Friendly reminder that constantly stimulating your brain with your phone while lying in bed DOESN'T equal resting. I dare say that the current burnout pandemic comes partly from everyone's brains being overworked and overfed to the point of constant information fatigue. Have a nice holiday everyone and let both your mind and body rest ❤️
How dare you write “p@$demic” without putting a trigger warning first! I’m so traumatized that I have no choice but to unleash my bi-polar. So insensitive!
@@VixeyTeh but imagine that you're training your muscles 7 days a week. With no time to regenerate, the muscles start to suffer damage. It's called overtraining. In case of the mind, information fatigue / overload is a real thing: "empirical evidence shows that information overload is positively related to strain, burnout and various health complaints" *M. Arnold (2023), Dealing with information overload: a comprehensive review
I wanted to be more social a couple of month ago. I started to go to a shop once a week. Then walk around that mall once a week. Then go read at a café once a week and change café every week. Every step of the way, my mind was fighting me, telling me that things will go wrong. Now, a couple of week later, it's the things that I'm looking forward in my week. Can't wait to see the next step. Thanks for the video.
Kinda sounds like we're on the same path. How's it working out for you, are you striking up conversation with strangers and making new friends in the process? I've recently started traveling to different museums throughout the surrounding states each weekend, it's pretty fun, kinda expensive though.
@@AtomicBl453 Funny enough I did not make any friends by doing this kind of stuff but by talking about what I'm doing to a coworker of mine I rarely talked to before. Now we talk almost everyday and she wants to set me up with one of her friends 😊
@@compugabthis is interesting to me, because noticing how even when things work out they don't happen in the way the brain predicted it, makes ignoring the brain's attempts to deter me from trying new stuff a lot easier. 99% of the stuff it told me would or wouldn't happen didn't came true, and the little bastard doesn't want me to realize it's full of crap 😂
I got sick recently so I took time off work. I had already planned to use such an opportunity to do just that - nothing. For one whole day, from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep I either sat or walked around my home (to get some blood circulation), ate premade meals, and used the restroom. I aimed to resist anything that would try to grab my attention, like phone, an object, a thought. Let me tell you... for the first half of the day I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I felt physically uncomfortable and making all kinds of excuses to do _something_, anything that will distract me from the thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing. "I'm wasting time.", "Why am I doing this? This is stupid.", "This needs cleaning.", "I'm curious to look there.", "Maybe I can just watch a movie later.", "I just wanna quickly look at phone before bed.", and various self-deprecating thoughts. There were so many moments where I directly identified with those thoughts and started walking to, say to clean something, but on the way I'd realize it was just a thought and I don't need to clean it now. The mild fever added some extra exhaustion to all of it as well. When I'd have a bad thought, I'd reframe it towards something realistic with encouragement and feeling grateful for what I already have. Now, as the day went on, the discomfort started to decrease and the thoughts felt less like me and more like just thoughts. Thoughts and emotions, they were unreliable. They just came and went, came again and went again, came again and went again. I calmed down and started to kind of enjoy the process of seeing a thought or desire come over me like "I should look at the phone.", immediately recognize it and know it'll disappear in a few seconds. By the end I felt more in the world than in my head, like I can pick what I actually want to do and not be pushed around by the wind of thoughts and feelings. This was about 3 weeks ago and I've been experiencing great peace and emotional stability since. I'm in a much more calm and positive mindset and I'm able to recognize the feeling of an oncoming self-deprecating thought before I even know what it will be. When that happens, I immediately reframe out loud or in my mind by saying something like "No no, we do not talk to ourselves that way anymore. No, _[acknowledge the part of the thought that is untrue]_. It is true that _[acknowledge the part of it that is true]_, but _[point out progress made so far, that it may be unrealistic to think it can be solved in a single step, *and give yourself encouragement and other nice words*]_. _[If applicable, point out why it's unrealistic to worry about this right now because maybe you're about to go to bed or work where you can't prioritize solving it anyway.]_". This was my experience. I would recommend doing this. It is 1 day, a sacrifice of about 16 waking hours. If it doesn't work, then at least you tried something new. Either way, if you do it I would really be interested in reading about your experience.
i had a few failures where i don't feel like i learned anything, going back a few times i tried and tried to learn something but it always seemed like there was nothing to learn and the fact that i didn't learn anything makes me feel that type of failures are the worst.
@@PifchoBG You learned that there was nothing to learn, and this might be te turning point to try something else at one point or another. You are always a little bit smarter after a failure, no matter how you look at it.
This lesson also speaks volumes to "perfectionist's mindsets", whenever you try to have a second to relax or chill, and recoup some energy for the upcoming work - a little anxious thought pops into your head "oh, look you are WASTING your time, that means you WON'T be able to do this work AT ALL". I used to think that "master is the person who never makes mistakes". But apparently to become "masterful at something" all you need to do is to just perform "n" mistakes, and "n+1" recoveries from the mistakes.
about "master is someone who never makes mistakes". I replace that with "Even the monkey falls from the tree sometimes" (that doesn't make it less masterful or not-a-monkey :)
My notes: When problems occur 1. Do anything that you can to solve the problem instead of changing the emotion 2.Write down the thoughts that I have of the situation and then write the thoughts the best version of me or some some inspiring figure would have. 3. Circle one of the new thoughts the you feel like you could get behind
My problem comes from the fact that I would have no idea what a better person than me would be thinking about it due to the fact that if I knew those things, I wouldn't be where I'm at in the first place.
@@slamkam07 There was a recent video Dr K released where he stated prior to Healthy Gamer he wrote a 160 page book on video game addiction that was utter garbage. Even though it was garbage, it organized and clarified his mind on the topics he would go on to discuss with us. So it's ok if you're unsure what a better you would think or say at first, you're lvl 5 at this activity. As you keep doing it, you'll level up and be able to do it better.
You may not realize it but you have gotten so many people through so much just by proxy of your being here helping others with intent. Myself for example, 11 deaths in fewer than 10 years between all- Including every aunt and uncle, my dad and my brother at only 44 years of age. It's even more difficult being in a position of weakness being a physically strong, well educated person and sometimes just hearing your voice helping others helps me and likely others so much. Thank you, friend and to all others please reach out and say hi!
11 deaths, that's brutal. I'm glad you could find some strength through this community. HG completely changed my life. Who would have thought that just watching videos could translate to that much improvement in well-being!
I spent 3 months in treatment centers this year for alcoholism and trauma recovery. One of the biggest things taught by all 3 treatment settings I attended was cognitive reframing. It literally helped me start to turn my life around. Now I’ve been home for 3 months and already started slipping back into an unhealthy state of mind. This video was a great reminder. Thanks Dr K!
Recovery is always a series of progress and setbacks. I love you brother. Please make it, for us, for yourself, and everyone in your life who cares about you!! And also as a giant fuck you to anyone who doubted you!
I've been struggling with this forever. Constantly, I feel the need to catch up with my peers, and even though I know how important it is to rest, I have to try my best just to do so. Thank you for the video, Dr. K. Your help with mental health over the years has been invaluable.
There’s no such thing as catching up to your peers, it’s not a contest, and what is it that you would measure it by anyway? You’re not the same person.
@@luipaardprint "Catching up" definitely exists though, but its dependent on what an individual is lacking. You may have less experiance, social skills, useable knowledge etc than the majority of your peers posess, and are therefore behind in some aspect. Competition is also definitely a thing, as other people will likely want the same job, partner, prestige etc. And deficiencies that you have may make you less likely to succeed and be outcompeted by others who aren't behind in that aspect.
For me, studying engineering with adhd, doing "nothing" is the most difficult and most crucial thing to re-learn. I can only start to study when my dopamine level goes down. So I need to do "nothing" and then I can start being productive. Not easy with noises everywhere (neighbours, road, radiators, birds, insects flying against my window) and being extremely stressed out 24/7. I've got 3 different ANC headphones since they all start to hurt or cause skin irritations after some time. All I want is to have a switch in my ears to stop sending signals to my brain.
On a more positive note and after watching the video to the end: getting the diagnosis,after 10 years of struggling and having no idea why, gave me the change of perspective and enabled me to re-frame everything. It's getting better, but it's difficult to push out of a burn-out, when you can't lower the amount of stuff to do.
I get distracted by the noise easily. I call my state "autsim", but actually, I may just have good hearing. Try wearing earplugs! And... Why would you even listen to music while studying? When I was hardcore playing ranked, I wouldn't have any music on the background because I was consumed by the game, so I may assume you are not that interested in studying. So, I don't know... Also, try library- this sh*t is insane I'm just projecting my problems on you, so be aware that it may not be the case
@@Nerdz2 Thanks for the idea! :) Sadly they are either without active noise cancelling or they are in-ears. For in-ears, I just got the Sony WF XM5, which are awesome, but I can't have my ears plugged multiple hours per day since I already sleep with earplugs too.
As a mental health provider myself, and huge proponent of modalities such as CBT, BA, and mindfulness, I’ve found your videos to incredibly helpful both for my own wellbeing as well as helpful for articulating and explaining the mechanisms of these techniques to the patients I work with. Thank you, Dr. K for all the incredible content you’ve been putting out. Keep up the great work!
Do you have any advice what to do if cognitive reframing doesn't work. I keep writing my thoughts and their alternative. I'm catching the thought in the moment and trying to reframe the situation. The problem is that I don't believe the reframing part at all. I feel like I'm only gaslighting myself and I only get angry and frustrated. That's why I dumped CBT after a few years, it only made things worse.
@@leniwiec2401I'm no psychologist or anything, but I feel the thought reframing doesn't work very well for you because of a negative core belief since thats where the negative thought would come from and it might help to pin down that core belief and writing down some objective reasons against it then reading and reminding yourself everyday. At least that's something I'd try in that case.
@@MythosMen I tried that with my therapist too and my brain just doesn't click. She says it might be due to trauma and I'm doing EMDR now but still... it's helps much more that CBT but I only went form 1/10 to maybe 4/10 in 2 years and I'm completely unable to feel joy, life is terrible...
I needed that topic. It's hard to find meaningful advice on the web nowadays, when 95% of advice is either "sacrifice your life for other people" or "nothing matters, do drugs"
When I was in therapy my therapist taught me how to do the same thing without me knowing. He told me to try imagining what people I look up to would do if they were in my shoes, and to try understanding why I'm upset to try reframing it in a way that makes me feel good or positive. So if I got sad because I made my partner upset, I can accept that I'm sad that I did something stupid but say to myself that at least I know why she got upset at me and know how to make sure they don't feel that way again. Cause even if I feel like a horrible person now, I know that at the end of the day I still care for them and want the best for them. It became a really powerful coping technique that I still use today. And although I only really use it when I get extremely disturbed, this video helps me understand why it's such a good technique and how I can keep using it for moments when I'm facing any problem; not just the ones that make me feel extrememly emotional.
I’m a dancer laying in bed with a broken foot right now because I went to a dance class when I knew I was too exhausted. My foot wouldn’t have broke if I wasn’t burnt out. This is a hard lesson I needed to learn. I’m prioritizing proper rest from now on since I break a bone a year. My New Year’s resolution is literally to not break a bone.
Nice. You got me worried for a moment at the beginning, but then I understood that that's not the way I cope. I don't run from emotions. I take time to process them lol. And then you got to the last one and yup, that's my usual go to. And I've recently been complimented for it by a fairly stunned person who learned a bit about my circumstances and said they never met someone like me. And I answered that they're right. Usually stories like mine tend to have really awful outcomes. Like ... my situation has been quite a struggle and I'm working with almost nothing, externally. But I'm so resourceful internally, that I'm still around and manage to thrive some, even. I'm oddly more content than most ppl around me, it seems, too. I had a serious surgery complication and just went "meh". Not as in "meh" = let's suppress this and pretend it's not there but rather "meh" = not unexpected for me and my funny body. It's not like i have energy to waste on being upset. I have a caring, concerned and very apologetic doctor on my team. What else would I need! We'll just take a step at a time and see then. And hey, even if the pain stays, it's less pain than I was in before, not to mention it's waaaaay more responsive to interventions!!! I'm recovering. The process is slow. I have the privilege to snail along, without starving. If I wasn't or won't be any more at some point: So what. I cared for myself the best I could and got as much help as I could bare to try access. When I'm done, I can pat my own head for not letting go of my very own hand, no matter how hard things got.
One of the best yet simple thing to do is writing down a dialogue between your weakest part, your fearful part, laziest you name it VS a sort of chad big bro part who is really down to earth and optimistic as if you were recomforting a friend. It's a way to answer back your thoughts. And i doesn't take more to see some efficacy, a notebook a pen and your dark thoughts and beliefs to put in a the coliseum. Give it a shot for 20,30 min it's litteraly a workout of optimistic cognitive reframing
I noticed exactly this when i committed to working out. I didnt miss a single day for months. I swore I wouldn't. The more consistent i became the more i noticed my mind making excuses. The more consistent i became, the more it reinfoced my resilience and allowed me to ignore and reframe negative thoughts. It allowed me to push through on bad days because i knew i was lying to myself and still had more in the tank. No excuses. Just do it.
THIS IS A CHEAT CODE TO LIFE: This feels very powerful. Got lost around the @15:00 mark and based on the replayed graph I am part of the majority who did. I had to stop what I was doing and re-listen to it multiple times. Way I recap it is: instead of crying that I am level 1 and the task requires level 100 one can instead realize that there are a bunch of levels required to reach success and get exited about all the leveling up that's on the road obtaining the capacity to succeed at the task. Making a habit of viewing life this way feels OP !!
I am 23 years old, what I think about life is what Dr K explains through his video. Due to the struggle of insomnia for 3 years, and after trying everything I reached my breaking point yesterday. Whats even the point of life if I cannot even sleep and I am tired, cant function, cranky, sleepy but cant sleep all day and everyday. And then again if I had tried everything under the sun wouldn't my sleep have fixed already? This reframing helped me to not give up.
Drink celery juice on an empty stomach in the early morning, then go back into bed and lay still. Celery is a natural tonic for one’s nerves. I believe you’ll doze off.
This is exactly what I have been doing without knowing, I used to use all kinds of distractions to numb myself when I got anxious. Since it was kind of amplifying them I decided to sit down with my anxious thoughts and kind of talk to them. Your thoughts are not you. I stopped putting so much stakes on everything but do what I can. I am not stoically accepting everything but I am kinda hopeful every time it gets little bit better with changing how I see the problem.
In one of his previous videos he said that his patients would tell him: "I know you were going to ask that!". That his plan was to eventually change the way of thinking so that he wasn't always neccesary. Now, i feel like some weeks before he post a new video explaining something i've have had that idea recently and basically catches me where i'm at and helps me mold the idea to it's final form. Dr.K... From Cali,Colombia thank you so much for your work!
I never want to give up but sometimes when something can get too hard, I'll give up subconsciously and end up avoiding it no matter how hard I mental push myself. Not giving up is one thing but it's difficult when your Brain does it for you.
But don’t you subconsciously go back to trying after some time? Because that’s what I used to do and made me realize that I actually never give up, I just have a longer set back before I come back to trying again. You may think that that’s mediocrity, but it’s actually the mindset that made me give up less and less with time. I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but even if it’s not I still hope my comment can help you a little bit. You can do it! 💝
@banglittlechan With some things, yeah, but it feels like the setbacks get longer and longer until I realise that I'm making so little progress on anything that I'm not actually accumulating anything. It feels like being hard stuck in a ranked competitive game where you have moments where you win a ton of games and make some progress but then it eventually evens out and you go back down only to realise that on average you never made any progress. Some things I just have so much fear that I can't carry out the decision that I have logically made in my head because everytime that I did try something to progress, it just reinforced the idea that I shouldn't have done if it turned out ok, the anxiety lingers afterward instead of feeling relief. Sometimes, the struggle in my head is more of a challenge than the actual thing I do's value of actually doing it, and then that just feels unsatisfactory
@@Jamesandvideos Maybe the problem is not that you’re not making any progress, but that you have stuff that’s keeping you from making any progress every time you try. Instead of trying to swim the wrong direction, you can analyze what’s going on inside your mind and body everytime you want to do something and try to figure out why that happens (if you feel like you can handle it, if not then it’s fine just knowing the problem without it’s root). What you do doesn’t really matter at that point, just get to know fully what your limiting beliefs and coping mechanisms are, so you can find new helpful beliefs and coping skills to help you navigate your life better. I want to recommend you a video that I watched about finding out what your fatal flaws are “Why You Won’t Reach Your Full Potential” by Tina Huang. And also a channel called Heidi Priebe; she talks about a lot of subjects that I don’t see many people talk about and she gives practical advice for long term results. I hope they can help you too. 🫂💞
Very important topic. “Sometimes doing less produces more.” This has been my personal experience for over 60 years. There are many examples that I can offer, but I will leave you with one. I sometimes feel guilty for not doing anything on a Weekend day or days, thus, I will force myself to do something that might make me ,feel’ productive. Results: I feel worse because I end up not completing anything and my brain is even more burned out. Rest, do nothing productive at least one day a week.
Brillant video mate. I teach improv acting and getting people comfortable doing nothing on stage is one of the biggest problems. Nothing scares people. They will do anything rather than nothing.
I think this is exactly why psychedelics were such a powerful tool in my early emotional development. They enhanced my ability to step out of my existing perspective and see things in a different way. Those lessons have carried on into my life and have helped me become a much better person today.
Society has sort of blackholed at this time period, where all directions lead to the center, all attempts to make it better end up making it worse Thank god for your channel. Your perspective is so fresh and unique and clear
I have yet to notice any attempt at making anything better at the societal scale from the people who are responsible for making changes to the social fabric, instead opting for a surge in consumerism as identity being pushed by corporate entities who have partnered with government entities to become one overarching authority over social life.
It's kind of like, no matter what happens.... I'll be good and we'll keep going. Up to the point of death itself. Once you accept that your own death could have already happened, everything isn't as bad, and you've already done more than those who have already died and they will never get that chance at all.
This video is about something I have noticed after I burned out. Before I felt doing nothing was a waste of time and life. Nowadays I see and feel that right kind of "doing nothing" gives me creative energy and endurance to do better those things that actually matters. But that doing nothing still isn't that easy. But when you go beyond that "boredom" of doing nothing, you actually find yourself at new place. There lies your creativity and energy to do new things, something more than your mobile device doom scrollings and other digital stuff. Thanks for this video!
Speaking of everyone swimming but only just staying afloat: “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” -Voltaire. Although personally I prefer the version from Hornblower: “Life is a sinking ship, the tragedy is when we forget to sing as we bail water.”
Most of my progress has just boiled down to checking shit off of my day-to-day, monthly, yearly goal trees. It makes me feel a lot better knowing I did some laundry today, committed to showing up to that party last month or finally applying for the job I wanted last year but didn't have experience for. Most of my residual time is a whole lot of "nothing" but like Dr. K said, it's how you look at that nothing. To me, drinking and chatting with someone can be productive because it enriches relationships with people I love and sometimes leads to opportunities i otherwise wouldn't have encountered. But at the end of the day, to someone else it looks like my friend and I are doing a whole lot of drinking and talking about nothing. Great vid. Thanks Dr. K
dude, Doctor K is probably one of the most based people on earth. Every time I see one of his uploads there is ALWAYS something that has a direct transfer in something that's currently going on in my life. It's almost scary now that I think about it.
Everything said in this video is 100 percent the truth, the ones who are successful are the ones who don’t give up and the ones stuck in a rut are the ones who do almost always, restructure your mind and the outcomes you will be able to achieve will be incredible
Thank you for a wonderful video! Acceptance of the ‘thing’ is what I’ve found to be the most helpful first step. You do a great job in your discussion about cognitive reframing to give specific steps of how you can actively reframe your thoughts. I think it’s important to note that you it’s difficult to get there unless you choose to truly accept what happened. Acknowledge the discomfort or what I like to call, contrast, then move into reframing. Find your expectations, notice how they were met. I like to call it ‘making it all OK.’ You don’t have to like it, but accept that it did in fact happen is the first step:) Thanks for all of your wonderful content. I add these words just in case it resonates with others.
Lol hilarious timing. I hurt my foot today and spent most of the day in the hospital waiting for my turn for an x-ray. I just sat there and watched the staff working for hours and hours. I loved it.
doing nothing = cognitive reframing = hopeium = change your mind set => accept the truth = awareness = change your thinking pattern = giving up becomes set back = doing nothing ( do less of first two coping 1. emotional coping 2. standard copeium (problem solving) but instead 3. hopeium which is cognitive reframing which is not giving up which leads to eventually doing something that's not create more problem. By just doing that, it actually helps and better solving the un-solvable problem.
This video is extra awesome for me, for two reasons: 1. I’m kind of awesome at cognitive reframing already, in some ways, having done it since I was a teen. It’s really validating to hear I’ve been doing something right. 2. I can still see some really important areas I could apply it better, and more intentionally.
Great job man. I haven't been doing it for that long, but I did start during the pandemic and the results are undeniable, even if there's a part of my mind who doesn't think it's "enough" yet. Reframing really is one of the closest things to a life hack I've ever discovered.
There are different types of “nothing,” and some lead to positive outcomes. Here’s a breakdown: Emotion-Focused Coping: Trying to manage internal emotions without solving external problems. Often leads to more issues. remember to do anything to solve the problem and start with doing less Example: Avoiding studying for a test by playing video games or binge-watching shows. Problem Solving: Actively addressing problems. Effective if the problem is solvable. Example: Studying for the test directly. Cognitive Reframing: Changing how we think about problems. Powerful coping mechanism. Example: Viewing a breakup as a learning opportunity rather than a failure.
Good timing as I've been stressing about going back to school (at the age of 38) for the last two months. Questioning if I have what it takes to get through the next 2 years. Before I've even started. Journaling/reframing has helped with the anxiety tremendously
As someone who has also recently gone back to school in their late thirties (and was not a particularly good student), go for it. School seemed hard when we were kids, but going back as a real adult who has done real work and suffered real hardship is laughably easy. I am crushing these kids. If it were a team deathmatch I could solo my entire class. And so can you!
It depends what you're going to study, what accreditations the course has and the reputation of the college. Plenty of colleges are selling bills of goods these days. For what my 2 cents is worth: Pick something intended to train you for a specific job you want at the end (that has a shortage of people trained to do it), pick somewhere offering a course accredited by the most reputable national body and industry experience built into the course.
@@mk0759 I'm taking a 2 year Surgical Technologist program... So the classes are VERY specific and laid out. Which is a plus, as there will be no decisions to be made on what classes to take
The better someone is at doing nothing the easier it gets for you mentally to do anything simply due to the plasticity of your brain and it’s ability to adapt. When you can handle nothingness you can handle anything. I didn’t watch the video just giving my point of view and experience because I learned to be without thoughts in childhood and life feels like eternity since I remember. It’s all the same …. additionally when you can handle nothingness you automatically become calmer and more cantered at everything you do or what your body does since there’s are entirely different things at a certain point it doesn’t matter what your body does or where you are because internally you stay the same throughout it all!! Makes life ridiculously easy. Enjoy your earthy journey
Being able to put this all into a 20 minute video is absolutely phenomenal. Thank you for the suggestion to think about what I have learned and can take with me into the future after my setback! I will keep on doing this and put your video on speed dial to remind me.
One of the most helpful Dr. K videos for me personally- and I’ve watched almost all of them. I’ve felt stuck for awhile. And not sure which avenue to to really “do” to fix my general malaise. Thank you. The cognitive reframe is so good.
You just dropped best video of the year, thank you for this Christmas gift Dr. K. I completely changed my life thanks to you. I already know process of cognitive reframing from your other video and watching my thoughts and cognitive reframing negative thoughts was the biggest part that helped I feel.
The thing that helped me the most is to NOT think of reframing as "positive" thoughts (wishful thinking) but to think of them as truthful "healthy" thoughts. Thoughts that don't go against my negative thoughts but literally a different veiw on them that is healthy... "breaking up sucks and it hurts but all growth comes from pain. It's impossible for me not to become stronger from this."....or "That chic said no to a date. It's every bit as possible that maybe she just had a breakup or fight with a friend and it has nothing to do with me. A million thinga could the reason." Point is, different perspective healthy thoughts. I heard Mark Manson even talk about "beneficial not true". Whatever you choose to believe doesn't even have to be true, just beneficial.
"Mopium vs Hopium" is gonna be my new motto going forward, it really articulated the mental process that I want to aim for to better improve myself. This video was EXTREMELY helpful so thank you!
A nice easy starter cognitive reframe I got from my therapist is the statement "in the past, I have done x". I had a tendency to say "I do x". She would point out that in the past I have needed those coping mechanisms, and in my head I'm like "yeah but it's not the past, it was literally only last Wednesday" and then I think "oh wait, yeah, LAST Wednesday, so that IS technically the past". Even this post contains a cognitive reframe by me saying "I had a tendency to say". I may sometimes still do that, but the accurate framing does not state that as a tendency that I currently have, because while sometimes I slip into it, I don't always do it, and when I DO slip into it, I work to reframe it when I pick up on it. So yeah. That's a thing.
I already got about 'doing nothing', which means not to seek something to do for coping with the sense of lack (like watching TV or RUclips, playing videogames, alcohol, food, etc. or even healthy ones like meditation, reading wisdom books, engaging with spirituality, etc.). After I've finished solving all practical problems like working, earning money, doing housework, I just sit and do nothing. But my problem is BOREDOM. It's really feels unbearable to sit doing nothing and experiencing this feeling of boredom. Should I sit with it, even if I suffer?
One of the best advices ever. Doctor K also mentioned it in his previous videos about extrenalizing attention. Honestly, just laying down doing fucking nothing and staring at the ceiling is a good practice. Not meditation, no fancy cognitive reframings, just forcing yourself doing nothing for as long as possible. I don't listen music or youtube, put away the phone, turn the TV off and embrace the waves of boredom that is so bad, it almost gets physical. And then it gets better. It just works.
This video pairs nicely with Dr. K’s video on “Why Charisma Isn’t What You Think It Is” and the topic of vision and vision implementation. Having a vision for how you want your life to be seems highly synergistic with cognitive reframing.
its so good to come home and just do absolutely nothing for a while after a while of always listening to something to not really be able to think at work (it's a very monotonous job) i was like "fuck it, i'm not going to listen to anything that gets in the way of my thoughts" and i had an existential crisis but came out of it with new purpose and motivation so like it's like a pool in summer, you can be uncomfortably hot outside all day or you can jump in and feel unpleasant things for a bit in exchange of being at peace
Litterally sat down to watch this video for a 15 minute rest before I needed to go back to what I actually needed to do which usually when I do this I just wont do anything else, so you helped just by talking about "fixing" problems by coping emotionally.
the editing has improved! the pauses between phrases are a little longer. I still prefer the longer pauses of live videos but this is better than before
This was great. I have a playlist that I listen to when things are tough. I listen to them on a regular basis to keep me grounded. This is a perfect addition. Thank you
Это офигенно. Теперь я чувствую себя шикарно, и не виню себя в том, что хочу просто полежать на диване в канун нового года. Я даже смог пересмотреть свой взгляд на сложившуюся ситуацию, что тоже улучшило моё состояние. Спасибо!
What Dr. K discusses with this video is the very first of a few mental excercises that CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) teaches with professional psychological help. I know that, at first, the excercise seems dumb. But right now I apply this almost constantly in my life. I used to have automatic negative responses to every situation I have back in the first few years of being diagnosed as a Bipolar I patient. But seeing how cognitive reframing is as powerful as what Dr. K hypes it up to be cannot be understated. Just changing the way you look at thing and rewiring how your brain responds to problems makes it easier to just do "nothing" effectively. I attest that this is one of the core things that people should learn first if they want to change their lives in a productive way. Much love to Dr. K for sharing this powerful tool to all of you, it's certainly a great way to be productive while doing "nothing."
But the thing with emotional coping is this: What if you get more depressed and therefore less productive when you don't cope emotionally? I tried to completely stay away from RUclips for a month to have more time for studying (I use no other social media or video streaming service at the moment) but it made me feel so empty and lonely that I felt even less motivated to study... Timing seems to be a big factor. Rewarding myself with maybe 2 or 3 hours of RUclips after studying is very different from starting the day with it and then getting lost in endless scrolling and clicking for the rest of the day.
Cognitive re framing was exactly what my therapist went to when i first met her, and after using the methods she told me it actually has given me a better outlook on most things over all.
I got insanely stoned last night and found it so incredibly hard to sit and just do nothing. Dr. K im studying for the MCAT right now, im tryna be like you. I feel like not being able to do nothing is infact holding me back from hitting those 510+ scores.
Take it from someone who tried for medical school and failed this year while working 50 hour weeks, living alone, and studying languages: you need rest. The dissociation from the work is worth it. You need to be you, too.
boss im sorry to hear that. I hope you get in next year if you will it. I find myself in a privileged position so I could take a shot at it, if I was on my own, I think i'd have fallen apart already. Trying to get into medicine is tricky balancing act that im quickly starting to realize requires you to be off balance to become a better "balancer". wallahi you got this. I hope I make it too. @@wcjerky
The moment that allowed me to finally unlock the ability to reframe my thoughts was when I was diagnosed bipolar 2. A brief explanation: I was diagnosed with depression at 14, never really related to the diagnosis. I thought there was nothing wrong with me, which probably meant I was actually a sociopathic narcissist acting like a baby for attention. This made me hate myself more, and have really bad bouts of depression. The bipolar 2 diagnosis totally clicked, and I felt a huge burden come off my shoulders. It was like, before I felt "there's nothing wrong with me, so there's something REALLY wrong with me." But now I felt, "there's something wrong with me, so actually there's nothing wrong with me!" This allowed me to completely recontextualize my depressive mood swings. I no longer had to spiral into self hatred. Now its just like, "oh, this sucks, I feel depressed right now. Well, I'll feel better later." It's more like a passing cold or something than a deep black vortex that sucks me in. And since then, I've been able to change my thought patterns from negative to a minimum of neutral, but often all the way to positive. Still haven't quite got a hold of my anger issues when I'm on the hypomanic end, though. Getting better, but still could be a lot more so.
Dr K, Thank you for these video's man. You have given me the motivation and courage to change my life at 29 years old and stop feeling like shit all the time. You have also made an awesome community here, thanks everyone.
I believe this kind of information can even apply to people who get caught in scams or bad investments, who for example might think "It'll go back up", "It's just a dip" and so on. They get stuck in a similar re-framing loop instead of admitting the much simpler solution of recovering what they have left. Gambling addictions even.
problem solving can also be a crutch to avoid feeling negative feelings, as a way prevent them bc we cant tolerate them and we may just keep solving superficial problems
This is great stuff. Sometimes you should feel bad, about some things, but you don't have to feel bad about everything. There is a time for work and their is a time for play. Too much of either is bad for you.
How is that "doing nothing"? Title sounds like it's manifesting the importance of taking a real break and giving yourself breating room (not thinking about doing "more" all day, every minute), but the video talks about mental work/reframing.
Ironically this is what I've said to myself tons of times, to try my best, i coped better that way because well...atleast i tried :) I also i like recognizing failures as a lesson, or something valuable, because I won't know what works without failing right? critically thinking about it and always have a grey area for a conclusion, because, it might just not be the whole story. In conclusion, i just like grey area kind of thinking, maybe
Dr. K keeps helping me realize small positive things that I’ve done in my life that are actually backed by science. Sometimes the answers to the most complicated things are actually really simple. Cognitive reframing is so important.
Makes sense. I notice myself slower at problem solving and intellectual work, which I thought was weird when I was every day listening to podcasts about topics relevant to my degree and ways to work within it.
I think in cases like these, a key phrase that I would include (of course, I’m not a guru or psychologist or anything that would garner me any type of credibility) is: “relevant to the end-goal”. In the “studying for test” example, we’re doing nothing… relevant to the end goal of getting a good result. In the “break up” example, we’re doing nothing … relevant to becoming a more attractive partner. In my case, being an introverted and so-called empathic person, living with a self-admitted narcissistic and often selfish wife, I’ve been trying to appreciate the intangible benefits of being with her. I’ve been quite careful in not turning my situation into something akin to the Stockholm syndrome. I remind myself that yes, she’s narcissistic and brings me pain, but also she is great for many intangible things that I continue to discover. I realize that the above can sound like blindness in choosing my partner, but aren’t we often a little blind in the heat of the moment? I know I am. So I know of her faults and don’t get blinded by the benefits she brings to the family, I make use of her benefits, and turn this into a long-lasting healthy relationship. In the process, I also discover my own faults. I feel like a lot of this, along with a lot of what Dr. K. says, are exploring the details in the execution of many precepts of far eastern religions, like Buddhism and Hinduism.
I don't think the term Dr.K used for the solution here is correct. I wouldn't call it "doing nothing", rather it should be called "focusing on doing the right thing". Because cognitive reframing IS doing something. Even when the person is not doing anything physically, it still takes lots of mental energy, because analysing and alternating thoughts is hard work. For many people, I would say that their problems come from the mind being too fractured because they let their emotions take control of them. Imagine a group of chickens seeing a wolf. The fear makes them lose the ability to think and thus they run around mindlessly, making them easy targets for the predator. So what should be done in this case? First try to control the emotion: Take a deep breath, look around, assess the situation (internal and external) then the ability to think will come back and the solution will also slowly appear. This is also why frequent meditation can not only help you solve your problems better, but also help your body becomes healthier. When your body is not under stress, your body focus doesn't run everywhere, instead, it can calmly assess the problem (inflammation, virus, bacteria, etc.) and attackt/heal it better. So the solution is to take a few deep breaths, try to calm down, stop letting your emotions take charge of you, see what really is the problem and WHAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY SOLVE, and focus on that. This way you will waste less energy doing unnecessary things and start doing the right thing
Getting around to this one a bit late, but the entire video and concepts explained here remind me a lot of the daoist concept of wu wei - would definitely recommend reading on such for anybody interested and not just discounting it by the common english translation and oversimplification of "inaction" :)
I live my life by the lyrics of one very special song! Look for the BARE NECCESITIES the simple BARE NECCESITIES! Forget about your worries and your strife!
I think one of the problems with trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems is that it sucks up too much of your time and energy, especially when it comes to dating. Yes, I might be able to succeed with online dating if I spent six hours a day messaging women, but I have my own goals and hobbies to focus on. I can at least have some control in those areas, but ultimately, you can’t control what other people do. It’s not that I’ve given up on dating, but if it happens, it’s going to be a natural consequence of my daily life and actions, not something I have to waste time pursuing. One of my problems with a lot of psychological advice is that most of it is rooted in coping mechanisms, not practical solutions. Coping mechanisms can work when trying to deal with unsolvable problems such as the death of a loved one, or when the problems are primarily internal, such as feeling a sense of meaningless, but they’re limited when the problems are at least partially external.
I could be misunderstanding, but it kinda feels like you missed the point of this specific video? Or rather what you’re saying just doesn’t follow from actual studies and science. If we take Dr. K at his word, it objectively doesn’t take too much of your time and energy to try at dating, or any other very challenging and immovable issue. It is the trying itself that creates a more positive mentality and will lead to more success. Of course 6 hours a day on any dating app isn’t healthy, but deleting the app and letting dating become an entirely passive thing isn’t going to get you anywhere either. And more importantly, as this video emphasizes, it will ruin your mentality and lead to worse outcomes overall. The practical solution is to change how you think about it, because there is no real practical solution to a lot of life’s issues. You can’t just look for a cheat code or easy answer, it’s not that simple. All the dating advice going around proves that more than anything because it’s not really helping most people. The issue with the dating market is the people and how they approach dating, and arguably giving up is contributing to that. (Not at all an attempt to blame you for feeling that way)
Yes yes yes! This is exactly what I'm thinking. Thanks for putting this out there. I do have to say, I don't think that you should entirely drop dating. I can understand online dating, but in person dating, shooting your shot, that sort of thing you should still do. Entirely "giving up" isn't the right way to pursue this. But I do believe that the energy you could be spending on the dating scene being pushed or re-allocated to your own goals and hobbies is a brilliant method. I wish all the best for you man. :)
@@krupatroopa1098 I spent around an hour a day messaging women for around two years. Nothing ever came of it. I got close to going on a date a few times, but was ghosted. Logically, I could have increased my odds by spending more time and messaging more women, but as I said, I have better ways to spend my time. I obviously don’t expect easy answers, but I prefer advice where my task and objective are clearly defined. Changing one’s mindset alone is nothing more than a coping mechanism for dealing with the injustices of the world.
I realized I always had some sort of media on. Every second of every day. Music, podcast, series, RUclips. Now I'm doing some sort of intermittent media fasting. No media of any kind from the moment I wake up till 1pm. It's insane how much this helped with my depression. You're actually able to think and reflect on your own thoughts.
Friendly reminder that constantly stimulating your brain with your phone while lying in bed DOESN'T equal resting. I dare say that the current burnout pandemic comes partly from everyone's brains being overworked and overfed to the point of constant information fatigue. Have a nice holiday everyone and let both your mind and body rest ❤️
How dare you write “p@$demic” without putting a trigger warning first! I’m so traumatized that I have no choice but to unleash my bi-polar. So insensitive!
@@davemccage7918weird joke but you do you.
@@Myke_thehumanmust be an old person
Hi, I have 3 university degrees. It is not possible to overcook your brain. It's like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
@@VixeyTeh but imagine that you're training your muscles 7 days a week. With no time to regenerate, the muscles start to suffer damage. It's called overtraining. In case of the mind, information fatigue / overload is a real thing: "empirical evidence shows that information overload is positively related to strain, burnout and various health complaints"
*M. Arnold (2023), Dealing with information overload: a comprehensive review
I wanted to be more social a couple of month ago. I started to go to a shop once a week. Then walk around that mall once a week. Then go read at a café once a week and change café every week. Every step of the way, my mind was fighting me, telling me that things will go wrong. Now, a couple of week later, it's the things that I'm looking forward in my week.
Can't wait to see the next step.
Thanks for the video.
Keep it up!
yup taking small steps is the powerful way
Kinda sounds like we're on the same path. How's it working out for you, are you striking up conversation with strangers and making new friends in the process? I've recently started traveling to different museums throughout the surrounding states each weekend, it's pretty fun, kinda expensive though.
@@AtomicBl453 Funny enough I did not make any friends by doing this kind of stuff but by talking about what I'm doing to a coworker of mine I rarely talked to before. Now we talk almost everyday and she wants to set me up with one of her friends 😊
@@compugabthis is interesting to me, because noticing how even when things work out they don't happen in the way the brain predicted it, makes ignoring the brain's attempts to deter me from trying new stuff a lot easier. 99% of the stuff it told me would or wouldn't happen didn't came true, and the little bastard doesn't want me to realize it's full of crap 😂
I got sick recently so I took time off work. I had already planned to use such an opportunity to do just that - nothing. For one whole day, from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep I either sat or walked around my home (to get some blood circulation), ate premade meals, and used the restroom. I aimed to resist anything that would try to grab my attention, like phone, an object, a thought. Let me tell you... for the first half of the day I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I felt physically uncomfortable and making all kinds of excuses to do _something_, anything that will distract me from the thoughts and feelings I'm experiencing. "I'm wasting time.", "Why am I doing this? This is stupid.", "This needs cleaning.", "I'm curious to look there.", "Maybe I can just watch a movie later.", "I just wanna quickly look at phone before bed.", and various self-deprecating thoughts. There were so many moments where I directly identified with those thoughts and started walking to, say to clean something, but on the way I'd realize it was just a thought and I don't need to clean it now. The mild fever added some extra exhaustion to all of it as well. When I'd have a bad thought, I'd reframe it towards something realistic with encouragement and feeling grateful for what I already have.
Now, as the day went on, the discomfort started to decrease and the thoughts felt less like me and more like just thoughts. Thoughts and emotions, they were unreliable. They just came and went, came again and went again, came again and went again. I calmed down and started to kind of enjoy the process of seeing a thought or desire come over me like "I should look at the phone.", immediately recognize it and know it'll disappear in a few seconds. By the end I felt more in the world than in my head, like I can pick what I actually want to do and not be pushed around by the wind of thoughts and feelings.
This was about 3 weeks ago and I've been experiencing great peace and emotional stability since. I'm in a much more calm and positive mindset and I'm able to recognize the feeling of an oncoming self-deprecating thought before I even know what it will be. When that happens, I immediately reframe out loud or in my mind by saying something like "No no, we do not talk to ourselves that way anymore. No, _[acknowledge the part of the thought that is untrue]_. It is true that _[acknowledge the part of it that is true]_, but _[point out progress made so far, that it may be unrealistic to think it can be solved in a single step, *and give yourself encouragement and other nice words*]_. _[If applicable, point out why it's unrealistic to worry about this right now because maybe you're about to go to bed or work where you can't prioritize solving it anyway.]_".
This was my experience. I would recommend doing this. It is 1 day, a sacrifice of about 16 waking hours. If it doesn't work, then at least you tried something new. Either way, if you do it I would really be interested in reading about your experience.
I havent tried it yet, but if anybody does i want to see what they share
Remind me to do this
Called a dopamine detox, look up people's stories on RUclips
Me too
Hey @@thecoolassnose, don't forget to do this
"Failure is an event, never a person. Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn."
Thank you for the reminder. I hope you have a pleasant day and that someone gives you a hug. ^ ^
i had a few failures where i don't feel like i learned anything, going back a few times i tried and tried to learn something but it always seemed like there was nothing to learn and the fact that i didn't learn anything makes me feel that type of failures are the worst.
@@PifchoBG You learned that there was nothing to learn, and this might be te turning point to try something else at one point or another.
You are always a little bit smarter after a failure, no matter how you look at it.
This lesson also speaks volumes to "perfectionist's mindsets", whenever you try to have a second to relax or chill, and recoup some energy for the upcoming work - a little anxious thought pops into your head "oh, look you are WASTING your time, that means you WON'T be able to do this work AT ALL".
I used to think that "master is the person who never makes mistakes". But apparently to become "masterful at something" all you need to do is to just perform "n" mistakes, and "n+1" recoveries from the mistakes.
Well said!
you are describing me to a T.
about "master is someone who never makes mistakes". I replace that with "Even the monkey falls from the tree sometimes" (that doesn't make it less masterful or not-a-monkey :)
also "to make errors is human"
being a perfectionist is a blessing and a curse, i felt this
My notes: When problems occur
1. Do anything that you can to solve the problem instead of changing the emotion
2.Write down the thoughts that I have of the situation and then write the thoughts the best version of me or some some inspiring figure would have.
3. Circle one of the new thoughts the you feel like you could get behind
From what I understood, doing 2 and 3 leads you to 1, no ?
My problem comes from the fact that I would have no idea what a better person than me would be thinking about it due to the fact that if I knew those things, I wouldn't be where I'm at in the first place.
@@slamkam07well atleast give it a shot, maybe youll get better at it
@@slamkam07 There was a recent video Dr K released where he stated prior to Healthy Gamer he wrote a 160 page book on video game addiction that was utter garbage.
Even though it was garbage, it organized and clarified his mind on the topics he would go on to discuss with us.
So it's ok if you're unsure what a better you would think or say at first, you're lvl 5 at this activity. As you keep doing it, you'll level up and be able to do it better.
i still don't get it... where is the tutorial for doing nothing? 😂
You may not realize it but you have gotten so many people through so much just by proxy of your being here helping others with intent. Myself for example, 11 deaths in fewer than 10 years between all- Including every aunt and uncle, my dad and my brother at only 44 years of age. It's even more difficult being in a position of weakness being a physically strong, well educated person and sometimes just hearing your voice helping others helps me and likely others so much. Thank you, friend and to all others please reach out and say hi!
Hang in there, brother. You're still here for a reason. Much love.
Idk if other people have noticed it but I've noticed that people tend to copy the way their fav youtuber talks in the comments underneath
11 deaths, that's brutal. I'm glad you could find some strength through this community. HG completely changed my life. Who would have thought that just watching videos could translate to that much improvement in well-being!
I spent 3 months in treatment centers this year for alcoholism and trauma recovery. One of the biggest things taught by all 3 treatment settings I attended was cognitive reframing. It literally helped me start to turn my life around.
Now I’ve been home for 3 months and already started slipping back into an unhealthy state of mind. This video was a great reminder. Thanks Dr K!
Please don't slip into your old ways, I'm rooting for you :)
Como bro, you can get through this, you are bigger than thise setbacks!
Use Ozempic to cure your alcoholism. It’s not a tip, it’s a prescription.
You can do it bro
Recovery is always a series of progress and setbacks. I love you brother. Please make it, for us, for yourself, and everyone in your life who cares about you!!
And also as a giant fuck you to anyone who doubted you!
I've been struggling with this forever. Constantly, I feel the need to catch up with my peers, and even though I know how important it is to rest, I have to try my best just to do so. Thank you for the video, Dr. K. Your help with mental health over the years has been invaluable.
Yee takes years
They are simply built different
@@thekingoffailure9967 indeed
There’s no such thing as catching up to your peers, it’s not a contest, and what is it that you would measure it by anyway? You’re not the same person.
@@luipaardprint "Catching up" definitely exists though, but its dependent on what an individual is lacking. You may have less experiance, social skills, useable knowledge etc than the majority of your peers posess, and are therefore behind in some aspect. Competition is also definitely a thing, as other people will likely want the same job, partner, prestige etc. And deficiencies that you have may make you less likely to succeed and be outcompeted by others who aren't behind in that aspect.
For me, studying engineering with adhd, doing "nothing" is the most difficult and most crucial thing to re-learn. I can only start to study when my dopamine level goes down. So I need to do "nothing" and then I can start being productive. Not easy with noises everywhere (neighbours, road, radiators, birds, insects flying against my window) and being extremely stressed out 24/7.
I've got 3 different ANC headphones since they all start to hurt or cause skin irritations after some time. All I want is to have a switch in my ears to stop sending signals to my brain.
On a more positive note and after watching the video to the end: getting the diagnosis,after 10 years of struggling and having no idea why, gave me the change of perspective and enabled me to re-frame everything. It's getting better, but it's difficult to push out of a burn-out, when you can't lower the amount of stuff to do.
They have around the neck earbuds which you could wear over a shirt
I get distracted by the noise easily. I call my state "autsim", but actually, I may just have good hearing.
Try wearing earplugs! And...
Why would you even listen to music while studying? When I was hardcore playing ranked, I wouldn't have any music on the background because I was consumed by the game, so I may assume you are not that interested in studying. So, I don't know...
Also, try library- this sh*t is insane
I'm just projecting my problems on you, so be aware that it may not be the case
Do a keto diet to deal with your adhd
@@Nerdz2 Thanks for the idea! :) Sadly they are either without active noise cancelling or they are in-ears. For in-ears, I just got the Sony WF XM5, which are awesome, but I can't have my ears plugged multiple hours per day since I already sleep with earplugs too.
As a mental health provider myself, and huge proponent of modalities such as CBT, BA, and mindfulness, I’ve found your videos to incredibly helpful both for my own wellbeing as well as helpful for articulating and explaining the mechanisms of these techniques to the patients I work with. Thank you, Dr. K for all the incredible content you’ve been putting out. Keep up the great work!
Big ups to the main mans
Do you have any advice what to do if cognitive reframing doesn't work. I keep writing my thoughts and their alternative. I'm catching the thought in the moment and trying to reframe the situation. The problem is that I don't believe the reframing part at all. I feel like I'm only gaslighting myself and I only get angry and frustrated. That's why I dumped CBT after a few years, it only made things worse.
@@leniwiec2401I'm no psychologist or anything, but I feel the thought reframing doesn't work very well for you because of a negative core belief since thats where the negative thought would come from and it might help to pin down that core belief and writing down some objective reasons against it then reading and reminding yourself everyday. At least that's something I'd try in that case.
@@MythosMen I tried that with my therapist too and my brain just doesn't click. She says it might be due to trauma and I'm doing EMDR now but still... it's helps much more that CBT but I only went form 1/10 to maybe 4/10 in 2 years and I'm completely unable to feel joy, life is terrible...
I needed that topic. It's hard to find meaningful advice on the web nowadays, when 95% of advice is either "sacrifice your life for other people" or "nothing matters, do drugs"
Literally learn how your body responds to stimulus, tell it to do a very very boring but engaging or relaxing task for like as long as it’s ok
After you’ve done that for like 2 months decide how to explore that exact mental practice in general at anything
Then have fun goober life’s fun enjoy it 🫨🥺😇
Yikes I haven't heard advice like that much. Sad that people are advising others that way.
Lmao my TikTok feed
When I was in therapy my therapist taught me how to do the same thing without me knowing. He told me to try imagining what people I look up to would do if they were in my shoes, and to try understanding why I'm upset to try reframing it in a way that makes me feel good or positive. So if I got sad because I made my partner upset, I can accept that I'm sad that I did something stupid but say to myself that at least I know why she got upset at me and know how to make sure they don't feel that way again. Cause even if I feel like a horrible person now, I know that at the end of the day I still care for them and want the best for them. It became a really powerful coping technique that I still use today. And although I only really use it when I get extremely disturbed, this video helps me understand why it's such a good technique and how I can keep using it for moments when I'm facing any problem; not just the ones that make me feel extrememly emotional.
This video is priceless to me, I'm two years through a divorce that doesn't seem like it will end, thank you describing cognitive reframe so well.❤🎉
I’m a dancer laying in bed with a broken foot right now because I went to a dance class when I knew I was too exhausted. My foot wouldn’t have broke if I wasn’t burnt out. This is a hard lesson I needed to learn. I’m prioritizing proper rest from now on since I break a bone a year. My New Year’s resolution is literally to not break a bone.
Heard one sentence, turned off my phone and did nothing. I trust Dr. K that much!
Idk how many women (I’m 30) watch your videos, but I really appreciate how logical you are. These topics are really helpful.
I agree I'm also a 30 year old woman. I like how specific and detailed these videos are.
This video is for general public not specificaly women
I feel like most of the women in my life could benefit in some way from his videos but I'm hesitant to suggest random dudes on the internet lmao
How is being a woman related to how logical the videos are.
@@PorkBoy69 It’s not, he discusses a lot of male issues, hence my comment.
Nice. You got me worried for a moment at the beginning, but then I understood that that's not the way I cope. I don't run from emotions. I take time to process them lol. And then you got to the last one and yup, that's my usual go to. And I've recently been complimented for it by a fairly stunned person who learned a bit about my circumstances and said they never met someone like me. And I answered that they're right. Usually stories like mine tend to have really awful outcomes.
Like ... my situation has been quite a struggle and I'm working with almost nothing, externally. But I'm so resourceful internally, that I'm still around and manage to thrive some, even. I'm oddly more content than most ppl around me, it seems, too.
I had a serious surgery complication and just went "meh". Not as in "meh" = let's suppress this and pretend it's not there but rather "meh" = not unexpected for me and my funny body. It's not like i have energy to waste on being upset. I have a caring, concerned and very apologetic doctor on my team. What else would I need! We'll just take a step at a time and see then. And hey, even if the pain stays, it's less pain than I was in before, not to mention it's waaaaay more responsive to interventions!!!
I'm recovering. The process is slow. I have the privilege to snail along, without starving. If I wasn't or won't be any more at some point: So what. I cared for myself the best I could and got as much help as I could bare to try access. When I'm done, I can pat my own head for not letting go of my very own hand, no matter how hard things got.
"for not letting go of my very own hand" that was beautiful actually?!
you are such a beautiful soul
Sure we need a deep dive on cognitive reframing, it’ll be really helpful.
One of the best yet simple thing to do is writing down a dialogue between your weakest part, your fearful part, laziest you name it VS a sort of chad big bro part who is really down to earth and optimistic as if you were recomforting a friend.
It's a way to answer back your thoughts. And i doesn't take more to see some efficacy, a notebook a pen and your dark thoughts and beliefs to put in a the coliseum. Give it a shot for 20,30 min it's litteraly a workout of optimistic cognitive reframing
Second that.
@@okabeokuyasu2505
Thank you for the suggestion!
I’m already a master at that
Scrolling through tiktok while procrastinating doesn't count . You actually have to enjoy the peace and bliss of your surroundings
same
I feel as if we, as a generation feel so inclined to doing nothing due to how behind we feel. Economically and emotionally.
@@Utilitarianrpe oh shoot
@@elgato1311 which generation is that?
I noticed exactly this when i committed to working out. I didnt miss a single day for months. I swore I wouldn't. The more consistent i became the more i noticed my mind making excuses. The more consistent i became, the more it reinfoced my resilience and allowed me to ignore and reframe negative thoughts. It allowed me to push through on bad days because i knew i was lying to myself and still had more in the tank. No excuses. Just do it.
THIS IS A CHEAT CODE TO LIFE: This feels very powerful. Got lost around the @15:00 mark and based on the replayed graph I am part of the majority who did. I had to stop what I was doing and re-listen to it multiple times. Way I recap it is: instead of crying that I am level 1 and the task requires level 100 one can instead realize that there are a bunch of levels required to reach success and get exited about all the leveling up that's on the road obtaining the capacity to succeed at the task. Making a habit of viewing life this way feels OP !!
This is literally free therapy
It’s fuckin dope
fr
I love his content and this video in particular I found quite helpful. But let's not confuse this with actual therapy.
@@Scooby_doo03 Dr. K has done more for my mental health than three years of therapy.
Dr. K coming in clutch to repair my deteriorating mental health once again. Truly a hero
I am 23 years old, what I think about life is what Dr K explains through his video. Due to the struggle of insomnia for 3 years, and after trying everything I reached my breaking point yesterday. Whats even the point of life if I cannot even sleep and I am tired, cant function, cranky, sleepy but cant sleep all day and everyday. And then again if I had tried everything under the sun wouldn't my sleep have fixed already? This reframing helped me to not give up.
Drink celery juice on an empty stomach in the early morning, then go back into bed and lay still. Celery is a natural tonic for one’s nerves. I believe you’ll doze off.
This is exactly what I have been doing without knowing, I used to use all kinds of distractions to numb myself when I got anxious. Since it was kind of amplifying them I decided to sit down with my anxious thoughts and kind of talk to them. Your thoughts are not you. I stopped putting so much stakes on everything but do what I can. I am not stoically accepting everything but I am kinda hopeful every time it gets little bit better with changing how I see the problem.
Ive actually felt so overwhelmed lately that disengaging from everything and letting my mind wander has been healing
Same
In one of his previous videos he said that his patients would tell him:
"I know you were going to ask that!". That his plan was to eventually change the way of thinking so that he wasn't always neccesary.
Now, i feel like some weeks before he post a new video explaining something i've have had that idea recently and basically catches me where i'm at and helps me mold the idea to it's final form.
Dr.K...
From Cali,Colombia thank you so much for your work!
Dude I really want to move there one day coming from south Georgia here in the US! Your country looks amazing!
I never want to give up but sometimes when something can get too hard, I'll give up subconsciously and end up avoiding it no matter how hard I mental push myself. Not giving up is one thing but it's difficult when your Brain does it for you.
But don’t you subconsciously go back to trying after some time? Because that’s what I used to do and made me realize that I actually never give up, I just have a longer set back before I come back to trying again. You may think that that’s mediocrity, but it’s actually the mindset that made me give up less and less with time.
I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but even if it’s not I still hope my comment can help you a little bit. You can do it! 💝
@banglittlechan With some things, yeah, but it feels like the setbacks get longer and longer until I realise that I'm making so little progress on anything that I'm not actually accumulating anything. It feels like being hard stuck in a ranked competitive game where you have moments where you win a ton of games and make some progress but then it eventually evens out and you go back down only to realise that on average you never made any progress. Some things I just have so much fear that I can't carry out the decision that I have logically made in my head because everytime that I did try something to progress, it just reinforced the idea that I shouldn't have done if it turned out ok, the anxiety lingers afterward instead of feeling relief. Sometimes, the struggle in my head is more of a challenge than the actual thing I do's value of actually doing it, and then that just feels unsatisfactory
@@Jamesandvideos Maybe the problem is not that you’re not making any progress, but that you have stuff that’s keeping you from making any progress every time you try. Instead of trying to swim the wrong direction, you can analyze what’s going on inside your mind and body everytime you want to do something and try to figure out why that happens (if you feel like you can handle it, if not then it’s fine just knowing the problem without it’s root). What you do doesn’t really matter at that point, just get to know fully what your limiting beliefs and coping mechanisms are, so you can find new helpful beliefs and coping skills to help you navigate your life better.
I want to recommend you a video that I watched about finding out what your fatal flaws are “Why You Won’t Reach Your Full Potential” by Tina Huang. And also a channel called Heidi Priebe; she talks about a lot of subjects that I don’t see many people talk about and she gives practical advice for long term results.
I hope they can help you too. 🫂💞
Very important topic. “Sometimes doing less produces more.” This has been my personal experience for over 60 years. There are many examples that I can offer, but I will leave you with one. I sometimes feel guilty for not doing anything on a Weekend day or days, thus, I will force myself to do something that might make me ,feel’ productive. Results: I feel worse because I end up not completing anything and my brain is even more burned out. Rest, do nothing productive at least one day a week.
Brillant video mate. I teach improv acting and getting people comfortable doing nothing on stage is one of the biggest problems. Nothing scares people. They will do anything rather than nothing.
I think this is exactly why psychedelics were such a powerful tool in my early emotional development. They enhanced my ability to step out of my existing perspective and see things in a different way. Those lessons have carried on into my life and have helped me become a much better person today.
Society has sort of blackholed at this time period, where all directions lead to the center, all attempts to make it better end up making it worse
Thank god for your channel. Your perspective is so fresh and unique and clear
it's chasing a buck. it degenerates society
I have yet to notice any attempt at making anything better at the societal scale from the people who are responsible for making changes to the social fabric, instead opting for a surge in consumerism as identity being pushed by corporate entities who have partnered with government entities to become one overarching authority over social life.
@@Vanity0666oh I see attempts but right now wickedness prevents change
Dr. K is a national treasure
It's kind of like, no matter what happens.... I'll be good and we'll keep going. Up to the point of death itself. Once you accept that your own death could have already happened, everything isn't as bad, and you've already done more than those who have already died and they will never get that chance at all.
This video is about something I have noticed after I burned out. Before I felt doing nothing was a waste of time and life. Nowadays I see and feel that right kind of "doing nothing" gives me creative energy and endurance to do better those things that actually matters. But that doing nothing still isn't that easy. But when you go beyond that "boredom" of doing nothing, you actually find yourself at new place. There lies your creativity and energy to do new things, something more than your mobile device doom scrollings and other digital stuff. Thanks for this video!
Speaking of everyone swimming but only just staying afloat:
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
-Voltaire.
Although personally I prefer the version from Hornblower:
“Life is a sinking ship, the tragedy is when we forget to sing as we bail water.”
Most of my progress has just boiled down to checking shit off of my day-to-day, monthly, yearly goal trees.
It makes me feel a lot better knowing I did some laundry today, committed to showing up to that party last month or finally applying for the job I wanted last year but didn't have experience for.
Most of my residual time is a whole lot of "nothing" but like Dr. K said, it's how you look at that nothing.
To me, drinking and chatting with someone can be productive because it enriches relationships with people I love and sometimes leads to opportunities i otherwise wouldn't have encountered. But at the end of the day, to someone else it looks like my friend and I are doing a whole lot of drinking and talking about nothing.
Great vid. Thanks Dr. K
dude, Doctor K is probably one of the most based people on earth. Every time I see one of his uploads there is ALWAYS something that has a direct transfer in something that's currently going on in my life. It's almost scary now that I think about it.
Everything said in this video is 100 percent the truth, the ones who are successful are the ones who don’t give up and the ones stuck in a rut are the ones who do almost always, restructure your mind and the outcomes you will be able to achieve will be incredible
After so many videos, Dr. K can still find interesting topics to talk about... out of nothing.
I'll see myself out.
I laughed! Thank you, merry Christmas!
i giggled and i did a little hop around my room thank you for this piece of joy
@@gg-kr8ws i have autism
@@narcsisusI fact checked it and it's true
Thank you for a wonderful video!
Acceptance of the ‘thing’ is what I’ve found to be the most helpful first step. You do a great job in your discussion about cognitive reframing to give specific steps of how you can actively reframe your thoughts.
I think it’s important to note that you it’s difficult to get there unless you choose to truly accept what happened. Acknowledge the discomfort or what I like to call, contrast, then move into reframing. Find your expectations, notice how they were met. I like to call it ‘making it all OK.’ You don’t have to like it, but accept that it did in fact happen is the first step:)
Thanks for all of your wonderful content. I add these words just in case it resonates with others.
Lol hilarious timing. I hurt my foot today and spent most of the day in the hospital waiting for my turn for an x-ray. I just sat there and watched the staff working for hours and hours. I loved it.
Wow. I enjoyed doing the same thing yesterday. Felt strange
doing nothing = cognitive reframing = hopeium = change your mind set => accept the truth = awareness = change your thinking pattern = giving up becomes set back = doing nothing ( do less of first two coping 1. emotional coping 2. standard copeium (problem solving) but instead 3. hopeium which is cognitive reframing which is not giving up which leads to eventually doing something that's not create more problem. By just doing that, it actually helps and better solving the un-solvable problem.
This video is extra awesome for me, for two reasons:
1. I’m kind of awesome at cognitive reframing already, in some ways, having done it since I was a teen. It’s really validating to hear I’ve been doing something right.
2. I can still see some really important areas I could apply it better, and more intentionally.
Great job man. I haven't been doing it for that long, but I did start during the pandemic and the results are undeniable, even if there's a part of my mind who doesn't think it's "enough" yet. Reframing really is one of the closest things to a life hack I've ever discovered.
There are different types of “nothing,” and some lead to positive outcomes. Here’s a breakdown:
Emotion-Focused Coping: Trying to manage internal emotions without solving external problems. Often leads to more issues. remember to do anything to solve the problem and start with doing less
Example: Avoiding studying for a test by playing video games or binge-watching shows.
Problem Solving: Actively addressing problems. Effective if the problem is solvable.
Example: Studying for the test directly.
Cognitive Reframing: Changing how we think about problems. Powerful coping mechanism.
Example: Viewing a breakup as a learning opportunity rather than a failure.
Good timing as I've been stressing about going back to school (at the age of 38) for the last two months. Questioning if I have what it takes to get through the next 2 years. Before I've even started. Journaling/reframing has helped with the anxiety tremendously
As someone who has also recently gone back to school in their late thirties (and was not a particularly good student), go for it. School seemed hard when we were kids, but going back as a real adult who has done real work and suffered real hardship is laughably easy. I am crushing these kids. If it were a team deathmatch I could solo my entire class. And so can you!
It depends what you're going to study, what accreditations the course has and the reputation of the college. Plenty of colleges are selling bills of goods these days. For what my 2 cents is worth: Pick something intended to train you for a specific job you want at the end (that has a shortage of people trained to do it), pick somewhere offering a course accredited by the most reputable national body and industry experience built into the course.
@@mk0759 I'm taking a 2 year Surgical Technologist program... So the classes are VERY specific and laid out. Which is a plus, as there will be no decisions to be made on what classes to take
@@deepfreeze49 appreciate the motivating words!!!!
The better someone is at doing nothing the easier it gets for you mentally to do anything simply due to the plasticity of your brain and it’s ability to adapt. When you can handle nothingness you can handle anything.
I didn’t watch the video just giving my point of view and experience because I learned to be without thoughts in childhood and life feels like eternity since I remember. It’s all the same …. additionally when you can handle nothingness you automatically become calmer and more cantered at everything you do or what your body does since there’s are entirely different things at a certain point it doesn’t matter what your body does or where you are because internally you stay the same throughout it all!! Makes life ridiculously easy. Enjoy your earthy journey
There’s a point where you have been through so much and have been alone about it you literally don’t care about anything anymore
You are a very wonderful person trying to benefit everyone and hope that everyone get better from your information❤
Being able to put this all into a 20 minute video is absolutely phenomenal. Thank you for the suggestion to think about what I have learned and can take with me into the future after my setback! I will keep on doing this and put your video on speed dial to remind me.
One of the most helpful Dr. K videos for me personally- and I’ve watched almost all of them. I’ve felt stuck for awhile. And not sure which avenue to to really “do” to fix my general malaise. Thank you. The cognitive reframe is so good.
You just dropped best video of the year, thank you for this Christmas gift Dr. K. I completely changed my life thanks to you. I already know process of cognitive reframing from your other video and watching my thoughts and cognitive reframing negative thoughts was the biggest part that helped I feel.
The thing that helped me the most is to NOT think of reframing as "positive" thoughts (wishful thinking) but to think of them as truthful "healthy" thoughts. Thoughts that don't go against my negative thoughts but literally a different veiw on them that is healthy... "breaking up sucks and it hurts but all growth comes from pain. It's impossible for me not to become stronger from this."....or "That chic said no to a date. It's every bit as possible that maybe she just had a breakup or fight with a friend and it has nothing to do with me. A million thinga could the reason." Point is, different perspective healthy thoughts. I heard Mark Manson even talk about "beneficial not true". Whatever you choose to believe doesn't even have to be true, just beneficial.
"Mopium vs Hopium" is gonna be my new motto going forward, it really articulated the mental process that I want to aim for to better improve myself. This video was EXTREMELY helpful so thank you!
A nice easy starter cognitive reframe I got from my therapist is the statement "in the past, I have done x". I had a tendency to say "I do x". She would point out that in the past I have needed those coping mechanisms, and in my head I'm like "yeah but it's not the past, it was literally only last Wednesday" and then I think "oh wait, yeah, LAST Wednesday, so that IS technically the past". Even this post contains a cognitive reframe by me saying "I had a tendency to say". I may sometimes still do that, but the accurate framing does not state that as a tendency that I currently have, because while sometimes I slip into it, I don't always do it, and when I DO slip into it, I work to reframe it when I pick up on it. So yeah. That's a thing.
0:36 "We live in a world right now that is going to hell" 💀
I already got about 'doing nothing', which means not to seek something to do for coping with the sense of lack (like watching TV or RUclips, playing videogames, alcohol, food, etc. or even healthy ones like meditation, reading wisdom books, engaging with spirituality, etc.). After I've finished solving all practical problems like working, earning money, doing housework, I just sit and do nothing.
But my problem is BOREDOM. It's really feels unbearable to sit doing nothing and experiencing this feeling of boredom. Should I sit with it, even if I suffer?
This reminds of Office Space when “Nothing? You don’t need a million dollars to do nothing. Look at my cousin. He’s broke and still don’t do sh*t.”
谢谢！
I don't think I can possibly get any better, I'm already a master at it!
One of the best advices ever. Doctor K also mentioned it in his previous videos about extrenalizing attention. Honestly, just laying down doing fucking nothing and staring at the ceiling is a good practice. Not meditation, no fancy cognitive reframings, just forcing yourself doing nothing for as long as possible. I don't listen music or youtube, put away the phone, turn the TV off and embrace the waves of boredom that is so bad, it almost gets physical. And then it gets better. It just works.
When I get really upset, the thing that sticks out as most important is to not make it worse.
Last one minute really sums it up nicely. Thank you!
This video pairs nicely with Dr. K’s video on “Why Charisma Isn’t What You Think It Is” and the topic of vision and vision implementation. Having a vision for how you want your life to be seems highly synergistic with cognitive reframing.
its so good to come home and just do absolutely nothing for a while
after a while of always listening to something to not really be able to think at work (it's a very monotonous job) i was like "fuck it, i'm not going to listen to anything that gets in the way of my thoughts" and i had an existential crisis but came out of it with new purpose and motivation so like
it's like a pool in summer, you can be uncomfortably hot outside all day or you can jump in and feel unpleasant things for a bit in exchange of being at peace
Finally a Dr. K advice that I can practice on everyday
I mean 5 minutes jotting down three columns sounds like a manageable thing to fit into your daily routine ;)
Litterally sat down to watch this video for a 15 minute rest before I needed to go back to what I actually needed to do which usually when I do this I just wont do anything else, so you helped just by talking about "fixing" problems by coping emotionally.
the editing has improved! the pauses between phrases are a little longer. I still prefer the longer pauses of live videos but this is better than before
This was great. I have a playlist that I listen to when things are tough. I listen to them on a regular basis to keep me grounded. This is a perfect addition. Thank you
Это офигенно. Теперь я чувствую себя шикарно, и не виню себя в том, что хочу просто полежать на диване в канун нового года. Я даже смог пересмотреть свой взгляд на сложившуюся ситуацию, что тоже улучшило моё состояние. Спасибо!
What Dr. K discusses with this video is the very first of a few mental excercises that CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) teaches with professional psychological help. I know that, at first, the excercise seems dumb. But right now I apply this almost constantly in my life. I used to have automatic negative responses to every situation I have back in the first few years of being diagnosed as a Bipolar I patient. But seeing how cognitive reframing is as powerful as what Dr. K hypes it up to be cannot be understated. Just changing the way you look at thing and rewiring how your brain responds to problems makes it easier to just do "nothing" effectively. I attest that this is one of the core things that people should learn first if they want to change their lives in a productive way. Much love to Dr. K for sharing this powerful tool to all of you, it's certainly a great way to be productive while doing "nothing."
But the thing with emotional coping is this: What if you get more depressed and therefore less productive when you don't cope emotionally?
I tried to completely stay away from RUclips for a month to have more time for studying (I use no other social media or video streaming service at the moment) but it made me feel so empty and lonely that I felt even less motivated to study...
Timing seems to be a big factor. Rewarding myself with maybe 2 or 3 hours of RUclips after studying is very different from starting the day with it and then getting lost in endless scrolling and clicking for the rest of the day.
This has a name. It's a withdrawal
Thank you. Not enough people hear this advice..
Appreciate you so much Dr K!!!
Cognitive re framing was exactly what my therapist went to when i first met her, and after using the methods she told me it actually has given me a better outlook on most things over all.
I got insanely stoned last night and found it so incredibly hard to sit and just do nothing. Dr. K im studying for the MCAT right now, im tryna be like you. I feel like not being able to do nothing is infact holding me back from hitting those 510+ scores.
Yeah weed tends to do the same for me i have to multitask if im stoned..i think its because of the elevated anxiety i experience
Take it from someone who tried for medical school and failed this year while working 50 hour weeks, living alone, and studying languages: you need rest. The dissociation from the work is worth it. You need to be you, too.
boss im sorry to hear that. I hope you get in next year if you will it. I find myself in a privileged position so I could take a shot at it, if I was on my own, I think i'd have fallen apart already. Trying to get into medicine is tricky balancing act that im quickly starting to realize requires you to be off balance to become a better "balancer". wallahi you got this. I hope I make it too. @@wcjerky
Weed is terrible for me for focus, memory, socialization etc. I've been taking edibles every day for the last 4 years tho
Id been doing this to help me sleep for almost two years. I didnt know it was reframing my brain.
Now i know that i have to look for patterns
The moment that allowed me to finally unlock the ability to reframe my thoughts was when I was diagnosed bipolar 2.
A brief explanation: I was diagnosed with depression at 14, never really related to the diagnosis. I thought there was nothing wrong with me, which probably meant I was actually a sociopathic narcissist acting like a baby for attention. This made me hate myself more, and have really bad bouts of depression.
The bipolar 2 diagnosis totally clicked, and I felt a huge burden come off my shoulders. It was like, before I felt "there's nothing wrong with me, so there's something REALLY wrong with me." But now I felt, "there's something wrong with me, so actually there's nothing wrong with me!"
This allowed me to completely recontextualize my depressive mood swings. I no longer had to spiral into self hatred. Now its just like, "oh, this sucks, I feel depressed right now. Well, I'll feel better later." It's more like a passing cold or something than a deep black vortex that sucks me in. And since then, I've been able to change my thought patterns from negative to a minimum of neutral, but often all the way to positive.
Still haven't quite got a hold of my anger issues when I'm on the hypomanic end, though. Getting better, but still could be a lot more so.
That is really inspiring, wish you all the best 🙏
@@olhalystopad5517 thanks! I tell my story in random comment sections sometimes, with the hope that something helpful might click for someone else!
Dr K, Thank you for these video's man. You have given me the motivation and courage to change my life at 29 years old and stop feeling like shit all the time. You have also made an awesome community here, thanks everyone.
Dr.K just in time with another fuckin bangerrrrrrrrrr 🔥🔥🔥
no u
I believe this kind of information can even apply to people who get caught in scams or bad investments, who for example might think "It'll go back up", "It's just a dip" and so on. They get stuck in a similar re-framing loop instead of admitting the much simpler solution of recovering what they have left. Gambling addictions even.
problem solving can also be a crutch to avoid feeling negative feelings, as a way prevent them bc we cant tolerate them and we may just keep solving superficial problems
This is great stuff. Sometimes you should feel bad, about some things, but you don't have to feel bad about everything. There is a time for work and their is a time for play. Too much of either is bad for you.
How is that "doing nothing"?
Title sounds like it's manifesting the importance of taking a real break and giving yourself breating room (not thinking about doing "more" all day, every minute), but the video talks about mental work/reframing.
Ironically this is what I've said to myself tons of times, to try my best, i coped better that way because well...atleast i tried :)
I also i like recognizing failures as a lesson, or something valuable, because I won't know what works without failing right?
critically thinking about it and always have a grey area for a conclusion, because, it might just not be the whole story.
In conclusion, i just like grey area kind of thinking, maybe
Literally a yapping session of how it's never over and how we are so back literally the best I've seen today
Dr. K keeps helping me realize small positive things that I’ve done in my life that are actually backed by science. Sometimes the answers to the most complicated things are actually really simple. Cognitive reframing is so important.
Doing nothing is extremely hard
Makes sense. I notice myself slower at problem solving and intellectual work, which I thought was weird when I was every day listening to podcasts about topics relevant to my degree and ways to work within it.
I don't get it. Should I do something or do nothing...?
Right like the point didn't exactly come full circle.
The idea is that doing the wrong thing is worse than doing nothing at all.
Confusing AF!
I think in cases like these, a key phrase that I would include (of course, I’m not a guru or psychologist or anything that would garner me any type of credibility) is: “relevant to the end-goal”.
In the “studying for test” example, we’re doing nothing… relevant to the end goal of getting a good result.
In the “break up” example, we’re doing nothing … relevant to becoming a more attractive partner.
In my case, being an introverted and so-called empathic person, living with a self-admitted narcissistic and often selfish wife, I’ve been trying to appreciate the intangible benefits of being with her. I’ve been quite careful in not turning my situation into something akin to the Stockholm syndrome. I remind myself that yes, she’s narcissistic and brings me pain, but also she is great for many intangible things that I continue to discover.
I realize that the above can sound like blindness in choosing my partner, but aren’t we often a little blind in the heat of the moment? I know I am.
So I know of her faults and don’t get blinded by the benefits she brings to the family, I make use of her benefits, and turn this into a long-lasting healthy relationship. In the process, I also discover my own faults.
I feel like a lot of this, along with a lot of what Dr. K. says, are exploring the details in the execution of many precepts of far eastern religions, like Buddhism and Hinduism.
I don't think the term Dr.K used for the solution here is correct. I wouldn't call it "doing nothing", rather it should be called "focusing on doing the right thing". Because cognitive reframing IS doing something. Even when the person is not doing anything physically, it still takes lots of mental energy, because analysing and alternating thoughts is hard work. For many people, I would say that their problems come from the mind being too fractured because they let their emotions take control of them. Imagine a group of chickens seeing a wolf. The fear makes them lose the ability to think and thus they run around mindlessly, making them easy targets for the predator. So what should be done in this case? First try to control the emotion: Take a deep breath, look around, assess the situation (internal and external) then the ability to think will come back and the solution will also slowly appear. This is also why frequent meditation can not only help you solve your problems better, but also help your body becomes healthier. When your body is not under stress, your body focus doesn't run everywhere, instead, it can calmly assess the problem (inflammation, virus, bacteria, etc.) and attackt/heal it better. So the solution is to take a few deep breaths, try to calm down, stop letting your emotions take charge of you, see what really is the problem and WHAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY SOLVE, and focus on that. This way you will waste less energy doing unnecessary things and start doing the right thing
Getting around to this one a bit late, but the entire video and concepts explained here remind me a lot of the daoist concept of wu wei - would definitely recommend reading on such for anybody interested and not just discounting it by the common english translation and oversimplification of "inaction" :)
I been workin 12 hours a day 7 days a week for about half this month so im lookin forward to hopefully getting to do this soon haha
you feeling burnt out?
I live my life by the lyrics of one very special song!
Look for the BARE NECCESITIES the simple BARE NECCESITIES! Forget about your worries and your strife!
Dr k: "do nothing"
Me: got it. Ez
Dr k: "write down emotions"
Me:... That's not nothing x_x
Dr k:"it'll feel cumbersome"
Me: yuh
Love you Dr k! 😂
This method of cognitive reframing is really going to help me, I think. Thanks, Dr. K!
I think one of the problems with trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems is that it sucks up too much of your time and energy, especially when it comes to dating. Yes, I might be able to succeed with online dating if I spent six hours a day messaging women, but I have my own goals and hobbies to focus on. I can at least have some control in those areas, but ultimately, you can’t control what other people do. It’s not that I’ve given up on dating, but if it happens, it’s going to be a natural consequence of my daily life and actions, not something I have to waste time pursuing. One of my problems with a lot of psychological advice is that most of it is rooted in coping mechanisms, not practical solutions. Coping mechanisms can work when trying to deal with unsolvable problems such as the death of a loved one, or when the problems are primarily internal, such as feeling a sense of meaningless, but they’re limited when the problems are at least partially external.
I'm pretty sure that's why it was proposed as a mediocre workaround, not the top-tier solution this video was actually about.
I could be misunderstanding, but it kinda feels like you missed the point of this specific video? Or rather what you’re saying just doesn’t follow from actual studies and science. If we take Dr. K at his word, it objectively doesn’t take too much of your time and energy to try at dating, or any other very challenging and immovable issue. It is the trying itself that creates a more positive mentality and will lead to more success.
Of course 6 hours a day on any dating app isn’t healthy, but deleting the app and letting dating become an entirely passive thing isn’t going to get you anywhere either. And more importantly, as this video emphasizes, it will ruin your mentality and lead to worse outcomes overall.
The practical solution is to change how you think about it, because there is no real practical solution to a lot of life’s issues. You can’t just look for a cheat code or easy answer, it’s not that simple. All the dating advice going around proves that more than anything because it’s not really helping most people. The issue with the dating market is the people and how they approach dating, and arguably giving up is contributing to that. (Not at all an attempt to blame you for feeling that way)
Yes yes yes! This is exactly what I'm thinking. Thanks for putting this out there.
I do have to say, I don't think that you should entirely drop dating. I can understand online dating, but in person dating, shooting your shot, that sort of thing you should still do. Entirely "giving up" isn't the right way to pursue this.
But I do believe that the energy you could be spending on the dating scene being pushed or re-allocated to your own goals and hobbies is a brilliant method.
I wish all the best for you man. :)
@@krupatroopa1098 I spent around an hour a day messaging women for around two years. Nothing ever came of it. I got close to going on a date a few times, but was ghosted. Logically, I could have increased my odds by spending more time and messaging more women, but as I said, I have better ways to spend my time. I obviously don’t expect easy answers, but I prefer advice where my task and objective are clearly defined. Changing one’s mindset alone is nothing more than a coping mechanism for dealing with the injustices of the world.
I realized I always had some sort of media on. Every second of every day. Music, podcast, series, RUclips. Now I'm doing some sort of intermittent media fasting. No media of any kind from the moment I wake up till 1pm.
It's insane how much this helped with my depression. You're actually able to think and reflect on your own thoughts.