to save battery, not a good time socially, or the tv is being used).
However, when I'm focused on a game, usually I can distance myself from the problems in reality. Instead of my brain overthinking how I could have handled a situation 10 months ago that I literally cannot change now, it instead becomes "How can I improve my score" or "How do I handle that one tricky part, let's try it again". It's a distraction. And sometimes that distraction can carry on for longer than the game time lasts. If a particularly memorable moment happened, I'll think about that instead of how it's been a while since a person's talked to me. It gets my mind to finally stop thinking about things I cannot control and focus on what I can.
I hope this helps you understand a little! Apologies if this is a little long!
@@zachg3908 psychology is a relatively new field when we compare it to any other sciences and you’re totally right to bring up this point. Only recently has psychology had strict empirical rules. A lot of the theories on parenthood we used were based off unethical and poorly designed studies that were so widely accepted that no one bothered to check them.
Psychology has definitely come a really long way since it first started but I think the reason we should have a “parent permit” is simply because we haven’t been able to test the longevity of the most current parenting recommendations.
@@ezkm1m1x late reply but I see an issue with this having a coping mechanism is helpful but what you described is escapism. Imo neither are bad but one is a healthy way of handling difficult situations and the other is ignoring the problem. Which can be useful if you don't have the proper tools to deal with the issue at the moment and doing so doesn't negatively impact things that you value.
Using video games to not focus on something you said 10 months ago is not the same as trying to figure out why you're worried about something ten months ago.
Hence I agree with the questioning of the comment you replied to. It's strange to say escapism helped with depression, when escapism doesn't actually solve anything.
That being said I was the same way as a teen, played video games every second I could to not deal with life. Argument could be made for teens/children since most of their life is not controlled by them but by their parents and social expectations.
This style of parenting where the parent “fixes” the child’s problems, or where they are “doing what is in the best interest of the child” is what happened to a family friend, and the exact same thing Doctor K said would happen happened. Daughter was 13, she was adopted and family friends both work 7 am - 7 pm and forced her to sleep at 9:30 so she saw them for at most 3 hours each day. This caused her to turn to the internet. They got a device called circle, which tracks your time on the internet and limits it. She was only allowed 1 hour a day. She started hanging out with the wrong people at school, started sneaking morphine from her father and drinking with friends at school. She was sent to a mental institution for a couple months and it didn’t help at all. She lit a fire in their garage a few months after the therapy. She openly told them how much she hated them for what she was going through because they were so uninvolved it was like they didn’t even care about her problems. Their response to this? They sent her to an all girls boarding school where she got worse over time. Fast forward to now, and she’s been in and out of jail ever since she was 18 and still on drugs. She’s almost 30. It’s so extremely important for the parent to work with the child instead of against them. There were so many obvious signs that she just wanted to feel loved. But obviously under this circumstance they just were not giving her that and even worse she was punished for it. Just heartbreaking. 💔😭😔
Sounds like it was the kid’s fault.
@@NoMoreSuperHero I can’t tell if that was sarcasm or not
@@itsnotyouitsme4081 Given their username, I think it's meant to be an intentionally bad joke.
@@itsnotyouitsme4081 Ummmm it's not.
@@NoMoreSuperHero Okay well if you genuinely believe that, I’m curious, what makes you think that?
My daughter had a brain tumor when she was 13 years old. She had headaches and a stiff neck for awhile. My husband and I did take her to the doctor for each thing, and she was diagnosed with eating too much sugar, acid reflux, or in need of a new pillow and visit to a chiropractor. We gave her medications and changed her diet. When things were not helping, we didn't believe my daughter any longer. It wasn't until she was throwing up after every single meal, that we finally did get her a proper diagnosis. I carry the guilt and shame of the world for not believing my daughter right away, that something was seriously wrong. She knew and no one listened. That guilt feels like it wont ever go away. I agree with Dr. K. Listen to your kids. Always, no matter what.
I definitely should go get an MRI scan, not like my parents would even care enough.
Is she ok? I pray for your family
@@Aaa-vp6ug If you think you have symptoms of a brain tumor, you need to go get a MRI. The results of not getting it taken care of could be catastrophic. My daughter was on the verge of going completely blind and losing her ability to speak.
I care, and I want you to get a MRI.
@@sleeper6548 Yes, my daughter is ok. Thanks to an amazing team of doctors at Children’s Hospital. It was five years ago and the tumor hasn’t grown back and shows zero signs of developing again. Thanks for asking. And for your prayers.
@@reneenyberg4832 I would, but my parents only ever brought me to the hospital out of obligation, when the school demanded I go because my arm was broken and I was writhing in pain so hard that I started seeing with weird lines over my vision like those old VSH sets.
I really like the "let your kid fail"
I swear, my mother is great but I feel like 70% of the stuff I learned about studying and time management was from failing, getting not great grades, and improving
That is a legitimate way to learn. It's a brutal way to learn, but it only shows the truth.
As a matter of fact, when my parents tried to make me get good grades every year. It was only when I got bad grades when I actually tried to take care of things by myself.
If you ever wonder who's up there in the A territory, it's 2 groups of people:
Majority: Future high-paid slaves that'll have 80-hour work weeks and an expense column that could fund a small military.
Minority: People who want the good grades because it's a game and they want the high score. Micro-empire founders like me who will wind up retiring in their 30s, and building more net worth in a month doing almost nothing, than an entire family builds their entire lives.
Also, you won't find us in general education. That one's almost purely for the slaves. Ever notice how it's all the same stuff you already learned in high school? It's a test, to see how obedient you are. College has some good classes, but they're almost always going to be elective. Gen ed is a massive social-engineering experiment and nothing more.
That's just how learning should be. Children, and people in general, are allowed to make mistakes. That's how we grow as individuals. An environment where failure isn't accepted does not produce self-assured and confident people. Quite the opposite.
“The greatest teacher, failure is.”
Oh god. This was almost the same relationship I had with my mother growing up. Found out later in life that I had ADHD, which is why I felt like high school was a hopeless endeavor. Spending all day at school almost felt physically painful and I playing video games at the end of the day brought me a sense of relief. She had it all wrong. A big part of growing up for me has been realizing that my mom is just another person with some bad opinions. My mom hid the entire router bruh. On top of taking my phone/laptop/family pc. She tried so hard but I ended up dropping out in 11th grade anyways.
This video is so spot on. Restricting video games does not work. I ran away from home and that was the moment she "gave up" and let me make my own decisions, I improved. I'm getting my bachelor's degree this December, only 1 semester behind the HS class I was supposed to graduate with.
As a 26 year old who took a gap year to work at a convenience store, didn’t travel or do anything worthwhile, then went to uni out of a sense of obligation, spent about 3 years making about 1.5 years of progress (switching degrees and failing subjects) before dropping out and has worked as some form of delivery driver ever since, please let me tell you how happy I am to hear that you understand “only 6 months behind schedule” is actually a really good thing.
I love that you have the perspective that you’re fine to have taken whatever slightly unorthodox path. Even I technically can appreciate the idea that my time wasting, shit kicking journey is all a process that hopefully culminates in a satisfying comeback, but too often I see kids graduate University 1 year later than everyone else and think their life is over. I’m glad to hear you seem to have direction and purpose and passion!
What tips would you give if a kid is in your shoes?
I heard exercise and socializing really helps, once they are physically and socially "satisfied" then doing low-feedback stuff like studying is easier?
@@sharp7j are you the kid or the parent. If you’re the parent, be careful imposing anything. If you want your kid to exercise, because yes, it will probably improve their mood, then you need to make sure you don’t force them because that will tend to backfire. As dr k often says, just talk to your kid. If your kid seems “off” talk to them about why, and support them to fix the things pulling them down, without being too much of a complete saviour.
But if your kid says “I’m overweight and too embarrassed to run” suggest other exercises they could do, and if they’re like “but I’m never motivated” ask them, “this sounds like something you want to do but have anxiety about, would you appreciate me pushing you to exercise sometimes to get you out of your head?” and most importantly, LISTEN to their answer
@@sharp7j Ask them why they play and what they like in videogames. Are they happy at school? Do they have any difficulty. Then don't offer solution "I know what's best for you", just give emotional support. Just listen without talking maybe. The child is not that dumb he knows his behavior is excessive, it's like an adult who is achoholic, don't be like "I will remove all the alcohol and you will exercise and study so it's easier for me and I don't have to parent you". Explain to your child why school is important if he doesn't care about studying, calmly. Try putting yourself in their shoes, imagine your life is their life.
But if my parents did that I wouldn't have told them about my emotional life because I would feel vulnerable and I didn't want to feel vulnerable in front of my authoritarian parents which I hated. I just wanted to be left alone which would have been healthier for me than them screaming at me all the time.
I'm in almost the same boat I dont see a point in doing school anymore and everytime I see bad grades it reinforces that
Also around that age, his body is SUPPOSED to work that way, to stay up late and wake up late, that's just teenage circadian rhythm. There's actually a deep rabbit hole here, about how the school's start time system is flawed all because of a change in the 70's where instead of multiple buses taking students to school at around the same time, we now have one bus that takes different students to school at different times, this change completely ignored our circadian clock resulting in teens that needed more sleep has to wake early and kids that can wake early start school at the latest time. From that point on our culture and media have portrayed teens staying up late and snoozing in the morning as being lazy and rebellious youth.
Another overlooked factor is how this change in the 70's affected the world as well and not just the U.S, I'm not living in the U.S and my country pretty much has the same school start time, and I've always struggled so hard with my sleep schedule and always hated waking up early, I just didn't understand why and for the longest time I thought I was just a bad student until I came across this info about my circadian rhythm realizing it wasn't me that's messing up my academic performance, it's the time the school demanded me to wake up on, really hate the fact my country straight copied a system that is flawed.
If anyone reading this are struggling with their sleep schedule for school just know it is not your fault, you are right and the entire system is indeed against you.
Not only that, but the change in circadian rhythm fucked with the development of the brain associated with critical thinking that is supposed to happen in adolescence
@@XiELEd4377 Yup, thanks, I didn't go too in depth into what circadian rhythm is and the consequences of messing with it because i didn't want my comment to be an essay, people can feel free to learn more on the net, plus the vid is mainly about video games and bad parenting.
@@eldrielle6327 it's also incredibly frustrating. When you have a circadian rhythm disorder
Just absolutely UGH
Because people don't believe That's real
I didn't know this... glad for the info, thanks.
Some think that part may be intentional, a means of making a more controllable and compliant populus.
My parents were like this. It basically turned screentime into forbidden fruit and I didn't learn to self-regulate my impulses until well into adulthood, because I had always had overbearing parents deciding (literally) how every minute of my day was scheduled and exactly how much of anything from TV to cookies I was allowed.
The first year (or three) of college was *rough*.
forbidden fruit.... Guessing they were also religious haha... relatable.
"His mother and I are divorced"
"Right when the pandemic hit"
Must be them vidya gaems!
The whole earning privileges back from parents is a complete lie in my case. Had all video games taken for 3 years because of my grades. I got five B's and an A after that. Basically got told nope when I asked about it. Then they acted shocked when the next year I got all D's and one C. And got told "we won't give it to you with grades like that". The only winner in this game is parents. Fun fact: video games was one of the only things keeping me motivated. Having motivation taken away for 3 years and hearing "well at least you graduated." Is one of the most irritating things.
I’d say that most parents I’ve read about on here don’t even deserve being parents due to how entitled and egotistical some of them seem.
They dont give it back because they think "oh, taking away the games worked, they'll get over those stupid games eventually, they'll thank us when they are rich and give us all their money"
@@CrazyJabberwock yeah... no... im putting them in a home the second the option becomes avalibe
@@cherrycoyote55 yup. people wonder how you can be so callous to your family, but they don't see where it started.
I listen to these videos on parenting to try to be a better older brother. My brother is much younger than me and I know that he looks up to me since our Dad isn't around a lot because of work. I want to do my best but this video has taught me that I also have to let him learn how to fail. It's a long road.
I wish I had these when I was growing up as well since I was trying to raise my younger sister when our single mom was having a mid-life crisis. Just don't forget to make sure that your needs are being met as well and don't take all the burden onto yourself. It's a struggle but good job on trying.
@@Kaori57 oof sorry you had to take on that responsibility. I can somewhat relate, its pretty scary watching a parent suddenly no longer become a viable guardian for you anymore. For me it made me overly independent out of necessity which unfortunately hasnt stopped
Been that to my younger bro too, kinda. Realised it way later and made a lot of mistakes as an older brother, but as we are now 26 and 20 - totally different tempers, I gotta say we love each other more than anything else. And all the mistakes during the time and all the work on this relationship created a relationship now, that is the biggest gem in my life right now. Cheers to you and your bro!
I think it is a good idea for you to watch some of the Joran Peterson videos.
That's very mature of you, I'm sure he will appreciate the hell out of it when he's older.
This is very insightful. I am one of those ppl that always thought games were bad for you seeing my younger brother-in-laws go through “laziness” so didn’t want to have any video games at home. Once I became a parent, I do restrict to only weekends but I think I might need to readjust after watching this. Thank you so much for posting this. Parenting is so hard and these videos help guide me to be a better one.
Dr. K went on an absolute rampage from 25:30 onwards, and I just cannot stop laughing at how accurate the mimicry is (being an Indian I can relate). This was extremely hilarious and sad at the same time gg
lmao that was awesome sad. Awesome awesome sad sad.
THE HEAD BOBBING WAS SO ACCURATE WTF
@c4blec it's very very common from many families of different cultures that come from poverty and made great sacrifices to try and give their children a better chance than they had.
Not trying to excuse their actions just trying to understand where they are coming from. They know how bad the world is and are fearful of their children being a victim of the world.
I was the mexican friend in that equation lmao!y
I fucking lost it at that part :D
8:00
“If you don’t know what’s going on with your kids, maybe you should ask them.” Simple yet very effective advice.
So simple yet some parents never actually care to do it
@@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy I hypothesize that - if they are 'fixers' - then they might be afraid to find out that they cant fix it. And therfore end up not asking to avoid that chance.
@@UnsuspectingCommenterPassingBy because adults have lived longer, we tend to think we have more information and we are more likely to be able to solve problems, compared to kids who we tend to see as a blank state.
This hubris is going to repeat as long as parents are unable to see their children as humans capable of growth.
Asking people how they really are, is a good start. It's a start. That's all it is. In the big scheme of things, it really isn't much. But, if you can't even do that, forget about the rest.
probably very common the kid won't open up
My parents thought I was addicted to my PlayStation 4 when I was in high school. In reality my hometown was boring af and I hated school cause of how miserable I felt there. At the time it was one of the only things I could do to relieve stress because everyone around me was so aggravating whether they be in my own family or someone from school. People need to let others have their outlets.
Dude same, before I got a car my mom would get pissed at me for playing video games instead of being outside. What am I going to do outside by myself when I can play with my friends on my computer? And school was hell until junior year.
I think some people dont understand that video games are just something to do during free time or as a hobby; Instead of the usual. Apparently they decide there's something wrong with you if you aren't doing the norm like partying, competitive sports or arts. And then there's the parents that just watch TV all evening (Nothing wrong with that.) or alcoholics. I'm at least still doing something intellectually stimulating and not taking drugs.
My dad has a pet peeve of me using the phone while he is driving. “Put that phone down and look outside!”
Me: “Dad, we’ve lived in this town for literally since the day I was born and know every interested point of this tow. For top to bottom. What else is there for me to see here? You can literally blindfold me and drop me whatever part of the town and I’ll still find my way home!”
Also as a parent who wants to do better for his kid, thank you! I think we all know so much of this information, but hearing it explained like this is an amazing resource that I hope will help me, and other parents, to better help their child to succeed
I’m currently struggling with school, and my parents installed a form of WiFi limiter and when I lose games, I genuinely get stressed because they are the only thing that really calms me down (I am on the autism spectrum, and hate loud noises so I don’t talk to my family who shout a lot) and when I play, it really calms me down a lot.
Edit: wow, didn’t expect a vent about my autism to get any amount of likes (or to get back in my day’d)
I also forgot to mention without WiFi I can’t talk to my girlfriend or contact my therapist so that’s very fun
Had the same issue and high functioning autism,Parents do not get anything to even answer or question politely or intellectually me and my life…Loud family and depressing ? Impossible to do anything.
just play offline games
@@kaloyan1498 Problem is most games these days require an internet connection, even if it shouldn't be necessary in terms of the gameplay itself. Also, what if this person enjoys playing PVP or playing with their friends? I think more than anything if you can't stand the family you're in and they keep imposing restrictions, then it's going to gradually break you down.
My parents didn't like that I play games but they've always loved and respected me. I feel for this person. There's probably a lot of things that are going on as well. It's not always so simple.
@@Jza-GZa40k Story of my life, here. My family never figured out how to live with an autistic kid, and spent all of their time thinking that everything I did was either intentional misbehaviour or something that they needed to train me out of so that I could be Successful. It did not end well, and it took another autistic friend, a pile of internet tutorials, and years of hard work for me to start turning things around.
Whoever pays for WiFi has a right to control it. Say thanks to your parents for having WiFi at all. You get stressed over loosing games? B.S. You are just spoiled. In the past, when there were no computer games, kids did not get stressed over not having them.
i was only allowed to game for half an hour a day, this was when runescape was massive. it actually lead to me not being as close to friends, they were all doing stuff on it and i couldn't. all because my mom doesn't like using computers, naturally that means i shouldnt use one. when i had my own freedom i went through a phase of gaming WAY too much, i just wanted to play the games i missed out on, only then, none of my friends played them anymore.
same dude :(
same but i didnt have a computer nor friends' still no one to go outside with
@@39trees12do you have a smartphone to game on? Plenty of games and communities online
That felt like a personal attack
Yea, restricting videogames is like pulling a rubberband back. It won't hold forever and when it finally releases, you'll be flung too far in the other direction. Playing videogames way too much with no self-restraint. Because you've been trained to play as much as possible because you don't have much time to play.
It's like how making a product more rare(like diamonds) can actually increase its value. Or how a limited time sale makes people more likely to buy a product.
Limiting gaming time makes it seem more valuable, so you end up wanting to jump at it the first chance you get. Whereas if you have all the time in the world to play, you don't feel so desperate to play it.
"can you get addicted to gameboy?"
My thought: well if it's pokemon then yes...
Chat: Well if it's pokemon then yes...
Nice
My mother was strict with me too. The biggest negative impact I still feel as strongly as ever, 10 years after leaving home, is that the period of time around 11pm-3am feels like "me time"; some kind of illicit opportunity to indulge. Even when I could easily just go to sleep and start again in the morning if I want!
It's truly sad that this resonates with me and so many other people, so many parents ruin lives and create unstable emotions through their illusion of "fixing" people who are in immense emotional pain
Often times these parents were raised this way themselves, thus repeating the cycle with their children.
@@emailkolar4517it’s a disgusting cycle of “normality” and normal isn’t always good, just a common occurrence.
So parents have been parenting more or less the same way for centuries. Parenting changes in the 90s. Mental health outcomes have demonstrably worsened since then. Not just more reporting, but observable outcomes like suicides and suicide attempts.
Personal opinion here, but I think a return to stricter parenting is probably a good idea.
@@michaeltorrisi7289 as long as the line between strictness and abuse isn’t crossed I guess it might be ok. However theres also many new things that could also have worsened peoples mental health since then
@@HyperNova808 well how though?
Holy hell, that question is strong. "Do you want me to listen to you later, or now? Because I can see conflicting answers from you. If that DOES happen, what do you want me to do?" It gives the parent a card for enforcing structure of some sort AND in a way where the child can feel like they had a voice. I love this. I'm not a parent myself, but I've been a child and I KNOW how much it sucks to get "because I said so", "because I'm the parent", "I'm the benevolent dictator" (And yes, that was ACTUALLY said)
Upon that moment, it just makes me think: “Holy shit! That’s a thing?!” Even as a child now, it’d be so great to hear something like that. I’d probably wouldn’t cry for sadness but just joy.
“Because I said so” is my worst enemy
@@amiiboguy7288 it basically is a trigger word for me of sorts, when me and my dad are arguing, as soon as he says "because I said so" the table flips, cause I've heard that my whole life, how about if you get arrested because "I said so", but "I'm your parent". So? yes you need to discipline, but if you take away my PC, PS3, laptop, Xbox, and phone for 3 weeks for GETTING IN THE SHOWER NO MORE THAN 3 MINUTES LATE because I'm not looking at the clock 24/7, and you say "just dont play games" I try to explain stuff to him even the simplest things and he goes off on me for being disrespectful, I've always been respectful as long as I am respected back, I try to talk it out the next day to resolve it, no yelling, all calm, he starts getting mad, swearing, then leads to yelling, then we start arguing. it's just chaotic, it's been 2 months since this incident, I've gotten my PS3 and phone back, but, my PC is sitting in the garage with the glass panel UNDER A PILE OF HEAVY STUFF which scares me since I did pitch in and pay for a bit of my pc, it wasn't all my dad.
@@osirisgamez Mid ass parents. Keep forcing conversation on them until they give.
Barbarism begins at home. The whole story of civilisation has been the story of turning the rulers with the nasty "because I said so" instinct into people who have to earn it, and to ask. The totalitarian instinct is the enemy.
As I grow older I realise four things:
- How lucky I am to have well educated and open minded parents
- How lucky I was to have gone to a good school and made good friends
- How 70% of people out there weren't as lucky yet no one tries to help them
- How over half of the parents of the world are terrible and don't deserve to have children and are the root of social problems.
Look at all the terrible people. Hitler. He had an abusive father. I remember reading somewhere that said, no one is born evil or problematic. They grow to become it.
we didnt ask you bro, im happy for your luck
@@knasiotis1 It's a youtube comment. I can write whatever I want even if you didn't ask. The world doesn't revolve around you. No one needs your permission to express themselves. Get a grip on reality.
This is basically my parents haha, the only thing I’ve really had to go through was a divorce.
@@Izukachan implying it's not condescending to appear in a video where everyone discusses instances of disruptive parental behavior like the special snowflake "hey guys i'm not like you i'm so lucky haha, most of you are unfortunate and most people shouldn't be parents"
@@knasiotis1 read the first sentence from the comment, you want him to lie or something?
As someone who experienced this as the child, I had struggles in school and it was exacerbated by a turbulent home life. I had not only my video games and tv taken away, but it got to the point where I lost my stereo and all of my music and instruments (cds, cassettes, vinyls, guitars)
If you can’t guess, it didn’t work. And I dropped out of high school and got my GED the same year (a year before my graduation was supposed to happen) and even lost my bedroom door for a time.
Some people aren’t going to finish school. All of these potential problems aside, from my own experience, I had undiagnosed ADHD and potentially more. I have treatment resistant depression as well. It makes focusing and studying for school extremely difficult. And instead of having motivation to do better in school to get my privileges back, I was instead despondent and wanted to rebel more and do less in school. I had lost a lot of my emotional outlets and felt like I was trapped in a cyclical problem. Where I would struggle in school but wouldn’t get understanding because I’m apparently “too smart to keep failing” and would continue to be punished no matter the effort I tried to put forth.